ThemostextraordinarydreamIeverhadwasoneinwhichIfanciedthat，asIwasgoingintoatheater，thecloak—roomattendantstoppedmeinthelobbyandinsistedonmyleavingmylegsbehindme。
Iwasnotsurprised；indeed，myacquaintanceshipwiththeaterharpieswouldpreventmyfeelinganysurpriseatsuchademand，eveninmywakingmoments；butIwas，Imusthonestlyconfess，considerablyannoyed。Itwasnotthepaymentofthecloak—roomfeethatIsomuchminded——Iofferedtogivethattothemanthenandthere。ItwasthepartingwithmylegsthatIobjectedto。
IsaidIhadneverheardofsucharulebeingattemptedtobeputinforceatanyrespectabletheaterbefore，andthatIconsidereditamostabsurdandvexatiousregulation。IalsosaidIshouldwritetoTheTimesaboutit。
Themanrepliedthathewasverysorry，butthatthosewerehisinstructions。Peoplecomplainedthattheycouldnotgettoandfromtheirseatscomfortably，becauseotherpeople’slegswerealwaysintheway；andithad，therefore，beendecidedthat，infuture，everybodyshouldleavetheirlegsoutside。
Itseemedtomethatthemanagement，inmakingthisorder，hadclearlygonebeyondtheirlegalright；and，underordinarycircumstances，I
shouldhavedisputedit。Beingpresent，however，moreinthecharacterofaguestthaninthatofapatron，Ihardlyliketomakeadisturbance；andsoIsatdownandmeeklypreparedtocomplywiththedemand。
Ihadneverbeforeknownthatthehumanlegdidunscrew。Ihadalwaysthoughtitwasafixture。Butthemanshowedmehowtoundothem，andIfoundthattheycameoffquiteeasily。
ThediscoverydidnotsurprisemeanymorethantheoriginalrequestthatIshouldtakethemoffhaddone。Nothingdoessurpriseoneinadream。
IdreamedoncethatIwasgoingtobehanged；butIwasnotatallsurprisedaboutit。Nobodywas。Myrelationscametoseemeoff，I
thought，andtowishme\"Good—by！\"Theyallcame，andwereallverypleasant；buttheywerenotintheleastastonished——notoneofthem。
Everybodyappearedtoregardthecomingtragedyasoneofthemost—naturally—to—be—expectedthingsintheworld。
Theyborethecalamity，besides，withanamountofstoicismthatwouldhavedonecredittoaSpartanfather。Therewasnofuss，noscene。
Onthecontrary，anatmosphereofmildcheerfulnessprevailed。
Yettheywereverykind。Somebody——anuncle，Ithink——leftmeapacketofsandwichesandalittlesomethinginaflask，incase，ashesaid，Ishouldfeelpeckishonthescaffold。
Itis\"thosetwin—jailersofthedaring\"thought，KnowledgeandExperience，thatteachussurprise。Wearesurprisedandincredulouswhen，innovelsandplays，wecomeacrossgoodmenandwomen，becauseKnowledgeandExperiencehavetaughtushowrareandproblematicalistheexistenceofsuchpeople。Inwakinglife，myfriendsandrelationswould，ofcourse，havebeensurprisedathearingthatIhadcommittedamurder，andwas，inconsequence，abouttobehanged，becauseKnowledgeandExperiencewouldhavetaughtthemthat，inacountrywherethelawispowerfulandthepolicealert，theChristiancitizenisusuallyprettysuccessfulinwithstandingthevoiceoftemptation，promptinghimtocommitcrimeofanillegalcharacter。
ButintoDreamland，KnowledgeandExperiencedonotenter。Theystaywithout，togetherwiththedull，deadclayofwhichtheyformapart；
whilethefreedbrain，releasedfromtheirnarrowingtutelage，stealssoftlypasttheebongate，towantonatitsownsweetwillamongthemazypathsthatwindthroughthegardenofPersephone。
Nothingthatitmeetswithinthateternallandastonishesitbecause，unfetteredbythedenseconvictionofourwakingmind，thatnoughtoutsidethekenofourownvisioncaninthisuniversebe，allthingstoitarepossibleandevenprobable。Indreams，weflyandwondernot——exceptthatweneverflewbefore。Wegonaked，yetarenotashamed，thoughwemildlywonderwhatthepoliceareaboutthattheydonotstopus。Weconversewithourdead，andthinkitwasunkindthattheydidnotcomebacktousbefore。Indreams，therehappensthatwhichhumanlanguagecannottell。Indreams，wesee\"thelightthatneverwasonseaorland，\"wehearthesoundsthatneveryetwereheardbywakingears。
Itisonlyinsleepthattrueimaginationeverstirswithinus。
Awake，weneverimagineanything；wemerelyalter，vary，ortranspose。
Wegiveanothertwisttothekaleidoscopeofthethingsweseearoundus，andobtainanotherpattern；butnotoneofushaseveraddedonetiniestpieceofnewglasstothetoy。
ADeanSwiftseesoneraceofpeoplesmaller，andanotherraceofpeoplelargerthantheraceofpeoplethatlivedownhisownstreets。
Andhealsoseesalandwherethehorsestaketheplaceofmen。A
BulwerLyttonlaysthesceneofoneofhisnovelsinsidetheearthinsteadofoutside。ARiderHaggardintroducesustoaladywhoseageisafewyearsmorethantheaveragewomanwouldcaretoconfessto；
andpicturescrabslargerthantheusualshillingoreighteen—pennysize。Thenumberofsocalledimaginativewriterswhovisitthemoonislegion，andforallthenoveltythattheyfind，whentheygetthere，theymightjustaswellhavegonetoPutney。Othersarecontinuallydrawingforusvisionsoftheworldonehundredoronethousandyearshence。Thereisalwaysadepressingabsenceofhumannatureabouttheplace；somuchso，thatonefeelsgreatconsolationinthethought，whilereading，thatweourselvesshallbecomfortablydeadandburiedbeforethepicturecanberealized。IntheseprophesiedUtopiaseverybodyispainfullygoodandcleanandhappy，andalltheworkisdonebyelectricity。
Thereissomewhattoomuchelectricity，formytaste，intheseworldstocome。Oneisremindedofthosepictorialenamel—paintadvertisementsthatoneseesaboutsooftennow，inwhichallthemembersofanextensivehouseholdarerepresentedasgatheredtogetherinoneroom，spreadingenamel—paintovereverythingtheycanlaytheirhandsupon。Theoldmanisonastep—ladder，daubingthewallsandceilingwith\"cuckoo’s—egggreen，\"whiletheparlor—maidandthecookareontheirknees，paintingthefloorwith\"sealing—waxred。\"Theoldladyisdoingthepictureframesin\"terracotta。\"Theeldestdaughterandheryoungmanaremakingslyloveinacorneroverapotof\"highartyellow，\"withwhich，sosoonastheyhavefinishedwastingtheirtime，theywill，itismanifest，proceedtoelevatethepiano。Youngerbrothersandsistersarebusyfresheningupthechairsandtableswith\"strawberry—jampink\"and\"jubileemagenta。\"Everyblessedthinginthatroomisbeingcoatedwithenamelpaint，fromthesofatothefire—irons，fromthesideboardtotheeight—dayclock。Ifthereisanypaintleftover，itwillbeusedupforthefamilyBibleandthecanary。
Itisclaimedforthisinventionthatalittlechildcanmakeasmuchmesswithitascanagrown—upperson，andsoallthechildrenofthefamilyarerepresentedinthepictureashardatwork，enamelingwhateverfewarticlesoffurnitureandhouseholdusethegraspingselfishnessoftheireldershassparedtothem。Oneispaintingthetoastingforkina\"skim—milkblue，\"whileanotherisgivingaestheticalvaluetotheDutchovenbymeansofanewshadeofartgreen。Thebootjackisbeingrenovatedin\"oldgold，\"andthebabyissittingonthefloor，smotheringitsowncradlewith\"flush—upon—a—maiden’scheekpeachcolor。\"
Onefeelsthatthethingisbeingoverdone。Thatfamily，beforeanothermonthisgone，willbeamongthestrongestopponentsofenamelpaintthatthecenturyhasproduced。Enamelpaintwillbetheruinofthatoncehappyhome。Enamelpainthasacold，glassy，cynicalappearance。Itspresenceeverywhereabouttheplacewillbegintoirritatetheoldmaninthecourseofaweekorso。Hewillcallit，\"Thisdamn’dstickystuff！\"andwilltellthewifethathewondersshedidn’tpaintherselfandthechildrenwithitwhileshewasaboutit。
Shewillreply，inanexasperatinglyquiettoneofvoice，thatshedoeslikethat。Perhapshewillsaynext，thatshedidnotwarnhimagainstit，andtellhimwhatanidiothewasmakingofhimself，spoilingthewholehousewithhisfoolishfads。Eachonewillpersistthatitwastheotheronewhofirstsuggestedtheabsurdity，andtheywillsitupinbedandquarrelaboutiteverynightforamonth。
Thechildrenhavingacquiredatasteforsmudgingtheconcoctionabout，andtherebeingnothingelseleftuntouchedinthehouse，willtrytoenamelthecat；andthentherewillbebloodshed，andbrokenwindows，andspoiledinfants，andsorrowsandyells。Thesmellofthepaintwillmakeeverybodyill；andtheservantswillgivenotice。
Tradesmen’sboyswillleanupagainstplacesthatarenotdryandgettheirclothesenameledandclaimcompensation。Andthebabywillsuckthepaintoffitscradleandhavefits。
Butthepersonthatwillsuffermostwill，ofcourse，betheeldestdaughter’syoungman。Theeldestdaughter’syoungmanisalwaysunfortunate。Hemeanswell，andhetrieshard。Hisgreatambitionistomakethefamilylovehim。Butfateiseveragainsthim，andheonlysucceedsingainingtheirundisguisedcontempt。Thefactofhisbeing\"gone\"ontheirEmilyis，ofitself，naturallysufficienttostamphimasanimbecileintheeyesofEmily’sbrothersandsisters。
Thefatherfindshimslow，andthinksthegirlmighthavedonebetter；
whilethebestthathisfuturemother—in—law（hissolesupporter）cansayforhimis，thatheseemssteady。
Thereisonlyonethingthatpromptsthefamilytotoleratehim，andthatisthereflectionthatheisgoingtotakeEmilyawayfromthem。
Onthatunderstandingtheyputupwithhim。
Theeldestdaughter’syoungman，inthisparticularcase，will，youmaydependuponit，choosethatexactmomentwhenthebaby’slifeishoveringinthebalance，andthecookiswaitingforherwageswithherboxinthehall，andacoal—heaverisatthefrontdoorwithapoliceman，makingarowaboutthedamagetohistrousers，tocomein，smiling，withaspecimenpotofsomenewhighart，squashed—tomato—shadeenamelpaint，andsuggestthattheyshouldtryitontheoldman’spipe。
ThenEmilywillgooffintohysterics，andEmily’smaleprogenitorwillfirmlybutquietlyleadthatill—starredyettrue—heartedyoungmantothepublicsideofthegarden—gate；andtheengagementwillbe\"off。\"
Toomuchofanythingisamistake，asthemansaidwhenhiswifepresentedhimwithfournewhealthychildreninoneday。Weshouldpracticemoderationinallmatters。Alittleenamelpaintwouldhavebeengood。Theymighthaveenameledthehouseinsideandout，andhaveleftthefurniturealone。Ortheymighthavecoloredthefurniture，andletthehousebe。Butanentirelyandcompletelyenameledhome——ahome，suchasenamel—paintmanufacturerslovetopictureontheiradvertisements，overwhichtheyearningeyewandersinvain，seekingonesinglesquareinchofun—enameledmatter——is，I
amconvinced，amistake。Itmaybeahomethat，asthetestimonialsassureus，willeasilywash。Itmaybean\"artistic\"home；buttheaveragemanisnotyeteducateduptotheappreciationofit。Theaveragemandoesnotcareforhighart。Atacertainpoint，theaveragemangetssickofhighart。
So，inthesecomingUtopias，inwhichoutunhappygrandchildrenwillhavetodragouttheircolorlessexistence，therewillbetoomuchelectricity。Theywillgrowtoloatheelectricity。
Electricityisgoingtolightthem，warmthem，carrythem，doctorthem，cookforthem，executethem，ifnecessary。Theyaregoingtobeweanedonelectricity，rockedintheircradlesbyelectricity，slappedbyelectricity，ruledandregulatedandguidedbyelectricity，buriedbyelectricity。Imaybewrong，butIratherthinktheyaregoingtobehatchedbyelectricity。
Inthenewworldofourprogressionistteachers，itiselectricitythatistherealmotive—power。Themenandwomenareonlymarionettes——workedbyelectricity。
Butitwasnottospeakoftheelectricityinthem，butoftheoriginalityinthem，thatIreferredtotheseworksoffiction。Thereisnooriginalityinthemwhatever。Humanthoughtisincapableoforiginality。Nomaneveryetimaginedanewthing——onlysomevariationorextensionofanoldthing。
Thesailor，whenhewasaskedwhathewoulddowithafortune，promptlyreplied：
\"Buyalltherumand’baccythereisintheworld。\"
\"Andwhatafterthat？\"theyaskedhim。
\"Eh？\"
\"Whatwouldyoubuyafterthat——afteryouhadboughtupalltherumandtobaccotherewasintheworld——whatwouldyoubuythen？\"
\"Afterthat？Oh！’um！\"（alongpause）。\"Oh！\"（withinspiration）\"why，more’baccy！\"
Rumandtobaccoheknewsomethingof，andcouldthereforeimagineabout。Hedidnotknowanyotherluxuries，thereforehecouldnotconceiveofanyothers。
SoifyouaskoneoftheseUtopian—dreaminggentrywhat，aftertheyhadsecuredfortheirworldalltheelectricitytherewasintheUniverse，andaftereverymortalthingintheiridealParadise，wasdoneandsaidandthoughtbyelectricity，theycouldimagineasfurthernecessarytohumanhappiness，theywouldprobablymuseforawhile，andthenreply，\"Moreelectricity。\"
Theyknowelectricity。Theyhaveseentheelectriclight，andheardofelectricboatsandomnibuses。Theyhavepossiblyhadanelectricshockatarailwaystationforapenny。
Therefore，knowingthatelectricitydoesthreethings，theycangoonand\"imagine\"electricitydoingthreehundredthings，andtheverygreatonesamongthemcanimagineitdoingthreethousandthings；butforthem，oranybodyelse，toimagineanewforce，totallyunconnectedwithanddifferentfromanythingyetknowninnature，wouldbeutterlyimpossible。
Humanthoughtisnotafirework，evershootingofffreshformsandshapesasitburns；itisatree，growingveryslowly——youcanwatchitlongandseenomovement——verysilently，unnoticed。Itwasplantedintheworldmanythousandyearsago，atiny，sicklyplant。Andmenguardeditandtendedit，andgaveuplifeandfametoaiditsgrowth。
Inthehotdaysoftheiryouth，theycametothegateofthegardenandknocked，beggingtobeletin，andtobecountedamongthegardeners。Andtheiryoungcompanionswithoutcalledtothemtocomeback，andplaythemanwithbowandspear，andwinsweetsmilesfromrosylips，andtaketheirpartamidthefeast，anddance，notstoopwithwrinkledbrows，atweaklings’work。Andthepassersbymockedthemandcalledshame，andotherscriedouttostonethem。Andstilltheystayedtherelaboring，thatthetreemightgrowalittle，andtheydiedandwereforgotten。
Andthetreegrewfairandstrong。Thestormsofignorancepassedoverit，andharmeditnot。Thefiercefiresofsuperstitionsoaredaroundit；butmenleapedintotheflamesandbeatthemback，perishing，andthetreegrew。Withthesweatoftheirbrowhavemennourisheditsgreenleaves。Theirtearshavemoistenedtheearthaboutit。Withtheirbloodtheyhavewatereditsroots。
Theseasonshavecomeandpassed，andthetreehasgrownandflourished。Anditsbrancheshavespreadfarandhigh，andeverfreshshootsareburstingforth，andevernewleavesunfoldingtothelight。
Buttheyareallpartoftheonetree——thetreethatwasplantedonthefirstbirthdayofthehumanrace。Thestemthatbearsthemspringsfromthegnarledoldtrunkthatwasgreenandsoftwhenwhite—hairedTimewasalittlechild；thesapthatfeedsthemisdrawnupthroughtherootsthattwineandtwistaboutthebonesoftheagesthataredead。
Thehumanmindcannomoreproduceanoriginalthoughtthanatreecanbearanoriginalfruit。Aswellmightonecryforanoriginalnoteinmusicasexpectanoriginalideafromahumanbrain。
Onewishesourfriends，thecritics，wouldgraspthissimpletruth，andleaveoffclamoringfortheimpossible，andbeingshockedbecausetheydonotgetit。Whenanewbookiswritten，thehigh—classcriticopensitwithfeelingsoffainthope，temperedbystrongconvictionofcomingdisappointment。Asheporesoverthepages，hisbrowdarkenswithvirtuousindignation，andhislipcurlswiththeGodlikecontemptthattheexceptionallygreatcriticeverfeelsforeverybodyinthisworld，whoisnotyetdead。Buoyedupbyatouching，buttotallyfallacious，beliefthatheisperformingapublicduty，andthattherestofthecommunityiswaitinginbreathlesssuspensetolearnhisopinionoftheworkinquestion，beforeforminganyjudgmentconcerningitthemselves，he，nevertheless，wearilystrugglesthroughaboutathirdofit。Thenhislong—sufferingsoulrevolts，andheflingsitasidewithacryofdespair。
\"Why，thereisnooriginalitywhateverinthis，\"hesays。\"ThisbookistakenbodilyfromtheOldTestament。ItisthestoryofAdamandEvealloveragain。Theheroisamereman！withtwoarms，twolegs，andahead（socalled）。Why，itisonlyMoses’sAdamunderanothername！Andtheheroineisnothingbutawoman！andsheisdescribedasbeautiful，andashavinglonghair。Theauthormaycallher’Angelina，’oranyothernamehechooses；buthehasevidently，whetherheacknowledgesitornot，copiedherdirectfromEve。ThecharactersarebarefacedplagiarismsfromthebookofGenesis！Oh！tofindanauthorwithoriginality！\"
OnespringIwentawalkingtourinthecountry。Itwasagloriousspring。Notthesortofspringtheygiveusinthesemiserabletimes，underthisshamelessgovernment——amixtureofeastwind，blizzard，snow，rain，slush，fog，frost，hail，sleetandthunder—storms——butasunny，blue—sky’d，joyousspring，suchasweusedtohaveregularlyeveryyearwhenIwasayoungman，andthingsweredifferent。
Itwasanexceptionallybeautifulspring，evenforthosegoldendays；
andasIwanderedthroughthewakingland，andsawthedawningofthecominggreen，andwatchedtheblushuponthehawthornhedge，deepeningeachdaybeneaththekissesofthesun，andlookedupattheproudoldmothertrees，dandlingtheirmyriadbabybudsupontheirstrongfondarms，holdingthemhighforthesoftwestwindtocaressashepassedlaughingby，andmarkedtheprimroseyellowcreepacrossthecarpetofthewoods，andsawthenewflushofthefieldandsawthenewlightonthehills，andheardthenew—foundgladnessofthebirds，andheardfromcopseandfarmandmeadowthetimidcallingsofthelittlenew—bornthings，wonderingtofindthemselvesalive，andsmeltthefreshnessoftheearth，andfeltthepromiseintheair，andfeltastronghandinthewind，myspiritrosewithinme。Springhadcometomealso，andstirredmewithastrangenewlife，withastrangenewhopeI，too，waspartofnature，anditwasspring！Tenderleavesandblossomswereunfoldingfrommyheart。Brightflowersofloveandgratitudewereopeningrounditsroots。Ifeltnewstrengthinallmylimbs。Newbloodwaspulsingthroughmyveins。Noblerthoughtsandnoblerlongingswerethrobbingthroughmybrain。
AsIwalked，Naturecameandtalkedbesideme，andshowedmetheworldandmyself，andthewaysofGodseemedclearer。
Itseemedtomeapitythatallthebeautifulandpreciousthoughtsandideasthatwerecrowdinginuponmeshouldbelosttomyfellow—men，andsoIpitchedmytentatalittlecottage，andsettoworktowritethemdownthenandthereastheycametome。
\"Ithasbeencomplainedofme，\"Isaidtomyself，\"thatIdonotwriteliteraryandhighclasswork——atleast，notworkthatisexceptionallyliteraryandhigh—class。Thisreproachshallberemoved。Iwillwriteanarticlethatshallbeaclassic。Ihaveworkedfortheordinary，every—dayreader。ItisrightthatIshoulddosomethingnowtoimprovetheliteratureofmybelovedcountry。\"
AndIwroteagrandessay——thoughIsayitwhoshouldnot，thoughI
don’tseewhyIshouldn’t——allaboutspring，andthewayitmadeyoufeel，andwhatitmadeyouthink。Itwassimplycrowdedwithelevatedthoughtsandhigh—classideasandculturedwit，wasthatessay。Therewasonlyonefaultaboutthatessay：itwastoobrilliant。Iwantedcommonplacerelief。Itwouldhaveexhaustedtheaveragereader；somuchclevernesswouldhaveweariedhim。
IwishIcouldremembersomeofthebeautifulthingsinthatessay，andheresetthemdown；becausethenyouwouldbeabletoseewhattheywerelikeforyourselves，andthatwouldbesomuchmoresimplerthanmyexplainingtoyouhowbeautifultheywere。Unfortunately，however，Icannotnowcalltomindanyofthem。
Iwasveryproudofthisessay，andwhenIgotbacktotownIcalledonaverysuperiorfriendofmine，acritic，andreadittohim。Idonotcareforhimtoseeanyofmyusualwork，becausehereallyisaverysuperiorpersonindeed，andtheperusalofitappearstogivehimpainsinside。Butthisarticle，Ithought，woulddohimgood。
\"Whatdoyouthinkofit？\"Iasked，whenIhadfinished。
\"Splendid，\"hereplied，\"excellentlyarranged。Ineverknewyouweresowellacquaintedwiththeworksoftheoldwriters。Why，thereisscarcelyaclassicofanynotethatyouhavenotquotedfrom。Butwhere——where，\"headded，musing，\"didyougetthatlastideabuttwofrom？It’stheonlyoneIdon’tseemtoremember。Itisn’tabitofyourown，isit？\"
Hesaidthat，ifso，heshouldadvisemetoleaveitout。Notthatitwasaltogetherbad，butthattheinterpolationofamodernthoughtamongsouniqueacollectionofpassagesfromtheancientsseemedtospoilthescheme。
Andheenumeratedthevariousdead—and—buriedgentlemenfromwhomheappearedtothinkIhadcollatedmyarticle。
\"But，\"Ireplied，whenIhadrecoveredmyastonishmentsufficientlytospeak，\"itisn’tacollectionatall。Itisalloriginal。Iwrotethethoughtsdownastheycametome。Ihaveneverreadanyofthesepeopleyoumention，exceptShakespeare。\"
OfcourseShakespearewasboundtobeamongthem。Iamgettingtodislikethatmanso。Heisalwaysbeingheldupbeforeusyoungauthorsasamodel，andIdohatemodels。Therewasamodelboyatourschool，Iremember，HenrySummers；anditwasjustthesamethere。
Itwascontinually，\"LookatHenrySummers！hedoesn’tputtheprepositionbeforetheverb，andspellbusinessb—i—z！\"or，\"Whycan’tyouwritelikeHenrySummers？Hedoesn’tgettheinkalloverthecopy—bookandhalf—wayuphisback！\"Wegottiredofthiseverlasting\"LookatHenrySummers！\"afterawhile，andso，oneafternoon，onthewayhome，afewofusluredHenrySummersupadarkcourt；andwhenhecameoutagainhewasnotworthlookingat。
Nowitisperpetually，\"LookatShakespeare！\"\"Whydon’tyouwritelikeShakespeare？\"\"Shakespearenevermadethatjoke。Whydon’tyoujokelikeShakespeare？\"
Ifyouareintheplay—writinglineitisstillworseforyou。\"Whydon’tyouwriteplayslikeShakespeare’s？\"theyindignantlysay。
\"Shakespearenevermadehiscomicmanapennysteamboatcaptain。\"
\"Shakespearenevermadehisheroaddressthegirlas’ducky。’Whydon’tyoucopyShakespeare？\"IfyoudotrytocopyShakespeare，theytellyouthatyoumustbeafooltoattempttoimitateShakespeare。
Oh，shouldn’tIliketogetShakespeareupourstreet，andpunchhim！
\"Icannothelpthat，\"repliedmycriticalfriend——toreturntoourpreviousquestion——\"thegermofeverythoughtandideayouhavegotinthatarticlecanbetracedbacktothewritersIhavenamed。Ifyoudoubtit，Iwillgetdownthebooks，andshowyouthepassagesforyourself。\"
ButIdeclinedtheoffer。IsaidIwouldtakehiswordforit，andwouldrathernotseethepassagesreferredto。Ifeltindignant。
\"If，\"asIsaid，\"thesemen——thesePlatosandSocratesesandCicerosandSophoclesesandAristophanesesandAristotlesandtherestofthemhadbeentakingadvantageofmyabsencetogoabouttheworldspoilingmybusinessforme，Iwouldrathernothearanymoreaboutthem。\"
AndIputonmyhatandcameout，andIhavenevertriedtowriteanythingoriginalsince。
Idreamedadreamonce。（Itisthesortofthingamanwoulddream。
Youcannotverywelldreamanythingelse，Iknow。Butthephrasesoundspoeticalandbiblical，andsoIuseit。）IdreamedthatIwasinastrangecountry——indeed，onemightsayanextraordinarycountry。
Itwasruledentirelybycritics。
Thepeopleinthisstrangelandhadaveryhighopinionofcritics——nearlyashighanopinionofcriticsasthecriticsthemselveshad，butnot，ofcourse，quite——thatnotbeingpracticable——andtheyhadagreedtobeguidedinallthingsbythecritics。Istayedsomeyearsinthatland。Butitwasnotacheerfulplacetolivein，soIdreamed。
Therewereauthorsinthiscountry，atfirst，andtheywrotebooks。
Butthecriticscouldfindnothingoriginalinthebookswhatever，andsaiditwasapitythatmen，whomightbeusefullyemployedhoeingpotatoes，shouldwastetheirtimeandthetimeofthecritics，whichwasofstillmoreimportance，instringingtogetheracollectionofplatitudes，familiartoeveryschool—boy，anddishingupoldplotsandstoriesthathadalreadybeencookedandrecookedforthepublicuntileverybodyhadbeensurfeitedwiththem。
Andthewritersreadwhatthecriticssaidandsighed，andgaveupwritingbooks，andwentoffandhoedpotatoes；asadvised。Theyhadhadnoexperienceinhoeingpotatoes，andtheyhoedverybadly；andthepeoplewhosepotatoestheyhoedstronglyrecommendedthemtoleavehoeingpotatoes，andtogobackandwritebooks。Butyoucan’tdowhateverybodyadvises。
Therewereartistsalsointhisstrangeworld，atfirst，andtheypaintedpictures，whichthecriticscameandlookedatthrougheyeglasses。
\"Nothingwhateveroriginalinthem，\"saidthecritics；\"sameoldcolors，sameoldperspectiveandform，sameoldsunset，sameoldseaandland，andskyandfigures。Whydothesepoormenwastetheirtime，paintingpictures，whentheymightbesomuchmoresatisfactorilyemployedonladderspaintinghouses？\"
Nothing，bytheby，youmayhavenoticed，troublesyourcriticmorethantheideathattheartistiswastinghistime。Itisthewasteoftimethatvexesthecritic；hehassuchanexaltedideaofthevalueofotherpeople’stime。\"Dear，dearme！\"hesaystohimself，\"why，inthetimethemanmusthavetakentopaintthispictureortowritethisbook，hemighthaveblackedfifteenthousandpairsofboots，orhavecarriedfifteenthousandhodsofmortarupaladder。Thisishowthetimeoftheworldislost！\"
Itneveroccurstohimthat，butforthatpictureorbook，theartistwould，inallprobability，havebeenmouchingaboutwithapipeinhismouth，gettingintotrouble。
ItremindsmeofthewaypeopleusedtotalktomewhenIwasaboy。
Iwouldbesitting，asgoodasgold，reading\"ThePirate’sLair，\"whensomeculturedrelativewouldlookovermyshoulderandsay：\"Bah！
whatareyouwastingyourtimewithrubbishfor？Whydon’tyougoanddosomethinguseful？\"andwouldtakethebookawayfromme。UponwhichIwouldgetup，andgooutto\"dosomethinguseful；\"andwouldcomehomeanhourafterward，lookinglikeabitoutofabattlepicture，havingtumbledthroughtheroofofFarmerBate’sgreenhouseandkilledacactus，thoughtotallyunabletoexplainhowIcametobeontheroofofFarmerBate’sgreenhouse。Theyhadmuchbetterhaveleftmealone，lostin\"ThePirate’sLair！\"
TheartistsinthislandofwhichIdreamedleftoffpaintingpictures，afterhearingwhatthecriticssaid，andpurchasedladders，andwentoffandpaintedhouses。
Because，yousee，thiscountryofwhichIdreamedwasnotoneofthosevulgar，ordinarycountries，suchasexistinthewakingworld，wherepeopleletthecriticstalkasmuchasevertheylike，andnobodypaystheslightestattentiontowhattheysay。Here，inthisstrangeland，thecriticsweretakenseriously，andtheiradvicefollowed。
Asforthepoetsandsculptors，theywereverysoonshutup。TheideaofanyeducatedpersonwantingtoreadmodernpoetrywhenhecouldobtainHomer，orcaringtolookatanyotherstatuewhiletherewasstillsomeoftheVenusdeMedicisleft，wastooabsurd。PoetsandsculptorswereonlywastingtheirtimeWhatnewoccupationtheywererecommendedtoadopt，Iforget。Somecallingtheyknewnothingwhateverabout，andthattheyweretotallyunfittedfor，ofcourse。
Themusicianstriedtheirartforalittlewhile，butthey，too，wereofnouse。\"Merelyarepetitionofthesamenotesindifferentcombinations，\"saidthecritics。\"Whywillpeoplewastetheirtimewritingunoriginalmusic，whentheymightbesweepingcrossings？\"
Onemanhadwrittenaplay。Iaskedwhatthecriticshadsaidabouthim。Theyshowedmehistomb。
Then，therebeingnomoreartistsor_litterateurs_ordramatistsormusiciansleftfortheirbelovedcriticstocriticise，thegeneralpublicofthisenlightenedlandsaidtothemselves，\"Whyshouldnotourcriticscomeandcriticiseus？Criticismisusefultoaman。
Havewenotoftenbeentoldso？Lookhowusefulithasbeentotheartistsandwriters——savedthepoorfellowsfromwastingtheirtime？
Whyshouldn’twehavesomeofitsbenefits？\"
Theysuggestedtheideatothecritics，andthecriticsthoughtitanexcellentone，andsaidtheywouldundertakethejobwithpleasure。
Onemustsayforthecriticsthattheynevershirkwork。Theywillsitandcriticiseforeighteenhoursaday，ifnecessary，oreven，ifquiteunnecessary，forthematterofthat。Youcan’tgivethemtoomuchtocriticise。Theywillcriticiseeverythingandeverybodyinthisworld。Theywillcriticiseeverythinginthenextworld，too，whentheygetthere。IexpectpooroldPlutohasalivelytimewiththemall，asitis。
So，whenamanbuiltahouse，orafarm—yardhenlaidanegg，thecriticswereaskedintocommentonit。Theyfoundthatnoneofthehouseswereoriginal。Oneveryfloorwerepassagesthatseemedmerecopiesfrompassagesinotherhouses。Theywereallbuiltonthesamehackneyedplan；cellarsunderneath，groundfloorlevelwiththestreet，atticatthetop。Nooriginalityanywhere！
So，likewisewiththeeggs。Everyeggsuggestedreminiscencesofothereggs。
Itwasheartrendingwork。
Thecriticscriticisedallthings。Whenayoungcouplefellinlove，theyeach，beforethinkingofmarriage，calleduponthecriticsforacriticismoftheotherone。
Needlesstosaythat，intheresult，nomarriageevercameofit。
\"Mydearyounglady，\"thecriticswouldsay，aftertheinspectionhadtakenplace，\"Icandiscovernothingnewwhateverabouttheyoungman。
Youwouldsimplybewastingyourtimeinmarryinghim。\"
Or，totheyoungman，itwouldbe：
\"Oh，dear，no！Nothingattractiveaboutthegirlatall。Whoonearthgaveyouthatnotion？Simplyalovelyfaceandfigure，angelicdisposition，beautifulmind，stanchheart，noblecharacter。Why，theremusthavebeennearlyadozensuchgirlsbornintotheworldsinceitscreation。Youwouldbeonlywastingyourtimelovingher。\"
Theycriticisedthebirdsfortheirhackneyedstyleofsinging，andtheflowersfortheirhackneyedscentsandcolors。Theycomplainedoftheweatherthatitlackedoriginality——（true，theyhadnotlivedoutanEnglishspring）——andfoundfaultwiththeSunbecauseofthesamenessofhismethods。
Theycriticisedthebabies。Whenafreshinfantwaspublishedinahouse，thecriticswouldcallinabodytopasstheirjudgmentuponit，andtheyoungmotherwouldbringitdownforthemtosample。
\"Didyoueverseeachildanythinglikethatinthisworldbefore？\"
shewouldsay，holdingitouttothem。\"Isn’titawonderfulbaby？
_You_neversawachildwithlegslikethat，Iknow。Nursesayshe’sthemostextraordinarybabysheeverattended。Blesshim！\"
Butthecriticsdidnotthinkanythingofit。
\"Tut，tut，\"theywouldreply，\"thereisnothingextraordinaryaboutthatchild——nooriginalitywhatever。Why，it’sexactlylikeeveryotherbaby——baldhead，redface，bigmouth，andstumpynose。Why，that’sonlyaweakimitationofthebabynextdoor。It’saplagiarism，that’swhatthatchildis。You’vebeenwastingyourtime，madam。Ifyoucan’tdoanythingmoreoriginalthanthat，weshouldadviseyoutogiveupthebusinessaltogether。\"
Thatwastheendofcriticisminthatstrangeland。
\"Oh！lookhere，we’vehadenoughofyouandyouroriginality，\"saidthepeopletothecritics，afterthat。\"Why，_you_arenotoriginal，whenonecomestothinkofit，andyourcriticismsarenotoriginal。
You’veallofyoubeensayingexactlythesamethingeversincethetimeofSolomon。Wearegoingtodrownyouandhavealittlepeace。\"
\"What，drownacritic！\"criedthecritics，\"neverheardofsuchamonstrousproceedinginourlives！\"
\"No，weflatterourselvesitisanoriginalidea，\"repliedthepublic，brutally。\"Yououghttobecharmedwithit。Outyoucome！\"
Sotheytookthecriticsoutanddrownedthem，andthenpassedashortact，makingcriticismacapitaloffense。
Afterthat，theartandliteratureofthecountryfollowed，somewhat，themethodsofthequaintandcuriousschool，buttheland，notwithstanding，wasamuchmorecheerfulplacetolivein，Idreamed。
ButIneverfinishedtellingyouaboutthedreaminwhichIthoughtI
leftmylegsbehindmewhenIwentintoacertaintheater。
IdreamedthattheticketthemangavemeformylegswasNo。19，andIwasworriedallthroughtheperformanceforfearNo。61shouldgetholdofthem，andleavemehisinstead。Mineareratherafinepairoflegs，andIam，Iconfess，alittleproudofthem——atallevents，I
preferthemtoanybodyelse’s。Besides，numbersixty—one’smightbeaskinnypair，andnotfitme。
Itquitespoiledmyevening，frettingaboutthis。
AnotherextraordinarydreamIhadwasoneinwhichIdreamedthatI
wasengagedtobemarriedtomyAuntJane。Thatwasnot，however，theextraordinarypartofit；Ihaveoftenknownpeopletodreamthingslikethat。Iknewamanwhooncedreamedthathewasactuallymarriedtohisownmother—in—law！Hetoldmethatneverinhislifehadhelovedthealarmclockwithmoredeepandgratefultendernessthanhedidthatmorning。Thedreamalmostreconciledhimtobeingmarriedtohisrealwife。Theylivedquitehappilytogetherforafewdays，afterthatdream。
No；theextraordinarypartofmydreamwas，thatIknewitwasadream。\"Whatonearthwillunclesaytothisengagement？\"Ithoughttomyself，inmydream。\"There’sboundtobearowaboutit。Weshallhaveadealoftroublewithuncle，Ifeelsure。\"Andthisthoughtquitetroubledmeuntilthesweetreflectioncame：\"Ah！well，it’sonlyadream。\"
AndImadeupmymindthatIwouldwakeupassoonasunclefoundoutabouttheengagement，andleavehimandAuntJanetofightthematteroutbetweenthemselves。
Itisaverygreatcomfort，whenthedreamgrowstroubledandalarming，tofeelthatitisonlyadream，andtoknowthatweshallawakesoonandbenonetheworseforit。Wecandreamoutthefoolishperplexitywithasmilethen。
Sometimesthedreamoflifegrowsstrangelytroubledandperplexing，andthenhewhomeetsdismaythebravestishewhofeelsthatthefretfulplayisbutadream——abrief，uneasydreamofthreescoreyearsandten，orthereabouts，fromwhich，inalittlewhile，hewillawake——atleast，hedreamsso。
Howdull，howimpossiblelifewouldbewithoutdreams——wakingdreams，Imean——thedreamsthatwecall\"castlesintheair，\"builtbythekindlyhandsofHope！Wereitnotforthemirageoftheoasis，drawinghisfootstepseveronward，thewearytravelerwouldliedowninthedesertsandanddie。Itisthemirageofdistantsuccess，ofhappinessthat，likethebunchofcarrotsfastenedaninchbeyondthedonkey’snose，seemsalwaysjustwithinourreach，ifonlywewillgallopfastenough，thatmakesusrunsoeagerlyalongtheroadofLife。
Providence，likeafatherwithatiredchild，luresuseveralongthewaywithtalesandpromises，until，atthefrowninggatethatendstheroad，weshrinkback，frightened。Then，promisesstillmoresweethestoopsandwhispersinourear，andtimidyetpartlyreassured，andtryingtohideourfears，wegatherupallthatisleftofourlittlestockofhopeand，trustingyethalfafraid，pushoutourgropingfeetintothedarkness。