’Shewassoonlaidintheground。Andnowtheywereallgone，andhehadcompensatedhimselfwell。
’Hehadamindtotravel。NotthathemeanttowastehisMoney，forhewasapinchingmanandlikedhisMoneydearly（likednothingelse，indeed），but，thathehadgrowntiredofthedesolatehouseandwishedtoturnhisbackuponitandhavedonewithit。But，thehousewasworthMoney，andMoneymustnotbethrownaway。Hedeterminedtosellitbeforehewent。Thatitmightlookthelesswretchedandbringabetterprice，hehiredsomelabourerstoworkintheovergrowngarden;tocutoutthedeadwood，trimtheivythatdroopedinheavymassesoverthewindowsandgables，andclearthewalksinwhichtheweedsweregrowingmid-leghigh。
’Heworked，himself，alongwiththem。Heworkedlaterthantheydid，and，oneeveningatdusk，wasleftworkingalone，withhisbill-hookinhishand。Oneautumnevening，whentheBridewasfiveweeksdead。
’\"Itgrowstoodarktoworklonger，\"hesaidtohimself，\"Imustgiveoverforthenight。\"
’Hedetestedthehouse，andwasloathtoenterit。Helookedatthedarkporchwaitingforhimlikeatomb，andfeltthatitwasanaccursedhouse。Neartotheporch，andneartowherehestood，wasatreewhosebrancheswavedbeforetheoldbay-windowoftheBride’sChamber，whereithadbeendone。Thetreeswungsuddenly，andmadehimstart。Itswungagain，althoughthenightwasstill。
Lookingupintoit，hesawafigureamongthebranches。
’Itwasthefigureofayoungman。Thefacelookeddown，ashislookedup;thebranchescrackedandswayed;thefigurerapidlydescended，andsliduponitsfeetbeforehim。Aslenderyouthofaboutherage，withlonglightbrownhair。
’\"Whatthiefareyou？\"hesaid，seizingtheyouthbythecollar。
’Theyoungman，inshakinghimselffree，swunghimablowwithhisarmacrossthefaceandthroat。Theyclosed，buttheyoungmangotfromhimandsteppedback，crying，withgreateagernessandhorror，\"Don’ttouchme！IwouldaslievebetouchedbytheDevil！\"
’Hestoodstill，withhisbill-hookinhishand，lookingattheyoungman。For，theyoungman’slookwasthecounterpartofherlastlook，andhehadnotexpectedevertoseethatagain。
’\"Iamnothief。EvenifIwere，Iwouldnothaveacoinofyourwealth，ifitwouldbuymetheIndies。Youmurderer！\"
’\"What！\"
’\"Iclimbedit，\"saidtheyoungman，pointingupintothetree，\"forthefirsttime，nighfouryearsago。Iclimbedit，tolookather。Isawher。Ispoketoher。Ihaveclimbedit，manyatime，towatchandlistenforher。Iwasaboy，hiddenamongitsleaves，whenfromthatbay-windowshegavemethis！\"
’Heshowedatressofflaxenhair，tiedwithamourningribbon。
’\"Herlife，\"saidtheyoungman，\"wasalifeofmourning。Shegavemethis，asatokenofit，andasignthatshewasdeadtoeveryonebutyou。IfIhadbeenolder，ifIhadseenhersooner，I
mighthavesavedherfromyou。But，shewasfastinthewebwhenI
firstclimbedthetree，andwhatcouldIdothentobreakit！\"
’Insayingthosewords，heburstintoafitofsobbingandcrying：
weaklyatfirst，thenpassionately。
’\"Murderer！Iclimbedthetreeonthenightwhenyoubroughtherback。Iheardher，fromthetree，speakoftheDeath-watchatthedoor。Iwasthreetimesinthetreewhileyouwereshutupwithher，slowlykillingher。Isawher，fromthetree，liedeaduponherbed。Ihavewatchedyou，fromthetree，forproofsandtracesofyourguilt。Themannerofit，isamysterytomeyet，butI
willpursueyouuntilyouhaverenderedupyourlifetothehangman。Youshallnever，untilthen，beridofme。Ilovedher！
Icanknownorelentingtowardsyou。Murderer，Ilovedher！\"
’Theyouthwasbare-headed，hishathavingflutteredawayinhisdescentfromthetree。Hemovedtowardsthegate。Hehadtopass-Him-togettoit。Therewasbreadthfortwoold-fashionedcarriagesabreast;andtheyouth’sabhorrence，openlyexpressedineveryfeatureofhisfaceandlimbofhisbody，andveryhardtobear，hadvergeenoughtokeepitselfatadistancein。He（bywhichImeantheother）hadnotstirredhandorfoot，sincehehadstoodstilltolookattheboy。Hefacedround，now，tofollowhimwithhiseyes。Asthebackofthebarelight-brownheadwasturnedtohim，hesawaredcurvestretchfromhishandtoit。Heknew，beforehethrewthebill-hook，whereithadalighted-Isay，hadalighted，andnot，wouldalight;for，tohisclearperceptionthethingwasdonebeforehedidit。Itcleftthehead，anditremainedthere，andtheboylayonhisface。
’Heburiedthebodyinthenight，atthefootofthetree。Assoonasitwaslightinthemorning，heworkedatturningupallthegroundnearthetree，andhackingandhewingattheneighbouringbushesandundergrowth。Whenthelabourerscame，therewasnothingsuspicious，andnothingsuspected。
’But，hehad，inamoment，defeatedallhisprecautions，anddestroyedthetriumphoftheschemehehadsolongconcerted，andsosuccessfullyworkedout。HehadgotridoftheBride，andhadacquiredherfortunewithoutendangeringhislife;butnow，foradeathbywhichhehadgainednothing，hehadevermoretolivewitharopearoundhisneck。
’Beyondthis，hewaschainedtothehouseofgloomandhorror，whichhecouldnotendure。Beingafraidtosellitortoquitit，lestdiscoveryshouldbemade，hewasforcedtoliveinit。Hehiredtwooldpeople，manandwife，forhisservants;anddweltinit，anddreadedit。Hisgreatdifficulty，foralongtime，wasthegarden。Whetherheshouldkeepittrim，whetherheshouldsufferittofallintoitsformerstateofneglect，whatwouldbetheleastlikelywayofattractingattentiontoit？
’Hetookthemiddlecourseofgardening，himself，inhiseveningleisure，andofthencallingtheoldserving-mantohelphim;but，ofneverlettinghimworktherealone。Andhemadehimselfanarbouroveragainstthetree，wherehecouldsitandseethatitwassafe。
’Astheseasonschanged，andthetreechanged，hismindperceiveddangersthatwerealwayschanging。Intheleafytime，heperceivedthattheupperboughsweregrowingintotheformoftheyoungman-
thattheymadetheshapeofhimexactly，sittinginaforkedbranchswinginginthewind。Inthetimeofthefallingleaves，heperceivedthattheycamedownfromthetree，formingtell-talelettersonthepath，orthattheyhadatendencytoheapthemselvesintoachurchyardmoundabovethegrave。Inthewinter，whenthetreewasbare，heperceivedthattheboughsswungathimtheghostoftheblowtheyoungmanhadgiven，andthattheythreatenedhimopenly。Inthespring，whenthesapwasmountinginthetrunk，heaskedhimself，werethedried-upparticlesofbloodmountingwithit：tomakeoutmoreobviouslythisyearthanlast，theleaf-
screenedfigureoftheyoungman，swinginginthewind？
’However，heturnedhisMoneyoverandover，andstillover。Hewasinthedarktrade，thegold-dusttrade，andmostsecrettradesthatyieldedgreatreturns。Intenyears，hehadturnedhisMoneyover，somanytimes，thatthetradersandshipperswhohaddealingswithhim，absolutelydidnotlie-foronce-whentheydeclaredthathehadincreasedhisfortune，TwelveHundredPerCent。
’Hepossessedhisrichesonehundredyearsago，whenpeoplecouldbelosteasily。Hehadheardwhotheyouthwas，fromhearingofthesearchthatwasmadeafterhim;but，itdiedaway，andtheyouthwasforgotten。
’Theannualroundofchangesinthetreehadbeenrepeatedtentimessincethenightoftheburialatitsfoot，whentherewasagreatthunder-stormoverthisplace。Itbrokeatmidnight，androareduntilmorning。Thefirstintelligenceheheardfromhisoldserving-manthatmorning，was，thatthetreehadbeenstruckbyLightning。
’Ithadbeenrivendownthestem，inaverysurprisingmanner，andthestemlayintwoblightedshafts：onerestingagainstthehouse，andoneagainstaportionoftheoldredgarden-wallinwhichitsfallhadmadeagap。Thefissurewentdownthetreetoalittleabovetheearth，andtherestopped。Therewasgreatcuriositytoseethetree，and，withmostofhisformerfearsrevived，hesatinhisarbour-grownquiteanoldman-watchingthepeoplewhocametoseeit。
’Theyquicklybegantocome，insuchdangerousnumbers，thatheclosedhisgarden-gateandrefusedtoadmitanymore。But，therewerecertainmenofsciencewhotravelledfromadistancetoexaminethetree，and，inanevilhour，heletthemin！-BlightandMurrainonthem，letthemin！
’Theywantedtodiguptheruinbytheroots，andcloselyexamineit，andtheearthaboutit。Never，whilehelived！Theyofferedmoneyforit。They！Menofscience，whomhecouldhaveboughtbythegross，withascratchofhispen！Heshowedthemthegarden-
gateagain，andlockedandbarredit。
’Buttheywerebentondoingwhattheywantedtodo，andtheybribedtheoldserving-man-athanklesswretchwhoregularlycomplainedwhenhereceivedhiswages，ofbeingunderpaid-andtheystoleintothegardenbynightwiththeirlanterns，picks，andshovels，andfelltoatthetree。Hewaslyinginaturret-roomontheothersideofthehouse（theBride’sChamberhadbeenunoccupiedeversince），buthesoondreamedofpicksandshovels，andgotup。
’Hecametoanupperwindowonthatside，whencehecouldseetheirlanterns，andthem，andthelooseearthinaheapwhichhehadhimselfdisturbedandputback，whenitwaslastturnedtotheair。
Itwasfound！Theyhadthatminutelightedonit。Theywereallbendingoverit。Oneofthemsaid，\"Theskullisfractured;\"andanother，\"Seeherethebones;\"andanother，\"Seeheretheclothes;\"
andthenthefirststruckinagain，andsaid，\"Arustybill-hook！\"
’Hebecamesensible，nextday，thathewasalreadyputunderastrictwatch，andthathecouldgonowherewithoutbeingfollowed。
Beforeaweekwasout，hewastakenandlaidinhold。Thecircumstancesweregraduallypiecedtogetheragainsthim，withadesperatemalignity，andanappallingingenuity。But，seethejusticeofmen，andhowitwasextendedtohim！HewasfurtheraccusedofhavingpoisonedthatgirlintheBride’sChamber。He，whohadcarefullyandexpresslyavoidedimperillingahairofhisheadforher，andwhohadseenherdieofherownincapacity！
’Therewasdoubtforwhichofthetwomurdersheshouldbefirsttried;but，therealonewaschosen，andhewasfoundGuilty，andcastfordeath。Bloodthirstywretches！TheywouldhavemadehimGuiltyofanything，sosettheywereuponhavinghislife。
’Hismoneycoulddonothingtosavehim，andhewashanged。IamHe，andIwashangedatLancasterCastlewithmyfacetothewall，ahundredyearsago！’
Atthisterrificannouncement，Mr。Goodchildtriedtoriseandcryout。But，thetwofierylinesextendingfromtheoldman’seyestohisown，kepthimdown，andhecouldnotutterasound。Hissenseofhearing，however，wasacute，andhecouldheartheclockstrikeTwo。NosoonerhadheheardtheclockstrikeTwo，thanhesawbeforehimTwooldmen！
TWO。
Theeyesofeach，connectedwithhiseyesbytwofilmsoffire：
each，exactlyliketheother：each，addressinghimatpreciselyoneandthesameinstant：each，gnashingthesameteethinthesamehead，withthesametwitchednostrilabovethem，andthesamesuffusedexpressionaroundit。Twooldmen。Differinginnothing，equallydistincttothesight，thecopynofainterthantheoriginal，thesecondasrealasthefirst。
’Atwhattime，’saidtheTwooldmen，’didyouarriveatthedoorbelow？’
’AtSix。’
’AndtherewereSixoldmenuponthestairs！’
Mr。Goodchildhavingwipedtheperspirationfromhisbrow，ortriedtodoit，theTwooldmenproceededinonevoice，andinthesingularnumber：
’Ihadbeenanatomised，buthadnotyethadmyskeletonputtogetherandre-hungonanironhook，whenitbegantobewhisperedthattheBride’sChamberwashaunted。ItWAShaunted，andIwasthere。
’WEwerethere。SheandIwerethere。I，inthechairuponthehearth;she，awhitewreckagain，trailingitselftowardsmeonthefloor。But，Iwasthespeakernomore，andtheonewordthatshesaidtomefrommidnightuntildawnwas，’Live！’
’Theyouthwasthere，likewise。Inthetreeoutsidethewindow。
Comingandgoinginthemoonlight，asthetreebentandgave。Hehas，eversince，beenthere，peepinginatmeinmytorment;
revealingtomebysnatches，inthepalelightsandslateyshadowswherehecomesandgoes，bare-headed-abill-hook，standingedgewiseinhishair。
’IntheBride’sChamber，everynightfrommidnightuntildawn-onemonthintheyearexcepted，asIamgoingtotellyou-hehidesinthetree，andshecomestowardsmeonthefloor;alwaysapproaching;nevercomingnearer;alwaysvisibleasifbymoon-
light，whetherthemoonshinesorno;alwayssaying，frommid-nightuntildawn，heroneword，\"Live！\"
’But，inthemonthwhereinIwasforcedoutofthislife-thispresentmonthofthirtydays-theBride’sChamberisemptyandquiet。Notsomyolddungeon。NotsotheroomswhereIwasrestlessandafraid，tenyears。Botharefitfullyhauntedthen。
AtOneinthemorning。Iamwhatyousawmewhentheclockstruckthathour-Oneoldman。AtTwointhemorning，IamTwooldmen。
AtThree，IamThree。ByTwelveatnoon，IamTwelveoldmen，Oneforeveryhundredpercent。ofoldgain。EveryoneoftheTwelve，withTwelvetimesmyoldpowerofsufferingandagony。FromthathouruntilTwelveatnight，I，Twelveoldmeninanguishandfearfulforeboding，waitforthecomingoftheexecutioner。AtTwelveatnight，I，Twelveoldmenturnedoff，swinginvisibleoutsideLancasterCastle，withTwelvefacestothewall！
’WhentheBride’sChamberwasfirsthaunted，itwasknowntomethatthispunishmentwouldnevercease，untilIcouldmakeitsnature，andmystory，knowntotwolivingmentogether。IwaitedforthecomingoftwolivingmentogetherintotheBride’sChamber，yearsuponyears。Itwasinfusedintomyknowledge（ofthemeansI
amignorant）thatiftwolivingmen，withtheireyesopen，couldbeintheBride’sChamberatOneinthemorning，theywouldseemesittinginmychair。
’Atlength，thewhispersthattheroomwasspirituallytroubled，broughttwomentotrytheadventure。Iwasscarcelystruckuponthehearthatmidnight（IcomethereasiftheLightningblastedmeintobeing），whenIheardthemascendingthestairs。Next，Isawthementer。Oneofthemwasabold，gay，activeman，intheprimeoflife，somefiveandfortyyearsofage;theother，adozenyearsyounger。Theybroughtprovisionswiththeminabasket，andbottles。Ayoungwomanaccompaniedthem，withwoodandcoalsforthelightingofthefire。Whenshehadlightedit，thebold，gay，activemanaccompaniedheralongthegalleryoutsidetheroom，toseehersafelydownthestaircase，andcamebacklaughing。
’Helockedthedoor，examinedthechamber，putoutthecontentsofthebasketonthetablebeforethefire-littlereckingofme，inmyappointedstationonthehearth，closetohim-andfilledtheglasses，andateanddrank。Hiscompaniondidthesame，andwasascheerfulandconfidentashe：thoughhewastheleader。Whentheyhadsupped，theylaidpistolsonthetable，turnedtothefire，andbegantosmoketheirpipesofforeignmake。
’Theyhadtravelledtogether，andhadbeenmuchtogether，andhadanabundanceofsubjectsincommon。Inthemidstoftheirtalkingandlaughing，theyoungermanmadeareferencetotheleader’sbeingalwaysreadyforanyadventure;thatone，oranyother。Herepliedinthesewords：
’\"Notquiteso，Dick;ifIamafraidofnothingelse，Iamafraidofmyself。\"
’Hiscompanionseemingtogrowalittledull，askedhim，inwhatsense？How？
’\"Why，thus，\"hereturned。\"HereisaGhosttobedisproved。
Well！IcannotanswerforwhatmyfancymightdoifIwerealonehere，orwhattricksmysensesmightplaywithmeiftheyhadmetothemselves。But，incompanywithanotherman，andespeciallywithDick，IwouldconsenttooutfacealltheGhoststhatwereeverofintheuniverse。\"
’\"IhadnotthevanitytosupposethatIwasofsomuchimportanceto-night，\"saidtheother。
’\"Ofsomuch，\"rejoinedtheleader，moreseriouslythanhehadspokenyet，\"thatIwould，forthereasonIhavegiven，onnoaccounthaveundertakentopassthenightherealone。\"
’ItwaswithinafewminutesofOne。Theheadoftheyoungermanhaddroopedwhenhemadehislastremark，anditdroopedlowernow。
’\"Keepawake，Dick！\"saidtheleader，gaily。\"Thesmallhoursaretheworst。\"
’Hetried，buthisheaddroopedagain。
’\"Dick！\"urgedtheleader。\"Keepawake！\"
’\"Ican’t，\"heindistinctlymuttered。\"Idon’tknowwhatstrangeinfluenceisstealingoverme。Ican’t。\"
’Hiscompanionlookedathimwithasuddenhorror，andI，inmydifferentway，feltanewhorroralso;for，itwasonthestrokeofOne，andIfeltthatthesecondwatcherwasyieldingtome，andthatthecursewasuponmethatImustsendhimtosleep。
’\"Getupandwalk，Dick！\"criedtheleader。\"Try！\"
’Itwasinvaintogobehindtheslumber’schairandshakehim。
Oneo’clocksounded，andIwaspresenttotheelderman，andhestoodtransfixedbeforeme。
’Tohimalone，Iwasobligedtorelatemystory，withouthopeofbenefit。Tohimalone，Iwasanawfulphantommakingaquiteuselessconfession。Iforeseeitwilleverbethesame。Thetwolivingmentogetherwillnevercometoreleaseme。WhenIappear，thesensesofoneofthetwowillbelockedinsleep;hewillneitherseenorhearme;mycommunicationwilleverbemadetoasolitarylistener，andwilleverbeunserviceable。Woe！Woe！
Woe！’
AstheTwooldmen，withthesewords，wrungtheirhands，itshotintoMr。Goodchild’smindthathewasintheterriblesituationofbeingvirtuallyalonewiththespectre，andthatMr。Idle’simmoveabilitywasexplainedbyhishavingbeencharmedasleepatOneo’clock。Intheterrorofthissuddendiscoverywhichproducedanindescribabledread，hestruggledsohardtogetfreefromthefourfierythreads，thathesnappedthem，afterhehadpulledthemouttoagreatwidth。Beingthenoutofbonds，hecaughtupMr。
Idlefromthesofaandrusheddown-stairswithhim。
’Whatareyouabout，Francis？’demandedMr。Idle。’Mybedroomisnotdownhere。Whatthedeuceareyoucarryingmeatallfor？I
canwalkwithasticknow。Idon’twanttobecarried。Putmedown。’
Mr。Goodchildputhimdownintheoldhall，andlookedabouthimwildly。
’Whatareyoudoing？Idioticallyplungingatyourownsex，andrescuingthemorperishingintheattempt？’askedMr。Idle，inahighlypetulantstate。
’TheOneoldman！’criedMr。Goodchild，distractedly，-’andtheTwooldmen！’
Mr。Idledeignednootherreplythan’TheOneoldwoman，Ithinkyoumean，’ashebeganhobblinghiswaybackupthestaircase，withtheassistanceofitsbroadbalustrade。
’Iassureyou，Tom，’beganMr。Goodchild，attendingathisside，’thatsinceyoufellasleep-’
’Come，Ilikethat！’saidThomasIdle，’Ihaven’tclosedaneye！’
Withthepeculiarsensitivenessonthesubjectofthedisgracefulactionofgoingtosleepoutofbed，whichisthelotofallmankind，Mr。Idlepersistedinthisdeclaration。ThesamepeculiarsensitivenessimpelledMr。Goodchild，onbeingtaxedwiththesamecrime，torepudiateitwithhonourableresentment。ThesettlementofthequestionofTheOneoldmanandTheTwooldmenwasthuspresentlycomplicated，andsoonmadequiteimpracticable。Mr。IdlesaiditwasallBride-cake，andfragments，newlyarranged，ofthingsseenandthoughtaboutintheday。Mr。Goodchildsaidhowcouldthatbe，whenhehadn’tbeenasleep，andwhatrightcouldMr。
Idlehavetosayso，whohadbeenasleep？Mr。Idlesaidhehadneverbeenasleep，andneverdidgotosleep，andthatMr。
Goodchild，asageneralrule，wasalwaysasleep。Theyconsequentlypartedfortherestofthenight，attheirbedroomdoors，alittleruffled。Mr。Goodchild’slastwordswere，thathehadhad，inthatrealandtangibleoldsitting-roomofthatrealandtangibleoldInn（hesupposedMr。Idledenieditsexistence？），everysensationandexperience，thepresentrecordofwhichisnowwithinalineortwoofcompletion;andthathewouldwriteitoutandprintiteveryword。Mr。Idlereturnedthathemightifheliked-andhedidlike，andhasnowdoneit。
CHAPTERV
TwoofthemanypassengersbyacertainlateSundayeveningtrain，Mr。ThomasIdleandMr。FrancisGoodchild，yieldeduptheirticketsatalittlerottenplatform（convertedintoartificialtouchwoodbysmokeandashes），deepinthemanufacturingbosomofYorkshire。A
mysteriousbosomitappeared，uponadamp，dark，Sundaynight，dashedthroughinthetraintothemusicofthewhirlingwheels，thepantingoftheengine，andthepart-singingofhundredsofthird-classexcursionists，whosevocalefforts’bobbedarayound’
fromsacredtoprofane，fromhymns，toourtransatlanticsisterstheYankeeGalandMairyAnne，inaremarkableway。Thereseemedtohavebeensomelargevocalgatheringneartoeverylonelystationontheline。Notownwasvisible，novillagewasvisible，nolightwasvisible;but，amultitudegotoutsinging，andamultitudegotinsinging，andthesecondmultitudetookupthehymns，andadoptedourtransatlanticsisters，andsangoftheirownegregiouswickedness，andoftheirbobbingarayound，andofhowtheshipitwasreadyandthewinditwasfair，andtheywerebayoundforthesea，MairyAnne，untiltheyintheirturnbecameagetting-
outmultitude，andwerereplacedbyanothergetting-inmultitude，whodidthesame。Andateverystation，thegetting-inmultitude，withanartisticreferencetothecompletenessoftheirchorus，incessantlycried，aswithonevoicewhilescufflingintothecarriages，’Wemunaa’gangtoogither！’
Thesingingandthemultitudeshadtrailedoffasthelonelyplaceswereleftandthegreattownswereneared，andthewayhadlainassilentlyasatrain’swayevercan，overthevagueblackstreetsofthegreatgulfsoftowns，andamongtheirbranchlesswoodsofvagueblackchimneys。Thesetownslooked，inthecinderouswet，asthoughtheyhadoneandallbeenonfireandwerejustputout-adrearyandquenchedpanorama，manymileslong。
Thus，ThomasandFrancisgottoLeeds;ofwhichenterprisingandimportantcommercialcentreitmaybeobservedwithdelicacy，thatyoumusteitherlikeitverymuchornotatall。Nextday，thefirstoftheRace-Week，theytooktraintoDoncaster。
Andinstantlythecharacter，bothoftravellersandofluggage，entirelychanged，andnootherbusinessthanrace-businessanylongerexistedonthefaceoftheearth。Thetalkwasallofhorsesand’JohnScott。’Guardswhisperedbehindtheirhandstostation-masters，ofhorsesandJohnScott。Menincut-awaycoatsandspeckledcravatsfastenedwithpeculiarpins，andwiththelargebonesoftheirlegsdevelopedundertighttrousers，sothattheyshouldlookasmuchaspossiblelikehorses’legs，pacedupanddownbytwosatjunction-stations，speakinglowandmoodilyofhorsesandJohnScott。Theyoungclergymanintheblackstrait-
waistcoat，whooccupiedthemiddleseatofthecarriage，expoundedinhispeculiarpulpit-accenttotheyoungandlovelyReverendMrs。
Crinoline，whooccupiedtheoppositemiddle-seat，afewpassagesofrumourrelativeto’Oartheth，mylove，andMithterJohnEth-COTT。’
Abandyvagabond，withaheadlikeaDutchcheese，inafustianstable-suit，attendingonahorse-boxandgoingabouttheplatformswithahalterhangingroundhisnecklikeaCalaisburgheroftheancientperiodmuchdegenerated，wascourtedbythebestsociety，byreasonofwhathehadtohint，whennotengagedineatingstraw，concerning’t’harsesandJoonScott。’Theengine-driverhimself，asheappliedoneeyetohislargestationarydouble-eye-glassontheengine，seemedtokeeptheotheropen，sideways，uponhorsesandJohnScott。
BreaksandbarriersatDoncasterStationtokeepthecrowdoff;
temporarywoodenavenuesofingressandegress，tohelpthecrowdon。FortyextraporterssentdownforthispresentblessedRace-
Week，andallofthemmakinguptheirbetting-booksinthelamp-
roomorsomewhereelse，andnoneofthemtocomeandtouchtheluggage。Travellersdisgorgedintoanopenspace，ahowlingwildernessofidlemen。Allworkbutrace-workatastand-still;
allmenatastand-still。’Eymyword！Deantasknoono’ustohelpwi’t’luggage。Bockyouropinionloikeamon。Coom！Dangit，coom，t’harsesandJoonScott！’Inthemidstoftheidlemen，alltheflyhorsesandomnibushorsesofDoncasterandpartsadjacent，rampant，rearing，backing，plunging，shying-apparentlytheresultoftheirhearingofnothingbuttheirownorderandJohnScott。
GrandDramaticCompanyfromLondonfortheRace-Week。PosesPlastiquesintheGrandAssemblyRoomuptheStable-Yardatsevenandnineeachevening，fortheRace-Week。GrandAllianceCircusinthefieldbeyondthebridge，fortheRace-Week。GrandExhibitionofAztecLilliputians，importanttoallwhowanttobehorrifiedcheap，fortheRace-Week。Lodgings，grandandnotgrand，butallatgrandprices，rangingfromtenpoundstotwenty，fortheGrandRace-Week！
Renderedgiddyenoughbythesethings，MessieursIdleandGoodchildrepairedtothequarterstheyhadsecuredbeforehand，andMr。
Goodchildlookeddownfromthewindowintothesurgingstreet。
’ByHeaven，Tom！’criedhe，aftercontemplatingit，’IamintheLunaticAsylumagain，andtheseareallmadpeopleunderthechargeofabodyofdesigningkeepers！’
AllthroughtheRace-Week，Mr。Goodchildneverdivestedhimselfofthisidea。Everydayhelookedoutofwindow，withsomethingofthedreadofLemuelGulliverlookingdownatmenafterhereturnedhomefromthehorse-country;andeverydayhesawtheLunatics，horse-mad，betting-mad，drunken-mad，vice-mad，andthedesigningKeepersalwaysafterthem。Theideapervaded，likethesecondcolourinshot-silk，thewholeofMr。Goodchild’simpressions。
Theyweremuchasfollows：
Monday，mid-day。Racesnottobeginuntilto-morrow，butallthemob-Lunaticsout，crowdingthepavementsoftheonemainstreetofprettyandpleasantDoncaster，crowdingtheroad，particularlycrowdingtheoutsideoftheBettingRooms，whoopingandshoutingloudlyafterallpassingvehicles。Frightenedlunatichorsesoccasionallyrunningaway，withinfiniteclatter。Alldegreesofmen，frompeerstopaupers，bettingincessantly。Keepersverywatchful，andtakingallgoodchances。AnawfulfamilylikenessamongtheKeepers，toMr。PalmerandMr。Thurtell。Withsomeknowledgeofexpressionandsomeacquaintancewithheads（thuswritesMr。Goodchild），Ineverhaveseenanywhere，somanyrepetitionsofoneclassofcountenanceandonecharacterofhead（bothevil）asinthisstreetatthistime。Cunning，covetousness，secrecy，coldcalculation，hardcallousnessanddireinsensibility，aretheuniformKeepercharacteristics。Mr。Palmerpassesmefivetimesinfiveminutes，and，soIgodownthestreet，thebackofMr。Thurtell’sskullisalwaysgoingonbeforeme。
Mondayevening。Townlightedup;moreLunaticsoutthanever;acompletechokeandstoppageofthethoroughfareoutsidetheBettingRooms。Keepers，havingdined，pervadetheBettingRooms，andsharplysnapatthemoneyedLunatics。SomeKeepersflushedwithdrink，andsomenot，butallcloseandcalculating。Avagueechoingroarof’t’harses’and’t’races’alwaysrisingintheair，untilmidnight，ataboutwhichperioditdiesawayinoccasionaldrunkensongsandstragglingyells。But，allnight，someunmannerlydrinking-houseintheneighbourhoodopensitsmouthatintervalsandspitsoutamantoodrunktoberetained：whothereuponmakeswhatuproariousprotestmaybeleftinhim，andeitherfallsasleepwherehetumbles，oriscarriedoffincustody。
Tuesdaymorning，atdaybreak。Asuddenrising，asitwereoutoftheearth，ofalltheobscenecreatures，whosell’correctcardsoftheraces。’Theymayhavebeencoiledincorners，orsleepingondoor-steps，and，havingallpassedthenightunderthesamesetofcircumstances，mayallwanttocirculatetheirbloodatthesametime;but，howeverthatmaybe，theyspringintoexistenceallatonceandtogether，asthoughanewCadmushadsownarace-horse’steeth。Thereisnobodyup，tobuythecards;but，thecardsaremadlycried。Thereisnopatronagetoquarrelfor;but，theymadlyquarrelandfight。Conspicuousamongthesehyaenas，asbreakfast-
timediscloses，isafearfulcreatureinthegeneralsemblanceofaman：shakenoffhisnext-to-nolegsbydrinkanddevilry，bare-
headedandbare-footed，withagreatshockofhairlikeahorriblebroom，andnothingonhimbutaraggedpairoftrousersandapinkglazed-calicocoat-madeonhim-soverytightthatitisasevidentthathecouldnevertakeitoff，asthatheneverdoes。
Thishideousapparition，inconceivablydrunk，hasaterriblepowerofmakingagong-likeimitationofthebrayingofanass：whichfeatrequiresthatheshouldlayhisrightjawinhisbegrimedrightpaw，doublehimselfup，andshakehisbrayoutofhimself，withmuchstaggeringonhisnext-to-nolegs，andmuchtwirlingofhishorriblebroom，asifitwereamop。Fromthepresentminute，whenhecomesinsightholdinguphiscardstothewindows，andhoarselyproposingpurchasetoMyLord，YourExcellency，Colonel，theNobleCaptain，andYourHonourableWorship-fromthepresentminuteuntiltheGrandRace-Weekisfinished，atallhoursofthemorning，evening，day，andnight，shallthetownreverberate，atcapriciousintervals，tothebraysofthisfrightfulanimaltheGong-donkey。
Noverygreatracingto-day，sonoverygreatamountofvehicles：
thoughthereisagoodsprinkling，too：fromfarmers’cartsandgigs，tocarriageswithpost-horsesandtofours-in-hand，mostlycomingbytheroadfromYork，andpassingonstraightthroughthemainstreettotheCourse。AwalkinthewrongdirectionmaybeabetterthingforMr。Goodchildto-daythantheCourse，sohewalksinthewrongdirection。Everybodygonetotheraces。Onlychildreninthestreet。GrandAllianceCircusdeserted;notoneStar-Riderleft;omnibuswhichformsthePay-Place，havingonseparatepanelsPayherefortheBoxes，PayhereforthePit，PayherefortheGallery，hovedowninacornerandlockedup;nobodynearthetentbutthemanonhiskneesonthegrass，whoismakingthepaperballoonsfortheStaryounggentlementojumpthroughto-
night。Apleasantroad，pleasantlywooded。Nolabourersworkinginthefields;allgone’t’races。’Thefewlatewendersoftheirway’t’races，’whoareyetleftdrivingontheroad，stareinamazementatthereclusewhoisnotgoing’t’races。’Roadsideinnkeeperhasgone’t’races。’Turnpike-manhasgone’t’races。’
Histhriftywife，washingclothesatthetoll-housedoor，isgoing’t’races’to-morrow。Perhapstheremaybenoonelefttotakethetollto-morrow;whoknows？Thoughassuredlythatwouldbeneitherturnpike-likenorYorkshire-like。Theverywindanddustseemtobehurrying’t’races，’astheybrisklypasstheonlywayfarerontheroad。Inthedistance，theRailwayEngine，waitingatthetown-end，shrieksdespairingly。NothingbutthedifficultyofgettingofftheLine，restrainsthatEnginefromgoing’t’races，’
too，itisveryclear。
Atnight，moreLunaticsoutthanlastnight-andmoreKeepers。
ThelatterveryactiveattheBettingRooms，thestreetinfrontofwhichisnowimpassable。Mr。Palmerasbefore。Mr。Thurtellasbefore。Roaranduproarasbefore。Gradualsubsidenceasbefore。
Unmannerlydrinking-houseexpectoratesasbefore。Drunkennegro-
melodists，Gong-donkey，andcorrectcards，inthenight。
OnWednesdaymorning，themorningofthegreatSt。Leger，itbecomesapparentthattherehasbeenagreatinfluxsinceyesterday，bothofLunaticsandKeepers。Thefamiliesofthetradesmenoverthewayarenolongerwithinhumanken;theirplacesknowthemnomore;ten，fifteen，andtwentyguinea-lodgersfillthem。Atthepastry-cook’ssecond-floorwindow，aKeeperisbrushingMr。Thurtell’shair-thinkingithisown。Inthewax-
chandler’sattic，anotherKeeperisputtingonMr。Palmer’sbraces。
Inthegunsmith’snursery，aLunaticisshavinghimself。Intheseriousstationer’sbestsitting-room，threeLunaticsaretakingacombination-breakfast，praisingthe（cook’s）devil，anddrinkingneatbrandyinanatmosphereoflastmidnight’scigars。NofamilysanctuaryisfreefromourAngelicmessengers-weputupattheAngel-whointheguiseofextrawaitersforthegrandRace-Week，rattleinandoutofthemostsecretchambersofeverybody’shouse，withdishesandtincovers，decanters，soda-waterbottles，andglasses。Anhourlater。Downthestreetandupthestreet，asfaraseyescanseeandagooddealfarther，thereisadensecrowd;
outsidetheBettingRoomsitislikeagreatstruggleatatheatredoor-inthedaysoftheatres;oratthevestibuleoftheSpurgeontemple-inthedaysofSpurgeon。Anhourlater。Fusingintothiscrowd，andsomehowgettingthroughit，areallkindsofconveyances，andallkindsoffoot-passengers;carts，withbrick-
makersandbrick-makeressesjoltingupanddownonplanks;drags，withtheneedfulgroomsbehind，sittingcross-armedintheneedfulmanner，andslantingthemselvesbackwardfromthesolesoftheirbootsattheneedfulangle;postboys，intheshininghatsandsmartjacketsoftheoldentime，whenstokerswerenot;beautifulYorkshirehorses，gallantlydrivenbytheirownbreedersandmasters。Undereverypole，andeveryshaft，andeveryhorse，andeverywheelasitwouldseem，theGong-donkey-metallicallybraying，whennotstrugglingforlife，orwhippedoutoftheway。
Byoneo’clock，allthisstirhasgoneoutofthestreets，andthereisnooneleftinthembutFrancisGoodchild。FrancisGoodchildwillnotbeleftinthemlong;for，hetooisonhisway，’t’races。’
Amostbeautifulsight，FrancisGoodchildfinds’t’races’tobe，whenhehasleftfairDoncasterbehindhim，andcomesoutonthefreecourse，withitsagreeableprospect，itsquaintRedHouseoddlychangingandturningasFrancisturns，itsgreengrass，andfreshheath。Afreecourseandaneasyone，whereFranciscanrollsmoothlywherehewill，andcanchoosebetweenthestart，orthecoming-in，ortheturnbehindthebrowofthehill，oranyout-of-
the-waypointwhereheliststoseethethrobbinghorsesstrainingeverynerve，andmakingthesympatheticearththrobastheycomeby。Francismuchdelightstobe，notintheGrandStand，butwherehecanseeit，risingagainsttheskywithitsvasttiersoflittlewhitedotsoffaces，anditslasthighrowsandcornersofpeople，lookinglikepinsstuckintoanenormouspincushion-notquitesosymmetricallyashisorderlyeyecouldwish，whenpeoplechangeorgoaway。Whentheraceisnearlyrunout，itisasgoodastheracetohimtoseetheflutteramongthepins，andthechangeinthemfromdarktolight，ashatsaretakenoffandwaved。Notlessfullofinterest，theloudanticipationofthewinner’sname，theswelling，andthefinal，roar;then，thequickdroppingofallthepinsoutoftheirplaces，therevelationoftheshapeofthebarepincushion，andtheclosing-inofthewholehostofLunaticsandKeepers，intherearofthethreehorseswithbright-colouredriders，whohavenotyetquitesubduedtheirgallopthoughthecontestisover。
Mr。Goodchildwouldappeartohavebeenbynomeansfreefromlunacyhimselfat’t’races，’thoughnotoftheprevalentkind。HeissuspectedbyMr。Idletohavefallenintoadreadfulstateconcerningapairoflittlelilacglovesandalittlebonnetthathesawthere。Mr。Idleasserts，thathedidafterwardsrepeatattheAngel，withanappearanceofbeinglunaticallyseized，somerhapsodytothefollowingeffect：’Olittlelilacgloves！AndO
winninglittlebonnet，makinginconjunctionwithhergoldenhairquiteaGloryinthesunlightroundtheprettyhead，whyanythingintheworldbutyouandme！Whymaynotthisday’srunning-ofhorses，toalltherest：ofprecioussandsoflifetome-beprolongedthroughaneverlastingautumn-sunshine，withoutasunset！
SlaveoftheLamp，orRing，strikemeyondergallantequestrianClerkoftheCourse，inthescarletcoat，motionlessonthegreengrassforages！FriendlyDevilonTwoSticks，fortentimestenthousandsyears，keepBlink-Bonnyjibbingatthepost，andletushavenostart！Arabdrums，powerfulofoldtosummonGeniiinthedesert，soundofyourselvesandraiseatroopformeinthedesertofmyheart，whichshallsoenchantthisdustybarouche（withaconspicuousexcise-plate，resemblingtheCollector’sdoor-plateataturnpike），thatI，withinit，lovingthelittlelilacgloves，thewinninglittlebonnet，andthedearunknown-wearerwiththegoldenhair，maywaitbyhersideforever，toseeaGreatSt。Legerthatshallneverberun！’
Thursdaymorning。Afteratremendousnightofcrowding，shouting，drinking-houseexpectoration，Gong-donkey，andcorrectcards。
Symptomsofyesterday’sgainsinthewayofdrink，andofyesterday’slossesinthewayofmoney，abundant。Money-lossesverygreat。Asusual，nobodyseemstohavewon;but，largelossesandmanylosersareunquestionablefacts。BothLunaticsandKeepers，ingeneralverylow。Severalofbothkindslookinatthechemist’swhileMr。Goodchildismakingapurchasethere，tobe’pickedup。’Onered-eyedLunatic，flushed，faded，anddisordered，entershurriedlyandcriessavagely，’Hondusaglossofsalvolatileinwather，orsoomdommedthingo’thotsart！’FacesattheBettingRoomsverylong，andatendencytobitenailsobservable。Keeperslikewisegiventhismorningtostandingaboutsolitary，withtheirhandsintheirpockets，lookingdownattheirbootsastheyfitthemintocracksofthepavement，andthenlookingupwhistlingandwalkingaway。GrandAllianceCircusout，inprocession;buxomlady-memberofGrandAlliance，incrimsonriding-habit，freshertolookat，eveninherpaintunderthedaysky，thanthecheeksofLunaticsorKeepers。SpanishCavalierappearstohavelostyesterday，andjingleshisbossedbridlewithdisgust，asifhewerepaying。ReactionalsoapparentattheGuildhallopposite，whencecertainpickpocketscomeouthandcuffedtogether，withthatpeculiarwalkwhichisneverseenunderanyothercircumstances-awalkexpressiveofgoingtojail，game，butstillofjailsbeinginbadtasteandarbitrary，andhowwouldYOU
likeitifitwasyouinsteadofme，asitoughttobe！Mid-day。
Townfilledasyesterday，butnotsofull;andemptiedasyesterday，butnotsoempty。Intheevening，AngelordinarywhereeveryLunaticandKeeperhashismodestdailymealofturtle，venison，andwine，notsocrowdedasyesterday，andnotsonoisy。
Atnight，thetheatre。Moreabstractedfacesinitthanoneeverseesatpublicassemblies;suchfaceswearinganexpressionwhichstronglyremindsMr。Goodchildoftheboysatschoolwhowere’goingupnext，’withtheirarithmeticormathematics。Theseboysare，nodoubt，goingupto-morrowwithTHEIRsumsandfigures。Mr。
PalmerandMr。ThurtellintheboxesO。P。Mr。ThurtellandMr。
PalmerintheboxesP。S。ThefirmofThurtell，Palmer，andThurtell，intheboxesCentre。Amostodioustendencyobservableinthesedistinguishedgentlementoputvileconstructionsonsufficientlyinnocentphrasesintheplay，andthentoapplaudtheminaSatyr-likemanner。BehindMr。Goodchild，withapartyofotherLunaticsandoneKeeper，theexpressincarnationofthethingcalleda’gent。’Agentlemanborn;agentmanufactured。A
somethingwithascarfrounditsneck，andaslipshodspeechissuingfrombehindthescarf;moredepraved，morefoolish，moreignorant，moreunabletobelieveinanynobleorgoodthingofanykind，thanthestupidestBosjesman。Thethingisbutaboyinyears，andisaddledwithdrink。Todoitscompanyjustice，evenitscompanyisashamedofit，asitdrawlsitsslangcriticismsontherepresentation，andinflamesMr。Goodchildwithaburningardourtoflingitintothepit。Itsremarksaresohorrible，thatMr。Goodchild，forthemoment，evendoubtswhetherthatISawholesomeArt，whichsetswomenapartonahighfloorbeforesuchathingasthis，thoughasgoodasitsownsisters，oritsownmother-whomHeavenforgiveforbringingitintotheworld！But，theconsiderationthatalownaturemustmakealowworldofitsowntolivein，whatevertherealmaterials，oritcouldnomoreexistthananyofuscouldwithoutthesenseoftouch，bringsMr。
Goodchildtoreason：therather，becausethethingsoondropsitsdownychinuponitsscarf，andslobbersitselfasleep。
FridayMorning。Earlyfights。Gong-donkey，andcorrectcards。
Again，agreatsettowardstheraces，thoughnotsogreatasetasonWednesday。Muchpackinggoingontoo，upstairsatthegun-
smith’s，thewax-chandler’s，andtheseriousstationer’s;fortherewillbeaheavydriftofLunaticsandKeeperstoLondonbytheafternoontrain。Thecourseasprettyasever;thegreatpincushionaslikeapincushion，butnotnearlysofullofpins;
wholerowsofpinswanting。Onthegreateventoftheday，bothLunaticsandKeepersbecomeinspiredwithrage;andthereisaviolentscuffling，andarushingatthelosingjockey，andanemergenceofthesaidjockeyfromaswayingandmenacingcrowd，protectedbyfriends，andlookingtheworseforwear;whichisaroughproceeding，thoughanimatingtoseefromapleasantdistance。
Afterthegreatevent，rillsbegintoflowfromthepincushiontowardstherailroad;therillsswellintorivers;theriverssoonuniteintoalake。ThelakefloatsMr。GoodchildintoDoncaster，pasttheItinerantpersonageinblack，bytheway-sidetellinghimfromthevantagegroundofalegiblyprintedplacardonapolethatforallthesethingstheLordwillbringhimtojudgment。Noturtleandvenisonordinarythisevening;thatisallover。NoBettingattherooms;nothingtherebuttheplantsinpots，whichhave，alltheweek，beenstoodabouttheentrytogiveitaninnocentappearance，andwhichhavesorelysickenedbythistime。
Saturday。Mr。Idlewishestoknowatbreakfast，whatwerethosedreadfulgroaningsinhisbedroomdoorwayinthenight？Mr。
Goodchildanswers，Nightmare。Mr。Idlerepelsthecalumny，andcallsthewaiter。TheAngelisverysorry-hadintendedtoexplain;butyousee，gentlemen，therewasagentlemandineddown-
stairswithtwomore，andhehadlostadealofmoney，andhewoulddrinkadealofwine，andinthenighthe’tookthehorrors，’andgotup;andashisfriendscoulddonothingwithhimhelaidhimselfdownandgroanedatMr。Idle’sdoor。’AndheDIDgroanthere，’Mr。Idlesays;’andyouwillpleasetoimaginemeinside，\"takingthehorrors\"too！’
Sofar，thepictureofDoncasterontheoccasionofitsgreatsportinganniversary，offersprobablyageneralrepresentationofthesocialconditionofthetown，inthepastaswellasinthepresenttime。Thesolelocalphenomenonofthecurrentyear，whichmaybeconsideredasentirelyunprecedentedinitsway，andwhichcertainlyclaims，onthataccount，someslightshareofnotice，consistsintheactualexistenceofoneremarkableindividual，whoissojourninginDoncaster，andwho，neitherdirectlynorindirectly，hasanythingatalltodo，inanycapacitywhatever，withtheracingamusementsoftheweek。Rangingthroughouttheentirecrowdthatfillsthetown，andincludingtheinhabitantsaswellasthevisitors，nobodyistobefoundaltogetherdisconnectedwiththebusinessoftheday，exceptingthisoneunparalleledman。
Hedoesnotbetontheraces，likethesportingmen。Hedoesnotassisttheraces，likethejockeys，starters，judges，andgrooms。
Hedoesnotlookonattheraces，likeMr。Goodchildandhisfellow-spectators。Hedoesnotprofitbytheraces，likethehotel-keepersandthetradespeople。Hedoesnotministertothenecessitiesoftheraces，likethebooth-keepers，thepostilions，thewaiters，andthehawkersofLists。Hedoesnotassisttheattractionsoftheraces，liketheactorsatthetheatre，theridersatthecircus，ortheposturersatthePosesPlastiques。
Absolutelyandliterally，heistheonlyindividualinDoncasterwhostandsbythebrinkofthefull-flowingrace-stream，andisnotsweptawaybyitincommonwithalltherestofhisspecies。Whoisthismodernhermit，thisrecluseoftheSt。Leger-week，thisinscrutablyungregariousbeing，wholivesapartfromtheamusementsandactivitiesofhisfellow-creatures？Surely，thereislittledifficultyinguessingthatclearestandeasiestofallriddles。
Whocouldhebe，butMr。ThomasIdle？
ThomashadsufferedhimselftobetakentoDoncaster，justashewouldhavesufferedhimselftobetakentoanyotherplaceinthehabitableglobewhichwouldguaranteehimthetemporarypossessionofacomfortablesofatoresthisankleon。Onceestablishedatthehotel，withhislegononecushionandhisbackagainstanother，heformallydeclinedtakingtheslightestinterestinanycircumstancewhateverconnectedwiththeraces，orwiththepeoplewhowereassembledtoseethem。FrancisGoodchild，anxiousthatthehoursshouldpassbyhiscrippledtravelling-companionaslightlyaspossible，suggestedthathissofashouldbemovedtothewindow，andthatheshouldamusehimselfbylookingoutatthemovingpanoramaofhumanity，whichtheviewfromitoftheprincipalstreetpresented。Thomas，however，steadilydeclinedprofitingbythesuggestion。
’ThefartherIamfromthewindow，’hesaid，’thebetter，BrotherFrancis，Ishallbepleased。Ihavenothingincommonwiththeoneprevalentideaofallthosepeoplewhoarepassinginthestreet。
WhyshouldIcaretolookatthem？’
’IhopeIhavenothingincommonwiththeprevalentideaofagreatmanyofthem，either，’answeredGoodchild，thinkingofthesportinggentlemenwhomhehadmetinthecourseofhiswanderingsaboutDoncaster。’But，surely，amongallthepeoplewhoarewalkingbythehouse，atthisverymoment，youmayfind-’
’Notonelivingcreature，’interposedThomas，’whoisnot，inonewayoranother，interestedinhorses，andwhoisnot，inagreaterorlessdegree，anadmirerofthem。Now，Iholdopinionsinreferencetotheseparticularmembersofthequadrupedcreation，whichmaylayclaim（asIbelieve）tothedisastrousdistinctionofbeingunpartakenbyanyotherhumanbeing，civilisedorsavage，overthewholesurfaceoftheearth。Takingthehorseasananimalintheabstract，Francis，Icordiallydespisehimfromeverypointofview。’
’Thomas，’saidGoodchild，’confinementtothehousehasbeguntoaffectyourbiliarysecretions。Ishallgotothechemist’sandgetyousomephysic。’
’Iobject，’continuedThomas，quietlypossessinghimselfofhisfriend’shat，whichstoodonatablenearhim，-’Iobject，first，tothepersonalappearanceofthehorse。Iprotestagainsttheconventionalideaofbeauty，asattachedtothatanimal。Ithinkhisnosetoolong，hisforeheadtoolow，andhislegs（exceptinthecaseofthecart-horse）ridiculouslythinbycomparisonwiththesizeofhisbody。Again，consideringhowbigananimalheis，Iobjecttothecontemptibledelicacyofhisconstitution。Ishenotthesickliestcreatureincreation？Doesanychildcatchcoldaseasilyasahorse？Doeshenotsprainhisfetlock，forallhisappearanceofsuperiorstrength，aseasilyasIsprainedmyankle！
Furthermore，totakehimfromanotherpointofview，whatahelplesswretchheis！Nofineladyrequiresmoreconstantwaiting-onthanahorse。Otheranimalscanmaketheirowntoilette：hemusthaveagroom。Youwilltellmethatthisisbecausewewanttomakehiscoatartificiallyglossy。Glossy！
Comehomewithme，andseemycat，-myclevercat，whocangroomherself！Lookatyourowndog！seehowtheintelligentcreaturecurry-combshimselfwithhisownhonestteeth！Then，again，whatafoolthehorseis，whatapoor，nervousfool！Hewillstartatapieceofwhitepaperintheroadasifitwasalion。Hisoneidea，whenhehearsanoisethatheisnotaccustomedto，istorunawayfromit。Whatdoyousaytothosetwocommoninstancesofthesenseandcourageofthisabsurdlyoverpraisedanimal？Imightmultiplythemtotwohundred，ifIchosetoexertmymindandwastemybreath，whichIneverdo。Iprefercomingatoncetomylastchargeagainstthehorse，whichisthemostseriousofall，becauseitaffectshismoralcharacter。Iaccusehimboldly，inhiscapacityofservanttoman，ofslynessandtreachery。Ibrandhimpublicly，nomatterhowmildhemaylookabouttheeyes，orhowsleekhemaybeaboutthecoat，asasystematicbetrayer，wheneverhecangetthechance，oftheconfidencereposedinhim。Whatdoyoumeanbylaughingandshakingyourheadatme？’
’Oh，Thomas，Thomas！’saidGoodchild。’Youhadbettergivememyhat;youhadbetterletmegetyouthatphysic。’
’Iwillletyougetanythingyoulike，includingacomposingdraughtforyourself，’saidThomas，irritablyalludingtohisfellow-apprentice’sinexhaustibleactivity，’ifyouwillonlysitquietforfiveminuteslonger，andhearmeout。Isayagainthehorseisabetrayeroftheconfidencereposedinhim;andthatopinion，letmeadd，isdrawnfrommyownpersonalexperience，andisnotbasedonanyfancifultheorywhatever。Youshallhavetwoinstances，twooverwhelminginstances。Letmestartthefirstofthesebyasking，whatisthedistinguishingqualitywhichtheShetlandPonyhasarrogatedtohimself，andisstillperpetuallytrumpetingthroughtheworldbymeansofpopularreportandbooksonNaturalHistory？Iseetheanswerinyourface：itisthequalityofbeingSure-Footed。Heprofessestohaveothervirtues，suchashardinessandstrength，whichyoumaydiscoverontrial;
buttheonethingwhichheinsistsonyourbelieving，whenyougetonhisback，isthathemaybesafelydependedonnottotumbledownwithyou。Verygood。Someyearsago，IwasinShetlandwithapartyoffriends。Theyinsistedontakingmewiththemtothetopofaprecipicethatoverhungthesea。Itwasagreatdistanceoff，buttheyalldeterminedtowalktoitexceptme。IwaswiserthenthanIwaswithyouatCarrock，andIdeterminedtobecarriedtotheprecipice。Therewasnocarriage-roadintheisland，andnobodyoffered（inconsequence，asIsuppose，oftheimperfectly-
civilisedstateofthecountry）tobringmeasedan-chair，whichisnaturallywhatIshouldhavelikedbest。AShetlandponywasproducedinstead。IrememberedmyNaturalHistory，Irecalledpopularreport，andIgotonthelittlebeast’sback，asanyothermanwouldhavedoneinmyposition，placingimplicitconfidenceinthesurenessofhisfeet。Andhowdidherepaythatconfidence？
BrotherFrancis，carryyourmindonfrommorningtonoon。Picturetoyourselfahowlingwildernessofgrassandbog，boundedbylowstonyhills。Pickoutoneparticularspotinthatimaginaryscene，andsketchmeinit，withoutstretchedarms，curvedback，andheelsintheair，plungingheadforemostintoablackpatchofwaterandmud。Placejustbehindmethelegs，thebody，andtheheadofasure-footedShetlandpony，allstretchedflatontheground，andyouwillhaveproducedanaccuraterepresentationofaverylamentablefact。Andthemoraldevice，Francis，ofthispicturewillbetotestifythatwhengentlemenputconfidenceinthelegsofShetlandponies，theywillfindtotheircostthattheyareleaningonnothingbutbrokenreeds。Thereismyfirstinstance-
andwhathaveyougottosaytothat？’
’Nothing，butthatIwantmyhat，’answeredGoodchild，startingupandwalkingrestlesslyabouttheroom。
’Youshallhaveitinaminute，’rejoinedThomas。’Mysecondinstance’-（Goodchildgroaned，andsatdownagain）-’Mysecondinstanceismoreappropriatetothepresenttimeandplace，foritreferstoarace-horse。Twoyearsagoanexcellentfriendofmine，whowasdesirousofprevailingonmetotakeregularexercise，andwhowaswellenoughacquaintedwiththeweaknessofmylegstoexpectnoveryactivecompliancewithhiswishesontheirpart，offeredtomakemeapresentofoneofhishorses。Hearingthattheanimalinquestionhadstartedinlifeontheturf，Ideclinedacceptingthegiftwithmanythanks;adding，bywayofexplanation，thatIlookedonarace-horseasakindofembodiedhurricane，uponwhichnosanemanofmycharacterandhabitscouldbeexpectedtoseathimself。Myfriendrepliedthat，howeverappropriatemymetaphormightbeasappliedtorace-horsesingeneral，itwassingularlyunsuitableasappliedtotheparticularhorsewhichheproposedtogiveme。Fromafoalupwardsthisremarkableanimalhadbeentheidlestandmostsluggishofhisrace。Whatevercapacitiesforspeedhemightpossesshehadkeptsostrictlytohimself，thatnoamountoftraininghadeverbroughtthemout。Hehadbeenfoundhopelesslyslowasaracer，andhopelesslylazyasahunter，andwasfitfornothingbutaquiet，easylifeofitwithanoldgentlemanoraninvalid。WhenIheardthisaccountofthehorse，Idon’tmindconfessingthatmyheartwarmedtohim。
VisionsofThomasIdleamblingserenelyonthebackofasteedaslazyashimself，presentingtoarestlessworldthesoothingandcompositespectacleofakindofsluggardlyCentaur，toopeaceableinhishabitstoalarmanybody，swamattractivelybeforemyeyes。
Iwenttolookatthehorseinthestable。Nicefellow！hewasfastasleepwithakittenonhisback。Isawhimtakenoutforanairingbythegroom。IfhehadhadtrousersonhislegsIshouldnothaveknownthemfrommyown，sodeliberatelyweretheyliftedup，sogentlyweretheyputdown，soslowlydidtheygetovertheground。FromthatmomentIgratefullyacceptedmyfriend’soffer。
Iwenthome;thehorsefollowedme-byaslowtrain。Oh，Francis，howdevoutlyIbelievedinthathorseIhowcarefullyIlookedafterallhislittlecomforts！Ihadnevergonethelengthofhiringaman-servanttowaitonmyself;butIwenttotheexpenseofhiringonetowaituponhim。IfIthoughtalittleofmyselfwhenIboughtthesoftestsaddlethatcouldbehadformoney，I
thoughtalsoofmyhorse。Whenthemanattheshopafterwardsofferedmespursandawhip，Iturnedfromhimwithhorror。WhenI
salliedoutformyfirstride，Iwentpurposelyunarmedwiththemeansofhurryingmysteed。Heproceededathisownpaceeverystepoftheway;andwhenhestopped，atlast，andblewoutbothhissideswithaheavysigh，andturnedhissleepyheadandlookedbehindhim，Itookhimhomeagain，asImighttakehomeanartlesschildwhosaidtome，\"Ifyouplease，sir，Iamtired。\"Foraweekthiscompleteharmonybetweenmeandmyhorselastedundisturbed。
Attheendofthattime，whenhehadmadequitesureofmyfriendlyconfidenceinhislaziness，whenhehadthoroughlyacquaintedhimselfwithallthelittleweaknessesofmyseat（andtheirnameisLegion），thesmoulderingtreacheryandingratitudeoftheequinenatureblazedoutinaninstant。Withouttheslightestprovocationfromme，withnothingpassinghimatthetimebutapony-chaisedrivenbyanoldlady，hestartedinoneinstantfromastateofsluggishdepressiontoastateoffrantichighspirits。Hekicked，heplunged，heshied，hepranced，hecaperedfearfully。IsatonhimaslongasIcould，andwhenIcouldsitnolonger，Ifelloff。
No，Francis！thisisnotacircumstancetobelaughedat，buttobeweptover。WhatwouldbesaidofaManwhohadrequitedmykindnessinthatway？Rangeoveralltherestoftheanimalcreation，andwherewillyoufindmeaninstanceoftreacherysoblackasthis？Thecowthatkicksdownthemilking-pailmayhavesomereasonforit;shemaythinkherselftaxedtooheavilytocontributetothedilutionofhumanteaandthegreasingofhumanbread。Thetigerwhospringsoutonmeunawareshastheexcuseofbeinghungryatthetime，tosaynothingofthefurtherjustificationofbeingatotalstrangertome。TheveryfleawhosurprisesmeinmysleepmaydefendhisactofassassinationonthegroundthatI，inmyturn，amalwaysreadytomurderhimwhenIamawake。IdefythewholebodyofNaturalHistorianstomoveme，logically，offthegroundthatIhavetakeninregardtothehorse。
Receivebackyourhat，BrotherFrancis，andgotothechemist’s，ifyouplease;forIhavenowdone。Askmetotakeanythingyoulike，exceptaninterestintheDoncasterraces。Askmetolookatanythingyoulike，exceptanassemblageofpeopleallanimatedbyfeelingsofafriendlyandadmiringnaturetowardsthehorse。Youarearemarkablywell-informedman，andyouhaveheardofhermits。
Lookuponmeasamemberofthatancientfraternity，andyouwillsensiblyaddtothemanyobligationswhichThomasIdleisproudtoowetoFrancisGoodchild。’
Here，fatiguedbytheeffortofexcessivetalking，disputatiousThomaswavedonehandlanguidly，laidhisheadbackonthesofa-
pillow，andcalmlyclosedhiseyes。
Atalaterperiod，Mr。Goodchildassailedhistravellingcompanionboldlyfromtheimpregnablefortressofcommonsense。ButThomas，thoughtamedinbodybydrasticdiscipline，wasstillasmentallyunapproachableaseveronthesubjectofhisfavouritedelusion。
TheviewfromthewindowafterSaturday’sbreakfastisaltogetherchanged。Thetradesmen’sfamilieshaveallcomebackagain。Theseriousstationer’syoungwomanofallworkisshakingadusteroutofthewindowofthecombinationbreakfast-room;achildisplayingwithadoll，whereMr。Thurtell’shairwasbrushed;asanitaryscrubbingisinprogressonthespotwhereMr。Palmer’sbraceswereputon。NosignsoftheRacesareinthestreets，butthetrampsandthetumble-down-cartsandtrucksladenwithdrinking-formsandtablesandremnantsofbooths，thataremakingtheirwayoutofthetownasfastastheycan。TheAngel，whichhasbeenclearedforactionalltheweek，alreadybeginsrestoringeveryneatandcomfortablearticleoffurnituretoitsownneatandcomfortableplace。TheAngel’sdaughters（pleasanterangelsMr。IdleandMr。
Goodchildneversaw，normorequietlyexpertintheirbusiness，normoresuperiortothecommonviceofbeingaboveit），havealittletimetorest，andtoairtheircheerfulfacesamongtheflowersintheyard。Itismarket-day。Themarketlooksunusuallynatural，comfortable，andwholesome;themarket-peopletoo。Thetownseemsquiterestored，when，hark！ametallicbray-TheGong-donkey！
Thewretchedanimalhasnotclearedoffwiththerest，butishere，underthewindow。Howmuchmoreinconceivablydrunknow，howmuchmorebegrimedofpaw，howmuchmoretightofcalicohide，howmuchmorestainedanddaubedanddirtyanddunghilly，fromhishorriblebroomtohistendertoes，whoshallsay！Hecannotevenshakethebrayoutofhimselfnow，withoutlayinghischeeksoneartothemudofthestreet，thathepitchesoverafterdeliveringit。Now，proneinthemud，andnowbackinghimselfupagainstshop-windows，theownersofwhichcomeoutinterrortoremovehim;now，inthedrinking-shop，andnowinthetobacconist’s，wherehegoestobuytobacco，andmakeshiswayintotheparlour，andwherehegetsacigar，whichinhalf-a-minuteheforgetstosmoke;nowdancing，nowdozing，nowcursing，andnowcomplimentingMyLord，theColonel，theNobleCaptain，andYourHonourableWorship，theGong-donkeykicksuphisheels，occasionallybraying，untilsuddenly，hebeholdsthedearestfriendhehasintheworldcomingdownthestreet。
ThedearestfriendtheGong-donkeyhasintheworld，isasortofJackall，inadull，mangy，blackhide，ofsuchsmallpiecesthatitlooksasifitweremadeofblackingbottlesturnedinsideoutandcobbledtogether。Thedearestfriendintheworld（inconceivablydrunktoo）advancesattheGong-donkey，withahandoneachthigh，inaseriesofhumorousspringsandstops，wagginghisheadashecomes。TheGong-donkeyregardinghimwithattentionandwiththewarmestaffection，suddenlyperceivesthatheisthegreatestenemyhehasintheworld，andhitshimhardinthecountenance。TheastonishedJackallcloseswiththeDonkey，andtheyrolloverandoverinthemud，pummellingoneanother。APoliceInspector，supernaturallyendowedwithpatience，whohaslongbeenlookingonfromtheGuildhall-steps，says，toamyrmidon，’Lock’emup！Bring’emin！’
AppropriatefinishtotheGrandRace-Week。TheGong-donkey，captiveandlasttraceofit，conveyedintolimbo，wheretheycannotdobetterthankeephimuntilnextRace-Week。TheJackalliswantedtoo，andismuchlookedfor，overthewayandupanddown。But，havinghadthegoodfortunetobeundermostatthetimeofthecapture，hehasvanishedintoair。
OnSaturdayafternoon，Mr。GoodchildwalksoutandlooksattheCourse。Itisquitedeserted;heapsofbrokencrockeryandbottlesareraisedtoitsmemory;andcorrectcardsandotherfragmentsofpaperareblowingaboutit，astheregulationlittlepaper-books，carriedbytheFrenchsoldiersintheirbreasts，wereseen，soonafterthebattlewasfought，blowingidlyabouttheplainsofWaterloo。
Wherewillthesepresentidleleavesbeblownbytheidlewinds，andwherewillthelastofthembeonedaylostandforgotten？Anidlequestion，andanidlethought;andwithitMr。Idlefitlymakeshisbow，andMr。Goodchildhis，andthusendstheLazyTourofTwoIdleApprentices。