ExeuntFORD，PAGE，SHALLOW，DOCTORCAIUS，andSIRHUGHEVANSMISTRESSPAGETrustme，hebeathimmostpitifully。MISTRESSFORDNay，bythemass，thathedidnot；hebeathimmostunpitifully，methought。MISTRESSPAGEI’llhavethecudgelhallowedandhungo’erthealtar；ithathdonemeritoriousservice。MISTRESSFORDWhatthinkyou？maywe，withthewarrantofwomanhoodandthewitnessofagoodconscience，pursuehimwithanyfurtherrevenge？MISTRESSPAGEThespiritofwantonnessis，sure，scaredoutofhim：ifthedevilhavehimnotinfee—simple，withfineandrecovery，hewillnever，Ithink，inthewayofwaste，attemptusagain。MISTRESSFORDShallwetellourhusbandshowwehaveservedhim？MISTRESSPAGEYes，byallmeans；ifitbebuttoscrapethefiguresoutofyourhusband’sbrains。Iftheycanfindintheirheartsthepoorunvirtuousfatknightshallbeanyfurtherafflicted，wetwowillstillbetheministers。MISTRESSFORDI’llwarrantthey’llhavehimpubliclyshamed：andmethinkstherewouldbenoperiodtothejest，shouldhenotbepubliclyshamed。MISTRESSPAGECome，totheforgewithitthen；shapeit：Iwouldnothavethingscool。
ExeuntSCENEIII。AroomintheGarterInn。EnterHostandBARDOLPHBARDOLPHSir，theGermansdesiretohavethreeofyourhorses：thedukehimselfwillbeto—morrowatcourt，andtheyaregoingtomeethim。HostWhatdukeshouldthatbecomessosecretly？
Ihearnotofhiminthecourt。Letmespeakwiththegentlemen：theyspeakEnglish？BARDOLPHAy，sir；I’llcallthemtoyou。HostTheyshallhavemyhorses；butI’llmakethempay；
I’llsaucethem：theyhavehadmyhouseaweekatcommand；Ihaveturnedawaymyotherguests：theymustcomeoff；I’llsaucethem。Come。
ExeuntSCENEIV。AroominFORD’Shouse。EnterPAGE，FORD，MISTRESSPAGE，MISTRESSFORD，andSIR
HUGHEVANSSIRHUGHEVANS’Tisoneofthebestdiscretionsofa’omanaseverIdidlookupon。PAGEAnddidhesendyouboththeselettersataninstant？MISTRESSPAGEWithinaquarterofanhour。FORDPardonme，wife。Henceforthdowhatthouwilt；
IratherwillsuspectthesunwithcoldThantheewithwantonness：nowdoththyhonourstandInhimthatwasoflateanheretic，Asfirmasfaith。PAGE’Tiswell，’tiswell；nomore：
BenotasextremeinsubmissionAsinoffence。
Butletourplotgoforward：letourwivesYetonceagain，tomakeuspublicsport，Appointameetingwiththisoldfatfellow，Wherewemaytakehimanddisgracehimforit。FORDThereisnobetterwaythanthattheyspokeof。PAGEHow？tosendhimwordthey’llmeethimintheparkatmidnight？Fie，fie!he’llnevercome。SIRHUGHEVANSYousayhehasbeenthrownintheriversandhasbeengrievouslypeatenasanold’oman：methinksthereshouldbeterrorsinhimthatheshouldnotcome；methinkshisfleshispunished，heshallhavenodesires。PAGESothinkItoo。MISTRESSFORDDevisebuthowyou’llusehimwhenhecomes，Andletustwodevisetobringhimthither。MISTRESSPAGEThereisanoldtalegoesthatHernethehunter，SometimeakeeperhereinWindsorforest，Dothallthewinter—time，atstillmidnight，Walkroundaboutanoak，withgreatragg’dhorns；
AndthereheblaststhetreeandtakesthecattleAndmakesmilch—kineyieldbloodandshakesachainInamosthideousanddreadfulmanner：
Youhaveheardofsuchaspirit，andwellyouknowThesuperstitiousidle—headedeldReceivedanddiddelivertoourageThistaleofHernethehunterforatruth。PAGEWhy，yettherewantnotmanythatdofearIndeepofnighttowalkbythisHerne’soak：
Butwhatofthis？MISTRESSFORDMarry，thisisourdevice；
ThatFalstaffatthatoakshallmeetwithus。PAGEWell，letitnotbedoubtedbuthe’llcome：
Andinthisshapewhenyouhavebroughthimthither，Whatshallbedonewithhim？whatisyourplot？MISTRESSPAGEThatlikewisehavewethoughtupon，andthus：
NanPagemydaughterandmylittlesonAndthreeorfourmoreoftheirgrowthwe’lldressLikeurchins，ouphesandfairies，greenandwhite，Withroundsofwaxentapersontheirheads，Andrattlesintheirhands：uponasudden，AsFalstaff，sheandI，arenewlymet，LetthemfromforthasawpitrushatonceWithsomediffusedsong：upontheirsight，Wetwoingreatamazednesswillfly：
ThenletthemallencirclehimaboutAnd，fairy—like，to—pinchtheuncleanknight，Andaskhimwhy，thathouroffairyrevel，IntheirsosacredpathshedarestotreadInshapeprofane。MISTRESSFORDAndtillhetellthetruth，LetthesupposedfairiespinchhimsoundAndburnhimwiththeirtapers。MISTRESSPAGEThetruthbeingknown，We’llallpresentourselves，dis—hornthespirit，AndmockhimhometoWindsor。FORDThechildrenmustBepractisedwelltothis，orthey’llne’erdo’t。SIRHUGHEVANSIwillteachthechildrentheirbehaviors；
andI
willbelikeajack—an—apesalso，toburntheknightwithmytaber。FORDThatwillbeexcellent。I’llgoandbuythemvizards。MISTRESSPAGEMyNanshallbethequeenofallthefairies，Finelyattiredinarobeofwhite。PAGEThatsilkwillIgobuy。
AsideAndinthattimeShallMasterSlenderstealmyNanawayAndmarryheratEton。GosendtoFalstaffstraight。FORDNayI’lltohimagaininnameofBrookHe’lltellmeallhispurpose：sure，he’llcome。MISTRESSPAGEFearnotyouthat。GogetuspropertiesAndtrickingforourfairies。SIRHUGHEVANSLetusaboutit：itisadmirablepleasuresandferyhonestknaveries。
ExeuntPAGE，FORD，andSIRHUGHEVANSMISTRESSPAGEGo，MistressFord，SendquicklytoSirJohn，toknowhismind。
ExitMISTRESSFORD
I’lltothedoctor：hehathmygoodwill，Andnonebuthe，tomarrywithNanPage。
ThatSlender，thoughwelllanded，isanidiot；
Andhemyhusbandbestofallaffects。
Thedoctoriswellmoney’d，andhisfriendsPotentatcourt：he，nonebuthe，shallhaveher，Thoughtwentythousandworthiercometocraveher。
ExitSCENEV。AroomintheGarterInn。EnterHostandSIMPLEHostWhatwouldstthouhave，boor？what：thick—skin？
speak，breathe，discuss；brief，short，quick，snap。SIMPLEMarry，sir，IcometospeakwithSirJohnFalstafffromMasterSlender。HostThere’shischamber，hishouse，hiscastle，hisstanding—bedandtruckle—bed；’tispaintedaboutwiththestoryoftheProdigal，freshandnew。
Goknockandcall；hellspeaklikeanAnthropophaginianuntothee：knock，Isay。SIMPLEThere’sanoldwoman，afatwoman，goneupintohischamber：I’llbesoboldasstay，sir，tillshecomedown；Icometospeakwithher，indeed。HostHa!afatwoman!theknightmayberobbed：
I’llcall。Bullyknight!bullySirJohn!speakfromthylungsmilitary：artthouthere？itisthinehost，thineEphesian，calls。FALSTAFF[Above]Hownow，minehost!HostHere’saBohemian—Tartartarriesthecomingdownofthyfatwoman。Letherdescend，bully，letherdescend；mychambersarehonourable：fie!privacy？
fie!
EnterFALSTAFFFALSTAFFTherewas，minehost，anoldfatwomanevennowwithme；butshe’sgone。SIMPLEPrayyou，sir，was’tnotthewisewomanofBrentford？FALSTAFFAy，marry，wasit，mussel—shell：whatwouldyouwithher？SIMPLEMymaster，sir，MasterSlender，senttoher，seeinghergothroughthestreets，toknow，sir，whetheroneNym，sir，thatbeguiledhimofachain，hadthechainorno。FALSTAFFIspakewiththeoldwomanaboutit。SIMPLEAndwhatsaysshe，Ipray，sir？FALSTAFFMarry，shesaysthattheverysamemanthatbeguiledMasterSlenderofhischaincozenedhimofit。SIMPLEIwouldIcouldhavespokenwiththewomanherself；
Ihadotherthingstohavespokenwithhertoofromhim。FALSTAFFWhatarethey？letusknow。HostAy，come；quick。SIMPLEImaynotconcealthem，sir。HostConcealthem，orthoudiest。SIMPLEWhy，sir，theywerenothingbutaboutMistressAnnePage；toknowifitweremymaster’sfortunetohaveherorno。FALSTAFF’Tis，’tishisfortune。SIMPLEWhat，sir？FALSTAFFTohaveher，orno。Go；saythewomantoldmeso。SIMPLEMayIbeboldtosayso，sir？FALSTAFFAy，sir；likewhomorebold。SIMPLEIthankyourworship：Ishallmakemymastergladwiththesetidings。
ExitHostThouartclerkly，thouartclerkly，SirJohn。Wasthereawisewomanwiththee？FALSTAFFAy，thattherewas，minehost；onethathathtaughtmemorewitthaneverIlearnedbeforeinmylife；
andIpaidnothingforitneither，butwaspaidformylearning。
EnterBARDOLPHBARDOLPHOut，alas，sir!cozenage，merecozenage!HostWherebemyhorses？speakwellofthem，varletto。BARDOLPHRunawaywiththecozeners；forsosoonasIcamebeyondEton，theythrewmeofffrombehindoneofthem，inasloughofmire；andsetspursandaway，likethreeGermandevils，threeDoctorFaustuses。HostTheyaregonebuttomeettheduke，villain：
donotsaytheybefled；Germansarehonestmen。
EnterSIRHUGHEVANSSIRHUGHEVANSWhereisminehost？HostWhatisthematter，sir？SIRHUGHEVANSHaveacareofyourentertainments：thereisafriendofminecometotowntellsmethereisthreecozen—germansthathascozenedallthehostsofReadins，ofMaidenhead，ofColebrook，ofhorsesandmoney。Itellyouforgoodwill，lookyou：youarewiseandfullofgibesandvlouting—stocks，and’tisnotconvenientyoushouldbecozened。Fareyouwell。
ExitEnterDOCTORCAIUSDOCTORCAIUSVereisminehostdeJarteer？HostHere，masterdoctor，inperplexityanddoubtfuldilemma。DOCTORCAIUSIcannottellvatisdat：butitistell—amedatyoumakegrandpreparationforadukedeJamany：
bymytrot，dereisnodukedatthecourtisknowtocome。Itellyouforgoodvill：adieu。
ExitHostHueandcry，villain，go!Assistme，knight。
Iamundone!Fly，run，hueandcry，villain!Iamundone!
ExeuntHostandBARDOLPHFALSTAFFIwouldalltheworldmightbecozened；
forIhavebeencozenedandbeatentoo。Ifitshouldcometotheearofthecourt，howIhavebeentransformedandhowmytransformationhathbeenwashedandcudgelled，theywouldmeltmeoutofmyfatdropbydropandliquorfishermen’sbootswithme；IwarranttheywouldwhipmewiththeirfinewitstillI
wereascrest—fallenasadriedpear。IneverprosperedsinceIforsworemyselfatprimero。Well，ifmywindwerebutlongenoughtosaymyprayers，I
wouldrepent。
EnterMISTRESSQUICKLY
Now，whencecomeyou？MISTRESSQUICKLYFromthetwoparties，forsooth。FALSTAFFThedeviltakeonepartyandhisdamtheother!andsotheyshallbebothbestowed。Ihavesufferedmorefortheirsakes，morethanthevillanousinconstancyofman’sdispositionisabletobear。MISTRESSQUICKLYAndhavenottheysuffered？Yes，Iwarrant；
speciouslyoneofthem；MistressFord，goodheart，isbeatenblackandblue，thatyoucannotseeawhitespotabouther。FALSTAFFWhattellestthoumeofblackandblue？
Iwasbeatenmyselfintoallthecoloursoftherainbow；
andIwasliketobeapprehendedforthewitchofBrentford：butthatmyadmirabledexterityofwit，mycounterfeitingtheactionofanoldwoman，deliveredme，theknaveconstablehadsetmei’thestocks，i’thecommonstocks，forawitch。MISTRESSQUICKLYSir，letmespeakwithyouinyourchamber：
youshallhearhowthingsgo；and，Iwarrant，toyourcontent。Hereisaletterwillsaysomewhat。
Goodhearts，whatadohereistobringyoutogether!
Sure，oneofyoudoesnotserveheavenwell，thatyouaresocrossed。FALSTAFFComeupintomychamber。
ExeuntSCENEVI。AnotherroomintheGarterInn。EnterFENTONandHostHostMasterFenton，talknottome；mymindisheavy：I
willgiveoverall。FENTONYethearmespeak。Assistmeinmypurpose，And，asIamagentleman，I’llgivetheeAhundredpoundingoldmorethanyourloss。HostIwillhearyou，MasterFenton；andIwillattheleastkeepyourcounsel。FENTONFromtimetotimeIhaveacquaintedyouWiththedearloveIbeartofairAnnePage；
Whomutuallyhathanswer’dmyaffection，Sofarforthasherselfmightbeherchooser，Eventomywish：IhavealetterfromherOfsuchcontentsasyouwillwonderat；
Themirthwhereofsolardedwithmymatter，Thatneithersinglycanbemanifested，Withouttheshowofboth；fatFalstaffHathagreatscene：theimageofthejestI’llshowyouhereatlarge。Hark，goodminehost。
To—nightatHerne’soak，just’twixttwelveandone，MustmysweetNanpresenttheFairyQueen；
Thepurposewhy，ishere：inwhichdisguise，Whileotherjestsaresomethingrankonfoot，HerfatherhathcommandedhertoslipAwaywithSlenderandwithhimatEtonImmediatelytomarry：shehathconsented：Now，sir，Hermother，everstrongagainstthatmatchAndfirmforDoctorCaius，hathappointedThatheshalllikewiseshuffleheraway，Whileothersportsaretaskingoftheirminds，Andatthedeanery，whereapriestattends，Straightmarryher：tothishermother’splotSheseeminglyobedientlikewisehathMadepromisetothedoctor。Now，thusitrests：
Herfathermeanssheshallbeallinwhite，Andinthathabit，whenSlenderseeshistimeTotakeherbythehandandbidhergo，Sheshallgowithhim：hermotherhathintended，Thebettertodenotehertothedoctor，Fortheymustallbemask’dandvizarded，Thatquaintingreensheshallbelooseenrobed，Withribandspendent，flaring’boutherhead；
Andwhenthedoctorspieshisvantageripe，Topinchherbythehand，and，onthattoken，Themaidhathgivenconsenttogowithhim。HostWhichmeansshetodeceive，fatherormother？FENTONBoth，mygoodhost，togoalongwithme：
Andhereitrests，thatyou’llprocurethevicarTostayformeatchurch’twixttwelveandone，And，inthelawfulnameofmarrying，Togiveourheartsunitedceremony。HostWell，husbandyourdevice；I’lltothevicar：
Bringyouthemaid，youshallnotlackapriest。FENTONSoshallIevermorebeboundtothee；
Besides，I’llmakeapresentrecompense。
ExeuntACTVSCENEI。AroomintheGarterInn。EnterFALSTAFFandMISTRESSQUICKLYFALSTAFFPrithee，nomoreprattling；go。I’llhold。
Thisisthethirdtime；Ihopegoodluckliesinoddnumbers。AwayIgo。Theysaythereisdivinityinoddnumbers，eitherinnativity，chance，ordeath。
Away!MISTRESSQUICKLYI’llprovideyouachain；andI’lldowhatIcantogetyouapairofhorns。FALSTAFFAway，Isay；timewears：holdupyourhead，andmince。
ExitMISTRESSQUICKLY
EnterFORD
Hownow，MasterBrook!MasterBrook，thematterwillbeknownto—night，ornever。BeyouintheParkaboutmidnight，atHerne’soak，andyoushallseewonders。FORDWentyounottoheryesterday，sir，asyoutoldmeyouhadappointed？FALSTAFFIwenttoher，MasterBrook，asyousee，likeapooroldman：butIcamefromher，MasterBrook，likeapooroldwoman。ThatsameknaveFord，herhusband，haththefinestmaddevilofjealousyinhim，MasterBrook，thatevergovernedfrenzy。Iwilltellyou：hebeatmegrievously，intheshapeofawoman；forintheshapeofman，MasterBrook，IfearnotGoliathwithaweaver’sbeam；becauseIknowalsolifeisashuttle。Iaminhaste；goalongwithme：I’lltellyouall，MasterBrook。SinceI
pluckedgeese，playedtruantandwhippedtop，Iknewnotwhat’twastobebeatentilllately。Followme：I’lltellyoustrangethingsofthisknaveFord，onwhomto—nightIwillberevenged，andI
willdeliverhiswifeintoyourhand。Follow。
Strangethingsinhand，MasterBrook!Follow。
ExeuntSCENEII。WindsorPark。EnterPAGE，SHALLOW，andSLENDERPAGECome，come；we’llcouchi’thecastle—ditchtillweseethelightofourfairies。Remember，sonSlender，mydaughter。SLENDERAy，forsooth；Ihavespokewithherandwehaveanay—wordhowtoknowoneanother：Icometoherinwhite，andcry’mum；’shecries’budget；’andbythatweknowoneanother。SHALLOWThat’sgoodtoo：butwhatneedseitheryour’mum’
orher’budget？’thewhitewilldecipherherwellenough。Ithathstruckteno’clock。PAGEThenightisdark；lightandspiritswillbecomeitwell。Heavenprosperoursport!Nomanmeansevilbutthedevil，andweshallknowhimbyhishorns。
Let’saway；followme。
ExeuntSCENEIII。AstreetleadingtothePark。EnterMISTRESSPAGE，MISTRESSFORD，andDOCTORCAIUSMISTRESSPAGEMasterdoctor，mydaughterisingreen：
whenyouseeyourtime，takeherbytheband，awaywithhertothedeanery，anddispatchitquickly。GobeforeintothePark：wetwomustgotogether。DOCTORCAIUSIknowvatIhavetodo。Adieu。MISTRESSPAGEFareyouwell，sir。
ExitDOCTORCAIUS
MyhusbandwillnotrejoicesomuchattheabuseofFalstaffashewillchafeatthedoctor’smarryingmydaughter：but’tisnomatter；betteralittlechidingthanagreatdealofheart—break。MISTRESSFORDWhereisNannowandhertroopoffairies，andtheWelshdevilHugh？MISTRESSPAGETheyareallcouchedinapithardbyHerne’soak，withobscuredlights；which，attheveryinstantofFalstaff’sandourmeeting，theywillatoncedisplaytothenight。MISTRESSFORDThatcannotchoosebutamazehim。MISTRESSPAGEIfhebenotamazed，hewillbemocked；
ifhebeamazed，hewilleverywaybemocked。MISTRESSFORDWe’llbetrayhimfinely。MISTRESSPAGEAgainstsuchlewdstersandtheirlecheryThosethatbetraythemdonotreachery。MISTRESSFORDThehourdrawson。Totheoak，totheoak!
ExeuntSCENEIV。WindsorPark。EnterSIRHUGHEVANS，disguised，withothersasFairiesSIRHUGHEVANSTrib，trib，fairies；come；andrememberyourparts：
bepold，Iprayyou；followmeintothepit；andwhenIgivethewatch—’ords，doasIpidyou：
come，come；trib，trib。
ExeuntSCENEV。AnotherpartofthePark。EnterFALSTAFFdisguisedasHerneFALSTAFFTheWindsorbellhathstrucktwelve；theminutedrawson。Now，thehot—bloodedgodsassistme!
Remember，Jove，thouwastabullforthyEuropa；
lovesetonthyhorns。Opowerfullove!that，insomerespects，makesabeastaman，insomeother，amanabeast。Youwerealso，Jupiter，aswanfortheloveofLeda。OomnipotentLove!hownearthegoddrewtothecomplexionofagoose!Afaultdonefirstintheformofabeast。OJove，abeastlyfault!Andthenanotherfaultinthesemblanceofafowl；
thinkon’t，Jove；afoulfault!Whengodshavehotbacks，whatshallpoormendo？Forme，IamhereaWindsorstag；andthefattest，Ithink，i’theforest。Sendmeacoolrut—time，Jove，orwhocanblamemetopissmytallow？Whocomeshere？mydoe？
EnterMISTRESSFORDandMISTRESSPAGEMISTRESSFORDSirJohn!artthouthere，mydeer？mymaledeer？FALSTAFFMydoewiththeblackscut!Lettheskyrainpotatoes；letitthundertothetuneofGreenSleeves，hailkissing—comfitsandsnoweringoes；
lettherecomeatempestofprovocation，Iwillsheltermehere。MISTRESSFORDMistressPageiscomewithme，sweetheart。FALSTAFFDividemelikeabribebuck，eachahaunch：
Iwillkeepmysidestomyself，myshouldersforthefellowofthiswalk，andmyhornsIbequeathyourhusbands。
AmIawoodman，ha？SpeakIlikeHernethehunter？
Why，nowisCupidachildofconscience；hemakesrestitution。AsIamatruespirit，welcome!
NoisewithinMISTRESSPAGEAlas，whatnoise？MISTRESSFORDHeavenforgiveoursinsFALSTAFFWhatshouldthisbe？MISTRESSFORDMISTRESS
PAGEAway，away!
TheyrunoffFALSTAFFIthinkthedevilwillnothavemedamned，lesttheoilthat’sinmeshouldsethellonfire；hewouldneverelsecrossmethus。
EnterSIRHUGHEVANS，disguisedasbefore；PISTOL，asHobgoblin；
MISTRESSQUICKLY，ANNEPAGE，andothers，asFairies，withtapersMISTRESSQUICKLYFairies，black，grey，green，andwhite，Youmoonshinerevellersandshadesofnight，Youorphanheirsoffixeddestiny，Attendyourofficeandyourquality。
CrierHobgoblin，makethefairyoyes。PISTOLElves，listyournames；silence，youairytoys。
Cricket，toWindsorchimneysshaltthouleap：
Wherefiresthoufind’stunrakedandhearthsunswept，Therepinchthemaidsasblueasbilberry：
Ourradiantqueenhatesslutsandsluttery。FALSTAFFTheyarefairies；hethatspeakstothemshalldie：
I’llwinkandcouch：nomantheirworksmusteye。
LiesdownuponhisfaceSIRHUGHEVANSWhere’sBede？Goyou，andwhereyoufindamaidThat，ereshesleep，hasthriceherprayerssaid，Raiseuptheorgansofherfantasy；
Sleepsheassoundascarelessinfancy：
Butthoseassleepandthinknotontheirsins，Pinchthem，arms，legs，backs，shoulders，sidesandshins。MISTRESSQUICKLYAbout，about；
SearchWindsorCastle，elves，withinandout：
Strewgoodluck，ouphes，oneverysacredroom：
Thatitmaystandtilltheperpetualdoom，Instateaswholesomeasinstate’tisfit，Worthytheowner，andtheownerit。
TheseveralchairsoforderlookyouscourWithjuiceofbalmandeverypreciousflower：
Eachfairinstalment，coat，andseveralcrest，Withloyalblazon，evermorebeblest!
Andnightly，meadow—fairies，lookyousing，LiketotheGarter’scompass，inaring：
Theexpressurethatitbears，greenletitbe，Morefertile—freshthanallthefieldtosee；
And’Honisoitquimalypense’writeInemeraldtufts，flowerspurple，blueandwhite；
Letsapphire，pearlandrichembroidery，Buckledbelowfairknighthood’sbendingknee：
Fairiesuseflowersfortheircharactery。
Away；disperse：buttill’tisoneo’clock，OurdanceofcustomroundabouttheoakOfHernethehunter，letusnotforget。SIRHUGHEVANSPrayyou，lockhandinhand；yourselvesinordersetAndtwentyglow—wormsshallourlanternsbe，Toguideourmeasureroundaboutthetree。
But，stay；Ismellamanofmiddle—earth。FALSTAFFHeavensdefendmefromthatWelshfairy，lesthetransformmetoapieceofcheese!PISTOLVileworm，thouwasto’erlook’deveninthybirth。MISTRESSQUICKLYWithtrial—firetouchmehisfinger—end：
Ifhebechaste，theflamewillbackdescendAndturnhimtonopain；butifhestart，Itisthefleshofacorruptedheart。PISTOLAtrial，come。SIRHUGHEVANSCome，willthiswoodtakefire？
TheyburnhimwiththeirtapersFALSTAFFOh，Oh，Oh!MISTRESSQUICKLYCorrupt，corrupt，andtaintedindesire!
Abouthim，fairies；singascornfulrhyme；
And，asyoutrip，stillpinchhimtoyourtime。
SONG。
Fieonsinfulfantasy!
Fieonlustandluxury!
Lustisbutabloodyfire，Kindledwithunchastedesire，Fedinheart，whoseflamesaspireAsthoughtsdoblowthem，higherandhigher。
Pinchhim，fairies，mutually；
Pinchhimforhisvillany；
Pinchhim，andburnhim，andturnhimabout，Tillcandlesandstarlightandmoonshinebeout。
DuringthissongtheypinchFALSTAFF。DOCTORCAIUScomesoneway，andstealsawayaboyingreen；SLENDERanotherway，andtakesoffaboyinwhite；andFENTONcomesandstealsawayANNPAGE。Anoiseofhuntingisheardwithin。AlltheFairiesrunaway。FALSTAFFpullsoffhisbuck’shead，andrisesEnterPAGE，FORD，MISTRESSPAGE，andMISTRESSFORDPAGENay，donotfly；Ithinkwehavewatch’dyounowWillnonebutHernethehunterserveyourturn？MISTRESSPAGEIprayyou，come，holdupthejestnohigherNow，goodSirJohn，howlikeyouWindsorwives？
Seeyouthese，husband？donotthesefairyokesBecometheforestbetterthanthetown？FORDNow，sir，who’sacuckoldnow？MasterBrook，Falstaff’saknave，acuckoldlyknave；herearehishorns，MasterBrook：and，MasterBrook，hehathenjoyednothingofFord’sbuthisbuck—basket，hiscudgel，andtwentypoundsofmoney，whichmustbepaidtoMasterBrook；hishorsesarearrestedforit，MasterBrook。MISTRESSFORDSirJohn，wehavehadillluck；wecouldnevermeet。
Iwillnevertakeyouformyloveagain；butIwillalwayscountyoumydeer。FALSTAFFIdobegintoperceivethatIammadeanass。FORDAy，andanoxtoo：boththeproofsareextant。FALSTAFFAndthesearenotfairies？Iwasthreeorfourtimesinthethoughttheywerenotfairies：andyettheguiltinessofmymind，thesuddensurpriseofmypowers，drovethegrossnessofthefopperyintoareceivedbelief，indespiteoftheteethofallrhymeandreason，thattheywerefairies。SeenowhowwitmaybemadeaJack—a—Lent，when’tisuponillemployment!SIRHUGHEVANSSirJohnFalstaff，serveGot，andleaveyourdesires，andfairieswillnotpinseyou。FORDWellsaid，fairyHugh。SIRHUGHEVANSAndleaveyourjealousiestoo，Iprayyou。FORDIwillnevermistrustmywifeagaintillthouartabletowooheringoodEnglish。FALSTAFFHaveIlaidmybraininthesunanddriedit，thatitwantsmattertopreventsogrosso’erreachingasthis？AmIriddenwithaWelshgoattoo？shallI
haveacoxcomboffrize？’TistimeIwerechokedwithapieceoftoastedcheese。SIRHUGHEVANSSeeseisnotgoodtogiveputter；yourbellyisallputter。FALSTAFF’Seese’and’putter’!haveIlivedtostandatthetauntofonethatmakesfrittersofEnglish？
Thisisenoughtobethedecayoflustandlate—walkingthroughtherealm。MISTRESSPAGEWhySirJohn，doyouthink，thoughwewouldhavethevirtueoutofourheartsbytheheadandshouldersandhavegivenourselveswithoutscrupletohell，thateverthedevilcouldhavemadeyouourdelight？FORDWhat，ahodge—pudding？abagofflax？MISTRESSPAGEApuffedman？PAGEOld，cold，witheredandofintolerableentrails？FORDAndonethatisasslanderousasSatan？PAGEAndaspoorasJob？FORDAndaswickedashiswife？SIRHUGHEVANSAndgiventofornications，andtotavernsandsackandwineandmetheglins，andtodrinkingsandswearingsandstarings，pribblesandprabbles？FALSTAFFWell，Iamyourtheme：youhavethestartofme；I
amdejected；IamnotabletoanswertheWelshflannel；ignoranceitselfisaplummeto’erme：
usemeasyouwill。FORDMarry，sir，we’llbringyoutoWindsor，tooneMasterBrook，thatyouhavecozenedofmoney，towhomyoushouldhavebeenapander：overandabovethatyouhavesuffered，Ithinktorepaythatmoneywillbeabitingaffliction。PAGEYetbecheerful，knight：thoushalteatapossetto—nightatmyhouse；whereIwilldesiretheetolaughatmywife，thatnowlaughsatthee：tellherMasterSlenderhathmarriedherdaughter。MISTRESSPAGE[Aside]Doctorsdoubtthat：ifAnnePagebemydaughter，sheis，bythis，DoctorCaius’wife。
EnterSLENDERSLENDERWhoaho!ho，fatherPage!PAGESon，hownow!hownow，son!haveyoudispatched？SLENDERDispatched!I’llmakethebestinGloucestershireknowon’t；wouldIwerehanged，la，else。PAGEOfwhat，son？SLENDERIcameyonderatEtontomarryMistressAnnePage，andshe’sagreatlubberlyboy。Ifithadnotbeeni’thechurch，Iwouldhaveswingedhim，orheshouldhaveswingedme。IfIdidnotthinkithadbeenAnnePage，wouldImightneverstir!——and’tisapostmaster’sboy。PAGEUponmylife，then，youtookthewrong。SLENDERWhatneedyoutellmethat？Ithinkso，whenItookaboyforagirl。IfIhadbeenmarriedtohim，forallhewasinwoman’sapparel，Iwouldnothavehadhim。PAGEWhy，thisisyourownfolly。DidnotItellyouhowyoushouldknowmydaughterbyhergarments？SLENDERIwenttoherinwhite，andcried’mum，’
andshecried’budget，’asAnneandIhadappointed；
andyetitwasnotAnne，butapostmaster’sboy。MISTRESSPAGEGoodGeorge，benotangry：Iknewofyourpurpose；
turnedmydaughterintogreen；and，indeed，sheisnowwiththedoctoratthedeanery，andtheremarried。
EnterDOCTORCAIUSDOCTORCAIUSVereisMistressPage？Bygar，Iamcozened：
Iha’
marriedungarcon，aboy；unpaysan，bygar，aboy；
itisnotAnnePage：bygar，Iamcozened。MISTRESSPAGEWhy，didyoutakeheringreen？DOCTORCAIUSAy，bygar，and’tisaboy：bygar，I’llraiseallWindsor。
ExitFORDThisisstrange。WhohathgottherightAnne？PAGEMyheartmisgivesme：herecomesMasterFenton。
EnterFENTONandANNEPAGE
Hownow，MasterFenton!ANNEPAGEPardon，goodfather!goodmymother，pardon!PAGENow，mistress，howchanceyouwentnotwithMasterSlender？MISTRESSPAGEWhywentyounotwithmasterdoctor，maid？FENTONYoudoamazeher：hearthetruthofit。
Youwouldhavemarriedhermostshamefully，Wheretherewasnoproportionheldinlove。
Thetruthis，sheandI，longsincecontracted，Arenowsosurethatnothingcandissolveus。
Theoffenceisholythatshehathcommitted；
Andthisdeceitlosesthenameofcraft，Ofdisobedience，orunduteoustitle，SincethereinshedothevitateandshunAthousandirreligiouscursedhours，Whichforcedmarriagewouldhavebroughtuponher。FORDStandnotamazed；hereisnoremedy：
Inlovetheheavensthemselvesdoguidethestate；
Moneybuyslands，andwivesaresoldbyfate。FALSTAFFIamglad，thoughyouhaveta’enaspecialstandtostrikeatme，thatyourarrowhathglanced。PAGEWell，whatremedy？Fenton，heavengivetheejoy!
Whatcannotbeeschew’dmustbeembraced。FALSTAFFWhennight—dogsrun，allsortsofdeerarechased。MISTRESSPAGEWell，Iwillmusenofurther。MasterFenton，Heavengiveyoumany，manymerrydays!
Goodhusband，letuseveryonegohome，Andlaughthissporto’erbyacountryfire；
SirJohnandall。FORDLetitbeso。SirJohn，ToMasterBrookyouyetshallholdyourwordForhetonightshallliewithMistressFord。