Afterthat，atintervals，thechiefhousesurgeondroppedin，withoutknocking，andtheheadnursecame，andaninterneorso，andawardnurse，andthespecialnursewhowastohavedirectchargeofme。ItdawnedonmethatIwasnothavinganymoreprivacyinthathospitalthanagoldfish。
Abouteleveno’clockanorderlycame，and，withoutconsultingmywishesinthematter，heundressedmeuntilIcouldhavepassedalmostanywhereforSeptemberMorn’sfather，andgavemeacleanshave，twiceover，ononeofmymostprominentplanesurfaces。I
mustconfessIenjoyedthatpartofit。SofarasIamabletorecall，itwastheonlyshaveIhaveeverhadwheretheoperatordidnotspraymewithcheapperfumeryafterwardandthentrytosellmeabottleofhairtonic。
Havingshavedme，theyoungmandidmeupamidshipsinaneatclothparcel，tookhiskitunderhisarmandwentaway。
Itoccurredtomethat，consideringthetrivialnatureofthecase，agooddealoffusswasbeingmadeovermebypersonswhocouldhavenopersonalconcerninthematterwhatsoever。ThisthoughtrecurredtomefrequentlyasIlaytherealltiedinabundlelikeaweek’swashing。IdidnotfeelquitesouppishasIhadfelt。
Whywaseverybodypickingonme？
AnonIslept，butdreamedfitfully。Idreamedthatawholeflockofsurgeonscametomybedsideandchartedmeoutinsections，likeoneofthosediagrampicturesyouseeofabeefintheHandyCompendiumofUniversalKnowledge，showingthevariouscutsandthebutcher’spetnameforeachcut。Eachmantookhisfavoritejointandcarrieditaway，andwhentheywereallgoneIwasmerelyarecentsite，fullofreverberatingechoesandnothingelse。
Ihavehadhappierdreamsinmytime；thiswasnotthekindofdreamIshouldhaveselectedhadthechoicebeenlefttome。
WhenIwoketheyoungsunwasshininginatthewindow，andanorderly——nottheorderlywhohadshavedme，butanotherone——wasthereinmyroomandmynursewaswaitingoutsidethedoor。Theorderlydressedmeinaquaintsuitofpyjamascutonthehalfshellandbuttoningstylishlyintheback，princessemode。Thenherolledinaflatlitteronwheelsandstretchedmeonit，andcoveredmeupwithawhitetablecloth，justasthoughIhadbeencoldSunday—nightsupper，andwestartedfortheoperating—roomatthetopofthebuilding；butbeforewestartedIlitalargeblackcigar，asGen。U。S。Grantusedtodowhenhewentintobattle。IwishedbythistoshowhowindifferentIwas。Maybehefooledsomebody，butIdonotbelieveIpossessthesamepowersofsimulationthatGranthad。Hemusthavebeenaveryremarkableman——Grantmust。
Theorderlyandthenursetrundledmeoutintothehallandloadedmeintoanelevator，whichwastocarryusuptothetopofthehospital。Severalothernurseswerealreadyintheelevator。Aswecameaboardoneofthemremarkedthatitwasafineday。A
finedayforwhat？Shedidnotfinishthesentence。
Everybodyworeaseriouslook。InsideofmyselfIfeltprettyserioustoo——seriousenoughfortenortwelve。Ihadmeanttoflingoffseveralverybright，spontaneousquipsonthewaytothetable。Ithoughtthemoutinadvance，butnow，somehow，noneofthemseemedappropriate。Instinctively，asitwere，Ifeltthathumorwasoutofplacehere。
Ineverknewanelevatortoprogressfromthethirdfloorofabuildingtotheninthwithsuchcelerityasthisoneonwhichweweretravelingprogressed。PersonallyIwasinnomoodforhaste。
IftherewasanyoneelseinallthatgreathospitalwhowasinaparticularhurrytobeoperatedonIwasperfectlywillingtowait。
Butalas，no！Themechanismoftheelevatorwasinperfectorder——
entirelytooperfect。Noaccidentofanycharacterwhatsoeverbefellusenroute，nodroppingbackintothebasementwithalow，gratefulthud；nohitch；nodelayofanykind。Wewerecertainlyoutofluckthattrip。Thedemonofajoyriderwhooperatedtheaccurseddevicejerkedaleverandupwesoaredatadistressinglyhighrateofspeed。IfIcouldhavehadmywayaboutthatyouthhewouldhavebeenarrestedforspeeding。
Nowwewerethere！Theyrolledintoalargeroom，allwhite，witharoundedceilingliketheinsideofanegg。RightawayIknewwhatthefeelingsofapoor，lonelylittleyolkarewhenthespoonbeginstochiptheshell。IfIhadnotbeensobusyfeelingsorryformyselfIthinkImighthavedevelopedquiteanactivesympathyforyolks。
Myimpressionhadbeenthatthiswastobeinthenatureofaprivateaffair，withoutinvitations。Iwasastonishedtonotethatquiteacrowdhadassembledfortheopeningexercises。FromhisattireandgeneraldeportmentIjudgedthatDoctorZwasgoingtobethemasteroftherevels，hebeingattiredappropriatelyinawhitedomino，withrubberglovesandafancycapofcrashtoweling。
Therewerepresent，also，mydiagnosticfriend，DoctorX，likewiseinfancy—dresscostume，andasurgeonIhadnevermet。FromwhatIcouldgatherhewasgoingoverthecoursebehindDoctorZtoreplacethedivots。
Andtherewasaninterneinthebackground，playingcaddy，asitwere，andaheadnurse，whowasgoingtokeepthescore，andtwoothernurses，whoweregoingtohelpherkeepit。Ionlyhopedthattheywouldshownopartiality，butbeasfairtomeastheyweretoDoctorZ，andthathewouldgoroundinpar。
Sotheyplacedmerightwheremyeyesmightrestonalargewallcabinetfullofveryshiny—lookingtools；andtheytookmycigarawayfrommeandfoldedmyhandsonthewidebowknotofmysash。
Thentheyputaclothdingusovermyfaceandavoiceofauthoritytoldmetobreathe。Thatadvice，however，wassuperfluousandmightjustaswellhavebeenomitted，forsuchwasmypurposeanyhow。EversinceIcanrecallanythingatall，breathinghasbeenaregularhabitwithme。SoIbreathed。And，atthat，abottleofhighlychargedsarsaparillaexplodedsomewhereintheimmediatevicinityandmostofitscontentswentupmynose。
Istartedtotellthemthatsomebodyhadbeenfoolingwiththeiretherandadulteratingit，andthatiftheythoughttheycouldsendmeofftosleepwithsodapoptheyweremakingthemistakeoftheirlives，becauseitjustnaturallycouldnotbedone；butforsomereasonorotherIdecidedtoputoffspeakingaboutthematterforafewminutes。Ibreathedagain——again——agai————
Iwasgoingawayfromthere。Iwasinalargegasballoon，soaringupintotheclouds。Howpleasant！……No，byJove！Iwasnotinaballoon——Imyselfwastheballoon，whichwasnotquitesopleasant。
Besides，DoctorZwasgoingalongasapassenger；andaswetraveledupanduphekeptjabbingmeinthemidriffwiththeferruleofalargeumbrellawhichhehadbroughtalongwithhimincaseofrain。
Hejabbedmeharderandharder。Iremonstratedwithhim。ItoldhimIwasabittenderinthatlocalityandtheferruleofhisumbrellawassharp。Hewouldnotlisten。Hekeptonjabbingme。
Somethingbroke！Westartedbackdowntoearth。Wefellfasterandfaster。Wefellninemiles，andafterthatIbegantogetusedtoit。ThenIsawtheearthbeneathanditwasrisinguptomeetus。
Atownwasbelow——atownthatgrewlargerandlargeraswenearedit。Icouldmakeoutthebondedindebtedness，andtheCarnegieLibrary，andthemoving—picturepalaces，andthenewdancingparlor，andotherprincipalpointsofinterest。
Attheratewewerefallingwewerecertainlygoingtomakeanawfulsplatterinthattownwhenwehit。Iwassorryforthestreet—cleaningdepartment。
Wefellanotherhalfmileorso。Aspirewasstickingupintotheskydirectlybeneathus，likeaspear，toimpaleus。ByasupremeeffortItwistedoutofthewayofthatspire，onlytostrikesquarelyontopoftheroofofagreenhousebackoftheparsonage，nextdoor。Wecrashedthroughitwithaperfectlyterrificclatterofbreakingglassandlandedinabedofwhiteflowers，allsoftanddowny，likefeathers。
AndthenDoctorZstoodupandcombedthedebrisoutofhiswhiskersandremarkedthat，takingitbyandlarge，ithadbeenoneofthepleasantestlittleoutingshehadenjoyedintheentirecourseofhispractice。HesaidthatasapatientIwasfair，butasaballoonIwasimmense。HeaskedmewhetherIhadseenanythingofhisumbrellaandbeganlookingroundforit。Itriedtohelphimlook，butIwastootiredtoexertmyselfmuch。ItoldhimI
believedIwouldtakealittlenap。
Iopenedadizzyeyepartway。Sothiswasheaven——thiswhiteexpansethatswungandswambeforemylanguidgaze？No，itcouldnotbe——itdidnotsmelllikeheaven。Itsmelledlikeahospital。
Itwasahospital。Itwasmyhospital。MynursewasbendingovermeandIcaughtafaintwhiffofthestarchinthefrontofhercrispblueblouse。Shewastwo—headedforthemoment，butthatwasameredetail。Shesettledapillowundermyheadandtoldmetoliequiet。
Imeanttoliequiet；Ididnothavetobetold。Iwantedtoliequietandhurt。Iwashurtyfromheadtotoeandbackagain，andcrosswiseandcater—cornered。Ihurtdiagonallyandlengthwiseandonthebias。Ihadatasteinmymouthlikeabird—and—animalstore。Andempty！Itseemedtomethosedoctorshadnotleftanythinginsideofmeexcepttheacoustics。Well，therewasamiteofconsolationthere。IftheoverhaulinghadbeenasthoroughasIhadreasontobelieveitwasfrommypresentsensations，I
needneverfearcatchinganythingagainsolongasIlived，exceptpossiblydandruff。
Iwavedthenurseaway。Icravedsolitude。Idesiredonlytoliethereinthatbedandhurt——whichIdid。
IhadsaidbeforehandImeanttostayinSt。Germicide’sfortwoorthreedaysonly。ItiswhenIlookbackonthatresolutionI
emitthehollowlaughelsewherereferredto。ForexactlyfourweeksIwasflatonmyback。Iknownowhowexcessivelyweariedamancangetofhisownback，howtiredofit，howboredwithit！AndafterthatanothertwoweekselapsedbeforemylegsbecamethesamedependablepairoflegsIhadknowninthepast。
Ididnotwanttoeatatfirst，andwhenIdidbegintowanttotheywouldnotletme。IfIfeltsortofpeckishtheyletmesuckalittleglassthermometer，butthereisnotmuchnourishmentreallyinthermometers。Andforentertainment，towilethedragginghoursaway，Icouldcountthecracksintheceilingandreadmytemperaturechart，whichwasagooddeallikeRedAmes’battingaverageforthepastseason——rangingfromninety—ninetoonehundredandfour。
Also，throughdailyconversationswithmynurseandwiththesurgeonswhodroppedinfromtimetotimetohavealookatme，Ilearned，asIlaythere，agreatdealaboutthemedicalprofession——
thatis，agreatdealforalayman——andwhatIlearnedfilledmewithanabidingadmirationforit，bothasascienceandasabusiness。Thissurelyisoneprofessionwhicheverkeepsitsfacetothefront。Buryingitspastmistakesandforgettingthemasspeedilyaspossible，itpushesstraightforwardintofreshfieldsandfreshpatients，alwayshopefulofwhatthefuturemaybringinthewayofnewlydiscoveredandhighlyexpensiveailments。Aswelookbackwarduponthecenturiesweareastonishedbyitsadvancement。IdidagooddealoflookingbackwardsuponthecenturiesduringmysojournatSt。Germicide’s。
TaketheMiddleAgesnow——theperiodwhenabarberandasurgeonwereoneandthesame。Ifamanmadeafailureasabarberheturnedhistalentstosurgery。Surgeonsinthosetimeswereahuskybreed。Ijudgetheyworkedbythedayinsteadofbypiecework；
anyhowtherecordsshowtheywereveryfondofexperimentswheresomebodyelsefurnishedtherawmaterial。
Whentherecamearesoundingknockatthetradesman’sentranceofthemoatedgrange，thelordofthemanor，lookingovertheportcullisandseeingalustywightstandingdownbelow，inaleatherapron，withhissleevesrolledupandakitofsolderingtoolsunderhisarm，didn’tknowuntilhemadeinquirywhetherthegentlestrangerhadcometomendthedrainorremovethecook’sleg。
Alittlelateralong，whengunpowderhadcomeintogeneraluseasahumanizingfactorofcivilization，surgeonstreatedagunshotwoundbypouringboilinglardintoit，whichIwouldsaywascalculatedtotakethevictim’smindoffhiswoundandgivehimsomethingelsetothinkabout——forthetimebeing，anyhow。I
assumethenotionofapplyingamustardplasteroutsideone’sstomachwhenonehasapaininsideone’sstomachisbasedonthesameprinciple。
However，onedoesn’thavetogoclearbacktomedievaltimestonotetheradicaldifferencesintheplanoftreatinghumanailments。
Agreatmanypersonswhoarestilllivingcanrememberwhenthedoctorswerenotnearlysonumerousastheyarenow。I，forone，wouldbethelasttoreversethesentenceandsaythatbecausethedoctorswerenotnearlysonumerousthenastheyarenow，thosepersonsarestilllivingsonumerously。
Inthespringoftheyear，whenthesapflowedandthebirdsmated，thesturdyfarmerfeltthathewasduetohavesomethingthematterwithhim，too。Sohewouldrideintothecountry—seatandgetanalmanac。Doubtlessthereader，ifcountryraised，hasseencopiesofthispopularwork。Ontheoutsidecover，whichwasdarkblueincolor，therewasapictureofapersonwhosestomachwasslicedfourways，likeatwenty—centpie，andthenfoldedbackneatly，thusexposinghisentireinteriorarrangementstothegazeofthecasualobserver。However，thisparty，judgingbyhispicture，didnotappeartobesuffering。Hedidnotevenseemtofearthathemightcatchcoldfromstandingthereinhisowndraught。Hewasgazingoffintospaceinanabsent—mindedkindofway，apparentlynotawarethatanythingwaswrongwithhim；andonallsideshewassurroundedbyinterestingexhibits，suchasacrab，andascorpion，andagoat，andachapwithabowandarrow——andonethingandanother。
Suchwasthemaindesignofthecover，whilethecontentsweremadeupofrecognizedandstandardvarietiesinthelineofjokesandthelineofdiseaseswhichalternated，withfirstafavoritejokeandthenafavoritedisease。Theauthorwhowrotethedescriptionsofthediseaseswasoneofthemostconvincingwritersthateverlivedanywhere。Asarealisthehadnosuperiorsamongthoseusingourlanguageasavehiclefortheexpressionofthought。
Hewasawonder。Ifapersonwasn’tparticularaboutwhatailedhimhecouldreadanypageatrandomandhaveonespecificdisease。
Orhecouldreadthewholebookthroughandhavethemall，intheirmostadvancedstages。Thentheonlythingthatcouldsavehimwasalargedollarbottle。
Again，inattacksofthebreakboneagueormalariaitwascustomarytocallinalocalpractitioner，generallyanelderlyladyoftheneighborhoodwhohadnoneoftheselatter—dayprejudicesregardingtheuseoftobaccobythegentlersex。OnewhomIdistantlyrecall，amongchildhood’shappymemories，carriedthisliberal—mindednesstoapointwhereshenotonlydippedsnuffandsmokedacobpipe，butsometimeschewedalittlenaturalleaf。Thislady，onbeingcalledin，wouldbrewupalargecaldronofmedicinalrootsandbarksandsproutsandthings；andthenshewoulddelugetheinteriorofthesuffererwithalargegourdfulofthispleasingmixtureatregularintervals。Itwasefficacious，too。Theinundatedpersoneithergotwellorelsehedrownedfromtheinside。Rockingthepatientwasalmostasdangerousapastimeasrockingtheboat。
Thisalsohelpstoexplain，Ithink，whysomanyofourforebearshadfloatingkidneys。Therewasnothingelseforakidneytodo。
BythetimeIattainedtolongtrousers，peopleinourtownmainlyhadoutgrowntheunlicensedexpertandweredependingmoreandmoreupontheold—fashionedfamilydoctor——theonewiththewhisker—jungle——whodroveaboutinagig，accompaniedbyahauntingaromaofiodoformandcarryinghiscalomelwithhiminbulk。
Heprobablyownedasecretcalomelmineofhisown。Hemusthave；
otherwisehecouldneverhaveaffordedtobesogenerouswithit。
Healsohadothermedicineswithhim，allofthembeingselectedontheprinciplethatunlessadrugtastedliketheverydickensitcouldn’tpossiblydoyouanygood。Atallhoursofthedayandnighthewastobeseengoingtoandfro，distributingnuggetsfromhisprivatelode。Hewenttobedwithhistrousersandhishaton，Ithink，andtherewasageneralbeliefthathisoldmaresleptbetweentheshaftsofthegig，withthebridleshoveduponherforehead。
Ithasbeenonlyafewyearssincetheoldtimegeneralpractitionerwaseverywhere。Justlookroundandseenowhowthesystemhaschanged！Ifyourliverbeginstomisconductitselfthefirstthoughtofthemodernoperatoristocutitoutandhideitsomeplacewhereyoucan’tfindit。Theoldtimerwouldhavebombardeditwithalargebrunettepillaboutthesizeandcolorofadamsonplum。
Orhemightputyouonadietofmolassesseasonedtotastewithbluemassandquinineandotherattractivecondiments。Likewise，inthespringoftheyearhefrequentlyanointedtheyoungofthespecieswithamixtureofmuttonsuetandasafetida。Thistreatmenthadaneffectthatwasdistinctlydepressinguponthegrowingboy。
Itmilitatedagainsthispopularity。Itforcedhimtoseekhispleasuresoutdoors，andagooddistanceoutdoorsatthat。
Itwasveryhardforaboy，howevernaturallyattractivehemightbe，toretainhispopularityatthefiresidecirclewhencoatedwithmuttonsuetandasafetidaandthentakenintoawarmroom。
Heattractedattentionwhichhedidnotcourtandwhichwasdistastefultohim。Keepingquietdidnotseemtohelphimany。
Eveniftheyhadbeenblindfoldedotherswouldstillhavefelthispresence。Acivit—catsuffersfromthesamedrawbacksinasocialway，buttheadvantagetothecivit—catisthatasageneralthingitassociatesonlywithothercivit—cats。
Exceptinthecountrytheold—time，catch—as—catch—cangeneralpractitionerappearstobedyingout。Inthecityonefindshimoccasionally，playingalimitgameinanofficeonabackstreet——
twodollarstocomein，fivetocall；butthetendencyofthedayistowardspecialists。HencetheexpertwhotreatsyouforjustoneparticularthingWithapaininyourchest，say，yougotoachestspecialist。Solongashecankeepthetroubleconfinedtoyourchest，allwellandgood。Ifitslipsdownorslidesuphetriestocoaxitbacktothereservation。lfitrefusestodoso，hebidsitanaffectionateadieu，makesadottedmarkonyoutoshowwhereheleftoff，collectshisbillandregretfullyturnsyouovertoastomachspecialistorathroatspecialist，dependingonthedirectioninwhichthetroublewasheadedwhenlastseen。
Or，perhapsthespecialisttowhomyoutakeyourcustomisanadvocateofanimmediateoperationforsuchcasesasyoursandallothers。Imaybeundulysensitiveonaccountofhavingrecentlyemergedfromthesurgeon’shands，butitstrikesmenowthatthereareanawfullotofdoctorswhotakeonebriefglanceatapersonwhoiscomplaining，andsaytothemselvesthathereissomethingthatoughttobelookedintorightaway——andimmediatelyopenabagandstartpickingouttheproperutensils。Yougointoadoctor’sofficeandtellhimyoudonotfeelthebestintheworld——
andhegivesyoualookandexcuseshimself，andstepsintothenextroomandbeginsgreasingasaw。
Mindyou，inthesecasualobservationsascompiledbymewhilebedfastandheregivenutterance，Iamnotseekingtodisparagepossiblythenoblestofprofessions。LatelyIhaveowedmuchtoit。Iamstrictlyonthedoctor’sside。Heiswithuswhenwecomeintotheworldandwithuswhenwegooutofit，oftentimeslendingahelpinghandonbothoccasions。Anyway，oursympathiesshouldespeciallygoouttothemedicalprofessionatthisparticulartimewhentheanti—vivisectionistsarerailingsoloudlyagainstthedoctors。Theanti—vivisectioncrusadehasenlistedwidelydifferentclassesinthecommunity，includingmanyloversofourdumb—animalpets——andaren’tsomeofthemthedumbestthingsyoueversaw！——especiallychowdogsandlovebirds。
Iwilladmitthereissomethingtobesaidonbothsidesoftheargument。Thisdissectingoflivesubjectsmayhavebeencarriedtoextremesonoccasions。WhenIreadinthemedicaljournalsthattheeminentDoctorSomebodysucceededintransferringtheinteriordepartmentofapelicantoapointerpup，andviceversawithsuchsuccessthatthepupdrownedwhiledivingforminnows，andthepelicanwentoutinthebackyardandbarkedhimselftodeathbayingatthemoon，Iaminterestednaturally；but，possiblybecauseofmyignorance，Ifailtoseewhereinthetreatmentofinfantileparalysishasbeenmateriallyadvanced。OntheotherhandIwouldratherthekindandgentleBelgianhareshouldbeofferedupasasacrificeupontheoperatingtableandleavebehindhimalargefamilyoflittleBelgianheirsandheiresses——dependentuponthecharityofacruelworld——thanthatIshouldhavesomethingpainfulwhichcanbeavoidedthroughmakinghimamartyr。IwouldratheranywhiterabbitonearthshouldhavetheAsiaticcholeratwicethanthatIshouldhaveitjustonce。Thesearemysincereconvictions，andIwillnotattempttodisguisethem。
Thankstoo，tomedicalscienceweknowaboutgermsandserumsanddietsandallthat。Ourlessfortunateancestorsdidn’tknowaboutthem。Theywerebefoggedinignorance。Asrecentlyasthegenerationimmediatelyprecedingourspeoplewereunacquaintedwiththesimplestrulesofhygiene。Theydidn’tcarewhetherthehouseflywipedhisfeetbeforehecameintothehouseornot。Thegentlemanwiththedrooping，cream—separatormustachewasatperfectlibertytousethecommondrinkingcupontherailroadtrain。Theappendixlurkedinitssnugretreat，undisturbedbythepryingfingersofcuriosity。
Thefever—bearingskeeterbuzzedandflitted，stingingwherehepleased。Thegermtheorywasunfathomed。Suitablefoodforaninvalidwasanythingtheinvalidcouldaffordtobuy。Freshair，andmoreespeciallyfreshnightair，wasregardedasdangerous，andpeoplehermeticallysealedthemselvesinbeforeretiring。Notdailyasatpresentwastheworldgladdenedbythetidingsthatsciencehadunearthedsomenewandparticularlyunpleasantdisease。
Itneveroccurredtoamotherthatsheshouldsterilizetheslipperbeforespankingheroffspring。Babieswerenotrearedantiseptically，butjustso。Nobodywasawareofmicrobes。
Inshort，oursiresandourgrandsiresabodeinthemidstofperils。
Theyweresurroundedonallsidesbythingsthatareimmediatelyfataltothehumansystem。Notasingleoneofthemhadarighttopasshissecondbirthday。Inthelightofwhatweknow，werealizethatbynowthisworldshouldbebutabarrenwastedottedatfrequentintervalswithlargegraveyardsandpopulatedonlybyafewdispossessedandhungrybacteria，hangingoverthecemeteryfencesinging:DrivenFromHome！
Intheconditionsgenerallyprevalentuptotwenty—fiveyearsago，mostofusneverhadanylicense，really，tobebornatall。Yetlookhowmanyofusarenowhere。InthisageofresearchI
hesitatetoattempttoaccountforit，exceptontheentirelyunscientifictheorythatwhatyoudon’tknowdoesn’thurtyou。
Doubtlessaphysiciancouldgiveyouabetterexplanation，buthiswouldcostyoumorethanminehas。
Butwedigress。Letusgetbacktoourmainsubject，whichismyself。Ishallneverforgetmyfirstrealmealinthathospital。
Therewasquiteagooddealoftalkaboutitbeforehand。MynursekepttellingmethatonthenextdaythedoctorhadpromisedI
mighthavesomethingtoeat。Icouldhardlywait。Ihadvisionsofatenderloinsteaksmotheredinfriedonions，andsomeFrench—friedpotatoes，andatalltable—limitstackofwheatcakes，andafewotherincidentalcomfitsandkickshaws。Icouldhardlywaitforthatmeal。
Thenextdaycameandshebroughtittome，andIpartookthereof。
Itwasthewhiteofanegg。FordessertIlickedastamp；butthisIdidclandestinelyandbystealth，withoutsayinganythingaboutittoher。Iwasnotsupposedtohaveanysweets。
Ontheoccasionofthenextfeastthedietwasvaried。Ihadasipofoneofthosefermentedmilkproducts。YouprobablyknowthesortofthingImean。Evenbeforeyou’veswallowedit，ittastesasthoughithadalreadydisagreedwithyou。Thenursesaidthisfoodwaspredigestedbutdidnottellmebywhom。NordidIaskher。Istartedto，butthoughtbetterofit。Sometimesoneisallthehappierfornotknowingtoomuch。
Alittlelateron，seeingthatIhadnotsufferedanattackofindigestionfromthisdebauch，theygavemejunket。InthedictionaryIhavelookedupthedefinitionsofjunket。Iquote:
JUNKET，v。I。t。Toentertainbyfeasting；regale。II。i。Togiveortakepartinanentertainmentorexcursion；feastincompany；picnic；revel。
JUNKET，n。Amerryfeastorexcursion；picnic。
Whentheauthorofadictionarytriestobefrivolousheonlysucceedsinmakinghimselfappearfoolish。
Iknownothowitmaybeintheworldatlarge，butinahospital，junketisacustardthatbysomesubtleprocesshasbeendenudedofthoseingredientswhichmakeacustardfascinatingandexciting。
Ittastesasthoughtheeggs，whichformitsunderlyingbasis，hadbeenlaidinafitofpiquebyahenthatwasseverelyupsetatthetime。
Hereafterwhenthejunketispassedroundsomebodyelsemayhavemyshare。I’llsticktothemincepiealamode。Andthefirstcigarofmyconvalescence——ah，that，too，abidesasavividmemory！DroppinginonemorningtoreplacethewrappingsDoctorZ
saidImightsmokeinmoderation。Sothenursebroughtmeacigar，andIlititandtookonedeeppuff；butonlyone。Ilaiditaside。
Isaidtothenurse:
\"Amistakehasbeenmadehere。Idonotwantacookingcigar，youunderstand。Idesireacigarforpersonaluse。Thisoneisfullofherbsandsimples，Ithink。ItsuggestsaNewEnglandboileddinner，andnotaverygoodNewEnglandboileddinneratthat。
Letustryagain。\"
Shebroughtanothercigar。Itwasnotsatisfactoryeither。Thensheshowedmethebox——anorthodoxboxcontainingcigarsofarecognizedandpreviouslydependablebrand。Icouldonlyconcludethataroot—and—herbdoctorhadboughtaninterestinthebusinessandwasintroducinghisownpetnotionsintotheformula。
Butcameaday——asthefancywriterssaywhentheywishtoconveytheimpressionthatadayhascome，buthatetodoitinacommonplacemanner——cameadaywhenmycigartastedasacigarshouldtasteandfoodhadtheproperrelishtoit；andmyappetitecamebackagainandfoundtheoldhomeplacenotsogreatlychangedafterall。
Andthenshortlythereaftercameanotherday，whenI，allrepletewithexpensivestitches，mightdrapethecustomaryhabilimentsofcivilizationaboutmyattenuatedframeandgoforthtominglewithmyfellowbeings。Ihavebeenminglingprettysteadilyeversince，fornowIhavesomethingtotalkabout——atopicgoodforanycompany；congenial，anabsorbingtopic。
Icanspotabrothermemberablockaway。Ihastenuptohimandgivehimthegrandhailingsignoftheorder。Heopenshismouthtospeak，butIbeathimtoit。
\"Speakingofoperations——\"Isay。AndthenI’moff。Believeme，it’sthelife！