JULY8。
Whatachildismanthatheshouldbesosolicitousaboutalook！
Whatachildisman！WehadbeentoWalheim：theladieswentinacarriage;butduringourwalkIthoughtIsawinCharlotte’sdarkeyes——Iamafool——butforgiveme！youshouldseethem，——thoseeyes。——However，tobebrief（formyowneyesareweigheddownwithsleep），youmustknow，whentheladiessteppedintotheircarriageagain，youngW。Seldstadt，Andran，andIwerestandingaboutthedoor。Theyareamerrysetoffellows，andtheywerealllaughingandjokingtogether。IwatchedCharlotte’seyes。
Theywanderedfromonetotheother;buttheydidnotlightonme，onme，whostoodtheremotionless，andwhosawnothingbuther！
Myheartbadeherathousandtimesadieu，butshenoticedmenot。
Thecarriagedroveoff;andmyeyesfilledwithtears。Ilookedafterher：suddenlyIsawCharlotte’sbonnetleaningoutofthewindow，andsheturnedtolookback，wasitatme？Mydearfriend，Iknownot;andinthisuncertaintyIfindconsolation。Perhapssheturnedtolookatme。Perhaps！Good-night——whatachildIam！
JULYlO。
YoushouldseehowfoolishIlookincompanywhenhernameismentioned，particularlywhenIamaskedplainlyhowIlikeher。
HowIlikeher！Idetestthephrase。WhatsortofcreaturemusthebewhomerelylikedCharlotte，whosewholeheartandsenseswerenotentirelyabsorbedbyher。Likeher！SomeoneaskedmelatelyhowIlikedOssian。
JULY11。
MadameM——isveryill。Iprayforherrecovery，becauseCharlottesharesmysufferings。Iseeheroccasionallyatmyfriend’shouse，andto-dayshehastoldmethestrangestcircumstance。OldM——
isacovetous，miserlyfellow，whohaslongworriedandannoyedthepoorladysadly;butshehasborneherafflictionspatiently。
Afewdaysago，whenthephysicianinformedusthatherrecoverywashopeless，shesentforherhusband（Charlottewaspresent），andaddressedhimthus：\"Ihavesomethingtoconfess，which，aftermydecease，mayoccasiontroubleandconfusion。Ihavehithertoconductedyourhouseholdasfrugallyandeconomicallyaspossible，butyoumustpardonmeforhavingdefraudedyouforthirtyyears。
Atthecommencementofourmarriedlife，youallowedasmallsumforthewantsofthekitchen，andtheotherhouseholdexpenses。
Whenourestablishmentincreasedandourpropertygrewlarger，I
couldnotpersuadeyoutoincreasetheweeklyallowanceinproportion：
inshort，youknow，that，whenourwantsweregreatest，yourequiredmetosupplyeverythingwithsevenflorinsaweek。Itookthemoneyfromyouwithoutanobservation，butmadeuptheweeklydeficiencyfromthemoney-chest;asnobodywouldsuspectyourwifeofrobbingthehouseholdbank。ButIhavewastednothing，andshouldhavebeencontenttomeetmyeternalJudgewithoutthisconfession，ifshe，uponwhomthemanagementofyourestablishmentwilldevolveaftermydecease，wouldbefreefromembarrassmentuponyourinsistingthattheallowancemadetome，yourformerwife，wassufficient。\"
ItalkedwithCharlotteoftheinconceivablemannerinwhichmenallowthemselvestobeblinded;howanyonecouldavoidsuspectingsomedeception，whensevenflorinsonlywereallowedtodefrayexpensestwiceasgreat。ButIhavemyselfknownpeoplewhobelieved，withoutanyvisibleastonishment，thattheirhousepossessedtheprophet’snever-failingcruseofoil。
JULY13。
No，Iamnotdeceived。InherdarkeyesIreadagenuineinterestinmeandinmyfortunes。Yes，Ifeelit;andImaybelievemyownheartwhichtellsme——dareIsayit？——dareIpronouncethedivinewords？——thatshelovesme！
Thatshelovesme！Howtheideaexaltsmeinmyowneyes！And，asyoucanunderstandmyfeelings，Imaysaytoyou，howIhonourmyselfsinceshelovesme！
Isthispresumption，orisitaconsciousnessofthetruth？IdonotknowamanabletosupplantmeintheheartofCharlotte;andyetwhenshespeaksofherbetrothedwithsomuchwarmthandaffection，Ifeellikethesoldierwhohasbeenstrippedofhishonoursandtitles，anddeprivedofhissword。
JULY16。
HowmyheartbeatswhenbyaccidentItouchherfinger，ormyfeetmeethersunderthetable！Idrawbackasiffromafurnace;butasecretforceimpelsmeforwardagain，andmysensesbecomedisordered。Herinnocent，unconsciousheartneverknowswhatagonytheselittlefamiliaritiesinflictuponme。SometimeswhenwearetalkingsheIaysherhanduponmine，andintheeagernessofconversationcomesclosertome，andherbalmybreathreachesmylips，——whenIfeelasiflightninghadstruckme，andthatI
couldsinkintotheearth。Andyet，Wilhelm，withallthisheavenlyconfidence，——ifIknowmyself，andshouldeverdare——youunderstandme。No，no！myheartisnotsocorrupt，itisweak，weakenoughbutisnotthatadegreeofcorruption？
Sheistomeasacredbeing。Allpassionisstillinherpresence：
IcannotexpressmysensationswhenIamnearher。Ifeelasifmysoulbeatineverynerveofmybody。Thereisamelodywhichsheplaysonthepianowithangelicskill，——sosimpleisit，andyetsospiritual！Itisherfavouriteair;and，whensheplaysthefirstnote，allpain，care，andsorrowdisappearfrommeinamoment。
Ibelieveeverywordthatissaidofthemagicofancientmusic。
Howhersimplesongenchantsme！Sometimes，whenIamreadytocommitsuicide，shesingsthatair;andinstantlythegloomandmadnesswhichhungovermearedispersed，andIbreathefreelyagain。
JULY18。
Wilhelm，whatistheworldtoourheartswithoutlove？Whatisamagic-lanternwithoutlight？Youhavebuttokindletheflamewithin，andthebrightestfiguresshineonthewhitewall;and，ifloveonlyshowusfleetingshadows，weareyethappy，when，likemerechildren，webeholdthem，andaretransportedwiththesplendidphantoms。IhavenotbeenabletoseeCharlotteto-day。
IwaspreventedbycompanyfromwhichIcouldnotdisengagemyself。
Whatwastobedone？Isentmyservanttoherhouse，thatImightatleastseesomebodyto-daywhohadbeennearher。Oh，theimpatiencewithwhichIwaitedforhisreturn！thejoywithwhichIwelcomedhim！Ishouldcertainlyhavecaughthiminmyarms，andkissedhim，ifIhadnotbeenashamed。
ItissaidthattheBononastone，whenplacedinthesun，attractstherays，andforatimeappearsluminousinthedark。Sowasitwithmeandthisservant。TheideathatCharlotte’seyeshaddweltonhiscountenance，hischeek，hisveryapparel，endearedthemallinestimablytome，sothatatthemomentIwouldnothavepartedfromhimforathousandcrowns。Hispresencemademesohappy！
Bewareoflaughingatme，Wilhelm。Canthatbeadelusionwhichmakesushappy？
JULY19。
\"Ishallseehertoday！\"Iexclaimwithdelight，whenIriseinthemorning，andlookoutwithgladnessofheartatthebright，beautifulsun。\"Ishallseehertoday！\"AndthenIhavenofurtherwishtoform：all，allisincludedinthatonethought。
JULY2O。
IcannotassenttoyourproposalthatIshouldaccompanytheambassadorto_______。Idonotlovesubordination;andweallknowthatheisarough，disagreeablepersontobeconnectedwith。
Yousaymymotherwishesmetobeemployed。Icouldnothelplaughingatthat。AmInotsufficientlyemployed？Andisitnotinrealitythesame，whetherIshellpeasorcountlentils？Theworldrunsonfromonefollytoanother;andthemanwho，solelyfromregardtotheopinionofothers，andwithoutanywishornecessityofhisown，toilsaftergold，honour，oranyotherphantom，isnobetterthanafool。
JULY24。
Youinsistsomuchonmynotneglectingmydrawing，thatitwouldbeaswellformetosaynothingastoconfesshowlittleIhavelatelydone。
Ineverfelthappier，Ineverunderstoodnaturebetter，evendowntotheverieststemorsmallestbladeofgrass;andyetIamunabletoexpressmyself：mypowersofexecutionaresoweak，everythingseemstoswimandfloatbeforeme，sothatIcannotmakeaclear，boldoutline。ButIfancyIshouldsucceedbetterifIhadsomeclayorwaxtomodel。Ishalltry，ifthisstateofmindcontinuesmuchlonger，andwilltaketomodelling，ifI
onlykneaddough。
IhavecommencedCharlotte’sportraitthreetimes，andhaveasoftendisgracedmyself。Thisisthemoreannoying，asIwasformerlyveryhappyintakinglikenesses。Ihavesincesketchedherprofile，andmustcontentmyselfwiththat。
JULY25。
Yes，dearCharlotte！Iwillorderandarrangeeverything。Onlygivememorecommissions，themorethebetter。Onething，however，Imustrequest：usenomorewriting-sandwiththedearnotesyousendme。TodayIraisedyourletterhastilytomylips，anditsetmyteethonedge。
JULY26。
Ihaveoftendeterminednottoseehersofrequently。Butwhocouldkeepsucharesolution？EverydayIamexposedtothetemptation，andpromisefaithfullythatto-morrowIwillreallystayaway：but，whentomorrowcomes，Ifindsomeirresistiblereasonforseeingher;and，beforeIcanaccountforit，Iamwithheragain。Eithershehassaidonthepreviousevening\"Youwillbesuretocallto-morrow，\"——andwhocouldstayawaythen？——orshegivesmesomecommission，andIfinditessentialtotakehertheanswerinperson;orthedayisfine，andIwalktoWalheim;
and，whenIamthere，itisonlyhalfaleaguefarthertoher。I
amwithinthecharmedatmosphere，andsoonfindmyselfatherside。
Mygrandmotherusedtotellusastoryofamountainofloadstone。
Whenanyvesselscamenearit，theywereinstantlydeprivedoftheirironwork：thenailsflewtothemountain，andtheunhappycrewperishedamidstthedisjointedplanks。
JULY30。
Albertisarrived，andImusttakemydeparture。Werehethebestandnoblestofmen，andIineveryrespecthisinferior，Icouldnotenduretoseehiminpossessionofsuchaperfectbeing。
Possession！——enough，Wilhelm：herbetrothedishere，——afine，worthyfellow，whomonecannothelpliking。FortunatelyIwasnotpresentattheirmeeting。Itwouldhavebrokenmyheart！Andheissoconsiderate：hehasnotgivenCharlotteonekissinmypresence。Heavenrewardhimforit！Imustlovehimfortherespectwithwhichhetreatsher。Heshowsaregardforme，butforthisIsuspectIammoreindebtedtoCharlottethantohisownfancyforme。Womenhaveadelicatetactinsuchmatters，anditshouldbeso。Theycannotalwayssucceedinkeepingtworivalsontermswitheachother;but，whentheydo，theyaretheonlygainers。
IcannothelpesteemingAlbert。Thecoolnessofhistempercontrastsstronglywiththeimpetuosityofmine，whichIcannotconceal。
Hehasagreatdealoffeeling，andisfullysensibleofthetreasurehepossessesinCharlotte。Heisfreefromill-humour，whichyouknowisthefaultIdetestmost。
Heregardsmeasamanofsense;andmyattachmenttoCharlotte，andtheinterestItakeinallthatconcernsher，augmenthistriumphandhislove。Ishallnotinquirewhetherhemaynotattimesteaseherwithsomelittlejealousies;asIknow，that，wereIinhisplace，Ishouldnotbeentirelyfreefromsuchsensations。
But，bethatasitmay，mypleasurewithCharlotteisover。Callitfollyorinfatuation，whatsignifiesaname？Thethingspeaksforitself。BeforeAlbertcame，IknewallthatIknownow。I
knewIcouldmakenopretensionstoher，nordidIofferany，thatis，asfarasitwaspossible，inthepresenceofsomuchloveliness，nottopantforitsenjoyment。Andnow，beholdmelikeasillyfellow，staringwithastonishmentwhenanothercomesin，anddeprivesmeofmylove。
Ibitemylips，andfeelinfinitescornforthosewhotellmetoberesigned，becausethereisnohelpforit。Letmeescapefromtheyokeofsuchsillysubterfuges！Iramblethroughthewoods;
andwhenIreturntoCharlotte，andfindAlbertsittingbyhersideinthesummer-houseinthegarden，Iamunabletobearit，behavelikeafool，andcommitathousandextravagances。\"ForHeaven’ssake，\"saidCharlottetoday，\"letushavenomoresceneslikethoseoflastnight！Youterrifymewhenyouaresoviolent。\"
Betweenourselves，Iamalwaysawaynowwhenhevisitsher：andI
feeldelightedwhenIfindheralone。
AUGUST8。
Believeme，dearWilhelm，IdidnotalludetoyouwhenIspokesoseverelyofthosewhoadviseresignationtoinevitablefate。I
didnotthinkitpossibleforyoutoindulgesuchasentiment。
Butinfactyouareright。Ionlysuggestoneobjection。Inthisworldoneisseldomreducedtomakeaselectionbetweentwoalternatives。Thereareasmanyvarietiesofconductandopinionasthereareturnsoffeaturebetweenanaquilinenoseandaflatone。
Youwill，therefore，permitmetoconcedeyourentireargument，andyetcontrivemeanstoescapeyourdilemma。
Yourpositionisthis，Ihearyousay：\"EitheryouhavehopesofobtainingCharlotte，oryouhavenone。Well，inthefirstcase，pursueyourcourse，andpressontothefulfilmentofyourwishes。
Inthesecond，beaman，andshakeoffamiserablepassion，whichwillenervateanddestroyyou。\"Mydearfriend，thisiswellandeasilysaid。
Butwouldyourequireawretchedbeing，whoselifeisslowlywastingunderalingeringdisease，todespatchhimselfatoncebythestrokeofadagger？Doesnottheverydisorderwhichconsumeshisstrengthdeprivehimofthecouragetoeffecthisdeliverance？
Youmayanswerme，ifyouplease，withasimilaranalogy，\"Whowouldnotprefertheamputationofanarmtotheperilingoflifebydoubtandprocrastination！\"ButIknownotifIamright，andletusleavethesecomparisons。
Enough！Therearemoments，Wilhelm，whenIcouldriseupandshakeitalloff，andwhen，ifIonlyknewwheretogo，Icouldflyfromthisplace。
THESAMEEVENING。
Mydiary，whichIhaveforsometimeneglected，camebeforemetoday;andIamamazedtoseehowdeliberatelyIhaveentangledmyselfstepbystep。Tohaveseenmypositionsoclearly，andyettohaveactedsolikeachild！EvenstillIbeholdtheresultplainly，andyethavenothoughtofactingwithgreaterprudence。
AUGUSTlO。
IfIwerenotafool，Icouldspendthehappiestandmostdelightfullifehere。Somanyagreeablecircumstances，andofakindtoensureaworthyman’shappiness，areseldomunited。Alas！Ifeelittoosensibly，——theheartalonemakesourhappiness！Tobeadmittedintothismostcharmingfamily，tobelovedbythefatherasason，bythechildrenasafather，andbyCharlotte！thenthenobleAlbert，whoneverdisturbsmyhappinessbyanyappearanceofill-humour，receivingmewiththeheartiestaffection，andlovingme，nexttoCharlotte，betterthanalltheworld！Wilhelm，youwouldbedelightedtohearusinourrambles，andconversationsaboutCharlotte。Nothingintheworldcanbemoreabsurdthanourconnection，andyetthethoughtofitoftenmovesmetotears。
Hetellsmesometimesofherexcellentmother;how，uponherdeath-bed，shehadcommittedherhouseandchildrentoCharlotte，andhadgivenCharlotteherselfinchargetohim;how，sincethattime，anewspirithadtakenpossessionofher;how，incareandanxietyfortheirwelfare，shebecamearealmothertothem;howeverymomentofhertimewasdevotedtosomelabourofloveintheirbehalf，——andyethermirthandcheerfulnesshadneverforsakenher。Iwalkbyhisside，pluckflowersbytheway，arrangethemcarefullyintoanosegay，thenflingthemintothefirststreamIpass，andwatchthemastheyfloatgentlyaway。IforgetwhetherItoldyouthatAlbertistoremainhere。Hehasreceivedagovernmentappointment，withaverygoodsalary;andIunderstandheisinhighfavouratcourt。Ihavemetfewpersonssopunctualandmethodicalinbusiness。
AUGUST12。
CertainlyAlbertisthebestfellowintheworld。Ihadastrangescenewithhimyesterday。Iwenttotakeleaveofhim;forItookitintomyheadtospendafewdaysinthesemountains，fromwhereInowwritetoyou。AsIwaswalkingupanddownhisroom，myeyefelluponhispistols。\"Lendmethosepistols，\"saidI，\"formyjourney。\"\"Byallmeans，\"hereplied，\"ifyouwilltakethetroubletoloadthem;fortheyonlyhangthereforform。\"I
tookdownoneofthem;andhecontinued，\"EversinceIwasnearsufferingformyextremecaution，Iwillhavenothingtodowithsuchthings。\"Iwascurioustohearthestory。\"Iwasstaying，\"
saidhe，\"somethreemonthsago，atafriend’shouseinthecountry。
Ihadabraceofpistolswithme，unloaded;andIsleptwithoutanyanxiety。OnerainyafternoonIwassittingbymyself，doingnothing，whenitoccurredtomeIdonotknowhowthatthehousemightbeattacked，thatwemightrequirethepistols，thatwemightinshort，youknowhowwegoonfancying，whenwehavenothingbettertodo。Igavethepistolstotheservant，tocleanandload。Hewasplayingwiththemaid，andtryingtofrightenher，whenthepistolwentoff——Godknowshow！——theramrodwasinthebarrel;anditwentstraightthroughherrighthand，andshatteredthethumb。Ihadtoendureallthelamentation，andtopaythesurgeon’sbill;so，sincethattime，Ihavekeptallmyweaponsunloaded。But，mydearfriend，whatistheuseofprudence？
Wecanneverbeonourguardagainstallpossibledangers。However，\"
——now，youmustknowIcantolerateallmentilltheycometo\"however;\"——foritisself-evidentthateveryuniversalrulemusthaveitsexceptions。Butheissoexceedinglyaccurate，that，ifheonlyfancieshehassaidawordtooprecipitate，ortoogeneral，oronlyhalftrue，heneverceasestoqualify，tomodify，andextenuate，tillatlastheappearstohavesaidnothingatall。Uponthisoccasion，Albertwasdeeplyimmersedinhissubject：Iceasedtolistentohim，andbecamelostinreverie。
Withasuddenmotion，Ipointedthemouthofthepistoltomyforehead，overtherighteye。\"Whatdovoumean？\"criedAlbert，turningbackthepistol。\"Itisnotloaded，\"saidI。\"Andevenifnot，\"heansweredwithimpatience，\"whatcanyoumean？I
cannotcornprehendhowamancanbesomadastoshoothimself，andthebareideaofitshocksme。\"
\"Butwhyshouldanyone，\"saidI，\"inspeakingofanaction，venturetopronounceitmadorwise，orgoodorbad？Whatisthemeaningofallthis？Haveyoucarefullystudiedthesecretmotivesofouractions？Doyouunderstand——canyouexplainthecauseswhichoccasionthem，andmaketheminevitable？Ifyoucan，youwillbelesshastywithyourdecision。\"
\"Butyouwillallow，\"saidAlbert;\"thatsomeactionsarecriminal，letthemspringfromwhatevermotivestheymay。\"Igrantedit，andshruggedmyshoulders。
\"Butstill，mygoodfriend，\"Icontinued，\"therearesomeexceptionsheretoo。Theftisacrime;butthemanwhocommitsitfromextremepoverty，withnodesignbuttosavehisfamilyfromperishing，isheanobjectofpity，orofpunishment？Whoshallthrowthefirststoneatahusband，who，intheheatofjustresentment，sacrificeshisfaithlesswifeandherperfidiousseducer？orattheyoungmaiden，who，inherweakhourofrapture，forgetsherselfintheimpetuousjoysoflove？Evenourlaws，coldandcruelastheyare，relentinsuchcases，andwithholdtheirpunishment。\"
\"Thatisquiteanotherthing，\"saidAlbert;\"becauseamanundertheinfluenceofviolentpassionlosesalIpowerofreflection，andisregardedasintoxicatedorinsane。\"
\"Oh！youpeopleofsoundunderstandings，\"Ireplied，smiling，\"areeverreadytoexclaim’Extravagance，andmadness，andintoxication！’
Youmoralmenaresocalmandsosubdued！Youabhorthedrunkenman，anddetesttheextravagant;youpassby，liketheLevite，andthankGod，likethePharisee，thatyouarenotlikeoneofthem。Ihavebeenmorethanonceintoxicated，mypassionshavealwaysborderedonextravagance：Iamnotashamedtoconfessit;
forIhavelearned，bymyownexperience，thatallextraordinarymen，whohaveaccomplishedgreatandastonishingactions，haveeverbeendecriedbytheworldasdrunkenorinsane。Andinprivatelife，too，isitnotintolerablethatnoonecanundertaketheexecutionofanobleorgenerousdeed，withoutgivingrisetotheexclamationthatthedoerisintoxicatedormad？Shameuponyou，yesages！\"
\"Thisisanotherofyourextravaganthumours，\"saidAlbert：\"youalwaysexaggerateacase，andinthismatteryouareundoubtedlywrong;forwewerespeakingofsuicide，whichyoucomparewithgreatactions，whenitisimpossibletoregarditasanythingbutaweakness。Itismucheasiertodiethantobearalifeofmiserywithfortitude。\"
Iwasonthepointofbreakingofftheconversation，fornothingputsmesocompletelyoutofpatienceastheutteranceofawretchedcommonplacewhenIamtalkingfrommyinmostheart。However，I
composedmyself，forIhadoftenheardthesameobservationwithsufficientvexation;andIansweredhim，therefore，withalittlewarmth，\"Youcallthisaweakness——bewareofbeingledastraybyappearances。Whenanation，whichhaslonggroanedundertheintolerableyokeofatyrant，risesatlastandthrowsoffitschains，doyoucallthatweakness？Themanwho，torescuehishousefromtheflames，findshisphysicalstrengthredoubled，sothatheliftsburdenswithease，which，intheabsenceofexcitement，hecouldscarcelymove;hewho，undertherageofaninsult，attacksandputstoflighthalfascoreofhisenemies，aresuchpersonstobecalledweak？Mygoodfriend，ifresistancebestrength，howcanthehighestdegreeofresistancebeaweakness？\"
Albertlookedsteadfastlyatme，andsaid，\"Prayforgiveme，butIdonotseethattheexamplesyouhaveadducedbearanyrelationtothequestion。\"\"Verylikely，\"Ianswered;\"forIhaveoftenbeentoldthatmystyleofillustrationbordersalittleontheabsurd。Butletusseeifwecannotplacethematterinanotherpointofview，byinquiringwhatcanbeaman’sstateofmindwhoresolvestofreehimselffromtheburdenoflife，——aburdenoftensopleasanttobear，——forwecannototherwisereasonfairlyuponthesubject。
\"Humannature，\"Icontinued，\"hasitslimits。Itisabletoendureacertaindegreeofjoy，sorrow，andpain，butbecomesannihilatedassoonasthismeasureisexceeded。Thequestion，therefore，is，notwhetheramanisstrongorweak，butwhetherheisabletoendurethemeasureofhissufferings。Thesufferingmaybemoralorphysical;andinmyopinionitisjustasabsurdtocallamanacowardwhodestroyshimself，astocallamanacowardwhodiesofamalignantfever。\"
\"Paradox，allparadox！\"exclaimedAlbert。\"Notsoparadoxicalasyouimagine，\"Ireplied。\"Youallowthatwedesignateadiseaseasmortalwhennatureissoseverelyattacked，andherstrengthsofarexhausted，thatshecannotpossiblyrecoverherformerconditionunderanychangethatmaytakeplace。
\"Now，mygoodfriend，applythistothemind;observeamaninhisnatural，isolatedcondition;considerhowideaswork，andhowimpressionsfastenonhim，tillatlengthaviolentpassionseizeshim，destroyingallhispowersofcalmreflection，andutterlyruininghim。
\"Itisinvainthatamanofsoundmindandcooltemperunderstandstheconditionofsuchawretchedbeing，invainhecounselshim。
Hecannomorecommunicatehisownwisdomtohimthanahealthymancaninstilhisstrengthintotheinvalid，bywhosebedsideheisseated。\"
Albertthoughtthistoogeneral。Iremindedhimofagirlwhohaddrownedherselfashorttimepreviously，andIrelatedherhistory。
Shewasagoodcreature，whohadgrownupinthenarrowsphereofhouseholdindustryandweeklyappointedlabour;onewhoknewnopleasurebeyondindulginginawalkonSundays，arrayedinherbestattire，accompaniedbyherfriends，orperhapsjoininginthedancenowandthenatsomefestival，andchattingawayhersparehourswithaneighbour，discussingthescandalorthequarrelsofthevillage，triflessufficienttooccupyherheart。Atlengththewarmthofhernatureisinfluencedbycertainnewandunknownwishes。Inflamedbytheflatteriesofmen，herformerpleasuresbecomebydegreesinsipid，tillatlengthshemeetswithayouthtowhomsheisattractedbyanindescribablefeeling;uponhimshenowrestsallherhopes;sheforgetstheworldaroundher;shesees，hears，desiresnothingbuthim，andhimonly。Healoneoccupiesallherthoughts。Uncorruptedbytheidleindulgenceofanenervatingvanity，heraffectionmovingsteadilytowarditsobject，shehopestobecomehis，andtorealise，inaneverlastingunionwithhim，allthathappinesswhichshesought，allthatblissforwhichshelonged。Hisrepeatedpromisesconfirmherhopes：
embracesandendearments，whichincreasetheardourofherdesires，overmasterhersoul。Shefloatsinadim，delusiveanticipationofherhappiness;andherfeelingsbecomeexcitedtotheirutmosttension。Shestretchesoutherarmsfinallytoembracetheobjectofallherwishesandherloverforsakesher。Stunnedandbewildered，shestandsuponaprecipice。Allisdarknessaroundher。Noprospect，nohope，noconsolation——forsakenbyhiminwhomherexistencewascentred！Sheseesnothingofthewideworldbeforeher，thinksnothingofthemanyindividualswhomightsupplythevoidinherheart;shefeelsherselfdeserted，forsakenbytheworld;and，blindedandimpelledbytheagonywhichwringshersoul，sheplungesintothedeep，toendhersufferingsinthebroadembraceofdeath。Seehere，Albert，thehistoryofthousands;andtellme，isnotthisacaseofphysicalinfirmity？Naturehasnowaytoescapefromthelabyrinth：herpowersareexhausted：shecancontendnolonger，andthepoorsoulmustdie。
\"Shameuponhimwhocanlookoncalmly，andexclaim，’Thefoolishgirl！sheshouldhavewaited;sheshouldhaveallowedtimetowearofftheimpression;herdespairwouldhavebeensoftened，andshewouldhavefoundanotherlovertocomforther。’Onemightaswellsay，’Thefool，todieofafever！whydidhenotwaittillhisstrengthwasrestored，tillhisbloodbecamecalm？allwouldthenhavegonewell，andhewouldhavebeenalivenow。’\"
Albert，whocouldnotseethejusticeofthecomparison，offeredsomefurtherobjections，and，amongstothers，urgedthatIhadtakenthecaseofamereignorantgirl。Buthowanymanofsense，ofmoreenlargedviewsandexperience，couldbeexcused，hewasunabletocomprehend。\"Myfriend！\"Iexclaimed，\"manisbutman;
and，whateverbetheextentofhisreasoningpowers，theyareoflittleavailwhenpassionrageswithin，andhefeelshimselfconfinedbythenarrowlimitsofnature。Itwerebetter，then——
butwewilltalkofthissomeothertime，\"Isaid，andcaughtupmyhat。Alas！myheartwasfull;andwepartedwithoutconvictiononeitherside。Howrarelyinthisworlddomenunderstandeachother！
AUGUST15。
Therecanbenodoubtthatinthisworldnothingissoindispensableaslove。IobservethatCharlottecouldnotlosemewithoutapang，andtheverychildrenhavebutonewish;thatis，thatI
shouldvisitthemagainto-morrow。IwentthisafternoontotuneCharlotte’spiano。ButIcouldnotdoit，forthelittleonesinsistedonmytellingthemastory;andCharlotteherselfurgedmetosatisfythem。Iwaiteduponthemattea，andtheyarenowasfullycontentedwithmeaswithCharlotte;andItoldthemmyverybesttaleoftheprincesswhowaswaiteduponbydwarfs。
Iimprovemyselfbythisexercise，andamquitesurprisedattheimpressionmystoriescreate。IfIsometimesinventanincidentwhichIforgetuponthenextnarration，theyremindonedirectlythatthestorywasdifferentbefore;sothatInowendeavourtorelatewithexactnessthesameanecdoteinthesamemonotonoustone，whichneverchanges。Ifindbythis，howmuchanauthorinjureshisworksbyalteringthem，eventhoughtheybeimprovedinapoeticalpointofview。Thefirstimpressionisreadilyreceived。Wearesoconstitutedthatwebelievethemostincrediblethings;and，oncetheyareengraveduponthememory，woetohimwhowouldendeavourtoeffacethem。
AUGUST18。
Mustiteverbethus，——thatthesourceofourhappinessmustalsobethefountainofourmisery？Thefullandardentsentimentwhichanimatedmyheartwiththeloveofnature，overwhelmingmewithatorrentofdelight，andwhichbroughtallparadisebeforeme，hasnowbecomeaninsupportabletorment，ademonwhichperpetuallypursuesandharassesme。WheninbygonedaysIgazedfromtheserocksuponyondermountainsacrosstheriver，anduponthegreen，floweryvalleybeforeme，andsawalInaturebuddingandburstingaround;thehillsclothedfromfoottopeakwithtall，thickforesttrees;thevalleysinalltheirvariedwindings，shadedwiththeloveliestwoods;andthesoftriverglidingalongamongstthelispingreeds，mirroringthebeautifulcloudswhichthesofteveningbreezewaftedacrossthesky，——whenIheardthegrovesaboutmemelodiouswiththemusicofbirds，andsawthemillionswarmsofinsectsdancinginthelastgoldenbeamsofthesun，whosesettingraysawokethehummingbeetlesfromtheirgrassybeds，whilstthesubduedtumultarounddirectedmyattentiontotheground，andI
thereobservedthearidrockcompelledtoyieldnutrimenttothedrymoss，whilsttheheathflourisheduponthebarrensandsbelowme，allthisdisplayedtometheinnerwarmthwhichanimatesallnature，andfilledandglowedwithinmyheart。IfeltmyselfexaltedbythisoverflowingfulnesstotheperceptionoftheGodhead，andthegloriousformsofaninfiniteuniversebecamevisibletomysoul！Stupendousmountainsencompassedme，abyssesyawnedatmyfeet，andcataractsfellheadlongdownbeforeme;
impetuousriversrolledthroughtheplain，androcksandmountainsresoundedfromafar。InthedepthsoftheearthIsawinnumerablepowersinmotion，andmultiplyingtoinfinity;whilstuponitssurface，andbeneaththeheavens，thereteemedtenthousandvarietiesoflivingcreatures。Everythingaroundisalivewithaninfinitenumberofforms;whilemankindflyforsecuritytotheirpettyhouses，fromtheshelterofwhichtheyruleintheirimaginationsoverthewide-extendeduniverse。Poorfool！inwhosepettyestimationallthingsarelittle。Fromtheinaccessiblemountains，acrossthedesertwhichnomortalfoothastrod，farastheconfinesoftheunknownocean，breathesthespiritoftheeternalCreator;
andeveryatomtowhichhehasgivenexistencefindsfavourinhissight。Ah，howoftenatthattimehastheflightofabird，soaringabovemyhead，inspiredmewiththedesireofbeingtransportedtotheshoresoftheimmeasurablewaters，theretoquaffthepleasuresoflifefromthefoaminggobletoftheInfinite，andtopartake，ifbutforamomenteven，withtheconfinedpowersofmysoul，thebeatitudeofthatCreatorwhoaccomplishesallthingsinhimself，andthroughhimself！
Mydearfriend，thebarerecollectionofthosehoursstillconsolesme。Eventhisefforttorecallthoseineffablesensations，andgivethemutterance，exaltsmysoulaboveitself，andmakesmedoublyfeeltheintensityofmypresentanguish。
Itisasifacurtainhadbeendrawnfrombeforemyeyes，and，insteadofprospectsofeternallife，theabyssofaneveropengraveyawnedbeforeme。Canwesayofanythingthatitexistswhenallpassesaway，whentime，withthespeedofastorm，carriesallthingsonward，——andourtransitoryexistence，hurriedalongbythetorrent，iseitherswallowedupbythewavesordashedagainsttherocks？Thereisnotamomentbutpreysuponyou，——
anduponallaroundyou，notamomentinwhichyoudonotyourselfbecomeadestroyer。Themostinnocentwalkdeprivesoflifethousandsofpoorinsects：onestepdestroysthefabricoftheindustriousant，andconvertsalittleworldintochaos。No：itisnotthegreatandrarecalamitiesoftheworld，thefloodswhichsweepawaywholevillages，theearthquakeswhichswallowupourtowns，thataffectme。Myheartiswastedbythethoughtofthatdestructivepowerwhichliesconcealedineverypartofuniversalnature。Naturehasformednothingthatdoesnotconsumeitself，andeveryobjectnearit：sothat，surroundedbyearthandair，andalltheactivepowers，Iwanderonmywaywithachingheart;
andtheuniverseistomeafearfulmonster，foreverdevouringitsownoffspring。
AUGUST21。
InvaindoIstretchoutmyarmstowardherwhenIawakeninthemorningfrommywearyslumbers。InvaindoIseekforheratnightinmybed，whensomeinnocentdreamhashappilydeceivedme，andplacedhernearmeinthefields，whenIhaveseizedherhandandcovereditwithcountlesskisses。AndwhenIfeelforherinthehalfconfusionofsleep，withthehappysensethatsheisnear，tearsflowfrommyoppressedheart;and，bereftofallcomfort，I
weepovermyfuturewoes。
AUGUST22。
Whatamisfortune，Wilhelm！Myactivespiritshavedegeneratedintocontentedindolence。Icannotbeidle，andyetIamunabletosettowork。Icannotthink：Ihavenolongeranyfeelingforthebeautiesofnature，andbooksaredistastefultome。Oncewegiveourselvesup，wearetotallylost。ManyatimeandoftI
wishIwereacommonlabourer;that，awakeninginthemorning，I
mighthavebutoneprospect，onepursuit，onehope，forthedaywhichhasdawned。IoftenenvyAlbertwhenIseehimburiedinaheapofpapersandparchments，andIfancyIshouldbehappywereIinhisplace。OftenimpressedwiththisfeelingIhavebeenonthepointofwritingtoyouandtotheminister，fortheappointmentattheembassy，whichyouthinkImightobtain。IbelieveImightprocureit。Theministerhaslongshownaregardforme，andhasfrequentlyurgedmetoseekemployment。Itisthebusinessofanhouronly。Nowandthenthefableofthehorserecurstome。
Wearyofliberty，hesufferedhimselftobesaddledandbridled，andwasriddentodeathforhispains。Iknownotwhattodetermineupon。Forisnotthisanxietyforchangetheconsequenceofthatrestlessspiritwhichwouldpursuemeequallyineverysituationoflife？
AUGUST28。
Ifmyillswouldadmitofanycure，theywouldcertainlybecuredhere。Thisismybirthday，andearlyinthemorningIreceivedapacketfromAlbert。Uponopeningit，IfoundoneofthepinkribbonswhichCharlotteworeinherdressthefirsttimeIsawher，andwhichIhadseveraltimesaskedhertogiveme。WithitweretwovolumesinduodecimoofWetstein’s\"Homer，\"abookIhadoftenwishedfor，tosavemetheinconvenienceofcarryingthelargeErnestineeditionwithmeuponmywalks。Youseehowtheyanticipatemywishes，howwelltheyunderstandallthoselittleattentionsoffriendship，sosuperiortothecostlypresentsofthegreat，whicharehumiliating。Ikissedtheribbonathousandtimes，andineverybreathinhaledtheremembranceofthosehappyandirrevocabledayswhichfilledmewiththekeenestjoy。Such，Wilhelm，isourfate。Idonotmurmuratit：theflowersoflifearebutvisionary。
Howmanypassaway，andleavenotracebehind——howfewyieldanyfruit——andthefruititself，howrarelydoesitripen！Andyetthereareflowersenough！andisitnotstrange，myfriend，thatweshouldsufferthelittlethatdoesreallyripen，torot，decay，andperishunenjoyed？Farewell！Thisisaglorioussummer。I
oftenclimbintothetreesinCharlotte’sorchard，andshakedownthepearsthathangonthehighestbranches。Shestandsbelow，andcatchesthemastheyfall。
AUGUST3O。
UnhappybeingthatIam！WhydoIthusdeceivemyself？Whatistocomeofallthiswild，aimless，endlesspassion？Icannotprayexcepttoher。Myimaginationseesnothingbuther：allsurroundingobjectsareofnoaccount，exceptastheyrelatetoher。InthisdreamystateIenjoymanyhappyhours，tillatlengthIfeelcompelledtotearmyselfawayfromher。Ah，Wilhelm，towhatdoesnotmyheartoftencompelme！WhenIhavespentseveralhoursinhercompany，tillIfeelcompletelyabsorbedbyherfigure，hergrace，thedivineexpressionofherthoughts，mymindbecomesgraduallyexcitedtothehighestexcess，mysightgrowsdim，myhearingconfused，mybreathingoppressedasifbythehandofamurderer，andmybeatingheartseekstoobtainreliefformyachingsenses。IamsometimesunconsciouswhetherIreallyexist。IfinsuchmomentsIfindnosympathy，andCharlottedoesnotallowmetoenjoythemelancholyconsolationofbathingherhandwithmytears，Ifeelcompelledtotearmyselffromher，whenIeitherwanderthroughthecountry，climbsomeprecipitouscliff，orforceapaththroughthetracklessthicket，whereIamlaceratedandtornbythornsandbriers;andthenceIfindrelief。SometimesI
liestretchedontheground，overcomewithfatigueanddyingwiththirst;sometimes，lateinthenight，whenthemoonshinesaboveme，Ireclineagainstanagedtreeinsomesequesteredforest，torestmywearylimbs，when，exhaustedandworn，Isleeptillbreakofday。OWilhelm！thehermit’scell，hissackcloth，andgirdleofthornswouldbeluxuryandindulgencecomparedwithwhatIsuffer。
Adieu！Iseenoendtothiswretchednessexceptthegrave。
SEPTEMBER3。
Imustaway。Thankyou，Wilhelm，fordeterminingmywaveringpurpose。ForawholefortnightIhavethoughtofleavingher。I
mustaway。Shehasreturnedtotown，andisatthehouseofafriend。Andthen，Albert——yes，Imustgo。
SEPTEMBER1O。
Oh，whatanight，Wilhelm！Icanhenceforthbearanything。I
shallneverseeheragain。Oh，whycannotIfallonyourneck，and，withfloodsoftearsandraptures，giveutterancetoallthepassionswhichdistractmyheart！HereIsitgaspingforbreath，andstrugglingtocomposemyself。Iwaitforday，andatsunrisethehorsesaretobeatthedoor。
Andsheissleepingcalmly，littlesuspectingthatshehasseenmeforthelasttime。Iamfree。Ihavehadthecourage，inaninterviewoftwohours’duration，nottobetraymyintention。AndOWilhelm，whataconversationitwas！
AlberthadpromisedtocometoCharlotteinthegardenimmediatelyaftersupper。Iwasupontheterraceunderthetallchestnuttrees，andwatchedthesettingsun。Isawhimsinkforthelasttimebeneaththisdelightfulvalleyandsilentstream。IhadoftenvisitedthesamespotwithCharlotte，andwitnessedthatglorioussight;andnow——Iwaswalkingupanddowntheveryavenuewhichwassodeartome。AsecretsympathyhadfrequentlydrawnmethitherbeforeIknewCharlotte;andweweredelightedwhen，inourearlyacquaintance，wediscoveredthatweeachlovedthesamespot，whichisindeedasromanticasanythatevercaptivatedthefancyofanartist。
>Frombeneaththechestnuttrees，thereisanextensiveview。ButIrememberthatIhavementionedallthisinaformerletter，andhavedescribedthetallmassofbeechtreesattheend，andhowtheavenuegrowsdarkeranddarkerasitwindsitswayamongthem，tillitendsinagloomyrecess，whichhasallthecharmofamysterioussolitude。IstillrememberthestrangefeelingofmelancholywhichcameovermethefirsttimeIenteredthatdarkretreat，atbrightmidday。Ifeltsomesecretforebodingthatitwould，oneday，betomethesceneofsomehappinessormisery。
Ihadspenthalfanhourstrugglingbetweenthecontendingthoughtsofgoingandreturning，whenIheardthemcominguptheterrace。
Irantomeetthem。ItrembledasItookherhand，andkissedit。
Aswereachedthetopoftheterrace，themoonrosefrombehindthewoodedhill。Weconversedonmanysubjects，and，withoutperceivingit，approachedthegloomyrecess。Charlotteentered，andsatdown。Albertseatedhimselfbesideher。Ididthesame，butmyagitationdidnotsuffermetoremainlongseated。Igotup，andstoodbeforeher，thenwalkedbackwardandforward，andsatdownagain。Iwasrestlessandmiserable。Charlottedrewourattentiontothebeautifuleffectofthemoonlight，whichthrewasilverhueovertheterraceinfrontofus，beyondthebeechtrees。
Itwasaglorioussight，andwasrenderedmorestrikingbythedarknesswhichsurroundedthespotwherewewere。Weremainedforsometimesilent，whenCharlotteobserved，\"WheneverIwalkbymoonlight，itbringstomyremembranceallmybelovedanddepartedfriends，andIamfilledwiththoughtsofdeathandfuturity。Weshallliveagain，Werther！\"shecontinued，withafirmbutfeelingvoice;\"butshallweknowoneanotheragainwhatdoyouthink？
whatdoyousay？\"
\"Charlotte，\"Isaid，asItookherhandinmine，andmyeyesfilledwithtears，\"weshallseeeachotheragain——hereandhereafterweshallmeetagain。\"Icouldsaynomore。Why，Wilhelm，shouldsheputthisquestiontome，justatthemonentwhenthefearofourcruelseparationfilledmyheart？
\"Andoh！dothosedepartedonesknowhowweareemployedhere？dotheyknowwhenwearewellandhappy？dotheyknowwhenwerecalltheirmemorieswiththefondestlove？Inthesilenthourofeveningtheshadeofmymotherhoversaroundme;whenseatedinthemidstofmychildren，Iseethemassemblednearme，astheyusedtoassemblenearher;andthenIraisemyanxiouseyestoheaven，andwishshecouldlookdownuponus，andwitnesshowIfulfilthepromiseImadetoherinherlastmoments，tobeamothertoherchildren。WithwhatemotiondoIthenexclaim，’Pardon，dearestofmothers，pardonme，ifIdonotadequatelysupplyyourplace！Alas！Idomyutmost。Theyareclothedandfed;and，stillbetter，theyarelovedandeducated。Couldyoubutsee，sweetsaint！thepeaceandharmonythatdwellsamongstus，youwouldglorifyGodwiththewarmestfeelingsofgratitude，towhom，inyourlasthour，youaddressedsuchferventprayersforourhappiness。’\"Thusdidsheexpressherself;butOWilhelm！whocandojusticetoherlanguage？howcancoldandpassionlesswordsconveytheheavenlyexpressionsofthespirit？Albertinterruptedhergently。\"Thisaffectsyoutoodeeply，mydearCharlotte。I
knowyoursouldwellsonsuchrecollectionswlthintensedelight;
butIimplore——\"\"OAlbert！\"shecontinued，\"Iamsureyoudonotforgettheeveningswhenwethreeusedtositatthelittleroundtable，whenpapawasabsent，andthelittleoneshadretired。
Youoftenhadagoodbookwithyou，butseldomreadit;theconversationofthatnoblebeingwaspreferabletoeverything，——
thatbeautiful，bright，gentle，andyetever-toilingwoman。GodaloneknowshowIhavesupplicatedwithtearsonmynightlycouch，thatImightbelikeher。\"
Ithrewmyselfatherfeet，and，seizingherhand，bedeweditwithathousandtears。\"Charlotte！\"Iexclaimed，\"God’sblessingandyourmother’sspiritareuponyou。\"\"Oh！thatyouhadknownher，\"
shesaid，withawarmpressureofthehand。\"Shewasworthyofbeingknowntoyou。\"IthoughtIshouldhavefainted：neverhadIreceivedpraisesoflattering。Shecontinued，\"Andyetshewasdoomedtodieintheflowerofheryouth，whenheryoungestchildwasscarcelysixmonthsold。Herillnesswasbutshort，butshewascalmandresigned;anditwasonlyforherchildren，especiallytheyoungest，thatshefeltunhappy。Whenherenddrewnigh，shebademebringthemtoher。Iobeyed。Theyoungeronesknewnothingoftheirapproachingloss，whiletheelderoneswerequiteovercomewithgrief。Theystoodaroundthebed;andsheraisedherfeeblehandstoheaven，andprayedoverthem;then，kissingtheminturn，shedismissedthem，andsaidtome，’Beyouamothertothem。’I
gavehermyhand。’Youarepromisingmuch，mychild，’shesaid：
’amother’sfondnessandamother’scare！Ihaveoftenwitnessed，byyourtearsofgratitude，thatyouknowwhatisamother’stenderness：showittoyourbrothersandsisters，andbedutifulandfaithfultoyourfatherasawife;youwillbehiscomfort。’
Sheinquiredforhim。Hehadretiredtoconcealhisintolerableanguish，——hewasheartbroken，\"Albert，youwereintheroom。
Sheheardsomeonemoving：sheinquiredwhoitwas，anddesiredyoutoapproach。Shesurveyedusbothwithalookofcomposureandsatisfaction，expressiveofherconvictionthatweshouldbehappy，——happywithoneanother。\"Albertfelluponherneck，andkissedher，andexclaimed，\"Weareso，andweshallbeso！\"EvenAlbert，generallysotranquil，hadquitelosthiscomposure;andIwasexcitedbeyondexpression。
\"Andsuchabeing，\"Shecontinued，\"wastoleaveus，Werther！
GreatGod，mustwethuspartwitheverythingweholddearinthisworld？Nobodyfeltthismoreacutelythanthechildren：theycriedandlamentedforalongtimeafterward，complainingthatmenhadcarriedawaytheirdearmamma。\"
Charlotterose。Itarousedme;butIcontinuedsitting，andheldherhand。\"Letusgo，\"shesaid：\"itgrowslate。\"Sheattemptedtowithdrawherhand：Ihelditstill。\"Weshallseeeachotheragain，\"Iexclaimed：\"weshallrecogniseeachotherundereverypossiblechange！Iamgoing，\"Icontinued，\"goingwillingly;but，shouldIsayforever，perhapsImaynotkeepmyword。Adieu，Charlotte;adieu，Albert。Weshallmeetagain。\"\"Yes：tomorrow，Ithink，\"sheansweredwithasmile。Tomorrow！howIfelttheword！
Ah！shelittlethought，whenshedrewherhandawayfrommine。
Theywalkeddowntheavenue。Istoodgazingaftertheminthemoonlight。Ithrewmyselfupontheground，andwept：Ithensprangup，andranoutupontheterrace，andsaw，undertheshadeofthelinden-trees，herwhitedressdisappearingnearthegarden-gate。
Istretchedoutmyarms，andshevanished。
BOOKII。
OCTOBER2O。
Wearrivedhereyesterday。Theambassadorisindisposed，andwillnotgooutforsomedays。Ifhewerelesspeevishandmorose，allwouldbewell。IseebuttooplainlythatHeavenhasdestinedmetoseveretrials;butcourage！alightheartmaybearanything。
Alightheart！Ismiletofindsuchawordproceedingfrommypen。
Alittlemorelightheartednesswouldrendermethehappiestbeingunderthesun。ButmustIdespairofmytalentsandfaculties，whilstothersoffarinferiorabilitiesparadebeforemewiththeutmostself-satisfaction？GraciousProvidence，towhomIoweallmypowers，whydidstthounotwithholdsomeofthoseblessingsI
possess，andsubstituteintheirplaceafeelingofself-confidenceandcontentment？
Butpatience！allwillyetbewell;forIassureyou，mydearfriend，youwereright：sinceIhavebeenobligedtoassociatecontinuallywithotherpeople，andobservewhattheydo，andhowtheyemploythemselves，Ihavebecomefarbettersatisfiedwithmyself。Forwearesoconstitutedbynature，thatweareeverpronetocompareourselveswithothers;andourhappinessormiserydependsverymuchontheobjectsandpersonsaroundus。Onthisaccount，nothingismoredangerousthansolitude：thereourimagination，alwaysdisposedtorise，takinganewflightonthewingsoffancy，picturestousachainofbeingsofwhomweseemthemostinferior。Allthingsappeargreaterthantheyreallyare，andallseemsuperiortous。Thisoperationofthemindisquitenatural：wesocontinuallyfeelourownimperfections，andfancyweperceiveinothersthequalitieswedonotpossess，attributingtothemalsoallthatweenjoyourselves，thatbythisprocessweformtheideaofaperfect，happyman，——aman，however，whoonlyexistsinourownimagination。
Butwhen，inspiteofweaknessanddisappointments，wesettoworkinearnest，andperseveresteadily，weoftenfind，that，thoughobligedcontinuallytotack，wemakemorewaythanotherswhohavetheassistanceofwindandtide;and，intruth，therecanbenogreatersatisfactionthantokeeppacewithothersoroutstripthemintherace。
November26。
Ibegintofindmysituationheremoretolerable，consideringallcircumstances。Ifindagreatadvantageinbeingmuchoccupied;
andthenumberofpersonsImeet，andtheirdifferentpursuits，createavariedentertainmentforme。IhaveformedtheacquaintanceoftheCountC——andIesteemhimmoreandmoreeveryday。Heisamanofstrongunderstandingandgreatdiscernment;but，thoughheseesfartherthanotherpeople，heisnotonthataccountcoldinhismanner，butcapableofinspiringandreturningthewarmestaffection。Heappearedinterestedinmeononeoccasion，whenI
hadtotransactsomebusinesswithhim。Heperceived，atthefirstword，thatweunderstoodeachother，andthathecouldconversewithmeinadifferenttonefromwhatheusedwithothers。I
cannotsufficientlyesteemhisfrankandopenkindnesstome。Itisthegreatestandmostgenuineofpleasurestoobserveagreatmindinsympathywithourown。
DECEMBER24。
AsIanticipated，theambassadoroccasionsmeinfiniteannoyance。
Heisthemostpunctiliousblockheadunderheaven。Hedoeseverythingstepbystep，withthetriflingminutenessofanoldwoman;andheisamanwhomitisimpossibletoplease，becauseheisneverpleasedwithhimself。Iliketodobusinessregularlyandcheerfully，and，whenitisfinished，toleaveit。Butheconstantlyreturnsmypaperstome，saying，\"Theywilldo，\"butrecommendingmetolookoverthemagain，as\"onemayalwaysimprovebyusingabetterwordoramoreappropriateparticle。\"Ithenloseallpatience，andwishmyselfatthedevil’s。Notaconjunction，notanadverb，mustbeomitted：hehasadeadlyantipathytoallthosetranspositionsofwhichIamsofond;and，ifthemusicofourperiodsisnottunedtotheestablished，officialkey，hecannotcomprehendourmeaning。Itisdeplorabletobeconnectedwithsuchafellow。
MyacquaintancewiththeCountC——istheonlycompensationforsuchanevil。Hetoldmefrankly，theotherday，thathewasmuchdispleasedwiththedifficultiesanddelaysoftheambassador;
thatpeoplelikehimareobstacles，bothtothemselvesandtoothers。\"But，\"addedhe，\"onemustsubmit，likeatravellerwhohastoascendamountain：ifthemountainwasnotthere，theroadwouldbebothshorterandpleasanter;butthereitis，andhemustgetoverit。\"
Theoldmanperceivesthecount’spartialityforme：thisannoyshim，and，heseizeseveryopportunitytodepreciatethecountinmyhearing。Inaturallydefendhim，andthatonlymakesmattersworse。Yesterdayhemademeindignant，forhealsoalludedtome。
\"Thecount，\"hesaid，\"isamanoftheworld，andagoodmanofbusiness：hisstyleisgood，andhewriteswithfacility;but，likeothergeniuses，hehasnosolidlearning。\"HelookedatmewithanexpressionthatseemedtoaskifIfelttheblow。Butitdidnotproducethedesiredeffect：Idespiseamanwhocanthinkandactinsuchamanner。However，Imadeastand，andansweredwithnotalittlewarmth。Thecount，Isaid，wasamanentitledtorespect，alikeforhischaracterandhisacquirements。Ihadnevermetapersonwhosemindwasstoredwithmoreusefulandextensiveknowledge，——whohad，infact，masteredsuchaninfinitevarietyofsubjects，andwhoyetretainedallhisactivityforthedetailsofordinarybusiness。Thiswasaltogetherbeyondhiscomprehension;andItookmyleave，lestmyangershouldbetoohighlyexcitedbysomenewabsurdityofhis。
Andyouaretoblameforallthis，youwhopersuadedmetobendmynecktothisyokebypreachingalifeofactivitytome。Ifthemanwhoplantsvegetables，andcarrieshiscorntotownonmarket-days，isnotmoreusefullyemployedthanIam，thenletmeworktenyearslongeratthegalleystowhichIamnowchained。
Oh，thebrilliantwretchedness，theweariness，thatoneisdoomedtowitnessamongthesillypeoplewhomwemeetinsocietyhere！
Theambitionofrank！Howtheywatch，howtheytoil，togainprecedence！Whatpoorandcontemptiblepassionsaredisplayedintheirutternakedness！Wehaveawomanhere，forexample，whoneverceasestoentertainthecompanywithaccountsofherfamilyandherestates。Anystrangerwouldconsiderherasillybeing，whoseheadwasturnedbyherpretensionstorankandproperty;butsheisinrealityevenmoreridiculous，thedaughterofameremagistrate’sclerkfromthisneighbourhood。Icannotunderstandhowhumanbeingscansodebasethemselves。
EverydayIobservemoreandmorethefollyofjudgingofothersbyourselves;andIhavesomuchtroublewithmyseif，andmyownheartisinsuchconstantagitation，thatIamwellcontenttoletotherspursuetheirowncourse，iftheyonlyallowmethesameprivilege。
Whatprovokesmemostistheunhappyextenttowhichdistinctionsofrankarecarried。Iknowperfectlywellhownecessaryareinequalitiesofcondition，andIamsensibleoftheadvantagesI
myselfderivetherefrom;butIwouldnothavetheseinstitutionsproveabarriertothesmallchanceofhappinesswhichImayenjoyonthisearth。
IhavelatelybecomeacquaintedwithaMissB——，averyagreeablegirl，whohasretainedhernaturalmannersinthemidstofartificiallife。Ourfirstconversationpleasedusbothequally;and，attakingleave，Irequestedpermissiontovisither。Sheconsentedinsoobligingamanner，thatIwaitedwithimpatienceforthearrivalofthehappymoment。Sheisnotanativeofthisplace，butresidesherewithheraunt。Thecountenanceoftheoldladyisnotprepossessing。Ipaidhermuchattention，addressingthegreaterpartofmyconversationtoher;and，inlessthanhalfanhour，Idiscoveredwhatherniecesubsequentlyacknowledgedtome，thatheragedaunt，havingbutasmallfortune，andastillsmallershareofunderstanding，enjoysnosatisfactionexceptinthepedigreeofherancestors，noprotectionsaveinhernoblebirth，andnoenjoymentbutinlookingfromhercastleovertheheadsofthehumblecitizens。Shewas，nodoubt，handsomeinheryouth，andinherearlyyearsprobablytrifledawayhertimeinrenderingmanyapooryouththesportofhercaprice：inherriperyearsshehassubmittedtotheyokeofaveteranofficer，who，inreturnforherpersonandhersmallindependence，hasspentwithherwhatwemaydesignateherageofbrass。Heisdead;andsheisnowawidow，anddeserted。Shespendsherironagealone，andwouldnotbeapproached，exceptforthelovelinessofherniece。
JANUARY8，1772。
Whatbeingsaremen，whosewholethoughtsareoccupiedwithformandceremony，whoforyearstogetherdevotetheirmentalandphysicalexertionstothetaskofadvancingthemselvesbutonestep，andendeavouringtooccupyahigherplaceatthetable。Notthatsuchpersonswouldotherwisewantemployment：onthecontrary，theygivethemselvesmuchtroublebyneglectingimportantbusinessforsuchpettytrifles。Lastweekaquestionofprecedencearoseatasledging-party，andallouramusementwasspoiled。
Thesillycreaturescannotseethatitisnotplacewhichconstitutesrealgreatness，sincethemanwhooccupiesthefirstplacebutseldomplaystheprincipalpart。Howmanykingsaregovernedbytheirministers——howmanyministersbytheirsecretaries？Who，insuchcases，isreallythechief？He，asitseemstome，whocanseethroughtheothers，andpossessesstrengthorskillenoughtomaketheirpowerorpassionssubservienttotheexecutionofhisowndesigns。
JANUARY20。
Imustwritetoyoufromthisplace，mydearCharlotte，fromasmallroominacountryinn，whereIhavetakenshelterfromaseverestorm。DuringmywholeresidenceinthatwretchedplaceD——，whereIlivedamongststrangers，——strangers，indeed，tothisheart，——Ineveratanytimefeltthesmallestinclinationtocorrespondwithyou;butinthiscottage，inthisretirement，inthissolitude，withthesnowandhailbeatingagainstmylattice-pane，youaremyfirstthought。TheinstantIentered，yourfigureroseupbeforeme，andtheremembrance！OmyCharlotte，thesacred，tenderremembrance！GraciousHeaven！restoretomethehappymomentofourfirstacquaintance。