Timeisthenurseandbreederofallgood。
Hereifthoustay,thoucanstnotseethylove;
Besides,thystayingwillabridgethylife。
Hopeisalover\'sstaff;walkhencewiththatAndmanageitagainstdespairingthoughts。
Thylettersmaybehere,thoughthouarthence;
Which,beingwrittome,shallbedeliver\'dEveninthemilk—whitebosomofthylove。
Thetimenowservesnottoexpostulate:
Come,I\'llconveytheethroughthecity—gate;
And,ereIpartwiththee,conferatlargeOfallthatmayconcernthylove—affairs。
AsthoulovestSilvia,thoughnotforthyself,Regardthydanger,andalongwithme!VALENTINEIpraythee,Launce,anifthouseestmyboy,BidhimmakehasteandmeetmeattheNorth—gate。PROTEUSGo,sirrah,findhimout。Come,Valentine。VALENTINEOmydearSilvia!HaplessValentine!
ExeuntVALENTINEandPROTEUSLAUNCEIambutafool,lookyou;andyetI
havethewittothinkmymasterisakindofaknave:butthat\'sallone,ifhebebutoneknave。Helivesnotnowthatknowsmetobeinlove;yetIaminlove;
butateamofhorseshallnotpluckthatfromme;norwho\'tisIlove;andyet\'tisawoman;butwhatwoman,I
willnottellmyself;andyet\'tisamilkmaid;
yet\'tisnotamaid,forshehathhadgossips;yet\'tisamaid,forsheishermaster\'smaid,andservesforwages。Shehathmorequalitiesthanawater—spaniel;
whichismuchinabareChristian。
PullingoutapaperHereisthecate—logofhercondition。
\'Imprimis:Shecanfetchandcarry。\'Why,ahorsecandonomore:nay,ahorsecannotfetch,butonlycarry;thereforeisshebetterthanajade。\'Item:
Shecanmilk;\'lookyou,asweetvirtueinamaidwithcleanhands。
EnterSPEEDSPEEDHownow,SigniorLaunce!whatnewswithyourmastership?LAUNCEWithmymaster\'sship?why,itisatsea。SPEEDWell,youroldvicestill;mistaketheword。Whatnews,then,inyourpaper?LAUNCETheblackestnewsthateverthouheardest。SPEEDWhy,man,howblack?LAUNCEWhy,asblackasink。SPEEDLetmereadthem。LAUNCEFieonthee,jolt—head!thoucanstnotread。SPEEDThouliest;Ican。LAUNCEIwilltrythee。Tellmethis:whobegotthee?SPEEDMarry,thesonofmygrandfather。LAUNCEOilliterateloiterer!itwasthesonofthygrandmother:thisprovesthatthoucanstnotread。SPEEDCome,fool,come;trymeinthypaper。LAUNCEThere;andSt。Nicholasbethyspeed!SPEED[Reads]\'Imprimis:Shecanmilk。\'LAUNCEAy,thatshecan。SPEED\'Item:Shebrewsgoodale。\'LAUNCEAndthereofcomestheproverb:\'Blessingofyourheart,youbrewgoodale。\'SPEED\'Item:Shecansew。\'LAUNCEThat\'sasmuchastosay,Cansheso?SPEED\'Item:Shecanknit。\'LAUNCEWhatneedamancareforastockwithawench,whenshecanknithimastock?SPEED\'Item:Shecanwashandscour。\'LAUNCEAspecialvirtue:forthensheneednotbewashedandscoured。SPEED\'Item:Shecanspin。\'LAUNCEThenmayIsettheworldonwheels,whenshecanspinforherliving。SPEED\'Item:Shehathmanynamelessvirtues。\'LAUNCEThat\'sasmuchastosay,bastardvirtues;
that,indeed,knownottheirfathersandthereforehavenonames。SPEED\'Herefollowhervices。\'LAUNCECloseattheheelsofhervirtues。SPEED\'Item:Sheisnottobekissedfastinginrespectofherbreath。\'LAUNCEWell,thatfaultmaybemendedwithabreakfast。Readon。SPEED\'Item:Shehathasweetmouth。\'LAUNCEThatmakesamendsforhersourbreath。SPEED\'Item:Shedothtalkinhersleep。\'LAUNCEIt\'snomatterforthat,soshesleepnotinhertalk。SPEED\'Item:Sheisslowinwords。\'LAUNCEOvillain,thatsetthisdownamonghervices!Tobeslowinwordsisawoman\'sonlyvirtue:I
praythee,outwith\'t,andplaceitforherchiefvirtue。SPEED\'Item:Sheisproud。\'LAUNCEOutwiththattoo;itwasEve\'slegacy,andcannotbeta\'enfromher。SPEED\'Item:Shehathnoteeth。\'LAUNCEIcarenotforthatneither,becauseIlovecrusts。SPEED\'Item:Sheiscurst。\'LAUNCEWell,thebestis,shehathnoteethtobite。SPEED\'Item:Shewilloftenpraiseherliquor。\'LAUNCEIfherliquorbegood,sheshall:ifshewillnot,I
will;forgoodthingsshouldbepraised。SPEED\'Item:Sheistooliberal。\'LAUNCEOfhertongueshecannot,forthat\'swritdownsheisslowof;ofherpursesheshallnot,forthatI\'llkeepshut:now,ofanotherthingshemay,andthatcannotIhelp。Well,proceed。SPEED\'Item:Shehathmorehairthanwit,andmorefaultsthanhairs,andmorewealththanfaults。\'LAUNCEStopthere;I\'llhaveher:shewasmine,andnotmine,twiceorthriceinthatlastarticle。
Rehearsethatoncemore。SPEED\'Item:Shehathmorehairthanwit,\'——LAUNCEMorehairthanwit?Itmaybe;I\'llproveit。Thecoverofthesalthidesthesalt,andthereforeitismorethanthesalt;thehairthatcoversthewitismorethanthewit,forthegreaterhidestheless。What\'snext?SPEED\'Andmorefaultsthanhairs,\'——LAUNCEThat\'smonstrous:O,thatthatwereout!SPEED\'Andmorewealththanfaults。\'LAUNCEWhy,thatwordmakesthefaultsgracious。
Well,I\'llhaveher;andifitbeamatch,asnothingisimpossible,——SPEEDWhatthen?LAUNCEWhy,thenwillItellthee——thatthymasterstaysfortheeattheNorth—gate。SPEEDForme?LAUNCEForthee!ay,whoartthou?hehathstayedforabettermanthanthee。SPEEDAndmustIgotohim?LAUNCEThoumustruntohim,forthouhaststayedsolongthatgoingwillscarceservetheturn。SPEEDWhydidstnottellmesooner?poxofyourloveletters!
ExitLAUNCENowwillhebeswingedforreadingmyletter;anunmannerlyslave,thatwillthrusthimselfintosecrets!I\'llafter,torejoiceintheboy\'scorrection。
ExitSCENEII。Thesame。TheDUKE\'spalace。EnterDUKEandTHURIODUKESirThurio,fearnotbutthatshewillloveyou,NowValentineisbanish\'dfromhersight。THURIOSincehisexileshehathdespisedmemost,Forswornmycompanyandrail\'datme,ThatIamdesperateofobtainingher。DUKEThisweakimpressofloveisasafigureTrenchedinice,whichwithanhour\'sheatDissolvestowateranddothlosehisform。
AlittletimewillmeltherfrozenthoughtsAndworthlessValentineshallbeforgot。
EnterPROTEUS
Hownow,SirProteus!IsyourcountrymanAccordingtoourproclamationgone?PROTEUSGone,mygoodlord。DUKEMydaughtertakeshisgoinggrievously。PROTEUSAlittletime,mylord,willkillthatgrief。DUKESoIbelieve;butThuriothinksnotso。
Proteus,thegoodconceitIholdofthee——
Forthouhastshownsomesignofgooddesert——
Makesmethebettertoconferwiththee。PROTEUSLongerthanIproveloyaltoyourgraceLetmenotlivetolookuponyourgrace。DUKEThouknow\'sthowwillinglyIwouldeffectThematchbetweenSirThurioandmydaughter。PROTEUSIdo,mylord。DUKEAndalso,Ithink,thouartnotignorantHowsheopposesheragainstmywillPROTEUSShedid,mylord,whenValentinewashere。DUKEAy,andperverselysheperseversso。
WhatmightwedotomakethegirlforgetTheloveofValentineandloveSirThurio?PROTEUSThebestwayistoslanderValentineWithfalsehood,cowardiceandpoordescent,Threethingsthatwomenhighlyholdinhate。DUKEAy,butshe\'llthinkthatitisspokeinhate。PROTEUSAy,ifhisenemydeliverit:
ThereforeitmustwithcircumstancebespokenByonewhomsheesteemethashisfriend。DUKEThenyoumustundertaketoslanderhim。PROTEUSAndthat,mylord,Ishallbeloathtodo:
\'Tisanillofficeforagentleman,Especiallyagainsthisveryfriend。DUKEWhereyourgoodwordcannotadvantagehim,Yourslandernevercanendamagehim;
Thereforetheofficeisindifferent,Beingentreatedtoitbyyourfriend。PROTEUSYouhaveprevail\'d,mylord;ifIcandoitByoughtthatIcanspeakinhisdispraise,Sheshallnotlongcontinuelovetohim。