第2章

\"Ihaveconsideredthatposition,Father。Iknowyoufeelthatway——you’veoftenmademefeelit。SoI’vebeenatsomepainstoworkitout——onamoneybasis。Hereisanaccount——asfullasIcouldmakeit。\"Shehandedhimapapercoveredwithneatfigures。Thetotalsreadasfollows:

MissDianthaBell,ToMr。HendersonR。Bell,Dr。

Tomedicalanddentalexpenses……$110。00

Toschoolexpenses……$76。00

Toclothing,infull……$1,130。00

Toboardandlodgingat$3。00aweek……$2,184。00

Toincidentals……$100。00

————————

$3。600。00

Hestudiedthevariousitemscarefully,strokinghisbeard,halfinanger,halfinunavoidableamusement。Perhapstherewasatenderfeelingtoo,asherememberedthatdoctor’sbill——thefirstheeverpaid,withtheother,whenshehadscarletfever;andsawtheexactpriceofthehighchairwhichhadservedallthreeofthechildren,butofwhichshemagnanimouslyshoulderedthewholeexpense。

Theclothingtotalwassolargethatitmadehimwhistle——heknewhehadneverspent$1,130。00ononegirl’sclothes。Buttheitemsexplainedit。

Materials,threeyearsatanaverageof$10ayear……$30。00

Fiveyearsaveraging$20eachyear……$100。00

Fiveyearsaveraging$30eachyear……$50。00

Fiveyearsaveraging$50eachyear……$250。00

———————

$530。00

Therestwas\"Mother’slabor,averagingtwentyfulldaysayearat$2aday,$40ayear。Forfifteenyears,$600。00。Mother’slabor——ononechild’s,clothes——footingupto$600。00。Itlookedstrangetoseecashvalueattachedtothatunfailingsourceoffamilycomfortandadvantage。

Theschoolexpensespuzzledhimabit,forshehadonlygonetopublicschools;butshewascountingbooksandslatesandevenpencils——itbroughtupeveningslongpassedby,thesewingwife,thestudyingchildren,the\"Say,Father,I’vegottohaveanewslate——mine’sbroke!\"

\"Broken,Dina,\"herMotherwouldgentlycorrect,whilehedemanded,\"Howdidyoubreakit?\"andscoldedherforhercarelesstomboyways。

Slates——three,$1。50——theywerealldown。Andslatesdidn’tcostsomuchcometothinkofit,eventhered—edgedones,woundwithblack,thatshealwayswanted。

Boardandlodgingwasputlow,at$3。00perweek,buttheitemshadafootnoteastohouse—rentinthecountry,andfoodraisedonthefarm。

Yes,heguessedthatwasafullratefortheplainfoodandbarelittlebedroomtheyalwayshad。

\"It’swhatAuntEstherpaidthewintershewashere,\"saidDiantha。

Circuses——three……$1。50

Shareinmelodeon……$50。00

Yes,shewasoneoffivetouseandenjoyit。

Musiclessons……$30。00

Andquitealargemarginlefthere,calledmiscellaneous,whichhesmiledtoobservemadejustanevenfigure,andsuspectedshehadputinforthatpurposeaswellasfromgenerosity。

\"Thisboardaccountlookskindoffunny,\"hesaid——\"onlyfourteenyearsofit!\"

\"Ididn’ttaketable—board——noraroom——thefirstyear——normuchthesecond。I’veallowed$1。00aweekforthat,and$2。00forthethird——thattakesouttwo,yousee。Thenit’s$156ayeartillIwasfourteenandearnedboardandwages,twomoreyearsat$156——andI’vepaidsinceIwasseventeen,youknow。\"

\"Well——Iguessyoudid——Iguessyoudid。\"Hegrinnedgenially。\"Yes,\"

hecontinuedslowly,\"Iguessthat’safairenoughaccount。’Cordingtothis,youoweme$3,600。00,youngwoman!Ididn’tthinkitcostthatmuchtoraiseagirl。\"

\"Iknowit,\"saidshe。\"Buthere’stheotherside。\"

Itwastheotherside。Hehadneveroncethoughtofsuchasidetothecase。Thisaccountwasasclearandhonestasthefirstandfullofexasperatingdetail。Shelaidbeforehimthesecondsheetoffiguresandwatchedwhileheread,explaininghurriedly:

\"Itwasaclearexpensefortenyears——notcountinghelpwiththebabies。ThenIbegantodohouseworkregularly——whenIwastenoreleven,twohoursaday;threewhenIwastwelveandthirteen——realworkyou’dhavehadtopayfor,andI’veonlyputitattencentsanhour。

WhenMotherwassicktheyearIwasfourteen,andIdiditallbutthewashing——allaservantwouldhavedonefor$3。00aweek。EversincethenIhavedonethreehoursadayoutsideofschool,fullgrownworknow,attwentycentsanhour。That’swhatwehavetopayhere,youknow。\"

Thusitmountedup:

Mr。HendersonR。Bell,ToMissDianthaBell,Dr。

Forlaborandservices——

Twoyears,twohoursadayat10c。anhour……$146。00

Twoyears,threehoursadayat10c。anhour……$219。00

Oneyear,fullwagesat$5。00aweek……$260。00

Sixyearsandahalf,threehoursadayat20c……$1423。50

————————

$2048。50

Mr。Bellmeditatedcarefullyonthesefigures。Tothinkofthatchild’slaborfootinguptotwothousanddollarsandover!Itwasluckyamanhadawifeanddaughterstodothiswork,orhecouldneversupportafamily。

Thencameherschool—teachingyears。Shehadalwaysbeenafinescholarandhehadfeltveryproudofhisgirlwhenshegotagoodschoolpositioninhereighteenthyear。

Californiasalarieswerehigherthaneasternones,andtimeshadchangedtoo;theyearhetaughtschoolherememberedthesalarywasonly$300。00——andhewasaman。Thisgirlgot$600,nextyear$700,$800,$900;whyitmade$3,000shehadearnedinfouryears。Astonishing。

Outofthisshehadabalanceinthebankof$550。00。Hewaspleasedtoseethatshehadbeensosaving。Andherclothingaccount——littleenoughheadmittedforfouryearsandsixmonths,$300。00。Allincidentalsforthewholetime,$50。00——thiswithherbalancemadejust$900。Thatleft$2,100。00。

\"Twenty—onehundreddollarsunaccountedfor,younglady!——besidesthisnestegginthebank——I’dnoideayouweresowealthy。Whathaveyoudonewithallthat?\"

\"Givenittoyou,Father,\"saidshequietly,andhandedhimthethirdsheetoffigures。

Boardandlodgingat$4。00aweekfor41/2yearsmade$936。00,thathecouldrealize;but\"cashadvance\"$1,164more——hecouldnotbelieveit。

ThattimehermotherwassosickandDianthahadpaidboththedoctorandthenurse——yes——hehadbeenmuchcrampedthatyear——andnursescomehigh。ForHenderson,Jr。’s,expensestoSanFrancisco,andagainforHendersonwhenhewasoutofajob——Mr。Bellrememberedtheboy’swritingforthemoney,andhisnothavingit,andMrs。BellsayingshecouldarrangewithDiantha。

Arrange!Andthatgirlhadkeptthisniggardlyaccountofit!ForMinnie’striptotheYosemite——andwhatwasthis?——forhisraisinexperiment——forthenewhorsetheysimplyhadtohaveforthedryingapparatusthatyearhelostsomuchmoneyinapricots——andforthesprayingmaterials——yes,hecouldnotdenytheitems,andtheycoveredthat$1,164。00exactly。

Thencamethedeadlybalance,oftheaccountbetweenthem:

Herlabor……$2,047。00

Herboard……$936。00

Her\"cashadvanced\"……$1,164。00

—————————

$4,147。00

Hisexpenseforher……$3,600

—————————

Dueherfromhim……$547。00

Diantharevolvedherpencilbetweenfirmpalms,andlookedathimratherquizzically;whilehermotherrockedanddarnedandwipedawayanoccasionaltear。Shealmostwishedshehadnotkeptaccountssowell。

Mr。Bellpushedthepapersawayandstartedtohisfeet。

\"ThisisthemostshamefulpieceofcalculationIeversawinmylife,\"

saidhe。\"Ineverheardofsuchathing!Yougoandcountupincolddollarstheworkthateverydecentgirldoesforherfamilyandisgladto!Iwonderyouhaven’tchargedyourmotherfornursingher?\"

\"YounoticeIhaven’t,\"saidDianthacoldly。

\"Andtothink,\"saidhe,grippingthebackofachairandlookingdownatherfiercely,\"tothinkthatagirlwhocanearnninehundreddollarsayearteachingschool,andstayathomeanddoherdutybyherfamilybesides,shouldplantodeserthermotheroutright——nowshe’soldandsick!OfcourseIcan’tstopyou!You’reofage,andchildrennowadayshavenosenseofnaturalobligationafterthey’regrownup。Youcango,ofcourse,anddisgracethefamilyasyoupropose——butyouneedn’texpecttohavemeconsenttoitorapproveofit——orofyou。It’sashamefulthing——andyouareanunnaturaldaughter——that’sallI’vegottosay!\"

Mr。Belltookhishatandwentout——aconclusiveformofpunctuationmuchusedbymenindiscussionsofthissort。

WHATDIANTHADID

CHAPTERIII。

BREAKERS

Duck!Dive!Herecomesanotherone!

Waittillthecrest—rufflesshow!

Beyondissmoothwaterinbeautyandwonder——

Shutyourmouth!Holdyourbreath!Dipyourheadunder!

Divethroughtheweightandthewash,andthethunder——

Lookoutfortheundertow!

IfDianthaimaginedthatherarithmeticalvictoryoveratoo—sordidpresentationoftheparentalclaimwasafinalone,shesoonfoundherselfmistaken。

Itiseasytosay——puttinganepicinanepigram——\"Sheseenherdutyandshedoneit!\"butthespaceandtimecoveredaregenerallyasfarbeyondourplansastheestimatesofanamateurmountainclimberexceedhisachievements。

Herdeterminationwasnotconcealedbyheroutragedfamily。Possiblytheythoughtthatifthematterwaswellaired,andgenerallydiscussed,thedaringoffendermightreconsider。Well—aireditcertainlywas,andwidelydiscussedbytheparentsofthelittletownbeforeyoungpeoplewhosatindumbness,ormadefaintdefense。Itwasalsodiscussedbytheyoungpeople,butnotbeforetheirparents。

ShehadtoldRoss,firstofall,meaningtohaveaquiettalkwithhimtoclearthegroundbeforearousingherownfamily;buthewassuddenlyawayjustassheopenedthesubject,byamanonawheel——somewretchedbusinessaboutthestoreofcourse——andsentwordthatnightthathecouldnotcomeupagain。Couldn’tcomeupthenextnighteither。Twolongdays——twolongeveningswithoutseeinghim。Well——ifshewentawayshe’dhavetogetusedtothat。

Butshehadsomanythingstoexplain,somuchtosaytomakeitrightwithhim;sheknewwellwhatablowitwas。Nowitwasallovertown——andshehadhadnochancetodefendherposition。

Theneighborscalled。TallbonyMrs。DelafieldwholivednearesttothemandhadknownDianthaforsomeyears,feltitherdutytomakeaspecialappeal——orattackrather;andbroughtwithherstoutMrs。

Schlosster,whoseancestorsandtraditionswereevidentlyofGermanextraction。

Diantharetiredtoherroomwhenshesawthesetwobearingdownuponthehouse;buthermothercalledhertomakeapitcheroflemonadeforthem——andhavingenteredtherewasnoescape。Theyharriedherwithquestions,wereincreasinglyoffendedbyherreticence,andexpresseddisapprovalwithafullnessthatovermasteredthegirl’sself—control。

\"Ihaveasmuchrighttogointobusinessasanyothercitizen,Mrs。

Delafield,\"shesaidwithrepressedintensity。\"Iamofageandliveinafreecountry。Whatyousayofchildrennolongerappliestome。\"

\"Andwhatisthismysteriousbusinessyou’regoin’into——ifonemayinquire?Nothinyou’reashamedtomention,Ihope?\"askedMrs。

Delafield。

\"Ifawomanrefusestomentionherageisitbecauseshe’sashamedofit?\"thegirlretorted,andMrs。Delafieldflusheddarkly。

\"NeverhaveIheardsuchtalkfromamaidentoherelders,\"saidMrs。

Schlosster。\"Inmycountrytheyounghavemorerespect,asisright。\"

Mrs。Bellobjectedinwardlytoanyreprimandofherchildbyothers;butsheagreedtotheprincipleadvancedandmadenocomment。

Dianthalistenedtoquiteavolumeofdetailedcriticism,inquiryandcondemnation,andfinallyrosetoherfeetwiththestiffcourtesyoftheyoung。

\"Youmustexcusemenow,\"shesaidwithsetlips。\"Ihavesomenecessaryworktodo。\"

Shemarchedupstairs,shutherbedroomdoorandlockedit,raginginwardly。\"Itsnoneoftheirbusiness!Notashadow!WhyshouldMothersitthereandletthemtalktomelikethat!Onewouldthinkchildhoodhadnolimit——unlessit’smatrimony!\"

Thisremindedherofheryoungersister’sairsofsuperiorwisdom,anddidnotconducetoapleasanterframeofmind。\"Withalltheirmiserablelittleconventionsandidiocies!Andwhat’they’llsay,’and’they’llthink’!AsifIcared!Minnie’llbejustsuchanother!\"

Sheheardtheladiesgoingout,stilltalkingcontinuously,afaintresponsefromhermothernowandthen,agrowingquietastheirstepsrecededtowardthegate;andthenanotherdeepervoicetookupthethemeandheavilyapproached。

Itwastheminister!Dianthadroppedintoherrockerandheldthearmstight。\"NowI’llhavetotakeitagainIsuppose。Butheoughttoknowmewellenoughtounderstand。\"

\"Diantha!\"calledhermother,\"Here’sDr。Major;\"andthegirlwashedherfaceandcamedownagain。

Dr。Majorwasaheavyelderlymanwithastrongmouthandawarmhandclasp。\"What’sallthisIhearaboutyou,younglady?\"hedemanded,holdingherhandandlookingherstraightintheeye。\"IsthisanewkindofProdigalDaughterwe’reencountering?\"

Hedidnotlooknorsoundcondemnatory,andasshefacedhimshecaughtatwinkleinthewiseoldeyes。

\"Youcancallitthatifyouwantto,\"shesaid,\"OnlyIthoughttheProdigalSonjustspenthismoney——I’mgoingtoearnsome。\"

\"IwantyoutotalktoDiantha,DoctorMajor,\"Mrs。Bellstruckin。

\"I’mgoingtoaskyoutoexcuseme,andgoandliedownforalittle。I

dobelieveshe’lllistentoyoumorethantoanybody。\"

Themotherretired,feelingsurethatthegoodmanwhohadknownherdaughterforoverfifteenyearswouldhavearestraininginfluencenow;

andDianthabracedherselffortheattack。

Itcame,heavyandsolid,basedonreason,religion,tradition,thecustomofages,thepastoralhabitofcontrolandprotection,thefather’sinstinct,theman’sobjectiontoagirl’sadventure。Butitwascourteous,kind,andrationallyput,andshemetitpointbypointwiththewhole—souledargumentsofanewposition,thepassionateenthusiasmofheryears。

Theycalledatruce。

\"Icanseethatyou_think_itsyourduty,young,woman——that’sthemainthing。Ithinkyou’rewrong。Butwhatyoubelievetoberightyouhavetodo。That’sthewaywelearnmydear,that’sthewaywelearn!

Well——you’vebeenagoodchildeversinceI’veknownyou。Aremarkablygoodchild。Ifyouhavetosowthiskindofwildoats——\"theybothsmiledatthis,\"Iguesswecan’tstopyou。I’llkeepyoursecret——\"

\"Itsnotasecretreally,\"thegirlexplained,\"I’lltellthemassoonasI’msettled。Thentheycantell——iftheywantto。\"Andtheybothsmiledagain。

\"Well——Iwon’ttelltillIhearofitthen。And——yes,IguessIcanfurnishthatdocumentwithacleanconscience。\"

Shegavehimpaperandpenandhewrote,withagrin,handinghertheresult。

Shereadit,agirlishgigglelighteningtheatmosphere。\"Thankyou!\"

shesaidearnestly。\"Thankyoueversomuch。Iknewyouwouldhelpme。\"

\"Ifyougetstuckanywherejustletmeknow,\"hesaidrising。\"ThisProddyGalmaywantareturnticketyet!\"

\"I’llwalkfirst!\"saidDiantha。

\"ODr。Major,\"criedhermotherfromthewindow,\"Don’tgo!Wewantyoutostaytosupperofcourse!\"

Buthehadothercallstomake,hesaid,andwentaway,hisbighandsclaspedbehindhim;hisheadbent,smilingoneminuteandshakinghisheadthenext。

Dianthaleanedagainstapearlyeucalyptustrunkandwatchedhim。ShewouldmissDr。Major。Butwhowasthisapproaching?Herheartsankmiserably。Mrs。Warden——and_all_thegirls。

Shewenttomeetthem——perforce。Mrs。Wardenhadalwaysbeenkindandcourteoustoher;thegirlsshehadnotseenverymuchof,buttheyhadthesweetSouthernmanner,werealwayspolite。Ross’smothershemustlove。Ross’ssisterstoo——ifshecould。Whydidthebottomdropoutofhercourageatsightofthem?

\"Youdearchild!\"saidMrs。Warden,kissingher。\"Iknowjusthowyoufeel!Youwanttohelpmyboy!That’syoursecret!Butthiswon’tdoit,mydear!\"

\"You’venoideahowbadlyRossfeels!\"saidMadeline。\"Mrs。Delafielddroppedinjustnowandtoldus。Yououghttohaveseenhim!\"

\"Hedidn’tbelieveitofcourse,\"Adelineputin。\"Andhewouldn’tsayathing——notathingtoblameyou。\"

\"Wesaidwe’dcomeoverrightoff——andtriedtobringhim——buthesaidhe’dgottogobacktothestore,\"Coralineexplained。

\"Hewasmadthough!\"saidDora——\"_I_know。\"

Dianthalookedfromonetotheotherhelplessly。

\"Comein!Comein!\"saidMrs。Bellhospitably。\"Havethisrocker,Mrs。

Warden——wouldn’tyoulikesomecooldrink?Diantha?\"

\"Noindeed!\"Mrs。Wardenprotested。\"Don’tgetathing。We’regoingrightback,it’snearsuppertime。No,wecan’tthinkofstaying,ofcoursenot,noindeed!——Butwehadtocomeoverandhearaboutthisdearchild’sidea!——Nowtellusallaboutit,Diantha!\"

Theretheysat——fivepairsofcuriouseyes——andhermother’ssadones——allkind——allutterlyincapableofunderstanding。

Shemoistenedherlipsandplungeddesperately。\"Itisnothingdreadful,Mrs。Warden。Plentyofgirlsgoawaytoearntheirlivingsnowadays。ThatisallI’mdoing。\"

\"Butwhygoaway?\"

\"Ithoughtyouwereearningyourlivingbefore!\"

\"Isn’tteachingearningyourliving?\"

\"What_are_yougoingtodo?\"thegirlsprotestedvariously,andMrs。

Warden,withamotherlysmile,suggested——

\"Thatdoesn’texplainyourwantingtoleaveRoss,mydear——andyourmother!\"

\"Idon’twanttoleavethem,\"protestedDiantha,tryingtokeephervoicesteady。\"ItissimplythatIhavemadeupmymindIcandobetterelsewhere。\"

\"Dowhatbetter?\"askedMrs。Wardenwithsweetpatience,whichreducedDianthatothebaldstatement,\"Earnmoremoneyinlesstime。\"

\"Andisthatbetterthanstayingwithyourmotherandyourlover?\"

pursuedthegentleinquisitor;whilethegirlstried,\"Whatdoyouwanttoearnmoremoneyfor?\"and\"Ithoughtyouearnedalotbefore。\"

NowDianthadidnotwishtostateinsomanywordsthatshewantedmoremoneyinordertomarrysooner——shehadhardlyputittoherselfthatway。Shecouldnotmakethemseeinafewmomentsthatherplanwastodofarmoreforhermotherthanshewouldotherwiseeverbeableto。

Andastomakingthemunderstandthelargerprinciplesatstake——therangeanddepthofherfullpurpose——thatwouldbephysicallyimpossible。

\"Iamsorry!\"shesaidwithtremblinglips。\"Iamextremelysorry。

But——Icannotexplain!\"

Mrs。Wardendrewherselfupalittle。\"Cannotexplaintome?——Yourmother,ofcourse,knows?\"

\"Dianthaisnaturallymorefrankwithmethanwith——anyone,\"saidMrs。

Bellproudly,\"Butshedoesnotwishher——business——plans——madepublicatpresent!\"

Herdaughterlookedatherwithvividgratitude,butthewords\"madepublic\"werealittleunfortunateperhaps。

\"Ofcourse,\"Mrs。Wardenagreed,withhercharmingsmile,\"thatwecanquiteunderstand。I’msureIshouldalwayswishmygirlstofeelso。

Madeline——justshowMrs。Bellthatnecktieyou’remaking——shewasaskingaboutthestitch,youremember。\"

Thenecktiewasproducedandadmired,whiletheothergirlsaskedDianthaifshehadherfalldressmakingdoneyet——andwhethershefoundwashribbonsatisfactory。Andpresentlythewholegracefulfamilywithdrew,onlyDoraholdingherheadwithvisiblestiffness。

Dianthasatonthefloorbyhermother,putherheadinherlapandcried。\"Howsplendidofyou,Mother!\"shesobbed。\"Howsimplysplendid!Iwilltellyounow——if——if——youwon’ttellevenFather——yet。\"

\"Dearchild\"saidherMother,\"I’drathernotknowinthatcase。Itis——easier。\"

\"That’swhatIkeptstillfor!\"saidthegirl。\"It’shardenough,goodnessknows——asitis!Itsnothingwicked,orevenrisky,Motherdear——andasfarasIcanseeitisright!\"

Hermothersmiledthroughhertears。\"Ifyousaythat,mydearchild,I

knowthere’snostoppingyou。AndIhatetoarguewithyou——evenforyourownsake,becauseitissomuchtomyadvantagetohaveyouhere。

I——shallmissyou——Diantha!\"

\"Don’t,Mother!\"sobbedthegirl。

\"Itsnaturalfortheyoungtogo。Weexpectit——intime。Butyouaresoyoungyet——and——well,IhadhopedtheteachingwouldsatisfyyoutillRosswasready。\"

Dianthasatupstraight。

\"Mother!can’tyouseeRoss’llneverbeready!Lookatthatfamily!

Andthewaytheylive!Andthosemortgages!IcouldwaitandteachandsavealittleevenwithFatheralwayslosingmoney;butIcan’tseeRosswearinghimselfoutforyearsandyears——Ijust_can’t_bearit!\"

Hermotherstrokedherfairhairsoftly,notsurprisedthatherownpleawassolostinthoughtofthebraveyounglover。

\"Andbesides,\"thegirlwenton\"IfIwaited——andsaved——andmarriedRoss——whatbecomesof_you,_I’dliketoknow?WhatIcan’tstandistohaveyougrowolderandsicker——andneverhaveanygoodtimeinallyourlife!\"

Mrs。Bellsmiledtenderly。\"Youdearchild!\"shesaid;asifanaffectionatefive—yearoldhadofferedtogetherarainbow,\"Iknowyoumeanitallforthebest。But,Omy_dearest_!I’dratherhaveyou——here——athomewithme———thananyother’goodtime’youcanimagine!\"

Shecouldnotseethesufferinginherdaughter’sface;butshefeltshehadmadeanimpression,andfolloweditupwithheart—breakingsincerity。Shecaughtthegirltoherbreastandheldherlikealittlechild。\"Omybaby!mybaby!Don’tleaveyourmother。Ican’tbearit!\"

Afamiliarstepoutside,heavy,yetuncertain,andtheybothlookedateachotherwithfrightenedeyes。

Theyhadforgottenthebiscuit。

\"Supperready?\"askedMr。Bell,withgrimhumor。

\"Itwillbeinamoment,Father,\"criedDianthaspringingtoherfeet。

\"Atleast——inafewmoments。\"

\"Don’tfretthechild,Father,\"saidMrs。Hendersonsoftly。\"She’sfeelingbadenough。\"

\"Sh’dthinkshewould,\"repliedherhusband。\"Moreover——tomymind——sheoughtto。\"

Hegotoutthesmalldamplocalpaperandhispipe,andcomposedhimselfinobviouspatience:yetsomehowthispatienceseemedtofillthekitchen,andtoactlikeaballandchaintoDiantha’sfeet。

Shegotsupperready,atlast,makinggriddle—cakesinsteadofbiscuit,andnocommentwasmadeofthechange:butthetensionintheatmospherewassharplyfeltbythetwowomen;andpossiblybythetalloldman,whoatelessthanusual,andsaidabsolutelynothing。

\"I’mgoingovertoseeEdwardsaboutthatnewincubator,\"hesaidwhenthemealwasover,anddeparted;andMrs。Bell,aftertryinginvaintodohermending,wipedhercloudedglassesandwenttobed。

Dianthamadeallneatandtidy;washedherownweteyesagain,andwentoutunderthemoon。Inthatbroadtendermellowlightshedrewadeepbreathandstretchedherstrongyoungarmstowardtheskyindumbappeal。

\"Iknewitwouldbehard,\"shemurmuredtoherself,\"ThatisIknewthefacts——butIdidn’tknowthefeeling!\"

Shestoodatthegatebetweenthecypresses,satwaitingundertheacaciaboughs,walkedrestlesslyupanddownthepathoutside,thedrypepperberriescrushsoftlyunderfoot;bracingherselfforonemorestruggle——andthehardestofall。

\"Hewillunderstand!\"hetoldherself,overandover,butatthebottomofherheartsheknewhewouldn’t。

Hecameatlast;aslower,wearierstepthanusual;cameandtookbothherhandsinhisandstoodholdingthem,lookingatherquestioningly。

Thenheheldherfacebetweenhispalmsandmadeherlookathim。Hereyeswerebraveandsteady,butthemouthtrembledinspiteofher。

Hestilleditwithakiss,anddrewhertoaseatonthebenchbesidehim。\"MypoorLittleGirl!Youhaven’thadachanceyettoreallytellmeaboutthisthing,andIwantyoutorightnow。ThenI’mgoingtokillaboutfortypeopleinthistown!_Somebody_hasbeenmightyfoolish。\"

Shesqueezedhishand,butfounditverydifficulttospeak。Hislove,hissympathy,histenderness,weresodeliciousafterthisday’strials——andbeforethosefurtheronesshecouldsowellanticipate。Shedidn’twishtocryanymore,thatwouldbynomeansstrengthenherposition,andshefoundshecouldn’tseemtospeakwithoutcrying。

\"Onewouldthinktohearthegoodpeopleofthistownthatyouwereabouttoleavehomeandmotherfor——well,foratriptothemoon!\"headded。\"Thereisn’tanyagreementastowhatyou’regoingtodo,butthey’reunanimousastoitsbeingentirelywrong。Nowsupposeyoutellmeaboutit。\"

\"Iwill,\"saidDiantha。\"Ibegantotheothernight,youknow,youfirstofcourse——itwastoobad!yourhavingtogooffatthatexactmoment。ThenIhadtotellmother——because——wellyou’llseepresently。

Nowdear——justletmesayit_all_——beforeyou——doanything。\"

\"Sayaway,mydarling。Itrustyouperfectly。\"

Sheflashedagratefullookathim。\"Itisthisway,mydear。Ihavetwo,three,yesfour,thingstoconsider:——Myownpersonalproblem——myfamily’s——yours——andasocialone。\"

\"Myfamily’s?\"heasked,withafaintshadeofoffenceinhistone。

\"Nonodear——yourown,\"sheexplained。

\"Bettercutmineout,LittleGirl,\"hesaid。\"I’llconsiderthatmyself。\"

\"Well——Iwon’ttalkaboutitifyoudon’twantmeto。Therearetheotherthree。\"

\"Iwon’tquestionyoursecond,noryourimposingthird,butisn’tthefirstone——yourownpersonalproblem——agooddealanswered?\"hesuggested,holdinghercloseforamoment。

\"Don’t!\"shesaid。\"Ican’ttalkstraightwhenyouputitthatway。\"

Sherosehurriedlyandtookasteportwoupanddown。\"Idon’tsuppose——inspiteofyourlovingme,thatIcanmakeyouseeitasIdo。

ButI’llbejustasclearasIcan。Therearesomeyearsbeforeusbeforewecanbetogether。InthattimeIintendtogoawayandundertakeabusinessIaminterestedin。Mypurposeisto——developthework,toearnmoney,tohelpmyfamily,andto——well,nottohinderyou。\"

\"Idon’tunderstand,Iconfess,\"hesaid。\"Don’tyouproposetotellmewhatthis’work’is?\"

\"Yes——Iwill——certainly。Butnotyetdear!LetmetrytoshowyouhowIfeelaboutit。\"

\"Wait,\"saidhe。\"OnethingIwanttobesureof。Areyoudoingthiswithanyquixoticnotionofhelpingme——in_my_business?Helpingmetotakecareofmyfamily?Helpingmeto——\"hestoodupnow,lookingverytallandratherforbidding,\"No,Iwon’tsaythattoyou。\"

\"Wouldtherebeanythingwronginmymeaningexactlythat?\"sheasked,holdingherownheadalittlehigher;\"bothwhatyousaidandwhatyoudidn’t?\"

\"Itwouldbeabsolutelywrong,allofit,\"heanswered。\"IcannotbelievethatthewomanIlovewould——couldtakesuchaposition。\"

\"Lookhere,Ross!\"saidthegirlearnestly。\"Supposeyouknewwheretherewasagoldmine——_knewit_——andbygoingawayforafewyearsyoucouldgetarealfortune——wouldn’tyoudoit?\"

\"NaturallyIshould,\"heagreed。

\"Well,supposeitwasn’tagoldmine,butabusiness,anewsystemlikethosecigarstores——or——somepatentamusementspecialty——or_anything_——thatyouknewwasbetterthanwhatyou’redoing——wouldn’tyouhavearighttotryit?\"

\"OfcourseIshould——butwhathasthattodowiththiscase?\"

\"Whyit’sthesamething!Don’tyousee?Ihaveplansthatwillbeofrealbenefittoallofus,somethingworthwhileto_do_——andnotonlyforusbutfor_everybody_——arealpieceofprogress——andI’mgoingtoleavemypeople——andevenyou!——foralittlewhile——tomakeusallhappierlateron。\"

Hesmiledlovinglyatherbutshookhisheadslowly。\"Youdear,brave,foolishchild!\"hesaid。\"Idon’tforonemomentdoubtyournoblepurposes。Butyoudon’tgettheman’spointofview——naturally。What’smoreyoudon’tseemtogetthewoman’s。\"

\"Canyouseenootherpointofviewthanthose?\"sheasked。

\"Therearenoothers,\"heanswered。\"Come!come!mydarling,don’taddthisnewdifficultytowhatwe’vegottocarry!Iknowyouhaveahardtimeofitathome。Someday,pleaseGod,youshallhaveaneasierone!

AndI’mhavingahardtimetoo——Idon’tdenyit。ButyouarethegreatestjoyandcomfortIhave,dear——youknowthat。Ifyougoaway——itwillbeharderandslowerandlonger——that’sall。Ishallhaveyoutoworryabouttoo。Letsomebodyelsedothegold—mine,dear——youstayhereandcomfortyourMotheraslongasyoucan——andme。HowcanI

getalongwithoutyou?\"

Hetriedtoputhisarmaroundheragain,butshedrewback。\"Dear,\"

shesaid。\"IfIdeliberatelydowhatIthinkisright——againstyourwishes——whatwillyoudo?\"

\"Do?\"Thelaughedbitterly。\"WhatcanIdo?I’mtiedbytheleghere——lcan’tgoafteryou。I’venothingtopullyououtofascrapewithifyougetinone。Icouldn’tdoanythingbut——standit。\"

\"AndifIgoahead,anddowhatyoudon’tlike——andmakeyou——suffer——wouldyou——wouldyouratherbefree?\"Hervoicewasverylowandshaken,butheheardherwellenough。

\"Freeofyou?Freeof_you_?\"Hecaughtherandheldherandkissedheroverandover。

\"Youaremine!\"hesaid。\"Youhavegivenyourselftome!Youcannotleaveme。Neitherofusisfree——everagain。\"Butshestruggledawayfromhim。

\"Bothofusarefree——todowhatwethinkright,_always_Ross!I

wouldn’ttrytostopyouifyouthoughtitwasyourdutytogototheNorthPole!\"Sheheldhimalittlewayoff。\"Letmetellyou,dear。

Sitdown——letmetellyouallaboutit。\"Buthewouldn’tsitdown。

\"Idon’tthinkIwanttoknowthedetails,\"hesaid。\"Itdoesn’tmuchmatterwhatyou’regoingtodo——ifyoureallygoaway。Ican’tstopyou——Iseethat。Ifyouthinkthisthingisyour’duty’you’lldoitifitkillsusall——andyoutoo!Ifyouhavetogo——Ishalldonothing——candonothing——butwaittillyoucomebacktome!Whateverhappens,darling——nomatterhowyoufail——don’teverbeafraidtocomebacktome。\"

Hefoldedhisarmsnow——didnotattempttoholdher——gaveherthefreedomsheaskedandpromisedhertheloveshehadalmostfearedtolose——andherwholecarefullyconstructedplanseemedlikeachild’ssandcastleforamoment;herheroicdecisionthewildestfolly。

Hewasnotevenlookingather;shesawhisstrong,clean—cutprofiledarkagainstthemoonlithouse,asettledpatienceinitslines。Duty!

Herewasduty,surely,withtenderesthappiness。Shewasleaningtowardhim——herhandwasseekinghis,whensheheardthroughthefragrantsilenceasoundfromhermother’sroom——thefaintcreakofherlightrockingchair。Shecouldnotsleep——shewassittingupwithhertrouble,bearingitquietlyasshehadsomanyothers。

Thequieteverydaytragedyofthatdistastefullife——theslowwitheringawayofyouthandhopeandambitionintoagraywasteofineffectualsubmissivelabor——notonlyofherlife,butofthousandsuponthousandslikeher——itallroseuplikeafloodinthegirl’shotyoungheart。

Rosshadturnedtoher——washoldingouthisarmstoher。\"Youwon’tgo,mydarling!\"hesaid。

\"IamgoingWednesdayonthe7。10,\"saidDiantha。

WHATDIANTHADID

CHAPTERIV。

ACRYINGNEED

\"Lovestthoume?\"saidtheFairLadye;

AndtheLoverhesaid,\"Yea!\"

\"Thenclimbthistree——formysake,\"saidshe,\"Andclimbiteveryday!\"

SofromdawntilldarkheabrazedthebarkAndworehisclothesaway;

Till,\"Whathasthistreetodowiththee?\"

TheLoveratlastdidsay。

Itwasapoordinner。Coldinthefirstplace,becauseIsabelwouldwaittothoroughlywashherlongartistichands;andputonanotherdress。Shehatedthesmellofcookinginhergarments;hateditworseonherwhitefingers;andnowtolookatthegracefulerectfigure,theroundthroatwiththesilvernecklaceaboutit,thesoftsmoothhair,silver—filletted,thenegativebeautyofthedove—coloredgown,speciallydesignedforhomeevenings,onewouldneverdreamshehadsetthetablesowell——andcookedthesteaksoabominably。

Isabelwasneveracook。InthemanyservantlessgapsofdomesticlifeinOrchardina,therewasalwaysastrainedatmosphereinthePornehousehold。

\"Dear,\"saidMr。Porne,\"mightIpetitiontohavethesteaklesscooked?

Iknowyoudon’tliketodoit,sowhynotshortentheprocess?\"

\"I’msorry,\"sheanswered,\"Ialwaysforgetaboutthesteakfromonetimetothenext。\"

\"Yetwe’vehaditthreetimesthisweek,mydear。\"

\"Ithoughtyoulikeditbetterthananything,\"shewithmarkedgentleness。\"I’llgetyouotherthings——oftener。\"

\"It’sashameyoushouldhavethistodo,Isabel。Inevermeantyoushouldcookforme。IndeedIdidn’tdreamyoucaredsolittleaboutit。\"

\"AndIneverdreamedyoucaredsomuchaboutit,\"shereplied,stillwithrepression。\"I’mnotcomplaining,amI?I’monlysorryyoushouldbedisappointedinme。\"

\"It’snot_you,_deargirl!You’reallright!It’sjustthiseverlastingbother。Can’tyouget_anybody_thatwillstay?\"

Ican’tseemtogetanybodyonanyterms,sofar。I’mgoingagain,to—morrow。Cheerup,dear——thebabykeepswell——that’sthemainthing。\"

Hesatontherose—boweredporchandsmokedwhilesheclearedthetable。

Atfirsthehadtriedtohelpherontheseoccasions,buttheirmethodsweredissimilarandshefranklytoldhimshepreferredtodoitalone。

Sosheslippedoffthesilkandputontheginghamagain,washedthedisheswiththelaboredaccuracyofatrainedminddoingunfamiliarwork,madethebread,redressedatlast,andjoinedhimaboutnineo’clock。

\"It’stoolatetogoanywhere,Isuppose?\"heventured。

\"Yes——andI’mtootired。Besides——wecan’tleaveEddiealone。\"

\"Oyes——Iforget。Ofcoursewecan’t。\"

Hishandstoleouttotakehers。\"I_am_sorry,dear。It’sawfullyroughonyouwomenouthere。Howdotheyallstandit?\"

\"MostofthemstanditmuchbetterthanIdo,Ned。Youseetheydon’twanttobedoinganythingelse。\"

\"Yes。That’sthemischiefofit!\"heagreed;andshelookedathimintheclearmoonlight,wonderingexactlywhathethoughtthemischiefwas。

\"Shallwegoinandreadabit?\"heoffered;butshethoughtnot。

\"I’mtootired,I’mafraid。AndEddie’llwakeupassoonaswebegin。\"

Sotheysatawhileenjoyingthesoftsilence,andtherichflowerscentsaboutthem,tillEddiedidwakepresently,andIsabelwentupstairs。

Shesleptlittlethatnight,lyingquitestill,listeningtoherhusband’sregularbreathingsonearher,andthelightersoundfromthecrib。\"Iamaveryhappywoman,\"shetoldherselfresolutely;buttherewasnooutpouringsenseofloveandjoy。Sheknewshewashappy,butbynomeansfeltit。Soshestaredatthemoonshadowsandthoughtitover。

Shehadplannedthelittlehouseherself,withsuchlove,suchhope,suchtenderhappycare!Notherfirstwork,whichwonhighpraiseintheschoolinParis,nottheprize—winningplanforthelibrary,nowgracingOrchardina’sprettiestsquare,wasasdeartoherasthismostwomanlytask——themakingofahome。

Itwasthelibrarysuccesswhichbroughtherhere,freshfromherforeignstudies,andOrchardinaacceptedwithwesterncordialitytheyouthandbeautyoftheyoungarchitect,thoughabitsurprisedatfirstthat\"I。H。Wright\"wasanIsabel。Inherfurtherworkofoverseeingtheconstructionofthatlibrary,shehadmetEdgarPorne,oneofthenumerouseageryoungrealestatemenofthatregion,whoshowedaliberalenthusiasmforthegeneralcapacityofwomenintheprofessions,andamuchwarmerfeelingforthepersonalattractionsofthisone。

Togethertheychosethelotonpepper—shadedInezAvenue;togethertheywatchedtherisingoftheconcretewallsandplannedthegardenwalksandseats,andthetinypreciouspoolinthefarcorner。Hewassosympathetic!soadmiring!Hetookasmuchprideinthebig\"drawingroom\"onthethirdfloorasshedidherself。\"Architectureissuchfineworktodoathome!\"theyhadbothagreed。\"Hereyouhaveyournorthlight——yourbigtable——plentyofroomforwork!Youwillgrowfamouserandfamouser,\"hehadlovinglyinsisted。Andshehadanswered,\"IfearIshallbetoocontented,dear,towanttobefamous。\"

Thatwasonlysomeyearanda—halfago,——butIsabel,lyingtherebyhersleepinghusbandandsleepingchild,wasstarkawakeandonlybyassertionhappy。Shewasthinking,persistently,ofdust。Shelovedadelicatecleanliness。Herartwasapreciseone,herstudioaworkshopofwhitepaperandfinepointedhardpencils,herpaintingthemechanicalperfectionofanevenwashofcolor。Andshesaw,throughthefloorsandwallsandthedarkness,thedustinthelittleshadedparlor——twodays’dustatleast,andOrchardinaisverydusty!——dustinthedining—roomgatheredsinceyesterday——thedustinthekitchen——shewouldnotcounttimethere,andthedust——hereshecounteditinexorably——thedustofeightdaysinhergreat,lightworkroomupstairs。Eightdayssinceshehadfoundtimetogoupthere。