THEORIENT
CONTENTS
THEMANWHOWOULDBEKING，RudyardKiplingTAJIMA，MissMitfordACHINESEGIRLGRADUATE，R。K。DouglasTHEREVENGEOFHERRACE，MaryBeaumontKINGBILLYOFBALLARAT，MorleyRobertsTHYHEART’SDESIRE，NettaSyrettTHEMANWHOWOULDBEKING
BrothertoaPrinceandfellowtoabeggarifhebefoundworthyBY
RUDYARDKIPLING
TheLaw，asquoted，laysdownafairconductoflife，andonenoteasytofollow。Ihavebeenfellowtoabeggaragainandagainundercircumstanceswhichpreventedeitherofusfindingoutwhethertheotherwasworthy。IhavestilltobebrothertoaPrince，thoughI
oncecameneartokinshipwithwhatmighthavebeenaveritableKing，andwaspromisedthereversionofaKingdom——army，law-courts，revenue，andpolicyallcomplete。But，to-day，IgreatlyfearthatmyKingisdead，andifIwantacrownImustgohuntitformyself。
Thebeginningofeverythingwasinarailway-trainupontheroadtoMhowfromAjmir。TherehadbeenaDeficitintheBudget，whichnecessitatedtravelling，notSecond-class，whichisonlyhalfasdearasFirst-Class，butbyIntermediate，whichisveryawfulindeed。TherearenocushionsintheIntermediateclass，andthepopulationareeitherIntermediate，whichisEurasian，ornative，whichforalongnightjourneyisnasty，orLoafer，whichisamusingthoughintoxicated。Intermediatesdonotbuyfromrefreshment-rooms。Theycarrytheirfoodinbundlesandpots，andbuysweetsfromthenativesweetmeat-sellers，anddrinktheroadsidewater。ThisiswhyinhotweatherIntermediatesaretakenoutofthecarriagesdead，andinallweathersaremostproperlylookeddownupon。
MyparticularIntermediatehappenedtobeemptytillIreachedNasirabad，whenthebigblack-browedgentlemaninshirt-sleevesentered，and，followingthecustomofIntermediates，passedthetimeofday。Hewasawandererandavagabondlikemyself，butwithaneducatedtasteforwhisky。Hetoldtalesofthingshehadseenanddone，ofout-of-the-waycornersoftheEmpireintowhichhehadpenetrated，andofadventuresinwhichheriskedhislifeforafewdays’food。
\"IfIndiawasfilledwithmenlikeyouandme，notknowingmorethanthecrowswherethey’dgettheirnextday’srations，itisn’tseventymillionsofrevenuethelandwouldbepaying——it’ssevenhundredmillions，\"saidhe;andasIlookedathismouthandchinIwasdisposedtoagreewithhim。
Wetalkedpolitics，——thepoliticsofLoaferdomthatseesthingsfromtheundersidewherethelathandplasterisnotsmoothedoff，——andwetalkedpostalarrangementsbecausemyfriendwantedtosendatelegrambackfromthenextstationtoAjmir，theturning-offplacefromtheBombaytotheMhowlineasyoutravelwestward。Myfriendhadnomoneybeyondeightannaswhichhewantedfordinner，andIhadnomoneyatall，owingtothehitchintheBudgetbeforementioned。Further，Iwasgoingintoawildernesswhere，thoughIshouldresumetouchwiththeTreasury，therewerenotelegraphoffices。Iwas，therefore，unabletohelphiminanyway。
\"WemightthreatenaStation-master，andmakehimsendawireontick，\"saidmyfriend，\"butthat’dmeaninquiriesforyouandforme，and/I/’vegotmyhandsfullthesedays。Didyousayyouweretravellingbackalongthislinewithinanydays？\"
\"Withinten，\"Isaid。
\"Can’tyoumakeiteight？\"saidhe。\"Mineisratherurgentbusiness。\"
\"Icansendyourtelegramswithintendaysifthatwillserveyou，\"I
said。
\"Icouldn’ttrustthewiretofetchhim，nowIthinkofit。It’sthisway。HeleavesDelhionthe23rdforBombay。Thatmeanshe’llberunningthroughAjmiraboutthenightofthe23rd。\"
\"ButI’mgoingintotheIndianDesert，\"Iexplained。
\"Well/and/good，\"saidhe。\"You’llbechangingatMarwarJunctiontogetintoJodhporeterritory，——youmustdothat，——andhe’llbecomingthroughMarwarJunctionintheearlymorningofthe24thbytheBombayMail。CanyoubeatMarwarJunctiononthattime？’Twon’tbeinconveniencingyou，becauseIknowthatthere’spreciousfewpickingstobegotoutoftheseCentralIndiaStates——eventhoughyoupretendtobecorrespondentofthe’Backwoodsman。’\"
\"Haveyouevertriedthattrick？\"Iasked。
\"Againandagain，buttheResidentsfindyouout，andthenyougetescortedtotheBorderbeforeyou’vetimetogetyourknifeintothem。
Butaboutmyfriendhere。I/must/givehimawordo’mouthtotellhimwhat’scometome，orelsehewon’tknowwheretogo。IwouldtakeitmorethankindofyouifyouwastocomeoutofCentralIndiaintimetocatchhimatMarwarJunction，andsaytohim，’HehasgoneSouthfortheweek。’He’llknowwhatthatmeans。He’sabigmanwitharedbeard，andagreatswellheis。You’llfindhimsleepinglikeagentlemanwithallhisluggageroundhiminaSecond-classapartment。
Butdon’tyoubeafraid。Slipdownthewindowandsay，’HehasgoneSouthfortheweek，’andhe’lltumble。It’sonlycuttingyourtimeofstayinthosepartsbytwodays。Iaskyouasastranger——goingtotheWest，\"hesaid，withemphasis。
\"Wherehave/you/comefrom？\"saidI。
\"FromtheEast，\"saidhe，\"andIamhopingthatyouwillgivehimthemessageontheSquare——forthesakeofmyMotheraswellasyourown。\"
Englishmenarenotusuallysoftenedbyappealstothememoryoftheirmothers;butforcertainreasons，whichwillbefullyapparent，Isawfittoagree。
\"It’smorethanalittlematter，\"saidhe，\"andthat’swhyIaskedyoutodoit——andnowIknowthatIcandependonyoudoingit。ASecond-
classcarriageatMarwarJunction，andared-hairedmanasleepinit。
You’llbesuretoremember。Igetoutatthenextstation，andImustholdontheretillhecomesorsendsmewhatIwant。\"
\"I’llgivethemessageifIcatchhim，\"Isaid，\"andforthesakeofyourMotheraswellasmineI’llgiveyouawordofadvice。Don’ttrytoruntheCentralIndiaStatesjustnowasthecorrespondentofthe’Backwoodsman。’There’sarealoneknockingabouthere，anditmightleadtotrouble。\"
\"Thankyou，\"saidhe，simply;\"andwhenwilltheswinebegone？I
can’tstarvebecausehe’sruiningmywork。IwantedtogetholdoftheDegumberRajahdownhereabouthisfather’swidow，andgivehimajump。\"
\"Whatdidhedotohisfather’swidow，then？\"
\"Filledherupwithredpepperandslipperedhertodeathasshehungfromabeam。Ifoundthatoutmyself，andI’mtheonlymanthatwoulddaregoingintotheStatetogethush-moneyforit。They’lltrytopoisonme，sameastheydidinChortumnawhenIwentonthelootthere。Butyou’llgivethemanatMarwarJunctionmymessage？\"
Hegotoutatalittleroadsidestation，andIreflected。Ihadheard，morethanonce，ofmenpersonatingcorrespondentsofnewspapersandbleedingsmallNativeStateswiththreatsofexposure，butIhadnevermetanyofthecastebefore。Theyleadahardlife，andgenerallydiewithgreatsuddenness。TheNativeStateshaveawholesomehorrorofEnglishnewspapers，whichmaythrowlightontheirpeculiarmethodsofgovernment，anddotheirbesttochokecorrespondentswithchampagne，ordrivethemoutoftheirmindwithfour-in-handbarouches。TheydonotunderstandthatnobodycaresastrawfortheinternaladministrationofNativeStatessolongasoppressionandcrimearekeptwithindecentlimits，andtherulerisnotdrugged，drunk，ordiseasedfromoneendoftheyeartotheother。Theyarethedarkplacesoftheearth，fullofunimaginablecruelty，touchingtheRailwayandtheTelegraphononeside，and，ontheother，thedaysofHarun-al-Raschid。WhenIleftthetrainIdidbusinesswithdiversKings，andineightdayspassedthroughmanychangesoflife。
SometimesIworedress-clothesandconsortedwithPrincesandPoliticals，drinkingfromcrystalandeatingfromsilver。SometimesI
layoutuponthegroundanddevouredwhatIcouldget，fromaplatemadeofleaves，anddranktherunningwater，andsleptunderthesamerugasmyservant。Itwasallintheday’swork。
ThenIheadedfortheGreatIndianDesertupontheproperdate，asI
hadpromised，andthenightMailsetmedownatMarwarJunction，whereafunnylittle，happy-go-lucky，native-managedrailwayrunstoJodhpore。TheBombayMailfromDelhimakesashorthaltatMarwar。ShearrivedjustasIgotin，andIhadjusttimetohurrytoherplatformandgodownthecarriages。TherewasonlyoneSecond-classonthetrain。Islippedthewindowandlookeddownuponaflaming-redbeard，halfcoveredbyarailway-rug。Thatwasmyman，fastasleep，andIdughimgentlyintheribs。Hewokewithagrunt，andIsawhisfaceinthelightofthelamps。Itwasagreatandshiningface。
\"Ticketsagain？\"saidhe。
\"No，\"saidI。\"IamtotellyouthatheisgoneSouthfortheweek。HehasgoneSouthfortheweek！\"
Thetrainhadbeguntomoveout。Theredmanrubbedhiseyes。\"HehasgoneSouthfortheweek，\"herepeated。\"Nowthat’sjustlikehisimpidence。DidhesaythatIwastogiveyouanything？’CauseI
won’t。\"
\"Hedidn’t，\"Isaid，anddroppedaway，andwatchedtheredlightsdieoutinthedark。Itwashorriblycoldbecausethewindwasblowingoffthesands。Iclimbedintomyowntrain——notanIntermediatecarriagethistime——andwenttosleep。
IfthemanwiththebeardhadgivenmearupeeIshouldhavekeptitasamementoofarathercuriousaffair。Buttheconsciousnessofhavingdonemydutywasmyonlyreward。
LateronIreflectedthattwogentlemenlikemyfriendscouldnotdoanygoodiftheyforegatheredandpersonatedcorrespondentsofnewspapers，andmight，iftheyblackmailedoneofthelittlerat-trapStatesofCentralIndiaorSouthernRajputana，getthemselvesintoseriousdifficulties。IthereforetooksometroubletodescribethemasaccuratelyasIcouldremembertopeoplewhowouldbeinterestedindeportingthem;andsucceeded，soIwaslaterinformed，inhavingthemheadedbackfromtheDegumberborders。
ThenIbecamerespectable，andreturnedtoanofficewheretherewerenoKingsandnoincidentsoutsidethedailymanufactureofanewspaper。Anewspaperofficeseemstoattracteveryconceivablesortofperson，totheprejudiceofdiscipline。Zenana-missionladiesarrive，andbegthattheEditorwillinstantlyabandonallhisdutiestodescribeaChristianprize-givinginabackslumofaperfectlyinaccessiblevillage;Colonelswhohavebeenoverpassedforcommandsitdownandsketchtheoutlineofaseriesoften，twelve，ortwenty-
fourleadingarticlesonSeniority/versus/Selection;missionarieswishtoknowwhytheyhavenotbeenpermittedtoescapefromtheirregularvehiclesofabuse，andswearatabrothermissionaryunderspecialpatronageoftheeditorialWe;strandedtheatricalcompaniestroopuptoexplainthattheycannotpayfortheiradvertisements，butontheirreturnfromNewZealandorTahitiwilldosowithinterest;
inventorsofpatentpunka-pullingmachines，carriagecouplings，andunbreakableswordsandaxletreescallwithspecificationsintheirpocketsandhoursattheirdisposal;teacompaniesenterandelaboratetheirprospectuseswiththeofficepens;secretariesofballcommitteesclamourtohavethegloriesoftheirlastdancemorefullydescribed;strangeladiesrustleinandsay，\"Iwantahundredlady’scardsprinted/atonce/，please，\"whichismanifestlypartofanEditor’sduty;andeverydissoluteruffianthatevertrampedtheGrandTrunkRoadmakesithisbusinesstoaskforemploymentasaproof-
reader。And，allthetime，thetelephone-bellisringingmadly，andKingsarebeingkilledontheContinent，andEmpiresaresaying，\"You’reanother，\"andMisterGladstoneiscallingdownbrimstoneupontheBritishDominions，andthelittleblackcopyboysarewhining，\"/kaa-pichay-ha-yeh/\"（\"Copywanted\"），liketiredbees，andmostofthepaperisasblankasModred’sshield。
Butthatistheamusingpartoftheyear。Therearesixothermonthswhennoneevercometocall，andthethermometerwalksinchbyinchuptothetopoftheglass，andtheofficeisdarkenedtojustabovereading-light，andthepress-machinesarered-hottotouch，andnobodywritesanythingbutaccountsofamusementsintheHill-stationsorobituarynotices。Thenthetelephonebecomesatinklingterror，becauseittellsyouofthesuddendeathsofmenandwomenthatyouknewintimately，andthepricklyheatcoversyouwithagarment，andyousitdownandwrite：\"AslightincreaseofsicknessisreportedfromtheKhudaJantaKhanDistrict。Theoutbreakispurelysporadicinitsnature，and，thankstotheenergeticeffortsoftheDistrictauthorities，isnowalmostatanend。Itis，however，withdeepregretwerecordthedeath，\"etc。
Thenthesicknessreallybreaksout，andthelessrecordingandreportingthebetterforthepeaceofthesubscribers。ButtheEmpiresandtheKingscontinuetodivertthemselvesasselfishlyasbefore，andtheForemanthinksthatadailypaperreallyoughttocomeoutonceintwenty-fourhours，andallthepeopleattheHill-stationsinthemiddleoftheiramusementssay，\"Goodgracious！whycan’tthepaperbesparkling？I’msurethere’splentygoingonuphere。\"
Thatisthedarkhalfofthemoon，and，astheadvertisementssay，\"mustbeexperiencedtobeappreciated。\"
Itwasinthatseason，andaremarkablyevilseason，thatthepaperbeganrunningthelastissueoftheweekonSaturdaynight，whichistosaySundaymorning，afterthecustomofaLondonpaper。Thiswasagreatconvenience，forimmediatelyafterthepaperwasputtobedthedawnwouldlowerthethermometerfrom96degreestoalmost84degreesforhalfanhour，andinthatchill——youhavenoideahowcoldis84
degreesonthegrassuntilyoubegintoprayforit——averytiredmancouldgetofftosleeperetheheatrousedhim。
OneSaturdaynightitwasmypleasantdutytoputthepapertobedalone。AKingorcourtieroracourtesanoraCommunitywasgoingtodieorgetanewConstitution，ordosomethingthatwasimportantontheothersideoftheworld，andthepaperwastobeheldopentillthelatestpossibleminuteinordertocatchthetelegram。
Itwasapitchy-blacknight，asstiflingasaJunenightcanbe，andthe/loo/，thered-hotwindfromthewestward，wasboomingamongthetinder-drytreesandpretendingthattherainwasonitsheels。Nowandagainaspotofalmostboilingwaterwouldfallonthedustwiththeflopofafrog，butallourwearyworldknewthatwasonlypretence。Itwasashadecoolerinthepress-roomthantheoffice，soIsatthere，whilethetypetickedandclicked，andthenight-jarshootedatthewindows，andtheallbutnakedcompositorswipedthesweatfromtheirforeheadsandcalledforwater。Thethingthatwaskeepingusback，whateveritwas，wouldnotcomeoff，thoughtheloodroppedandthelasttypewasset，andthewholeroundearthstoodstillinthechokingheat，withitsfingeronitslip，towaittheevent。Idrowsed，andwonderedwhetherthetelegraphwasablessing，andwhetherthisdyingman，orstrugglingpeople，mightbeawareoftheinconveniencethedelaywascausing。Therewasnospecialreasonbeyondtheheatandworrytomaketension，but，astheclock-handscreptuptothreeo-clockandthemachinesspuntheirfly-wheelstwoandthreetimestoseethatallwasinorder，beforeIsaidthewordthatwouldsetthemoff，Icouldhaveshriekedaloud。
Thentheroarandrattleofthewheelsshiveredthequietintolittlebits。Irosetogoaway，buttwomeninwhiteclothesstoodinfrontofme。Thefirstonesaid，\"It’shim！\"Thesecondsaid，\"Soitis！\"
Andtheybothlaughedalmostasloudlyasthemachineryroared，andmoppedtheirforeheads。\"Weseedtherewasalightburningacrosstheroad，andweweresleepinginthatditchthereforcoolness，andI
saidtomyfriendhere，’Theofficeisopen。Let’scomealongandspeaktohimasturnedusbackfromDegumberState，’\"saidthesmallerofthetwo。HewasthemanIhadmetintheMhowtrain，andhisfellowwasthered-beardedmanofMarwarJunction。Therewasnomistakingtheeyebrowsoftheoneorthebeardoftheother。
Iwasnotpleased，becauseIwishedtogotosleep，nottosquabblewithloafers。\"Whatdoyouwant？\"Iasked。
\"Halfanhour’stalkwithyou，coolandcomfortable，intheoffice，\"
saidthered-beardedman。\"We’d/like/somedrink，——theContrackdoesn’tbeginyet，Peachey，soyouneedn’tlook，——butwhatwereallywantisadvice。Wedon’twantmoney。Weaskyouasafavour，becausewefoundoutyoudidusabadturnaboutDegumberState。\"
Iledfromthepress-roomtothestiflingofficewiththemapsonthewalls，andthered-hairedmanrubbedhishands。\"That’ssomethinglike，\"saidhe。\"Thiswasthepropershoptocometo。Now，Sir，letmeintroduceyoutoBrotherPeacheyCarnehan，that’shim，andBrotherDanielDravot，thatis/me/，andthelesssaidaboutourprofessionsthebetter，forwehavebeenmostthingsinourtime——soldier，sailor，compositor，photographer，proof-reader，street-preacher，andcorrespondentsofthe’Backwoodsman’whenwethoughtthepaperwantedone。Carnehanissober，andsoamI。Lookatusfirst，andseethat’ssure。Itwillsaveyoucuttingintomytalk。We’lltakeoneofyourcigarsapiece，andyoushallseeuslightup。\"
Iwatchedthetest。Themenwereabsolutelysober，soIgavethemeachatepidwhisky-and-soda。
\"Well/and/good，\"saidCarnehanoftheeyebrows，wipingthefrothfromhismoustache。\"Letmetalknow，Dan。WehavebeenalloverIndia，mostlyonfoot。Wehavebeenboiler-fitters，engine-drivers，pettycontractors，andallthat，andwehavedecidedthatIndiaisn’tbigenoughforsuchasus。\"
Theycertainlyweretoobigfortheoffice。Dravot’sbeardseemedtofillhalftheroomandCarnehan’sshoulderstheotherhalf，astheysatonthebigtable。Carnehancontinued：\"Thecountryisn’thalfworkedoutbecausetheythatgovernsitwon’tletyoutouchit。Theyspendalltheirblessedtimeingoverningit，andyoucan’tliftaspade，norchiparock，norlookforoil，noranythinglikethat，withoutalltheGovernmentsaying，’Leaveitalone，andletusgovern。’Therefore，such/as/itis，wewillletitalone，andgoawaytosomeotherplacewhereamanisn’tcrowdedandcancometohisown。
Wearenotlittlemen，andthereisnothingthatweareafraidofexceptDrink，andwehavesignedaContrackonthat。/Therefore/wearegoingawaytobeKings。\"
\"Kingsinourownright，\"mutteredDravot。
\"Yes，ofcourse，\"Isaid。\"You’vebeentrampinginthesun，andit’saverywarmnight，andhadn’tyoubettersleepoverthenotion？Cometo-morrow。\"
\"Neitherdrunknorsunstruck，\"saidDravot。\"Wehavesleptoverthenotionhalfayear，andrequiretoseeBooksandAtlases，andwehavedecidedthatthereisonlyoneplacenowintheworldthattwostrongmencanSar-a-/whack/。TheycallitKafiristan。Bymyreckoningit’sthetopright-handcornerofAfghanistan，notmorethanthreehundredmilesfromPeshawar。Theyhavetwoandthirtyheathenidolsthere，andwe’llbethethirty-thirdandfourth。It’samountaineouscountry，thewomenofthosepartsareverybeautiful。\"
\"ButthatisprovidedagainstintheContrack，\"saidCarnehan。
\"NeitherWomennorLiqu-or，Daniel。\"
\"Andthat’sallweknow，exceptthatnoonehasgonethere，andtheyfight，andinanyplacewheretheyfightamanwhoknowshowtodrillmencanalwaysbeaKing。WeshallgotothosepartsandsaytoanyKingwefind，’D’youwanttovanquishyourfoes？’andwewillshowhimhowtodrillmen;forthatweknowbetterthananythingelse。ThenwewillsubvertthatKingandseizehisThroneandestablishaDy-nasty。\"
\"You’llbecuttopiecesbeforeyou’refiftymilesacrosstheBorder，\"
Isaid。\"YouhavetotravelthroughAfghanistantogettothatcountry。It’sonemassofmountainsandpeaksandglaciers，andnoEnglishmanhasbeenthroughit。Thepeopleareutterbrutes，andevenifyoureachedthemyoucouldn’tdoanything。\"
\"That’smorelike，\"saidCarnehan。\"Ifyoucouldthinkusalittlemoremadwewouldbemorepleased。Wehavecometoyoutoknowaboutthiscountry，toreadabookaboutit，andtobeshownmaps。Wewantyoutotellusthatwearefoolsandtoshowusyourbooks。\"Heturnedtothebookcases。
\"Areyouatallinearnest？\"Isaid。
\"Alittle，\"saidDravot，sweetly。\"Asbigamapasyouhavegot，evenifit’sallblankwhereKafiristanis，andanybooksyou’vegot。Wecanread，thoughwearen’tveryeducated。\"
Iuncasedthebigthirty-two-miles-to-the-inchmapofIndiaandtwosmallerFrontiermaps，hauleddownvolumeINF-KANofthe\"EncyclopaediaBritannica，\"andthemenconsultedthem。
\"Seehere！\"saidDravot，histhumbonthemap。\"UptoJagdallak，Peacheyandmeknowtheroad。WewastherewithRobert’sArmy。We’llhavetoturnofftotherightatJagdallakthroughLaghmannterritory。
Thenwegetamongthehills——fourteenthousandfeet——fifteenthousand——itwillbecoldworkthere，butitdon’tlookveryfaronthemap。\"
IhandedhimWoodonthe\"SourcesoftheOxus。\"Carnehanwasdeepinthe\"Encyclopaedia。\"
\"They’reamixedlot，\"saidDravot，reflectively;\"anditwon’thelpustoknowthenamesoftheirtribes。Themoretribesthemorethey’llfight，andthebetterforus。FromJagdallaktoAshang。H’mm！\"
\"Butalltheinformationaboutthecountryisassketchyandinaccurateascanbe，\"Iprotested。\"Nooneknowsanythingaboutitreally。Here’sthefileofthe’UnitedServices’Institute。’ReadwhatBellewsays。\"
\"BlowBellew！\"saidCarnehan。\"Dan，they’reastinkin’lotofheathens，butthisbookheresaystheythinkthey’rerelatedtousEnglish。\"
IsmokedwhilethemenpouredoverRaverty，Wood，themaps，andthe\"Encyclopaedia。\"
\"Thereisnouseyourwaiting，\"saidDravot，politely。\"It’saboutfouro’clocknow。We’llgobeforesixo’clockifyouwanttosleep，andwewon’tstealanyofthepapers。Don’tyousitup。We’retwoharmlesslunatics，andifyoucometo-morroweveningdowntotheSeraiwe’llsaygood-byetoyou。\"
\"You/are/twofools，\"Ianswered。\"You’llbeturnedbackattheFrontierorcutuptheminuteyousetfootinAfghanistan。Doyouwantanymoneyorarecommendationdown-country？Icanhelpyoutothechanceofworknextweek。\"
\"Nextweekweshallbehardatworkourselves，thankyou，\"saidDravot。\"Itisn’tsoeasybeingaKingasitlooks。Whenwe’vegotourKingdomingoingorderwe’llletyouknow，andyoucancomeupandhelpusgovernit。\"
\"WouldtwolunaticsmakeaContracklikethat？\"saidCarnehan，withsubduedpride，showingmeagreasyhalf-sheetofnotepaperonwhichwaswrittenthefollowing。Icopiedit，thenandthere，asacuriosity。
ThisContracxbetweenmeandyoupersuingwitnessethinthenameofGod——Amenandsoforth。
（One）Thatmeandyouwillsettlethismattertogether;i。e。，tobeKingsofKafiristan。
（Two）Thatyouandmewillnot，whilethismatterisbeingsettled，lookatanyLiquor，noranyWoman，black，white，orbrown，soastogetmixedupwithoneortheotherharmful。
（Three）ThatweconductourselveswithDignityandDiscretion，andifoneofusgetsintotroubletheotherwillstaybyhim。
Signedbyyouandmethisday。
PeacheyTaliaferroCarnehan。
DanielDravot。
BothGentlemenatLarge。
\"Therewasnoneedforthelastarticle，\"saidCarnehan，blushingmodestly;\"butitlooksregular。Nowyouknowthesortofmenthatloafersare，——we/are/loafers，Dan，untilwegetoutofIndia，——and/do/youthinkthatwewouldsignaContracklikethatunlesswewasinearnest？Wehavekeptawayfromthetwothingsthatmakelifeworthhaving。\"
\"Youwon’tenjoyyourlivesmuchlongerifyouaregoingtotrythisidioticadventure。Don’tsettheofficeonfire，\"Isaid，\"andgoawaybeforenineo’clock。\"
Ileftthemstillporingoverthemapsandmakingnotesonthebackofthe\"Contrack。\"\"BesuretocomedowntotheSeraito-morrow，\"weretheirpartingwords。
TheKumharsenSeraiisthegreatfoursquaresinkofhumanitywherethestringsofcamelsandhorsesfromtheNorthloadandunload。AllthenationalitiesofCentralAsiamaybefoundthere，andmostofthefolkofIndiaproper。BalkhandBokharatheremeetBengalandBombay，andtrytodraweye-teeth。Youcanbuyponies，turquoises，Persianpussy-
cats，saddle-bags，fat-tailedsheep，andmuskintheKumharsenSerai，andgetmanystrangethingsfornothing。IntheafternoonIwentdowntoseewhethermyfriendsintendedtokeeptheirwordorwerelyingtheredrunk。
Apriestattiredinfragmentsofribbonsandragsstalkeduptome，gravelytwistingachild’spaperwhirligig。Behindhimwashisservantbendingundertheloadofacrateofmudtoys。Thetwowereloadinguptwocamels，andtheinhabitantsoftheSeraiwatchedthemwithshrieksoflaughter。
\"Thepriestismad，\"saidahorse-dealertome。\"HeisgoinguptoKabultoselltoystotheAmir。Hewilleitherberaisedtohonourorhavehisheadcutoff。Hecameinherethismorningandhasbeenbehavingmadlyeversince。\"
\"ThewitlessareundertheprotectionofGod，\"stammeredaflat-
cheekedUsbeginbrokenHindi。\"Theyforetellfutureevents。\"
\"WouldtheycouldhaveforetoldthatmycaravanwouldhavebeencutupbytheShinwarisalmostwithinshadowofthePass！\"gruntedtheEusufzaiagentofaRajputanatrading-housewhosegoodshadbeendivertedintothehandsofotherrobbersjustacrosstheBorder，andwhosemisfortuneswerethelaughing-stockofthebazaar。\"Ohe，priest，whencecomeyouandwhitherdoyougo？\"
\"FromRoumhaveIcome，\"shoutedthepriest，wavinghiswhirligig;
\"fromRoum，blownbythebreathofahundreddevilsacrossthesea！O
thieves，robbers，liars，theblessingofPirKhanonpigs，dogs，andperjurers！WhowilltaketheProtectedofGodtotheNorthtosellcharmsthatareneverstilltotheAmir？Thecamelsshallnotgall，thesonsshallnotfallsick，andthewivesshallremainfaithfulwhiletheyareaway，ofthemenwhogivemeplaceintheircaravan。
WhowillassistmetoslippertheKingoftheRooswithagoldenslipperwithasilverheel？TheprotectionofPirKhanbeuponhislabours！\"Hespreadouttheskirtsofhisgabardineandpirouettedbetweenthelinesoftetheredhorses。
\"TherestartsacaravanfromPeshawartoKabulintwentydays，/Huzrut/，\"saidtheEusufzaitrader。\"Mycamelsgotherewith。Dothoualsogoandbringusgoodluck。\"
\"Iwillgoevennow！\"shoutedthepriest。\"Iwilldepartuponmywingedcamels，andbeatPeshawarinaday！Ho！HazarMirKhan，\"heyelledtohisservant，\"driveoutthecamels，butletmefirstmountmyown。\"
Heleapedonthebackofhisbeastasitknelt，and，turningroundtome，cried，\"Comethoualso，Sahib，alittlealongtheroad，andIwillselltheeacharm——anamuletthatshallmaketheeKingofKafiristan。\"
Thenthelightbrokeuponme，andIfollowedthetwocamelsoutoftheSeraitillwereachedopenroadandthepriesthalted。
\"Whatd’youthinko’that？\"saidheinEnglish。\"Carnehancan’ttalktheirpatter，soI’vemadehimmyservant。Hemakesahandsomeservant。’Tisn’tfornothingthatI’vebeenknockingaboutthecountryforfourteenyears。Didn’tIdothattalkneat？We’llhitchontoacaravanatPeshawartillwegettoJagdallak，andthenwe’llseeifwecangetdonkeysforourcamels，andstrikeintoKafiristan。
WhirligigsfortheAmir，OLor’！Putyourhandunderthecamelbagsandtellmewhatyoufeel。\"
IfeltthebuttofaMartini，andanotherandanother。
\"Twentyof’em，\"saidDravot，placidly。\"Twentyof’emandammunitiontocorrespond，underthewhirligigsandthemuddolls。\"
\"Heavenhelpyouifyouarecaughtwiththosethings！\"Isaid。\"A
MartiniisworthherweightinsilveramongthePathans。\"
\"Fifteenhundredrupeesofcapital——everyrupeewecouldbeg，borrow，orsteal——areinvestedonthesetwocamels，\"saidDravot。\"Wewon’tgetcaught。We’regoingthroughtheKhaiberwitharegularcaravan。
Who’dtouchapoormadpriest？\"
\"Haveyougoteverythingyouwant？\"Iasked，overcomewithastonishment。
\"Notyet，butweshallsoon。Giveusamomentoofyourkindness，/Brother/。Youdidmeaserviceyesterday，andthattimeinMarwar。
HalfmyKingdomshallyouhave，asthesayingis。\"Islippedasmallcharmcompassfrommywatch-chainandhandedituptothepriest。
\"Good-bye，\"saidDravot，givingmehandcautiously。\"It’sthelasttimewe’llshakehandswithanEnglishmanthesemanydays。Shakehandswithhim，Carnehan，\"hecried，asthesecondcamelpassedme。
Carnehanleaneddownandshookhands。Thenthecamelspassedawayalongthedustyroad，andIwasleftalonetowonder。Myeyecoulddetectnofailureinthedisguises。ThesceneintheSeraiprovedthattheywerecompletetothenativemind。Therewasjustthechance，therefore，thatCarnehanandDravotwouldbeabletowanderthroughAfghanistanwithoutdetection。But，beyond，theywouldfinddeath——
certainandawfuldeath。
Tendayslateranativecorrespondent，givingmethenewsofthedayfromPeshawar，wounduphisletterwith：\"TherehasbeenmuchlaughterhereonaccountofacertainmadpriestwhoisgoinginhisestimationtosellpettygaudsandinsignificanttrinketswhichheascribesasgreatcharmstoH。H。theAmirofBokhara。HepassedthroughPeshawarandassociatedhimselftotheSecondSummercaravanthatgoestoKabul。Themerchantsarepleasedbecausethroughsuperstitiontheyimaginethatsuchmadfellowsbringgoodfortune。\"
Thetwo，then，werebeyondtheBorder。Iwouldhaveprayedforthem，butthatnightarealKingdiedinEurope，anddemandedanobituarynotice。
Thewheeloftheworldswingsthroughthesamephasesagainandagain。
Summerpassedandwinterthereafter，andcameandpassedagain。ThedailypapercontinuedandIwithit，anduponthethirdsummertherefellahotnight，anightissue，andastrainedwaitingforsomethingtobetelegraphedfromtheothersideoftheworld，exactlyashadhappenedbefore。Afewgreatmenhaddiedinthepasttwoyears，themachinesworkedwithmoreclatter，andsomeofthetreesintheofficegardenwereafewfeettaller。Butthatwasallthedifference。
Ipassedovertothepress-room，andwentthroughjustsuchasceneasIhavealreadydescribed。Thenervoustensionwasstrongerthanithadbeentwoyearsbefore，andIfelttheheatmoreacutely。Atthreeo’clockIcried，\"Printoff，\"andturnedtogo，whentherecrepttomychairwhatwasleftofaman。Hewasbentintoacircle，hisheadwassunkbetweenhisshoulders，andhemovedhisfeetoneovertheotherlikeabear。Icouldhardlyseewhetherhewalkedorcrawled——thisrag-wrapped，whiningcripplewhoaddressedmebyname，cryingthathewascomeback。\"Canyougivemeadrink？\"hewhimpered。\"FortheLord’ssake，givemeadrink！\"
Iwentbacktotheoffice，themanfollowingwithgroansofpain，andIturnedupthelamp。
\"Don’tyouknowme？\"hegasped，droppingintoachair，andheturnedhisdrawnface，surmountedbyashockofgrayhair，tothelight。
Ilookedathimintently。OncebeforehadIseeneyebrowsthatmetoverthenoseinaninch-broadblackband，butforthelifeofmeI
couldnottellwhere。
\"Idon’tknowyou，\"Isaid，handinghimthewhisky。\"WhatcanIdoforyou？\"
Hetookagulpofthespiritraw，andshiveredinspiteofthesuffocatingheat。
\"I’vecomeback，\"herepeated;\"andIwastheKingofKafiristan——meandDravot——crownedKingswewas！Inthisofficewesettledit——yousettingthereandgivingusthebooks。IamPeachey，——PeacheyTaliaferroCarnehan，——andyou’vebeensettinghereeversince——O
Lord！\"
Iwasmorethanalittleastonished，andexpressedmyfeelingsaccordingly。
\"It’strue，\"saidCarnehan，withadrycackle，nursinghisfeet，whichwerewrappedinrags——\"trueasgospel。Kingswewere，withcrownsuponourheads——meandDravot——poorDan——oh，poor，poorDan，thatwouldnevertakeadvice，notthoughIbeggedofhim！\"
\"Takethewhisky，\"Isaid，\"andtakeyourowntime。Tellmeallyoucanrecollectofeverythingfrombeginningtoend。YougotacrosstheBorderonyourcamels，Dravotdressedasamadpriestandyouhisservant。Doyourememberthat？\"
\"Iain’tmad——yet，butIshallbethatwaysoon。OfcourseIremember。
Keeplookingatme，ormaybemywordswillgoalltopieces。Keeplookingatmeinmyeyesanddon’tsayanything。\"
IleanedforwardandlookedintohisfaceassteadilyasIcould。HedroppedonehanduponthetableandIgraspeditbythewrist。Itwastwistedlikeabird’sclaw，anduponthebackwasaragged，red，diamond-shapedscar。
\"No，don’tlookthere。Lookat/me/，\"saidCarnehan。\"Thatcomesafterward，butfortheLord’ssakedon’tdistrackme。Weleftwiththatcaravan，meandDravotplayingallsortsofanticstoamusethepeoplewewerewith。Dravotusedtomakeuslaughintheeveningswhenallthepeoplewascookingtheirdinners——cookingtheirdinners，and……whatdidtheydothen？TheylitlittlefireswithsparksthatwentintoDravot’sbeard，andwealllaughed——fittodie。Littleredfirestheywas，goingintoDravot’sbigredbeard——sofunny。\"Hiseyesleftmineandhesmiledfoolishly。
\"YouwentasfarasJagdallakwiththatcaravan，\"Isaid，ataventure，\"afteryouhadlitthosefires。ToJagdallak，whereyouturnedofftotrytogetintoKafiristan。\"
\"No，wedidn’t，neither。Whatareyoutalkingabout？WeturnedoffbeforeJagdallak，becauseweheardtheroadswasgood。Buttheywasn’tgoodenoughforourtwocamels——mineandDravot’s。Whenweleftthecaravan，Dravottookoffallhisclothesandminetoo，andsaidwewouldbeheathen，becausetheKafirsdidn’tallowMohammedanstotalktothem。Sowedressedbetwixtandbetween，andsuchasightasDanielDravotIneversawyetnorexpecttoseeagain。Heburnedhalfhisbeard，andslungasheepskinoverhisshoulder，andshavedhisheadintopatterns。Heshavedminetoo，andmademewearoutrageousthingstolooklikeaheathen。Thatwasinamostmountaineouscountry，andourcamelscouldn’tgoalonganymorebecauseofthemountains。Theyweretallandblack，andcominghomeIsawthemfightlikewildgoats——therearelotsofgoatsinKafiristan。Andthesemountains，theyneverkeepstill，nomorethanthegoats。Alwaysfightingtheyare，anddon’tletyousleepatnight。\"
\"Takesomemorewhisky，\"Isaid，veryslowly。\"WhatdidyouandDanielDravotdowhenthecamelscouldgonofartherbecauseoftheroughroadsthatledintoKafiristan？\"
\"Whatdidwhichdo？TherewasapartycalledPeacheyTaliaferroCarnehanthatwaswithDravot。ShallItellyouabouthim？Hediedoutthereinthecold。SlapfromthebridgefelloldPeachey，turningandtwistingintheairlikeapennywhirligigthatyoucanselltotheAmir。No;theywastwoforthreeha’pence，thosewhirligigs，orIammuchmistakenandwofulsore……Andthenthesecamelswerenouse，andPeacheysaidtoDravot，’FortheLord’ssakelet’sgetoutofthisbeforeourheadsarechoppedoff，’andwiththattheykilledthecamelsallamongthemountains，nothavinganythinginparticulartoeat，butfirsttheytookofftheboxeswiththegunsandtheammunition，tilltwomencamealongdrivingfourmules。Dravotupanddancesinfrontofthem，singing，’Sellmefourmules。’Saysthefirstman，’Ifyouarerichenoughtobuy，youarerichenoughtorob;’butbeforeeverhecouldputhishandtohisknife，Dravotbreakshisneckoverhisknee，andtheotherpartyrunsaway。SoCarnehanloadedthemuleswiththeriflesthatwastakenoffthecamels，andtogetherwestartsforwardintothosebitter-coldmountaineousparts，andneveraroadbroaderthanthebackofyourhand。\"
Hepausedforamoment，whileIaskedhimifhecouldrememberthenatureofthecountrythroughwhichhehadjourneyed。
\"IamtellingyouasstraightasIcan，butmyheadisn’tasgoodasitmightbe。TheydrovenailsthroughittomakemehearbetterhowDravotdied。Thecountrywasmountaineousandthemulesweremostcontrary，andtheinhabitantswasdispersedandsolitary。Theywentupandup，anddownanddown，andthatotherparty，Carnehan，wasimploringofDravotnottosingandwhistlesoloud，forfearofbringingdownthetremenjusavalanches。ButDravotsaysthatifaKingcouldn’tsingitwasn’tworthbeingKing，andwhackedthemulesovertherump，andnevertooknoheedfortencolddays。Wecametoabiglevelvalleyallamongthemountains，andthemuleswereneardead，sowekilledthem，nothavinganythinginspecialforthemorustoeat。
Wesatupontheboxes，andplayedoddandevenwiththecartridgesthatwasjoltedout。
\"Thentenmenwithbowsandarrowsrandownthatvalley，chasingtwentymenwithbowsandarrows，andtherowwastremenjus。Theywasfairmen——fairerthanyouorme——withyellowhairandremarkablewellbuilt。SaysDravot，unpackingtheguns，’Thisisthebeginningofthebusiness。We’llfightforthetenmen，’andwiththathefirestworiflesatthetwentymen，anddropsoneofthemattwohundredyardsfromtherockwherehewassitting。Theothermenbegantorun，butCarnehanandDravotsitsontheboxespickingthemoffatallranges，upanddownthevalley。Thenwegoesuptothetenmenthathadrunacrossthesnowtoo，andtheyfiresafootylittlearrowatus。Dravotheshootsabovetheirheads，andtheyallfallsdownflat。Thenhewalksoverthemandkicksthem，andthenheliftsthemupandshakeshandsallroundtomakethemfriendlylike。Hecallsthemandgivesthemtheboxestocarry，andwaveshishandforalltheworldasthoughhewasKingalready。Theytakestheboxesandhimacrossthevalleyandupthehillintoapinewoodonthetop，wheretherewashalfadozenbigstoneidols。Dravothegoestothebiggest——afellowtheycallImbra——andlaysarifleandacartridgeathisfeet，rubbinghisnoserespectfulywithhisownnose，pattinghimonthehead，andnodshishead，andsays，’That’sallright。I’mintheknowtoo，andtheseoldjimjamsaremyfriends。’Thenheopenshismouthandpointsdownit，andwhenthefirstmanbringshimfood，hesays，’No;’andwhenthesecondmanbringshimfood，hesays’no;’butwhenoneoftheoldpriestsandthebossofthevillagebringshimfood，hesays，’Yes;’veryhaughty，andeatsitslow。Thatwashowhecametoourfirstvillagewithoutanytrouble，justasthoughwehadtumbledfromtheskies。Butwetumbledfromoneofthosedamnedrope-bridges，yousee，and——youcouldn’texpectamantolaughmuchafterthat？\"
\"Takesomemorewhiskyandgoon，\"Isaid。\"Thatwasthefirstvillageyoucameinto。HowdidyougettobeKing？\"
\"Iwasn’tKing，\"saidCarnehan。\"DravothewastheKing，andahandsomemanhelookedwiththegoldcrownonhisheadandall。Himandtheotherpartystayedinthatvillage，andeverymorningDravotsatbythesideofoldImbra，andthepeoplecameandworshipped。ThatwasDravot’sorder。Thenalotofmencameintothevalley，andCarnehanDravotpicksthemoffwiththeriflesbeforetheyknewwheretheywas，andrunsdownintothevalleyandupagaintheotherside，andfindsanothervillage，sameasthefirstone，andthepeopleallfallsdownflatontheirfaces，andDravotsays，’Nowwhatisthetroublebetweenyoutwovillages？’andthepeoplepointstoawoman，asfairasyouorme，thatwascarriedoff，andDravottakesherbacktothefirstvillageandcountsupthedead——eighttherewas。ForeachdeadmanDravotpoursalittlemilkonthegroundandwaveshisarmslikeawhirligig，and’That’sallright，’sayshe。ThenheandCarnehantakesthebigbossofeachvillagebythearm，andwalksthemdownthevalley，andshowsthemhowtoscratchalinewithaspearrightdownthevalley，andgiveseachasodofturffrombothsidesoftheline。Thenallthepeoplecomesdownandshoutslikethedevilandall，andDravotsays，’Goanddigtheland，andbefruitfulandmultiply，’whichtheydid，thoughtheydidn’tunderstand。Thenweasksthenamesofthingsintheirlingo——breadandwaterandfireandidolsandsuch;andDravotleadsthepriestofeachvillageuptotheidol，andsayshemustsitthereandjudgethepeople，andifanythinggoeswrongheistobeshot。
\"Nextweektheywasallturningupthelandinthevalleyasquietasbeesandmuchprettier，andthepriestsheardallthecomplaintsandtoldDravotindumb-showwhatitwasabout。’That’sjustthebeginning，’saysDravot。’Theythinkwe’reGods。’HeandCarnehanpicksouttwentygoodmenandshowsthemhowtoclickoffarifleandformfoursandadvanceinline;andtheywasverypleasedtodoso，andclevertoseethehangofit。Thenhetakesouthispipeandhisbaccy-pouch，andleavesoneatonevillageandoneattheother，andoffwetwogoestoseewhatwastobedoneinthenextvalley。Thatwasallrock，andtherewasalittlevillagethere，andCarnehansays，’Send’emtotheoldvalleytoplant，’andtakes’emthereandgives’emsomelandthatwasn’ttookbefore。Theywereapoorlot，andweblooded’emwithakidbeforeletting’emintothenewKingdom。Thatwastoimpressthepeople，andthentheysettleddownquiet，andCarnehanwentbacktoDravot，whohadgotintoanothervalley，allsnowandiceandmostmountaineous。Therewasnopeoplethere，andtheArmygotafraid;soDravotshootsoneofthem，andgoesontillhefindssomepeopleinavillage，andtheArmyexplainsthatunlessthepeoplewantstobekilledtheyhadbetternotshoottheirlittlematchlocks，fortheyhadmatchlocks。Wemakesfriendswiththepriest，andIstaystherealonewithtwooftheArmy，teachingthemenhowtodrill;andathunderingbigChiefcomesacrossthesnowwithkettledrumsandhornstwanging，becauseheheardtherewasanewGodkickingabout。Carnehansightsforthebrownofthemenhalfamileacrossthesnowandwingsoneofthem。ThenhesendsamessagetotheChiefthat，unlesshewishedtobekilled，hemustcomeandshakehandswithmeandleavehisarmsbehind。TheChiefcomesalonefirst，andCarnehanshakeshandswithhimandwhirlshisarmsabout，sameasDravotused，andverymuchsurprisedthatChiefwas，andstrokesmyeyebrows。ThenCarnehangoesalonetotheChief，andaskshimindumb-
showifhehadanenemyhehated。’Ihave，’saysthechief。SoCarnehanweedsoutthepickofhismen，andsetsthetwooftheArmytoshowthemdrill，andattheendoftwoweeksthemencanmanoeuvreaboutaswellasVolunteers。SohemarcheswiththeChieftoagreatbigplainonthetopofamountain，andtheChief’smenrushesintoavillageandtakesit;wethreeMartinisfiringintothebrownoftheenemy。Sowetookthatvillagetoo，andIgivestheChiefaragfrommycoat，andsays，’OccupytillIcome;’whichwasscriptural。Bywayofareminder，whenmeandtheArmywaseighteenhundredyardsaway，I
dropsabulletnearhimstandingonthesnow，andallthepeoplefallsflatontheirfaces。ThenIsendsalettertoDravotwhereverhebebylandorbysea。\"
AttheriskofthrowingthecreatureoutoftrainIinterrupted：\"Howcouldyouwritealetterupyonder？\"
\"Theletter？——oh！——theletter！Keeplookingatmebetweentheeyes，please。Itwasastring-talkletter，thatwe’dlearnedthewayofitfromablindbeggarinthePunjab。\"
Irememberthattherehadoncecometotheofficeablindmanwithaknottedtwig，andapieceofstringwhichhewoundroundthetwigaccordingtosomecipherofhisown。Hecould，afterthelapseofdaysorhours，repeatthesentencewhichhehadreeledup。Hehadreducedthealphabettoelevenprimitivesounds，andtriedtoteachmehismethod，butIcouldnotunderstand。
\"IsentthatlettertoDravot，\"saidCarnehan，\"andtoldhimtocomebackbecausethisKingdomwasgrowingtoobigformetohandle;andthenIstruckforthefirstvalley，toseehowthepriestswereworking。TheycalledthevillagewetookalongwiththeChief，Bashkai，andthefirstvillagewetook，Er-Heb。ThepriestsatEr-Hebwasdoingallright，buttheyhadalotofpendingcasesaboutlandtoshowme，andsomemenfromanothervillagehadbeenfiringarrowsatnight。Iwentoutandlookedforthatvillage，andfiredfourroundsatitfromathousandyards。ThatusedallthecartridgesIcaredtospend，andIwaitedforDravot，whohadbeenawaytwoorthreemonths，andIkeptmypeoplequiet。
\"OnemorningIheardthedevil’sownnoiseofdrumsandhorns，andDanDravotmarchesdownthehillwithhisArmyandatailofhundredsofmen，and，whichwasthemostamazing，agreatgoldcrownonhishead。
’MyGord，Carnehan，’saysDaniel，’thisisatremenjusbusiness，andwe’vegotthewholecountryasfarasit’sworthhaving。IamthesonofAlexanderbyQueenSemiramis，andyou’remyyoungerbrotherandaGodtoo！It’sthebiggestthingwe’veeverseen。I’vebeenmarchingandfightingforsixweekswiththeArmy，andeveryfootylittlevillageforfiftymileshascomeinrejoiceful;andmorethanthat，I’vegotthekeyofthewholeshow，asyou’llsee，andI’vegotacrownforyou！Itold’emtomaketwoof’emataplacecalledShu，wherethegoldliesintherocklikesuetinmutton。GoldI’veseen，andturquoiseI’vekickedoutofthecliffs，andthere’sgarnetsinthesandsoftheriver，andhere’sachunkofamberthatamanbroughtme。Callupallthepriestsand，here，takeyourcrown。’
\"Oneofthemenopensablackhairbag，andIslipsthecrownon。Itwastoosmallandtooheavy，butIworeitfortheglory。Hammeredgolditwas——fivepoundsweight，likeahoopofabarrel。
\"’Peachey，’saysDravot，’wedon’twanttofightnomore。TheCraft’sthetrick，sohelpme！’andhebringsforwardthatsameChiefthatI
leftatBashkai——BillyFishwecalledhimafterward，becausehewassolikeBillyFishthatdrovethebigtank-engineatMachontheBolanintheolddays。’Shakehandswithhim，’saysDravot;andIshookhandsandnearlydropped，forBillyFishgavemetheGrip。Isaidnothing，buttriedhimwiththeFellow-craftGrip。Heanswersallright，andI
triedtheMaster’sGrip，butthatwasaslip。’AFellow-craftheis！’
IsaystoDan。’Doesheknowtheword？’’Hedoes，’saysDan，’andallthepriestsknow。It’samiracle！TheChiefsandthepriestscanworkaFellow-craftLodgeinawaythat’sverylikeours，andthey’vecutthemarksontherocks，buttheydon’tknowtheThirdDegree，andthey’vecometofindout。It’sGord’sTruth。I’veknowntheselongyearsthattheAfghansknewuptotheFellow-craftDegree，butthisisamiracle。AGodandaGrandMasteroftheCraftamI，andaLodgeintheThirdDegreeIwillopen，andwe’llraisetheheadpriestsandtheChiefsofthevillages。’
\"’It’sagainstallthelaw，’Isays，’holdingaLodgewithoutwarrantfromanyone;andyouknowweneverheldofficeinanyLodge。’
\"’It’samasterstrokeo’policy，’saysDravot。’Itmeansrunningthecountryaseasyasafour-wheeledbogieonadowngrade。Wecan’tstoptoinquirenow，orthey’llturnagainstus。I’vefortyChiefsatmyheel，andpassedandraisedaccordingtotheirmerittheyshallbe。
Billetthesemenonthevillages，andseethatwerunupaLodgeofsomekind。ThetempleofImbrawilldoforaLodge-room。Thewomenmustmakeapronsasyoushowthem。I’llholdaleveeofChiefsto-nightandLodgeto-morrow。’
\"Iwasfairrunoffmylegs，butIwasn’tsuchafoolasnottoseewhatapullthisCraftbusinessgaveus。Ishowedthepriests’
familieshowtomakeapronsofthedegrees，butforDravot’saprontheblueborderandmarkswasmadeofturquoiselumpsonwhitehide，notcloth。WetookagreatsquarestoneinthetemplefortheMaster’schair，andlittlestonesfortheofficer’schairs，andpaintedtheblackpavementwithwhitesquares，anddidwhatwecouldtomakethingsregular。
\"Attheleveewhichwasheldthatnightonthehillsidewithbigbonfires，DravotgivesoutthathimandmewereGodsandsonsofAlexander，andPassedGrandMastersintheCraft，andwascometomakeKafiristanacountrywhereeverymanshouldeatinpeaceanddrinkinquiet，andspeciallyobeyus。ThentheChiefscomeroundtoshakehands，andtheyweresohairyandwhiteandfairitwasjustshakinghandswitholdfriends。WegavethemnamesaccordingastheywaslikemenwehadknowninIndia——BillyFish，HollyDilworth，PikkyKergan，thatwasBazaar-masterwhenIwasatMhow，andsoon，andsoon。
\"/The/mostamazingmiracleswasatLodgenextnight。Oneoftheoldpriestswaswatchinguscontinuous，andIfeltuneasy，forIknewwe’dhavetofudgetheRitual，andIdidn’tknowwhatthemenknew。TheoldpriestwasastrangercomeinfrombeyondthevillageofBashkai。TheminuteDravotputsontheMaster’sapronthatthegirlshadmadeforhim，thepriestfetchesawhoopandahowl，andtriestooverturnthestonethatDravotwassittingon。’It’sallupnow，’Isays。’ThatcomesofmeddlingwiththeCraftwithoutwarrant！’Dravotneverwinkedaneye，notwhentenprieststookandtiltedovertheGrandMaster’schair——whichwastosay，thestoneofImbra。Thepriestbeginsrubbingthebottomendofittoclearawaytheblackdirt，andpresentlyheshowsalltheotherprieststheMaster’sMark，sameaswasonDravot’sapron，cutintothestone。NoteventhepriestsofthetempleofImbraknewitwasthere。TheoldchapfallsflatonhisfaceatDravot’sfeetandkisses’em。’Luckagain，’saysDravot，acrosstheLodge，tome;’theysayit’sthemissingMarkthatnoonecouldunderstandthewhyof。We’remorethansafenow。’Thenhebangsthebuttofhisgunforagavelandsays，’ByvirtueoftheauthorityvestedinmebymyownrighthandandthehelpofPeachey，IdeclaremyselfGrandMasterofallFreemasonryinKafiristaninthistheMotherLodgeo’thecountry，andKingofKafiristanequallywithPeachey！’AtthatheputsonhiscrownandIputsonmine，——IwasdoingSeniorWarden，——andweopenstheLodgeinmostampleform。Itwasanamazingmiracle！ThepriestsmovedinLodgethroughthefirsttwodegreesalmostwithouttelling，asifthememorywascomingbacktothem。AfterthatPeacheyandDravotraisedsuchaswasworthy——highpriestsandChiefsoffar-
offvillages。BillyFishwasthefirst，andIcantellyouwescaredthesouloutofhim。ItwasnotinanywayaccordingtoRitual，butitservedourturn。Wedidn’traisemorethantenofthebiggestmen，becausewedidn’twanttomaketheDegreecommon。Andtheywasclamouringtoberaised。
\"’Inanothersixmonths，’saysDravot，’we’llholdanotherCommunicationandseehowyouareworking。’Thenheasksthemabouttheirvillages，andlearnsthattheywasfightingoneagainsttheother，andweresickandtiredofit。Andwhentheywasn’tdoingthattheywasfightingwiththeMohammedans。’Youcanfightthosewhentheycomeintoourcountry，’saysDravot。’TelloffeverytenthmanofyourtribesforaFrontierguard，andsendtwohundredatatimetothisvalleytobedrilled。Nobodyisgoingtobeshotorspearedanymoresolongashedoeswell，andIknowthatyouwon’tcheatme，becauseyou’rewhitepeople——sonsofAlexander——andnotlikecommonblackMohammedans。Youare/my/people，and，byGod，’sayshe，runningoffintoEnglishattheend，’I’llmakeadamnedfineNationofyou，orI’lldieinthemaking！’
\"Ican’ttellallwedidforthenextsixmonths，becauseDravotdidalotIcouldn’tseethehangof，andhelearnedtheirlingoinawayI
nevercould。Myworkwastohelpthepeopleplough，andnowandagaingooutwithsomeoftheArmyandseewhattheothervillagesweredoing，andmake’emthrowropebridgesacrosstheravineswhichcutupthecountryhorrid。Dravotwasverykindtome，butwhenhewalkedupanddowninthepinewoodpullingthatbloodyredbeardofhiswithbothfistsIknewhewasthinkingplansIcouldnotadviseabout，andIjustwaitedfororders。
\"ButDravotnevershowedmedisrespectbeforethepeople。TheywereafraidofmeandtheArmy，buttheylovedDan。HewasthebestoffriendswiththepriestsandtheChiefs;butanyonecouldcomeacrossthehillswithacomplaint，andDravotwouldhearhimoutfair，andcallfourprieststogetherandsaywhatwastobedone。HeusedtocallinBillyFishfromBashkai，andPikkyKerganfromShu，andanoldChiefwecalledKafuzelum，——itwaslikeenoughtohisrealname，——andholdcouncilswith’emwhentherewasanyfightingtobedoneinsmallvillages。ThatwashisCouncilofWar，andthefourpriestsofBashkai，Shu，Khawak，andMadorawashisPrivyCouncil。Betweenthelotof’emtheysentme，withfortymenandtwentyrifles，andsixtymencarryingturquoises，intotheGhorbandcountrytobuythosehand-
madeMartinirifles，thatcomeoutoftheAmir’sworkshopsatKabul，fromoneoftheAmir’sHeratiregimentsthatwouldhavesoldtheveryteethoutoftheirmouthsforturquoises。
\"IstayedinGhorbandamonth，andgavetheGovernortherethepickofmybasketsforhush-money，andbribedtheColoneloftheregimentsomemore，and，betweenthetwoandthetribes-people，wegotmorethanahundredhand-madeMartinis，ahundredgoodKohatJezailsthat’llthrowtosixhundredyards，andfortyman-loadsofverybadammunitionfortherifles。IcamebackwithwhatIhad，anddistributed’emamongthementhattheChiefssentintometodrill。Dravotwastoobusytoattendtothosethings，buttheoldArmythatwefirstmadehelpedme，andweturnedoutfivehundredmenthatcoulddrill，andtwohundredthatknewhowtoholdarmsprettystraight。Eventhosecork-screwed，hand-madegunswasamiracletothem。Dravottalkedbigaboutpowder-
shopsandfactories，walkingupanddowninthepinewoodwhenthewinterwascomingon。
\"’Iwon’tmakeaNation，’sayshe。’I’llmakeanEmpire！Thesemenaren’tniggers;they’reEnglish！Lookattheireyes——lookattheirmouths。Lookatthewaytheystandup。Theysitonchairsintheirownhouses。They’retheLostTribes，orsomethinglikeit，andthey’vegrowntobeEnglish。I’lltakeacensusinthespringifthepriestsdon’tgetfrightened。Theremustbeafairtwomillionof’eminthesehills。Thevillagesarefullo’littlechildren。Twomillionpeople——
twohundredandfiftythousandfightingmen——andallEnglish！Theyonlywanttheriflesandalittledrilling。Twohundredandfiftythousandmen，readytocutinonRussia’srightflankwhenshetriesforIndia！Peachey，man，’hesays，chewinghisbeardingreathunks，’weshallbeEmperors——EmperorsoftheEarth！RajahBrookewillbeasucklingtous。I’lltreatwiththeViceroyonequalterms。I’llaskhimtosendmetwelvepickedEnglish——twelvethatIknowof——tohelpusgovernabit。There’sMackray，SerjeantPensioneratSegowli——
many’sthegooddinnerhe’sgivenme，andhiswifeapairoftrousers。
There’sDonkin，theWarderofTounghooJail;there’shundredsthatI
couldlaymyhandonifIwasinIndia。TheViceroyshalldoitforme;I’llsendamanthroughinthespringforthosemen，andI’llwriteforadispensationfromtheGrandLodgeforwhatI’vedoneasGrandMaster。That——andalltheSnidersthat’llbethrownoutwhenthenativetroopsinIndiatakeuptheMartini。They’llbewornsmooth，butthey’lldoforfightinginthesehills。TwelveEnglish，ahundredthousandSnidersrunthroughtheAmir’scountryindriblets，——I’dbecontentwithtwentythousandinoneyear，——andwe’dbeanEmpire。WheneverythingwasshipshapeI’dhandoverthecrown——thiscrownI’mwearingnow——toQueenVictoriaonmyknees，andshe’dsay，\"Riseup，SirDanielDravot。\"Oh，it’sbig！It’sbig，Itellyou！Butthere’ssomuchtobedoneineveryplace——Bashkai，Khawak，Shu，andeverywhereelse。’
\"’Whatisit？’Isays。’Therearenomoremencomingintobedrilledthisautumn。Lookatthosefatblackclouds。They’rebringingthesnow。’
\"’Itisn’tthat，’saysDaniel，puttinghishandveryhardonmyshoulder;’andIdon’twishtosayanythingthat’sagainstyou，fornootherlivingmanwouldhavefollowedmeandmademewhatIamasyouhavedone。You’reafirst-classCommander-in-Chief，andthepeopleknowyou;but——it’sabigcountry，andsomehowyoucan’thelpme，Peachey，inthewayIwanttobehelped。’
\"’Gotoyourblastedpriests，then！’Isaid，andIwassorrywhenI
madethatremark，butitdidhurtmesoretofindDanieltalkingsosuperior，whenI’ddrilledallthemenanddoneallhetoldme。
\"’Don’tlet’squarrel，Peachey，’saysDaniel，withoutcursing。
’You’reaKingtoo，andthehalfofthisKingdomisyours;butcan’tyousee，Peachey，wewantcleverermenthanusnow——threeorfourof’em，thatwecanscatteraboutforourDeputies。It’sahugeousgreatState，andIcan’talwaystelltherightthingtodo，andIhaven’ttimeforallIwanttodo，andhere’sthewintercomingonandall。’
Heputhalfhisbeardintohismouth，allredlikethegoldofhiscrown。
\"’I’msorry，Daniel，’saysI。’I’vedoneallIcould。I’vedrilledthemenandshownthepeoplehowtostacktheiroatsbetter;andI’vebroughtinthosetinwareriflesfromGhorband——butIknowwhatyou’redrivingat。ItakeitKingsalwaysfeeloppressedthatway。’
\"’There’sanotherthingtoo，’saysDravot，walkingupanddown。’Thewinter’scoming，andthesepeoplewon’tbegivingmuchtrouble，andiftheydowecan’tmoveabout。Iwantawife。’
\"’ForGord’ssakeleavethewomenalone！’Isays。’We’vebothgotalltheworkwecan，thoughI/am/afool。RemembertheContrack，andkeepclearo’women。’
\"’TheContrackonlylastedtillsuchtimeaswewasKings;andKingswehavebeenthesemonthspast，’saysDravot，weighinghiscrowninhishand。’Yougogetawifetoo，Peachey——anice，strappin’，plumpgirlthat’llkeepyouwarminthewinter。They’reprettierthanEnglishgirls，andwecantakethepickof’em。Boil’emonceortwiceinhotwater，andthey’llcomeoutlikechickenandham。’