CHAPTERI。OBTAININGSUPPLIES。\"IWANTsomethingtodo。\"
Thisremarkbeingaddressedtotheworldingeneral，nooneinparticularfeltittheirdutytoreply；soIrepeatedittothesmallerworldaboutme，receivedthefollowingsuggestions，andsettledthematterbyansweringmyowninquiry，aspeopleareapttodowhenverymuchinearnest。
\"Writeabook，\"quoththeauthorofmybeing。
\"Don’tknowenough，sir。Firstlive，thenwrite。\"
\"Tryteachingagain，\"suggestedmymother。
\"Nothankyou，ma’am，tenyearsofthatisenough。\"
\"TakeahusbandlikemyDarby，andfulfillyourmission，\"saidsisterJoan，homeonavisit。
\"Can’taffordexpensiveluxuries，Mrs。Coobiddy。\"
\"Turnactress，andimmortalizeyourname，\"saidsisterVashti，strikinganattitude。
\"Iwon’t。\"
\"Gonursethesoldiers，\"saidmyyoungbrother，Tom，pantingfor\"thetentedfield。\"
\"Iwill!\"[Page10]
Sofar，verygood。Herewasthewill；nowfortheway。Atfirstsightnotafootofitappeared，butthatdidn’tmatter，forthePeriwinklesareahopefulrace；theircrestisananchor，withthreecock—a—doodlescrowingatop。Theyallwearrose—coloredspectacles，andarelinealdescendantsoftheinventorofaerialarchitecture。Anhour’sconversationonthesubjectsetthewholefamilyinablazeofenthusiasm。Amodelhospitalwaserected，andeachmemberhadacceptedanhonorableposttherein。ThepaternalP。
waschaplain，thematernalPwasmatron，andalltheyouthfulP。sfilledthepodoffuturitywithachievementswhosebrilliancyeclipsedthegloriesofthepresentandthepast。Arrivingatthissatisfactoryconclusion，themeetingadjourned，andthefactthatMissTribulationwasavailableasarmynursewentabroadonthewingsofthewind。
Inafewdaysatownswomanheardofmydesire，approvedofit，andbroughtaboutaninterviewwithoneofthesisterhoodwhichIwishedtojoin，whowasathomeonafurlough，andableandwillingtosatisfyallinquiries。
AmorningchatwithMissGeneralS。；wehearnoendofMrs。Generals，whynotaMiss？；producedthreeresults：IfeltthatIcoulddothework，wasofferedaplace，andacceptedit，promisingnottodesert，butstandreadytomarchonWashingtonatanhour’snotice。
Afewdayswerenecessaryforthelettercontainingmyrequestandrecommendationtoreachheadquarters，andanother，containingmycommission，toreturn；
thereforenotimewastobelost；andheartilythankingmypairoffriends，ItorehomethroughtheDecemberslushasiftherebelswereafterme，andlikemanyanotherrecruit，burstinuponmyfamilywiththeannouncement；
\"I’veenlisted!\"[Page11]
Animpressivesilencefollowed。Tom，theirrepressible，brokeitwithaslapontheshoulderandthegracefulcompliment；
\"OldTrib，you’reatrump!\"
\"Thankyou；thenI’lltakesomething：\"whichIdid，intheshapeofdinner，reelingoffmynewsattherateofthreedozenwordstoamouthful；
andaseveryoneelsetalkedequallyfast，andalltogether，thescenewasmostinspiring。
Asboysgoingtoseaimmediatelybecomenauticalinspeech，walkasiftheyalreadyhadtheir\"sealegs\"on，andshivertheirtimbersonallpossibleoccasions，soIturnedmilitaryatonce，calledmydinnermyrations，salutedallnewcomers，andorderedadressparadethatveryafternoon。
HavingreviewedeveryragIpossessed，Idetailedsomeforpicketdutywhileairingoverthefence；sometothesanitaryinfluencesofthewash—tub；
otherstomountguardinthetrunk；whiletheweakandwoundedwenttotheWork—basketHospital，tobemadereadyforactiveserviceagain。TothissquadIdevotedmyselfforaweek；butallwasdone，andIhadtimetogetpowerfullyimpatientbeforethelettercame。Itdidarrivehowever，andbroughtadisappointmentalongwithitsgoodwillandfriendliness，forittoldmethattheplaceintheArmoryHospitalthatIsupposedI
wastotake，wasalreadyfilled，andamuchlessdesirableoneatHurly—burlyHousewasofferedinstead。
\"That’sjustyourluck，Trib。I’lltoteyourtrunkupgarretforyouagain；forofcourseyouwon’tgo，\"Tomremarked，withthedisdainfulpitywhichsmallboysaffectwhentheygetintotheirteens。Iwaswaveringinmysecretsoul，butthatsettledthematter，andIcrushedhimonthespotwithmartialbrevity；
\"Itisnowone；Ishallmarchatsix。\"[Page12]
Ihaveaconfusedrecollectionofspendingtheafternooninpervadingthehouselikeanexecutivewhirlwind，withmyfamilyswarmingafterme，allworking，talking，prophesyingandlamenting，whileIpackedmy\"go—abroady\"
possessions，tumbledtherestintotwobigboxes，dancedonthelidstilltheyshut，andgavethemincharge，withthedirection，；
\"IfInevercomeback，makeabonfireofthem。\"
ThenIchokeddownacupoftea，generouslysaltedinsteadofsugared，bysomeagitatedrelative，shoulderedmyknapsack；itwasonlyatravelingbag，butdoletmepreservetheunities；huggedmyfamilythreetimesallroundwithoutavestigeofunmanlyemotion，tillacertaindearoldladybrokedownuponmyneck，withadespairingsortofwail；
\"Oh，mydear，mydear，howcanIletyougo？\"
\"I’llstayifyousayso，mother。\"
\"ButIdon’t；go，andtheLordwilltakecareofyou。\"
MuchoftheRomanmatron’scouragehadgoneintotheYankeematron’scomposition，and，inspiteofhertears，shewouldhavesenttensonstothewar，hadshepossessedthem，asfreelyasshesentonedaughter，smilingandflappingonthedoor—steptillIvanished，thoughtheeyesthatfollowedmewereverydim，andthehandkerchiefshewavedwasverywet。
MytransitfromTheGablestothevillagedepotwasafunnymixtureofgoodwishesandgoodbyes，mud—puddlesandshopping。ADecembertwilightisnotthemostcheeringtimetoenteruponasomewhatperilousenterprise，and，butforthepresenceofVashtiandneighborThorn，IfearthatImighthaveaddedadropofthebrinytothenativemoistureof；\"ThetownIleftbehindme；\"
thoughI’dnothoughtofgivingout：oh，blessyou，no!Whentheenginescreeched\"Hereweare，\"Iclutchedmy[Page13]
escortinaferventembrace，andskippedintothecarwithasblitheafarewellasifgoingonabridaltour；thoughIbelievebridesdon’tusuallywearcavernousblackbonnetsandfuzzybrowncoats，withahair—brush，apairofrubbers，twobooks，andabagofginger—breaddistortingthepocketsofthesame。IfIthoughtthatanyonewouldbelieveit，I’dboldlystatethatIsleptfromC。toB。，whichwouldsimplifymattersimmensely；
butasIknowtheywouldn’t，I’llconfessthattheheadunderthefunerealcoal—hodfermentedwithallmannerofhighthoughtsandheroicpurposes\"todoordie，\"；perhapsboth；andtheheartunderthefuzzybrowncoatfeltverytenderwiththememoryofthedearoldlady，probablysobbingoverherarmysocksandthelossofhertopsy—turvyTrib。AtthisjunctureItooktheveil，andwhatIdidbehinditisnobody’sbusiness；butImaintainthatthesoldierwhocrieswhenhismothersays\"Goodbye，\"istheboytofightbest，anddiebravest，whenthetimecomes，orgobacktoherbetterthanhewent。
Tillnineo’clockItrottedaboutthecitystreets，doingthoselasterrandswhichnowomanwouldevengotoheavenwithoutattempting，ifshecould。ThenIwenttomyusualrefuge，and，fullyintendingtokeepawake，asasortofvigilappropriatetotheoccasion，fellfastasleepanddreamedpropitiousdreamstillmyrosy—facedcousinwakedmewithakiss。
Abrightdaysmileduponmyenterprise，andattenIreportedmyselftomyGeneral，receivedlastinstructionsandnoendofthesympatheticencouragementwhichwomengive，inlook，touch，andtonemoreeffectuallythaninwords。ThenextstepwastogetafreepasstoWashington，forI’dnodesiretowastemysubstanceonrailroadcompanieswhen\"theboys\"
neededevenaspinster’smite。Afriendofminehadprocuredsuchapass，andIwasbentondoinglikewise，[Page14]
thoughIhadtofacethepresidentoftherailroadtoaccomplishit。I’mabashfulindividual，thoughIcan’tgetanyonetobelieveit；soitcostmeagreatefforttopokeabouttheWorcesterdepottilltherightdoorappeared，thenwalkintoaroomcontainingseveralgentlemen，andblunderoutmyrequestinahighstateofstammerandblush。NothingcouldhavebeenmorecourteousthanthisdreadedPresident，butitwasevidentthatIhadmadeasabsurdademandasifIhadaskedforthenoseoffhisrespectableface。HereferredmetotheGovernorattheStateHouse，andIbackedout，leavinghimnodoubttoregretthatsuchmildmaniacswereleftatlarge。
HerewasaScyllaandCharybdisbusiness：asifaPresidentwasn’ttryingenough，withouttheGovernorofMassachusettsandthehubofthehubpiledontopofthat。\"Inevercandoit，\"thoughtI。\"Tomwillhootatyouifyoudon’t，\"whisperedtheinconvenientlittlevoicethatisalwaysgoadingpeopletotheperformanceofdisagreeableduties，andalwaysappealstothemosteffectiveagenttoproducetheproperresult。Theideaofallowinganyboythateverworeafeltbasinandashoddyjacketwithamicroscopictail，tocrowoverme，waspreposterous，sogivingmyselfamentalslapforsuchfaint—heartedness，IstreamedawayacrosstheCommon，wonderingifIoughttosay\"yourHonor，orsimply\"Sir，\"anddecideduponthelatter，fortifyingmyselfwithrecollectionsofaneveninginacharminggreenlibrary，whereIbeheldtheGovernorplacidlyconsumingoysters，andlaughingasifMassachusettswasamyth，andhehadnoheavierburdenonhisshouldersthanhishost’shandsomehands。
Likeanenergeticflyinaverylargecobweb，IstruggledthroughtheStateHouse，gettingintoallthewrongroomsandnoneoftheright，tillIturneddesperate，andwentintoone，resolvingnottocomeouttillI’dmadesomebodyhearand[Page15]answerme。IsuspectthatofallthewrongplacesIhadblunderedinto，thiswasthemostso。ButIdidn’tcare；and，thoughtheapartmentwasfullofsoldiers，surgeons，starers，andspittoons，Icorneredaperfectlyincapableperson，andproceededtopumpforinformationwiththefollowingresult：
\"WastheGovernoranywhereabout？\"
No，hewasn’t。
\"Couldhetellmewheretolook？\"
No，hecouldn’t。
\"Didheknowanythingaboutfreepasses？\"
No，hedidn’t。
\"WasthereanyonethereofwhomIcouldinquire？\"
Notaperson。
\"Didheknowofanyplacewhereinformationcouldbeobtained？\"
Notaplace。
\"Couldhethrowthesmallestgleamoflightuponthematter，inanyway？\"
Notaray。
Iamnaturallyirascible，andifIcouldhaveshakenthisnegativegentlemanvigorously，thereliefwouldhavebeenimmense。Theprejudicesofsocietyforbiddingthismodeofredress，Imerelygloweredathim；and，beforemywrathfoundventinwords，myGeneralappeared，havingseenmefromanoppositewindow，andcometoknowwhatIwasabout。Athercommandthelanguidgentlemanwokeup，andtroubledhimselftorememberthatMajororSergeantorsomethingMcK。knewallaboutthetickets，andhisofficewasinMilkStreet。Iperkedupinstanter，andthen，asiftheexertionwastoomuchforhim，whatdidthisanimatedwetblanketdobutadd；[Page16]
\"IthinkMcK。mayhaveleftMilkStreet，now，andIdon’tknowwherehehasgone。\"
\"Nevermind；thenewcomerswillknowwherehehasmovedto，mydear，sodon’tbediscouraged；andifyoudon’tsucceed，cometome，andwewillseewhattodonext，\"saidmyGeneral。
Iblessedherinaferventmannerandacoolhall，flutteredroundthecorner，andboredownuponMilkStreet，bentondiscoveringMcK。ifsuchabeingwastobefound。Hewasn’t，andtheignoranceoftheneighborhoodwasreallypitiable。Nobodyknewanything，andaftertumblingoverbundlesofleather，bumpingagainstbigboxes，beingnearlyannihilatedbydescendingbales，andswornatbyaggravatedtruckmen，IfinallyelicitedtheadvicetolookforMcK。inHaymarketSquare。WhomyinformantwasI’vereallyforgotten；for，havinghailedseveralbusygentlemen，someoneofthemfabricatedthisdelusivequietusfortheperturbedspirit，whoinstantlydepartedtothesequesteredlocalityhenamed。IfIhadbeeninsearchoftheKoh—i—noordiamondIshouldhavebeenaslikelytofinditthereasanyvestigeofMcK。Istaredatsigns，inquiredinshops，invadedaneatinghouse，visitedtherecruitingtentinthemiddleoftheSquare，mademyselfanuisancegenerally，andaccumulatedmudenoughtoretardanotherNile。Allinvain：andImournfullyturnedmyfacetowardtheGeneral’s，feelingthatIshouldbeforcedtoenrichtherailroadcompanyafterall；
when，suddenly，Ibeheldthatadmirableyoungman，brother—in—lawDarbyCoobiddy，Esq。Iarrestedhimwithaburstofnews，andwants，andwoes，whichcausedhismanlycountenancetoloseitsusualrepose。
\"Oh，mydearboy，I’mgoingtoWashingtonatfive，andIcan’tfindthefreeticketman，andtherewon’tbetimetosee[Page17]Joan，andI’msotiredandcrossIdon’tknowwhattodo；
andwillyouhelpme，likeacherubasyouare？\"
\"Oh，yes，ofcourse。Iknowafellowwhowillsetusright，\"respondedDarby，mildlyexcited，anddartingintosomekindofanoffice，heldcounselwithaninvisibleangel，whosenthimoutradiant。\"Allserene。I’vegothim。I’llseeyouthroughthebusiness，andthengetJoanfromtheDoveCoteintimetoseeyouoff。\"
I’mawoman’srightswoman，andifanymanhadofferedhelpinthemorning，Ishouldhavecondescendinglyrefusedit，surethatIcoulddoeverythingaswell，ifnotbetter，myself。Mystrong—mindednesshadratherabatedsincethen，andIwasnowquitereadytobea\"timidtrembler，\"ifnecessary。
Dearme!howeasilyDarbydiditall：hejustaskedonequestion，receivedananswer，tuckedmeunderhisarm，andintenminutesIstoodinthepresenceofMcK。，theDesired。
\"Nowmytroublesareover，\"thoughtI，andasusualwasdirefullymistaken。
\"YouwillhavetogetapassfromDr。H。，inTemplePlace，beforeI
cangiveyouapass，madam，\"answeredMcK。，asblandlyasifhewasn’tcarryingdesolationtomysoul。Oh，indeed!whydidn’thesendmetoDorchesterHeights，IndiaWharf，orBunkerHillMonument，anddonewithit？HereI
was，afteramorning’stramp，downinsomeplaceaboutDockSquare，andwastoldtosteptoTemplePlace。Norwasthatall；hemightaswellhaveaskedmetocatchahummingbird，toastasalamander，orcallonthemaninthemoon，asfindaDoctorathomeatthebusiesthouroftheday。Itwasablow；butwearinesshadextinguishedenthusiasm，andresignationclothedmeasagarment。IsentDarbyforJoan，anddoggedlypaddledoff，feelingthatmudwasmynativeele—[Page18]
ment，andquitesurethattheeveningpaperswouldannouncetheappearanceoftheWanderingJew，infemininehabiliments。
\"IsDr。H。in？\"
\"No，mum，heaint。\"
Ofcoursehewasn’t；IknewthatbeforeIasked：and，consideringitallinthelightofahollowmockery，added：
\"Whenwillheprobablyreturn？\"
Ifthedamselhadsaid，\"tento—night，\"Ishouldhavefeltagrimsatisfaction，inthefulfillmentofmyowndarkprophecy；butshesaid，\"Attwo，mum；\"
andIfeltitapersonalinsult。
\"I’llcall，then。Tellhimmybusinessisimportant：\"withwhichmysteriouslydeliveredmessageIdeparted，hopingthatIleftherconsumedwithcuriosity；
formudrenderedmeanobjectofinterest。
Bywayofrestingmyself，IcrossedtheCommon，forthethirdtime，bespokethecarriage，gotsomelunch，packedmypurchases，smoothedmyplumage，andwasbackagain，astheclockstrucktwo。TheDoctorhadn’tcomeyet；andIwasmorallycertainthathewouldnot，till，havingwaitedtillthelastminute，Iwasdriventobuyaticket，and，fiveminutesaftertheirrevocabledeedwasdone，hewouldbeatmyservice，withallmannerofhelpfuldocumentsanddirections。Everythinggoesbycontrarieswithme；so，havingmadeupmymindtobedisappointed，ofcourseIwasn’t；
for，presently，inwalkedDr。H。，andnosoonerhadheheardmyerrand，andglancedatmycredentials，thanhesaid，withthemostengagingreadiness：
\"Iwillgiveyoutheorder，withpleasure，madam。\"
Wordscannotexpresshowsoothinganddelightfulitwastofind，atlast，somebodywhocoulddowhatIwanted，withoutsendingmefromDantoBeersheba，foradozenotherbodies[Page19]
todosomethingelsefirst。Peacedescended，likeoil，upontheruffledwatersofmybeing，asIsatlisteningtothebusyscratchofhispen；
and，whenheturnedabout，givingmenotonlytheorder，butapaperofdirectionswherewithtosmoothawayalldifficultiesbetweenBostonandWashington，IfeltasdidpoorChristianwhentheEvangelistgavehimthescroll，onthesafesideoftheSloughofDespond。I’venodoubtmanydismalnurseshaveinflictedthemselvesupontheworthygentlemansincethen；
butIamsurenonehavebeenmorekindlyhelped，oraremoregrateful，thanT。P。；forthatshortinterviewaddedanothertothemanypleasantassociationsthatalreadysurroundhisname。
Feelingmyselfnolongera\"MarthaStruggles，\"butacomfortableyoungwoman，withplainsailingbeforeher，andtheworstofthevoyagewellover，IoncemorepresentedmyselftothevaluableMcK。Theorderwasread，andcertainprintedpapers，necessarytobefilledout，weregivenayounggentleman；no，IprefertosayBoy，withascornfulemphasisupontheword，astheonlymeansofrevengenowleftme。ThisBoy，insteadofdoinghisdutywiththediligencesocharmingintheyoung，loiteredandlounged，inamannerwhichprovedhiseducationtohavebeensadlyneglectedinthe；\"Howdoththelittlebusybee，\"
direction。Hestaredatme，gapedoutofthewindow，atepeanuts，andgossipedwithhisneighbors；Boys，likehimself，andallpennedinarow，likecoltsataCattleShow。Idon’timagineheknewtheanguishhewasinflicting；foritwasnearlythree，thetrainleftatfive，andI
hadmytickettoget，mydinnertoeat，myblessedsistertosee，andthedepottoreach，ifIdidn’tdieofapoplexy。Meanwhile，Patiencecertainlyhadherperfectworkthatday，andIhopesheen—[Page20]joyedthejobmorethanIdid。Havingwaitedsometwentyminutes，itpleasedthisreprehensibleBoytomakevariousmarksandblotsonmydocuments，tossthemtoavenerablecreatureofsixteen，whodeliveredthemtomewithsuchpaternaldirections，thatitonlyneededapatontheheadandanencouraging；\"NowrunhometoyourMa，littlegirl，andmindthecrossings，mydear，\"tomaketheillusionquiteperfect。
WhyIwassenttoasteamboatofficeforcartickets，isnotformetosay，thoughIwentasmeeklyasIshouldhavegonetotheProbateCourt，ifsent。Afat，easygentlemangavemeseveralbitsofpaper，withcouponsattached，withawarningnottoseparatethem，whichinstantlyinspiredmewithayearningtopluckthemapart，andseewhatcameofit。But，rememberingthroughwhatfearandtribulationIhadobtainedthem，IcurbedSatan’spromptings，and，clutchingmyprize，asifitweremypasstotheElysianFields，Ihurriedhome。Dinnerwasrapidlyconsumed；Joanenlightened，comforted，andkissed；thedearestofapple—facedcousinshugged；thekindestofapple—facedcousins’fatherssubjectedtothesameprocess；andImountedtheambulance，baggage—wagon，oranythingyoupleasebuthack，anddroveaway，tootiredtofeelexcited，sorry，orglad。ChapterII：AForwardMovement。ChapterII：AForwardMovement。CHAPTERII。AFORWARDMOVEMENT。Astravellersliketogivetheirownimpressionsofajourney，thougheveryinchofthewaymayhavebeendescribedahalfadozentimesbefore，I
addsomeofthenotesmadebytheway，hopingthattheywillamusethereader，andconvincetheskepticalthatsuchabeingasNursePerewinkledoesexist，thatshereallydidgotoWashington，andthattheseSketchesarenotromance。
NewYorkTrain；SevenP。M。；SpinningalongtotaketheboatatNewLondon。Verycomfortable；munchgingerbread，andMrs。C。’sfinepear，whichdeserveshonourablemention，becausemyfirstlonelinesswascomfortedbyit，andpleasantrecollectionsofbothkindlysenderandbearer。LookmuchatDr。H。’spaperofdirections；putmyticketsineveryconceivableplace，thattheymaybeget—at—able，andfinishbylosingthementirely。Sufferagoniestillacompassionateneighbourpokesthemoutofacrackwithhispen—knife。Putthemintheinmostcornerofmypurse，thatinthedeepestrecessesofmypocket，pileacollectionofmiscellaneousarti—[Page22]clesatop，andpinupthewhole。Justgetcomposed，feelingthatI’vedonemybesttokeepthemsafely，whentheConductorappears，andI’mforcedtoroutthemalloutagain，exposingmyprecautions，andgettingintoaflutteratkeepingthemanwaiting。Finally，fastenthemontheseatbeforeme，andkeeponeeyesteadilyupontheyellowtorments，tillIforgetallaboutthem，inchatwiththegentlemanwhosharesmyseat。HavingheardcomplaintsoftheabsurdwayinwhichAmericanwomenbecomeimagesofpetrifiedpropriety，ifaddressedbystrangers，whentravelingalone，theinbornperversityofmynaturecausesmetoassumeanentirelyoppositestyleofdeportment；
and，findingmycompanionhailsfromLittleAthens，isacquaintedwithseveralofmythreehundredandsixty—fivecousins，andineverywayarespectableandrespectfulmemberofsociety，Iputmybashfulnessinmypocket，andplungeintoalongconversationonthewar，theweather，music，Carlyle，skating，genius，hoops，andtheimmortalityofthesoul。
Ten，P。M。；Verysleepy。Nothingtobeseenoutside，butdarknessmadevisible；nothinginsidebuteveryvarietyofbunchintowhichthehumanformcanbetwisted，rolled，or\"massed，\"asMissPrescottsaysofherjewels。Everyman’slegssprawldrowsily，everywoman’shead（butmine，）
nods，tillitfinallysettlesonsomebody’sshoulder，anewproofofthetruthoftheeverlastingoakandvinesimile；childrenfret；loverswhisper；
oldfolkssnore，andsomebodyprivatelyimbibesbrandy，whenthelampsgoout。Thepenetratingperfumerousesthemultitude，causingsometostartup，likewarhorsesatthesmellofpowder。Whenthelampsarerelighted，everyonelaughs，sniffs，andlooksinquiringlyathisneighbor；everyonebutastoutgentleman，who，withwell—glovedhandsfoldeduponhisbroad—clothrotundity，sleepson[Page23]
impressively。Hadhebeeninnocent，hewouldhavewakedup；for，toslumberinthatbabe—likemanner，withacarfullofgiggling，staring，sniffinghumanity，wassimplypreposterous。Publicsuspicionwasdownuponhimatonce。Idoubtiftheappearanceofaflatblackbottlewithalabelwouldhavesettledthemattermoreeffectuallythandidtheoverdignifiedandprofoundreposeofthisshort—sightedbeing。Hismoralneck—cloth，virtuousboots，andpiousattitudeavailedhimnothing，anditwaswellhekepthiseyesshut，for\"Humbug!\"twinkledathimfromeverywindow—pane，brassnailandhumaneyearoundhim。
Eleven，P。M。；Intheboat\"CityofBoston，\"escortedthitherbymycaracquaintance，anddepositedinthecabin。Tryingtolookasifthegreaterportionofmylifehadbeenpassedonboardboats，butpainfullyconsciousthatIdon’tknowthefirstthing；sositboltupright，andstareaboutmetillIhearoneladysaytoanother；\"Wemustsecureourberthsatonce；\"whereuponIdartatone，and，whileleisurelytakingoffmycloak，waittodiscoverwhatthesecondmovemaybe。Severalladiesdrawthecurtainsthathanginasemi—circlebeforeeachnest；instantlyIwhiskminesmartlytogether，andthenpeepouttoseewhatnext。Gradually，onhooksabovetheblueandyellowdrapery，appearthecoatsandbonnetsofmyneighbours，whiletheirbootsandshoes，ineveryimaginableattitude，assertthemselvesbelow，asiftheirownershadcommittedsuicideinabody。Aviolentcreaking，scrambling，andfussing，causesthefactthatpeoplearegoingregularlytobedtodawnuponmymind。Ofcoursetheyare；andsoamI；butpauseattheseventhpin，rememberingthat，asIwasborntobedrowned，aneligibleopportunitynowpresentsitself；and，havingtwiceescapedawaterygrave，thethirdimmersionwillcertainlyextinguishmyvital[Page24]spark。Theboatisnew，butifiteverintendstoblowup，springaleak，catchafire，orberuninto，itwilldothedeedto—night，becauseI’mheretofulfillmydestiny。WithtragiccalmnessIresignmyself，replacemypins，lashmypurseandpaperstogether，withmyhandkerchief，examinethesavingcircumferenceofmyhoop，andlookaboutmeforanymeansofdeliverancewhenthemoistmomentshallarrive；forI’venointentionoffoldingmyhandsandbubblingtodeathwithoutanenergeticsplashingfirst。Barrels，hen—coops，portablesettees，andlife—preserversdonotadornthecabin，astheyshould；and，rovingwildlytoandfro，myeyeseesnorayofhopetillitfallsuponaplumpoldlady，devoutlyreadinginthecabinBible，andavoluminousnight—cap。Irememberthat，attheswimmingschool，fatgirlsalwaysfloatedbest，andinaninstantmyplanislaid。AtthefirstalarmIfirmlyattachmyselftotheplumplady，andclingtoherthroughfireandwater；forIfeelthatmyoldenemy，thecramp，willseizemebythefoot，ifIattempttoswim；and，thoughIcanhardlyexpecttoreachJerseyCitywithmyselfandmybaggageinasgoodconditionasIhoped，Imightmanagetogetpickedupbyholdingtomyfatfriend；ifnotitwillbeacomforttofeelthatI’vemadeaneffortandshalldieingoodsociety。Poordearwoman!howlittleshedreamed，asshereadandrocked，withhercapinahighstateofstarch，andherfeetcomfortablycookingattheregister，whatfelldesignswerehoveringabouther，andhowintentlyasmallbutdeterminedeyewatchedher，tillitsuddenlyclosed。
Sleepgotthebetteroffeartosuchanextentthatmybootsappearedtogape，andmybonnetnoddedonitspeg，beforeIgavein。Havingpiledmycloak，bag，rubbers，booksandumbrellaonthelowershelf，Idrowsilyswarmedontotheupperone，tumblingdownafewtimes，andexcoriating[Page25]theknobbyportionsofmyframeintheact。Averybriefnapontheupperroostwasenoughtosetmegaspingasifadozenfeatherbedsandthewholeboatwerelaidoverme。OutIturned；andafteraseriesofconvulsions，whichcausedmyneighbortoaskifIwantedthestewardess，Imanagedtogetmyluggageupandmyselfdown。Buteveninthelowerberth，myrestwasnotunbroken，forvariousarticleskeptdroppingoffthelittleshelfatthebottomofthebed，andeverytimeIflewup，thinkingmyhourhadcome，Ibumpedmyheadseverelyagainstthelittleshelfatthetop，evidentlyputthereforthatexpresspurpose。Atlast，afterlisteningtotheswashofthewavesoutside，wonderingifthemachineryusuallycreakedinthatway，andwatchingaknot—holeinthesideofmyberth，surethatdeathwouldcreepinthereassoonasItookmyeyefromit，Idroppedasleep，anddreamedofmuffins。
Five，A。M。；Ondeck，tryingtowakeupandenjoyaneastwindandamorningfog，andatwilightsortofviewofsomethingontheshore。
Rapidlyachievemypurpose，anddoenjoyeverymoment，aswegorushingthroughtheSound，withsteamboatspassingupanddown，lightsdancingontheshore，mistwreathsslowlyfurlingoff，andapalepinkskyaboveus，asthesuncomesup。
Seven，A。M。；Inthecars，atJerseyCity。Muchfusswithtickets，whichonemanscribblesover，anothersnips，andathird\"makesnoteon。\"
Partakeofrefreshment，inthegloomofaverylargeanddirtydepot。Thinkthatmysandwicheswouldbemorerelishingwithoutsostrongaflavorofnapkin，andmygingerbreadmoreeasyofconsumptionifithadnotbeenpulverizedbybeingsatupon。Peopleactasifearlytravelingdidn’tagreewiththem。Childrenscreamandscamper；mensmokeandgrowl；womenshiverandfret；por—[Page26]tersswear；
greattruckhorsespaceupanddownwithloadsofbaggage；andeveryoneseemstogetintothewrongcar，andcometumblingoutagain。Oneman，withthreechildren，adog，abird—cage，andseveralbundles，putshimselfandhispossessionsintoeverypossibleplacewhereaman，threechildren，dog，bird—cageandbundlescouldbegot，andissatisfiedwithnoneofthem。Ifollowtheirmovements，withaninterestthatisreallyexhausting，and，astheyvanish，hopeforrest，butdon’tgetit。Astrong—mindedwoman，withatumblerinherhand，andnocloakorshawlon，comesrushingthroughthecar，talkingloudlytoasmallporter，wholugsafoldingbedafterher，andlooksasiflifewereaburdentohim。
\"Youpromisedtohaveitready。Itisnotready。Itmustbeacarwithawaterjar，thewindowsmustbeshut，thefiremustbekeptup，theblindsmustbedown。No，thiswon’tdo。Ishallgothroughthewholetrain，andsuitmyself，foryoupromisedtohaveitready。Itisnotready，\"&；c。，allthroughagain，likeahand—organ。Shehauntedthecars，thedepot，theofficeandbaggage—room，withherbed，hertumbler，andhertongue，tillthetrainstarted；andasenseofferventgratitudefilledmysoul，whenIfoundthatsheandherunknowninvalidwerenottoshareourcar。
Philadelphia。；Anoldplace，fullofDutchwomen，in\"bellustop\"bonnets，sellingvegetables，inlong，openmarkets。Everyoneseemstobescrubbingtheirwhitesteps。Allthehouseslookliketidyjails，withtheiroutsideshutters。Severalhavecrapeonthedoor—handles，andmanyhaveflagsflyingfromrooforbalcony。Fewmenappear，andthewomenseemtodothebusiness，which，perhaps，accountsforitsbeingsowelldone。Passfinebuildings，butdon’tknowwhattheyare。Wouldliketostopandseemynativecity；[Page27]
for，havingleftitatthetenderageoftwo，myrecollectionsarenotvivid。
Baltimore。；Abig，dirty，shippy，shiftlessplace，fullofgoats，geese，coloredpeople，andcoal，atleastthepartofitIsee。
Passnearthespotwheretheriottookplace，andfeelasifIshouldenjoythrowingastoneatsomebody，hard。Findaguardattheferry，thedepot，andhereandthere，alongtheroad。Acampwhitensonehill—side，andacavalrytrainingschool，orwhateveritshouldbecalled，isaveryinterestingsight，withquantitiesofhorsesandridersgalloping，marching，leaping，andskirmishing，overallmannerofbreak—neckplaces。ApartyofEnglishpeoplegetin；themen，withsandyhairandredwhiskers，alltrimmedalike，toahair；roughgreycoats，veryrosy，cleanfaces，andafine，fullwayofspeaking，whichisparticularlyagreeable，afterourslip—shodAmericangabble。Thetwoladieswearfunnyvelvetfur—trimmedhoods；aredoneup，likecompactbundles，intartanshawls；andlookasifbentonseeingeverythingthoroughly。ThedevotionofoneelderlyJohnBulltohisred—nosedspousewasreallybeautifultobehold。Shewasplainandcross，andfussyandstupid，butJ。B。，Esq。，readnopaperswhenshewasawake，turnednocoldshoulderwhenshewishedtosleep，andcheerfullysaid，\"Yes，medear，\"toeverywishorwantthewifeofhisbosomexpressed。
Iquitewarmedtotheexcellentman，andaskedaquestionortwo，astheonlymeansofexpressingmygoodwill。Heansweredverycivilly，butevidentlyhadn’tbeenusedtobeingaddressedbystrangewomeninpublicconveyances；
andMrs。B。fixedhergreeneyesuponme，asifshethoughtmeaforwardhuzzy，orwhateverisgoodEnglishforapresumingyoungwoman。ThepairlefttheirfriendsbeforewereachedWashington；andthelastIsawofthemwasavisionofalargeplaidlady，stalking[Page28]grimlyaway，onthearmofarosy，stoutgentleman，loadedwithrugs，bags，andbooks，butstilldevoted，stillsmiling，andwavingahearty\"Fareyewell!We’llmeetyeatWillard’sonChusday。\"
Soonaftertheirdeparturewehadanaccident；fornolongjourneyinAmericawouldbecompletewithoutone。Acouplingironbroke；and，afterleavingthelastcarbehindus，wewaitedforittocomeup，whichitdid，withacrashthatknockedeveryoneforwardontheirfaces，andcausedseveraloldladiestoscreechdismally。Hatsflewoff，bonnetswereflattened，thestoveskipped，thelampsfelldown，thewaterjarturnedasomersault，andthewheeljustoverwhichIsatreceivedsomedamage。Ofcourse，itbecamenecessaryforallthementogetout，andstandaboutineverybody’sway，whilerepairsweremade；andforthewomentowrestletheirheadsoutofthewindows，askingninety—ninefoolishquestionstoonesensibleone。Afewwisefemalesseizedthisfavorablemomenttobettertheirseats，wellknowingthatfewmencanfacethewoodenstarewithwhichtheyregardtheformerpossessorsoftheplacestheyhaveinvaded。
ThecountrythroughwhichwepasseddidnotseemsoveryunlikethatwhichIhadleft，exceptthatitwasmorelevelandlesswintry。Insummertimethewidefieldswouldhaveshownmenewsights，andtheway—sidehedgesblossomedwithnewflowers；now，everythingwassereandsodden，andageneralairofshiftlessnessprevailed，whichwouldhavecausedaNewEnglandfarmermuchdisgust，andastrongdesireto\"buckleto，\"and\"rightup\"
things。Drearylittlehouses，withchimneysbuiltoutside，withclayandroughstickspiledcrosswise，asweusedtobuildcobtowers，stoodinbarrenlookingfields，withcow，pig，ormuleloungingaboutthedoor。
Weoftenpassedcoloredpeople，lookingasiftheyhadcome[Page29]outofapicturebook，oroffthestage，butnotatallthesortofpeopleI’dbeenaccustomedtoseeattheNorth。
Way—sideencampmentsmadethefieldsandlanesgaywithbluecoatsandtheglitterofbuttons。Militarywashesflappedandflutteredonthefences；
potsweresteamingintheopenair；allsortsoftableauxseenthroughtheopeningsoftents，andeverywheretheboysthrewuptheircapsandcutcapersaswepassed。
Washington。；Itwasdarkwhenwearrived；and，butforthepresenceofanotherfriendlygentleman，Ishouldhaveyieldedmyselfahelplesspreytothefirstoverpoweringhackman，whoinsistedthatIwantedtogojustwhereIdidn’t。PuttingmeintotheconveyanceIbelongedin，myescortaddedtotheobligationbypointingouttheobjectsofinterestwhichwepassedinourlongdrive。ThoughI’doftenbeentoldthatWashingtonwasaspaciousplace，itsvisiblemagnitudequitetookmybreathaway，andofcourseIquotedRandolph’sexpression，\"acityofmagnificentdistances，\"
asIsupposeeveryonedoeswhentheyseeit。TheCapitolwassolikethepicturesthathangoppositethestaringFatherofhisCountry，inboarding—housesandhotels，thatitdidnotimpressme，excepttorecallthetimewhenIwassurethatCinderellawenttohousekeepinginjustsuchaplace，aftershehadmarriedtheinflammablePrince；though，evenatthatearlyperiod，Ihadmydoubtsastothewisdomofamatchwhosefoundationwasofglass。
TheWhiteHousewaslightedup，andcarriageswererollinginandoutofthegreatgate。IstaredhardatthefamousEastRoom，andwouldhavelikedapeepthroughthecrackofthedoor。Myoldgentlemanwasindefatigableinhisattentions，andIsaid，\"Splendid!\"toeverythinghepointedout，thoughIsuspectIoftenadmiredthewrongplace，and[Page30]missedtheright。PennsylvaniaAvenue，withitsbustle，lights，music，andmilitary，mademefeelasifI’dcrossedthewaterandlandedsomewhereinCarnivaltime。Comingtolessnoticeablepartsofthecity，mycompanionfellsilent，andImeditatedupontheperfectionwhichArthadattainedinAmerica；havingjustpassedabronzestatueofsomehero，wholookedlikeablackMethodistminister，inacockedhat，abovethewaist，andatipsysquirebelow；whilehishorsestoodlikeanoperadancer，ononeleg，inahigh，butsomewhatremarkablewind，whichblewhismaneonewayandhismassivetailtheother。
\"Hurly—burlyHouse，ma’am!\"calledavoice，startlingmefrommyreverie，aswestoppedbeforeagreatpileofbuildings，withaflagflyingbeforeit，sentinelsatthedoor，andaverytryingquantityofmenloungingabout。
Myheartbeatratherfasterthanusual，anditsuddenlystruckmethatIwasveryfarfromhome；butIdescendedwithdignity，wonderingwhetherIshouldbestoppedforwantofacountersign，andforcedtopassthenightinthestreet。Marchingboldlyupthesteps，Ifoundthatnoformwasnecessary，forthemenfellback，theguardtouchedtheircaps，aboyopenedthedoor，and，asitclosedbehindme，IfeltthatIwasfairlystarted，andNursePeriwinkle’sMissionwasbegun。ChapterIII：ADay。ChapterIII：ADay。CHAPTERIII。ADAY。\"THEY’VEcome!they’vecome!hurryup，ladies；you’rewanted。\"
\"Whohavecome？therebels？\"
Thissuddensummonsinthegraydawnwassomewhatstartlingtoathreedays’nurselikemyself，and，asthethunderingknockcameatourdoor，Isprangupinmybed，prepared\"Togirdmywoman’sform，Andontherampartsdie，\"ifnecessary；butmyroom—matetookitmorecoolly，and，asshebeganarapidtoilet，answeredmybewilderedquestion，；
\"Blessyou，nochild；it’sthewoundedfromFredericksburg；fortyambulancesareatthedoor，andweshallhaveourhandsfullinfifteenminutes。\"
\"Whatshallwehavetodo？\"
\"Wash，dress，feed，warmandnursethemforthenextthreemonths，I
daresay。Eightybedsareready，andweweregettingimpatientforthementocome。Nowyouwill[Page32]
begintoseehospitallifeinearnest，foryouwon’tprobablyfindtimetositdownallday，andmaythinkyourselffortunateifyougettobedbymidnight。Cometomeintheball—roomwhenyouareready；theworstcasesarealwayscarriedthere，andIshallneedyourhelp。\"
Sosaying，theenergeticlittlewomantwirledherhairintoabuttonatthebackofherhead，ina\"clearedforaction\"sortofstyle，andvanished，wrestlingherwayintoafemininekindofpea—jacketasshewent。
IamfreetoconfessthatIhadarealizingsenseofthefactthatmyhospitalbedwasnotabedofrosesjustthen，ortheprospectbeforemeoneofunmingledrapture。Mythreedays’experienceshadbegunwithadeath，and，owingtothedefalcationofanothernurse，asomewhatabruptplungeintothesuperintendenceofawardcontainingfortybeds，whereIspentmyshininghourswashingfaces，servingrations，givingmedicine，andsittinginaveryhardchair，withpneumoniaononeside，diptheriaontheother，fivetyphoidsontheopposite，andadozendilapidatedpatriots，hopping，lying，andloungingabout，allstaringmoreorlessatthenew\"nuss，\"
whosuffereduntoldagonies，butconcealedthemunderasmatronlyanaspectasaspinstercouldassume，andblunderedthroughhertryinglaborswithaSpartanfirmness，whichIhopetheyappreciated，butamafraidtheydidn’t。
Havingatastefor\"ghastliness，\"Ihadratherlongedforthewoundedtoarrive，forrheumatismwasn’theroic，neitherwaslivercomplaint，ormeasles；evenfeverhadlostitscharmssince\"bathingburningbrows\"hadbeenusedupinromances，realandideal；butwhenIpeepedintotheduskystreetlinedwithwhatIatfirsthadinnocentlycalledmarketcarts，nowunloadingtheirsadfreightatourdoor，IrecalledsundryreminiscencesIhadheardfromnursesoflongerstanding，myardorexperienceda[Page33]suddenchill，andIindulgedinamostunpatrioticwishthatIwassafeathomeagain，withaquietdaybeforeme，andnonecessityforbeinghustledup，asifIwereahenandhadonlytohopoffmyroost，givemyplumageapeck，andbereadyforaction。Asecondbangatthedoorsentthisrecreantdesiretotherightabout，asalittlewoollyheadpoppedin，andJoey，（asixyears’oldcontraband，）announced；
\"MissBlankisjes’wildferye，andsaysflyroundrightaway。They’scomin’in，Itellyer，heapson’em；onewastookoutdead，andIseehim，；hi!warn’theagoner!\"
Withwhichcheerfulintelligencetheimpscuttledaway，singinglikeablackbird，andIfollowed，feelingthatRichardwasnothimselfagain，andwouldn’tbeforalongtimetocome。
ThefirstthingImetwasaregimentofthevilestodorsthateverassaultedthehumannose，andtookitbystorm。Cologne，withitssevenandseventyevilsavors，wasaposy—bedtoit；andtheworstofthisafflictionwas，everyonehadassuredmethatitwasachronicweaknessofallhospitals，andImustbearit。Idid，armedwithlavenderwater，withwhichIsobesprinkledmyselfandpremises，that，likemyfriendSairy，Iwassoonknownamongmypatientsas\"thenursewiththebottle。\"Havingbeenrunoverbythreeexcitedsurgeons，bumpedagainstbymigratorycoal—hods，water—pails，andsmallboys，nearlyscaldedbyanavalancheofnewly—filledtea—pots，andhopelesslyentangledinaknotofcoloredsisterscomingtowash，Iprogressedbyslowstagesupstairsanddown，tillthemainhallwasreached，andIpausedtotakebreathandasurvey。Theretheywere!\"ourbraveboys，\"
asthepapersjustlycallthem，forcowardscouldhardlyhavebeensoriddledwithshotandshell，sotornandshattered，norhavebornesufferingforwhichwehavenoname，[Page34]withanuncomplainingfortitude，whichmadeonegladtocherisheachasabrother。
Intheycame，someonstretchers，someinmen’sarms，somefeeblystaggeringalongproppedonrudecrutches，andonelaystarkandstillwithcoveredface，asacomradegavehisnametoberecordedbeforetheycarriedhimawaytothedeadhouse。Allwashurryandconfusion；thehallwasfullofthesewrecksofhumanity，forthemostexhaustedcouldnotreachabedtilldulyticketedandregistered；thewallswerelinedwithrowsofsuchascouldsit，thefloorcoveredwiththemoredisabled，thestepsanddoorwaysfilledwithhelpersandlookerson；thesoundofmanyfeetandvoicesmadethatusuallyquiethourasnoisyasnoon；and，inthemidstofitall，thematron’smotherlyfacebroughtmorecomforttomanyapoorsoul，thanthecordialdraughtssheadministered，orthecheerywordsthatwelcomedall，makingofthehospitalahome。
Thesightofseveralstretchers，eachwithitslegless，armless，ordesperatelywoundedoccupant，enteringmyward，admonishedmethatIwastheretowork，nottowonderorweep；soIcorkedupmyfeelings，andreturnedtothepathofduty，whichwasrather\"ahardroadtotravel\"justthen。
Thehousehadbeenahotelbeforehospitalswereneeded，andmanyofthedoorsstillboretheiroldnames；somenotsoinappropriateasmightbeimagined，formywardwasintruthaball—room，ifgun—shotwoundscouldchristenit。Fortybedswereprepared，manyalreadytenantedbytiredmenwhofelldownanywhere，anddrowsedtillthesmelloffoodrousedthem。
RoundthegreatstovewasgatheredthedreariestgroupIeversaw；ragged，gauntandpale，mudtotheknees，withbloodybandagesuntouchedsinceputondaysbefore；manybundledupinblankets，coatsbeinglostoruseless；
andallwearingthatdisheartenedlookwhichproclaimeddefeat，[Page35]moreplainlythananytelegramoftheBurnsideblunder。I
pitiedthemsomuch，Idarednotspeaktothem，though，rememberingalltheyhadbeenthroughsincetherouteatFredericksburg，Iyearnedtoservethedreariestofthemall。Presently，MissBlanktoremefrommyrefugebehindpilesofone—sleevedshirts，oddsocks，bandagesandlint；putbasin，sponge，towels，andablockofbrownsoapintomyhands，withtheseappallingdirections：
\"Come，mydear，begintowashasfastasyoucan。Tellthemtotakeoffsocks，coatsandshirts，scrubthemwell，putoncleanshirts，andtheattendantswillfinishthemoff，andlaytheminbed。\"
Ifshehadrequestedmetoshavethemall，ordanceahornpipeonthestovefunnel，Ishouldhavebeenlessstaggered；buttoscrubsomedozenlordsofcreationatamoment’snotice，wasreally；really；。However，therewasnotimefornonsense，and，havingresolvedwhenIcametodoeverythingIwasbid，Idrownedmyscruplesinmywash—bowl，clutchedmysoapmanfully，and，assumingabusiness—likeair，madeadabatthefirstdirtyspecimenIsaw，bentonperformingmytaskvietarmisifnecessary。IchancedtolightonawitheredoldIrishman，woundedinthehead，whichcausedthatportionofhisframetobetastefullylaidoutlikeagarden，thebandagesbeingthewalks，hishairtheshrubbery。Hewassooverpoweredbythehonorofhavingaladywashhim，asheexpressedit，thathedidnothingbutrolluphiseyes，andblessme，inanirresistiblestylewhichwastoomuchformysenseoftheludicrous；sowelaughedtogether，andwhenIkneltdowntotakeoffhisshoes，he\"flopped\"also，andwouldn’thearofmytouching\"themdirtycraters。Mayyourbedabovebeaisydarlin’，fortheday’sworkyeardoon!；Whoosh!thereyeare，andbedad，it’shardtellin’whichis[Page36]thedirtiest，thefutortheshoe。\"Itwas；andifhehadn’tbeentothefore，Ishouldhavegoneonpulling，undertheimpressionthatthe\"fut\"wasaboot，fortrousers，socks，shoesandlegswereamassofmud。Thiscomicaltableauproducedageneralgrin，atwhichpropitiousbeginningItookheartandscrubbedawaylikeanytidyparentonaSaturdaynight。Someofthemtooktheperformancelikesleepychildren，leaningtheirtiredheadsagainstmeasIworked，otherslookedgrimlyscandalized，andseveraloftheroughestcoloredlikebashfulgirls。Oneworeasoiledlittlebagabouthisneck，and，asImovedit，tobathehiswoundedbreast，Isaid，\"Yourtalismandidn’tsaveyou，didit？\"
\"Well，Ireckonitdid，marm，forthatshotwouldagoneacoupleainchesdeeperbutformyoldmammy’scamphorbag，\"answeredthecheerfulphilosopher。
Another，withagun—shotwoundthroughthecheek，askedforalooking—glass，andwhenIbroughtone，regardedhisswollenfacewithadolorousexpression，ashemuttered；
\"Ivowtogosh，that’stoobad!Iwarn’tabadlookingchapbefore，andnowI’mdonefor；won’ttherebeathunderin’scar？andwhatonearthwillJosephineSkinnersay？\"
Helookedupatmewithhisoneeyesoappealingly，thatIcontrolledmyrisibles，andassuredhimthatifJosephinewasagirlofsense，shewouldadmirethehonorablescar，asalastingproofthathehadfacedtheenemy，forallwomenthoughtawoundthebestdecorationabravesoldiercouldwear。IhopeMissSkinnerverifiedthegoodopinionIsorashlyexpressedofher，butIshallneverknow。
Thenextscrubbeewasanicelookinglad，withacurlybrownmane，andabuddingtraceofgingerbreadoverthelip，whichhecalledhisbeard，anddefendedstoutly，whenthebarberjocoselysuggesteditsimmolation。
Helayonabed，[Page37]withoneleggone，andtherightarmsoshatteredthatitmustevidentlyfollow：
yetthelittleSergeantwasasmerryasifhisafflictionswerenotworthlamentingover；andwhenadroportwoofsaltwatermingledwithmysudsatthesightofthisstrongyoungbody，somarredandmaimed，theboylookedup，withabravesmile，thoughtherewasalittlequiverofthelips，ashesaid，\"Nowdon’tyoufretyourselfaboutme，miss；I’mfirstratehere，forit’snutstoliestillonthisbed，afterknockingaboutinthoseconfoundedambulances，thatshakewhatthereisleftofafellowtojelly。Ineverwasinoneoftheseplacesbefore，andthinkthiscleaningupajollythingforus，thoughI’mafraiditisn’tforyouladies。\"
\"Isthisyourfirstbattle，Sergeant？\"
\"No，miss；I’vebeeninsixscrimmages，andnevergotascratchtillthislastone；butit’sdonethebusinessprettythoroughlyforme，Ishouldsay。Lord!whatascramblethere’llbeforarmsandlegs，whenweoldboyscomeoutofourgraves，ontheJudgmentDay：wonderifweshallgetourownagain？Ifwedo，mylegwillhavetotrampfromFredericksburg，myarmfromhere，Isuppose，andmeetmybody，whereveritmaybe。\"
Thefancyseemedtoticklehimmightily，forhelaughedblithely，andsodidI；which，nodoubt，causedthenewnursetoberegardedasalight—mindedsinnerbytheChaplain，whoroamedvaguelyabout，informingthementhattheywereallworms，corruptofheart，withperishablebodies，andsoulsonlytobesavedbyadiligentperusalofcertaintracts，andotherequallycheeringbitsofspiritualconsolation，whenspirituousdittowouldhavebeenpreferred。
\"Isay，Mrs。!\"calledavoicebehindme；and，turning，IsawaroughMichigander，withanarmblownoffattheshoul—[Page38]der，andtwoorthreebulletsstillinhim；asheafterwardsmentioned，ascarelesslyasifgentlemenwereinthehabitofcarryingsuchtriflesaboutwiththem。Iwenttohim，and，whileadministeringadoseofsoapandwater，hewhispered，irefully：
\"Thatred—headeddevil，overyonder，isareb，damnhim!You’llagreetothat，I’llbet？He’sgotshetofafoot，orhe’dacutliketherestofthelot。Don’tyouwashhim，norfeedhim，butjestlethimhollertillhe’stired。It’sablastedshametofetchthemfellersinhere，alongsideofus；andsoI’lltellthechapthatbossesthisconcern；cussmeifI
don’t。\"
IregrettosaythatIdidnotdeliveramoralsermonuponthedutyofforgivingourenemies，andthesinofprofanity，thenandthere；but，beingared—hotAbolitionist，staredfixedlyatthetallrebel，whowasacopperhead，ineverysenseoftheword，andprivatelyresolvedtoputsoapinhiseyes，rubhisnosethewrongway，andexcoriatehiscuticlegenerally，ifIhadthewashingofhim。
Myamiableintentions，however，werefrustrated；for，whenIapproached，withasChristiananexpressionasmyprincipleswouldallow，andaskedthequestion；\"ShallItrytomakeyoumorecomfortable，sir？\"allI
gotformypainswasagruff；
\"No；I’lldoitmyself。\"
\"Here’syourSouthernchivalry，withawitness，\"thoughtI，dumpingthebasindownbeforehim，therebyquenchingastrongdesiretogivehimasummarybaptism，inreturnforhisungraciousness；formyangrypassionsrose，atthisrebuff，inawaythatwouldhavescandalizedgoodDr。Watts。
Hewasadisappointmentinallrespects，（therebel，nottheblessedDoctor，）
forhewasneitherfiendish，romantic，pathetic，oranythinginteresting；
butalong，fatman，withaheadlikea[Page39]burningbush，andaperfectlyexpressionlessface：soIcoulddislikehimwithouttheslightestdrawback，andignoredhisexistencefromthatdayforth。Oneredeemingtraithecertainlydidpossess，asthefloorspeedilytestified；forhisablutionsweresovigorouslyperformed，thathisbedsoonstoodlikeanisolatedisland，inaseaofsoap—suds，andheresembledadrippingmerman，sufferingfromthelossofafin。Ifcleanlinessisanearneighbortogodliness，thenwasthebigrebelthegodliestmaninmywardthatday。