ORGON
Youarethesoleexpounderofthedoctrine;
Wdomshalldiewithyou，nodoubt，goodbrother，Youaretheonlywe，thesoleenlightened，Theoracle，theCato，ofourage。
Allmen，comparedtoyou，aredownrightfools。
CLEANTE
I’mnotthesoleexpounderofthedoctrine，Andwdomshallnotdiewithme，goodbrother。
ButthIknow，thoughitbeallmyknowledge，Thatthere’sadifference’twixtfalseandtrue。
AndasIfindnokindofheromoreTobeadmiredthanmenoftruereligion，NothingmorenobleormorebeautifulThantheholyzealoftruedevoutness;
JustsoIthinkthere’snaughtmoreodiousThanwhitedsepulchresofoutwardunction，Thosebarefacedcharlatans，thosehirelingzealots，Whosesacrilegious，treacherouspretenceDeceivesatwill，andwithimpunityMakesmockeryofallthatmenholdsacred;
Menwho，enslavedtoselfhinterests，Maketradeandmerchandeofgodliness，AndtrytopurchaseinfluenceandofficeWithfalseeye—rollingsandaffectedraptures;
Thosemen，Isay，whowithuncommonzealSeektheirownfortunesontheroadtoheaven;
Who，skilledinprayer，havealwaysmuchtoask，Andliveatcourttopreachretirement;
Whoreconcilereligionwiththeirvices，Arequicktoanger，vengeful，faithless，tricky，And，todestroyaman，willhavetheboldnessTocalltheirprivategrudgethecauseofheaven;
Allthemoredangerous，sinceintheirangerTheyuseagainstusweaponsmenrevere，Andsincetheymaketheworldapplaudtheirpassion，Andseektostabuswithasacredsword。
Therearetoomanyofthcantingkind。
Still，thesincereareeasytodtinguh;
Andmanysplendidpatternsmaybefound，Inourowntime，beforeourveryeyesLookatArton，Periandre，Oronte，Alcidamas，Clitandre，andPolydore;
Noonedeniestheirclaimtotruereligion;
Yetthey’renobraggadociosofvirtue，Theydonotmakeinsufferabledplay，Andtheirreligion’shuman，tractable;
Theyarenotalwaysjudgingallouractions，They’dthinksuchjudgmentsavouredofpresumption;
And，leavingprideofwordstoothermen，’Tbytheirdeedsalonetheycensureours。
EvilappearancesfindlittlecreditWiththem;theyeveninclinetothinkthebestOfothers。Nocaballers，nointriguers，Theymindthebusinessoftheirownrightliving。
Theydon’tattackasinnertoothandnail，Forsin’stheonlyobjectoftheirhatred;
Noraretheyover—zealoustoattemptFarmoreinheaven’sbehalfthanheavenwouldhave’em。
Thatmykindofman，thattrueliving，Thatthepatternweshouldsetourselves。
Yourfellowwasnotfashionedonthmodel;
You’requitesincereinboastingofhzeal;
Butyou’redeceived，Ithink，byfalsepretences。
ORGON
Mydeargoodbrother—in—law，haveyouquitedone？
CLEANTE
Yes。
ORGON
I’myourhumbleservant。
（Startstogo。）
CLEANTE
Justaword。
We’lldropthatothersubject。ButyouknowValerehashadthepromeofyourdaughter。
ORGON
Yes。
CLEANTE
Youhadnamedthehappyday。
ORGON
’Ttrue。
CLEANTE
Thenwhyputoffthecelebrationofit？
ORGON
Ican’tsay。
CLEANTE
CanyouhavesomeotherplanInmind？
ORGON
Perhaps。
CLEANTE
Youmeantobreakyourword？
ORGON
Idon’tsaythat。
CLEANTE
IhopenoobstacleCankeepyoufromperformingwhatyou’vepromed。
ORGON
Well，thatdepends。
CLEANTE
Whymustyoubeatabout？
Valerehassentmeheretosettlematters。
ORGON
Heavenbepraed！
CLEANTE
WhatanswershallItakehim？
ORGON
Why，anythingyouplease。
CLEANTE
ButwemustknowYourplans。Whatarethey？
ORGON
IshalldothewillOfHeaven。
CLEANTE
Come，beserious。You’vegivenYourprometoValere。Nowwillyoukeepit？
ORGON
Good—bye。
CLEANTE（alone）
Hlove，methinks，hasmuchtofear;
Imustgolethimknowwhat’shappeninghere。
ACTII
SCENEI
ORGON，MARIANE
ORGON
Now，Mariane。
MARIANE
Yes，father？
ORGON
Come;I’lltellyouAsecret。
MARIANE
YesWhatareyoulookingfor？
ORGON（lookingintoasmallcloset—room）
Toseethere’snoonetheretospyuponus;
Thatlittlecloset’smightyfittohidein。
There！We’reallrightnow。Mariane，inyouI’vealwaysfoundadaughterdutifulAndgentle。SoI’vealwaysloveyoudearly。
MARIANE
I’mgratefulforyourfatherlyaffection。
ORGON
Wellspoken，daughter。Now，proveyoudeserveitBydoingasIwhinallrespects。
MARIANE
Todosotheheightofmyambition。
ORGON
Excellentwell。Whatsayyouof——Tartuffe？
MARIANE
Who？I？
ORGON
Yes，you。Looktoithowyouanswer。
MARIANE
Why！I’llsayofhim——anythingyouplease。
SCENEII
ORGON，MARIANE，DORINE（cominginquietlyandstandingbehindOrgon，sothathedoesnotseeher）
ORGON
Wellspoken。Agoodgirl。Saythen，mydaughter，Thatallhpersonshineswithnoblemerit，Thathehaswonyourheart，andyouwouldlikeTohavehim，bymychoice，becomeyourhusband。
Eh？
MARIANE
Eh？
ORGON
Whatsayyou？
MARIANE
Please，whatdidyousay？
ORGON
What？
MARIANE
SurelyImtookyou，sir？
ORGON
Hownow？
MARIANE
Whoit，father，youwouldhavemesayHaswonmyheart，andIwouldliketohaveBecomemyhusband，byyourchoice？
ORGON
Tartuffe。
MARIANE
But，father，Iprotestitn’ttrue！
Whyshouldyoumakemetellthdreadfullie？
ORGON
BecauseImeantohaveitbethetruth。
Letthsufficeforyou:I’vesettledit。
MARIANE
What，father，youwould？
ORGON
Yes，child，I’mresolvedTograftTartuffeintomyfamily。
Sohemustbeyourhusband。ThatI’vesettled。
Andsinceyourduty……
（SeeingDorine）
Whatareyoudoingthere？
Yourcuriositykeen，mygirl，Tomakeyoucomeeavesdroppingonusso。
DORINE
Uponmyword，Idon’tknowhowtherumourGotstarted——if’twasguess—workormerechanceButIhadheardalreadyofthmatch，Andtreateditasutterstuffandnonsense。
ORGON
What！thethingincredible？
DORINE
SomuchsoIdon’tbelieveitevenfromyourself，sir。
ORGON
Iknowawaytomakeyoucreditit。
DORINE
No，no，you’retellingusafairlytale！
ORGON
I’mtellingyoujustwhatwillhappenshortly。
DORINE
Stuff！
ORGON
Daughter，whatIsayingoodearnest。
DORINE
There，there，don’ttakeyourfatherseriously;
He’sfooling。
ORGON
ButItellyou
DORINE
No。Nouse。
Theywon’tbelieveyou。
ORGON
IfIletmyanger
DORINE
Well，then，wedobelieveyou;andtheworseForyouit。What！Canagrown—upmanWiththatexpanseofbeardacrosshfaceBemadenoughtowant？
ORGON
Youharkme:
You’vetakenonyourselfhereinthhouseAsortoffreefamiliarityThatIdon’tlike，Itellyoufrankly，girl。
DORINE
There，there，let’snotgetangry，sir，Ibegyou。
Butareyoumakinggameofeverybody？
Yourdaughter’snotcutoutforbigot’smeat;
Andhehasmoreimportantthingstothinkof。
Besides，whatcanyougainbysuchamatch？
Howcanamanofwealth，likeyou，gochooseAwretchedvagabondforson—in—law？
ORGON
Youholdyourtongue。Andknow，thelesshehas，Thebettercausehavewetohonourhim。
Hpovertyhonestpoverty;
Itshouldexalthimmorethanworldlygrandeur，Forhehaslethimselfberobbedofall，ThroughcarelessdregardoftemporalthingsAndfixedattachmenttothethingseternal。
Myhelpmaysethimonhfeetagain，Winbackhproperty——afairestateHehasathome，soI’minformed——andprovehimForwhathe，atrue—borngentleman。
DORINE
Yes，sohesayshimself。SuchvanityButillaccordswithpiousliving，sir。
ThemanwhocaresforholinessaloneShouldnotsoloudlyboasthnameandbirth;
ThehumblewaysofgenuinedevoutnessBrooknotsomuchdplayofearthlypride。
Whyshouldhebesovain？ButIoffendyou:
Let’sleavehrank，then，——takethemanhimself:
CanyouwithoutcompunctiongiveamanLikehimpossessionofagirllikeher？
Thinkwhatascandal’ssuretocomeofit！
Virtueatthemercyofthefates，Whenagirl’smarriedtoamanshehates;
ThebestintenttoliveanhonestwomanDependsuponthehusband’sbeinghuman，AndmenwhosebrowsarepointedatafarMaythankthemselvestheirwivesarewhattheyare。
Fortobetruemorethanwomancan，Withhusbandsbuiltuponacertainplan;
AndhewhowedshchildagainstherwillOwesheavenaccountforit，ifshedoill。
Thinkthenwhatperilswaitonyourdesign。
ORGON（toMariane）
So！Imustlearnwhat’swhatfromher，yousee！
DORINE
Youmightdoworsethanfollowmyadvice。
ORGON
Daughter，wecan’twastetimeuponthnonsense;
Iknowwhat’sgoodforyou，andI’myourfather。
True，IhadpromedyoutoyoungValere;
But，first，theytellmehe’sinclinedtogamble，Andthen，Ifearhfaithnotquitesound。
Ihaven’tnoticedthathe’sregularAtchurch。
DORINE
You’dhavehimruntherejustwhenyoudo。
Likethosewhogoonpurposetobeseen？
ORGON
Idon’taskyouropiniononthematter。
Inshort，theotherinHeaven’sbestgraces，Andthatrichesquitebeyondcompare。
Thmatchwillbringyoueveryjoyyoulongfor;
’Twillbeallsteepedinsweetnessanddelight。
You’lllivetogether，inyourfaithfulloves，Liketwosweetchildren，liketwoturtle—doves;
You’llneverfailtoquarrel，scold，ortease，Andyoumaydowithhimwhate’eryouplease。
DORINE
Withhim？Donaughtbutgivehimhorns，I’llwarrant。
ORGON
Outonthee，wench！
DORINE
Itellyouhe’scutoutfor’t;
Howevergreatyourdaughter’svirtue，sir，Hdestinysuretoprovethestronger。
ORGON
Havedonewithinterrupting。Holdyourtongue。
Don’tpokeyournoseinotherpeople’sbusiness。
DORINE（Shekeepsinterruptinghim，justasheturnsandstartstospeaktohdaughter）。
IfImakebold，sir，’tforyourowngood。
ORGON
You’retooofficious;prayyou，holdyourtongue。
DORINE
’Tloveofyou
ORGON
Iwantnoneofyourlove。
DORINE
ThenIwillloveyouinyourowndespite。
ORGON
Youwill，eh？
DORINE
Yes，yourhonour’sdeartome;
Ican’tenduretoseeyoumadethebuttOfallmen’sridicule。
ORGON
Won’tyoubestill？
DORINE
’Twouldbeasintoletyoumakethmatch。
ORGON
Won’tyoubestill，Isay，youimpudentviper！
DORINE
What！youarepious，andyouloseyourtemper？
ORGON
I’mallwroughtup，withyourconfoundednonsense;
Now，onceforall，Itellyouholdyourtongue。
DORINE
Thenmum’stheword;I’lltakeitoutinthinking。
ORGON
Thinkallyouplease;butnotasyllableTomeaboutit，oryouunderstand！
（Turningtohdaughter。）
Asawefather，I’veconsideredallWithduedeliberation。
DORINE
I’llgomadIfIcan’tspeak。
（Shestopstheinstantheturnshhead。）
ORGON
Thoughhe’snolady’sman，Tartuffewellenough
DORINE
Aprettyphiz！
ORGON
Sothat，althoughyoumaynotcareatallForhbestqualities
DORINE
Ahandsomedowry！
（Orgonturnsandstandsinfrontofher，witharmsfolded，eyeingher。）
WereIinherplace，anymanshouldrueitWhomarriedmebyforce，that’smightycertain;
I’dlethimknow，andthatwithinaweek，Awoman’svengeancen’tfartoseek。
ORGON（toDorine）
So——nothingthatIsayhasanyweight？
DORINE
Eh？What’swrongnow？Ididn’tspeaktoyou。
ORGON
Whatwereyoudoing？
DORINE
Talkingtomyself。
ORGON
Oh！Verywell。（Aside。）HermonstrousimpudenceMustbechastedwithonegoodslapintheface。
（Hestandsreadytostrikeher，and，eachtimehespeakstohdaughter，heglancestowardher;butshestandsstillandsaysnotaword。）[3]
[Footnote3:AsgivenattheComediefrancae，theactionasfollows:WhileOrgonsays，\"Youmustapproveofmydesign，\"DorinemakingsignstoMarianetoresthorders;Orgonturnsaroundsuddenly;butDorinequicklychangeshergestureandwiththehandwhichshehadliftedcalmlyarrangesherhairandhercap。Orgongoeson，\"Thinkofthehusband\"andstopsbeforethemiddleofhsentencetoturnandcatchthebeginningofDorine’sgesture;buthetooquickthtime，andDorinestandslookingathfuriouscountenancewithasweetandgentleexpression。Heturnsandgoeson，andtheobstinateDorineagainliftsherhandbehindhshouldertourgeMarianetorestance:thtimehecatchesher;butjustasheswingshshouldertogiveherthepromedblow，shestopshimbychangingtheintentofhergesture，andcarefullypickingfromthetopofhsleeveabitoffluffwhichsheholdscarefullybetweenherfingers，thenblowsintotheair，andwatchesintentlyasitfloatsaway。Orgonparalysedbyherinnocenceofexpression，andcompelledtohidehrage。——Regnier，/LeTartuffedesComediens/。]
ORGON
Daughter，youmustapproveofmydesign。
ThinkofthhusbandIhavechosenforyou……
（ToDorine）
Whydon’tyoutalktoyourself？
DORINE
Nothingtosay。
ORGON
Onelittlewordmore。
DORINE
Oh，no，thanks。Notnow。
ORGON
Sure，I’dhavecaughtyou。
DORINE
Faith，I’mnosuchfool。
ORGON
So，daughter，nowobediencetheword;
Youmustacceptmychoicewithreverence。
DORINE（runningaway）
You’dnevercatchmemarryingsuchacreature。
ORGON（swinginghhandatherandmsingher）
Daughter，you’vesuchapestilenthussythereIcan’tlivewithherlonger，withoutsin。
Ican’tdcussthingsinthestateI’min。
Mymind’ssoflusteredbyherinsolenttalk，Tocalmmyself，Imustgotakeawalk。
SCENEIII
MARIANE，DORINE
DORINE
Say，haveyoulostthetonguefromoutyourhead？
AndmustIspeakyourrolefromAtoZed？
Youletthembroachaprojectthat’sabsurd，Anddon’topposeitwithasingleword！
MARIANE
WhatcanIdo？Myfatherthemaster。
DORINE
Do？Everything，towardoffsuchdaster。
MARIANE
Butwhat？
DORINE
Tellhimonedoesn’tlovebyproxy;
Tellhimyou’llmarryforyourself，nothim;
Sinceyou’retheoneforwhomthethingdone，Youaretheone，nothe，themanmustplease;
IfhTartuffehascharmedhimso，whylethimJustmarryhimhimself——noonewillhinder。
MARIANE
Afather’srightsaresuch，itseemstome，ThatIcouldneverdaretosayaword。
DORINE
Came，talkitout。Valerehasaskedyourhand:
Nowdoyoulovehim，pray，ordoyounot？
MARIANE
Dorine！Howcanyouwrongmylovesomuch，Andaskmesuchaquestion？HaveInotAhundredtimeslaidbaremyhearttoyou？
DoyouknowhowardentlyIlovehim？
DORINE
HowdoIknowifheartandwordsagree，Andifinhonesttruthyoureallylovehim？
MARIANE
Dorine，youwrongmegreatlyifyoudoubtit;
I’veshownmyinmostfeelings，alltooplainly。
DORINE
Sothen，youlovehim？
MARIANE
Yes，devotedly。
DORINE
Andhereturnsyourlove，apparently？
MARIANE
Ithinkso。
DORINE
AndyoubothalikeareeagerTobewellmarriedtoeachother？
MARIANE
Surely。
DORINE
Thenwhat’syourplanaboutthothermatch？
MARIANE
Tokillmyself，ifitforceduponme。
DORINE
Good！That’saremedyIhadn’tthoughtof。
Justdie，andeverythingwillbeallright。
Thmedicinemarvellous，indeed！
Itdrivesmemadtohearfolktalksuchnonsense。
MARIANE
Ohdear，Dorineyougetinsuchatemper！
Youhavenosympathyforpeople’stroubles。
DORINE
Ihavenosympathywhenfolktalknonsense，Andflattenoutasyoudo，atapinch。
MARIANE
Butwhatcanyouexpect？——ifonetimid？——
DORINE
Butwhatloveworth，ifithasnocourage？
MARIANE
AmInotconstantinmyloveforhim？
’tnothplacetowinmefrommyfather？
DORINE
Butifyourfatheracrazyfool，AndquitebewitchedwithhTartuffe？AndbreaksHboundenword？thatyourlover’sfault？
MARIANE
ButshallIpubliclyrefuseandscornThmatch，andmakeitplainthatI’minlove？
ShallIcastoffforhim，whate’erhebe，Womanlymodestyandfilialduty？
Youaskmetodplaymyloveinpublic？
DORINE
No，no，Iaskyounothing。YoushallbeMterTartuffe’s;why，nowIthinkofit，Ishouldbewrongtoturnyoufromthmarriage。
WhatcausecanIhavetoopposeyourwhes？
Sofineamatch！Anexcellentgoodmatch！
MterTartuffe！Ohho！Nomeanproposal！
MterTartuffe，sure，takeitallinall，notamantosneezeat——oh，bynomeans！
’Tnosmalllucktobehhappyspouse。
Thewholeworldjoinstosinghpraealready;
He’snoble——inhparh;handsometoo;
Redearsandhighcomplexion——oh，mylud！
You’llbetoohappy，sure，withhimforhusband。
MARIANE
Ohdear！
DORINE
WhatjoyandpridewillfillyourheartTobethebrideofsuchahandsomefellow！
MARIANE
Oh，stop，Ibegyou;trytofindsomewayTohelpbreakoffthematch。Iquitegivein，I’mreadytodoanythingyousay。