CLEON
Isitpossible，Demos，toloveyoumorethanIdo？Andfirstly，aslongasyouhavegovernedwithmyconsent，haveInotfilledyourtreasury，puttingpressureonsome，torturingothersorbeggingofthem，indifferenttotheopinionofprivateindividuals，andsolelyanxioustopleaseyou？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Thereisnothingsowonderfulinallthat，Demos；Iwilldoasmuch；Iwillthievethebreadofotherstoserveuptoyou。No，hehasneitherloveforyounorkindlyfeeling；hisonlycareistowarmhimselfwithyourwood，andIwillproveit。You，who，swordinhand，savedAtticafromtheMedianyokeatMarathon；you，whoseglorioustriumphswelovetoextolunceasingly，look，hecareslittlewhetherheseesyouseateduncomfortablyuponastone；
whereasI，Ibringyouthiscushion，whichIhavesewnwithmyownhands。Riseandtrythisnicesoftseat。DidyounotputenoughstrainonyourbottomatSalamis？
（HegivesDEMOSthecushion；DEMOSsitsonit。）
DEMOS
Whoareyouthen？CanyoubeoftheraceofHarmodius？Uponmyfaith，thatisnoblydoneandlikeatruefriendofDemos。
CLEON
Pettyflatterytoprovehimyourgoodwill！
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Butyouhavecaughthimwithevensmallerbaits！
CLEON
NeverhadDemosadefenderorafriendmoredevotedthanmyself；
onmyhead，onmylife，Iswearit！
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Youpretendtolovehimandforeightyearsyouhaveseenhimhousedincasks，increvicesanddovecots，whereheisblindedwiththesmoke，andyoulockhiminwithoutpity；Archeptolemusbroughtpeaceandyoutoreittoribbons；theenvoyswhocometoproposeatruceyoudrivefromthecitywithkicksintheirarses。
CLEON
ThepurposeofthisisthatDemosmayruleoveralltheGreeks；
fortheoraclespredictthat，ifheispatient，hemustonedaysitasjudgeinArcadiaatfiveobolsperday。Meanwhile，Iwillnourishhim，lookafterhimand，aboveall，Iwillensuretohimhisthreeobols。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
No，littleyoucareforhisreigninginArcadia，it’stopillageandimposeonthealliesatwillthatyoureckon；youwishthewartoconcealyourrogueriesasinamist，thatDemosmayseenothingofthem，andharassedbycares，mayonlydependonyourselfforhisbread。Butifeverpeaceisrestoredtohim，ifeverhereturnstohislandstocomforthimselfoncemorewithgoodcakes，togreethischerishedolives，hewillknowtheblessingsyouhavekepthimoutof，eventhoughpayinghimasalary；and，filledwithhatredandrage，hewillrise，burningwithdesiretovoteagainstyou。Youknowthisonlytoowell；itisforthisyourockhimtosleepwithyourlies。
CLEON
Isitnotshameful，thatyoushoulddarethustocalumniatemebeforeDemos，me，towhomAthens，IswearitbyDemeter，alreadyowesmorethaniteverdidtoThemistocles？
SAUSAGE—SELLER（declaiming）
Oh！citizensofArgos，doyouhearwhathesays？（toCLEON）YoudaretocompareyourselftoThemistocles，whofoundourcityhalfemptyandleftitfulltooverflowing，whoonedaygaveusthePiraeusfordinner，andaddedfreshfishtoallourusualmeals。You，onthecontrary，you，whocompareyourselfwithThemistocles，haveonlysoughttoreduceourcityinsize，toshutitwithinitswalls，tochantoraclestous。AndThemistoclesgoesintoexile，whileyougorgeyourselfonthemostexcellentfare。
CLEON
Oh！Demos！AmIcompelledtohearmyselfthusabused，andmerelybecauseIloveyou？
DEMOS
Silence！stopyourabuse！AlltoolonghaveIbeenyourdupe。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Ah！mydearlittleDemos，heisaroguewhohasplayedyoumanyascurvytrick；whenyourbackisturned，hetapsattherootthelawsuitsinitiatedbythepeculators，swallowstheproceedswholesaleandhelpshimselfwithbothhandsfromthepublicfunds。
CLEON
Tremble，knave；Iwillconvictyouofhavingstolenthirtythousanddrachmae。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Forarascalofyourkidney，youshoutrarely！Well！IamreadytodieifIdonotprovethatyouhaveacceptedmorethanfortyminaefromtheMitylenaeans。
SECONDSEMI—CHORUS（singing）
Thisindeedmaybetermedtalking。Oh，benefactorofthehumanrace，proceedandyouwillbethemostillustriousoftheGreeks。
YoualoneshallhaveswayinAthens，theallieswillobeyyou，and，tridentinhand，youwillgoaboutshakingandoverturningeverythingtoenrichyourself。But，sticktoyourman，lethimnotgo；
withlungslikeyoursyouwillsoonhavehimfinished。
CLEON
No，mybravefriends，no，youarerunningtoofast；Ihavedoneasufficientlybrilliantdeedtoshutthemouthofallenemies，solongasoneofthebucklersofPylosremains。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Ofthebucklers！Hold！IstopyouthereandIholdyoufast。Forifitbetruethatyoulovethepeople，youwouldnotallowthesetobehungupwiththeirrings；butit’swithanintentyouhavedonethis。Demos，takeknowledgeofhisguiltypurpose；inthiswayyounolongercanpunishhimatyourpleasure。Notetheswarmofyoungtanners，whoreallysurroundhim，andclosetothemthesellersofhoneyandcheese；alltheseareatonewithhim。Verywell！youhavebuttofrown，tospeakofostracismandtheywillrushatnighttothesebucklers，takethemdownandseizeourgranaries。
DEMOS
Greatgods！what！thebucklersretaintheirrings！Scoundrel！
ah！tolonghaveyouhadmeforyourdupe，cheatedandplavedwithme！
CLEON
But，dearsir，neveryoubelieveallhetellsyou。Oh！neverwillyoufindamoredevotedfriendthanme；unaided，Ihaveknownhowtoputdowntheconspiracies；nothingthatishatchinginthecityescapesme，andIhastentoproclaimitloudly。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Youarelikethefishersforeels；instillwaterstheycatchnothing，butiftheythoroughlystiruptheslime，theirfishingisgood；inthesamewayit’sonlyintroubloustimesthatyoulineyourpockets。Butcome，tellme，you，whosellsomanyskins，haveyouevermadehimapresentofapairofsolesforhisslippers？andyoupretendtolovehim！
DEMOS
No，hehasnevergivenmeany。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Thataloneshowsuptheman；butI，Ihaveboughtyouthispairofshoes；acceptthem。
（HegivesDEMOStheshoes；DEMOSputsthemon。）
DEMOS
Noneever，tomyknowledge，hasmeritedsomuchfromthepeople；
youarethemostzealousofallmenforourcountryandformytoes。
CLEON
Canawretchedpairofslippersmakeyouforgetallthatyouoweme？IsitnotIwhocurbedthepederastsbyerasingGryttus’namefromthelistsofcitizens？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Ah！nobleInspectorofArses，letmecongratulateyou。Moreover，ifyousetyourselfagainstthisformoflewdness，thispederasty，itwasforsheerjealousy，knowingittobetheschoolfororators。
ButyouseethispoorDemoswithoutacloakandthatathisagetoo！
solittledoyoucareforhim，thatinmid—winteryouhavenotgivenhimagarmentwithsleeves。Here，Demos，hereisone，takeit！
（HegivesDEMOSacloak；DEMOSputsiton。）
DEMOS
ThisevenThemistoclesneverthoughtof；thePiraeuswasnodoubtahappyidea，butIthinkthistunicisquiteasfineaninvention。
CLEON
Mustyouhaverecoursetosuchjackanapes’trickstosupplantme？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
No，it’syourowntricksthatIamborrowing，justasadrunkenguest，whenhehastotakeacrap，seizessomeotherman’sshoes。
CLEON
Oh！youshallnotoutdomeinflattery！IamgoingtohandDemosthisgarment；allthatremainstoyou，yourogue，istogoandhangyourself。
DEMOS（asCLEONthrowsacloakaroundhisshoulders）
Faugh！maytheplagueseizeyou！Youstinkofleatherhorribly。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Why，it’stosmotheryouthathehasthrownthiscloakaroundyouontopoftheother；anditisnotthefirstplothehasplannedagainstyou。Doyourememberthetimewhensilphiumwassocheap？
DEMOS
Aye，tobesureIdo！
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Verywell！itwasCleonwhohadcausedthepricetofallsolow，thatallmighteatit，andthejurymenintheCourtswerealmostasphyxiatedfromfartingineachothers’faces。
DEMOS
Hah！why，indeed，aDungtownitetoldmethesamething。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Wereyounotyourselfinthosedaysquiteredinthegillswithfarting？
DEMOS
Why，itwasatrickworthyofPyrrhandrus！
CLEON
Withwhatotheridletrashwillyouseektoruinme，youwretch！
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Oh！Ishallbemorebrazenthanyou，forit’sthegoddesswhohascommandedme。
CLEON
No，onmyhonour，youwillnot！Here，Demos，feastonthisdish；
itisyoursalaryasadicast，whichyougainthroughmefordoingnaught。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Wait！hereisalittleboxofointmenttorubintothesoresonyourlegs。
CLEON
Iwillpluckoutyourwhitehairsandmakeyouyoungagain。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Takethishare’stailtowipetherheumfromyoureyes。
CLEON
Whenyouwipeyournose，cleanyourfingersonmyhead。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
No，onmine。
CLEON
Onmine。（TotheSAUSAGE—SELLER）Iwillhaveyoumadeatrierarchandyouwillgetruinedthroughit；Iwillarrangethatyouaregivenanoldvesselwithrottensails，whichyouwillhavetorepairconstantlyandatgreatcost。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Ourmanisontheboil；enough，enough，enough，heisboilingover；removesomeoftheembersfromunderhimandskimoffhisthreats。
CLEON
Iwillpunishyourself—importance；Iwillcrushyouwithimposts；
Iwillhaveyouinscribedonthelistoftherich。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Formenothreat—onlyonesimplewish。Thatyoumaybehavingsomecuttle—fishfriedonthestovejustasyouaregoingtosetforthtopleadthecauseoftheMilesians，which，ifyougainit，meansatalentinyour，pocket；thatyouhurryoverdevouringthefishtorushofftotheAssembly；suddenlyyouarecalledandrunoffwithyourmouthfullsoasnottolosethetalentandchokeyourself。There！
thatismywish。
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
Splendid！byZeus，ApolloandDemeter！
DEMOS
Faith！hereisanexcellentcitizenindeed，suchashasnotbeenseenforalongtime。He’strulyamanofthelowestscum！Asforyou，Paphlagonian，whopretendtoloveme，youonlyfeedmeongarlic。
Returnmemyring，foryouceasetobemysteward。
CLEON
Hereitis，butbeassured，thatifyoubereavemeofmypower，mysuccessorwillbeworsethanIam。
DEMOS
Thiscannotbemyring；Iseeanotherdevice，unlessIamgoingpurblind。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Whatwasyourdevice？
DEMOS
Afig—leaf，stuffedwithbullock’sfat。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
No，thatisnotit。
DEMOS
Whatisitthen？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
It’sagullwithbeakwideopen，haranguingthepeoplefromthetopofastone。
DEMOS
Ah！greatgods！
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Whatisthematter？
DEMOS
Away！awayoutofmysight！It’snotmyringhehad，itwasthatofCleonymus。（TotheSAUSAGE—SELLER）Wait，I’llgiveyouthisone；
youshallbemysteward。
CLEON
Master，Iadjureyou，decidenothingtillyouhaveheardmyoracles。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Andmine。
CLEON
Ifyoubelievehim，youwillhavetoprostituteyourselfforhim。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Ifyoulistentohim，you’llhavetolethimpeelyoutotheverystump。
CLEON
Myoraclessaythatyouaretoreignoverthewholeearth，crownedwithchaplets。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Andminesaythat，clothedinanembroideredpurplerobe，youshallpursueSmicytheandherspouse，standinginachariotofgoldandwithacrownonyourhead。
DEMOS
Go，fetchmeyouroracles，thatthePaphlagonianmayhearthem。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Willingly。
DEMOS
Andyouyours。
CLEON
I’llrun。
（HerushesintothehouseofDEMOS。）
SAUSAGE—SELLER
AndI’llruntoo；nothingcouldsuitmebetter！
（Hedepartsinhaste。）
CHORUS（singing）
Oh！happydayforusandforourchildrenifCleonperish。YetjustnowIheardsomeoldcross—grainedpleadersonthemarketplacewhoholdnotthisopiniondiscoursingtogether。Saidthey，\"IfCleonhadnothadthepower，weshouldhavelackedtwomostusefultools，thepestleandthesoup—ladle。\"Youalsoknowwhatapig’seducationhehashad；hisschool—fellowscanrecallthatheonlylikedtheDorianstyleandwouldstudynoother；hismusic—masterindispleasuresenthimaway，saying；\"Thisyouth，inmattersofharmony，willonlylearntheDorianstylebecauseitisakintobribery。\"
CLEON（comingoutofthehousewithalargepackage）
There，lookatthisheap；andyetI’mnotbringingthemall。
SAUSAGE—SELLER（enteringwitkanevenlargerpackage）
Ugh！Theweightofthemissqueezingthecraprightoutofme，andstillI’mnotbringingthemall！
DEMOS
Whatarethese？
CLEON
Oracles。
DEMOS
Allthese？
CLEON
Doesthatastonishyou？Why，Ihaveanotherwholeboxfulofthem。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
AndIthewholeofmyatticandtworoomsbesides。
DEMOS
Come，letussee，whosearetheseoracles？
CLEON
MinearethoseofBacis。
DEMOS（totheSAUSAGE—SELLER）
Andwhoseareyours？
SAUSAGE—SELLER（withouthesitating）
Glanis’s，theelderbrotherofBacis。
DEMOS
Andofwhatdotheyspeak？
CLEON
OfAthensandPylosandyouandmeandeverything。
DEMOS
Andyours？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
OfAthensandlentilsandLacedaemoniansandfreshmackerelandscoundrellyflour—sellersandyouandme。Ahha！nowwatchhimgnawhisowntoolwithchagrin！
DEMOS
Come，readthemouttomeandespeciallythatoneIlikesomuch，whichsaysthatIshallbecomeaneagleandsoaramongtheclouds。
CLEON
Thenlistenandbeattentive！\"SonofErechtheus，understandthemeaningofthewords，whichthesacredtripodssetresoundinginthesanctuaryofApollo。Preservethesacreddogwiththejaggedteeth，thatbarksandhowlsinyourdefence；hewillensureyouasalaryand，ifhefails，willperishasthevictimoftheswarmsofjaysthathunthimdownwiththeirscreams。\"
DEMOS
ByDemeter！Idonotunderstandawordofit。WhatconnectionistherebetweenErechtheus，thejaysandthedog？
CLEON
Iamthedog，sinceIbarkinyourdefence。Well！Phoebuscommandsyoutokeepandcherishyourdog。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Thatisnotwhatthegodsays；thisdogseemstometognawattheoraclesasothersgnawatdoorposts。HereisexactlywhatApollosaysofthedog。
DEMOS
Letushear，butImustfirstpickupastone；anoraclewhichspeaksofadogmightbitemytool。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
\"SonofErechtheus，bewareofthisCerberusthatenslavesfreemen；hefawnsuponyouwithhistailwhenyouaredining，butheislyinginwaittodevouryourdishesshouldyouturnyourheadaninstant；atnighthesneaksintothekitchenand，truedogthatheis，licksupwithonelapofhistonguebothyourdishesand……theislands。\"
DEMOS
Bygod，Glanis，youspeakbetterthanyourbrother。
CLEON
Condescendagaintohearmeandthenjudge：\"AwomaninsacredAthenswillbedeliveredofalion，whoshallfightforthepeopleagainstcloudsofgnatswiththesameferocityasifheweredefendinghiswhelps；careyeforhim，erectwoodenwallsaroundhimandtowersofbrass。\"Doyouunderstandthat？
DEMOS
Nottheleastbitintheworld。
CLEON
Thegodtellsyouheretolookafterme，forIamyourlion。
DEMOS
How！YouhavebecomealionandIneverknewathingaboutit？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Thereisonlyonethingwhichhepurposelykeepsfromyou；hedoesnotsaywhatthiswallofwoodandbrassisinwhichApollowarnsyoutokeepandguardhim。
DEMOS
Whatdoesthegodmean，then？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Headvisesyoutofithimintoafive—holedwoodencollar。
DEMOS
Hah！Ithinkthatoracleisabouttobefulfilled。
CLEON
Donotbelieveit；thesearebutjealouscrows，thatcawagainstme；butneverceasetocherishyourgoodhawk；neverforgetthathebroughtyouthoseLacedaemonianfish，loadedwithchains。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Ah！ifthePaphlagonianrananyriskthatday，itwasbecausehewasdrunk。Oh，toocreduloussonofCecrops，doyouacceptthatasagloriousexploit？Awomanwouldcarryaheavyburdenifonlyamanhadputitonhershoulders。Buttofight！Goto！hewouldemptyhisbowelsbeforehewouldeverfight。
CLEON
NotethisPylosinfrontofPylos，ofwhichtheoraclespeaks，\"PylosisbeforePylos。\"
DEMOS
How\"infrontofPylos\"？Whatdoeshemeanbythat？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Hesayshewillseizeuponyourbath—tubs。
DEMOS
ThenIshallnotbatheto—day。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
No，ashehasstolenourbaths。Buthereisanoracleaboutthefleet，towhichIbegyourbestattention。
DEMOS
Readon！Iamlistening；letusfirstseehowwearetopayoursailors。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
\"SonofAegeus，bewareofthetricksofthedog—fox，hebitesfromtherearandrushesoffatfullspeed；heisnothingbutcunningandperfidy。\"Doyouknowwhattheoracleintendstosay？
DEMOS
Thedog—foxisPhilostratus。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
No，no，it’sCleon；heisincessantlyaskingyouforlightvesselstogoandcollectthetributes，andApolloadvisesyounottograntthem。
DEMOS
Whatconnectionistherebetweenagalleyanddog—fox？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Whatconnection？Why，it’squiteplain—agalleytravelsasfastasadog。
DEMOS
Why，then，doestheoraclenotsaydoginsteadofdog—fox？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Becausehecomparesthesoldierstoyoungfoxes，who，likethem，eatthegrapesinthefields。
DEMOS
Good！Wellthen！howamItopaythewagesofmyyoungfoxes？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Iwillundertakethat，andinthreedaystoo！Butlistentothisfurtheroracle，bywhichApolloputsyouonyourguardagainstthesnaresofthegreedyfist。
DEMOS
Ofwhatgreedyfist？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
ThegodinthisoracleveryclearlypointstothehandofCleon，whoincessantlyholdshisout，saying，\"Fillit。\"
CLEON
That’salie！PhoebusmeansthehandofDiopithes。ButhereIhaveawingedoracle，whichpromisesyoushallbecomeaneagleandruleoveralltheearth。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Ihaveone，whichsaysthatyoushallbeKingoftheEarthandoftheRedSeatoo，andthatyoushalladministerjusticeinEcbatana，eatingfinerichstewsthewhile。
CLEON
IhaveseenAthen&inadream，pouringoutfullvialsofrichesandhealthoverthepeople。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Itoohaveseenthegoddess，descendingfromtheAcropoliswithanowlpercheduponherhelmet；onyourheadshewaspouringoutambrosia，onthatofCleongarlicpickle。
DEMOS
TrulyGlanisisthewisestofmen。Ishallyieldmyselftoyou；
guidemeinmyoldageandeducatemeanew。
CLEON
Ah！Iadjureyou！notyet；waitalittle；Iwillpromisetodistributebarleyeveryday。
DEMOS
Ah！Iwillnothearanotherwordaboutbarley；youhavecheatedmetoooftenalready，bothyouandTheophanes。
CLEON
Wellthen！youshallhaveflour—cakesallpipinghot。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Iwillgiveyoucakestoo，andnicecookedfish；allyou’llhavetodoiseat。
DEMOS
Verywell，mindyoukeepyourpromises。TowhicheverofyoushalltreatmebestIhandoverthereinsofstate。
CLEON
Iwillbefirst。
（Herushesintothehouse。）
SAUSAGE—SELLER
No，no，Iwill。
（Herunsoff。）
CHORUS（singing）
Demos，youareourall—powerfulsovereignlord；alltremblebeforeyou，yetyouareledbythenose。Youlovetobeflatteredandfooled；
youlistentotheoratorswithgapingmouthandyourmindisledastray。
DEMOS（singing）
It’sratheryouwhohavenobrains，ifyouthinkmesofoolishasallthat；itiswithapurposethatIplaythisidiot’srole，forI
lovetodrinkthelivelongday，andsoitpleasesmetokeepathiefformyminister。Whenhehasthoroughlygorgedhimself，thenI
overthrowandcrushhim。
CHORUS（singing）
Whatprofoundwisdom！Ifitbereallyso，why！allisforthebest。Yourministers，then，areyourvictims，whomyounourishandfeedupexpresslyinthePnyx，sothat，thedayyourdinnerisready，youmayimmolatethefattestandeathim。
DEMOS（singing）
Look，seehowIplaywiththem，whileallthetimetheythinkthemselvessuchadeptsatcheatingme。Ihavemyeyeonthemwhentheythieve，butIdonotappeartobeseeingthem；thenIthrustajudgmentdowntheirthroatasitwereafeather，andforcethemtovomitupalltheyhaverobbedfromme。
（Cleoncomesoutofthehousewithabenchandalargebasket；atthesamemomenttheSAUSAGE—SELLERarriveswithanotherbasket；
thetwoareplacedbesideoneanother。）
CLEON
Getoutofhere！
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Getoutyourself！
CLEON
Demos，allisreadythesethreehours；IawaityourordersandI
burnwithdesiretoloadyouwithbenefits。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
AndIten，twelve，athousandhours，along，longwhile，aninfinitelylong，long，longwhile。
DEMOS
Asforme，it’sthirtythousandhoursthatIhavebeenimpatient；very，long，infinitelylong，long，longthatIhavecursedyou—
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Doyouknowwhatyouhadbestdo？
DEMOS
Iwill，ifyoutellme。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Declarethelistsopenandwewillcontendabreasttodetermine—whoshalltreatyouthebest。
DEMOS
Splended！Drawbackinline！
CLEON
Iamready。
DEMOS
Offyougo！
SAUSAGE—SELLER（toCLEON）
Ishallnotletyougettothetape。
DEMOS
Whatferventlovers！IfIamnotto—daythehappiestofmen，itwillbebecauseIamthemostdisgusted。
CLEON（puttingdownthebenchforDEMOS）
Look！Iamthefirsttobringyouaseat。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
AndIatable。
（Heplaceshissausage—trayinfrontofDEMOS。）
CLEON
Wait，hereisacakekneadedofPylosbarley。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Herearecrusts，whichtheivoryhandofthegoddesshashallowed。
DEMOS
Oh！MightyAthene！Howlargeareyourfingers！
CLEON
Thisispea—soup，asexquisiteasitisfine；PallasthevictoriousgoddessatPylosistheonewhocrushedthepeasherself。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Oh，Demos！thegoddesswatchesoveryou；sheisstretchingforthoveryourhead……astew—panfullofbroth。
DEMOS
Andshouldwestillbedwellinginthiscitywithoutthisprotectingstew—pan？
CLEON
Herearesomefish，giventoyoubyherwhoistheterrorofourfoes。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Thedaughterofthemightiestofthegodssendsyouthismeatcookedinitsowngravy，alongwiththisdishoftripeandsomepaunch。
DEMOS
That’stothankmeforthepeplusIofferedtoher；good。
CLEON
Thegoddesswiththeterribleplumeinvitesyoutoeatthislongcake；youwillrowtheharderonit。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Takethisalso。
DEMOS
AndwhatshallIdowiththistripe？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Shesendsityoutobellyoutyourgalleys，forsheisalwaysshowingherkindlyanxietyforourfleet。Nowdrinkthisdrinkcomposedofthreepartsofwatertotwoofwine。
DEMOS
Ah！whatdeliciouswine，andhowwellitstandsthewater。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
ThegoddesswhocamefromtheheadofZeusmixedthisliquorwithherownhands。
CLEON
Hold，hereisapieceofgoodrichcake。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
ButIofferyouanentirecake。
CLEON
ButyoucannotofferhimstewedhareasIdo。
SAUSAGE—SELLER（aside）
Ah！greatgods！stewedhare！whereshallIfindit？Oh！brainofmine，devisesometrick！
CLEON（showinghimthehare）
Doyouseethis，yourogue？
SAUSAGE—SELLER（pretendingtolookafar）
Afigforthat！Herearesomepeoplecomingtoseekme。Theyareenvoys，bearingsacksbulgingwithmoney。
CLEON
（HearingmoneymentionedCLEONturnshishead，andtheSAUSAGE—SELLERseizestheopportunitytosnatchawaythestewedhare。）
Where，where，Isay？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Bah！What’sthattoyou？Willyounotevennowletthestrangersalone？DearDemos，doyouseethisstewedharewhichIbringyou？
CLEON
Ah！rascal！youhaveshamelesslyrobbedme。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Youhaverobbedtoo，yourobbedtheLaconiansatPylos。
DEMOS
Pleasetellme，howdidyougettheideatofilchitfromhim？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Theideacomesfromthegoddess；thetheftisallmyown。
CLEON
AndIhadtakensuchtroubletocatchthishareandIwastheonewhohaditcooked。
DEMOS（toCLEON）
Getyougone！Mythanksareonlyforhimwhoservedit。
CLEON
Ah！wretch！youhavebeatenmeinimpudence！
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Wellthen，Demos，saynow，whohastreatedyoubest，youandyourstomach？Decide！
DEMOS
HowshallIactheresothatthespectatorsshallapprovemyjudgment？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Iwilltellyou。Withoutsayinganything，goandrummagethroughmybasket，andthenthroughthePaphlagonian’s，andseewhatisinthem；that’sthebestwaytojudge。
DEMOS
Letusseethen，whatisthereinyours？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Why，it’sempty，dearlittlefather；Ihavebroughteverythingtoyou。
DEMOS
Thisisabasketdevotedtothepeople。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
NowhuntthroughthePaphlagonian’s。（Pause，asDemosdoesso）
Well？
DEMOS
Oh！whatalotofgoodthings！Whyit’squitefull！Oh！whatahugegreatpartofthiscakehekeptforhimself！Hehadonlycutofftheleastlittletinypieceforme。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Butthisiswhathehasalwaysdone。Ofeverythinghetook，heonlygaveyouthecrumbs，andkeptthebulk。
DEMOS（toCLEON）
Oh！rascal！wasthisthewayyourobbedme？AndIwasloadingyouwithchapletsandgifts！
CLEON
Irobbedforthepublicweal。
DEMOS（toCLEON）
Givemebackthatcrown；Ishallgiveittohim。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Returnitquick，quick，yougallows—bird。
CLEON
No，forthePythianoraclehasrevealedtomethenameofhimwhoshalloverthrowme。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Andthatnamewasmine，nothingcanbeclearer。
CLEON
ReplyandIshallsoonseewhetheryouareindeedthemanwhomthegodintended。Firstly，whatschooldidyouattendwhenachild？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Itwasinthekitchens，whereIwastaughtwithcuffsandblows。
CLEON
What’sthatyousay？（aside）Ah！thisistrulywhattheoraclesaid。
（TotheSAUSAGE—SELLER）Andwhatdidyoulearnfromthemasterofexercises？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Ilearnttotakeafalseoathwithoutasmile，whenIhadstolensomething。
CLEON（frightened；aside）
Oh！PhoebusApollo，godofLycia！Iamundone！（TotheSAUSAGE—SELLER）Andwhenyouhadbecomeaman，whattradedidyoufollow？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Isoldsausagesanddidabitoffornication。
CLEON（inconsternation；aside）
Oh！mygod！Iamalostman！Ah！stilloneslenderhoperemains。
（totheSAUSAGE—SELLER）Tellme，wasitonthemarket—placeornearthegatesthatyousoldyoursausages？
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Nearthegates，inthemarketforsaltedgoods。
CLEON（intragicdespair）
Alas！Iseetheprophecyofthegodisverilycometrue。Alas！
rollmehome。Iamamiserableruinedman。Farewell，mychaplet。
’Tisdeathtometopartwithyou。Soyouaretobelongtoanother；
’tiscertainhecannotbeagreaterthief，butperhapshemaybealuckierone。
（HegivesthechaplettotheSAUSAGE—SELLER。）
SAUSAGE—SELLER
Oh！Zeus，protectorofGreece！’tistoyouIowethisvictory！
DEMOSTHENES
Hail！illustriousconqueror，butforgetnot，thatifyouhavebecomeagreatman，’tisthankstome；Iaskbutalittlething；
appointmesecretaryofthelaw—courtintheroomofPhanus。
DEMOS（totheSAUSAGE—SELLER）
Butwhatisyournamethen？Tellme。
SAUSAGE—SELLER
MynameisAgoracritus，becauseIhavealwayslivedonthemarketplaceinthemidstoflawsuits。
DEMOS
Wellthen，Agoracritus，Istandbyyou；asforthePaphlagonian，I
handhimovertoyourmercy。
AGORACRITUS
Demos，Iwillcareforyoutothebestofmypower，andallshalladmitthatnocitizenismoredevotedthanItothiscityofsimpletons。
（TheyallenterthehouseofDEMOS。）
CHORUS（singing）
WhatfitterthemeforourMuse，atthecloseasatthebeginningofourwork，thanthis，tosingtheherowhodriveshisswiftsteedsdownthearena？WhyafflictLysistratuswithoursatiresonhispoverty，andThumantis，whohasnotsomuchasalodging？HeisdyingofhungerandcanbeseenatDelphi，hisfacebathedintears，clingingtoyourquiver，oh，Apolloandsupplicatingyoutotakehimoutofhismisery。
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
Aninsultdirectedatthewickedisnottobecensured；onthecontrary，thehonestman，ifhehassense，canonlyapplaud。Him，whomIwishtobrandwithinfamy，islittleknownhimself；he’sthebrotherofArignotus。Iregrettoquotethisnamewhichissodeartome，butwhoevercandistinguishblackfromwhite，ortheOrthianmodeofmusicfromothers，knowsthevirtuesofArignotus，whomhisbrother，Ariphrades，innowayresembles。Hegloatsinvice，isnotmerelyadissolutemanandutterlydebauched—buthehasactuallyinventedanewformofvice；forhepolluteshistonguewithabominablepleasuresinbrothels，befoulingallofhisbody。Whoeverisnothorrifiedatsuchamonstershallneverdrinkfromthesamecupwithme。
CHORUS（singing）
Attimesathoughtweighsonmeatnight；IwonderwhencecomesthisfearfulvoracityofCleonymus。’Tissaidthatwhendiningwitharichhost，hespringsatthedisheswiththegluttonyofawildbeastandneverleavesthebread—binuntilhishostseizeshimroundtheknees，exclaiming，\"Go，go，goodgentleman，inmercygo，andsparemypoortable！\"
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
Itissaidthatthetriremesassembledincouncilandthattheoldestspokeintheseterms，\"Areyouignorant，mysisters，ofwhatisplottinginAthens？TheysaythatacertainHyperbolus，abadcitizenandaninfamousscoundrel，asksforahundredofustotakethemtoseaagainstCarthage。\"Allwereindignant，andoneofthem，asyetavirgin，cried，\"MaygodforbidthatIshouldeverobeyhim！I
wouldprefertogrowoldintheharbourandbegnawedbyworms。No！bythegodsIswearit，Nauphante，daughterofNauson，shallneverbendtohislaw；that’sastrueasIammadeofwoodandpitch。IftheAtheniansvotefortheproposalofHyperbolus，letthem！wewillhoistfullsailandseekrefugebythetempleofTheseusortheshrineoftheEumenides。No！heshallnotcommandus！No！heshallnotplaywiththecitytothisextent！LethimsailbyhimselfforTartarus，ifsuchpleasehim，launchingtheboatsinwhichheusedtosellhislamps。\"
（TheSAUSAGE—SELLERcomesoutofthehouseofDEMOS，splendidlyrobed。）
AGORACRITUS（solemnly）
Maintainaholysilence！Keepyourmouthsfromutterance！callnomorewitnesses；closethesetribunals，whicharethedelightofthiscity，andgatheratthetheatretochantthePaeanofthanksgivingtothegodsforafreshfavour。
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
Oh！torchofsacredAthens，saviouroftheIslands，whatgoodtidingsarewetocelebratebylettingthebloodofthevictimsflowinourmarketplaces？
AGORACRITUS
IhavefreshenedDemosupsomewhatonthestoveandhaveturnedhisuglinessintobeauty。
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
Iadmireyourinvertivegenius；but，whereishe？
AGORACRITUS
HeislivinginancientAthens，thecityofthegarlandsofviolets。
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
HowIshouldliketoseehim！Whatishisdresslike，whathismanner？
AGORACRITUS
HehasoncemorebecomeashewasinthedayswhenhelivedwithAristidesandMiltiades。Butyouwilljudgeforyourselves，forIhearthevestibuledoorsopening。HailwithyourshoutsofgladnesstheAthensofold，whichnowdothreappeartoyourgaze，admirable，worthyofthesongsofthepoetsandthehomeoftheillustriousDemos。
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
Oh！noble，brilliantAthens，whosebrowiswreathedwithviolets，showusthesovereignmasterofthislandandofallGreece。
（DEMOScomesfromhishouse，rejuvenatedandjoyous。）
AGORACRITUS
Lo！hereheiscomingwithhishairheldinplacewithagoldenbandandinallthegloryofhisold—worlddress；perfumedwithmyrrh，hespreadsaroundhimnottheodouroflawsuits，butthatofpeace。
LEADEROFTHECHORUS
Hail！KingofGreece，wecongratulateyouuponthehappinessyouenjoy；itisworthyofthiscity，worthyofthegloryofMarathon。
DEMOS
Come，Agoracritus，come，mybestfriend；seetheserviceyouhavedonemebyfresheningmeuponyourstove。
AGORACRITUS
Ah！ifyoubutrememberedwhatyouwereformerlyandwhatyoudid，youwouldforacertaintybelievemetobeagod。
DEMOS
ButwhatdidIdo？andhowwasIthen？
AGORACRITUS
Firstly，sosoonaseveranoratordeclaredintheAssembly，\"Demos，Iloveyouardently；itisIalonewhodreamofyouandwatchoveryourinterests\"；atsuchanexordiumyouwouldlooklikeacockflappinghiswingsorabulltossinghishorns。
DEMOS
What，I？
AGORACRITUS
Then，afterhehadfooledyoutothehilt，hewouldgo。
DEMOS
What！theywouldtreatmeso，andIneversawit？
AGORACRITUS
Youknewonlyhowtoopenandcloseyourearslikeasunshade。
DEMOS
WasIthensostupidandsuchadotard？
AGORACRITUS
Worsethanthat；ifoneoftwooratorsproposedtoequipafleetforwarandtheothersuggestedtheuseofthesamesumforpayingouttothecitizens，itwasthelatterwhoalwayscarriedtheday。Well！
youdroopyourhead！Whydoyouturnawayyourface？
DEMOS
Iamblushingatmypasterrors。
AGORACRITUS
Thinknomoreofthem；it’snotyouwhoaretoblame，butthosewhocheatedyouinthissorryfashion。But，come，ifsomeimpudentlawyerdaredtosay，\"Dicasts，youshallhavenowheatunlessyouconvictthisaccusedman！\"whatwouldyoudo？Tellme。
DEMOS
Iwouldhavehimremovedfromthebar，IwouldbindHyperbolusabouthisnecklikeastoneandwouldflinghimintotheBarathrum。
AGORACRITUS
Wellspoken！butwhatothermeasuresdoyouwishtotake？
DEMOS
First，assoonaseverafleetreturnstotheharbour，Ishallpayuptherowersinfull。
AGORACRITUS
Thatwillsoothemanyawornandchafedbottom。
DEMOS
Further，thehopliteenrolledformilitaryserviceshallnotgettransferredtoanotherservicethroughfavour，butshallsticktothatgivenhimattheoutset。
AGORACRITUS
ThiswillstrikethebucklerofCleonymusfullinthecentre。
DEMOS
Noneshallascendtherostrum，unlesshischinisbearded。
AGORACRITUS
WhatthenwillbecomeofClisthenesandofStrato？
DEMOS
Iwishonlytorefertothoseyouthswholollabouttheperfumeshops，babblingatrandom，\"WhatacleverfellowisPhaeax！Howcleverlyheescapeddeath！howconciseandconvincingishisstyle！
whatphrases！howclearandtothepoint！howwellheknowshowtoquellaninterruption！
AGORACRITUS
Ithoughtyouweretheloverofthosefairies。
DEMOS
Thegodsforefendit！andIwillforceallsuchfellowstogohuntinginsteadofproposingdecrees。
AGORACRITUS
Inthatcase，acceptthisfolding—stool，and，tocarryit，thiswell—grown，big—balledslavelad。Besides，youmayputhimtoanyotherpurposeyouplease。
DEMOS
Oh！IamhappyindeedtofindmyselfasIwasofold！
AGORACRITUS
Aye，youwilldeemyourselfhappy，whenIhavehandedyouthetruceofthirtyyears。Truce！stepforward！
（EnterTruce，intheformofabeautifulyounggirl，magnificentlyattired。）
DEMOS
Greatgods！howcharmingsheis！CanIdowithherasIwish？
wheredidyoudiscoverher，pray？
AGORACRITUS
ThatPaphlagonianhadkeptherlockedupinhishouse，sothatyoumightnotenjoyher。Asformyself，Igivehertoyou；takeherwithyouintothecountry。
DEMOS
AndwhatpunishmentwillyouinflictuponthisPaphlagonian，thecauseofallmytroubles？
AGORACRITUS
Itwillnotbeover—terrible。Icondemnhimtofollowmyoldtrade，postednearthegates，hemustsellsausagesofasses’anddogs’meat：perpetuallydrunk，hewillexchangefoullanguagewithprostitutesandwilldrinknothingbutthedirtywaterfromthebaths。
DEMOS
Wellconceived！heisindeedfittowranglewithharlotsandbathmen；asforyou，inreturnforsomanyblessings，IinviteyoutotaketheplaceatthePrytaneumwhichthisrogueonceoccupied。Putonhisfrog—greenmantleandfollowme。Asfortheother，letthemtakehimaway；lethimgosellhissausagesinfullviewoftheforeigners，whomheusedformerlytoinsultsowantonly。