P。R。
LETTER：FromHaroldSkimpole，Esq。，totheRev。CharlesHoneyman，M。A。
TheseletterstelltheirowntaleofGeniusandVirtueindigentandinchains。TheeloquenceofaHoneyman，theaccomplishmentsofaSkimpole，leadonlytoCursitorStreet。
Coavins’s，CursitorStreet，May1。
MyDearHoneyman，——ItisMay—day，wheneventhechimney—sweeper，developingthepleasantunconsciouspoetryofhisnature，forgetstheflues，wreathestheflowers，andpersuadeshimselfthatheisJack—in—the—Green。Jackwho？WasheJackSprat，ortheyoungswainwhomatedwithJill!Whoknows？Thechimney—sweeperhasallIask，allthatthebutterfliespossess，allthatCommon—senseandBusinessandSocietydenytoHaroldSkimpole。Helives，heisfree，heis\"inthegreen!\"IaminCoavins’s!InCursitorStreetIcannothearthestreamswarble，thebirdschant，themusicrollthroughthestatelyfane，letussay，ofLadyWhittlesea’s。
Coavins’s（asCoavins’smansays）is\"a’ouse；\"buthowunlike，forexample，thehospitablehomeofourfriendJarndyce!IcansketchCoavins’s，butIcannotalterit：Icansetittomusic，onCoavins’spiano；buthowmelancholyarethejinglingstrainsofthatdilapidatedinstrument!AtJarndyce’shouse，whenIamthere，Iaminpossessionofit：hereCoavins’sisinpossessionofme——
ofthepersonofHaroldSkimpole。
AndwhyamIhere？WhyamIfarfromlandscape，music，conversation？Why，merelybecauseIwillfollowneitherFamenorFortunenorFaith。Theycalltousinthemarket—place，butIwillnotdance。Fameblowshertrumpet，andoffershershilling（theQueen’s）。Faithpealsherbells，andasksforMYshilling。
Fortunerattlesherbanking—scales。Theycall，andtheworldjoinsthewaltz；butIwillnotmarchwiththem。\"Goafterglory，commerce，creeds，\"Icry；\"onlyletHaroldSkimpolelive!\"{16}
Theworldpursuesthejanglingmusic；butinmyearsoundthepipesofPan，thevoicesoftheriverandthewood。
YetIcannotbeintheplayground，whithertheyinviteme。HaroldSkimpoleisfettered——bywhat？Byitems!Iregretmyincapacityfordetails。ItmaybethetinkerorthetailoratwhosesuitIamdetained。Iamcertainitisnotatthatofthesoldier，orthesailor，ortheploughboy，orthethief。But，fortheapothecary——
why，yes——itMAYbetheapothecary!InthedawnoflifeIloved——
whohasnot？——Iwedded。Isetaboutsurroundingmyselfwithrosycheeks。Thesecheeksgrowpallid。IcallfortheaidofScience——
Sciencesendsinherbill!\"TotheMixtureasBefore，\"somuchto\"theTonic，\"somuch。Thecheeksarerosyagain。Ipourforththeblessingsofafather’sheart；buttherestandsScienceinexorable，withherbill，heritems。Ivainlypointoutthatthemixturehasplayeditspart，thetonichasplayedITSpart；andthat，inthenatureofthings，thetransactionisended。Thebillisunappeasable。Iforgetthedetails；acertainnumberofpiecesofyellowandwhitedrossarespokenof。Ah，Iseeitisfifteenandsomeoddshillingsandcoppers。Letussaytwenty。
MydearHoneyman，youwho，asIhear，areabouttofollowtheflutesofAphroditeintoatemplewhereHymengildsthehornsofthevictims{17}——you，Iamsure，willhurrytomyrescue。Youmaynothavethespecieactuallyinyourcoffers；butwithyourprospects，surelyyoucansignsomething，ormakeoversomething，orbacksomething，sayapostobitorpostvincula，oremploysomeotherinstrument？Excusemyinexperience；or，Ishouldsay，excusemycongenitalinabilitytoprofitbyexperience，nowconsiderable，ofDIFFICULTIES——andoffriendship。LetnotthesunofMay—daygodownonHaroldSkimpoleinCoavins’s!——Yoursever，H。S。
P。S。——AyouthfulmyrmidonofCoavins’swillwaitforareply。
Shallwesay，whileweareaboutit，Twenty—five？
FromtheRev。CharlesHoneymantoHaroldSkimpole，Esq。
CursitorStreet，May1。
MyDearSkimpole，——HowwouldIhavejoyed，hadProvidenceplaceditwithinmypowertorelieveyourdistress!Butitcannotbe。LiketheCarthaginianQueenofwhomwereadinhappierdaysatdearoldBorhambury，ImaysaythatIamhaudignarusmali。But，alas!theveryevilsinwhichIamnotunlearned，makeitimpossibleformetoaddmiserissuccurreredisco!RatheramImyselfinneedofsuccour。You，mydearHarold，havefallenamongthieves；ImaytootrulyaddthatinthisIamyourneighbour。Thedensinwhichwearelodgedarecontiguous；weareseparatedonlybythebars。YournotewassentonhitherfrommyroomsinWalpoleStreet。SincewemetIhaveknowntheutmostthatwoman’sperfidyandtherichman’scontumelycaninflict。ButIcanbearmypunishment。Iloved，I
trusted。ShetowhosehandIaspired，sheonwhoseaffectionsI
hadbasedhopesatonceofhappinessinlifeandofextendedusefulnessintheclericalprofession，SHEwaslessconfiding。ShesummonedtohercouncilaminionoftheLaw，oneBriggs。HIS
estimateofmypositionandprospectscouldnotpossiblytallywiththatofonewhoseHOPESarenotsetwheretheworldlingplacesthem。Lethim，andsuchashe，takethoughtforthemorrowandchafferaboutsettlements。Idonotregretthegoldtowhichyousodelicatelyallude。Isorrowonlyforthebloomthathasbeenbrushedfromthesoaringpinionsofapureanddisinterestedaffection。Suntlacrymaererum，andthehandkerchiefinwhichI
burymyfaceisdankwiththem。
NoristhisdisappointmentmyonlyCROSS。Thecarrion—birdsofcommercehavemarkeddownthestrickendeerfromtheireyriesinBondStreetandJermynStreet。ToknowhowSolomonshasbehaved，andtheBLACKcoloursinwhichMoss（ofWardourStreet）hasshownhimself，istoreceiveanewlightonthecharacterofaPeoplechosenunderaverydifferentDispensation!Detainersflockin，likeravenstoafeast。AtthismomentIhaveenduredthehumiliationofmeetingasneeringchildofthisworld——Mr。ArthurPendennis——theemissaryofone{18}towhomIgaveinotherdaysthesweetestblossominthegardenofmyaffections——mysister——ofonewhohas，indeed，behavedlikeabrother——INLAW!Myworddistrusted，mystatementsreceivedwithachillingscepticismbythisNABOBNewcome，Iamurgedtomakesome\"composition\"withmycreditors。Theworldisverycensorious，theearofaBishopiseasilywon；whoknowshowthosewhohaveENVIEDtalentsnotmisusedmayturnmycircumstancestomydisadvantage？Youwillseethat，farfromaidinganother，Iamratherobligedtoseeksuccourmyself。Butthatsayingaboutthesparrowsabideswithmetomycomfort。Couldaughtbedone，thinkyou，withabillbackedbyourjointnames？OnJuly12mypew—rentswillcomein。IsweartoyouthattheyHAVENOTBEENANTICIPATED。Yoursafflictedly，CHARLESHONEYMAN。
P。S。——WouldJarndycelendhisnametoasmallbillatthreemonths？
Youknowhimwell，andIhaveheardthatheisamanofbenevolentcharacter，andofsubstance。But\"howhardlyshallarichman\"——
yourememberthetext。——C。H。
LETTER：FromMissHarriettoM。GuydeMaupassant。
Thisnote，fromoneoftheEnglishdamselswhomM。GuydeMaupassantdislikessomuch，iswritteninsuchFrenchastheladycouldmuster。Itexplainsthatrecurrentmystery，WHYENGLISHWOMEN
ABROADSMELLOFGUTTA—PERCHA。Thereasonisnotdiscreditabletoourcountrywomen，butifM。deMaupassantasks，asheoftendoes，whyEnglishwomendresslikescarecrowswhentheyareontheContinent，MissHarrietdoesnotprovidetheanswer。
MissPinkerton’s，Stratford—atte—Bowe，Mars12。
Monsieur，——Vousdevezmeconnaitre，quoiquejenevousconnaispaslemoinsdumonde。Ilm’estdefendudelirevosromans，jenesaistroppourquoi；maisj’aibienlulanoticequeM。HenryJamesaconsacree，dansleFortnightlyReview，avotreaimabletalent。
Vousn’aimezpas，acequ’ilparait，ni\"lasaleAngleterre\"nilesfillesdecepaysimmonde。Jefiguremoi—memedansvosromans（oumoa—meme，\"carlesAnglais，ilestconvenu，prononcentcepronomcommelenomd’unoiseaumonstrueuxetmemeprehistoriquedeNewZealand）——oui，\"MissHarriet\"serisqueassezsouventdansvoscontesassezrisques。
Vousavezpose，Monsieur，lesublimeprobleme，\"Commentseprennentelleslesdemoisellesanglaisespoursentirtoujourslecaoutchouc？\"（\"tosmellofindia—rubber\"：traductionHenryJames）。
Enpremierlieu，Monsieur，ellesne\"smellofindia—rubber\"quandellessetrouventchezelles，danslesbougesinfectesqu’onappelleles\"statelyhomesofEngland。\"{19}C’estseulemental’etrangerquenousrepandonsl’odeursaineetrejouissantedecaoutchouc。Etpourquoi？Parceque，Monsieur，MissHarriettientasontub——outob——lachoseestanglaise；c’estpermispourtantaungalanthommed’enprononcerlenomcommeilveut，oucommeilpeutOr，quandellevoyage，MissHarriettrouve，assezsouvent，quele\"tub\"estuneinstitutiontout—a—faitinconnueaseshotes。Quefait—elledonc？Elleportedanssamalleuntubdecaoutchouc，\"patentcompressibleindia—rubbertub!\"Inutileadirequesesvetementssetrouventimpregnesdu\"smellofindia—rubber。\"Voici，Monsieur，lasolutionnaturelle，etmemefortlouable，d’unequestionquiestfaitepourdesespererlessavantsdelaFrance!
Vous，Monsieur，quietesunstylisteaccompli，veuillezbienmepardonnerlestortsquejeviensdefairealabellelanguefrancaise。Dame，onfaitcequ’onpeut（commeonditdanslesromanspoliciers）pouretreintelligibleaunecrivainsicelebre，quinelitcouramment，peut—etre，l’idiomebarbareetmalsonnantdelasaleAngleterre。M。PaulBourgetlui—memenelitplusleGrec。
Nonomniapossumusomnes。
Agreez，Monsieur，messentimentslesplusdistingues。
MISSHARRIET。
LETTER：FromS。Gandish，Esq。，tothe\"NewcomeIndependent。\"
THEROYALACADEMY。
ItappearsthatMr。Gandish，atagreatage——thoughhewasnotolderthanseveralindustriousAcademicans——withdrewfromtheactiveexerciseofhisartandemployedhislearningandexperienceasArtCriticofthe\"NewcomeIndependent。\"ThefollowingcritiqueappearstoshowtracesofdecliningmentalvigourintheveteranGandish。
Ourgreatgalleryhasoncemoreopenedherdoors，ifnottothepublic，noreventothefashionableelite，atleasttothecritics。
TheyareamotleythrongwholoungeonPressDaysinthesumptuoushalls；ladies，smallboys，clergymenarethere，andamongthembutfew，perhaps，whohavereceivedthetraininginHighArtofyourcorrespondent，andhavehadtheireye，throughalifetimemorethancommonlyprolonged，onthegloriousAntique。AndwhatshallwesayofthepresentAcademy？Insomeways，thingshaveimprovedalittlesincemy\"Boadishia\"camebackonmyhands（1839）atatimewhenHighArtandtheAntiquewouldnotdointhiscountry：theywouldnotdo。Asfarasthenewexhibitionshows，theydobetternowthanwhenthecenturywasyoungerand\"PortraitoftheArtist，byS。Gandish\"——atthirty—threeyearsofage——wasofferedinvaintothejealouslyPapistcliquewhothencontrolledtheUffizi。
Foreignersaremoreaffablenow；theyhavetakenMr。Poynter’sofhimself。
ToreturntotheAntique，whatthePresident’s\"CaptiveAndromache\"
musthavecostinmodelsaloneisdifficulttoreckon。Whentimeswerecheaper，fiftyyearssince，myancientBritonsin\"Boadishia\"
stoodmeinthirtypounds：thecentralfigures，however，weremembersofmyownfamily。Togiveeveryonehisdue，\"Andromache\"
ishighart——yes，itishigh——andtheAntiquehasnotbeenoverlooked。Abouttheback—viewoftheyoungpartyatthefountainMr。Horsleymayhavesomethingtosay。Formypart，thereseemsawantofmuscleinvigorousaction：wherearetheBICEPS，wherearethethewsofMichaelAngelo？ThePresidentisatouchtooquietforatasteframedinthebestschools。Astohiscolour，whereisthatnuttybrowntoneoftheflesh？ButthedesignsontheGreekvasearecarefullyrendered；thoughIhavehearditremarkedbyaclassicalscholarthatthesekindofvaseswerenotinuseaboutHomer’stime。Still，theintentionisgood，thoughthecostumesarenotwhatWEshouldhavecalledAncientRomanwhenthePresidentwasaboy——ay，orearlier。
Then，Mr。Alma—Tadema，hehasnotturnedHISbackonthegloriousAntique。\"TheRosesofHeliogabalus\"arenotexplainedinthecatalogue。AsfarasIunderstand，therehasbeenanearthquakeatabanquetofthisunprincipledmonarch。TheKinghimself，andhisfriends，aresafeenoughatakindofhightable；thoughwhichIS
Heliogabalus（hebeingaconsumptive—lookingcharacterinhiscoinsintheClassicalDictionary）yourcritichasnotmadeout。Theearthhavingopeneddownbelow，theheadsofsomewomen，andofamanwithabeardandhishairdoneuplikeagirl，aretossingaboutinaquantityofrose—leaves，whichhaddoubtlessbeenstrownonthefloor，asMartialtellsuswasthecustom，dumregnatrosa。
SoIoverheardaveryeruditecriticremarking。Thecompositionofthepiecewouldbethusaccountedfor；butIcannotpretendthatMr。TademaremindsoneofeitherPoussinorAnnibaleCarracci。
However，rumourwhispersthatahighpricehasbeenpaidforthiscuriousperformance。TomythinkingthefriendsofHeliogabalusarealittleflatandleatheryinthehandlingoftheflesh。Thesilverwork，andthemarble，willpleaseadmirersofthiseccentricartist；butIcanhardlycallthewholeeffect\"High。\"ButMr。
Armitage’s\"Siren\"willconsolepeoplewhoremembertheoldschool。
Thisbeautifulgirl（somewhatcarelessinherattitude，thoughshehasbeensensibleenoughNOTtositdownonthedamprockwithoutputtingherdraperybeneathher）wouldhavebeenatruegeminoneoftheoldBooksofBeauty，suchastheHonourablePercyPopjoyandmyoldfriend，MissBunnion，usedtocontributetointhepalmydaysoftheEnglishschool。Mr。Armitage’s\"Juno，\"standinginmid—air，withthemoonintheneighbourhood，isalsoanexampletoyouth，andveryunlikethewaysuchthingsaregenerallydonenow。
Mr。Burne—Jones（whodoesnotexhibit）neverdidanythinglikethis。PoorHaydon，withwhomIhavesmokedmanyapipe，wouldhaveacknowledgedthatMr。Goodall’s\"David’sPromisetoBathsheba\"and\"BytheSeaofGalilee\"provethathisaspirationsarenearlyfulfilled。Theseareextremelylargepictures，yetwellhung。ThefigureofAbishagisalittletoomuchintheFrenchtasteforanold—fashionedpainter。Arslonga，nudaveritas!Ihope（andsowilltheLiberalreadersofthe\"NewcomeIndependent\"）thatitisbyanaccidentthecataloguereads——\"TheTraitor。\"\"EarlSpencer，K。G。\"\"TheMoonlighters。\"（Nos。220，221，225。）SomeToryWAG
amongtheHangingCommitteemayhavetakenthisjuxtapositionforwit：ourreaderswilladoptadifferentview。
ThereisafinedoginMr。BritonRiviere’s\"Requiescat，\"buthowdidtherelationsofthedeadknightinplatearmouracquiretheembroidery，atleastthreecenturieslater，onwhichheislaidtohislastrepose？Thisdestroystheillusion，butdoesnotdiminishthepathosintheattitudeofthefaithfulhound。Mr。Long’slargepictureappearstoexhibitanOrientalgirlbeingtriedbyajuryofmatrons——atleast，nothavingmyDiodorusScriblerusbyme，I
canarriveatnootherconclusion。Fromthenumberofmodelsengaged，thispicturemusthavebeendesignedquiteregardlessofexpense。ItisastudyoftheAntique，butIdoubtifSmeewouldhavecalleditHighArt。
SpeakingofSmeeremindsmeofportraits。Imiss\"PortraitofaLady，\"\"PortraitofaGentleman；\"thenamesofthesittersarenowalwaysgiven——aconcessiontothenotoriety—huntingproclivitiesofthepresentperiod。Fewportraitsaremoreinthestyleofthepalmydaysofourschool（justafterLawrence）thanastudyofaladybyMr。Goodall（687）。Ontheotherhand，youngMr。RichmondgoesbacktotheantiquatedmannerofReynoldsinoneofhisrepresentations。ImustadmitthatIhearthisworkmuchadmiredbymany；tomeitseemsold—fashionedandlackinginblandnessandaffability。MrWaterhousehasastudyofasubjectfromapoemthatMr。Pendennis，thenovelist（whomIknewwell），wasveryfondofwhenhefirstcameonthetown：\"TheLadyofShalott。\"Itrepresentsaverydelicateinvalid，inaboat，underacounterpane。
Irememberthepoemran（itwasbyyoungMr。Tennyson）：—
Theycrossedthemselves，theirstarstheyblest，Knight，minstrel，abbot，squire，andguest。
TherelayaparchmentonherbreastThatpuzzledmorethanalltherestThewell—fedwitsofCamelot：
\"Thewebwaswovencuriously，Thecharmisbrokenutterly；
Drawnearandfearnot，thisisI
TheLadyofShalott。\"
Iadmitthatthewonderanddismayofthe\"well—fedwits，\"iftheLadywaslikeMr。Waterhouse’spictureofher，donotsurpriseme。
ButIconfessIdonotunderstandmodernpoetry，nor，perhaps，modernpainting。WhereishistoricalArt？WhereisAlfredandtheCake——asubjectwhich，asiswellknown，Idiscoveredinmyresearchesinhistory。Whereis\"UdolphointheTower\"？orthe\"DukeofRothsaytheFourthDayafterHewasDeprivedofhisVictuals\"？or\"KingJohnSigningMagnaCharta\"？Theyaregonewiththeredcurtain，thebrowntree，thestorminthebackground。
Artisrevolutionary，likeeverythingelseinthesetimes，whenTreasonitself，intheformofahoaryapostateandreviewerofcontemporaryfiction，glaresfromthewalls，andispaintedbyRoyal——markROYAL!——Academicians!……
FromThomasPotts，Esq。，ofthe\"NewcomeIndependent，\"toS。
Gandish，Esq。
Newcome，May3。
MyDearSir，——Iamtrulysorrytohavetointerruptaconnectionwithsooldandrespectedacontributor。ButIthinkyouwillacknowledge，onreadingtheproofofyourarticleontheAcademy，whichIenclose，thatthetimehasarrivedwhenpubliccriticismisnolongeryourprovince。Idonotsomuchrefertotheold—
fashionedtoneofyourobservationsonmodernart。Iknowlittleaboutit，andcarenotmuchmore。Butyouhaveentirelyforgotten，towardstheendofthenotice，thatthe\"NewcomeIndependent，\"asbecomesitsname，isajournalofLibertyandProgress。TheveryproperremarksonLordSpencer’sportraitelsewhereshowthatyouarenotunacquaintedwithourpolitics；but，attheclose（expressing，Ifear，yourtruesentiments），youglideintolanguagewhichmakesmeshudder，andwhich，ifprintedinthe\"Independent，\"
wouldspellruin。Sendit，byallmeans，tothe\"Sentinel，\"ifyoulike。SendyourToryviews，Imean。Asforyourquotationfromthe\"LadyofShalott，\"Icanfinditnowhereinthepoemofthatnamebytheauthoryoustrangelystyle\"youngMr。Tennyson。\"{20}
Iencloseachequeforaquarter’ssalary，and，whilealwayshappytomeetyouasmanwithman，mustgetthenoticeoftheAcademywrittenupintheofficefromthe\"DailyTelegraph，\"\"Standard，\"
and\"Times。\"{21}——Faithfullyandwithdeepregretyours，THOMASPOTTS。
LETTER：FromMonsieurLecoq，RueJerusalem，Paris，toInspectorBucket，ScotlandYard。
Thiscorrespondenceappearstoprovethatmistakesmaybemadebythemostastuteofficersofpolice，andthatevensomanifestaBritonasMr。Pickwickmightchancetofindhimselfinthetoilsofinternationalconspiracy。
（Translated。）May19，1852。
SirandDearFellow—Brother（confrere）。——Thesocordialunderstandingbetweenourcountriesoughttoexpanditselfintoacommunityofthepoliticalpolice。ButthejustsusceptibilitiesoftheOldEnglandforbidatthismomenttherestorationtoafriendlyPowerofpoliticaloffenders。InthenameoftheFrenchpoliceofsuretyIventuretopresenttothefamousofficerBucketaprayerthathewillshuthiseyes，foronce，ontheletter，andopenhishearttothespiritofthelaws。
NooneneedstoteachMonsieurBucketthataforeignmiscreantcanbegivenup，underallreserves，tothejustice!Asmallvialofaharmlesssoporific，aclosedcarriage，aprivatecabinonboardaChannelsteamer——withtheseandalittleoftheadroitnesssoremarkedinthecelebratedBucket，theaffairisinthebag!（danslesac）。Allthesethingsareinthecords（danslescordes）ofmyesteemedEnglishfellow—brother；willhenotemploythemintheinterestofadevotedcolleagueandafriendlyAdministration？Weseekamalefactoroftheworstspecies（unchenapandelapireespece）。Thisfunnyfellow（drole）callshimselfCountofFosco，andheresidesinWoodRoad5，St。John’sForest；worthabodeofamiscreantfitfortheForestofBondy!Heisamanbald，stout，fair，andpayingwellincountenance（ilpaiedemine），conceivinghimselftoresemblethegreatNapoleon。Atthefirstsightyouwouldsayaphilanthrope，afriendofman。Onhisrightarmhebearsasmallredmark，round，thebrandofasocietyofthemostdangerous。DearSir，youwillnotmisshim？Whenonceheisinourhands，faithofLecoq，youshalltellusyournewsastowhetherFrancecanbegrateful。Ofmorewordsthereisnoneed。——I
remain，alltoyou，withtheassuranceofmymostdistinguishedconsideration，LECOQ。
FromInspectorBuckettoM。Lecoq。
May22。
DearSir，——Yourpolitefavourtohand，andcontentsnoted。Youareamanoftheworld；Iamamanoftheworld，andproudtodealwithyouasbetweenmanandman。Thelittleirregularityshallbenoconsideration，allshallbesquared，andthemanwantedruninwithpunctualityanddespatch。ExpecthimatCalaisonthe26thcurrent，——Faithfullyyours，C。BUCKET。
FromCountFoscotoSamuelPickwick，Esq。，G。C。M。P。C。，GoswellRoad。
5ForestRoad，St。John’sWood，May23。
DearSir，——Whenwemetlatelyatthehospitableboardofourcommonfriend，BenjaminAllen，Esq。，latelyelectedProfessorofChemistryintheUniversityofLondon，ourconversationturned（ifyoucanpassmetheintoxicatingfavourofrememberingit）onthegloriousscienceofchemistry。Formethisknowledgehaseverpossessedirresistibleattractions，fromtheenormouspowerwhichitconfersofheapingbenefitsonthesufferingraceofmankind。Othersmayrejoiceintheadvantageswhichaknowledgeofitbestows——thepowerwhichcanreduceaHannibaltothelevelofadrummerboy，oranall—pervadingShakspearetotheintellectualestateofavestryman，thoughitcannotatpresentreversethoseprocesses。
Theconsiderationofthedestructiveascomparedwiththeconstructiveforcesofchemistrywaspresent，asIrecollect，toyourpowerfulintellectonthefestiveoccasiontowhichIrefer。
\"Yes!\"yousaid（permitmetorepeatyourverywords）——\"Yes，CountFosco，Alexander’smorningdraughtshallmakeAlexanderrunforhislifeatthefirstsoundoftheenemy’strumpet。Somuchchemistrycanachieve；butcanshehelpaswellasharm？Nay，cansheanswerforitthatthelemonwhichProfessorAllen，fromthebestandpurestofmotives，hasblendedwiththismilk—punch，shallnotdisagreewithmeto—morrowmorning？Canchemistry，CountFosco，thusthwartmalignconstitutionaltendency？\"
Thesewereyourwords，sir，andIamnowreadytoansweryourdeep—
searchingquestionintheaffirmative。ProlongedassiduousapplicationtomyArthasshownmehowtopreservethelemoninMilkPunch，andyetdestroy，ordisengage，thedeleteriouselements。Willyousogreatlyhonourscience，andFoscoherservant，astosupwithmeonthenightofthetwenty—fifth，atnineo’clock，andprove（youneednotdreadthetest）whetheratruefollowerofknowledgeoravainbabblersigns——inexile——thenameofISIDOROTTAVIOBALDASSAREFOSCO？
FromMr。PickwicktotheCountFosco。
May24。
MyDearSir，——Manythanksforyourverykindinvitation。Apartfromtheinterestsofscience，thepleasureofyourcompanyalonewouldbemorethanenoughtomakemegladlyacceptit。Ishallhavetheenjoymentoftestingyourmilk—punchto—morrownightatnine，withtheconfidentexpectationthatyouradmirablestudieswillhaveovercomeatendencywhichformanyyearshaspreventedmefromrelishing，asIcouldwish，oneofthebestthingsinthisgoodworld。Lemon，infact，hasalwaysdisagreedwithme，asProfessorAllenorSirRobertSawyerwillbeabletoassureyou；soyourvaluableexperimentcanbeput，inmycase，toacrucialtest。——Veryfaithfullyyours，SAMUELPICKWICK。
FromInspectorBuckettoM。Lecoq。
May26，1A。M。
MyDearSir，——Wehavetakenyourmanwithoutdifficulty。Bald，benevolent—looking，stout，perhapsfancieshimselflikeNapoleon；
ifso，isdeceived。Wenabbedhimasleepoverhisliquorandalone，attheaddressyoumeanttogive，5ForestRoad，St。John’sWood。Thehousewasempty，servantsout，notasoulbuthimathome。HespeaksEnglishwellforaforeigner，andtriestomakeoutheisaBritishsubject。Wasratherconfusedwhentook，andkeptejaculating\"ColdPunch，\"apparentlywiththehopeofpersuadingusthatsuchwashisnameoralias。HealsocalledforoneSam——probablyanaccomplice。HetravelstoCalaisto—dayasalunaticpatientinastrait—waistcoat，underchargeoffour\"keepers\"belongingtotheforce；andItrustthatyouhavemadepreparationsforreceivingyourprisoner，andthatourmanagementofthecasehasgivensatisfaction。WhatIlikeisdoingbusinesswithamanlikeyou。WemaynotbesosmartnorsocleveratdisguisesastheFrenchprofession，butweflatterourselveswearepunctualandcautious。——Faithfullyyours，C。BUCKET。
FromMr。PickwicktoMr。Perker，Solicitor，Gray’sInn。
SaintePelagie，May28。
DearPerker，——Forheaven’ssakecomeoverhereatonce，bringingsomeonewhocanspeakFrench，andbailmeout，orwhatevertheprocessoftheirlawmaybe。Ihavebeenarrested，illegallyandwithoutwarrant，atthehouseofascientificfriend，CountFosco，whereIhadbeensupping。AsfarasIcanunderstand，IamaccusedofaplotagainstthelifeoftheEmperoroftheFrench；butthewholeproceedingshavebeenunintelligibleandarbitrarytoadegree。IcannotthinkthatanEnglishcitizenwillbeallowedtoperishbytheguillotine——innocentandpracticallyunheard!Pleasebringlinenandbrushes，&c。，butnotSam，whowouldbecertaintoembroilhimselfwiththeFrenchpolice。IamwritingtotheTimesandLordPalmerston。——Sincerelyyours，SAMUELPICKWICK。
FromMonsieurLecoqtoInspectorBucket。
May27。
Sir，——Therehasarrivedafrightfulmisunderstanding。ThemanyouhavesentusisnotFosco。OfFoscohehasonlythebaldness，theairbenevolent，andthegirth。Thebrandonhisrightarmisnomorethanthemarkofvaccination。BroughtbeforetheCommissaryofPolice，theprisoner，whohasnotonewordofFrench，washeardthroughaninterpreter。HegiveshimselfthenameofPiquouique，rentier，English；andheappealstohisAmbassador。OfpapershehadlettersbearingthenameSamuelPickwick，and，onhisbuttons，thelettersP。C。，whichwesuspectarethebadgeofasecretsociety。Butthisisnottothepoint；foritiscertainthat，whateverthecrimesofthisbrigand，heisNOTFosco，butanEnglishman。ThatheshouldbefoundinthedomicileofFoscowhenthatdrollhadevadedissuspicious（louche），andhisexplanationdoesnotpermititselftobeunderstood。Ihavefearthatweenjoybadluck，andthatM。Palmerstonwillmakehimselftobeheardonthismatter。
Accept，Monsieur，theassuranceofmyhighconsideration。
LECOQ。
P。S。——Ourcomrade，theCountSmorltork，ofthePoliceofManners（policedesmoeurs），hascometopresenthimself。Confrontedwiththebandit，hegiveshimreason，andoffershisfaiththatthemanisPiquouique，withwhomheencounteredhimselfwhenonamissionofsecrecytoEnglanditisnowsomeyears。Whattodo？（Quefaire？）
LETTER：FromMr。AllanQuatermaintoSirHenryCurtis。
Mr。Quatermainoffersthecorrectaccountoftwocelebratedrightandleftshots，alsoanadventureofthestrangerintheStoryofanAfricanFarm。
DearCurtis，——Youaskmetogiveyouthetrueaccount，inwriting，ofthoserightandleftshotsofmineatthetwolions，thecrocodile，andtheeagle。Thebrutesarestuffednow，inthehallathome——thelionseachonapedestal，andthealligatoronthefloorwiththeeagleinhisjaws——muchastheywerewhenIsettledthemandsavedtheStranger。Allsortsofstorieshavegotintothepapersaboutthebusiness，whichwassimpleenough；so，thoughnohandwithapen，Imayaswellwriteitallout。
IwasupontheKnobkerryRiver，prospectingfordiamonds，inOmomborombunga’scountry。IhadnobodywithmebutpoorJim—jim，whoafterwardsmetwithanawfuldeath，otherwisehewouldhavebeengladtocorroboratemytale，ifitneededit。OnenightIhadcomebacktiredtocamp，whenIfoundastrangersittingbythefire。Hewasadark，fat，Frenchifiedlittlechap，andyouwon’tbelieveme，butitisafactthatheworegloves。Iaskedhimtostaythenight，ofcourse，andinspannedthewaggonsinlaager，forOmomborombunga’simpiswereout，swearingtowashtheirspearsinthebloodofTheGreatWhiteLiar——aPortuguesetravellerprobably；
ifnot，Idon’tknowwhohecanhavebeen；perhapsthisstranger：
hegavenoname。Well，wehadourbiltongtogether，andtheStrangerputhimselfoutsideagooddealoftheverylittlebrandyIhadleft。Wegotyarning，sotospeak，andItoldhimafewofthecuriousadventuresthatnaturallyfalltothelotofamaninthosewildcountries。TheStrangerdidnotsaymuch，butkeptplayingwithahugecarvedwalking—stickthathehad。Presentlyhesaid，\"Lookatthisstick；IboughtitfromaboyonaSouthAfricanFarm。Doyouunderstandwhatthecarvingsmean？\"
\"HangedifIdo!\"Isaid，afterturningitabout。
\"Well，doyouseethatfigure？\"andhetouchedathinglikeaNoahoutofachild’sark。\"Thatwasahunterlikeyou，myfriend，butnotinallrespects。Thathunterpursuedavastwhitebirdwithsilverwings，sailingintheeverlastingblue。\"
\"Everlastingbosh!\"saidI；\"thereisnobirdofthekindontheveldt。\"
\"ThatbirdwasTruth，\"saystheStranger，\"and，judgingfromtheanecdoteyoutellmeabouttheBabyanwomanandtheZulumedicine—
man，itisabirdYOUdon’ttroubleyourselfwithmuch，myfriend。\"
ThiswasaprettycoolthingtosaytoamanwhoseveracityisknownlikeaproverbfromSheba’sBreaststotheZambesi。
FoideMacumazahn，theZulussay，meaningastrueasayarnofAllanQuatermain’s。Well，mybloodwasup；nomanshallcallAllanQuatermainaliar。ThefellowwasgoingonwithaprodigiouspalaveraboutawhitefeatherofTruth，andMountSinai，andtheLandofAbsoluteNegation，andIdon’tknowwhat，butIsignifiedtohimthatifhedidnotbelievemyyarnsIdidnotwanthiscompany。\"I’msorrytoturnyouout，\"Isaid，\"fortherearelionsaround\"——indeedtheywereroaringtoeachother——\"andyouwillhaveaparrotytime。Butyouapologise，oryougo!\"
Helaughedhisshortthicklaugh。\"Iamamanwhohopesnothing，feelsnothing，fearsnothing，andbelievesnothingthatyoutellme!\"
Igotupandwentforhimwithmyfists，andwhetherhefearednothingornotIdon’tknow；buthescooted，droppingayellowFrenchnovel，byoneCatulleMendes，thatIcouldmakeneitherheadnortailof。Iafterwardsheardthattherewassomethingaboutthisstrangerinabookcalled\"TheStoryofanAfricanFarm，\"
whichIoncebegan，butneverfinished，notbeingabletounderstandmostofit，andbeingvexedbythegrossimprobabilityofthegirlnotmarryingthebaby’sfather，hebeingreadyandwillingtomakeheranhonestwoman。However，Iamnocritic，butaplainmanwhotellsaplaintale，andIbelievepersonsofsouladmirethebookverymuch。Anyway，itdoesnotsaywhotheStrangerwas——anallegoricalkindofbagmanIfancy；butIamnotdonewithhimyet。
Outhewentintothedark，wherehundredsoflionscouldbeplainlyseenmakinglove（atwhichseasontheyareverydangerous）bytheflashesoflightning。
Itwasaterrificyetbeautifulspectacle，andonewhichIcanneverforget。Theblackofnightwouldsuddenlyopenlikeahugesilverflower，deepwithindeep，tillyoualmostfanciedyoucouldseewithinthegatesofheaven。Thehillsstoodoutdarkagainsttheillimitablesplendour，andoneverykoppieyousawthehugelions，likekittensatplay，roaringtillyoucouldscarcelyhearthethunder。Therainwasrushinglikeariver，allglitteringlikediamonds，andthen，inthetwinklingofaneye，allwasblackasawolf’smouthtillthenextflash。Thelightning，comingfromallquarters，appearedtomeetaboveme，andnowwasred，nowgolden，nowsilveragain，whilethegreatcat—likebeasts，astheyleapedorlay，lookedlikegold，red，andsilverlions，remindingmeofthesignsofpublic—housesinoldEngland，faraway。
MeantimethedongabeneathroaredwiththefloodedtorrentthattherainwasbringingdownfromtheheightsofUmbopobekatanktshiu。
Istoodwatchingthegrandspectacleforsometime，ratherpityingtheStrangerwhowasoutinit，bynofaultofmine。ThenI
knockedtheashesoutofmypipe，ateamealyortwo，andcreptintomykartel，{22}andsleptthesleepofthejust。
AboutdawnIwoke。Thethunderhadrolledawaylikeabaddream。
Thelonglevelsilvershaftsofthedawnwerefloodingtheheights，raindropsglitteredlikediamondsoneverykopjeandkarroobush，leavingthedeepdongabathedinthesolemnpallofmysteriousnight。
Mythoughtswentrapidlyoverthemillionsofleaguesoflandandsea，wherelife，thatperpetualproblem，wasnowawakingtoanotherdayofstruggleandtemptation。Thenthegoldenarrowsofthedayfollowedfast。Thesilverandblueskygrewroseatewiththatwidewildblushwhichtestifiestothemodestdelightofnature，satisfiedandgratefulforhersilentexistenceandheramorousrepose。Ibreakfasted，wentdownintothedongawithablackboy，poorJim—jim，whowasafterwards，asIsaid，toperishbyanawfulfate，otherwisehewouldtestifytothetruthofmyplainstory。I
beganpokingamongtherocksinthedrybasinofthedonga，{23}
andhadjustpickedupapebble——Iknewitbythesoapyfeelforadiamond。Uncutitwasaboutthreetimesthesizeofthekoh—i—
noor，say1，000carats，andIwasrejoicinginmyluckwhenIheardthescreamofahumanbeinginthelastagonyofterror。Lookingup，Isawthatoneithersideofthedonga，whichwasabouttwentyfeetwide，agreatblacklionandlionesswerestandingwithopenjaws，whilesomefiftyyardsinfrontofmeanalligator，inadeeppoolofthefloodeddonga，wasstretchinghisopensnoutandgleamingteethgreedilyupwards。Overheadflewaneagle，andIN
MID—AIRBETWEEN，asIamalivingandhonourableman，ahumanbeingwasleapingthechasm。Hehadbeenpursuedbytheliononmyleft，andhadbeendriventoattempttheterribleleap；butifhecrossedhewascertaintofallintothejawsoftheliononmyright，whileifhefellshortinhisjump，doyousee，thealligatorwasreadyforhimbelow，andthegreatgoldeneaglewatchedthebusinessfromabove，incaseheattemptedtoescapeTHATway。
Allthistakeslongtotell，thoughitwaspassinginaflashoftime。Droppingthediamond（whichmusthaverolledintoacreviceoftherock，forIneversawitagain），Icaughtupmydouble—
barrelledrifle（oneofWesson&Smith’s），aimedatthelionontherighthandofthedongawithmyrightbarrel，andthenhastilyfiredmyleftatthealligator。Whenthesmokeclearedaway，themanhadreachedtherightsideofthedongasafeandsound。Seeingthatthealligatorwasdying，Iloadedagain，bowledoverthelionessontheleft，settledtheeagle’sbusiness（hefelldeadintothejawsofthedyingalligator，whichclosedonhimwithasnap）。Ithenclimbedthewallofthedonga，andtherelay，fainting，theStrangeroflastnight——themanwhofearednothing——
thebloodofthedeadliontricklingoverhim。Hiscelebratedallegoricalwalking—stickfromtheAfricanFarmhadbeenbrokenintotwopiecesbythebulletafterit（thebullet）hadpassedthroughtheheadofthelion。And，asthe\"IngoldsbyLegends\"say，\"nobodywasonepennytheworse，\"exceptthewildbeasts。Theman，however，hadhadaparrotytime，anditwasagoodhourbeforeI
couldbringhimround，duringwhichhefinishedmybrandy。Hestillworegloves。WhathewasdoinginOmuborumbunga’scountryI
donotknowtothisday。Ineverfoundthediamondagain，thoughI
huntedlong。ButImustsaythattwobetterrightandleftshots，consideringthatIhadnotimetoaim，andthattheywerereallysnapshots，Ineverremembertohavemadeinmylongexperience。
Thisistheshortandthelongofthematter，whichwastalkedofagooddealintheColony，andaboutwhich，Iamtold，someinaccurateaccountshavegotintothenewspapers。Ihatewriting，asyouknow，anddon’tpretendtogivealiterarycolourtothislittlebusinessoftheshots，butmerelytella\"plain，unvarnishedtale，\"asthe\"IngoldsbyLegends\"say。
AstotheStranger，whathewasdoingthere，orwhohewas，orwhereheisnow，Icantellyounothing。Hetoldmehewasboundfor\"thealmightymountainsofDry—factsandRealities，\"whichhekindlypointedouttomeamongthecarvingsofhiswalking—stick。
Hethensighedwearily，verywearily，andscooted。Ithinkhecametonogood；buthenevercameinmywayagain。
Andnowyouknowtheyarnofthetwostuffedlionsandthealligatorwiththeeagleinhisjaws。
Everyours，ALLANQUATERMAIN。
LETTER：FromtheBaronBradwardinetoEdwardWaverley，Esq。，ofWaverleyHonour。
TheBaronexplainsthemysteriouscircumstancesofhisaffairwithhisthirdcousin，SirHewHalbert。——\"Waverley，\"chap。xiv。
TullyVeolan，May17，1747。
SonEdward，——TouchingmyquarrelwithSirHewHalbert，anentwhichItoldyounomorethanthatitwas\"settledinafittingmanner，\"
youhavelongteasedmeforanamplerexplanation。ThisIhavewithheld，asconceivingthatittendedrathertovainquolibetsandjesting，thantothatrespectinwhichtheduello，orsinglecombat，shouldberegardedbygentlemenofnameandcoatarmour。
ButSirHewbeingdead，andburiedwithhisfathers，themattermaybebroachedasamongfriendsandpersonsofhonour。Thegroundofourdispute，asyeknow，wasanunthinkingscoffofSirHew’s，hebeingmyownthirdcousinbythemother’sside，AndersonofEttrickHallhavingintermarried，aboutthetimeoftheSolemnLeagueandCovenant，withAndersonofTushielaw，bothofwhichhousesareconnectedwiththeHalbertsofDinniewuddieandwiththeBradwardines。Butstemmataquidfaciunt？SirHew，beingayoungman，andthemaut，asthevulgarsay，abovethemeal，afterafuneralofoneofourkinintheCathedralKirkyardofSt。Andrews，wemetatGlass’sInn，where，inthepresenceofmanygentlemen，occurredourunfortunatedissension。
Weencounteredbetimesnextmorning，onasecludedspotofthesandshardbythetown，attheEden—mouth。{24}Theweaponswerepistols，SirHew，byaslightpassinginfirmity，beingdisabledfromtheuseofthesword。Inchgrabbitwasmysecond，andStrathtyrumdidthesameofficeformykinsman，SirHew。Thepistolsbeingchargedandprimed，andwealignedforenenteachotherattheconvenientdistanceoftwelvepaces，thewordwasgiventofire，andbothweaponshavingbeendischarged，andthesmokehavingclearedaway，SirHewwasdiscoveredfallentotheground，procumbushumi，andexanimate。Thebloodwasflowingfreelyfromaface—wound，andmyunhappykinsmanwassenseless。Atthismomentweheardavoice，asofoneclamantisineremo，cry\"Fore!\"towhichpayingnoheedinthenaturalagitationofourspirits，wehurriedtoliftmyfallenopponentandexaminehiswound。Uponaclosersearchitprovedtobenoshot—wound，butamereclour，orbruise，whereofthereasonwasnowapparent，hehavingbeenstruckbytheballofagolfer（fromusconcealedbythedunes，orbunkers，ofsand）andnotbythedischargeofmyweapon。Atthismomentaplebeianfellowappearedwithhisarmacampestria，orclubs，cleeks，irons，andthelike，underhisarm，who，withoutpayinganyattentiontooursituation，strucktheballwherewithhehadfelledmykinsmaninthedirectionofthehole。
Reflectiondirectedustotheconclusionthatbothpistolshadmissedtheiraim，andthatSirHewhadfallenbeneathachanceblowfromthisfellow’sgolf—ball。Butasmykinsmanwasstillhorsdecombat，andincapableoffurtheraction，beingunwitting，too，oftherealcauseofhisdisaster，InchgrabbitandStrathtyrum，intheirdiscretionasseconds，orbellijudices，deemeditbetterthatweshouldkeepastillsough，andthatSirHewshouldneverbeinformedconcerningthecauseofhisdiscomfiture。Thisresolutionwekept，andSirHewwore，tillthedayofhislatelamenteddecease，abulletamongthesealsofhiswatch，hebeingpersuadedbyStrathtyrumthatithadbeenextractedfromhisbrain—pan，whichcertainlywasofthethickest。Butthiswasallabam，orbite，amongyoungmen，andasploretolaughoverbyourthreeselves，norwouldIhaveittogoabroadnowthatSirHewisdead，asbeingprejudicialtothememoryofaworthyman，andanhonourablefamilyconnectedwithourown。WhereforeIprayyoukeepastillsoughhereanent，asyouloveme，whoremain——Yourlovinggoodfather，BRADWARDINE。
APPENDIX
NoteonLetterofMr。SurteestoMr。JonathanOldbuck，p。64。
NoliteraryforgerieswereevermuchbetterdonethantheshamballadswhichSurteesofMainsforthimposedonSirWalterScott。
Thepoemswerespiritedandgoodoftheirkind；andthoughwewondernowthatsomeofthemcouldtakeinanexpert，itisbynomeansassuredthatweareevento—dayacquaintedwiththewholeofSurtees’frauds。Whyamanotherwisehonourable，kindly，charitable，andlearned，exercisedhisingenuitysocruellyuponatrustingcorrespondentandastaunchfriend，itishardlypossibletoguess。ThebiographersofSurteesmaintainthathewantedtotryhisskillonScott，thenonlyknowntohimbycorrespondence；
andthat，havingsucceeded，hewasafraidtoriskScott’sfriendshipbyaconfession。Thisisplausible；andifgoodmaycomeoutofevil，wemayrememberthattwopicturesquepartsof\"Marmion\"areduetooneconfessedandanothercertainsupercherieofSurtees。Itcannotbesaidinhisdefencethathehadnoconceptionofthemischiefofliteraryfrauds；inmorethanonepassageofhiscorrespondencehementionsRitson’sdetestationofthesepractices。\"Toliteraryimposition，astendingtoobscurethepathofinquiry，Ritsongavenoquarter，\"saysthisarchliteraryimpostor。
AbriefaccountofSurtees’labourinthefieldofshamballadwritingmaybefreshtomanypeoplewhomerelyknowhimastherealauthorof\"Barthram’sDirge\"andof\"TheSlayingofAnthonyFeatherstonhaugh。\"Inanundatedletterof1806，Scott，writingfromAshestiel，thanksSurteesforhis\"obligingcommunications。\"
Surteesmanifestlybeganthecorrespondence，beingattractedbythe\"BorderMinstrelsy。\"ThusitappearsthatSurteesdidNOTforge\"HobbieNoble\"inthefirsteditionofthe\"Minstrelsy\"；forhemakessomesuggestionsastothe\"EarlofWhitfield，\"dreadedbytheheroofthatballad，whichScotthadalreadypublished。ButhewasalreadydeceivingScott，whowritestohimabout\"RalphEure，\"
or\"LordEure，\"andabouta\"Goth，whomeltedLordEure’sgoldchain。\"ThisLordEureisdoubtlessthe\"LordEurie\"oftheballadinthelatereditionsofthe\"BorderMinstrelsy，\"aballadactuallycomposedbySurtees。ThatwilypersonimmediatelysentScottaballadon\"TheFeudbetweentheRidleysandFeatherstones，\"inwhichScottbelievedtothedayofhisdeath。Heintroduceditin\"Marmion。\"
ThewhilesaNorthernharperrudeChauntedarhymeofdeadlyfeud，HowthefierceThirlwallsandRidleysall，&c。
Inhisnote（\"BorderMinstrelsy，\"secondedition，1808，p。xxi。）
Scottsaystheballadwastakendownfromanoldwoman’srecitationattheAlstonMoorlead—mines\"bytheagentthere，\"andsentbyhimtoSurtees。Consequently，whenSurteessaw\"Marmion\"inprinthehadtoaskScottnottoprint\"THEagent，\"ashedoesnotknoweventhenameofColonelBeaumont’schiefagentthere，but\"anagent。\"
Thushehedgedhimselffromanotimpossibledisclaimerbytheagentatthemines。
Readersof\"Marmion\"willrememberhowOnce，nearNorham，theredidfightAspectrefell，offiendishmight，InlikenessofaScottishknight，WithBrianBulmerbold，AndtrainedhimnightodisallowTheaidofhisbaptismalvow。
ThislegendismoreofSurtees’fun。\"Themostsingulartaleofthiskind，\"saysSirWalter，\"iscontainedinanextractcommunicatedtomebymyfriendMr。Surtees，ofMainsforth，whocopieditfromaMS。noteinacopyofBurthogge\"OntheNatureofSpirits，1694，8vo，\"whichhadbeenthepropertyofthelateMr。
Gill。ItwasnotinMr。Gill’sownhand：butprobablyanhundredyearsolder，andwassaidtobe\"ElibroConvent。Dunelm。perT。
C。extract。；\"thisT。C。beingThomasCradocke，Esq。Scottadds，thatthepassage，whichhegivesintheLatin，suggestedtheintroductionofthetourneywiththeFairyKnightin\"Marmion。\"
Well，WHEREisCradocke’sextract？Theoriginalwas\"lost\"beforeSurteessenthis\"copy\"toSirWalter。\"Thenoteshadbeencarelesslyorinjudiciouslyshakenoutofthebook。\"Surteesadds，anothereditorconfirmsit，thatnosuchstoryexistsinanyMS。oftheDeanandChapterofDurham。Nodoubtheinventedthewholestory，andwroteithimselfinmediaevalLatin。
Notcontentwithtwo\"whoppers，\"asMr。JoGargerymightcallthem，Surteesgoesontoinventaperfectlyincredibleheraldicbearing。
HefounditinaMS。noteinthe\"Gwillim’sHeraldry\"ofMr。GyllorGill——thenameiswrittenbothways。\"Hebearethperpaleorandarg。，overallaspectrepassant，SHROUDEDSABLE\"——\"he\"beingNewton，ofBeverley，inYorkshire。SirWalteractuallyswallowedthisamazingfib，andalludestoitin\"RobRoy\"（1818）。ButMr。
Raine，theeditorofSurtees’Life，inheritedorboughthiscopyofGwillim，thatofMr。GillorGyll；\"andIfindinitnotraceofsuchanentry。\"\"LordDerwentwater’sGood—Night\"isprobablyentirelybySurtees。\"AfriendofMr。Taylor’s\"gavehimaTynedaleballad，\"Hey，WillyRidley，winnayoustay？\"whichisalso\"autDiabolusautRobertus。\"Asto\"Barthram’sDirge，\"\"fromAnnDouglas，awitheredcronewhoweedsmygarden，\"copieswithvarioustentativeversesinSurtees’handhavebeenfound。Oddlyenough，SirWalterhadoncediscoveredasmallsepulchralcross，upset，inLiddesdale，nearthe\"NineStaneRig；\"andthisprobablymadehimmoreeasilydeceived。Surteesverycleverlyputsomelines，whichCOULDnothavebeenoriginal，inbrackets，ashisownattempttofilluplacunae。Suchare[Whenthedewfellcoldandstill，Whentheaspengreyforgettoplay，Andthemistclungtothehill。]
Anyonereadingthepiecewouldsay，\"Itmustbegenuine，fortheCONFESSEDinterpolationsarenotintheballadstyle，whichtheinterpolator，therefore，couldnotwrite。\"AnattemptwhichSurteesmadewhencomposingthesong，andwhichhewiselyrejected，couldnothavefailedtoexciteScott’ssuspicions。Itran—
TheyburiedhimwhenthebonnymayWasontheflow’ringthorn；
AndshewakedhimtilltheforestgreyOfeveryleafwaslorn；
TilltherowantreeofgramaryeItsscarletclustersshed，AndthehollingreenalonewasseenWithitsberriesglisteningred。
WhetherSurtees’\"BrownManoftheMuirs，\"towhichScottalsogaveaplaceinhisownpoetry，wasatruelegendornot，thereadermaydecideforhimself。
Concerninganotherballadinthe\"Minstrelsy\"——\"AuldMaitland\"——
ProfessorChildhasexpressedasuspicionwhichmostreadersfeel。
WhatScotttoldEllisaboutit（Autumn，1802）was，thathegotitintheForest，\"copieddownfromtherecitationofanoldshepherdbyacountryfarmer。\"Whowasthefarmer？WillLaidlawhademployedJamesHogg，asshepherd。Hogg’smotherchanted\"AuldMaitland。\"HoggfirstmetScottinthesummerof1801。Theshepherdhadalreadyseenthefirstvolumeofthe\"Minstrelsy。\"
Didhe，thereupon，write\"AuldMaitland，\"teachhismotherit，andinduceLaidlawtotakeitdownfromherrecitation？TheoldladysaidshegotitfromAndrewMoir，whohadit\"fraeauldBabyMettlin，whowassaidtohavebeenanothernoragudeane。\"ButwehaveHogg’sownstatementthat\"aiblinsmagran’—mitherwasanuncoleear，\"andthisqualitymayhavebeenhereditary。Ontheotherside，Hoggcouldhardlyhaveheldhistongueabouttheforgery，ifforgeryitwas，whenhewrotehis\"DomesticMannersandPrivateLifeofSirWalterScott\"（1834）。Thewholeinvestigationisalittledepressing，andmakesoneveryshyofunauthenticatedballads。
Footnotes：
{1}Whoknowswhatmayhappen？Imaydiebeforeheseesthelight；soIwilladdamongmyfriendsSKALAGRIMLAMB’S—TAIL。
{2}CanMrs。Gampmean\"dial\"？
{3}1887。
{4}Inhisfamiliarcorrespondence，itwillbeobserved，Herodotusdoesnottroublehimselftomaintainthedignityofhistory。
{5}Mr。FlindersPetriehasjustdiscoveredandsenttoMr。Holly，ofTrinity，Cambridge，thewell—knowntraveller，awall—paintingofabeautifulwoman，excavatedbytheEgyptExplorationSociety，fromtheruinedsiteoftheTempleofAphroditeinNaucratis。Mr。
Holly，inanaffectinglettertotheACADEMY，statesthatherecognisesinthispicture\"anadmirablethoughsomewhatarchaicportraitofSHE。\"TherecanthusbelittleornodoubtthatSHE
wasRhodopis，andthereforeseveralhundredyearsolderthanshesaid。Butfewwillblameherforbeinganxiousnottoclaimherfullage。
ThisunexpectedrevelationappearstothrowlightonsomefascinatingpeculiaritiesinthebehaviourofSHE。
{6}ThegreatintimacybetweenMrs。ProudieandMrs。Quiverful，indicatedbyMrs。Proudie’suseoftheBishop’sChristianname——andthatabbreviated——hasamazedthediscovererandeditorofhercorrespondence。
{7}ThissignatureofMrs。Proudie’sissounusualanassumptionoftheepiscopalstyle，thatitmightwellcastadoubtontheauthenticityofherletter。Butexpertspronounceitgenuine。
\"Barnum，\"ofcourse，is\"BaronumCastrum，\"theratheroddRomannameofBarchester。
{8}IthasbeenseenthatMrs。Quiverfuldidnotobeythisinjunction。
{9}ThismanwaswellknowntoSirWalterScott，whospeaksofhiscurioushabitsinanunpublishedmanuscript。
{10}Mr。Forth，wearesure，isquitewrong，andnoneofthescholarshequoteshassaidanythingofthekind。
{11}\"He\"clearlymeans，notAddison，butProfessorForth，thelady’shusband。
{12}ItwasnotAsiatics，butAztecs；notPittites，butHittites!
Womancareslittleforthesestudies!——A。L。
{13}Theeditorhasnodoubtthatsomeonewas——MissWatson。Cf。
’Belinda。’
{14}OwingtothesuddendeceaseoftheDeaninwell—knownandmelancholycircumstances，thisletterwasnotdelivered。
{15}Alas，notwisely!Butanycarefulreaderof\"TheSilenceofDeanMaitland\"willseethattheBabywasananachronism。——ED。
{16}ThisappearstohavebeenafavouriteremarkofMr。
Skimpole’s。Itwillbenoticedthat，quitewithoutintendingit，Mr。SkimpolewasthefounderofourNewCyrenaicSchool。
{17}Mr。Skimpole’srecollectionsofclassicalritualarealittlemixedhereabouts。HereferstoMr。Honeyman’sprojectedunionwiththewidowofMr。Bromley，thefamoushatter。
{18}ColonelNewcome，indeed。
{19}Non，Monsieur，jeneciteni\"Woodsworth\"ni\"levieuxWilliams。\"
{20}Mr。Pottsoughttohaveconsultedtheeditionof1833，wherehewouldhavefoundtheverseasquotedbyMr。Gandish。
{21}Andanicemixtureitmusthavebeen!——A。L。
{22}Thewoodenbedfastenedinanox—waggon。
{23}Mr。Quatermainhasjustsaidthatthedongawasfilledbyaroaringtorrent。Istherenotsomeinconsistencyhere？
{24}AttheHIGHHOLE，indeed。——A。L。