LVOFF。[Notlisteningtohim]Tomenlikeyourselfonemustspeakplainly，andifyoudon’twanttohearwhatIhavetosay，youneednotlisten。Ialwayscallaspadeaspade；thetruthis，youwanthertodiesothatthewaymaybeclearedforyourotherschemes。Beitso；butcan’tyouwait？If，insteadofcrushingthelifeoutofyourwifebyyourheartlessegoism，youletherdienaturally，doyouthinkyouwouldloseSashaandSasha’smoney？SuchanabsoluteTartuffeasyouarecouldturnthegirl’sheadandgethermoneyayearfromnowaseasilyasyoucanto-day。Whyareyouinsuchahurry？Whydoyouwantyourwifetodienow，insteadofinamonth’stime，orayear’s？
IVANOFF。Thisistorture！Youareaverybaddoctorifyouthinkamancancontrolhimselfforever。ItisallIcandonottoansweryourinsults。
LVOFF。Lookhere，whomareyoutryingtodeceive？Throwoffthisdisguise！
IVANOFF。Youwhoaresoclever，youthinkthatnothingintheworldiseasierthantounderstandme，doyou？ImarriedAnnieforhermoney，didI？Andwhenherparentswouldn’tgiveittome，Ichangedmyplans，andamnowhustlingheroutoftheworldsothatImaymarryanotherwoman，whowillbringmewhatIwant？
Youthinkso，doyou？Oh，howeasyandsimpleitallis！Butyouaremistaken，doctor；ineachoneofustherearetoomanysprings，toomanywheelsandcogsforustojudgeeachotherbyfirstimpressionsorbytwoorthreeexternalindications。Icannotunderstandyou，youcannotunderstandme，andneitherofuscanunderstandhimself。Amanmaybeasplendiddoctor，andatthesametimeaverybadjudgeofhumannature；youwilladmitthat，unlessyouaretooself-confident。
LVOFF。Doyoureallythinkthatyourcharacterissomysterious，andthatIamtoostupidtotellvicefromvirtue？
IVANOFF。Itisclearthatweshallneveragree，soletmebegyoutoanswermenowwithoutanymorepreamble：exactlywhatdoyouwantmetodo？[Angrily]Whatareyouafteranyway？AndwithwhomhaveIthehonourofspeaking？Withmylawyer，orwithmywife’sdoctor？
LVOFF。Iamadoctor，andassuchIdemandthatyouchangeyourconducttowardyourwife；itiskillingher。
IVANOFF。WhatshallIdo？Tellme！IfyouunderstandmesomuchbetterthanIunderstandmyself，forheaven’ssaketellmeexactlywhattodo！
LVOFF。Inthefirstplace，don’tbesounguardedinyourbehaviour。
IVANOFF。Heavenhelpme，doyoumeantosaythatyouunderstandyourself？[Hedrinkssomewater]Nowgoaway；Iamguiltyathousandtimesover；IshallanswerformysinsbeforeGod；butnothinghasgivenyoutherighttotorturemedailyasyoudo。
LVOFF。Whohasgivenyoutherighttoinsultmysenseofhonour？
Youhavemaddenedandpoisonedmysoul。BeforeIcametothisplaceIknewthatstupid，crazy，deludedpeopleexisted，butI
neverimaginedthatanyonecouldbesocriminalastoturnhisminddeliberatelyinthedirectionofwickedness。Ilovedandesteemedhumanitythen，butsinceIhaveknownyou——
IVANOFF。Ihaveheardallthatbefore。
LVOFF。Youhave，haveyou？
Hegoesout，shrugginghisshoulders。HeseesSASHA，whocomesinatthismomentdressedforriding。
LVOFF。Now，however，Ihopethatwecanunderstandoneanother！
IVANOFF。[Startled]Oh，Sasha，isthatyou？
SASHA。Yes，itisI。Howareyou？Youdidn’texpectme，didyou？
Whyhaven’tyoubeentoseeus？
IVANOFF。Sasha，thisisreallyimprudentofyou！Yourcomingwillhaveaterribleeffectonmywife！
SASHA。Shewon’tseeme；Icameinbythebackentrance；Ishallgoinaminute。Iamsoanxiousaboutyou。Tellme，areyouwell？
Whyhaven’tyoubeentoseeusforsuchalongtime？
IVANOFF。Mywifeisoffendedalready，andalmostdying，andnowyoucomehere；Sasha，Sasha，thisisthoughtlessandunkindofyou。
SASHA。HowcouldIhelpcoming？Itistwoweekssinceyouwereatourhouse，andyouhavenotansweredmyletters。Iimaginedyousufferingdreadfully，orill，ordead。Ihavenotsleptfornights。Iamgoingnow，butfirsttellmethatyouarewell。
IVANOFF。No，Iamnotwell。Iamatormenttomyself，andeveryonetormentsmewithoutend。Ican’tstandit！Andnowyoucomehere。Howmorbidandunnaturalitallis，Sasha。Iamterriblyguilty。
SASHA。Whatdreadful，pitifulspeechesyoumake！Soyouareguilty，areyou？Tellme，then，whatisityouhavedone？
IVANOFFIdon’tknow；Idon’tknow！
SASHA。Thatisnoanswer。Everysinnershouldknowwhatheisguiltyof。Perhapsyouhavebeenforgingmoney？
IVANOFF。Thatisstupid。
SASHA。Orareyouguiltybecauseyounolongerloveyourwife？
Perhapsyouare，butnooneismasterofhisfeelings，andyoudidnotmeantostoplovingher。DoyoufeelguiltybecauseshesawmetellingyouthatIloveyou？No，thatcannotbe，becauseyoudidnotwanthertoseeit——
IVANOFF。[Interruptingher]Andsoon，andsoon！FirstyousayI
love，andthenyousayIdon’t；thatIamnotmasterofmyfeelings。Allthesearecommonplace，worn-outsentiments，withwhichyoucannothelpme。
SASHA。Itisimpossibletotalktoyou。[Shelooksatapictureonthewall]Howwellthosedogsaredrawn！Weretheydonefromlife？
IVANOFF。Yes，fromlife。Andthiswholeromanceofoursisatediousoldstory；amanlosesheartandbeginstogodownintheworld；agirlappears，braveandstrongofheart，andgiveshimahandtohelphimtoriseagain。Suchsituationsarepretty，buttheyareonlyfoundinnovelsandnotinreallife。
SASHA。No，theyarefoundinreallifetoo。
IVANOFF。NowIseehowwellyouunderstandreallife！Mysufferingsseemnobletoyou；youimagineyouhavediscoveredinmeasecondHamlet；butmystateofmindinallitsphasesisonlyfittofurnishfoodforcontemptandderision。Mycontortionsareridiculousenoughtomakeanyonedieoflaughter，andyouwanttoplaytheguardianangel；youwanttodoanobledeedandsaveme。Oh，howIhatemyselfto-day！Ifeelthatthistensionmustsoonberelievedinsomeway。EitherI
shallbreaksomething，orelse——
SASHA。Thatisexactlywhatyouneed。Letyourselfgo！Smashsomething；breakittopieces；giveayell！Youareangrywithme，itwasfoolishofmetocomehere。Verywell，then，getexcitedaboutit；stormatme；stampyourfeet！Well，aren’tyougettingangry？
IVANOFF。Youridiculousgirl！
SASHA。Splendid！Sowearesmilingatlast！Bekind，domethefavourofsmilingoncemore！
IVANOFF。[Laughing]Ihavenoticedthatwheneveryoustartreformingmeandsavingmysoul，andteachingmehowtobegood，yourfacegrowsnaive，ohsonaive，andyoureyesgrowaswideasifyouwerelookingatacomet。Waitamoment；yourshoulderiscoveredwithdust。[Hebrusheshershoulder]Anaivemanisnothingbetterthanafool，butyouwomencontrivetobenaiveinsuchawaythatinyouitseemssweet，andgentle，andproper，andnotassillyasitreallyis。Whatastrangewayyouhave，though，ofignoringamanaslongasheiswellandhappy，andfasteningyourselvestohimassoonashebeginstowhineandgodown-hill！Doyouactuallythinkitisworsetobethewifeofastrongmanthantonursesomewhimperinginvalid？
SASHA。Yes，itisworse。
IVANOFF。Whydoyouthinkso？[Laughingloudly]ItisagoodthingDarwincan’thearwhatyouaresaying！Hewouldbefuriouswithyoufordegradingthehumanrace。Soon，thankstoyourkindness，onlyinvalidsandhypochondriacswillbebornintotheworld。
SASHA。Thereareagreatmanythingsamancannotunderstand。Anygirlwouldratherloveanunfortunatemanthanafortunateone，becauseeverygirlwouldliketodosomethingbyloving。Amanhashisworktodo，andsoforhimloveiskeptinthebackground。Totalktohiswife，towalkwithherinthegarden，topassthetimepleasantlywithher，thatisallthatlovemeanstoaman。Butforus，lovemeanslife。Iloveyou；thatmeansthatIdreamonlyofhowIshallcureyouofyoursadness，howI
shallgowithyoutotheendsoftheearth。Ifyouareinheaven，Iaminheaven；ifyouareinthepit，Iaminthepit。Forinstance，itwouldbethegreatesthappinessformetowriteallnightforyou，ortowatchallnightthatnooneshouldwakeyou。
Irememberthatthreeyearsago，atthreshingtime，youcametousalldustyandsunburntandtired，andaskedforadrink。WhenIbroughtyouaglassofwateryouwerealreadylyingonthesofaandsleepinglikeadeadman。Yousleptthereforhalfaday，andallthattimeIwatchedbythedoorthatnooneshoulddisturbyou。HowhappyIwas！Themoreagirlcando，thegreaterherlovewillbe；thatis，Imean，themoreshefeelsitIVANOFF。Thelovethataccomplishesthings——hm——thatisafairytale，agirl’sdream；andyet，perhapsitisasitshouldbe。[Heshrugshisshoulders]HowcanItell？[Gaily]Onmyhonour，Sasha，Ireallyamquitearespectableman。Judgeforyourself：I
havealwayslikedtodiscussthings，butIhaveneverinmylifesaidthatourwomenwerecorrupt，orthatsuchandsuchawomanwasonthedown-hillpath。Ihavealwaysbeengrateful，andnothingmore。No，nothingmore。Dearchild，howcomicalyouare！
AndwhataridiculousoldstupidIam！IshockallgoodChristianfolk，andgoaboutcomplainingfrommorningtonight。[Helaughsandthenleaveshersuddenly]Butyoumustgo，Sasha；wehaveforgottenourselves。
SASHA。Yes，itistimetogo。Good-bye。IamafraidthatthathonestdoctorofyourswillhavetoldAnnaoutofasenseofdutythatIamhere。Takemyadvice：goatoncetoyourwifeandstaywithher。Stay，andstay，andstay，andifitshouldbeforayear，youmuststillstay，orfortenyears。Itisyourduty。Youmustrepent，andaskherforgiveness，andweep。Thatiswhatyououghttodo，andthegreatthingisnottoforgettodoright。
IVANOFF。AgainIfeelasifIweregoingcrazy；again！
SASHA。Well，heavenhelpyou！Youmustforgetmeentirely。IntwoweeksyoumustsendmealineandIshallbecontentwiththat。
ButIshallwritetoyou——
BORKINlooksinatthedoor。
BORKIN。Ivanoff，mayIcomein？[HeseesSASHA]Ibegyourpardon，Ididnotseeyou。Bonjour！[Hebows。]
SASHA。[Embarrassed]Howdoyoudo？
BORKIN。Youareplumperandprettierthanever。
SASHA。[ToIVANOFF]Imustgo，Nicholas，Imustgo。[Shegoesout。]
BORKIN。Whatabeautifulapparition！Icameexpectingproseandfoundpoetryinstead。[Sings]
\"Youshowedyourselftotheworldasabird——-\"
IVANOFFwalksexcitedlyupanddown。
BORKIN。[Sitsdown]Thereissomethinginher，Nicholas，thatonedoesn’tfindinotherwomen，isn’tthere？Anelfinstrangeness。
[Hesighs]Althoughsheiswithoutdoubttherichestgirlinthecountry，hermotherissostingythatnoonewillhaveher。Afterhermother’sdeathSashawillhavethewholefortune，butuntilthenshewillonlygivehertenthousandroublesandanoldflat-iron，andtogetthatshewillhavetohumbleherselftotheground。[Hefeelsinhispockets]Willyouhaveasmoke？[HeoffersIVANOFFhiscigarettecase]Theseareverygood。
IVANOFF。[ComestowardBORKINstifledwithrage]Leavemyhousethisinstant，anddon’tyoueverdaretosetfootinitagain！Gothisinstant！
BORKINgetsupanddropshiscigarette。
IVANOFF。Goatonce！
BORKIN。Nicholas，whatdoyoumean？Whyareyousoangry？
IVANOFF。Why！Wheredidyougetthosecigarettes？Where？YouthinkperhapsthatIdon’tknowwhereyoutaketheoldmaneveryday，andforwhatpurpose？
BORKIN。[Shrugshisshoulders]Whatbusinessisitofyours？
IVANOFF。Youblackguard，you！Thedisgracefulrumoursthatyouhavebeenspreadingaboutmehavemademedisreputableintheeyesofthewholecountryside。YouandIhavenothingincommon，andIaskyoutoleavemyhousethisinstant。
BORKIN。Iknowthatyouaresayingallthisinamomentofirritation，andsoIamnotangrywithyou。Insultmeasmuchasyouplease。[Hepicksuphiscigarette]Itistimethough，toshakeoffthismelancholyofyours；you’renotaschoolboy。
IVANOFF。WhatdidItellyou？[Shuddering]Areyoumakingfunofme？
EnterANNA。
BORKIN。Therenow，therecomesAnna！Ishallgo。
IVANOFFstopsnearthetableandstandswithhisheadbowed。
ANNA。[Afterapause]Whatdidshecomeherefor？Whatdidshecomeherefor，Iaskyou？
IVANOFF。Don’taskme，Annie。[Apause]Iamterriblyguilty。
Thinkofanypunishmentyouwanttoinflictonme；Icanstandanything，butdon’t，oh，don’taskquestions！
ANNA。[Angrily]Sothatisthesortofmanyouare？NowI
understandyou，andcanseehowdegraded，howdishonourableyouare！Doyourememberthatyoucametomeonceandliedtomeaboutyourlove？Ibelievedyou，andleftmymother，myfather，andmyfaithtofollowyou。Yes，youliedtomeofgoodnessandhonour，ofyournobleaspirationsandIbelievedeveryword——-
IVANOFF。Ihaveneverliedtoyou，Annie。
ANNA。Ihavelivedwithyoufiveyearsnow，andIamtiredandill，butIhavealwayslovedyouandhaveneverleftyouforamoment。Youhavebeenmyidol，andwhathaveyoudone？Allthistimeyouhavebeendeceivingmeinthemostdastardlyway——-
IVANOFF。Annie，don’tsaywhatisn’tso。Ihavemademistakes，butIhavenevertoldalieinmylife。Youdarenotaccusemeofthat！
ANNA。Itisallcleartomenow。Youmarriedmebecauseyouexpectedmymotherandfathertoforgivemeandgiveyoumymoney；thatiswhatyouexpected。
IVANOFF。GoodLord，Annie！IfImustsufferlikethis，Imusthavethepatiencetobearit。[Hebeginstoweep。]
ANNA。Bequiet！WhenyoufoundthatIwasn’tbringingyouanymoney，youtriedanothergame。NowIrememberandunderstandeverything。[Shebeginstocry]Youhaveneverlovedmeorbeenfaithfultome——never！
IVANOFF。Sarah！Thatisalie！Saywhatyouwant，butdon’tinsultmewithalie！
ANNA。Youdishonest，degradedman！YouowemoneytoLebedieff，andnow，toescapepayingyourdebts，youaretryingtoturntheheadofhisdaughterandbetrayherasyouhavebetrayedme。Canyoudenyit？
IVANOFF。[Stifledwithrage]Forheaven’ssake，bequiet！Ican’tanswerforwhatImaydo！IamchokingwithrageandI——Imightinsultyou！
ANNA。Iamnottheonlyonewhomyouhavebaselydeceived。YouhavealwaysblamedBorkinforallyourdishonesttricks，butnowIknowwhosetheyare。
IVANOFF。Sarah，stopatonceandgoaway，orelseIshallsaysomethingterrible。Ilongtosayadreadful，cruelthing[Heshrieks]Holdyourtongue，Jewess！
ANNA。Iwon’tholdmytongue！Youhavedeceivedmetoolongformetobesilentnow。
IVANOFF。Soyouwon’tbequiet？[Hestruggleswithhimself]Go，forheaven’ssake！
ANNA。Gonow，andbetraySasha！
IVANOFF。Knowthenthatyou——aredying！Thedoctortoldmethatyouaredying。
ANNA。[Sitsdownandspeaksinalowvoice]WhendidheIVANOFF。[Clutcheshisheadwithbothhands]Oh，howguiltyI
am——howguilty！[Hesobs。]
Thecurtainfalls。
Aboutayearpassesbetweenthethirdandfourthacts。
ACTIV
Asitting-roominLEBEDIEFF’Shouse。Inthemiddleofthewallatthebackoftheroomisanarchdividingthesitting-roomfromtheballroom。Totherightandleftaredoors。Someoldbronzesareplacedabouttheroom；familyportraitsarehangingonthewalls。Everythingisarrangedasifforsomefestivity。Onthepianoliesaviolin；nearitstandsavioloncello。Duringtheentireactguests，dressedasforaball，areseenwalkingaboutintheball-room。
EnterLVOFF，lookingathiswatch。
LVOFF。Itisfiveo’clock。Theceremonymusthavebegun。Firstthepriestwillblessthem，andthentheywillbeledtothechurchtobemarried。Isthishowvirtueandjusticetriumph？NotbeingabletorobSarah，hehastorturedhertodeath；andnowhehasfoundanothervictimwhomhewilldeceiveuntilhehasrobbedher，andthenhewillgetridofherashegotridofpoorSarah。
Itisthesameoldsordidstory。[Apause]Hewilllivetoafineoldageintheseventhheavenofhappiness，andwilldiewithaclearconscience。No，Ivanoff，itshallnotbe！Ishalldragyourvillainytolight！AndwhenItearoffthataccursedmaskofyoursandshowyoutotheworldastheblackguardyouare，youshallcomeplungingdownheadfirstfromyourseventhheaven，intoapitsodeepthatthedevilhimselfwillnotbeabletodragyououtofit！Iamamanofhonour；itismydutytointerfereinsuchcasesasyours，andtoopentheeyesoftheblind。Ishallfulfilmymission，andto-morrowwillfindmefarawayfromthisaccursedplace。[Thoughtfully]ButwhatshallIdo？TohaveanexplanationwithLebedieffwouldbeahopelesstask。ShallImakeascandal，andchallengeIvanofftoaduel？Iamasexcitedasachild，andhaveentirelylostthepowerofplanninganything。
WhatshallIdo？ShallIfightaduel？
EnterKOSICH。HegoesgailyuptoLVOFF。
KOSICH。Ideclaredalittleslaminclubsyesterday，andmadeagrandslam！OnlythatmanBarabanoffspoiltthewholegameformeagain。Wewereplaying——well，Isaid\"Notrumps\"andhesaid\"Pass。\"\"Twoinclubs，\"hepassedagain。Imadeittwoinhearts。
Hesaid\"Threeinclubs，\"andjustimagine，canyou，whathappened？Ideclaredalittleslamandhenevershowedhisace！
Ifhehadshowedhisace，thevillain，Ishouldhavedeclaredagrandslaminnotrumps！
LVOFF。Excuseme，Idon’tplaycards，andsoitisimpossibleformetoshareyourenthusiasm。Whendoestheceremonybegin？
KOSICH。Atonce，Ithink。TheyarenowbringingZuzutoherselfagain。Sheisbellowinglikeabull；shecan’tbeartoseethemoneygo。
LVOFF。Andwhataboutthedaughter？
KOSICH。No，itisthemoney。Shedoesn’tlikethisaffairanyway。
Heismarryingherdaughter，andthatmeanshewon’tpayhisdebtsforalongtime。Onecan’tsueone’sson-in-law。
MARTHA，verymuchdressedup，strutsacrossthestagepastLVOFF
andKOSICH。Thelatterburstsoutlaughingbehindhishand。
MARTHAlooksaround。
MARTHA。Idiot！
KOSICHdigsherintheribsandlaughsloudly。
MARTHA。Boor！
KOSICH。[Laughing]Thewoman’sheadhasbeenturned。Beforeshefixedhereyeonatitleshewaslikeanyotherwoman，butthereisnocomingnearhernow！[Angrily]Aboor，indeed！
LVOFF。[Excitedly]Listentome；tellmehonestly，whatdoyouthinkofIvanoff？
KOSICH。He’snogoodatall。Heplayscardslikealunatic。ThisiswhathappenedlastyearduringLent：I，theCount，Borkinandhe，satdowntoagameofcards。Ileda——-
LVOFF[Interruptinghim]Isheagoodman？
KOSICH。He？Yes，he’sagoodone！HeandtheCountareapairoftrumps。Theyhavekeennosesforagoodgame。First，IvanoffsethisheartontheJewess，then，whenhisschemesfailedinthatquarter，heturnedhisthoughtstowardZuzu’smoney-bags。I’llwageryouhe’llruinZuzuinayear。HewillruinZuzu，andtheCountwillruinMartha。Theywillgatherupallthemoneytheycanlayhandson，andlivehappilyeverafter！But，doctor，whyareyousopaleto-day？Youlooklikeaghost。
LVOFF。Oh，it’snothing。Idrankalittletoomuchyesterday。
EnterLEBEDIEFFwithSASHA。
LEBEDIEFF。Wecanhaveourtalkhere。[ToLVOFFandKOSICH]Gointotheball-room，youtwooldfogies，andtalktothegirls。
SashaandIwanttotalkalonehere。
KOSICH。[SnappinghisfingersenthusiasticallyashegoesbySASHA]Whatapicture！Aqueenoftrumps！
LEBEDIEFF。Goalong，youoldcave-dweller；goalong。
KOSICHandLVOFFgoout。
LEBEDIEFF。Sitdown，Sasha，there——[Hesitsdownandlooksabouthim]Listentomeattentivelyandwithproperrespect。Thefactis，yourmotherhasaskedmetosaythis，doyouunderstand？Iamnotspeakingformyself。Yourmothertoldmetospeaktoyou。
SASHA。Papa，dosayitbriefly！
LEBEDIEFF。Whenyouaremarriedwemeantogiveyoufifteenthousandroubles。Pleasedon’tletushaveanydiscussionaboutitafterward。Wait，now！Bequiet！Thatisonlythebeginning。
Thebestisyettocome。Wehaveallottedyoufifteenthousandroubles，butinconsiderationofthefactthatNicholasowesyourmotherninethousand，thatsumwillhavetobedeductedfromtheamountwemeantogiveyou。Verywell。Now，besidethat——-
SASHA。Whydoyoutellmeallthis？
LEBEDIEFF。Yourmothertoldmeto。
SASHA。Leavemeinpeace！Ifyouhadanyrespectforyourselformeyoucouldnotpermityourselftospeaktomeinthisway。I
don’twantyourmoney！Ihavenotaskedforit，andnevershall。
LEBEDIEFF。Whatareyouattackingmefor？ThetworatsinGogol’sfablesniffedfirstandthenranaway，butyouattackwithoutevensniffing。
SASHA。Leavemeinpeace，anddonotoffendmyearswithyourtwo-pennycalculations。
LEBEDIEFF。[Losinghistemper]Bah！Youall，everyoneofyou，doallyoucantomakemecutmythroatorkillsomebody。Oneofyouscreechesandfussesalldayandcountseverypenny，andtheotherissocleverandhumaneandemancipatedthatshecannotunderstandherownfather！Ioffendyourears，doI？Don’tyourealisethatbeforeIcameheretooffendyourearsIwasbeingtorntopiecesoverthere，[Hepointstothedoor]literallydrawnandquartered？Soyoucannotunderstand？YoutwohaveaddledmybraintillIamutterlyatmywits’end；indeedIam！
[Hegoestowardthedoor，andstops]Idon’tlikethisbusinessatall；Idon’tlikeanythingaboutyou——
SASHA。Whatisit，especially，thatyoudon’tlike？
LEBEDIEFF。Everything，everything！
SASHA。Whatdoyoumeanbyeverything？
LEBEDIEFF。LetmeexplainexactlywhatImean。Everythingdispleasesme。Asforyourmarriage，Isimplycan’tabideit。[HegoesuptoSASHAandspeakscaressingly]Forgiveme，littleSasha，thismarriagemaybeawiseone；itmaybehonestandnotmisguided，nevertheless，thereissomethingaboutthewholeaffairthatisnotright；no，notright！Youarenotmarryingasothergirlsdo；youareyoungandfreshandpureasadropofwater，andheisawidower，batteredandworn。Heavenhelphim。I
don’tunderstandhimatall。[Hekisseshisdaughter]Forgivemeforsayingso，Sasha，butIamsurethereissomethingcrookedaboutthisaffair；itismakingagreatdealoftalk。ItseemspeoplearesayingthatfirstSarahdied，andthensuddenlyIvanoffwantedtomarryyou。[Quickly]But，no，Iamlikeanoldwoman；Iamgossipinglikeamagpie。Youmustnotlistentomeoranyone，onlytoyourownheart。
SASHA。Papa，Ifeelmyselfthatthereissomethingwrongaboutmymarriage。Somethingwrong，yes，wrong！Oh，ifyouonlyknewhowheavymyheartis；thisisunbearable！Iamfrightenedandashamedtoconfessthis；Papadarling，youmusthelpme，forheaven’ssake。Oh，can’tyoutellmewhatIshoulddo？
LEBEDIEFF。Whatisthematter，Sasha，whatisit？
SASHA。Iamsofrightened，morefrightenedthanIhaveeverbeenbefore。[Sheglancesaroundher]Icannotunderstandhimnow，andInevershall。Hehasnotsmiledorlookedstraightintomyeyesoncesincewehavebeenengaged。Heisforevercomplainingandapologisingforsomething；hintingatsomecrimeheisguiltyof，andtrembling。Iamsotired！ThereareevenmomentswhenI
think——Ithink——thatIdonotlovehimasIshould，andwhenhecomestoseeus，ortalkstome，Igetsotired！Whatdoesitmean，dearfather？Iamafraid。
LEBEDIEFF。Mydarling，myonlychild，doasyouroldfatheradvisesyou；givehimup！
SASHA。[Frightened]Oh！Howcanyousaythat？
LEBEDIEFF。Yes，doit，littleSasha！Itwillmakeascandal，allthetonguesinthecountrywillbewaggingaboutit，butitisbettertolivedownascandalthantoruinone’slife。
SASHA。Don’tsaythat，father。Oh，don’t。Irefusetolisten！I
mustcrushsuchgloomythoughts。Heisgoodandunhappyandmisunderstood。Ishalllovehimandlearntounderstandhim。I
shallsethimonhisfeetagain。Ishalldomyduty。Thatissettled。
LEBEDIEFF。Thisisnotyourduty，butadelusion——
SASHA。Wehavesaidenough。IhaveconfessedthingstoyouthatI
havenotdaredtoadmiteventomyself。Don’tspeakaboutthistoanyone。Letusforgetit。
LEBEDIEFF。Iamhopelesslypuzzled，andeithermymindisgoingfromoldageorelseyouhaveallgrownveryclever，butI’llbehangedifIunderstandthisbusinessatall。
EnterSHABELSKI。
SHABELSKI。Confoundyouallandmyself，too！Thisismaddening！
LEBEDIEFF。Whatdoyouwant？
SHABELSKISeriously，Imustreallydosomethinghorridandrascally，sothatnotonlyIbuteverybodyelsewillbedisgustedbyit。Icertainlyshallfindsomethingtodo，uponmywordI
shall！IhavealreadytoldBorkintoannouncethatIamtobemarried。[Helaughs]EverybodyisascoundrelandImustbeonetoo！
LEBEDIEFF。Iamtiredofyou，Matthew。Lookhere，manyoutalkinsuchawaythat，excusemysayingso，youwillsoonfindyourselfinalunaticasylum！
SHABELSKI。Couldalunaticasylumpossiblybeworsethanthishouse，oranyother？Kindlytakemethereatonce。Pleasedo！
Everybodyiswickedandfutileandworthlessandstupid；Iamanobjectofdisgusttomyself，Idon’tbelieveawordIsay————
LEBEDIEFF。Letmegiveyouapieceofadvice，oldman；fillyourmouthfulloftow，lightit，andblowateverybody。Or，betterstill，takeyourhatandgohome。Thisisawedding，weallwanttoenjoyourselvesandyouarecroakinglikearaven。Yes，really。
SHABELSKIleansonthepianoandbeginstosob。
LEBEDIEFF。Goodgracious，Matthew，Count！Whatisit，dearMatthew，oldfriend？HaveIoffendedyou？There，forgiveme；I
didn’tmeantohurtyou。Come，drinksomewater。
SHABELSKI。Idon’twantanywater。[Raiseshishead。]
LEBEDIEFF。Whatareyoucryingabout？
SHABELSKI。Nothinginparticular；Iwasjustcrying。
LEBEDIEFF。Matthew，tellmethetruth，whatisit？Whathashappened？
SHABELSKI。Icaughtsightofthatvioloncello，and——and——I
rememberedtheJewess。
LEBEDIEFF。Whatanunfortunatemomentyouhavechosentorememberher。Peacebewithher！Butdon’tthinkofhernow。
SHABELSKI。Weusedtoplayduetstogether。Shewasabeautiful，agloriouswoman。
SASHAsobs。
LEBEDIEFF。What，areyoucryingtoo？Stop，Sasha！Dearme，theyarebothhowlingnow，andI——andI——Dogoaway；theguestswillseeyou！
SHABELSKI。Paul，whenthesunisshining，itisgayeveninacemetery。Onecanbecheerfuleveninoldageifitislightedbyhope；butIhavenothingtohopefor——notathing！
LEBEDIEFF。Yes，itisrathersadforyou。Youhavenochildren，nomoney，nooccupation。Well，butwhatistheretobedoneaboutit？[ToSASHA]Whatisthematterwithyou，Sasha？
SHABELSKI。Paul，givemesomemoney。Iwillrepayyouinthenextworld。IwouldgotoParisandseemywife’sgrave。Ihavegivenawayagreatdealofmoneyinmylife，halfmyfortuneindeed，andIhavearighttoaskforsomenow。Besides，IamaskingafriendLEBEDIEFF。[Embarrassed]Mydearboy，Ihaven’tapenny。Allrightthough。Thatistosay，Ican’tpromiseanything，butyouunderstand——verywell，verywell。[Aside]Thisisagony！
EnterMARTHA。
MARTHA。Whereismypartner？Count，howdareyouleavemealone？
Youarehorrid！[ShetapsSHABELSKIonthearmwithherfan]
SHABELSKI。[Impatiently]Leavemealone！Ican’tabideyou！
MARTHA。[Frightened]How？What？
SHABELSKI。Goaway！
MARTHA。[Sinksintoanarm-chair]Oh！Oh！Oh！[Sheburstsintotears。]
EnterZINAIDAcrying。
ZINAIDA。Someonehasjustarrived；itmustbeoneoftheushers。
Itistimefortheceremonytobegin。
SASHA。[Imploringly]Mother！
LEBEDIEFF。Well，nowyouareallbawling。Whataquartette！Come，come，don’tletushaveanymoreofthisdampness！Matthew！
Martha！Ifyougoonlikethis，I——I——shallcrytoo。[Burstsintotears]Heavens！
ZINAIDA。Ifyoudon’tneedyourmotheranymore，ifyouaredeterminednottoobeyher，Ishallhavetodoasyouwant，andyouhavemyblessing。
EnterIVANOFF，dressedinalongcoat，withgloveson。
LEBEDIEFFThisisthefinishingtouch！Whatdoyouwant？
SHABELSKI。Whyareyouhere？
IVANOFF。Ibegyourpardon，youmustallowmetospeaktoSashaalone。
LEBEDIEFF。Thebridegroommustnotcometoseethebridebeforethewedding。Itistimeforyoutogotothechurch。
IVANOFF。Paul，Iimploreyou。
LEBEDIEFFshrugshisshoulders。LEBEDIEFF，ZINAIDA，SHABELSKI，andMARTHAgoout。
SASHA。[Sternly]Whatdoyouwant？
IVANOFF。Iamchokingwithanger；Icannotspeakcalmly。Listentome；asIwasdressingjustnowforthewedding，Ilookedintheglassandsawhowgreymytempleswere。Sasha，thismustnotbe！Letusendthissenselesscomedybeforeitistoolate。Youareyoungandpure；youhaveallyourlifebeforeyou，butI——-
SASHA。Thesameoldstory；IhavehearditathousandtimesandI
amtiredofit。Goquicklytothechurchanddon’tkeepeverybodywaiting！
IVANOFF。Ishallgostraighthome，andyoumustexplaintoyourfamilysomehowthatthereistobenowedding。Explainitasyouplease。Itistimewecametooursenses。IhavebeenplayingthepartofHamletandyouhavebeenplayingthepartofanobleanddevotedgirl。Wehavekeptupthefarcelongenough。
SASHA。[Losinghertemper]Howcanyouspeaktomelikethis？I
won’thaveit。
IVANOFF。ButIamspeaking，andwillcontinuetospeak。
SASHA。Whatdoyoumeanbycomingtomelikethis？Yourmelancholyhasbecomeabsolutelyridiculous！
IVANOFF。No，thisisnotmelancholy。Itisridiculous，isit？
Yes，Iamlaughing，andifitwerepossibleformetolaughatmyselfathousandtimesmorebitterlyIshoulddosoandsetthewholeworldlaughing，too，inderision。Afiercelighthassuddenlybrokenovermysoul；asIlookedintotheglassjustnow，Ilaughedatmyself，andnearlywentmadwithshame。[Helaughs]Melancholyindeed！Noblegrief！Uncontrollablesorrow！Itonlyremainsformenowtobegintowriteverses！ShallImopeandcomplain，saddeneverybodyImeet，confessthatmymanhoodhasgoneforever，thatIhavedecayed，outlivedmypurpose，thatIhavegivenmyselfuptocowardiceandamboundhandandfootbythisloathsomemelancholy？ShallIconfessallthiswhenthesunisshiningsobrightlyandwheneventheantsarecarryingtheirlittleburdensinpeacefulself-content？No，thanks。CanIenduretheknowledgethatonewilllookuponmeasafraud，whileanotherpitiesme，athirdlendsmeahelpinghand，orworstofall，afourthlistensreverentlytomysighs，looksuponmeasanewMahomet，andexpectsmetoexpoundanewreligioneverymoment？No，thankGodfortheprideandconsciencehehasleftmestill。OnmywayhereIlaughedatmyself，anditseemedtomethattheflowersandbirdswerelaughingmockinglytoo。
SASHA。Thisisnotanger，butmadness！
IVANOFF。Youthinkso，doyou？No，Iamnotmad。Iseethingsintheirrightlightnow，andmymindisasclearasyourconscience。Weloveeachother，butweshallneverbemarried。ItmakesnodifferencehowIraveandgrowbitterbymyself，butI
havenorighttodraganotherdownwithme。Mymelancholyrobbedmywifeofthelastyearofherlife。Sinceyouhavebeenengagedtomeyouhaveforgottenhowtolaughandhaveagedfiveyears。
Yourfather，towhomlifewasalwayssimpleandclear，thankstome，isnowunabletounderstandanybody。WhereverIgo，whetherhuntingorvisiting，itmakesnodifference，Icarrydepression，dulness，anddiscontentalongwithme。Wait！Don’tinterruptme！
Iambitterandharsh，Iknow，butIamstifledwithrage。I
cannotspeakotherwise。Ihaveneverlied，andIneverusedtofindfaultwithmylot，butsinceIhavebeguntocomplainofeverything，Ifindfaultwithitinvoluntarily，andagainstmywill。WhenImurmuratmyfateeveryonewhohearsmeisseizedwiththesamedisgustoflifeandbeginstogrumbletoo。AndwhatastrangewayIhaveoflookingatthings！ExactlyasifIweredoingtheworldafavourbylivinginit。Oh，Iamcontemptible。
SASHA。Waitamoment。Fromwhatyouhavejustsaid，itisobviousthatyouaretiredofyourmelancholymood，andthatthetimehascomeforyoutobeginlifeafresh。Howsplendid！
IVANOFF。Idon’tseeanythingsplendidaboutit。HowcanIleadanewlife？Iamlostforever。Itistimewebothunderstoodthat。
Anewlifeindeed！
SASHA。Nicholas，cometoyoursenses。Howcanyousayyouarelost？Whatdoyoumeanbysuchcynicism？No，Iwon’tlistentoyouortalkwithyou。Gotothechurch！
IVANOFF。Iamlost！
SASHA。Don’ttalksoloud；ourguestswillhearyou！
IVANOFF。Ifanintelligent，educated，andhealthymanbeginstocomplainofhislotandgodown-hill，thereisnothingforhimtodobuttogoondownuntilhereachesthebottom——thereisnohopeforhim。Wherecouldmysalvationcomefrom？HowcanIsavemyself？Icannotdrink，becauseitmakesmyheadache。Inevercouldwritebadpoetry。Icannotprayforstrengthandseeanythingloftyinthelanguorofmysoul。Lazinessislazinessandweaknessweakness。Icanfindnoothernamesforthem。Iamlost，Iamlost；thereisnodoubtofthat。[Lookingaround]Someonemightcomein；listen，Sasha，ifyoulovemeyoumusthelpme。Renouncemethisminute；quickly！
SASHA。Oh，Nicholas！Ifyouonlyknewhowyouaretorturingme；
whatagonyIhavetoendureforyoursake！Goodthoughtfulfriend，judgeforyourself；canIpossiblysolvesuchaproblem？
Eachdayyouputsomehorribleproblembeforeme，eachonemoredifficultthanthelast。Iwantedtohelpyouwithmylove，butthisismartyrdom！
IVANOFF。Andwhenyouaremywifetheproblemswillbeharderthanever。Understandthis：itisnotlovethatisurgingyoutotakethisstep，buttheobstinacyofanhonestnature。Youhaveundertakentoreawakenthemaninmeandtosavemeinthefaceofeverydifficulty，andyouareflatteredbythehopeofachievingyourobject。Youarewillingtogiveupnow，butyouarepreventedfromdoingitbyafeelingthatisafalseone。
Understandyourself！
SASHA。Whatstrange，wildreasoning！HowcanIgiveyouupnow？
HowcanI？Youhavenomother，orsister，orfriends。Youareruined；yourestatehasbeendestroyed；everyoneisspeakingillofyou——
IVANOFF。Itwasfoolishofmetocomehere；IshouldhavedoneasIwantedto——
EnterLEBEDIEFF。
SASHA。[Runningtoherfather]Father！Hehasrushedoverherelikeamadman，andistorturingme！HeinsiststhatIshouldrefusetomarryhim；hesayshedoesn’twanttodragmedownwithhim。TellhimthatIwon’taccepthisgenerosity。IknowwhatI
amdoing！
LEBEDIEFF。Ican’tunderstandawordofwhatyouaresaying。Whatgenerosity？
IVANOFF。Thismarriageisnotgoingtotakeplace。
SASHA。Itisgoingtotakeplace。Papa，tellhimthatitisgoingtotakeplace。
LEBEDIEFF。Wait！Wait！Whatobjectionhaveyoutothemarriage？
IVANOFF。Ihaveexplaineditalltoher，butsherefusestounderstandme。
LEBEDIEFF。Don’texplainittoher，buttome，andexplainitsothatImayunderstand。Godforgiveyou，Nicholas，youhavebroughtagreatdealofdarknessintoourlives。IfeelasifI
werelivinginamuseum；Ilookaboutmeanddon’tunderstandanythingIsee。Thisistorture。Whatonearthcananoldmanlikemedowithyou？ShallIchallengeyoutoaduel？
IVANOFF。Thereisnoneedofaduel。AllyouneedisaheadonyourshouldersandaknowledgeoftheRussianlanguage。
SASHA。[Walksupanddowningreatexcitement]Thisisdreadful，dreadful！Absolutelychildish。
LEBEDIEFF。Listentome，Nicholas；fromyourpointofviewwhatyouaredoingisquiterightandproper，accordingtotherulesofpsychology，butIthinkthisaffairisascandalandagreatmisfortune。Iamanoldman；hearmeoutforthelasttime。ThisiswhatIwanttosaytoyou：calmyourself；lookatthingssimply，aseveryoneelsedoes；thisisasimpleworld。Theceilingiswhite；yourbootsareblack；sugarissweet。YouloveSashaandshelovesyou。Ifyouloveher，staywithher；ifyoudon’t，leaveher。Weshan’tblameyou。Itisallperfectlysimple。Youaretwohealthy，intelligent，moralyoungpeople；
thankGod，youbothhavefoodandclothing——whatmoredoyouwant？Whatifyouhavenomoney？Thatisnogreatmisfortune——happinessisnotboughtwithwealth。Ofcourseyourestateismortgaged，Nicholas，asIknow，andyouhavenomoneytopaytheinterestonthedebt，butIamSasha’sfather。I
understand。Hermothercandoasshelikes——ifshewon’tgiveanymoney，why，confoundher，thensheneedn’t，that’sall！Sashahasjustsaidthatshedoesnotwantherpartofit。Asforyourprinciples，Schopenhauerandallthat，itisallfolly。Ihaveonehundredthousandroublesinthebank。[Lookingaroundhim]
Notasoulinthehouseknowsit；itwasmygrandmother’smoney。
Thatshallbeforyouboth。Takeit，giveMatthewtwothousand——
[Theguestsbegintocollectintheball-room]。
IVANOFF。Itisnousediscussingitanymore，Imustactasmyconsciencebidsme。
SASHA。AndIshallactasmyconsciencebidsme——youmaysaywhatyouplease；Irefusetoletyougo！Iamgoingtocallmymother。
LEBEDIEFF。Iamutterlypuzzled。
IVANOFF。Listentome，pooroldfriend。Ishallnottrytoexplainmyselftoyou。IshallnottellyouwhetherIamhonestorarascal，healthyormad；youwouldn’tunderstandme。Iwasyoungonce；Ihavebeeneagerandsincereandintelligent。Ihavelovedandhatedandbelievedasnooneelsehas。Ihaveworkedandhopedandtiltedagainstwindmillswiththestrengthoften——notsparingmystrength，notknowingwhatlifewas。I
shoulderedaloadthatbrokemyback。Idrank，Iworked，I
excitedmyself，myenergyknewnobounds。Tellme，couldIhavedoneotherwise？Therearesofewofusandsomuchtodo，somuchtodo！Andseehowcruellyfatehasrevengedherselfonme，whofoughtwithhersobravely！Iamabrokenman。Iamoldatthirty。Ihavesubmittedmyselftooldage。Withaheavyheadandasluggishmind，weary，usedup，discouraged，withoutfaithorloveoranobjectinlife，Iwanderlikeashadowamongothermen，notknowingwhyIamaliveorwhatitisthatIwant。Loveseemstometobefolly，caressesfalse。Iseenosenseinworkingorplaying，andallpassionatespeechesseeminsipidandtiresome。SoIcarrymysadnesswithmewhereverIgo；acoldweariness，adiscontent，ahorroroflife。Yes，Iamlostforeverandever。Beforeyoustandsamanwhoatthirty-fiveisdisillusioned，weariedbyfruitlessefforts，burningwithshame，andmockingathisownweakness。Oh，howmypriderebelsagainstitall！Whatmadfurychokesme！[Hestaggers]Iamstaggering——mystrengthisfailingme。WhereisMatthew？Lethimtakemehome。
[Voicesfromtheball-room]Thebestmanhasarrived！
EnterSHABELSKI。
SHABELSKI。Inanoldworn-outcoat——withoutgloves！HowmanyscornfulglancesIgetforit！Suchsillyjokesandvulgargrins！
Disgustingpeople。
EnterBORKINquickly。Heiscarryingabunchofflowersandisinadress-coat。Hewearsaflowerinhisbuttonhole。
BORKIN。Thisisdreadful！Whereishe？[ToIVANOFF]Theyhavebeenwaitingforyouforalongtimeinthechurch，andhereyouaretalkingphilosophy！Whatafunnychapyouare。Don’tyouknowyoumustnotgotochurchwiththebride，butalone，withme？I
shallthencomebackforher。Isitpossibleyouhavenotunderstoodthat？Youcertainlyareanextraordinaryman！
EnterLVOFF。
LVOFF。[ToIVANOFF]Ah！Soyouarehere？[Loudly]NicholasIvanoff，Idenounceyoutotheworldasascoundrel！
IVANOFF。[Coldly]Manythanks！
BORKIN。[ToLVOFF]Sir，thisisdastardly！Ichallengeyoutoaduel！
LVOFF。MonsieurBorkin，Icountitadisgracenotonlytofightwithyou，buteventotalktoyou！MonsieurIvanoff，however，canreceivesatisfactionfrommewheneverhechooses！
SHABELSKI。Sir，Ishallfightyou！
SASHA。[ToLVOFF]Why，ohwhy，haveyouinsultedhim？Gentlemen，Ibegyou，lethimtellmewhyhehasinsultedhim。
LVOFF。MissSasha，Ihavenotinsultedhimwithoutcause。Icamehereasamanofhonour，toopenyoureyes，andIbegyoutolistentowhatIhavetotellyou。
SASHA。Whatcanyoupossiblyhavetotellme？Thatyouareamanofhonour？Thewholeworldknowsit。Youhadbettertellmeonyourhonourwhetheryouunderstandwhatyouhavedoneornot。Youhavecomeinhereasamanofhonourandhaveinsultedhimsoterriblythatyouhavenearlykilledme。Whenyouusedtofollowhimlikeashadowandalmostkeephimfromliving，youwereconvincedthatyouweredoingyourdutyandthatyouwereactinglikeamanofhonour。Whenyouinterferedinhisprivateaffairs，malignedhimandcriticisedhim；whenyousentmeandwhomeverelseyoucould，anonymousletters，youimaginedyourselftobeanhonourableman！And，thinkingthatthattoowashonourable，you，adoctor，didnotevensparehisdyingwifeorgiveheramoment’speacefromyoursuspicions。Andnomatterwhatviolence，whatcruelwrongyoucommitted，youstillimaginedyourselftobeanunusuallyhonourableandclear-sightedman。
IVANOFF。[Laughing]Thisisnotawedding，butaparliament！
Bravo！Bravo！
SASHA。[ToLVOFF]Now，thinkitover！Doyouseewhatsortofamanyouare，ornot？Oh，thestupid，heartlesspeople！[TakesIVANOFFbythehand]ComeawayfromhereNicholas！Come，father，letusgo！
IVANOFF。Whereshallwego？Waitamoment。Ishallsoonputanendtothewholething。Myyouthisawakeinmeagain；theformerIvanoffishereoncemore。
[Hetakesoutarevolver。]
SASHA。[Shrieking]Iknowwhathewantstodo！Nicholas，forGod’ssake！
IVANOFF。Ihavebeenslippingdown-hilllongenough。Now，halt！
Itistimetoknowwhathonouris。Outoftheway！Thankyou，Sasha！
SASHA。[Shrieking]Nicholas！ForGod’ssakeholdhim！
IVANOFF。Letgo！[Herushesaside，andshootshimself。]
Thecurtainfalls。