WhatshallIpassforinmyweddingsuit？
IvowIamapuzzletomyself，Aswellasalltheworldbesides。Odd\'slife！
TowintheheartofbuxomWidowGreen！
[Goesout。]
[WIDOWGREENre—enterswithLYDIA。]
W。Green。Atlastthedotard\'sgone！Fly，Lydia，fly，ThisletterbeartoMasterWallerstraight;
Quick，quick，orI\'mundone！Heisabused，AndImustundeceivehim——ownmylove，Andheartandhandathisdisposallay。
Answermenot，mygirl——obeyme！Fly。
[Goesout。]
Lydia。Untowardlyitfalls！——IhadresolvedThishourtotellherImustquitherservice！
Gotohishouse！IwillnotdisobeyHerlastcommands！——I\'llleaveitatthedoor，AndasitclosesonmethinkItakeOnemoreadieuofhim！Harddestiny！
[Goesout。]
SCENEII。——ARoominSirWilliam\'s。
[EnterCONSTANCE。]
Con。Thebooby！Hemustfallinlove，indeed！
Andnowhe\'snaughtbutsentimentallooksAndsentences，pronounced\'twixtbreathandvoice！
Andattitudesoftenderlanguishment！
NorcanIgetfromhimthenameofherHathturnedhimfromastockintoafool。
Hehemsandhaws，nowtitters，nowlooksgrave！
Beginstospeakandhalts！takesoffhiseyesTofallincontemplationonachair，Atable，ortheceiling，wall，orfloor！
I\'llplaguehimworseandworse！O，herehecomes！
[EnterWILDRAKE。]
Wild。DespiteherspitefulusageI\'mresolvedTotellhernow。DearneighbourConstance！
Con。Fool！
Accostmelikealady，sir！IhateThenameofneighbour！
Wild。MistressConstance，then—
I\'llcalltheethat。
Con。Don\'tcallmeanything！
Ihatetoheartheespeak——tolookatthee，Todwellinthesamehousewiththee！
Wild。InwhatHaveIoffended？
Con。What！——Ihateanape！
Wild。Anape！
Con。Whobadetheeapethegentleman？
Andputondressthatdon\'tbelongtothee？
Go！changetheewiththywhipper—inorhuntsman，Andnonewilldoubtthouwearestthyownclothes。
Wild。Aprettypass！MockedfortheverydressIboughttopleasureher！UntowardthingsArewomen！[Aside。Walksbackwardsandforwards。]
Con。Doyoucallthatwalking？PrayWhatmakesyoutwistyourbodyso，andtakeSuchpainstoturnyourtoesout？Ifyou\'dwalk，Walkthus！Walklikeaman，asIdonow！
[Walking]
Isyoursthewayagentlemanshouldwalk？
Youneitherwalklikemannorgentleman！
I\'llshowyouhowyouwalk。[Mimickinghim。]
Doyoucallthatwalking？
Wild。Mythanks，foradrill—sergeanttwiceadayForhersake！[Aside。]
Con。Now，ofallthingsintheworld，Whatmadeyoudancelastnight？
Wild。Whatmademedance？
Con。Right！Itwasanythingbutdancing！StepsThatnevercamefromdancing—school——norEnglish，NorScotch，norIrish！Youmusttrytocut，Andhowyoudidit！[Cuts。]That\'sthewaytocut！
Andthenyourchasse！Thusyouwent，andthus。
[Mimickinghim。]
Asthoughyouhadbeenplayingathop，step，Andjump！——andyetyoulookedsomonstrouspleased，Andplayedthesimpletonwithsuchagrace，Takingtheirtitteringforcompliment！
Icouldhaveboxedyousoundlyfor\'t。TentimesDeniedIthatIknewyou。
Wild。TwentyguineasWerebetterinthegutterthrownthangoneTofeeadancing—master！[Aside。]
Con。Andyou\'regrownAnamateurinmusic！——WhatfineairWasthatyoupraisedlastnight？——\"TheWidowJones！\"
Acountryjigtheyturnedintoasong。
Youasked\"IfithadcomefromItaly？\"
Theladyblushedandheldherpeace，andthenYoublushedandsaid，\"PerhapsitcamefromFrance！\"
Andthenwhenblushedtheladymore，norspoke，Yousaid，\"AtleastitcamefromGermany！\"
TheairwasEnglish！——atrueEnglishair;
AdownrightEnglishair！——acommonair;
Oldas\"WhenGoodKingArthur。\"Notasquare，Court，alley，street，orlaneaboutthetown，Inwhichitisnotwhistled，played，orsung！
ButyoumusthaveitcomefromItaly，OrGermany，orFrance。Gohome！Gohome！
ToLincolnshire，andmindthydogandhorn！
You\'llneverdofortown！\"TheWidowJones\"
TocomefromItaly！Staynotintown，Oryou\'llbemarriedtotheWidowJones，Sinceyou\'veforsworn，yousay，theWidowGreen！
Andmornandnightthey\'lldinyourearswithher！
\"Wellmet，dearMasterWildrake。Afineday！
Pray，canyoutellwhencecametheWidowJones？\"
Theyloveajestintown！ToLincolnshire！
You\'llneverdofortown！ToLincolnshire;
\"TheWidowJones\"tocomefromItaly！
[Goesout。]
Wild。ConfoundtheWidowJones！\'Tistrue！TheairWellasthehuntsman\'striplemortIknow，Butknewnotthenindeed，\'twassodisguisedWithshakesandflourishes，outlandishthings，Thatmar，notgrace，anhonestEnglishsong！
Howe\'er，themischief\'sdone！andasforher，Sheiseitherintohateormadnessfallen。
Ifmadness，wouldshehadherwitsagain，OrImyheart！Ifhate，mylove\'sundone;
I\'llgiveherup。I\'lle\'entoMasterTrueworth，Confessmytreason——ownmypunishment—
Takehorse，andbackagaintoLincolnshire！
[Goesout。]
Con。[Returning。]Nothere！ItrustIhavenotgonetoofar！
Ifheshouldquitthehouse！Gooutoftown！
PoorneighbourWildrake！Littledoesheoweme！
FromchildhoodI\'vebeenusedtoplaguehimthus。
Whywouldhefallinlove，andspoilitall！
IfeelasIcouldcry！HehasnorightTomarryanyone！WhatwantshewithAwife？Hashenotplagueenoughinme？
Wouldhebeplaguedwithanybodyelse？
EversinceIhavelivedintownIhavefeltThewantofneighbourWildrake！NotasoulBesidesIcaretoquarrelwith;andnowHegoesandgiveshimselftoanother！What！
AmIinlovewithneighbourWildrake？No。
Ionlywouldnothavehimmarry——marry？
SoonerI\'dhavehimdeadthanhavehimmarry！
ACTIV。
SCENEI。——ARoominMasterWaller\'sHouse。
[EnterALICE，hastily。]
Alice。[Speakingtotheoutside。]Fly，Stephen，tothedoor！yourrapier！quick！—
Ourmasterisbeset，becauseofoneWhoseparthetakes，amaid，whomlawlessmenWouldlawlesslyentreat！InwhataworldWelive！——HowdoIshake！——withwhataddress[Lookingoutofwindow。]
Helaysabouthim，andhisotherarmEngaged，inchargeofherwhomhedefends！
Adamselworthabroil！——Now，Stephen，now！
Takeofftheodds，bravelad，andturnthescale！
IwouldIwereaswordsman！HowhemakesHisrapierfly！——Welldone！——OHeaven，there\'sblood。
Butonthesidethat\'swrong！——Welldone，goodStephen！
PrayHeavennolifebeta\'en！——Layon，bravelad！
Hehasmarkedhismanagain。Goodlad——Welldone，Ipraynomischiefcome！——Pressonhim，Stephen！
Nowgivesheground。——Followthyadvantageup！
Allownopauseforbreaths！——Hithimagain！
Forbiditendindeath！——Loungehome，goodStephen！
Howfasthenowretreats！——Thatspring，I\'llswear，Wasanswertothypoint！——Wellfenced！——Wellfenced！
NowHeavenforefenditendindeath！——Heflies！
Andfromhiscomrade，thesamemoment，hathOurmasterjerkedhissword——Thedayisours！
Quickmaytheygetasurgeonfortheirwounds，AndI，acordialformyflutteredspirits:
Ivow，I\'mnightoswoon！
Wal。[Without。]Hoa！Alice！Hoa！
Openthedoor！Quick，Alice！Quick！
Alice。Anon！
Youngjointstakenothoughtofagedones，Buteverthinkthemassuppleasthemselves。
Wal。Alice！
Alice。[Openingthedoor。]I\'mhere！——Amercy！—
Isshedead？
[EnterMASTERWALLER，bearingLYDIA，fainting。]
Wal。No，shebutfaints。——Achair！——Quick，Alice，quick！
Watertobathehertemples。
[ALICEgoesout。]
SuchaturnKindfortuneneverdome。ShallIkissTolifethesefrozenlips？——No！——ofherplight\'Twerebasetotakeadvantage。
[ALICEreturns，&c。]
Alliswell，Thebloodreturns。
Alice。Howwondrousfairsheis！
Wal。Thouthink\'stherso？——NowonderthenshouldI。
Howsayyou？——Wondrousfair？[Aside。]
Alice。Yes;wondrousfair！
Harmnevercometoher！Sosweetathing\'Twerepitywereabused！
Wal。Youthinkherfair？
Alice。Ay，marry！HalfsofairweremorethanmatchForfairestshee\'ersawmineeyesbefore！
Andwhataform！Afootandinstepthere！
Vouchersofsymmetry！AlittlefootAndrisinginstep，fromananklearching，Apalm，andthatalittleone，mightspan。
Wal。Whotaughttheethus？
Alice。Whywho，buther，taughtthee？
Thymother！——Heavenresther！——Thygoodmother！
ShecouldreadmenandwomenbytheirhandsAndfeet！——Andhere\'sahand！——Afairypalm！
Fingersthattapertothepinkytips，Withnailsofrose，likeshellsofsuchahue，Berimmedwithpearl，youpickupontheshore！
Savethesetheglossandtintdowearwithout。
Wal。Why，howthoutalk\'st！
Alice。DidInottelltheethusThymotherusedtotalk？Suchhandandfoot，Shewouldsay，inmanorwomanvouchedfornatureHightempered！——Stillforsentimentrefined;
Affectiontender;apprehensionquick—
Degreesbeyondthegenerality！
Thereisamarriagefinger！CursethehandWouldbalkitofaring！
Wal。She\'squiterestored，Leaveus！——Whycast\'stthouthatuneasylook？
Whylinger\'stthou？I\'mnotalonewithher。
Myhonour\'swithhertoo。Iwouldnotwrongher。
Alice。Andifthouwouldst，thou\'rtnotthymother\'sson。
[Goesout。]
Wal。Youarebetter？
Lydia。Much！——much！
Wal。KnowyouhimwhodurstAttemptthisviolenceinopenday？
Itseemedashewouldforcetheetohiscoach，Isawattending。
Lydia。Takethisletter，sir，Andsendtheanswer——Imustneedsbegone。
Wal。[Throwingtheletteraway。]Ireadnoletter！
Tellme，whatofhimIsawoffendthee？
Lydia。Hehathoftenmetme，AndbydesignIthink，uponthestreet，Andtriedtowinmineear，whichne\'erhegotSaveonlybyenforcement。Presents——gifts—
Ofjewelsandofgoldtowildamount，Towinanaudience，hathheprofferedme;
Until，methought，mysilence——formylipsDisdainedreplywerequestionwasawrong—
Hadweariedhim。Oh，sir，whate\'eroflifeRemainstomeIhadforegone，ereprovedThehorrorofthishour！——andyouitisThathaveprotectedme？
Wal。Oh，speaknoton\'t！
Lydia。Youthathavesavedmefrommineenemy—
Wal。Iprayyoutoforgetit。
Lydia。FromafoeMoredirethanhethatputtethlifeinperil—
Wal。SweetLydia，Ibeseechyouspareme。
Lydia。No！
Iwillnotspareyou。——Youhavebroughtmetosafety，YouwhomIfearworsethanthatbalefulfoe。
[Risestogo。]
Wal。[Kneelingandsnatchingherhand。]Lydia！
Lydia。Now，makethybountyperfect。DropMyhand。Thatposturewhichdishonoursthee，Quit！——for\'tisshameonshametoshowrespectWherewedofeeldisdain。ThrowopethygateAndletmepass，andneverseekwithme，Bylook，orspeech，oraught，communionmore！
Wal。Thousaidstthoulovedstme？
Lydia。Yes！whenIbelievedMytonguedidtakeoftheeitslastadieu，AndnowthatIdoknowit——forbesureItneverbidsadieutotheeagain—
Again，Itellitthee！Releaseme，sir！
Rise！——andnohindrancetomywilloppose。
Thatwouldbefreetogo。
Wal。Icannotlosethee！
Lydia。Thoucanstnothaveme！
Wal。No！
Lydia。Thoucanstnot。I
Repeatit。——YetI\'mthine——thineeveryway，Exceptwherehonourfences！——Honour，sir，Notpropertyofgentlebloodalone;
Ofgentlebloodnotalwaysproperty！
Thou\'ltnotobeyme。Stillenforcestme！
Oh，whatacontradictionisaman！
Whatinanotherheonemomentspurns，Thenext——hedoeshimselfcomplacently！
Wal。Wouldsthavemelosethehandthatholdsmylife？
Lydia。Hearmeandkeepit，ifthouartaman！
Ilovethee——forthybenefitwouldgiveThelabourofthathand！——wearoutmyfeetRacktheinventionofmymind！——thepowersOfmyheartinonevolitiongatherup！
Mylifeexpend，andthinknomoreIgaveThanhewhowinsapricelessgemforthanks！
Forsuchgoodwillcanstthoureturnmewrong？
Wal。Yet，forawhile，Icannotlettheego。
PropoundformeanoaththatI\'llnotwrongthee！
Anoath，which，ifIbreakit，willentailForfeitofearthandheaven。I\'lltakeit——soThoustay\'stonehourwithme。
Lydia。No！——Notonemoment！
Unhandme，orIshriek！——IknowthesummonsWillpierceintothestreet，andsetmefree！
IstandinperilwhileI\'mnearthee！SheWhoknowsherdanger，anddelaysescape，Hathbutherselftothank，whate\'erbefalls！
Sir，Imayhaveawoman\'sweakness，butIhaveawoman\'sresolution，too，Andthat\'sawoman\'sstrength！
Onemomentmore！—
Wal。Lo！Thouartfreetogo！
[Risesandthrowshimselfdistractedlyintoachair。]
[LYDIAapproachesthedoor——herpaceslackens——shepauseswithherhanduponthelock——turns，andlooksearnestlyonWALLER。]
Lydia。IhaveawordTosaytothee;ifbythymother\'shonour，Thouswear\'sttomethouwiltnotquitthyseat。
Wal。Iswearasthoupropound\'sttome。
Lydia。[Afterapause，burstingintotears。]Oh，why—
Whyhaveyouusedmethus？Seewhatyou\'vedone！
Essayedtolightaguiltypassionup，Andkindledinitssteadaholyone！
ForIdolovethee！Know\'stthounotthewishTofinddesertdothbringitofttosightWhereyetitisnot？so，forsubstance，passesWhatonlyisaphantasmofourminds！
Ifearedthylovewasguilty——yetmywishTofindithonest，strongerthanmyfear，Myfearwithfataltriumphoverthrew！
Nowhopeandfeargiveuptocertainty，AndImustflythee——yetmustlovetheestill！
Wal。Lydia！byall—
Lydia。Iprayyouhearmeout！
Was\'tright？was\'tgenerous？was\'tpitiful？
OnewayorotherImightbeundone:
Tolovewithsin——orlovewithoutahope！
Wal。Yethearme，Lydia！—
Lydia。Stop！I\'mundone！
Amaidwithoutaheart——robbedofthesoil，Whereinlife\'shopesandwishesrootandspring，Andthouthefoethatdidmesomuchhate，Andvowedmesomuchlove！——butIforgivethee！
Yea，Idoblessthee！
[Rushingupandsinkingathisfeet。]
Recollectthyoath！—
Orinthyheartlodgednevergermofhonour，But\'tisadesertall！
[Shekisseshishand——pressesittoherheart，andkissesitagain。]
Farewellthentothee！
[Rises。]
Maystthoubehappy。[Going。]
Wal。WouldstensurethethingThouwishest？
[Shemovestowardsthedoorwithagesturethatprohibitsfurtherconverse。]
Stop！[Shecontinuestomoveon。]
Oh，sternlyresolute！[Shestillmoves。]
Imeantheehonour！
[Shestopsandturnstowardshim。]
Thoudostmeditate—
Iknowit——flight。Givemesomepauseforthought，Buttoconfirmamindalmostmadeup。
Ifinanhourthouhearestnotfromme，thenThinkmeafriendfarbetterlostthanwon！
Wiltthoudothis？
Lydia。Iwill。
Wal。Anhourdecides。
[Theygooutseveralty。]
SCENEII。——ARoominSirWilliamFondlove\'sHouse。
[EnterWILDRAKEandTRUEWORTH。]
Wild。Youarenotangry？
True。No;IknewtheserviceIsentyouonwasoneofdanger。
Wild。Thankyou。
Mostkindyouare——Andyoubelieveshelovesme:
Andyourownhopesgiveuptofavourmine。
Waseverknownsuchkindness！MuchIfear\'Twillcostyou。
True。Nevermind！I\'lltryandbearit。
Wild。That\'sright。Nouseinyieldingtoathing。
Resolvedoeswonders！Shunthesightofher—
Seeotherwomen！——FiftytobefoundAsfairasshe。
True。Idoubtit。
Wild。Doubtitnot。
Doubtnothingthatgivespromiseofacare。
RighthandsomedamesthereareinLancashire，Whencecalledtheirwomen，witches！——witchingthings！
IknowadozenfamiliesinwhichYou\'dmeetacourtesyworthyofabow。
I\'llgiveyouletterstothem。
True。Willyou？
Wild。Yes。
True。Theworthofadisinterestedfriend！
Wild。OMasterTrueworth，deeplyI\'myourdebtorIownIdieforloveofneighbourConstance！
Andthoutogiveherupforme！Kindfriend！
Whatwon\'tIdoforthee？——Don\'tpinetodeath;
I\'llfindtheefiftywaystocurethypassion，Andmaketheeheart—whole，ifthou\'rtsoresolved。
Thoushaltbemasterofmysportingstud，Andgoahunting。Ifthatlikestheenot，Takeupthyquartersatmyshooting—lodge;
Thereisacellarto\'t——makefreewithit。
I\'llthanktheeifthouemptiestit。ThesongGivesoutthatwinefeedslove——Itdrownsit，man！
Ifthouwiltneitherhuntnorshoot，trygames;
Playatloggats，bowls，fives，dominoes，draughts，cribbage，Backgammon——specialrecipesforlove！
Andyoubelieve，forallthehatesheshows，ThatneighbourConstancelovesme？
True。\'Tismythought。
Wild。HowshallIfinditout？
True。AffecttoloveAnother。Sayyourpassionthrives;thedayIsfixed;andprayherundertakethepartOfbridemaidtoyourbride。\'Twillbringherout。
Wild。Youthinkshe\'llownherpassion？
True。Ifsheloves。
Wild。Ithankthee！Iwilltryit！MasterTrueworth，WhatshallIsaytothee，togiveherup，Andloveherso？
True。Saynothing。
Wild。Noblefriend！
Kindfriend！InstructanothermanthewayTowinthymistress！Thou\'ltnotbreakmyheart？
Takemyadvice，thoushaltnotbeinloveAmonth！Frequenttheplayhouse！——walkthePark！
I\'llthinkoffiftyladiesthatIknow，Yetcan\'tremembernow——enchantingones！
Andthenthere\'sLancashire！——andIhavefriendsInBerkshireandinWiltshire，thathaveswarmsOfdaughters！Thenmyshooting—lodgeandstud！
I\'llcuretheeinafortnightofthylove！
AndnowtoneighbourConstance——yetalmostIfearaccostingher——ahundredtimesHaveIessayedtobreakmymindtoher，Butstillshestopsmymouthwithrestlessscorn！
Howe\'er，thyschemeI\'lltry，andmayitthrive！
ForIamsickforloveofneighbourConstance。
Farewell，dearMasterTrueworth！Takemycounsel—
Conquerthypassion！Doso！Beaman！
[Goesout。]
True。Feateasydonethatdoesnottaxourselves！
[EnterPhoebe。]
Phoebe。Aletter，sir。
[Goesout。]
True。Goodsooth，aroamingone，Andyetslowtraveller。ThisshouldhavereachedmeInLombardy。——Thehand！Giveway，weakseal，Thyfeeblelettoostrongformyimpatience！
Ha！Wronged！——Letmecontainmyself！——CompelledToflytheroofthatgaveherbirth！——Mysister！
Nopartnerinherflightbutherpurehonour！
Iamagainabrother。Pillow，board，IknownottillIfindher。
[EnterWALLER。]
Wal。MasterTrueworth！
True。Ha！MasterWaller！Welcome，MasterWaller。
Wal。GoodMasterTrueworth，thankyou。FindingyouFromhome，Ie\'enmadeboldtofollowyou，ForIesteemyouasaman，andfainWouldbenefitbyyourkindoffices。
Butletmetellyoufirst，toyourreproof，Iamindebtedmorethane\'erIwasTopraiseofanyother！Iamcome，sir，TogiveyouevidenceIamnotoneWhoownsadviceisright，andactsnoton\'t。
True。Prayyouexplain。
Wal。WillyouthebearerbeOfthistoonehascausetothankyou，too，ThoughIthelargerdebtor？——Readit，sir。
True。[Readingtheletter。]\"Atmornto—morrowIwillmakeyoumine;
Willyouacceptfrommethenameofwife—
Thenameofhusbandgivemeinexchange？\"
Wal。Howsayyou，sir？
True。\'Tisboldly——noblydone！
Wal。Ifsheconsents——whichaffectation\'twereTosayIdoubt——bidherprepareforchurch，Andyoushallactthefather，sir，toherYoudidthebrotherby。
True。Rightwillingly，ThoughmatterofhighmomentIdefer，Mind，heart，andsoul，areallenlistedin！
Wal。MayIimploreyou，haste！Atimeisset！—
Howlightanactofdutymakestheheart！
[Theygoouttogether。]