APLAY
CHARACTERS
NICHOLASIVANOFF，perpetualmemberoftheCouncilofPeasantAffairsANNA，hiswife。NeeSarahAbramsonMATTHEWSHABELSKI，acount，uncleofIvanoffPAULLEBEDIEFF，PresidentoftheBoardoftheZemstvoZINAIDA，hiswifeSASHA，theirdaughter，twentyyearsoldLVOFF，ayounggovernmentdoctorMARTHABABAKINA，ayoungwidow，ownerofanestateanddaughterofarichmerchantKOSICH，anexcisemanMICHAELBORKIN，adistantrelativeofIvanoff，andmanagerofhisestateAVDOTIANAZAROVNA，anoldwomanGEORGE，liveswiththeLebedieffsFIRSTGUEST
SECONDGUEST
THIRDGUEST
FOURTHGUEST
PETER，aservantofIvanoffGABRIEL，aservantofLebedieffGUESTSOFBOTHSEXES
TheplaytakesplaceinoneoftheprovincesofcentralRussiaIVANOFF
ACTI
ThegardenofIVANOFF’Scountryplace。Ontheleftisaterraceandthefacadeofthehouse。Onewindowisopen。Belowtheterraceisabroadsemicircularlawn，fromwhichpathsleadtorightandleftintoagarden。Ontherightareseveralgardenbenchesandtables。Alampisburningononeofthetables。Itisevening。Asthecurtainrisessoundsofthepianoandvioloncelloareheard。
IVANOFFissittingatatablereading。
BORKIN，intop-bootsandcarryingagun，comesinfromtherearofthegarden。Heisalittletipsy。AsheseesIVANOFFhecomestowardhimontiptoe，andwhenhecomesoppositehimhestopsandpointsthegunathisface。
IVANOFF。[CatchessightofBORKIN。Shuddersandjumpstohisfeet]Misha！Whatareyoudoing？Youfrightenedme！Ican’tstandyourstupidjokeswhenIamsonervousasthis。Andhavingfrightenedme，youlaugh！[Hesitsdown。]
BORKIN。[Laughingloudly]There，Iamsorry，really。Iwon’tdoitagain。IndeedIwon’t。[Takeoffhiscap]Howhotitis！Justthink，mydearboy，Ihavecoveredtwelvemilesinthelastthreehours。Iamwornout。Justfeelhowmyheartisbeating。
IVANOFF。[Goesonreading]Oh，verywell。Ishallfeelitlater！
BORKIN。No，feelitnow。[HetakesIVANOFF’Shandandpressesitagainsthisbreast]Canyoufeelitthumping？ThatmeansthatitisweakandthatImaydiesuddenlyatanymoment。WouldyoubesorryifIdied？
IVANOFF。Iamreadingnow。Ishallattendtoyoulater。
BORKIN。No，seriously，wouldyoubesorryifIdied？Nicholas，wouldyoubesorryifIdied？
IVANOFF。Leavemealone！
BORKIN。Come，tellmeifyouwouldbesorryornot。
IVANOFF。Iamsorrythatyousmellsoofvodka，Misha，itisdisgusting。
BORKIN。DoIsmellofvodka？Howstrange！Andyet，itisnotsostrangeafterall。Imetthemagistrateontheroad，andImustadmitthatwediddrinkabouteightglassestogether。Strictlyspeaking，ofcourse，drinkingisveryharmful。Listen，itisharmful，isn’tit？Isit？Isit？
IVANOFF。Thisisunendurable！Letmewarnyou，Misha，thatyouaregoingtoofar。
BORKIN。Well，well，excuseme。Sitherebyyourselfthen，forheaven’ssake，ifitamusesyou。[Getsupandgoesaway]Whatextraordinarypeopleonemeetsintheworld。Theywon’tevenallowthemselvestobespokento。[Hecomesback]Oh，yes，I
nearlyforgot。Pleaseletmehaveeighty-tworoubles。
IVANOFF。Whydoyouwanteighty-tworoubles？
BORKIN。Topaytheworkmento-morrow。
IVANOFF。Ihaven’tthemoney。
BORKIN。Manythanks。[Angrily]Soyouhaven’tthemoney！Andyettheworkmenmustbepaid，mustn’tthey？
IVANOFF。Idon’tknow。Waittillmysalarycomesinonthefirstofthemonth。
BORKIN。Howisitpossibletodiscussanythingwithamanlikeyou？Can’tyouunderstandthattheworkmenarecomingto-morrowmorningandnotonthefirstofthemonth？
IVANOFF。HowcanIhelpit？I’llbehangedifIcandoanythingaboutitnow。AndwhatdoyoumeanbythisirritatingwayyouhaveofpesteringmewheneverIamtryingtoreadorwriteor——-
BORKIN。Musttheworkmenbepaidornot，Iaskyou？But，goodgracious！Whatistheuseoftalkingtoyou！[Waveshishand]Doyouthinkbecauseyouownanestateyoucancommandthewholeworld？Withyourtwothousandacresandyouremptypocketsyouarelikeamanwhohasacellarfullofwineandnocorkscrew。I
havesoldtheoatsastheystandinthefield。Yes，sir！Andto-morrowIshallselltheryeandthecarriagehorses。[Hestampsupanddown]DoyouthinkIamgoingtostanduponceremonywithyou？Certainlynot！Iamnotthatkindofaman！
ANNAappearsattheopenwindow。
ANNA。WhosevoicedidIhearjustnow？Wasityours，Misha？Whyareyoustampingupanddown？
BORKIN。AnybodywhohadanythingtodowithyourNicholaswouldstampupanddown。
ANNA。Listen，Misha！Pleasehavesomehaycarriedontothecroquetlawn。
BORKIN。[Waveshishand]Leavemealone，please！
ANNA。Oh，whatmanners！Theyarenotbecomingtoyouatall。Ifyouwanttobelikedbywomenyoumustneverletthemseeyouwhenyouareangryorobstinate。[Toherhusband]Nicholas，letusgoandplayonthelawninthehay！
IVANOFF。Don’tyouknowitisbadforyoutostandattheopenwindow，Annie？[Calls]Shutthewindow，Uncle！
[Thewindowisshutfromtheinside。]
BORKIN。Don’tforgetthattheinterestonthemoneyyouoweLebedieffmustbepaidintwodays。
IVANOFF。Ihaven’tforgottenit。IamgoingovertoseeLebediefftodayandshallaskhimtowait[Helooksathiswatch。]
BORKIN。Whenareyougoing？
IVANOFF。Atonce。
BORKIN。Wait！Wait！Isn’tthisSasha’sbirthday？Soitis！Theideaofmyforgettingit。WhatamemoryIhave。[Jumpsabout]I
shallgowithyou！[Sings]Ishallgo，Ishallgo！Nicholas，oldman，youarethejoyofmylife。Ifyouwerenotalwayssonervousandcrossandgloomy，youandIcoulddogreatthingstogether。Iwoulddoanythingforyou。ShallImarryMarthaBabakinaandgiveyouhalfherfortune？Thatis，nothalf，either，butall——takeitall！
IVANOFF。Enoughofthisnonsense！
BORKIN。No，seriously，shan’tImarryMarthaandhalvethemoneywithyou？Butno，whyshouldIproposeit？Howcanyouunderstand？[Angrily]Yousaytome：\"Stoptalkingnonsense！\"Youareagoodmanandacleverone，butyouhaven’tanyredbloodinyourveinsorany——well，enthusiasm。Why，ifyouwantedto，youandIcouldcutadashtogetherthatwouldshamethedevilhimself。Ifyouwereanormalmaninsteadofamorbidhypochondriacwewouldhaveamillioninayear。Forinstance，ifIhadtwenty-threehundredroublesnowIcouldmaketwentythousandintwoweeks。Youdon’tbelieveme？Youthinkitisallnonsense？No，itisn’tnonsense。Givemetwenty-threehundredroublesandletmetry。Ofsianoffissellingastripoflandacrosstheriverforthatprice。Ifwebuythis，bothbankswillbeours，andweshallhavetherighttobuildadamacrosstheriver。Isn’tthatso？Wecansaythatweintendtobuildamill，andwhenthepeopleontheriverbelowushearthatwemeantodamtherivertheywill，ofcourse，objectviolentlyandweshallsay：Ifyoudon’twantadamhereyouwillhavetopaytogetusaway。Doyouseetheresult？Thefactorywouldgiveusfivethousandroubles，Korolkoffthreethousand，themonasteryfivethousandmore——
IVANOFF。Allthatissimplyidiotic，Misha。Ifyoudon’twantmetolosemytemperyoumustkeepyourschemestoyourself。
BORKIN。[Sitsdownatthetable]Ofcourse！Iknewhowitwouldbe！Youneverwillactforyourself，andyoutiemyhandssothatIamhelpless。
EnterSHABELSKIandLVOFF。
SHABELSKI。Theonlydifferencebetweenlawyersanddoctorsisthatlawyerssimplyrobyou，whereasdoctorsbothrobyouandkillyou。Iamnotreferringtoanyonepresent。[Sitsdownonthebench]Theyareallfraudsandswindlers。PerhapsinArcadiayoumightfindanexceptiontothegeneralruleandyet——Ihavetreatedthousandsofsickpeoplemyselfinmylife，andIhavenevermetadoctorwhodidnotseemtometobeanunmistakablescoundrel。
BORKIN。[ToIVANOFF]Yes，youtiemyhandsandneverdoanythingforyourself，andthatiswhyyouhavenomoney。
SHABELSKI。AsIsaidbefore，Iamnotreferringtoanyonehereatpresent；theremaybeexceptionsthough，afterall——[Heyawns。]
IVANOFF。[Shutshisbook]Whathaveyoutotellme，doctor？
LVOFF。[Lookstowardthewindow]ExactlywhatIsaidthismorning：shemustgototheCrimeaatonce。[Walksupanddown。]
SHABELSKI。[Burstsoutlaughing]TotheCrimea！Whydon’tyouandIsetupasdoctors，Misha？Then，ifsomeMadameAngotorOpheliafindstheworldtiresomeandbeginstocoughandbeconsumptive，allweshallhavetodowillbetowriteoutaprescriptionaccordingtothelawsofmedicine：thatis，first，weshallorderherayoungdoctor，andthenajourneytotheCrimea。TheresomefascinatingyoungTartar——-
IVANOFF。[Interrupting]Oh，don’tbecoarse！[ToLVOFF]IttakesmoneytogototheCrimea，andevenifIcouldaffordit，youknowshehasrefusedtogo。
LVOFF。Yes，shehas。[Apause。]
BORKIN。Lookhere，doctor，isAnnareallysoillthatsheabsolutelymustgototheCrimea？
LVOFF。[Lookingtowardthewindow]Yes，shehasconsumption。
BORKIN。Whew！Howsad！Ihaveseeninherfaceforsometimethatshecouldnotlastmuchlonger。
LVOFF。Can’tyouspeakquietly？Shecanheareverythingyousay。
[Apause。]
BORKIN。[Sighing]Thelifeofmanislikeaflower，bloomingsogailyinafield。Then，alongcomesagoat，heeatsit，andtheflowerisgone！
SHABELSKI。Oh，nonsense，nonsense。[Yawning]Everythingisafraudandaswindle。[Apause。]
BORKIN。Gentlemen，IhavebeentryingtotellNicholashowhecanmakesomemoney，andhavesubmittedabrilliantplantohim，butmyseed，asusual，hasfallenonbarrensoil。Lookwhatasightheisnow：dull，cross，bored，peevish——-
SHABELSKI。[Getsupandstretcheshimself]Youarealwaysinventingschemesforeverybody，youcleverfellow，andtellingthemhowtolive；can’tyoutellmesomething？Givemesomegoodadvice，youingeniousyoungman。Showmeagoodmovetomake。
BORKIN。[Gettingup]Iamgoingtohaveaswim。Goodbye，gentlemen。[ToShabelski]Thereareatleasttwentygoodmovesyoucouldmake。IfIwereyouIshouldhavetwentythousandroublesinaweek。
[Hegoesout；SHABELSKIfollowshim。]
SHABELSKI。Howwouldyoudoit？Come，explain。
BORKIN。Thereisnothingtoexplain，itissosimple。[Comingback]Nicholas，givemearouble。
IVANOFFsilentlyhandshimthemoneyBORKIN。Thanks。Shabelski，youstillholdsometrumpcards。
SHABELSKIfollowshimout。
SHABELSKI。Well，whatarethey？
BORKIN。IfIwereyouIshouldhavethirtythousandroublesandmoreinaweek。[Theygoouttogether。]
IVANOFF。[Afterapause]Uselesspeople，uselesstalk，andthenecessityofansweringstupidquestions，haveweariedmeso，doctor，thatIamill。IhavebecomesoirritableandbitterthatIdon’tknowmyself。Myheadachesfordaysatatime。Iheararinginginmyears，Ican’tsleep，andyetthereisnoescapefromitall，absolutelynone。
LVOFF。Ivanoff，Ihavesomethingserioustospeaktoyouabout。
IVANOFF。Whatisit？
LVOFF。Itisaboutyourwife。SherefusestogototheCrimeaalone，butshewouldgowithyou。
IVANOFF。[Thoughtfully]Itwouldcostagreatdealforusbothtogo，andbesides，Icouldnotgetleavetobeawayforsolong。I
havehadoneholidayalreadythisyear。
LVOFF。Verywell，letusadmitthat。Nowtoproceed。Thebestcureforconsumptionisabsolutepeaceofmind，andyourwifehasnonewhatever。Sheisforeverexcitedbyyourbehaviourtoher。
Forgiveme，Iamexcitedandamgoingtospeakfrankly。Yourtreatmentofheriskillingher。[Apause]Ivanoff，letmebelievebetterthingsofyou。
IVANOFF。Whatyousayistrue，true。Imustbeterriblyguilty，butmymindisconfused。Mywillseemstobeparalysedbyakindofstupor；Ican’tunderstandmyselforanyoneelse。[Lookstowardthewindow]Come，letustakeawalk，wemightbeoverheardhere。[Theygetup]Mydearfriend，youshouldhearthewholestoryfromthebeginningifitwerenotsolongandcomplicatedthattotellitwouldtakeallnight。[Theywalkupanddown]Annaisasplendid，anexceptionalwoman。Shehasleftherfaith，herparentsandherfortuneformysake。IfIshoulddemandahundredothersacrifices，shewouldconsenttoeveryonewithoutthequiverofaneyelid。Well，Iamnotaremarkablemaninanyway，andhavesacrificednothing。However，thestoryisalongone。Inshort，thewholepointis，mydeardoctor——
[Confused]thatImarriedherforloveandpromisedtoloveherforever，andnowafterfiveyearsshelovesmestillandI——[Hewaveshishand]Now，whenyoutellmesheisdying，Ifeelneitherlovenorpity，onlyasortoflonelinessandweariness。
Toallappearancesthismustseemhorrible，andIcannotunderstandmyselfwhatishappeningtome。[Theygoout。]
SHABELSKIcomesin。
SHABELSKI。[Laughing]Uponmyword，thatmanisnoscoundrel，butagreatthinker，amaster-mind。Hedeservesamemorial。Heistheessenceofmoderningenuity，andcombinesinhimselfalonethegeniusofthelawyer，thedoctor，andthefinancier。[Hesitsdownontheloweststepoftheterrace]Andyethehasneverfinishedacourseofstudiesinanycollege；thatissosurprising。Whatanidealscoundrelhewouldhavemadeifhehadacquiredalittlecultureandmasteredthesciences！\"Youcouldmaketwentythousandroublesinaweek，\"hesaid。\"Youstillholdtheaceoftrumps：itisyourtitle。\"[Laughing]HesaidImightgetarichgirltomarrymeforit！[ANNAopensthewindowandlooksdown]\"LetmemakeamatchbetweenyouandMartha，\"sayshe。WhoisthisMartha？ItmustbethatBalabalkina——Babakalkinawoman，theonethatlookslikealaundress。
ANNA。Isthatyou，Count？
SHABELSKI。Whatdoyouwant？
ANNAlaughs。
SHABELSKI。[WithaJewishaccent]Vydoyoulaugh？
ANNA。Iwasthinkingofsomethingyousaidatdinner，doyouremember？Howwasit——aforgiventhief，adoctoredhorse。
SHABELSKI。Aforgiventhief，adoctoredhorse，andaChristianisedJewareallworththesameprice。
ANNA。[Laughing]Youcan’tevenrepeatthesimplestsayingwithoutill-nature。Youareamostmaliciousoldman。[Seriously]
Seriously，Countyouareextremelydisagreeable，andverytiresomeandpainfultolivewith。Youarealwaysgrumblingandgrowling，andeverybodytoyouisablackguardandascoundrel。
Tellmehonestly，Count，haveyoueverspokenwellofanyone？
SHABELSKI。Isthisaninquisition？
ANNA。Wehavelivedunderthissameroofnowforfiveyears，andIhaveneverheardyouspeakkindlyofpeople，orwithoutbitternessandderision。Whatharmhastheworlddonetoyou？Isitpossiblethatyouconsideryourselfbetterthananyoneelse？
SHABELSKI。Notatall。Ithinkweareallofusscoundrelsandhypocrites。Imyselfamadegradedoldman，andasuselessasacast-offshoe。Iabusemyselfasmuchasanyoneelse。Iwasrichonce，andfree，andhappyattimes，butnowIamadependent，anobjectofcharity，ajoketotheworld。WhenIamatlastexasperatedanddefythem，theyanswermewithalaugh。WhenI
laugh，theyshaketheirheadssadlyandsay，\"Theoldmanhasgonemad。\"ButoftenestofallIamunheardandunnoticedbyeveryone。
ANNA。[Quietly]Screamingagain。
SHABELSKI。Whoisscreaming？
ANNA。Theowl。Itscreamseveryevening。
SHABELSKI。Letitscream。Thingsareasbadastheycanbealready。[Stretcheshimself]Alas，mydearSarah！IfIcouldonlywinathousandortworoubles，IshouldsoonshowyouwhatI
coulddo。Iwishyoucouldseeme！Ishouldgetawayoutofthishole，andleavethebreadofcharity，andshouldnotshowmynosehereagainuntilthelastjudgmentday。
ANNA。Whatwouldyoudoifyouweretowinsomuchmoney？
SHABELSKI。[Thoughtfully]FirstIwouldgotoMoscowtoheartheGipsiesplay，andthen——thenIshouldflytoParisandtakeanapartmentandgototheRussianChurch。
ANNA。Andwhatelse？
SHABELSKI。Iwouldgoandsitonmywife’sgravefordaysanddaysandthink。IwouldsitthereuntilIdied。MywifeisburiedinParis。[Apause。]
ANNA。Howterriblydullthisis！Shallweplayaduet？
SHABELSKI。Asyoulike。Goandgetthemusicready。[ANNAgoesout。]
IVANOFFandLVOFFappearinoneofthepaths。
IVANOFF。Mydearfriend，youleftcollegelastyear，andyouarestillyoungandbrave。Beingthirty-fiveyearsoldIhavetherighttoadviseyou。Don’tmarryaJewessorabluestockingorawomanwhoisqueerinanyway。Choosesomenice，common-placegirlwithoutanystrangeandstartlingpointsinhercharacter。
Planyourlifeforquiet；thegreyerandmoremonotonousyoucanmakethebackground，thebetter。Mydearboy，donottrytofightaloneagainstthousands；donottiltwithwindmills；donotdashyourselfagainsttherocks。And，aboveall，mayyoubesparedtheso-calledrationallife，allwildtheoriesandimpassionedtalk。
EverythingisinthehandsofGod，soshutyourselfupinyourshellanddoyourbest。Thatisthepleasant，honest，healthywaytolive。ButthelifeIhavechosenhasbeensotiring，oh，sotiring！Sofullofmistakes，ofinjusticeandstupidity！[CatchessightofSHABELSKI，andspeaksangrily]Thereyouareagain，Uncle，alwaysunderfoot，neverlettingonehaveamoment’squiettalk！
SHABELSKI。[Inatearfulvoice]Istherenorefugeanywhereforapoorolddevillikeme？[Hejumpsupandrunsintothehouse。]
IVANOFF。NowIhaveoffendedhim！Yes，mynerveshavecertainlygonetopieces。Imustdosomethingaboutit，Imust——-
LVOFF。[Excitedly]Ivanoff，Ihaveheardallyouhavetosayand——and——Iamgoingtospeakfrankly。Youhaveshownmeinyourvoiceandmanner，aswellasinyourwords，themostheartlessegotismandpitilesscruelty。Yournearestfriendisdyingsimplybecausesheisnearyou，herdaysarenumbered，andyoucanfeelsuchindifferencethatyougoaboutgivingadviceandanalysingyourfeelings。IcannotsayallIshouldliketo；Ihavenotthegiftofwords，but——butIcanatleastsaythatyouaredeeplyantipathetictome。
IVANOFF。IsupposeIam。Asanonlooker，ofcourseyouseememoreclearlythanIseemyself，andyourjudgmentofmeisprobablyright。NodoubtI
amterriblyguilty。[Listens]IthinkIhearthecarriagecoming。Imustgetreadytogo。[Hegoestowardthehouseandthenstops]Youdislikeme，doctor，andyoudon’tconcealit。
Yoursinceritydoesyoucredit。[Hegoesintothehouse。]
LVOFF。[Alone]Whataconfoundedlydisagreeablecharacter！IhaveletanotheropportunityslipwithoutspeakingtohimasImeantto，butIsimplycannottalkcalmlytothatman。ThemomentI
openmymouthtospeakIfeelsuchacommotionandsuffocationhere[Heputshishandonhisbreast]thatmytonguestickstotheroofofmymouth。Oh，IloathethatTartuffe，thatunmitigatedrascal，withallmyheart！Thereheis，preparingtogodrivinginspiteoftheentreatiesofhisunfortunatewife，whoadoreshimandwhoseonlyhappinessishispresence。Sheimploreshimtospendatleastoneeveningwithher，andhecannotevendothat。Why，hemightshoothimselfindespairifhehadtostayathome！Poorfellow，whathewantsarenewfieldsforhisvillainousschemes。Oh，IknowwhyyougotoLebedieff’severyevening，Ivanoff！Iknow。
EnterIVANOFF，inhatandcoat，ANNAandSHABELSKI
SHABELSKI。Lookhere，Nicholas，thisissimplybarbarousYougoawayeveryeveningandleaveusherealone，andwegetsoboredthatwehavetogotobedateighto’clock。Itisascandal，andnodecentwayofliving。Whycanyougodrivingifwecan’t？Why？
ANNA。Leavehimalone，Count。Lethimgoifhewantsto。
IVANOFF。Howcanasickwomanlikeyougoanywhere？Youknowyouhaveacoughandmustnotgooutaftersunset。Askthedoctorhere。Youarenochild，Annie，youmustbereasonable。Andasforyou，whatwouldyoudowithyourselfoverthere？
SHABELSKI。Iamreadytogoanywhere：intothejawsofacrocodile，orevenintothejawsofhell，solongasIdon’thavetostayhere。Iamhorriblybored。Iamstupefiedbythisdullness。Everyonehereistiredofme。YouleavemeathometoentertainAnna，butIfeelmorelikescratchingandbitingher。
ANNA。Leavehimalone，Count。Leavehimalone。Lethimgoifheenjoyshimselfthere。
IVANOFF。Whatdoesthismean，Annie？YouknowIamnotgoingforpleasure。ImustseeLebedieffaboutthemoneyIowehim。
ANNA。Idon’tseewhyyouneedjustifyyourselftome。Goahead！
Whoiskeepingyou？
IVANOFF。Heavens！Don’tletusbiteoneanother’sheadsoff。Isthatreallyunavoidable？
SHABELSKI。[Tearfully]Nicholas，mydearboy，dopleasetakemewithyou。ImightpossiblybeamusedalittlebythesightofallthefoolsandscoundrelsIshouldseethere。YouknowIhaven’tbeenoffthisplacesinceEaster。
IVANOFF。[Exasperated]Oh，verywell！Comealongthen！Howtiresomeyouallare！
SHABELSKI。Imaygo？Oh，thankyou！[Takeshimgailybythearmandleadshimaside]MayIwearyourstrawhat？
IVANOFF。Youmay，onlyhurry，please。
SHABELSKIrunsintothehouse。
IVANOFF。HowtiredIamofyouall！Butno，whatamIsaying？
Annie，mymannertoyouisinsufferable，anditneverusedtobe。
Well，good-bye，Annie。Ishallbebackbyone。
ANNA。Nicholas！Mydearhusband，stayathometo-night！
IVANOFF。[Excitedly]Darling，sweetheart，mydear，unhappyone，I
imploreyoutoletmeleavehomeintheevenings。Iknowitiscruelandunjusttoaskthis，butletmedoyouthisinjustice。
Itissuchtortureformetostay。Assoonasthesungoesdownmysoulisoverwhelmedbythemosthorribledespair。Don’taskmewhy；Idon’tknow；IswearIdon’t。Thisdreadfulmelancholytormentsmehere，itdrivesmetotheLebedieff’sandthereitgrowsworsethanever。Irushhome；itstillpursuesme；andsoI
amtorturedallthroughthenight。Itisbreakingmyheart。
ANNA。Nicholas，won’tyoustay？Wewilltalktogetherasweusedto。Wewillhavesuppertogetherandreadafterward。TheoldgrumblerandIhavelearnedsomanyduetstoplaytoyou。[Shekisseshim。Then，afterapause]Ican’tunderstandyouanymore。
Thishasbeengoingonforayearnow。Whathaschangedyouso？
IVANOFF。Idon’tknow。
ANNA。Andwhydon’tyouwantmetogodrivingwithyouintheevening？
IVANOFF。Asyouinsistonknowing，Ishallhavetotellyou。Itisalittlecruel，butyouhadbestunderstand。WhenthismelancholyfitisonmeIbegintodislikeyou，Annie，andatsuchtimesImustescapefromyou。Inshort，Isimplyhavetoleavethishouse。
ANNA。Oh，youaresad，areyou？Icanunderstandthat！Nicholas，letmetellyousomething：won’tyoutrytosingandlaughandscoldasyouusedto？Stayhere，andwewilldrinksomeliqueurtogether。andlaugh，andchaseawaythissadnessofyoursinnotime。ShallIsingtoyou？Orshallwesitinyourstudyinthetwilightasweusedto，whileyoutellmeaboutyoursadness？I
canreadsuchsufferinginyoureyes！Letmelookintothemandweep，andourheartswillbothbelighter。[Shelaughsandcriesatonce]Orisitreallytruethattheflowersreturnwitheveryspring，butlosthappinessneverreturns？Oh，isit？Well，gothen，go！
IVANOFF。Prayforme，Annie！[Hegoes；thenstopsandthinksforamoment]No，Ican’tdoit。[IVANOFFgoesout。]
ANNA。Yes，go，go——[Sitsdownatthetable。]
LVOFF。[Walkingupanddown]Makethisarule，Madam：assoonasthesungoesdownyoumustgoindoorsandnotcomeoutagainuntilmorning。Thedampeveningairisbadforyou。
ANNA。Yes，sir！
LVOFF。Whatdoyoumeanby\"Yes，sir\"？Iamspeakingseriously。
ANNA。ButIdon’twanttobeserious。[Shecoughs。]
LVOFF。Therenow，yousee，youarecoughingalready。
SHABELSKIcomesoutofthehouseinhishatandcoat。
SHABELSKI。WhereisNicholas？Isthecarriagehereyet？[GoesquicklytoANNAandkissesherhand]Good-night，mydarling！
[MakesafaceandspeakswithaJewishaccent]Ibegyourbardon！
[Hegoesquicklyout。]
LVOFF。Idiot！
Apause；thesoundsofaconcertinaareheardinthedistance。
ANNA。Oh，howlonelyitis！Thecoachmanandthecookarehavingalittleballintherebythemselves，andI——Iam，asitwere，abandoned。Whyareyouwalkingabout，Doctor？Comeandsitdownhere。
LVOFF。Ican’tsitdown。
[Apause。]
ANNA。Theyareplaying\"TheSparrow\"inthekitchen。[Shesings]
\"Sparrow，Sparrow，whereareyou？
Onthemountaindrinkingdew。\"
[Apause]Areyourfatherandmotherliving，Doctor？
LVOFF。Mymotherisliving；myfatherisdead。
ANNA。Doyoumissyourmotherverymuch？
LVOFF。Iamtoobusytomissanyone。
ANNA。[Laughing]Theflowersreturnwitheveryspring，butlosthappinessneverreturns。Iwonderwhotaughtmethat？IthinkitwasNicholashimself。[Listens]Theowlishootingagain。
LVOFF。Well，letithoot。
ANNA。Ihavebeguntothink，Doctor，thatfatehascheatedme。
Otherpeoplewho，perhaps，arenobetterthanIamarehappyandhavenothadtopayfortheirhappiness。ButIhavepaidforitall，everymomentofit，andsuchaprice！WhyshouldIhavetopaysoterribly？Dearfriend，youarealltooconsiderateandgentlewithmetotellmethetruth；butdoyouthinkIdon’tknowwhatisthematterwithme？Iknowperfectlywell。However，thisisn’tapleasantsubject——[WithaJewishaccent]\"Ibegyourbardon！\"Canyoutellfunnystories？
LVOFF。No，Ican’t。
ANNA。Nicholascan。Iambeginningtobesurprised，too，attheinjusticeofpeople。Whydotheyreturnhatredforlove，andanswertruthwithlies？CanyoutellmehowmuchlongerIshallbehatedbymymotherandfather？Theylivefiftymilesaway，andyetIcanfeeltheirhatreddayandnight，eveninmysleep。AndhowdoyouaccountforthesadnessofNicholas？Hesaysthatheonlydislikesmeintheevening，whenthefitisonhim。I
understandthat，andcantolerateit，butwhatifheshouldcometodislikemealtogether？Ofcoursethatisimpossible，andyet——no，no，Imustn’tevenimaginesuchathing。[Sings]
\"Sparrow，Sparrow，whereareyou？\"
[Sheshudders]WhatfearfulthoughtsIhave！Youarenotmarried，Doctor；therearemanythingsthatyoucannotunderstand。
LVOFF。Yousayyouaresurprised，but——butitisyouwhosurpriseme。Tellme，explaintomehowyou，anhonestandintelligentwoman，almostasaint，couldallowyourselftobesobaselydeceivedanddraggedintothisdenofbears？Whyareyouhere？Whathaveyouincommonwithsuchacoldandheartless——butenoughofyourhusband！Whathaveyouincommonwiththesewickedandvulgarsurroundings？
Withthateternalgrumbler，thecrazyanddecrepitCount？Withthatswindler，thatprinceofrascals，Misha，withhisfool’sface？Tellme，Isay，howdidyougethere？
ANNA。[laughing]Thatiswhatheusedtosay，longago，oh，exactly！Onlyhiseyesarelargerthanyours，andwhenhewasexcitedtheyusedtoshinelikecoals——goon，goon！
LVOFF。[Getsupandwaveshishand]Thereisnothingmoretosay。
Gointothehouse。
ANNA。YousaythatNicholasisnotwhatheshouldbe，thathisfaultsaresoandso。Howcanyoupossiblyunderstandhim？Howcanyoulearntoknowanyoneinsixmonths？Heisawonderfulman，Doctor，andIamsorryyoucouldnothaveknownhimashewastwoorthreeyearsago。Heisdepressedandsilentnow，andbroodsalldaywithoutdoinganything，buthewassplendidthen。
Ifellinlovewithhimatfirstsight。[Laughing]Igaveonelookandwascaughtlikeamouseinatrap！SowhenheaskedmetogowithhimIcuteverytiethatboundmetomyoldlifeasonesnipsthewitheredleavesfromaplant。Butthingsaredifferentnow。NowhegoestotheLebedieff’stoamusehimselfwithotherwomen，andIsithereinthegardenandlistentotheowls。[TheWATCHMAN’Srattleisheard]Tellme，Doctor，haveyouanybrothersandsisters？
LVOFF。No。
ANNAsobs。
LVOFF。Whatisit？Whatisthematter？
ANNA。Ican’tstandit，Doctor，Imustgo。
LVOFF。Where？
ANNA。Tohim。Iamgoing。Havethehorsesharnessed。[Sherunsintothehouse。]
LVOFF。No，Icertainlycannotgoontreatinganyoneundertheseconditions。Inotonlyhavetodoitfornothing，butIamforcedtoendurethisagonyofmindbesides。No，no，Ican’tstandit。I
havehadenoughofit。[Hegoesintothehouse。]
Thecurtainfalls。
ACTII
Thedrawing-roomofLEBEDIEFF誗house。Inthecentreisadoorleadingintoagarden。Doorsopenoutoftheroomtotherightandleft。Theroomisfurnishedwithvaluableoldfurniture，whichiscarefullyprotectedbylinencovers。Thewallsarehungwithpictures。Theroomislightedbycandelabra。ZINAIDAissittingonasofa；theelderlyguestsaresittinginarm-chairsoneitherhand。Theyoungguestsaresittingabouttheroomonsmallchairs。KOSICH，AVDOTIANAZAROVNA，GEORGE，andothersareplayingcardsinthebackground。GABRIELisstandingnearthedoorontheright。Themaidispassingsweetmeatsaboutonatray。Duringtheentireactguestscomeandgofromthegarden，throughtheroom，outofthedoorontheleft，andbackagain。
EnterMARTHAthroughthedoorontheright。ShegoestowardZINAIDA。
ZINAIDA。[Gaily]MydearestMartha！
MARTHA。Howdoyoudo，Zinaida？Letmecongratulateyouonyourdaughter’sbirthday。
ZINAIDA。Thankyou，mydear；Iamdelightedtoseeyou。Howareyou？
MARTHA。Verywellindeed，thankyou。[Shesitsdownonthesofa]
Goodevening，youngpeople！
Theyoungerguestsgetupandbow。
FIRSTGUEST。[Laughing]Youngpeopleindeed！Doyoucallyourselfanoldperson？
MARTHA。[Sighing]HowcanImakeanypretensetoyouthnow？
FIRSTGUEST。Whatnonsense！Thefactthatyouareawidowmeansnothing。Youcouldbeatanyprettygirlyouchoseatacanter。
GABRIELbringsMARTHAsometea。
ZINAIDA。Whydoyoubringtheteainlikethat？Goandfetchsomejamtoeatwithit！
MARTHA。Nothankyou；noneforme，don’ttroubleyourself。[A
pause。]
FIRSTGUEST。[ToMARTHA]DidyoucomethroughMushkineonyourwayhere？
MARTHA。No，IcamebywayofSpassk。Theroadisbetterthatway。
FIRSTGUEST。Yes，soitis。
KOSICH。Twoinspades。
GEORGE。Pass。
AVDOTIA。Pass。
SECONDGUEST。Pass。
MARTHA。Thepriceoflotteryticketshasgoneupagain，mydear。
Ihaveneverknownsuchastateofaffairs。Thefirstissueisalreadyworthtwohundredandseventyandthesecondnearlytwohundredandfifty。Thishasneverhappenedbefore。
ZINAIDA。Howfortunateforthosewhohaveagreatmanytickets！
MARTHA。Don’tsaythat，dear；evenwhenthepriceofticketsishighitdoesnotpaytoputone’scapitalintothem。
ZINAIDA。Quitetrue，andyet，mydear，onenevercantellwhatmayhappen。Providenceissometimeskind。
THIRDGUEST。Myimpressionis，ladies，thatatpresentcapitalisexceedinglyunproductive。Sharespayverysmalldividends，andspeculatingisexceedinglydangerous。AsIunderstandit，thecapitalistnowfindshimselfinamorecriticalpositionthanthemanwho——-
MARTHA。Quiteright。
FIRSTGUESTyawns。
MARTHA。Howdareyouyawninthepresenceofladies？
FIRSTGUEST。Ibegyourpardon！Itwasquiteanaccident。
ZINAIDAgetsupandgoesoutthroughthedoorontheright。
GEORGE。Twoinhearts。
SECONDGUEST。Pass。
KOSICH。Pass。
MARTHA。[Aside]Heavens！Thisisdeadly！Ishalldieofennui。
EnterZINAIDAandLEBEDIEFFthroughthedoorontheright。
ZINAIDA。Whydoyougooffbyyourselflikeaprimadonna？Comeandsitwithourguests！
[Shesitsdowninherformerplace。]
LEBEDIEFF。[Yawning]Oh，dear，oursinsareheavy！[HecatchessightofMARTHA]Why，thereismylittlesugar-plum！Howisyourmostesteemedhighness？
MARTHA。Verywell，thankyou。
LEBEDIEFF。Splendid，splendid！[Hesitsdowninanarmchair]
Quiteright——Oh，Gabriel！
GABRIELbringshimaglassofvodkaandatumblerofwater。Heemptiestheglassofvodkaandsipsthewater。
FIRSTGUEST。Goodhealthtoyou！
LEBEDIEFF。Goodhealthistoomuchtoask。Iamcontenttokeepdeathfromthedoor。[Tohiswife]Whereistheheroineofthisoccasion，Zuzu？
KOSICH。[Inaplaintivevoice]Lookhere，whyhaven’twetakenanytricksyet？[Hejumpsup]Yes，whyhavewelostthisgameentirely，confoundit？
AVDOTIA。[Jumpsupangrily]Because，friend，youdon’tknowhowtoplayit，andhavenorighttobesittinghereatall。Whatrighthadyoutoleadfromanothersuit？Haven’tyoutheaceleft？[Theybothleavethetableandrunforward。]
KOSICH。[Inatearfulvoice]Ladiesandgentlemen，letmeexplain！Ihadtheace，king，queen，andeightofdiamonds，theaceofspadesandone，justone，littleheart，doyouunderstand？
Well，she，badlucktoher，shecouldn’tmakealittleslam。I
saidoneinno-trumps——-*
*Thegameplayedisvint，thenationalcard-gameofRussiaandthedirectancestorofauctionbridge，withwhichitisalmostidentical。[translator’snote]
AVDOTIA。[Interruptinghim]No，Isaidoneinno-trumps；yousaidtwoinno-trumps——-
KOSICH。Thisisunbearable！Allowme——youhad——Ihad——youhad——
[ToLEBEDIEFF]Butyoushalldecideit，Paul：Ihadtheace，king，queen，andeightofdiamonds——-
LEBEDIEFF。[Putshisfingersintohisears]Stop，forheaven’ssake，stop！
AVDOTIA。[Yelling]Isaidno-trumps，andnothe！
KOSICH。[Furiously]I’llbedamnedifIeversitdowntoanothergameofcardswiththatoldcat！
Herushesintothegarden。TheSECONDGUESTfollowshim。GEORGE
isleftaloneatthetable。
AVDOTIA。Whew！Hemakesmybloodboil！Oldcat，indeed！You’reanoldcatyourself！
MARTHA。Howangryyouare，aunty！
AVDOTIA。[SeesMARTHAandclapsherhands]Areyouhere，mydarling？Mybeauty！AndwasIblindasabat，anddidn’tseeyou？
Darlingchild！[Shekissesherandsitsdownbesideher]Howhappythismakesme！Letmefeastmyeyesonyou，mymilk-whiteswan！Oh，oh，youhavebewitchedme！
LEBEDIEFF。Whydon’tyoufindherahusbandinsteadofsingingherpraises？
AVDOTIA。Heshallbefound。IshallnotgotomygravebeforeI
havefoundahusbandforher，andoneforSashatoo。Ishallnotgotomygrave——[Shesighs]Butwheretofindthesehusbandsnowadays？Theresitsomepossiblebridegroomsnow，huddledtogetherlikealotofhalf-drownedrats！
THIRDGUEST。Amostunfortunatecomparison！Itismybelief，ladies，thatiftheyoungmenofourdayprefertoremainsingle，thefaultliesnotwiththem，butwiththeexisting，socialconditions！
LEBEDIEFF。Come，enoughofthat！Don’tgiveusanymorephilosophy；Idon’tlikeit！
EnterSASHA。Shegoesuptoherfather。
SASHA。Howcanyouendurethestuffyairofthisroomwhentheweatherissobeautiful？
ZINAIDA。MydearSasha，don’tyouseethatMarthaishere？
SASHA。Ibegyourpardon。
[ShegoesuptoMARTHAandshakeshands。]
MARTHA。Yes，hereIam，mydearlittleSasha，andproudtocongratulateyou。[Theykisseachother]Manyhappyreturnsoftheday，dear！
SASHA。Thankyou！[Shegoesandsitsdownbyherfather。]
LEBEDIEFF。Asyouweresaying，AvdotiaNazarovna，husbandsarehardtofind。Idon’twanttoberude，butImustsaythattheyoungmenofthepresentareadullandpokylot，poorfellows！
Theycan’tdanceortalkordrinkastheyshoulddo。
AVDOTIA。Oh，asfarasdrinkinggoes，theyareallexperts。Justgivethem——givethem——-
LEBEDIEFF。Simplytodrinkisnoart。Ahorsecandrink。No，itmustbedoneintherightway。Inmyyoungdaysweusedtositandcudgelourbrainsalldayoverourlessons，butassoonaseveningcamewewouldflyoffonsomespreeandkeepituptilldawn。Howweusedtodanceandflirt，anddrink，too！Orsometimeswewouldsitandchatteranddiscusseverythingunderthesununtilwealmostwaggedourtonguesoff。Butnow——[Hewaveshishand]Boysareapuzzletome。TheyarenotwillingeithertogiveacandletoGodorapitchforktothedevil！Thereisonlyoneyoungfellowinthecountrywhoisworthapenny，andheismarried。[Sighs]Theysay，too，thatheisgoingcrazy。
MARTHA。Whoishe？
LEBEDIEFF。NicholasIvanoff。
MARTHA。Yes，heisafinefellow，only[Makesaface]heisveryunhappy。
ZINAIDA。Howcouldhebeotherwise，poorboy！[Shesighs]Hemadesuchabadmistake。WhenhemarriedthatJewessofhishethoughtofcoursethatherparentswouldgiveawaywholemountainsofgoldwithher，but，onthecontrary，onthedayshebecameaChristiantheydisownedher，andIvanoffhasneverseenapennyofthemoney。Hehasrepentedofhisfollynow，butitistoolate。
SASHA。Mother，thatisnottrue！
MARTHA。Howcanyousayitisnottrue，Sasha，whenweallknowittobeafact？WhydidhehavetomarryaJewess？Hemusthavehadsomereasonfordoingit。AreRussiangirlssoscarce？No，hemadeamistake，poorfellow，asadmistake。[Excitedly]Andwhatonearthcanhedowithhernow？Wherecouldshegoifheweretocomehomesomedayandsay：\"Yourparentshavedeceivedme；leavemyhouseatonce！\"Herparentswouldn’ttakeherback。Shemightfindaplaceasahouse-maidifshehadeverlearnedtowork，whichshehasn’t。Heworriesandworrieshernow，buttheCountinterferes。IfithadnotbeenfortheCount，hewouldhaveworriedhertodeathlongago。
AVDOTIA。Theysayheshutsherupinacellarandstuffsherwithgarlic，andsheeatsandeatsuntilherverysoulreeksofit。
[Laughter。]
SASHA。But，father，youknowthatisn’ttrue！
LEBEDIEFF。Whatifitisn’t，Sasha？Letthemspinyarnsifitamusesthem。[Hecalls]Gabriel！
GABRIELbringshimanotherglassofvodkaandaglassofwater。