ThePhantom’RickshawMyOwnTrueGhostStoryTheStrangeRideofMorrowbieJukesTheManWhoWouldBeKing\"TheFinestStoryinTheWorld\"
THEPHANTOM’RICKSHAW
Maynoilldreamsdisturbmyrest,NorPowersofDarknessmemolest-
EveningHymn。
ONEofthefewadvantagesthatIndiahasoverEnglandisagreatKnowability。Afterfiveyears’serviceamanisdirectlyorindirectlyacquaintedwiththetwoorthreehundredCiviliansinhisProvince,alltheMessesoftenortwelveRegimentsandBatteries,andsomefifteenhundredotherpeopleofthenon-officialcaste。Intenyearshisknowledgeshouldbedoubled,andattheendoftwentyheknows,orknowssomethingabout,everyEnglishmanintheEmpire,andmaytravelanywhereandeverywherewithoutpayinghotel-bills。
Globe-trotterswhoexpectentertainmentasaright,have,evenwithinmymemory,bluntedthisopen-heartedness,butnonethelessto-day,ifyoubelongtotheInnerCircleandareneitheraBearnoraBlackSheep,allhousesareopentoyou,andoursmallworldisvery,verykindandhelpful。
RickettofKamarthastayedwithPolderofKumaonsomefifteenyearsago。Hemeanttostaytwonights,butwasknockeddownbyrheumaticfever,andforsixweeksdisorganizedPolder’sestablishment,stoppedPolder’swork,andnearlydiedinPolder’sbedroom。PolderbehavesasthoughhehadbeenplacedundereternalobligationbyRickett,andyearlysendsthelittleRickettsaboxofpresentsandtoys。Itisthesameeverywhere。Themenwhodonottakethetroubletoconcealfromyoutheiropinionthatyouareanincompetentass,andthewomenwhoblackenyourcharacterandmisunderstandyourwife’samusements,willworkthemselvestotheboneinyourbehalfifyoufallsickorintoserioustrouble。
Heatherlegh,theDoctor,kept,inadditiontohisregularpractice,ahospitalonhisprivateaccount-anarrangementoflooseboxesforIncurables,hisfriendcalledit-butitwasreallyasortoffitting-upshedforcraftthathadbeendamagedbystressofweather。TheweatherinIndiaisoftensultry,andsincethetaleofbricksisalwaysafixedquantity,andtheonlylibertyallowedispermissiontoworkovertimeandgetnothanks,menoccasionallybreakdownandbecomeasmixedasthemetaphorsinthissentence。
Heatherleghisthedearestdoctorthateverwas,andhisinvariableprescriptiontoallhispatientsis,\"lielow,goslow,andkeepcool。\"
Hesaysthatmoremenarekilledbyoverworkthantheimportanceofthisworldjustifies。HemaintainsthatoverworkslewPansay,whodiedunderhishandsaboutthreeyearsago。Hehas,ofcourse,therighttospeakauthoritatively,andhelaughsatmytheorythattherewasacrackinPansay’sheadandalittlebitoftheDarkWorldcamethroughandpressedhimtodeath。\"Pansaywentoffthehandle,\"saysHeatherlegh,\"afterthestimulusoflongleaveatHome。HemayorhemaynothavebehavedlikeablackguardtoMrs。Keith-Wessington。MynotionisthattheworkoftheKatabundiSettlementranhimoffhislegs,andthathetooktobroodingandmakingmuchofanordinaryP。&0。flirtation。HecertainlywasengagedtoMissMannering,andshecertainlybrokeofftheengagement。Thenhetookafeverishchillandallthatnonsenseaboutghostsdeveloped。Overworkstartedhisillness,keptitalight,andkilledhimpoordevil。WritehimofftotheSystem-onemantotaketheworkoftwoandahalfmen。\"
Idonotbelievethis。IusedtositupwithPansaysometimeswhenHeatherleghwascalledouttopatients,andIhappenedtobewithinclaim。Themanwouldmakememostunhappybydescribinginalow,evenvoice,theprocessionthatwasalwayspassingatthebottomofhisbed。Hehadasickman’scommandoflanguage。
WhenherecoveredIsuggestedthatheshouldwriteoutthewholeaffairfrombeginningtoend,knowingthatinkmightassisthimtoeasehismind。Whenlittleboyshavelearnedanewbadwordtheyareneverhappytilltheyhavechalkedituponadoor。AndthisalsoisLiterature。
Hewasinahighfeverwhilehewaswriting,andtheblood-and-
thunderMagazinedictionheadopteddidnotcalmhim。Twomonthsafterwardhewasreportedfitforduty,but,inspiteofthefactthathewasurgentlyneededtohelpanundermannedCommissionstaggerthroughadeficit,hepreferredtodie;vowingatthelastthathewashag-ridden。Igothismanuscriptbeforehedied,andthisishisversionoftheaffair,dated1885:
MydoctortellsmethatIneedrestandchangeofair。ItisnotimprobablethatIshallgetbotherelong-restthatneitherthered-coatedmessengernorthemiddayguncanbreak,andchangeofairfarbeyondthatwhichanyhomeward-boundsteamercangiveme。InthemeantimeIamresolvedtostaywhereIam;and,inflatdefianceofmydoctor’sorders,totakealltheworldintomyconfidence。Youshalllearnforyourselvestheprecisenatureofmymalady;andshall,too,judgeforyourselveswhetheranymanbornofwomanonthiswearyearthwaseversotormentedasI。
Speakingnowasacondemnedcriminalmightspeakerethedrop-boltsaredrawn,mystory,wildandhideouslyimprobableasitmayappear,demandsatleastattention。ThatitwilleverreceivecredenceIutterlydisbelieve。TwomonthsagoIshouldhavescoutedasmadordrunkthemanwhohaddaredtellmethelike。
TwomonthsagoIwasthehappiestmaninIndia。Today,fromPeshawurtothesea,thereisnoonemorewretched。MydoctorandIaretheonlytwowhoknowthis。Hisexplanationis,thatmybrain,digestion,andeyesightareallslightlyaffected;givingrisetomyfrequentandpersistent\"delusions。\"Delusions,indeed!I
callhimafool;butheattendsmestillwiththesameunweariedsmile,thesameblandprofessionalmanner,thesameneatlytrimmedredwhiskers,tillIbegintosuspectthatIamanungrateful,evil-temperedinvalid。Butyoushalljudgeforyour-selves。
ThreeyearsagoitwasmyfortunemygreatmisfortunetosailfromGravesendtoBombay,onreturnfromlongleave,withoneAgnesKeith-Wessington,wifeofanofficerontheBombayside。Itdoesnotintheleastconcernyoutoknowwhatmannerofwomanshewas。Becontentwiththeknowledgethat,erethevoyagehadended,bothsheandIweredesperatelyandunreasoninglyinlovewithoneanother。HeavenknowsthatIcanmaketheadmissionnowwithoutoneparticleofvanity。Inmattersofthissortthereisalwaysonewhogivesandanotherwhoaccepts。Fromthefirstdayofourill-omenedattachment,IwasconsciousthatAgnes’spassionwasastronger,amoredominant,and-ifImayusetheexpression-apurersentimentthanmine。Whethersherecognizedthefactthen,Idonotknow。Afterwarditwasbitterlyplaintobothofus。
ArrivedatBombayinthespringoftheyear,wewentourrespectiveways,tomeetnomoreforthenextthreeorfourmonths,whenmyleaveandherlovetookusbothtoSimla。Therewespenttheseasontogether;andtheremyfireofstrawburneditselfouttoapitifulendwiththeclosingyear。Iattemptnoexcuse。Imakenoapology。Mrs。Wessingtonhadgivenupmuchformysake,andwaspreparedtogiveupall。Frommyownlips,inAugust,1882,shelearnedthatIwassickofherpresence,tiredofhercompany,andwearyofthesoundofhervoice。Ninety-ninewomenoutofahundredwouldhaveweariedofmeasIweariedofthem;seventy-fiveofthatnumberwouldhavepromptlyavengedthemselvesbyactiveandobtrusiveflirtation’withothermen。Mrs。
Wessingtonwasthehundredth。OnherneithermyopenlyexpressedaversionnorthecuttingbrutalitieswithwhichI
garnishedourinterviewshadtheleasteffect。
\"Jack,darling!\"washeroneeternalcuckoocry:\"I’msureit’sallamistake-ahideousmistake;andwe’llbegoodfriendsagainsomeday。Pleaseforgiveme,Jack,dear。\"
Iwastheoffender,andIknewit。Thatknowledgetransformedmypityintopassiveendurance,and,eventually,intoblindhat~thesameinstinct,Isuppose,whichpromptsamantosavagelystamponthespiderhehasbuthalfkilled。Andwiththishateinmybosomtheseasonof1882cametoanend。
NextyearwemetagainatSimla-shewithhermonotonousfaceandtimidattemptsatreconciliation,andIwithloathingofherineveryfibreofmyframe。SeveraltimesIcouldnotavoidmeetingheralone;andoneachoccasionherwordswereidenticallythesame。Stilltheunreasoningwailthatitwasalla\"mistake\";andstillthehopeofeventually\"makingfriends。\"ImighthaveseenhadIcaredtolook,thatthathopeonlywaskeepingheralive。Shegrewmorewanandthinmonthbymonth。Youwillagreewithme,atleast,thatsuchconductwouldhavedrivenanyonetodespair。Itwasuncalledfor;childish;unwomanly。Imaintainthatshewasmuchtoblame。Andagain,sometimes,intheblack,fever-strickennight-watches,IhavebeguntothinkthatImighthavebeenalittlekindertoher。Butthatreallyisa\"delusion。\"I
couldnothavecontinuedpretendingtoloveherwhenIdidn’t;
couldI?Itwouldhavebeenunfairtousboth。
Lastyearwemetagain-onthesametermsasbefore。Thesamewearyappeal,andthesamecurtanswersfrommylips。AtleastI
wouldmakeherseehowwhollywrongandhopelesswereherattemptsatresumingtheoldrelationship。Astheseasonworeon,wefellapart-thatistosay,shefounditdifficulttomeetme,forI
hadotherandmoreabsorbingintereststoattendto。WhenIthinkitoverquietlyinmysick-room,theseasonof1884seemsaconfusednightmarewhereinlightandshadewerefantasticallyintermingled-mycourtshipoflittleKittyMannering;myhopes,doubts,andfears;ourlongridestogether;mytremblingavowalofattachment;
herreply;andnowandagainavisionofawhitefaceflittingbyinthe’rickshawwiththeblackandwhiteliveriesIoncewatchedforsoearnestly;thewaveofMrs。Wessington’sglovedhand;and,whenshemetmealone,whichwasbutseldom,theirksomemonotonyofherappeal。IlovedKittyMannering;honestly,heartilylovedher,andwithmyloveforhergrewmyhatredforAgnes。InAugustKittyandIwereengaged。ThenextdayImetthoseaccursed\"magpie\"jhampaniesatthebackofJakko,and,movedbysomepassingsentimentofpity,stoppedtotellMrs。
Wessingtoneverything。Sheknewitalready。
\"SoIhearyou’reengaged,Jackdear。\"Then,withoutamoment’spause-\"I’msureit’sallamistake-ahideousmistake。Weshallbeasgoodfriendssomeday,Jack,asweeverwere。\"
Myanswermighthavemadeevenamanwince。Itcutthedyingwomanbeforemeliketheblowof’awhip。\"Pleaseforgiveme,Jack;Ididn’tmeantomakeyouangry;butit’strue,it’strue!\"
AndMrs。Wessingtonbrokedowncompletely。Iturnedawayandlefthertofinishherjourneyinpeace,feeling,butonlyforamomentortwo,thatIhadbeenanunutterablymeanhound。I
lookedback,andsawthatshehadturnedher’rickshawwiththeidea,Isuppose,ofovertakingme。
Thesceneanditssurroundingswerephotographedonmymemory。
Therain-sweptsky(wewereattheendofthewetweather),thesodden,dingypines,themuddyroad,andtheblackpowder-rivencliffsformedagloomybackgroundagainstwhichtheblackandwhiteliveriesofthejhampanies,theyellow-paneled’rickshawandMrs。Wessington’sdown-bowedgoldenheadstoodoutclearly。
Shewasholdingherhandkerchiefinherlefthandandwasleaninghackexhaustedagainstthe’rickshawcushions。IturnedmyhorseupabypathneartheSanjowlieReservoirandliterallyranaway。
OnceIfanciedIheardafaintcallof\"Jack!\"Thismayhavebeenimagination。Ineverstoppedtoverifyit。TenminuteslaterIcameacrossKittyonhorseback;and,inthedelightofalongridewithher,forgotallabouttheinterview。
AweeklaterMrs。Wessingtondied,andtheinexpressibleburdenofherexistencewasremovedfrommylife。IwentPlainswardperfectlyhappy。BeforethreemonthswereoverIhadforgottenallabouther,exceptthatattimesthediscoveryofsomeofheroldlettersremindedmeunpleasantlyofourbygonerelationship。ByJanuaryIhaddisinterredwhatwasleftofourcorrespondencefromamongmyscatteredbelongingsandhadburnedit。AtthebeginningofAprilofthisyear,1885,IwasatSimla-semi-desertedSimla-oncemore,andwasdeepinlover’stalksandwalkswithKitty。ItwasdecidedthatweshouldbemarriedattheendofJune。
Youwillunderstand,therefore,that,lovingKittyasIdid,IamnotsayingtoomuchwhenIpronouncemyselftohavebeen,atthattime,thehappiestmaninIndia。
FourteendelightfuldayspassedalmostbeforeInoticedtheirflight。
Then,arousedtothesenseofwhatwasproperamongmortalscircumstancedaswewere,IpointedouttoKittythatanengagementringwastheoutwardandvisiblesignofherdignityasanengagedgirl;andthatshemustforthwithcometoHamilton’stobemeasuredforone。Uptothatmoment,Igiveyoumyword,wehadcompletelyforgottensotrivialamatter。ToHamilton’sweaccordinglywentonthe15thofApril,1885。Rememberthat-whatevermydoctormaysaytothecontrary-Iwastheninperfecthealth,enjoyingawell-balancedmindandanabsolutetranquilspirit。KittyandIenteredHamilton’sshoptogether,andthere,regardlessoftheorderofaffairs,ImeasuredKittyfortheringinthepresenceoftheamusedassistant。Theringwasasapphirewithtwodiamonds。WethenrodeoutdowntheslopethatleadstotheCombermereBridgeandPeliti’sshop。
WhilemyWalerwascautiouslyfeelinghiswayoverthelooseshale,andKittywaslaughingandchatteringatmyside-whileallSimla,thatistosayasmuchofitashadthencomefromthePlains,wasgroupedroundtheReading-roomandPeliti’sveranda,-Iwasawarethatsomeone,apparentlyatavastdistance,wascallingmebymyChristianname。ItstruckmethatIhadheardthevoicebefore,butwhenandwhereIcouldnotatoncedetermine。IntheshortspaceittooktocovertheroadbetweenthepathfromHamilton’sshopandthefirstplankoftheComber-mereBridgeIhadthoughtoverhalfadozenpeoplewhomighthavecommittedsuchasolecism,andhadeventuallydecidedthatitmusthavebeensinginginmyears。ImmediatelyoppositePeliti’sshopmyeyewasarrestedbythesightoffourjharnpaniesin\"magpie\"livery,pullingayellow-paneled,cheap,bazar’rickshaw。
InamomentmymindflewbacktothepreviousseasonandMrs。
Wessingtonwithasenseofirritationanddisgust。Wasitnotenoughthatthewomanwasdeadanddonewith,withoutherblackandwhiteservitorsreappearingtospoiltheday’shappiness?
WhoeveremployedthemnowIthoughtIwouldcallupon,andaskasapersonalfavortochangeherJhampanies’livery。Iwouldhirethemenmyself,and,ifnecessary,buytheircoatsfromofftheirbacks。Itisimpossibletosayherewhatafloodofundesirablememoriestheirpresenceevoked。
\"Kitty,\"Icried,\"therearepoorMrs。Wessington’sjhampaniesturnedupagain!Iwonderwhohasthemnow?\"
KittyhadknownMrs。Wessingtonslightlylastseason,andhadalwaysbeeninterestedinthesicklywoman。
\"What?Where?\"sheasked。\"Ican’tseethemanywhere。\"
Evenasshespokeherhorse,swervingfromaladenmule,threwhimselfdirectlyinfrontoftheadvancing’rickshaw。Ihadscarcelytimetoutterawordofwarningwhen,tomyunutterablehorror,horseandriderpassedthroughmenandcarriageasiftheyhadbeenthinair。
\"What’sthematter?\"criedKitty;\"whatmadeyoucalloutsofoolishly,Jack?IfIamengagedIdon’twantallcreationtoknowaboutit。Therewaslotsofspacebetweenthemuleandtheveranda;and,ifyouthinkIcan’tride-There!\"
WhereuponwilfulKittysetoff,herdaintylittleheadintheair,atahand-gallopinthedirectionoftheBandstand;fullyexpecting,assheherselfafterwardtoldme,thatIshouldfollowher。Whatwasthematter?Nothingindeed。EitherthatIwasmadordrunk,orthatSimlawashauntedwithdevils。Ireinedinmyimpatientcob,andturnedround。The’rickshawhadturnedtoo,andnowstoodimmediatelyfacingme,neartheleftrailingoftheComber-mereBridge。
\"Jack!Jack,darling!\"(Therewasnomistakeaboutthewordsthistime:theyrangthroughmybrainasiftheyhadbeenshoutedinmyear。)\"It’ssomehideousmistake,I’msure。Pleaseforgiveme,jack,andlet’sbefriendsagain。\"
The’rickshaw-hoodhadfallenback,andinside,asIhopeandpraydailyforthedeathIdreadbynight,satMrs。Keith-Wessington,handkerchiefinhand,andgoldenheadbowedonherbreast。
HowlongIstaredmotionlessIdonotknow。Finally,IwasarousedbymyyscetakingtheWaler’sbridleandaskingwhetherI
wasill。Fromthehorribletothecommonplaceisbutastep。I
tumbledoffmyhorseanddashed,halffainting,intoPeliti’sforaglassofcherry-brandy。Theretwoorthreecouplesweregatheredroundthecoffee-tablesdiscussingthegossipoftheday。Theirtrivialitiesweremorecomfortingtomejustthenthantheconsolationsofreligioncouldhavebeen。Iplungedintothemidstoftheconversationatonce;chatted,laughed,andjestedwithaface(whenIcaughtaglimpseofitinamirror)aswhiteanddrawnasthatofacorpse。Threeorfourmemnoticedmycondition;and,evidentlysettingitdowntotheresultsofover-manypegs,charitablyendeavouredtodrawmeapartfromtherestoftheloungers。ButIrefusedtobeledaway。Iwantedthecompanyofmykind-asachildrushesintothemidstofthedinner-partyafterafrightinthedark。Imusthavetalkedforabouttenminutesorso,thoughitseemedaneternitytome,whenIheardKitty’sclearvoiceoutsideinquiringforme。Inanotherminuteshehadenteredtheshop,preparedtoroundlyupbraidmeforfailingsosignallyinmyduties。Somethinginmyfacestoppedher。
\"Why,Jack,\"shecried,\"whathaveyoubeendoing?Whathashappened?Areyouill?\"Thusdrivenintoadirectlie,Isaidthatthesunhadbeenalittletoomuchforme。Itwascloseuponfiveo’clockofacloudyAprilafternoon,andthesunhadbeenhiddenallday。Isawmymistakeassoonasthewordswereoutofmymouth:attemptedtorecoverit;blunderedhopelesslyandfollowedKittyinaregalrage,outofdoors,amidthesmilesofmyacquaintances。Imadesomeexcuse(Ihaveforgottenwhat)onthescoreofmyfeelingfaint;andcanteredawaytomyhotel,leavingKittytofinishtheridebyherself。
InmyroomIsatdownandtriedcalmlytoreasonoutthematter。
HerewasI,TheobaldJackPansay,awell-educatedBengalCivilianintheyearofgrace,1885,presumablysane,certainlyhealthy,driveninterrorfrommysweetheart’ssidebytheapparitionofawomanwhohadbeendeadandburiedeightmonthsago。ThesewerefactsthatIcouldnotblink。NothingwasfurtherfrommythoughtthananymemoryofMrs。WessingtonwhenKittyandIleftHamilton’sshop。NothingwasmoreutterlycommonplacethanthestretchofwalloppositePeliti’s。Itwasbroaddaylight。Theroadwasfullofpeople;andyethere,lookyou,indefianceofeverylawofprobability,indirectoutrageofNature’sordinance,therehadappearedtomeafacefromthegrave。
Kitty’sArabhadgonethroughthe’rickshaw:sothatmyfirsthopethatsomewomanmarvelouslylikeMrs。Wessingtonhadhiredthecarriageandthecoolieswiththeiroldliverywaslost。AgainandagainIwentroundthistreadmillofthought;andagainandagaingaveupbaffledandindespair。Thevoicewasasinexplicableastheapparition。IhadoriginallysomewildnotionofconfidingitalltoKitty;ofbegginghertomarrymeatonce;andinherarmsdefyingtheghostlyoccupantofthe’rickshaw。\"Afterall,\"I
argued,\"thepresenceofthe’rickshawisinitselfenoughtoprovetheexistenceofaspectralillusion。Onemayseeghostsofmenandwomen,butsurelyneverofcooliesandcarriages。ThewholethingisabsurdFancytheghostofahill-man!\"
NextmorningIsentapenitentnotetoKitty,imploringhertooverlookmystrangeconductofthepreviousafternoon。MyDivinitywasstillverywroth,andapersonalapologywasnecessary。Iexplained,withafluencybornofnight-longponderingoverafalsehood,thatIhadbeenattackedwithsuddenpalpitationoftheheart-theresultofindigestion。Thiseminentlypracticalsolutionhaditseffect;andKittyandIrodeoutthatafternoonwiththeshadowofmyfirstliedividingus。
NothingwouldpleasehersaveacanterroundJakko。WithmynervesstillunstrungfromthepreviousnightIfeeblyprotestedagainstthenotion,suggestingObservatoryHill,Jutogh,theBoileaugungeroad-anythingratherthantheJakkoround。Kittywasangryandalittlehurt:soIyieldedfromfearofprovokingfurthermisunderstanding,andwesetouttogethertowardChotaSimla。Wewalkedagreaterpartoftheway,and,accordingtoourcustom,canteredfromamileorsobelowtheConventtothestretchoflevelroadbytheSanjowlieReservoir。Thewretchedhorsesappearedtofly,andmyheartbeatquickerandquickeraswenearedthecrestoftheascent。MymindhadbeenfullofMrs。
Wessingtonalltheafternoon;andeveryinchoftheJakkoroadborewitnesstoouroldtimewalksandtalks。Thebowlderswerefullofit;thepinessangitaloudoverhead;therain-fedtorrentsgiggledandchuckledunseenovertheshamefulstory;andthewindinmyearschantedtheiniquityaloud。
Asafittingclimax,inthemiddleofthelevelmencalltheLadies’
MiletheHorrorwasawaitingme。Noother’rickshawwasinsight-onlythefourblackandwhitejhampanies,theyellow-
paneledcarriage,andthegoldenheadofthewomanwithin-allapparentlyjustasIhadleftthemeightmonthsandonefortnightago!ForaninstantIfanciedthatKittymustseewhatIsaw-weweresomarvelouslysympatheticinallthings。Hernextwordsundeceivedme-’~Notasoulinsight!Comealong,Jack,andI’llraceyoutotheReservoirbuildings!\"HerwirylittleArabwasofflikeabird,myWalerfollowingclosebehind,andinthisorderwedashedunderthecliffs。Halfaminutebroughtuswithinfiftyyardsofthe’rickshaw。IpulledmyWalerandfellbackalittle。The’rickshawwasdirectlyinthemiddleoftheroad;andoncemoretheArabpassedthroughit,myhorsefollowing。\"Jack!Jackdear!
Peaseforgiveme,\"rangwithawailinmyears,and,afteraninterval:-\"It’samistake,ahideousmistake!\"
Ispurredmyhorselikeamanpossessed。WhenIturnedmyheadattheReservoirworks,theblackandwhiteliverieswerestillwaiting-patientlywaiting-underthegreyhillside,andthewindbroughtmeamockingechoofthewordsIhadjustheard。Kittybanteredmeagooddealonmysilencethroughouttheremainderoftheride。Ihadbeentalkinguptillthenwildlyandatrandom。
TosavemylifeIcouldnotspeakafterwardnaturally,andfromSanjowlietotheChurchwiselyheldmytongue。
IwastodinewiththeManneringsthatnight,andhadbarelytimetocanterhometodress。OntheroadtoElysiumHillIoverheardtwomentalkingtogetherinthedusk-\"It’sacuriousthing,\"saidone,\"howcompletelyalltraceofitdisappeared。Youknowmywifewasinsanelyfondofthewoman(’nevercouldseeanythinginhermyself),andwantedmetopickupherold’rickshawandcooliesiftheyweretobegotforloveormoney。MorbidsortoffancyIcallit;butI’vegottodowhattheMemsahibtellsme。
Wouldyoubelievethatthemanshehireditfromtellsmethatallfourofthemen-theywerebrothers-diedofcholeraonthewaytoHardwar,poordevils,andthe’rickshawhasbeenbrokenupbythemanhimself。’ToldmeheneverusedadeadMemsakib’s’rickshaw。’Spoiledhisluck。Queernotion,wasn’tit?FancypoorlittleMrs。Wessingtonspoilinganyone’sluckexceptherown!\"I
laughedaloudatthispoint;andmylaughjarredonmeasIutteredit。Sotherewereghostsof’rickshawsafterall,andghostlyemploymentsintheotherworld!HowmuchdidMrs。Wessingtongivehermen?Whatweretheirhours?Wheredidtheygo?
AndforvisibleanswertomylastquestionIsawtheinfernalThingblockingmypathinthetwilight。Thedeadtravelfast,andbyshortcutsunknowntoordinarycoolies。Ilaughedaloudasecondtimeandcheckedmylaughtersuddenly,forIwasafraidIwasgoingmad。MadtoacertainextentImusthavebeen,forIrecollectthatIreinedinmyhorseattheheadofthe’rickshaw,andpolitelywishedMrs。Wessington\"Good-evening。\"HeranswerwasoneI
knewonlytoowell。Ilistenedtotheend;andrepliedthatIhadhearditallbefore,butshouldbedelightedifshehadanythingfurthertosay。SomemalignantdevilstrongerthanImusthaveenteredintomethatevening,forIhaveadimrecollectionoftalkingthecommonplacesofthedayforfiveminutestotheThinginfrontofme。
\"Madasahatter,poordevil-ordrunk。Max,tryandgethimtocomehome。\"
SurelythatwasnotMrs。Wessington’svoice!Thetwomenhadoverheardmespeakingtotheemptyair,andhadreturnedtolookafterme。Theywereverykindandconsiderate,andfromtheirwordsevidentlygatheredthatIwasextremelydrunk。Ithankedthemconfusedlyandcanteredawaytomyhotel,therechanged,andarrivedattheMannerings’tenminuteslate。Ipleadedthedarknessofthenightasanexcuse;wasrebukedbyKittyformyunlover-liketardiness;andsatdown。
Theconversationhadalreadybecomegeneral;andundercoverofit,IwasaddressingsometendersmalltalktomysweetheartwhenIwasawarethatatthefurtherendofthetableashortred-
whiskeredmanwasdescribing,withmuchbroidery,hisencounterwithamadunknownthatevening。
Afewsentencesconvincedmethathewasrepeatingtheincidentofhalfanhourago。Inthemiddleofthestoryhelookedroundforapplause,asprofessionalstory-tellersdo,caughtmyeye,andstraightwaycollapsed。Therewasamoment’sawkwardsilence,andthered-whiskeredmanmutteredsomethingtotheeffectthathehad\"forgottentherest,\"therebysacrificingareputationasagoodstory~tellerwhichhehadbuiltupforsixseasonspast。Iblessedhimfromthebottomofmyheart,and-wentonwithmyfish。
Inthefulnessoftimethatdinnercametoanend;andwithgenuineregretItoremyselfawayfromKitty-ascertainasIwasofmyownexistencethatItwouldbewaitingformeoutsidethedoor。Thered-whiskeredman,whohadbeenintroducedtomeasDoctorHeatherlegh,ofSimla,volunteeredtobearmecompanyasfarasourroadslaytogether。Iacceptedhisofferwithgratitude。
Myinstincthadnotdeceivedme。ItlayinreadinessintheMall,and,inwhatseemeddevilishmockeryofourways,withalightedhead-lamp。Thered-whiskeredmanwenttothepointatonce,inamannerthatshowedhebadbeenthinkingoveritalldinnertime。
\"Isay,Pansay,whatthedeucewasthematterwithyouthiseveningontheElysiumroad?\"ThesuddennessofthequestionwrenchedananswerfrommebeforeIwasaware。
\"That!。\"saidI,pointingtoIt。
\"ThatmaybeeitherD。T。orEyesforaughtIknow。Nowyoudon’tliquor。Isawasmuchatdinner,soitcan’tbeD。T。There’snothingwhateverwhereyou’repointing,thoughyou’resweatingandtremblingwithfrightlikeascaredpony。Therefore,I
concludethatit’sEyes。AndIoughttounderstandallaboutthem。
Comealonghomewithme。I’montheBlessingtonlowerroad。\"
Tomyintensedelightthe’rickshawinsteadofwaitingforuskeptabouttwentyyardsahead-andthis,toowhetherwewalked,trotted,orcantered。InthecourseofthatlongnightrideIhadtoldmycompanionalmostasmuchasIhavetoldyouhere。
\"Well,you’vespoiledoneofthebesttalesI’veeverlaidtongueto,\"
saidhe,\"butI’llforgiveyouforthesakeofwhatyou’vegonethrough。NowcomehomeanddowhatItellyou;andwhenI’vecuredyou,youngman,letthisbealessontoyoutosteerclearofwomenandindigestiblefoodtillthedayofyourdeath。\"
The’rickshawkeptsteadyinfront;andmyred-whiskeredfriendseemedtoderivegreatpleasurefrommyaccountofitsexactwhereabouts。
\"Eyes,Pansay-allEyes,Brain,andStomach。AndthegreatestofthesethreeisStomach。You’vetoomuchconceitedBrain,toolittleStomach,andthoroughlyunhealthyEyes。GetyourStomachstraightandtherestfollows。Andallthat’sFrenchforaliverpill。
I’lltakesolemedicalchargeofyoufromthishour!foryou’retoointerestingaphenomenontobepassedover。\"
BythistimeweweredeepintheshadowoftheBlessingtonlowerroadandthe’rickshawcametoadeadstopunderapine-clad,over-hangingshalecliff。InstinctivelyIhaltedtoo,givingmyreason。Heatherleghrappedoutanoath。
’Now,ifyouthinkI’mgoingtospendacoldnightonthehillsideforthesakeofastomach-cum-Brain-cum-Eyeillusion……Lord,ha’mercy!What’sthat?\"
Therewasamuffledreport,ablindingsmotherofdustjustinfrontofus,acrack,thenoiseofrentboughs,andabouttenyardsofthecliff-side-pines。,undergrowth,andall-sliddownintotheroadbelow,completelyblockingitup。Theuprootedtreesswayedandtotteredforamomentlikedrunkengiantsinthegloom,andthenfellproneamongtheirfellowswithathunderouscrash。Ourtwohorsesstoodmotionlessandsweatingwithfear。Assoonastherattleoffallingearthandstonehadsubsided,mycompanionmuttered:-\"Man,ifwe’dgoneforwardweshouldhavebeentenfeetdeepinourgravesbynow。’Therearemorethingsinheavenandearth。’……Comehome,Pansay,andthankGod。Iwantapegbadly。\"
WeretracedourwayovertheChurchRidge,andIarrivedatDr。
Heatherlegh’shouseshortlyaftermidnight。
Hisattemptstowardmycurecommencedalmostimmediately,andforaweekIneverlefthissight。ManyatimeinthecourseofthatweekdidIblessthegood-fortunewhichhadthrownmeincontactwithSimla’sbestandkindestdoctor。Daybydaymyspiritsgrewlighterandmoreequable。Daybyday,too,IbecamemoreandmoreinclinedtofallinwithHeatherlegh’s\"spectralillusion\"
theory,implicatingeyes,brain,andstomach。IwrotetoKitty,tellingherthataslightspraincausedbyafallfrommyhorsekeptmeindoorsforafewdays;andthatIshouldberecoveredbeforeshehadtimetoregretmyabsence。
Heatherlegh’streatmentwassimpletoadegree。Itconsistedofliverpills,cold-waterbaths,andstrongexercise,takenintheduskoratearlydawn-for,ashesagelyobserved:-\"Amanwithasprainedankledoesn’twalkadozenmilesaday,andyouryoungwomanmightbewonderingifshesawyou。\"
Attheendoftheweek,aftermuchexaminationofpupilandpulse,andstrictinjunction’astodietandpedestrianism,Heatherleghdismissedmeasbrusquelyashehadtakenchargeofme。Hereishispartingbenediction:-\"Man,Icancertifytoyourmentalcure,andthat’sasmuchastosayI’vecuredmostofyourbodilyailments。Now,getyour’trapsoutofthisassoonasyoucan;andbeofftomakelovetoMissKitty。\"
Iwasendeavoringtoexpressmythanksforhiskindness。Hecutmeshort。
\"Don’tthinkIdidthisbecauseIlikeyou。Igatherthatyou’vebehavedlikeablackguardallthrough。But,allthesame,youreaphenomenon,andasqueeraphenomenonasyouareablackguard。
No!\"-checkingmeasecondtime\"notarupeeplease。Gooutandseeifyoucanfindtheeyes-brain-and-stomachbusinessagain。I’llgiveyoualakhforeachtimeyouseeit。\"
HalfanhourlaterIwasintheMannerings’drawing-roomwithKitty-drunkwiththeintoxicationofpresenthappinessandthefore-knowledgethatIshouldnevermorebetroubledwithItshideouspresence。Stronginthesenseofmynew-foundsecurity,I
proposedarideatonce;and,bypreference,acanterroundJakko。
NeverhadIfeltsowell,sooverladenwithvitalityandmereanimalspirits,asIdidontheafternoonofthe30thofApril。Kittywasdelightedatthechangeinmyappearance,andcomplimentedmeonitinherdelightfullyfrankandoutspokenmanner。WelefttheMannerings’housetogether,laughingandtalking,andcanteredalongtheChotaSimlaroadasofold。
IwasinhastetoreachtheSanjowlieReservoirandtheremakemyassurancedoublysure。Thehorsesdidtheirbest,butseemedalltooslowtomyimpatientmind。Kittywasastonishedatmyboisterousness。\"Why,Jack!\"shecriedatlast,\"youarebehavinglikeachild。Whatareyoudoing?\"
WewerejustbelowtheConvent,andfromsheerwantonnessIwasmakingmyWalerplungeandcurvetacrosstheroadasItickleditwiththeloopofmyriding-whip。
\"Doing?\"Ianswered;\"nothing,dear。That’sjustit。Ifyou’dbeendoingnothingforaweekexceptlieup,you’dbeasriotousasI。\"
\"’Singingandmurmuringinyourfeastfulmirth,Joyingtofeelyourselfalive;
LordoverNature,LordofthevisibleEarth,Lordofthesensesfive。’\"
MyquotationwashardlyoutofmylipsbeforewehadroundedthecornerabovetheConvent;andafewyardsfurtheroncouldseeacrosstoSanjowlie。Inthecentreofthelevelroadstoodtheblackandwhiteliveries,theyellow-paneled’rickshaw,andMrs。
Keith-Wessington。Ipulledup,looked,rubbedmyeyes,and,I
believemusthavesaidsomething。ThenextthingIknewwasthatIwaslyingfacedownwardontheroadwithKittykneelingabovemeintears。
\"Hasitgone,childI\"Igasped。Kittyonlyweptmorebitterly。
\"Haswhatgone,Jackdear?whatdoesitallmean?Theremustbeamistakesomewhere,Jack。Ahideousmistake。\"Herlastwordsbroughtmetomyfeet-mad-ravingforthetimebeing。
\"Yes,thereisamistakesomewhere,\"Irepeated,\"ahideousmistake。ComeandlookatIt。\"
IhaveanindistinctideathatIdraggedKittybythewristalongtheroaduptowhereItstood,andimploredherforpity’ssaketospeaktoIt;totellItthatwewerebetrothed;thatneitherDeathnorHellcouldbreakthetiebetweenus;andKittyonlyknowshowmuchmoretothesameeffect。NowandagainIappealedpassionatelytotheTerrorinthe’rickshawtobearwitnesstoallIhadsaid,andtoreleasemefromatorturethatwaskillingme。AsItalkedIsupposeImusthavetoldKittyofmyoldrelationswithMrs。Wessington,forIsawherlistenintentlywithwhitefaceandblazingeyes。
\"Thankyou,Mr。Pansay,\"shesaid,\"that’squiteenough。Syceghoralao。\"
Thesyces,impassiveasOrientalsalwaysare,hadcomeupwiththerecapturedhorses;andasKittysprangintohersaddleIcaughtholdofthebridle,entreatinghertohearmeoutandforgive。Myanswerwasthecutofherriding-whipacrossmyfacefrommouthtoeye,andawordortwooffarewellthatevennowIcannotwritedown。SoIjudged,andjudgedrightly,thatKittyknewall;andI
staggeredbacktothesideofthe’rickshaw。Myfacewascutandbleeding,andtheblowoftheriding-whiphadraisedalividbluewhealonit。Ihadnoself-respect。Justthen,Heatherlegh,whomusthavebeenfollowingKittyandmeatadistance,canteredup。
\"Doctor,\"Isaid,pointingtomyface,\"here’sMissMannering’ssignaturetomyorderofdismissaland……I’llthankyouforthatlakhassoonasconvenient。\"
Heatherlegh’sface,eveninmyabjectmisery,movedmetolaughter。
\"I’llstakemyprofessionalreputation\"-
hebegan。\"Don’tbeafool,\"Iwhispered。\"I’velostmylife’shappinessandyou’dbettertakemehome。\"
AsIspokethe’rickshawwasgone。ThenIlostallknowledgeofwhatwaspassing。ThecrestofJakkoseemedtoheaveandrolllikethecrestofacloudandfallinuponme。
Sevendayslater(onthe7thofMay,thatistosay)IwasawarethatIwaslyinginHeatherlegh’sroomasweakasalittlechild。
Heatherleghwaswatchingmeintentlyfrombehindthepapersonhiswriting-table。Hisfirstwordswerenotencouraging;butIwastoofarspenttobemuchmovedbythem。
\"Here’sMissKittyhassentbackyourletters。Youcorrespondedagooddeal,youyoungpeople。Here’sapacketthatlookslikearing,andacheerfulsortofanotefromManneringPapa,whichI’vetakenthelibertyofreadingandburning。Theoldgentleman’snotpleasedwithyou。\"
\"AndKitty?\"Iasked,dully。
\"Rathermoredrawnthanherfatherfromwhatshesays。Bythesametokenyoumusthavebeenlettingoutanynumberofqueerreminiscencesjustbe。foreImetyou。’SaysthatamanwhowouldhavebehavedtoawomanasyoudidtoMrs。Wessingtonoughttokillhimselfoutofsheerpityforhiskind。She’sahot-headedlittlevirago,yourmash。’WillhaveittoothatyouweresufferingfromD。T。whenthatrowontheJakkoroadturnedup。’Saysshe’lldiebeforesheeverspeakstoyouagain。\"
Igroanedandturnedovertotheotherside。
\"Nowyou’vegotyourchoice,myfriend。Thisengagementhastobebrokenoff;andtheManneringsdon’twanttobetoohardonyou。WasitbrokenthroughD。T。orepilepticfits?SorryIcan’tofferyouabetterexchangeunlessyou’dpreferhereditaryinsanity。
SaythewordandI’lltell’emit~sfits。AllSimlaknowsaboutthatsceneontheLadies’Mile。Come!I’llgiveyoufiveminutestothinkoverit。\"
DuringthosefiveminutesIbelievethatIexploredthoroughlythelowestcirclesoftheInfernowhichitispermittedmantotreadonearth。AndatthesametimeImyselfwaswatchingmyselffalteringthroughthedarklabyrinthsofdoubt,misery,andutterdespair。I
wondered,asHeatherleghinhischairmighthavewondered,whichdreadfulalternativeIshouldadopt。PresentlyIheardmyselfansweringinavoicethatIhardlyrecognized,-\"They’reconfoundedlyparticularaboutmoralityintheseparts。Give’emfits,Heatherlegh,andmylove。Nowletmesleepabitlonger。\"
Thenmytwoselvesjoined,anditwasonlyI(halfcrazed,devil-drivenI)thattossedinmybed,tracingstepbystepthehistoryofthepastmonth。
\"ButIaminSimla,\"Ikeptrepeatingtomyself。\"I,JackPansay,aminSimlaandtherearenoghostshere。It’sunreasonableofthatwomantopretendthereare。Whycouldn’tAgneshaveleftmealone?Ineverdidheranyharm。ItmightjustaswellhavebeenmeasAgnes。OnlyI’dneverhavecomehackonpurposetokillher。Whycan’tIbeleftalone-leftaloneandhappy?\"
ItwashighnoonwhenIfirstawoke:
andthesunwaslowintheskybeforeIslept-sleptasthetorturedcriminalsleepsonhisrack,tooworntofeelfurtherpain。
NextdayIcouldnotleavemybed。HeatherleghtoldmeinthemorningthathehadreceivedananswerfromMr。Mannering,andthat,thankstohis(Heatherlegh’s)friendlyoffices,thestoryofmyafflictionhadtraveledthroughthelengthandbreadthofSimla,whereIwasonallsidesmuchpitied。
\"Andthat’srathermorethanyoudeserve,’heconcluded,pleasantly,\"thoughtheLordknowsyou’vebeengoingthroughaprettyseveremill。Nevermind;we’llcureyouyet,youperversephenomenon。\"
Ideclinedfirmlytobecured。\"You’vebeenmuchtoogoodtomealready,oldman,\"saidI;\"butIdon’tthinkIneedtroubleyoufurther。\"
InmyheartIknewthatnothingHeatherleghcoulddowouldlightentheburdenthathadbeenlaiduponme。
Withthatknowledgecamealsoasenseofhopeless,impotentrebellionagainsttheunreasonablenessofitall。TherewerescoresofmennobetterthanIwhosepunishmentshadatleastbeenreservedforanotherworld;andIfeltthatitwasbitterly,cruellyunfairthatIaloneshouldhavebeensingledoutforsohideousafate。Thismoodwouldintimegiveplacetoanotherwhereitseemedthatthe’rickshawandIweretheonlyrealitiesinaworldofshadows;thatKittywasaghost;thatMannering,Heatherlegh,andalltheothermenandwomenIknewwereallghosts;andthegreat,greyhillsthemselvesbutvainshadowsdevisedtotortureme。FrommoodtomoodItossedbackwardandforwardforsevenwearydays;mybodygrowingdailystrongerandstrong-er,untilthebedroomlooking-glasstoldmethatIhadreturnedtoeverydaylife,andwasasothermenoncemore。CuriouslyenoughmyfaceshowednosignsofthestruggleIhadgonethrough。Itwaspaleindeed,butasexpression-lessandcommonplaceasever。Ihadexpectedsomepermanentalteration-visibleevidenceofthediseasethatwaseatingmeaway。Ifoundnothing。
Onthe15thofMay,IleftHeatherlegh’shouseateleveno’clockinthemorning;andtheinstinctofthebachelordrovemetotheClub。
ThereIfoundthateverymanknewmystoryastoldbyHeatherlegh,andwas,inclumsyfashion,abnormallykindandattentive。NeverthelessIrecognizedthatfortherestofmynaturallifeIshouldbeamongbutnotofmyfellows;andIenviedverybitterlyindeedthelaughingcooliesontheMallbelow。IlunchedattheClub,andatfouro’clockwanderedaimlesslydowntheMallinthevaguehopeofmeetingKitty。ClosetotheBand-standtheblackandwhiteliveriesjoinedme;andIheardMrs。Wessington’soldappealatmyside。IhadbeenexpectingthiseversinceIcameout;andwasonlysurprisedatherdelay。Thephantom’rickshawandIwentsidebysidealongtheChotaSimlaroadinsilence。
Closetothebazar,Kittyandamanonhorsebackovertookandpassedus。ForanysignshegaveImighthavebeenadogintheroad。Shedidnotevenpaymethecomplimentofquickeningherpace;thoughtherainyafternoonhadservedforanexcuse。
SoKittyandhercompanion,andIandmyghostlyLight-o’-Love,creptroundJakkoincouples。Theroadwasstreamingwithwater;
thepinesdrippedlikeroof-pipesontherocksbelow,andtheairwasfulloffine,drivingrain。TwoorthreetimesIfoundmyselfsayingtomyselfalmostaloud:\"I’mJackPan-sayonleaveatSimla~atSimla!Everyday,ordinarySimla。Imustn’tforgetthat-I
mustn’tforgetthat。\"ThenIwouldtrytorecollectsomeofthegossipIhadheardattheClub:thepricesofSo-and-So’shorses-anything,infact,thatrelatedtotheworkadayAnglo-IndianworldIknewsowell。Ievenrepeatedthemultiplication-tablerapidlytomyself,tomakequitesurethatIwasnottakingleaveofmysenses。Itgavememuchcomfort;andmusthavepreventedmyhearingMrs。Wessingtonforatime。
OncemoreIwearilyclimbedtheConventslopeandenteredthel~
velroad。HereKittyandthemanstartedoffatacanter,andIwasleftalonewithMrs。Wessington。\"Agnes,\"saidI,\"willyouputbackyourhoodandtellmewhatitallmeans?\"Thehooddroppednoiselessly,andIwasfacetofacewithmydeadandburiedmistress。ShewaswearingthedressinwhichIhadlastseenheralive;carriedthesametinyhandkerchiefinherrighthand;andthesamecardcaseinherleft。(Awomaneightmonthsdeadwithacardcase!)Ihadtopinmyselfdowntothemultiplication-table,andtosetbothhandsonthestoneparapetoftheroad,toassuremyselfthatthatatleastwasreal。
\"Agnes,\"Irepeated,\"forpity’ssaketellmewhatitallmeans。\"
Mrs。Wessingtonleanedforward,withthatodd,quickturnoftheheadIusedtoknowsowell,andspoke。
IfmystoryhadnotalreadysomadlyoverleapedthehoundsofallhumanbeliefIshouldapologizetoyounow。AsIknowthatnoone-no,notevenKitty,forwhomitiswrittenassomesortofjustificationofmyconduct-willbelieveme,Iwillgoon。Mrs。
WessingtonspokeandIwalkedwithherfromtheSanjowlieroadtotheturningbelowtheCommander-in-Chief’shouseasImightwalkbythesideofanylivingwoman’s’rickshaw,deepinconversation。Thesecondandmosttormentingofmymoodsofsicknesshadsuddenlylaidholduponme,andlikethePrinceinTennyson’spoem,\"Iseemedtomoveamidaworldofghosts。\"
Therehadbeenagarden-partyattheCommander-in-Chief’s,andwetwojoinedthecrowdofhomeward-houndfolk。AsIsawthemthenitseemedthattheyweretheshadows-impalpable,fantasticshadows-thatdividedforMrs。Wessington’s’rickshawtopassthrough。WhatwesaidduringthecourseofthatweirdinterviewI
cannot-indeed,Idarenot-tell。Heatherlegh’scommentwouldhavebeenashortlaughandaremarkthatIhadbeen\"mashingabrain-eye-and-stomachchimera。\"Itwasaghastlyandyetinsomeindefinablewayamarvelouslydearexperience。Coulditbepossible,Iwondered,thatIwasinthislifetowooasecondtimethewomanIhadkilledbymyownneglectandcruelty?
ImetKittyonthehomewardroad-ashadowamongshadows。
IfIweretodescribealltheincidentsofthenextfortnightintheirorder,mystorywouldnevercometoanend;andyourpatiencewouldheexhausted。Morningaftermorningandeveningaftereveningtheghostly’rickshawandIusedtowanderthroughSimlatogether。WhereverIwenttherethefourblackandwhiteliveriesfollowedmeandboremecompanytoandfrommyhotel。AttheTheatreIfoundthemamidthecrowdoryellingjhampanies;
outsidetheClubveranda,afteralongeveningofwhist;attheBirthdayBall,waitingpatientlyformyreappearance;andinbroaddaylightwhenIwentcalling。Savethatitcastnoshadow,the’rickshawwasineveryrespectasrealtolookuponasoneofwoodandiron。Morethanonce,indeed,Ihavehadtocheckmyselffrontwarningsomehard-ridingfriendagainstcanteringoverit。MorethanonceIhavewalkeddowntheMalldeepinconversationwithMrs。Wessingtontotheunspeakableamazementofthepassers-by。
BeforeIhadbeenoutandaboutaweekIlearnedthatthe\"fit\"
theoryhadbeendiscardedinfavorofinsanity。However,Imadenochangeinmymodeoflife。Icalled,rode,anddinedoutasfreelyasever。IhadapassionforthesocietyofmykindwhichI
hadneverfeltbefore;Ihungeredtobeamongtherealitiesoflife;
andatthesametimeIfeltvaguelyunhappywhenIhadbeenseparatedtoolongfrommyghostlycompanion。Itwouldbealmostimpossibletodescribemyvaryingmoodsfromthe15thofMayuptoto-day。
Thepresenceofthe’rickshawfilledmebyturnswithhorror,blindfear,adimsortofpleasure,andutterdespair。IdarednotleaveSimla;andIknewthatmystaytherewaskillingme。Iknew,moreover,thatitwasmydestinytodieslowlyandalittleeveryday。Myonlyanxietywastogetthepenanceoverasquietlyasmightbe。AlternatelyIhungeredforasightofKittyandwatchedheroutrageousflirtationswithmysuccessor-tospeakmoreaccurately,mysuccessors-withamusedinterest。ShewasasmuchoutofmylifeasIwasoutofhers。BydayIwanderedwithMrs。
Wessingtonalmostcontent。BynightIimploredHeaventoletmereturntotheworldasIusedtoknowit。Aboveallthesevaryingmoodslaythesensationofdull,numbingwonderthattheSeenandtheUnseenshouldminglesostrangelyonthisearthtohoundonepoorsoultoitsgrave。
*********
August27-Heatherleghhasbeenindefatigableinhisattendanceonme;andonlyyesterdaytoldmethatIoughttosendinanapplicationforsickleave。Anapplicationtoescapethecompanyofaphantom!ArequestthattheGovernmentwouldgraciouslypermitmetogetridoffiveghostsandanairy’rickshawbygoingtoEngland。Heatherlegh’spropositionmovedmetoalmosthystericallaughter。ItoldhimthatIshouldawaittheendquietlyatSimla;andIamsurethattheendisnotfaroff。BelievemethatI
dreaditsadventmorethananywordcansay;andItorturemyselfnightlywithathousandspeculationsastothemannerofmydeath。
ShallIdieinmybeddecentlyandasanEnglishgentlemanshoulddie;or,inonelastwalkontheMall,willmysoulbewrenchedfrommetotakeitsplaceforeverandeverbythesideofthatghastlyphantasm?ShallIreturntomyoldlostallegianceinthenextworld,orshallImeetAgnesloathingherandboundtohersidethroughalleternity?ShallwetwohoveroverthesceneofourlivestilltheendofTime?Asthedayofmydeathdrawsnearer,theintensehorrorthatalllivingfleshfeelstowardescapedspiritsfrombeyondthegravegrowsmoreandmorepowerful。Itisanawfulthingtogodownquickamongthedeadwithscarcelyone-halfofyourlifecompleted。ItisathousandtimesmoreawfultowaitasIdoinyourmidst,forIknownotwhatunimaginableterror。Pityme,atleastonthescoreofmy\"delusion,\"forI
knowyouwillneverbelievewhatIhavewrittenhereYetassurelyaseveramanwasdonetodeathbythePowersofDarknessIamthatman。
Injustice,too,pityher。Forassurelyaseverwomanwaskilledbyman,IkilledMrs。Wessington。Andthelastportionofmypunishmentisevernowuponme。
MYOWNTRUEGHOSTSTORY
AsIcamethroughtheDesertthusitwas——
AsIcamethroughtheDesert。
TheCityofDreadfulNight。
SomewhereintheOtherWorld,wheretherearebooksandpicturesandplaysandshopwindowstolookat,andthousandsofmenwhospendtheirlivesinbuildingupallfour,livesagentlemanwhowritesrealstoriesabouttherealinsidesofpeople;
andhisnameisMr。WalterBesant。Buthewillinsistupontreatinghisghostshehaspublishedhalfaworkshopfulofthem——
withlevity。Hemakeshisghost-seerstalkfamiliarly,and,insomecases,flirtoutrageously,withthephantoms。Youmaytreatanything,fromaViceroytoaVernacularPaper,withlevity;butyoumustbehavereverentlytowardaghost,andparticularlyanIndianone。
Thereare,inthisland,ghostswhotaketheformoffat,cold,pobbycorpses,andhideintreesneartheroadsidetillatravelerpasses。Thentheydropuponhisneckandremain。Therearealsoterribleghostsofwomenwhohavediedinchild-bed。Thesewanderalongthepathwaysatdusk,orhideinthecropsnearavillage,andcallseductively。Buttoanswertheircallisdeathinthisworldandthenext。Theirfeetareturnedbackwardthatallsobermenmayrecognizethem。Thereareghostsoflittlechildrenwhohavebeenthrownintowells。Thesehauntwellcurbsandthefringesofjungles,andwailunderthestars,orcatchwomenbythewristandbegtobetakenupandcarried。Theseandthecorpseghosts,however,areonlyvernaculararticlesanddonotattackSahibs。NonativeghosthasyetbeenauthenticallyreportedtohavefrightenedanEnglishman;butmanyEnglishghostshavescaredthelifeoutofbothwhiteandblack。
NearlyeveryotherStationownsaghost。TherearesaidtobetwoatSimla,notcountingthewomanwhoblowsthebellowsatSyreedak-bungalowontheOldRoad;MussooriehasahousehauntedofaverylivelyThing;aWhiteLadyissupposedtodonight-
watchmanroundahouseinLahore;Dalhousiesaysthatoneofherhouses\"repeats\"onautumneveningsalltheincidentsofahorriblehorse-and-precipiceaccident;Murreehasamerryghost,and,nowthatshehasbeensweptbycholera,willhaveroomforasorrowfulone;thereareOfficers’QuartersinMianMirwhosedoorsopenwithoutreason,andwhosefurnitureisguaranteedtocreak,notwiththeheatofJunebutwiththeweightofInvisibleswhocometoloungeinthechairs;Peshawurpossesseshousesthatnonewillwillinglyrent;andthereissomething——notfever——wrongwithabigbungalowinAllahabad。TheolderProvincessimplybristlewithhauntedhouses,andmarchphantomarmiesalongtheirmainthoroughfares。
Someofthedak-bungalowsontheGrandTrunkRoadhavehandylittlecemeteriesintheircompound——witnessestothe\"changesandchancesofthismortallife\"inthedayswhenmendrovefromCalcuttatotheNorthwest。Thesebungalowsareobjectionableplacestoputupin。Theyaregenerallyveryold,alwaysdirty,whilethekhansamahisasancientasthebungalow。Heeitherchatterssenilely,orfallsintothelongtrancesofage。Inbothmoodsheisuseless。Ifyougetangrywithhim,hereferstosomeSahibdeadandburiedthesethirtyyears,andsaysthatwhenhewasinthatSahib’sservicenotakhansamahintheProvincecouldtouchhim。Thenhejabbersandmowsandtremblesandfidgetsamongthedishes,andyourepentofyourirritation。
Inthesedak-bungalows,ghostsaremostlikelytobefound,andwhenfound,theyshouldbemadeanoteof。Notlongagoitwasmybusinesstoliveindak-bungalows。Ineverinhabitedthesamehouseforthreenightsrunning,andgrewtobelearnedinthebreed。
IlivedinGovernment-builtoneswithredbrickwallsandrailceilings,aninventoryofthefurniturepostedineveryroom,andanexcitedsnakeatthethresholdtogivewelcome。Ilivedin\"converted\"ones——oldhousesofficiatingasdak-bungalows——wherenothingwasinitsproperplaceandtherewasn’tevenafowlfordinner。Ilivedinsecond-handpalaceswherethewindblewthroughopen-workmarbletraceryjustasuncomfortablyasthroughabrokenpane。Ilivedindak-bungalowswherethelastentryinthevisitors’bookwasfifteenmonthsold,andwheretheyslashedoffthecurry-kid’sheadwithasword。Itwasmygoodlucktomeetallsortsofmen,fromsobertravelingmissionariesanddesertersflyingfromBritishRegiments,todrunkenloaferswhothrewwhiskybottlesatallwhopassed;andmystillgreatergoodfortunejusttoescapeamaternitycase。Seeingthatafairproportionofthetragedyofourlivesouthereacteditselfindak-
bungalows,IwonderedthatIhadmetnoghosts。Aghostthatwouldvoluntarilyhangaboutadak-bungalowwouldbemadofcourse;butsomanymenhavediedmadindak-bungalowsthattheremustbeafairpercentageoflunaticghosts。
InduetimeIfoundmyghost,orghostsrather,forthereweretwoofthem。UptillthathourIhadsympathizedwithMr。Besant’smethodofhandlingthem,asshownin\"TheStrangeCaseofMr。
LucraftandOtherStories。\"IamnowintheOpposition。
WewillcallthebungalowKatmaldak-bungalow。ButTHATwasthesmallestpartofthehorror。Amanwithasensitivehidehasnorighttosleepindak-bungalows。Heshouldmarry。Katmaldak-
bungalowwasoldandrottenandunrepaired。Thefloorwasofwornbrick,thewallswerefilthy,andthewindowswerenearlyblackwithgrime。ItstoodonabypathlargelyusedbynativeSub-
DeputyAssistantsofallkinds,fromFinancetoForests;butrealSahibswererare。Thekhansamah,whowasnearlybentdoublewitholdage,saidso。
WhenIarrived,therewasafitful,undecidedrainonthefaceoftheland,accompaniedbyarestlesswind,andeverygustmadeanoiseliketherattlingofdrybonesinthestifftoddypalmsoutside。
Thekhansamahcompletelylosthisheadonmyarrival。HehadservedaSahibonce。DidIknowthatSahib?Hegavemethenameofawell-knownmanwhohasbeenburiedformorethanaquarterofacentury,andshowedmeanancientdaguerreotypeofthatmaninhisprehistoricyouth。IhadseenasteelengravingofhimattheheadofadoublevolumeofMemoirsamonthbefore,andIfeltancientbeyondtelling。
Thedayshutinandthekhansamahwenttogetmefood。Hedidnotgothroughthepretenseofcallingit\"khana\"——man’svictuals。
Hesaid\"ratub,\"andthatmeans,amongotherthings,\"grub\"——dog’srations。Therewasnoinsultinhischoiceoftheterm。Hehadforgottentheotherword,Isuppose。
Whilehewascuttingupthedeadbodiesofanimals,Isettledmyselfdown,afterexploringthedak-bungalow。Therewerethreerooms,besidemyown,whichwasacornerkennel,eachgivingintotheotherthroughdingywhitedoorsfastenedwithlongironbars。Thebungalowwasaverysolidone,butthepartitionwallsoftheroomswerealmostjerry-builtintheirflimsiness。Everysteporbangofatrunkechoedfrommyroomdowntheotherthree,andeveryfootfallcamebacktremulouslyfromthefarwalls。ForthisreasonIshutthedoor。Therewerenolamps——onlycandlesinlongglassshades。Anoilwickwassetinthebathroom。
Forbleak,unadulteratedmiserythatdak-bungalowwastheworstofthemanythatIhadeversetfootin。Therewasnofireplace,andthewindowswouldnotopen;soabrazierofcharcoalwouldhavebeenuseless。Therainandthewindsplashedandgurgledandmoanedroundthehouse,andthetoddypalmsrattledandroared。
Halfadozenjackalswentthroughthecompoundsinging,andahyenastoodafaroffandmockedthem。AhyenawouldconvinceaSadduceeoftheResurrectionoftheDead——theworstsortofDead。
Thencametheratub——acuriousmeal,halfnativeandhalfEnglishincomposition——withtheoldkhansamahbabblingbehindmychairaboutdeadandgoneEnglishpeople,andthewind-blowncandlesplayingshadow-bo-peepwiththebedandthemosquito-curtains。
Itwasjustthesortofdinnerandeveningtomakeamanthinkofeverysingleoneofhispastsins,andofalltheothersthatheintendedtocommitifhelived。
Sleep,forseveralhundredreasons,wasnoteasy。Thelampinthebath-roomthrewthemostabsurdshadowsintotheroom,andthewindwasbeginningtotalknonsense。
Justwhenthereasonsweredrowsywithblood-suckingIheardtheregular——\"Let——us——take——and——heave——him——over\"gruntofdoolie-
bearersinthecompound。Firstonedooliecamein,thenasecond,andthenathird。Iheardthedooliesdumpedontheground,andtheshutterinfrontofmydoorshook。\"That’ssomeonetryingtocomein,\"Isaid。Butnoonespoke,andIpersuadedmyselfthatitwasthegustywind。Theshutteroftheroomnexttominewasattacked,flungback,andtheinnerdooropened。\"That’ssomeSub-DeputyAssistant,\"Isaid,\"andhehasbroughthisfriendswithhim。Nowthey’lltalkandspitandsmokeforanhour。\"
Buttherewerenovoicesandnofootsteps。Noonewasputtinghisluggageintothenextroom。Thedoorshut,andIthankedProvidencethatIwastobeleftinpeace。ButIwascurioustoknowwherethedoolieshadgone。Igotoutofbedandlookedintothedarkness。Therewasneverasignofadoolie。JustasIwasgettingintobedagain,Iheard,inthenextroom,thesoundthatnomaninhissensescanpossiblymistake——thewhirofabilliardballdownthelengthoftheslateswhenthestrikerisstringingforbreak。Noothersoundislikeit。Aminuteafterwardstherewasanotherwhir,andIgotintobed。Iwasnotfrightened——indeedI
wasnot。Iwasverycurioustoknowwhathadbecomeofthedoolies。Ijumpedintobedforthatreason。
NextminuteIheardthedoubleclickofacannonandmyhairsatup。Itisamistaketosaythathairstandsup。Theskinoftheheadtightensandyoucanfeelafaint,prickly,bristlingalloverthescalp。Thatisthehairsittingup。
Therewasawhirandaclick,andbothsoundscouldonlyhavebeenmadebyonething——abilliardball。Iarguedthematteroutatgreatlengthwithmyself;andthemoreIarguedthelessprobableitseemedthatonebed,onetable,andtwochairs——allthefurnitureoftheroomnexttomine——couldsoexactlyduplicatethesoundsofagameofbilliards。Afteranothercannon,athree-cushiononetojudgebythewhir,Iarguednomore。Ihadfoundmyghostandwouldhavegivenworldstohaveescapedfromthatdak-
bungalow。Ilistened,andwitheachlistenthegamegrewclearer。
Therewaswhironwhirandclickonclick。Sometimestherewasadoubleclickandawhirandanotherclick。Beyondanysortofdoubt,peoplewereplayingbilliardsinthenextroom。Andthenextroomwasnotbigenoughtoholdabilliardtable!
BetweenthepausesofthewindIheardthegamegoforward——
strokeafterstroke。ItriedtobelievethatIcouldnothearvoices;
butthatattemptwasafailure。
Doyouknowwhatfearis?Notordinaryfearofinsult,injuryordeath,butabject,quiveringdreadofsomethingthatyoucannotsee——fearthatdriestheinsideofthemouthandhalfofthethroat——
fearthatmakesyousweatonthepalmsofthehands,andgulpinordertokeeptheuvulaatwork?ThisisafineFear——agreatcowardice,andmustbefelttobeappreciated。Theveryimprobabilityofbilliardsinadak-bungalowprovedtherealityofthething。Noman——drunkorsober——couldimagineagameatbilliards,orinventthespittingcrackofa\"screw-cannon。\"
Aseverecourseofdak-bungalowshasthisdisadvantage——itbreedsinfinitecredulity。Ifamansaidtoaconfirmeddak-bungalow-
haunter:——\"Thereisacorpseinthenextroom,andthere’samadgirlinthenextbutone,andthewomanandmanonthatcamelhavejustelopedfromaplacesixtymilesaway,\"thehearerwouldnotdisbelievebecausehewouldknowthatnothingistoowild,grotesque,orhorribletohappeninadak-bungalow。
Thiscredulity,unfortunately,extendstoghosts。Arationalpersonfreshfromhisownhousewouldhaveturnedonhissideandslept。
Ididnot。SosurelyasIwasgivenupasabadcarcassbythescoresofthingsinthebedbecausethebulkofmybloodwasinmyheart,sosurelydidIheareverystrokeofalonggameatbilliardsplayedintheechoingroombehindtheiron-barreddoor。Mydominantfearwasthattheplayersmightwantamarker。Itwasanabsurdfear;becausecreatureswhocouldplayinthedarkwouldbeabovesuchsuperfluities。Ionlyknowthatthatwasmyterror;
anditwasreal。
Afteralong,longwhilethegamestopped,andthedoorbanged。I
sleptbecauseIwasdeadtired。OtherwiseIshouldhavepreferredtohavekeptawake。NotforeverythinginAsiawouldIhavedroppedthedoor-barandpeeredintothedarkofthenextroom。
Whenthemorningcame,IconsideredthatIhaddonewellandwisely,andinquiredforthemeansofdeparture。
\"Bytheway,khansamah,\"Isaid,\"whatwerethosethreedooliesdoinginmycompoundinthenight?\"
\"Therewerenodoolies,\"saidthekhansamah。
Iwentintothenextroomandthedaylightstreamedthroughtheopendoor。Iwasimmenselybrave。Iwould,atthathour,haveplayedBlackPoolwiththeownerofthebigBlackPooldownbelow。
\"Hasthisplacealwaysbeenadak-bungalow?\"Iasked。
\"No,\"saidthekhansamah。\"Tenortwentyyearsago,Ihaveforgottenhowlong,itwasabilliardroom。\"
\"Ahowmuch?\"
\"AbilliardroomfortheSahibswhobuilttheRailway。IwaskhansamahtheninthebighousewherealltheRailway-Sahibslived,andIusedtocomeacrosswithbrandy-shrab。Thesethreeroomswereallone,andtheyheldabigtableonwhichtheSahibsplayedeveryevening。ButtheSahibsarealldeadnow,andtheRailwayruns,yousay,nearlytoKabul。\"
\"DoyourememberanythingabouttheSahibs?\"
\"Itislongago,butIrememberthatoneSahib,afatmanandalwaysangry,wasplayinghereonenight,andhesaidtome:——
’MangalKhan,brandy-panido,’andIfilledtheglass,andhebentoverthetabletostrike,andhisheadfelllowerandlowertillithitthetable,andhisspectaclescameoff,andwhenwe——theSahibsandImyself——rantolifthimhewasdead。Ihelpedtocarryhimout。Aha,hewasastrongSahib!ButheisdeadandI,oldMangalKhan,amstillliving,byyourfavor。\"
Thatwasmorethanenough!Ihadmyghost——afirsthand,authenticatedarticle。IwouldwritetotheSocietyforPsychicalResearch——IwouldparalyzetheEmpirewiththenews!ButI
would,firstofall,puteightymilesofassessedcroplandbetweenmyselfandthatdak-bungalowbeforenightfall。TheSocietymightsendtheirregularagenttoinvestigatelateron。
Iwentintomyownroomandpreparedtopackafternotingdownthefactsofthecase。AsIsmokedIheardthegamebeginagain,——
withamissinbalkthistime,forthewhirwasashortone。