’Now，MissHolman，that’swhatIcallwilful，’saidHoldsworth，asshegavethemtohim。’No，Iwon’tthankyou’（hislookswerethankingherallthetime）。’Mylittlebitofdampnessannoyedyou，becauseyouthoughtIhadgotwetinyourservice;soyouweredeterminedtomakemeasuncomfortableasyouwereyourself。Itwasanunchristianpieceofrevenge！’
Histoneofbadinage（astheFrenchcallit）wouldhavebeenpalpableenoughtoanyoneaccustomedtotheworld;butPhilliswasnot，anditdistressedorratherbewilderedher。’Unchristian’hadtoheraveryseriousmeaning;itwasnotawordtobeusedlightly;andthoughshedidnotexactlyunderstandwhatwrongitwasthatshewasaccusedofdoing，shewasevidentlydesiroustothrowofftheimputation。AtfirstherearnestnesstodisclaimunkindmotivesamusedHoldsworth;whilehislightcontinuanceofthejokeperplexedherstillmore;butatlasthesaidsomethinggravely，andintoolowatoneformetohear，whichmadeherallatoncebecomesilent，andcalledoutherblushes。Afterawhile，theministercameback，amovingmassofshawls，cloaks，andumbrellas。Philliskeptveryclosetoherfather’ssideonourreturntothefarm。SheappearedtometobeshrinkingawayfromHoldsworth，whilehehadnottheslightestvariationinhismannerfromwhatitusuallywasinhisgravermoods;kind，protecting，andthoughtfultowardsher。Ofcourse，therewasagreatcommotionaboutourwetclothes;
butInamethelittleeventsofthateveningnowbecauseIwonderedatthetimewhathehadsaidinthatlowvoicetosilencePhillissoeffectually，andbecause，inthinkingoftheirintercoursebythelightoffutureevents，thateveningstandsoutwithsomeprominence。
IhavesaidthatafterourremovaltoHornbyourcommunicationswiththefarmbecamealmostofdailyoccurrence。CousinHolmanandIwerethetwowhohadleasttodowiththisintimacy。AfterMrHoldsworthregainedhishealth，hetoooftentalkedaboveherheadinintellectualmatters，andtooofteninhislightbanteringtoneforhertofeelquiteathereasewithhim。Ireallybelievethatheadoptedthislattertoneinspeakingtoherbecausehedidnotknowwhattotalkabouttoapurelymotherlywoman，whoseintellecthadneverbeencultivated，andwhoselovingheartwasentirelyoccupiedwithherhusband，herchild，herhouseholdaffairsand，perhaps，alittlewiththeconcernsofthemembersofherhusband’scongregation，becausethey，inaway，belongedtoherhusband。IhadnoticedbeforethatshehadfleetingshadowsofjealousyevenofPhillis，whenherdaughterandherhusbandappearedtohavestronginterestsandsympathiesinthingswhichwerequitebeyondhercomprehension。Ihadnoticeditinmyfirstacquaintancewiththem，Isay，andhadadmiredthedelicatetactwhichmadetheminister，onsuchoccasions，bringtheconversationbacktosuchsubjectsasthoseonwhichhiswife，withherpracticalexperienceofevery-daylife，wasanauthority;whilePhillis，devotedtoherfather，unconsciouslyfollowedhislead，totallyunaware，inherfilialreverence，ofhismotivefordoingso。
ToreturntoHoldsworth。Theministerhadatmorethanonetimespokenofhimtomewithslightdistrust，principallyoccasionedbythesuspicionthathiscarelesswordswerenotalwaysthoseofsobernessandtruth。Butitwasmoreasaprotestagainstthefascinationwhichtheyoungermanevidentlyexercisedovertheelderonemoreasitweretostrengthenhimselfagainstyieldingtothisfascination——thattheministerspokeouttomeaboutthisfailingofHoldsworth’s，asitappearedtohim。InreturnHoldsworthwassubduedbytheminister’suprightnessandgoodness，anddelightedwithhisclearintellect——hisstronghealthycravingafterfurtherknowledge。
Inevermettwomenwhotookmorethoroughpleasureandrelishineachother’ssociety。ToPhillishisrelationcontinuedthatofanelderbrother：
hedirectedherstudiesintonewpaths，hepatientlydrewouttheexpressionofmanyofherthoughts，andperplexities，andunformedtheories——scarcelyevernowfallingintotheveinofbanterwhichshewassoslowtounderstand。
Oneday——harvest-time——hehadbeendrawingonaloosepieceofpaper-sketchingearsofcorn，sketchingcartsdrawnbybullocksandladenwithgrapes——allthetimetalkingwithPhillisandme，cousinHolmanputtinginhernotpertinentremarks，whensuddenlyhesaidtoPhillis，——
’Keepyourheadstill;Iseeasketch！Ihaveoftentriedtodrawyourheadfrommemory，andfailed;butIthinkIcandoitnow。IfIsucceedIwillgiveittoyourmother。YouwouldlikeaportraitofyourdaughterasCeres，wouldyounot，ma’am？’
’Ishouldlikeapictureofher;yes，verymuch，thankyou，MrHoldsworth;
butifyouputthatstrawinherhair，’（hewasholdingsomewheatearsaboveherpassivehead，lookingattheeffectwithanartisticeye，）’you’llruffleherhair。Phillis，mydear，ifyou’retohaveyourpicturetaken，goup-stairs，andbrushyourhairsmooth。’
’Notonanyaccount。Ibegyourpardon，butIwanthairlooselyflowing。’
Hebegantodraw，lookingintentlyatPhillis;Icouldseethisstareofhisdiscomposedher——hercolourcameandwent，herbreathquickenedwiththeconsciousnessofhisregard;atlast，whenhesaid，’Pleaselookatmeforaminuteortwo，Iwanttogetintheeyes，’shelookedupathim，quivered，andsuddenlygotupandlefttheroom。Hedidnotsayaword，butwentonwithsomeotherpartofthedrawing;hissilencewasunnatural，andhisdarkcheekblanchedalittle。CousinHolmanlookedupfromherwork，andputherspectaclesdown。
’What’sthematter？Whereisshegone？’
Holdsworthneverutteredaword，butwentondrawing。Ifeltobligedtosaysomething;itwasstupidenough，butstupiditywasbetterthansilencejustthen。
’I’llgoandcallher，’saidI。SoIwentintothehall，andtothebottomofthestairs;butjustasIwasgoingtocallPhillis，shecamedownswiftlywithherbonneton，andsaying，’I’mgoingtofatherinthefive-acre，’passedoutbytheopen’rector，’rightinfrontofthehouse-placewindows，andoutatthelittlewhiteside-gate。ShehadbeenseenbyhermotherandHoldsworth，asshepassed;sotherewasnoneedforexplanation，onlycousinHolmanandIhadalongdiscussionastowhethershecouldhavefoundtheroomtoohot，orwhathadoccasionedhersuddendeparture。
Holdsworthwasveryquietduringalltherestofthatday;nordidheresumetheportrait-takingbyhisowndesire，onlyatmycousinHolman’srequestthenexttimethathecame;andthenhesaidheshouldnotrequireanymoreformalsittingsforonlysuchaslightsketchashefelthimselfcapableofmaking。PhilliswasjustthesameaseverthenexttimeIsawherafterherabruptpassingmeinthehall。Shenevergaveanyexplanationofherrushoutoftheroom。
XX
Soallthingswenton，atleastasfarasmyobservationreachedatthetime，ormemorycanrecallnow，tillthegreatapple-gatheringoftheyear。Thenightswerefrosty，themorningsandeveningsweremisty，butatmid-dayallwassunnyandbright，anditwasonemid-daythatbothofusbeingonthelinenearHeathbridge，andknowingthattheyweregatheringapplesatthefarm，weresolvedtospendthemen’sdinner-houringoingoverthere。Wefoundthegreatclothes-basketsfullofapples，scentingthehouse，andstoppinguptheway;andanuniversalairofmerrycontentmentwiththisthefinalproduceoftheyear。Theyellowleaveshungonthetreesreadytoflutterdownattheslightestpuffofair;thegreatbushesofMichaelmasdaisiesinthekitchen-gardenweremakingtheirlastshowofflowers。Wemustneedstastethefruitoffthedifferenttrees，andpassourjudgmentastotheirflavour;andwewentawaywithourpocketsstuffedwiththosethatwelikedbest。Aswehadpassedtotheorchard，Holdsworthhadadmiredandspokenaboutsomeflowerwhichhesaw;itsohappenedhehadneverseenthisold-fashionedkindsincethedaysofhisboyhood。Idonotknowwhetherhehadthoughtanythingmoreaboutthischancespeechofhis，butIknowIhadnot——whenPhillis，whohadbeenmissingjustatthelastmomentofourhurriedvisit，re-appearedwithalittlenosegayofthissameflower，whichshewastyingupwithabladeofgrass。SheofferedittoHoldsworthashestoodwithherfatheronthepointofdeparture。Isawtheirfaces。Isawforthefirsttimeanunmistakablelookofloveinhisblackeyes;itwasmorethangratitudeforthelittleattention;itwastenderandbeseeching——passionate。Sheshrankfromitinconfusion，herglancefellonme;and，partlytohideheremotion，partlyoutofrealkindnessatwhatmightappearungraciousneglectofanolderfriend，sheflewofftogathermeafewlate-bloomingChinaroses。Butitwasthefirsttimeshehadeverdoneanythingofthekindforme。
Wehadtowalkfasttobebackonthelinebeforethemen’sreturn，sowespokebutlittletoeachother，andofcoursetheafternoonwastoomuchoccupiedforustohaveanytalk。IntheeveningwewentbacktoourjointlodgingsinHornby。There，onthetable，layaletterforHoldsworth，whichhadbeenforwardedtohimfromEltham。Asourteawasready，andIhadhadnothingtoeatsincemorning，Ifelltodirectlywithoutpayingmuchattentiontomycompanionasheopenedandreadhisletter。Hewasverysilentforafewminutes;atlengthhesaid，’Oldfellow！I’mgoingtoleaveyou！’
’Leaveme！’saidI。’How？When？’
’ThisletteroughttohavecometohandSooner。ItisfromGreathedtheengineer’（Greathedwaswellknowninthosedays;heisdeadnow，andhisnamehalf-forgotten）;’hewantstoseemeaboutSomebusiness;infact，Imayaswelltellyou，Paul，thislettercontainsaveryadvantageousproposalformetogoouttoCanada，andsuperintendthemakingofalinethere。’Iwasinutterdismay。’ButwhatwillOurcompanysaytothat？’
’Oh，Greathedhasthesuperintendenceofthisline，youknow;andheisgoingtobeengineerinchieftothisCanadianline;manyoftheShareholdersinthiscompanyaregoinginfortheother，soIfancytheywillmakenodifficultyinfollowingGreathed’slead。Hesayshehasayoungmanreadytoputinmyplace。’
’Ihatehim，’saidI。
’Thankyou，’saidHoldsworth，laughing。
’Butyoumustnot，’heresumed;’forthisisaverygoodthingforme，and，ofcourse，ifnoonecanbefoundtotakemyinferiorwork，Ican’tbesparedtotakethesuperior。IonlywishIhadreceivedthisletteradaySooner。Everyhourisofconsequence，forGreathedsaystheyarethreateningarivalline。Doyouknow，Paul，IalmostfancyImustgouptonight？IcantakeanenginebacktoEltham，andcatchthenighttrain。
IshouldnotlikeGreathedtothinkmeluke-warm。’
’Butyou’llcomeback？’Iasked，distressedatthethoughtofthissuddenparting。
’Oh，yes！AtleastIhopeso。Theymaywantmetogooutbythenextsteamer，thatwillbeonSaturday。’Hebegantoeatanddrinkstanding，butIthinkhewasquiteunconsciousofthenatureofeitherhisfoodorhisdrink。
’Iwillgoto-night。Activityandreadinessgoalongwayinourprofession。
Rememberthat，myboy！IhopeIshallcomeback，butifIdon’t，besureandrecollectallthewordsofwisdomthathavefallenfrommylips。Nowwhere’stheportmanteau？IfIcangainhalfanhourforagatheringupofmythingsinEltham，somuchthebetter。I’mclearofdebtanyhow;andwhatIoweformylodgingsyoucanpayformeoutofmyquarter’ssalary，dueNovember4th。’
’Thenyoudon’tthinkyouwillcomeback？’Isaid，despondingly。
’Iwillcomebacksometime，neverfear，’saidhe，kindly。’Imaybebackinacoupleofdays，havingbeenfoundin-competentfortheCanadianwork;orImaynotbewantedtogooutsosoonasInowanticipate。Anyhowyoudon’tsupposeIamgoingtoforgetyou，Paulthisworkoutthereoughtnottotakemeabovetwoyears，and，perhaps，afterthat，wemaybeemployedtogetheragain。’
Perhaps！Ihadverylittlehope。Thesamekindofhappydaysneverreturns。
However，IdidallIcouldinhelpinghim：clothes，papers，books，instruments;
howwepushedandstruggled——howIstuffed。Allwasdoneinamuchshortertimethanwehadcalculatedupon，whenIhadrundowntotheshedstoordertheengine。IwasgoingtodrivehimtoEltham。Wesatereadyforasummons。
HoldsworthtookupthelittlenosegaythathehadbroughtawayfromtheHopeFarm，andhadlaidonthemantel-pieceonfirstcomingintotheroom。
Hesmeltatit，andcaresseditwithhislips。
’WhatgrievesmeisthatIdidnotknow——thatIhavenotsaidgood-byeto——tothem。’
Hespokeinagravetone，theshadowofthecomingseparationfallinguponhimatlast。
’Iwilltellthem，’saidI。’Iamsuretheywillbeverysorry。’Thenweweresilent。
’Ineverlikedanyfamilysomuch。’
’Iknewyouwouldlikethem。’
’Howone’sthoughtschange，——thismorningIwasfullofahope，Paul。’
Hepaused，andthenhesaid，——
’Youputthatsketchincarefully？’
’Thatoutlineofahead？’askedI。ButIknewhemeantanabortivesketchofPhillis，whichhadnotbeensuccessfulenoughforhimtocompleteitwithshadingorcolouring。
’Yes。Whatasweetinnocentfaceitis！andyetso——Oh，dear！’
Hesighedandgotup，hishandsinhispockets，towalkupanddowntheroominevidentdisturbanceofmind。Hesuddenlystoppedoppositetome。
’You’lltellthemhowitallwas。BesureandtellthegoodministerthatIwassosorrynottowishhimgood-bye，andtothankhimandhiswifeforalltheirkindness。AsforPhillis，——pleaseGodintwoyearsI’llbebackandtellhermyselfallinmyheart。’
’YoulovePhillis，then？’saidI。
’Loveher！Yes，thatIdo。Whocouldhelpit，seeingherasIhavedone？
Hercharacterasunusualandrareasherbeauty！Godblessher！Godkeepherinherhightranquillity，herpureinnocence。——Twoyears！Itisalongtime。——Butshelivesinsuchseclusion，almostlikethesleepingbeauty，Paul，’——（hewassmilingnow，thoughaminutebeforeIhadthoughthimonthevergeoftears，）——’butIshallcomebacklikeaprincefromCanada，andwakenhertomylove。Ican’thelphopingthatitwon’tbedifficult，eh，Paul？’
Thistouchofcoxcombrydispleasedmealittle，andImadenoanswer。
Hewenton，halfapologetically，——
’Yousee，thesalarytheyoffermeislarge;andbesidethat，thisexperiencewillgivemeanamewhichwillentitlemetoexpectastilllargerinanyfutureundertaking。’
’Thatwon’tinfluencePhillis。’
’No！butitwillmakememoreeligibleintheeyesofherfatherandmother。’
Imadenoanswer。
’Yougivemeyourbestwishes，Paul，’saidhe，almostpleading。’Youwouldlikemeforacousin？’
Iheardthescreamandwhistleoftheenginereadydownatthesheds。
’Aye，thatIshould，’Ireplied，suddenlysoftenedtowardsmyfriendnowthathewasgoingaway。’Iwishyouweretobemarriedto-morrow，andIweretobebestman。’
’Thankyou，lad。Nowforthiscursedportmanteau（howtheministerwouldbeshocked）;butitisheavy！’andoffwespedintothedarkness。
HeonlyjustcaughtthenighttrainatEltham，andIslept，desolatelyenough，atmyoldlodgingsatMissDawsons’，forthatnight。OfcoursethenextfewdaysIwasbusierthanever，doingbothhisworkandmyown。
Thencamealetterfromhim，veryshortandaffectionate。HewasgoingoutintheSaturdaysteamer，ashehadmorethanhalfexpected;andbythefollowingMondaythemanwhowastosucceedhimwouldbedownatEltham。
TherewasaP。S。，withoniythesewords：——
’MynosegaygoeswithmetoCanada，butIdonotneedittoremindmeofHopeFarm。’
Saturdaycame;butitwasverylatebeforeIcouldgoouttothefarm。
Itwasafrostynight，thestarsshoneclearaboveme，andtheroadwascrispingbeneathmyfeet。TheymusthaveheardmyfootstepsbeforeIgotuptothehouse。Theyweresittingattheirusualemploymentsinthehouse-placewhenIwentin。Phillis’seyeswentbeyondmeintheirlookofwelcome，andthenfellinquietdisappointmentonherwork。
’Andwhere’sMrHoldsworth？’askedcousinHolman，inaminuteortwo。
’Ihopehiscoldisnotworse，——Ididnotlikehisshortcough。’
Ilaughedawkwardly;forIfeltthatIwasthebearerofunpleasantnews。
’Hiscoldhadneedbebetter——forhe’sgone——goneawaytoCanada！’
IpurposelylookedawayfromPhillis，asIthusabruptlytoldmynews。
’ToCanada！’saidtheminister。
’Goneaway！’saidhiswife。ButnowordfromPhillis。
’Yes！’saidI。’HefoundaletteratHornbywhenwegothometheothernight——whenwegothomefromhere;heoughttohavegotitsooner;hewasorderedtogouptoLondondirectly，andtoseesomepeopleaboutanewlineinCanada，andhe’sgonetolayitdown;hehassailedto-day。
Hewassadlygrievednottohavetimetocomeoutandwishyouallgood-by;
buthestartedforLondonwithintwohoursafterhegotthatletter。Hebademethankyoumostgratefullyforallyourkindnesses;hewasverysorrynottocomehereonceagain。’
Phillisgotupandlefttheroomwithnoiselesssteps。
’Iamverysorry，’saidtheminister。
’IamsuresoamI！’saidcousinHolman。’IwasrealfondofthatladeversinceInursedhimlastJuneafterthatbadfever。’
TheministerwentonaskingmequestionsrespectingHoldsworth’sfutureplans;andbroughtoutalargeold-fashionedatlas，thathemightfindouttheexactplacesbetweenwhichthenewrailroadwastorun。Thensupperwasready;itwasalwaysonthetableassoonastheclockonthestairsstruckeight，anddowncamePhillis——herfacewhiteandset，herdryeyeslookingdefiancetome，forIamafraidIhurthermaidenlypridebymyglanceofsympatheticinterestassheenteredtheroom。Neveraworddidshesay——neveraquestiondidsheaskabouttheabsentfriend，yetsheforcedherselftotalk。
Andsoitwasallthenextday。Shewasaspaleascouldbe，likeonewhohasreceivedsomeshock;butshewouldnotletmetalktoher，andshetriedhardtobehaveasusual。TwoorthreetimesIrepeated，inpublic，thevariousaffectionatemessagestothefamilywithwhichIwaschargedbyHoldsworth;butshetooknomorenoticeofthemthanifmywordshadbeenemptyair。AndinthismoodIleftherontheSabbathevening。
Mynewmasterwasnothalfsoindulgentasmyoldone。Hekeptupstrictdisciplineastohours，sothatitwassometimebeforeIcouldagaingoout，eventopayacallattheHopeFarm。
ItwasacoldmistyeveninginNovember。Theair，evenindoors，seemedfullofhaze;yettherewasagreatlogburningonthehearth，whichoughttohavemadetheroomcheerful。CousinHolmanandPhillisweresittingatthelittleroundtablebeforethefire，workingawayinsilence。Theministerhadhisbooksoutonthedresser，seeminglydeepinstudy，bythelightofhissolitarycandle;perhapsthefearofdisturbinghimmadetheunusualstillnessoftheroom。Butawelcomewasreadyformefromall;notnoisy，notdemonstrative——thatitneverwas;mydampwrappersweretakenoff;thenextmealwashastened，andachairplacedformeononesideofthefire，sothatIprettymuchcommandedaviewoftheroom。
MyeyecaughtonPhillis，lookingsopaleandweary，andwithasortofachingtone（ifImaycallitso）inhervoice。Shewasdoingalltheaccustomedthings——fulfillingsmallhouseholdduties，butsomehowdifferently——Ican’ttellyouhow，forshewasjustasdeftandquickinhermovements，onlythelightspringwasgoneoutofthem。CousinHolmanbegantoquestionme;eventheministerputasidehisbooks，andcameandstoodontheoppositesideofthefire-place，tohearwhatwaftofintelligenceIbrought。I
hadfirsttotellthemwhyIhadnotbeentoseethemforsolong——morethanfiveweeks。Theanswerwassimpleenough;businessandthenecessityofattendingstrictlytotheordersofanewsuperintendent，whohadnotyetlearnedtrust，muchlessindulgence。Theministernoddedhisapprovalofmyconduct，andsaid，——
’Right，Paul！\"Servants，obeyinallthingsyourmasteraccordingtotheflesh。\"IhavehadmyfearslestyouhadtoomuchlicenceunderEdwardHoldsworth。’
’Ah，’saidcousinHolman，’poorMrHoldsworth，he’llbeonthesaltseasbythistime！’
’No，indeed，’saidI，’he’slanded。IhavehadaletterfromhimfromHalifax。’
Immediatelyashowerofquestionsfellthickuponme。When？How？Whatwashedoing？Howdidhelikeit？Whatsortofavoyage？&c。
’Manyisthetimewehavethoughtofhimwhenthewindwasblowingsohard;theoldquince-treeisblowndown，Paul，thatontheright-handofthegreatpear-tree;itwasblowndownlastMondayweek，anditwasthatnightthatIaskedtheministertoprayinanespecialmannerforallthemthatwentdowninshipsuponthegreatdeep，andhesaidthen，thatMrHoldsworthmightbealreadylanded;butIsaid，eveniftheprayerdidnotfithim，itwassuretobefittingsomebodyoutatsea，whowouldneedtheLord’scare。BothPhillisandIthoughthewouldbeamonthontheseas。’
Phillisbegantospeak，buthervoicedidnotcomerightlyatfirst。
Itwasalittlehigherpitchedthanusual，whenshesaid，——
’Wethoughthewouldbeamonthifhewentinasailing-vessel，orperhapslonger。Isupposehewentinasteamer？’
’OldObadiahGrimshawwasmorethansixweeksingettingtoAmerica，’
observedcousinHolman。
’Ipresumehecannotasyettellhowhelikeshisnewwork？’askedtheminister。
’No！heisbutjustlanded;itisbutonepagelong。I’llreadittoyou，shallI？——’DearPaul，——’Wearesafeonshore，afteraroughpassage。Thoughtyouwouldliketohearthis，buthomeward-boundsteamerismakingsignalsforletters。
Willwriteagainsoon。ItseemsayearsinceIleftHornby。LongersinceIwasatthefarm。Ihavegotmynosegaysafe。RemembermetotheHolmans。’Yours，E。H。’’That’snotmuch，certainly，’saidtheminister。’Butit’sacomforttoknowhe’sonlandtheseblowynights。’
Phillissaidnothing。Shekeptherheadbentdownoverherwork;butIdon’tthinksheputastitchin，whileIwasreadingtheletter。Iwonderedifsheunderstoodwhatnosegaywasmeant;butIcouldnottell。Whennextsheliftedupherface，thereweretwospotsofbrilliantcolouronthecheeksthathadbeensopalebefore。AfterIhadspentanhourortwothere，IwasboundtoreturnbacktoHornby。ItoldthemIdidnotknowwhenI
couldcomeagain，aswe——bywhichImeanthecompany——hadundertakentheHensleydaleline;thatbranchforwhichpoorHoldsworthwassurveyingwhenhecaughthisfever。
’Butyou’llhaveaholidayatChristmas，’saidmycousin。’Surelythey’llnotbesuchheathensastoworkyouthen？’
’Perhapstheladwillbegoinghome，’saidtheminister，asiftomitigatehiswife’surgency;butforallthat，Ibelievehewantedmetocome。Phillisfixedhereyesonmewithawistfulexpression，hardtoresist。But，indeed，Ihadnothoughtofresisting。UndermynewmasterIhadnohopeofaholidaylongenoughtoenablemetogotoBirminghamandseemyparentswithanycomfort;andnothingcouldbepleasantertomethantofindmyselfathomeatmycousins’foradayortwo，then。SoitwasfixedthatweweretomeetinHornbyChapelonChristmasDay，andthatIwastoaccompanythemhomeafterservice，andifpossibletostayoverthenextday。
Iwasnotabletogettochapeltilllateontheappointedday，andsoItookaseatnearthedoorinconsiderableshame，althoughitreallywasnotmyfault。Whentheservicewasended，Iwentandstoodintheporchtoawaitthecomingoutofmycousins。SomeworthypeoplebelongingtothecongregationclusteredintoagroupjustwhereIstood，andexchangedthegoodwishesoftheseason。Ithadjustbeguntosnow，andthisoccasionedalittledelay，andtheyfellintofurtherconversation。Iwasnotattendingtowhatwasnotmeantformetohear，tillIcaughtthenameofPhillisHolman。AndthenIlistened;wherewastheharm？
’Ineversawanyonesochanged！’
’IaskedMrsHolman，’quothanother，’\"IsPhilliswell？\"andshejustsaidshehadbeenhavingacoldwhichhadpulledherdown;shedidnotseemtothinkanythingofit。’
’Theyhadbesttakecareofher，’saidoneoftheoldestofthegoodladies;’Philliscomesofafamilyasisnotlong-lived。Hermother’ssister，LydiaGreen，herownauntaswas，diedofadeclinejustwhenshewasaboutthislass’sage。’
Thisill-omenedtalkwasbrokeninuponbythecomingoutoftheminister，hiswifeanddaughter，andtheconsequentinterchangeofChristmascompliments。
Ihadhadashock，andfeltheavy-heartedandanxious，andhardlyuptomakingtheappropriaterepliestothekindgreetingsofmyrelations。I
lookedaskanceatPhillis。Shehadcertainlygrowntallerandslighter，andwasthinner;buttherewasaflushofcolouronherfacewhichdeceivedmeforatime，andmademethinkshewaslookingaswellasever。Ionlysawherpalenessafterwehadreturnedtothefarm，andshehadsubsidedintosilenceandquiet。Hergreyeyeslookedhollowandsad;hercomplexionwasofadeadwhite。Butshewentaboutjustasusual;atleast，justasshehaddonethelasttimeIwasthere，andseemedtohavenoailment;
andIwasinclinedtothinkthatmycousinwasrightwhenshehadansweredtheinquiriesofthegood-naturedgossips，andtoldthemthatPhilliswassufferingfromtheconsequencesofabadcold，nothingmore。
IhavesaidthatIwastostayoverthenextday;agreatdealofsnowhadcomedown，butnotall，theysaid，thoughthegroundwascovereddeepwiththewhitefall。Theministerwasanxiouslyhousinghiscattle，andpreparingallthingsforalongcontinuanceofthesamekindofweather。
Themenwerechoppingwood，sendingwheattothemilltobegroundbeforetheroadshouldbecomeimpassableforacartandhorse。MycousinandPhillishadgoneup-stairstotheapple-roomtocoverupthefruitfromthefrost。
Ihadbeenoutthegreaterpartofthemorning，andcameinaboutanhourbeforedinner。Tomysurprise，knowinghowshehadplannedtobeengaged，IfoundPhillissittingatthedresser，restingherheadonhertwohandsandreading，orseemingtoread。ShedidnotlookupwhenIcamein，butmurmuredsomethingabouthermotherhavingsentherdownoutofthecold。
Itflashedacrossmethatshewascrying，butIputitdowntosomelittlespirtoftemper;Imighthaveknownbetterthantosuspectthegentle，serenePhillisofcrossness，poorgirl;Istoopeddown，andbegantostirandbuildupthefire，whichappearedtohavebeenneglected。WhilemyheadwasdownIheardanoisewhichmademepauseandlisten——asob，anunmistakable，irrepressiblesob。Istartedup。
’Phillis！’Icried，goingtowardsher，withmyhandout，totakehersforsympathywithhersorrow，whateveritwas。Butshewastooquickforme，sheheldherhandoutofmygrasp，forfearofmydetainingher;asshequicklypassedoutofthehouse，shesaid，——
’Don’t，Paul！Icannotbearit！’andpassedme，stillsobbing，andwentoutintothekeen，openair。
Istoodstillandwondered。WhatcouldhavecometoPhillis？Themostperfectharmonyprevailedinthefamily，andPhillisespecially，goodandgentleasshewas，wassobelovedthatiftheyhadfoundoutthatherfingerached，itwouldhavecastashadowovertheirhearts。HadIdoneanythingtovexher？No：shewascryingbeforeIcamein。Iwenttolookatherbook——oneofthoseunintelligibleItalianbooks。Icouldmakeneitherheadnortailofit。Isawsomepencil-notesonthemargin，inHoldsworth’shandwriting。
Couldthatbeit？Couldthatbethecauseofherwhitelooks，herwearyeyes，herwastedfigure，herstrugglingsobs？Thisideacameuponmelikeaflashoflightningonadarknight，makingallthingssoclearwecannotforgetthemafterwardswhenthegloomyobscurityreturns。IwasstillstandingwiththebookinmyhandwhenIheardcousinHolman’sfootstepsonthestairs，andasIdidnotwishtospeaktoherjustthen，IfollowedPhillis’sexample，andrushedoutofthehouse。Thesnowwaslyingontheground;
Icouldtrackherfeetbythemarkstheyhadmade;IcouldseewhereRoverhadjoinedher。IfollowedontillIcametoagreatstackofwoodintheorchard——itwasbuiltupagainstthebackwalloftheoutbuildings，——andIrecollectedthenhowPhillishadtoldme，thatfirstdaywhenwestrolledabouttogether，thatunderneaththisstackhadbeenherhermitage，hersanctuary，whenshewasachild;howsheusedtobringherbooktostudythere，orherwork，whenshewasnotwantedinthehouse;andshehadnowevidentlygonebacktothisquietretreatofherchildhood，forgetfulofthecluegivenmebyherfootmarksonthenew-fallensnow。Thestackwasbuiltupveryhigh;butthroughtheintersticesofthesticksIcouldseeherfigure，althoughIdidnotallatonceperceivehowIcouldgettoher。Shewassittingonalogofwood，Roverbyher。ShehadlaidhercheekonRover’shead，andhadherarmroundhisneck，partlyforapillow，partlyfromaninstinctivecravingforwarmthonthatbittercoldday。Shewasmakingalowmoan，likeananimalinpain，orperhapsmorelikethesobbingofthewind。Rover，highlyflatteredbyhercaress，andalso，perhaps，touchedbysympathy，wasflappinghisheavytailagainsttheground，butnototherwisemovingahair，untilheheardmyapproachwithhisquickerectedears。Then，withashort，abruptbarkofdistrust，hesprangupasiftoleavehismistress。BothheandIwereimmovablystillforamoment。
IwasnotsureifwhatIlongedtodowaswise：andyetIcouldnotbeartoseethesweetserenityofmydearcousin’slifesodisturbedbyasufferingwhichIthoughtIcouldassuage。ButRover’searsweresharperthanmybreathingwasnoiseless：heheardme，andsprangoutfromunderPhillis’srestraininghand。
’Oh，Rover，don’tyouleaveme，too，’sheplainedout。
’Phillis！’saidI，seeingbyRover’sexitthattheentrancetowhereshesatewastobefoundontheothersideofthestack。’Phillis，comeout！Youhavegotacoldalready;anditisnotfitforyoutositthereonsuchadayasthis。Youknowhowdispleasedandanxiousitwouldmakethemall。’
Shesighed，butobeyed;stoopingalittle，shecameout，andstoodupright，oppositetomeinthelonely，leaflessorchard。HerfacelookedsomeekandsosadthatIfeltasifIoughttobegherpardonformynecessarilyauthoritativewords。
’SometimesIfeelthehousesoclose，’shesaid;’andIusedtositunderthewood-stackwhenIwasachild。Itwasverykindofyou，buttherewasnoneedtocomeafterme。Idon’tcatchcoldeasily。’
’Comewithmeintothiscow-house，Phillis。Ihavegotsomethingtosaytoyou;andIcan’tstandthiscold，ifyoucan。
Ithinkshewouldhavefainrunawayagain;butherfitofenergywasallspent。ShefollowedmeunwillinglyenoughthatIcouldsee。TheplacetowhichItookherwasfullofthefragrantbreathofthecows，andwasalittlewarmerthantheouterair。Iputherinside，andstoodmyselfinthedoorway，thinkinghowIcouldbestbegin。AtlastIplungedintoit。
’Imustseethatyoudon’tgetcoldformorereasonsthanone;ifyouareill，Holdsworthwillbesoanxiousandmiserableoutthere’（bywhichImeantCanada）——
Sheshotonepenetratinglookatme，andthenturnedherfaceawaywithaslightlyimpatientmovement。Ifshecouldhaverunawaythenshewould，butIheldthemeansofexitinmyownpower。’Inforapenny，inforapound，’thoughtI，andIwentonrapidly，anyhow。
’Hetalkedsomuchaboutyou，justbeforeheleft——thatnightafterhehadbeenhere，youknow——andyouhadgivenhimthoseflowers。’Sheputherhandsuptohideherface，butshewaslisteningnow——listeningwithallherears。
’Hehadneverspokenmuchaboutyoubefore，butthesuddengoingawayunlockedhisheart，andhetoldmehowhelovedyou，andhowhehopedonhisreturnthatyoumightbehiswife。’
’Don’t，’saidshe，almostgaspingouttheword，whichshehadtriedonceortwicebeforetospeak;buthervoicehadbeenchoked。Nowsheputherhandbackwards;shehadquiteturnedawayfromme，andfeltformine。
Shegaveitasoftlingeringpressure;andthensheputherarmsdownonthewoodendivision，andlaidherheadonit，andcriedquiettears。I
didnotunderstandheratonce，andfearedlestIhadmistakenthewholecase，andonlyannoyedher。Iwentuptoher。’Oh，Phillis！Iamsosorry——I
thoughtyouwould，perhaps，havecaredtohearit;hedidtalksofeelingly，asifhedidloveyousomuch，andsomehowIthoughtitwouldgiveyoupleasure。’
Sheliftedupherheadandlookedatme。Suchalook！Hereyes，glitteringwithtearsastheywere，expressedanalmostheavenlyhappiness;hertendermouthwascurvedwithrapture——hercolourvividandblushing;butasifshewasafraidherfaceexpressedtoomuch，morethanthethankfulnesstomeshewasessayingtospeak，shehiditagainalmostimmediately。Soitwasallrightthen，andmyconjecturewaswell-founded！Itriedtoremembersomethingmoretotellherofwhathehadsaid，butagainshestoppedme。
’Don’t，’shesaid。Shestillkeptherfacecoveredandhidden。Inhalfaminutesheadded，inaverylowvoice，’Please，Paul，IthinkIwouldrathernothearanymoreIdon’tmeanbutwhatIhave——butwhatIamverymuchobliged——Only——only，IthinkIwouldratherheartherestfromhimselfwhenhecomesback。’
Andthenshecriedalittlemore，inquiteadifferentway。Ididnotsayanymore，Iwaitedforher。By-and-bysheturnedtowardsme——notmeetingmyeyes，however;andputtingherhandinminejustasifweweretwochildren，shesaid，——
’Wehadbestgobacknow——Idon’tlookasifIhadbeencrying，doI？’
’Youlookasifyouhadabadcold，’wasalltheanswerImade。
’Oh！butIamquitewell，onlycold;andagoodrunwillwarmme。Comealong，Paul。’
Soweran，handinhand，till，justaswewereonthethresholdofthehouse，shestopped，——
’Paul，please，wewon’tspeakaboutthatagain。’PARTIVWhenIwentoveronEasterDayIheardthechapel-gossipscomplimentingcousinHolmanonherdaughter’sbloominglooks，quiteforgetfuloftheirsinisterpropheciesthreemonthsbefore。AndIlookedatPhillis，anddidnotwonderattheirwords。IhadnotseenhersincethedayafterChristmasDay。IhadlefttheHopeFarmonlyafewhoursafterIhadtoldherthenewswhichhadquickenedherheartintorenewedlifeandvigour。Theremembranceofourconversationinthecow-housewasvividlyinmymindasIlookedatherwhenherbrighthealthyappearancewasremarkedupon。Ashereyesmetmineourmutualrecollectionsflashedintelligencefromonetotheother。Sheturnedaway，hercolourheighteningasshedidso。Sheseemedtobeshyofmeforthefirstfewhoursafterourmeeting，andIfeltrathervexedwithherforherconsciousavoidanceofmeaftermylongabsence。
IhadsteppedalittleoutofmyusuallineintellingherwhatIdid;
notthatIhadreceivedanychargeofsecrecy，orgiveneventheslightestpromisetoHoldsworththatIwouldnotrepeathiswords。ButIhadanuneasyfeelingsometimeswhenIthoughtofwhatIhaddoneintheexcitementofseeingPhillissoillandinsomuchtrouble。ImeanttohavetoldHoldsworthwhenIwrotenexttohim;butwhenIhadmyhalf-finishedletterbeforemeIsatewithmypeninmyhandhesitating。IhadmorescrupleinrevealingwhatIhadfoundoutorguessedatofPhillis’ssecretthaninrepeatingtoherhisspokenwords。IdidnotthinkIhadanyrighttosayouttohimwhatIbelieved——namely，thatshelovedhimdearly，andhadfelthisabsenceeventotheinjuryofherhealth。YettoexplainwhatIhaddoneintellingherhowhehadspokenaboutherthatlastnight，itwouldbenecessarytogivemyreasons，soIhadsettledwithinmyselftoleaveitalone。Asshehadtoldmesheshouldliketohearallthedetailsandfullerparticularsandmoreexplicitdeclarationsfirstfromhim，soheshouldhavethepleasureofextractingthedelicioustendersecretfromhermaidenlylips。Iwouldnotbetraymyguesses，mysurmises，myallbutcertainknowledgeofthestateofherheart。Ihadreceivedtwolettersfromhimafterhehadsettledtohisbusiness;theywerefulloflifeandenergy;butineachtherehadbeenamessagetothefamilyattheHopeFarmofmorethancommonregard;andaslightbutdistinctmentionofPhillisherself，showingthatshestoodsingleandaloneinhismemory。TheselettersIhadsentontotheminister，forhewassuretocareforthem，evensupposinghehadbeenunacquaintedwiththeirwriter，becausetheyweresocleverandsopicturesquelywordedthattheybrought，asitwere，awhiffofforeignatmosphereintohiscircumscribedlife。Iusedtowonderwhatwasthetradeorbusinessinwhichtheministerwouldnothavethriven，mentallyImean，ifithadsohappenedthathehadbeencalledintothatstate。Hewouldhavemadeacapitalengineer，thatIknow;andhehadafancyforthesea，likemanyotherland-lockedmentowhomthegreatdeepisamysteryandafascination。Hereadlaw-bookswithrelish;and，oncehappeningtoborrowDeLolmeontheBritishConstitution（orsomesuchtitle），hetalkedaboutjurisprudencetillhewasfarbeyondmydepth。ButtoreturntoHoldsworth’sletters。Whentheministersentthembackhealsowroteoutalistofquestionssuggestedbytheirperusal，whichIwastopassoninmyanswerstoHoldsworth，untilIthoughtofsuggestingdirectcorrespondencebetweenthetwo。ThatwasthestateofthingsasregardedtheabsentonewhenIwenttothefarmformyEastervisit，andwhenIfoundPhillisinthatstateofshyreservetowardsmewhichIhavenamedbefore。Ithoughtshewasungrateful;forIwasnotquitesureifIhaddonewiselyinhavingtoldherwhatIdid。
Ihadcommittedafault，orafolly，perhaps，andallforhersake;andherewasshe，lessfriendswithmethanshehadevenbeenbefore。Thislittleestrangementonlylastedafewhours。IthinkthatasSoonasshefeltprettysureoftherebeingnorecurrence，eitherbyword，look，orallusion，totheonesubjectthatwaspredominantinhermind，shecamebacktoheroldsisterlywayswithme。Shehadmuchtotellmeofherownfamiliarinterests;howRoverhadbeenill，andhowanxioustheyhadallofthembeen，andhow，aftersomelittlediscussionbetweenherfatherandher，bothequallygrievedbythesufferingsoftheolddog，hehadbeenrememberedinthehouseholdprayers’，andhowhehadbeguntogetbetteronlytheverynextday，andthenshewouldhaveledmeintoaconversationontherightendsofprayer，andonspecialprovidences，andIknownotwhat;onlyI’jibbed’liketheiroldcart-horse，andrefusedtostirastepinthatdirection。Thenwetalkedaboutthedifferentbroodsofchickens，andsheshowedmethehensthatweregoodmothers，andtoldmethecharactersofallthepoultrywiththeutmostgoodfaith;andinallgoodfaithI
listened，forIbelievetherewasagooddealoftruthinallshesaid。
Andthenwestrolledonintothewoodbeyondtheash-meadow，andbothofussoughtforearlyprimroses，andthefreshgreencrinkledleaves。Shewasnotafraidofbeingalonewithmeafterthefirstday。Ineversawhersolovely，orsohappy。Ithinkshehardlyknewwhyshewassohappyallthetime。Icanseehernow，standingunderthebuddingbranchesofthegreytrees，overwhichatingeofgreenseemedtobedeepeningdayafterday，hersun-bonnetfallenbackonherneck，herhandsfullofdelicatewood-flowers，quiteunconsciousofmygaze，butintentonsweetmockeryofsomebirdinneighbouringbushortree。Shehadtheartofwarbling，andreplyingtothenotesofdifferentbirds，andknewtheirsong，theirhabitsandways，moreaccuratelythananyoneelseIeverknew。Shehadoftendoneitatmyrequestthespringbefore;butthisyearshereallygurgled，andwhistled，andwarbledjustastheydid，outoftheveryfulnessandjoyofherheart。Shewasmorethanevertheveryappleofherfather’seye;hermothergaveherbothherownshareoflove，andthatofthedeadchildwhohaddiedininfancy。IhaveheardcousinHolmanmurmur，afteralongdreamylookatPhillis，andtellherselfhowlikeshewasgrowingtoJohnnie，andsootheherselfwithplaintiveinarticulatesounds，andmanygentleshakesofthehead，fortheachingsenseoflossshewouldnevergetoverinthisworld。Theoldservantsabouttheplacehadthedumbloyalattachmenttothechildoftheland，commontomostagriculturallabourers;notoftenstirredintoactivityorexpression。MycousinPhilliswaslikearosethathadcometofullbloomonthesunnysideofalonelyhouse，shelteredfromstorms。Ihavereadinsomebookofpoetry，——Amaidwhomtherewerenonetopraise，Andveryfewtolove。AndsomehowthoselinesalwaysremindedmeofPhillis;yettheywerenottrueofhereither。Ineverheardherpraised;andoutofherownhouseholdtherewereveryfewtoloveher;butthoughnoonespokeouttheirapprobation，shealwaysdidrightinherparents’eyesoutofhernaturalsimplegoodnessandwisdom。Holdsworth’snamewasnevermentionedbetweenuswhenwewerealone;butIhadsentonhisletterstotheminister，asIhavesaid;andmorethanoncehebegantotalkaboutourabsentfriend，whenhewassmokinghispipeaftertheday’sworkwasdone。ThenPhillishungherheadalittleoverherwork，andlistenedinsilence。
’ImisshimmorethanIthoughtfor;nooffencetoyou，Paul。Isaidoncehiscompanywaslikedram-drinking;thatwasbeforeIknewhim;andperhapsIspokeinaspiritofjudgment。Tosomemen’smindseverythingpresentsitselfstrongly，andtheyspeakaccordingly;andsodidhe。AndIthoughtinmyvanityofcensorshipthathiswerenottrueandsoberwords;
theywouldnothavebeenifIhadusedthem，buttheyweresotoamanofhisclassofperceptions。IthoughtofthemeasurewithwhichIhadbeenmetingtohimwhenBrotherRobinsonwasherelastThursday，andtoldmethatapoorlittlequotationIwasmakingfromtheGeorgicssavouredofvainbabblingandprofaneheathenism。Hewentsofarastosaythatbylearningotherlanguagesthanourown，wewereflyinginthefaceoftheLord’spurposewhenHehadsaid，atthebuildingoftheTowerofBabel，thatHewouldconfoundtheirlanguagessothattheyshouldnotunderstandeachother’sspeech。AsBrotherRobinsonwastome，sowasItothequickwits，brightsenses，andreadywordsofHoldsworth。’
ThefirstlittleclouduponmypeacecameintheshapeofaletterfromCanada，inwhichthereweretwoorthreesentencesthattroubledmemorethantheyoughttohavedone，tojudgemerelyfromthewordsemployed。
Itwasthis：——’Ishouldfeeldrearyenoughinthisout-of-the-wayplaceifitwerenotforafriendshipIhaveformedwithaFrenchCanadianofthenameofVentadour。Heandhisfamilyareagreatresourcetomeinthelongevenings。IneverheardsuchdeliciousvocalmusicasthevoicesoftheseVentadourboysandgirlsintheirpartsongs;andtheforeignelementretainedintheircharactersandmanneroflivingremindsmeofsomeofthehappiestdaysofmylife。Lucille，theseconddaughter，iscuriouslylikePhillisHolman。’InvainIsaidtomyselfthatitwasprobablythislikenessthatmadehimtakepleasureinthesocietyoftheVentadourfamily。InvainItoldmyanxiousfancythatnothingcouldbemorenaturalthanthisintimacy，andthattherewasnosignofitsleadingtoanyconsequencethatoughttodisturbme。Ihadapresentiment，andIwasdisturbed;andIcouldnotreasonitaway。Idaresaymypresentimentwasrenderedmorepersistentandkeenbythedoubtswhichwouldforcethemselvesintomymind，astowhetherIhaddonewellinrepeatingHoldsworth’swordstoPhillis。Herstateofvividhappinessthissummerwasmarkedlydifferenttothepeacefulserenityofformerdays。IfinmythoughtfulnessatnoticingthisIcaughthereye，sheblushedandsparkledallover，guessingthatIwasrememberingourjointsecret。Hereyesfellbeforemine，asifshecouldhardlybearmetoseetherevelationoftheirbrightglances。AndyetIconsideredagain，andcomfortedmyselfbythereflectionthat，ifthischangehadbeenanythingmorethanmysillyfancy，herfatherorhermotherwouldhaveperceivedit。Buttheywentonintranquilunconsciousnessandundisturbedpeace。
Achangeinmyownlifewasquicklyapproaching。IntheJulyofthisyearmyoccupationonthe————railwayanditsbranchescametoanend。Thelineswerecompleted，andIwastoleave————shire，toreturntoBirmingham，wheretherewasanichealreadyprovidedformeinmyfather’sprosperousbusiness。ButbeforeIleftthenorthitwasanunderstoodthingamongstusallthatIwastogoandpayavisitofsomeweeksattheHopeFarm。
MyfatherwasasmuchpleasedatthisplanasIwas;andthedearfamilyofcousinsoftenspokeofthingstobedone，andsightstobeshownme，duringthisvisit。Mywantofwisdominhavingtold’thatthing’（undersuchambiguouswordsIconcealedtheinjudiciousconfidenceIhadmadetoPhillis）wastheonlydrawbacktomyanticipationsofpleasure。
ThewaysoflifeweretoosimpleattheHopeFarmformycomingtothemtomaketheslightestdisturbance。Iknewmyroom，likeasonofthehouse。
Iknewtheregularcourseoftheirdays，andthatIwasexpectedtofallintoit，likeoneofthefamily。Deepsummerpeacebroodedovertheplace;
thewarmgoldenairwasfilledwiththemurmurofinsectsnearathand，themoredistantsoundofvoicesoutinthefields，theclearfarawayrumbleofcartsoverthestone-pavedlanesmilesaway。Theheatwastoogreatforthebirdstobesinging;onlynowandthenonemighthearthewood-pigeonsinthetreesbeyondtheAshfield。Thecattlestoodknee-deepinthepond，flickingtheirtailsabouttokeepofftheflies。Theministerstoodinthehay-field，withouthatorcravat，coatorwaistcoat，pantingandsmiling。
Phillishadbeenleadingtherowoffarm-servants，turningtheswathesoffragranthaywithmeasuredmovement。Shewenttotheend——tothehedge，andthen，throwingdownherrake，shecametomewithherfreesisterlywelcome。’Go，Paul！’saidtheminister。’Weneedallhandstomakeuseofthesunshineto-day。\"Whatsoeverthinehandfindethtodo，doitwithallthymight。\"Itwillbeahealthychangeofworkforthee，lad;andIfindbestrestinchangeofwork。’SooffIwent，awillinglabourer，followingPhillis’slead;itwastheprimitivedistinctionofrank;theboywhofrightenedthesparrowsoffthefruitwasthelastinourrear。
Wedidnotleaveofftilltheredsunwasgonedownbehindthefir-treesborderingthecommon。Thenwewenthometosupper——prayers——tobed;somebirdsingingfarintothenight，asIhearditthroughmyopenwindow，andthepoultrybeginningtheirclatterandcackleintheearliestmorning。
IhadcarriedwhatluggageIimmediatelyneededwithmefrommylodgings。
andtherestwastobesentbythecarrier。Hebroughtittothefarmbetimesthatmorning，andalongwithithebroughtaletterortwothathadarrivedsinceIhadleft。IwastalkingtocousinHolman——aboutmymother’swaysofmakingbread，Iremember;cousinHolmanwasquestioningme，andhadgotmefarbeyondmydepth——inthehouse-place，whentheletterswerebroughtinbyoneofthemen，andIhadtopaythecarrierforhistroublebeforeIcouldlookatthem。Abill——aCanadianletter！WhatinstinctmademesothankfulthatIwasalonewithmydearunobservantcousin？Whatmademehurrythemawayintomycoat-pocket？Idonotknow。Ifeltstrangeandsick，andmadeirrelevantanswers，Iamafraid。ThenIwenttomyroom，ostensiblytocarryupmyboxes。IsateonthesideofmybedandopenedmyletterfromHoldsworth。ItseemedtomeasifIhadreaditscontentsbefore，andknewexactlywhathehadgottosay。IknewhewasgoingtobemarriedtoLucilleVentadour;nay，thathewasmarried;forthiswasthe5thofJuly，andhewrotewordthathismarriagewasfixedtotakeplaceonthe29thofJune。Iknewallthereasonshegave，alltheraptureshewentinto。Iheldtheletterlooselyinmyhands，andlookedintovacancy，yetIsawthechaffinch’snestonthelichen-coveredtrunkofanoldapple-treeoppositemywindow，andsawthemother-birdcomeflutteringintofeedherbrood，——andyetIdidnotseeit，althoughitseemedtomeafterwardsasifIcouldhavedrawneveryfibre，everyfeather。Iwasstirreduptoactionbythemerrysoundofvoicesandtheclampofrusticfeetcominghomeforthemid-daymeal。IknewImustgodowntodinner;Iknew，too，ImusttellPhillis;forinhishappyegotism，hisnew-fangledfoppery，HoldsworthhadputinaP。S。，sayingthatheshouldsendwedding-cardstomeandsomeotherHornbyandElthamacquaintances，and’tohiskindfriendsatHopeFarm’。Phillishadfadedawaytooneamongseveral’kindfriends’。Idon’tknowhowIgotthroughdinnerthatday。Irememberforcingmyselftoeat，andtalkinghard;butIalsorecollectthewonderinglookintheminister’seyes。Hewasnotonetothinkevilwithoutcause;butmanyaonewouldhavetakenmefordrunk。AssoonasIdecentlycouldI
leftthetable，sayingIwouldgooutforawalk。AtfirstImusthavetriedtostunreflectionbyrapidwalking，forIhadlostmyselfonthehighmoorlandsfarbeyondthefamiliargorse-coveredcommon，beforeIwasobligedforverywearinesstoslackenmypace。Ikeptwishing——oh！howferventlywishingIhadnevercommittedthatblunder;thattheonelittlehalf-hour’sindiscretioncouldbeblottedout。AlternatingwiththiswasangeragainstHoldsworth;unjustenough，Idaresay。IsupposeIstayedinthatsolitaryplaceforagoodhourormore，andthenIturnedhomewards，resolvingtogetoverthetellingPhillisatthefirstopportunity，butshrinkingfromthefulfilmentofmyresolutionsomuchthatwhenIcameintothehouseandsawPhillis（doorsandwindowsopenwideinthesultryweather）aloneinthekitchen，Ibecamequitesickwithapprehension。Shewasstandingbythedresser，cuttingupagreathouseholdloafintohunchesofbreadforthehungrylabourerswhomightcomeinanyminute，fortheheavythunder-cloudswereoverspreadingthesky。Shelookedroundassheheardmystep。
’Youshouldhavebeeninthefield，helpingwiththehay，’saidshe，inhercalm，pleasantvoice。IhadheardherasIcamenearthehousesoftlychantingsomehymn-tune，andthepeacefulnessofthatseemedtobebroodingoverhernow。
’PerhapsIshould。Itlooksasifitwasgoingtorain。
’Yes;thereisthunderabout。Motherhashadtogotobedwithoneofherbadheadaches。Nowyouarecomein——
’Phillis，’saidI，rushingatmysubjectandinterruptingher，’IwentalongwalktothinkoveraletterIhadthismorning——aletterfromCanada。
Youdon’tknowhowithasgrievedme。IhelditouttoherasIspoke。
Hercolourchangedalittle，butitwasmorethereflectionofmyface，Ithink，thanbecausesheformedanydefiniteideafrommywords。Stillshedidnottaketheletter。Ihadtobidhertoreadit，beforeshequiteunderstoodwhatIwished。Shesatedownrathersuddenlyasshereceiveditintoherhands;and，spreadingitonthedresserbeforeher，sherestedherforeheadonthepalmsofherhands，herarmssupportedonthetable，herfigurealittleaverted，andhercountenancethusshaded。Ilookedoutoftheopenwindow;myheartwasveryheavy。Howpeacefulitallseemedinthefarmyard！Peaceandplenty。Howstillanddeepwasthesilenceofthehouse！Tick-tickwenttheunseenclockonthewidestaircase。Ihadheardtherustleonce，whensheturnedoverthepageofthinpaper。Shemusthavereadtotheend。Yetshedidnotmove，orsayaword，orevensigh。Ikeptonlookingoutofthewindow，myhandsinmypockets。Iwonderhowlongthattimereallywas？Itseemedtomeinterminable——unbearable。
AtlengthIlookedroundather。Shemusthavefeltmylook，forshechangedherattitudewithaquicksharpmovement，andcaughtmyeyes。
’Don’tlooksosorry，Paul，’shesaid。’Don’t，please。Ican’tbearit。Thereisnothingtobesorryfor。Ithinknot，atleast。Youhavenotdonewrong，atanyrate。’IfeltthatIgroaned，butIdon’tthinksheheardme。’Andhe，——there’snowronginhismarrying，isthere？I’msureIhopehe’llbehappy。Oh！howIhopeit！’Theselastwordswerelikeawail;butIbelieveshewasafraidofbreakingdown，forshechangedthekeyinwhichshespoke，andhurriedon。’Lucille——that’sourEnglishLucy，Isuppose？LucilleHoldsworth！It’saprettyname;andIhope——IforgetwhatIwasgoingtosay。Oh！itwasthis。Paul，Ithinkweneedneverspeakaboutthisagain;onlyrememberyouarenottobesorry。Youhavenotdonewrong;youhavebeenvery，verykind;andifIseeyoulookinggrievedIdon’tknowwhatImightdo;——Imightbreakdown，youknow。’
Ithinkshewasonthepointofdoingsothen，butthedarkstormcamedashingdown，andthethunder-cloudbrokerightabovethehouse，asitseemed。Hermother，rousedfromsleep，calledoutforPhillis;themenandwomenfromthehay-fieldcamerunningintoshelter，drenchedthrough。