第2章

\"Good-bye，Norah，\"saidshe。

IsawNorahturnandrunupamongthetrees，almostasswiftlyandsilentlyasahare。Once，sheturnedtolookback。Iwaswatching，andcaughtthechancetowavemyhandtoher。

\"Come！\"commandedmother，andwewentbacktowherefatherwassit-

ting。

\"Whatdoyouthink！\"saidmother。

\"IfoundthechildplayingwithoneoftheBadMadigans。Isn’tsheasight！\"

Thelumpinmythroatswelledtoaterriblesize；somethingbuzzedinmyears，andIheardsomeoneweeping。

ForasecondortwoIdidn’trealisethatitwasmyself。

\"Well，nevermind，dear，\"saidmother’svoicesoothingly。\"Thefrockwillwash，andthetearwillmend，andtheshoeswillblack。Yes，andthescratcheswillheal。\"

\"Itisn’tthat，\"Isobbed。\"Oh，oh，itisn’tthat！\"

\"Whatisit，then，forgoodnesssake？\"askedmother。

ButIwouldnottell。Icouldnottell。HowcouldIsaythatthedaughteroftheBadMadiganswasthefirstrealandsatisfyingplaymateIhadeverhad？

IV

FAME

ASIremembertheboysandgirlswhogrewupwithme，Ithinkofthemasartists，oractors，ortravellers，orrichmerchants。Eachofus，bythetimewewerehalfthroughgrammarschool，hadselectedacareer。SofarasIrecollect，thiscareerhadverylit-

tletodowithourabilities。Wemerelychosesomethingthatsuitedus。Ourenergyandourvanitycrystallisedintoparticularshapes。TherewasasortofreligionabroadintheWestatthattimethatapersoncoulddoalmostanythinghesetouttodo。Theolderpeople，aswellasthechildren，hadanideathattheworldwastheirs——theyallwereMonteCristosinthatrespect。

Asforme，Ihaddecidedtobeanorator。

Atthetimeofmakingthisdecision，Iwasnineyearsofage，decidedlythinandlongdrawnout，withtwobrownbraidsdownmyback，andaterrificshynesswhichIoccasionallyovercamewithsuchamagnificentsplurgethatthosewhowerenotacquaintedwithmypeculiaritiesprobablythoughtmeashamefullyassertivechild。

Ibasedmyoratoricalaspirationsuponmyhavingtakentheprizeanum-

beroftimesinSunday-schoolforlearn-

ingthemostNewTestamentverses，anduponthefactthatIalwayscouldmakemyselfheardtothefarthestcor-

neroftheroom。IalsofeltthatIhadagreatmessagetodelivertotheworldwhenIgotaroundit，thoughinthis，I

wasinnowaydifferentfromseveralofmyfriends。Ihadnoticedanumberofthingsintheworldthatwerenotquiteright，andwhichIthoughtneededattention，andIbelievedthatifIwerequitegoodandstudiedelocution，inalittlewhileIshouldbeabletosetmypartoftheworldright，andperhapsevenextendmyinfluencetoadjoiningdistricts。

MeantimeIpractisedterriblevocalexercises，chieflyconsistingofarau-

cous\"caw\"somethinglikeacrow’sfavouriteremark，andadvocatedbymyteacherinelocutionfornoreasonthatIcannowremember；andIstoodbe-

foretheglassforhoursatatimemak-

inggrimacessoastoacquirethe\"ac-

tor’sface，\"tillmyfrightenedlittlesis-

tersimploredmetoturnbackintomy-

selfagain。

ItwasagreatdayformewhenI

wasaskedtoparticipateintheHarvestHomeFestivalatourchurchonThanksgivingDay。Ilookeduponitasthebeginningofmycareer，andboughtcrimpingpaperssothatmyhaircouldbeproperlyfluted。Ofcourse，Iwantedanewdressfortheoccasion，andI

spentseveraldaysinplanningthekindofaoneIthoughtbestsuitedtosuchamemorableevent。IevenpickedouttheparticularlacepatternIwantedfortheruffles。ThiswasbeforeIsubmittedthepropositiontoMother，however。WhenItoldheraboutitshesaidshecouldseenouseingettinganewdressandgoingtoallthetroubleofmakingitwhenmywhiteonewiththegreenharpswasperfectlygood。

Thiswassuchanunusualdressandhadgonethroughsomanyvicissitudes，thatIreallywasdevotedlyattachedtoit。Ithad，inthebeginning，belongedtomyAuntBess，andinthedaysofitsfirstgloryhadbeenasheerIrishlinenlawn，withtinygreenharpsonitatagreeableintervals。Butinthecourseoftime，ithadtobesenttothewash-tub，andthen，behold，allthelit-

tlelovelyharpsfollowedtheexampleoftheharpthat\"oncethroughTara’shallthesoulofmusicshed，\"anddis-

appeared！Onlyvague，dirty，yellowremindersoftheirbeautyremained，nottodecorate，buttodisfigurethefinefabric。

AuntBess，naturallyenough，feltir-

ritated，andshegavethegoodstomother，sayingthatshemightbeabletoboiltheyellowstainsoutofitandmakemeadress。Ihadgoneaboutmanyatime，likeloveamidtheruins，inthefragmentsofAuntBess’ssplen-

dour，andIwasnothappyinthethoughtofdanglingthesedimmedre-

mindersofIreland’spastaroundwithme。ButmothersaidshethoughtI’dhaveareallytrulywhiteSundaybestdressoutofitbythetimeshewasthroughwithit。Soshepreparedastrongsolutionofsodiumandthings，andboiledthebreadths，andeverylittlegreenharpcamedancingbackasifawaitingthehandofanewDublinpoet。

Thegreenofthemwasevenmorecharmingthanithadbeenatfirst，andI，ashappyasifIhadacquiredthegoldenharpforwhichIthenvaguelylonged，wenttoSunday-schoolallthatsummerinthismiraculousdressofnow-you-see-them-and-now-you-don’t，andbecamesousedtobeingaskedifI

wereIrishthatmyheartexultedwhenIfoundthatImight——fractionally——

claimtobe，andthatoneoftheFenianmartyrshadbeenanancestor。Forayear，even，afterthatdiscoveryoftheFenianmartyr，ancestorswereafa-

voritestudyofmine。

Well，thoughthedressbecamesome-

thingmorethanfamiliartotheeyesofmyassociates，IwassoattachedtoitthatIfeltnoobjectiontowearingitonthegreatoccasion；and，thatbe-

ingsettled，allthatremainedwastoselectthepiecewhichwastorevealmytalentstoahithertounappreciative——

or，perhapsIshouldsay，unsuspecting——groupoffriendsandrelatives。ItseemedtomethatIknewbetterthanmyteacher（whohadagreedtoselectthepiecesforherpupils）possiblycouldwhatsortofathingbestrepre-

sentedmytalents，andso，aftersomethought，Iselected\"AntonyandCleo-

patra，\"andasIlaggedalongthetoo-

familiarroadtoschool，avoidingthecompanionshipofmyacquaintances，I

repeated：

Iamdying，Egypt，dying！

Ebbsthecrimsonlife-tidefast，AndthedarkPlutonianshadowsGatherontheeveningblast。

SometimesIgrewsoimpassioned，soheedlessofallsavemymimicsorrowandtheswingofthepurplelines，thatIcouldnotbringmyselftomodifymyvoice，andthepassers-byheardmyshrilltonesvibratingwith：

Asforthee，star-eyedEgyptian！

GlorioussorceressoftheNile！

LightthepathtoStygianhorrorsWiththesplendourofthysmile。

Iwipeddishestotherhythmofsuchphrasesas\"scarredandveteranle-

gions，\"andlacedmyshoestothemusicof\"Thoughnoglitteringguardssur-

roundme。\"

Confidentthatnoonecouldfailtoseethebeautyoftheselines，orthepro-

prietyoftheidentificationofmyselfwithAntony，IcalleduponmySunday-

schoolteacher，MissGoss，toreport。I

neverhadthoughtofMissGossasablithespirit。Shewasassociatedinmymindwithnumeroussolemnoccasions，andIwassurprisedtofindthatonthisdaysheunexpectedlydevelopedatraitofbreakingintonervouslaughter。I

hadgotasfaras\"Shouldthebaseple-

beianrabble——\"whenMissGossbrokedowninwhatIcouldnotbutregardasafitofgiggles，andIceasedabruptly。

Shepulledherselftogetherafteramomentortwo，andsaidifIwouldfol-

lowhertothelibraryshethoughtshecouldfindsomething——hereshehesi-

tated，toconcludewith，\"morewithintheunderstandingoftheotherchil-

dren。\"Isawthatshethoughtmyfeel-

ingswerehurt，andasIpassedamir-

rorIfearedshehadsomereasontothinkso。Myfacewasuncommonlyflushed，andalookofindignationhadcrept，somehow，evenintomybraids，which，havingbeenplaitedtootightly，stuckoutincrooksandkinksfromthesideofmyhead。Incidentally，IwashorrifiedtonoticehowthinIwas——

thin，evenforadyingAntony——andmyfrockwassooutgrownthatithardlycoveredmyknees。\"Ridiculous！\"I

saidundermybreath，asIconfrontedthismiserablefigure——soshamefullyin-

significantforthevicariousemotionswhichithadbeenhousing。\"Ridicu-

lous！\"

IhatedMissGoss，andmusthaveshownitinmystonystare，forsheputherarmaroundmeandsaiditwasapityIhadbeentoallthetroubletolearnapoemwhichwas——well，atrifletoo——tooold——butthatshehopedtofindsomethingequally\"pretty\"formetospeak。AttheuseofthatadjectiveinconnectionwithWilliamLytle’slines，I

wrenchedawayfromhergraspandstoodinwhatIwaspleasedtothinkahaughtycalm，awaitingherdirections。

Shetookfromtheshelvesalittlevol-

umeofWhittier，boundincalf，hand-

lingitastenderlyasifitwereaprice-

lesspossession。Somepressedvioletsdroppedoutassheopenedit，andshereplacedthemwithdevotionalfingers。

Aftersometimeshedecideduponalyriclamententitled\"Eva。\"Iwasaskedtorunovertheverses，andfoundthemremarkablyeasytolearn；fatallyimpossibletoforget。Ipresentlyaroseandwithanimpishbetrayalofthepov-

ertyofrhymeandtheplethoraofsen-

timent，repeatedthethingrelentlessly。

Oforfaithlikethine，sweetEva，Lightingallthesolemnreevah[river]，Andtheblessingsofthepoor，Waftingtotheheavenlyshoor[shore]。

\"Idothink，\"saidMissGossgently，\"thatifyoutried，mychild，youmightmanagetherhymesjustalittlebetter。\"

\"Butifyou’reborninMichigan，\"I

protested，\"howcanyoupossiblymake’Eva’rhymewith’never’and’be-

liever’？\"

\"Perhapsitisalittlehard，\"MissGossagreed，andstillclingingtoherWhittier，sheexhumed\"ThePump-

kin，\"whichshethoughtpreciselyfittedforourHarvestHomefestival。Thiswasquiteanotherthingfrom\"Eva，\"

andIsawthatonlyhoursofstudywouldfixitinmymind。Iwenttomyhome，therefore，with\"ThePumpkin\"

delicatelytranscribedinMissGoss’srunninghand，andItriedtogetsomecomfortfromtheforeignallusionsglit-

teringthroughWhittier’skindlyverse。

AsthedayswentbyIcametohaveacertainfondnessforthosehomelylines：

O——fruitlovedofboyhood！——theolddaysre-

calling，Whenwoodgrapeswerepurplingandbrownnutswerefalling！

Whenwild，uglyfaceswecarvedintheskin，Glaringoutthroughthedarkwithacandlewithin！

Whenwelaughedroundthecorn-heap，withheartsallintune，Ourchairabroadpumpkin——ourlanternthemoon，TellingtalesofthefairywhotravelledlikesteamInapumpkin-shellcoach，withtworatsforherteam！

Onallsidesthispoemwasconsideredveryfitting，andIwenttothefestivalwiththatcomfortablefeelingonehaswhenoneismovingwiththemajorityandiswearingone’sbestclothes。

Isatrigidwithexpectancywhilemyschoolmatesspoketheir\"pieces\"andsangtheirsongs。Withfrozenfacestheyfacedeachotherindialogues，losttheirquaveringvoices，andstumbleddownthestairsintheiranguishofspirit。Ipitiedthem，andthoughthowluckyitwasthatmymemoryneverfailedme，andthatmyvoicecarriedsowellthatIcouldarouseevenoldElderWaitefromhisslumbers。

Thenmyturncame。Mycrimpswerebeautiful；thegreenharpsdancedonmyfreshly-ironedfrock，andIhadonmynewchainandlocket。Irelieduponasortofmechanisminmetosay：

Ogreenlyandfairinthelandsofthesun，Thevinesofthegourdandtherichmelonrun。

InthisseemlymannerWhittier’sodetothepumpkinbegan。ImeanttogoontoverseswhichIknewwouldde-

lightmyaudience——toreferencestothe\"crook-necks\"ripeningundertheSep-

tembersun；andtoThanksgivinggath-

eringsatwhichallsmiledatthereun-

ionoffriendsandthebountyoftheboard。

Whatmoistensthelipandbrightenstheeye！

Whatcallsbackthepastliketherichpumpkinpie！

Iwassuretheselineswouldmeetwithapproval，andhaving\"comedowntothepopulartaste，\"Iwaspreparedtodomybesttoplease。

Afterafewseconds，whenthegoldenpumpkinsthatlinedthestagehadceasedtodancebeforemyeyes，I

thoughtIoughttobeginto\"getholdofmyaudience。\"Ofcourse，mymem-

orywouldbegivingmetherightwords，andmyfaciletonguerunningalongre-

liably，butIwishedtodemonstratethat\"ability\"whichwastobringmefa-

vourandfame。Ilistenedtomyownwordsandwasshiveredintosilence。I

wastalkingabout\"darkPlutonianshadows\"；Iwasbegging\"Egypt\"toletherarmsenfoldme——Iwas，indeed，intheverythickoftheforbiddenpoem。

Icouldhearmythin，aspiringvoicereachingoutoverthatparalysedaudi-

encewith：

ThoughmyscarredandveteranlegionsBeartheireagleshighnomore；

AndmywreckedandscatteredgalleysStrewdarkActium’sfatalshore。

Mytongueseemedfrozen，orsomekindofaratchetatthebaseofithadgotoutoforder。Foramoment——amomentcanbethelittlesisterofeter-

nity——Icouldsaynothing。ThenI

foundmyselfintheclutchesofthein-

stinctforself-preservation。Ifeltitinmetostopthegigglesofthegirlsonthefrontseat；totakethepatronisingsmilesoutofthetoleranteyesofthegrownpeople。Maybemyvoicelostsomethingofitspipinginsistenceandwastouchedwithgenuinefeeling；per-

hapssomefaint，faintsparkofthedi-

vinefirewhichIlongedtofanintoaflamedidflickerinmeforthatonetime。

Ihadtheindescribablehappinessofseeingthesmilesdieonthefacesofmyelders，andofhearingthegigglesofmyfriendscease。

IwenttomyseatamidwhatIwaspleasedtoconsider\"thundersofap-

plause，\"andbywayofacknowledg-

ment，Ispoke，withchastenedpropri-

ety，Whittier’sodetothepumpkin。

IcannotrememberwhetherornotI

wasscolded。I’mafraid，afterward，somepeoplestilllaughed。Asforme，oddlyenough，myoratoricalaspira-

tionsdied。Idecidedtherewereothercareersbetterfittedtooneofmyphysique。SoIhadtogotothetroubleoffindinganothercareer；butjustwhatitwasIhaveforgotten。

V

REMORSE

ITisextraordinary，whenyoucometothinkofit，howveryfewdays，outofallthethousandsthathavepassed，lifttheirheadsfromthegreyplainoftheforgotten——likebowldersinalevelstretchofcountry。Itisnotalonetheunimportantonesthatarefor-

gotten；but，accordingtoone’selders，manyimportantoneshaveleftnomarkinthememory。Itseemstome，asI

thinkitover，thatitwasthedaysthataffectedtheemotionsthatdwellwithme，andIsupposeallofusmustbethesameinthisrespect。

AmongthosewhichIamnevertoforgetisthedaywhenAuntCordeliacametovisitus——mymother’saunt，shewas——andwhenIdiscoveredevil，andtriedtounderstandwhattheuseofitwas。

Great-auntCordeliawas，asIoftenandoftenhadbeentold，notonlymuchtravelled，richandhandsome，butgoodalso。Shewas，indeed，animportantpersonageinherowncity，anditseemedtoberegardedasanevidenceofunusualfamilyfealtythatsheshouldgoabout，nowandthen，brieflyvisitingallofherkinfolktoseehowtheyfaredintheworld。Ioughttohavelookedforwardtomeetingher，butthis，forsomeperversereason，Ididnotdo。IwishedImightrunawayandhidesomewheretillhervisitwasover。Itannoyedmetohavetocleanuptheplay-roomonheraccount，andtohelppolishthesilver，andtocomboutthefringeoftheteanapkins。I

likedtohelpinthesetasksordinarily，buttodoitforthepurposeofcominguptoavisiting——andprobably，acon-

descending——goddess，somehowmademecross。

Amongotherhardships，IhadtotakecareofmylittlesisterJulieallday。I

lovedJulie。Shehadsoftgolden-

browncurlsfuzzingaroundonherhead，andmischievousbrowneyes——

warm，extra-humaneyes。Therewasaplaceinthebackofherneck，justbelowthepointofhercurls，whichitwasaprivilegetokiss；andthoughshecouldnotyettalk，shehadathroaty，beauti-

fullittleexclamation，whichcannotbespelledanymorethanabirdnote，withwhichshegreetedallthethingssheliked——aflower，oratoy，ormother。

ButlovingJulieasshesatinmother’slap，andhavingtocareforherallofashiningSaturday，weretwoquitedif-

ferentthings。AsthehoursworealongIbecameboredwithlookingatthegoldencurlsofmybabysister；Ihadnoinclinationtokissthe\"honey-spot\"

inthebackofherneck；andwhenshefrettedfromheatandteethingandmyperfunctorycare，Igrewangry。

Iknewmotherwasbusymakingcus-

tardsandcakesforAuntCordelia，andIlongedtobeinwatchingthesepleas-

ingoperations。Ithought——butwhatdoesitmatterwhatIthought？Iwasbad！IwassobadthatIwasgladI

wasbad。Perhapsitwasnerves。May-

beIreallyhadtakencareofthebabytoolong。Buthoweverthatmaybe，forthefirsttimeinmylifeIenjoyedtheconsciousnessofhavingabaddisposi-

tion——orperhapsIoughttosaythatI

feltafiendishsatisfactioninthediscov-

erythatIhadone。

Alonginthemiddleoftheafternoonthreeofthegirlsintheneighbourhoodcameovertoplay。Theyhadtheirdolls，andtheywantedto\"keephouse\"

inthe\"newpart\"ofourhome。Wewerelivinginaroomyandcomfortable\"addition，\"whichhad，oddlyenough，beenbuiltbeforethebuildingtowhichitwasfinallytoserveasanannex。Thatistosay，ithadbeentheadditionbe-

foretherewasanythingtoadditto。

Bythistime，however，thenewhousewasgettingatrifleold，asitwaitedforthecompletionofitsratherdispropor-

tionatesplendours；splendourswhichrepresentedtheambitionsratherthantheachievementsofthefamily。Ittow-

ered，large，square，imposing，withhintsofM。Mansard’sgrandiosearchitectu-

ralideasinitsstyle，intheverycentreofavillageblockofland。Fromthefirst，itexercisedasortof\"IdreamtI

dweltinmarblehalls\"effectuponme，andinavagueway，atthebackofmymind，floatedtheideathatwhenwepassedfromourmodesthomeintothiscommandingedifice，well-trainedservantsmysteriouslywouldappear，beautifulgownswouldbefoundawait-

ingmyuseintheclosets，andfatherandmotherwouldbeabletotaketheirease，somethingafterthefashionofthe\"landedgentry\"ofwhomIhadreadinScotchandEnglishbooks。Theceil-

ingsofthenewhouseweresohigh，thesweepofthestairssodramatic，thesizeofthedrawing-roomssocopious，thatperhapsIhardlywastobeblamedforexpectingatransformationscene。

Butuntilthisnewlifewasrealised，theclean，bareroomsmadethebestofallpossibleplay-rooms，andwiththelightstreaminginthroughthetrees，andfalling，delicatelytingedwithgreen，uponthenewfloors，andwiththescentofthenewwoodallabout，itwasaplaceofindefinableenchantment。

IwasallowedtoplaythereallIpleased——exceptwhenIhadJulie。Therewereunguardedwindowsandyawningstair-

holes，andnostepsasyetleadingfromthegroundtothegreatopeningwherethecarvedfrontdoorwassometimetobe。Instead，therewereplanks，in-

clinedatasteepangle，beneathwhichlaythestonesofwhichthefoundationtotheporchweretobemade。Jaggedpiecesofyetunhewnsandstonetheywere，withcrueledges。

Butto-daywhenthegirlssaid，\"Oh，come！\"mynewlydiscoveredbadnessechoedtheirwords。Iwantedtogowiththem。SoIwent。

OutofthecornerofmyeyeIcouldseefatherinthedistance，butI

wouldn’tlookathimforfearhewouldbemagnetisedintoturningmyway。

Thegirlshadgoneup，andIfollowed，withJulieinmyarms。DidIhearfathercalltometostop？HealwayssaidIdid，butIthinkhewasmistaken。

PerhapsImerelydidn’twishtohearhim。Anyway，Iwenton，balancingmyselfasbestIcould。Theothergirlshadreachedthetop，andturnedtolookatus，andIknewtheywereafraid。I

thinktheywouldhaveheldouttheirhandstohelpme，butIhadbotharmsclaspedaboutJulie。SoIstaggeredon，gotalmosttothetop，thenseemedsub-

mergedbeneathawaveoffears——mineandthoseofthegirls——andfell！AsIwent，IcurledlikeasquirrelaroundJulie，andwhenIstruck，shewasstillinmygraspandontopofme。Butsherolledoutofmyrelaxingclutchafterthat，andwhenfatherandmothercamerunning，shewaslyingonthestones。

Theythoughtshehadfallenthatway，andasthebreathhadbeenfairlyknockedoutofherlittlebody，sothatshewasnotcrying，theyweremorefrightenedthanever，andranwithhertothehouse，wildwithapprehension。

Asforme，Igotupsomehowandfol-

owed。Idecidednoboneswerebroken，butIwasdizzyandfaint，andachingfrombruises。Isawmylittlefriendsrunningdowntheplankandmakingoffalongthepoplardrive，white-facedandpanting。IknewtheythoughtJuliewasdeadandthatI’dbehung。Ihadthesameidea。

Whenwegottothesitting-roomI

hadastrangefeelingofneverhavingseenitbefore。Thetallstove，thegreenandoakingraincarpet，thegreenrepchairs，thewhat-notwithitsshells，thesteelengravingsonthewalls，seemedabsolutelystrange。Isatdownandcountedthediamond-shapedfiguresontheoilclothinfrontofthestove；

andafteralongtimeIheardJuliecry，andmothersaywithimmeasurablere-

lief：

\"Asidefromashakingup，Idon’tbelieveshe’sabittheworse。\"

ThensomeonebroughtmeacupfulofcoldwaterandaskedmeifIwashurt。Ishookmyheadandwouldnotspeak。Ithenheard，insimpleandem-

phaticAnglo-Saxontheopinionsofmyfatherandmotheraboutagirlwhowouldputherlittlesister’slifeindan-

ger，andwoulddisobeyherparents。

AndafterthatIwasputinmymoth-

er’sbedroomtopasstherestoftheday，andwastoldIneedn’texpecttocometothetablewiththeothers。

Iacceptedmyfatestoically，andbe-

ingpermittedtocarrymyownchairintotheroom，Iputitbythewesternwindow，whichlookedacrosstwomilesofmeadowswavinginbuckwheat，incloverandgrass，andsatthereinacu-

rioustorporofspirit。Iwasgladtobealone，forIhaddiscoveredanewidea——theideaofsin。IwishedtobelefttomyselftillIcouldthinkoutwhatitmeant。IbelievedIcoulddothatbynight，and，afterIhadgottotherootofthematter，Icouldcastthewholeuglythingoutofmysoulandbegoodalltherestofmylife。

Therewasalargeupholsteredchairstandinginfrontofme，andIputmyheaddownontheseatofthatandthoughtandthought。MythoughtsreachedsofarthatIgrewfrightened，andIwasrelievedwhenIfeltthelittlesoftgreyveilsdrawingaboutmewhichIknewmeantsleep。ItseemedtomethatIreallyoughttoweep——thatthecircumstancesweresuchthatIshouldweep。Butsleepwassweeterthantears，andnotonlythepaininmymindbutthejarandbruiseofmybodyseemedtodemandthatoblivion。SoI

gavewaytotheimpulse，andthegreyveilswrappedaroundandaroundmeasaspider’swebenwrapsafly。AndforhoursIknewnothing。

WhenIawokeitwasthecloseofday。

Longtendershadowslayacrossthefields，theskyhadthatwonderfulclear-

nessandkindnesswhichislikeahu-

maneye，andthesoftwindpuffinginatthewindowwassweetwithfieldfragrance。Aglassofmilkandaplatewithtwoslicesofbreadlayonthewin-

dowsillbyme，asifsomeonehadplacedthemtherefromtheoutside。I

couldhearbirdssettlingdownforthenight，andcheepingdrowsilytoeachother。Mycatcameonthesceneand，seeingme，lookedatmewithserious，expandingeyes，twitchedherwhiskerscynically，andpassedon。PresentlyI

heardthevoicesofmyfamily。Theywerere-enteringthesitting-room。Sup-

perwasover——supper，withitscoldmeatsandshiningjellies，its\"floatingisland\"anditsfigcake。Icouldhearavoicethatwasnewtome。Itwasdeeperthanmymother’s，anditsac-

centwasdifferent。Itwasthesortofavoicethatmadeyoufeelthatitsownerhadtalkedwithmanydifferentkindsofpeople，andhadcontrivedtoholdherownwithallofthem。IknewitbelongedtoAuntCordelia。AndnowthatIwasnottoseeher，Ifeltmycuri-

osityarisinginme。Iwantedtolookather，andstillmoreIwishedtoaskheraboutgoodness。Shewasrichandgood！Wasonetheresultoftheother？

Andwhichcamefirst？Idimlyper-

ceivedthatiftherehadbeenmoremoneyinourhousetherewouldhavebeenmorehelp，andIwouldnothavebeenledintotemptation——babywouldnothavebeenlefttoolonguponmyhands。However，afterafewmomentsofself-pity，Irejectedthisthought。I

knewIreallywastoblame，anditoc-

curredtomethatIwouldaddtomyfaultsifItriedtoputtheblameonany-

bodyelse。

Nowthatthefirstshockwasoverandthatmysleephadrefreshedme，Ibe-

gantoseewhatterriblesorrowhadbeenmineifthefallhadreallyinjuredJulie；andasuddenthoughtshookme。

Shemight，afterall，havebeenhurtinsomewaythatwouldshowitselflateron。Iyearnedtolookuponher，toseeifallhersweetnessandsoftnesswasin-

tact。ItseemedtomethatifIcouldnotseehertherisinggriefinmewouldbreak，andIwouldsobaloud。Ididn’twanttodothat。Ihadnonotiontocallanyattentiontomyselfwhatever，butseethebabyImust。So，softly，andlikeathief，Iopenedthedoorcom-

municatingwiththelittledressing-

roominwhichJulie’scradlestood。Thecurtainhadbeendrawnanditwasal-

mostdark，butIfoundmywaytoJulie’sbassinet。Icouldnotquiteseeher，butthedelicateodourofherbreathcameuptome，andIfoundherlittlehandandslippedmyfingerinit。

Itwasgrippedinababypressure，andIstoodthereenraptured，feelingasifaflowerhadcaressedme。Iwasthrilledthroughandthroughwithhap-

piness，andwithloveforthislittlecrea-

ture，whommyselfishnessmighthavedestroyed。TherewasnothinginwhathadhappenedduringthismomentortwowhenIstoodbyhersidetoassuremethatallwaswellwithher；butIdidsobelieve，andIsaidoverandover：

\"Thankyou，God！Thankyou，God！\"

Andnowmytearsbegantoflow。

Theycameinastorm——astormIcouldnotcontrol，andIfledbacktomother’sroom，andstoodtherebeforethewestwindowweepingasIneverhadweptbefore。

Thequietlovelinessoftheclosingdayhadpassedintothesplendouroftheafterglow。Mightywingsasofbrightangels，pinkandshiningwhite，reachedupoverthesky。Thevaultwaspurpleaboveme，andpaledtolilac，thentogreenofunimaginabletenderness。

NowIquenchedmytearstolook，andthenIweptagain，weepingnomoreforsorrowandlonelinessandshamethanforgratitudeanddelightinbeauty。Sofairaworld！Whathadsintodowithit？Icouldnotmakeitout。

Theshiningwingsgrewpaler，faded，thendarkened；themelancholysoundofcow-bellsstoleupfromthecommon。

Thebirdswerestill；alowwindrustledthetrees。Isatthinkingmyyoung\"nightthoughts\"ofhowmarvellousitwasforthesuntoset，torise，tokeepitsplaceinheaven——ofhowwrappedaboutwithmysterieswewere。Whatiftheworldshouldstarttofallingthroughspace？Wherewoulditland？

Wasthereevenabottomtotheuni-

verse？\"Worldwithoutend\"mightmeanthattherewasneitheranendtospacenoryettotime。Ishiveredatthoughtofsuchvastness。

Suddenlylightstreamedaboutme，warmarmsenfoldedme。

\"Mother！\"Imurmured，andslippedfromtheunknowntothedearfamiliar-

ityofhershoulder。

Itwas，Isoonperceived，asilk-cladshoulder。Motherhadonherbestdress；nay，sheworehercoralpinandear-rings。HerlacecollarwasscentedwithJockeyClub，andherneck，intowhichIwasburrowing，hadtheinde-

scribablesomethingthatwasnotquiteodour，notallsoftness，butwascom-

poundedoftheseandmeantmother。

Shesaidlittletomeasshedrewmeawayandbathedmyface，brushedandplaitedmyhair，andputonmycleanfrock。Butwefelthappytogether。I

knewshewasasgladtoforgiveasI

wastobeforgiven。

Inalittlewhilesheledme，blinking，intothelight。Atallstranger，aladyinprune-colouredsilk，satinthehigh-

backedchair。

\"Thisismyeldestgirl，AuntCor-

delia，\"saidmymother。Iwentfor-

wardtimidly，wonderingifIwerereallygoingtobegreetedbythisper-

sonwhomusthaveheardsuchterriblereportsofme。Ifoundmyselfcaughtbythehandsanddrawnintotheem-

braceofthisnew，grandacquaintance。

\"Well，I’vebeenwantingtoseeyou，\"saidtherich，kindvoice。\"TheysayyoulookasIdidatyourage。Theysayyouarelikeme！\"

Likeher——whowasgood！Butnoonereferredtothisdifferenceorsaidanythingaboutmysins。Whenweweresorry，wasevil，then，forgottenandsinforgiven？Aweightasofirondroppedfrommyspirit。Isankwithasighonthehassockatmyaunt’sfeet。Iwasoncemoreamemberofsociety。

VI

TRAVEL

ITwastimetosaygood-bye。

Ihadbeendowntomylittlebrother’sgraveandwateredthesorrelthatgrewonit——Ithoughtitwassor-

row，andsotendedit；andIhadwalkedaroundthehouseandsaidgood-byetoeverywindow，andtotherobin’snest，andtomyplayhouseintheshed。I

hadputacleanribbononthecat’sneck，andkissedmydoll，andgivenpresentstomylittlesisters。Now，shiveringbe-

neathmynewgreyjacketinthechilloftheMaymorningair，Istoodreadytopartwithmymother。Shewasalittleflurriedwithhavingjustironedmypinaforesandcollars，andwithhav-

ingputthelasthookonmynewStuartplaidfrock，andshelookedmeoverwithratherananxiouseye。Asforme，Ithoughtmyclothescharming，andI

lovedthescarletquillinmygreyhat，andthesetofmynewshoes。Ihoped，aboveall，thatnoonewouldnoticethatIwastremblingandlayitdowntofear。

Ofcourse，Ihadbeenawaybefore。

ItwasnotthefirsttimeIhadlefteverythingtotakecareofitself。ButthistimeIwasgoingalone，andthatgaveratheradifferentaspecttothings。

Togointothecountryforafewdays，oreventoDetroit，inthecompanyofawatchfulparent，mightbecalleda\"visit\"；buttogoalone，partlybytrainandpartlybystage，andtoarrivebyone’sself，amountedto\"travel。\"I

hadanauntwhohadtravelled，andI

feltthismorningthatloveoftravelraninthefamily。ProbablyevenAuntCordeliahadbeenatriflenervous，atfirst，whenshestartedoutforHa-

waii，say，orforEgypt。

MotherandIwerebothfearfulthatthedriverofthestation’bushadn’treallyunderstoodthathewastocall。

Firstshewouldaskfather，andthenI

wouldaskhim，ifhewasquitesurethemanunderstood，andfathersaidthatifthemancouldunderstandEnglishatall——andhesupposedhecould——hehadunderstoodthat。Fatherwasrightaboutit，too，forjustwhenwe——thatis，motherandI——werealmostgivingup，the’bushorsesswunginthebiggateandcamepoundingupthedrivebe-

tweentheLombardypoplars，whichwereoutintheiryellow-greenspringdress。Theywereabayteamwithayellowharnesswhichclinkedsplendidlywithbonerings，andthe’buswasasyellowasapumpkin，andshapednotunlikeone，sothatIgaveitmyinstantapproval。ItwaspreciselythesortofvehicleinwhichIwouldhavechosentogoaway。SoabsorbedwasIinitthat，thoughImusthavekissedmother，Ihavereallynorecollectionofit；anditwasonlywhenwewereswingingoutofthegate，andIlookedbackandsawherstandinginthedoorwatchingus，thataterriblepangcameoverme，sothatforonecrazymomentIthoughtIwasgoingtojumpoutandrunbacktoher。

ButIheldontofather’shandandturnedmyfaceawayfromhomewithallthecourageIcouldsummon，andwewentonthroughthetownandoutacrossalonelystretchofcountrytotherailroad。Forwewereanobstinatelit-

tletown，andwouldnotbuilduptotherailroadbecausetherailroadhadre-

fusedtorunuptous。Itwasanewstationwithafineechoinit，andthemanwhocalledoutthetrainshadabeautifulvoiceforechoes。Itwascre-

atedtoinspirethemandtoencouragethem，andIstoodfascinatedbythethunderousnoiseshewasmakingtillfatherseizedmebythehandandthrustmeintothecareofthetrainconductor。

Theysaidsomethingtoeachotherinthesharp，explosivewaymenhave，andtheconductortookmetoaseatandtoldmeIwashisgirlforthetimebe-

ing，andtostayrighttheretillhecameformeatmystation。

Whatamazedmewasthatthecarshouldbefullofpeople。Icouldnotimaginewheretheyallcouldbegoing。

Itwasallverywellforme，whobe-

longedtoafamilyoftravellers——aswit-

nessAuntCordelia——tobegoingonajourney，butfortheseothers，thesemany，manyothers，tobewanderingaround，heavenknowswhere，struckmeasbeingnotright。Itseemedtotakesomewhatfromthegloryofmyadven-

ture。

However，Inoticedthatmostofthemlookedpoor。Theirclotheswereoldandugly；theirfacesnotthoseofpleas-

ure-seekers。Itwasverydifficulttoimaginethattheycouldaffordajour-

ney，whichwas，asIbelieved，agreatluxury。Atfirst，thepeoplelookedtobeallofasort，butafteralittleIbe-

gantoseethedifferences，andtono-

ticethatthisonelookedhappy，andthatonesad，andanotherasifhehadmuchtodoandlikedit，andseveralothersasiftheyhadverylittleideawheretheyweregoingorwhy。

ButIlikedbettertolookfromthewindowsandtoseetheworld。ThehousesseemedquitefamiliarandasifIhadseenthemoftenbefore。IhardlycouldbelievethatIhadn’twalkedupthosepaths，openedthosedoorsandseatedmyselfatthetables。IfeltthatifIwentinthosehousesIwouldknowwhereeverythingwas——justwherethedisheswerekept，andtheBible，andthejam。Itstruckmethathouseswereverymuchalikeintheworld，andthatledtothethoughtthatpeople，too，wereprobablyalike。SoIforgotwhattheconductorhadsaidtomeaboutkeepingstill，andIcrossedovertheaisleandsatdownbesidealittlegirlwhowasregrettablyyoung，butwholookedpleasant。Hermotherandgrand-

motherweresittingopposite，andtheysmiledatmeinawaterysortofwayasiftheythoughtasmilewasexpectedofthem。Imeanttotalktothelittlegirl，butIsawshewasalmostonthevergeoftears，anditdidn’ttakemelongtodiscoverwhatwasthematter。

Herlittlepinkhatwasheldonbyanelasticband，which，beingputbehindherearsandunderherchin，wascut-

tinghercruelly。Iknewbyexperiencethatifthebandwereplacedinfrontofherearsthetensionwouldbelessened；

so，withthemostbenevolentintentionsintheworld，Iinsertedmyfingersbe-

tweentherubberandherchubbycheeks，drewitoutwithnervousbutfriendlyfingers，somehowletgoofit，andsnapacrosshertworedcheeksandherprettypugnosewentthelacerat-

ingelastic，leavingaweltbehindit！

\"Whatdoyoumean，youbadgirl？\"

criedthemother，takingmebytheshoulderswithasortofgripIhadneverfeltbefore。\"Ineversawsuchachild——never！\"

Anoldwomanwithafacelikeahenleanedoverthebackoftheseat。

\"What’sshedone？What’sshedone？\"shedemanded。Themothertoldher，asthegrandmothercomfortedthehurtbaby。

\"Gobacktoyourseatandstaythere！\"commandedthemother。\"Seeyoudon’tcomenearhereagain！\"

MylipstrembledwiththeanguishI

couldhardlyrestrain。Neverhadanoblesoulbeenmoremisunderstood。

Stupidbeings！Howdarethey！Yet，nottobelikedbythem——nottobeun-

derstood！Thatwasunendurable。

Wouldtheylistentothegentlewordthatturnethawaywrath？Iwasin-

clinedtothinknot。Iwasfairlypant-

ingundermyloadofdismayandde-

spondency，whenalargemanwithanextraordinarilycleanappearancesatdownoppositeme。Hewasastudyingrey——greysuit，tie，socks，gloves，hat，top-coat——yes，andeyes！Heleanedforwardingratiatingly。

\"WhatdoyouthinkAuntEllensentmelastweek？\"heinquired。

Weseemedtobeoldacquaintances，andinmysecondofperplexityIde-

cidedthatitwasmereforgetfulnessthatmademeunabletorecalljustwhomhewastalkingabout。SoIonlysaidpolitely：\"Idon’tknow，I’msure，sir。\"

\"Why，yes，youdo！\"helaughed。

\"Couldn’tyouguess？WhatshouldAuntEllensendbutsomeofthatwhitemaplesugarofhers；betterthanever，too。I’veapoundofitalongwithme，andI’dbegladtopryoffafewpiecesifyou’dliketoeatit。YoualwaysweresofondofAuntEllen’smaplesugar，youknow。\"

Thetonecarriedconviction。OfcourseImusthavebeenfondofit；

indeed，uponreflection，IfeltthatIhadbeen。Bythetimethemanwasbackwithaparallelogramofthemaplesugarinhishand，Iwasconvincedthathehadspokenthetruth。

\"AuntEllencertainlyisadear，\"hewenton。\"IrundowntoseehereverytimeIgetachance。Sameoldrain-

barrel！Sameoldbeehives！Sameoldwell-sweep！Wouldn’ttradethemforanyothersintheworld。Ilikeevery-

thingabouttheplace——likethe’OldMan’thatgrowsbythegate；andthetomatotrellis——nobodyelsetreatsto-

matoeslikeflowers；andtheherbgar-

den，andthecupboardwiththelittlewood-carvingsinitthatUncleBenmade。YourememberUncleBen？

Beenasailor——brokebothlegs——had’emcutoff——andsataroundandcarvedwhileAuntEllentaughtschool。Happytheywere——noonehappier。Broughtmeup，youknow。Didn’thaveafatherormother——justgatheredmein。Goodsort，those。UncleBen’sgone，butAuntEllen’samothertomeyet。

Thinksofme，travelling，travelling，neverputtingmyheaddowninthesamebedtwonightsrunning；andhereandthereandeverywheresheovertakesmewithlittlescrapsoutofhome。That’sAuntEllenforyou！\"

Asthedelicioussugarmeltedonmytongue，thesorrowsmeltedinmysoul，andIwasjustabouttomakesomein-

quiriesaboutAuntEllen，whoseper-

sonalqualitiesseemedtobegrowingclearerandclearerinmymind，whenmyconductorcamestridingdowntheaisle。

\"Where’smylittlegirl？\"hede-

mandedheartily。\"Ah，theresheis，justwhereIlefther，ingoodcompanyandeatingmaplesugar，asIlive。\"

\"Well，shehain’tbinthereallthetimenow，Ikentellyethat！\"criedtheoldwomanwithafacelikeahen。

\"Indeed，sheain’t！\"theotherwomenjoinedin。\"She’samischief-

makin’child，that’swhatsheis！\"saidthemother。Thelittlegirlwaslook-

ingoverhergrandmother’sshoulder，andsheranoutaveryred，serpent-

liketongueatme。

\"She’sagoodgirl，andalmostasfondofAuntEllenasIam，\"saidthelargeman，findingmypocket，andput-

tingahugepieceofmaplesugarinit。

Theconductor，meantime，wasgath-

eringmythings，andwitha\"Comealong，now！Thisiswhereyouchange，\"heledmefromthecar。I

glancedbackonce，andthehen-facedwomanshookherwitheredbrownfistatme，andthelargemanwavedandsmiled。TheconductorandIranashardaswecould，hecarryingmylightluggage，toastagethatseemedtobewaitingforus。Heshoutedsomedi-

rectionstothedriver，depositedmewithin，andranbacktohistrain。AndI，aloneagain，lookedaboutme。

Wewereintheheartofalittletown，andanumberofmenwerestandingaroundwhilethehorsestooktheirfillatthewatering-trough。Thisaccom-

plished，thedrivercheckedupthehorses，mountedtohishighseat，wasjoinedbyaheavyyoungman；twogen-

tlemenenteredtheinsideofthecoach，andwewereoff。

Oneofthesegentlemenwasveryold。

Hissilverhairhungonhisshoulders；

hehadabeautifulflowingheardwhichgleamedinthelight，thekindestoffaces，litwithlaughingblueeyes，andheleanedforwardonhisheavystickandseemedtomindtheplungingofourvehicle。Theothermanwasmid-

dle-aged，dark，silent-looking，and，I

decided，ratherlikeaking。Weallrodeinsilenceforawhile，butbyandbytheoldmansaidkindly：

\"Whereareyougoing，mychild？\"

Itoldhim。

\"Andwhosedaughterareyou？\"heinquired。Itoldhimthatwithpride。

\"Iknowpeopleallthroughthestate，\"

hesaid，\"butIdon’tseemtorememberthatname。\"

\"Don’tyouremembermyfather，sir？\"Icried，anxiously，edgingupclosertohim。\"Notthatgreatandgoodman！Why，AbrahamLincolnandmyfatherarethegreatestmenthateverlived！\"

Hisheadnoddedstrangely，ashelifteditandlookedatmewithhislaughingeye。

\"It’sapityIdon’tknowhim，thatbeingthecase，\"hesaidgently。\"But，anyway，you’realuckylittlegirl。\"

\"Yes，\"Isighed，\"Iam，indeed。\"

ButmyattentionwastakenbyourapproachtowhatIrecognisedasan\"estate。\"Agreatgatewithhighposts，flatontop，metmygaze，andthroughthisgatewayIcouldseeadriveandmanybeautifultrees。Alittleboywassittingontopofoneoftheposts，watchingus，andIthoughtIneverhadseenaplacebetteradaptedtoviewingthepassingprocession。Ilongedtobeontheothergatepost，exchangingconfi-

dencesacrosstheharmlessgulfwiththisnice-lookingboy，when，mostunex-

pectedly，thehorsesbegantoplunge。

Thenextsecondtheairwasfilledwithbuzzingblackobjects。

\"Bees！\"saidtheking。Itwasthefirstwordhehadspoken，andatrueworditwas。Swarmingbeeshadset-

tledintheroad，andwehaddrivenun-

awareintothemidstofthem。Thehorsesweredistracted，andmadeblind-

lyforthegate，thoughtheyseemedmuchmorelikelytorunintothepoststhantogetthroughthegate，Ithought。

Theboyseemedtothinkthis，too，forheshotbackward，turnedasomersaultin。theair，anddisappearedfromview。

\"Godblessme！\"saidtheking。

Theheavyyoungmanonthefrontseatjumpedfromhisplaceandbeganbeatingawaythebeesandholdingthehorsesbythebridles，andinafewmin-

uteswewereonourway。Thehorseshadbeenbadlystung，andtheheavyyoungmanlookedratherbumpy。Asforus，thekinghadshutthestagedooratthefirstapproachoftrouble，andwewereunharmed。

Afterthis，weallfeltquitewellac-

quainted，andtheoldgentlemantoldmesomewonderfulstoriesaboutgoingaboutamongtheIndiansandaboutthemeninthelumbercampsandtheset-

tlersonthelakeislands。AfterwardI

learnedthathewasabishop，andabraveandholymanwhomitwasagreathonourtomeet，but，atthetime，Ionlythoughtofhowkindhewastopareapplesformeandtotellmetales。

Thekingseldomspokemorethanonewordatatime，buthewaskind，too，inhisway。Oncehesaid，\"Sleepy？\"tome。And，again，\"Hungry？\"Hedidn’tlookoutatthelandscapeatall，andneitherdidthebishop。ButIranfromonesidetotheother，andthelastofthejourneyIwastakenupbetweenthedriverandtheheavymanonthehighseat。

Presentlywewereinalittletownwithcottagesalmosthiddenamongthetrees。Abluestreamranthroughgreenfields，andthewaterdashedoveradam。Icouldhearthesongofthemillandtherippingoftheboards。

\"We’rehere！\"saidthedriver。

Theheavymanliftedmedown，andmyyoungunclecamerunningoutwithhisarmsopentoreceiveme。\"Whatatraveller！\"hesaid，kissingme。

\"It’sbeenatremendouslylongandinterestingjourney，\"Isaid。

\"Yes，\"heanswered。\"Tenmilesbyrailandtenbystage。Isupposeyou’vehadagreatmanyadventures！\"

\"Oh，yes！\"Icried，andachedtotellthem，butfearedthiswasnottheplace。

Isawmyunclerespectfullyhelpingthebishoptoalight，andheardhiminquir-

ingforhishealth，andthebishopan-

sweringinhiskind，deepvoice，andsayingIwasindeedagoodtravellerandsawalltherewastosee——andalit-

tlemore。Thekingshookhandswithme，andthistimesaidtwowords：

\"Goodluck。\"Unclehadnoideawhohewas——noonehadseenhimbefore。

Uncledidn’tquitelikehislooks。ButIdid。Hewasuncommon；hewasdif-

ferent。Ithoughtofallthosepeopleinthetrainwhohadbeensoalike。AndthenIrememberedwhatunexpecteddifferencestheyhadshown，andturnedtosmileatmyuncle。

\"IshouldsayIhavehadadven-

tures！\"Icried。

\"We’llgethometoyouraunt，\"hesaid，\"andthenwe’llhearallaboutthem。\"

Wecrossedabridgeabovetheroar-

ingmill-race，wentupalane，anden-

teredArcadia。Thatwasthewayitseemedtome。Itwasreallyacottageaboveastream，whereyouthandlovedwelt，andhonourandhospitality，andthelittlehousewastobeexchangedforagreateronewhere——thoughyouthde-

parted——loveandhonourandhospital-

itywerestilltodwell。

\"Travel’sagreatthing，\"saidmyuncle，ashehelpedmeoffwithmyjacket。

\"Yes，\"Ianswered，solemnly，\"itisagreatprivilegetoseetheworld。\"

Istillamofthatopinion。Ihaveseensomeoddbitsofit，andIcannotunderstandwhyitisthatotherjour-

neyshavenotquitecomeuptothatfirstone，whenIheardofAuntEllen，andsawtheboyturnthesurprisedsomersault，andwaswelcomedbytwoloversinalittleArcadia。