thatsheinvariablywentonwithherworkheedlessofhispresence,andineverythingtreatedhimasifshehadbeenhisequal。Shepersistedintalkingwithhiminahalfsisterlyfashionabouthisstudiesandhisfuturecareer,warnedhimwithgreatsolicitudeagainstsomeofhisreprobatefriends,ofwhosemerryadventureshehadtoldher;andifheventuredtocomplimentheronherbeautyorheraccomplishments,shewouldlookupgravelyfromhersewing,oranswerhiminawaywhichseemedtobanishtheideaoflove—makingintothelandoftheimpossible。Hewasconstantlytormentedbythesuspicionthatshesecretlydisapprovedofhim,andthatfromameremoralinterestinhiswelfareshewasconscientiouslylaboringtomakehimabetterman。Dayafterdayhepartedfromherfeelinghumiliated,faint—hearted,andsecretlyindignantbothathimselfandher,anddayafterdayhereturnedonlytorenewthesameexperience。Atlastitbecametoointolerable,hecouldendureitnolonger。Letitmakeorbreak,certainty,atallrisks,wasatleastpreferabletothissickeningsuspense。Thathelovedher,hecouldnolongerdoubt;lethisparentsfoamandfretasmuchastheypleased;
foroncehewasgoingtostandonhisownlegs。
Andintheend,hethought,theywouldhavetoyield,fortheyhadnosonbuthim。
Berthawasgoingtoreturntoherhomeonthesea—coastinaweek。Ralphstoodinthelittlelow—ceiledparlor,assheimagined,tobidhergood—bye。Theyhadbeenspeakingofherfather,herbrothers,andthefarm,andshehadexpressedthewishthatifheevershouldcometothatpartofthecountryhemightpaythemavisit。Herwordshadkindledavaguehopeinhisbreast,butintheirveryfranknessandfriendlyregardtherewassomethingwhichslewthehopetheyhadbegotten。Heheldherhandinhis,andherlargeconfidingeyesshonewithanemotionwhichwasbeautiful,butwasyetnotlove。
\"Ifyouwerebutapeasantbornlikemyself,\"
saidshe,inavoicewhichsoundedalmosttender,\"thenIshouldliketotalktoyouasIwouldtomyownbrother;but——\"
\"No,notbrother,Bertha,\"criedhe,withsuddenvehemence;\"IloveyoubetterthanIeverlovedanyearthlybeing,andifyouknewhowfirmlythislovehasclutchedattherootsofmyheart,youwouldperhaps——youwouldatleastnotlooksoreproachfullyatme。\"
Shedroppedhishand,andstoodforamomentsilent。
\"Iamsorrythatitshouldhavecometothis,Mr。Grim,\"saidshe,visiblystrugglingforcalmness。\"AndIamperhapsmoretoblamethanyou。\"
\"Blame,\"mutteredhe,\"whyareyoutoblame?\"
\"BecauseIdonotloveyou;althoughIsometimesfearedthatthismightcome。ButthenagainIpersuadedmyselfthatitcouldnotbeso。\"
Hetookasteptowardthedoor,laidhishandontheknob,andgazeddownbeforehim。
\"Bertha,\"beganhe,slowly,raisinghishead,\"youhavealwaysdisapprovedofme,youhavedespisedmeinyourheart,butyouthoughtyouwouldbedoingagoodworkifyousucceededinmakingamanofme。\"
\"Youusestronglanguage,\"answeredshe,hesitatingly;\"butthereistruthinwhatyousay。\"
Againtherewasalongpause,inwhichthetickingoftheoldparlorclockgrewlouderandlouder。
\"Then,\"hebrokeoutatlast,\"tellmebeforewepartifIcandonothingtogain——Iwillnotsayyourlove——butonlyyourregard?Whatwouldyoudoifyouwereinmyplace?\"
\"Myadviceyouwillhardlyheed,andIdonotevenknowthatitwouldbewellifyoudid。
ButifIwereamaninyourposition,Ishouldbreakwithmywholepast,startoutintotheworldwherenobodyknewme,andwhereI
shouldbedependentonlyuponmyownstrength,andthereIwouldconqueraplaceformyself,ifitwereonlyforthesatisfactionofknowingthatIwasreallyaman。Herecushionsaresewedunderyourarms,ahundredinvisiblethreadsbindyoutoalifeofidlenessandvanity,everybodyisreadytocarryyouonhishands,theroadissmoothedforyou,everystonecarefullymovedoutofyourpath,andyouwillprobablygotoyourgravewithouthavingeverharboredoneearnestthought,withouthavingdoneonemanlydeed。\"
Ralphstoodtransfixed,gazingatherwithopenmouth;hefeltakindofstupidfright,asifsomeonehadsuddenlyseizedhimbytheshouldersandshakenhimviolently。HetriedvainlytoremovehiseyesfromBertha。Sheheldhimasbyapowerfulspell。Hesawthatherfacewaslightedwithanaltogethernewbeauty;henoticedthedeepglowuponhercheek,thebrilliancyofhereye,theslightquiverofherlip。Buthesawallthisasoneseesthingsinahalf—trance,withoutattemptingtoaccountforthem;thedoorbetweenhissoulandhissenseswasclosed。
\"IknowthatIhavebeenboldinspeakingtoyouinthisway,\"shesaidatlast,seatingherselfinachairatthewindow。\"Butitwasyourselfwhoaskedme。AndIhavefeltallthetimethatIshouldhavetotellyouthisbeforeweparted。\"
\"And,\"answeredhe,makingastrongefforttoappearcalm,\"ifIfollowyouradvice,willyouallowmetoseeyouoncemorebeforeyougo?\"
\"Ishallremainhereanotherweek,andshall,duringthattime,alwaysbereadytoreceiveyou。\"
\"Thankyou。Good—bye。\"
\"Good—bye。\"
Ralphcarefullyavoidedallthefashionablethoroughfares;hefeltdegradedbeforehimself,andhehadanideathateverymancouldreadhishumiliationinhiscountenance。Nowhewalkedonquickly,strikingthesidewalkwithhisheels;now,again,hefellintoanuneasy,recklesssaunter,accordingasthechangingmoodsinspireddefianceofhissentence,oraqualifiedsurrender。And,ashewalkedon,thebitternessgrewwithinhim,andhepitilesslyreviledhimselfforhavingallowedhimselftobemadeafoolofby\"thatlittlecountrygoose,\"
whenhewaswellawarethattherewerehundredsofwomenofthebestfamiliesofthelandwhowouldfeelhonoredatreceivinghisattentions。
Butthissortofreasoningheknewtohebothweakandcontemptible,andhisbetterselfsoonroseinloudrebellion。
\"Afterall,\"hemuttered,\"inthemainthingshewasright。Iamamiserablegood—for—
nothing,ahot—houseplant,apoorstick,andifI
wereawomanmyself,Idon’tthinkIshouldwastemyaffectionsonamanofthatcalibre。\"
ThenheunconsciouslyfelltoanalyzingBertha’scharacter,wonderingvaguelythatapersonwhomovedsotimidlyinsociallife,appearingsodiffident,fromanever—presentfearofblunderingagainsttheestablishedformsofetiquette,couldjudgesoquickly,andwithsuchamercilesscertainty,wheneveramoralquestion,aquestionofrightandwrong,wasatissue。
And,pursuingthesametrainofthought,hecontrastedherwithhimself,whomovedinthehighestspheresofsocietyasinhisnativeelement,heedlessofmoralscruples,andconsciousofnoloftiermotiveforhisactionsthantheimmediatepleasureofthemoment。
AsRalphturnedthecornerofastreet,heheardhimselfhailedfromtheothersidewalkbyachorusofmerryvoices。
\"Ah,mydearBaroness,\"criedayoungman,springingacrossthestreetandgraspingRalph’shand(allhisstudentfriendscalledhimtheBaroness),\"inthenameofthisillustriouscompany,allowmetosaluteyou。Butwhythedeuce——whatisthematterwithyou?IfyouhavetheKatzenjammer,[7]soda—wateristhething。Comealong,——it’smytreat!\"
[7]Katzenjammeristhesensationamanhasthemorningafteracarousal。
ThestudentsinstantlythrongedaroundRalph,whostooddistractedlyswinginghiscaneandsmilingidiotically。
\"Iamnotquitewell,\"saidhe;\"leavemealone。\"
\"No,tobesure,youdon’tlookwell,\"criedajollyyouth,againstwhomBerthahadfrequentlywarnedhim;\"butaglassofsherrywillsoonrestoreyou。Itwouldbehighlyimmoraltoleaveyouinthisconditionwithouttakingcareofyou。\"
Ralphagainvainlytriedtoremonstrate;buttheendwas,thathereluctantlyfollowed。
Hehadalwaysbeenaconspicuousfigureinthestudentworld;butthatnightheastonishedhisfriendsbyhiseloquence,hisrecklesshumor,andhiscapacityfordrinking。Hemadeaspeechfor\"Woman,\"whichbristledwithwit,cynicism,andsarcasticepigrams。Oneyoungman,namedVinter,whowasengaged,undertooktoprotestagainsthissweepingcondemnation,anddeclaredthatRalph,whowasaUniversalfavoriteamongtheladies,oughttobethelasttorevilethem。
\"If,\"hewenton,\"theBaronessshouldproposetosixwell—knownladieshereinthiscitywhomIcouldmention,IwouldwagersixJohannisbergers,andanequalamountofchampagne,thateveryoneofthemwouldaccepthim。\"
Theothersloudlyapplaudedthisproposal,andRalphacceptedthewager。Theletterswerewrittenonthespot,andimmediatelydispatched。
Towardmorning,themerrycarousalbrokeup,andRalphwasconductedintriumphtohishome。
III。
Twodayslater,RalphagainknockedonBertha’sdoor。Helookedpalerthanusual,almosthaggard;hisimmaculatelinenwasalittlecrumpled,andhecarriednocane;hislipsweretightlycompressed,andhisfaceworeanairofdesperateresolution。
\"Itisdone,\"hesaid,asheseatedhimselfoppositeher。\"Iamgoing。\"
\"Going!\"criedshe,startledathisunusualappearance。\"How,where?\"
\"ToAmerica。Isailto—night。Ihavefollowedyouradvice,yousee。Ihavecutoffthelastbridgebehindme。\"
\"But,Ralph,\"sheexclaimed,inavoiceofalarm。\"Somethingdreadfulmusthavehappened。
Tellmequick;Imustknowit。\"
\"No;nothingdreadful,\"mutteredhe,smilingbitterly。\"Ihavemadealittlescandal,thatisall。Myfathertoldmeto—daytogotothedevil,ifIchose,andmymothergavemefivehundreddollarstohelpmealongontheway。
Ifyouwishtoknow,hereistheexplanation。\"
Andhepulledfromhispocketsixperfumedandcarefullyfoldednotes,andthrewthemintoherlap。
\"Doyouwishmetoreadthem?\"sheasked,withgrowingsurprise。
\"Certainly。Whynot?\"
Shehastilyopenedonenoteaftertheother,andread。
\"But,Ralph,\"shecried,springingupfromherseat,whilehereyesflamedwithindignation,\"whatdoesthismean?Whathaveyoudone?\"
\"Ididn’tthinkitneededanyexplanation,\"
repliedhe,withfeignedindifference。\"I
proposedtothemall,and,yousee,theyallacceptedme。Ireceivedalltheselettersto—day。
IonlywishedtoknowwhetherthewholeworldregardedmeassuchaworthlessscampasyoutoldmeIwas。\"
Shedidnotanswer,butsatmutelystaringathim,fiercelycrumplingarose—colorednoteinherhand。Hebegantofeeluncomfortableunderhergaze,andthrewhimselfaboutuneasilyinhischair。
\"Well,\"saidhe,atlength,rising,\"Isupposethereisnothingmore。Good—bye。\"
\"Onemoment,Mr。Grim,\"demandedshe,sternly。\"SinceIhavealreadysaidsomuch,andyouhaveobliginglyrevealedtomeanewsideofyourcharacter,IclaimtherighttocorrecttheopinionIexpressedofyouatourlastmeeting。\"
\"Iamallattention。\"
\"Ididthink,Mr。Grim,\"beganshe,breathinghard,andsteadyingherselfagainstthetableatwhichshestood,\"thatyouwereaveryselfishman——anembodimentofselfishness,absoluteandsupreme,butIdidnotbelievethatyouwerewicked。\"
\"AndwhatconvincedyouthatIwasselfish,ifImayask?\"
\"Whatconvincedme?\"repeatedshe,inatoneofinexpressiblecontempt。\"Whendidyoueveractfromanygenerousregardforothers?Whatgooddidyoueverdotoanybody?\"
\"Youmightask,withequaljustice,whatgoodIeverdidtomyself。\"
\"Inacertainsense,yes;becausetogratifyameremomentarywishishardlydoingone’sselfgood。\"
\"ThenIhave,atallevents,followedtheBiblicalprecept,andtreatedmyneighborverymuchasItreatmyself。\"
\"Ididthink,\"continuedBertha,withoutheedingtheremark,\"thatyouwereatbottomkind—hearted,buttoohopelesslywell—bredevertocommitanactofanydecidedcomplexion,eithergoodorbad。NowIseethatIhavemisjudgedyou,andthatyouarecapableofoutragingthemostsacredfeelingsofawoman’sheartinmerewantonness,orforthesakeofsatisfyingabasecuriosity,whichnevercouldhaveenteredthemindofanuprightandgenerousman。\"
Thehard,benumbedlookinRalph’sfacethawedinthewarmthofherpresence,andherwords,thoughstern,touchedasecretspringinhisheart。Hemadetwoorthreevainattemptstospeak,thensuddenlybrokedown,andcried:
\"Bertha,Bertha,evenifyouscornme,havepatiencewithme,andlisten。\"
Andhetoldher,inrapid,brokensentences,howhisloveforherhadgrownfromdaytoday,untilhecouldnolongermasterit;andhow,inanunguardedmoment,whenhisprideroseinfierceconflictagainsthislove,hehaddonethisrecklessdeedofwhichhewasnowheartilyashamed。Thefervorofhiswordstouchedher,forshefeltthattheyweresincere。
Largemutetearstrembledinhereyelashesasshesatgazingtenderlyathim,andinthedepthofhersoulthewishawokethatshemighthavebeenabletoreturnthisgreatandstrongloveofhis;forshefeltthatinthislovelaythegermofanew,ofastrongerandbetterman。Shenoticed,withahalf—regretfulpleasure,hishandsomefigure,hisdelicatelyshapedhands,andthenoblecastofhisfeatures;anoverwhelmingpityforhimrosewithinher,andshebegantoreproachherselfforhavingspokensoharshly,and,asshenowthought,sounjustly。Perhapshereadinhereyestheunspokenwish。Heseizedherhand,andhiswordsfellwithawarmandalluringcadenceuponherear。
\"Ishallnotseeyouforalongtimetocome,Bertha,\"saidhe,\"butif,attheendoffiveorsixyearsyourhandisstillfree,andIreturnanotherman——amantowhomyoucouldsafelyintrustyourhappiness——wouldyouthenlistentowhatImayhavetosaytoyou?ForIpromise,byallthatwebothholdsacred——\"
\"No,no,\"interruptedshe,hastily。\"Promisenothing。Itwouldbeunjustto——yourself,andperhapsalsotome;forasacredpromiseisaterriblething,Ralph。Letusbothremainfree;
and,ifyoureturnandstillloveme,thencome,andIshallreceiveyouandlistentoyou。Andevenifyouhaveoutgrownyourlove,whichis,indeed,moreprobable,comestilltovisitmewhereverImaybe,andweshallmeetasfriendsandrejoiceinthemeeting。\"
\"Youknowbest,\"hemurmured。\"Letitbeasyouhavesaid。\"
Hearose,tookherfacebetweenhishands,gazedlongandtenderlyintohereyes,pressedakissuponherforehead,andhastenedaway。
ThatnightRalphboardedthesteamerforHull,andthreeweekslaterlandedinNewYork。
IV。
ThefirstthreemonthsofRalph’ssojourninAmericawerespentinvainattemptstoobtainasituation。DayafterdayhewalkeddownBroadway,callingatvariousplacesofbusinessandnightafternighthereturnedtohischeer—
lessroomwithafaintheartanddecliningspirits。
Itwas,afterall,amoreseriousthingthanhehadimagined,tocutthecablewhichbindsonetothelandofone’sbirth。Thereahundredsubtileinfluences,theexistenceofwhichnoonesuspectsuntilthemomenttheyarewithdrawn,unitetokeeponeinthestraightpathofrectitude,oratleastofexternalrespectability;andRalph’slifehadbeenallinsociety;theopinionofhisfellow—menhadbeentheoneforcetowhichheimplicitlydeferred,andtheconsciencebywhichhehadbeenwonttotesthisactionshadbeennothingbuttheaggregatejudgmentofhisfriends。Tosuchamantheisolationandtheutterirresponsibilityofalifeamongstrangerswastenfoldmoredangerous;andRalphfound,tohishorror,thathischaractercontainedinnumerablelatentpossibilitieswhichtheeasy—
goinglifeinhishomeprobablyneverwouldhaverevealedtohim。Itoftencuthimtothequick,when,onenteringanofficeinhisdailysearchforemployment,hewasmetbyhostileorsuspiciousglances,orwhen,asitoccasionallyhappened,thedoorwasslammedinhisface,asifhewereavagabondoranimpostor。Thenthewolfwasoftenrousedwithinhim,andhefeltamomentarywilddesiretobecomewhatthepeoplehereevidentlybelievedhimtobe。
Manyanighthesaunteredirresolutelyaboutthegamblingplacesinobscurestreets,andtheglareoflight,therudeshoutsandclamorsinthesamemomentrepelledandattractedhim。
Ifhewenttothedevil,whowouldcare?Hisfatherhadhimselfpointedoutthewaytohim;
andnobodycouldblamehimifhefollowedtheadvice。Butthenagainamemoryemergedfromthatchamberofhissoulwhichstillheheldsacred;andBertha’sdeep—blueeyesgazeduponhimwiththeirearnestlookoftenderwarningandregret。
Whenthesummerwashalfgone,Ralphhadgainedmanyahardvictoryoverhimself,andlearnedmanyausefullesson;andatlengthheswallowedhispride,divestedhimselfofhisfineclothes,andacceptedapositionasassistantgardeneratavillaontheHudson。Andashestoodperspiringwithaspadeinhishand,andacheapbroad—brimmedstrawhatonhishead,heoftentookagrimpleasureinpicturingtohimselfhowhisaristocraticfriendsathomewouldreceivehim,ifheshouldintroducehimselftotheminthisnewcostume。
\"Afterall,itwasonlymypositiontheycaredfor,\"hereflected,bitterly;\"withoutmyfather’snamewhatwouldIbetothem?\"
Then,again,therewasacertainsatisfactioninknowingthat,forhispresentsituation,humbleasitwas,hewasindebtedtonobodybuthimself;andthethoughtthatBertha’seyes,iftheycouldhaveseenhimnowwouldhavedweltuponhimwithpleasureandapprobation,wentfartoconsolehimforhisachingback,hissunburnedface,andhisswollenandblisteredhands。
Oneday,asRalphwasrakingthegravel—
walksinthegarden,hisemployer’sdaughter,ayoungladyofseventeen,cameoutandspoketohim。Hiscultureandrefinementofmannerstruckherwithwonder,andsheaskedhimtotellherhishistory;butthenhesuddenlygrewverygrave,andsheforborepressinghim。Fromthattimesheattachedakindofromanticinteresttohim,andfinallyinducedherfathertoobtainhimasituationthatwouldbemoretohistaste。And,beforewintercame,Ralphsawthedawnofanewfutureglimmeringbeforehim。
Hehadwrestledbravelywithfate,andhadoncemoregainedavictory。Hebeganthecareerinwhichsuccessanddistinctionawaitedhim,asproof—readeronanewspaperinthecity。
HehadfortunatelybeenfamiliarwiththeEnglishlanguagebeforehelefthome,andbythestrengthofhiswillheconqueredalldifficulties。
Attheendoftwoyearshebecameattachedtotheeditorialstaff;newambitioushopes,hithertoforeigntohismind,awokewithinhim;
andwithjoyoustumultofhearthesawlifeopeningitswidevistasbeforehim,andhelaboredonmanfullytorepairthelossesofthepast,andtopreparehimselfforgreaterusefulnessintimestocome。Hefeltinhimselfastrongerandfullermanhood,asifthegreatarteriesofthevastuniversalworld—lifepulsedinhisownbeing。Thedrowsy,indolentexistenceathomeappearedlikeadullremotedreamfromwhichhehadawaked,andheblessedthedestinywhich,byitsverysternness,hadmercifullysavedhim;heblessedher,too,who,fromtheverywantofloveforhim,had,perhaps,madehimworthieroflove。
Theyearsflewrapidly。Societyhadflungitsdoorsopentohim,andwhatwasmore,hehadfoundsomewarmfriends,inwhosehouseshecouldcomeandgoatpleasure。Heenjoyedkeenlytheprivilegeofdailyassociationwithhigh—mindedandrefinedwomen;theireageractivityofintellectstimulatedhim,theirexquisiteetherealgraceandtheirdelicatelychiseledbeautysatisfiedhisaestheticcravings,andtheresponsivevivacityoftheirnaturepreparedhimevernewsurprises。Hefeltastrangefascinationinthepresenceofthesewomen,andtheconvictiongrewuponhimthattheirtypeofwomanhoodwassuperiortoanyhehadhithertoknown。Andbywayofrefutinghisownargument,hewoulddrawfromhispocket—bookthephotographofBertha,whichhadasecretcompartmenttherealltoitself,and,gazingtenderlyatit,wouldeagerlydefendheragainstthedisparagingreflectionswhichtheinvoluntarycomparisonhadprovoked。Andstill,howcouldhehelpseeingthatherfeatures,thoughwellmolded,lackedanimation;thathereye,withitsdeep,trustfulglance,wasnotbrilliant,andthatthecalmearnestnessofherface,whencomparedwiththebright,intellectualbeautyofhispresentfriends,appearedpaleandsimple,likeavioletinabouquetofvividlycoloredroses?
Itgavehimaquickpang,when,attimes,hewasforcedtoadmitthis;nevertheless,itwasthetruth。
AftersixyearsofresidenceinAmerica,Ralphhadgainedaveryhighreputationasajournalistofrarecultureandability,and,in1867hewassenttotheWorld’sExhibitioninParis,ascorrespondentofthepaperonwhichhehadduringalltheseyearsbeenemployed。
Whatwonder,then,thathestartedforEuropeafewweeksbeforehispresencewasneededintheimperialcity,andthathesteeredhiscoursedirectlytowardthefjordvalleywhereBerthahadherhome?ItwasshewhohadbiddenhimGodspeedwhenhefledfromthelandofhisbirth,andshe,too,shouldreceivehisfirstgreetingonhisreturn。
V。
Thesunhadfortifieditselfbehindacitadelofflamingclouds,andtheupperforestregionshonewithastrangeetherealglow,whilethelowerplainswerewrappedinshadow;buttheshadowitselfhadastrongsuffusionofcolor。
Themountainpeaksrosecoldandblueinthedistance。
Ralph,havinginquiredhiswayoftheboatmanwhohadlandedhimatthepier,walkedrapidlyalongthebeach,withasmallvaliseinhishand,andalightsummerovercoatflungoverhisshoulder。Manyhalf—thoughtsgrazedhismind,anderethefirsthadtakenshape,thesecond,andthethirdcameandchaseditaway。
AndstilltheyallinsomefashionhadreferencetoBertha;forinamisty,abstractway,shefilledhiswholemind;butforsomeindefinablereason,hewasafraidtogivefreereintothesentimentwhichlurkedintheremotercornersofhissoul。
Onwardhehastened,whilehisheartthrobbedwiththequickeningtempoofmingledexpectationandfear。Nowandthenoneofthosechillgustsofairwhichseemtobecareeringaboutaimlesslyintheatmosphereduringearlysummer,wouldstrikeintohisface,andrecallhimtoakeenerself—consciousness。
Ralphconcluded,fromhisincreasingagitation,thathemustbeverynearBertha’shome。
Hestoppedandlookedaroundhim。Hesawalargemapleattheroadside,somethirtystepsfromwherehewasstanding,andthegirlwhowassittingunderit,restingherheadinherhandandgazingoutoverthesea,herecognizedinaninstanttobeBertha。Hesprangupontheroad,notcrossing,however,herlineofvision,andapproachedhernoiselesslyfrombehind。
\"Bertha,\"hewhispered。
Shegavealittlejoyouscry,sprangup,andmadeagestureasiftothrowherselfinhisarms;
thensuddenlycheckedherself,blushedcrimson,andmovedastepbackward。
\"Youcamesosuddenly,\"shemurmured。
\"But,Bertha,\"criedhe(andthefullbassofhisvoicerangthroughherverysoul),\"haveI
goneintoexileandwaitedthesemanyyearsforsocoldawelcome?\"
\"Youhavechangedsomuch,Ralph,\"sheanswered,withthatoldgravesmilewhichheknewsowell,andstretchedoutbothherhandstowardhim。\"AndIhavethoughtofyousomuchsinceyouwentaway,andblamedmyselfbecauseIhadjudgedyousoharshly,andwonderedthatyoucouldlistentomesopatiently,andneverbearmeanymaliceforwhatIsaid。\"
\"Ifyouhadsaidawordless,\"declaredRalph,seatinghimselfathersideonthegreensward,\"orifyouhadvarnisheditoverwithpoliteness,thenyouwouldprobablyhavefailedtoproduceanyeffectandIshouldnothavebeenburdenedwiththatheavydebtofgratitudewhichInowoweyou。Iwasaprettythick—skinnedanimalinthosedays,Bertha。Yousaidtherightwordattherightmoment;yougavemeaholdandagoodpieceofadvice,whichmyowningenuitywouldneverhavesuggestedtome。Iwillnotthankyou,because,insograveacaseasthis,spokenthankssoundlikeameremockery。WhateverIam,Bertha,andwhateverImayhopetobe,Ioweitalltothathour。\"
Shelistenedwithrapturetothemanlyassuranceofhisvoice;hereyesdweltwithunspeakablejoyuponhisstrong,bronzedfeatures,hisfullthickblondebeard,andthevigorousproportionsofhisframe。Manyandmanyatimeduringhisabsencehadshewonderedhowhewouldlookifheevercameback,andwiththatminuteconscientiousnesswhich,asitwere,pervadedherwholecharacter,shehadheldherselfresponsiblebeforeGodforhisfate,prayedforhim,andtrembledlestevilpowersshouldgaintheascendencyoverhissoul。
Ontheirwaytothehousetheytalkedtogetherofmanythings,butinaguarded,cautiousfashion,andwithoutthecheerfulabandonmentofformeryears。Theyboth,asitwere,gropedtheirwaycarefullyineachother’sminds,andeachvaguelyfeltthattherewassomethingintheother’sthoughtwhichitwasnotwelltotouchunbidden。Berthasawthatallherfearsforhimhadbeengroundless,andhisveryappearanceliftedthewholeweightofresponsibilityfromherbreast;andstill,didsherejoiceatherdeliverancefromherburden?Ah,no,inthismomentsheknewthatthatwhichshehadfoolishlycherishedasthebestandnoblestpartofherself,hadbeenbutaselfishneedofherownheart。Shefearedthatshehadonlytakenthatinterestinhimwhichonefeelsinathingofone’sownmaking;andnow,whenshesawthathehadrisenquiteaboveher;thathewasfreeandstrong,andcouldhavenomoreneedofher,shehad,insteadofgenerouspleasureathissuccess,butapainfulsenseofemptiness,asifsomethingverydearhadbeentakenfromher。
Ralph,too,wasloathtoanalyzetheimpressionhisoldlovemadeuponhim。Hisfeelingswereofsocomplexanature,hewasanxioustokeephismoremagnanimousimpulsesactive,andhestrovehardtoconvincehimselfthatshewasstillthesametohimasshehadbeenbeforetheyhadeverparted。But,alas!thoughtheheartbewarmandgenerous,theeyeisamercilesscritic。Andthemanwhohadmovedonthewidearenaoftheworld,whosemindhadhousedthelargethoughtsofthiscentury,andexpandedwithitsinvigoratingbreath,——washetoblamebecausehehadunconsciouslyoutgrownhisoldprovincialself,andcouldnomorejudgebyitsstandards?
Bertha’sfatherwasapeasant,buthehad,byhislumbertrade,acquiredwhatinNorwaywascalledaveryhandsomefortune。Hereceivedhisguestwithdignifiedreserve,andRalphthoughthedetectedinhiseyesalurkinglookofdistrust。\"Iknowyourerrand,\"thatlookseemedtosay,\"butyouhadbettergiveitupatonce。Itwillbeofnouseforyoutotry。\"
Andaftersupper,asRalphandBerthasattalkingconfidinglywitheachotheratthewindow,hesenthisdaughteraquick,sharpglance,andthen,withoutceremony,commandedhertogotobed。Ralph’sheartgaveagreatthumpwithinhim;notbecausehefearedtheoldman,butbecausehiswords,aswellashisglances,revealedtohimthesadhistoryoftheselong,patientyears。Hedoubtednolongerthatthelovewhichhehadoncesoardentlydesiredwashisatlast;andhemadeasilentvowthat,comewhatmight,hewouldremainfaithful。
Ashecamedowntobreakfastthenextmorning,hefoundBerthasittingatthewindow,engagedinhemmingwhatappearedtobearoughkitchentowel。Shebenteagerlyoverherwork,andonlyavividflushuponhercheektoldhimthatshehadnoticedhiscoming。Hetookachair,seatedhimselfoppositeher,andbadeher\"good—morning。\"Sheraisedherhead,andshowedhimasweet,troubledcountenance,whichtheearlysunlightilluminedwithahighspiritualbeauty。Itremindedhimforciblyofthosepale,sweet—facedsaintsofFraAngelico,withwhomthefrailfleshseemseveronthepointofyieldingtotheardentaspirationsofthespirit。Andstill,eveninthismomenthecouldnotpreventhiseyesfromobservingthatonesideofherforefingerwasroughfromsewing,andthatthewhitenessofherarm,whichtheloosesleevesdisplayed,contrastedstronglywiththebrownedandsun—burnedcomplexionofherhands。
Afterbreakfasttheyagainwalkedtogetheronthebeach,andRalph,havingonceformedhisresolution,nowtalkedfreelyoftheNewWorld——ofhissphereofactivitythere;ofhisfriendsandofhisplansforthefuture;andshelistenedtohimwithamild,perplexedlookinhereyes,asiftryingvainlytofollowtheflightofhisthoughts。Andhewondered,withsecretdismay,whethershewasstillthesamestrong,brave—heartedgirlwhomhehadonceaccountedalmostbold;whetherthelifeinthisnarrowvalley,amidahundredpettyanddepressingcares,hadnotcrampedherspiritualgrowth,andnarrowedthesphereofherthought。Orwasshestillthesame,andwasitonlyhewhohadchanged?Atlasthegaveutterancetohiswonder,andsheansweredhiminthosegrave,earnesttoneswhichseemedinthemselvestobehalfarefutationofhisdoubts。
\"Itwaseasyformetogiveyoudaringadvice,then,Ralph,\"shesaid。\"Likemostschool—
girls,Ithoughtthatlifewasagreatandgloriousthing,andthathappinesswasafruitwhichhungwithinreachofeveryhand。NowIhavelivedforsixyearstryingsingle—handedtorelievethewantandsufferingoftheneedypeoplewithwhomIcomeincontact,andtheirsqualorandwretchednesshavesickenedme,and,whatisstillworse,IfeelthatallIcandoisasadropintheocean,andafterall,amountstonothing。
IknowIamnolongerthesamerecklessgirl,who,withtheverybestintention,sentyouwanderingthroughthewideworld;andIthankGodthatitprovedtobeforyourgood,althoughthewholenowappearsquiteincredibletome。Mythoughtshavemovedsolongwithinthenarrowcircleofthesemountainsthattheyhavelosttheiryouthfulelasticity,andcannomoreriseabovethem。\"
Ralphdetected,inthemidstofherdespondency,asparkofherformerfire,andgreweloquentinhisendeavorstopersuadeherthatshewasunjusttoherself,andthattherewasbutawidersphereoflifeneededtodevelopallthelatentpowersofherrichnature。
Atthedinner—table,herfatheragainsateyeinghisguestwiththatsamecoldlookofdistrustandsuspicion。Andwhenthemealwasatanend,heroseabruptlyandcalledhisdaughterintoanotherroom。PresentlyRalphheardhisangryvoiceresoundingthroughthehouse,interruptednowandthenbyawoman’ssobs,andasubdued,passionatepleading。WhenBerthaagainenteredtheroom,hereyeswereveryred,andhesawthatshehadbeenweeping。
Shethrewashawloverhershoulders,beckonedtohimwithherhand,andhearoseandfollowedher。Sheledthewaysilentlyuntiltheyreachedathickcopseofbirchandaldernearthestrand。Shedroppeddownuponabenchbetweentwotrees,andhetookhisseatatherside。
\"Ralph,\"beganshe,withavisibleeffort,\"I
hardlyknowwhattosaytoyou;butthereissomethingwhichImusttellyou——myfatherwishesyoutoleaveusatonce。\"
\"AndYOU,Bertha?\"
\"Well——yes——Iwishittoo。\"
Shesawthepainfulshockwhichherwordsgavehim,andshestrovehardtospeak。Herlipstrembled,hereyesbecamesuffusedwithtears,whichgrewandgrew,butneverfell;shecouldnotutteraword。
\"Well,Bertha,\"answeredhe,withalittlequiverinhisvoice,\"ifyou,too,wishmetogo,Ishallnottarry。Good—bye。\"
Herosequickly,and,withavertedface,heldouthishandtoher;butasshemadenomotiontograspthehand,hebegandistractedlytobuttonhiscoat,andmovedslowlyaway。
\"Ralph。\"
Heturnedsharply,and,beforeheknewit,shelaysobbinguponhisbreast。
\"Ralph,\"shemurmured,whilethetearsalmostchokedherwords,\"Icouldnothaveyouleavemethus。Itishardenough——itishardenough——\"
\"Whatishard,beloved?\"
Sheraisedherheadabruptly,andturneduponhimagazefullofhopeanddoubt,andsweetperplexity。
\"Ah,no,youdonotloveme,\"shewhispered,sadly。
\"WhyshouldIcometoseekyou,afterthesemanyyears,dearest,ifIdidnotwishtomakeyoumywifebeforeGodandmen?WhyshouldI——\"
\"Ah,yes,Iknow,\"sheinterruptedhimwithafreshfitofweeping,\"youaretoogoodandhonesttowishtothrowmeaway,nowwhenyouhaveseenhowmysoulhashungeredforthesightofyouthesemanyyears,howevennowIclingtoyouwithadespairingclutch。
Butyoucannotdisguiseyourself,Ralph,andI
sawfromthefirstmomentthatyoulovedmenomore。\"
\"Donotbesuchanunreasonablechild,\"heremonstrated,feebly。\"Idonotloveyouwiththewild,irrationalpassionofformeryears;
butIhavethetenderestregardforyou,andmyheartwarmsatthesightofyoursweetface,andIshalldoallinmypowertomakeyouashappyasanymancanmakeyouwho——\"
\"Whodoesnotloveme,\"shefinished。
Asuddenshudderseemedtoshakeherwholeframe,andshedrewherselfmoretightlyuptohim。
\"Ah,no,\"shecontinued,afterawhile,sinkingbackuponherseat。\"Itisahopelessthingtocompelareluctantheart。Iwillacceptnosacrificefromyou。Youowemenothing,foryouhaveactedtowardmehonestlyanduprightly,andIshallbeastronger,or——atleast——
abetterwomanforwhatyougaveme——and——
forwhatyoucouldnotgiveme,eventhoughyouwould。\"
\"But,Bertha,\"exclaimedhe,lookingmournfullyather,\"itisnottruewhenyousaythatI
oweyounothing。Sixyearsago,whenfirstI
wooedyou,youcouldnotreturnmylove,andyousentmeoutintotheworld,andevenrefusedtoacceptanypledgeorpromiseforthefuture。\"
\"Andyoureturned,\"sheresponded,\"aman,suchasmyhopehadpicturedyou;but,whileI
hadalmostbeenstandingstill,youhadoutgrownme,andoutgrownyouroldself,and,withyouroldself,outgrownitsloveforme,foryourlovewasnotofyournewself,butoftheold。Alas!itisasadtale,butitistrue。\"
Shespokegravelynow,andwithasteadiervoice,buthereyeshunguponhisfacewithaneagerlookofexpectation,asifyearningtodetecttheresomegleamofhope,somecontradictionofthedismaltruth。Hereadthatlookaright,anditpiercedhimlikeasharpsword。
Hemadeabraveefforttorespondtoitsappeal,buthisfeaturesseemedhardasstone,andhecouldonlycryoutagainsthisdestiny,andbewailhismisfortuneandhers。
Towardevening,Ralphwassittinginanopenboat,listeningtothemeasuredoar—strokesoftheboatmenwhowererowinghimouttotheneareststopping—placeofthesteamer。Themountainsliftedtheirgreatplacidheadsupamongthesun—bathedclouds,andthefjordopeneditscooldepthsasiftomakeroomfortheirvastreflections。Ralphfeltasifhewerefloatinginthemidstoftheblueinfinitespace,and,withthestrengthwhichthisfeelinginspired,hetriedtofaceboldlythethoughtfromwhichhehadbutamomentagoshrunkasfromsomethinghopelesslysadandperplexing。
AndinthathourhelookedfearlesslyintothegulfwhichseparatestheNewWorldfromtheOld。Hehadhopedtobridgeit;but,alas!itcannotbebridged。
ASCIENTIFICVAGABOND。
I。
THEsteamerwhichasfarbackas1860
passedeveryweekonitsnorthwardwayupalongthecoastofNorway,wasofaverysociableturnofmind。Itranwithmuchshriekingandneedlessblusterinandoutthecalm,windingfjords,paidunceremoniouslittlevisitsineveryout—of—the—waynookandbay,droppednowandthenablackheapofcoalintotheshiningwater,andsentthickvolleysofsmokeandshrilllittleechoescareeringaimlesslyamongthemountains。Itseemed,onthewhole,fromanaestheticpointofview,anobjectionablephenomenon——ablotupontheperfectsummerday。Bytheinhabitants,however,oftheseremoteregions(withtheexceptionofafewobstinateindividuals,whohadatfirstlookeduponitasthesureheraldofdooms—
day,andstillwerevaguelywonderingwhattheworldwascomingto,)itwasregardedinaverydifferentlight。Thischolericlittlemonsterwastothemafriendlyandwelcomevisitor,whichestablishedtheirconnectionwiththeoutsideworld,andgavethemaproudconsciousnessoflivingintheveryheartofcivilization。
Therefore,onsteamboatdaystheyflockedenmassedownonthepiers,and,withanever—freshsenseofnovelty,greetedtheapproachingboatwithlivelycheers,withfiringofmusketsandwavingofhandkerchiefs。Themenofcondition,asthejudge,thesheriff,andtheparson,whosedignityforbadethemtoreceivethesteamerinperson,contentedthemselveswithwatchingitthroughanopera—glassfromtheirbalconies;andifahighofficialwasknowntobeonboard,theyperhapsdisplayedthenationalbannerfromtheirflag—poles,asadelicatecomplimenttotheirsuperior。
ButtheRev。Mr。Oddson,theparsonofwhomIhavetospeak,hadthisdayyieldedtothegentleurgingsofhisdaughters(as,indeed,healwaysdid),andhadwiththemboardedthesteamertoreceivehisnephew,ArnfinnVording,whowasreturningfromtheuniversityforhissummervacation。Andnowtheyhadhimbetweenthemintheirprettywhite—paintedpar—
sonageboat,withthebluelinealongthegunwale,beleagueringhimwitheagerquestionsaboutfriendsandrelativesinthecapital,chums,universitysports,andamedleyofotherthingsinterestingtoyoungladieswhohaveacollegianforacousin。Hisunclewascharitableenoughtocheckhisowncuriosityaboutthenephew’sprogressintheartsandsciences,andtheresultofhisrecentexaminations,tillheshouldhavebecomefairlysettledunderhisroof;andArnfinn,who,inspiteofhisnaturalbrightnessandreadyhumor,wasanythingbuta\"dig,\"wasgratefulfortherespite。
Theparsonagelaysnuglynestledattheendofthebay,shiningcontentedlythroughthegreenfoliagefromamultitudeofsmallsun—
smittenwindows。Itspinkishwhitewash,whichwaspeelingofffromlongexposuretotheweather,wasincheerfulcontrasttothebroadblacksurfaceoftheroof,withitsglazedtiles,andthestarlings’nestsunderthechimney—tops。
Thethick—leavedmaplesandwalnut—treeswhichgrewinrandomclustersaboutthewallsseemedloftilyconsciousofstandingthereforpurposesofprotection;for,wherevertheirlong—fingeredbrancheshappenedtograzetheroof,itwasalwayswithatouch,light,graceful,andairilycaressing。Theirregularlypavedyardwasinclosedontwosidesbythemainbuilding,andonthethirdbyaspeciesoflogcabin,which,inNorway,iscalledabrew—house;buttowardthewesttheviewwasbutslightlyobscuredbyanelevatedpigeoncotandaclumpofbirches,throughwhosesparseleavesthefjordbeneathsentitsrapidjetsandgleamsoflight,anditsstrangesuggestionsofdistance,peaceandunaccountablegladness。
ArnfinnVording’scareerhadpresentedthatsubtlecombinationoffarceandtragedywhichmosthumanlivesareapttobe;andifthetragicelementhadduringhisearlyyearsbeenpreponderating,hewashardlyhimselfawareofit;forhehadbeentooyoungatthedeathofhisparentstofeelthatkeennessofgriefwhichthesameprivationwouldhavegivenhimatalaterperiodofhislife。Itmighthavebeenhumiliatingtoconfessit,butitwasneverthelesstruethattheterrorhehadoncesustainedonbeingpursuedbyafuriousbullwasmuchmorevividinhismemorythanthevaguewonderanddepressionwhichhadfilledhismindatseeinghismothersosuddenlystrickenwithage,asshelaymotionlessinherwhiterobesinthefrontparlor。
Sincethenhisuncle,whowashisguardianandnearestrelative,hadtakenhimintohisfamily,hadinstructedhimwithhisowndaughters,andfinallysenthimtotheUniversity,leavingthelittlefortunewhichhehadinheritedtoaccumulateforfutureuse。ArnfinnhadapainfullydistinctrecollectionofhisearlyhardshipsintryingtoacquirethatsoftpronunciationoftherwhichispeculiartothewesternfjorddistrictsofNorway,andwhichheadmiredsomuchinhiscousins;forthemerry—eyedInga,whowaslessscrupulousbyagooddealthanheroldersister,Augusta,hadfromthebeginningpersistedininterpretingtheirrelationofcousinshipasanunboundedprivilegeonherparttoridiculehimforhispersonalpeculiarities,andespeciallyforhisharshrandhisbroadeasternaccent。Herridiculewasalwaysverygood—natured,tobesure,butthereforenolessannoying。
But——suchistheperversenessofhumannature——
inspiteofaseriesofapparentrebuffs,interruptednowandthenbyfitsofviolentattachment,Arnfinnhadearlyselectedthisdimpledandyellow—hairedyounggirl,withherpiquantlittlenose,forhisfavoritecousin。Itwastheprospectofseeingherwhich,aboveallelse,hadlent,inanticipation,analtogethernewradiancetothedaywhenheshouldpresenthim—
selfinhishomewiththelong—tasseledstudentcaponhishead,theunnecessary\"pinchers\"onhisnose,andwiththeothertraditionalparaphernaliaoftheNorwegianstudent。Thatgreatdayhadnowcome;ArnfinnsatatInga’ssideplayingwithherwhitefingers,whichlayrestingonhisknee,andcoveringthedepthofhisfeelingwithharmlessbanterabouther\"amusinglyunclassicallittlenose。\"Hehadoncedetectedher,whenachild,standingbeforeamirror,andpinchingthisunhappyfeatureinthemiddle,inthehopeofmakingit\"likeAugusta’s;\"andsincethenhehadnolongerfeltsoutterlydefenselesswheneverhisownfoibleswereattacked。