Take,forinstance,oneofthemostdramaticreformsthathasbeencarriedthroughParliamentinthelifetimeofthisgeneration。Ithappenedshortlyafterthecoalstrike,ofunblessedmemory。Toyou,whohavebeenplungeduptotheneckineventsofamoretangledandtumbleddescription,thethingsIamgoingtotellyouofmayseemofsecondaryinterest,butafterallwehadtoliveinthemidstofthem。\"
SirLulworthinterruptedhimselfforamomenttosayafewkindwordstotheliqueurbrandyhehadjusttasted,andthemresumedhisnarrative。
\"Whetheronesympathiseswiththeagitationforfemalesuffrageornotonehastoadmitthatitspromotersshowedtirelessenergyandconsiderableenterpriseindevisingandputtingintoactionnewmethodsforaccomplishingtheirends。Asaruletheywereanuisanceandawearinesstotheflesh,butthereweretimeswhentheyvergedonthepicturesque。TherewasthefamousoccasionwhentheyenlivenedanddiversifiedthecustomarypageantryoftheRoyalprogresstoopenParliamentbylettingloosethousandsofparrots,whichhadbeencarefullytrainedtoscream\'Votesforwomen,\'andwhichcircledroundhisMajesty\'scoachinaclamorouscloudofgreen,andgreyandscarlet。Itwasreallyratherastrikingepisodefromthespectacularpointofview;unfortunately,however,foritsdevisers,thesecretoftheirintentionshadnotbeenwellkept,andtheiropponentsletlooseatthesamemomentarivalswarmofparrots,whichscreeched\'IDON\'Tthink\'andotherhostilecries,therebyrobbingthedemonstrationoftheunanimitywhichalonecouldhavemadeitpoliticallyimpressive。IntheprocessofrecapturethebirdslearnedaquantityofadditionallanguagewhichunfittedthemforfurtherserviceintheSuffragettecause;someofthegreenonesweresecuredbyardentHomeRulepropagandistsandtrainedtodisturbtheserenityofOrangemeetingsbypessimisticreflectionsonSirEdwardCarson\'sdestinationinthelifetocome。Infact,thebirdinpoliticsisafactorthatseemstohavecometostay;
quiterecently,atapoliticalgatheringheldinadimly-lightedplaceofworship,thecongregationgavearespectfulhearingfornearlytenminutestoajackdawfromWapping,undertheimpressionthattheywerelisteningtotheChancelloroftheExchequer,whowaslateinarriving。\"
\"ButtheSuffragettes,\"interruptedthenephew;\"whatdidtheydonext?\"
\"Afterthebirdfiasco,\"saidSirLulworth,\"themilitantsectionmadeademonstrationofamoreaggressivenature;theyassembledinforceontheopeningdayoftheRoyalAcademyExhibitionanddestroyedsomethreeorfourhundredofthepictures。Thisprovedanevenworsefailurethantheparrotbusiness;everyoneagreedthattherewasalwaysfartoomanypicturesintheAcademyExhibition,andthedrasticweedingoutofafewhundredcanvaseswasregardedasapositiveimprovement。Moreover,fromtheartists\'
pointofviewitwasrealisedthattheoutrageconstitutedasortofcompensationforthosewhoseworkswerepersistently\'skied\',sinceoutofsightmeantalsooutofreach。AltogetheritwasoneofthemostsuccessfulandpopularexhibitionsthattheAcademyhadheldformanyyears。Thenthefairagitatorsfellbackonsomeoftheirearliermethods;theywrotesweetlyargumentativeplaystoprovethattheyoughttohavethevote,theysmashedwindowstoshowthattheymusthavethevote,andtheykickedCabinetMinisterstodemonstratethatthey\'dbetterhavethevote,andstillthecoldlyreasonedorunreasonedreplywasthatthey\'dbetternot。TheirplightmighthavebeensummedupinaperversionofGilbert\'slines-
\"Twentyvotelessmillionswe,Votelessallagainstourwill,TwentyyearshenceweshallbeTwentyvotelessmillionsstill。\"
Andofcoursethegreatideafortheirmaster-strokeofstrategycamefromamasculinesource。LenaDubarri,whowasthecaptain-
generaloftheirthinkingdepartment,metWaldoOrpingtonintheMalloneafternoon,justatatimewhenthefortunesoftheCausewereattheirlowestebb。WaldoOrpingtonisafrivolouslittlefoolwhochirrupsatdrawing-roomconcertsandcanrecognisebitsfromdifferentcomposerswithoutreferringtotheprogramme,butallthesameheoccasionallyhasideas。Hedidn\'tcareatwopennyfiddlestringabouttheCause,butheratherenjoyedtheideaofhavinghisfingerinthepoliticalpie。Alsoitispossible,thoughIshouldthinkhighlyimprobable,thatheadmiredLenaDubarri。
Anyhow,whenLenagavearathergloomyaccountoftheexistingstateofthingsintheSuffragetteWorld,Waldowasnotmerelysympatheticbutreadywithapracticalsuggestion。TurninghisgazewestwardalongtheMall,towardsthesettingsunandBuckinghamPalace,hewassilentforamoment,andthensaidsignificantly,\'Youhaveexpendedyourenergiesandenterpriseonlaboursofdestruction;whyhasitneveroccurredtoyoutoattemptsomethingfarmoreterrific?\'
\"\'Whatdoyoumean?\'sheaskedhimeagerly。
\"\'Create。\'
\"\'Doyoumeancreatedisturbances?We\'vebeendoingnothingelseformonths,\'shesaid。
\"Waldoshookhishead,andcontinuedtolookwestwardalongtheMall。He\'srathergoodatactinginanamateursortoffashion。
Lenafollowedhisgaze,andthenturnedtohimwithapuzzledlookofinquiry。
\"\'Exactly,\'saidWaldo,inanswertoherlook。
\"\'But——howcanwecreate?\'sheasked;\'it\'sbeendonealready。\'
\"\'DoitAGAIN,\'saidWaldo,\'andagainandagain——\'
\"Beforehecouldfinishthesentenceshehadkissedhim。Shedeclaredafterwardsthathewasthefirstmanshehadeverkissed,andhedeclaredthatshewasthefirstwomanwhohadeverkissedhimintheMall,sotheybothsecuredarecordofakind。
\"WithinthenextdayortwoanewdeparturewasnoticeableinSuffragettetactics。TheygaveupworryingMinistersandParliamentandtooktoworryingtheirownsympathisersandsupporters——forfunds。Theballot-boxwastemporarilyforgotteninthecultofthecollecting-box。Thedaughtersofthehorseleechwerenotmorepersistentintheirdemands,thefinanciersofthetotteringancienregimewerenotmoredesperateintheirexpedientsforraisingmoneythantheSuffragistworkersofallsectionsatthisjuncture,andinonewayandanother,byfairmeansandnormal,theyreallygottogetheraveryusefulsum。Whattheyweregoingtodowithitnooneseemedtoknow,noteventhosewhoweremostactiveincollectingwork。Thesecretonthisoccasionhadbeenwellkept。
Certaintransactionsthatleakedoutfromtimetotimeonlyaddedtothemysteryofthesituation。
\"\'Don\'tyoulongtoknowwhatwearegoingtodowithourtreasurehoard?\'LenaaskedthePrimeMinisteronedaywhenshehappenedtositnexttohimatawhistdriveattheChineseEmbassy。
\"\'Iwashopingyouweregoingtotryalittlepersonalbribery,\'herespondedbanteringly,butsomegenuineanxietyandcuriositylaybehindthelightnessofhischaff;\'ofcourseIknow,\'headded,\'thatyouhavebeenbuyingupbuildingsitesincommandingsituationsinandaroundtheMetropolis。Twoorthree,I\'mtold,areontheroadtoBrighton,andanothernearAscot。Youdon\'tmeantofortifythem,doyou?\'
\"\'Somethingmoreinsidiousthanthat,\'shesaid;\'youcouldpreventusfrombuildingforts;youcan\'tpreventusfromerectinganexactreplicaoftheVictoriaMemorialoneachofthosesites。They\'reallprivateproperty,withnobuildingrestrictionsattached。\'
\"\'Whichmemorial?\'heasked;\'nottheoneinfrontofBuckinghamPalace?Surelynotthatone?\'
\"\'Thatone,\'shesaid。
\"\'Mydearlady,\'hecried,\'youcan\'tbeserious。Itisabeautifulandimposingworkofart——atanyrateoneisgettingaccustomedtoit,andevenifonedoesn\'thappentoadmireitonecanalwayslookinanotherdirection。Butimaginewhatlifewouldbelikeifonesawthaterectionconfrontingonewhereveronewent。Imaginetheeffectonpeoplewithtired,harassednerveswhosawitthreetimesonthewaytoBrightonandthreetimesonthewayback。ImagineseeingitdominatethelandscapeatAscot,andtryingtokeepyoureyeoffitontheSandwichgolflinks。Whathaveyourcountrymendonetodeservesuchathing?\'
\"\'Theyhaverefusedusthevote,\'saidLenabitterly。
\"ThePrimeMinisteralwaysdeclaredhimselfanopponentofanythingsavouringofpaniclegislation,buthebroughtaBillintoParliamentforthwithandsuccessfullyappealedtobothHousestopassitthroughallitsstageswithintheweek。Andthatishowwegotoneofthemostgloriousmeasuresofthecentury。\"
\"Ameasureconferringthevoteonwomen?\"askedthenephew。
\"Ohdear,no。AnActwhichmadeitapenaloffencetoerectcommemorativestatuaryanywherewithinthreemilesofapublichighway。\"
EXCEPTINGMRS。PENTHERBY
ItwasReggieBruttle\'sownideaforconvertingwhathadthreatenedtobeanalbinoelephantintoabeastofburdenthatshouldhelphimalongthestonyroadofhisfinances。\"TheLimes,\"whichhadcometohimbyinheritancewithoutanyaccompanyingprovisionforitsupkeep,wasoneofthosepretentious,unaccommodatingmansionswhichnonebutamanofwealthcouldaffordtolivein,andwhichnotonewealthymaninahundredwouldchooseonitsmerits。Itmighteasilylanguishintheestatemarketforyears,setroundwithnoticeboardsproclaimingit,intheeyesofascepticalworld,tobeaneminentlydesirableresidence。
Reggie\'sschemewastoturnitintotheheadquartersofaprolongedcountry-houseparty,insessionduringthemonthsfromOctobertilltheendofMarch——apartyconsistingofyoungoryoungishpeopleofbothsexes,toopoortobeabletodomuchhuntingorshootingonaseriousscale,butkeenongettingtheirfillofgolf,bridge,dancing,andoccasionaltheatre-going。Noonewastobeonthefootingofapayingguest,buteveryonewastorankasapayinghost;acommitteewouldlookafterthecateringandexpenditure,andaninformalsub-committeewouldmakeitselfusefulinhelpingforwardtheamusementsideofthescheme。
Asitwasonlyanexperiment,therewastobeageneralagreementonthepartofthoseinvolvedinittobeaslenientandmutuallyhelpfultooneanotheraspossible。Alreadyapromisingnucleus,includingoneortwoyoungmarriedcouples,hadbeengottogether,andthethingseemedtobefairlylaunched。
\"Withgoodmanagementandalittleunobtrusivehardwork,Ithinkthethingoughttobeasuccess,\"saidReggie,andReggiewasoneofthosepeoplewhoarepainstakingfirstandoptimisticafterwards。
\"Thereisonerockonwhichyouwillunfailinglycometogrief,manageyouneversowisely,\"saidMajorDagberry,cheerfully;\"thewomenwillquarrel。Mindyou,\"continuedthisprophetofdisaster,\"Idon\'tsaythatsomeofthemenwon\'tquarreltoo,probablytheywill;butthewomenareboundto。Youcan\'tpreventit;it\'sinthenatureofthesex。Thehandthatrocksthecradlerockstheworld,inavolcanicsense。Awomanwillendurediscomforts,andmakesacrifices,andgowithoutthingstoanheroicextent,buttheoneluxuryshewillnotgowithoutisherquarrels。Nomatterwhereshemaybe,orhowtransientherappearanceonascene,shewillinstalherfemininefeudsasassuredlyasaFrenchmanwouldconcoctsoupinthewasteoftheArcticregions。Atthecommencementofaseavoyage,beforethemaletravellerknowshalfadozenofhisfellowpassengersbysight,theaveragewomanwillhavestartedacoupleofenmities,andlaidinmaterialforoneortwomore——provided,ofcourse,thattherearesufficientwomenaboardtopermitquarrellingintheplural。Ifthere\'snooneelseshewillquarrelwiththestewardess。Thisexperimentofyoursistorunforsixmonths;inlessthanfiveweekstherewillbewartotheknifedeclaringitselfinhalfadozendifferentdirections。\"
\"Oh,come,thereareonlyeightwomenintheparty;theywon\'tpickquarrelsquitesosoonasthat,\"protestedReggie。
\"Theywon\'talloriginatequarrels,perhaps,\"concededtheMajor,\"buttheywillalltakesides,andjustasChristmasisuponyou,withitsconventionsofpeaceandgoodwill,youwillfindyourselfinforaglacialepochofcold,unforgivinghostility,withanoccasionalEtnaflareofopenwarfare。Youcan\'thelpit,oldboy;
but,atanyrate,youcan\'tsayyouwerenotwarned。\"
ThefirstfiveweeksoftheventurefalsifiedMajorDagberry\'spredictionandjustifiedReggie\'soptimism。Therewere,ofcourse,occasionalsmallbickerings,andtheexistenceofcertainjealousiesmightbedetectedbelowthesurfaceofeverydayintercourse;but,onthewhole,thewomenfolkgotonremarkablywelltogether。Therewas,however,anotableexception。IthadnottakenfiveweeksforMrs。Pentherbytogetherselfcordiallydislikedbythemembersofherownsex;fivedayshadbeenamplysufficient。Mostofthewomendeclaredthattheyhaddetestedherthemomenttheyseteyesonher;
butthatwasprobablyanafterthought。
Withthemenfolkshegotonwellenough,withoutbeingofthetypeofwomanwhocanonlybaskinmalesociety;neitherwasshelackinginthegeneralqualitieswhichmakeanindividualusefulanddesirableasamemberofaco-operativecommunity。Shedidnottryto\"getthebetterof\"herfellow-hostsbysnatchinglittleadvantagesorcleverlyevadingherjustcontributions;shewasnotinclinedtobeboringorsnobbishinthewayofpersonalreminiscence。Sheplayedafairgameofbridge,andhercard-roommannerswereirreproachable。Butwherevershecameincontactwithherownsexthelightofbattlekindledatonce;hertalentofarousinganimosityseemedtoborderonpositivegenius。
Whethertheobjectofherattentionswasthick-skinnedorsensitive,quick-temperedorgood-natured,Mrs。Pentherbymanagedtoachievethesameeffect。Sheexposedlittleweaknesses,sheproddedsoreplaces,shesnubbedenthusiasms,shewasgenerallyrightinamatterofargument,or,ifwrong,shesomehowcontrivedtomakeheradversaryappearfoolishandopinionated。Shedid,andsaid,horriblethingsinamatter-of-factinnocentway,andshedid,andsaid,matter-of-factinnocentthingsinahorribleway。Inshort,theunanimousfeminineverdictonherwasthatshewasobjectionable。
Therewasnoquestionoftakingsides,astheMajorhadanticipated;
infact,dislikeofMrs。Pentherbywasalmostabondofunionbetweentheotherwomen,andmorethanonethreateningdisagreementhadbeenrapidlydissipatedbyherobviousandmaliciousattemptstoinflameandextendit;andthemostirritatingthingaboutherwashersuccessfulassumptionofunruffledcomposureatmomentswhenthetempersofheradversarieswerewithdifficultykeptundercontrol。
ShemadehermostscathingremarksinthetoneofatubeconductorannouncingthatthenextstationisBromptonRoad——themeasured,listlesstoneofonewhoknowsheisright,butisutterlyindifferenttothefactthatheproclaims。
OnoneoccasionMrs。ValGwepton,whowasnotblessedwiththemostreposefuloftemperaments,fairlyletherselfgo,andgaveMrs。
Pentherbyavividandtruthfulresumeofheropinionofher。Theobjectofthisunpentstormofaccumulatedanimositywaitedpatientlyforalull,andthenremarkedquietlytotheangrylittlewoman-
\"Andnow,mydearMrs。Gwepton,letmetellyousomethingthatI\'vebeenwantingtosayforthelasttwoorthreeminutes,onlyyouwouldn\'tgivenmeachance;you\'vegotahairpindroppingoutontheleftside。Youthin-hairedwomenalwaysfinditdifficulttokeepyourhairpinsin。\"
\"Whatcanonedowithawomanlikethat?\"Mrs。Valdemandedafterwardsofasympathisingaudience。
Ofcourse,Reggiereceivednumeroushintsastotheunpopularityofthisjarringpersonality。Hissister-in-lawopenlytackledhimonthesubjectofhermanyenormities。ReggielistenedwiththeattenuatedregretthatonebestowsonanearthquakedisasterinBoliviaoracropfailureinEasternTurkestan,eventswhichseemsodistantthatonecanalmostpersuadeoneselftheyhaven\'thappened。
\"Thatwomanhasgotsomeholdoverhim,\"opinedhissister-in-law,darkly;\"eithersheishelpinghimtofinancetheshow,andpresumesonthefact,orelse,whichHeavenforbid,he\'sgotsomequeerinfatuationforher。Mendotakethemostextraordinaryfancies。\"
Mattersnevercameexactlytoacrisis。Mrs。Pentherby,asasourceofpersonaloffence,spreadherselfoversowideanareathatnoonewomanofthepartyfeltimpelledtoriseupanddeclarethatsheabsolutelyrefusedtostayanotherweekinthesamehousewithher。
Whatiseverybody\'stragedyisnobody\'stragedy。Therewaseveracertainconsolationincomparingnotesastospecificactsofoffence。Reggie\'ssister-in-lawhadtheaddedinterestoftryingtodiscoverthesecretbondwhichbluntedhiscondemnationofMrs。
Pentherby\'slongcatalogueofmisdeeds。Therewaslittletogoonfromhismannertowardsherinpublic,butheremainedobstinatelyunimpressedbyanythingthatwassaidagainstherinprivate。
WiththeoneexceptionofMrs。Pentherby\'sunpopularity,thehouse-
partyschemewasasuccessonitsfirsttrial,andtherewasnodifficultyaboutreconstructingitonthesamelinesforanotherwintersession。Itsohappenedthatmostofthewomenoftheparty,andtwoorthreeofthemen,wouldnotbeavailableonthisoccasion,butReggiehadlaidhisplanswellaheadandbookedplentyof\"freshblood\"forthedeparture。Itwouldbe,ifanything,ratheralargerpartythanbefore。
\"I\'msosorryIcan\'tjointhiswinter,\"saidReggie\'ssister-in-
law,\"butwemustgotoourcousinsinIreland;we\'veputthemoffsooften。Whatashame!You\'llhavenoneofthesamewomenthistime。\"
\"ExceptingMrs。Pentherby,\"saidReggie,demurely。
\"Mrs。Pentherby!SURELY,Reggie,you\'renotgoingtobesoidioticastohavethatwomanagain!She\'llsetallthewomen\'sbacksupjustasshedidthistime。WhatISthismysteriousholdshe\'sgooveryou?\"
\"She\'sinvaluable,\"saidReggie;\"she\'smyofficialquarreller。\"
\"Your——whatdidyousay?\"gaspedhissister-in-law。
\"Iintroducedherintothehouse-partyfortheexpresspurposeofconcentratingthefeudsandquarrellingthatwouldotherwisehavebrokenoutinalldirectionsamongthewomenkind。Ididn\'tneedtheadviceandwarningofsundryfriendstoforeseethatweshouldn\'tgetthroughsixmonthsofclosecompanionshipwithoutacertainamountofpeckingandsparring,soIthoughtthebestthingwastolocaliseandsteriliseitinoneprocess。Ofcourse,Imadeitwellworththelady\'swhile,andasshedidn\'tknowanyofyoufromAdam,andyoudon\'tevenknowherrealname,shedidn\'tmindgettingherselfdislikedinausefulcause。\"
\"Youmeantosayshewasintheknowallthetime?\"
\"Ofcourseshewas,andsowereoneortwoofthemen,soshewasabletohaveagoodlaughwithusbehindthesceneswhenshe\'ddoneanythingparticularlyoutrageous。Andshereallyenjoyedherself。
Yousee,she\'sinthepositionofpoorrelationinaratherpugnaciousfamily,andherlifehasbeenlargelyspentinsmoothingoverotherpeople\'squarrels。Youcanimaginethewelcomereliefofbeingabletogoaboutsayinganddoingperfectlyexasperatingthingstoawholehousefulofwomen——andallinthecauseofpeace。\"
\"Ithinkyouarethemostodiouspersoninthewholeworld,\"saidReggie\'ssister-in-law。Whichwasnotstrictlytrue;morethananybody,morethanevershedislikedMrs。Pentherby。Itwasimpossibletocalculatehowmanyquarrelsthatwomanhaddoneheroutof。
MARK
AugustusMellowkentwasanovelistwithafuture;thatistosay,alimitedbutincreasingnumberofpeoplereadhisbooks,andthereseemedgoodreasontosupposethatifhesteadilycontinuedtoturnoutnovelsyearbyyearaprogressivelyincreasingcircleofreaderswouldacquiretheMellowkenthabit,anddemandhisworksfromthelibrariesandbookstalls。AttheinstigationofhispublisherhehaddiscardedthebaptismalAugustusandtakenthefrontnameofMark。
\"Womenlikeanamethatsuggestssomeonestrongandsilent,ablebutunwillingtoanswerquestions。Augustusmerelysuggestsidlesplendour,butsuchanameasMarkMellowkent,besidesbeingalliterative,conjuresupavisionofsomeonestrongandbeautifulandgood,asortofblendofGeorgesCarpentierandtheReverendWhat\'s-his-name。\"
OnemorninginDecemberAugustussatinhiswriting-room,atworkonthethirdchapterofhiseighthnovel。Hehaddescribedatsomelength,forthebenefitofthosewhocouldnotimagineit,whatarectorygardenlookslikeinJuly;hewasnowengagedindescribingatgreaterlengththefeelingsofayounggirl,daughterofalonglineofrectorsandarchdeacons,whenshediscoversforthefirsttimethatthepostmanisattractive。
\"Theireyesmet,forabriefmoment,ashehandedhertwocircularsandthefatwrapper-boundbulkoftheEastEssexNews。Theireyesmet,forthemerestfractionofasecond,yetnothingcouldeverbequitethesameagain。Costwhatitmightshefeltthatshemustspeak,mustbreaktheintolerable,unrealsilencethathadfallenonthem。\'Howisyourmother\'srheumatism?\'shesaid。\"
Theauthor\'slabourswerecutshortbythesuddenintrusionofamaidservant。
\"Agentlemantoseeyou,sir,\"saidthemaid,handingacardwiththenameCaiaphasDwelfinscribedonit;\"saysit\'simportant。\"
Mellowkenthesitatedandyielded;theimportanceofthevisitor\'smissionwasprobablyillusory,buthehadnevermetanyonewiththenameCaiaphasbefore。Itwouldbeatleastanewexperience。
Mr。Dwelfwasamanofindefiniteage;hishigh,narrowforehead,coldgreyeyes,anddeterminedmannerbespokeanunflinchingpurpose。Hehadalargebookunderhisarm,andthereseemedeveryprobabilitythathehadleftapackageofsimilarvolumesinthehall。Hetookaseatbeforeithadbeenofferedhim,placedthebookonthetable,andbegantoaddressMellowkentinthemannerofan\"openletter。\"
\"Youarealiteraryman,theauthorofseveralwell-knownbooks——\"
\"Iamengageonabookatthepresentmoment——ratherbusilyengaged,\"saidMellowkent,pointedly。
\"Exactly,\"saidtheintruder;\"timewithyouisacommodityofconsiderableimportance。Minutes,even,havetheirvalue。\"
\"Theyhave,\"agreedMellowkent,lookingathiswatch。
\"That,\"saidCaiaphas,\"iswhythisbookthatIamintroducingtoyournoticeisnotabookthatyoucanaffordtobewithout。\'RightHere\'isindispensableforthewritingman;itisnoordinaryencyclopaedia,orIshouldnottroubletoshowittoyou。Itisaninexhaustiblemineofconciseinformation——\"
\"Onashelfatmyelbow,\"saidtheauthor,\"IhavearowofreferencebooksthatsupplymewithalltheinformationIamlikelytorequire。\"
\"Here,\"persistedthewould-besalesman,\"youhaveitallinonecompactvolume。Nomatterwhatthesubjectmaybewhichyouwishtolookup,orthefactyoudesiretoverify,\'RightHere\'givesyouallthatyouwanttoknowinthebriefestandmostenlighteningform。Historicalreference,forinstance;careerofJohnHuss,letussay。Hereweare:\'Huss,John,celebratedreligiousreformer。
Born1369,burnedatConstance1415。TheEmperorSigismunduniversallyblamed。\'\"
\"IfhehadbeenburntinthesedayseveryonewouldhavesuspectedtheSuffragettes,\"observedMellowkent。
\"Poultry-keeping,now,\"resumedCaiaphas,\"that\'sasubjectthatmightcropupinanoveldealingwithEnglishcountrylife。Herewehaveallaboutit:\'TheLeghornasegg-producer。LackofmaternalinstinctintheMinorca。Gapesinchickens,itscauseandcure。
Ducklingsfortheearlymarket,howfattened。\'There,yousee,thereitallis,nothinglacking。\"
\"ExceptthematernalinstinctintheMinorca,andthatyoucouldhardlybeexpectedtosupply。\"
\"Sportingrecords,that\'simportant,too;nowhowmanymen,sportingmeneven,aretherewhocansayoff-handwhathorsewontheDerbyinanyparticularyear?Nowit\'sjustalittlethingofthatsort——\"
\"Mydearsir,\"interruptedMellowkent,\"thereareatleastfourmeninmyclubwhocannotonlytellmewhathorsewoninanygivenyear,butwhathorseoughttohavewonandwhyitdidn\'t。Ifyourbookcouldsupplyamethodforprotectingonefrominformationofthatsortitwoulddomorethananythingyouhaveyetclaimedforit。\"
\"Geography,\"saidCaiaphas,imperturbably;\"that\'sathingthatabusyman,writingathighpressure,mayeasilymakeaslipover。
Onlytheotherdayawell-knownauthormadetheVolgaflowintotheBlackSeainsteadoftheCaspian;now,withthisbook——\"
\"Onapolishedrose-woodstandbehindyoutherereposesareliableandup-to-dateatlas,\"saidMellowkent;\"andnowImustreallyaskyoutobegoing。\"
\"Anatlas,\"saidCaiaphas,\"givesmerelythechartoftheriver\'scourse,andindicatestheprincipaltownsthatitpasses。NowRightHeregivesyouthescenery,traffic,ferry-boatcharges,theprevalenttypesoffish,boatmen\'sslangterms,andhoursofsailingoftheprincipalriversteamers。Ifgivesyou——\"
Mellowkentsatandwatchedthehard-featured,resolute,pitilesssalesman,ashesatdoggedlyinthechairwhereinhehadinstalledhimself,unflinchinglyextollingthemeritsofhisundesiredwares。
Aspiritofwistfulemulationtookpossessionoftheauthor;whycouldhenotliveuptothecoldsternnamehehadadopted?Whymusthesithereweaklyandlistentothisweary,unconvincingtirade,whycouldhenotbeMarkMellowkentforafewbriefmoments,andmeetthismanonlevelterms?
Asuddeninspirationflashedacrosshis。
\"Haveyoureadmylastbook,TheCagelessLinnet?\"heasked。
\"Idon\'treadnovels,\"saidCaiaphastersely。
\"Oh,butyououghttoreadthisone,everyoneoughtto,\"exclaimedMellowkent,fishingthebookdownfromashelf;\"publishedatsixshillings,youcanhaveitatfour-and-six。ThereisabitinchapterfivethatIfeelsureyouwouldlike,whereEmmaisaloneinthebirchcopsewaitingforHaroldHuntingdon——thatisthemanherfamilywanthertomarry。Shereallywantstomarryhim,too,butshedoesnotdiscoverthattillchapterfifteen。Listen:\'Farastheeyecouldstretchrolledthemauveandpurplebillowsofheather,lituphereandtherewiththeglowingyellowofgorseandbroom,andedgedroundwiththedelicategreysandsilverandgreenoftheyoungbirchtrees。Tinyblueandbrownbutterfliesflutteredabovethefrondsofheather,revellinginthesunlight,andoverheadthelarksweresingingasonlylarkscansing。ItwasadaywhenallNature——\"
\"In\'RightHere\'youhavefullinformationonallbranchesofNaturestudy,\"brokeinthebookagent,withatirednotesoundinginhisvoiceforthefirsttime;\"forestry,insectlife,birdmigration,reclamationofwastelands。AsIwassaying,nomanwhohastodealwiththevariedinterestsoflife——\"
\"Iwonderifyouwouldcareforoneofmyearlierbooks,TheReluctanceofLadyCullumpton,\"saidMellowkent,huntingagainthroughthebookshelf;\"somepeopleconsideritmybestnovel。Ah,hereitis。Iseethereareoneortwospotsonthecover,soI
won\'taskmorethanthree-and-ninepenceforit。Doletmereadyouhowitopens:
\"\'BeatriceLadyCullumptonenteredthelong,dimly-litdrawing-room,hereyesblazingwithahopethatsheguessedtobegroundless,herlipstremblingwithafearthatshecouldnotdisguise。Inherhandshecarriedasmallfan,afragiletoyoflaceandsatinwood。
Somethingsnappedassheenteredtheroom;shehadcrushedthefanintoadozenpieces。\'
\"There,whatdoyouthinkofthatforanopening?Ittellsyouatoncethatthere\'ssomethingafoot。\"
\"Idon\'treadnovels,\"saidCaiaphassullenly。
\"Butjustthinkwhataresourcetheyare,\"exclaimedtheauthor,\"onlongwinterevenings,orperhapswhenyouarelaidupwithastrainedankle——athingthatmighthappentoanyone;orifyouwerestayinginahouse-partywithpersistentwetweatherandastupidhostessandinsufferablydullfellow-guests,youwouldjustmakeanexcusethatyouhadletterstowrite,gotoyourroom,lightacigarette,andforthree-and-ninepenceyoucouldplungeintothesocietyofBeatriceLadyCullumptonandherset。Nooneoughttotravelwithoutoneortwoofmynovelsintheirluggageasastand-
by。AfriendofminesaidonlytheotherdaythathewouldassoonthinkofgoingintothetropicswithoutquinineasofgoingonavisitwithoutacoupleofMarkMellowkentsinhiskit-bag。Perhapssensationismoreinyourline。IwonderifI\'vegotacopyofThePython\'sKiss。\"
Caiaphasdidnotwaittobetemptedwithselectionsfromthatthrillingworkoffiction。Withamutteredremarkabouthavingnotimetowasteonmonkey-talk,hegathereduphisslightedvolumeanddeparted。HemadenoaudiblereplytoMellowkent\'scheerful\"Goodmorning,\"butthelatterfanciedthatalookofrespectfulhatredflickeredinthecoldgreyeyes。
THEHEDGEHOG
A\"MixedDouble\"ofyoungpeoplewerecontestingagameoflawntennisattheRectorygardenparty;forthepastfive-and-twentyyearsatleastmixeddoublesofyoungpeoplehaddoneexactlythesamethingonexactlythesamespotataboutthesametimeofyear。
Theyoungpeoplechangedandmadewayforothersinthecourseoftime,butverylittleelseseemedtoalter。Thepresentplayersweresufficientlyconsciousofthesocialnatureoftheoccasiontobeconcernedabouttheirclothesandappearance,andsufficientlysport-lovingtobekeenonthegame。Boththeireffortsandtheirappearancecameunderthefourfoldscrutinyofaquartetofladiessittingasofficialspectatorsonabenchimmediatelycommandingthecourt。ItwasoneoftheacceptedconditionsoftheRectorygardenpartythatfourladies,whousuallyknewverylittleabouttennisandagreatdealabouttheplayers,shouldsitatthatparticularspotandwatchthegame。Ithadalsocometobealmostatraditionthattwoladiesshouldbeamiable,andthattheothertwoshouldbeMrs。DoleandMrs。Hatch-Mallard。
\"WhatasingularlyunbecomingwayEvaJonelethastakentodoingherhairin,\"saidMrs。Hatch-Mallard;\"it\'suglyhairatthebestoftimes,butsheneedn\'tmakeitlookridiculousaswell。Someoneoughttotellher。\"
EvaJonelet\'shairmighthaveescapedMrs。Hatch-Mallard\'scondemnationifshecouldhaveforgottenthemoreglaringfactthatEvawasMrs。Dole\'sfavouriteniece。Itwould,perhaps,havebeenamorecomfortablearrangementifMrs。Hatch-MallardandMrs。DolecouldhavebeenaskedtotheRectoryonseparateoccasions,buttherewasonlyonegardenpartyinthecourseoftheyear,andneitherladycouldhavebeenomittedfromthelistofinvitationswithouthopelesslywreckingthesocialpeaceoftheparish。
\"Howprettytheyewtreeslookatthistimeofyear,\"interposedaladywithasoft,silveryvoicethatsuggestedachinchillamuffpaintedbyWhistler。
\"Whatdoyoumeanbythistimeofyear?\"demandedMrs。Hatch-
Mallard。\"Yewtreeslookbeautifulatalltimesoftheyear。Thatistheirgreatcharm。\"
\"Yewtreesneverlookanythingbuthideousunderanycircumstancesoratanytimeofyear,\"saidMrs。Dole,withtheslow,emphaticrelishofonewhocontradictsforthepleasureofthething。\"Theyareonlyfitforgraveyardsandcemeteries。\"
Mrs。Hatch-Mallardgaveasardonicsnort,which,beingtranslated,meantthatthereweresomepeoplewhowerebetterfittedforcemeteriesthanforgardenparties。
\"Whatisthescore,please?\"askedtheladywiththechinchillavoice。
Thedesiredinformationwasgivenherbyayounggentlemaninspotlesswhiteflannels,whosegeneraltoileteffectsuggestedsolicituderatherthananxiety。
\"WhatanodiousyoungcubBertieDyksonhasbecome!\"pronouncedMrs。
Dole,rememberingsuddenlythatBertiewasafavouritewithMrs。
Hatch-Mallard。\"Theyoungmenofto-dayarenotwhattheyusedtobetwentyyearsago。\"
\"Ofcoursenot,\"saidMrs。Hatch-Mallard;\"twentyyearsagoBertieDyksonwasjusttwoyearsold,andyoumustexpectsomedifferenceinappearanceandmannerandconversationbetweenthosetwoperiods。\"
\"Doyouknow,\"saidMrs。Dole,confidentially,\"Ishouldn\'tbesurprisedifthatwasintendedtobeclever。\"
\"Haveyouanyoneinterestingcomingtostaywithyou,Mrs。
Norbury?\"askedthechinchillavoice,hastily;\"yougenerallyhaveahousepartyatthistimeofyear。\"
\"I\'vegotamostinterestingwomancoming,\"saidMrs。Norbury,whohadbeenmutelystrugglingforsomechancetoturntheconversationintoasafechannel;\"anoldacquaintanceofmine,AdaBleek——\"
\"Whatanuglyname,\"saidMrs。Hatch-Mallard。
\"She\'sdescendedfromthedelaBliques,anoldHuguenotfamilyofTouraine,youknow。\"
\"Thereweren\'tanyHuguenotsinTouraine,\"saidMrs。Hatch-Mallard,whothoughtshemightsafelydisputeanyfactthatwasthreehundredyearsold。
\"Well,anyhow,she\'scomingtostaywithme,\"continuedMrs。
Norbury,bringingherstoryquicklydowntothepresentday,\"shearrivesthisevening,andshe\'shighlyclairvoyante,aseventhdaughterofaseventhdaughter,younow,andallthatsortofthing。\"
\"Howveryinteresting,\"saidthechinchillavoice;\"Exwoodisjusttherightplaceforhertocometo,isn\'tit?Therearesupposedtobeseveralghoststhere。\"
\"Thatiswhyshewassoanxioustocome,\"saidMrs。Norbury;\"sheputoffanotherengagementinordertoacceptmyinvitation。She\'shadvisionsanddreams,andallthosesortofthings,thathavecometrueinamostmarvellousmanner,butshe\'sneveractuallyseenaghost,andshe\'slongingtohavethatexperience。ShebelongstothatResearchSociety,youknow。\"
\"Iexpectshe\'llseetheunhappyLadyCullumpton,themostfamousofalltheExwoodghosts,\"saidMrs。Dole;\"myancestor,youknow,SirGervaseCullumpton,murderedhisyoungbrideinafitofjealousywhiletheywereonavisittoExwood。Hestrangledherinthestableswithastirrupleather,justaftertheyhadcomeinfromriding,andsheisseensometimesatduskgoingaboutthelawnsandthestableyard,inalonggreenhabit,moaningandtryingtogetthethongfromroundherthroat。Ishallbemostinterestedtohearifyourfriendsees——\"
\"Idon\'tknowwhysheshouldbeexpectedtoseeatrashy,traditionalapparitionliketheso-calledCullumptonghost,thatisonlyvouchedforbyhousemaidsandtipsystable-boys,whenmyuncle,whowastheownerofExwood,committedsuicidethereunderthemosttragicalcircumstances,andmostcertainlyhauntstheplace。\"
\"Mrs。Hatch-MallardhasevidentlyneverreadPopple\'sCountyHistory,\"saidMrs。Doleicily,\"orshewouldknowthattheCullumptonghosthasawealthofevidencebehindit——\"
\"Oh,Popple!\"exclaimedMrs。Hatch-Mallardscornfully;\"anyrubbishyoldstoryisgoodenoughforhim。Popple,indeed!Nowmyuncle\'sghostwasseenbyaRuralDean,whowasalsoaJusticeofthePeace。
Ishouldthinkthatwouldbegoodenoughtestimonyforanyone。
Mrs。Norbury,Ishalltakeitasadeliberatepersonalaffrontifyourclairvoyantefriendseesanyotherghostexceptthatofmyuncle。\"
\"Idaresayshewon\'tseeanythingatall;sheneverhasyet,youknow,\"saidMrs。Norburyhopefully。
\"Itwasamostunfortunatetopicformetohavebroached,\"shelamentedafterwardstotheownerofthechinchillavoice;\"ExwoodbelongstoMrs。Hatch-Mallard,andwe\'veonlygotitonashortlease。Anephewofhershasbeenwantingtolivethereforsometime,andifweoffendherinanywayshe\'llrefusetorenewthelease。Isometimesthinkthesegarden-partiesareamistake。\"
TheNorburysplayedbridgeforthenextthreenightstillnearlyoneo\'clock;theydidnotcareforthegame,butitreducedthetimeattheirguest\'sdisposalforundesirableghostlyvisitations。
\"MissBleekisnotlikelytobeinaframeofmindtoseeghosts,\"
saidHugoNorbury,\"ifshegoestobedwithherbrainawhirlwithroyalspadesandnotrumpsandgrandslams。\"
\"I\'vetalkedtoherforhoursaboutMrs。Hatch-Mallard\'suncle,\"
saidhiswife,\"andpointedouttheexactspotwherehekilledhimself,andinventedallsortsofimpressivedetails,andI\'vefoundanoldportraitofLordJohnRussellandputitinherroom,andtoldherthatit\'ssupposedtobeapictureoftheuncleinmiddleage。IfAdadoesseeaghostatallitcertainlyoughttobeoldHatch-Mallard\'s。Atanyrate,we\'vedoneourbest。\"
Theprecautionswereinvain。OnthethirdmorningofherstayAdaBleekcamedownlatetobreakfast,hereyeslookingverytired,butablazewithexcitement,herhairdoneanyhow,andalargebrownvolumehuggedunderherarm。
\"AtlastI\'veseensomethingsupernatural!\"sheexclaimed,andgaveMrs。Norburyaferventkiss,asthoughingratitudefortheopportunityaffordedher。
\"Aghost!\"criedMrs。Norbury,\"notreally!\"
\"Reallyandunmistakably!\"
\"Wasitanoldishmaninthedressofaboutfiftyyearsago?\"askedMrs。Norburyhopefully。
\"Nothingofthesort,\"saidAda;\"itwasawhitehedgehog。\"
\"Awhitehedgehog!\"exclaimedboththeNorburys,intonesofdisconcertedastonishment。
\"Ahugewhitehedgehogwithbalefulyelloweyes,\"saidAda;\"IwaslyinghalfasleepinbedwhensuddenlyIfeltasensationasofsomethingsinisterandunaccountablepassingthroughtheroom。I
satupandlookedround,andthere,underthewindow,Isawanevil,creepingthing,asortofmonstroushedgehog,ofadirtywhitecolour,withblack,loathsomeclawsthatclickedandscrapedalongthefloor,andnarrow,yelloweyesofindescribableevil。Itslitheredalongforayardortwo,alwayslookingatmewithitscruel,hideouseyes,then,whenitreachedthesecondwindow,whichwasopenitclamberedupthesillandvanished。Igotupatonceandwenttothewindow;therewasn\'tasignofitanywhere。Ofcourse,Iknewitmustbesomethingfromanotherworld,butitwasnottillIturnedupPopple\'schapteronlocaltraditionsthatI
realisedwhatIhadseen。\"
Sheturnedeagerlytothelargebrownvolumeandread:\"\'NicholasHerison,anoldmiser,washungatBatchfordin1763forthemurderofafarmladwhohadaccidentallydiscoveredhissecrethoard。Hisghostissupposedtotraversethecountryside,appearingsometimesasawhiteowl,sometimesasahugewhitehedgehog。\"
\"IexpectyoureadthePopplestoryovernight,andthatmadeyouTHINKyousawahedgehogwhenyouwereonlyhalfawake,\"saidMrs。
Norbury,hazardingaconjecturethatprobablycameverynearthetruth。
Adascoutedthepossibilityofsuchasolutionofherapparition。
\"Thismustbehushedup,\"saidMrs。Norburyquickly;\"theservants——
\"
\"Hushedup!\"exclaimedAda,indignantly;\"I\'mwritingalongreportonitfortheResearchSociety。\"
ItwasthenthatHugoNorbury,whoisnotnaturallyamanofbrilliantresource,hadoneofthereallyusefulinspirationsofhislife。
\"Itwasverywickedofus,MissBleek,\"hesaid,\"butitwouldbeashametoletitgofurther。Thatwhitehedgehogisanoldjokeofours;stuffedalbinohedgehog,youknow,thatmyfatherbroughthomefromJamaica,wheretheygrowtoenormoussize。Wehideitintheroomwithastringonit,runoneendofthestringthroughthewindow;thenwepulliffrombelowanditcomesscrapingalongthefloor,justasyou\'vedescribed,andfinallyjerksoutofthewindow。Takeninheapsofpeople;theyallreadupPoppleandthinkit\'soldHarryNicholson\'sghost;wealwaysstopthemfromwritingtothepapersaboutit,though。Thatwouldbecarryingmatterstoofar。\"
Mrs。Hatch-Mallardrenewedtheleaseinduecourse,butAdaBleekhasneverrenewedherfriendship。