\"IshallmyselfgotoLondon，and，disguisedasCaptainKidd，willleadthisvisionaryonuntilhecomestheretoarrestme，andwhentheseclubmembersdiscoverthatitisHawkshawandnotKiddhehasruntoearth，we’llhaveagreatlaughonSherlockHolmes。\"
\"Iamanxioustohearhowyousolvedthebond—robberymystery，\"saidSocrates，wrappinghistogacloselyabouthimandsettlingbackagainstoneofthespilesofthewharf。
\"Soareweall，\"saidSirWalter。\"ButmeantimetheHouse—boatisgettingfartheraway。\"
\"Notunlessshe’ssailingbackwards，\"sneeredNoah，whowasstillnursinghisresentmentagainstSirChristopherWrenforhisreflectionsuponthespeedoftheArk\"What’sthehurry？\"askedSocrates。\"Ibelieveinmakinghasteslowly；andontheadmissionofourtwoeminentnavalarchitects，SirChristopherandNoah，neitheroftheirvesselscantravelmorethanamileaweek，andifwechartertheFlyingDutchmantogoinpursuitofherwecancatchherbeforeshegetsoutoftheStyxintotheAtlantic。\"
\"Jonahmightlendushiswhale，ifthebeastisincommission，\"
suggestedMunchausen，dryly。\"Iforonewouldrathertakeastate—
roominJonah’swhalethangoaboardtheFlyingDutchmanagain。I
madeonetripontheDutchman，andshe’sworsethanadoryforcomfort；further——Idon’tseewhatgooditwoulddoustocharteraboatthatcan’tlandoftenerthanonceinsevenyears，andspendsmostofhertimetryingtodoubletheCapeofGoodHope。\"
\"Mywhaleisincommission，\"saidJonah，withdignity。\"ButBaronMunchausenneednotconsiderthequestionoftakingastate—roomaboardofher。Shedoesn’tcarrysecond—classpassengers。AndifI
tookanystockintheideaofatripontheFlyingDutchmanamountingtoasevenyears’exile，IwouldcheerfullypaytheBaron’sexpensesforaroundtrip。\"
\"Wearelosingtime，gentlemen，\"suggestedSherlockHolmes。\"Thisisamoment，Ithink，whenyoushouldlayasidepersonaldifferencesandpersonalpreferencesforimmediateaction。IhaveexaminedthewakeoftheHouse—boat，andIjudgefromtheconditionofwhat，forwantofabetterterm，Imaycallthesuds，whensheleftustheHouse—
boatwasmakingtenknotsaday。Almostanycraftwecanfindsuitablymannedoughttobeabletodobetterthanthat；andifyoucouldsummonCharonandascertainwhatboatshehasathand，itwouldbeforthegoodofallconcerned。\"
\"That’sagoodplan，\"saidJohnson。\"Boswell，seeifyoucanfindCharon。\"
\"Iamherealready，sir，\"returnedtheferryman，rising。\"Mostofmyboatshavegoneintowinterquarters，yourHonor。TheMayflowerwentintodrydocklastweektobecalkedup；thePintaandtheSantaMariaareslowandcranky；theMonitorandtheMerrimacIhaven’treallyhadtimetopatchup；andtheValkyrieistwomonthsoverdue。
Icannotmakeupmymindwhethersheislostorkeptbackbyexcursionsteamers。HenceIreallydon’tknowwhatIcanlendyou。
AnyoftheseboatIhavenamedyoucouldhavehadfornothing；butmyothersareactivelyemployed，andIcouldn’tletthemgowithoutaseriousinterferencewithmybusiness。\"
Theoldmanblinkedsorrowfullyacrossthewatersattheoppositeshore。Itwasquiteevidentthatherealizedwhatadreadfulexpensetheclubwasabouttobeputto，andwhileofcoursetherewouldbeprofitinitforhim，hewassincerelysorryforthem。
\"Irepeat，\"headded，\"thoseboatsyoucouldhavehadfornothing，buttheothersI’dhavetochargeyoufor，thoughofcourseI’llgiveyouadiscount。\"
Andheblinkedagain，ashemeditateduponwhetherthatdiscountshouldbeaneighthorone—quarterofonepercent。
\"TheFlyingDutchman，\"hepursued，\"ain’tnogoodforyourpurposes。
She’stoofast。She’sbuilttoflyby，nottostop。You’dcatchupwiththeHouse—boatinaminutewithher，butyou’dgorightonanddisappearlikeavisionary；andasfortheArk，she’dneverdo——withallrespecttoMr。Noah。She’sjustaboutassuitableasanyotherwaterloggedcattle—steamer’dbe，andnomore——first—rateforelephantsandkangaroos，butnogoodforcruiser—work，andsoslowshewouldn’tmakearipplehighenoughtodrownagnatgoingatthetopofherspeed。Furthermore，she’sgotagreatbigholeinherbottom，whereshewasstoveinbyrunningafoulof——MountArrus—root，IbelieveitwascalledwhenCaptainNoahwentcruisingwiththatmenagerieofhis。\"
\"That’sanunmitigatedfalsehood!\"criedNoah，angrily。\"Thismantalkslikeaprofessionalamateuryachtsman。Hehasnoregardforfacts，butsimplygoesaheadandmakesstatementswithanutterdisregardofthetruth。TheArkwasnotstovein。Webeachedherverysuccessfully。Isaythisindefenceofmyseamanship，whichwastop—notchformyday。\"
\"Couldn’tsailsixweekswithoutfoulingamountain—peak!\"sneeredWren，perceivingachancetogeteven。
\"Thehole’sthere，justthesame，\"saidCharon。\"Maybeshewasacentreboard，sadthat’swhereyoukepttheboard。\"
\"Theholeistherebecauseitwasworntherebyoneoftheelephants，\"retortedNoah。\"Yougetabeastliketheelephantshufflingoneofhisfore—feetupanddown，upanddown，aplankfortwenty—fourhoursadayforfortydaysinoneofyourboats，andseewhereyourboatwouldbe。\"
\"Thanks，\"saidCharon，calmly。\"Buttheelephantsdon’tpatronizemyline。AlltheelephantsI’veeverseeninHadeswadedover，exceptJumbo，andhereachedhistrunkacross，fastenedontoatreelimbwithit，andswunghimselfover。However，theArkisn’tatallwhatyouwant，unlessyouaregoingtomanherwithalotofcentaurs。Ifthat’syourintention，I’dcharterher；theaccommodationsarejustthethingforacrewofthatkind。\"
\"Well，whatdoyousuggest？\"askedRaleigh，somewhatimpatiently。
\"You’vetolduswhatwecan’tdo。Nowtelluswhatwecando。\"
\"I’dstayrighthere，\"saidCharon，\"andlettheladiesrescuethemselves。That’swhatI’ddo。I’vehadthehonorofbringing’emoverhere，andIthinkIknow’emprettywell。I’vewatched’emclose，andit’smyprivateopinionthatbeforemanydaysyou’llseeyourclub—housesailingbackhere，withQueenElizabethatthehellum，andtheotherladiesonthefor’arddeckknittin’andcrochetin’，andtearin’eachothertopiecesinaconversationalway，ashappyasifthereneverhadbeenanyCaptainKiddandhispiratecrew。\"
\"Thatsuggestionisimpossible，\"saidBlackstone，rising。\"Whetherthereliefexpeditionamountstoanythingornot，it’sgoodtobesetgoing。Theladieswouldneverforgiveusifwesathereinactive，eveniftheywerecapableofrescuingthemselves。Itisanacceptedprincipleoflawthatthisclimatehathnofurylikeawomanlefttoherself，andwe’vegotenoughprofessionalfurieshereaboutswithoutouraidinginaugmentingtheranks。Wemusthaveaboat。\"
\"It’llcostyouathousanddollarsaweek，\"saidCharon。
\"I’llsubscribefifty，\"criedHamlet。
\"I’llconsultmysecretary，\"saidSolomon，\"andfindouthowmanyofmywiveshavebeenabducted，andI’llpaytendollarsapiecefortheirrecovery。\"
\"That’sliberal，\"saidHawkshaw。\"Therearesixty—threeof’emonboard，togetherwitheightyofhisfiancees。What’sthequotationonfiancees，KingSolomon？\"
\"Nothing，\"saidSolomon。\"They’renotmineyet，andit’stheirfather’sbusinesstoget’emback。Notmine。\"
Othersubscriptionscamepouringin，anditwasnotlongbeforeeverybodysaveShylockhadputhisnamedownforsomething。Thissomeoneofthemorequick—wittedofthespiritssoonobserved，and，withrecklessdisregardofthefeelingsoftheMerchantofVenice，begantocall，\"Shylock!Shylock!Howmuch？\"
TheMerchanttriedtoleavethepier，buthispathwasblocked。
\"Subscribe，subscribe!\"wasthecry。\"Howmuch？\"
\"Order，gentlemen，order!\"saidSirWalter，risingandholdingabottlealoft。\"AblackpersonbythenameofFriday，avaletofourfriendMr。Crusoe，hasjusthandedmethisbottle，whichhepickeduptenminutesagoonthebankoftheriverafewmilesdistant。Itcontainsabitofpaper，andmayperhapsgiveusaclewbaseduponsomethingmoresubstantialthaneventhewonderfultheoriesofournewbrotherHolmes。\"
Adeathlysilencefollowedthechairman’swords，asSirWalterdrewacorkscrewfromhispocketandopenedthebottle。Heextractedthepaper，and，ashehadsurmised，itprovedtobeamessagefromthemissingvessel。Hisfacebrighteningwithasmileofrelief，SirWalterread，aloud：
\"HavejustemergedintotheAtlanticClubinhandsofKiddandfortyruffians。Onehundredandeighty—threeladiesonboard。HeadedfortheAzores。Sendaidatonce。AllwellexceptXanthippe，whoisseasickinthebilliard—room。（Signed）Portia。\"
\"Aha!\"criedHawkshaw。\"ThatshowshowvaluabletheHolmestheoryis。\"
\"Precisely，\"saidHolmes。\"Nowomanknowsanythingaboutseafaring，butPortiaisright。TheshipisheadedfortheAzores，whichisthefirsttackneededinawindwardsailforLondonunderthepresentconditions。\"
Thereplywasgreetedwithcheers，andwhentheysubsidedthecryforShylock’ssubscriptionbeganagain，buthedeclined。
\"Ihadintendedtoputupathousandducats，\"hesaid，defiantly，\"butwiththatwomanPortiaonboardIwon’tgivearedobolus!\"andwiththathewrappedhiscloakabouthimandstalkedoffintothegatheringshadowsofthewood。
AndsothefundswereraisedwithouttheaidofShylock，andtheshapelytwin—screwsteamertheGehennawascharteredofCharon，andputunderthecommandofMr。SherlockHolmes，who，afterhehadthankedthecompanyfortheirconfidence，walkedabstractedlyaway，observinginstrictestconfidencetohimselfthathehaddonewelltopreparethatbottlebeforehandandbribeCrusoe’smantofindit。
\"Fornow，\"hesaid，withachuckle，\"Icangetbacktoearthagainfreeofcostonmyownhook，whethermyeminentinventorwantsmethereornot。Ineverapprovedofhiskillingmeoffashedidattheveryheightofmypopularity。\"
CHAPTERIV：ONBOARDTHEHOUSE—BOAT
Meanwhiletheladieswerenothavingsuchabadtime，afterall。
OncehavinggainedpossessionoftheHouse—boat，theywereloathtothinkofeverhavingtogiveitupagain，anditisanopenquestioninmymindiftheywouldnothavemadeoffwithitthemselveshadCaptainKiddandhismennotdoneitforthem。
\"I’llneverforgivethesemenfortheirselfishnessinmonopolizingallthis，\"saidElizabeth，withaviciousstrokeofabilliard—cue，whichmissedthecue—ballandtorearightangleinthecloth。\"Itisnotright。\"
\"No，\"saidPortia。\"Itisallwrong；andwhenwegetbackhomeI’mgoingtogivemybelovedBassanioapieceofmymind；andifhedoesn’tgiveintome，I’LLreversemydecisioninthefamouscaseofShylockversusAntonio。\"
\"ThenIsincerelyhopehedoesn’tgivein，\"retortedCleopatra，\"forIswearbyallmyauburnlocksthatthatwastheveryworstbitofinjusticeeverperpetrated。Mr。Shakespeareconfidedtomeonenight，atoneofMrs。Caesar’scard—parties，thatheregardedthatasthebiggestjokeheeverwrote，andJudgeBlackstoneobservedtoAntonythatthedecisionwouldn’thaveheldinanycourtofequityoutsideofVenice。Ifyouoweamanathousandducats，anditcostsyouthreethousandtogetthem，that’syouraffair，nothis。IfitcostAntonioeverydropofhisbluestbloodtopaythepoundofflesh，itwasAntonio’saffair，notShylock’s。However，theworldapplaudsyouasagreatjurist，whenyouhavenothingmorethanawoman’skeeninstinctforsentimentaltechnicalities。\"
\"Itwouldhavemadeahorridplay，though，ifithadgoneon，\"
shudderedElizabeth。
\"Thatmaybe，but，carriedoutrealistically，itwouldhavedoneawaywitharaftofbadactors，\"saidCleopatra。\"I’mhalfsorryitdidn’tgoon，andI’msureitwouldn’thavebeenanyworsethancompellingBrutustofallonhissworduntilheresemblesachickenliverenbrochette，asisdoneinthatJuliusCaesarplay。\"
\"Well，I’mverygladIdidit，\"snappedPortia。
\"Ishouldthinkyouwouldbe，\"saidCleopatra。\"Ifyouhadn’tdoneit，you’dneverhavebeenknown。Whatwasthat？\"
Theboathadgivenaslightlurch。
\"Didn’tyouhearashufflingnoiseupondeck，Portia？\"askedtheEgyptianQueen。
\"IthoughtIdid，anditseemedasifthevesselhadmovedabit，\"
returnedPortia，nervously；for，likemostwomeninanadvancedstateofdevelopment，shehadbecomeamartyrtohernerves。
\"ItwasmerelythewashfromoneofCharon’snewferry—boats，I
fancy，\"saidElizabeth，calmly。\"It’sdisgusting，thewaythatoldfellowallowsthesemoderninnovationstobebroughtinhere!Asiftheoldpaddle—boatsheusedtocarryshadesinweren’tgoodenoughfortheimmigrantsofthisage!ReallythisStyxRiverislosingagreatdealofitscharm。SirWalterandIwereupset，whileoutrowingonedaylastsummer，bythewaveskickedupbyoneofCharon’sexcursionsteamersgoinguptheriverwithapartyofpicnickersfromthecity——theGreaterGehennaChowderClub，Ibelieveitwas——onboardofher。Onemightjustaswellliveinthemidstoftheturmoilofagreatcityastrytogetuninterruptedquiethereinthesuburbsinthesedays。Charonisn’tcontenttogetrichslowly；hemustmakemoneybythebarrelful，ifhehastosacrificeallthecomfortofeverybodylivingonthisriver。Anybody’dthinkhewasanAmerican，thewayhegoeson；andeverybodyelsehereisthesameway。TheErebeansaregettingtobearaceofshopkeepers。\"
\"Ithinkmyself，\"sighedCleopatra，\"thatHadesisbeingspoiledbytheintroductionofAmericanideas——itisgettingbyfartoodemocraticformytastes；andifitisn’tstopped，it’smybeliefthatthebestpeoplewillstopcominghere。TakeMadameRecamier’ssalonasitisnowandcompareitwithwhatitusedtobe!Intheearlydays，afterherarrivalhere，everybodywentbecauseitwastheswellthing，andyou’dbesureofmeetingtheintellectuallyelect。
Ontheonehandyou’dfindSophocles；ontheother，Cicero；acrosstheroomwouldbeHoracechattinggaylywithsomesuchpersonasmyself。Greatwarriors，fromAlexandertoBonaparte，werethere，andgladoftheopportunitytobethere，too；statesmenlikeMacchiavelli；artistslikeCelliniorTintoretto。Youcouldn’tmovewithoutsteppingonthetoesofgenius。Butnowallisdifferent。
Themoney—gettinginstincthasbeenarousedwithinthemall，withtheresultthatwhenIinvitedMozarttomeetafewfriendsatdinneratmyplacelastautumn，hesentmeacardstatinghistermsfordinners。Letmesee，IthinkIhaveitwithme；I’vekeptitbymeforfearoflosingit，itissuchacompleterevelationoftheactualconditionofaffairsinthislocality。Ah!thisisit，\"sheadded，takingasmallbitofpasteboardfromhercard—case。\"Readthat。\"
Thecardwaspassedabout，andalltheladiesweremuchastonished——
andnaturallyso，foritranthiswise：
NOTICETOHOSTESSES。
Owingtotheverygreat，constantlygrowing，andattimesvexatiousdemandsuponhistimesocially，HERRWOLFGANGAMADEUSMOZART
takesthismethodofannouncingtohisfriendsthatonandafterJanuary1，1897，histermsforfunctionswillbeasfollows：
DinnerswithconversationontheMarksTheoryofMusic500
DinnerswithconversationontheTheoryofMusic，illustrated750
Dinnerswithoutanyconversation300
Receptions，public，withmusic1000
\"\"private，750
Encores（single）100
Threeencoresfor150
Autographs10
PositivelynoInvitationsforFive—o’ClockTeasorMorningMusicalesconsidered。
\"Well，Ideclare!\"titteredElizabeth，assheread。\"Isn’tthatextraordinary？He’sgotthethree—namecraze，too!\"
\"It’sperfectlyridiculous，\"saidCleopatra。\"Butit’sfairerthanArtemusWard’splan。Mozartgivesnoticeofhisintentionstochargeyou；butwithWardit’sdifferent。Hecomes，andafterwardssendsabillforhisfun。Why，onlylastweekIgota’quarterlystatement’
fromhimshowingachargeagainstmeofthirty—eightdollarsforhumorousremarksmadetomyguestsatalittlechafing—dishpartyI
gaveinhonorofBalzac，and，worstofall，hehadmarkedit’Pleaseremit。’EvenAntony，whenhewroteasonnettomyeyebrow，wouldn’tletmehaveituntilhehadheardwhetherornotBoswellwanteditforpublicationintheGossip。WithRubensgivingchalk—talksforpay，Phidiasdoing’Five—minuteMasterpiecesinPutty’forsuburbanlyceums，andalltheillustriousinotherlinesturningtheirgeniustoaccountthroughtheentertainmentbureaus，it’simpossibletohaveasalonnow。\"
\"Youareindeedright，\"saidMadameRecamier，sadly。\"Thosewerepalmydayswhengeniuswassatisfiedwithchickensaladandlemonade。
Ishallneverforgetthosenightswhenthewitandwisdomofalltimewere——ah——wereontapatmyhouse，ifImaysospeak，atacosttomeoflightsandsupper。Nowtheonlypeoplewhowillcomefornothingarethoseweusedtothinkofpayingtostayaway。Boswellisalwaysready，butyoucan’trunasalononBoswell。\"
\"Well，\"saidPortia，\"Isincerelyhopethatyouwon’tgiveupthefunctionsaltogether，becauseIhavealwaysfoundthemmostdelightful。Itisstillpossibletohavelightsandsupper。\"
\"Ihaveaplanfornextwinter，\"saidMadameRecamier，\"butIsupposeIshallbeaccusedofgoingintothecommercialsideofitifIadoptit。Theplanis，briefly，toincorporatemysalon。That’sanideaworthyofanAmerican，Iadmit；butifIdon’tdoitI’llhavetogiveitupentirely，which，asyouintimate，wouldbetoobad。Anincorporatedsalon，however，wouldbeagrandthing，ifonlybecauseitwouldperpetuatethesalon。’TheRecamierSalon（Limited）’wouldbeamostexcellenttitle，and，suitablycapitalizedwouldenableustopayourlionssufficiently。Privateenterpriseispowerlessundermodernconditions。It’sasmuchasIcanaffordtopayforadinner，withoutrunningupanexpensiveaccountforguests；andunlesswegetupasalon—trust，asitwere，thewholeaffairmustgotothewall。\"
\"Howwouldyoumakeitpay？\"askedPortia。\"Ican’tseewhereyourdividendswouldcomefrom。\"
\"Thatissimpleenough，\"saidMadameRecamier。\"Wecouldputupalargereception—hallwithaportionofourcapital，andadvertiseaseriesofnights——sayoneaweekthroughouttheseason。ThesewouldbeWarriors’Night，Story—tellers’Night，Poets’Night，Chafing—dishNightunderthechargeofBrillat—Savarin，andsoon。Itwouldbeunderstoodthatontheseparticulareveningsthemostinterestingpeopleincertainlineswouldbepresent，andwouldmixwithoutsiders，whoshouldbeadmittedonlyonpaymentofacertainsumofmoney。Thecommonplaceinhabitantsofthiscountrycouldthusmeetthetrulygreat；andifIknowthemwell，asIthinkIdo，they’llpayreadilyfortheprivilege。Theobscurelovetorubupagainstthefamoushereaswellastheydoonearth。\"
\"You’drunasortofSocialZoo？\"suggestedElizabeth。
\"Precisely；andprovideentertainmentforprivateresidencestoo。AnadvertisementinBoswell’spaper，whicheverybodybuys——\"
\"Andwhichnobodyreads，\"saidPortia。
\"Theyreadtheadvertisements，\"retortedMadameRecamier。\"AsIwassaying，anadvertisementcouldbeplacedinBoswell’spaperasfollows：’AreyougivingaFunction？DoyouwantTalent？GetyourGeniusattheRecamierSalon（Limited）。’Itwouldbesimplymagnificentasabusinessenterprise。Thecommonherdwouldbetickledtodeathiftheycouldgetgreatpeopleattheirhomes，eveniftheyhadtopayroundlyforthem。\"
\"Itwouldlookwellinthesocietynotes，wouldn’tit，ifMr。JohnBoggsgaveareception，andatthecloseoftheaccountitsaid，’ThesupperwasfurnishedbyCalizetti，andthegeniusbytheRecamierSalon（Limited）’？\"suggestedElizabeth，scornfully。
\"Imustadmit，\"repliedtheFrenchlady，\"thatyoucallupanunpleasantpossibility，butIdon’treallyseewhatelsewecandoifwewanttopreservethesalonidea。Somebodyhastoldthesetalentedpeoplethattheyhaveacommercialvalue，andtheyareavailingthemselvesofthedemand。\"
\"Itisasadage!\"sighedElizabeth。
\"Well，allI’vegottosayisjustthis，\"putinXanthippe：\"Youpeoplewhogetupfunctionshavebroughtthisconditionofaffairsonyourselves。Youwerenotsatisfiedtogoaheadandindulgeyourpassionforlionsinamoderatefashion。TakethecaseofDemostheneslastwinter，forinstance。Hiswifetoldmethathedinedathomethreetimesduringthewinter。Therestofthetimehewasout，here，there，andeverywhere，makingafter—dinnerspeeches。
Thesavingonhisdinnerbillsdidn’tpayhispebbleaccount，muchlessremuneratehimforhistime，andthefearfulexpenseofnervousenergytowhichhewassubjected。Itwasasmuchasshecoulddo，shesaid，tokeephimfromshavingonesideofhishead，sothathecouldn’tgoout，thewayheusedtodoinAthenswhenhewasafraidhewouldbeinvitedoutandcouldn’tscareupadecentexcuseforrefusing。\"
\"Didhedothat？\"criedElizabeth，witharoaroflaughter。
\"Sothecyclopaediassay。It’sagoodplan，too，\"saidXanthippe。
\"ThoughSocratesneverhadtodoit。WhenIgotthenotionSocrateswasgoingouttoomuch，Iusedtohidehisdressclothes。ThentherewasthecaseofRubens。HegaveaCarbonTalkattheSforza’sThursdayNightClub，merelytoobligeMadameSforza，andthreeweekslaterdiscoveredthatshehadsoldhispicturestopayforhergown!
Youpeoplesimplyrunitintotheground。Youkillthegoosethatwhentakenatthefloodleadsontofortune。Itadvertisesyou，doesthelionnogood，andheisexpectedtobesatisfiedwithconfectionery，materialandtheoretical。Iftheyaregettingtiredofcandyandcompliments，it’sbecauseyouhaveforcedtoomuchofituponthem。\"
\"Theylikeit，justthesame，\"retortedRecamier。\"Ageniuslikesnothingbetterthanthesoundofhisownvoice，whenhefeelsthatitisfallingonaristocraticears。Thesociallaurelrestspleasantlyonmanyanoblebrow。\"
\"True，\"saidXanthippe。\"ButwhenamangetsapileofChristmaswreathsamilehighonhishead，hebeginstowonderwhattheywillbringonthemarket。Anoccasionalwreathisverynice，butbythetontheyareapttoweighonhismind。Uptoacertainpointnotorietyislikeawoman，andamanisapttoloveit；butwhenitbecomesexacting，demandinginsteadofpermittingitselftobecourted，itlosesitscharm。\"
\"ThatisSocraticinitswisdom，\"smiledPortia。
\"ButXanthippicinitsorigin，\"returnedXanthippe。\"Nomanevergavememyideas。\"
AsXanthippespoke，LucretiaBorgiaburstintotheroom。
\"Hurryandsaveyourselves!\"shecried。\"Theboathasbrokenloosefromhermoorings，andisfloatingdownthestream。Ifwedon’thurryupanddosomething，we’lldriftouttosea!\"
\"What!\"criedCleopatra，droppinghercueinterror，andrushingforthestairs。\"IwascertainIfeltaslightmotion。YousaiditwasthewashfromoneofCharon’sbarges，Elizabeth。\"
\"Ithoughtitwas，\"saidElizabeth，followingcloselyafter。
\"Well，itwasn’t，\"moanedLucretiaBorgia。\"Calpurniajustlookedoutofthewindowanddiscoveredthatwewereinmid—stream。\"
Theladiescrowdedanxiouslyaboutthestairandattemptedtoascend，Cleopatrainthevan；butastheEgyptianQueenreachedthedoorwaytotheupperdeck，thedooropened，andthehardfeaturesofCaptainKiddwerethrustroughlythrough，andhisstridentvoicerangoutthroughthegatheringgloom。\"Pipemyeyeforasardineifwehaven’tcapturedafemaleseminary!\"hecried。
Andonebyonetheladies，interror，shrankbackintothebilliard—
room，whileKidd，overcomebysurprise，slammedthedoorto，andretreatedintothedarknessoftheforwarddecktoconsultwithhisfollowersasto\"whatnext。\"
CHAPTERV：ACONFERENCEONDECK
\"Here’sakettleoffish!\"saidKidd，pullinghischinwhiskerinperplexityasheandhisfellow—piratesgatheredaboutthecaptaintodiscussthesituation。\"I’mblessedifinallmyexperienceIeversailedathwartanythinglikeitafore!Piratingwithalotoflow—
downruffianslikeyougentlemenisbadenough，butonacraftloadedtothewater’sedgewithadvancedwomen——I’vehalfamindtoturnback。\"
\"Ifyoudo，youswim——we’llnotturnbackwithyou，\"retortedAbeuchapeta，whom，inhonorofhisprowess，KiddhadappointedexecutiveofficeroftheHouse—boat。\"Ihavenodesiretobemutinous，CaptainKidd，butIhavenotembarkeduponthisenterpriseforapleasuresaildowntheStyx。Iamoutforbusiness。Ifyouhadthirtythousandwomenonboard，stillshouldInotturnback。\"
\"Butwhatshallwedowith’em？\"pleadedKidd。\"Wherecanwegowithoutattractingattention？Who’sgoingtofeed’em？Who’sgoingtodress’em？Who’sgoingtokeep’eminbonnets？Youdon’tknowanythingaboutthesecreatures，mydearAbeuchapeta；and，by—the—way，can’twearbitratethatnameofyours？Itwouldbefearfultorememberintheexcitementofafight。\"
\"CallhimAb，\"suggestedSirHenryMorgan，withanill—concealedsneer，forhewasdeeplyjealousofAbeuchapeta’spreferral。
\"IfyoudoI’llcallyouMorgue，andchangeyourappearancetofit，\"
retortedAbeuchapeta，angrily。
\"BythebeardsofallmysaintedBuccaneers，\"beganMorgan，springingangrilytohisfeet，\"I’llhaveyourlife!\"
\"Gentlemen!Gentlemen——mynobleruffians!\"expostulatedKidd。
\"Come，come；thiswillneverdo!Imusthavenoquarrellingamongmyaides。Thisisnotimefordivisionsinourcouncils。Anentirelyunexpectedelementhasenteredintoouraffairs，anditbehoovethustoactinconcert。Itisnolightmatter——\"
\"Excuseme，captain，\"saidAbeuchapeta，\"butthatiswhereyouandI
donotagree。We’vegotourshipandwe’vegotourcrew，andinadditionwefindthattheFateshavethrowninahundredormorewomentoactasballast。NowI，forone，donotfearawoman。Wecansetthemtowork。Thereisplentyforthemtodokeepingthingstidy；andifwegetintoaveryhardfight，andcomeoutofthemeleesomewhattheworseforwear，itwillbeablessingtohave’emalongtomendourtogas，sewbuttonsonouruniforms，anddarnourhosiery。\"
Morganlaughedsarcastically。\"Whendidyouflourish，ifever，colonel？\"heasked。
\"Doyourefertome？\"queriedAbeuchapeta，withafrown。
\"Youhaveguessedcorrectly，\"repliedMorgan，icily。\"Ihavequiteforgottenyourdate；wereyouasuccessintheyearone，orwhen？\"
\"AdmiralAbeuchapeta，SirHenry，\"interposedKidd，fearingafurtheroutbreakofhostilities——\"AdmiralAbeuchapetawastheterroroftheseasintheseventhcentury，andwhatheundertooktodohedid，andhispiraticalenterpriseswerecarriedononascaleofmagnificencewhichiswithoutparalleloffthecomic—operastage。Heneverwentforthwithoutatleastseventygalleysandahundredothervessels。\"
Abeuchapetadrewhimselfupproudly。\"Six—ninety—eightwasmygreatyear，\"hesaid。
\"That’swhatIthought，\"saidMorgan。\"Thatistosay，yougotyourideasofwomentwelvehundredyearsago，andtheladieshavechangedsomewhatsincethattime。Ihavegreatrespectforyou，sir，asaruffian。Ihavenodoubtthatasaruffianyouareacompletesuccess，butwhenitcomesto’feminology’youaresailinginunknownwaters。Thestudyofwomen，mydearAbeuchadnezzar——\"
\"Peta，\"retortedAbeuchapeta，irritably。
\"Istandcorrected。Thestudyofwomen，mydearPeter，\"saidMorgan，withawinkatConrad，whichfortunatelytheseventh—centurypiratedidnotsee，elsetherewouldhavebeenanopenbreak——\"thestudyofwomenismoredifficultthanthatofastronomy；theremaybetwostarsalike，butallwomenareunique。Becauseshewasthis，that，ortheotherthinginyourdaydoesnotprovethatsheisanyoneofthosethingsinourday——infact，itprovesthecontrary。Why，I
ventureeventosaythatnoindividualwomanisalike。\"
\"That’sratherahazythought，\"saidKidd，scratchinghisheadinapuzzledsortofway。
\"Imeanthatshe’sdifferentfromherselfatdifferenttimes，\"saidMorgan。\"Whatisitthepoetcalledher？——’aninfinitevarietyshow，’orsomethingofthatsort；aperpetualvaudeville——acontinuousperformance，asitwere，fromtwelvetotwelve。\"
\"Morganisright，admiral!\"putinConradthecorsair，actingtemporarilyasbo’sun。\"Thetimesaresadlychanged，andwomanisnolongerwhatshewas。Sheishardlywhatsheis，muchlesswhatshewas。TheRomanGynaeceumwouldbeanimpossibilityto—day。YoumightaswellexpectDelilahtoopenabarber—shoponboardthisboatasaskanyoftheseadvancedfemalesbelow—stairstosewbuttonsonapirate’suniformafterafray，ortokeepthefringeonhisepauletscurled。They’renolongersewing—machines——theyareKeeleymotorsformysteryandperpetualmotion。Womenhaveviewsnowtheyarenolongercontenttobelookedatmerely；theymustseeforthemselves；
andthemoretheysee，themoretheywishtodomesticatemanandemancipatewoman。It’smyprivateopinionthatifwearetogetalongwiththematallthebestthingtodoistolet’emalone。I
havealwaysfoundIwasbetteroffintheabstract，andifthisquestionisgoingtobesettledinapurelydemocraticfashionbysubmittingittoavote，I’llvoteforanymeasurewhichinvolvesleavingthemstrictlytothemselves。They’renothingbutalotofghostsanyhow，likeourselves，andwecanpretendwedon’tseethem。\"
\"Ifthatcouldbe，itwouldbeexcellent，\"saidMorgan；\"butitisimpossible。ForapirateoftheByronicorder，mydearConrad，youarestrangelyunversedinthewaysofthesexwhichcheersbutnotinebriates。Wecannomoreignoretheirpresenceuponthisboatthanwecanexpectwhalestospoutkerosene。Inthefirstplace，itwouldbeexcessivelyimpoliteofustocutthem——todeclinetospeaktothemiftheyshouldaddressus。Wemaybepirates，ruffians，cutthroats，butIhopeweshallneverforgetthatwearegentlemen。\"
\"Thewholesituationisrathercontrarytoetiquette，don’tyouthink？\"suggestedConrad。\"There’snobodytointroduceus，andI
can’treallyseehowwecandootherwisethanignorethem。I
certainlyamnotgoingtostandondeckandmakeeyesatthem，totryandpickupanacquaintancewiththem，evenifIamofaByronicstrain。\"
\"Youforget，\"saidKidd，\"twoessentialfeaturesofthesituation。
Thesewomenareatpresent——orshortlywillbe，whentheyrealizetheirsituation——indistress，andatruegentlemanmayalwaysflytotherescueofadistressedfemale；and，thesecondpoint，weshallsoonbeontheseas，andIunderstandthatonthefashionabletransatlanticlinesitisnowconsideredderigueurtospeaktoanybodyyouchooseto。Theintroductionbusinessisn’tgoingtostandinmyway。\"
\"Well，mayIask，\"putinAbeuchapeta，\"justwhatitisthatisworryingyou？Yousaidsomethingaboutfeedingthem，anddressingthem，andkeepingtheminbonnets。Ifancythere’sfishenoughintheseatofeed’em；andasfortheirgownsandhats，theycanmake’emthemselves。Everywomanisamillineratheart。\"
\"Exactly，andwe’llhavetopaythemilliners。Thatiswhatbothersme。IwasgoingtoleadthisexpeditiontoLondon，Paris，andNewYork，admiral。Thatiswherethemoneyis，andtogetityou’vegottogoashore，toheadquarters。Youcannotnowadaysfinditonthehighseas。Moderncivilization，\"saidKidd，\"hasruinedthepirate’sbusiness。ThelatestnewsfromtheotherworldhasreallyopenedmyeyestocertainfactsthatIneverdreamedof。TheconditionsofthedayofwhichIspeakareinterestinglyshownintheexperienceofourfriendHawkinshere。CaptainHawkins，wouldyouhaveanyobjectiontostatingtothesegentlementheconditionofaffairswhichledyoutogiveuppiracyonthehighseas？\"
\"Nottheslightest，CaptainKidd，\"returnedCaptainHawkins，whowasarecentarrivalinHades。\"Itisasadlittlestory，anditgivesmeapainfortothinkonit，butnonethelessI’lltellit，sinceyouaskme。WhenIwereamereboy，fellow—pirates，Ihadbutoneambition，duetomyreadin’，whichwasconfinedtostoriesofaSunday—schoolnater——tobecomesomethin’differentfromthelittleWilliesan’thecleverTommieswhatIreadabouttherein。Theywasallgood，an’theywenttotheirrewardtoosooninlifeforme，whoeveninthemdaysregardeddeathasastuffyan’unpleasantdiversion。Learnin’atanearlyperiodthatvirtuewasitsonlyreward，an’a—wish—in’others，Isaystomyself：’Jim，’saysI，’ifyouwishestobecomeamagnetinthisvillage，besinful。Ifsobeasyouareagoodboy，an’kindtoyoursisteran’allotheranimals，you’llendupasaprosperousfatherwithfifteenhundredayearsure，withnevernohopefornopublicprefermentbeyondbein’madethesuper—intendentoftheSunday—school；butifsobeashowyou’rebad，youmaybecomefamous，an’gotoCongress，an’haveyourpictureintheSundaynoospapers。’SoIlooksaroundforbookstellin’howtoget’FamousinFiftyWays，’an’afterduereflectionIsettlesinmymindthattobeapirate’sjustthethingforme，seein’ashowit’sbothprofitablean’healthy。Pass—in’overdetails，letmetellyouthatIbecameapirate。Iranawaytosea，an’bydintofperseverance，astheSunday—schoolbookusetersay，inmybadnessI
soonbecamethecentreofaevillot；an’whenIsaysto’em，’Boys，Iwantstobeapiratechief，’theyhollersback，loudlike，’Jim，we’rewithyou，’an’theywas。ForyearsIwastheterroroftheVenezuelanGulf，theSpanishMain，an’thePacificseas，buttherewaspreciouslittlemoneyintoit。ThebestpayIgotwasfromaSundaynoospaperwhichpaidmewelltosignanarticleon’ModernPiracy’whichIdidn’twrite。Finallybusinessgotsobadthecrewbegantomurmur，an’Iwasatmywits’endstoplease’em；whenonemornin’，havin’passedarestlessnight，Ipicksupanoospaperandseesinitthat’NextSaturday’ssteamerisaweritabletreasure—
ship，takin’outtwelvemilliondollars，andthejewelsofacertainprimadonnavaluedatfivehundredthousand。’’Here’smychance，’
saysI，an’Igoestoseaandliesinwaitforthesteamer。I
captureshereasy，mycrewbein’hungry，an’fightinaccordinglike。
Westealstheboxa—hold—in’thejewelsan’thebagcontainin’themillions，hustlesbacktoourownship，an’makesforourrondyvoo，mewithtwobulletsinmyleg，fouro’mycrewkilled，andoneengin’
ofmyshipdisabledbyashot——buthappy。Twelvean’ahalfmillionsatonebreakisenoughtomakeanybodyhappy。\"
\"Ishouldsayso，\"saidAbeuchapeta，withanecstaticshakeofhishead。\"Ididn’tgetthatinallmycareer。\"
\"NorI，\"sighedKidd。\"Butgoon，Hawkins。\"
\"Well，asIsays，\"continuedCaptainHawkins，\"wegoestotherondyvootolookoverourbooty。’Captain’Awkins，’saysmyvalet——
forIwasaswellpirate，gents，an’nevertravellednowherewithoutamantokeepmyclothesbrushedandtheproperwrinklesinmytrousers——’this’eretwelvemillions，’sayshe，’iswerrylight，’
sayshe，carryin’thebagashore。’Idon’tcarehowlightitis，solongasit’stwelvemillions，Henderson，’saysI；butmyheartsinksinsideo’meathiswords，an’theminutewelandsIsitsdowntoinvestigaterightthereonthebeach。Iopensthebag，an’it’stheoneIwasafter——butthetwelvemillions!\"
\"Weren’tthere？\"criedConrad。
\"Yes，theywasthere，\"sighedHawkins，\"buteverybloomin’millionwasrepresentedbyacertifiedcheck，an’payableinLondon!\"
\"ByJingo!\"criedMorgan。\"Whatfearfulluck!Butyouhadtheprimadonna’sjewels。\"
\"Yes，\"saidHawkins，withamoan。\"Buttheywaslikeallotherprimadonna’sjewels——foradvertisin’purposesonly，an’madeo’gum—
arabic!\"
\"Horrible!\"saidAbeuchapeta。\"Andthecrew，whatdidtheysay？\"
\"Theywasacrewofafewwords，\"sighedHawkins。\"Werryfewwords，an’notacivilwordinthelot——mostlyadjectivesofaprofanekind。
WhenItold’emwhathadhappened，theygotmadatFortunefora—
jiltin’of’em，an’——well，Icamehere。Iwas’sas’inatedthatwerrynight!\"
\"Theykilledyou？\"criedMorgan。
\"Adozentimes，\"noddedHawkins。\"Theyalwayswasalavishlot。I
metdeathinallitsmosthorridforms。Firsttheystabbedme，thentheyshotme，thentheyclubbedme，andsoon，endin’upwithalynchin’——butIdidn’tmindmuchafterthefirst，whichhurtabit。
ButnowthatI’mhereI’mgladithappened。Thislifeissortoflessresponsiblethanthatother。Youcan’thurtaghostbyshootinghim，becausethereain’tnothingtohurt，an’ImustsayIlikebein’
amerevisionwhateverybodycanseethrough。\"
\"Allofwhichinterestingtaleproveswhat？\"queriedAbeuchapeta。
\"Thatpiracyontheseaisnotprofitableinthesedaysofthecheckbankingsystem，\"saidKidd。\"Ifyoucangetachanceatrealgoldit’sallright，butit’sofnoearthlyusetostealchecksthatpeoplecanstoppaymenton。Thereforeitwasmyplantovisitthecitiesanddoalittlefreebootingthere，wheresolidmaterialwealthistobefound。\"
\"Well？Can’twedoitnow？\"askedAbeuchapeta。
\"Notwiththesewomentaggingafterus，\"returnedKidd。\"IfwewenttoLondonandliftedthewholeBankofEngland，thesewomenwouldhaveitspentonRegentStreetinsideoftwenty—fourhours。\"
\"Thenleavethemonboard，\"saidAbeuchapeta。
\"Andhavethemstealtheship!\"retortedKidd。\"No。Therearebuttwothingstodo。Take’emback，orlandtheminParis。Tellthemtospendaweekonshorewhileweareprovisioning。Tell’emtoshoptotheirhearts’content，andwhiletheyaredoingitwecansneakoffandleavethemstranded。\"
\"Splendid!\"criedMorgan。
\"Butwilltheyconsent？\"askedAbeuchapeta。
\"Consent!Toshop？InParis？Foraweek？\"criedMorgan。
\"Ha，ha!\"laughedHawkins。\"Willtheyconsent!Willaduckswim？\"
Andsoitwasdecided，whichwasthefirstincidentinthecareeroftheHouse—boatuponwhichtheastuteMr。SherlockHolmeshadfailedtocount。
CHAPTERVI：ACONFERENCEBELOW—STAIRS
When，witharesoundingslam，thedoortotheupperdeckoftheHouse—boatwasshutinthefacesofqueensElizabethandCleopatrabytheunmannerlyKidd，theseladiesturnedandgazedatthosewhothrongedthestairsbehindtheminblankamazement，andtheheartofXanthippe，hadonechosentogazethroughthatdiaphanousperson’sribs，couldhavebeenseentobeatangrily。
QueenElizabethwassoexcitedatthiswhollynovelattitudetowardsherregalselfthat，havingturned，shesatdownplumpuponthefloorinthemostunroyalfashion。
\"Well!\"sheejaculated。\"Ifthisdoesnotsurpasseverything!Theideaofit!Ohforonehourofmyoldenpower，onehouroftheaxe，onehouroftheblock!\"
\"Getup，\"retortedCleopatra，\"andletusallreturntothebilliard—
roomanddiscussthismattercalmly。Itisquiteevidentthatsomethinghashappenedofwhichwewottedlittlewhenwecameaboardthiscraft。\"
\"Thatisagoodidea，\"saidCalpurnia，retreatingbelow。\"Icanseethroughthewindowthatweareinmotion。Thevesselhaslefthermoorings，andismakingconsiderableheadwaydownthestream，andthedistinctlymasculinevoiceswehaveheardareindicationstomymindthattheshipismanned，andthatthisistheresultofdesignratherthanofaccident。Letusbelow。\"
Elizabethroseupandreadjustedherruff，whichintheexcitementofthemomenthadbeenforcedtoassumeapositionaboutherforeheadwhichgaveonetheimpressionthatitsroyalwearerhadsuddenlydonnedasombrero。
\"Verywell，\"shesaid。\"Letusbelow；butoh，fortheaxe!\"
\"Bringtheladyanaxe，\"criedXanthippe，sarcastically。\"Shewantstocutsomebody。\"
Thesallywasnotgreetedwithapplause。Thesituationwasregardedasbeingtooserioustoadmitofhumor，andinsilencetheyfiledbackintothebilliard—room，and，arrangingthemselvesingroups，stoodaboutanxiouslydiscussingthesituation。
\"It’sgettingroughereveryminute，\"sobbedOphelia。\"Lookatthosepool—balls!\"Thesewereinverytruthchasingeachotheraboutthetableinanextraordinaryfashion。\"AndIwishI’dneverfollowedyouhorridnewcreaturesonboard!\"thepoorgirladded，inanagonyofdespair。
\"Ibelievewe’vecrossedthebaralready!\"saidCleopatra，gazingoutofthewindowatanastychoppyseathatwasaddingsomewhattothedisquietudeofthefairgathering。\"IfthisismerelyajokeonthepartoftheAssociatedShades，itisamightypoorone，andIthinkitistimeitshouldcease。\"
\"Oh，foranaxe!\"moanedElizabeth，again。
\"Excuseme，yourMajesty，\"putinXanthippe。\"Yousaidthatbefore，andImustsayitisgettingtiresome。Youcouldn’tdoanythingwithanaxe。Supposeyouhadone。Whatearthlygoodwoulditdoyou，whowereaccustomedtodoingallyourkillingbyproxy？Idon’tbelieve，ifyouhadtheunmannerlypersonwhoslammedthedoorinyourfacelyingprostrateuponthebilliard—tablehere，youcouldhithimasquareblowintheneckifyouhadahundredaxes。Delilahmightaswellcryforherscissors，forallthegooditwoulddousinourpredicament。IfCleopatrahadheraspwithheritmightbemoretothepurpose。Onedeadlylittlesnakelikethatletlooseontheupperdeckwoulddoubtlessdrivetheseboorsintothesea，andeventhenourconditionwouldnotbebettered，forthereisn’tanyofusthatcansailaboat。Thereisn’tanoldsaltamongus。\"
\"ToobadMrs。Lotisn’talong，\"giggledMargueritedeValois，whoseGallicspiritswerebynomeansovershadowedbytheunhappypredicamentinwhichshefoundherself。