CHAPTERIII：APEEPINTOSPAIN——ACCOUNTOFTHEORIGINANDSERVICES
OFTHEAHMEDNUGGARIRREGULARS
HEADQUARTERS，MORELLA：September15，1838
Ihavebeenhereforsomemonths，alongwithmyyoungfriendCabrera：andinthehurryandbustleofwar——dailyonguardandinthebatteriesforsixteenhoursoutofthetwenty—four，withfourteenseverewoundsandsevenmusket—ballsinmybody——itmaybeimaginedthatIhavehadlittletimetothinkaboutthepublicationofmymemoirs。Interarmasilentleges——inthemidstoffightingbehangedtowriting!asthepoetsays；andIneverwouldhavebotheredmyselfwithapen，hadnotcommongratitudeincitedmetothrowoffafewpages。
AlongwithOraa’stroops，whohaveoflatebeenbeleagueringthisplace，therewasayoungMilesiangentleman，Mr。TooneO’ConnorEmmettFitzgeraldSheenybyname，alawstudent，andamemberofGray’sInn，andwhathecalledBayAhofTrinityCollege，Dublin。
Mr。SheenywaswiththeQueen’speople，notinamilitarycapacity，butasrepresentativeofanEnglishjournal；towhich，foratriflingweeklyremuneration，hewasinthehabitoftransmittingaccountsofthemovementsofthebelligerents，andhisownopinionofthepoliticsofSpain。Receiving，forthedischargeofhisduty，acoupleofguineasaweekfromtheproprietorsofthejournalinquestion，hewasenabled，asIneedscarcelysay，tomakesuchashowinOraa’scampasonlyaChristinogeneralofficer，orattheveryleastacolonelofaregiment，canaffordtokeepup。
Inthefamoussortiewhichwemadeuponthetwenty—third，Iwasofcourseamongtheforemostinthemelee，andfoundmyself，afteragooddealofslaughtering（whichitwouldbeasdisagreeableasuselesstodescribehere），inthecourtofasmallinnorpodesta，whichhadbeenmadetheheadquartersofseveralQueeniteofficersduringthesiege。Thepesateroorlandlordoftheinnhadbeendespatchedbymybravechapel—churies，withhisfinefamilyofchildren——theofficersquarteredinthepodestahadofcoursebolted；butonemanremained，andmyfellowswereonthepointofcuttinghimintotenthousandpieceswiththeirborachios，whenI
arrivedintheroomtimeenoughtopreventthecatastrophe。Seeingbeforemeanindividualinthecostumeofacivilian——awhitehat，alightbluesatincravat，embroideredwithbutterfliesandotherquadrupeds，agreencoatandbrassbuttons，andapairofblueplaidtrousers，Irecognisedatonceacountryman，andinterposedtosavehislife。
Inanagonisedbroguetheunhappyyoungmanwassayingallthathecouldtoinducethechapel—churiestogiveuptheirintentionofslaughteringhim；butitisverylittlelikelythathisprotestationswouldhavehadanyeffectuponthem，hadnotI
appearedintheroom，andshoutedtotheruffianstoholdtheirhand。
Seeingageneralofficerbeforethem（IhavethehonourtoholdthatrankintheserviceofHisCatholicMajesty），andmoreoveronesixfeetfourinheight，andarmedwiththatterriblecabecilla（aswordsocalled，becauseitisfivefeetlong）whichissowellknownamongtheSpanisharmies——seeing，Isay，thisfigure，thefellowsretired，exclaiming，\"Adios，corpodibacconosotros，\"andsoon，clearlyproving（bytheirwords）thattheywould，iftheydared，haveimmolatedthevictimwhomIhadthusrescuedfromtheirfury。\"Villains!\"shoutedI，hearingthemgrumble，\"away!quittheapartment!\"Eachman，sulkilysheathinghissombrero，obeyed，andquittedthecamarilla。
ItwasthenthatMr。SheenydetailedtometheparticularstowhichIhavebrieflyadverted；and，informingmeatthesametimethathehadafamilyinEnglandwhowouldfeelobligedtomeforhisrelease，andthathismostintimatefriendtheEnglishAmbassadorwouldmoveheavenandearthtorevengehisfall，hedirectedmyattentiontoaportmanteaupassablywellfilled，whichhehopedwouldsatisfythecupidityofmytroops。Isaid，thoughwithmuchregret，thatImustsubjecthispersontoasearch；andhencearosethecircumstancewhichhascalledforwhatIfearyouwillconsiderasomewhattediousexplanation。IfounduponMr。Sheeny’spersonthreesovereignsinEnglishmoney（whichIhavetothisday），andsingularlyenoughacopyoftheNewMonthlyMagazine，containingaportionofmyadventures。Itwasatoss—upwhetherIshouldletthepooryoungmanbeshotorno，butthislittlecircumstancesavedhislife。Thegratifiedvanityofauthorshipinducedmetoaccepthisportmanteauandvaluables，andtoallowthepoorwretchtogofree。IputtheMagazineinmycoat—pocket，andlefthimandthepodesta。
Themen，tomysurprise，hadquittedthebuilding，anditwasfulltimeformetofollow；forIfoundoursallyingparty，aftercommittingdreadfulravagesinOraa’slines，wereinfullretreatuponthefort，hotlypressedbyasuperiorforceoftheenemy。I
amprettywellknownandrespectedbythemenofbothpartiesinSpain（indeedIservedforsomemonthsontheQueen’ssidebeforeI
cameovertoDonCarlos）；and，asitismymaximnevertogivequarter，Ineverexpecttoreceiveitwhentakenmyself。OnissuingfromthepodestawithSheeny’sportmanteauandmyswordinmyhand，Iwasalittledisgustedandannoyedtoseeourownmeninaprettygoodcolumnretreatingatdouble—quick，andaboutfourhundredyardsbeyondme，upthehillleadingtothefort；whileonmylefthand，andatonlyahundredyards，atroopoftheQueenitelancerswereclatteringalongtheroad。
IhadgotintotheverymiddleoftheroadbeforeImadethisdiscovery，sothatthefellowshadafullsightofme，andwhizz!
cameabulletbymyleftwhiskerbeforeIcouldsayJackRobinson。
Ilookedround——therewereseventyoftheaccursedmalvadosattheleast，andwithin，asIsaid，ahundredyards。WereItosaythatIstoppedtofightseventymen，youwouldwritemedownafooloraliar：no，sir，Ididnotfight，Iranaway。
Iamsixfeetfour——myfigureisaswellknownintheSpanisharmyasthatoftheCountdeLuchana，ormyfiercelittlefriendCabrerahimself。\"GAHAGAN!\"shoutedouthalf—a—dozenscoundrellyvoices，andfiftymoreshotscamerattlingafterme。Iwasrunning——
runningasthebravestagbeforethehounds——runningasIhavedoneagreatnumberoftimesbeforeinmylife，whentherewasnohelpforitbutarace。
AfterIhadrunaboutfivehundredyards，IsawthatIhadgainednearlythreeuponourcolumninfront，andthatlikewisetheChristinohorsemenwereleftbehindsomehundredyardsmore；withtheexceptionofthree，whowerefearfullynearme。Thefirstwasanofficerwithoutalance；hehadfiredbothhispistolsatme，andwastwentyyardsinadvanceofhiscomrades；therewasasimilardistancebetweenthetwolancerswhorodebehindhim。I
determinedthentowaitforNo。1，andashecameupdeliveredcut3athishorse’snearleg——offitflew，anddown，asIexpected，wenthorseandman。Ihadhardlytimetopassmyswordthroughmyprostrateenemy，whenNo。2wasuponme。IfIcouldbutgetthatfellow’shorse，thoughtI，Iamsafe；andIexecutedatoncetheplanwhichIhopedwastoeffectmyrescue。
Ihad，asIsaid，leftthepodestawithSheeny’sportmanteau，and，unwillingtopartwithsomeofthearticlesitcontained——someshirts，abottleofwhisky，afewcakesofWindsorsoap，&c。&c。，——
Ihadcarrieditthusfaronmyshoulders，butnowwascompelledtosacrificeitmalgremoi。Asthelancercameup，Idroppedmyswordfrommyrighthand，andhurledtheportmanteauathishead，withaimsotrue，thathefellbackonhissaddlelikeasack，andthuswhenthehorsegallopeduptome，Ihadnodifficultyindismountingtherider：thewhisky—bottlestruckhimoverhisrighteye，andhewascompletelystunned。Todashhimfromthesaddleandspringmyselfintoit，wastheworkofamoment；indeed，thetwocombatshadtakenplaceinaboutafifthpartofthetimewhichithastakenthereadertoperusethedescription。Butintherapidityofthelastencounter，andthemountingofmyenemy’shorse，Ihadcommittedaveryabsurdoversight——IwasscamperingawayWITHOUTMYSWORD!WhatwasItodo？——toscamperon，tobesure，andtrusttothelegsofmyhorseforsafety!
Thelancerbehindmegainedonmeeverymoment，andIcouldhearhishorridlaughashenearedme。Ileanedforwardjockey—fashioninmysaddle，andkicked，andurged，andfloggedwithmyhand，butallinvain。Closer——closer——thepointofhislancewaswithintwofeetofmyback。Ah!ah!hedeliveredthepoint，andfancymyagonywhenIfeltitenter——throughexactlyfifty—ninepagesoftheNewMonthlyMagazine。HaditnotbeenforthatMagazine，Ishouldhavebeenimpaledwithoutashadowofadoubt。WasIwronginfeelinggratitude？HadInotcausetocontinuemycontributionstothatperiodical？
WhenIgotsafeintoMorella，alongwiththetailofthesallyingparty，Iwasforthefirsttimemadeacquaintedwiththeridiculousresultofthelancer’sthrust（ashedeliveredhislance，Imusttellyouthataballcamewhizzovermyheadfromourfellows，andenteringathisnose，putastoptohislancingforthefuture）。I
hastenedtoCabrera’squarter，andrelatedtohimsomeofmyadventuresduringtheday。
\"But，General，\"saidhe，\"youarestanding。Ibegyouchiudetel’uscio（takeachair）。\"
Ididso，andthenforthefirsttimewasawarethattherewassomeforeignsubstanceinthetailofmycoat，whichpreventedmysittingatease。IdrewouttheMagazinewhichIhadseized，andthere，tomywonder，discoveredtheChristinolancetwisteduplikeafish—hookorapastoralcrook。
\"Ha!ha!ha!\"saidCabrera（whoisanotoriouswag）。
\"Valdepenasmadrilenos，\"growledoutTristany。
\"Bymycachucadicaballero（uponmyhonourasagentleman），\"
shriekedoutRosd’Eroles，convulsedwithlaughter，\"IwillsendittotheBishopofLeonforacrozier。\"
\"GahaganhasCONSECRATEDit，\"giggledoutRamonCabrera；andsotheywentonwiththeirmuchacasforanhourormore。But，whentheyheardthatthemeansofmysalvationfromthelanceofthescoundrellyChristinohadbeentheMagazinecontainingmyownhistory，theirlaughwaschangedintowonder。Ireadthem（speakingSpanishmorefluentlythanEnglish）everywordofmystory。\"Buthowisthis？\"saidCabrera。\"Yousurelyhaveotheradventurestorelate？\"
\"Excellentsir，\"saidI，\"Ihave；\"andthatveryevening，aswesatoverourcupsoftertullia（sangaree），Icontinuedmynarrativeinnearlythefollowingwords：—
\"IleftoffintheverymiddleofthebattleofDelhi，whichended，aseverybodyknows，inthecompletetriumphoftheBritisharms。
Butwhogainedthebattle？LordLakeiscalledViscountLakeofDelhiandLaswaree，whileMajorGaha——nonsense，nevermindHIM，nevermindthechargeheexecutedwhen，sabreinhand，heleapedthesix—footwallinthemouthoftheroaringcannon，overtheheadsofthegleamingpikes；when，withonehandseizingthesacredpeishcush，orfish——whichwasthebanneralwaysbornebeforeScindiah，——he，withhisgoodsword，cutoffthetrunkofthefamouswhiteelephant，which，shriekingwithagony，plungedmadlyintotheMahrattaranks，followedbyhisgiantbrethren，tossing，likechaffbeforethewind，theaffrightedkitmatgars。He，meanwhile，nowplungingintothemidstofabattalionofconsomahs，nowcleavingtothechineascreamingandferociousbobbachee，{4}rushedon，likethesimoomacrosstheredZaharanplain，killing，withhisownhand，ahundredandforty—thr——butnevermind——’ALONEHEDIDIT；’
sufficientbeitforhim，however，thatthevictorywaswon：hecaresnotfortheemptyhonourswhichwereawardedtomorefortunatemen!
\"WemarchedafterthebattletoDelhi，wherepoorblindoldShahAllumreceivedus，andbestowedallkindsofhonoursandtitlesonourGeneral。Aseachoftheofficerspassedbeforehim，theShahdidnotfailtoremarkmyperson，{5}andwastoldmyname。
\"LordLakewhisperedtohimmyexploits，andtheoldmanwassodelightedwiththeaccountofmyvictoryovertheelephant（whosetrunkIusetothisday），thathesaid，’LethimbecalledGUJPUTI，’orthelordofelephants；andGujputiwasthenamebywhichIwasafterwardsfamiliarlyknownamongthenatives，——themen，thatis。Thewomenhadasofterappellationforme，andcalledme’Mushook，’orcharmer。
\"Well，IshallnotdescribeDelhi，whichisdoubtlesswellknowntothereader；northesiegeofAgra，towhichplacewewentfromDelhi；northeterribledayatLaswaree，whichwentnightofinishthewar。Sufficeittosaythatwewerevictorious，andthatIwaswounded；asIhaveinvariablybeeninthetwohundredandfouroccasionswhenIhavefoundmyselfinaction。Onepoint，however，becameinthecourseofthiscampaignQUITEevident——THATSOMETHING
MUSTBEDONEFORGAHAGAN。Thecountrycriedshame，theKing’stroopsgrumbled，thesepoysopenlymurmuredthattheirGujputiwasonlyalieutenant，whenhehadperformedsuchsignalservices。
Whatwastobedone？LordWellesleywasinanevidentquandary。
’Gahagan，’wrotehe，’tobeasubalternisevidentlynotyourfate—
—YOUWEREBORNFORCOMMAND；butLakeandGeneralWellesleyaregoodofficers，theycannotbeturnedout——Imustmakeapostforyou。
Whatsayyou，mydearfellow，toacorpsofIRREGULARHORSE？’
\"ItwasthusthatthefamouscorpsofAHMEDNUGGARIRREGULARShaditsorigin；aguerillaforce，itistrue，butonewhichwilllongberememberedintheannalsofourIndiancampaigns。
***
\"Asthecommanderofthisregiment，Iwasallowedtosettletheuniformofthecorps，aswellastoselectrecruits。Thesewerenotwantingassoonasmyappointmentwasmadeknown，butcameflockingtomystandardagreatdealfasterthantotheregularcorpsintheCompany’sservice。IhadEuropeanofficers，ofcourse，tocommandthem，andafewofmycountrymenassergeants；
therestwereallnatives，whomIchoseofthestrongestandbravestmeninIndia；chieflyPitans，Afghans，Hurrumzadehs，andCalliawns：forthesearewellknowntobethemostwarlikedistrictsofourIndianterritory。
\"Whenonparadeandinfulluniformwemadeasingularandnobleappearance。Iwasalwaysfondofdress；and，inthisinstancegaveacarteblanchetomytaste，andinventedthemostsplendidcostumethateverperhapsdecoratedasoldier。Iam，asIhavestatedalready，sixfeetfourinchesinheight，andofmatchlesssymmetryandproportion。Myhairandbeardareofthemostbrilliantauburn，sobrightasscarcelytobedistinguishedatadistancefromscarlet。Myeyesarebrightblue，overshadowedbybushyeyebrowsofthecolourofmyhair，andaterrificgashofthedeepestpurple，whichgoesovertheforehead，theeyelid，andthecheek，andfinishesattheear，givesmyfaceamorestrictlymilitaryappearancethancanbeconceived。WhenIhavebeendrinking（asisprettyoftenthecase）thisgashbecomesrubybright，andasIhaveanotherwhichtookoffapieceofmyunder—
lip，andshowsfiveofmyfrontteeth，Ileaveyoutoimaginethat’seldomlightedontheearth’（asthemonsterBurkeremarkedofoneofhisunhappyvictims）’amoreextraordinaryvision。’Iimprovedthesenaturaladvantages；and，whileincantonmentduringthehotwindsatChittybobbary，allowedmyhairtogrowverylong，asdidmybeard，whichreachedtomywaist。Ittookmetwohoursdailytocurlmyhairintenthousandlittlecorkscrewringlets，whichwavedovermyshoulders，andtogetmymoustacheswellroundtothecornersofmyeyelids。Idressedinloosescarlettrousersandredmoroccoboots，ascarletjacket，andashawlofthesamecolourroundmywaist；ascarletturbanthreefeethigh，anddecoratedwithatuftofthescarletfeathersoftheflamingo，formedmyhead—dress，andIdidnotallowmyselfasingleornament，exceptasmallsilverskullandcross—bonesinfrontofmyturban。Twobraceofpistols，aMalaycreese，andatulwar，sharponbothsides，andverynearlysixfeetinlength，completedthiselegantcostume。Mytwoflagswereeachsurmountedwitharealskullandcross—bones，andornamentedonewithablack，andtheotherwitharedbeard（ofenormouslength，takenfrommenslaininbattlebyme）。OnoneflagwereofcoursethearmsofJohnCompany；ontheother，animageofmyselfbestridingaprostrateelephant，withthesimpleword’GUJPUTI’writtenunderneathintheNagaree，Persian，andSanscritcharacters。Irodemyblackhorse，andlooked，bytheimmortalgods，likeMars。TomemightbeappliedthewordswhichwerewrittenconcerninghandsomeGeneralWebb，inMarlborough’stime：—
\"’Tonobledangerheconductstheway，Hisgreatexampleallhistroopobey，BeforethefronttheMajorsternlyrides，WithsuchanairasMarstobattlestrides。
PropitiousHeavenmustsureaherosaveLikeParishandsome，andlikeHectorbrave!’
\"Myofficers（CaptainsBiggsandMackanulty，LieutenantsGlogger，Pappendick，Stuffle，&c。&c。）weredressedexactlyinthesameway，butinyellow；andthemenweresimilarlyequipped，butinblack。
Ihaveseenmanyregimentssince，andmanyferocious—lookingmen，buttheAhmednuggarIrregularsweremoredreadfultotheviewthananysetofruffiansonwhichIeverseteyes。IwouldtoHeaventhattheCzarofMuscovyhadpassedthroughCaboolandLahore，andthatIwithmyoldAhmednuggarsstoodonafairfieldtomeethim!
Blessyou，blessyou，myswartcompanionsinvictory!throughthemistoftwentyyearsIheartheboomingofyourwar—cry，andmarktheglitterofyourscimitarsasyerageinthethickestofthebattle!{6}
\"Butawaywithmelancholyreminiscences。YoumayfancywhatafiguretheIrregularscutonafield—day——alineoffivehundredblack—faced，black—dressed，black—horsed，black—beardedmen——Biggs，Glogger，andtheotherofficersinyellow，gallopingaboutthefieldlikeflashesoflightning；myselfenlighteningthem，red，solitary，andmajestic，likeyongloriousorbinheaven。
\"Thereareveryfewmen，Ipresume，whohavenotheardofHolkar’ssuddenandgallantincursionintotheDooab，intheyear1804，whenwethoughtthatthevictoryofLaswareeandthebrilliantsuccessatDeeghadcompletelyfinishedhim。TakingtenthousandhorsehebrokeuphiscampatPalimbang；andthefirstthingGeneralLakeheardofhimwas，thathewasatPutna，thenatRumpooge，thenatDoncaradam——hewas，infact，intheveryheartofourterritory。
\"Theunfortunatepartoftheaffairwasthis：—HisExcellency，despisingtheMahrattachieftain，hadallowedhimtoadvanceabouttwothousandmilesinhisfront，andknewnotintheslightestdegreewheretolayholdonhim。WasheatHazarubaug？washeatBoglyGunge？nobodyknew，andforaconsiderableperiodthemovementsofLake’scavalrywerequiteambiguous，uncertain，promiscuous，andundetermined。
\"Such，briefly，wasthestateofaffairsinOctober1804。AtthebeginningofthatmonthIhadbeenwounded（atriflingscratch，cuttingoffmyleftuppereyelid，abitofmycheek，andmyunder—
lip），andIwasobligedtoleaveBiggsincommandofmyIrregulars，whilstIretiredformywoundstoanEnglishstationatFurruckabad，aliasFuttyghur——itis，aseverytwopennypostmanknows，attheapexoftheDooab。Wehavethereacantonment，andthitherIwentforthemeresakeofthesurgeonandthesticking—
plaster。
\"Furruckabad，then，isdividedintotwodistrictsortowns：thelowerCotwal，inhabitedbythenatives，andtheupper（whichisfortifiedslightly，andhasallalongbeencalledFuttyghur，meaninginHindustanee’the—favourite—resort—of—the—white—faced—
Feringhees—near—the—mango—tope—consecrated—to—Ram’），occupiedbyEuropeans。（Itisastonishing，bytheway，howcomprehensivethatlanguageis，andhowmuchcanbeconveyedinoneortwoofthecommonestphrases。）
\"Biggs，then，andmymenwereplayingallsortsofwondrousprankswithLordLake’sarmy，whilstIwasdetainedanunwillingprisonerofhealthatFuttyghur。
\"Anunwillingprisoner，however，Ishouldnotsay。ThecantonmentatFuttyghurcontainedthatwhichwouldhavemadeanymanahappyslave。Woman，lovelywoman，wasthereinabundanceandvariety!
Thefactis，that，whenthecampaigncommencedin1803，theladiesofthearmyallcongregatedtothisplace，wheretheywereleft，asitwassupposed，insafety。Imight，likeHomer，relatethenamesandqualitiesofall。ImayatleastmentionSOMEwhosememoryisstillmostdeartome。Therewas—
\"Mrs。Major—GeneralBulcher，wifeofBulcheroftheInfantry。
\"MissBulcher。
\"MISSBELINDABULCHER（whosenameIbegtheprintertoplaceinlargecapitals）。
\"Mrs。ColonelVandegobbleschroy。
\"Mrs。MajorMacanandthefourMissesMacan。
\"TheHonourableMrs。Burgoo，Mrs。Flix，Hicks，Wicks，andmanymoretoonumeroustomention。Theflowerofourcampwas，however，collectedthere，andthelastwordsofLordLaketome，asIlefthim，were，’Gahagan，Icommitthosewomentoyourcharge。Guardthemwithyourlife，watchoverthemwithyourhonour，defendthemwiththematchlesspowerofyourindomitablearm。’
\"Futtyghuris，asIhavesaid，aEuropeanstation，andtheprettyairofthebungalows，amidtheclusteringtopesofmango—trees，hasoftenerethisexcitedtheadmirationofthetouristandsketcher。
Onthebrowofahill——theBurrumpooterriverrollsmajesticallyatitsbase；andnospot，inaword，canbeconceivedmoreexquisitelyarranged，bothbyartandnature，asafavouriteresidenceoftheBritishfair。Mrs。Bulcher，Mrs。Vandegobbleschroy，andtheothermarriedladiesabovementioned，hadeachofthemdelightfulbungalowsandgardensintheplace，andbetweenonecottageandanothermytimepassedasdelightfullyascanthehoursofanymanwhoisawayfromhisdarlingoccupationofwar。
\"Iwasthecommandantofthefort。Itisalittleinsignificantpettah，defendedsimplybyacoupleofgabions，averyordinarycounterscarp，andabomb—proofembrasure。Onthetopofthismyflagwasplanted，andthesmallgarrisonoffortymenonlywerecomfortablybarrackedoffinthecasemateswithin。Asurgeonandtwochaplains（therewerebesidesthreereverendgentlemenofamateurmissions，wholivedinthetown），completed，asImaysay，thegarrisonofourlittlefortalice，whichIwaslefttodefendandtocommand。
\"OnthenightofthefirstofNovember，intheyear1804，IhadinvitedMrs。Major—GeneralBulcherandherdaughters，Mrs。
Vandegobbleschroy，and，indeed，alltheladiesinthecantonment，toalittlefestivalinhonouroftherecoveryofmyhealth，ofthecommencementoftheshootingseason，andindeedasafarewellvisit，foritwasmyintentiontotakedawktheverynextmorningandreturntomyregiment。ThethreeamateurmissionarieswhomI
havementioned，andsomeladiesinthecantonmentofveryrigidreligiousprinciples，refusedtoappearatmylittleparty。Theyhadbetterneverhavebeenbornthanhavedoneastheydid：asyoushallhear。
\"Wehadbeendancingmerrilyallnight，andthesupper（chieflyofthedelicatecondor，thelusciousadjutant，andotherbirdsofasimilarkind，whichIhadshotinthecourseoftheday）hadbeendulyfetedbyeveryladyandgentlemanpresent；whenItookanopportunitytoretireontheramparts，withtheinterestingandlovelyBelindaBulcher。Iwasoccupied，astheFrenchsay，inCONTER—ingfleurettestothissweetyoungcreature，when，allofasudden，arocketwasseenwhizzingthroughtheair，andastronglightwasvisibleinthevalleybelowthelittlefort。
\"’What，fireworks!CaptainGahagan，’saidBelinda；’thisistoogallant。’
\"’Indeed，mydearMissBulcher，’saidI，’theyarefireworksofwhichIhavenoidea：perhapsourfriendsthemissionaries——’
\"’Look，look!’saidBelinda，trembling，andclutchingtightlyholdofmyarm：’whatdoIsee？yes——no——yes!itis——OURBUNGALOWISIN
FLAMES!’
\"Itwastrue，thespaciousbungalowoccupiedbyMrs。Major—Generalwasatthatmomentseenapreytothedevouringelement——anotherandanothersucceededit——sevenbungalows，beforeIcouldalmostejaculatethenameofJackRobinson，wereseenblazingbrightlyintheblackmidnightair!
\"Iseizedmynight—glass，andlookingtowardsthespotwheretheconflagrationraged，whatwasmyastonishmenttoseethousandsofblackformsdancingroundthefires；whilstbytheirlightsIcouldobservecolumnsaftercolumnsofIndianhorse，arrivingandtakinguptheirgroundintheverymiddleoftheopensquareortank，roundwhichthebungalowswerebuilt!
\"’Ho，warder!’shoutedI（whilethefrightenedandtremblingBelindaclungclosertomyside，andpressedthestalwartarmthatencircledherwaist），’downwiththedrawbridge!seethatyourmasolgees’（smalltumbrelswhichareusedinplaceoflargeartillery）’bewellloaded：you，sepoys，hastenandmantheravelin!you，choprasees，putoutthelightsintheembrasures!weshallhavewarmworkofitto—night，ormynameisnotGoliahGahagan。’
\"Theladies，theguests（tothenumberofeighty—three），thesepoys，choprasees，masolgees，andsoon，hadallcrowdedontheplatformatthesoundofmyshouting，anddreadfulwastheconsternation，shrillthescreaming，occasionedbymywords。Themenstoodirresoluteandmutewithterror；thewomen，trembling，knewscarcelywhithertoflyforrefuge。’Whoareyonderruffians？’saidI。Ahundredvoicesyelpedinreply——somesaidthePindarees，somesaidtheMahrattas，somevoweditwasScindiah，andothersdeclareditwasHolkar——nooneknew。
\"’Isthereanyonehere，’saidI，’whowillventuretoreconnoitreyondertroops？’Therewasadeadpause。
\"’Athousandtomaunstothemanwhowillbringmenewsofyonderarmy!’againIrepeated。Stilladeadsilence。ThefactwasthatScindiahandHolkarbothweresonotoriousfortheircruelty，thatnoonedaredventuretofacethedanger。’OhforfiftyofmybraveAhmednuggarees!’thoughtI。
\"’Gentlemen，’saidI，’Iseeit——youarecowards——noneofyoudareencounterthechanceevenofdeath。Itisanencouragingprospect：
knowyounotthattheruffianHolkar，ifitbehe，willwithto—
morrow’sdawnbeleaguerourlittlefort，andthrowthousandsofmenagainstourwalls？knowyounotthat，ifwearetaken，thereisnoquarter，nohope；deathforus——andworsethandeathfortheselovelyonesassembledhere？’HeretheladiesshriekedandraisedahowlasIhaveheardthejackalsonasummer’sevening。Belinda，mydearBelinda!flungbothherarmsroundme，andsobbedonmyshoulder（orinmywaistcoat—pocketrather，forthelittlewitchcouldreachnohigher）。
\"’CaptainGahagan，’sobbedshe，’Go—Go—Goggle—iah!’
\"’Mysoul’sadored!’repliedI。
\"’Sweartomeonething。’
\"’Iswear。’
\"’Thatif——thatif——thenasty，horrid，odiousblackMah—ra—a—a—
attahstakethefort，youwillputmeoutoftheirpower。’
\"Iclaspedthedeargirltomyheart，andsworeuponmyswordthat，ratherthansheshouldincurtheriskofdishonour，sheshouldperishbymyownhand。Thiscomfortedher；andhermother，Mrs。
Major—GeneralBulcher，andhereldersister，whohadnotuntilnowknownawordofourattachment，（indeed，butfortheseextraordinarycircumstances，itisprobablethatweourselvesshouldneverhavediscoveredit），wereunderthesepainfulcircumstancesmadeawareofmybelovedBelinda’spartialityforme。
Havingcommunicatedthusherwishofself—destruction，Ithoughtherexampleatouchingandexcellentone，andproposedtoalltheladiesthattheyshouldfollowit，andthatattheentryoftheenemyintothefort，andatasignalgivenbyme，theyshouldoneandallmakeawaywiththemselves。Fancymydisgustwhen，aftermakingthisproposition，notoneoftheladieschosetoaccedetoit，andreceiveditwiththesamechillingdenialthatmyformerproposaltothegarrisonhadmetwith。
\"Inthemidstofthishurryandconfusion，asifpurposelytoaddtoit，atrumpetwasheardatthegateofthefort，andoneofthesentinelscamerunningtome，sayingthataMahrattasoldierwasbeforethegatewithaflagoftruce!
\"Iwentdown，rightlyconjecturing，asitturnedout，thattheparty，whoevertheymightbe，hadnoartillery；andreceivedatthepointofmyswordascrollofwhichthefollowingisatranslation。
\"’ToGoliahGahaganGujputi。
\"’LORDOFELEPHANTS，SIR，——IhavethehonourtoinformyouthatI
arrivedbeforethisplaceateighto’clockp。m。withtenthousandcavalryundermyorders。Ihaveburned，sincemyarrival，seventeenbungalowsinFurruckabadandFuttyghur，andhavelikewisebeenunderthepainfulnecessityofputtingtodeaththreeclergymen（mollahs）andsevenEnglishofficers，whomIfoundinthevillage；thewomenhavebeentransferredtosafekeepingintheharemsofmyofficersandmyself。
\"’AsIknowyourcourageandtalents，Ishallbeveryhappyifyouwillsurrenderthefortress，andtakeserviceasamajor—general（hookahbadar）inmyarmy。Shouldmyproposalnotmeetwithyourassent，Ibegleavetostatethatto—morrowIshallstormthefort，andontakingit，shallputtodeatheverymaleinthegarrison，andeveryfemaleabovetwentyyearsofage。ForyourselfIshallreserveapunishment，whichfornoveltyandexquisitetorturehas，Iflattermyself，hardlyeverbeenexceeded。Awaitingthefavourofareply，Iam，Sir，\"’Yourveryobedientservant，\"’JESWUNTROWHOLKAR。
\"’CAMPBEFOREFUTTYGHUR：September1，1804。
\"’R。S。V。P。’
\"Theofficerwhohadbroughtthispreciousepistle（itisastonishinghowHolkarhadapedtheformsofEnglishcorrespondence），anenormousPitansoldier，withashirtofmail，andasteelcapandcape，roundwhichhisturbanwound，wasleaningagainstthegateonhismatchlock，andwhistlinganationalmelody。
Ireadtheletter，andsawatoncetherewasnotimetobelost。
Thatman，thoughtI，mustnevergobacktoHolkar。Werehetoattackusnowbeforewewereprepared，thefortwouldbehisinhalf—an—hour。
\"Tyingmywhitepocket—handkerchieftoastick，Iflungopenthegateandadvancedtotheofficer：hewasstanding，Isaid，onthelittlebridgeacrossthemoat。Imadehimalowsalaam，afterthefashionofthecountry，and，ashebentforwardtoreturnthecompliment，Iamsorrytosay，Iplungedforward，gavehimaviolentblowonthehead，whichdeprivedhimofallsensation，andthendraggedhimwithinthewall，raisingthedrawbridgeafterme。
\"Iborethebodyintomyownapartment；there，swiftasthought，I
strippedhimofhisturban，cammerbund，peijammahs，andpapooshes，and，puttingthemonmyself，determinedtogoforthandreconnoitretheenemy。\"
***
HereIwasobligedtostop，forCabrera，Rosd’Eroles，andtherestofthestaff，weresoundasleep!WhatIdidinmyreconnaissance，andhowIdefendedthefortofFuttyghur，Ishallhavethehonouroftellingonanotheroccasion。
CHAPTERIV：THEINDIANCAMP——THESORTIEFROMTHEFORT
HEADQUARTERS，MORELLA：October3，1838
Itisabalmynight。Ihearthemerryjingleofthetambourine，andthecheeryvoicesofthegirlsandpeasants，astheydancebeneathmycasement，undertheshadowoftheclusteringvines。Thelaughandsongpassgailyround，andevenatthisdistanceIcandistinguishtheelegantformofRamonCabrera，ashewhispersgaynothingsintheearsoftheAndalusiangirls，orjoinsinthethrillingchorusofRiego’shymn，whichiseverandanonvociferatedbytheenthusiasticsoldieryofCarlosQuinto。Iamalone，inthemostinaccessibleandmostbomb—prooftowerofourlittlefortalice；thelargecasementsareopen——thewind，asitenters，whispersinmyearitsodorousrecollectionsoftheorangegroveandthemyrtlebower。Mytorch（abranchofthefragrantcedar—tree）flaresandflickersinthemidnightbreeze，anddispersesitsscentandburningsplintersonmyscrollandthedeskwhereIwrite——meetimplementsforasoldier’sauthorship!——itisCARTRIDGEpaperoverwhichmypenrunssoglibly，andayawningbarrelofgunpowderformsmyroughwriting—table。Aroundme，belowme，aboveme，all——allispeace!Ithink，asIsitheresolonely，onmycountry，England!andmuseoverthesweetandbitterrecollectionsofmyearlydays!Letmeresumemynarrative，atthepointwhere（interruptedbytheauthoritativesummonsofwar）I
pausedonthelastoccasion。
Ileftoff，Ithink——（forIamathousandmilesawayfromproof—
sheetsasIwrite，and，wereInotwritingthesimpleTRUTH，mustcontradictmyselfathousandtimesinthecourseofmytale）——I
think，Isay，thatIleftoffatthatperiodofmystory，when，HolkarbeingbeforeFuttyghur，andIincommandofthatfortress，I
hadjustbeencompelledtomakeawaywithhismessenger：and，dressedinthefallenIndian’saccoutrements，wentforthtoreconnoitretheforce，and，ifpossible，tolearntheintentionsoftheenemy。HowevermuchmyfiguremighthaveresembledthatofthePitan，and，disguisedinhisarmour，mighthavedeceivedthelynx—
eyedMahrattas，intowhosecampIwasabouttoplunge，itwasevidentthatasingleglanceatmyfairfaceandauburnbeardwouldhaveundeceivedthedullestblockheadinHolkar’sarmy。Seizing，then，abottleofBurgess’swalnutcatsup，Idyedmyfaceandmyhands，and，withthesimpleaidofaflaskofWarren’sjet，Imademyhairandbeardasblackasebony。TheIndian’shelmetandchainhoodcoveredlikewiseagreatpartofmyface，andIhopedthus，withluck，impudence，andacompletecommandofalltheEasterndialectsandlanguages，fromBurmahtoAfghanistan，topassscot—
freethroughthissomewhatdangerousordeal。
Ihadnotthewordofthenight，itistrue——butItrustedtogoodfortuneforthat，andpassedboldlyoutofthefortress，bearingtheflagoftruceasbefore；Ihadscarcelypassedonacoupleofhundredyards，whenlo!apartyofIndianhorsemen，armedlikehimIhadjustovercome，trottedtowardsme。Onewasleadinganoblewhitecharger，andnosoonerdidheseemethan，dismountingfromhisownhorse，andgivingthereintoacompanion，headvancedtomeetmewiththecharger；asecondfellowlikewisedismountedandfollowedthefirst：oneheldthebridleofthehorse，whiletheother（withamultitudeofsalaams，aleikums，andothergenuflexions）heldthejewelledstirrup，andkneeling，waiteduntilIshouldmount。
Itookthehintatonce：theIndianwhohadcomeuptothefortwasagreatman——thatwasevident；Iwalkedonwithamajesticair，gatheredupthevelvetreins，andsprungintothemagnificenthigh—
peakedsaddle。\"Buk，buk，\"saidI。\"Itisgood。Inthenameoftheforty—nineImaums，letusrideon。\"Andthewholepartysetoffatabrisktrot，Ikeepingsilence，andthinkingwithnolittletrepidationofwhatIwasabouttoencounter。
Aswerodealong，Iheardtwoofthemencommentinguponmyunusualsilence（forIsuppose，I——thatistheIndian——wasatalkativeofficer）。\"ThelipsoftheBahawderareclosed，\"saidone。\"WherearethosebirdsofParadise，hislong—tailedwords？theyareimprisonedbetweenthegoldenbarsofhisteeth!\"
\"Kush，\"saidhiscompanion，\"bequiet!BobbachyBahawderhasseenthedreadfulFeringhee，GahaganKhanGujputi，theelephant—lord，whoseswordreapstheharvestofdeath；thereisbutonechampionwhocanwearthepapooshesoftheelephant—slayer——itisBobbachyBahawder!\"
\"Youspeaktruly，PuneereeMuckun，theBahawderruminatesonthewordsoftheunbeliever：heisanostrich，andhatchestheeggsofhisthoughts。\"
\"Bekhusm!onmynosebeit!Maytheyoungbirds，hisactions，bestrongandswiftinflight。\"
\"MaytheyDIGESTIRON!\"saidPuneereeMuckun，whowasevidentlyawaginhisway。
\"O——ho!\"thoughtI，assuddenlythelightflasheduponme。\"Itwas，then，thefamousBobbachyBahawderwhomIovercamejustnow!
andheisthemandestinedtostandinmyslippers，ishe？\"andI
wasatthatverymomentstandinginhisown!Sucharethechancesandchangesthatfalltothelotofthesoldier!
Isupposeeverybody——everybodywhohasbeeninIndia，atleast——hasheardthenameofBobbachyBahawder：itisderivedfromthetwoHindustaneewords——bobbachy，general；bahawder，artilleryman。HehadenteredintoHolkar’sserviceinthelattercapacity，andhad，byhismeritandhisundauntedbraveryinaction，attainedthedignityofthepeacock’sfeather，whichisonlygrantedtonoblemenofthefirstclass；hewasmarried，moreover，tooneofHolkar’sinnumerabledaughters；amatchwhich，accordingtotheChroniqueScandaleuse，broughtmoreofhonourthanofpleasuretothepoorBobbachy。Gallantashewasinthefield，itwassaidthatintheharemhewastheveriestcravenalive，completelysubjugatedbyhisuglyandodiouswife。InallmattersofimportancethelateBahawderhadbeenconsultedbyhisprince，whohad，asitappears（knowingmycharacter，andnotcaringtodoanythingrashinhisattackuponsoformidableanenemy），sentforwardtheunfortunatePitantoreconnoitrethefort；hewastohavedoneyetmore，asI
learnedfromtheattendantPuneereeMuckun，whowas，Isoonfoundout，anoldfavouritewiththeBobbachy——doubtlessonaccountofhishonestyandloveofrepartee。
\"TheBahawder’slipsareclosed，\"saidhe，atlast，trottinguptome；\"hashenotawordforoldPuneereeMuckun？\"
\"Bismillah，mashallah，barikallah，\"saidI；whichmeans，\"Mygoodfriend，whatIhaveseenisnotworththetroubleofrelation，andfillsmybosomwiththedarkestforebodings。\"
\"YoucouldnotthenseetheGujputialone，andstabhimwithyourdagger？\"
[Herewasaprettyconspiracy!]\"No，Isawhim，butnotalone；hispeoplewerealwayswithhim。\"
\"Hurrumzadeh!itisapity；wewaitedbutthesoundofyourjogree（whistle），andstraightwaywouldhavegallopedupandseizeduponeveryman，woman，andchildinthefort：however，therearebutadozenmeninthegarrison，andtheyhavenotprovisionfortwodays——theymustyield；andthenhurrahforthemoon—faces!
Mashallah!Iamtoldthesoldierswhofirstgetinaretohavetheirpick。Howmyoldwoman，RoteeMuckun，willbesurprisedwhenIbringhomeacoupleofFeringheewives，——ha!ha!\"
\"Fool!\"saidI，\"bestill!——twelvemeninthegarrisontherearetwelvehundred!Gahaganhimselfisasgoodasathousandmen；andasforfood，IsawwithmyowneyesfivehundredbullocksgrazinginthecourtyardasIentered。\"ThisWASabouncer，Iconfess；butmyobjectwastodeceivePuneereeMuckun，andgivehimashighanotionaspossibleofthecapabilitiesofdefencewhichthebesiegedhad。
\"Pooch，pooch，\"murmuredthemen；\"itisawonderofafortress：
weshallneverbeabletotakeituntilourgunscomeup。\"
Therewashopethen!theyhadnobattering—train。ErethisarrivedItrustedthatLordLakewouldhearofourplight，andmarchdowntorescueus。Thusoccupiedinthoughtandconversation，werodeonuntiltheadvancedsentinelchallengedus，whenoldPuneereegavetheword，andwepassedonintothecentreofHolkar’scamp。
Itwasastrange——astirringsight!Thecamp—fireswerelighted；
androundthem——eating，reposing，talking，lookingatthemerrystepsofthedancing—girls，orlisteningtothestoriesofsomeDholBaut（orIndianimprovisatore）——werethousandsofduskysoldiery。Thecamelsandhorseswerepicketedunderthebanyan—
trees，onwhichtheripemangofruitwasgrowing，andofferedthemanexcellentfood。Towardsthespotwhichthegoldenfishandroyalpurdahs，floatinginthewind，designatedasthetentofHolkar，ledanimmenseavenue——ofelephants!thefineststreet，indeed，Ieversaw。Eachofthemonstrousanimalshadacastleonitsback，armedwithMauritanianarchersandthecelebratedPersianmatchlock—men：itwasthefeedingtimeoftheseroyalbrutes，andthegroomswereobservedbringingimmensetoffungs，orbaskets，filledwithpine—apples，plantains，bananas，Indiancorn，andcocoa—nuts，whichgrowluxuriantlyatallseasonsoftheyear。Wepasseddownthisextraordinaryavenue——nolessthanthreehundredandeighty—eighttailsdidIcountoneachside——eachtailappertainingtoanelephanttwenty—fivefeethigh——eachelephanthavingatwo—storiedcastleonitsback——eachcastlecontainingsleepingandeatingroomsforthetwelvementhatformeditsgarrison，andwerekeepingwatchontheroof——eachroofbearingaflagstafftwentyfeetlongonitstop，thecrescentglitteringwithathousandgems，androundittheimperialstandard，——eachstandardofsilkvelvetandcloth—of—gold，bearingthewell—knowndeviceofHolkar，argentanorgules，betweenasinopleofthefirst，achevrontruncated，wavy。Itooknineofthesemyselfinthecourseofaveryshorttimeafter，andshallbehappy，whenIcometoEngland，toshowthemtoanygentlemanwhohasacuriositythatway。Throughthisgorgeoussceneourlittlecavalcadepassed，andatlastwearrivedatthequartersoccupiedbyHolkar。
Thatcelebratedchieftain’stentsandfollowersweregatheredroundoneoftheBritishbungalowswhichhadescapedtheflames，andwhichheoccupiedduringthesiege。WhenIenteredthelargeroomwherehesat，Ifoundhiminthemidstofacouncilofwar；hischiefgeneralsandviziersseatedroundhim，eachsmokinghishookah，asisthecommonwaywiththeseblackfellows，before，at，andafterbreakfast，dinner，supper，andbedtime。Therewassuchacloudraisedbytheirsmokeyoucouldhardlyseeayardbeforeyou—
—anotherpieceofgood—luckforme——asitdiminishedthechancesofmydetection。When，withtheordinaryceremonies，thekitmatgarsandconsomahshadexplainedtotheprincethatBobbachyBahawder，therighteyeoftheSunoftheUniverse（astheignorantheathenscalledme），hadarrivedfromhismission，Holkarimmediatelysummonedmetothemaidaun，orelevatedplatform，onwhichhewasseatedinaluxuriouseasy—chair，andI，instantlytakingoffmyslippers，fallingonmyknees，andbeatingmyheadagainstthegroundninety—ninetimes，proceeded，stillonmyknees，ahundredandtwentyfeetthroughtheroom，andthenupthetwentystepswhichledtohismaidaun——asilly，painful，anddisgustingceremony，whichcanonlybeconsideredasarelicofbarbariandarkness，whichtearsthekneesandshinstopieces，letalonethepantaloons。IrecommendanybodywhogoestoIndia，withtheprospectofenteringtheserviceofthenativerajahs，torecollectmyadvice，andhavethemWELLWADDED。
Well，therighteyeoftheSunoftheUniversescrambledaswellashecouldupthestepsofthemaidaun（onwhich，inrows，smoking，asIhavesaid，themusnudsorgeneralofficerswereseated），andI
arrivedwithinspeakingdistanceofHolkar，whoinstantlyaskedmethesuccessofmymission。Theimpetuousoldmanthereonpouredoutamultitudeofquestions：\"Howmanymenarethereinthefort？\"saidhe；\"howmanywomen？Isitvictualled？havetheyammunition？DidyouseeGahaganSahib，thecommander？didyoukillhim？\"
AllthesequestionsJeswuntRowHolkarpuffedoutwithsomanywhiffsoftobacco。
Takingachillummyself，andraisingaboutmesuchacloudthat，uponmyhonourasagentleman，nomanatthreeyards’distancecouldperceiveanythingofmeexceptthepillarofsmokeinwhichI
wasencompassed，ItoldHolkar，inOrientallanguageofcourse，thebesttaleIcouldwithregardtothefort。
\"Sir，\"saidI，\"toansweryourlastquestionfirst——thatdreadfulGujputiIhaveseen——andheisalive：heiseightfeet，nearly，inheight；hecaneatabullockdaily（ofwhichhehassevenhundredatpresentinthecompound，andswearsthatduringthesiegehewillcontenthimselfwithonlythreeaweek）：hehaslost，inbattle，hislefteye；andwhatistheconsequence？ORamGunge\"（O
thou—with—the—eye—as—bright—as—morningand—with—beard—as—black—as—
night），\"GoliahGujputi——NEVERSLEEPS!\"
\"Ah，youGhorumsaug（youthiefoftheworld），\"saidthePrinceVizier，SaadutAleeBegBimbukchee——\"it’sjokingyouare；\"——andtherewasauniversalbuzzthroughtheroomattheannouncementofthisbouncer。
\"BythehundredandelevenincarnationsofVishnu，\"saidI，solemnly（anoathwhichnoIndianwaseverknowntobreak），\"I
swearthatsoitis：soatleasthetoldme，andIhavegoodcausetoknowhispower。Gujputiisanenchanter：heisleaguedwithdevils；heisinvulnerable。Look，\"saidI，unsheathingmydagger——
andeveryeyeturnedinstantlytowardsme——\"thricedidIstabhimwiththissteel——intheback，once——twicerightthroughtheheart；
butheonlylaughedmetoscorn，andbademetellHolkarthatthesteelwasnotyetforgedwhichwastoinflictaninjuryuponhim。\"
IneversawamaninsucharageasHolkarwaswhenIgavehimthissomewhatimprudentmessage。
\"Ah，lily—liveredrogue!\"shoutedheouttome，\"milk—bloodedunbeliever!pale—facedmiscreant!livesheafterinsultingthymasterinthypresence？InthenameoftheProphet，Ispitonthee，defythee，abhorthee，degradethee!Takethat，thouliaroftheuniverse!andthat——andthat——andthat!\"
Sucharethefrightfulexcessesofbarbaricminds!everytimethisoldmansaid，\"Takethat，\"heflungsomearticlenearhimattheheadoftheundauntedGahagan——hisdagger，hissword，hiscarbine，hisrichlyornamentedpistols，histurbancoveredwithjewels，worthahundredthousandcroresofrupees——finally，hishookah，snakemouthpiece，silver—bell，chillumandall——whichwenthissingovermyhead，andflatteningintoajellythenoseoftheGrandVizier。
\"Yockmuzzee!mynoseisoff，\"saidtheoldman，mildly。\"Willyouhavemylife，OHolkar？itisthinelikewise!\"andnootherwordofcomplaintescapedhislips。
Ofallthesemissiles，thoughapistolandcarbinehadgoneoffastheferociousIndianflungthematmyhead，andthenakedscimitar，fiercelybutunadroitlythrown，hadloppedoffthelimbsofoneortwoofthemusnudsastheysattremblingontheiromrahs，yet，strangetosay，notasingleweaponhadhurtme。Whenthehubbubceased，andtheunluckywretcheswhohadbeenthevictimsofthisfitofragehadbeenremoved，Holkar’sgood—humoursomewhatreturned，andheallowedmetocontinuemyaccountofthefort；
whichIdid，nottakingtheslightestnoticeofhisburstofimpatience：asindeeditwouldhavebeentheheightofimpolitenesstohavedone，forsuchaccidentshappenedmanytimesintheday。
\"ItiswellthattheBobbachyhasreturned，\"snuffledoutthepoorGrandVizier，afterIhadexplainedtotheCounciltheextraordinarymeansofdefencepossessedbythegarrison。
\"Yourstarisbright，OBahawder!forthisverynightwehadresolveduponanescaladeofthefort，andwehadsworntoputeveryoneoftheinfidelgarrisontotheedgeofthesword。\"
\"Butyouhavenobatteringtrain，\"saidI。
\"Bah!wehaveacoupleofninety—sixpounders，quitesufficienttoblowthegatesopen；andthen，heyforacharge!\"saidLollMahommed，ageneralofcavalry，whowasarivalofBobbachy’s，andcontradicted，therefore，everywordIsaid。\"InthenameofJuggernaut，whywaitfortheheavyartillery？Havewenotswords？
Havewenothearts？Mashallah!LetcravensstaywithBobbachy，alltruemenwillfollowLollMahommed!Allahhumdillah，Bismillah，Barikallah？\"{7}anddrawinghisscimitar，hewaveditoverhishead，andshoutedouthiscryofbattle。Itwasrepeatedbymanyoftheotheromrahs；thesoundoftheircheerswascarriedintothecamp，andcaughtupbythemen；thecamelsbegantocry，thehorsestopranceandneigh，theeighthundredelephantssetupascream，thetrumpetersanddrummersclangedawayattheirinstruments。I
neverheardsuchadinbeforeorafter。HowItrembledformylittlegarrisonwhenIheardtheenthusiasticcriesofthisinnumerablehost!
Therewasbutonewayforit。\"Sir，\"saidI，addressingHolkar，\"gooutto—night，andyougotocertaindeath。LollMahommedhasnotseenthefortasIhave。Passthegateifyouplease，andforwhat？tofallbeforethefireofahundredpiecesofartillery；tostormanothergate，andthenanother，andthentobeblownup，withGahagan’sgarrisoninthecitadel。Whotalksofcourage？WereI
notinyouraugustpresence，Ostarofthefaithful，IwouldcropLollMahommed’snosefromhisface，andwearhisearsasanornamentinmyownpugree!Whoisthereherethatknowsnotthedifferencebetweenyonderyellow—skinnedcowardandGahaganKhanGuj——ImeanBobbachyBahawder？Iamreadytofightone，two，three，ortwentyofthem，atbroad—sword，small—sword，single—
stick，withfistsifyouplease。Bytheholypiper，fightingislikemateanddthrinktoGa———toBobbachy，Imane——whoop!comeon，youdivvle，andI’llbatetheskinoffyouruglybones。\"
Thisspeechhadverynearlyprovedfataltome，for，whenIamagitated，Iinvoluntarilyadoptsomeofthephraseologypeculiartomyowncountry；whichissoun—eastern，that，hadtherebeenanysuspicionastomyrealcharacter，detectionmustindubitablyhaveensued。Asitwas，Holkarperceivednothing，butinstantaneouslystoppedthedispute。LollMahommed，however，evidentlysuspectedsomething；for，asHolkar，withavoiceofthunder，shoutedout；
\"Tomasha（silence），\"Lollsprangforwardandgaspedout—
\"Mylord!mylord!thisisnotBob——\"
Buthecouldsaynomore。\"Gagtheslave!\"screamedoutHolkar，stampingwithfury；andaturbanwasinstantlytwistedroundthepoordevil’sjaws。\"Ho，furoshes!carryoutLollMahommedKhan，givehimahundreddozenonthesolesofhisfeet，sethimuponawhitedonkey，andcarryhimroundthecamp，withaninscriptionbeforehim：’ThisisthewaythatHolkarrewardsthetalkative。’\"
Ibreathedagain；andeverasIheardeachwhackofthebamboofallingonLollMahommed’sfeet，Ifeltpeacereturningtomymind，andthankedmystarsthatIwasdeliveredofthisdanger。
\"Vizier，\"saidHolkar，whoenjoyedLoll’sroarsamazingly，\"Ioweyouareparationforyournose：kissthehandofyourprince，O
SaadutAleeBegBimbukchee!befromthisdayforthZoheiruDowlut!\"
Thegoodoldman’seyesfilledwithtears。\"Icanbearthyseverity，OPrince，\"saidhe；\"Icannotbearthylove。WasitnotanhonourthatyourHighnessdidmejustnowwhenyoucondescendedtopassoverthebridgeofyourslave’snose？\"
Thephrasewasbyallvoicespronouncedtobeverypoetical。TheVizierretired，crownedwithhisnewhonours，tobed。Holkarwasinhighgood—humour。
\"Bobbachy，\"saidhe，\"thou，too，mustpardonme。Apropos，Ihavenewsforthee。Yourwife，theincomparablePutteeRooge\"（whiteandredrose），\"hasarrivedincamp。\"
\"MyWIFE，mylord!\"saidI，aghast。
\"Ourdaughter，thelightofthineeyes!Go，myson；Iseethouartwildwithjoy。ThePrincess’stentsaresetupclosebymine，andIknowthoulongesttojoinher。\"
Mywife？Herewasacomplicationtruly!
CHAPTERV：THEISSUEOFMYINTERVIEWWITHMYWIFE
IfoundPuneereeMuckun，withtherestofmyattendants，waitingatthegate，andtheyimmediatelyconductedmetomyowntentsintheneighbourhood。Ihavebeeninmanydangerouspredicamentsbeforethattimeandsince，butIdon’tcaretodenythatIfeltinthepresentinstancesuchathrobbingoftheheartasIneverhaveexperiencedwhenleadingaforlornhope，ormarchinguptoabattery。
AssoonasIenteredthetentsahostofmenialssprangforward，sometoeasemeofmyarmour，sometooffermerefreshments，somewithhookahs，attarofroses（ingreatquartbottles），andthethousanddelicaciesofEasternlife。Imotionedthemaway。\"I
willwearmyarmour，\"saidI；\"Ishallgoforthto—night。Carrymydutytotheprincess，andsayIgrievethatto—nightIhavenotthetimetoseeher。Spreadmeacouchhere，andbringmesupperhere：
ajarofPersianwinewellcooled，alambstuffedwithpistachio—
nuts，apillawofacoupleofturkeys，acurriedkid——anything。
Begone!Givemeapipe；leavemealone，andtellmewhenthemealisready。\"
IthoughtbythesemeanstoputoffthefairPutteeRooge，andhopedtobeabletoescapewithoutsubjectingmyselftotheexaminationofhercuriouseyes。Aftersmokingforawhile，anattendantcametotellmethatmysupperwaspreparedintheinnerapartmentofthetent（Isupposethatthereader，ifhebepossessedofthecommonestintelligence，knowsthatthetentsoftheIndiangrandeesaremadeofthefinestCashmereShawls，andcontainadozenroomsatleast，withcarpets，chimneys，andsash—
windowscomplete）。Ientered，Isay，intoaninnerchamber，andtherebeganwithmyfingerstodevourmymealintheOrientalfashion，taking，everynowandthen，apullfromthewine—jar，whichwascoolingdeliciouslyinanotherjarofsnow。
Iwasjustintheactofdespatchingthelastmorselofamostsavourystewedlambandrice，whichhadformedmymeal，whenI
heardascuffleoffeet，ashrillclatteroffemalevoices，and，thecurtainbeingflungopen，inmarchedaladyaccompaniedbytwelveslaves，withmoonfacesandslimwaists，lovelyasthehourisinParadise。
Theladyherself，todoherjustice，wasasgreatacontrasttoherattendantsascouldpossiblybe：shewascrooked，old，ofthecomplexionofmolasses，andrenderedathousandtimesmoreuglybythetawdrydressandtheblazingjewelswithwhichshewascovered。
Alineofyellowchalkdrawnfromherforeheadtothetipofhernose（whichwasfurtherornamentedbyanimmenseglitteringnose—
ring），hereyelidspaintedbrightred，andalargedabofthesamecolouronherchin，showedshewasnotoftheMussulman，buttheBrahminfaith——andofaveryhighcaste：youcouldseethatbyhereyes。Mymindwasinstantaneouslymadeupastomylineofaction。
Themaleattendantshadofcoursequittedtheapartment，astheyheardthewell—knownsoundofhervoice。Itwouldhavebeendeathtothemtohaveremainedandlookedinherface。Thefemalesrangedthemselvesroundtheirmistress，asshesquatteddownoppositetome。
\"Andisthis，\"saidshe，\"awelcome，OKhan!aftersixmonths’
absence，forthemostunfortunateandlovingwifeinalltheworld？
Isthislamb，Oglutton!halfsotenderasthyspouse？Isthiswine，Osot!halfsosweetasherlooks？\"
Isawthestormwasbrewing——herslaves，towhomsheturned，keptupakindofchorus：—
\"Oh，thefaithlessone!\"criedthey。\"Oh，therascal，thefalseone，whohasnoeyeforbeauty，andnoheartforlove，liketheKhanum’s!\"
\"Alambisnotsosweetaslove，\"saidIgravely；\"butalambhasagoodtemper：awine—cupisnotsointoxicatingasawoman——butawine—cuphasNOTONGUE，OKhanumGee!\"andagainIdippedmynoseinthesoul—refreshingjar。
ThesweetPutteeRoogewasnot，however，tobeputoffbymyrepartees；sheandhermaidensrecommencedtheirchorus，andchatteredandstormeduntilIlostallpatience。
\"Retire，friends，\"saidI，\"andleavemeinpeace。\"
\"Stir，onyourperil!\"criedtheKhanum。
So，seeingtherewasnohelpforitbutviolence，Idrewoutmypistols，cockedthem，andsaid，\"Ohouris!thesepistolscontaineachtwoballs：thedaughterofHolkarbearsasacredlifeforme—
—butforyou!——byallthesaintsofHindustan，fourofyeshalldieifyestayamomentlongerinmypresence!\"Thiswasenough；theladiesgaveashriek，andskurriedoutoftheapartmentlikeacoveyofpartridgesonthewing。
Now，then，wasthetimeforaction。Mywife，orratherBobbachy’swife，satstill，alittleflurriedbytheunusualferocitywhichherlordhaddisplayedinherpresence。Iseizedherhandand，grippingitclose，whisperedinherear，towhichIputtheotherpistol：—\"OKhanum，listenandscreamnot；themomentyouscream，youdie!\"Shewascompletelybeaten：sheturnedaspaleasawomancouldinhersituation，andsaid，\"Speak，BobbachyBahawder，Iamdumb。\"
\"Woman，\"saidI，takingoffmyhelmet，andremovingthechaincapewhichhadcoveredalmostthewholeofmyface——\"IAMNOTTHY
HUSBAND——Iamtheslayerofelephants，theworld—renownedGAHAGAN!\"
AsIsaidthis，andasthelongringletsofredhairfellovermyshoulders（contrastingstrangelywithmydyedfaceandbeard），I
formedoneofthefinestpicturesthatcanpossiblybeconceived，andIrecommenditasasubjecttoMr。Heath，forthenext\"BookofBeauty。\"
\"Wretch!\"saidshe，\"whatwouldstthou？\"
\"Youblack—facedfiend，\"saidI，\"raisebutyourvoice，andyouaredead!\"
\"Andafterwards，\"saidshe，\"doyousupposethatYOUcanescape？
ThetormentsofhellarenotsoterribleasthetorturesthatHolkarwillinventforthee。\"
\"Tortures，madam？\"answeredI，coolly。\"Fiddlesticks!Youwillneitherbetrayme，norwillIbeputtothetorture：onthecontrary，youwillgivemeyourbestjewelsandfacilitatemyescapetothefort。Don’tgrindyourteethandswearatme。
Listen，madam：youknowthisdressandthesearms；——theyarethearmsofyourhusband，BobbachyBahawder——MYPRISONER。Henowliesinyonderfort，andifIdonotreturnbeforedaylight，atsunrisehedies：andthen，whentheysendhiscorpsebacktoHolkar，whatwillyou，hisWIDOW，do？
\"Oh!\"saidshe，shuddering，\"spareme，spareme!\"
\"I’lltellyouwhatyouwilldo。Youwillhavethepleasureofdyingalongwithhim——ofBEINGROASTED，madam：anagonisingdeath，fromwhichyourfathercannotsaveyou，towhichhewillbethefirstmantocondemnandconductyou。Ha!Iseeweunderstandeachother，andyouwillgivemeoverthecash—boxandjewels。\"
AndsosayingIthrewmyselfbackwiththecalmestairimaginable，flingingthepistolsovertoher。\"Lightmeapipe，mylove，\"saidI，\"andthengoandhandmeoverthedollars：doyouhear？\"YouseeIhadherinmypower——upatree，astheAmericanssay，andsheveryhumblylightedmypipeforme，andthendepartedforthegoodsIspokeabout。
Whatathingisluck!IfLollMahommedhadnotbeenmadetotakethatrideroundthecamp，Ishouldinfalliblyhavebeenlost。
Mysupper，myquarrelwiththeprincess，andmypipeafterwards，hadoccupiedacoupleofhoursofmytime。Theprincessreturnedfromherquest，andbroughtwithherthebox，containingvaluablestotheamountofaboutthreemillionssterling。（Iwascheatedofthemafterwards，buthavetheboxstill，aplaindealone。）Iwasjustabouttotakemydeparture，whenatremendousknocking，shouting，andscreamingwasheardattheentranceofthetent。ItwasHolkarhimself，accompaniedbythatcursedLollMahommed，who，afterhispunishment，foundhismasterrestoredtogood—humour，andhadcommunicatedtohimhisfirmconvictionthatIwasanimpostor。
\"Ho，Begum!\"shoutedhe，intheante—room（forheandhispeoplecouldnotenterthewomen’sapartments），\"speak，Omydaughter!isyourhusbandreturned？\"
\"Speak，madam，\"saidI，\"orREMEMBERTHEROASTING。\"
\"Heis，Papa，\"saidtheBegum。
\"Areyousure？Ho!ho!ho!\"（theoldruffianwaslaughingoutside）——\"areyousureitis？——Ha!aha!——he—e—e!\"
\"Indeeditishe，andnoother。Iprayyou，father，togo，andtopassnomoresuchshamelessjestsonyourdaughter。HaveIeverseenthefaceofanyotherman？\"Andhereatshebegantoweepasifherheartwouldbreak——thedeceitfulminx!
Holkar’slaughwasinstantlyturnedtofury。\"Oh，youliarandeternalthief!\"saidhe，turninground（asIpresume，forIcouldonlyhear）toLollMahommed，\"tomakeyourprinceeatsuchmonstrousdirtasthis!Furoshes，seizethisman。Idismisshimfrommyservice，Idegradehimfromhisrank，Iappropriatetomyselfallhisproperty：andharkye，furoshes，GIVEHIMAHUNDRED
DOZENMORE!\"
AgainIheardthewhacksofthebamboos，andpeaceflowedintomysoul。
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Justasmornbegantobreak，twofigureswereseentoapproachthelittlefortressofFuttyghur：onewasawomanwrappedcloselyinaveil；theotherawarrior，remarkableforthesizeandmanlybeautyofhisform，whocarriedinhishandadealboxofconsiderablesize。Thewarrioratthegategavethewordandwasadmitted；thewomanreturnedslowlytotheIndiancamp。HernamewasPutteeRooge；hiswas—
G。O’G。G。，M。H。E。I。C。S……C。I。H。A。
CHAPTERVI：FAMINEINTHEGARRISON
Thusmydangersforthenightbeingovercome，Ihastenedwithmypreciousboxintomyownapartment，whichcommunicatedwithanother，whereIhadleftmyprisoner，withaguardtoreportifheshouldrecover，andtopreventhisescape。Myservant，Ghorumsaug，wasoneoftheguard。Icalledhim，andthefellowcame，lookingverymuchconfusedandfrightened，asitseemed，atmyappearance。
\"Why，Ghorumsaug，\"saidI，\"whatmakestheelooksopale，fellow？\"
（Hewasaswhiteasasheet。）\"Itisthymaster，dostthounotrememberhim？\"ThemanhadseenmedressmyselfinthePitan’sclothes，butwasnotpresentwhenIhadblackedmyfaceandbeardinthemannerIhavedescribed。
\"OBramah，Vishnu，andMahomet!\"criedthefaithfulfellow，\"anddoIseemydearmasterdisguisedinthisway？ForHeaven’ssakeletmeridyouofthisodiousblackpaint；forwhatwilltheladiessayintheballroom，ifthebeautifulFeringheeshouldappearamongstthemwithhisrosesturnedintocoal？\"
IamstilloneofthefinestmeninEurope，andatthetimeofwhichIwrite，whenonlytwo—and—twenty，IconfessIwasalittlevainofmypersonalappearance，andnotverywillingtoappearbeforemydearBelindadisguisedlikeablackamoor。IallowedGhorumsaugtodivestmeoftheheathenisharmourandhabilimentswhichIwore；andhaving，withaworldofscrubbingandtrouble，divestedmyfaceandbeardoftheirblacktinge，Iputonmyownbecominguniform，andhastenedtowaitontheladies；hastened，I
say，——althoughdelayedwouldhavebeenthebetterword，fortheoperationofbleachinglastedatleasttwohours。
\"Howistheprisoner，Ghorumsaug？\"saidI，beforeleavingmyapartment。
\"HehasrecoveredfromtheblowwhichtheLiondealthim；twomenandmyselfwatchoverhim；andMacgillicuddySahib（thesecondincommand）hasjustbeentherounds，andhasseenthatallwassecure。\"
IbadeGhorumsaughelpmetoputawaymychestoftreasure（myexultationintakingitwassogreatthatIcouldnothelpinforminghimofitscontents）；andthisdone，Idespatchedhimtohispostneartheprisoner，whileIpreparedtosallyforthandpaymyrespectstothefaircreaturesundermyprotection。\"WhatgoodafterallhaveIdone，\"thoughtItomyself，\"inthisexpeditionwhichIhadsorashlyundertaken？\"IhadseentherenownedHolkar；
Ihadbeenintheheartofhiscamp；Iknewthedispositionofhistroops，thattherewereeleventhousandofthem，andthatheonlywaitedforhisgunstomakearegularattackonthefort。IhadseenPutteeRooge；Ihadrobbedher（IsayROBBEDher，andIdon’tcarewhatthereaderoranyothermanmaythinkoftheact）ofadealbox，containingjewelstotheamountofthreemillionssterling，thepropertyofherselfandhusband。
Threemillionsinmoneyandjewels!Andwhatthedeuceweremoneyandjewelstomeortomypoorgarrison？CouldmyadorableMissBulchereatafricasseeofdiamonds，or，Cleopatra—like，meltdownpearlstohertea？CouldI，carelessasIamaboutfood，withastomachthatwoulddigestanything——（once，inSpain，Iatethelegofahorseduringafamine，andwassoeagertoswallowthismorselthatIboltedtheshoe，aswellasthehoof，andneverfelttheslightestinconveniencefromeither）——couldI，Isay，expecttolivelongandwelluponaragoutofrupees，oradishofstewedemeraldsandrubies？WithallthewealthofCroesusbeforemeI
feltmelancholy；andwouldhavepaidcheerfullyitsweightincaratsforagoodhonestroundofboiledbeef。Wealth，wealth，whatartthou？Whatisgold？——Softmetal。Whatarediamonds？——
Shiningtinsel。Thegreatwealth—winners，theonlyfame—achievers，thesoleobjectsworthyofasoldier’sconsideration，arebeefsteaks，gunpowder，andcoldiron。
Thetwolattermeansofcompetencywepossessed；Ihadinmyownapartmentsasmallstoreofgunpowder（keepingitundermyownbed，withacandleburningforfearofaccidents）；Ihad14piecesofartillery（4long48’sand4carronades，5howitzers，andalongbrassmortar，forgrape，whichIhadtakenmyselfatthebattleofAssaye），andmusketsfortentimesmyforce。Mygarrison，asI
havetoldthereaderinapreviousnumber，consistedof40men，twochaplains，andasurgeon；addtothesemyguests，83innumber，ofwhomnineonlyweregentlemen（intights，powder，pigtails，andsilkstockings，whohadcomeoutmerelyforadance，andfoundthemselvesinforasiege）。Suchwereournumbers：—
Troopsandartillerymen40
Ladies74
Othernon—combatants11
MAJOR—GENERALO’G。GAHAGAN1，000
1，125
Icountmyselfgoodforathousand，forsoIwasregularlyratedinthearmy：withthisgreatbenefittoit，thatIonlyconsumedasmuchasanordinarymortal。Wewerethen，asfarasthevictualswent，126mouths；ascombatantswenumbered1，040gallantmen，with12gunsandafort，againstHolkarandhis12，000。Nosuchalarmingodds，if—
IF!——ay，therewastherub——IFwehadSHOT，aswellaspowderforourguns；IFwehadnotonlyMENbutMEAT。Oftheformercommoditywehadonlythreeroundsforeachpiece。Ofthelatter，uponmysacredhonour，tofeed126souls，wehadbutTwodrumsticksoffowls，andaboneofham。
Fourteenbottlesofginger—beer。
Ofsoda—water，fourditto。
TwobottlesoffineSpanisholives。
Raspberrycream——theremainderoftwodishes。
Sevenmacaroons，lyinginthepuddleofademolishedtrifle。
HalfadrumofbestTurkeyfigs。
Somebitsofbrokenbread；twoDutchcheeses（whole）；thecrustofanoldStilton；andaboutanounceofalmondsandraisins。
Threeham—sandwiches，andapotofcurrant—jelly，and197bottlesofbrandy，rum，madeira，paleale（myprivatestock）；acoupleofhardeggsforasalad，andaflaskofFlorenceoil。
Thiswastheprovisionforthewholegarrison!Themenaftersupperhadseizedupontherelicsoftherepast，astheywerecarriedofffromthetable；andthesewerethemiserableremnantsI
foundandcountedonmyreturn；takinggoodcaretolockthedoorofthesupper—room，andtreasurewhatlittlesustenancestillremainedinit。
WhenIappearedinthesaloon，nowlightedupbythemorningsun，I
notonlycausedasensationmyself，butfeltoneinmyownbosomwhichwasofthemostpainfuldescription。Oh，myreader!mayyouneverbeholdsuchasightasthatwhichpresenteditself：eighty—
threemenandwomeninball—dresses；theformerwiththeirlankpowderedlocksstreamingovertheirfaces；thelatterwithfadedflowers，uncurledwigs，smudgedrouge，bleareyes，dragglingfeathers，rumpledsatins——eachmoredesperatelymelancholyandhideousthantheother——each，exceptmybelovedBelindaBulcher，whoseravenringletsneverhavingbeenincurlcouldofcoursenevergooutofcurl；whosecheek，paleasthelily，could，asitmaynaturallybesupposed，grownopaler；whoseneckandbeauteousarms，dazzlingasalabaster，needednopearl—powder，andtherefore，asIneednotstate，didnotsufferbecausethepearl—powderhadcomeoff。Joy（deftlink—boy!）lithislampsineachofhereyesasIentered。AsifIhadbeenhersun，herspring，lo!blushingrosesmantledinhercheek!Seventy—threeladies，asIentered，openedtheirfireuponme，andstunnedmewithcross—questions，regardingmyadventuresinthecamp——SHE，asshesawme，gaveafaintscream（thesweetest，sure，thatevergurgledthroughthethroatofawoman!）thenstartedup——thenmadeasifshewouldsitdown——thenmovedbackwards——thentotteredforwards——thentumbledintomy——Psha!whyrecall，whyattempttodescribethatdelicious——
thatpassionategreetingoftwoyounghearts？Whatwasthesurroundingcrowdtous？Whatcaredweforthesneersofthemen，thetittersofthejealouswomen，theshrill\"Uponmyword!\"oftheelderMissBulcher，andtheloudexpostulationsofBelinda’smamma？
Thebravegirllovedme，andweptinmyarms。\"Goliah!myGoliah!\"
saidshe，\"mybrave，mybeautiful，THOUartreturned，andhopecomesbackwiththee。Oh!whocantelltheanguishofmysoul，duringthisdreadfuldreadfulnight!\"Othersimilarejaculationsofloveandjoysheuttered；andifIHADperilledlifeinherservice，ifIDIDbelievethathopeofescapetherewasnone，soexquisitewasthemomentofourmeeting，thatIforgotallelseinthisoverwhelmingjoy!
***
[TheMajor’sdescriptionofthismeeting，whichlastedattheverymostnottenseconds，occupiesthirteenpagesofwriting。Wehavebeencompelledtodockofftwelve—and—a—half；forthewholepassage，thoughhighlycreditabletohisfeelings，mightpossiblybetedioustothereader。]
***
AsIsaid，theladiesandgentlemenwereinclinedtosneer，andweregigglingaudibly。Iledthedeargirltoachair，and，scowlingroundwithatremendousfierceness，whichthosewhoknowmeknowIcansometimesputon，Ishoutedout，\"Harkye!menandwomen——Iamthislady’struestknight——herhusbandIhopeonedaytobe。Iamcommander，too，inthisfort——theenemyiswithoutit；
anotherwordofmockery——anotherglanceofscorn——and，byHeaven，I
willhurleverymanandwomanfromthebattlements，apreytotheruffianlyHolkar!\"Thisquietedthem。Iamamanofmyword，andnoneofthemstirredorlookeddisrespectfullyfromthatmoment。
Itwasnowmyturntomakethemlookfoolish。Mrs。
Vandegobbleschroy（whoseunfailingappetiteisprettywellknowntoeverypersonwhohasbeeninIndia）cried，\"Well，CaptainGahagan，yourballhasbeensopleasant，andthesupperwasdespatchedsolongago，thatmyselfandtheladieswouldbeverygladofalittlebreakfast。\"AndMrs。Vangiggledasifshehadmadeaverywittyandreasonablespeech。\"Oh!breakfast，breakfast，byallmeans，\"
saidtherest；\"wereallyaredyingforawarmcupoftea。\"
\"Isitbohaytayorsouchongtaythatyou’dlike，ladies？\"saysI。
\"Nonsense，yousillyman；anyteayoulike，\"saidfatMrs。Van。
\"Whatdoyousay，then，tosomeprimeGUNPOWDER？\"Ofcoursetheysaiditwastheverything。
\"Anddoyoulikehotrowlsorcowld——muffinsorcrumpets——freshbutterorsalt？Andyou，gentlemen，whatdoyousaytosomeilegantdivvled—kidneysforyourselves，andjustatrifleofgrilledturkeys，andacoupleofhundthrednew—laideggsfortheladies？\"
\"Pooh，pooh!beitasyouwill，mydearfellow，\"answeredtheyall。