Woulditnot，George？Toturnthetablesonthem？\"
\"Yes，\"saidI，\"Ishouldliketohavethelaughagainstthem。\"
\"SowouldI，onlythatIshouldcompromisemyselfbytellingthestory。Itwouldn’tdoatalltohaveittoldatOxfordwithmynameattachedtoit。\"
TothisalsoIassented。TowhatwouldInothaveassentedinmyanxietytomakehimhappyafterhismisery？
Butallwasnotoveryet。Hewasinbednow，butitwasnecessarythatheshouldriseagainonthemorrow。Athome，inEngland，whatwasrequiredmightperhapshavebeenmadeduringthenight；buthere，amongtheslowFlemings，anysuchexertionwouldhavebeenimpossible。Mr。Horne，moreover，hadnodesiretobetroubledinhisretirementbyatailor。
NowthelandlordoftheGoldenFleecewasaverystoutman，——averystoutmanindeed。Lookingathimashestoodwithhishandsinhispocketsattheportalofhisownestablishment，IcouldnotbutthinkthathewasstoutereventhanMr。Horne。Butthenhewascertainlymuchshorter，andthewantofdueproportionprobablyaddedtohisunwieldyappearance。Iwalkedroundhimonceortwicewishfully，measuringhiminmyeye，andthinkingofwhattexturemightbetheSundaybestofsuchaman。TheclotheswhichhethenhadonwerecertainlynotexactlysuitedtoMr。Horne’stastes。
HesawthatIwasobservinghim，andappeareduneasyandoffended。
IhadalreadyascertainedthathespokealittleEnglish。OfFlemishIknewliterallynothing，andinFrench，withwhichprobablyhewasalsoacquainted，Iwasbynomeansvoluble。ThebusinesswhichIhadtotransactwasintricate，andIrequiredtheuseofmymother—tongue。
Itwasintricateanddelicate，anddifficultwithal。Ibeganbyremarkingontheweather，buthedidnottakemyremarkskindly。I
aminclinedtofancythathethoughtIwasdesirousofborrowingmoneyfromhim。Atanyratehegavemenoencouragementinmyfirstadvances。
\"Vatmisfortune？\"atlastheasked，whenIhadsucceededinmakinghimunderstandthatagentlemanupstairsrequiredhisassistance。
\"Hehaslostthesethings，\"andItookholdofmyowngarments。
\"It’salongstory，orI’dtellyouhow；buthehasnotapairintheworldtillhegetsbacktoBrussels，——unlessyoucanlendhimone。\"
\"Lostheesbr—？\"andheopenedhiseyeswide，andlookedatmewithastonishment。
\"Yes，yes，exactlyso，\"saidI，interruptinghim。\"Mostastonishingthing，isn’tit？Butit’squitetrue。\"
\"Vasheesmoneyindepocket？\"askedmyauspiciouslandlord。
\"No，no，no。It’snotsobadasthat，hismoneyisallright。I
hadthemoney，luckily。\"
\"Ah！datisbetter。Buthehavelostheesb—？\"
\"Yes，yes；\"Iwasnowgettingratherimpatient。\"Thereisnomistakeaboutit。Hehaslostthemassureasyoustandthere。\"
AndthenIproceededtoexplainthatasthegentlemaninquestionwasverystout，andashe，thelandlord，wasstoatalso，hemightassistusinthisgreatcalamitybyaloanfromhisownwardrobe。
Whenhefoundthatthemoneywasnotinthepocket，andthathisbillthereforewouldbepaid，hewasnotindisposedtobegracious。
Hewould，hesaid，desirehisservanttotakeupwhatwasrequiredtoMr。Horne’schamber。Iendeavouredtomakehimunderstandthatasombrecolourwouldbepreferable；butheonlyansweredthathewouldputthebestthathehadatthegentleman’sdisposal。Hecouldnotthinkofofferinganythinglessthanhisbestonsuchanoccasion。Andthenheturnedhisbackandwenthisway，mutteringashewentsomethinginFlemish，whichIbelievedtobeanexclamationofastonishmentthatanymanshould，underanycircumstances，losesuchanarticle。
Itwasnowgettinglate；sowhenIhadtakenashortstrollbymyself，IwenttobedwithoutdisturbingMr。Horneagainthatnight。
OnthefollowingmorningIthoughtitbestnottogotohimunlesshesentforme；soIdesiredthebootstolethimknowthatIhadorderedbreakfastinaprivateroom，andthatIwouldawaithimthereunlesshewishedtoseeme。Hesentmewordbacktosaythathewouldbewithmeveryshortly。
Hedidnotkeepmewaitingabovehalfanhour，butIconfessthatthathalfhourwasnotpleasantlyspent。Ifearedthathistemperwouldbetriedindressing，andthathewouldnotbeabletoeathisbreakfastinahappystateofmind。SothatwhenIheardhisheavyfootstepadvancingalongthepassagemyheartdidmisgiveme，andI
feltthatIwastrembling。
Thatstepwascertainlyslowerandmoreponderousthanusual。Therewasalwaysacertaindignityintheverysoundofhismovements，butnowthisseemedtohavebeenenhanced。Tojudgemerelybythesteponewouldhavesaidthatabishopwascomingthatwayinsteadofaprebendary。
Andthenheentered。Intheupperhalfofhisaugustpersonnoalterationwasperceptible。Thehairwasasregularandasgracefulasever，thehandkerchiefaswhite，thecoatasimmaculate；butbelowhiswell—filledwaistcoatapairofredplushbegantoshineinunmitigatedsplendour，andcontinuedfromthencedowntowithinaninchabovehisknee；nor，asitappeared，couldanypullinginducethemtodescendlower。Mr。Hornealwaysworeblacksilkstockings，——atleastsotheworldsupposed，butitwasnowapparentthattheworldhadbeenwronginpresuminghimtobeguiltyofsuchextravagance。Those，atanyrate，whichheexhibitedonthepresentoccasionweremoreeconomical。Theyweresilktothecalf，butthenceupwardstheycontinuedtheircareerinwhitecotton。Thesethenfollowedtheplush；firsttwosnowy，full—sizedpillarsofwhite，andthentwojetcolumnsofflossysilk。Suchwastheappearance，onthatwell—rememberedmorning，oftheRev。AugustusHorne，asheenteredtheroominwhichhisbreakfastwasprepared。
Icouldseeataglancethatadarkfrowncontractedhiseyebrows，andthatthecompressedmusclesofhisupperlipgaveastrangedegreeofausteritytohisopenface。Hecarriedhisheadproudlyonhigh，determinedtobedignifiedinspiteofhismisfortunes，andadvancedtwostepsintotheroomwithoutaremark，asthoughhewereabletoshowthatneitherredplushnorblackclothcoulddisarrangetheequalpoiseofhismightymind！
Andafterallwhatareaman’sgarmentsbuttheoutwardhusksinwhichthefruitiskept，dulytemperedfromthewind？
\"Therankisbuttheguineastamp，Theman’sthegowdfora’that。\"
Andisnotthetailor’sartaslittleworthy，asinsignificantasthatofthekingwhomakes\"Amarquis，duke，anda’that\"？
Whowouldbecontenttothinkthathismanlydignitydependedonhiscoatandwaistcoat，orhisholdontheworld’sesteemonanyothergarmentofusualwear？ThatnosuchweaknesssoiledhismindMr。
Hornewasdeterminedtoprove；andthusheenteredtheroomwithmeasuredtread，andsterndignifieddemeanour。
Havingadvancedtwostepshiseyecaughtmine。Idonotknowwhetherhewasmovedbysomeunconscioussmileonmypart；——forintruthIendeavouredtoseemasindifferentashimselftothenatureofhisdress；——orwhetherhewasinvinciblytickledbysomeinwardfancyofhisown，butsuddenlyhisadvancingstepceased，abroadflashofcomichumourspreaditselfoverhisfeatures，heretreatedwithhisbackagainstthewall，andthenburstoutintoanimmoderateroarofloudlaughter。
AndI——whatelsecouldIthendobutlaugh？Helaughed，andI
laughed。Heroared，andIroared。Helifteduphisvastlegstoviewtilltheraysofthemorningsunshonethroughthewindowonthebrighthueswhichhedisplayed；andhedidnotsitdowntohisbreakfasttillhehadineveryfantasticattitudeshownofftothebestadvantagetheredplushofwhichhehadsorecentlybecomeproud。
AnAntwerpprivatecabrioletonthatdayreachedtheyardoftheHoteldeBelleVueatabout4p。m。，andfourwaiters，inafrenzyofastonishment，sawtheReverendAugustusHornedescendfromthevehicleandseekhischamberdressedinthegarmentswhichIhavedescribed。ButIaminclinedtothinkthatheneveragainfavouredanyofhisfriendswithsuchasight。
ItwasonthenexteveningafterthisthatIwentouttodrinkteawithtwomaidenladies，relativesofmine，whokeptaseminaryforEnglishgirlsatBrussels。TheMissesMacmanuswereveryworthywomen，andearnedtheirbreadinanupright，painstakingmanner。I
wouldnotforworldshavepassedthroughBrusselswithoutpayingthemthiscompliment。Theywere，however，perhapsalittledull，andIwasawarethatIshouldnotprobablymeetintheirdrawing—
roommanyofthefashionableinhabitantsofthecity。Mr。Hornehaddeclinedtoaccompanyme；butindoingsohewasgoodenoughtoexpressawarmadmirationforthecharacterofmyworthycousins。
TheelderMissMacmanus，inherlittlenote，hadinformedmethatshewouldhavethepleasureofintroducingmetoafewofmy\"compatriots。\"IpresumedshemeantEnglishmen；andasIwasinthehabitofmeetingsucheverydayofmylifeathome，IcannotsaythatIwaspeculiarlyelevatedbythepromise。When，however，I
enteredtheroom，therewasnoEnglishmanthere；——therewasnomanofanykind。Thereweretwelveladiescollectedtogetherwiththeviewofmakingtheeveningpassagreeablytome，thesinglevirilebeingamongthemall。IfeltasthoughIwereasortofMohammedinParadise；butIcertainlyfeltalsothattheParadisewasnoneofmyownchoosing。
InthecentreoftheamphitheatrewhichtheladiesformedsatthetwoMissesMacmanus；——there，atleast，theysatwhentheyhadcompletedtheprocessofshakinghandswithme。Totheleftofthem，makingonewingofthesemicircle，werearrangedthefivepupilsbyattendingtowhomtheMissesMacmanusearnedtheirliving；
andtheotherwingconsistedofthefiveladieswhohadfurnishedthemselveswithrelicsofGeneralChasse。Theyweremy\"compatriots。\"
Iwasintroducedtothemall，oneaftertheother；buttheirnamesdidnotabideinmymemoryonemoment。Iwasthinkingtoomuchofthesingularityoftheadventure，andcouldnotattendtosuchminutiae。Thatthered—rosedharpywasMissGrogram，thatI
remembered；——that，Imaysay，Ishallneverforget。ButwhetherthemotherlyladywiththesomewhatblowsyhairwasMrs。Jones，orMrs。
Green，orMrs。Walker，Icannotnowsay。ThedumpyfemalewiththebroadbackwasalwayscalledAuntSallybytheyoungladies。
Toomuchsugarspoilsone’stea；IthinkIhaveheardthatevenprosperitywillcloywhenitcomesinoverdoses；andaschoolboyhasbeenknowntobeoverdonewithjam。Imyselfhavealwaysbeenpeculiarlyattachedtoladies’society，andhaveavoidedbachelorpartiesasthingsexecrableintheirverynature。ButonthisspecialoccasionIfeltmyselftobethatschoolboy；——Iwasliterallyoverdonewithjam。Myteawasallsugar，sothatIcouldnotdrinkit。Iwasoneamongtwelve。WhatcouldIdoorsay？Theproportionofalloywastoosmalltohaveanyeffectinchangingthenatureofthevirginsilver，andtheconversationbecameabsolutelyfeminine。
Imustconfessalsothatmypreviousexperienceastothesecompatriotsofminehadnotprejudicedmeintheirfavour。I
regardedthemwith，——Iamashamedtosayso，seeingthattheywereladies，——butalmostwithloathing。WhenlastIhadseenthemtheiroccupationhadremindedmeofsomeobscenefeastofharpies，oralmostofghouls。TheyhadbroughtdowntothevergeofdesperationthemanwhomofallmenImostvenerated。OntheseaccountsIwasinclinedtobetaciturnwithreferencetothem；——andthenwhatcouldIhavetosaytotheMissesMacmanus’sfivepupils？
Mycousinatfirstmadeaneffortortwoinmyfavour，buttheseeffortswerefruitless。Isoondiedawayintoutterunrecognisedinsignificance，andtheconversation，asIhavebeforesaid，becamefeminine。AndindeedthathorridMissGrogram，whowas，asitwere，theprincessoftheghouls，nearlymonopolisedthewholeofit。
MammaJones——wewillcallherJonesfortheoccasion——putinawordnowandthen，asdidalsotheelderandmoreenergeticMissMacmanus。Thedumpyladywiththebroadbackatetea—cakeincessantly；thetwodaughterslookedscornful，asthoughtheywereabovetheircompanywithreferencetothefivepupils；andthefivepupilsthemselvessatinarowwiththeutmostpropriety，eachwithherhandscrossedonherlapbeforeher。
OfwhattheyweretalkingatlastIbecameutterlyoblivious。Theyhadignoredme，goingintorealmsofmuslin，questionsofmaid—
servants，femalerights，andcheapunder—clothing；andIthereforehadignoredthem。MymindhadgonebacktoMr。Horneandhisgarments。Whiletheyspokeoftheirrights，Iwasthinkingofhiswrongs；whentheymentionedthepriceofflannel，Ithoughtofthatofbroadcloth。
Butofasuddenmyattentionwasarrested。MissMacmanushadsaidsomethingoftheblacksilksofAntwerp，whenMissGrogramrepliedthatshehadjustreturnedfromthatcityandhadthereenjoyedagreatsuccess。Mycousinhadagainaskedsomethingabouttheblacksilks，thinking，nodoubt，thatMissGrogramhadachievedsomebargain，butthatladyhadsoonundeceivedher。
\"Ohno，\"saidMissGrogram，\"itwasatthecastle。WegotsuchbeautifulrelicsofGeneralChasse！Didn’twe，Mrs。Jones？\"
\"Indeedwedid，\"saidMrs。Jones，bringingoutfrombeneaththeskirtsofherdressandostensiblydisplayingalargeblackbag。
\"AndI’vegotsuchabeautifulneedle—case，\"saidthebroad—back，displayingherprize。\"I’vebeenmakingitupallthemorning。\"
AndshehandedoverthearticletoMissMacmanus。
\"Andonlylookatthisduckofapen—wiper，\"simperedflaxen—hairNo。2。\"Onlythinkofwipingone’spenswithrelicsofGeneralChasse！\"andshehandeditovertotheotherMissMacmanus。
\"Andmine’sapin—cushion，\"saidNo。1，exhibitingthetrophy。
\"Butthat’snothingtowhatI’vegot，\"saidMissGrogram。\"Inthefirstplace，there’sapairofslippers，——abeautifulpair；——they’renotmadeupyet，ofcourse；andthen——\"
ThetwoMissesMacmanusandtheirfivepupilsweresittingopen—
eared，open—eyed，andopen—mouthed。Howallthesesombre—lookingarticlescouldberelicsofGeneralChassedidnotatfirstappearcleartothem。
\"Whatarethey，MissGrogram？\"saidtheelderMissMacmanus，holdingtheneedle—caseinonehandandMrs。Jones’sbagintheother。MissMacmanuswasastrong—mindedfemale，andIreverencedmycousinwhenIsawthedecidedwayinwhichsheintendedtoputdownthegreedyarroganceofMissGrogram。
\"Theyarerelics。\"
\"Butwheredotheycomefrom，MissGrogram？\"
\"Why，fromthecastle，tobesure；——fromGeneralChasse’sownrooms。\"
\"Didanybodysellthemtoyou？\"
\"No。\"
\"Orgivethemtoyou？\"
\"Why，no；——atleastnotexactlygive。\"
\"Theretheywere，andshetook’em，\"saidthebroad—back。Oh，whatalookMissGrogramgaveher！\"Tookthem！ofcourseItookthem。
Thatis，youtookthemasmuchasIdid。Theywerethingsthatwefoundlyingabout。\"
\"Whatthings？\"askedMissMacmanus，inapeculiarlystrong—mindedtone。
MissGrogramseemedtobeforamomentsilenced。Ihadbeenignored，asIhavesaid，andmyexistenceforgotten；butnowI
observedthattheeyesoftheculpritswereturnedtowardsme，——theeyes，thatis，offourofthem。Mrs。Joneslookedatmefrombeneathherfan；thetwogirlsglancedatmefurtively，andthentheireyesfelltothelowestflouncesoftheirfrocks。
MissGrogramturnedherspectaclesrightuponme，andIfanciedthatshenoddedherheadatmeasasortofanswertoMissMacmanus。Thefivepupilsopenedtheirmouthsandeyeswider；butsheofthebroadbackwasnothingabashed。Itwouldhavebeennothingtoherhadtherebeenadozengentlemenintheroom。\"Wejustfoundapairofblack——。\"Thewholetruthwastoldintheplainestpossiblelanguage。
\"Oh，AuntSally！\"\"AuntSally，howcanyou？\"\"Holdyourtongue，AuntSally！\"
\"AndthenMissGrogramjustcutthemupwithherscissors，\"
continuedAuntSally，notawhitabashed，\"andgaveuseachabit，onlyshetookmorethanhalfforherself。\"Itwascleartomethattherehadbeensomequarrel，somedeliciousquarrel，betweenAuntSallyandMissGrogram。ThroughthewholeadventureIhadratherrespectedAuntSally。\"Shetookmorethanhalfforherself，\"
continuedAuntSally。\"Shekeptallthe——\"
\"Jemima，\"saidtheelderMissMacmanus，interruptingthespeakerandaddressinghersister，\"itistime，Ithink，fortheyoungladiestoretire。Willyoubekindenoughtoseethemtotheirrooms？\"Thefivepupilsthereuponrosefromtheirseats——andcourtesied。Theythenlefttheroominfile，theyoungerMissMacmanusshowingthemtheway。
\"Butwehaven’tdoneanyharm，havewe？\"askedMrs。Jones，withsometremulousnessinhervoice。
\"Well，Idon’tknow，\"saidMissMacmanus。\"WhatI’mthinkingofnowisthis；——towhom，Iwonder，didthegarmentsproperlybelong？Whohadbeentheownerandwearerofthem？\"
\"Why，GeneralChasseofcourse，\"saidMissGrogram。
\"Theywerethegeneral’s，\"repeatedthetwoyoungladies；blushing，however，astheyalludedtothesubject。
\"Well，wethoughttheywerethegeneral’s，certainly；andaveryexcellentarticletheywere，\"saidMrs。Jones。
\"Perhapstheywerethebutler’s？\"saidAuntSally。Icertainlyhadnotgivenhercreditforsomuchsarcasm。
\"Butler’s！\"exclaimedMissGrogram，withatossofherhead。
\"Oh，AuntSally，AuntSally！howcanyou？\"shriekedthetwoyoungladies。
\"Ohlaws！\"ejaculatedMrs。Jones。
\"Idon’tthinkthattheycouldhavebelongedtothebutler，\"saidMissMacmanus，withmuchauthority，\"seeingthatdomesticsinthiscountryarenevercladingarmentsofthatdescription；sofarmyownobservationenablesmetospeakwithcertainty。ButitisequallysurethattheywereneverthepropertyofthegenerallatelyincommandatAntwerp。Generals，whentheyareinfulldress，wearornamentallaceupontheir——theirregimentals；andwhen——\"Somuchshesaid，andsomethingmore，whichitmaybeunnecessarythatI
shouldrepeat；butsuchwerehereloquenceandlogicthatnodoubtwouldhavebeenleftonthemindofanyimpartialhearer。Ifanargumentativespeakereverprovedanything，MissMacmanusprovedthatGeneralChassehadneverbeenthewearerofthearticleinquestion。
\"ButIknowverywelltheywerehis！\"saidMissGrogram，whowasnotanimpartialhearer。\"Ofcoursetheywere；whoseelse’sshouldtheybe？\"
\"I’msureIhopetheywerehis，\"saidoneoftheyoungladies，almostcrying。
\"IwishI’dnevertakenit，\"saidtheother。
\"Dear，dear，dear！\"saidMrs。Jones。
\"I’llgiveyoumyneedle—case，MissGrogram，\"saidAuntSally。
Ihadsathithertosilentduringthewholescene，meditatinghowbestImightconfoundthered—nosedharpy。Now，Ithought，wasthetimeformetostrikein。
\"Ireallythink，ladies，thattherehasbeensomemistake，\"saidI。
\"Therehasbeennomistakeatall，sir！\"saidMissGrogram。
\"Perhapsnot，\"Ianswered，verymildly；\"verylikelynot。ButsomeaffairofasimilarnaturewasverymuchtalkedaboutinAntwerpyesterday。\"
\"Ohlaws！\"againejaculatedMrs。Jones。
\"TheaffairIalludetohasbeentalkedaboutagooddeal，certainly，\"Icontinued。\"Butperhapsitmaybealtogetheradifferentcircumstance。\"
\"Andwhatmaybethecircumstancetowhichyouallude？\"askedMissMacmanus，inthesameauthoritativetone。
\"Idaresayithasnothingtodowiththeseladies，\"saidI；\"butanarticleofdress，ofthenaturetheyhavedescribed，wascutupintheCastleofAntwerponthedaybeforeyesterday。Itbelongedtoagentlemanwhowasvisitingtheplace；andIwasgiventounderstandthatheisdeterminedtopunishthepeoplewhohavewrongedhim。\"
\"Itcan’tbethesame，\"saidMissGrogram；butIcouldseethatshewastrembling。
\"Ohlaws！whatwillbecomeofus？\"saidMrs。Jones。
\"YoucanallprovethatIdidn’ttouchthem，andthatIwarnedhernot，\"saidAuntSally。Inthemeantimethetwoyoungladieshadalmostfaintedbehindtheirfans。
\"Buthowhaditcometopass，\"askedMissMacmanus，\"thatthegentlemanhad——\"
\"Iknownothingmoreaboutit，cousin，\"saidI；\"onlyitdoesseemthatthereisanoddcoincidence。\"
ImmediatelyafterthisItookmyleave。IsawthatIhadavengedmyfriend，andspreaddismayintheheartsofthesewhohadinjuredhim。Ihadlearnedinthecourseoftheeveningatwhathotelthefiveladieswerestaying；andinthecourseofthenextmorningI
saunteredintothehall，andfindingoneoftheportersalone，askediftheywerestillthere。Themantoldmethattheyhadstartedbytheearliestdiligence。\"And，\"saidhe，\"ifyouareafriendoftheirs，perhapsyouwilltakechargeofthesethings，whichtheyhaveleftbehindthem？\"Sosaying，hepointedtoatableatthebackofthehall，onwhichwerelyingtheblackbag，theblackneedle—case，theblackpincushion，andtheblackpen—wiper。TherewasalsoaheapoffragmentsofclothwhichIwellknewhadbeenintendedbyMissGrogramforthecomfortofherfeetandancles。
Ideclinedthecommission，however。\"Theywerenospecialfriendsofmine，\"Isaid；andIleftalltherelicsstilllyingonthelittletableinthebackhall。
\"Uponthewhole，Iamsatisfied！\"saidtheRev。AugustusHorne，whenItoldhimthefinaleofthestory。