MR。CROTCHET。Thegreatphilosopher，Diderot-
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。Sir，Diderotisnotamanaftermyheart。KeeptotheGreeks，ifyouplease;albeitthisSleepingVenusisnotanantique。
MR。CROTCHET。Well，sir，theGreeks：whydowecalltheElginmarblesinestimable？Simplybecausetheyaretruetonature。Andwhyaretheysosuperiorinthatpointtoallmodernworks，withallourgreaterknowledgeofanatomy？Why，sir，butbecausetheGreeks，havingnocant，hadbetteropportunitiesofstudyingmodels？
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。Sir，Idenyourgreaterknowledgeofanatomy。
ButIshalltakethelibertytoemploy，onthisoccasion，theargumentumadhominem。WouldyouhaveallowedMissCrotchettositforamodeltoCanova？
MR。CROTCHET。Yes，sir。
\"Godblessmysoul，sir！\"exclaimedtheReverendDoctorFolliott，throwinghimselfbackintoachair，andflinginguphisheels，withthepremeditateddesignofgivingemphasistohisexclamation;butbymiscalculatinghisimpetus，heoverbalancedhischair，andlaidhimselfonthecarpetinarightangle，ofwhichhisbackwasthebase。
CHAPTERVIII：SCIENCEANDCHARITY
Chistanelmondounpard’orecontento，Neglivientolta，ovvercontaminata，Quellasuapaceinverunomomento，PuodircheGiovedrittamenteilguata。
FORTEGUERRI。
TheReverendDoctorFolliotttookhisdepartureaboutteno’clock，towalkhometohisvicarage。Therewasnomoon，butthenightwasbrightandclear，andaffordedhimasmuchlightasheneeded。HepausedamomentbytheRomancamptolistentothenightingale;
repeatedtohimselfapassageofSophocles;proceededthroughtheparkgate，andenteredthenarrowlanethatledtothevillage。Hewalkedoninaverypleasantmoodofthestatecalledreverie;inwhichfishandwine，Greekandpoliticaleconomy，theSleepingVenushehadleftbehind，andpoordearMrs。Folliott，towhosefondarmshewasreturning，passed，asinacameraobscura，overthetabletsofhisimagination。PresentlytheimageofMr。
Eavesdrop，withaprintedsketchoftheReverendDoctorF。，presenteditselfbeforehim，andhebeganmechanicallytoflourishhisbamboo。Themovementwaspromptedbyhisgoodgenius，fortheupliftedbambooreceivedtheblowofaponderouscudgel，whichwasintendedforhishead。Thereverendgentlemanrecoiledtwoorthreepaces，andsawbeforehimacoupleofruffians，whowerepreparingtorenewtheattack，butwhom，withtwoswingsofhisbamboo，helaidwithcrackedsconcesontheearth，whereheproceededtodealwiththemlikecornbeneaththeflailofthethresher。Oneofthemdrewapistol，whichwentoffintheveryactofbeingstruckasidebythebamboo，andlodgedabulletinthebrainoftheother。Therewasthenonlyoneenemy，whovainlystruggledtorise，everyeffortbeingattendedwithanewandmoresignalprostration。Thefellowroaredformercy。\"Mercy，rascal！\"
criedthedivine;\"whatmercywereyougoingtoshowme，villain？
What！Iwarrantme，youthoughtitwouldbeaneasymatter，andnosin，torobandmurderaparsononhiswayhomefromdinner。Yousaidtoyourself，doubtless，\"We’llwaylaythefatparson（youirreverentknave），ashewaddleshome（youdisparagingruffian），half-seas-over，（youcalumniousvagabond）。\"Andwitheverydyslogisticterm，whichhesupposedhadbeenappliedtohimself，heinflictedanewbruiseonhisrollingandroaringantagonist。\"Ah，rogue！\"heproceeded，\"youcanroarnow，marauder;youweresilentenoughwhenyoudevotedmybrainstodispersionunderyourcudgel。
ButseeingthatIcannotbindyou，andthatIintendyounottoescape，andthatitwouldbedangeroustoletyourise，Iwilldisableyouinallyourmembers。IwillcontundyouasThestylisdidstrongsmellingherbs，inthequalitywhereofyoudomostgravelypartake，asmynosebearethtestimony，illweedthatyouare。Iwillbeatyoutoajelly，andIwillthenrollyouintotheditch，tolietilltheconstablecomesforyou，thief。\"
\"Hold！hold！reverendsir，\"exclaimedthepenitentculprit，\"Iamdisabledalreadyineveryfinger，andineveryjoint。Iwillrollmyselfintotheditch，reverendsir。\"
\"Stirnot，rascal，\"returnedthedivine，\"stirnotsomuchasthequietestleafaboveyou，ormybambooreboundsonyourbody，likehailinathunder-storm。Confess，speedily，villain;areyouasimplethief，orwouldyouhavemanufacturedmeintoasubjectforthebenefitofscience？Ay，miscreantcaitiff，youwouldhavemademeasubjectforscience，wouldyou？Youareaschool-masterabroad，areyou？Youaremarchingwithadetachmentofthemarchofmind，areyou？YouareamemberoftheSteamIntellectSociety，areyou？Youswearbythelearnedfriend，doyou？\"
\"Oh，no！reverendsir，\"answeredthecriminal，\"Iaminnocentofalltheseoffences，whatevertheyare，reverendsir。TheonlyfriendIhadintheworldislyingdeadbesideme，reverendsir。\"
Thereverendgentlemanpausedamoment，andleanedonhisbamboo。
Theculprit，bruisedashewas，sprangonhislegs，andwentoffindoublequicktime。TheDoctorgavehimchase，andhadnearlybroughthimwithinarm’slength，whenthefellowturnedatrightangles，andsprangcleanoveradeepdryditch。Thedivine，followingwithequalardour，andlessdexterity，wentdownoverheadandearsintoathicketofnettles。Emergingwithmuchdiscomposure，heproceededtothevillage，androusedtheconstable;buttheconstablefound，onreachingthesceneofaction，thatthedeadmanwasgone，aswellashislivingaccomplice。
\"Oh，themonster！\"exclaimedtheReverendDoctorFolliott，\"hehasmadeasubjectforscienceoftheonlyfriendhehadintheworld。\"
\"Ay，mydear，\"heresumed，thenextmorningatbreakfast，\"ifmyoldreading，andmyearlygymnastics（for，asthegreatHermannsays，beforeIwasdemulcedbytheMuses，Iwasferocisingeniipuer，etadarmaquamadliterasparatior），hadnotimbuedmeindeliblywithsomeoftheholyrageofFrereJeandesEntommeures，Ishouldbe，atthismoment，lyingonthetableofsomeflinty-
heartedanatomist，whowouldhaveslicedanddisjointedmeasunscrupulouslyasIdotheseremnantsofthecaponandchine，wherewithyouconsoledyourselfyesterdayformyabsenceatdinner。
Phew！Ihaveanoblethirstuponme，whichIwillquenchwithfloodsoftea。\"
Thereverendgentlemanwasinterruptedbyamessenger，whoinformedhimthattheCharityCommissionersrequestedhispresenceattheinn，wheretheywereholdingasitting。
\"TheCharityCommissioners！\"exclaimedthereverendgentleman，\"whooneartharethey？\"
Themessengercouldnotinformhim，andthereverendgentlemantookhishatandstick，andproceededtotheinn。
Onenteringthebestparlour，hesawthreewell-dressedandbulkygentlemensittingatatable，andafourthofficiatingasclerk，withanopenbookbeforehim，andapeninhishand。Thechurch-
wardens，whohadbeenalsosummoned，werealreadyinattendance。
ThechiefcommissionerpolitelyrequestedtheReverendDoctorFolliotttobeseated，andaftertheusualmeteorologicalpreliminarieshadbeensettledbyaresolution，nem。con。，thatitwasafinedaybutveryhot，thechiefcommissionerstated，thatinvirtueofthecommissionofParliament，whichtheyhadthehonourtohold，theywerenowtoinquireintothestateofthepubliccharitiesofthisvillage。
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。Thestateofthepubliccharities，sir，isexceedinglysimple。Therearenone。Thecharitieshereareallprivate，andsoprivate，thatIforoneknownothingofthem。
FIRSTCOMMISSIONER。Wehavebeeninformed，sir，thatthereisanannualrentchargedonthelandofHautbois，fortheendowmentandrepairofanalmshouse。
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。Hautbois！Hautbois！
FIRSTCOMMISSIONER。ThemanorialfarmofHautbois，nowoccupiedbyFarmerSeedling，ischargedwiththeendowmentandmaintenanceofanalmshouse。
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT（totheChurchwarden）。Howisthis，Mr。
Bluenose？
FIRSTCHURCHWARDEN。Ireallydonotknow，sir。Whatsayyou，Mr。
Appletwig？
MR。APPLETWIG（parishclerkandschoolmaster;anoldman）。Idoremember，gentlemen，tohavebeeninformed，thattheredidstand，attheendofthevillage，aruinedcottage，whichhadoncebeenanalmshouse，whichwasendowedandmaintained，byanannualrevenueofamarkandahalf，oronepoundsterling，chargedsomecenturiesagoonthefarmofHautbois;butthemeans，bytheprogressoftime，havingbecomeinadequatetotheend，thealmshousetumbledtopieces。
FIRSTCOMMISSIONER。Butthisisarightwhichcannotbeabrogatedbydesuetude，andthesumofonepoundperannumisstillchargeableforcharitablepurposesonthemanorialfarmofHautbois。
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。Verywell，sir。
MR。APPLETWIG。But，sir，theonepoundperannumisstillreceivedbytheparish，butwaslongago，byanunanimousvoteinopenvestry，giventotheminister。
THETHREECOMMISSIONERS（unavoce）。Theminister！
FIRSTCOMMISSIONER。Thisisanunjustifiableproceeding。
SECONDCOMMISSIONER。Amisappropriationofapublicfund。
THIRDCOMMISSIONER。Aflagrantperversionofacharitabledonation。
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。Godblessmysoul，gentlemen！Iknownothingofthismatter。Howisthis，Mr。Bluenose？DoIreceivethisonepoundperannum？
FIRSTCHURCHWARDEN。Really，sir，Iknownomoreaboutitthanyoudo。
MR。APPLETWIG。Youcertainlyreceiveit，sir。Itwasvotedtooneofyourpredecessors。FarmerSeedlinglumpsitinwithhistithes。
FIRSTCOMMISSIONER。Lumpsitin，sir！Lumpinacharitabledonation！
SECONDANDTHIRDCOMMISSIONER。Oh-oh-oh-h-h！
FIRSTCOMMISSIONER。Reverendsir，andgentlemen，officersofthisparish，weareunderthenecessityofadmonishingyouthatthisisamostimproperproceeding：andyouareherebydulyadmonishedaccordingly。Makearecord，Mr。Milky。
MR。MILKY（writing）。Theclergymanandchurch-wardensofthevillageofHm-ra-m-m-gravelyadmonished。Hm-m-m-m。
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。Isthatall，gentlemen？
THECOMMISSIONERS。Thatisall，sir;andwewishyouagoodmorning。
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。Averygoodmorningtoyou，gentlemen。
\"Whatinthenameofallthatiswonderful，Mr。Bluenose，\"saidtheReverendDoctorFolliott，ashewalkedoutoftheinn，\"whatinthenameofallthatiswonderful，canthosefellowsmean？Theyhavecomehereinachaiseandfour，tomakeafussaboutapoundperannum，which，afterall，theyleaveasitwas：Iwonderwhopaysthemfortheirtrouble，andhowmuch。\"
MR。APPLETWIG。Thepublicpayforit，sir。Itisajobofthelearnedfriendwhomyouadmiresomuch。Itmakesawaywithpublicmoneyinsalaries，andprivatemoneyinlawsuits，anddoesnoparticleofgoodtoanylivingsoul。
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。Ay，ay，Mr。Appletwig;thatisjustthesortofpublicservicetobelookedforfromthelearnedfriend。Oh，thelearnedfriend！thelearnedfriend！Heistheevilgeniusofeverythingthatfallsinhisway。
TheReverendDoctorwalkedofftoCrotchetCastle，tonarratehismisadventures，andexhalehisbudgetofgrievancesonMr。MacQuedy，whomheconsideredaringleaderofthemarchofmind。
CHAPTERIX：THEVOYAGE
[Greektext]
Mountingthebark，theycleftthewateryways。——Homer。
Fourbeautifulcabinedpinnaces，onefortheladies，oneforthegentlemen，oneforkitchenandservants，oneforadining-roomandbandofmusic，weighedanchor，onafineJulymorning，frombelowCrotchetCastle，andweretowedmerrily，bystrongtrottinghorses，againstthestreamoftheThames。Theypassedfromthedistrictofchalk，successivelyintothedistrictsofclay，ofsand-rock，ofoolite，andsoforth。Sometimestheydinedintheirfloatingdining-room，sometimesintents，whichtheypitchedonthedry，smooth-shavengreenofanewly-mownmeadow：sometimestheylefttheirvesselstoseesightsinthevicinity;sometimestheypassedadayortwoinacomfortableinn。
AtOxford，theywalkedabouttoseethecuriositiesofarchitecture，paintedwindows，andundisturbedlibraries。TheReverendDoctorFolliottlaidawagerwithMr。Crotchet\"thatinalltheirperlustrationstheywouldnotfindamanreading，\"andwonit。\"Ay，\"saidthereverendgentleman，\"thisisstillaseatoflearning，ontheprincipleof——onceacaptain，alwaysacaptain。
Wemaywellask，inthesegreatreservoirsofbookswhereofnomaneverdrawsasluice，QuorsumpertinuitstiperePlatonaMenandro？
Whatisdoneherefortheclassics？ReprintingGermaneditionsonbetterpaper。Agreatboast，verily！Whatformathematics？Whatformetaphysics？Whatforhistory？Whatforanythingworthknowing？ThiswasaseatoflearninginthedaysofFriarBacon。
ButtheFriarisgone，andhislearningwithhim。Nothingofhimisleftbuttheimmortalnose，which，whenhisbrazenheadhadtumbledtopieces，crying\"Time’sPast，\"wastheonlypalpablefragmentamongitsminutelypulverisedatoms，andwhichisstillresplendentovertheportalsofitscognominalcollege。Thatnose，sir，istheonlythingtowhichIshalltakeoffmyhat，inallthisBabylonofburiedliterature。
MR。CROTCHET。But，doctor，itissomethingtohaveagreatreservoiroflearning，atwhichsomemaydrawiftheyplease。
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。But，here，goodcareistakenthatnobodyshallplease。Ifevenasmalldropfromthesacredfountain，[Greektext]，asCallimachushasit，werecarriedoffbyanyone，itwouldbeevidenceofsomethingtohopefor。Butthesystemofdissuasionfromallgoodlearningisbroughtheretoapitchofperfectionthatbafflesthekeenestaspirant。IrunovertomyselfthenamesofthescholarsofGermany，agloriouscatalogue：butaskforthoseofOxford，——Wherearethey？Theechoesoftheircourts，asvacantastheirheads，willanswer，Wherearethey？Thetreeshallbeknownbyitsfruit：andseeingthatthisgreattree，withallitsspeciousseeming，bringsforthnofruit，Idodenounceitasabarrenfig。
MR。MACQUEDY。Ishallsetyourightonthispoint。Wedonothingwithoutmotives。Iflearninggetnothingbuthonour，andverylittleofthat;andifthegoodthingsofthisworld，whichoughttobetherewardsoflearning，becomethemeregiftsofself-
interestedpatronage;youmustnotwonderif，inthefinishingofeducation，thesciencewhichtakesprecedenceofallothers，shouldbethescienceofcurryingfavour。
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。Verytrue，sir。Educationiswellfinished，forallworldlypurposes，whentheheadisbroughtintothestatewhereintoIamaccustomedtobringamarrow-bone，whenithasbeensetbeforemeonatoast，withawhitenapkinwrappedroundit。
Nothingtrundlesalongthehighroadofprefermentsotrimlyasawell-biassedsconce，pickedcleanwithinandpolishedwithout;
totusteresatquerotundus。Theperfectionofthefinishingliesinthebias，whichkeepsittrundlinginthegivendirection。
Thereisgoodandsufficientreasonforthefigbeingbarren，butitisnotthereforethelessabarrenfig。
AtGodstow，theygatheredhazelonthegraveofRosamond;and，proceedingontheirvoyage，fellintoadiscussiononlegendaryhistories。
LADYCLARINDA。Historyisbutatiresomethinginitself：itbecomesmoreagreeablethemoreromanceismixedupwithit。ThegreatenchanterhasmademelearnmanythingswhichIshouldneverhavedreamedofstudying，iftheyhadnotcometomeintheformofamusement。
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。Whatenchanteristhat？Therearetwoenchanters：heofthenorth，andheofthesouth。
MR。TRILLO。Rossini！
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。Ay，thereisanotherenchanter。ButImeanthegreatenchanterofCoventGarden：hewho，formorethanaquarterofacentury，hasproducedtwopantomimesayear，tothedelightofchildrenofallages;includingmyselfatallages。Thatistheenchanterforme。Iamforthepantomimes。Allthenorthernenchanter’sromancesputtogetherwouldnotfurnishmaterialsforhalftheSouthernenchanter’spantomimes。
LADYCLARINDA。Surelyyoudonotclassliteraturewithpantomime？
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。Inthesecases，Ido。Theyarebothone，withaslightdifference。Theoneistheliteratureofpantomime，theotheristhepantomimeofliterature。Thereisthesamevarietyofcharacter，thesamediversityofstory，thesamecopiousnessofincident，thesameresearchintocostume，thesamedisplayofheraldry，falconry，minstrelsy，scenery，monkery，witchery，devilry，robbery，poachery，piracy，fishery，gipsy-astrology，demonology，architecture，fortification，castrametation，navigation;thesamerunningbaseofloveandbattle。Themaindifferenceis，thattheonesetofamusingfictionsistoldinmusicandaction;theotherinalltheworstdialectsoftheEnglishlanguage。Astoanysentenceworthremembering，anymoralorpoliticaltruth，anythinghavingatendency，howeverremote，tomakemenwiserorbetter，tomakethemthink，tomakethemeverthinkofthinking;theyarebothpreciselyalikenuspiam，nequaquam，nullibi，nullimodis。
LADYCLARINDA。Veryamusing，however。
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。Veryamusing，veryamusing。
MR。CHAINMAIL。Myquarrelwiththenorthernenchanteris，thathehasgrosslymisrepresentedthetwelfthcentury。
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。Hehasmisrepresentedeverything，orhewouldnothavebeenveryamusing。Sobertruthisbutdullmattertothereadingrabble。Theangler，whoputsnotonhishookthebaitthatbestpleasesthefish，maysitalldayonthebankwithoutcatchingagudgeon。
MR。MACQUEDY。Buthowdoyoumeanthathehasmisrepresentedthetwelfthcentury？Byexhibitingsomeofitsknightsandladiesinthecoloursofrefinementandvirtue，seeingthattheywereallnobetterthanruffians，andsomethingelsethatshallbenameless？
MR。CHAINMAIL。Bynomeans。Bydepictingthemasmuchworsethantheywere，not，asyousuppose，muchbetter。Noonewouldinferfromhispicturesthattheirswasamuchbetterstateofsocietythanthiswhichwelivein。
MR。MACQUEDY。No，norwasit。Itwasaperiodofbrutality，ignorance，fanaticism，andtyranny;whenthelandwascoveredwithcastles，andeverycastlecontainedagangofbanditti，headedbyatitledrobber，wholeviedcontributionswithfireandsword;
plundering，torturing，ravishing，buryinghiscaptivesinloathsomedungeons，andbroilingthemongridirons，toforcefromthemthesurrenderofeveryparticleoftreasurewhichhesuspectedthemofpossessing;andfightingeverynowandthenwiththeneighbouringlords，hisconterminalbandits，fortherightofmaraudingontheboundaries。Thiswasthetwelfthcentury，asdepictedbyallcontemporaryhistoriansandpoets。
MR。CHAINMAIL。No，sir。Weightheevidenceofspecificfacts;youwillfindmoregoodthanevil。WhowasEngland’sgreatesthero——
themirrorofchivalry，thepatternofhonour，thefountainofgenerosity，themodeltoallsucceedingagesofmilitaryglory？
RichardtheFirst。Thereisakingofthetwelfthcentury。Whatwasthefirststepofliberty？MagnaCharta。Thatwasthebestthingeverdonebylords。Therearelordsofthetwelfthcentury。
Youmustremember，too，thattheselordswerepettyprinces，andmadewaroneachotheraslegitimatelyastheheadsoflargercommunitiesdidordo。Fortheirsystemofrevenue，itwas，tobesure，moreroughandsummarythanthatwhichhassucceededit，butitwascertainlylesssearchingandlessproductive。Andastothepeople，Icontentmyselfwiththesegreatpoints：thateverymanwasarmed，everymanwasagoodarcher，everymancouldandwouldfighteffectively，withswordorpike，orevenwithoakencudgel;
nomanwouldlivequietlywithoutbeefandaleifhehadthemnot;
hefoughttillheeithergotthem，orwasputoutofconditiontowantthem。Theywerenot，andcouldnotbe，subjectedtothatpowerfulpressureofalltheotherclassesofsociety，combinedbygunpowder，steam，andfiscality，whichhasbroughtthemtothatdismaldegradationinwhichweseethemnow。Andtherearethepeopleofthetwelfthcentury。
MR。MACQUEDY。Astoyourking，theenchanterhasdonehimamplejustice，eveninyourownview。Astoyourlordsandtheirladies，hehasdrawnthemtoofavourably，giventhemtoomanyofthefalsecoloursofchivalry，throwntooattractivealightontheirabominabledoings。Astothepeople，hekeepsthemsomuchinthebackground，thathecanhardlybesaidtohaverepresentedthematall，muchlessmisrepresentedthem，whichindeedhecouldscarcelydo，seeingthat，byyourownshowing，theywereallthieves，readytoknockdownanymanforwhattheycouldnotcomebyhonestly。
MR。CHAINMAIL。No，sir。Theycouldcomehonestlybybeefandale，whiletheywerelefttotheirsimpleindustry。Whenoppressioninterferedwiththeminthat，thentheystoodonthedefensive，andfoughtforwhattheywerenotpermittedtocomebyquietly。
MR。MACQUEDY。IfA。，beingaggrievedbyB。，knocksdownC。，doyoucallthatstandingonthedefensive？
MR。CHAINMAIL。ThatdependsonwhoorwhatC。is。
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。Gentlemen，youwillneversettlethiscontroversytillyouhavefirstsettledwhatisgoodformaninthisworld;thegreatquestion，definibus，whichhaspuzzledallphilosophers。Iftheenchanterhasrepresentedthetwelfthcenturytoobrightlyforone，andtoodarklyfortheotherofyou，Ishouldsay，asanimpartialman，hehasrepresenteditfairly。Myquarrelwithhimis，thathisworkscontainnothingworthquoting;andabookthatfurnishesnoquotations，ismejudice，nobook——itisaplaything。Thereisnoquestionabouttheamusement，——amusementofmultitudes;butifhewhoamusesusmostistobeourenchanter[Greektext]，thenmyenchanteristheenchanterofCoventGarden。
CHAPTERX：THEVOYAGE，CONTINUED
Continuantnostreroutte，navigasmespartroisjourssansriendescouvrir。——RABELAIS。
\"Thereisabeautifulstructure，\"saidMr。Chainmail，astheyglidedbyLechladechurch;\"asubjectforthepencil，Captain。Itisaquestionworthasking，Mr。MacQuedy，whetherthereligiousspiritwhichrearedtheseedifices，andconnectedwiththemeverywhereanasylumformisfortune，andaprovisionforpoverty，wasnotbetterthanthecommercialspirit，whichhasturnedallthebusinessofmodernlifeintoschemesofprofitandprocessesoffraudandextortion。Idonotsee，inallyourboastedimprovements，anycompensationforthereligiouscharityofthetwelfthcentury。Idonotseeanycompensationforthatkindlyfeelingwhich，withintheirownlittlecommunities，boundtheseveralclassesofsocietytogether，whilefullscopewasleftforthedevelopmentofnaturalcharacter，whereinindividualsdifferedasconspicuouslyasincostume。Now，weallwearoneconventionaldress，oneconventionalface;wehavenobondofunionbutpecuniaryinterest;wetalkanythingthatcomesuppermostfortalking’ssake，andwithoutexpectingtobebelieved;wehavenonature，nosimplicity，nopicturesqueness：everythingaboutusisasartificialandascomplicatedasoursteam-machinery：ourpoetryisakaleidoscopeoffalseimagery，expressingnorealfeeling，portrayingnorealexistence。Idonotseeanycompensationforthepoetryofthetwelfthcentury。\"
MR。MACQUEDY。Iwondertohearyou，Mr。Chainmail，talkingofthereligiouscharityofasetoflazymonksandbeggarlyfriars，whoweremuchmoreoccupiedwithtakingthangiving;ofwhomthosewhowereinearnestdidnothingbutmakethemselvesandeverybodyaboutthemmiserablewithfastingsandpenances，andothersuchtrash;
andthosewhowerenot，didnothingbutguzzleandroyster，and，havingnowivesoftheirown，tookveryunbecominglibertieswiththoseofhonestermen。Andastoyourpoetryofthetwelfthcentury，itisnotgoodformuch。
MR。CHAINMAIL。Ithas，atanyrate，whatourswants，truthtonatureandsimplicityofdiction。
Thepoetry，whichwasaddressedtothepeopleofthedarkages，pleasedinproportiontothetruthwithwhichitdepictedfamiliarimages，andtotheirnaturalconnectionwiththetimeandplacetowhichtheywereassigned。Inthepoetryofourenlightenedtimes，thecharacteristicsofallseasons，soils，andclimatesmaybeblendedtogetherwithmuchbenefittotheauthor’sfameasanoriginalgenius。Thecowslipofacivicpoetisalwaysinblossom，hisfernisalwaysinfullfeather;hegathersthecelandine，theprimrose，theheath-flower，thejasmine，andthechrysanthemumallonthesamedayandfromthesamespot;hisnightingalesingsalltheyearround，hismoonisalwaysfull，hiscygnetisaswhiteashisswan，hiscedarisastremulousashisaspen，andhispoplarasemboweringashisbeech。Thusallnaturemarcheswiththemarchofmind;butamongbarbarians，insteadofmeadandwine，andthebestseatbythefire，therewardofsuchageniuswouldhavebeentobesummarilyturnedoutofdoorsinthesnow，tomeditateonthedifferencebetweendayandnightandbetweenDecemberandJuly。Itisanageofliberality，indeed，whennottoknowanoakfromaburdockisnodisqualificationforsylvanminstrelsy。Iamfortruthandsimplicity。
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。——LethimwholovesthemreadGreek：Greek，Greek，Greek。
MR。MACQUEDY。——Ifhecan，sir。
REV。DR。FOLLIOTT。——Verytrue，sir;ifhecan。HereistheCaptainwhocan。ButIthinkhemusthavefinishedhiseducationatsomeveryrigidcollege，whereaquotationoranyotherovertactshowingacquaintancewithclassicalliteraturewasvisitedwithaseverepenalty。Formypart，ImakeitmyboastthatIwasnottobesosubdued。IcouldnotbeabatedofasinglequotationbyallthebumpersinwhichIwasfined。
Inthismannertheyglidedoverthefaceofthewaters，discussingeverythingandsettlingnothing。Mr。MacQuedyandtheReverendDoctorFolliotthadmanydigladiationsonpoliticaleconomy：
wherein，eachinhisownview，DoctorFolliottdemolishedMr。MacQuedy’sscience，andMr。MacQuedydemolishedDr。Folliott’sobjections。
Wewouldprintthesedialoguesifwethoughtanyonewouldreadthem;buttheworldisnotyetripeforthishautesagessePantagrueline。WemustthereforecontentourselveswithanechantillonofoneoftheReverendDoctor’sperorations。
\"Youhavegiventhenameofasciencetowhatisyetanimperfectinquiry，andtheupshotofyourso-calledscienceisthis：thatyouincreasethewealthofanationbyincreasinginitthequantityofthingswhichareproducedbylabour：nomatterwhattheyare，nomatterhowproduced，nomatterhowdistributed。Thegreaterthequantityoflabourthathasgonetotheproductionofthequantityofthingsinacommunity，thericheristhecommunity。
Thatisyourdoctrine。Now，Isay，ifthisbeso，richesarenottheobjectforacommunitytoaimat。Isaythenationisbestoff，inrelationtoothernations，whichhasthegreatestquantityofthecommonnecessariesoflifedistributedamongthegreatestnumberofpersons;whichhasthegreatestnumberofhonestheartsandstoutarmsunitedinacommoninterest，willingtooffendnoone，butreadytofightindefenceoftheirowncommunityagainstalltherestoftheworld，becausetheyhavesomethinginitworthfightingfor。Themomentyouadmitthatoneclassofthings，withoutanyreferencetowhattheyrespectivelycost，isbetterworthhavingthananother;thatasmallercommercialvalue，withonemodeofdistribution，isbetterthanagreatercommercialvalue，withanothermodeofdistribution;thewholeofthatcuriousfabricofpostulatesanddogmas，whichyoucallthescienceofpoliticaleconomy，andwhichIcallpoliticaeaeconomiaeinscientia，tumblestopieces。\"
Mr。ToogoodagreedwithMr。ChainmailagainstMr。MacQuedy，thattheexistingstateofsocietywasworsethanthatofthetwelfthcentury;butheagreedwithMr。MacQuedyagainstMr。Chainmail，thatitwasinprogresstosomethingmuchbetterthaneither——towhich\"somethingmuchbetter\"Mr。ToogoodandMr。MacQuedyattachedtwoverydifferentmeanings。
Mr。ChainmailfoughtwithDoctorFolliott，thebattleoftheromanticagainsttheclassicalinpoetry;andMr。SkionarcontendedwithMr。MacQuedyforintuitionandsynthesis，againstanalysisandinductioninphilosophy。
Mr。Philpotwouldliealongforhours，listeningtothegurglingofthewaterroundtheprow，andwouldoccasionallyedifythecompanywithspeculationsonthegreatchangesthatwouldbeeffectedintheworldbythesteam-navigationofrivers：sketchingthecourseofasteamboatupanddownsomemightystreamwhichcivilisationhadeithernevervisited，orlongsincedeserted;theMissouriandtheColumbia，theOroonokoandtheAmazon，theNileandtheNiger，theEuphratesandtheTigris，theOxusandtheIndus，theGangesandtheHoangho;undertheovercanopyingforestsofthenew，orbythelong-silentruinsoftheancient，world;throughtheshapelessmoundsofBabylon，orthegigantictemplesofThebes。
Mr。Trillowentonwiththecompositionofhisopera，andtooktheopinionsoftheyoungladiesoneverystepinitsprogress;
occasionallyregalingthecompanywithspecimens;andwonderingattheblindnessofMr。MacQuedy，whocouldnot，orwouldnot，seethatanoperainperfection，beingtheunionofallthebeautifularts——music，painting，dancing，poetry——exhibitingfemalebeautyinitsmostattractiveaspects，andinitsmostbecomingcostume——was，accordingtothewell-knownprecept，Ingenuasdidicisse，etc。，themostefficientinstrumentofcivilisation，andoughttotakeprecedenceofallotherpursuitsinthemindsoftruephilanthropists。TheReverendDoctorFolliott，ontheseoccasions，neverfailedtosayawordortwoonMr。Trillo’sside，derivedfromthepracticeoftheAthenians，andfromthecombination，intheirtheatre，ofallthebeautifularts，inadegreeofperfectionunknowntothemodernworld。
LeavingLechlade，theyenteredthecanalthatconnectstheThameswiththeSevern;ascendedbymanylocks;passedbyatunnel，threemileslong，throughthebowelsofSappertonHill;agreedunanimouslythatthegreatestpleasurederivablefromvisitingacavernofanysortwasthatofgettingoutofit;descendedbymanylocksagainthroughthevalleyofStroudintotheSevern;continuedtheirnavigationintotheEllesmerecanal;mooredtheirpinnacesintheValeofLlangollenbytheaqueductofPontycysyllty;anddeterminedtopasssomedaysininspectingthescenery，beforecommencingtheirhomewardvoyage。
TheCaptainomittednoopportunityofpressinghissuitonLadyClarinda，butcouldneverdrawfromheranyreplybutthesamedoctrinesofworldlywisdom，deliveredinatoneofbadinage，mixedwithacertainkindnessofmannerthatinducedhimtohopeshewasnotinearnest。
ButthemorningaftertheyhadanchoredunderthehillsoftheDee——
whethertheladyhadreflectedmoreseriouslythanusual，orwassomewhatlessingoodhumourthanusual，ortheCaptainwasmorepressingthanusual——shesaidtohim：\"Itmustnotbe，CaptainFitzchrome;’thecourseoftrueloveneverdidrunsmooth：’myfathermustkeephisborough，andImusthaveatownhouseandacountryhouse，andanoperabox，andacarriage。Itisnotwellforeitherofusthatweshouldflirtanylonger：’Imustbecruelonlytobekind。’Besatisfiedwiththeassurancethatyoualone，ofallmen，haveeverbrokenmyrest。Tobesure，itwasonlyforaboutthreenightsinall;butthatistoomuch。\"
TheCaptainhadlecoeurnavre。Hetookhisportfoliounderhisarm，madeupthelittlevaliseofapedestrian，and，withoutsayingawordtoanyone，wanderedoffatrandomamongthemountains。
Afterthelapseofadayortwo，theCaptainwasmissed，andeveryonemarvelledwhatwasbecomeofhim。Mr。Philpotthoughthemusthavebeenexploringariver，andfalleninandgotdrownedintheprocess。Mr。Firedamphadnodoubthehadbeencrossingamountainbog，andhadbeensuddenlydeprivedoflifebytheexhalationsofmarshmiasmata。Mr。HenbanedeemeditprobablethathehadbeentemptedinsomewoodbythelargeblackbrilliantberriesoftheAtropaBelladonna，orDeadlyNightshade;andlamentedthathehadnotbeenby，toadministeraninfallibleantidote。Mr。Eavesdrophopedtheparticularsofhisfatewouldbeascertained;andaskedifanyonepresentcouldhelphimtoanyauthenticanecdotesoftheirdepartedfriend。TheReverendDoctorFolliottproposedthataninquiryshouldbeinstitutedastowhetherthemarchofintellecthadreachedthatneighbourhood，as，ifso，theCaptainhadprobablybeenmadeasubjectforscience。
Mr。MacQuedysaiditwasnosuchgreatmattertoascertaintheprecisemodeinwhichthesurpluspopulationwasdiminishedbyone。
Mr。Toogoodasseveratedthattherewasnosuchthingassurpluspopulation，andthattheland，properlymanaged，wouldmaintaintwentytimesitspresentinhabitants;andhereupontheyfellintoadisputation。
LadyClarindadidnotdoubtthattheCaptainhadgoneawaydesignedly;shemissedhimmorethanshecouldhaveanticipated，andwishedshehadatleastpostponedherlastpieceofcrueltytillthecompletionoftheirhomewardvoyage。
CHAPTERXI：CORRESPONDENCE
\"Baseistheslavethatpays。\"——ANCIENTPISTOL。
TheCaptainwasneitherdrownednorpoisoned，neithermiasmatisednoranatomised。But，beforeweproceedtoaccountforhim，wemustlookbacktoayounglady，ofwhomsomelittlenoticewastakeninthefirstchapter;andwho，thoughshehassincebeenoutofsight，hasneverwithusbeenoutofmind：MissSusannahTouchandgo，theforsakenofthejuniorCrotchet，whomweleftaninmateofasolitaryfarm，inoneofthedeepvalleysunderthecloud-captsummitsofMeirion，comfortingherwoundedspiritwithairandexercise，rusticcheer，music，painting，andpoetry，andtheprattleofthelittleApLlymrys。
Oneevening，afteranintervalofanxiousexpectation，thefarmer，returningfrommarketbroughtforhertwoletters，ofwhichthecontentswerethese：
\"Dotandcarryonetown，StateofApodidraskiana。
\"April1，18……
MyDearChild，\"Iamanxioustolearnwhatareyourpresentposition，intention，andprospects。Thefairieswhodroppedgoldinyourshoe，onthemorningwhenIceasedtobearespectablemaninLondon，willsoonfindatalismanicchannelfortransmittingyouastockingfullofdollars，whichwillfittheshoeaswellasthefootofCinderellafittedherslipper。IamhappytosayIamagainbecomearespectableman。Itwasalwaysmyambitiontobearespectableman，andIamaveryrespectablemanhere，inthisnewtownshipofanewstate，whereIhavepurchasedfivethousandacresofland，attwodollarsanacre，hardcash，andestablishedaveryflourishingbank。ThenotesofTouchandgoandCompany，softcash，arenowtheexclusivecurrencyofallthisvicinity。Thisisthelandinwhichallmenflourish;buttherearethreeclassesofmenwhoflourishespecially，——methodistpreachers，slave-drivers，andpaper-moneymanufacturers;andasoneofthelatter，IhavejustpaintedthewordBANKonafineslabofmaple，whichwasgreenandgrowingwhenIarrived，andhavediscountedforthesettlers，inmyowncurrency，sundrybills，whicharetobepaidwhentheproceedsofthecroptheyhavejustsownshallreturnfromNewOrleans;sothatmynotesaretherepresentativesofvegetationthatistobe，andI
amaccordinglyacapitalistofthefirstmagnitude。ThepeoplehereknowverywellthatIranawayfromLondon;butthemostofthemhaverunawayfromsomeplaceorother;andtheyhaveagreatrespectforme，becausetheythinkIranawaywithsomethingworthtaking，whichfewofthemhadtheluckorthewittodo。Thisgivesthemconfidenceinmyresources，atthesametimethat，asthereisnothingportableinthesettlementexceptmyownnotes，theyhavenofearthatIshallrunawaywiththem。TheyknowIamthoroughlyconversantwiththeprinciplesofbanking，andastheyhaveplentyofindustry，nolackofsharpness，andabundanceofland，theywantednothingbutcapitaltoorganiseaflourishingsettlement;andthiscapitalIhavemanufacturedtotheextentrequired，attheexpenseofasmallimportationofpens，ink，andpaper，andtwoorthreeinimitablecopperplates。Ihaveabundancehereofallgoodthings，agoodconscienceincluded;forIreallycannotseethatIhavedoneanywrong。Thiswasmyposition：I
owedhalfamillionofmoney;andIhadatrifleinmypocket。Itwasclearthatthistriflecouldneverfinditswaytotherightowner。Thequestionwas，whetherIshouldkeepit，andlivelikeagentleman;orhanditovertolawyersandcommissionersofbankruptcy，anddielikeadogonadunghill。IfIcouldhavethoughtthatthesaidlawyers，etc。，hadabettertitletoitthanmyself，Imighthavehesitated;but，assuchtitlewasnotapparenttomysatisfaction，Idecidedthequestioninmyownfavour，therightowners，asIhavealreadysaid，beingoutofthequestionaltogether。Ihavealwaystakenscientificviewsofmoralsandpolitics，ahabitfromwhichIderivemuchcomfortunderexistingcircumstances。
\"Ihopeyouadheretoyourmusic，thoughIcannothopeagaintoaccompanyyourharpwithmyflute。Mylastandantemovementwastooforteforthosewhomittookbysurprise。LetnotyourallegrovivacebedampedbyyoungCrotchet’sdesertion，which，thoughI
havenotheardit，Itakeforgranted。Heis，likemyself，ascientificpolitician，andhasaneyeaskeenasaneedletohisowninterest。Hehashadgoodlucksofar，andisgorgeousinthespoilsofmanygulls;butIthinkthePolarBasinandWalrusCompanywillbetoomuchforhimyet。Therehasbeenasplendidoutlayoncredit，andheistheonlyman，oftheoriginalpartiesconcerned，ofwhomhisMajesty’ssheriffscouldgiveanyaccount。
\"Iwillnotaskyoutocomehere。Thereisnohusbandforyou。
Themensmoke，drink，andfight，andbreakmoreoftheirownheadsthanofgirls’hearts。Thoseamongthemwhoaremusical，singnothingbutpsalms。Theyareexcellentfellowsintheirway，butyouwouldnotlikethem。
\"Aureste，herearenorents，notaxes，nopoor-rates，notithes，nochurchestablishment，norouts，noclubs，norottenboroughs，nooperas，noconcerts，notheatres，nobeggars，nothieves，noking，nolords，noladies，andonlyonegentleman，videlicet，yourlovingfather，TimothyTouchandgo。\"
P。S。——Isendyouoneofmynotes;Icanaffordtopartwithit。Ifyouareaccusedofreceivingmoneyfromme，youmaypayitovertomyassignees。Robthetillcontinuestobemyfactotum;Isaynomoreofhiminthisplace：hewillgiveyouanaccountofhimself。\"
\"Dotandcarryonetown，etc。
\"DearMiss，\"Mr。Touchandgowillhavetoldyouofourarrivalhere，ofoursettingupabank，andsoforth。Wecamehereinatiltedwaggon，whichservedusforparlour，kitchen，andall。Wesoongotupalog-house;and，unluckily，weassoongotitdownagain，forthefirstfirewemadeinitburneddownhouseandall。However，oursecondexperimentwasmorefortunate;andweareprettywelllodgedinahouseofthreeroomsonafloor;Ishouldsaythefloor，forthereisbutone。
\"Thisnewstateisfreetoholdslaves;allthenewstateshavenotthisprivilege：Mr。Touchandgohasboughtsome，andtheyarebuildinghimavilla。Mr。Touchandgoisinathrivingway，butheisnothappyhere：helongsforpartiesandconcerts，andaseatinCongress。Hethinksitveryhardthathecannotbuyonewithhisowncoinage，asheusedtodoinEngland。Besides，heisafraidoftheRegulators，who，iftheydonotlikeaman’scharacter，waituponhimandfloghim，doublingthedoseatstatedintervals，tillhetakeshimselfoff。Hedoesnotlikethissystemofadministeringjustice：thoughIthinkhehasnothingtofearfromit。Hehasthecharacterofhavingmoney，whichisthebestofallcharactershere，asathome。HeletshisoldEnglishprejudicesinfluencehisopinionsofhisnewneighbours;but，I
assureyou，theyhavemanyvirtues。Thoughtheydokeepslaves，theyareallreadytofightfortheirownliberty;andIshouldnotliketobeanenemywithinreachofoneoftheirrifles。WhenI
sayenemy，Iincludebailiffintheterm。Onewasshotnotlongago。Therewasatrial;thejurygavetwodollarsdamages;thejudgesaidtheymustfindguiltyornotguilty;butthecounselforthedefendant（theywouldnotcallhimprisoner）offeredtofightthejudgeuponthepoint：andasthiswassaidliterally，notmetaphorically，andthecounselwasastoutfellow，thejudgegavein。Thetwodollarsdamageswerenotpaidafterall;forthedefendantchallengedtheforemantoboxfordoubleorquits，andtheforemanwasbeaten。ThefolksinNewYorkmadeagreatoutcryaboutit，buthereitwasconsideredallasitshouldbe。Soyousee，Miss，justice，liberty，andeverythingelseofthatkind，aredifferentindifferentplaces，justassuitstheconvenienceofthosewhohavetheswordintheirownhands。Hopingtohearofyourhealthandhappiness，Iremain，\"DearMiss，yourdutifulservant，\"RoderickRobthetill。\"
MissTouchandgorepliedasfollowstothefirstoftheseletters：
\"MyDearFather，\"Iamsureyouhavethebestofhearts，andIhavenodoubtyouhaveactedwiththebestintentions。Mylover，or，Ishouldrathersay，myfortune’slover，hasindeedforsakenme。IcannotsayI
didnotfeelit;indeed，Icriedverymuch;andthealteredlooksofpeoplewhousedtobesodelightedtoseeme，reallyannoyedmeso，thatIdeterminedtochangethescenealtogether。IhavecomeintoWales，andamboardingwithafarmerandhiswife。TheirstockofEnglishisverysmall;butImanagedtoagreewiththem，andtheyhavefourofthesweetestchildrenIeversaw，towhomI
teachallIknow，andImanagetopickupsomeWelsh。Ihavepuzzledoutalittlesong，whichIthinkverypretty;IhavetranslateditintoEnglish，andIsendityou，withtheoriginalair。Youshallplayitonyourfluteateighto’clockeverySaturdayevening，andIwillplayandsingitatthesametime，andIwillfancythatIhearmydearpapaaccompanyingme。
\"ThepeopleinLondonsaidveryunkindthingsofyou：theyhurtmeverymuchatthetime;butnowIamoutoftheirway，Idonotseemtothinktheiropinionofmuchconsequence。Iamsure，whenI
recollect，atleisure，everythingIhaveseenandheardamongthem，Icannotmakeoutwhattheydothatissovirtuous，astosetthemupforjudgesofmorals。AndIamsuretheyneverspeakthetruthaboutanything，andthereisnosincerityineithertheirloveortheirfriendship。AnoldWelshbardhere，whowearsawaistcoatembroideredwithleeks，andiscalledtheGreenBardofCadeirIdris，saystheScotchwouldbethebestpeopleintheworld，iftherewasnobodybutthemselvestogivethemacharacter：andsoI
thinkwouldtheLondoners。Ihatetheverythoughtofthem，forI
dobelievetheywouldhavebrokenmyheart，ifIhadnotgotoutoftheirway。NowIshallwriteyouanotherletterverysoon，anddescribetoyouthecountry，andthepeople，andthechildren，andhowIamusemyself，andeverythingthatIthinkyouwillliketohearabout：andwhenIsealthisletter，Ishalldropakissonthecover。
\"Yourlovingdaughter，\"SusannahTouchandgo。
P。S。——TellMr。RobthetillIwillwritetohiminadayortwo。
ThisisthelittlesongIspokeof：
\"Beyondthesea，beyondthesea，Myheartisgone，far，farfromme;
AndeveronitstrackwillfleeMythoughts，mydreams，beyondthesea。
\"Beyondthesea，beyondthesea，Theswallowwandersfastandfree;
Oh，happybird！wereIlikethee，I，too，wouldflybeyondthesea。
\"Beyondthesea，beyondthesea，Arekindlyheartsandsocialglee：
Buthereformetheymaynotbe;
Myheartisgonebeyondthesea。\"
CHAPTERXII：THEMOUNTAININN
[Greektext]
HowsweettomindsthatlovenotsordidwaysIssolitude！——MENANDER。
TheCaptainwandereddespondinglyupanddownhillforseveraldays，passingmanyhoursofeachinsittingonrocks;making，almostmechanically，sketchesofwaterfalls，andmountainpools;
takingcare，nevertheless，tobealwaysbeforenightfallinacomfortableinn，where，beingatemperateman，hewhiledawaytheeveningwithmakingabottleofsherryintonegus。HisramblesbroughthimatlengthintotheinteriorofMerionethshire，thelandofallthatisbeautifulinnature，andallthatislovelyinwoman。
Here，inasecludedvillage，hefoundalittleinn，ofsmallpretensionandmuchcomfort。Hefeltsosatisfiedwithhisquarters，anddiscoveredeverydaysomuchvarietyinthescenesofthesurroundingmountains，thathisinclinationtoproceedfartherdiminishedprogressively。
Itisonethingtofollowthehighroadthroughacountry，witheveryprincipallyremarkableobjectcarefullynoteddowninabook，taking，asthereindirected，aguide，atparticularpoints，tothemorereconditesights：itisanothertositdownononechosenspot，especiallywhenthechoiceisunpremeditated，andfromthence，byaseriesofexplorations，tocomedaybydayonunanticipatedscenes。Thelatterprocesshasmanyadvantagesovertheformer;itisfreefromthedisappointmentwhichattendsexcitedexpectation，whenimaginationhasoutstrippedreality，andfromtheaccidentsthatmartheschemeofthetourist’ssingleday，whenthevalleysmaybedrenchedwithrain，orthemountainsshroudedwithmist。
TheCaptainwasonemorningpreparingtosallyforthonhisusualexploration，whenheheardavoicewithout，inquiringforaguidetotheruinedcastle。Thevoiceseemedfamiliartohim，andgoingforthintothegateway，herecognisedMr。Chainmail。Aftergreetingsandinquiriesfortheabsent：\"Youvanishedveryabruptly，Captain，\"saidMr。Chainmail，\"fromourpartyonthecanal。\"
CAPTAINFITZCHROME。Totellyouthetruth，Ihadaparticularreasonfortryingtheeffectofabsencefromapartofthatparty。
MR。CHAINMAIL。Isurmisedasmuch：atthesametime，theunusualmelancholyofaningeneralmostvivaciousyoungladymademewonderatyourhavingactedsoprecipitately。Thelady’sheartisyours，iftherebetruthinsigns。
CAPTAINFITZCHROME。Heartsarenotnowwhattheywereinthedaysoftheoldsong：\"Willlovebecontrolledbyadvice？\"
MR。CHAINMAIL。Verytrue;hearts，heads，andarmshavealldegenerated，mostsadly。Wecannomorefeelthehighimpassionedloveoftheages，whichsomepeoplehavetheimpudencetocalldark，thanwecanwieldKingRichard’sbattleaxe，bendRobinHood’sbow，orflourishtheoakengraftofthePindarofWakefield。Stillwehaveourtastesandfeelings，thoughtheydeservenotthenameofpassions;andsomeofusmaypluckupspirittotrytocarryapoint，whenwereflectthatwehavetocontendwithmennobetterthanourselves。
CAPTAINFITZCHROME。Wedonotnowbreaklancesforladies。
MR。CHAINMAIL。No;norevenbulrushes。Wejinglepursesforthem，flourishpaper-moneybanners，andtiltwithscrollsofparchment。
CAPTAINFITZCHROME。InwhichsortoftiltingIhavebeenthrownfromthesaddle。Ipresumeitwasnotlovethatledyoufromtheflotilla？
MR。CHAINMAIL。Bynomeans。Iwastemptedbythesightofanoldtower，nottoleavethislandofruinedcastles，withouthavingcollectedafewhintsfortheadornmentofmybaronialhall。
CAPTAINFITZCHROME。Iunderstandyouliveenfamillewithyourdomestics。Youwillhavemoredifficultyinfindingaladywhowouldadoptyourfashionofliving，thanonewhowouldpreferyoutoaricherman。
MR。CHAINMAIL。Verytrue。Ihavetriedtheexperimentonseveralasguests;butoncewasenoughforthem：so，Isuppose，Ishalldieabachelor。
CAPTAINFITZCHROME。Isee，likesomeothersofmyfriends，youwillgiveupanythingexceptyourhobby。
MR。CHAINMAIL。Iwillgiveupanythingbutmybaronialhall。
CAPTAINFITZCHROME。Youwillneverfindawifeforyourpurpose，unlessinthedaughterofsomeold-fashionedfarmer。
MR。CHAINMAIL。No，Ithankyou。Imusthavealadyofgentleblood;Ishallnotmarrybelowmyowncondition：Iamtoomuchofaherald;Ihavetoomuchofthetwelfthcenturyinmeforthat。
CAPTAINFITZCHROME。Why，thenyourchanceisnotmuchbetterthanmine。Awell-bornbeautywouldscarcelybebetterpleasedwithyourbaronialhallthanwithmymorehumbleofferofloveinacottage。Shemusthaveatown-house，andanopera-box，androllaboutthestreetsinacarriage;especiallyifherfatherhasarottenborough，forthesakeofwhichhesellshisdaughter，thathemaycontinuetosellhiscountry。Butyouwereinquiringforaguidetotheruinedcastleinthisvicinity;Iknowthewayandwillconductyou。
TheproposalpleasedMr。Chainmail，andtheysetforthontheirexpeditionCHAPTERXIII：THELAKE——THERUIN
Orvieni，Amore，equamecot’assetta。
ORLANDOINNAMORATO。
MR。CHAINMAIL。Woulditnotbeafinething，Captain，youbeingpicturesque，andIpoetical;youbeingforthelightsandshadowsofthepresent，andIforthoseofthepast;ifweweretogotogetheroverthegroundwhichwastravelledinthetwelfthcenturybyGiraldusdeBarri，whenheaccompaniedArchbishopBaldwintopreachthecrusade？
CAPTAINFITZCHROME。Nothing，inmypresentframeofmind，couldbemoreagreeabletome。
MR。CHAINMAIL。WewouldprovideourselveswithhisItinerarium;
comparewhathasbeen，withwhatis;contemplateintheirdecaythecastlesandabbeys，whichhesawintheirstrengthandsplendour;
and，whileyouweresketchingtheirremains，Iwoulddispassionatelyinquirewhathasbeengainedbythechange。
CAPTAINFITZCHROME。Beitso。
Buttheschemewasnosoonerarranged，thantheCaptainwassummonedtoLondonbyaletteronbusiness，whichhedidnotexpecttodetainhimlong。Mr。Chainmail，who，liketheCaptain，wasfascinatedwiththeinnandthescenery，determinedtoawaithiscompanion’sreturn;and，havingfurnishedhimwithalistofbooks，whichhewastobringwithhimfromLondon，tookleaveofhim，andbegantopasshisdaysliketheheroesofAriosto，who-tuttoilgiorno，albeloprarintenti，Salironbalze，etraversartorrenti。
OnedayMr。Chainmailtracedupwardsthecourseofamountainstreamtoaspotwhereasmallwaterfallthrewitselfoveraslabofperpendicularrock，whichseemedtobarhisfartherprogress。
Onanearerview，hediscoveredaflightofsteps，roughlyhewnintherock，ononesideofthefall。Ascendingthesesteps，heenteredanarrowwindingpass，betweenhighandnakedrocks，thataffordedonlyspaceforaroughfootpath，carvedononeside，atsomeheightabovethetorrent。
Thepassopenedonalake，fromwhichthestreamissued，andwhichlaylikeadarkmirror，setinagiganticframeofmountainprecipices。Fragmentsofrocklayscatteredontheedgeofthelake，somehalf-buriedinthewater：Mr。Chainmailscrambledsomewayoverthesefragments，tillthebaseofarocksinkingabruptlyinthewater，effectuallybarredhisprogress。Hesatdownonalargesmoothstone;thefaintmurmurofthestreamhehadquitted，theoccasionalflappingofthewingsoftheheron，andatlongintervals，thesolitaryspringingofatrout，weretheonlysoundsthatcametohisear。Thesunshonebrightlyhalf-waydowntheoppositerocks，presenting，ontheirirregularfaces，strongmassesoflightandshade。Suddenlyheheardthedashofapaddle，and，turninghiseyes，sawasolitaryandbeautifulgirlglidingoverthelakeinacoracle：shewasproceedingfromthevicinityofthepointhehadquitted，towardstheupperendofthelake。Herapparelwasrustic，buttherewasinitsstylesomethingmorerecherchee，initsarrangementsomethingmoreofeleganceandprecision，thanwascommontothemountainpeasantgirl。Ithadmoreofthecontadinaoftheopera，thanofthegenuinemountaineer;soatleastthoughtMr。Chainmail;butshepassedsorapidly，andtookhimsomuchbysurprise，thathehadlittleopportunityforaccurateobservation。Hesawherland，atthefartherextremity，anddisappearamongtherocks：herosefromhisseat，returnedtothemouthofthepass，steppedfromstonetostoneacrossthestream，andattemptedtopassroundbytheothersideofthelake;butthereagaintheabruptlysinkingprecipiceclosedhisway。
Dayafterdayhehauntedthespot，butneversawagaineitherthedamselorthecoracle。Atlength，marvellingathimselfforbeingsosolicitousabouttheapparitionofapeasantgirlinacoracle，whocouldnot，byanypossibility，beanythingtohim，heresumedhisexplorationsinanotherdirection。
Onedayhewanderedtotheruinedcastle，onthesea-shore，whichwasnotverydistantfromhisinn;andsittingontherock，nearthebaseoftheruin，wascallinguptheformsofpastagesonthewallofaniviedtower，whenonitssummitappearedafemalefigure，whomherecognisedinaninstantforhisnymphofthecoracle。Thefoldsofthebluegownpressedbythesea-breezeagainstoneofthemostsymmetricaloffigures，theblackfeatheroftheblackhat，andtheringletedhairbeneathitflutteringinthewind;theapparentperilofherposition，ontheedgeofthemoulderingwall，fromwhoseimmediatebasetherockwentdownperpendicularlytothesea，presentedasingularlyinterestingcombinationtotheeyeoftheyoungantiquary。
Mr。Chainmailhadtopasshalfroundthecastle，onthelandside，beforehecouldreachtheentrance：hecoastedthedryandbramble-grownmoat，crossedtheunguardedbridge，passedtheunportcullisedarchofthegateway，enteredthecastlecourt，ascertainedthetower，ascendedthebrokenstairs，andstoodontheiviedwall。Butthenymphoftheplacewasgone。Hesearchedtheruinswithinandwithout，buthefoundnotwhathesought：hehauntedthecastledayafterday，ashehaddonethelake，butthedamselappearednomore。
CHAPTERXIV：THEDINGLE
ThestarsofmidnightshallbedearToher，andsheshallleanherearInmanyasecretplace，Whererivuletsdancetheirwaywardround，Andbeauty，bornofmurmuringsound，Shallpassintoherface。——WORDSWORTH。
MissSusannahTouchandgohadreadthefourgreatpoetsofItaly，andmanyofthebestwritersofFrance。Aboutthetimeofherfather’sdownfall，accidentthrewintoherwayLesReveriesduPromeneurSolitaire;andfromtheimpressionwhichthesemadeonher，shecarriedwithherintoretirementalltheworksofRousseau。Inthemidstofthatstartlinglight，whichtheconductofoldfriendsonasuddenreverseoffortunethrowsonayoungandinexperiencedmind，thedoctrinesofthephilosopherofGenevastruckwithdoubleforceuponhersympathies：sheimbibedthesweetpoison，assomebodycallsit，ofhiswritings，eventoaloveoftruth;which，everywisemanknows，oughttobelefttothosewhocangetanythingbyit。Thesocietyofchildren，thebeautiesofnature，thesolitudeofthemountains，becameherconsolation，and，bydegrees，herdelight。Thegaysocietyfromwhichshehadbeenexcluded，remainedonhermemoryonlyasadisagreeabledream。
Sheimbibedhernewmonitor’sideasofsimplicityofdress，assimilatingherownwiththatofthepeasant-girlsintheneighbourhood：theblackhat，thebluegown，theblackstockings，theshoes，tiedontheinstep。
Pridewas，perhaps，atthebottomofthechange：shewaswillingtoimposeinsomemeasureonherself，bymarkingacontemptuousindifferencetothecharacteristicsoftheclassofsocietyfromwhichshehadfallen。
AndwiththefoodofpridesustainedhersoulInsolitude。
Itistruethatshesomewhatmodifiedtheformsofherrusticdress：totheblackhatsheaddedablackfeather，tothebluegownsheaddedatippet，andawaistbandfastenedinfrontwithasilverbuckle;sheworeherblackstockingsverysmoothandtightonherankles，andtiedhershoesintastefulbows，withthenicestpossibleribbon。Inthisapparel，towhich，inwinter，sheaddedascarletcloak，shemadedreadfulhavocamongtherusticmountaineers，manyofwhomproposedto\"keepcompany\"withherintheCambrianfashion，anhonourwhich，totheirgreatsurprise，shealwaysdeclined。Amongthese，HarryAp-Heather，whosefatherrentedanextensivesheepwalk，andhadathousandshe-lambswanderinginthemountains，wasthemoststrenuousinhissuit，andthemostpatheticinhislamentationsforhercruelty。
MissSusannahoftenwanderedamongthemountainsalone，eventosomedistancefromthefarmhouse。Sometimesshedescendedintothebottomofthedingles，totheblackrockybedsofthetorrents，anddreamedawayhoursatthefeetofthecataracts。Onespotinparticular，fromwhichshehadatfirstshrunkwithterror，becamebydegreesherfavouritehaunt。Apathturningandreturningatacuteangles，leddownasteepwood-coveredslopetotheedgeofachasm，whereapool，orresting-placeofatorrent，layfarbelow。