AWILD，MAD，HILARIOUSANDPROFOUNDLYMOVINGTALE
ItisverydifficulttoclassifyTHEMANWHOWASTHURSDAY。Itispossibletosaythatitisagrippingadventurestoryofmurderouscriminalsandbrilliantpolicemen;butitwastobeexpectedthattheauthoroftheFatherBrownstoriesshouldtelladetectivestorylikeno—oneelse。Onthislevel，therefore，THEMANWHOWAS
THURSDAYsucceedssuperbly;ifnothingelse，itisamagnificenttour—de—forceofsuspense—writing。
However，thereaderwillsoondiscoverthatitismuchmorethanthat。CarriedalongontheboisterousrushofthenarrativebyChesterton’swonderfulhigh—spiritedstyle，hewillsoonseethatheisbeingcarriedintomuchdeeperwatersthanhehadplannedon;
andthetotallyunforeseeabledenouementwillproveforthemodernreader，asithasforthousandsofotherssince1908whenthebookwasfirstpublished，aninevitableandmovingexperience，astheinvestigatorsfinallydiscoverwhoSundayis。
THEMANWHOWASTHURSDAY
ANIGHTMARE
G。K。CHESTERTON
ToEdmundClerihewBentleyAcloudwasonthemindofmen，andwailingwenttheweather，Yea，asickclouduponthesoulwhenwewereboystogether。
Scienceannouncednonentityandartadmireddecay;
Theworldwasoldandended：butyouandIweregay;
Roundusinanticordertheircrippledvicescame——
Lustthathadlostitslaughter，fearthathadlostitsshame。
LikethewhitelockofWhistler，thatlitouraimlessgloom，Menshowedtheirownwhitefeatherasproudlyasaplume。
Lifewasaflythatfaded，anddeathadronethatstung;
TheworldwasveryoldindeedwhenyouandIwereyoung。
Theytwistedevendecentsintoshapesnottobenamed：
Menwereashamedofhonour;butwewerenotashamed。
Weakifwewereandfoolish，notthuswefailed，notthus;
WhenthatblackBaalblockedtheheavenshehadnohymnsfromusChildrenwewere——ourfortsofsandwereevenasweakaseve，Highastheywentwepiledthemuptobreakthatbittersea。
Foolsaswewereinmotley，alljanglingandabsurd，Whenallchurchbellsweresilentourcapandbedswereheard。
Notallunhelpedweheldthefort，ourtinyflagsunfurled;
Somegiantslabouredinthatcloudtoliftitfromtheworld。
Ifindagainthebookwefound，IfeelthehourthatflingsFaroutoffish—shapedPaumanoksomecryofcleanerthings;
AndtheGreenCarnationwithered，asinforestfiresthatpass，Roaredinthewindofalltheworldtenmillionleavesofgrass;
Orsaneandsweetandsuddenasabirdsingsintherain——
TruthoutofTusitalaspokeandpleasureoutofpain。
Yea，coolandclearandsuddenasabirdsingsinthegrey，DunedintoSamoaspoke，anddarknessuntoday。
Butwewereyoung;welivedtoseeGodbreaktheirbittercharms。
GodandthegoodRepubliccomeridingbackinarms：
WehaveseentheCityofMansoul，evenasitrocked，relieved——
Blessedaretheywhodidnotsee，butbeingblind，believed。
Thisisataleofthoseoldfears，evenofthoseemptiedhells，Andnonebutyoushallunderstandthetruethingthatittells——
Ofwhatcolossalgodsofshamecouldcowmenandyetcrash，Ofwhathugedevilshidthestars，yetfellatapistolflash。
Thedoubtsthatweresoplaintochase，sodreadfultowithstand——
Oh，whoshallunderstandbutyou;yea，whoshallunderstand？
Thedoubtsthatdroveusthroughthenightaswetwotalkedamain，Anddayhadbrokenonthestreetse’eritbrokeuponthebrain。
Betweenus，bythepeaceofGod，suchtruthcannowbetold;
Yea，thereisstrengthinstrikingrootandgoodingrowingold。
Wehavefoundcommonthingsatlastandmarriageandacreed，AndImaysafelywriteitnow，andyoumaysafelyread。
G。K。C。
CHAPTERI
THETWOPOETSOFSAFFRONPARK
THEsuburbofSaffronParklayonthesunsetsideofLondon，asredandraggedasacloudofsunset。Itwasbuiltofabrightbrickthroughout;itssky—linewasfantastic，andevenitsgroundplanwaswild。Ithadbeentheoutburstofaspeculativebuilder，faintlytingedwithart，whocalleditsarchitecturesometimesElizabethanandsometimesQueenAnne，apparentlyundertheimpressionthatthetwosovereignswereidentical。Itwasdescribedwithsomejusticeasanartisticcolony，thoughitneverinanydefinablewayproducedanyart。Butalthoughitspretensionstobeanintellectualcentrewerealittlevague，itspretensionstobeapleasantplacewerequiteindisputable。Thestrangerwholookedforthefirsttimeatthequaintredhousescouldonlythinkhowveryoddlyshapedthepeoplemustbewhocouldfitintothem。Norwhenhemetthepeoplewashedisappointedinthisrespect。Theplacewasnotonlypleasant，butperfect，ifoncehecouldregarditnotasadeceptionbutratherasadream。Evenifthepeoplewerenot\"artists，\"thewholewasneverthelessartistic。Thatyoungmanwiththelong，auburnhairandtheimpudentface——thatyoungmanwasnotreallyapoet;butsurelyhewasapoem。Thatoldgentlemanwiththewild，whitebeardandthewild，whitehat——thatvenerablehumbugwasnotreallyaphilosopher;butatleasthewasthecauseofphilosophyinothers。Thatscientificgentlemanwiththebald，egg—likeheadandthebare，bird—likeneckhadnorealrighttotheairsofsciencethatheassumed。Hehadnotdiscoveredanythingnewinbiology;butwhatbiologicalcreaturecouldhehavediscoveredmoresingularthanhimself？Thus，andthusonly，thewholeplacehadproperlytoberegarded;ithadtobeconsiderednotsomuchasaworkshopforartists，butasafrailbutfinishedworkofart。
Amanwhosteppedintoitssocialatmospherefeltasifhehadsteppedintoawrittencomedy。
Moreespeciallythisattractiveunrealityfelluponitaboutnightfall，whentheextravagantroofsweredarkagainsttheafterglowandthewholeinsanevillageseemedasseparateasadriftingcloud。Thisagainwasmorestronglytrueofthemanynightsoflocalfestivity，whenthelittlegardenswereoftenilluminated，andthebigChineselanternsglowedinthedwarfishtreeslikesomefierceandmonstrousfruit。Andthiswasstrongestofallononeparticularevening，stillvaguelyrememberedinthelocality，ofwhichtheauburn—hairedpoetwasthehero。Itwasnotbyanymeanstheonlyeveningofwhichhewasthehero。Onmanynightsthosepassingbyhislittlebackgardenmighthearhishigh，didacticvoicelayingdownthelawtomenandparticularlytowomen。Theattitudeofwomeninsuchcaseswasindeedoneoftheparadoxesoftheplace。Mostofthewomenwereofthekindvaguelycalledemancipated，andprofessedsomeprotestagainstmalesupremacy。Yetthesenewwomenwouldalwayspaytoamantheextravagantcomplimentwhichnoordinarywomaneverpaystohim，thatoflisteningwhileheistalking。AndMr。LucianGregory，thered—hairedpoet，wasreally（insomesense）amanworthlisteningto，evenifoneonlylaughedattheendofit。Heputtheoldcantofthelawlessnessofartandtheartoflawlessnesswithacertainimpudentfreshnesswhichgaveatleastamomentarypleasure。Hewashelpedinsomedegreebythearrestingoddityofhisappearance，whichheworked，asthephrasegoes，forallitwasworth。Hisdarkredhairpartedinthemiddlewasliterallylikeawoman’s，andcurvedintotheslowcurlsofavirgininapre—Raphaelitepicture。
Fromwithinthisalmostsaintlyoval，however，hisfaceprojectedsuddenlybroadandbrutal，thechincarriedforwardwithalookofcockneycontempt。Thiscombinationatoncetickledandterrifiedthenervesofaneuroticpopulation。Heseemedlikeawalkingblasphemy，ablendoftheangelandtheape。
Thisparticularevening，ifitisrememberedfornothingelse，willberememberedinthatplaceforitsstrangesunset。Itlookedliketheendoftheworld。Alltheheavenseemedcoveredwithaquitevividandpalpableplumage;youcouldonlysaythattheskywasfulloffeathers，andoffeathersthatalmostbrushedtheface。Acrossthegreatpartofthedometheyweregrey，withthestrangesttintsofvioletandmauveandanunnaturalpinkorpalegreen;buttowardsthewestthewholegrewpastdescription，transparentandpassionate，andthelastred—hotplumesofitcoveredupthesunlikesomethingtoogoodtobeseen。Thewholewassocloseabouttheearth，astoexpressnothingbutaviolentsecrecy。Theveryempyreanseemedtobeasecret。Itexpressedthatsplendidsmallnesswhichisthesouloflocalpatriotism。Theveryskyseemedsmall。
Isaythattherearesomeinhabitantswhomayremembertheeveningifonlybythatoppressivesky。ThereareotherswhomayrememberitbecauseitmarkedthefirstappearanceintheplaceofthesecondpoetofSaffronPark。Foralongtimethered—hairedrevolutionaryhadreignedwithoutarival;itwasuponthenightofthesunsetthathissolitudesuddenlyended。Thenewpoet，whointroducedhimselfbythenameofGabrielSymewasaverymild—lookingmortal，withafair，pointedbeardandfaint，yellowhair。Butanimpressiongrewthathewaslessmeekthanhelooked。
Hesignalisedhisentrancebydifferingwiththeestablishedpoet，Gregory，uponthewholenatureofpoetry。Hesaidthathe（Syme）
waspoetoflaw，apoetoforder;nay，hesaidhewasapoetofrespectability。SoalltheSaffronParkerslookedathimasifhehadthatmomentfallenoutofthatimpossiblesky。
Infact，Mr。LucianGregory，theanarchicpoet，connectedthetwoevents。
\"Itmaywellbe，\"hesaid，inhissuddenlyricalmanner，\"itmaywellbeonsuchanightofcloudsandcruelcoloursthatthereisbroughtforthupontheearthsuchaportentasarespectablepoet。
Yousayyouareapoetoflaw;Isayyouareacontradictioninterms。Ionlywondertherewerenotcometsandearthquakesonthenightyouappearedinthisgarden。\"
Themanwiththemeekblueeyesandthepale，pointedbeardenduredthesethunderswithacertainsubmissivesolemnity。Thethirdpartyofthegroup，Gregory’ssisterRosamond，whohadherbrother’sbraidsofredhair，butakindlierfaceunderneaththem，laughedwithsuchmixtureofadmirationanddisapprovalasshegavecommonlytothefamilyoracle。
Gregoryresumedinhighoratoricalgoodhumour。
\"Anartistisidenticalwithananarchist，\"hecried。\"Youmighttransposethewordsanywhere。Ananarchistisanartist。Themanwhothrowsabombisanartist，becauseheprefersagreatmomenttoeverything。Heseeshowmuchmorevaluableisoneburstofblazinglight，onepealofperfectthunder，thanthemerecommonbodiesofafewshapelesspolicemen。Anartistdisregardsallgovernments，abolishesallconventions。Thepoetdelightsindisorderonly。Ifitwerenotso，themostpoeticalthingintheworldwouldbetheUndergroundRailway。\"
\"Soitis，\"saidMr。Syme。
\"Nonsense！\"saidGregory，whowasveryrationalwhenanyoneelseattemptedparadox。\"Whydoalltheclerksandnavviesintherailwaytrainslooksosadandtired，soverysadandtired？Iwilltellyou。Itisbecausetheyknowthatthetrainisgoingright。Itisbecausetheyknowthatwhateverplacetheyhavetakenaticketforthatplacetheywillreach。ItisbecauseaftertheyhavepassedSloaneSquaretheyknowthatthenextstationmustbeVictoria，andnothingbutVictoria。Oh，theirwildrapture！oh，theireyeslikestarsandtheirsoulsagaininEden，ifthenextstationwereunaccountablyBakerStreet！\"
\"Itisyouwhoareunpoetical，\"repliedthepoetSyme。\"Ifwhatyousayofclerksistrue，theycanonlybeasprosaicasyourpoetry。
Therare，strangethingistohitthemark;thegross，obviousthingistomissit。Wefeelitisepicalwhenmanwithonewildarrowstrikesadistantbird。Isitnotalsoepicalwhenmanwithonewildenginestrikesadistantstation？Chaosisdull;becauseinchaosthetrainmightindeedgoanywhere，toBakerStreetortoBagdad。Butmanisamagician，andhiswholemagicisinthis，thathedoessayVictoria，andlo！itisVictoria。No，takeyourbooksofmerepoetryandprose;letmereadatimetable，withtearsofpride。TakeyourByron，whocommemoratesthedefeatsofman;givemeBradshaw，whocommemorateshisvictories。GivemeBradshaw，I
say！\"
\"Mustyougo？\"inquiredGregorysarcastically。
\"Itellyou，\"wentonSymewithpassion，\"thateverytimeatraincomesinIfeelthatithasbrokenpastbatteriesofbesiegers，andthatmanhaswonabattleagainstchaos。YousaycontemptuouslythatwhenonehasleftSloaneSquareonemustcometoVictoria。I
saythatonemightdoathousandthingsinstead，andthatwheneverIreallycomethereIhavethesenseofhairbreadthescape。AndwhenIheartheguardshoutouttheword’Victoria，’itisnotanunmeaningword。Itistomethecryofaheraldannouncingconquest。Itistomeindeed’Victoria’;itisthevictoryofAdam。\"
Gregorywaggedhisheavy，redheadwithaslowandsadsmile。
\"Andeventhen，\"hesaid，\"wepoetsalwaysaskthequestion，’AndwhatisVictorianowthatyouhavegotthere？’YouthinkVictoriaisliketheNewJerusalem。WeknowthattheNewJerusalemwillonlybelikeVictoria。Yes，thepoetwillbediscontentedeveninthestreetsofheaven。Thepoetisalwaysinrevolt。\"
\"Thereagain，\"saidSymeirritably，\"whatistherepoeticalaboutbeinginrevolt？Youmightaswellsaythatitispoeticaltobesea—sick。Beingsickisarevolt。Bothbeingsickandbeingrebelliousmaybethewholesomethingoncertaindesperateoccasions;butI’mhangedifIcanseewhytheyarepoetical。
Revoltintheabstractis——revolting。It’smerevomiting。\"
Thegirlwincedforaflashattheunpleasantword，butSymewastoohottoheedher。
\"Itisthingsgoingright，\"hecried，\"thatispoeticalIOurdigestions，forinstance，goingsacredlyandsilentlyright，thatisthefoundationofallpoetry。Yes，themostpoeticalthing，morepoeticalthantheflowers，morepoeticalthanthestars——themostpoeticalthingintheworldisnotbeingsick。\"
\"Really，\"saidGregorysuperciliously，\"theexamplesyouchoose——\"
\"Ibegyourpardon，\"saidSymegrimly，\"Iforgotwehadabolishedallconventions。\"
ForthefirsttimearedpatchappearedonGregory’sforehead。
\"Youdon’texpectme，\"hesaid，\"torevolutionisesocietyonthislawn？\"
Symelookedstraightintohiseyesandsmiledsweetly。
\"No，Idon’t，\"hesaid;\"butIsupposethatifyouwereseriousaboutyouranarchism，thatisexactlywhatyouwoulddo。\"
Gregory’sbigbull’seyesblinkedsuddenlylikethoseofanangrylion，andonecouldalmostfancythathisredmanerose。
\"Don’tyouthink，then，\"hesaidinadangerousvoice，\"thatIamseriousaboutmyanarchism？\"
\"Ibegyourpardon？\"saidSyme。
\"AmInotseriousaboutmyanarchism？\"criedGregory，withknottedfists。
\"Mydearfellow！\"saidSyme，andstrolledaway。
Withsurprise，butwithacuriouspleasure，hefoundRosamondGregorystillinhiscompany。
\"Mr。Syme，\"shesaid，\"dothepeoplewhotalklikeyouandmybrotheroftenmeanwhattheysay？Doyoumeanwhatyousaynow？\"
Symesmiled。
\"Doyou？\"heasked。
\"Whatdoyoumean？\"askedthegirl，withgraveeyes。
\"MydearMissGregory，\"saidSymegently，\"therearemanykindsofsincerityandinsincerity。Whenyousay’thankyou’forthesalt，doyoumeanwhatyousay？No。Whenyousay’theworldisround，’
doyoumeanwhatyousay？No。Itistrue，butyoudon’tmeanit。
Now，sometimesamanlikeyourbrotherreallyfindsathinghedoesmean。Itmaybeonlyahalf—truth，quarter—truth，tenth—truth;butthenhesaysmorethanhemeans——fromsheerforceofmeaningit。\"
Shewaslookingathimfromunderlevelbrows;herfacewasgraveandopen，andtherehadfallenuponittheshadowofthatunreasoningresponsibilitywhichisatthebottomofthemostfrivolouswoman，thematernalwatchwhichisasoldastheworld。
\"Ishereallyananarchist，then？\"sheasked。
\"OnlyinthatsenseIspeakof，\"repliedSyme;\"orifyoupreferit，inthatnonsense。\"
Shedrewherbroadbrowstogetherandsaidabruptly——
\"Hewouldn’treallyuse——bombsorthatsortofthing？\"
Symebrokeintoagreatlaugh，thatseemedtoolargeforhisslightandsomewhatdandifiedfigure。
\"GoodLord，no！\"hesaid，\"thathastobedoneanonymously。\"
Andatthatthecornersofherownmouthbrokeintoasmile，andshethoughtwithasimultaneouspleasureofGregory’sabsurdityandofhissafety。
Symestrolledwithhertoaseatinthecornerofthegarden，andcontinuedtopourouthisopinions。Forhewasasincereman，andinspiteofhissuperficialairsandgraces，atrootahumbleone。
Anditisalwaysthehumblemanwhotalkstoomuch;theproudmanwatcheshimselftooclosely。Hedefendedrespectabilitywithviolenceandexaggeration。Hegrewpassionateinhispraiseoftidinessandpropriety。Allthetimetherewasasmelloflilacallroundhim。Onceheheardveryfaintlyinsomedistantstreetabarrel—organbegintoplay，anditseemedtohimthathisheroicwordsweremovingtoatinytunefromunderorbeyondtheworld。
Hestaredandtalkedatthegirl’sredhairandamusedfaceforwhatseemedtobeafewminutes;andthen，feelingthatthegroupsinsuchaplaceshouldmix，rosetohisfeet。Tohisastonishment，hediscoveredthewholegardenempty。Everyonehadgonelongago，andhewenthimselfwitharatherhurriedapology。Heleftwithasenseofchampagneinhishead，whichhecouldnotafterwardsexplain。Inthewildeventswhichweretofollowthisgirlhadnopartatall;heneversawheragainuntilallhistalewasover。
Andyet，insomeindescribableway，shekeptrecurringlikeamotiveinmusicthroughallhismadadventuresafterwards，andthegloryofherstrangehairranlikearedthreadthroughthosedarkandill—drawntapestriesofthenight。Forwhatfollowedwassoimprobable，thatitmightwellhavebeenadream。
WhenSymewentoutintothestarlitstreet，hefounditforthemomentempty。Thenherealised（insomeoddway）thatthesilencewasratheralivingsilencethanadeadone。Directlyoutsidethedoorstoodastreetlamp，whosegleamgildedtheleavesofthetreethatbentoutoverthefencebehindhim。Aboutafootfromthelamp—poststoodafigurealmostasrigidandmotionlessasthelamp—postitself。Thetallhatandlongfrockcoatwereblack;theface，inanabruptshadow，wasalmostasdark。Onlyafringeoffieryhairagainstthelight，andalsosomethingaggressiveintheattitude，proclaimedthatitwasthepoetGregory。Hehadsomethingofthelookofamaskedbravowaitingswordinhandforhisfoe。
Hemadeasortofdoubtfulsalute，whichSymesomewhatmoreformallyreturned。
\"Iwaswaitingforyou，\"saidGregory。\"MightIhaveamoment’sconversation？\"
\"Certainly。Aboutwhat？\"askedSymeinasortofweakwonder。
Gregorystruckoutwithhisstickatthelamp—post，andthenatthetree。\"Aboutthisandthis，\"hecried;\"aboutorderandanarchy。
Thereisyourpreciousorder，thatlean，ironlamp，uglyandbarren;andthereisanarchy，rich，living，reproducingitself——thereisanarchy，splendidingreenandgold。\"
\"Allthesame，\"repliedSymepatiently，\"justatpresentyouonlyseethetreebythelightofthelamp。Iwonderwhenyouwouldeverseethelampbythelightofthetree。\"Thenafterapausehesaid，\"ButmayIaskifyouhavebeenstandingouthereinthedarkonlytoresumeourlittleargument？\"
\"No，\"criedoutGregory，inavoicethatrangdownthestreet，\"I
didnotstandheretoresumeourargument，buttoenditforever。\"
Thesilencefellagain，andSyme，thoughheunderstoodnothing，listenedinstinctivelyforsomethingserious。Gregorybeganinasmoothvoiceandwitharatherbewilderingsmile。
\"Mr。Syme，\"hesaid，\"thiseveningyousucceededindoingsomethingratherremarkable。Youdidsomethingtomethatnomanbornofwomanhaseversucceededindoingbefore。\"
\"Indeed！\"
\"NowIremember，\"resumedGregoryreflectively，\"oneotherpersonsucceededindoingit。Thecaptainofapennysteamer（ifI
remembercorrectly）atSouthend。Youhaveirritatedme。\"
\"Iamverysorry，\"repliedSymewithgravity。
\"Iamafraidmyfuryandyourinsultaretooshockingtobewipedoutevenwithanapology，\"saidGregoryverycalmly。\"Noduelcouldwipeitout。IfIstruckyoudeadIcouldnotwipeitout。
Thereisonlyonewaybywhichthatinsultcanbeerased，andthatwayIchoose。Iamgoing，atthepossiblesacrificeofmylifeandhonour，toprovetoyouthatyouwerewronginwhatyousaid。\"
\"InwhatIsaid？\"
\"YousaidIwasnotseriousaboutbeingananarchist。\"
\"Therearedegreesofseriousness，\"repliedSyme。\"Ihaveneverdoubtedthatyouwereperfectlysincereinthissense，thatyouthoughtwhatyousaidwellworthsaying，thatyouthoughtaparadoxmightwakemenuptoaneglectedtruth。\"
Gregorystaredathimsteadilyandpainfully。
\"Andinnoothersense，\"heasked，\"youthinkmeserious？Youthinkmeaflaneurwholetsfalloccasionaltruths。Youdonotthinkthatinadeeper，amoredeadlysense，Iamserious。\"
Symestruckhisstickviolentlyonthestonesoftheroad。
\"Serious！\"hecried。\"GoodLord！isthisstreetserious？ArethesedamnedChineselanternsserious？Isthewholecaboodleserious？
Onecomeshereandtalksapackofbosh，andperhapssomesenseaswell，butIshouldthinkverylittleofamanwhodidn’tkeepsomethinginthebackgroundofhislifethatwasmoreseriousthanallthistalking——somethingmoreserious，whetheritwasreligionoronlydrink。\"
\"Verywell，\"saidGregory，hisfacedarkening，\"youshallseesomethingmoreseriousthaneitherdrinkorreligion。\"
SymestoodwaitingwithhisusualairofmildnessuntilGregoryagainopenedhislips。
\"Youspokejustnowofhavingareligion。Isitreallytruethatyouhaveone？\"
\"Oh，\"saidSymewithabeamingsmile，\"weareallCatholicsnow。\"
\"ThenmayIaskyoutoswearbywhatevergodsorsaintsyourreligioninvolvesthatyouwillnotrevealwhatIamnowgoingtotellyoutoanysonofAdam，andespeciallynottothepolice？
Willyouswearthat！Ifyouwilltakeuponyourselfthisawfulabnegationsifyouwillconsenttoburdenyoursoulwithavowthatyoushouldnevermakeandaknowledgeyoushouldneverdreamabout，Iwillpromiseyouinreturn——\"
\"Youwillpromisemeinreturn？\"inquiredSyme，astheotherpaused。
\"Iwillpromiseyouaveryentertainingevening。\"Symesuddenlytookoffhishat。
\"Youroffer，\"hesaid，\"isfartooidiotictobedeclined。Yousaythatapoetisalwaysananarchist。Idisagree;butIhopeatleastthatheisalwaysasportsman。Permitme，hereandnow，toswearasaChristian，andpromiseasagoodcomradeandafellow—artist，thatIwillnotreportanythingofthis，whateveritis，tothepolice。Andnow，inthenameofColneyHatch，whatisit？\"
\"Ithink，\"saidGregory，withplacidirrelevancy，\"thatwewillcallacab。\"
Hegavetwolongwhistles，andahansomcamerattlingdowntheroad。Thetwogotintoitinsilence。Gregorygavethroughthetraptheaddressofanobscurepublic—houseontheChiswickbankoftheriver。Thecabwhiskeditselfawayagain，andinitthesetwofantasticsquittedtheirfantastictown。
CHAPTERII
THESECRETOFGABRIELSYME
THEcabpulledupbeforeaparticularlydrearyandgreasybeershop，intowhichGregoryrapidlyconductedhiscompanion。Theyseatedthemselvesinacloseanddimsortofbar—parlour，atastainedwoodentablewithonewoodenleg。Theroomwassosmallanddark，thatverylittlecouldbeseenoftheattendantwhowassummoned，beyondavagueanddarkimpressionofsomethingbulkyandbearded。
\"Willyoutakealittlesupper？\"askedGregorypolitely。\"Thepatedefoiegrasisnotgoodhere，butIcanrecommendthegame。\"
Symereceivedtheremarkwithstolidity，imaginingittobeajoke。
Acceptingtheveinofhumour，hesaid，withawell—bredindifference——
\"Oh，bringmesomelobstermayonnaise。\"
Tohisindescribableastonishment，themanonlysaid\"Certainly，sir！\"andwentawayapparentlytogetit。
\"Whatwillyoudrink？\"resumedGregory，withthesamecarelessyetapologeticair。\"Ishallonlyhaveacrepedementhemyself;Ihavedined。Butthechampagnecanreallybetrusted。Doletmestartyouwithahalf—bottleofPommeryatleast？\"
\"Thankyou！\"saidthemotionlessSyme。\"Youareverygood。\"
Hisfurtherattemptsatconversation，somewhatdisorganisedinthemselves，werecutshortfinallyasbyathunderboltbytheactualappearanceofthelobster。Symetastedit，andfounditparticularlygood。Thenhesuddenlybegantoeatwithgreatrapidityandappetite。
\"ExcusemeifIenjoymyselfratherobviously！\"hesaidtoGregory，smiling。\"Idon’toftenhavethelucktohaveadreamlikethis。Itisnewtomeforanightmaretoleadtoalobster。Itiscommonlytheotherway。\"
\"Youarenotasleep，Iassureyou，\"saidGregory。\"Youare，onthecontrary，closetothemostactualandrousingmomentofyourexistence。Ah，herecomesyourchampagne！Iadmitthattheremaybeaslightdisproportion，letussay，betweentheinnerarrangementsofthisexcellenthotelanditssimpleandunpretentiousexterior。
Butthatisallourmodesty。Wearethemostmodestmenthateverlivedonearth。\"
\"Andwhoarewe？\"askedSyme，emptyinghischampagneglass。
\"Itisquitesimple，\"repliedGregory。\"Wearetheseriousanarchists，inwhomyoudonotbelieve。\"
\"Oh！\"saidSymeshortly。\"Youdoyourselveswellindrinks。\"
\"Yes，weareseriousabouteverything，\"answeredGregory。
Thenafterapauseheadded——
\"Ifinafewmomentsthistablebeginstoturnroundalittle，don’tputitdowntoyourinroadsintothechampagne。Idon’twishyoutodoyourselfaninjustice。\"
\"Well，ifIamnotdrunk，Iammad，\"repliedSymewithperfectcalm;\"butItrustIcanbehavelikeagentlemanineithercondition。MayIsmoke？\"
\"Certainly！\"saidGregory，producingacigar—case。\"Tryoneofmine。\"
Symetookthecigar，clippedtheendoffwithacigar—cutteroutofhiswaistcoatpocket，putitinhismouth，lititslowly，andletoutalongcloudofsmoke。Itisnotalittletohiscreditthatheperformedtheseriteswithsomuchcomposure，foralmostbeforehehadbegunthemthetableatwhichhesathadbeguntorevolve，firstslowly，andthenrapidly，asifataninsaneseance。
\"Youmustnotmindit，\"saidGregory;\"it’sakindofscrew。\"
\"Quiteso，\"saidSymeplacidly，\"akindofscrew。Howsimplethatis！\"
Thenextmomentthesmokeofhiscigar，whichhadbeenwaveringacrosstheroominsnakytwists，wentstraightupasiffromafactorychimney，andthetwo，withtheirchairsandtable，shotdownthroughthefloorasiftheearthhadswallowedthem。Theywentrattlingdownakindofroaringchimneyasrapidlyasaliftcutloose，andtheycamewithanabruptbumptothebottom。ButwhenGregorythrewopenapairofdoorsandletinaredsubterraneanlight，Symewasstillsmokingwithonelegthrownovertheother，andhadnotturnedayellowhair。
Gregoryledhimdownalow，vaultedpassage，attheendofwhichwastheredlight。Itwasanenormouscrimsonlantern，nearlyasbigasafireplace，fixedoverasmallbutheavyirondoor。Inthedoortherewasasortofhatchwayorgrating，andonthisGregorystruckfivetimes。Aheavyvoicewithaforeignaccentaskedhimwhohewas。Tothishegavethemoreorlessunexpectedreply，\"Mr。JosephChamberlain。\"Theheavyhingesbegantomove;itwasobviouslysomekindofpassword。
Insidethedoorwaythepassagegleamedasifitwerelinedwithanetworkofsteel。Onasecondglance，Symesawthattheglitteringpatternwasreallymadeupofranksandranksofriflesandrevolvers，closelypackedorinterlocked。
\"Imustaskyoutoforgivemealltheseformalities，\"saidGregory;
\"wehavetobeverystricthere。\"
\"Oh，don’tapologise，\"saidSyme。\"Iknowyourpassionforlawandorder，\"andhesteppedintothepassagelinedwiththesteelweapons。Withhislong，fairhairandratherfoppishfrock—coat，helookedasingularlyfrailandfancifulfigureashewalkeddownthatshiningavenueofdeath。
Theypassedthroughseveralsuchpassages，andcameoutatlastintoaqueersteelchamberwithcurvedwalls，almostsphericalinshape，butpresenting，withitstiersofbenches，somethingoftheappearanceofascientificlecture—theatre。Therewerenoriflesorpistolsinthisapartment，butroundthewallsofitwerehungmoredubiousanddreadfulshapes，thingsthatlookedlikethebulbsofironplants，ortheeggsofironbirds。Theywerebombs，andtheveryroomitselfseemedliketheinsideofabomb。Symeknockedhiscigarashoffagainstthewall，andwentin。
\"Andnow，mydearMr。Syme，\"saidGregory，throwinghimselfinanexpansivemanneronthebenchunderthelargestbomb，\"nowwearequitecosy，soletustalkproperly。NownohumanwordscangiveyouanynotionofwhyIbroughtyouhere。Itwasoneofthosequitearbitraryemotions，likejumpingoffaclifforfallinginlove。
Sufficeittosaythatyouwereaninexpressiblyirritatingfellow，and，todoyoujustice，youarestill。Iwouldbreaktwentyoathsofsecrecyforthepleasureoftakingyoudownapeg。Thatwayyouhaveoflightingacigarwouldmakeapriestbreakthesealofconfession。Well，yousaidthatyouwerequitecertainIwasnotaseriousanarchist。Doesthisplacestrikeyouasbeingserious？\"
\"Itdoesseemtohaveamoralunderallitsgaiety，\"assentedSyme;\"butmayIaskyoutwoquestions？Youneednotfeartogivemeinformation，because，asyouremember，youverywiselyextortedfrommeapromisenottotellthepolice，apromiseIshallcertainlykeep。SoitisinmerecuriositythatImakemyqueries。
Firstofall，whatisitreallyallabout？Whatisityouobjectto？YouwanttoabolishGovernment？\"
\"ToabolishGod！\"saidGregory，openingtheeyesofafanatic。\"Wedonotonlywanttoupsetafewdespotismsandpoliceregulations;
thatsortofanarchismdoesexist，butitisamerebranchoftheNonconformists。Wedigdeeperandweblowyouhigher。Wewishtodenyallthosearbitrarydistinctionsofviceandvirtue，honourandtreachery，uponwhichmererebelsbasethemselves。ThesillysentimentalistsoftheFrenchRevolutiontalkedoftheRightsofMan！WehateRightsaswehateWrongs。WehaveabolishedRightandWrong。\"
\"AndRightandLeft，\"saidSymewithasimpleeagerness，\"Ihopeyouwillabolishthemtoo。Theyaremuchmoretroublesometome。\"
\"Youspokeofasecondquestion，\"snappedGregory。
\"Withpleasure，\"resumedSyme。\"Inallyourpresentactsandsurroundingsthereisascientificattemptatsecrecy。Ihaveanauntwholivedoverashop，butthisisthefirsttimeIhavefoundpeoplelivingfrompreferenceunderapublic—house。Youhaveaheavyirondoor。YoucannotpassitwithoutsubmittingtothehumiliationofcallingyourselfMr。Chamberlain。Yousurroundyourselfwithsteelinstrumentswhichmaketheplace，ifImaysayso，moreimpressivethanhomelike。MayIaskwhy，aftertakingallthistroubletobarricadeyourselvesinthebowelsoftheearth，youthenparadeyourwholesecretbytalkingaboutanarchismtoeverysillywomaninSaffronPark？\"
Gregorysmiled。
\"Theanswerissimple，\"hesaid。\"ItoldyouIwasaseriousanarchist，andyoudidnotbelieveme。Nordotheybelieveme。
UnlessItookthemintothisinfernalroomtheywouldnotbelieveme。\"
Symesmokedthoughtfully，andlookedathimwithinterest。Gregorywenton。
\"Thehistoryofthethingmightamuseyou，\"hesaid。\"WhenfirstI
becameoneoftheNewAnarchistsItriedallkindsofrespectabledisguises。Idressedupasabishop。Ireadupallaboutbishopsinouranarchistpamphlets，inSuperstitiontheVampireandPriestsofPrey。Icertainlyunderstoodfromthemthatbishopsarestrangeandterribleoldmenkeepingacruelsecretfrommankind。
Iwasmisinformed。Whenonmyfirstappearinginepiscopalgaitersinadrawing—roomIcriedoutinavoiceofthunder，’Down！down！
presumptuoushumanreason！’theyfoundoutinsomewaythatIwasnotabishopatall。Iwasnabbedatonce。ThenImadeupasamillionaire;butIdefendedCapitalwithsomuchintelligencethatafoolcouldseethatIwasquitepoor。ThenItriedbeingamajor。NowIamahumanitarianmyself，butIhave，Ihope，enoughintellectualbreadthtounderstandthepositionofthosewho，likeNietzsche，admireviolence——theproud，madwarofNatureandallthat，youknow。Ithrewmyselfintothemajor。Idrewmyswordandwaveditconstantly。Icalledout’Blood！’abstractedly，likeamancallingforwine。Ioftensaid，’Lettheweakperish;itistheLaw。’Well，well，itseemsmajorsdon’tdothis。Iwasnabbedagain。AtlastIwentindespairtothePresidentoftheCentralAnarchistCouncil，whoisthegreatestmaninEurope。\"
\"Whatishisname？\"askedSyme。
\"Youwouldnotknowit，\"answeredGregory。\"Thatishisgreatness。
CaesarandNapoleonputalltheirgeniusintobeingheardof，andtheywereheardof。Heputsallhisgeniusintonotbeingheardof，andheisnotheardof。ButyoucannotbeforfiveminutesintheroomwithhimwithoutfeelingthatCaesarandNapoleonwouldhavebeenchildreninhishands。\"
Hewassilentandevenpaleforamoment，andthenresumed——
\"Butwheneverhegivesadviceitisalwayssomethingasstartlingasanepigram，andyetaspracticalastheBankofEngland。Isaidtohim，’Whatdisguisewillhidemefromtheworld？WhatcanIfindmorerespectablethanbishopsandmajors？’Helookedatmewithhislargebutindecipherableface。’Youwantasafedisguise，doyou？
Youwantadresswhichwillguaranteeyouharmless;adressinwhichnoonewouldeverlookforabomb？’Inodded。Hesuddenlyliftedhislion’svoice。’Why，then，dressupasananarchist，youfool！’heroaredsothattheroomshook。’Nobodywilleverexpectyoutodoanythingdangerousthen。’Andheturnedhisbroadbackonmewithoutanotherword。Itookhisadvice，andhaveneverregrettedit。Ipreachedbloodandmurdertothosewomendayandnight，and——byGod！——theywouldletmewheeltheirperambulators。\"
Symesatwatchinghimwithsomerespectinhislarge，blueeyes。
\"Youtookmein，\"hesaid。\"Itisreallyasmartdodge。\"
Thenafterapauseheadded——
\"WhatdoyoucallthistremendousPresidentofyours？\"
\"WegenerallycallhimSunday，\"repliedGregorywithsimplicity。
’Yousee，therearesevenmembersoftheCentralAnarchistCouncil，andtheyarenamedafterdaysoftheweek。HeiscalledSunday，bysomeofhisadmirersBloodySunday。Itiscuriousyoushouldmentionthematter，becausetheverynightyouhavedroppedin（ifImaysoexpressit）isthenightonwhichourLondonbranch，whichassemblesinthisroom，hastoelectitsowndeputytofillavacancyintheCouncil。Thegentlemanwhohasforsometimepastplayed，withproprietyandgeneralapplause，thedifficultpartofThursday，hasdiedquitesuddenly。Consequently，wehavecalledameetingthisveryeveningtoelectasuccessor。\"
Hegottohisfeetandstrolledacrosstheroomwithasortofsmilingembarrassment。
\"Ifeelsomehowasifyouweremymother，Syme，\"hecontinuedcasually。\"IfeelthatIcanconfideanythingtoyou，asyouhavepromisedtotellnobody。Infact，IwillconfidetoyousomethingthatIwouldnotsayinsomanywordstotheanarchistswhowillbecomingtotheroominabouttenminutes。Weshall，ofcourse，gothroughaformofelection;butIdon’tmindtellingyouthatitispracticallycertainwhattheresultwillbe。\"Helookeddownforamomentmodestly。\"ItisalmostasettledthingthatIamtobeThursday。\"
\"Mydearfellow。\"saidSymeheartily，\"Icongratulateyou。Agreatcareer！\"
Gregorysmiledindeprecation，andwalkedacrosstheroom，talkingrapidly。
\"Asamatteroffact，everythingisreadyformeonthistable，\"hesaid，\"andtheceremonywillprobablybetheshortestpossible。\"
Symealsostrolledacrosstothetable，andfoundlyingacrossitawalking—stick，whichturnedoutonexaminationtobeasword—stick，alargeColt’srevolver，asandwichcase，andaformidableflaskofbrandy。Overthechair，besidethetable，wasthrownaheavy—lookingcapeorcloak。
\"Ihaveonlytogettheformofelectionfinished，\"continuedGregorywithanimation，\"thenIsnatchupthiscloakandstick，stufftheseotherthingsintomypocket，stepoutofadoorinthiscavern，whichopensontheriver，wherethereisasteam—tugalreadywaitingforme，andthen——then——oh，thewildjoyofbeingThursday！\"Andheclaspedhishands。
Syme，whohadsatdownoncemorewithhisusualinsolentlanguor，gottohisfeetwithanunusualairofhesitation。
\"Whyisit，\"heaskedvaguely，\"thatIthinkyouarequiteadecentfellow？WhydoIpositivelylikeyou，Gregory？\"Hepausedamoment，andthenaddedwithasortoffreshcuriosity，\"Isitbecauseyouaresuchanass？\"
Therewasathoughtfulsilenceagain，andthenhecriedout——
\"Well，damnitall！thisisthefunniestsituationIhaveeverbeenininmylife，andIamgoingtoactaccordingly。Gregory，IgaveyouapromisebeforeIcameintothisplace。ThatpromiseIwouldkeepunderred—hotpincers。Wouldyougiveme，formyownsafety，alittlepromiseofthesamekind？\"
\"Apromise？\"askedGregory，wondering。
\"Yes，\"saidSymeveryseriously，\"apromise。IsworebeforeGodthatIwouldnottellyoursecrettothepolice。WillyouswearbyHumanity，orwhateverbeastlythingyoubelievein，thatyouwillnottellmysecrettotheanarchists？\"
\"Yoursecret？\"askedthestaringGregory。\"Haveyougotasecret？\"
\"Yes，\"saidSyme，\"Ihaveasecret。\"Thenafterapause，\"Willyouswear？\"
Gregoryglaredathimgravelyforafewmoments，andthensaidabruptly——
\"Youmusthavebewitchedme，butIfeelafuriouscuriosityaboutyou。Yes，Iwillswearnottotelltheanarchistsanythingyoutellme。Butlooksharp，fortheywillbehereinacoupleofminutes。\"
Symeroseslowlytohisfeetandthrusthislong，whitehandsintohislong，greytrousers’pockets。Almostashedidsotherecamefiveknocksontheoutergrating，proclaimingthearrivalofthefirstoftheconspirators。
\"Well，\"saidSymeslowly，\"Idon’tknowhowtotellyouthetruthmoreshortlythanbysayingthatyourexpedientofdressingupasanaimlesspoetisnotconfinedtoyouoryourPresident。WehaveknownthedodgeforsometimeatScotlandYard。\"
Gregorytriedtospringupstraight，butheswayedthrice。
\"Whatdoyousay？\"heaskedinaninhumanvoice。
\"Yes，\"saidSymesimply，\"Iamapolicedetective。ButIthinkI
hearyourfriendscoming。\"
Fromthedoorwaytherecameamurmurof\"Mr。JosephChamberlain。\"
Itwasrepeatedtwiceandthrice，andthenthirtytimes，andthecrowdofJosephChamberlains（asolemnthought）couldbeheardtramplingdownthecorridor。
CHAPTERIII
THEMANWHOWASTHURSDAY
BEFOREoneofthefreshfacescouldappearatthedoorway，Gregory’sstunnedsurprisehadfallenfromhim。Hewasbesidethetablewithabound，andanoiseinhisthroatlikeawildbeast。
HecaughtuptheColt’srevolverandtookaimatSyme。Symedidnotflinch，butheputupapaleandpolitehand。
\"Don’tbesuchasillyman，\"hesaid，withtheeffeminatedignityofacurate。\"Don’tyouseeit’snotnecessary？Don’tyouseethatwe’rebothinthesameboat？Yes，andjollysea—sick。\"
Gregorycouldnotspeak，buthecouldnotfireeither，andhelookedhisquestion。
\"Don’tyouseewe’vecheckmatedeachother？\"criedSyme。\"Ican’ttellthepoliceyouareananarchist。Youcan’ttelltheanarchistsI’mapoliceman。Icanonlywatchyou，knowingwhatyouare;youcanonlywatchme，knowingwhatIam。Inshort，it’salonely，intellectualduel，myheadagainstyours。I’mapolicemandeprivedofthehelpofthepolice。You，mypoorfellow，areananarchistdeprivedofthehelpofthatlawandorganisationwhichissoessentialtoanarchy。Theonesolitarydifferenceisinyourfavour。Youarenotsurroundedbyinquisitivepolicemen;Iamsurroundedbyinquisitiveanarchists。Icannotbetrayyou，butI
mightbetraymyself。Come，come！waitandseemebetraymyself。I
shalldoitsonicely。\"
Gregoryputthepistolslowlydown，stillstaringatSymeasifhewereasea—monster。
\"Idon’tbelieveinimmortality，\"hesaidatlast，\"butif，afterallthis，youweretobreakyourword，Godwouldmakeahellonlyforyou，tohowlinforever。\"
\"Ishallnotbreakmyword，\"saidSymesternly，\"norwillyoubreakyours。Hereareyourfriends。\"
Themassoftheanarchistsenteredtheroomheavily，withaslouchingandsomewhatwearygait;butonelittleman，withablackbeardandglasses——amansomewhatofthetypeofMr。TimHealy——detachedhimself，andbustledforwardwithsomepapersinhishand。