Ifairlyshouted，forIhadneverhearditsoundbetter；andthenIwasbackathimasquickasaflash——\"Right，yourExcellency！ButIreckonaFrenchman’sgothislittlestand—byforadulltime，too；becausewhenallotherinterestsfailhecanturninandseeifhecan’tfindoutwhohisfatherwas！\"
Well，youshouldhaveheardhimjustwhoop，andcackle，andcarryon！
Hereachedupandhitmeoneontheshoulder，andsays：
\"Land，butit’sgood！It’sim—menselygood！I’George，Ineverhearditsaidsogoodinmylifebefore！Sayitagain。\"
SoIsaiditagain，andhesaidhisagain，andIsaidmineagain，andthenhedid，andthenIdid，andthenhedid，andwekeptondoingit，anddoingit，andIneverhadsuchagoodtime，andhesaidthesame。
Inmyopinionthereisn’tanythingthatisaskillingasoneofthosedearoldripepensionersifyouknowhowtosnatchitoutinakindofafreshsortoforiginalway。
ButIwishM。Bourgethadreadmoreofournovelsbeforehecame。Itistheonlywaytothoroughlyunderstandapeople。WhenIfoundIwascomingtoParis，Iread’LaTerre’。
ALITTLENOTETOM。PAULBOURGET
[TheprecedingsquibwasassailedintheNorthAmericanReviewinanarticleentitled\"MarkTwainandPaulBourget，\"byMaxO’Rell。ThefollowinglittlenoteisaRejoindertothatarticle。Itispossiblethatthepositionassumedhere——thatM。BourgetdictatedtheO’Rellarticlehimself——isuntenable。]
Youhaveeveryright，mydearM。Bourget，toretortuponmebydictation，ifyoupreferthatmethodtowritingatmewithyourpen；butifImaysayitwithouthurt——andcertainlyImeannooffence——Ibelieveyouwouldhaveacquittedyourselfbetterwiththepen。Withthepenyouareathome；itisyournaturalweapon；youuseitwithgrace，eloquence，charm，persuasiveness，whenmenaretobeconvinced，andwithformidableeffectwhentheyhaveearnedacastigation。ButIamsureIseesignsintheabovearticlethatyouareeitherunaccustomedtodictatingorareoutofpractice。Ifyouwillre—readityouwillnotice，yourself，thatitlacksdefiniteness；thatitlackspurpose；thatitlackscoherence；thatitlacksasubjecttotalkabout；thatitislooseandwabbly；thatitwandersaround；thatitlosesitselfearlyanddoesnotfinditselfanymore。Therearesomeotherdefects，asyouwillnotice，butIthinkI
havenamedthemainones。Ifeelsurethattheyareallduetoyourlackofpracticeindictating。
InasmuchasyouhadnotsigneditIhadtheimpressionatfirstthatyouhadnotdictatedit。Butonlyforamoment。Certainquitesimpleanddefinitefactsremindedmethatthearticlehadtocomefromyou，forthereasonthatitcouldnotcomefromanyoneelsewithoutaspecificinvitationfromyouorfromme。Imean，itcouldnotexceptasanintrusion，atransgressionofthelawwhichforbidsstrangerstomixintoaprivatedisputebetweenfriends，unasked。
Thosesimpleanddefinitefactswerethese：Ihadpublishedanarticleinthismagazine，withyouformysubject；justyouyourself；Istuckstrictlytothatonesubject，anddidnotinterlardanyother。Noone，ofcourse，couldcallmetoaccountbutyoualone，oryourauthorizedrepresentative。Iaskedsomequestions——askedthemofmyself。
Iansweredthemmyself。Myarticlewasthirteenpageslong，andalldevotedtoyou；devotedtoyou，anddividedupinthisway：onepageofguessesastowhatsubjectsyouwouldinstructusin，asteacher；onepageofdoubtsastotheeffectivenessofyourmethodofexaminingusandourways；twoorthreepagesofcriticismofyourmethod，andofcertainresultswhichitfurnishedyou；twoorthreepagesofattemptstoshowthejustnessofthesesamecriticisms；halfadozenpagesmadeupofslightfault—findingswithcertainminordetailsofyourliteraryworkmanship，ofextractsfromyour’Outre—Mer’andcommentsuponthem；
thenIclosedwithananecdote。Irepeat——forcertainreasons——thatI
closedwithananecdote。
WhenIwasaskedbythismagazineifIwishedto\"answer\"a\"reply\"tothatarticleofmine，Isaid\"yes，\"andwaitedinParisfortheproof—
sheetsofthe\"reply\"tocome。Ialreadyknew，bythecablegram，thatthe\"reply\"wouldnotbesignedbyyou，butuponreflectionIknewitwouldbedictatedbyyou，becausenovolunteerwouldfeelhimselfatlibertytoassumeyourchampionshipinaprivatedispute，unasked，inviewofthefactthatyouarequitewellabletotakecareofyourmattersofthatsortyourselfandarenotinneedofanyone’shelp。
No，avolunteercouldnotmakesuchaventure。Itwouldbetooimmodest。
Alsotoogratuitouslygenerous。Andashadetooself—sufficient。No，hecouldnotventureit。Itwouldlooktoomuchlikeanxietytogetinatafeastwherenoplatehadbeenprovidedforhim。Infacthecouldnotgetinatall，exceptbythebackway，andwithafalsekey；thatistosay，apretext——apretextinventedfortheoccasionbyputtingintomymouthwordswhichIdidnotuse，andbywrestingsayingsofminefromtheirplainandtruemeaning。Wouldheresorttomethodslikethosetogetin？No；therearenopeopleofthatkind。SothenIknewforacertaintythatyoudictatedtheReplyyourself。Iknewyoudidittosaveyourselfmanuallabor。
Andyouhadtheright，asIhavealreadysaidandIamcontent——perfectlycontent。
Yetitwouldhavebeenlittletroubletoyou，andagreatkindnesstome，ifyouhadwrittenyourReplyalloutwithyourowncapablehand。
Becausethenitwouldhavereplied——andthatisreallywhataReplyisfor。Broadlyspeaking，itsfunctionistorefute——asyouwilleasilyconcede。Thatleavessomethingfortheotherpersontotakeholdof：
hehasachancetoreplytotheReply，hehasachancetorefutetherefutation。Thiswouldhavehappenedifyouhadwrittenitoutinsteadofdictating。Dictatingisnearlysuretounconcentratethedictator’smind，whenheisoutofpractice，confusehim，andbetrayhimintousingonesetofliteraryruleswhenheoughttouseaquitedifferentset。
OftenitbetrayshimintoemployingtheRULESFORCONVERSATIONBETWEENA
SHOUTERANDADEAFPERSON——asinthepresentcase——whenheoughttoemploytheRULESFORCONDUCTINGDISCUSSIONWITHAFAULT—FINDER。Thegreatfoundation—ruleandbasicprincipleofdiscussionwithafault—
finderisrelevancyandconcentrationuponthesubject；whereasthegreatfoundation—ruleandbasicprinciplegoverningconversationbetweenashouterandadeafpersonisirrelevancyandpersistentdesertionofthetopicinhand。IfImaybeallowedtoillustratebyquotingexampleIV。，sectionfromchapterix。of\"RevisedRulesforConductingConversationbetweenaShouterandaDeafPerson，\"itwillassistusingettingaclearideaofthedifferencebetweenthetwosetsofrules：
Shouter。DidyousayhisnameisWETHERBY？
DeafPerson。Change？Yes，Ithinkitwill。ThoughifitshouldclearoffI——
Shouter。It’shisNAMEIwant——hisNAME。
DeafPerson。Maybeso，maybeso；butitwillonlybeashower，Ithink。
Shouter。No，no，no！——youhavequitemisunderSTOODme。If——
DeafPerson。Ah！GOODmorning；Iamsorryyoumustgo。Butcallagain，andletmecontinuetobeofassistancetoyouineverywayIcan。
Youseeitisaperfectkodakofthearticleyouhavedictated。Itisreallycuriousandinterestingwhenyoucometocompareitwithyours；
indetail，withmyformerarticletowhichitisaReplyinyourhand。
ItalktwelvepagesaboutyourAmericaninstructionprojects，andyourdoubtfulscientificsystem，andyourpainstakingclassificationofnonexistentthings，andyourdiligenceandzealandsincerity，andyourdisloyalattitudetowardsanecdotes，andyourunduereverenceforunsafestatisticsandfarfactsthatlackapedigree；andyouturnaroundandcomebackatmewitheightpagesofweather。
Idonotseehowapersoncanactso。Itisgoodofyoutorepeat，withchangeoflanguage，inthebulkofyourrejoinder，somuchofmyownarticle，andadoptmysentiments，andmakethemover，andputnewbuttonson；andIlikethecompliment，andamfranktosayso；butagreeingwithapersoncripplescontroversyandoughtnottobeallowed。Itisweather；andofalmosttheworstsort。Itpleasesmegreatlytohearyoudiscoursewithsuchapprovalandexpansivenessuponmytext：
\"Aforeignercanphotographtheexteriorsofanation，butIthinkthatisasfarashecanget。Ithinkthatnoforeignercanreportitsinterior；\"——[Andyousay：\"Amanofaverageintelligence，whohaspassedsixmonthsamongapeople，cannotexpressopinionsthatareworthjottingdown，buthecanformimpressionsthatareworthrepeating。Formypart，Ithinkthatforeigners’impressionsaremoreinterestingthannativeopinions。Afterall，suchimpressionsmerelymean’howthecountrystrucktheforeigner。’\"]——whichisaquiteclearwayofsayingthataforeigner’sreportisonlyvaluablewhenitrestrictsitselftoimpressions。Itpleasesmetohaveyoufollowmyleadinthatglowingway，butitleavesmenothingtocombat。Youshouldgivemesomethingtodenyandrefute；Iwoulddoasmuchforyou。
Itpleasesmetohaveyouplayfullywarnthepublicagainsttakingoneofyourbooksseriously。——[WhenIpublishedJonathanandhisContinent，I
wroteinaprefaceaddressedtoJonathan：\"Ifeveryoushouldinsistinseeinginthislittlevolumeaseriousstudyofyourcountryandofyourcountrymen，Iwarnyouthatyourworld—widefameforhumorwillbeexploded。\"]——BecauseIusedtodothatcunningthingmyselfinearlierdays。IdiditinaprefatorynotetoabookofminecalledTomSawyer。
NOTICE。
Personsattemptingtofindamotiveinthisnarrativewillbeprosecuted；
personsattemptingtofindamoralinitwillbebanished；personsattemptingtofindaplotinitwillbeshot。
BYORDEROFTHEAUTHOR
PERG。G。，CHIEFOFORDNANCE。
Thekernelisthesameinbothprefaces，yousee——thepublicmustnottakeustooseriously。Ifweremovethatkernelweremovethelife—
principle，andtheprefaceisacorpse。Yes，itpleasesmetohaveyouusethatidea，foritisahighcompliment。Butisleavesmenothingtocombat；andthatisdamagetome。
AmIseemingtosaythatyourReplyisnotareplyatall，M。Bourget？
Ifso，Imustmodifythat；itistoosweeping。ForyouhavefurnishedageneralanswertomyinquiryastowhatFrancethroughyou——canteachus。
——[\"WhatcouldFranceteachAmerica！\"exclaimsMarkTwain。FrancecanteachAmericaallthehigherpursuitsoflife，andthereismoreartisticfeelingandrefinementinastreetofFrenchworkingmenthaninmanyavenuesinhabitedbyAmericanmillionaires。Shecanteachher，notperhapshowtowork，buthowtorest，howtolive，howtobehappy。
Shecanteachherthattheaimoflifeisnotmoney—making，butthatmoney—makingisonlyameanstoobtainanend。Shecanteachherthatwivesarenotexpensivetoys，butusefulpartners，friends，andconfidants，whoshouldalwayskeepmenundertheirwholesomeinfluencebytheirdiplomacy，theirtact，theircommon—sense，withoutbumptiousness。
Thesequalities，addedtothehigheststandardofmorality（notangularandmorose，butcheerfulmorality），areconcededtoFrenchwomenbywhoeverknowssomethingofFrenchlifeoutsideoftheParisboulevards，andMarkTwain’sill—naturedsneercannotevensomuchasstainthem。
ImighttellMarkTwainthatinFranceamanwhowasseentipsyinhisclubwouldimmediatelyseehisnamecanceledfrommembership。Amanwhohadsettledhisfortuneonhiswifetoavoidmeetinghiscreditorswouldberefusedadmissionintoanydecentsociety。ManyaFrenchmanhasblownhisbrainsoutratherthandeclarehimselfabankrupt。NowwouldMarkTwainremarktothis：’AnAmericanisnotsuchafool：whenacreditorstandsinhiswayhecloseshisdoors，andreopensthemthefollowingday。Whenhehasbeenabankruptthreetimeshecanretirefrombusiness？\"]——Itisagoodanswer。
Itrelatestomanners，customs，andmorals——threethingsconcerningwhichwecanneverhaveexhaustiveanddeterminatestatistics，andsotheverdictsdelivereduponthemmustalwayslackconclusivenessandbesubjecttorevision；butyouhavestatedthetruth，possibly，asnearlyasanyonecoulddoit，inthecircumstances。Butwhydidyouchooseadetailofmyquestionwhichcouldbeansweredonlywithvaguehearsayevidence，andgorightbyonewhichcouldhavebeenansweredwithdeadlyfacts？——factsineverybody’sreach，factswhichnonecandispute。
IaskedwhatFrancecouldteachusaboutgovernment。Ilaidmyselfprettywideopen，there；andIthoughtIwashandsomelygenerous，too，whenIdidit。Francecanteachushowtolevyvillageandcitytaxeswhichdistributetheburdenwithanearerapproachtoperfectfairnessthanisthecaseinanyotherland；andshecanteachusthewisestandsurestsystemofcollectingthemthatexists。ShecanteachushowtoelectaPresidentinasaneway；andalsohowtodoitwithoutthrowingthecountryintoearthquakesandconvulsionsthatcrippleandembarrassbusiness，stiruppartyhatredintheheartsofmen，andmakepeacefulpeoplewishthetermextendedtothirtyyears。Francecanteachus——butenoughofthatpartofthequestion。AndwhatelsecanFranceteachus？
Shecanteachusallthefinearts——anddoes。Shethrowsopenherhospitableartacademies，andsaystous，\"Come\"——andwecome，troopsandtroopsofouryoungandgifted；andshesetsoverustheablestmastersintheworldandbearingthegreatestnames；andshe，teachesusallthatwearecapableoflearning，andpersuadesusandencouragesuswithprizesandhonors，muchasifweweresomehowchildrenofherown；andwhenthisnobleeducationisfinishedandwearereadytocarryithomeandspreaditsgraciousministriesabroadoverournation，andwecomewithhomageandgratitudeandaskFranceforthebill——thereisnothingtopay。Andinreturnforthisimperialgenerosity，whatdoesAmericado？ShechargesadutyonFrenchworksofart！
IwishIhadyourendofthisdispute；Ishouldhavesomethingworthtalkingabout。Ifyouwouldonlyfurnishmesomethingtoargue，somethingtorefute——butyoupersistentlywon’t。Youleavegoodchancesunutilizedandspendyourstrengthinprovingandestablishingunimportantthings。Forinstance，youhaveprovenandestablishedtheseeightfactsherefollowing——agoodscoreastonumber，butnotworthwhile：
MarkTwainis——
1。\"Insulting。\"
2。（Sarcasticallyspeaking）\"Thisrefinedhumor，1st。\"
3。Prefersthemanure—piletotheviolets。
4。Hasuttered\"anill—naturedsneer。\"
5。Is\"nasty。\"
6。Needsa\"lessoninpolitenessandgoodmanners。\"
7。Haspublisheda\"nastyarticle。\"
8。Hasmaderemarks\"unworthyofagentleman。\"——[\"Itismorefunnythanhis\"（MarkTwain’s）\"anecdote，andwouldhavebeenlessinsulting。\"
Aquotedremarkofmine\"isagrossinsulttoanationfriendlytoAmerica。\"
\"HehasreadLaTerre，thisrefinedhumorist。\"
\"WhenMarkTwainvisitsagarden……hegoesinthefar—awaycomerwherethesoilisprepared。\"
\"MarkTwain’sill—naturedsneercannotsomuchasstainthem\"（theFrenchwomen）。
\"Whenhe\"（MarkTwain）\"takeshisrevengeheisunkind，unfair，bitter，nasty。\"
\"Butnotevenyournastyarticleonmycountry，Mark，\"etc。
\"Markmightcertainlyhavederivedfromit\"（M。Bourget’sbook）\"alessoninpolitenessandgoodmanners。\"
Aquotedremarkofmineis\"unworthyofagentleman。\"]——
Thesearealltrue，butreallytheyarenotvaluable；noonecaresmuchforsuchfinds。InourAmericanmagazineswerecognizethisandsuppressthem。Weavoidnamingthem。Americanwritersneverallowthemselvestonamethem。Itwouldlookasiftheywereinatemper，andweholdthatexhibitionsoftemperinpublicarenotgoodformexceptintheveryyoungandinexperienced。Andevenifwehadthedispositiontonamethem，inordertofillupagapwhenwewereshortofideasandarguments，ourmagazineswouldnotallowustodoit，becausetheythinkthatsuchwordssullytheirpages。Thispresentmagazineisparticularlystrenuousaboutit。Itsnotetomeannouncingtheforwardingofyourproof—sheetstoFranceclosedthus——foryourprotection：
\"Itisneedlesstoaskyoutoavoidanythingthathemightconsideraspersonal。\"
Itwaswellenough，asameasureofprecaution，butreallyitwasnotneeded。Youcantrustmeimplicitly，M。Bourget；IshallnevercallyouanynamesinprintwhichIshouldbeashamedtocallyouwithyourunoffendinganddearestonespresent。
Indeed，wearereserved，andparticularinAmericatoadegreewhichyouwouldconsiderexaggerated。Forinstance，weshouldnotwritenoteslikethatoneofyourstoaladyforasmallfault——oralargeone。——[WhenM。
PaulBourgetindulgesinalittlechaffingattheexpenseoftheAmericans，\"whocanalwaysgetawaywithafewyears’tryingtofindoutwhotheirgrandfatherswere，\"hemerelymakesanallusiontoanAmericanfoible；but，forsooth，whatakindman，whatahumoristMarkTwainiswhenheretortsbycallingFranceanationofbastards！HowtheAmericansofcultureandrefinementwilladmirehimforthusspeakingintheirname！
Snobbery……IcouldgiveMarkTwainanexampleoftheAmericanspecimen。Itisapiquantstory。IneverpublisheditbecauseIfearedmyreadersmightthinkthatIwasgivingthematypicalillustrationofAmericancharacterinsteadofarareexception。
Iwasoncebookedbymymanagertogiveacauserieinthedrawing—roomofaNewYorkmillionaire。Iacceptedwithreluctance。Idonotlikeprivateengagements。Atfiveo’clockonthedaythecauseriewastobegiven，theladysenttomymanagertosaythatshewouldexpectmetoarriveatnineo’clockandtospeakforaboutanhour。Thenshewroteapostscript。Manywomenareunfortunatethere。Theirmindsarefullofafter—thoughts，andthemostimportantpartoftheirlettersisgenerallytobefoundaftertheirsignature。Thislady’sP。S。ranthus：\"I
supposebewillnotexpecttobeentertainedafterthelecture。\"
Ifairlyshorted，asMarkTwainwouldsay，andthen，indulgingmyselfinabitofsnobbishness，Iwasbackatherasquickasaflash：
\"DearMadam：Asaliterarymanofsomereputation，IhavemanytimeshadthepleasureofbeingentertainedbythemembersoftheoldaristocracyofFrance。IhavealsomanytimeshadthepleasureofbeingentertainedbythemembersoftheoldaristocracyofEngland。Ifitmayinterestyou，IcaneventellyouthatIhaveseveraltimeshadthehonorofbeingentertainedbyroyalty；butmyambitionhasneverbeensowildastoexpectthatonedayImightbeentertainedbythearistocracyofNewYork。No，Idonotexpecttobeentertainedbyyou，nordoIwantyoutoexpectmetoentertainyouandyourfriendsto—night，forIdeclinetokeeptheengagement。\"
Now，IcouldfillabookonAmericawithreminiscencesofthissort，addingafewchaptersonbossesandboodlers，onNewYork’chroniquescandaleuse’，onthetenementhousesofthelargecities，onthegambling—hellsofDenver，andthedensofSanFrancisco，andwhatnot！
Butnotevenyournastyarticleonmycountry，Mark，willmakemedoit。]——Weshouldnotthinkitkind。Nomatterhowmuchwemighthaveassociatedwithkingsandnobilities，weshouldnotthinkitrighttocrushherwithitandmakeherashamedofherlowlierwalkinlife；forwehaveasaying，\"Whohumiliatesmymotherincludeshisown。\"
DoIseriouslyimagineyoutobetheauthorofthatstrangeletter，M。Bourget？IndeedIdonot。Ibelieveittohavebeensurreptitiouslyinsertedbyyouramanuensiswhenyourbackwasturned。Ithinkhediditwithagoodmotive，expectingittoaddforceandpiquancytoyourarticle，butitdoesnotreflectyournature，andIknowitwillgrieveyouwhenyouseeit。Ialsothinkheinterlardedmanyotherthingswhichyouwilldisapproveofwhenyouseethem。Iamcertainthatalltheharshnamesdischargedatmecomefromhim，notyou。Nodoubtyoucouldhaveprovedmeentitledtothemwithaslittletroubleasithascosthimtodoit，butitwouldhavebeenyourdispositiontohuntgameofahigherquality。
Why，IevendoubtifitisyouwhofurnishmeallthatexcellentinformationaboutBalzacandthoseothers。——[\"NowthestyleofM。
BourgetandmanyotherFrenchwritersisapparentlyaclosedlettertoMarkTwain；butletusleavethatalone。HashereadErckmann—Chatrian，VictorHugo，Lamartine，EdmondAbout，Cherbuliez，Renan？HashereadGustaveDroz’s’Monsieur，Madame，etBebe’，andthosebookswhichleaveforalongtimeaperfumeaboutyou？HashereadthenovelsofAlexandreDumas，EugeneSue，GeorgeSand，andBalzac？HasbereadVictorHugo’s’LesMiserables’and’NotreDamedeParis’？HashereadorheardtheplaysofSandeau，Augier，Dumas，andSardou，theworksofthoseTitansofmodernliterature，whosenameswillbehouseholdwordsallovertheworldforhundredsofyearstocome？HehasreadLaTerre——thiskind—hearted，refinedhumorist！WhenMarkTwainvisitsagardendoeshesmelltheviolets，theroses，thejasmine，orthehoneysuckle？No，hegoesinthefar—awaycomerwherethesoilisprepared。Hearwhathesays：\"IwishM。
PaulBourgethadreadmoreofournovelsbeforehecame。Itistheonlywaytothoroughlyunderstandapeople。WhenIfoundIwascomingtoParisIreadLaTerre。\"]——Allthisinsimplejusticetoyou——andtome；
for，togravelyacceptthoseinterlardingsasyourswouldbetowrongyourheadandheart，andatthesametimeconvictmyselfofbeingequippedwithavacancywheremypenetrationoughttobelodged。
AndnowfinallyImustuncoverthesecretpain，theweesorefromwhichtheReplygrew——theanecdotewhichclosedmyrecentarticle——andconsiderhowitisthatthispimplehasspreadtothesecancerousdimensions。
IfanybutyouhaddictatedtheReply，M。Bourget，Iwouldknowthatthatanecdotewastwistedaroundanditsintentionmagnifiedsomehundredsoftimes，inorderthatitmightbeusedasapretexttocreepinthebackway。ButIaccuseyouofnothing——nothingbuterror。WhenyousaythatI\"retortbycallingFranceanationofbastards，\"itisanerror。Andnotasmallone，butalargeone。Imadenosuchremark，noranythingresemblingit。Moreover，themagazinewouldnothaveallowedmetousesogrossawordasthat。
Youtoldananecdote。Afunnyone——Iadmitthat。IthitafoibleofourAmericanaristocracy，anditstungme——Iadmitthat；itstungmesharply。
Itwaslikethis：YoufoundsomeancientportraitsofFrenchkingsinthegalleryofoneofouraristocracy，andyousaid：
\"HehastheGrandMonarch，butwhereistheportraitofhisgrandfather？\"
Thatis，theAmericanaristocrat’sgrandfather。
Nowthathitsonlyafewofus，Igrant——justtheuppercrustonly——butithitsexceedinglyhard。
Iwonderediftherewasanywayofgettingbackatyou。InoneofyourchaptersIfoundthischance：
\"InourhighParisianexistence，forinstance，wefindappliedtoartsandluxury，andtodebauchery，allthepowersandalltheweaknessesoftheFrenchsoul。\"
Yousee？Your\"higherParisian\"class——noteverybody，notthenation，butonlythetopcrustoftheOvation——appliestodebaucheryallthepowersofitssoul。
Iarguedtomyselfthatthatenergymustproduceresults。SoIbuiltananecdoteoutofyourremark。InitImakeNapoleonBonapartesaytome——
butseeforyourselftheanecdote（ingeniouslyclippedandcurtailed）inparagraphelevenofyourReply。——[So，Irepeat，MarkTwaindoesnotlikeM。PaulBourget’sbook。SolongashemakeslightfunofthegreatFrenchwriterheisathome，heispleasant，heistheAmericanhumoristweknow。Whenhetakeshisrevenge（andwhereisthereasonfortakingarevenge？）heisunkind，unfair，bitter，nasty。
Forexample：
SeehisanswertoaFrenchmanwhojokinglyremarkstohim：
\"IsupposelifecannevergetentirelydulltoanAmerican，becausewheneverhecan’tstrikeupanyotherwaytoputinhistime，hecanalwaysgetawaywithafewyearstryingtofindoutwhohisgrandfatherwas。\"
Heartheanswer：
\"IreckonaFrenchman’sgothislittlestandbyforadulltime，too；
becausewhenallotherinterestsfail，hecanturninandseeifhecan’tfindoutwhohisfatherwas。\"
Thefirstremarkisagood—humoredbitofchaffingonAmericansnobbery。
Imaybeutterlydestituteofhumor，butIcallthesecondremarkagratuitouschargeofimmoralityhurledattheFrenchwomen——aremarkunworthyofamanwhohastheearofthepublic，unworthyofagentleman，agrossinsulttoanationfriendlytoAmerica，anationthathelpedMarkTwain’sancestorsintheirstruggleforliberty，anationwhereto—dayitisenoughtosaythatyouareAmericantoseeeverydooropenwidetoyou。
IfMarkTwainwashardupinsearchof，aFrench\"chestnut，\"Imighthavetoldhimthefollowinglittleanecdote。Itismorefunnythanhis，andwouldhavebeenlessinsulting：Twolittlestreetboysareabusingeachother。\"Ah，holdyourtongue，\"saysone，\"youain’tgotnofather。\"
\"Ain’tgotnofather！\"repliestheother；\"I’vegotmorefathersthanyou。\"]
Now，then，youranecdoteaboutthegrandfathershurtme。Why？Becauseithadapoint。Itwouldn’thavehurtmeifithadn’thadpoint。Youwouldn’thavewastedspaceonitifithadn’thadpoint。
Myanecdotehashurtyou。Why？Becauseithadpoint，Isuppose。Itwouldn’thavehurtyouifithadn’thadpoint。IjudgedfromyourremarkaboutthediligenceandindustryofthehighParisianuppercrustthatitwouldhavesomepoint，butreallyIhadnoideawhatagold—mineIhadstruck。Ineversuspectedthatthepointwasgoingtostickintotheentirenation；butofcourseyouknowyournationbetterthanIdo，andifyouthinkitpuncturesthemall，Ihavetoyieldtoyourjudgment。
Butyouaretoblame，yourownself。Yourremarkmisledme。Isupposedtheindustrywasconfinedtothatlittleunnumerousupperlayer。
Well，nowthattheunfortunatethinghasbeendone，letusdowhatwecantoundoit。Theremustbeaway，M。Bourget，andIamwillingtodoanythingthatwillhelp；forIamassorryasyoucanbeyourself。
IwilltellyouwhatIthinkwillbetheverything。
Wewillswapanecdotes。Iwilltakeyouranecdoteandyoutakemine。I
willsaytothedukesandcountsandprincesoftheancientnobilityofFrance：
\"Ha，ha！Youmusthaveaprettyhardtimetryingtofindoutwhoyourgrandfatherswere？\"
Theywillmerelysmileindifferentlyandnotfeelhurt，becausetheycantracetheirlineagebackthroughcenturies。
AndyouwillhurlmineateveryindividualintheAmericannation，saying：
\"Andyoumusthaveaprettyhardtimetryingtofindoutwhoyourfatherswere。\"Theywillmerelysmileindifferently，andnotfeelhurt，becausetheyhaven’tanydifficultyinfindingtheirfathers。
Doyougettheidea？Thewholeharmintheanecdotesisinthepoint，yousee；andwhenweswapthemaroundthatway，theyhaven’tany。
Thatsettlesitperfectlyandbeautifully，andIamgladIthoughtofit。
Iamverygladindeed，M。Bourget；foritwasjustthatlittleweethingthatcausedthewholedifficultyandmadeyoudictatetheReply，andyouramanuensiscallmeallthosehardnameswhichthemagazinesdislikeso。
AndIdiditallinfun，too，tryingtocapyourfunnyanecdotewithanotherone——onthegive—and—takeprinciple，youknow——whichisAmerican。
Ididn’tknowthatwiththeFrenchitwasallgiveandnotake，andyoudidn’ttellme。ButnowthatIhavemadeeverythingcomfortableagain，andfixedbothanecdotessotheycanneverhaveanypointanymore，I
knowyouwillforgiveme。