Polly，Ishallseethisbusinessouttothebitterend。’
’Iamgoingtosleep，’saidMrs。Mallowecalmly。’IneverinterferewithmenorwomenunlessIamcompelled，’andsheretiredwithdignitytoherownroom。
Mrs。Hauksbee’scuriositywasnotlongleftungratified，forMrs。
BentcameuptoSimlaafewdaysaftertheconversationfaithfullyreportedabove，andpervadedtheMallbyherhusband’sside’Behold！’saidMrs。Hauksbee，thoughtfullyrubbinghernose。’Thatisthelastlinkofthechain，ifweomitthehusbandoftheDelville，whoeverhemaybe。Letmeconsider。TheBentsandtheDelvillesinhabitthesamehotel;andtheDelvilleisdetestedbytheWaddydoyouknowtheWaddy？whoisalmostasbigadowd。TheWaddyalsoabominatesthemaleBent，forwhich，ifherothersinsdonotweightooheavily，shewilleventuallygotoHeaven。’
’Don’tbeirreverent，’saidMrs。Mallowe，’IlikeMrs。Bent’sface。’
’IamdiscussingtheWaddy，’returnedMrs。Hauksbeeloftily。’TheWaddywilltakethefemaleBentapart，afterhavingborrowedyes！
everythingthatshecan，fromhairpinstobabies’bottles。Such，mydear，islifeinahotel。TheWaddywilltellthefemaleBentfactsandfictionsaboutTheDancingMasterandTheDowd。’
’Lucy，Ishouldlikeyoubetterifyouwerenotalwayslookingintopeople’sback-bedrooms。’
’Anybodycanlookintotheirfrontdrawingrooms;andrememberwhateverIdo，andwhateverIlook，InevertalkastheWaddywill。
LetushopethatTheDancingMaster’sgreasysmileandmannerofthepedagoguewillsoftentheheartofthatcow，hiswife。Ifmouthsspeaktruth，IshouldthinkthatlittleMrs。Bentcouldgetveryangryonoccasion。’
’Butwhatreasonhassheforbeingangry？’
’Whatreason！TheDancingMasterinhimselfisareason。Howdoesitgo？’’Ifinhislifesometrivialerrorsfall，Lookinhisfaceandyou’llbelievethemall。\"IampreparedtocreditanyevilofTheDancingMaster，becauseIhatehimso。AndTheDowdissodisgustinglybadlydressed’
’Thatshe，too，iscapableofeveryiniquity？Ialwaysprefertobelievethebestofeverybody。Itsavessomuchtrouble。’
’Verygood。Iprefertobelievetheworst。Itsavesuselessexpenditureofsympathy。AndyoumaybequitecertainthattheWaddybelieveswithme。’
Mrs。Mallowesighedandmadenoanswer。
TheconversationwasholdenafterdinnerwhileMrs。Hauksbeewasdressingforadance。
’Iamtootiredtogo，’pleadedMrs。Mallowe，andMrs。Hauksbeeleftherinpeacetilltwointhemorning，whenshewasawareofemphaticknockingatherdoor。
’Don’tbeveryangry，dear，’saidMrs。Hauksbee。’Myidiotofanayahhasgonehome，and，asIhopetosleepto-night，thereisn’tasoulintheplacetounlaceme。’
’Oh，thisistoobad！’saidMrs。Mallowesulkily。
’’Canthelpit。I’malone，lorngrass-widow，dear，butIwillnotsleepinmystays。Andsuchnewstoo！Oh，dounlaceme，there’sadarling！TheDowdTheDancingMasterIandtheHawleyBoyYouknowtheNorthverandah？’
’HowcanIdoanythingifyouspinroundlikethis？’protestedMrs。
Mallowe，fumblingwiththeknotofthelaces。
’Oh，Iforget。Imusttellmytalewithouttheaidofyoureyes。Doyouknowyou’velovelyeyes，dear？Well，tobeginwith，ItooktheHawleyBoytoakalajuggah。’
’Didhewantmuchtaking？’
’Lots！Therewasanarrangementofloose-boxesinkanats，andshewasinthenextonetalkingtohim。’
’Which？How？Explain。’
’YouknowwhatImeanTheDowdandTheDancingMaster。Wecouldheareveryword，andwelistenedshamelessly’speciallytheHawleyBoy。Polly，Iquitelovethatwoman！’
’Thisisinteresting。There！Nowturnround。Whathappened？’
’Onemoment。Ahh！Blessedrelief。I’vebeenlookingforwardtotakingthemoffforthelasthalf-hourwhichisominousatmytimeoflife。But，asIwassaying，welistenedandheardTheDowddrawlworsethanever。Shedropsherfinalg’slikeabarmaidorablue-bloodedAide-de-Camp。’’Lookhe-ere，you’regettin’toofondo’me，\"shesaid，andTheDancingMasterowneditwassoinlanguagethatnearlymademeill。TheDowdreflectedforawhile。
Thenweheardhersay，’’Lookhe-ere，MisterBent，whyareyousuchanaw-fulliar？\"InearlyexplodedwhileTheDancingMasterdeniedthecharge。Itseemsthathenevertoldherhewasamarriedman。’
’Isaidhewouldn’t。’
’Andshehadtakenthistoheart，onpersonalgrounds，Isuppose。
Shedrawledalongforfiveminutes，reproachinghimwithhisperfidy，andgrewquitemotherly。’’Nowyou’vegotanicelittlewifeofyourownyouhave，\"shesaid。’’She’stentimestoogoodforafatoldmanlikeyou，and，lookhe-ere，younevertoldmeawordabouther，andI’vebeenthinkin’aboutitagooddeal，andIthinkyou’realiar。\"Wasn’tthatdelicious？TheDancingMastermaunderedandravedtilltheHawleyBoysuggestedthatheshouldburstinandbeathim。Hisvoicerunsupintoanimpassionedsqueakwhenheisafraid。TheDowdmustbeanextraordinarywoman。Sheexplainedthathadhebeenabachelorshemightnothaveobjectedtohisdevotion;butsincehewasamarriedmanandthefatherofaverynicebaby，sheconsideredhimahypocrite，andthissherepeatedtwice。Shewoundupherdrawlwith：’’An’I’mtellin’youthisbecauseyourwifeisangrywithme，an’Ihatequarrellin’withanyotherwoman，an’Ilikeyourwife。Youknowhowyouhavebehavedforthelastsixweeks。Youshouldn’thavedoneit，indeedyoushouldn’t。You’retoooldan’toofat。\"Can’tyouimaginehowTheDancingMasterwouldwinceatthat！’’Nowgoaway，\"shesaid。’’Idon’twanttotellyouwhatIthinkofyou，becauseIthinkyouarenotnice。I’llstayhe-eretillthenextdancebegins。\"Didyouthinkthatthecreaturehadsomuchinher？’
’Ineverstudiedherascloselyasyoudid。Itsoundsunnatural。Whathappened？’
’TheDancingMasterattemptedblandishment，reproof，jocularity，andthestyleoftheLordHighWarden，andIhadalmosttopinchtheHawleyBoytomakehimkeepquiet。Shegruntedattheendofeachsentenceand，intheend，hewentawayswearingtohimself，quitelikeamaninanovel。Helookedmoreobjectionablethanever。Ilaughed。Ilovethatwomaninspiteofherclothes。AndnowI’mgoingtobed。Whatdoyouthinkofit？’
’Ishan’tbegintothinktillthemorning，’saidMrs。Mallowe，yawning。’Perhapsshespokethetruth。Theydoflyintoitbyaccidentsometimes。’
Mrs。Hauksbee’saccountofhereavesdroppingwasanornateone，buttruthfulinthemain。Forreasonsbestknowntoherself，Mrs。
’Shady’DelvillehadturneduponMr。Bentandrenthimlimbfromlimb，castinghimawaylimpanddisconcertedereshewithdrewthelightofhereyesfromhimpermanently。Beingamanofresource，andanythingbutpleasedinthathehadbeencalledbotholdandfat，hegaveMrs。Benttounderstandthathehad，duringherabsenceintheDoon，beenthevictimofunceasingpersecutionatthehandsofMrs。Delville，andhetoldthetalesooftenandwithsucheloquencethatheendedinbelievingit，whilehiswifemarvelledatthemannersandcustomsof’somewomen。’Whenthesituationshowedsignsoflanguishing，Mrs。WaddywasalwaysonhandtowakethesmoulderingfiresofsuspicioninMrs。Bent’sbosomandtocontributegenerallytothepeaceandcomfortofthehotel。Mr。Bent’slifewasnotahappyone，forifMrs。Waddy’sstoryweretrue，hewas，arguedhiswife，untrustworthytothelastdegree。Ifhisownstatementwastrue，hischarmsofmannerandconversationweresogreatthatheneededconstantsurveillance。
Andhereceivedit，tillherepentedgenuinelyofhismarriageandneglectedhispersonalappearance。Mrs。Delvillealoneinthehotelwasunchanged。Sheremovedherchairsomesixpacestowardstheheadofthetable，andoccasionallyinthetwilightventuredontimidoverturesoffriendshiptoMrs。Bent，whichwererepulsed。
’Shedoesitformysake，’hintedthevirtuousBent。
’Adangerousanddesigningwoman，’purredMrs。Waddy。
Worstofall，everyotherhotelinSimlawasfull！
’Polly，areyouafraidofdiphtheria？’
’Ofnothingintheworldexceptsmall-pox，Diphtheriakills，butitdoesn’tdisfigure。Whydoyouask？’
’BecausetheBentbabyhasgotit，andthewholehotelisupsidedowninconsequence。TheWaddyhas’’setherfiveyoungontherail\"andfled。TheDancingMasterfearsforhispreciousthroat，andthatmiserablelittlewoman，hiswife，hasnonotionofwhatoughttobedone。Shewantedtoputitintoamustardbathforcroup！’
’Wheredidyoulearnallthis？’
’Justnow，ontheMall。Dr。Howlentoldme。ThemanagerofthehotelisabusingtheBents，andtheBentsareabusingthemanager。
Theyareafecklesscouple。’
’Well。What’sonyourmind？’
’This;andIknowit’sagravethingtoask。
Wouldyouseriouslyobjecttomybringingthechildoverhere，withitsmother？’
’OnthemoststrictunderstandingthatweseenothingoftheDancingMaster。’
’Hewillbeonlytoogladtostayaway。Polly，you’reanangel。Thewomanreallyisatherwits’end。’
’Andyouknownothingabouther，careless，andwouldholdheruptopublicscornifitgaveyouaminute’samusement。Thereforeyouriskyourlifeforthesakeofherbrat。No，Loo，I’mnottheangel。I
shallkeeptomyroomsandavoidher。Butdoasyoupleaseonlytellmewhyyoudoit。’
Mrs。Hauksbee’seyessoftened;shelookedoutofthewindowandbackintoMrs。Mallowe’sface。
’Idon’tknow，’saidMrs。Hauksbeesimply。
’Youdear！’
’Polly！andforaughtyouknewyoumighthavetakenmyfringeoff。
Neverdothatagainwithoutwarning。Nowwe’llgettheroomsready。Idon’tsupposeIshallbeallowedtocirculateinsocietyforamonth。’
’AndIalso。ThankgoodnessIshallatlastgetallthesleepIwant。’
MuchtoMrs。Bent’ssurprisesheandthebabywerebroughtovertothehousealmostbeforesheknewwhereshewas。Bentwasdevoutlyandundisguisedlythankful，forhewasafraidoftheinfection，andalsohopedthatafewweeksinthehotelalonewithMrs。Delvillemightleadtoexplanations。Mrs。Benthadthrownherjealousytothewindsinherfearforherchild’slife。
’Wecangiveyougoodmilk，’saidMrs。Hauksbeetoher，’andourhouseismuchnearertotheDoctor’sthanthehotel，andyouwon’tfeelasthoughyouwerelivinginahostilecamp。WhereisthedearMrs。Waddy？Sheseemedtobeaparticularfriendofyours。’
’They’veallleftme，’saidMrs。Bentbitterly。’Mrs。Waddywentfirst。ShesaidIoughttobeashamedofmyselfforintroducingdiseasesthere，andIamsureitwasn’tmyfaultthatlittleDora’
’Hownice！’cooedMrs。Hauksbee。’TheWaddyisaninfectiousdiseaseherself’’morequicklycaughtthantheplagueandthetakerrunspresentlymad。\"IlivednextdoortoherattheElysium，threeyearsago。Nowsee，youwon’tgiveustheleasttrouble，andI’veornamentedallthehousewithsheetssoakedincarbolic。Itsmellscomforting，doesn’tit？RememberI’malwaysincall，andmyayah’satyourservicewhenyoursgoestohermeals，andandifyoucryI’llneverforgiveyou。’
DoraBentoccupiedhermother’sunprofitableattentionthroughthedayandthenight。TheDoctorcalledthriceinthetwenty-fourhours，andthehousereekedwiththesmelloftheCondy’sFluid，chlorine-water，andcarbolicacidwashes。Mrs。MallowekepttoherownroomssheconsideredthatshehadmadesufficientconcessionsinthecauseofhumanityandMrs。HauksbeewasmoreesteemedbytheDoctorasahelpinthesick-roomthanthehalf-distraughtmother。
’Iknownothingofillness，’saidMrs。HauksbeetotheDoctor。’Onlytellmewhattodo，andI’lldoit。’
’Keepthatcrazywomanfromkissingthechild，andletherhaveaslittletodowiththenursingasyoupossiblycan，’saidtheDoctor;
’I’dturnheroutofthesick-room，butthatIhonestlybelieveshe’ddieofanxiety。Sheislessthannogood，andIdependonyouandtheayahs，remember。’
Mrs。Hauksbeeacceptedtheresponsibility，thoughitpaintedolivehollowsunderhereyesandforcedhertoheroldestdresses。Mrs。
Bentclungtoherwithmorethanchildlikefaith。
’Iknowyou’llmakeDorawell，won’tyou？’shesaidatleasttwentytimesaday;andtwentytimesadayMrs。Hauksbeeansweredvaliantly，’OfcourseIwill。’
ButDoradidnotimprove，andtheDoctorseemedtobealwaysinthehouse。
’There’ssomedangerofthethingtakingabadturn，’hesaid;’I’llcomeoverbetweenthreeandfourinthemorningto-morrow。’
’Goodgracious！’saidMrs。Hauksbee。’Henevertoldmewhattheturnwouldbe！Myeducationhasbeenhorriblyneglected;andI
haveonlythisfoolishmother-womantofallbackupon。’
Thenightworethroughslowly，andMrs。Hauksbeedozedinachairbythefire。TherewasadanceattheViceregalLodge，andshedreamedofittillshewasawareofMrs。Bent’sanxiouseyesstaringintoherown。
’Wakeup！Wakeup！Dosomething！’criedMrs。Bentpiteously。
’Dora’schokingtodeath！Doyoumeantoletherdie？’
Mrs。Hauksbeejumpedtoherfeetandbentoverthebed。Thechildwasfightingforbreath，whilethemotherwrungherhandsdespairingly。
’Oh，whatcanIdo？Whatcanyoudo？Shewon’tstaystill！Ican’tholdher。Whydidn’ttheDoctorsaythiswascoming？’screamedMrs。Bent。’Won’tyouhelpme？She’sdying！’
’II’veneverseenachilddiebefore！’stammeredMrs。Hauksbeefeebly，andthenletnoneblameherweaknessafterthestrainoflongwatchingshebrokedown，andcoveredherfacewithherhands。Theayahsonthethresholdsnoredpeacefully。
Therewasarattleof’rickshawwheelsbelow，theclashofanopeningdoor，aheavysteponthestairs，andMrs。DelvilleenteredtofindMrs。BentscreamingfortheDoctorassheranroundtheroom。Mrs。Hauksbee，herhandstoherears，andherfaceburiedinthechintzofachair，wasquiveringwithpainateachcryfromthebed，andmurmuring，’ThankGod，Ineverboreachild！Oh！thankGod，Ineverboreachild！’
Mrs。Delvillelookedatthebedforaninstant，tookMrs。Bentbytheshoulders，andsaidquietly，’Getmesomecaustic。Bequick。’
Themotherobeyedmechanically。Mrs。Delvillehadthrownherselfdownbythesideofthechildandwasopeningitsmouth。
’Oh，you’rekillingher！’criedMrs。Bent。’Where’stheDoctor？
Leaveheralone！’
Mrs。Delvillemadenoreplyforaminute，butbusiedherselfwiththechild。
’Nowthecaustic，andholdalampbehindmyshoulder。Willyoudoasyouaretold？Theacid-bottle，ifyoudon’tknowwhatImean，’
shesaid。
AsecondtimeMrs。Delvillebentoverthechild。Mrs。Hauksbee，herfacestillhidden，sobbedandshivered。Oneoftheayahsstaggeredsleepilyintotheroom，yawning：’DoctorSahibcome。’
Mrs。Delvilleturnedherhead。
’You’reonlyjustintime，’shesaid。’Itwaschokin’herwhenIcame，an’I’veburntit。’
’Therewasnosignofthemembranegettingtotheair-passagesafterthelaststeaming。ItwasthegeneralweaknessIfeared，’saidtheDoctorhalftohimself，andhewhisperedashelooked，’You’vedonewhatIshouldhavebeenafraidtodowithoutconsultation。’
’Shewasdyin’，’saidMrs。Delville，underherbreath。’Canyoudoanythin’？WhatamercyitwasIwenttothedance！’
Mrs。Hauksbeeraisedherhead。
’Isitallover？’shegasped。’I’muselessI’mworsethanuseless！
Whatareyoudoinghere？’
ShestaredatMrs。Delville，andMrs。Bent，realisingforthefirsttimewhowastheGoddessfromtheMachine，staredalso。
ThenMrs。Delvillemadeexplanation，puttingonadirtylonggloveandsmoothingacrumpledandill-fittingball-dress。
’Iwasatthedance，an’theDoctorwastellin’meaboutyourbabybein’soill。SoIcameawayearly，an’yourdoorwasopen，an’II
lostmyboythiswaysixmonthsago，an’I’vebeentryin’toforgetiteversince，an’IIIamverysorryforintrudin’an’anythin’thathashappened。’
Mrs。BentwasputtingouttheDoctor’seyewithalampashestoopedoverDora。
’Takeitaway，’saidtheDoctor。’Ithinkthechildwilldo，thankstoyou，Mrs。Delville。Ishouldhavecometoolate，but，Iassureyou’
hewasaddressinghimselftoMrs。Delville’Ihadnotthefaintestreasontoexpectthis。Themembranemusthavegrownlikeamushroom。Willoneofyouhelpme，please？’
Hehadreasonforthelastsentence。Mrs。HauksbeehadthrownherselfintoMrs。Delville’sarms，whereshewasweepingbitterly，andMrs。Bentwasunpicturesquelymixedupwithboth，whilefromthetanglecamethesoundofmanysobsandmuchpromiscuouskissing。
’Goodgracious！I’vespoiltallyourbeautifulroses！’saidMrs。
Hauksbee，liftingherheadfromthelumpofcrushedgumandcalicoatrocitiesonMrs。Delville’sshoulderandhurryingtotheDoctor。
Mrs。Delvillepickeduphershawl，andslouchedoutoftheroom，moppinghereyeswiththeglovethatshehadnotputon。
’Ialwayssaidshewasmorethanawoman，’sobbedMrs。Hauksbeehysterically，’andthatprovesit！’
SixweekslaterMrs。BentandDorahadreturnedtothehotel。Mrs。
HauksbeehadcomeoutoftheValleyofHumiliation，hadceasedtoreproachherselfforhercollapseinanhourofneed，andwasevenbeginningtodirecttheaffairsoftheworldasbefore。
’Sonobodydied，andeverythingwentoffasitshould，andIkissedTheDowd，Polly。Ifeelsoold。Doesitshowinmyface？’
’Kissesdon’tasarule，dothey？OfcourseyouknowwhattheresultofTheDowd’sprovidentialarrivalhasbeen。’
’Theyoughttobuildherastatueonlynosculptordarecopythoseskirts。’
’Ah！’saidMrs。Mallowequietly。’Shehasfoundanotherreward。
TheDancingMasterhasbeensmirkingthroughSimla，givingeveryonetounderstandthatshecamebecauseofherundyingloveforhimforhimtosavehischild，andallSimlanaturallybelievesthis。’
’ButMrs。Bent’
’Mrs。Bentbelievesitmorethananyoneelse。Shewon’tspeaktoTheDowdnow。Isn’tTheDancingMasteranangel？’
Mrs。Hauksbeelifteduphervoiceandragedtillbed-time。Thedoorsofthetworoomsstoodopen。
’Polly，’saidavoicefromthedarkness，’whatdidthatAmerican-heiress-globe-trottergirlsaylastseasonwhenshewastippedoutofher’rickshawturningacorner？Someabsurdadjectivethatmadethemanwhopickedherupexplode。’
’’’Paltry，\"’saidMrs。Mallowe。’Throughhernoselikethis’’Ha-owpahltry！\"’
’Exactly，’saidthevoice。’Ha-owpahltryitallis！’
’Which？’
’Everything。Babies，Diphtheria，Mrs。BentandTheDancingMaster，Iwhoopinginachair，andTheDowddroppinginfromtheclouds。Iwonderwhatthemotivewasallthemotives。’
’Um！’
’Whatdoyouthink？’
’Don’taskme。Gotosleep。’
OnlyaSubaltern……Notonlytoenforcebycommand，buttoencouragebyexampletheenergeticdischargeofdutyandthesteadyenduranceofthedifficultiesandprivationsinseparablefromMilitaryService。
——BengalArmyRegulations。
TheymadeBobbyWickpassanexaminationatSandhurst。Hewasagentlemanbeforehewasgazetted，so，whentheEmpressannouncedthat’Gentleman-CadetRobertHannaWick’waspostedasSecondLieutenanttotheTynesideTailTwistersatKrabBokhar，hebecameanofficerandagentleman，whichisanenviablething;andtherewasjoyinthehouseofWickwhereMammaWickandallthelittleWicksfellupontheirkneesandofferedincensetoBobbybyvirtueofhisachievements。
PapaWickhadbeenaCommissionerinhisday，holdingauthorityoverthreemillionsofmenintheChota-BuldanaDivision，buildinggreatworksforthegoodoftheland，anddoinghisbesttomaketwobladesofgrassgrowwheretherewasbutonebefore。Ofcourse，nobodyknewanythingaboutthisinthelittleEnglishvillagewherehewasjust’oldMr。Wick，’andhadforgottenthathewasaCompanionoftheOrderoftheStarofIndia。
HepattedBobbyontheshoulderandsaid：’Welldone，myboy！’
Therefollowed，whiletheuniformwasbeingprepared，anintervalofpuredelight，duringwhichBobbytookbrevet-rankasa’man’atthewomen-swampedtennis-partiesandtea-fightsofthevillage，and，Idaresay，hadhisjoining-timebeenextended，wouldhavefalleninlovewithseveralgirlsatonce。LittlecountryvillagesatHomeareveryfullofnicegirls，becausealltheyoungmencomeouttoIndiatomaketheirfortunes。
’India，’saidPapaWick，’istheplace。I’vehadthirtyyearsofitand，begad，I’dliketogobackagain。WhenyoujointheTailTwistersyou’llbeamongfriends，ifeveryonehasn’tforgottenWickofChota-Buldana，andalotofpeoplewillbekindtoyouforoursakes。ThemotherwilltellyoumoreaboutoutfitthanIcan;butrememberthis。SticktoyourRegiment，BobbysticktoyourRegiment。You’llseemenallroundyougoingintotheStaffCorps，anddoingeverypossiblesortofdutybutregimental，andyoumaybetemptedtofollowsuit。Nowsolongasyoukeepwithinyourallowance，andIhaven’tstintedyouthere，sticktotheLine，thewholeLine，andnothingbuttheLine。Becarefulhowyoubackanotheryoungfool’sbill，andifyoufallinlovewithawomantwentyyearsolderthanyourself，don’ttellmeaboutit，that’sall。’
Withthesecounsels，andmanyothersequallyvaluable，didPapaWickfortifyBobbyerethatlastawfulnightatPortsmouthwhentheOfficers’QuartersheldmoreinmatesthanwereprovidedforbytheRegulations，andtheliberty-menoftheshipsfellfoulofthedraftsforIndia，andthebattleragedfromtheDockyardGateseventotheslumsofLongport，whilethedrabsofFrattoncamedownandscratchedthefacesoftheQueen’sOfficers。
BobbyWick，withanuglybruiseonhisfrecklednose，asickandshakydetachmenttomanuvreinship，andthecomfortoffiftyscornfulfemalestoattendto，hadnotimetofeelhome-sicktilltheMalabarreachedmid-Channel，whenhedoubledhisemotionswithalittleguard-visitingandagreatmanyothermatters。
TheTailTwisterswereamostparticularRegiment。Thosewhoknewthemleastsaidthattheywereeatenupwith’side。’Buttheirreserveandtheirinternalarrangementsgenerallyweremerelyprotectivediplomacy。Somefiveyearsbefore，theColonelcommandinghadlookedintothefourteenfearlesseyesofsevenplumpandjuicysubalternswhohadallappliedtoentertheStaffCorps，andhadaskedthemwhythethreestarsshouldhe，acoloneloftheLine，commandadashednurseryfordouble-dashedbottle-suckerswhoputoncondemnedtinspursandrodequalifiedmokesatthehiatusedheadsofforsakenBlackRegiments。Hewasarudemanandaterrible。Whereforetheremnanttookmeasures[withthehalf-buttasanengineofpublicopinion]tilltherumourwentabroadthatyoungmenwhousedtheTailTwistersasacrutchtotheStaffCorpshadmanyandvariedtrialstoendure。
However，aregimenthadjustasmuchrighttoitsownsecretsasawoman。
WhenBobbycameupfromDeolaliandtookhis’placeamongtheTailTwisters，itwasgentlybutfirmlyborneinuponhimthattheRegimentwashisfatherandhismotherandhisindissolublyweddedwife，andthattherewasnocrimeunderthecanopyofheavenblackerthanthatofbringingshameontheRegiment，whichwasthebest-shooting，best-drilled，best-set-up，bravest，mostillustrious，andinallrespectsmostdesirableRegimentwithinthecompassoftheSevenSeas。HewastaughtthelegendsoftheMessPlate，fromthegreatgrinningGoldenGodsthathadcomeoutoftheSummerPalaceinPekintothesilver-mountedmarkhor-hornsnuff-mullpresentedbythelastC。O。[hewhospaketothesevensubalterns]。Andeveryoneofthoselegendstoldhimofbattlesfoughtatlongodds，withoutfearaswithoutsupport;ofhospitalitycatholicasanArab’s;offriendshipsdeepastheseaandsteadyasthefighting-line;ofhonourwonbyhardroadsforhonour’ssake;andofinstantandunquestioningdevotiontotheRegimenttheRegimentthatclaimsthelivesofallandlivesforever。
Morethanonce，too，hecameofficiallyintocontactwiththeRegimentalcolours，whichlookedliketheliningofabricklayer’shatontheendofachewedstick。Bobbydidnotkneelandworshipthem，becauseBritishsubalternsarenotconstructedinthatmanner。Indeed，hecondemnedthemfortheirweightattheverymomentthattheywerefillingwithaweandothermorenoblesentiments。
ButbestofallwastheoccasionwhenhemovedwiththeTailTwistersinrevieworderatthebreakingofaNovemberday。
Allowingforduty-menandsick，theRegimentwasonethousandandeightystrong，andBobbybelongedtothem;forwashenotaSubalternoftheLinethewholeLine，andnothingbuttheLineasthetrampoftwothousandonehundredandsixtysturdyammunitionbootsattested？HewouldnothavechangedplaceswithDeightonoftheHorseBattery，whirlingbyinapillarofcloudtoachorusof’Strongright！Strongleft！’orHogan-YaleoftheWhiteHussars，leadinghissquadronforallitwasworth，withthepriceofhorseshoesthrownin;or’Tick’Boileau，tryingtoliveuptohisfierceblueandgoldturbanwhilethewaspsoftheBengalCavalrystretchedtoagallopinthewakeofthelong，lolloppingWalersoftheWhiteHussars。
Theyfoughtthroughtheclearcoolday，andBobbyfeltalittlethrillrundownhisspinewhenheheardthetinkle-tinkle-tinkleoftheemptycartridge-caseshoppingfromthebreech-blocksaftertheroarofthevolleys;forheknewthatheshouldlivetohearthatsoundinaction。ThereviewendedinagloriouschaseacrosstheplainbatteriesthunderingaftercavalrytothehugedisgustoftheWhiteHussars，andtheTynesideTailTwistershuntingaSikhRegiment，tilltheleanlathySinghspantedwithexhaustion。Bobbywasdustyanddrippinglongbeforenoon，buthisenthusiasmwasmerelyfocusednotdiminished。
HereturnedtositatthefeetofRevere，his’skipper，’thatistosay，theCaptainofhisCompany，andtobeinstructedinthedarkartandmysteryofmanagingmen，whichisaverylargepartoftheProfessionofArms。
’Ifyouhaven’tatastethatway，’saidReverebetweenhispuffsofhischeroot，’you’llneverbeabletogetthehangofit，butremember，Bobby，’tisn’tthebestdrill，thoughdrillisnearlyeverything，thathaulsaRegimentthroughHellandoutontheotherside。It’sthemanwhoknowshowtohandlemengoat-men，swine-men，dog-men，andsoon。’
’Dormer，forinstance，’saidBobby，’Ithinkhecomesundertheheadoffool-men。Hemopeslikeasickowl。’
’That’swhereyoumakeyourmistake，myson。Dormerisn’tafoolyet，buthe’sadasheddirtysoldier，andhisroomcorporalmakesfunofhissocksbeforekit-inspection。Dormer，beingtwo-thirdspurebrute，goesintoacornerandgrowls。’
’Howdoyouknow？’saidBobbyadmiringly。
’BecauseaCompanycommanderhastoknowthesethingsbecause，ifhedoesnotknow，hemayhavecrimeay，murderbrewingunderhisverynoseandyetnotseethatit’sthere。Dormerisbeingbadgeredoutofhismindbigasheisandhehasn’tintellectenoughtoresentit。He’stakentoquietboozing，and，Bobby，whenthebuttofaroomgoesonthedrink，ortakestomopingbyhimself，measuresarenecessarytopullhimoutofhimself。’
’Whatmeasures？’Mancan’trunroundcoddlinghismenforever。’
’No。Themenwouldprecioussoonshowhimthathewasnotwanted。You’vegotto’
HeretheColour-Sergeantenteredwithsomepapers;BobbyreflectedforawhileasReverelookedthroughtheCompanyforms。
’DoesDormerdoanything，Sergeant？’Bobbyaskedwiththeairofonecontinuinganinterruptedconversation。
’No，sir。Does’isdootylikeahortomato，’saidtheSergeant，whodelightedinlongwords。’Adirtysoldierand’e’sunderfullstoppagesfornewkit。It’scoveredwithscales，sir。’
’Scales？Whatscales？’
’Fish-scales，sir。’E’salwayspokin’inthemudbytheriveran’
a-cleanin’themmuchly-fishwith’isthumbs。’ReverewasstillabsorbedintheCompanypapers，andtheSergeant，whowassternlyfondofBobby，continued’’Egenerallygoesdowntherewhen’e’sgot’isskinful，beggin’yourpardon，sir，an’theydosaythatthemorelushin-he-briated’eis，themorefish’ecatches。Theycall’imtheLooneyFishmongerintheComp’ny，sir。’
ReveresignedthelastpaperandtheSergeantretreated。
’It’safilthyamusement，’sighedBobbytohimself。ThenaloudtoRevere：’AreyoureallyworriedaboutDormer？’
’Alittle。Youseehe’snevermadenoughtosendtohospital，ordrunkenoughtorunin，butatanyminutehemayflareup，broodingandsulkingashedoes。Heresentsanyinterestbeingshowninhim，andtheonlytimeItookhimoutshootingheallbutshotmebyaccident。’
’Ifish，’saidBobbywithawryface。’Ihireacountry-boatandgodowntheriverfromThursdaytoSunday，andtheamiableDormergoeswithmeifyoucanspareusboth。’
’Youblazingyoungfool！’saidRevere，buthisheartwasfullofmuchmorepleasantwords。
Bobby，theCaptainofadhoni，withPrivateDormerformate，droppeddowntheriveronThursdaymorningthePrivateatthebow，theSubalternatthehelm。ThePrivateglareduneasilyattheSubaltern，whorespectedthereserveofthePrivate。
Aftersixhours，Dormerpacedtothestern，saluted，andsaid’Begy’
pardon，sir，butwasyoueverontheDurh’mCanal？’
’No，’saidBobbyWick。’Comeandhavesometiffin。’
Theyateinsilence。Astheeveningfell，PrivateDormerbrokeforth，speakingtohimself’HiwasontheDurh’mCanal，jes’suchanight，comenextweektwelvemonth，a-trailin’ofmytoesinthewater。’Hesmokedandsaidnomoretillbedtime。
Thewitcheryofthedawnturnedthegrayriver-reachestopurple，gold，andopal;anditwasasthoughthelumberingdhonicreptacrossthesplendoursofanewheaven。
PrivateDormerpoppedhisheadoutofhisblanketandgazedattheglorybelowandaround。
’Welldamnmyeyes！’saidPrivateDormerinanawedwhisper。
’This’ereislikeabloomin’gallantry-show！’Fortherestofthedayhewasdumb，butachievedanensanguinedfilthinessthroughthecleaningofbigfish。
TheboatreturnedonSaturdayevening。Dormerhadbeenstrugglingwithspeechsincenoon。Asthelinesandluggagewerebeingdisembarked，hefoundtongue。
’Begy’pardon，sir，’hesaid，’butwouldyouwouldyoumin’shakin’
’andswithme，sir？’
’Ofcoursenot，’saidBobby，andheshookaccordingly。DormerreturnedtobarracksandBobbytomess。
’Hewantedalittlequietandsomefishing，Ithink，’saidBobby。’Myaunt，buthe’safilthysortofanimal！Haveyoueverseenhimclean’’themmuchly-fishwith’isthumbs\"？’
’Anyhow，’saidReverethreeweekslater，’he’sdoinghisbesttokeephisthingsclean。’
Whenthespringdied，BobbyjoinedinthegeneralscrambleforHillleave，andtohissurpriseanddelightsecuredthreemonths。
’AsgoodaboyasIwant，’saidReveretheadmiringskipper。
’Thebestofthebatch，’saidtheAdjutanttotheColonel。’Keepbackthatyoungskrim-shankerPorkiss，sir，andletReveremakehimsitup。’
SoBobbydepartedjoyouslytoSimlaPaharwithatinboxofgorgeousraiment。
’’SonofWickoldWickofChota-Buldana？Askhimtodinner，dear，’saidtheagedmen。
’Whataniceboy！’saidthematronsandthemaids。
’First-classplace，Simla。Oh，riipping！’saidBobbyWick，andorderednewwhitecordbreechesonthestrengthofit。
’We’reinabadway，’wroteReveretoBobbyattheendoftwomonths。’Sinceyouleft，theRegimenthastakentofeverandisfairlyrottenwithittwohundredinhospital，aboutahundredincellsdrinkingtokeepofffeverandtheCompaniesonparadefifteenfilestrongattheoutside。There’srathermoresicknessintheout-villagesthanIcarefor，butthenI’msoblisteredwithprickly-heatthatI’mreadytohangmyself。What’stheyarnaboutyourmashingaMissHaverleyupthere？Notserious，Ihope？
You’reover-youngtohangmillstonesroundyourneck，andtheColonelwillturfyououtofthatindouble-quicktimeifyouattemptit。’
ItwasnottheColonelthatbroughtBobbyoutofSimla，butamuch-more-to-be-respectedCommandant。Thesicknessintheout-villagesspread，theBazarwasputoutofbounds，andthencamethenewsthattheTailTwistersmustgointocamp。ThemessageflashedtotheHillstations。’CholeraLeavestoppedOfficersrecalled。’Alasforthewhiteglovesintheneatly-solderedboxes，theridesandthedancesandpicnicsthatweretobe，theloveshalfspoken，andthedebtsunpaid！Withoutdemurandwithoutquestion，fastastongacouldflyorponygallop，backtotheirRegimentsandtheirBatteries，asthoughtheywerehasteningtotheirweddings，fledthesubalterns。
BobbyreceivedhisordersonreturningfromadanceatViceregalLodgewherehehadButonlytheHaverleygirlknowswhatBobbyhadsaid，orhowmanywaltzeshehadclaimedforthenextball。
SixinthemorningsawBobbyattheTongaOfficeinthedrenchingrain，thewhirlofthelastwaltzstillinhisears，andanintoxicationdueneithertowinenorwaltzinginhisbrain。
’Goodman！’shoutedDeightonoftheHorseBatterythroughthemist。’Wharyouraisedattonga？I’mcomingwithyou。Ow！ButI’veaheadandahalf。Ididn’tsitoutallnight。TheysaytheBattery’sawfulbad，’andhehummeddolorouslyLeavethewhatatthewhat’s-its-name，Leavetheflockwithoutshelter，Leavethecorpseuninterred，Leavethebrideatthealtar！
’Myfaith！It’llbemoreballycorpsethanbride，though，thisjourney。Jumpin，Bobby。Geton，Coachwan！’
OntheUmballaplatformwaitedadetachmentofofficersdiscussingthelatestnewsfromthestrickencantonment，anditwasherethatBobbylearnedtherealconditionoftheTailTwisters。
’Theywentintocamp，’saidanelderlyMajorrecalledfromthewhist-tablesatMussoorietoasicklyNativeRegiment，’theywentintocampwithtwohundredandtensickincarts。Twohundredandtenfevercasesonly，andthebalancelookinglikesomanyghostswithsoreeyes。AMadrasRegimentcouldhavewalkedthrough’em。’
’Buttheywereasfitasbe-damnedwhenIleftthem！’saidBobby。
’Thenyou’dbettermakethemasfitasbedamnedwhenyourejoin，’
saidtheMajorbrutally。
Bobbypressedhisforeheadagainsttherain-splashedwindow-paneasthetrainlumberedacrossthesoddenDoab，andprayedforthehealthoftheTynesideTailTwisters。NainiTalhadsentdownhercontingentwithallspeed;thelatheringponiesoftheDalhousieRoadstaggeredintoPathankot，taxedtothefullstretchoftheirstrength;whilefromcloudyDarjilingtheCalcuttaMailwhirledupthelaststragglerofthelittlearmythatwastofightafightinwhichwasneithermedalnorhonourforthewinning，againstanenemynoneotherthan’thesicknessthatdestroyethinthenoonday。’
Andaseachmanreportedhimself，hesaid：’Thisisabadbusiness，’
andwentabouthisownforthwith，foreveryRegimentandBatteryinthecantonmentwasundercanvas，thesicknessbearingthemcompany。
BobbyfoughthiswaythroughtheraintotheTailTwisters’
temporarymess，andReverecouldhavefallenontheboy’sneckforthejoyofseeingthatugly，wholesomephizoncemore。
’Keep’emamusedandinterested，’saidRevere。’Theywentonthedrink，poorfools，afterthefirsttwocases，andtherewasnoimprovement。Oh，it’sgoodtohaveyouback，Bobby！Porkissisanevermind。’
DeightoncameoverfromtheArtillerycamptoattendadrearymessdinner，andcontributedtothegeneralgloombynearlyweepingovertheconditionofhisbelovedBattery。Porkisssofarforgothimselfastoinsinuatethatthepresenceoftheofficerscoulddonoearthlygood，andthatthebestthingwouldbetosendtheentireRegimentintohospitaland’letthedoctorslookafterthem。’Porkisswasdemoralisedwithfear，norwashispeaceofmindrestoredwhenReveresaidcoldly：’Oh！Thesooneryougooutthebetter，ifthat’syourwayofthinking。Anypublicschoolcouldsendusfiftygoodmeninyourplace，butittakestime，time，Porkiss，andmoney，andacertainamountoftrouble，tomakeaRegiment。’S’poseyou’rethepersonwegointocampfor，eh？’
WhereuponPorkisswasovertakenwithagreatandchillyfearwhichadrenchingintheraindidnotallay，and，twodayslater，quittedthisworldforanotherwhere，mendofondlyhope，allowancesaremadefortheweaknessesoftheflesh。TheRegimentalSergeant-MajorlookedwearilyacrosstheSergeants’
Messtentwhenthenewswasannounced。
’Theregoestheworstofthem，’hesaid。’It’lltakethebest，andthen，pleaseGod，it’llstop。’TheSergeantsweresilenttillonesaid：’Itcouldn’tbehim！’andallknewofwhomTraviswasthinking。
BobbyWickstormedthroughthetentsofhisCompany，rallying，rebuking，mildly，asisconsistentwiththeRegulations，chaffingthefaint-hearted;halingthesoundintothewaterysunlightwhentherewasabreakintheweather，andbiddingthembeofgoodcheerfortheirtroublewasnearlyatanend;scuttlingonhisdunponyroundtheoutskirtsofthecamp，andheadingbackmenwho，withtheinnateperversityofBritishsoldiers，werealwayswanderingintoinfectedvillages，ordrinkingdeeplyfromrain-floodedmarshes;comfortingthepanic-strickenwithrudespeech，andmorethanoncetendingthedyingwhohadnofriendsthemenwithout’townies’;organising，withbanjosandburntcork，Sing-songswhichshouldallowthetalentoftheRegimentfullplay;andgenerally，asheexplained，’playingthegiddygarden-goatallround。’
’You’reworthhalf-a-dozenofus，Bobby，’saidRevereinamomentofenthusiasm。’Howthedevildoyoukeepitup？’
Bobbymadenoanswer，buthadReverelookedintothebreast-pocketofhiscoathemighthaveseenthereasheafofbadly-writtenletterswhichperhapsaccountedforthepowerthatpossessedtheboy。AlettercametoBobbyeveryotherday。Thespellingwasnotabovereproach，butthesentimentsmusthavebeenmostsatisfactory，foronreceiptBobby’seyessoftenedmarvellously，andhewaswonttofallintoatenderabstractionforawhileere，shakinghiscroppedhead，hechargedintohiswork。
Bywhatpowerhedrewafterhimtheheartsoftheroughest，andtheTailTwisterscountedintheirrankssomeroughdiamondsindeed，wasamysterytobothskipperandC。O。，wholearnedfromtheregimentalchaplainthatBobbywasconsiderablymoreinrequestinthehospitaltentsthantheReverendJohnEmery。
’Themenseemfondofyou。Areyouinthehospitalsmuch？’saidtheColonel，whodidhisdailyroundandorderedthementogetwellwithahardnessthatdidnotcoverhisbittergrief。
’Alittle，sir，’saidBobby。
’’Shouldn’tgotheretoooftenifIwereyou。Theysayit’snotcontagious，butthere’snouseinrunningunnecessaryrisks。Wecan’taffordtohaveyoudown，y’know。’
Sixdayslater，itwaswiththeutmostdifficultythatthepost-runnerplashedhiswayouttothecampwiththemail-bags，fortherainwasfallingintorrents。Bobbyreceivedaletter，boreitofftohistent，and，theprogrammeforthenextweek’sSing-songbeingsatisfactorilydisposedof，satdowntoanswerit。Foranhourtheunhandypentoiledoverthepaper，andwheresentimentrosetomorethannormaltide-level，BobbyWickstuckouthistongueandbreathedheavily。Hewasnotusedtoletter-writing。
’Begy’pardon，sir，’saidavoiceatthetentdoor;’butDormer’s’orridbad，sir，an’they’vetakenhimorf，sir。’
’DamnPrivateDormerandyoutoo！’saidBobbyWick，runningtheblotteroverthehalf-finishedletter。’TellhimI’llcomeinthemorning。’
’’E’sawfulbad，sir，’saidthevoicehesitatingly。Therewasanundecidedsquelchingofheavyboots。
’Well？’saidBobbyimpatiently。
’Excusin’’imselfbefore’andfortakin’theliberty，’esaysitwouldbeacomfortfortoassist’im，sir，if’
’Tattoolao！Getmypony！Here，comeinoutoftheraintillI’mready。Whatblastednuisancesyouare！That’sbrandy。Drinksome;
youwantit。HangontomystirrupandtellmeifIgotoofast。’
Strengthenedbyafour-finger’nip’whichheswallowedwithoutawink，theHospitalOrderlykeptupwiththeslipping，mud-stained，andverydisgustedponyasitshambledtothehospitaltent。
PrivateDormerwascertainly’’orridbad。’Hehadallbutreachedthestageofcollapseandwasnotpleasanttolookupon。
’What’sthis，Dormer？’saidBobby，bendingovertheman。’You’renotgoingoutthistime。You’vegottocomefishingwithmeonceortwicemoreyet。’
Thebluelipspartedandintheghostofawhispersaid，’Begy’
pardon，sir，disturbin’ofyounow，butwouldyoumin\"oldin’my’
and，sir？’
Bobbysatonthesideofthebed，andtheicycoldhandclosedonhisownlikeavice，forcingalady’sringwhichwasonthelittlefingerdeepintotheflesh。Bobbysethislipsandwaited，thewaterdrippingfromthehemofhistrousers。Anhourpassedandthegraspofthehanddidnotrelax，nordidtheexpressionofthedrawnfacechange。Bobbywithinfinitecraftlithimselfacherootwiththelefthand，hisrightarmwasnumbedtotheelbow，andresignedhimselftoanightofpain。
Dawnshowedaverywhite-facedSubalternsittingonthesideofasickman’scot，andaDoctorinthedoorwayusinglanguageunfitforpublication。
’Haveyoubeenhereallnight，youyoungass？’saidtheDoctor。
’Thereorthereabouts，’saidBobbyruefully。’He’sfrozenontome。’
Dormer’smouthshutwithaclick。Heturnedhisheadandsighed。
Theclinginghandopened，andBobby’sarmfelluselessathisside。
’He’lldo，’saidtheDoctorquietly。’Itmusthavebeenatoss-upallthroughthenight。’Thinkyou’retobecongratulatedonthiscase。’
’Oh，bosh！’saidBobby。’IthoughtthemanhadgoneoutlongagoonlyonlyIdidn’tcaretotakemyhandaway。Rubmyarmdown，there’sagoodchap。Whatagripthebrutehas！I’mchilledtothemarrow！’Hepassedoutofthetentshivering。
PrivateDormerwasallowedtocelebratehisrepulseofDeathbystrongwaters。Fourdayslaterhesatonthesideofhiscotandsaidtothepatientsmildly：’I’d’a’likento’a’spokento’imsoIshould。’
ButatthattimeBobbywasreadingyetanotherletterhehadthemostpersistentcorrespondentofanymanincampandwaseventhenabouttowritethatthesicknesshadabated，andinanotherweekattheoutsidewouldbegone。Hedidnotintendtosaythatthechillofasickman’shandseemedtohavestruckintotheheartwhosecapacitiesforaffectionhedweltonatsuchlength。HedidintendtoenclosetheillustratedprogrammeoftheforthcomingSing-songwhereofhewasnotalittleproud。Healsointendedtowriteonmanyothermatterswhichdonotconcernus，anddoubtlesswouldhavedonesobutfortheslightfeverishheadachewhichmadehimdullandunresponsiveatmess。
’Youareoverdoingit，Bobby，’saidhisskipper。’’Mightgivetherestofuscreditofdoingalittlework。YougoonasifyouwerethewholeMessrolledintoone。Takeiteasy。’
’Iwill，’saidBobby。’I’mfeelingdoneup。somehow。’Reverelookedathimanxiouslyandsaidnothing。
Therewasaflickeringoflanternsaboutthecampthatnight，andarumourthatbroughtmenoutoftheircotstothetentdoors，apaddlingofthenakedfeetofdoolie-bearersandtherushofagallopinghorse。
’Wot’sup？’askedtwentytents;andthroughtwentytentsrantheanswer’Wick，’e’sdown。’
TheybroughtthenewstoRevereandhegroaned。’AnyonebutBobbyandIshouldn’thavecared！TheSergeant-Majorwasright。’
’Notgoingoutthisjourney，’gaspedBobby，ashewasliftedfromthedoolie。’Notgoingoutthisjourney。’Thenwithanairofsupremeconviction’Ican’t，yousee。’
’NotifIcandoanything！’saidtheSurgeon-Major，whohadhastenedoverfromthemesswherehehadbeendining。
HeandtheRegimentalSurgeonfoughttogetherwithDeathforthelifeofBobbyWick。Theirworkwasinterruptedbyahairyapparitioninabluegraydressing-gownwhostaredinhorroratthebedandcried’Oh，myGawd！Itcan’tbe’im！’untilanindignantHospitalOrderlywhiskedhimaway。
Ifcareofmananddesiretolivecouldhavedoneaught，Bobbywouldhavebeensaved。Asitwas，hemadeafightofthreedays，andtheSurgeon-Major’sbrowuncreased。’We’llsavehimyet，’hesaid;andtheSurgeon，who，thoughherankedwiththeCaptain，hadaveryyouthfulheart，wentoutuponthewordandprancedjoyouslyinthemud。
’Notgoingoutthisjourney，’whisperedBobbyWickgallantly，attheendofthethirdday。
’Bravo！’saidtheSurgeon-Major。’That’sthewaytolookatit，Bobby。’
AseveningfellagrayshadegatheredroundBobby’smouth，andheturnedhisfacetothetentwallwearily。TheSurgeon-Majorfrowned。
’I’mawfullytired，’saidBobby，veryfaintly。’What’stheuseofbotheringmewithmedicine？Idon’twantit。Letmealone。’
Thedesireforlifehaddeparted，andBobbywascontenttodriftawayontheeasytideofDeath。
’It’snogood，’saidtheSurgeon-Major。’Hedoesn’twanttolive。He’smeetingit，poorchild。’Andheblewhisnose。
HalfamileawaytheregimentalbandwasplayingtheoverturetotheSing-song，forthemenhadbeentoldthatBobbywasoutofdanger。TheclashofthebrassandthewailofthehornsreachedBobby’sears。
Isthereasinglejoyorpain，ThatIshouldneverknoow？
Youdonotloveme，’tisinvain，Bidmegood-byeandgo！
Anexpressionofhopelessirritationcrossedtheboy’sface，andhetriedtoshakehishead。
TheSurgeon-Majorbentdown’Whatisit，Bobby？’’Notthatwaltz，’
mutteredBobby。’That’sourownourveryownestown。Mummydear。’
Withthishesankintothestuporthatgaveplacetodeathearlynextmorning。
Revere，hiseyesredattherimsandhisnoseverywhite，wentintoBobby’stenttowritealettertoPapaWickwhichshouldbowthewhiteheadoftheex-CommissionerofChota-Buldanainthekeenestsorrowofhislife。Bobby’slittlestoreofpaperslayinconfusiononthetable，andamongthemahalf-finishedletter。Thelastsentenceran：’Soyousee，darling，thereisreallynofear，becauseaslongasIknowyoucareformeandIcareforyou，nothingcantouchme。’
Reverestayedinthetentforanhour。Whenhecameouthiseyeswereredderthanever。
PrivateConklinsatonaturned-downbucket，andlistenedtoanotunfamiliartune。PrivateConklinwasaconvalescentandshouldhavebeentenderlytreated。
’Ho！’saidPrivateConklin。’There’sanotherbloomin’orf’cerdaed。’
Thebucketshotfromunderhim，andhiseyesfilledwithasmithyfulofsparks。Atallmaninablue-graybedgownwasregardinghimwithdeepdisfavour。
’Yououghttotakeshameforyourself，Conky！Orf’cer？Bloomin’
orf’cer？I’lllearnyoutomisnamethelikesof’im。Hangel！Bloomin’
Hangel！That’swot’eis！’
AndtheHospitalOrderlywassosatisfiedwiththejusticeofthepunishmentthathedidnotevenorderPrivateDormerbacktohiscot。
IntheMatterofaPrivateHurrah！hurrah！asoldier’slifeforme！Shout，boys，shout！foritmakesyoujollyandfree。
——TheRamrodCorps。
PEOPLEwhohaveseen，saythatoneofthequaintestspectaclesofhumanfrailtyisanoutbreakofhystericsinagirls’school。Itstartswithoutwarning，generallyonahotafternoonamongtheelderpupils。Agirlgigglestillthegigglegetsbeyondcontrol。
Thenshethrowsupherhead，andcries，\"Honk，honk，honk，\"likeawildgoose，andtearsmixwiththelaughter。Ifthen，istres。bewiseshewillrapoutsomethingsevercatthispointOcheckmatters。Ifshebetender-hearted，andsendforadrinkofwater，thechancesarelargelyinfavorofanothergirllaughingattheafflictedoneandherselfcollapsing。ThusLhetroublespreads，andmayendinhalfofwhatanswerstotheLowerSixthofaboys’schoolrockingandwhoopingtogether。Givenaweekofwarmweather，twostatelypromenadesperdiem，aheavymuttonandricemealinthemiddleoftheday，acertainamountofnaggingfromtheteachers，andafewotherthings，someamazingeffectsdevelop。Atleastthisiswhatfolksaywhohavehadexperience。
Now，theMotherSuperiorofaConventandtheColonelofaBritishInfantryRegimentwouldbejustlyshockedatanycomparisonbeingmadebetweentheirrespectivecharges。Butitisafactthat，undercertaincircumstances，Thomasinbulkcanbeworkedupintoditthering，ripplinghysteria。Hedoesnotweep，butheshowshistroubleunmistakably，andtheconsequencesgetintothenewspapers，andallthegoodpeoplewhohardlyknowaMartinifromaSnidersay：\"Takeawaythebrute’sammunition！\"
Thomasisn’tabrute，andhisbusiness，whichistolookafterthevirtuouspeople，nemandsthatheshallhavehisam-munitiontohishand。Hedoesn’twearsilkstockings，andhereallyoughttohesuppliedwithanewAdjectivetohelphimtoexpresshisopinions;
but，forallthat，heisagreatman。Ifyoucallhim\"theheroicdefenderofthenationalhonor\"oneday，and\"abrutalandlicentioussoldiery\"thenext，younaturallybewilderhim，andhelooksuponyouwithsuspicion。ThereisnobodytospeakforThomasexceptpeoplewhohavetheoriestoworkoffonhim;andnobodyunderstandsThomasexceptThomas，andhedoesnotalwaysknowwhatisthematterwithhimself。
Thatistheprologue。Thisisthestory：
CorporalSlanewasengagedtobemarriedtoMissJhansiM’Kenna，whosehistoryiswellknownintheregimentandelsewhere。HehadhisColonel’spermission，and，beingpopularwiththemen，everyarrangementhadbeenmadetogivetheweddingwhatPrivateOrtheriscalled\"eeklar。\"Itfellintheheartofthehotweather，and，afterthewedding，SlanewasgoinguptotheHillswiththeBride。Nonetheless，Slane’sgrievancewasthattheaffairwouldheonlyahired-carriagewedding，andhefeltthatthe\"eeklar\"ofthatwasmeagre。MissM’Kennadidnotcaresomuch。TheSergeant’swifewashelpinghertomakeherwedding-dress，andshewasverybusy。Slanewas，justthen，theonlymoderatelycontentedmaninbarracks。Alltherestweremoreorlessmiserable。
Andtheyhadsomuchtomakethemhappy，too。Alltheirworkwasoverateightinthemorning，andfortherestofthedaytheycouldlieontheirbacksandsmokeCanteen-plugandswearatthepunkab-coolies。Theyenjoyedafine，fullfleshmealinthemiddleoftheday，andthenthrewthemselvesdownontheircotsandsweatedandslepttillitwascoolenoughtogooutwiththeir\"towny，\"whosevocabularycontainedlessthansixhundredwords，andtheAdjective，andwhoseviewsoneveryconceivablequestiontheyhadheardmanytimesbefore。
TherewastheCanteen，ofcourse，andtherewastheTemperanceRoomwiththesecond-handpapersinit;butamanofanyprofessioncannotreadforeighthoursadayinatemperatureof96
degreesor98degreesintheshade，runningupsometimesto103
degreesatmidnight。Veryfewmen，eventhoughtheygetapannikinofflat，stale，muddybeerandhideitundertheircots，cancontinuedrinkmgforsixhoursaday。Onemantried，buthedied，andnearlythewholeregimentwenttohisfuneralbecauseitgavethemsomethingtodo。Itwastooearlyfortheexcitementoffeverorcholera。Themencouldonlywaitandwaitandwait，andwatchtheshadowofthebarrackcreepingacrosstheblindingwhitedust。
Thatwasagaylife。
Theyloungedaboutcantonments-itwastoohotforanysortofgame，andalmosttoohotforvice-andfuddledthemselvesintheevening，andfilledthemselvestodistensionwiththehealthynitrogenousfoodprovidedforthem，andthemoretheystokedthelessexercisetheytookandmoreexplosivetheygrew。Thentempersbegantowearaway，andmenfella-broodingoverinsultsrealorimaginary，fortheyhadnothingelsetothinkof。Thetoneofthereparteeschanged，andinsteadofsayinglight-heartedly：\"I’llknockyoursillyfacein，\"mengrewlaboriouslyp0liteandhintedthatthecantonmentswerenotbigenoughforthemselvesandtheirenemy，andthattherewouldhemorespaceforoneofthetwoinanotherplace。
ItmayhavebeentheDevilwhoarrangedthething，butthefactofthecaseisthatLossonhadforalongtimebeenworryingSimmonsinanaimlessway。Itgavehimoccupation。Thetwohadtheircotssidebyside，andwouldsometimesspendalongafternoonswearingateachother;butSimmonswasafraidofLossonanddarednotchallengehimtoafight。Hethoughtoverthewordsinthehotstillnights，andhalfthehatehefelttowardLossonbeventedonthewretchedpunkahcoolie。
Lossonboughtaparrotinthebazar，andputitintoalittlecage，andloweredthecageintothecooldarknessofawell，andsatonthewell-curb，shoutingbadlanguagedowntotheparrot。Hetaughtittosay：\"Simmons，yeso-oor，\"whichmeansswine，andseveralotherthingsentirelyunfitforpublication。Hewasabiggrossman，andheshooklikeajellywhentheparrothadthesentencecorrectly。Simmons，however，shookwithrage，foralltheroomwerelaughingathim——theparrotwassuchadisreputablepuffofgreenfeathersanditlookedsohumanwhenitchattered。Lossonusedtosit，swinginghisfatlegs，onthesideofthecot，andasktheparrotwhatitthoughtofSimmons。Theparrotwouldanswer：
\"Simmons，yeso-oor。\"\"Goodboy，\"Lossonusedtosay，scratchingtheparrot’shead;\"ye’earthat，Sim？\"AndSimmonsusedtoturnoveronhisstomachandmakeanswer：\"I’ear。Take’eedyoudon’t’earsomethingoneofthesedays。\"
Intherestlessnights，afterhehadbeenasleepallday，fitsofblindragecameuponSimmonrandheldhimtillhetrembledallover，whilehethoughtinhowmanydifferentwayshewouldslayLosson。Sometimeshewouldpicturehimselftramplingthelifeoutoftheman，withheavyammunition-boots，andatotherssmashinginhisfacewiththebutt，andatothersjumpingonhisshouldersanddraggingtheheadbacktilltheneckbonecracked。
Thenhismouthwouldfeelhotandfevered，andhewouldreachoutforanothersupofthebeerinthepannikin。
ButthefancythatcametohimmostfrequentlyandstayedwithhimlongestwasoneconnectedwiththegreatrolloffatunderLosson’srightear。Henoticeditfirstonamoonlightnight，andthereafteritwasalwaysbeforehiseyes。Itwasafascinatingrolloffat。Amancouldgethishanduponitandtearawayonesideoftheneck;orhecouldplacethemuzzleofarifleonitandblowawayalltheheadinaflash。Lossonhadnorighttobesleekandcontentedandwell-to-do，whenhe，Simmons，wasthebuttoftheroom，Someday，perhaps，hewouldshowthosewholaughedatthe\"Simmons，yeso-oor\"joke，thathewasasgoodastherest，andheldaman’slifeinthecrookofhisforefinger。WhenLossonsnored，Simmonshatedhimmorebitterlythanever。WhyshouldLossonbeabletosleepwhenSimmonshadtostayawakehourafterhour，tossingandturningonthetapes，withthedullliverpaingnawingintohisrightsideandhisheadthrobbingandachingafterCanteen？Hethoughtoverthisformanynights，andtheworldbecameunprofitabletohim。Heevenbluntedhisnaturallyfineappetitewithbeerandtobacco;andallthewhiletheparrottalkedatandmadeamockofhim。
Theheatcontinuedandthetempersworeawaymorequicklythanbefore。ASergeant’swifediedofheat——apoplexyinthenight，andtherumorranabroadthatitwascholera。Menrejoicedopenly，hopingthatitwouldspreadandsendthemintocamp。Butthatwasafalsealarm。
ItwaslateonaTuesdayevening，andthemenwerewaitinginthedeepdoubleverandasfor\"LastPosts，\"whenSimmonswenttotheboxatthefootofhisbed，tookauthispipe，andslammedtheliddownwithabangthatechoedthroughthedesertedbarracklikethecrackofarifle。Ordinarilyspeaking，themenwouldhavetakennonotice;buttheirnerveswerefrettedtofiddle-strings。Theyjumpedup，andthreeorfourclatteredintothebarrack-roomonlytofindSimmonskneelingbyhisbox。
\"OwlIt’syou，isit？\"theysaidandlaughedfoolishly。\"Wethought’twas\"——
Simmonsroseslowly。Iftheaccidenthadsoshakenhisfellows，whatwouldnottherealitydo？
\"Youthoughtitwas——didyou？Andwhatmakesyouthink？\"hesaid，iashmghimselfintomadnessashewenton;\"toHellwithyourthinking，yedirtyspies。\"
\"Simmons，yeso-oor，\"chuckledtheparrotintheveranda，sleepily，recognizingawell-knownvoice。Nowthatwasabsolutelyall。
Thetensionsnapped。Simmonsfellbackonthearm-rackdeliberately，——themenwereatthefarendoftheroom，——andtookouthisrifleandpacketofammunition。\"Don’tgoplayingthegoat，Sim！\"saidLosson。\"Putitdown，\"buttherewasaquaverinhisvoice。Anothermanstooped，slippedhisbootandhurleditatSimmon’shead。Thepromptanswerwasashotwhich，firedatrandom，founditsbilletinLosson’sthroat。Lossonfellforwardwithoutaword，andtheothersscattered。
\"Youthoughtitwas！\"yelledSimmons。\"You’redrivin’metoit！I
tellyouyou’redrivin’metoit！Getup，Losson，an’don’tlieshammin’there-youan’yourblastedparritthatdruvmetoit！\"
ButtherewasanunaffectedrealityaboutLosson’sposethatshowedSimmonswhathehaddone。Themenwerestillclamoringntheveranda。Simmonsappropriatedtwomorepacketsofammunitionandranintothemoonlight，muttering：\"I’llmakeanightofit。Thirtyroun’s，an’thelastformyself。Takeyouthat，youdogs！\"
Hedroppedononekneeandfiredintothebrownofthemenontheveranda，butthebulletflewhigh，andlandedinthebrickworkwithaviciousphantthatmadesomeoftheyoungeronesturnpale。
Itis，asmusketrytheoristsobserve，onethingtofireandanothertobefiredat。
Thentheinstinctofthechaseflaredup。Thenewsspreadfrombarracktobarrack，andthemendoubledoutintentonthecaptureofSimmons，thewildbeast，whowasheadingfortheCavalryparade-ground，stoppingnowandagaintosendbackashotandaLurseinthedirectionofhispursuers。
\"I’lllearnyoutospyonme！\"heshouted;\"I’lllearnyoutogivemedorg’snames！Comeonthe’olelotO’you！ColonelJohnAnthonyDeever，C。B。！\"-heturnedtowardtheInfantryMessandshookhisrifle-\"youthinkyourselfthedevilofaman-butItell’jouthatifyouPutyouruglyoldcarcassoutsideO’thatdoor，I’llmakeyouthepoorest-lookin’maninthearmy。Comeout，ColonelJohnAnthonyDeever，C。B。！Comeoutandseemepractissontherainge。I’mthecrackshotofthe’olebloomin’battalion。\"InproofofwhichstatementSimmonsfiredatthelightedwindowsofthemess-house。
\"PrivateSimmons，EComp’ny，ontheCavalryp’rade-ground，Sir，withthirtyrounds，\"saidaSergeantbreathlesslytotheColonel。
\"Shootin’rightandlef’，Sir。ShotPrivateLossonWhat’stobedone，Sir？\"
ColonelJohnAnthonyDeever，C。B。，salliedout，onlytobesalutedbysspurtofdustathisfeet。
\"Pullup！\"saidtheSecondinCommand;\"Idon’twantmystepinthatway，Colonel。He’sasdangerousasamaddog。\"
\"Shoothimlikeone，then，\"saidtheColonel，bitterly，\"ifhewon’ttakehischance，Myregiment，too！IfithadbeentheTowheadsI
couldhaveunderstood。\"
PrivateSimmonshadoccupiedastrongpositionnearawellontheedgeoftheparade-ground，andwasdefyingtheregimenttocomeon。Theregimentwasnotanxioustocomply，forthereissmallhonorinbeingshotbyafellow-private。OnlyCorporalSlane，rifleinband，threwhimselfdownontheground，andwormedhiswaytowardthewell。
\"Don’tshoot，\"saidhetothemenroundhim;\"likeasnotyou’llhitme。I’llcatchthebeggar，livin’。\"
Simmonsceasedshoutingforawhile，andthenoiseoftrap-wheelscouldbeheardacrosstheplain。MajorOldyneCommandingtheHorseBattery，wascomingbackfromadinnerintheCivilLines;
wasdrivingafterhisusualcustom——thatistosay，asfastasthehorsecouldgo。
\"Aorf’cer！Abloomingspangledorf’cer，\"shriekedSimmons;\"I’llmakeascarecrowofthatorf’cer！\"Thetrapstopped。
\"What’sthis？\"demandedtheMajorofGunners。\"Youthere，dropyourrifle。\"
\"Why，it’sJerryBlazes！Iain’tgotnoquarrelwithyou，JerryBlazes。Passfrien’，an’all’swell！\"
ButJerryBlazeshadnotthefaintestintentionofpassingadangerousmurderer。Hewas，ashisadoringBatterysworelongandfervently，withoutknowledgeoffear，andtheyweresurelythebestjudges，forJerryBlazes，itwasnotorious，haddonehispossibletokillamaneachtimetheBatterywentout。
HewalkedtowardSimmons，withtheintentionofrushinghim，andknockinghimdown。
\"Don’tmakemedoit，Sir，\"saidSimmons;\"Iain’tgotnothingaginyou。Ah！youwould？\"——theMajorbrokeintoarun——\"Takethatthen！\"
TheMajordroppedwithabulletthroughhisshoulder，andSimmonsstoodoverhim。HehadlostthesatisfactionofkillingLossoninthedesiredway：hutherewasahelplessbodytohishand。Shouldbeslipinanothercartridge，andblowoffthehead，orwiththebuttsmashinthewhiteface？Hestoppedtoconsider，andacrywentupfromthefarsideoftheparade-ground：\"He’skilledJerryBlazes！\"Butintheshelterofthewell-pillarsSimmonswassafeexceptwhenhesteppedouttofire。\"I’llblowyer’andsome’eadoff，JerryBlazes，\"saidSimmons，reflectively。\"Sixan’threeisnineanoneisten，an’thatleavesmeanothernineteen，an’oneformyself。\"Hetuggedatthestringofthesecondpacketofammunition。CorporalSlanecrawledoutoftheshadowofabankintothemoonlight。
\"Iseeyou！\"saidSimmons。\"Comeabitfurderonan’I’lldoforyou。\"
\"I’mcomm’，\"saidCorporalSlane，briefly;\"you’vedoneabadday’swork，Sim。Comeout’erean’comebackwithme。\"
\"Cometo，\"-laugbedSimmons，sendingacartridgehomewithhisthumb。\"NotbeforeI’vesettledyouan’JerryBlazes。\"
TheCorporalwaslyingatfulllengthinthedustoftheparade-ground，arifleunderhim。Someoftheless-cautiousmeninthedistanceshouted：\"Shoot’im！Shoot’im，Slane！\"
\"Youmove’andorfoot，Slane，\"saidSimmons，\"an’I’llkickJerryBlazes’’eadin，andshootyouafter。\"