DRAMATISPERSONAE
（ASORIGINALLYPERFORMEDATTHEHAYMARKET，INl837。）
SirWilliamFondlove，anoldBaronetMr。Strickland。
Waller，inlovewithLydiaMr。Elton。
Wildrake，aSportsmanMr。Webster。
Trueworth，aFriendofSirWilliamMrHemmings。
Neville，FriendtoWallerMr。Worrell。
Humphreys，FriendtoWallerMr。Hutchings。
LashMr。Ross。
Chargewell，aLandlordMr。Edwards。
George，aWaiterMr。Bishop。
FirstLawyerMr。Ray。
WidowGreenMrs。Glover。
Constance，DaughtertoSirWilliamFondloveMrs。Nisbett。
Lydia，lady\'sMaidtoWidowGreenMissVandenhoff。
Alice，HousekeepertoMasterWallerMrs。Tayleure。
Phoebe，MaidtoConstance，MissWrighten。
AmeliaMissGallot。
FirstLadyMrs。Gallot。
SCENE——LONDON。
ACTI。
SCENEI。——TheLobbyofanInn。
[EnterCHARGEWELL，hurriedly。]
Charg。What，hoathere！Hoa，sirrahs！Morewine！Aretheknavesasleep？Letnotourguestscool，orweshallstarvethetill！Goodwaiting，morethanviandsandwine，dothhelptomaketheinn！——
George！——Richard！——Ralph！——Whereareyou？
[EnterGEORGE。]
George。HereamI，sir！
Charg。Haveyoutakeninmorewinetothatcompany？
George。Yes，sir。
Charg。That\'sright。Servethemasquickastheyorder！Afaircompany！Ihaveseenthemherebefore。Takecaretheycomeagain。
Achoicecompany！ThatMasterWaller，Ihear，isafinespirit——
leadsthetown。Payhimmuchduty。Adeeppurse，andeasystrings。
George。Andthereisanother，sir;——acapitalgentleman，thoughfromthecountry。Agentlemanmostlearnedindogsandhorses！Hedothtalkwondrousedification:——oneMasterWildrake。Iwishyoucouldhearhim，sir。
Charg。Well，well！——attendtothem。Letthemnotcoolo\'ertheliquor，ortheircallswillgrowslack。Keepfeedingthefirewhileitblazes，andtheblazewillcontinue。Looktoitwell！
George。Iwill，sir。
Charg。Andbecareful，aboveall，thatyoupleaseMasterWaller。
Heisaguestworthpleasing。Heisagentleman。Freeorder，quickpay！
George。Andsuch，I\'lldarebesworn，istheother。Amanofmightystoresofknowledge——mostlearnedindogsandhorses！NeverwasIsoedifiedbythediscourseofmortalman。
[Theygooutseverally。]
SCENEII。——ARoom。
[MASTERWALLER，MASTERWILDRAKE，MASTERTRUEWORTH，MASTERNEVILLE，andMASTERHUMPHREYS，sittingroundatable。]
Wal。Well，MasterWildrake，speakyouofthechase！
Tohearyouonedothfeeltheboundingsteed;
Youbringthehoundsandgame，andalltoview—
Allscuddingtothejovialhuntsman\'scheer！
AndyetIpitythepoorcrowneddeer，Andalwaysfancy\'tisbyfortune\'sspite，Thatlordlyheadofhis，hebearssohigh—
LikeVirtue，statelyincalamity，Andhuntedbythehuman，worldlyhound—
Ismadetoflybeforethepack，thatstraightBurstintosongatprospectofhisdeath。
Yousaytheircryisharmony;andyetThechorusscarceismusictomyear，WhenIbethinkmewhatitsoundstohis;
NordeemIsweetthenotethatringstheknellOftheoncemerryforester！
Nev。ThesamethingsPleaseusorpain，accordingtothethoughtWetakeofthem。Somesmileattheirowndeath，Whichmostdoshrinkfrom，asbeastofpreyItkillstolookupon。Butyou，whotakeSuchpityofthedeer，whencefollowsitYouhuntmorecostlygame？——thecomelymaid，Towit，thatwaitsonbuxomWidowGreen？
Hum。Thecomelymaid！SuchtermnothalfthesumOfherrichbeautygives！WereruletogoByloveliness，Iknewnotinthecourt，Orcity，ladymightnotfitlyserveThatladyserving—maid！
True。Come！yourdefence？
Whyshowyouruthwherethere\'sleastargument，Denyitwherethere\'smost？Youwillnotplead？
Oh，MasterWaller，whereweusetohuntWethinkthesportnocrime！
Hum。Igiveyoujoy，Youprosperinyourchase。
Wal。Notso！ThemaidInsimplehonestyImustpronounceAmiracleofvirtue，wellasbeauty。
Nev。AndwelldoIbelieveyou，MasterWaller;
ThoseknowIwhohaveventuredgiftandpromiseButforaminuteofherear——theboonOfapoordozenwordsspokethroughachink—
Andcomeoffbootless，savethehaughtyscornThatcasttheirbountiesbacktothemagain。
True。ThatwarrantsherwhatMasterWallerspeaksher。
Isshesoveryfair？
Nev。Yes，MasterTrueworth;
AndIbelieveindeedanhonestmaid:
ButLove\'sthecointomarketwithforlove，AndthatknowsMasterWaller。OnpretenceOfsneakingkindnessforgayWidowGreen，Hevisitsher，forsakeofherfairmaid！
TowhomaglanceorwordavailstohintHispropererrand;and——asglimpsesonlyDoonlyservetowhetthewishtosee—
AwakensinteresttohearthetaleSostintinglythat\'stold。Iknowhispractice—
Lucktoyou，MasterWaller！Ifyouwin，Youmeritit，whotakethewaytowin！
Wal。GoodMasterNeville！
True。IshouldlaughtoseeThepoachersnared！——themaid，formistresssought，Turnoutawife。
Nev。Howsayyou，MasterWaller？
Thingsquiteasstrangehavefallen！
Wed。Impossible！
True。Impossible！Mostpossibleofthings—
Ifthou\'rtinlove！Wheremeritliesitself，Whatmattersittowantthename，whichweighed，IsnottheworthofsomuchbreathasittakesToutterit！If，butfromNature\'shand，Sheisallyoucouldexpectofgentleblood，Face，form，mien，speech;withthese，whattobelongToladymorebehoves——thoughtsdelicate，Affectionsgenerous，andmodesty—
Perfectionating，brighteningcrownofall！—
Ifshehaththese——truetitlestothyheart—
Whatdoesshelackthat\'stitletothyhand？
Thenameoflady，whichisnoneofthese，Butmaybelongwithout？ThoumightstdoworseThanmarryher。Thouwouldst，undoingher，Yea，bymymother\'sname，ashamefulactMostshamefullyperformed！
Wal。[Startingupanddrawing。]Sir！
Nev。[Andtheothers，interposing。]Gentlemen！
True。All\'sright！Sitdown！——Iwillnotdrawagain。
Awordwithyou:If——asaman——thousayest，Uponthyhonour，Ihavespokenwrong，I\'llaskthypardon！——thoughIneverholdCommunionwiththeemore！
Wal。[Afterapause，puttinguphissword。]
Myswordissheathed？
Wiltletmetakethyhand？
True。\'Tisthine，goodsir，Andfasterthanbefore——AfaultconfessedIsanewvirtueaddedtoaman！
Yetletmeownsomeblamewasmine。AtruthMaybetooharshlytold——but\'tisathemeIamtenderon——Ihadasister，sir，Youunderstandme！——\'TwasmyhappinessToownheronce——Iwouldforgethernow！—
Ihaveforgotten！——Iknownotifshelives！—
Thingsofsuchstrainaswewerespeakingof，Spiteofmyself，remindmeofher！——So！—
Nev。Sitdown！Let\'shavemorewine。
Wild。Notso，goodsirs。
Partakingofyourhospitality，IhaveoverlookedgoodfriendsIcametovisit，Andwhohavelatebecomesojournershere—
Oldcountryfriendsandneighbours，andwithwhomIe\'entakeupmyquarters。MasterTrueworth，Bearwitnessforme。
True。Itisevenso。
SirWilliamFondloveandhischarmingdaughter。
Wild。Ay，neighbourConstance。Charming，doeshesay？
Yes，neighbourConstanceisacharminggirlTothosethatdonotknowher。IfshepliesmeAshardaswashercustominthecountry，Ishouldnotwonderthough，thisveryday，IseekthehomeIquittedforamonth！[Aside。]
Goodeven，gentlemen。
Hum。Nay，ifyougo，Weallbreakup，andsallyforthtogether。
Wal。Beitso——Yourhandagain，goodMasterTrueworth！
IamsorryIdidpainyou。
True。Itisthine，sir。
[Theygoout。]
SCENEIII。——SirWilliamFondlove\'sHouse。——ARoom。
[EnterSIRWILLIAMFONDLOVE。]
SirWil。Atsixty—two，tobeinleading—strings，Isanoldchild——andwithadaughter，too！
Hermotherheldmene\'erinchecksostraitAsshe。Imustnotgobutwhereshelikes，Norseebutwhomshelikes，doanythingButwhatshelikes！——Aslutbaretwenty—one！
Normincesshecommands！AbrigadierMorecoollydothnotgivehisordersoutThanshe！Herwaiting—maidisaide—de—camp;
Mystewardadjutant;mylacqueysserjeants;
ThatbringmeherhighpleasurehowImarchAndcounter—march——whenI\'monduty——whenI\'moff——whensuitsitnottotellitmeHerself——\"SirWilliam，thusmymistresssays！\"
Assayingitwereenough——nowillofmineConsulted！Iwillmarry。MustIserve，Betterawife，mymistress，thanadaughter！
Andyetthevixensays，ifIdomarry，I\'llfindshe\'llrulemywife，aswellasme！
[EnterTRUEWORTH。]
Ah，MasterTrueworth！Welcome，MasterTrueworth！
True。Thanks，sir;Iamgladtoseeyoulooksowell！
SirWil。Ah，MasterTrueworth，whenoneturnsthehill，\'Tisrapidgoingdown！Weclimbbysteps;
Bystrideswereachthebottom。Lookatme，Andguessmyage。
True。Turnedfifty。
SirWil。Tenyearsmore！
HowmarvellouslywellIwear！IthinkYouwouldnotflatterme！——Butscanmeclose，Andpryingly，asonewhoseeksathingHemeanstofind——Whatsignsofagedostsee？
True。None！
SirWil。Noneaboutthecornersoftheeyes？
Linesthatdivergeliketothespider\'sjoists，Whereonhebuildshisairyfortalice？
Theycallthemcrow\'sfeet——hastheuglybirdBeenperchingthere？——Eh？——Well？
True。There\'ssomethinglike，Butnotwhatonemustsee，unlesshe\'sblindLikesteepleonahill！
SirWil。[Afterapause。]Youreyesaregood！
Iamcertainlyawonderformyage;
Iwalkaswellasever！DoIstoop？
True。Aplummetfromyourheadwouldfindyourheel。
SirWil。Itismymake——mymake，goodMasterTrueworth;
Idonotstudyit。DoyouobserveThehollowinmyback？That\'snatural。
AsnowIstand，sostoodIwhenachild，Arosy，chubbyboy！——IamyouthfultoAmiracle！Myarmisfirmas\'twasAttwenty。Feelit！
True。[FeelingSIRWILLIAM\'Sarm。]Itisdeal！
SirWil。Oak——oak，Isn\'tit，MasterTrueworth？ThouhastknownmeTenyearsandupwards。Thinkestmylegisshrunk？
True。No。
SirWil。No！notinthecalf？
True。AsbigacalfAsever！
SirWil。Thankyou，thankyou——Ibelieveit！
Whenotherswaste，\'tisgrowing—timewithme！
Ifeelit，MasterTrueworth！Vigour，sir，Ineveryjointofme——couldrun！——couldleap！
Whyshouldn\'tImarry？KnifeandforkIplayBetterthanmanyaboyoftwenty—five—
Whyshouldn\'tImarry？Iftheycometowine，MybraceofbottlescanIcarryhome，Andne\'eraheadache。Death！whyshouldn\'tImarry？
True。Iseeinnaturenoimpediment。
SirWil。Impediment？She\'sallappliances！—
Andfortune\'swithme，too！TheWidowGreenGiveshintstome。ThepleasantWidowGreenWhosefortiethyear，insteadofautumn，brings，Asecondsummerin。Oddsbodikins，Howyoungshelooks！Whatlifeisinhereyes！
Whateaseisinhergait！——while，asshewalks，Herwaist，stilltapering，takesitpliantly！
Howlollinglyshebearsherheadwithal:
Onthissidenow——nowthat！WhenenterssheAdrawing—room，whatworldsofgraciousthingsHercurtseysays！——shesinkswithsuchasway，Greetingoneitherhandthecompany，Thenslowlyrisestoherstateagain！
Sheistheempressofthecard—table！
Herhandandarm！——Gods，didyouseeherdeal—
Withcurvedandpliantwristdispensethepack，Which，atthetouchofherfairfingersfly！
Howsoftshespeaks——howverysoft！HervoiceComesmeltingfromherroundandswellingthroat，Remindingyouofsweetest，mellowestthings—
Plums，peaches，apricots，andnectarines—
Whosebloomispoortopainthercheeksandlips。
ByJove，I\'llmarry！
True。Youforget，SirWilliam，Idonotknowthelady。
SirWil。Greatyourloss。
ByallthegodsI\'llmarry！——butmydaughterMustneedsbemarriedfirst。Sherulesmyhouse;
Wouldruleitstill，andwillnothavemewed。
Aclever，handsome，darling，forwardminx！
WhenIbecameawidower，thereinsHermotherdroppedshecaught，——ahoydengirl;
Nor，since，woulde\'ergiveup;howe\'erIstroveTocoaxorcatchthemfromher。OnewaystillOrt\'othershewouldkeepthem——laugh，pout，plead;
Nowvanquishmewithwater，nowwithfire;
Wouldboxmyface，and，ereIwellcouldopeMymouthtochideher，stopitwithakiss！
Themonkey！Whataplagueshe\'stome！HowIloveher！howIlovetheWidowGreen！
True。Thenmarryher！
SirWil。Itellthee，firstofallMustneedsmydaughtermarry。SeeInotAhopeofthat;shenoughtaffectsthesex:
Comessuitoraftersuitor——allinvain。
Fastastheybowshecurtsies，andsays，\"Nay！\"
Orshe，awoman，lacksawoman\'sheart，Orhathaspecialtastewhichnonecanhit。
True。Ortaste，perhaps，whichisalreadyhit。
SirWil。Eh！——how？
True。Rememberyounocountryfriend，Companionofherwalks——hersquiretochurch，Herbeauwhenevershewentvisiting—
Beforeshecametotown？
SirWil。No！
True。None？——artsure？
Noplaymatewhenshewasagirl？
SirWil。O！ay！
ThatMasterWildrake，IdidpraytheegoAndwaitforattheinn;buthadforgotten。
Ishecome？
True。Andinthehouse。Somefriendsthatmethim，Ashealighted，laidstronghandsuponHim，Andmadehimstopfordinner。WehadelseBeenearlierwithyou。
SirWil。Ha！Iamgladheiscome。
True。Shemaybesmitwithhim。
SirWil。Ascatwithdog！
True。Heheardhervoiceaswedidmountthestairs，Anddartedstraighttojoinher。
SirWil。YoushallseeWhatwondrouscalmandharmonytakeplace，Whenfiremeetsgunpowder！
Con。[Without。]Whosentforyou？
Whatmadeyoucome？
Wild。[Without。]Toseethetown，notyou！Akiss！
Con。IvowI\'llnot。
Wild。Iswearyoushall。
Con。Asaucycub！Ivow，IhadasliefYourwhipper—inhadkissedme。
SirWil。Doyouhear？
True。Ido。Mostpleasingdiscords！
[EnterCONSTANCEandWILDRAKE。]
Con。Father，speakToneighbourWildrake！
SirWil。Verygladtoseehim！
Wild。Ithankyou，goodSirWilliam！GiveyoujoyOfyourgoodlooks！
Con。What，Phoebe！——Phoebe！——Phoebe！
SirWil。Whatwantestthouwiththylap—dog？
Con。Only，sir，TowelcomeneighbourWildrake！WhatafigureToshowhimselfintown！
SirWil。Wiltholdthypeace？
Con。Yes;ifyou\'lllessonmetoholdmylaughter！
Wildrake。
Wild。Well？
Con。LetmewalktheeinthePark—
Howtheywouldstareatthee！
SirWil。Wiltne\'ergiveo\'er？
Wild。Nay，letherhaveherway——Iheedhernot！
ThoughtomorecourteouswelcomeIhaveright;
AlthoughIamneighbourWildrake！Reasonisreason！
Con。Andrightisright！sowelcome，neighbourWildrake，Iamvery，very，verygladtoseeyou！
Come，foraquarterofanhourwe\'lle\'enAgreetogether！Howdoyourhorses，neighbour？
Wild。Pshaw！
Con。Andyourdogs？
Wild。Pshaw！
Con。Whipper—inandhuntsman？
SirWil。Converseofthingsthouknowesttotalkabout！
Con。Andkeephimsilent，father，whenIknowHecannottalkofanyotherthings？
Howdoesthyhunter？WhatasorrytrickHeplayedtheet\'otherday，tobalkhisleapAndthrowthee，neighbour！Didhebalktheleap？
Confess！Yousportsmenneveraretoblame！
Sayyouarefowlers，\'tisyourdog\'sinfault！
Sayyouareanglers，\'tisyourtackle\'swrong;
Sayyouarehunters，whythehonesthorseThatbearsyourweight，mustbearyourblunderstoo！
Why，whithergoyou？
Wild。Anywherefromthee。
Con。Withmeyoumean。
Wild。Imeanitnot。
Con。Youdo！
I\'llgiveyoufiftyreasonsfor\'t——andfirst，Whereyougo，neighbour，I\'llgo！
[Theygoout——WILDRAKE，pettishly——CONSTANCElaughing。]
SirWil。Doyoumark？
Muchloveisthere！
True。Indeed，aheap，ornone！
I\'dwagerontheheap！
SirWil。Ay！——DoyouthinkThesediscords，asinthemusicians\'art，Aresubtleservitorstoharmony？
Thatallthiswar\'sforpeace？ThiswranglingbutAmasqueradewherelovehisroguishfaceConcealsbeneathanuglyvisor！——Well？
True。YourguessandmyconceitarenotamileApart。Unliketoothercommonflowers，Theflowerofloveshewsvariousinthebud;
\'Twilllookathistle，and\'twillblowarose！
AndwithyourleaveI\'llputittothetest;
Affectmyself，forthyfairdaughter，love—
Makehimmyconfidant——dilatetohimUponthegracesofherheartandmind，Featureandform——thatwellmaycommentbear—
Till——likethepractisedconnoisseur，whofindsAgemofheartoutinahouseholdpictureTheunskilledownerheldsocheaphegrudgedRenewalofthechippedandtarnishedframe，Butvaluesnowaspriceless——IarousehimIntoaquicksenseoftheworthofthatWhosemerithitherto，fromlackofskill，Ordullinghabitofacquaintanceship，Hehasnotbeenawaketo。
Con。[Without。]NeighbourWildrake！
SirWil。Hithertheycome。Ifancywellthygame！
OtobefreetomarryWidowGreen！
I\'llcallherhenceanon——thenplyhimwell。
[SIRWILLIAMgoesout。]
Wild。[Without。]Nay，neighbourConstance！
True。Heishighinstorm。
[EnterWILDRAKEandCONSTANCE。]
Wild。ToLincolnshire，Itellthee。
Con。Lincolnshire！
What，prithee，takestheeofftoLincolnshire？
Wild。Toogreatdelightinthyfaircompany。
True。Nay，MasterWildrake，whyawaysosoon？
Youarescarceadayintown！——Extremeslikethis，Andstartsofpurpose，arethesignsoflove。
Thoughimmaturedasyet。[Aside。]
Con。He\'slongenoughIntown！Whatshouldhehere？He\'slostintown:
Nomanisheforconcerts，balls，orrouts！
Nogameheknowsatcards，saverarePopeJoan！
Hene\'ercouldmasterdancebeyondajig;
Andasformusic，nothingtocompareTothemelodiousyelpingofahound，Exceptthebrayingofhishuntsman\'shorn！
AskHIMtostayintown！
SirWil。[Without。]Hoa，Constance！
Con。Sir！—
Neighbour，apleasantridetoLincolnshire！
Good—bye！
SirWil。[Without。]Why，Constance！
Con。Coming，sir。Shakehands！