MobilizationThosewhoseenoprospectheldouttothembythisexceptacountryinwhichallthechildrenshallberoamingsavages，shouldconsider，first，whethertheirconditionwouldbeanyworsethanthatofthelittlecagedsavagesoftoday，andsecond，whethereitherchildrenoradultsaresoapttorunwildthatitisnecessarytotetherthemfasttooneneighborhoodtopreventageneraldissolutionofsociety。Myownobservationleadsmetobelievethatwearenothalfmobilizedenough。True，Icannotdenythatwearemoremobilethanwewere。
YouwillstillfindinthehomecountiesoldmenwhohaveneverbeentoLondon，andwhotellyouthattheyoncewenttoWinchesterorStAlbansmuchasiftheyhadbeentotheSouthPole；buttheyarenotsocommonastheclerkwhohasbeentoParisortoLovelyLucerne，andwho\"goesawaysomewhere\"whenhehasaholiday。Hisgrandfatherneverhadaholiday，and，ifhehad，wouldnomorehavedreamedofcrossingtheChannelthanoftakingaboxattheOpera。ButwithallallowanceforthePolytechnicexcursionandthetouristagency，ourinertiaisstillappalling。IconfesstohavingoncespentnineyearsinLondonwithoutputtingmynoseoutsideit；andthoughthiswasbetter，perhaps，thantherestlessglobe-trottingvagabondageoftheidlerich，wanderingfromhoteltohotelandneverreallylivinganywhere，yetIshouldnomorehavedoneitifIhadbeenproperlymobilizedinmychildhoodthanIshouldhavewornthesamesuitofclothesallthattime(which，bytheway，Iverynearlydid，myprofessionalincomenothavingasyetbeguntosprout)。TherearemassesofpeoplewhocouldaffordatleastatriptoMargate，andagoodmanywhocouldaffordatriproundtheworld，whoaremoreimmovablethanAldgatepump。Toothers，whowouldmoveiftheyknewhow，travellingissurroundedwithimaginarydifficultiesandterrors。
Inshort，thedifficultyisnottofixpeople，buttorootthemup。
Wekeeprepeatingthesillyproverbthatarollingstonegathersnomoss，asifmosswereadesirableparasite。Whatwemeanisthatavagabonddoesnotprosper。Eventhisisnottrue，ifprosperitymeansenjoymentaswellasresponsibilityandmoney。Therealmiseryofvagabondageisthemiseryofhavingnothingtodoandnowheretogo，themiseryofbeingderelictofGodandMan，themiseryoftheidle，poororrich。Andthisisoneofthemiseriesofunoccupiedchildhood。Theunoccupiedadult，thusafflicted，triesmanydistractionswhichare，tosaytheleast，unsuitedtochildren。Butoneofthem，thedistractionofseeingtheworld，isinnocentandbeneficial。Alsoitischildish，beingacontinuationofwhatnursescall\"takingnotice，\"bywhichachildbecomesexperienced。Itispitiablenowadaystoseemenandwomendoingaftertheageof45allthetravellingandsightseeingtheyshouldhavedonebeforetheywere15。Merewonderingandstaringatthingsisanimportantpartofachild\'seducation:thatiswhychildrencanbethoroughlymobilizedwithoutmakingvagabondsofthem。
Avagabondisathomenowherebecausehewanders:achildshouldwanderbecauseitoughttobeathomeeverywhere。Andifithasitspapersanditspassports，andgetswhatitrequiresnotbybeggingandpilfering，butfromresponsibleagentsofthecommunityasofright，andwithsomeformalacknowledgmentoftheobligationsitisincurringandaknowledgeofthefactthattheseobligationsarebeingrecorded:if，further，certainqualificationsareexactedbeforeitispromotedfrompermissiontogoasfarasitslegswillcarryittousingmechanicalaidstolocomotion，itcanroamwithoutmuchdangerofgypsification。
Undersuchcircumstancestheboyorgirlcouldalwaysrunaway，andneverbelost；andonnootherconditionscanachildbefreewithoutbeingalsoahomelessoutcast。
Parentscouldalsorunawayfromdisagreeablechildrenordrivethemoutofdoorsorevendroptheiracquaintance，temporarilyorpermanently，withoutinhumanity。Thusbothpartieswouldbeontheirgoodbehavior，andnot，asatpresent，ontheirfilialorparentalbehavior，which，likeallunfreebehavior，ismostlybadbehavior。
Astowhatotherresultsmightfollow，wehadbetterwaitandsee；fornobodynowalivecanimaginewhatcustomsandinstitutionswouldgrowupinsocietiesoffreechildren。Childlawsandchildfashions，childmannersandchildmoralsarenownottolerated；butamongfreechildrentherewouldcertainlybesurprisingdevelopmentsinthisdirection。Idonotthinktherewouldbeanydangeroffreechildrenbehavingasbadlyasgrown-uppeopledonowbecausetheyhaveneverbeenfree。Theycouldhardlybehaveworse，anyhow。
Children\'sRightsandParents\'WrongsAverydistinguishedmanonceassuredamotherofmyacquaintancethatshewouldneverknowwhatitmeanttobehurtuntilshewashurtthroughherchildren。Childrenareextremelycruelwithoutintendingit；andinninety-ninecasesoutofahundredthereasonisthattheydonotconceivetheireldersashavinganyhumanfeelings。Servetheeldersright，perhaps，forposingassuperhuman!Thepenaltyoftheimpostorisnotthatheisfoundout(heveryseldomis)butthatheistakenforwhathepretendstobe，andtreatedassuch。Andtobetreatedasanythingbutwhatyoureallyaremayseempleasanttotheimaginationwhenthetreatmentisaboveyourmerits；butinactualexperienceitisoftenquitethereverse。WhenIwasaverysmallboy，myromanticimagination，stimulatedbyearlydosesoffiction，ledmetobragtoastillsmallerboysooutrageouslythathe，beingasimplesoul，reallybelievedmetobeaninvinciblehero。Icannotrememberwhetherthispleasedmemuch；butIdorememberverydistinctlythatonedaythisadmirerofmine，whohadapetgoat，foundtheanimalinthehandsofalargerboythaneitherofus，whomockedhimandrefusedtorestoretheanimaltohisrightfulowner。
Whereupon，naturally，hecameweepingtome，anddemandedthatI
shouldrescuethegoatandannihilatetheaggressor。Myterrorwasbeyonddescription:fortunatelyforme，itimpartedsuchaghastlinesstomyvoiceandaspectasIundertheeyeofmypoorlittledupe，advancedontheenemywiththathideousextremityofcowardicewhichiscalledthecourageofdespair，andsaid\"Youletgothatgoat，\"thatheabandonedhispreyandfled，tomyunforgettable，unspeakablerelief。Ihaveneversinceexaggeratedmyprowessinbodilycombat。
Nowwhathappenedtomeintheadventureofthegoathappensveryoftentoparents，andwouldhappentoschoolmastersiftheprisondooroftheschooldidnotshutoutthetrialsoflife。Irememberonce，atschool，theresidentheadmasterwasbroughtdowntoearthbythesuddenillnessofhiswife。Intheconfusionthatensueditbecamenecessarytoleaveoneoftheschoolroomswithoutamaster。Iwasintheclassthatoccupiedthatschoolroom。
Tohavesentushomewouldhavebeentobreakthefundamentalbargainwithourparentsbywhichtheschoolwasboundtokeepusoutoftheirwayforhalfthedayatallhazards。Thereforeanappealhadtobemadetoourbetterfeelings:thatis，toourcommonhumanity，nottomakeanoise。Buttheheadmasterhadneveradmittedanycommonhumanitywithus。Wehadbeencarefullybrokenintoregardhimasabeingquitealooffromandaboveus:onenotsubjecttoerrororsufferingordeathorillnessormortality。Consequentlysympathywasimpossible；andiftheunfortunateladydidnotperish，itwasbecause，asInowcomfortmyselfwithguessing，shewastoomuchpre-occupiedwithherownpains，andpossiblymakingtoomuchnoiseherself，tobeconsciousofthepandemoniumdownstairs。
Agreatdealofthefiendishnessofschoolboysandthecrueltyofchildrentotheireldersisproducedjustinthisway。Elderscannotbesuperhumanbeingsandsufferingfellow-creaturesatthesametime。
Ifyouposeasalittlegod，youmustposeforbetterforworse。
HowLittleWeKnowAboutOurParentsTherelationbetweenparentandchildhascruelmomentsfortheparentevenwhenmoneyisnoobject，andthematerialworriesaredelegatedtoservantsandschoolteachers。Thechildandtheparentarestrangerstooneanothernecessarily，becausetheiragesmustdifferwidely。ReadGoethe\'sautobiography；andnotethatthoughhewashappyinhisparentsandhadexceptionalpowersofobservation，divination，andstory-telling，heknewlessabouthisfatherandmotherthanaboutmostoftheotherpeoplehementions。Imyselfwasneveronbadtermswithmymother:welivedtogetheruntilIwasforty-twoyearsold，absolutelywithoutthesmallestfrictionofanykind；yetwhenherdeathsetmethinkingcuriouslyaboutourrelations，IrealizedthatIknewverylittleabouther。IntroducemetoastrangewomanwhowasachildwhenIwasachild，agirlwhenI
wasaboy，anadolescentwhenIwasanadolescent；andifwetakenaturallytooneanotherIwillknowmoreofherandsheofmeattheendoffortydays(Ihadalmostsaidoffortyminutes)thanIknewofmymotherattheendoffortyyears。Acontemporarystrangerisanoveltyandanenigma，alsoapossibility；butamotherislikeabroomstickorlikethesunintheheavens，itdoesnotmatterwhichasfarasone\'sknowledgeofherisconcerned:thebroomstickisthereandthesunisthere；andwhetherthechildisbeatenbyitorwarmedandenlightenedbyit，itacceptsitasafactinnature，anddoesnotconceiveitashavinghadyouth，passions，andweaknesses，orasstillgrowing，yearning，suffering，andlearning。IfImeetawidowImayaskherallabouthermarriage；butwhatsoneverdreamsofaskinghismotherabouthermarriage，orcouldenduretohearofitwithoutviolentlybreakingofftheoldsacredrelationshipbetweenthem，andceasingtobeherchildoranythingmoretoherthanthefirstmaninthestreetmightbe?
Yetthoughinthissensethechildcannotrealizeitsparent\'shumanity，theparentcanrealizethechild\'s；fortheparentswiththeirexperienceoflifehavenoneoftheillusionsaboutthechildthatthechildhasabouttheparents；andtheconsequenceisthatthechildcanhurtitsparents\'feelingsmuchmorethanitsparentscanhurtthechild\'s，becausethechild，evenwhentherehasbeennoneofthedeliberatehypocrisybywhichchildrenaretakenadvantageofbytheirelders，cannotconceivetheparentasafellow-creature，whilsttheparentsknowverywellthatthechildrenareonlythemselvesoveragain。Thechildcannotconceivethatitsblameorcontemptorwantofinterestcouldpossiblyhurtitsparent，andthereforeexpressesthemallwithanindifferencewhichhasgivenrisetotheterm_enfantterrible_(atragicterminspiteofthejestsconnectedwithit)；
whilsttheparentcansufferfromsuchslightsandreproachesmorefromachildthanfromanyoneelse，evenwhenthechildisnotbeloved，becausethechildissounmistakablysincereinthem。
OurAbandonedMothersTakeaverycommoninstanceofthisagonizingincompatibility。A
widowbringsuphersontomanhood。Hemeetsastrangewoman，andgoesoffwithandmarriesher，leavinghismotherdesolate。Itdoesnotoccurtohimthatthisisatallhardonher:hedoesitasamatterofcourse，andactuallyexpectshismothertoreceive，ontermsofspecialaffection，thewomanforwhomshehasbeenabandoned。Ifheshewedanysenseofwhathewasdoing，anyremorse；ifhemingledhistearswithhersandaskedhernottothinktoohardlyofhimbecausehehadobeyedtheinevitabledestinyofamantoleavehisfatherandmotherandcleavetohiswife，shecouldgivehimherblessingandacceptherbereavementwithdignityandwithoutreproach。
Butthemanneverdreamsofsuchconsiderations。Tohimhismother\'sfeelinginthematter，whenshebetraysit，isunreasonable，ridiculous，andevenodious，asshewingaprejudiceagainsthisadorablebride。
Ihavetakenthewidowasanextremeandobviouscase；buttherearemanyhusbandsandwiveswhoaretiredoftheirconsorts，ordisappointedinthem，orestrangedfromthembyinfidelities；andtheseparents，inlosingasonoradaughterthroughmarriage，maybelosingeverythingtheycarefor。Noparent\'sloveisasinnocentastheloveofachild:theexclusionofallconscioussexualfeelingfromitdoesnotexcludethebitterness，jealousy，anddespairatlosswhichcharacterizesexualpassion:infact，whatiscalledapurelovemayeasilybemoreselfishandjealousthanacarnalone。
Anyhow，itisplainmatteroffactthatnaivelyselfishpeoplesometimestrywithfiercejealousytopreventtheirchildrenmarrying。
FamilyAffectionUntilthefamilyasweknowitceasestoexist，nobodywilldaretoanalyzeparentalaffectionasdistinguishedfromthatgeneralhumansympathywhichhassecuredtomanyanorphanfondercareinastranger\'shousethanitwouldhavereceivedfromitsactualparents。
NotevenTolstoy，inTheKreutzerSonata，hassaidallthatwesuspectaboutit。Whenitpersistsbeyondtheperiodatwhichitceasestobenecessarytothechild\'swelfare，itisapttobemorbid；andweareprobablywrongtoinculcateitsdeliberatecultivation。Thenaturalcourseisfortheparentsandchildrentocastoffthespecificparentalandfilialrelationwhentheyarenolongernecessarytooneanother。Thechilddoesthisreadilyenoughtoformfreshties，closerandmorefascinating。Parentsarenotalwaysexcludedfromsuchcompensations:ithappenssometimesthatwhenthechildrengooutatthedoorthelovercomesinatthewindow。Indeedithappensnowoftenerthanitusedto，becausepeopleremainmuchlongerinthesexualarena。ThecultivatedJewessnolongercutsoffherhairathermarriage。
TheBritishmatronhasdiscardedhercapandherconscientiousugliness；andabishop\'swifeatfiftyhasmoreoftheairofa_femmegalante_thananactresshadatthirty-fiveinhergrandmother\'stime。Butaspeoplemarrylater，thefactsofageandtimestillinexorablycondemnmostparentstocomparativesolitudewhentheirchildrenmarry。Thismaybeaprivationandmaybearelief:probablyinhealthycircumstancesitisnoworsethanasalutarychangeofhabit；butevenatthatitis，forthemomentatleast，awrench。Forthoughparentsandchildrensometimesdislikeoneanother，thereisanexperienceofsuccorandahabitofdependenceandexpectationformedininfancywhichnaturallyattachesachildtoitsparentortoitsnurse(afosterparent)inaquitepeculiarway。Abenefittothechildmaybeaburdentotheparent；
butpeoplebecomeattachedtotheirburdenssometimesmorethantheburdensareattachedtothem；andto\"sufferlittlechildren\"hasbecomeanaffectionateimpulsedeepinournature。
Nowthereisnosuchimpulsetosufferoursistersandbrothers，ourauntsanduncles，muchlessourcousins。Ifwecouldchooseourrelatives，wemight，byselectingcongenialones，mitigatetherepulsiveeffectoftheobligationtolikethemandtoadmitthemtoourintimacy。Buttohaveapersonimposedonusasabrothermerelybecausehehappenstohavethesameparentsisunbearablewhen，asmayeasilyhappen，heisthesortofpersonweshouldcarefullyavoidifhewereanyoneelse\'sbrother。AllEurope(exceptScotland，whichhasclansinsteadoffamilies)drawsthelineatsecondcousins。
Protestantismdrawsitstillcloserbymakingthefirstcousinamarriageablestranger；andtheonlyreasonfornotdrawingitatsistersandbrothersisthattheinstitutionofthefamilycompelsustospendourchildhoodwiththem，andthusimposesonusacuriousrelationinwhichfamiliaritydestroysromanticcharm，andisyetexpectedtocreateaspeciallywarmaffection。Sucharelationisdangerouslyfactitiousandunnatural；andthepracticalmoralisthatthelesssaidathomeaboutspecificfamilyaffectionthebetter。
Children，likegrown-uppeople，getonwellenoughtogetheriftheyarenotpusheddownoneanother\'sthroats；andgrown-uprelativeswillgetontogetherinproportiontotheirseparationandtheircarenottopresumeontheirbloodrelationship。Weshouldletchildren\'sfeelingstaketheirnaturalcoursewithoutprompting。Ihaveseenachildscoldedandcalledunfeelingbecauseitdidnotoccurtoittomakeatheatricaldemonstrationofaffectionatedelightwhenitsmotherreturnedafteranabsence:atypicalexampleofthewayinwhichspuriousfamilysentimentisstokedup。Weare，afterall，sociableanimals；andifweareletaloneinthematterofouraffections，andwellbroughtupotherwise，weshallnotgetonanytheworsewithparticularpeoplebecausetheyhappentobeourbrothersandsistersandcousins。Thedangerliesinassumingthatweshallgetonanybetter。
Themainpointtograsphereisthatfamiliesarenotkepttogetheratpresentbyfamilyfeelingbutbyhumanfeeling。Thefamilycultivatessympathyandmutualhelpandconsolationasanyotherformofkindlyassociationcultivatesthem；buttheadditionofadictatedcompulsoryaffectionasanattributeofnearkinshipisnotonlyunnecessary，butpositivelydetrimental；andtheallegedtendencyofmodernsocialdevelopmenttobreakupthefamilyneedalarmnobody。Wecannotbreakupthefactsofkinshipnoreradicateitsnaturalemotionalconsequences。Whatwecandoandoughttodoistosetpeoplefreetobehavenaturallyandtochangetheirbehaviorascircumstanceschange。
ToimposeonacitizenofLondonthefamilydutiesofaHighlandcateranintheeighteenthcenturyisasabsurdastocompelhimtocarryaclaymoreandtargetinsteadofanumbrella。Thecivilizedmanhasnospecialuseforcousins；andhemaypresentlyfindthathehasnospecialuseforbrothersandsisters。Theparentseemslikelytoremainindispensable；butthereisnoreasonwhythatnaturaltieshouldbemadetheexcuseforunnaturalaggravationsofit，ascrushingtotheparentastheyareoppressivetothechild。ThemotherandfatherwillnotalwayshavetoshouldertheburthenofmaintenancewhichshouldfallontheAtlasshouldersofthefatherlandandmotherland。Pendingsuchreformsandemancipations，ashatteringbreak-upoftheparentalhomemustremainoneofthenormalincidentsofmarriage。Theparentisleftlonelyandthechildisnot。Woetotheoldiftheyhavenoimpersonalinterests，noconvictions，nopubliccausestoadvance，notastesorhobbies!Itiswelltobeamotherbutnottobeamother-in-law；andifmenwerecutoffartificiallyfromintellectualandpublicinterestsaswomenare，thefather-in-lawwouldbeasdeplorableafigureinpopulartraditionasthemother-in-law。
Itisnottobewonderedatthatsomepeopleholdthatbloodrelationshipshouldbekeptasecretfromthepersonsrelated，andthatthehappiestconditioninthisrespectisthatofthefoundlingwho，ifheevermeetshisparentsorbrothersorsisters，passesthembywithoutknowingthem。
Andforsuchaviewthereisthistobesaid:thatourfamilysystemdoesunquestionablytakethenaturalbondbetweenmembersofthesamefamily，which，likeallnaturalbonds，isnottootighttobeborne，andsuperimposesonitapainfulburdenofforced，inculcated，suggested，andaltogetherunnecessaryaffectionandresponsibilitywhichweshoulddowelltogetridofbymakingrelativesasindependentofoneanotheraspossible。
TheFateoftheFamilyThedifficultyofinducingpeopletotalksensiblyaboutthefamilyisthesameasthatwhichIpointedoutinapreviousvolumeasconfusingdiscussionsofmarriage。Marriageisnotasingleinvariableinstitution:itchangesfromcivilizationtocivilization，fromreligiontoreligion，fromcivilcodetocivilcode，fromfrontiertofrontier。Thefamilyisstillmorevariable，becausethenumberofpersonsconstitutingafamily，unlikethenumberofpersonsconstitutingamarriage，variesfromonetotwenty:indeed，whenawidowerwithafamilymarriesawidowwithafamily，andthetwoproduceathirdfamily，eventhatveryhighnumbermaybesurpassed。
Andtheconditionsmayvarybetweenoppositeextremes:forexample，inaLondonorParisslumeverychildaddstotheburdenofpovertyandhelpstostarvetheparentsandalltheotherchildren，whereasinasettlementofpioneercolonistseverychild，fromthemomentitisbigenoughtolendahandtothefamilyindustry，isaninvestmentinwhichtheonlydangeristhatoftemporaryover-capitalization。Thentherearethevariationsinfamilysentiment。Sometimesthefamilyorganizationisasfranklypoliticalastheorganizationofanarmyoranindustry:fathersbeingnomoreexpectedtobesentimentalabouttheirchildrenthancolonelsaboutsoldiers，orfactoryownersabouttheiremployees，thoughthemothermaybeallowedalittletendernessifhercharacterisweak。TheRomanfatherwasadespot:theChinesefatherisanobjectofworship:thesentimentalmodernwesternfatherisoftenaplay-fellowlookedtofortoysandpocket-money。Thefarmerseeshischildrenconstantly:thesquireseesthemonlyduringtheholidays，andnotthenoftenerthanhecanhelp:thetramconductor，whenemployedbyajointstockcompany，sometimesneverseesthematall。
UndersuchcircumstancesphraseslikeTheInfluenceofHomeLife，TheFamily，TheDomesticHearth，andsoon，arenomorespecificthanTheMammals，orTheManInTheStreet；andthepiousgeneralizationsfoundedsogliblyonthembyoursentimentalmoralistsareunworkable。
Whenhouseholdsaveragetwelvepersonswiththesexesaboutequallyrepresented，theresultsmaybefairlygood。Whentheyaveragethreetheresultsmaybeverybadindeed；andtolumpthetwotogetherunderthegeneraltermTheFamilyistoconfusethequestionhopelessly。
Themodernsmallfamilyismuchtoostuffy:children\"broughtupathome\"initareunfitforsociety。Buthereagaincircumstancesdiffer。Iftheparentsliveinwhatiscalledagardensuburb，wherethereisagooddealofsocialintercourse，andthefamily，insteadofkeepingitselftoitself，astheeviloldsayingis，andgloweringattheneighborsovertheblindsofthelongstreetinwhichnobodyknowshisneighborandeveryonewishestodeceivehimastohisincomeandsocialimportance，isineffectbrokenupbyschoollife，byout-of-doorhabits，andbyfrankneighborlyintercoursethroughdancesandconcertsandtheatricalsandexcursionsandthelike，familiesoffourmayturnoutmuchlessbarbarouscitizensthanfamiliesoftenwhichattaintheBoeridealofbeingoutofsightofoneanother\'schimneysmoke。
Allonecansayis，roughly，thatthehomelierthehome，andthemorefamiliarthefamily，theworseforeverybodyconcerned。Thefamilyidealisahumbugandanuisance:onemightasreasonablytalkofthebarrackideal，ortheforecastleideal，oranyothersubstitutionofthemachineryofsocialorganizationfortheendofit，whichmustalwaysbethefullestandmostcapablelife:inshort，themostgodlylife。AndthissignificantwordremindsusthatthoughthepopularconceptionofheavenincludesaHolyFamily，itdoesnotattachtothatfamilythenotionofaseparatehome，oraprivatenurseryorkitchenormother-in-law，oranythingthatconstitutesthefamilyasweknowit。Evenbloodrelationshipismiraculouslyabstractedfromit；andtheFatheristhefatherofallchildren，themotherthemotherofallmothersandbabies，andtheSontheSonofManandtheSaviorofhisbrothers:onewhosechiefutteranceonthesubjectoftheconventionalfamilywasaninvitationtoallofustoleaveourfamiliesandfollowhim，andtoleavethedeadtoburythedead，andnotdebauchourselvesatthatgloomyfestivalthefamilyfuneral，withitssequelofhideousmourningandgriefwhichiseitheraffectedormorbid。
FamilyMourningIdonotknowhowfarthisdetestablecustomofmourningiscarriedinFrance；butjudgingfromtheappearanceoftheFrenchpeopleIshouldsaythataFrenchwomangoesintomourningforhercousinstotheseventeenthdegree。TheresultisthatwhenIcrosstheChannelI