XI
THESCHOOLFORHYPOCRITES
Thesearethefalseaccusations；theaccusationofclassicism，theaccusationofcruelty，andtheaccusationofanexclusivenessbasedonperfectionofpedigree。Englishpublic-schoolboysarenotpedants，theyarenottorturers；andtheyarenot，inthevastmajorityofcases，peoplefiercelyproudoftheirancestry，orevenpeoplewithanyancestrytobeproudof。Theyaretaughttobecourteous，tobegoodtempered，tobebraveinabodilysense，tobecleaninabodilysense；
theyaregenerallykindtoanimals，generallyciviltoservants，andtoanyoneinanysensetheirequal，thejolliestcompanionsonearth。
Istherethenanythingwronginthepublic-schoolideal？
Ithinkweallfeelthereissomethingverywronginit，butablindingnetworkofnewspaperphraseologyobscuresandentanglesus；sothatitishardtotracetoitsbeginning，beyondallwordsandphrases。
thefaultsinthisgreatEnglishachievement。
Surely，whenallissaid，theultimateobjectiontotheEnglishpublicschoolisitsutterlyblatantandindecentdisregardofthedutyoftellingthetruth。IknowtheredoesstilllingeramongmaidenladiesinremotecountryhousesanotionthatEnglishschoolboysaretaughttotellthetruth，butitcannotbemaintainedseriouslyforamoment。Veryoccasionally，veryvaguely，Englishschoolboysaretoldnottotelllies，whichisatotallydifferentthing。Imaysilentlysupportalltheobscenefictionsandforgeriesintheuniverse，withoutoncetellingalie。Imaywearanotherman\'scoat，stealanotherman\'swit，apostatizetoanotherman\'screed，orpoisonanotherman\'scoffee，allwithoutevertellingalie。
ButnoEnglishschool-boyisevertaughttotellthetruth，fortheverysimplereasonthatheisnevertaughttodesirethetruth。
Fromtheveryfirstheistaughttobetotallycarelessaboutwhetherafactisafact；heistaughttocareonlywhetherthefactcanbeusedonhis\"side\"whenheisengagedin\"playingthegame。\"
HetakessidesinhisUniondebatingsocietytosettlewhetherCharlesIoughttohavebeenkilled，withthesamesolemnandpompousfrivolitywithwhichhetakessidesinthecricketfieldtodecidewhetherRugbyorWestminstershallwin。
Heisneverallowedtoadmittheabstractnotionofthetruth，thatthematchisamatterofwhatmayhappen，butthatCharlesI
isamatterofwhatdidhappen——ordidnot。HeisLiberalorToryatthegeneralelectionexactlyasheisOxfordorCambridgeattheboatrace。Heknowsthatsportdealswiththeunknown；
hehasnotevenanotionthatpoliticsshoulddealwiththeknown。
Ifanyonereallydoubtsthisself-evidentproposition，thatthepublicschoolsdefinitelydiscouragetheloveoftruth，thereisonefactwhichIshouldthinkwouldsettlehim。
EnglandisthecountryofthePartySystem，andithasalwaysbeenchieflyrunbypublic-schoolmen。IsthereanyoneoutofHanwellwhowillmaintainthatthePartySystem，whateveritsconveniencesorinconveniences，couldhavebeencreatedbypeopleparticularlyfondoftruth？
TheveryEnglishhappinessonthispointisitselfahypocrisy。
Whenamanreallytellsthetruth，thefirsttruthhetellsisthathehimselfisaliar。Davidsaidinhishaste，thatis，inhishonesty，thatallmenareliars。Itwasafterwards，insomeleisurelyofficialexplanation，thathesaidtheKingsofIsraelatleasttoldthetruth。
WhenLordCurzonwasViceroyhedeliveredamorallecturetotheIndiansontheirreputedindifferencetoveracity，toactualityandintellectualhonor。Agreatmanypeopleindignantlydiscussedwhetherorientalsdeservedtoreceivethisrebuke；whetherIndianswereindeedinapositiontoreceivesuchsevereadmonition。
Nooneseemedtoask，asIshouldventuretoask，whetherLordCurzonwasinapositiontogiveit。Heisanordinarypartypolitician；apartypoliticianmeansapoliticianwhomighthavebelongedtoeitherparty。
Beingsuchaperson，hemustagainandagain，ateverytwistandturnofpartystrategy，eitherhavedeceivedothersorgrosslydeceivedhimself。
IdonotknowtheEast；nordoIlikewhatIknow。IamquitereadytobelievethatwhenLordCurzonwentouthefoundaveryfalseatmosphere。
IonlysayitmusthavebeensomethingstartlinglyandchokinglyfalseifitwasfalserthanthatEnglishatmospherefromwhichhecame。
TheEnglishParliamentactuallycaresforeverythingexceptveracity。
Thepublic-schoolmaniskind，courageous，polite，clean，companionable；
but，inthemostawfulsenseofthewords，thetruthisnotinhim。
ThisweaknessofuntruthfulnessintheEnglishpublicschools，intheEnglishpoliticalsystem，andtosomeextentintheEnglishcharacter，isaweaknesswhichnecessarilyproducesacuriouscropofsuperstitions，oflyinglegends，ofevidentdelusionsclungtothroughlowspiritualself-indulgence。Therearesomanyofthesepublic-schoolsuperstitionsthatIhavehereonlyspaceforoneofthem，whichmaybecalledthesuperstitionofsoap。
ItappearstohavebeensharedbytheablutionaryPharisees，whoresembledtheEnglishpublic-schoolaristocratsinsomanyrespects：intheircareaboutclubrulesandtraditions，intheiroffensiveoptimismattheexpenseofotherpeople，andaboveallintheirunimaginativeploddingpatriotismintheworstinterestsoftheircountry。Nowtheoldhumancommonsenseaboutwashingisthatitisagreatpleasure。
Water（appliedexternally）isasplendidthing，likewine。
Sybaritesbatheinwine，andNonconformistsdrinkwater；
butwearenotconcernedwiththesefranticexceptions。
Washingbeingapleasure，itstandstoreasonthatrichpeoplecanafforditmorethanpoorpeople，andaslongasthiswasrecognizedallwaswell；anditwasveryrightthatrichpeopleshouldofferbathstopoorpeople，astheymightofferanyotheragreeablething——
adrinkoradonkeyride。Butonedreadfulday，somewhereaboutthemiddleofthenineteenthcentury，somebodydiscovered（somebodyprettywelloff）thetwogreatmoderntruths，thatwashingisavirtueintherichandthereforeadutyinthepoor。Foradutyisavirtuethatonecan\'tdo。
Andavirtueisgenerallyadutythatonecandoquiteeasily；
likethebodilycleanlinessoftheupperclasses。
Butinthepublic-schooltraditionofpubliclife，soaphasbecomecreditablesimplybecauseitispleasant。BathsarerepresentedasapartofthedecayoftheRomanEmpire；butthesamebathsarerepresentedaspartoftheenergyandrejuvenationoftheBritishEmpire。Therearedistinguishedpublicschoolmen，bishops，dons，headmasters，andhighpoliticians，who，inthecourseoftheeulogieswhichfromtimetotimetheypassuponthemselves，haveactuallyidentifiedphysicalcleanlinesswithmoralpurity。
Theysay（ifIrememberrightly）thatapublic-schoolmaniscleaninsideandout。Asifeveryonedidnotknowthatwhilesaintscanaffordtobedirty，seducershavetobeclean。
Asifeveryonedidnotknowthattheharlotmustbeclean，becauseitisherbusinesstocaptivate，whilethegoodwifemaybedirty，becauseitisherbusinesstoclean。
AsifwedidnotallknowthatwheneverGod\'sthundercracksaboveus，itisverylikelyindeedtofindthesimplestmaninamuckcartandthemostcomplexblackguardinabath。
Thereareotherinstances，ofcourse，ofthisoilytrickofturningthepleasuresofagentlemanintothevirtuesofanAnglo-Saxon。Sport，likesoap，isanadmirablething，but，likesoap，itisanagreeablething。Anditdoesnotsumupallmortalmeritstobeasportsmanplayingthegameinaworldwhereitissooftennecessarytobeaworkmandoingthework。
Byallmeansletagentlemancongratulatehimselfthathehasnotlosthisnaturalloveofpleasure，asagainsttheblase，andunchildlike。Butwhenonehasthechildlikejoyitisbesttohavealsothechildlikeunconsciousness；andIdonotthinkweshouldhavespecialaffectionforthelittleboywhoeverlastinglyexplainedthatitwashisdutytoplayHideandSeekandoneofhisfamilyvirtuestobeprominentinPussintheCorner。
Anothersuchirritatinghypocrisyistheoligarchicattitudetowardsmendicityasagainstorganizedcharity。Hereagain，asinthecaseofcleanlinessandofathletics，theattitudewouldbeperfectlyhumanandintelligibleifitwerenotmaintainedasamerit。
Justastheobviousthingaboutsoapisthatitisaconvenience，sotheobviousthingaboutbeggarsisthattheyareaninconvenience。
Therichwoulddeserveverylittleblameiftheysimplysaidthattheyneverdealtdirectlywithbeggars，becauseinmodernurbancivilizationitisimpossibletodealdirectlywithbeggars；
orifnotimpossible，atleastverydifficult。Butthesepeopledonotrefusemoneytobeggarsonthegroundthatsuchcharityisdifficult。
Theyrefuseitonthegrosslyhypocriticalgroundthatsuchcharityiseasy。Theysay，withthemostgrotesquegravity，\"Anyonecanputhishandinhispocketandgiveapoormanapenny；
butwe，philanthropists，gohomeandbroodandtravailoverthepoorman\'stroublesuntilwehavediscoveredexactlywhatjail，reformatory，workhouse，orlunaticasylumitwillreallybebestforhimtogoto。\"Thisisallsheerlying。
Theydonotbroodaboutthemanwhentheygethome，andiftheydiditwouldnotaltertheoriginalfactthattheirmotivefordiscouragingbeggarsistheperfectlyrationalonethatbeggarsareabother。Amanmayeasilybeforgivenfornotdoingthisorthatincidentalactofcharity，especiallywhenthequestionisasgenuinelydifficultasisthecaseofmendicity。
ButthereissomethingquitepestilentlyPecksniffianaboutshrinkingfromahardtaskonthepleathatitisnothardenough。
Ifanymanwillreallytrytalkingtothetenbeggarswhocometohisdoorhewillsoonfindoutwhetheritisreallysomucheasierthanthelaborofwritingacheckforahospital。
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XII
THESTALENESSOFTHENEWSCHOOLS
Forthisdeepanddisablingreasontherefore，itscynicalandabandonedindifferencetothetruth，theEnglishpublicschooldoesnotprovideuswiththeidealthatwerequire。
Wecanonlyaskitsmoderncriticstorememberthatrightorwrongthethingcanbedone；thefactoryisworking，thewheelsaregoingaround，thegentlemenarebeingproduced，withtheirsoap，cricketandorganizedcharityallcomplete。
Andinthis，aswehavesaidbefore，thepublicschoolreallyhasanadvantageoveralltheothereducationalschemesofourtime。
Youcanpickoutapublic-schoolmaninanyofthemanycompaniesintowhichtheystray，fromaChineseopiumdentoaGermanJewishdinner-party。ButIdoubtifyoucouldtellwhichlittlematchgirlhadbeenbroughtupbyundenominationalreligionandwhichbyseculareducation。
ThegreatEnglisharistocracywhichhasruledussincetheReformationisreally，inthissense，amodeltothemoderns。
Itdidhaveanideal，andthereforeithasproducedareality。
Wemayrepeatherethatthesepagesproposemainlytoshowonething：
thatprogressoughttobebasedonprinciple，whileourmodernprogressismostlybasedonprecedent。Wego，notbywhatmaybeaffirmedintheory，butbywhathasbeenalreadyadmittedinpractice。
ThatiswhytheJacobitesarethelastToriesinhistorywithwhomahigh-spiritedpersoncanhavemuchsympathy。
Theywantedaspecificthing；theywerereadytogoforwardforit，andsotheywerealsoreadytogobackforit。
ButmodernTorieshaveonlythedullnessofdefendingsituationsthattheyhadnottheexcitementofcreating。
Revolutionistsmakeareform，Conservativesonlyconservethereform。
Theyneverreformthereform，whichisoftenverymuchwanted。
Justastherivalryofarmamentsisonlyasortofsulkyplagiarism，sotherivalryofpartiesisonlyasortofsulkyinheritance。
Menhavevotes，sowomenmustsoonhavevotes；poorchildrenaretaughtbyforce，sotheymustsoonbefedbyforce；
thepoliceshutpublichousesbytwelveo\'clock，sosoontheymustshutthembyeleveno\'clock；childrenstopatschooltilltheyarefourteen，sosoontheywillstoptilltheyareforty。
Nogleamofreason，nomomentaryreturntofirstprinciples，noabstractaskingofanyobviousquestion，caninterruptthismadandmonotonousgallopofmereprogressbyprecedent。
Itisagoodwaytopreventrealrevolution。
Bythislogicofevents，theRadicalgetsasmuchintoarutastheConservative。Wemeetonehoaryoldlunaticwhosayshisgrandfathertoldhimtostandbyonestile。
Wemeetanotherhoaryoldlunaticwhosayshisgrandfathertoldhimonlytowalkalongonelane。
Isaywemayrepeatherethisprimarypartoftheargument，becausewehavejustnowcometotheplacewhereitismoststartlinglyandstronglyshown。Thefinalproofthatourelementaryschoolshavenodefiniteidealoftheirownisthefactthattheysoopenlyimitatetheidealsofthepublicschools。
IntheelementaryschoolswehavealltheethicalprejudicesandexaggerationsofEtonandHarrowcarefullycopiedforpeopletowhomtheydonotevenroughlyapply。
Wehavethesamewildlydisproportionatedoctrineoftheeffectofphysicalcleanlinessonmoralcharacter。
Educatorsandeducationalpoliticiansdeclare，amidwarmcheers，thatcleanlinessisfarmoreimportantthanallthesquabblesaboutmoralandreligioustraining。Itwouldreallyseemthatsolongasalittleboywasheshishandsitdoesnotmatterwhetherheiswashingoffhismother\'sjamorhisbrother\'sgore。
Wehavethesamegrosslyinsincerepretensethatsportalwaysencouragesasenseofhonor，whenweknowthatitoftenruinsit。
Aboveall，wehavethesamegreatupperclassassumptionthatthingsaredonebestbylargeinstitutionshandlinglargesumsofmoneyandorderingeverybodyabout；andthattrivialandimpulsivecharityisinsomewaycontemptible。
AsMr。Blatchfordsays，\"Theworlddoesnotwantpiety，butsoap——
andSocialism。\"Pietyisoneofthepopularvirtues，whereassoapandSocialismaretwohobbiesoftheuppermiddleclass。
These\"healthy\"ideals，astheyarecalled，whichourpoliticiansandschoolmastershaveborrowedfromthearistocraticschoolsandappliedtothedemocratic，arebynomeansparticularlyappropriatetoanimpoverisheddemocracy。Avagueadmirationfororganizedgovernmentandavaguedistrustofindividualaidcannotbemadetofitinatallintothelivesofpeopleamongwhomkindnessmeanslendingasaucepanandhonormeanskeepingoutoftheworkhouse。
Itresolvesitselfeitherintodiscouragingthatsystemofpromptandpatchworkgenerositywhichisadailygloryofthepoor，orelseintohazyadvicetopeoplewhohavenomoneynottogiveitrecklesslyaway。Noristheexaggeratedgloryofathletics，defensibleenoughindealingwiththerichwho，iftheydidnotrompandrace，wouldeatanddrinkunwholesomely，byanymeanssomuchtothepointwhenappliedtopeople，mostofwhomwilltakeagreatdealofexerciseanyhow，withspadeorhammer，pickaxorsaw。
Andforthethirdcase，ofwashing，itisobviousthatthesamesortofrhetoricaboutcorporealdaintinesswhichispropertoanornamentalclasscannot，merelyasitstands，beapplicabletoadustman。
Agentlemanisexpectedtobesubstantiallyspotlessallthetime。
Butitisnomorediscreditableforascavengertobedirtythanforadeep-seadivertobewet。AsweepisnomoredisgracedwhenheiscoveredwithsootthanMichaelAngelowhenheiscoveredwithclay，orBayardwhenheiscoveredwithblood。Norhavetheseextendersofthepublic-schooltraditiondoneorsuggestedanythingbywayofasubstituteforthepresentsnobbishsystemwhichmakescleanlinessalmostimpossibletothepoor；Imeanthegeneralritualoflinenandthewearingofthecast-offclothesoftherich。Onemanmovesintoanotherman\'sclothesashemovesintoanotherman\'shouse。
Nowonderthatoureducationistsarenothorrifiedatamanpickingupthearistocrat\'ssecond-handtrousers，whentheythemselveshaveonlytakenupthearistocrat\'ssecond-handideas。
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XIII
THEOUTLAWEDPARENT
Thereisonethingatleastofwhichthereisneversomuchasawhisperinsidethepopularschools；andthatistheopinionofthepeopleTheonlypersonswhoseemtohavenothingtodowiththeeducationofthechildrenaretheparents。
YettheEnglishpoorhaveverydefinitetraditionsinmanyways。
Theyarehiddenunderembarrassmentandirony；andthosepsychologistswhohavedisentangledthemtalkofthemasverystrange，barbaricandsecretivethingsBut，asamatteroffact，thetraditionsofthepooraremostlysimplythetraditionsofhumanity，athingwhichmanyofushavenotseenforsometime。
Forinstance，workingmenhaveatraditionthatifoneistalkingaboutavilethingitisbettertotalkofitincoarselanguage；
oneisthelesslikelytobeseducedintoexcusingit。
Butmankindhadthistraditionalso，untilthePuritansandtheirchildren，theIbsenites，startedtheoppositeidea，thatitdoesnotmatterwhatyousaysolongasyousayitwithlongwordsandalongface。Oragain，theeducatedclasseshavetabooedmostjestingaboutpersonalappearance；
butindoingthistheytaboonotonlythehumoroftheslums，butmorethanhalfthehealthyliteratureoftheworld；theyputpolitenose-bagsonthenosesofPunchandBardolph，StigginsandCyranodeBergerac。Again，theeducatedclasseshaveadoptedahideousandheathencustomofconsideringdeathastoodreadfultotalkabout，andlettingitremainasecretforeachperson，likesomeprivatemalformation。Thepoor，onthecontrary，makeagreatgossipanddisplayaboutbereavement；andtheyareright。Theyhaveholdofatruthofpsychologywhichisatthebackofallthefuneralcustomsofthechildrenofmen。
Thewaytolessensorrowistomakealotofit。Thewaytoendureapainfulcrisisistoinsistverymuchthatitisacrisis；
topermitpeoplewhomustfeelsadatleasttofeelimportant。
Inthisthepooraresimplythepriestsoftheuniversalcivilization；
andintheirstuffyfeastsandsolemnchatteringthereisthesmellofthebakedmeatsofHamletandthedustandechoofthefuneralgamesofPatroclus。
Thethingsphilanthropistsbarelyexcuse（ordonotexcuse）
inthelifeofthelaboringclassesaresimplythethingswehavetoexcuseinallthegreatestmonumentsofman。ItmaybethatthelaborerisasgrossasShakespeareorasgarrulousasHomer；
thatifheisreligioushetalksnearlyasmuchabouthellasDante；
thatifheisworldlyhetalksnearlyasmuchaboutdrinkasDickens。NoristhepoormanwithouthistoricsupportifhethinkslessofthatceremonialwashingwhichChristdismissed，andrathermoreofthatceremonialdrinkingwhichChristspeciallysanctified。
Theonlydifferencebetweenthepoormanofto-dayandthesaintsandheroesofhistoryisthatwhichinallclassesseparatesthecommonmanwhocanfeelthingsfromthegreatmanwhocanexpressthem。
Whathefeelsismerelytheheritageofman。Nownobodyexpectsofcoursethatthecabmenandcoal-heaverscanbecompleteinstructorsoftheirchildrenanymorethanthesquiresandcolonelsandteamerchantsarecompleteinstructorsoftheirchildren。
Theremustbeaneducationalspecialistinlocoparentis。
ButthemasteratHarrowisinlocoparentis；themasterinHoxtonisrathercontraparentem。Thevaguepoliticsofthesquire，thevaguervirtuesofthecolonel，thesoulandspiritualyearningsofateamerchant，are，inveritablepractice，conveyedtothechildrenofthesepeopleattheEnglishpublicschools。
ButIwishheretoaskaveryplainandemphaticquestion。
Cananyonealiveevenpretendtopointoutanywayinwhichthesespecialvirtuesandtraditionsofthepoorarereproducedintheeducationofthepoor？Idonotwishthecoster\'sironytoappealascoarselyintheschoolasitdoesinthetaproom；butdoesitappearatall？
Isthechildtaughttosympathizeatallwithhisfather\'sadmirablecheerfulnessandslang？Idonotexpectthepathetic，eagerpietasofthemother，withherfuneralclothesandfuneralbakedmeats，tobeexactlyimitatedintheeducationalsystem；
buthasitanyinfluenceatallontheeducationalsystem？
Doesanyelementaryschoolmasteraccorditevenaninstant\'sconsiderationorrespect？IdonotexpecttheschoolmastertohatehospitalsandC。O。S。centerssomuchastheschoolboy\'sfather；
butdoeshehatethematall？Doeshesympathizeintheleastwiththepoorman\'spointofhonoragainstofficialinstitutions？
Isitnotquitecertainthattheordinaryelementaryschoolmasterwillthinkitnotmerelynaturalbutsimplyconscientioustoeradicatealltheseruggedlegendsofalaboriouspeople，andonprincipletopreachsoapandSocialismagainstbeerandliberty？
Inthelowerclassestheschoolmasterdoesnotworkfortheparent，butagainsttheparent。Moderneducationmeanshandingdownthecustomsoftheminority，androotingoutthecustomsofthemajority。
InsteadoftheirChristlikecharity，theirShakespeareanlaughterandtheirhighHomericreverenceforthedead，thepoorhaveimposedonthemmerepedanticcopiesoftheprejudicesoftheremoterich。
Theymustthinkabathroomanecessitybecausetotheluckyitisaluxury；theymustswingSwedishclubsbecausetheirmastersareafraidofEnglishcudgels；andtheymustgetovertheirprejudiceagainstbeingfedbytheparish，becausearistocratsfeelnoshameaboutbeingfedbythenation。
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XIV
FOLLYANDFEMALEEDUCATION
Itisthesameinthecaseofgirls。IamoftensolemnlyaskedwhatIthinkofthenewideasaboutfemaleeducation。
Buttherearenonewideasaboutfemaleeducation。
Thereisnot，thereneverhasbeen，eventhevestigeofanewidea。
Alltheeducationalreformersdidwastoaskwhatwasbeingdonetoboysandthengoanddoittogirls；justastheyaskedwhatwasbeingtaughttoyoungsquiresandthentaughtittoyoungchimneysweeps。
Whattheycallnewideasareveryoldideasinthewrongplace。
Boysplayfootball，whyshouldn\'tgirlsplayfootball；
boyshaveschoolcolors，whyshouldn\'tgirlshaveschool-colors；
boysgoinhundredstoday-schools，whyshouldn\'tgirlsgoinhundredstoday-schools；boysgotoOxford，whyshouldn\'tgirlsgotoOxford——inshort，boysgrowmustaches，whyshouldn\'tgirlsgrowmustaches——thatisabouttheirnotionofanewidea。
Thereisnobrain-workinthethingatall；norootqueryofwhatsexis，ofwhetheritaltersthisorthat，andwhy，anymorethanthereisanyimaginativegripofthehumorandheartofthepopulaceinthepopulareducation。
Thereisnothingbutplodding，elaborate，elephantineimitation。
Andjustasinthecaseofelementaryteaching，thecasesareofacoldandrecklessinappropriateness。Evenasavagecouldseethatbodilythings，atleast，whicharegoodforamanareverylikelytobebadforawoman。Yetthereisnoboy\'sgame，howeverbrutal，whichthesemildlunaticshavenotpromotedamonggirls。
Totakeastrongercase，theygivegirlsveryheavyhome-work；
neverreflectingthatallgirlshavehome-workalreadyintheirhomes。Itisallapartofthesamesillysubjugation；
theremustbeahardstick-upcollarroundtheneckofawoman，becauseitisalreadyanuisanceroundtheneckofaman。
ThoughaSaxonserf，ifheworethatcollarofcardboard，wouldaskforhiscollarofbrass。
Itwillthenbeanswered，notwithoutasneer，\"Andwhatwouldyouprefer？WouldyougobacktotheelegantearlyVictorianfemale，withringletsandsmelling-bottle，doingalittleinwatercolors，dabblingalittleinItalian，playingalittleontheharp，writinginvulgaralbumsandpaintingonsenselessscreens？
Doyoupreferthat？\"TowhichIanswer，\"Emphatically，yes。\"
Isolidlypreferittothenewfemaleeducation，forthisreason，thatIcanseeinitanintellectualdesign，whilethereisnoneintheother。Iambynomeanssurethateveninpointofpracticalfactthatelegantfemalewouldnothavebeenmorethanamatchformostoftheinelegantfemales。
IfancyJaneAustenwasstronger，sharperandshrewderthanCharlotteBronte；Iamquitecertainshewasstronger，sharperandshrewderthanGeorgeEliot。Shecoulddoonethingneitherofthemcoulddo：shecouldcoollyandsensiblydescribeaman。
IamnotsurethattheoldgreatladywhocouldonlysmatterItalianwasnotmorevigorousthanthenewgreatladywhocanonlystammerAmerican；noramIcertainthatthebygoneduchesseswhowerescarcelysuccessfulwhentheypaintedMelroseAbbey，weresomuchmoreweak-mindedthanthemodernduchesseswhopaintonlytheirownfaces，andarebadatthat。
Butthatisnotthepoint。Whatwasthetheory，whatwastheidea，intheirold，weakwater-colorsandtheirshakyItalian？Theideawasthesamewhichinaruderrankexpresseditselfinhome-madewinesandhereditaryrecipes；andwhichstill，inathousandunexpectedways，canbefoundclingingtothewomenofthepoor。
ItwastheideaIurgedinthesecondpartofthisbook：
thattheworldmustkeeponegreatamateur，lestweallbecomeartistsandperish。Somebodymustrenounceallspecialistconquests，thatshemayconqueralltheconquerors。Thatshemaybeaqueenoflife，shemustnotbeaprivatesoldierinit。IdonotthinktheelegantfemalewithherbadItalianwasaperfectproduct，anymorethanIthinktheslumwomantalkingginandfuneralsisaperfectproduct；alas！therearefewperfectproducts。
Buttheycomefromacomprehensibleidea；andthenewwomancomesfromnothingandnowhere。Itisrighttohaveanideal，itisrighttohavetherightideal，andthesetwohavetherightideal。
TheslummotherwithherfuneralsisthedegeneratedaughterofAntigone，theobstinatepriestessofthehouseholdgods。
TheladytalkingbadItalianwasthedecayedtenthcousinofPortia，thegreatandgoldenItalianlady，theRenascenceamateuroflife，whocouldbeabarristerbecauseshecouldbeanything。
Sunkenandneglectedintheseaofmodernmonotonyandimitation，thetypesholdtightlytotheiroriginaltruths。Antigone，ugly，dirtyandoftendrunken，willstillburyherfather。
Theelegantfemale，vapidandfadingawaytonothing，stillfeelsfaintlythefundamentaldifferencebetweenherselfandherhusband：
thathemustbeSomethingintheCity，thatshemaybeeverythinginthecountry。
TherewasatimewhenyouandIandallofuswereallveryclosetoGod；
sothatevennowthecolorofapebble（orapaint），thesmellofaflower（orafirework），comestoourheartswithakindofauthorityandcertainty；asiftheywerefragmentsofamuddledmessage，orfeaturesofaforgottenface。Topourthatfierysimplicityuponthewholeoflifeistheonlyrealaimofeducation；
andclosesttothechildcomesthewoman——sheunderstands。
Tosaywhatsheunderstandsisbeyondme；saveonlythis，thatitisnotasolemnity。Ratheritisatoweringlevity，anuproariousamateurishnessoftheuniverse，suchaswefeltwhenwewerelittle，andwouldassoonsingasgarden，assoonpaintasrun。Tosmatterthetonguesofmenandangels，todabbleinthedreadfulsciences，tojugglewithpillarsandpyramidsandtossuptheplanetslikeballs，thisisthatinneraudacityandindifferencewhichthehumansoul，likeaconjurercatchingoranges，mustkeepupforever。
Thisisthatinsanelyfrivolousthingwecallsanity。
Andtheelegantfemale，droopingherringletsoverherwater-colors，knewitandactedonit。Shewasjugglingwithfranticandflamingsuns。
Shewasmaintainingtheboldequilibriumofinferioritieswhichisthemostmysteriousofsuperioritiesandperhapsthemostunattainable。
Shewasmaintainingtheprimetruthofwoman，theuniversalmother：
thatifathingisworthdoing，itisworthdoingbadly。
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PARTFIVE
THEHOMEOFMAN
***
I
THEEMPIREOFTHEINSECT
AcultivatedConservativefriendofmineonceexhibitedgreatdistressbecauseinagaymomentIoncecalledEdmundBurkeanatheist。Ineedscarcelysaythattheremarklackedsomethingofbiographicalprecision；itwasmeantto。
Burkewascertainlynotanatheistinhisconsciouscosmictheory，thoughhehadnotaspecialandflamingfaithinGod，likeRobespierre。Nevertheless，theremarkhadreferencetoatruthwhichitishererelevanttorepeat。ImeanthatinthequarrelovertheFrenchRevolution，Burkedidstandfortheatheisticattitudeandmodeofargument，asRobespierrestoodforthetheistic。
TheRevolutionappealedtotheideaofanabstractandeternaljustice，beyondalllocalcustomorconvenience。
IftherearecommandsofGod，thentheremustberightsofman。
HereBurkemadehisbrilliantdiversion；hedidnotattacktheRobespierredoctrinewiththeoldmediaevaldoctrineofjusdivinum（which，liketheRobespierredoctrine，wastheistic），heattackeditwiththemodernargumentofscientificrelativity；
inshort，theargumentofevolution。Hesuggestedthathumanitywaseverywheremoldedbyorfittedtoitsenvironmentandinstitutions；infact，thateachpeoplepracticallygot，notonlythetyrantitdeserved，butthetyrantitoughttohave。
\"Iknownothingoftherightsofmen，\"hesaid，\"butIknowsomethingoftherightsofEnglishmen。\"Thereyouhavetheessentialatheist。
Hisargumentisthatwehavegotsomeprotectionbynaturalaccidentandgrowth；andwhyshouldweprofesstothinkbeyondit，foralltheworldasifweweretheimagesofGod！WearebornunderaHouseofLords，asbirdsunderahouseofleaves；
weliveunderamonarchyasniggersliveunderatropicsun；
itisnottheirfaultiftheyareslaves，anditisnotoursifwearesnobs。Thus，longbeforeDarwinstruckhisgreatblowatdemocracy，theessentialoftheDarwinianargumenthadbeenalreadyurgedagainsttheFrenchRevolution。Man，saidBurkeineffect，mustadapthimselftoeverything，likeananimal；
hemustnottrytoaltereverything，likeanangel。
Thelastweakcryofthepious，pretty，half-artificialoptimismanddeismoftheeighteenthcenturycarneinthevoiceofSterne，saying，\"Godtempersthewindtotheshornlamb。\"
AndBurke，theironevolutionist，essentiallyanswered，\"No；Godtemperstheshornlambtothewind。\"Itisthelambthathastoadapthimself。Thatis，heeitherdiesorbecomesaparticularkindoflambwholikesstandinginadraught。
ThesubconsciouspopularinstinctagainstDarwinismwasnotamereoffenseatthegrotesquenotionofvisitingone\'sgrandfatherinacageintheRegent\'sPark。Mengoinfordrink，practicaljokesandmanyothergrotesquethings；theydonotmuchmindmakingbeastsofthemselves，andwouldnotmuchmindhavingbeastsmadeoftheirforefathers。
Therealinstinctwasmuchdeeperandmuchmorevaluable。
Itwasthis：thatwhenonceonebeginstothinkofmanasashiftingandalterablething，itisalwayseasyforthestrongandcraftytotwisthimintonewshapesforallkindsofunnaturalpurposes。
thepopularinstinctseesinsuchdevelopmentsthepossibilityofbacksbowedandhunch-backedfortheirburden，orlimbstwistedfortheirtask。Ithasaverywell-groundedguessthatwhateverisdoneswiftlyandsystematicallywillmostlybedonebeasuccessfulclassandalmostsolelyintheirinterests。
Ithasthereforeavisionofinhumanhybridsandhalf-humanexperimentsmuchinthestyleofMr。Wells\'s\"IslandofDr。Moreau。\"Therichmanmaycometobreedingatribeofdwarfstobehisjockeys，andatribeofgiantstobehishall-porters。Groomsmightbebornbow-leggedandtailorsborncross-legged；perfumersmighthavelong，largenosesandacrouchingattitude，likehoundsofscent；
andprofessionalwine-tastersmighthavethehorribleexpressionofonetastingwinestampedupontheirfacesasinfants。
Whateverwildimageoneemploysitcannotkeeppacewiththepanicofthehumanfancy，whenonceitsupposesthatthefixedtypecalledmancouldbechanged。Ifsomemillionairewantedarms，someportermustgrowtenarmslikeanoctopus；ifhewantslegs，somemessenger-boymustgowithahundredtrottinglegslikeacentipede。
Inthedistortedmirrorofhypothesis，thatis，oftheunknown，mencandimlyseesuchmonstrousandevilshapes；menrunalltoeye，oralltofingers，withnothingleftbutonenostriloroneear。
Thatisthenightmarewithwhichthemerenotionofadaptationthreatensus。Thatisthenightmarethatisnotsoveryfarfromthereality。
Itwillbesaidthatnotthewildestevolutionistreallyasksthatweshouldbecomeinanywayunhumanorcopyanyotheranimal。
Pardonme，thatisexactlywhatnotmerelythewildestevolutionistsurge，butsomeofthetamestevolutioniststoo。
Therehasrisenhighinrecenthistoryanimportantcultuswhichbidsfairtobethereligionofthefuture——whichmeansthereligionofthosefewweak-mindedpeoplewholiveinthefuture。Itistypicalofourtimethatithastolookforitsgodthroughamicroscope；
andourtimehasmarkedadefiniteadorationoftheinsect。
Likemostthingswecallnew，ofcourse，itisnotatallnewasanidea；
itisonlynewasanidolatry。VirgiltakesbeesseriouslybutIdoubtifhewouldhavekeptbeesascarefullyashewroteaboutthem。Thewisekingtoldthesluggardtowatchtheant，acharmingoccupation——forasluggard。Butinourowntimehasappearedaverydifferenttone，andmorethanonegreatman，aswellasnumberlessintelligentmen，haveinourtimeseriouslysuggestedthatweshouldstudytheinsectbecausewearehisinferiors。
Theoldmoralistsmerelytookthevirtuesofmananddistributedthemquitedecorativelyandarbitrarilyamongtheanimals。
Theantwasanalmostheraldicsymbolofindustry，asthelionwasofcourage，or，forthematterofthat，thepelicanofcharity。
Butifthemediaevalshadbeenconvincedthatalionwasnotcourageous，theywouldhavedroppedthelionandkeptthecourage；ifthepelicanisnotcharitable，theywouldsay，somuchtheworseforthepelican。
Theoldmoralists，Isay，permittedtheanttoenforceandtypifyman\'smorality；theyneverallowedtheanttoupsetit。
Theyusedtheantforindustryasthelarkforpunctuality；
theylookedupattheflappingbirdsanddownatthecrawlinginsectsforahomelylesson。Butwehavelivedtoseeasectthatdoesnotlookdownattheinsects，butlooksupattheinsects，thatasksusessentiallytobowdownandworshipbeetles，likeancientEgyptians。
MauriceMaeterlinckisamanofunmistakablegenius，andgeniusalwayscarriesamagnifyingglass。Intheterriblecrystalofhislenswehaveseenthebeesnotasalittleyellowswarm，butratheringoldenarmiesandhierarchiesofwarriorsandqueens。
Imaginationperpetuallypeersandcreepsfurtherdowntheavenuesandvistasinthetubesofscience，andonefancieseveryfranticreversalofproportions；theearwigstridingacrosstheechoingplainlikeanelephant，orthegrasshoppercomingroaringaboveourroofslikeavastaeroplane，asheleapsfromHertfordshiretoSurrey。Oneseemstoenterinadreamatempleofenormousentomology，whosearchitectureisbasedonsomethingwilderthanarmsorbackbones；inwhichtheribbedcolumnshavethehalf-crawlinglookofdimandmonstrouscaterpillars；
orthedomeisastarryspiderhunghorriblyinthevoid。
Thereisoneofthemodernworksofengineeringthatgivesonesomethingofthisnamelessfearoftheexaggerationsofanunderworld；
andthatisthecuriouscurvedarchitectureoftheundergroundrailway，commonlycalledtheTwopennyTube。Thosesquatarchways，withoutanyuprightlineorpillar，lookasiftheyhadbeentunneledbyhugewormswhohaveneverlearnedtolifttheirheadsItistheveryundergroundpalaceoftheSerpent，thespiritofchangingshapeandcolor，thatistheenemyofman。
ButitisnotmerelybysuchstrangeaestheticsuggestionsthatwriterslikeMaeterlinckhaveinfluencedusinthematter；
thereisalsoanethicalsidetothebusiness。
TheupshotofM。Maeterlinck\'sbookonbeesisanadmiration，onemightalsosayanenvy，oftheircollectivespirituality；
ofthefactthattheyliveonlyforsomethingwhichhecallstheSouloftheHive。Andthisadmirationforthecommunalmoralityofinsectsisexpressedinmanyothermodernwritersinvariousquartersandshapes；inMr。BenjaminKidd\'stheoryoflivingonlyfortheevolutionaryfutureofourrace，andinthegreatinterestofsomeSocialistsinants，whichtheygenerallyprefertobees，Isuppose，becausetheyarenotsobrightlycolored。
NotleastamongthehundredevidencesofthisvagueinsectolatryarethefloodsofflatterypouredbymodernpeopleonthatenergeticnationoftheFarEastofwhichithasbeensaidthat\"Patriotismisitsonlyreligion\"；or，inotherwords，thatitlivesonlyfortheSouloftheHive。WhenatlongintervalsofthecenturiesChristendomgrowsweak，morbidorskeptical，andmysteriousAsiabeginstomoveagainstusherdimpopulationsandtopourthemwestwardlikeadarkmovementofmatter，insuchcasesithasbeenverycommontocomparetheinvasiontoaplagueofliceorincessantarmiesoflocusts。
TheEasternarmieswereindeedlikeinsects；intheirblind，busydestructiveness，intheirblacknihilismofpersonaloutlook，intheirhatefulindifferencetoindividuallifeandlove，intheirbasebeliefinmerenumbers，intheirpessimisticcourageandtheiratheisticpatriotism，theridersandraidersoftheEastareindeedlikeallthecreepingthingsoftheearth。
Butneverbefore，Ithink，haveChristianscalledaTurkalocustandmeantitasacompliment。Nowforthefirsttimeweworshipaswellasfear；andtracewithadorationthatenormousformadvancingvastandvagueoutofAsia，faintlydiscernibleamidthemysticcloudsofwingedcreatureshungoverthewastedlands，throngingtheskieslikethunderanddiscoloringtheskieslikerain；Beelzebub，theLordofFlies。
InresistingthishorribletheoryoftheSouloftheHive，weofChristendomstandnotforourselves，butforallhumanity；
fortheessentialanddistinctivehumanideathatonegoodandhappymanisanendinhimself，thatasoulisworthsaving。
Nay，forthosewholikesuchbiologicalfanciesitmightwellbesaidthatwestandaschiefsandchampionsofawholesectionofnature，princesofthehousewhosecognizanceisthebackbone，standingforthemilkoftheindividualmotherandthecourageofthewanderingcub，representingthepatheticchivalryofthedog，thehumorandperversityofcats，theaffectionofthetranquilhorse，thelonelinessofthelion。Itismoretothepoint，however，tourgethatthismereglorificationofsocietyasitisinthesocialinsectsisatransformationandadissolutioninoneoftheoutlineswhichhavebeenspeciallythesymbolsofman。
Inthecloudandconfusionofthefliesandbeesisgrowingfainterandfainter，asisfinallydisappearing，theideaofthehumanfamily。
Thehivehasbecomelargerthanthehouse，thebeesaredestroyingtheircaptors；whatthelocusthathleft，thecaterpillarhatheaten；
andthelittlehouseandgardenofourfriendJonesisinabadway。
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II
THEFALLACYOFTHEUMBRELLASTAND
WhenLordMorleysaidthattheHouseofLordsmustbeeithermendedorended，heusedaphrasewhichhascausedsomeconfusion；
becauseitmightseemtosuggestthatmendingandendingaresomewhatsimilarthings。Iwishspeciallytoinsistonthefactthatmendingandendingareoppositethings。Youmendathingbecauseyoulikeit；
youendathingbecauseyoudon\'t。Tomendistostrengthen。
I，forinstance，disbelieveinoligarchy；solwouldnomoremendtheHouseofLordsthanIwouldmendathumbscrew。Ontheotherhand，Idobelieveinthefamily；thereforeIwouldmendthefamilyasIwouldmendachair；andIwillneverdenyforamomentthatthemodernfamilyisachairthatwantsmending。Butherecomesintheessentialpointaboutthemassofmodernadvancedsociologists。
Herearetwoinstitutionsthathavealwaysbeenfundamentalwithmankind，thefamilyandthestate。Anarchists，Ibelieve，disbelieveinboth。
ItisquiteunfairtosaythatSocialistsbelieveinthestate，butdonotbelieveinthefamily；thousandsofSocialistsbelievemoreinthefamilythananyTory。Butitistruetosaythatwhileanarchistswouldendboth，Socialistsarespeciallyengagedinmending（thatis，strengtheningandrenewing）thestate；andtheyarenotspeciallyengagedinstrengtheningandrenewingthefamily。
Theyarenotdoinganythingtodefinethefunctionsoffather，mother，andchild，assuch；theyarenottighteningthemachineupagain；
theyarenotblackeninginagainthefadinglinesoftheolddrawing。
Withthestatetheyaredoingthis；theyaresharpeningitsmachinery，theyareblackeninginitsblackdogmaticlines，theyaremakingmeregovernmentineverywaystrongerandinsomewaysharsherthanbefore。
Whiletheyleavethehomeinruins，theyrestorethehive，especiallythestings。Indeed，someschemesoflaborandPoorLawreformrecentlyadvancedbydistinguishedSocialists，amounttolittlemorethanputtingthelargestnumberofpeopleinthedespoticpowerofMr。Bumble。Apparently，progressmeansbeingmovedon——
bythepolice。
Thepointitismypurposetourgemightperhapsbesuggestedthus：
thatSocialistsandmostsocialreformersoftheircolorarevividlyconsciousofthelinebetweenthekindofthingsthatbelongtothestateandthekindofthingsthatbelongtomerechaosoruncoerciblenature；
theymayforcechildrentogotoschoolbeforethesunrises，buttheywillnottrytoforcethesuntorise；theywillnot，likeCanute，banishthesea，butonlythesea-bathers。Butinsidetheoutlineofthestatetheirlinesareconfused，andentitiesmeltintoeachother。
Theyhavenofirminstinctivesenseofonethingbeinginitsnatureprivateandanotherpublic，ofonethingbeingnecessarilybondandanotherfree。Thatiswhypiecebypiece，andquitesilently，personallibertyisbeingstolenfromEnglishmen，aspersonallandhasbeensilentlystoleneversincethesixteenthcentury。
Icanonlyputitsufficientlycurtlyinacarelesssimile。
ASocialistmeansamanwhothinksawalking-sticklikeanumbrellabecausetheybothgointotheumbrella-stand。
Yettheyareasdifferentasabattle-axandabootjack。
Theessentialideaofanumbrellaisbreadthandprotection。
Theessentialideaofastickisslendernessand，partly，attack。
Thestickisthesword，theumbrellaistheshield，butitisashieldagainstanotherandmorenamelessenemy——
thehostilebutanonymousuniverse。Moreproperly，therefore，theumbrellaistheroof；itisakindofcollapsiblehouse。
Butthevitaldifferencegoesfardeeperthanthis；itbranchesoffintotwokingdomsofman\'smind，withachasmbetween。
Forthepointisthis：thattheumbrellaisashieldagainstanenemysoactualastobeamerenuisance；
whereasthestickisaswordagainstenemiessoentirelyimaginaryastobeapurepleasure。Thestickisnotmerelyasword，butacourtsword；itisathingofpurelyceremonialswagger。
Onecannotexpresstheemotioninanywayexceptbysayingthatamanfeelsmorelikeamanwithastickinhishand，justashefeelsmorelikeamanwithaswordathisside。
Butnobodyeverhadanyswellingsentimentsaboutanumbrella；
itisaconvenience，likeadoorscraper。Anumbrellaisanecessaryevil。Awalking-stickisaquiteunnecessarygood。
This，Ifancy，istherealexplanationoftheperpetuallosingofumbrellas；onedoesnothearofpeoplelosingwalkingsticks。
Forawalking-stickisapleasure，apieceofrealpersonalproperty；itismissedevenwhenitisnotneeded。
Whenmyrighthandforgetsitsstickmayitforgetitscunning。
Butanybodymayforgetanumbrella，asanybodymightforgetashedthathehasstoodupinoutoftherain。
Anybodycanforgetanecessarything。
IfImightpursuethefigureofspeech，ImightbrieflysaythatthewholeCollectivisterrorconsistsinsayingthatbecausetwomencanshareanumbrella，thereforetwomencanshareawalking-stick。Umbrellasmightpossiblybereplacedbysomekindofcommonawningscoveringcertainstreetsfromparticularshowers。
Butthereisnothingbutnonsenseinthenotionofswingingacommunalstick；itisasifonespokeoftwirlingacommunalmustache。
Itwillbesaidthatthisisafrankfantasiaandthatnosociologistssuggestsuchfollies。Pardonmeiftheydo。Iwillgiveapreciseparalleltothecaseofconfusionofsticksandumbrellas，aparallelfromaperpetuallyreiteratedsuggestionofreform。
AtleastsixtySocialistsoutofahundred，whentheyhavespokenofcommonlaundries，willgoonatoncetospeakofcommonkitchens。
ThisisjustasmechanicalandunintelligentasthefancifulcaseIhavequoted。Sticksandumbrellasarebothstiffrodsthatgointoholesinastandinthehall。Kitchensandwashhousesarebothlargeroomsfullofheatanddampandsteam。
Butthesoulandfunctionofthetwothingsareutterlyopposite。
Thereisonlyonewayofwashingashirt；thatis，thereisonlyonerightway。Thereisnotasteandfancyintatteredshirts。
Nobodysays，\"Tompkinslikesfiveholesinhisshirt，butI
mustsay，givemethegoodoldfourholes。\"Nobodysays，\"Thiswasherwomanripsuptheleftlegofmypyjamas；nowifthereisonethingIinsistonitistherightlegrippedup。\"
Theidealwashingissimplytosendathingbackwashed。
Butitisbynomeanstruethattheidealcookingissimplytosendathingbackcooked。Cookingisanart；ithasinitpersonality，andevenperversity，forthedefinitionofanartisthatwhichmustbepersonalandmaybeperverse。
Iknowaman，nototherwisedainty，whocannottouchcommonsausagesunlesstheyarealmostburnedtoacoal。
Hewantshissausagesfriedtorags，yethedoesnotinsistonhisshirtsbeingboiledtorags。Idonotsaythatsuchpointsofculinarydelicacyareofhighimportance。
Idonotsaythatthecommunalidealmustgivewaytothem。
WhatIsayisthatthecommunalidealisnotconsciousoftheirexistence，andthereforegoeswrongfromtheverystart，mixingawhollypublicthingwithahighlyindividualone。
Perhapsweoughttoacceptcommunalkitchensinthesocialcrisis，justasweshouldacceptcommunalcat\'s-meatinasiege。
ButtheculturedSocialist，quiteathisease，bynomeansinasiege，talksaboutcommunalkitchensasiftheywerethesamekindofthingascommunallaundries。
Thisshowsatthestartthathemisunderstandshumannature。
Itisasdifferentasthreemensingingthesamechorusfromthreemenplayingthreetunesonthesamepiano。
III
THEDREADFULDUTYOFGUDGE
InthequarrelearlieralludedtobetweentheenergeticProgressiveandtheobstinateConservative（or，totalkatendererlanguage，betweenHudgeandGudge），thestateofcross-purposesisatthepresentmomentacute。TheTorysayshewantstopreservefamilylifeinCindertown；theSocialistveryreasonablypointsouttohimthatinCindertownatpresentthereisn\'tanyfamilylifetopreserve。
ButHudge，theSocialist，inhisturn，ishighlyvagueandmysteriousaboutwhetherhewouldpreservethefamilylifeiftherewereany；
orwhetherhewilltrytorestoreitwhereithasdisappeared。
Itisallveryconfusing。TheTorysometimestalksasifhewantedtotightenthedomesticbondsthatdonotexist；theSocialistasifhewantedtoloosenthebondsthatdonotbindanybody。
Thequestionweallwanttoaskofbothofthemistheoriginalidealquestion，\"Doyouwanttokeepthefamilyatall？\"IfHudge，theSocialist，doeswantthefamilyhemustbepreparedforthenaturalrestraints，distinctionsanddivisionsoflaborinthefamily。
Hemustbracehimselfuptobeartheideaofthewomanhavingapreferencefortheprivatehouseandamanforthepublichouse。
Hemustmanagetoenduresomehowtheideaofawomanbeingwomanly，whichdoesnotmeansoftandyielding，buthandy，thrifty，ratherhard，andveryhumorous。Hemustconfrontwithoutaquiverthenotionofachildwhoshallbechildish，thatis，fullofenergy，butwithoutanideaofindependence；fundamentallyaseagerforauthorityasforinformationandbutter-scotch。Ifaman，awomanandachildlivetogetheranymoreinfreeandsovereignhouseholds，theseancientrelationswillrecur；andHudgemustputupwithit。
Hecanonlyavoiditbydestroyingthefamily，drivingbothsexesintosexlesshivesandhordes，andbringingupallchildrenasthechildrenofthestate——likeOliverTwist。ButifthesesternwordsmustbeaddressedtoHudge，neithershallGudgeescapeasomewhatsevereadmonition。
FortheplaintruthtobetoldprettysharplytotheToryisthis，thatifhewantsthefamilytoremain，ifhewantstobestrongenoughtoresisttherendingforcesofouressentiallysavagecommerce，hemustmakesomeverybigsacrificesandtrytoequalizeproperty。
TheoverwhelmingmassoftheEnglishpeopleatthisparticularinstantaresimplytoopoortobedomestic。Theyareasdomesticastheycanmanage；theyaremuchmoredomesticthanthegoverningclass；
buttheycannotgetwhatgoodtherewasoriginallymeanttobeinthisinstitution，simplybecausetheyhavenotgotenoughmoney。
Themanoughttostandforacertainmagnanimity，quitelawfullyexpressedinthrowingmoneyaway：butifundergivencircumstanceshecanonlydoitbythrowingtheweek\'sfoodaway，thenheisnotmagnanimous，butmean。Thewomanoughttostandforacertainwisdomwhichiswellexpressedinvaluingthingsrightlyandguardingmoneysensibly；
buthowisshetoguardmoneyifthereisnomoneytoguard？
Thechildoughttolookonhismotherasafountainofnaturalfunandpoetry；buthowcanheunlessthefountain，likeotherfountains，isallowedtoplay？Whatchancehaveanyoftheseancientartsandfunctionsinahousesohideouslytopsy-turvy；ahousewherethewomanisoutworkingandthemanisn\'t；andthechildisforcedbylawtothinkhisschoolmaster\'srequirementsmoreimportantthanhismother\'s？No，GudgeandhisfriendsintheHouseofLordsandtheCarltonClubmustmakeuptheirmindsonthismatter，andthatveryquickly。IftheyarecontenttohaveEnglandturnedintoabeehiveandanant-hill，decoratedhereandtherewithafewfadedbutterfliesplayingatanoldgamecalleddomesticityintheintervalsofthedivorcecourt，thenletthemhavetheirempireofinsects；
theywillfindplentyofSocialistswhowillgiveittothem。
ButiftheywantadomesticEngland，theymust\"shellout，\"
asthephrasegoes，toavastlygreaterextentthananyRadicalpoliticianhasyetdaredtosuggest；theymustendureburdensmuchheavierthantheBudgetandstrokesmuchdeadlierthanthedeathduties；
forthethingtobedoneisnothingmorenorlessthanthedistributionofthegreatfortunesandthegreatestates。WecannowonlyavoidSocialismbyachangeasvastasSocialism。Ifwearetosaveproperty，wemustdistributeproperty，almostassternlyandsweepinglyasdidtheFrenchRevolution。Ifwearetopreservethefamilywemustrevolutionizethenation。
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IV
ALASTINSTANCE
Andnow，asthisbookisdrawingtoaclose，Iwillwhisperinthereader\'searahorriblesuspicionthathassometimeshauntedme：
thesuspicionthatHudgeandGudgearesecretlyinpartnership。
Thatthequarreltheykeepupinpublicisverymuchofaput-upjob，andthatthewayinwhichtheyperpetuallyplayintoeachother\'shandsisnotaneverlastingcoincidence。Gudge，theplutocrat，wantsananarchicindustrialism；Hudge，theidealist，provideshimwithlyricpraisesofanarchy。Gudgewantswomen-workersbecausetheyarecheaper；
Hudgecallsthewoman\'swork\"freedomtoliveherownlife。\"
Gudgewantssteadyandobedientworkmen，Hudgepreachesteetotalism——
toworkmen，nottoGudge——Gudgewantsatameandtimidpopulationwhowillnevertakearmsagainsttyranny；HudgeprovesfromTolstoithatnobodymusttakearmsagainstanything。Gudgeisnaturallyahealthyandwell-washedgentleman；HudgeearnestlypreachestheperfectionofGudge\'swashingtopeoplewhocan\'tpracticeit。
Aboveall，Gudgerulesbyacoarseandcruelsystemofsackingandsweatingandbi-sexualtoilwhichistotallyinconsistentwiththefreefamilyandwhichisboundtodestroyit；thereforeHudge，stretchingouthisarmstotheuniversewithapropheticsmile，tellsusthatthefamilyissomethingthatweshallsoongloriouslyoutgrow。
IdonotknowwhetherthepartnershipofHudgeandGudgeisconsciousorunconscious。Ionlyknowthatbetweenthemtheystillkeepthecommonmanhomeless。IonlyknowIstillmeetJoneswalkingthestreetsinthegraytwilight，lookingsadlyatthepolesandbarriersandlowredgoblinlanternswhichstillguardthehousewhichisnonethelesshisbecausehehasneverbeeninit。
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V
CONCLUSION
Here，itmaybesaid，mybookendsjustwhereitoughttobegin。
IhavesaidthatthestrongcentersofmodernEnglishpropertymustswiftlyorslowlybebrokenup，ifeventheideaofpropertyistoremainamongEnglishmen。Therearetwowaysinwhichitcouldbedone，acoldadministrationbyquitedetachedofficials，whichiscalledCollectivism，orapersonaldistribution，soastoproducewhatiscalledPeasantProprietorship。Ithinkthelattersolutionthefinerandmorefullyhuman，becauseitmakeseachmanassomebodyblamedsomebodyforsayingofthePope，asortofsmallgod。Amanonhisownturftasteseternityor，inotherwords，willgivetenminutesmoreworkthanisrequired。
ButIbelieveIamjustifiedinshuttingthedooronthisvistaofargument，insteadofopeningit。ForthisbookisnotdesignedtoprovethecaseforPeasantProprietorship，buttoprovethecaseagainstmodernsageswhoturnreformtoaroutine。
Thewholeofthisbookhasbeenaramblingandelaborateurgingofonepurelyethicalfact。Andifbyanychanceitshouldhappenthattherearestillsomewhodonotquiteseewhatthatpointis，Iwillendwithoneplainparable，whichisnonetheworseforbeingalsoafact。
Alittlewhileagocertaindoctorsandotherpersonspermittedbymodernlawtodictatetotheirshabbierfellow-citizens，sentoutanorderthatalllittlegirlsshouldhavetheirhaircutshort。
Imean，ofcourse，alllittlegirlswhoseparentswerepoor。
Manyveryunhealthyhabitsarecommonamongrichlittlegirls，butitwillbelongbeforeanydoctorsinterfereforciblywiththem。
Now，thecaseforthisparticularinterferencewasthis，thatthepoorarepresseddownfromaboveintosuchstinkingandsuffocatingunderworldsofsqualor，thatpoorpeoplemustnotbeallowedtohavehair，becauseintheircaseitmustmeanliceinthehair。Therefore，thedoctorsproposetoabolishthehair。
Itneverseemstohaveoccurredtothemtoabolishthelice。
Yetitcouldbedone。Asiscommoninmostmoderndiscussionstheunmentionablethingisthepivotofthewholediscussion。
ItisobvioustoanyChristianman（thatis，toanymanwithafreesoul）thatanycoercionappliedtoacabman\'sdaughterought，ifpossible，tobeappliedtoaCabinetMinister\'sdaughter。
Iwillnotaskwhythedoctorsdonot，asamatteroffactapplytheirruletoaCabinetMinister\'sdaughter。
Iwillnotask，becauseIknow。Theydonotbecausetheydarenot。
Butwhatistheexcusetheywouldurge，whatistheplausibleargumenttheywoulduse，forthuscuttingandclippingpoorchildrenandnotrich？Theirargumentwouldbethatthediseaseismorelikelytobeinthehairofpoorpeoplethanofrich。Andwhy？
Becausethepoorchildrenareforced（againstalltheinstinctsofthehighlydomesticworkingclasses）tocrowdtogetherincloseroomsunderawildlyinefficientsystemofpublicinstruction；
andbecauseinoneoutofthefortychildrentheremaybeoffense。
Andwhy？Becausethepoormanissogrounddownbythegreatrentsofthegreatgroundlandlordsthathiswifeoftenhastoworkaswellashe。Thereforeshehasnotimetolookafterthechildren，thereforeoneinfortyofthemisdirty。
Becausetheworkingmanhasthesetwopersonsontopofhim，thelandlordsitting（literally）onhisstomach，andtheschoolmastersitting（literally）onhishead，theworkingmanmustallowhislittlegirl\'shair，firsttobeneglectedfrompoverty，nexttobepoisonedbypromiscuity，and，lastly，tobeabolishedbyhygiene。He，perhaps，wasproudofhislittlegirl\'shair。
Buthedoesnotcount。
Uponthissimpleprinciple（orratherprecedent）thesociologicaldoctordrivesgaylyahead。Whenacrapuloustyrannycrushesmendownintothedirt，sothattheirveryhairisdirty，thescientificcourseisclear。Itwouldbelongandlaborioustocutofftheheadsofthetyrants；itiseasiertocutoffthehairoftheslaves。
Inthesameway，ifitshouldeverhappenthatpoorchildren，screamingwithtoothache，disturbedanyschoolmasterorartisticgentleman，itwouldbeeasytopulloutalltheteethofthepoor；
iftheirnailsweredisgustinglydirty，theirnailscouldbepluckedout；iftheirnoseswereindecentlyblown，theirnosescouldbecutoff。Theappearanceofourhumblerfellow-citizencouldbequitestrikinglysimplifiedbeforewehaddonewithhim。
Butallthisisnotabitwilderthanthebrutefactthatadoctorcanwalkintothehouseofafreeman，whosedaughter\'shairmaybeascleanasspringflowers，andorderhimtocutitoff。
Itneverseemstostrikethesepeoplethatthelessonofliceintheslumsisthewrongnessofslums，notthewrongnessofhair。
Hairis，tosaytheleastofit，arootedthing。Itsenemy（liketheotherinsectsandorientalarmiesofwhomwehavespoken）
sweepuponusbutseldom。Intruth，itisonlybyeternalinstitutionslikehairthatwecantestpassinginstitutionslikeempires。
Ifahouseissobuiltastoknockaman\'sheadoffwhenheentersit，itisbuiltwrong。
Themobcanneverrebelunlessitisconservative，atleastenoughtohaveconservedsomereasonsforrebelling。Itisthemostawfulthoughtinallouranarchy，thatmostoftheancientblowsstruckforfreedomwouldnotbestruckatallto-day，becauseoftheobscurationoftheclean，popularcustomsfromwhichtheycame。
TheinsultthatbroughtdownthehammerofWatTylermightnowbecalledamedicalexamination。ThatwhichVirginiusloathedandavengedasfoulslaverymightnowbepraisedasfreelove。
ThecrueltauntofFoulon，\"Letthemeatgrass，\"mightnowberepresentedasthedyingcryofanidealisticvegetarian。
Thosegreatscissorsofsciencethatwouldsnipoffthecurlsofthepoorlittleschoolchildrenareceaselesslysnappingcloserandclosertocutoffallthecornersandfringesoftheartsandhonorsofthepoor。Soontheywillbetwistingneckstosuitcleancollars，andhackingfeettofitnewboots。
Itneverseemstostrikethemthatthebodyismorethanraiment；
thattheSabbathwasmadeforman；thatallinstitutionsshallbejudgedanddamnedbywhethertheyhavefittedthenormalfleshandspirit。Itisthetestofpoliticalsanitytokeepyourhead。
Itisthetestofartisticsanitytokeepyourhairon。
Nowthewholeparableandpurposeoftheselastpages，andindeedofallthesepages，isthis：toassertthatwemustinstantlybeginalloveragain，andbeginattheotherend。Ibeginwithalittlegirl\'shair。
ThatIknowisagoodthingatanyrate。Whateverelseisevil，theprideofagoodmotherinthebeautyofherdaughterisgood。
Itisoneofthoseadamantinetendernesseswhicharethetouchstonesofeveryageandrace。Ifotherthingsareagainstit，otherthingsmustgodown。Iflandlordsandlawsandsciencesareagainstit，landlordsandlawsandsciencesmustgodown。Withtheredhairofoneshe-urchininthegutterIwillsetfiretoallmoderncivilization。
Becauseagirlshouldhavelonghair，sheshouldhavecleanhair；
becausesheshouldhavecleanhair，sheshouldnothaveanuncleanhome：
becausesheshouldnothaveanuncleanhome，sheshouldhaveafreeandleisuredmother；becausesheshouldhaveafreemother，sheshouldnothaveanusuriouslandlord；becausethereshouldnotbeanusuriouslandlord，thereshouldbearedistributionofproperty；becausethereshouldbearedistributionofproperty，thereshallbearevolution。
Thatlittleurchinwiththegold-redhair，whomIhavejustwatchedtoddlingpastmyhouse，sheshallnotbeloppedandlamedandaltered；
herhairshallnotbecutshortlikeaconvict\'s；no，allthekingdomsoftheearthshallbehackedaboutandmutilatedtosuither。
Sheisthehumanandsacredimage；allaroundherthesocialfabricshallswayandsplitandfall；thepillarsofsocietyshallbeshaken，andtheroofsofagescomerushingdown，andnotonehairofherheadshallbeharmed。
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THREENOTES
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I
ONFEMALESUFFRAGE
Notwishingtooverloadthislongessaywithtoomanyparentheses，apartfromitsthesisofprogressandprecedent，Iappendherethreenotesonpointsofdetailthatmaypossiblybemisunderstood。
Thefirstreferstothefemalecontroversy。ItmayseemtomanythatIdismisstoocurtlythecontentionthatallwomenshouldhavevotes，evenifmostwomendonotdesirethem。
Itisconstantlysaidinthisconnectionthatmaleshavereceivedthevote（theagriculturallaborersforinstance）
whenonlyaminorityofthemwereinfavorofit。Mr。Galsworthy，oneofthefewfinefightingintellectsofourtime，hastalkedthislanguageinthe\"Nation。\"Now，broadly，Ihaveonlytoanswerhere，aseverywhereinthisbook，thathistoryisnotatobogganslide，butaroadtobereconsideredandevenretraced。
IfwereallyforcedGeneralElectionsuponfreelaborerswhodefinitelydislikedGeneralElections，thenitwasathoroughlyundemocraticthingtodo；ifwearedemocratsweoughttoundoit。
Wewantthewillofthepeople，notthevotesofthepeople；
andtogiveamanavoteagainsthiswillistomakevotingmorevaluablethanthedemocracyitdeclares。
Butthisanalogyisfalse，foraplainandparticularreason。
Manyvotelesswomenregardavoteasunwomanly。
Nobodysaysthatmostvotelessmenregardedavoteasunmanly。
Nobodysaysthatanyvotelessmenregardeditasunmanly。
Notinthestillesthamletorthemoststagnantfencouldyoufindayokeloratrampwhothoughthelosthissexualdignitybybeingpartofapoliticalmob。Ifhedidnotcareaboutavoteitwassolelybecausehedidnotknowaboutavote；hedidnotunderstandthewordanybetterthanBimetallism。Hisopposition，ifitexisted，wasmerelynegative。Hisindifferencetoavotewasreallyindifference。
Butthefemalesentimentagainstthefranchise，whateveritssize，ispositive。Itisnotnegative；itisbynomeansindifferent。
Suchwomenasareopposedtothechangeregardit（rightlyorwrongly）
asunfeminine。Thatis，asinsultingcertainaffirmativetraditionstowhichtheyareattached。Youmaythinksuchaviewprejudiced；
butIviolentlydenythatanydemocrathasarighttooverridesuchprejudices，iftheyarepopularandpositive。ThushewouldnothavearighttomakemillionsofMoslemsvotewithacrossiftheyhadaprejudiceinfavorofvotingwithacrescent。
Unlessthisisadmitted，democracyisafarceweneedscarcelykeepup。
Ifitisadmitted，theSuffragistshavenotmerelytoawakenanindifferent，buttoconvertahostilemajority。
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II
ONCLEANLINESSINEDUCATION
Onre-readingmyprotest，whichIhonestlythinkmuchneeded，againstourheathenidolatryofmereablution，Iseethatitmaypossiblybemisread。IhastentosaythatIthinkwashingamostimportantthingtobetaughtbothtorichandpoor。
Idonotattackthepositivebuttherelativepositionofsoap。
Letitbeinsistedonevenasmuchasnow；butletotherthingsbeinsistedonmuchmore。Iamevenreadytoadmitthatcleanlinessisnexttogodliness；butthemodernswillnotevenadmitgodlinesstobenexttocleanliness。
IntheirtalkaboutThomasBecketandsuchsaintsandheroestheymakesoapmoreimportantthansoul；theyrejectgodlinesswheneveritisnotcleanliness。Ifweresentthisaboutremotesaintsandheroes，weshouldresentitmoreaboutthemanysaintsandheroesoftheslums，whoseuncleanhandscleansetheworld。
Dirtisevilchieflyasevidenceofsloth；butthefactremainsthattheclassesthatwashmostarethosethatworkleast。
Concerningthese，thepracticalcourseissimple；soapshouldbeurgedonthemandadvertisedaswhatitis——aluxury。
Withregardtothepooralsothepracticalcourseisnothardtoharmonizewithourthesis。Ifwewanttogivepoorpeoplesoapwemustsetoutdeliberatelytogivethemluxuries。
Ifwewillnotmakethemrichenoughtobeclean，thenemphaticallywemustdowhatwedidwiththesaints。
Wemustreverencethemforbeingdirty。
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III
ONPEASANTPROPRIETORSHIP
Ihavenotdealtwithanydetailstouchingdistributedownership，oritspossibilityinEngland，forthereasonstatedinthetext。
Thisbookdealswithwhatiswrong，wronginourrootofargumentandeffort。Thiswrongis，Isay，thatwewillgoforwardbecausewedarenotgoback。ThustheSocialistsaysthatpropertyisalreadyconcentratedintoTrustsandStores：
theonlyhopeistoconcentrateitfurtherintheState。Isaytheonlyhopeistounconcentrateit；thatis，torepentandreturn；
theonlystepforwardisthestepbackward。
ButinconnectionwiththisdistributionIhavelaidmyselfopentoanotherpotentialmistake。Inspeakingofasweepingredistribution，Ispeakofdecisionintheaim，notnecessarilyofabruptnessinthemeans。ItisnotatalltoolatetorestoreanapproximatelyrationalstateofEnglishpossessionswithoutanymereconfiscation。
Apolicyofbuyingoutlandlordism，steadilyadoptedinEnglandasithasalreadybeenadoptedinIreland（notablyinMr。Wyndham\'swiseandfruitfulAct），wouldinaveryshorttimereleasethelowerendofthesee-sawandmakethewholeplankswingmorelevel。
Theobjectiontothiscourseisnotatallthatitwouldnotdo，onlythatitwillnotbedone。Ifweleavethingsastheyare，therewillalmostcertainlybeacrashofconfiscation。
Ifwehesitate，weshallsoonhavetohurry。Butifwestartdoingitquicklywehavestilltimetodoitslowly。
Thispoint，however，isnotessentialtomybook。AllIhavetourgebetweenthesetwoboardsisthatIdislikethebigWhiteleyshop，andthatIdislikeSocialismbecauseitwill（accordingtoSocialists）
besolikethatshop。Itisitsfulfilment，notitsreversal。
IdonotobjecttoSocialismbecauseitwillrevolutionizeourcommerce，butbecauseitwillleaveitsohorriblythesame。