AUGUST21.
Mysensationsareconstantlychanging.Sometimesahappyprospectopensbeforeme;butalas!itisonlyforamoment;andthen,whenIamlostinreverie,Icannothelpsayingtomyself,\"IfAlbertweretodie?——Yes,shewouldbecome——andIshouldbe\"——andsoIpursueachimera,tillitleadsmetotheedgeofaprecipiceatwhichIshudder.
WhenIpassthroughthesamegate,andwalkalongthesameroadwhichfirstconductedmetoCharlotte,myheartsinkswithinmeatthechangethathassincetakenplace.All,all,isaltered!Nosentiment,nopulsationofmyheart,isthesame.Mysensationsaresuchaswouldoccurtosomedepartedprincewhosespiritshouldreturntovisitthesuperbpalacewhichhehadbuiltinhappytimes,adornedwithcostlymagnificence,andlefttoabelovedson,butwhosegloryheshouldfinddeparted,anditshallsdesertedandinruins.
SEPTEMBER3.
Isometimescannotunderstandhowshecanloveanother,howshedaresloveanother,whenIlovenothinginthisworldsocompletely,sodevotedly,asIloveher,whenIknowonlyher,andhavenootherpossession.
SEPTEMBER4.
Itisevenso!Asnatureputsonherautumntintsitbecomesautumnwithmeandaroundme.Myleavesaresereandyellow,andtheneighbouringtreesaredivestedoftheirfoliage.Doyouremembermywritingtoyouaboutapeasantboyshortlyaftermyarrivalhere?IhavejustmadeinquiriesabouthiminWalheim.Theysayhehasbeendismissedfromhisservice,andisnowavoidedbyeveryone.Imethimyesterdayontheroad,goingtoaneighbouringvillage.Ispoketohim,andhetoldmehisstory.Itinterestedmeexceedingly,asyouwilleasilyunderstandwhenIrepeatittoyou.ButwhyshouldItroubleyou?WhyshouldInotreserveallmysorrowformyself?WhyshouldIcontinuetogiveyouoccasiontopityandblameme?Butnomatter:thisalsoispartofmydestiny.
Atfirstthepeasantladansweredmyinquirieswithasortofsubduedmelancholy,whichseemedtomethemarkofatimiddisposition;but,aswegrewtounderstandeachother,hespokewithlessreserve,andopenlyconfessedhisfaults,andlamentedhismisfortune.Iwish,mydearfriend,Icouldgiveproperexpressiontohislanguage.Hetoldmewithasortofpleasurablerecollection,that,aftermydeparture,hispassionforhismistressincreaseddaily,untilatlastheneitherknewwhathedidnorwhathesaid,norwhatwastobecomeofhim.Hecouldneithereatnordrinknorsleep:hefeltasenseofsuffocation;hedisobeyedallorders,andforgotallcommandsinvoluntarily;heseemedasifpursuedbyanevilspirit,tilloneday,knowingthathismistresshadgonetoanupperchamber,hehadfollowed,or,rather,beendrawnafterher.Assheproveddeaftohisentreaties,hehadrecoursetoviolence.
Heknowsnotwhathappened;buthecalledGodtowitnessthathisintentionstoherwerehonourable,andthathedesirednothingmoresincerelythanthattheyshouldmarry,andpasstheirlivestogether.Whenhehadcometothispoint,hebegantohesitate,asiftherewassomethingwhichhehadnotcouragetoutter,tillatlengthheacknowledgedwithsomeconfusioncertainlittleconfidencesshehadencouraged,andlibertiesshehadallowed.Hebrokeofftwoorthreetimesinhisnarration,andassuredmemostearnestlythathehadnowishtomakeherbad,ashetermedit,forhelovedherstillassincerelyasever;thatthetalehadneverbeforeescapedhislips,andwasonlynowtoldtoconvincemethathewasnotutterlylostandabandoned.Andhere,mydearfriend,ImustcommencetheoldsongwhichyouknowIuttereternally.IfIcouldonlyrepresentthemanashestood,andstandsnowbeforeme,couldIonlygivehistrueexpressions,youwouldfeelcompelledtosympathiseinhisfate.Butenough:you,whoknowmymisfortuneandmydisposition,caneasilycomprehendtheattractionwhichdrawsmetowardeveryunfortunatebeing,butparticularlytowardhimwhosestoryIhaverecounted.
Onperusingthisletterasecondtime,IfindIhaveomittedtheconclusionofmytale;butitiseasilysupplied.Shebecamereservedtowardhim,attheinstigationofherbrotherwhohadlonghatedhim,anddesiredhisexpulsionfromthehouse,fearingthathissister\'ssecondmarriagemightdeprivehischildrenofthehandsomefortunetheyexpectedfromher;assheischildless.Hewasdismissedatlength;andthewholeaffairoccasionedsomuchscandal,thatthemistressdarednottakehimback,evenifshehadwishedit.Shehassincehiredanotherservant,withwhom,theysay,herbrotherisequallydispleased,andwhomsheislikelytomarry;butmyinformantassuresmethathehimselfisdeterminednottosurvivesuchacatastrophe.
Thisstoryisneitherexaggeratednorembellished:indeed,Ihaveweakenedandimpaireditinthenarration,bythenecessityofusingthemorerefinedexpressionsofsociety.
Thislove,then,thisconstancy,thispassion,isnopoeticalfiction.Itisactual,anddwellsinitsgreatestpurityamongstthatclassofmankindwhomwetermrude,uneducated.Wearetheeducated,nottheperverted.Butreadthisstorywithattention,Iimploreyou.Iamtranquilto-day,forIhavebeenemployeduponthisnarration:youseebymywritingthatIamnotsoagitatedasusual.Ireadandre-readthistale,Wilhelm:itisthehistoryofyourfriend!Myfortunehasbeenandwillbesimilar;andIamneitherhalfsobravenorhalfsodeterminedasthepoorwretchwithwhomIhesitatetocomparemyself.
SEPTEMBER5.
Charlottehadwrittenalettertoherhusbandinthecountry,wherehewasdetainedbybusiness.Itcommenced,\"Mydearestlove,returnassoonaspossible:Iawaityouwithathousandraptures.\"Afriendwhoarrived,broughtword,that,forcertainreasons,hecouldnotreturnimmediately.Charlotte\'sletterwasnotforwarded,andthesameeveningitfellintomyhands.Ireadit,andsmiled.Sheaskedthereason.\"Whataheavenlytreasureisimagination:\"Iexclaimed;\"Ifanciedforamomentthatthiswaswrittentome.\"Shepaused,andseemeddispleased.Iwassilent.
SEPTEMBER6.
ItcostmemuchtopartwiththebluecoatwhichIworethefirsttimeIdancedwithCharlotte.ButIcouldnotpossiblywearitanylonger.ButIhaveorderedanewone,preciselysimilar,eventothecollarandsleeves,aswellasanewwaistcoatandpantaloons.
Butitdoesnotproducethesameeffectuponme.Iknownothowitis,butIhopeintimeIshalllikeitbetter.
SEPTEMBER12.
Shehasbeenabsentforsomedays.ShewenttomeetAlbert.To-dayIvisitedher:sherosetoreceiveme,andIkissedherhandmosttenderly.
Acanaryatthemomentflewfromamirror,andsettleduponhershoulder.\"Hereisanewfriend,\"sheobserved,whileshemadehimperchuponherhand:\"heisapresentforthechildren.Whatadearheis!Lookathim!WhenIfeedhim,heflutterswithhiswings,andpeckssonicely.Hekissesme,too,onlylook!\"
Sheheldthebirdtohermouth;andhepressedhersweetlipswithsomuchfervourthatheseemedtofeeltheexcessofblisswhichheenjoyed.
\"Heshallkissyoutoo,\"sheadded;andthensheheldthebirdtowardme.Hislittlebeakmovedfromhermouthtomine,andthedelightfulsensationseemedliketheforerunnerofthesweetestbliss.
\"Akiss,\"Iobserved,\"doesnotseemtosatisfyhim:hewishesforfood,andseemsdisappointedbytheseunsatisfactoryendearments.\"
\"Butheeatsoutofmymouth,\"shecontinued,andextendedherlipstohimcontainingseed;andshesmiledwithallthecharmofabeingwhohasallowedaninnocentparticipationofherlove.
Iturnedmyfaceaway.Sheshouldnotactthus.Sheoughtnottoexcitemyimaginationwithsuchdisplaysofheavenlyinnocenceandhappiness,norawakenmyheartfromitsslumbers,inwhichitdreamsoftheworthlessnessoflife!Andwhynot?BecausesheknowshowmuchIloveher.
SEPTEMBER15.
Itmakesmewretched,Wilhelm,tothinkthatthereshouldbemenincapableofappreciatingthefewthingswhichpossessarealvalueinlife.YourememberthewalnuttreesatS——,underwhichIusedtositwithCharlotte,duringmyvisitstotheworthyoldvicar.Thoseglorioustrees,theverysightofwhichhassooftenfilledmyheartwithjoy,howtheyadornedandrefreshedtheparsonageyard,withtheirwide-extendedbranches!andhowpleasingwasourremembranceofthegoodoldpastor,bywhosehandstheywereplantedsomanyyearsago:Theschoolmasterhasfrequentlymentionedhisname.Hehaditfromhisgrandfather.Hemusthavebeenamostexcellentman;and,undertheshadeofthoseoldtrees,hismemorywaseverveneratedbyme.Theschoolmasterinformedusyesterday,withtearsinhiseyes,thatthosetreeshadbeenfelled.Yes,cuttotheground!Icould,inmywrath,haveslainthemonsterwhostruckthefirststroke.AndImustendurethis!——I,who,ifIhadhadtwosuchtreesinmyowncourt,andonehaddiedfromoldage,shouldhaveweptwithrealaffliction.Butthereissomecomfortleft,suchathingissentiment,thewholevillagemurmursatthemisfortune;andIhopethevicar\'swifewillsoonfind,bythecessationofthevillagers\'presents,howmuchshehaswoundedthefeelingsoftheneighborhhood.Itwasshewhodidit,thewifeofthepresentincumbent(ourgoodoldmanisdead),atall,sicklycreaturewhoissofarrighttodisregardtheworld,astheworldtotallydisregardsher.Thesillybeingaffectstobelearned,pretendstoexaminethecanonicalbooks,lendsheraidtowardthenew-fashionedreformationofChristendom,moralandcritical,andshrugsuphershouldersatthementionofLavater\'senthusiasm.Herhealthisdestroyed,onaccountofwhichsheispreventedfromhavinganyenjoymentherebelow.Onlysuchacreaturecouldhavecutdownmywalnuttrees!Icanneverpardonit.Hearherreasons.Thefallingleavesmadethecourtwetanddirty;thebranchesobstructedthelight;boysthrewstonesatthenutswhentheywereripe,andthenoiseaffectedhernerves;anddisturbedherprofoundmeditations,whenshewasweighingthediffcultiesofKennicot,Semler,andMichaelis.Findingthatalltheparish,particularlytheoldpeople,weredispleased,Iasked\"whytheyallowedit?\"\"Ah,sir!\"theyreplied,\"whenthestewardorders,whatcanwepoorpeasantsdo?\"Butonethinghashappenedwell.Thestewardandthevicar(who,foronce,thoughttoreapsomeadvantagefromthecapricesofhiswife)intendedtodividethetreesbetweenthem.Therevenue-office,beinginformedofit,revivedanoldclaimtothegroundwherethetreeshadstood,andsoldthemtothebestbidder.Theretheystilllieontheground.IfIwerethesovereign,Ishouldknowhowtodealwiththemall,vicar,steward,andrevenue-office.Sovereign,didIsay?Ishould,inthatcase,carelittleaboutthetreesthatgrewinthecountry.
OCTOBER10.
Onlytogazeuponherdarkeyesistomeasourceofhappiness!Andwhatgrievesme,is,thatAlbertdoesnotseemsohappyashe——hopedtobe——asIshouldhavebeen——if——Iamnofriendtothesepauses,buthereIcannotexpressitotherwise;andprobablyIamexplicitenough.
OCTOBER12.
OssianhassupersededHomerinmyheart.Towhataworlddoestheillustriousbardcarryme!Towanderoverpathlesswilds,surroundedbyimpetuouswhirlwinds,where,bythefeeblelightofthemoon,weseethespiritsofourancestors;tohearfromthemountain-tops,midtheroaroftorrents,theirplaintivesoundsissuingfromdeepcaverns,andthesorrowfullamentationsofamaidenwhosighsandexpiresonthemossytombofthewarriorbywhomshewasadored.Imeetthisbardwithsilverhair;hewandersinthevalley;heseeksthefootstepsofhisfathers,and,alas!hefindsonlytheirtombs.Then,contemplatingthepalemoon,asshesinksbeneaththewavesoftherollingsea,thememoryofbygonedaysstrikesthemindofthehero,dayswhenapproachingdangerinvigoratedthebrave,andthemoonshoneuponhisbarkladenwithspoils,andreturningintriumph.WhenIreadinhiscountenancedeepsorrow,whenIseehisdyingglorysinkexhaustedintothegrave,asheinhalesnewandheart-thrillingdelightfromhisapproachingunionwithhisbeloved,andhecastsalookonthecoldearthandthetallgrasswhichissosoontocoverhim,andthenexclaims,\"Thetravellerwillcome,——hewillcomewhohasseenmybeauty,andhewillask,\'Whereisthebard,whereistheillustrioussonofFingal?\'Hewillwalkovermytomb,andwillseekmeinvain!\"Then,Omyfriend,Icouldinstantly,likeatrueandnobleknight,drawmysword,anddelivermyprincefromthelongandpainfullanguorofalivingdeath,anddismissmyownsoultofollowthedemigodwhommyhandhadsetfree!
OCTOBER19.
Alas!thevoidthefearfulvoid,whichIfeelinmybosom!SometimesIthink,ifIcouldonlyoncebutonce,presshertomyheart,thisdreadfulvoidwouldbefilled.
OCTOBER26.
Yes,Ifeelcertain,Wilhelm,andeverydayIbecomemorecertain,thattheexistenceofanybeingwhateverisofverylittleconsequence.AfriendofCharlotte\'scalledtoseeherjustnow.Iwithdrewintoaneighbouringapartment,andtookupabook;but,findingIcouldnotread,Isatdowntowrite.Iheardthemconverseinanundertone:theyspokeuponindifferenttopics,andretailedthenewsofthetown.Onewasgoingtobemarried;anotherwasill,veryill,shehadadrycough,herfacewasgrowingthinnerdaily,andshehadoccasionalfits.\"N——isveryunwelltoo,\"saidCharlotte.\"Hislimbsbegintoswellalready,\"answeredtheother;andmylivelyimaginationcarriedmeatoncetothebedsoftheinfirm.ThereIseethemstrugglingagainstdeath,withalltheagoniesofpainandhorror;andthesewomen,Wilhelm,talkofallthiswithasmuchindifferenceasonewouldmentionthedeathofastranger.AndwhenIlookaroundtheapartmentwhereInowam——whenIseeCharlotte\'sapparellyingbeforeme,andAlbert\'swritings,andallthosearticlesoffurniturewhicharesofamiliartome,eventotheveryinkstandwhichIamusing,——whenIthinkwhatIamtothisfamily——everything.Myfriendsesteemme;Ioftencontributetotheirhappiness,andmyheartseemsasifitcouldnotbeatwithoutthem;andyet——ifIweretodie,ifIweretobesummonedfromthemidstofthiscircle,wouldtheyfeel——orhowlongwouldtheyfeelthevoidwhichmylosswouldmakeintheirexistence?Howlong!Yes,suchisthefrailtyofman,thateventhere,wherehehasthegreatestconsciousnessofhisownbeing,wherehemakesthestrongestandmostforcibleimpression,eveninthememory,intheheart,ofhisbeloved,therealsohemustperish,——vanish,——andthatquickly.
OCTOBER27.
Icouldtearopenmybosomwithvexationtothinkhowlittlewearecapableofinfluencingthefeelingsofeachother.Noonecancommunicatetomethosesensationsoflove,joy,rapture,anddelightwhichIdonotnaturallypossess;and,thoughmyheartmayglowwiththemostlivelyaffection,Icannotmakethehappinessofoneinwhomthesamewarmthisnotinherent.
OCTOBER27:Evening.
Ipossesssomuch,butmyloveforherabsorbsitall.Ipossesssomuch,butwithoutherIhavenothing.
OCTOBER30.
OnehundredtimeshaveIbeenonthepointofembracingher.Heavens!whatatormentitistoseesomuchlovelinesspassingandrepassingbeforeus,andyetnotdaretolayholdofit!Andlayingholdisthemostnaturalofhumaninstincts.Donotchildrentoucheverythingtheysee?AndI!
NOVEMBER3.
Witness,Heaven,howoftenIliedowninmybedwithawish,andevenahope,thatImayneverawakenagain.Andinthemorning,whenIopenmyeyes,Ibeholdthesunoncemore,andamwretched.IfIwerewhimsical,Imightblametheweather,oranacquaintance,orsomepersonaldisappointment,formydiscontentedmind;andthenthisinsupportableloadoftroublewouldnotrestentirelyuponmyself.But,alas!Ifeelittoosadly.Iamalonethecauseofmyownwoe,amInot?Truly,myownbosomcontainsthesourceofallmysorrow,asitpreviouslycontainedthesourceofallmypleasure.AmInotthesamebeingwhoonceenjoyedanexcessofhappiness,who,ateverystep,sawparadiseopenbeforehim,andwhoseheartwaseverexpandedtowardthewholeworld?Andthisheartisnowdead,nosentimentcanreviveit;myeyesaredry;andmysenses,nomorerefreshedbytheinfluenceofsofttears,witherandconsumemybrain.Isuffermuch,forIhavelosttheonlycharmoflife:thatactive,sacredpowerwhichcreatedworldsaroundme,——itisnomore.WhenIlookfrommywindowatthedistanthills,andbeholdthemorningsunbreakingthroughthemists,andilluminatingthecountryaround,whichisstillwrappedinsilence,whilstthesoftstreamwindsgentlythroughthewillows,whichhaveshedtheirleaves;whengloriousnaturedisplaysallherbeautiesbeforeme,andherwondrousprospectsareineffectualtoextractonetearofjoyfrommywitheredheart,IfeelthatinsuchamomentIstandlikeareprobatebeforeheaven,hardened,insensible,andunmoved.OftentimesdoIthenbendmykneetotheearth,andimploreGodfortheblessingoftears,asthedespondinglabourerinsomescorchingclimatepraysforthedewsofheaventomoistenhisparchedcorn.ButIfeelthatGoddoesnotgrantsunshineorraintoourimportunateentreaties.Andoh,thosebygonedays,whosememorynowtormentsme!whyweretheysofortunate?BecauseIthenwaitedwithpatiencefortheblessingsoftheEternal,andreceivedhisgiftswiththegratefulfeelingsofathankfulheart.
NOVEMBER8.
Charlottehasreprovedmeformyexcesses,withsomuchtendernessandgoodness!Ihavelatelybeeninthehabitofdrinkingmorewinethanheretofore.\"Don\'tdoit,\"shesaid.\"ThinkofCharlotte!\"\"Thinkofyou!\"Ianswered;\"needyoubidmedoso?Thinkofyou——Idonotthinkofyou:youareeverbeforemysoul!ThisverymorningIsatonthespotwhere,afewdaysago,youdescendedfromthecarriage,and——\"Sheimmediatelychangedthesubjecttopreventmefrompursuingitfarther.Mydearfriend,myenergiesareallprostrated:shecandowithmewhatshepleases.
NOVEMBER15.
Ithankyou,Wilhelm,foryourcordialsympathy,foryourexcellentadvice;andIimploreyoutobequiet.Leavemetomysufferings.Inspiteofmywretchedness,Ihavestillstrengthenoughforendurance.Ireverereligion——youknowIdo.Ifeelthatitcanimpartstrengthtothefeebleandcomforttotheafflicted,butdoesitaffectallmenequally?Considerthisvastuniverse:youwillseethousandsforwhomithasneverexisted,thousandsforwhomitwillneverexist,whetheritbepreachedtothem,ornot;andmustit,then,necessarilyexistforme?DoesnottheSonofGodhimselfsaythattheyarehiswhomtheFatherhasgiventohim?HaveIbeengiventohim?WhatiftheFatherwillretainmeforhimself,asmyheartsometimessuggests?Iprayyou,donotmisinterpretthis.Donotextractderisionfrommyharmlesswords.Ipouroutmywholesoulbeforeyou.Silencewereotherwisepreferabletome,butIneednotshrinkfromasubjectofwhichfewknowmorethanIdomyself.Whatisthedestinyofman,buttofillupthemeasureofhissufferings,andtodrinkhisallottedcupofbitterness?AndifthatsamecupprovedbittertotheGodofheaven,underahumanform,whyshouldIaffectafoolishpride,andcallitsweet?WhyshouldIbeashamedofshrinkingatthatfearfulmoment,whenmywholebeingwilltremblebetweenexistenceandannihilation,whenaremembranceofthepast,likeaflashoflightning,willilluminatethedarkgulfoffuturity,wheneverythingshalldissolvearoundme,andthewholeworldvanishaway?Isnotthisthevoiceofacreatureoppressedbeyondallresource,self-deficient,abouttoplungeintoinevitabledestruction,andgroaningdeeplyatitsinadequatestrength,\"MyGod!myGod!whyhastthouforsakenme?\"AndshouldIfeelashamedtoutterthesameexpression?ShouldInotshudderataprospectwhichhaditsfears,evenforhimwhofoldsuptheheavenslikeagarment?
NOVEMBER21.
Shedoesnotfeel,shedoesnotknow,thatsheispreparingapoisonwhichwilldestroyusboth;andIdrinkdeeplyofthedraughtwhichistoprovemydestruction.Whatmeanthoselooksofkindnesswithwhichsheoften——often?no,notoften,butsometimes,regardsme,thatcomplacencywithwhichshehearstheinvoluntarysentimentswhichfrequentlyescapeme,andthetenderpityformysufferingswhichappearsinhercountenance?
Yesterday,whenItookleavesheseizedmebythehand,andsaid,\"Adieu,dearWerther.\"DearWerther!Itwasthefirsttimesheevercalledmedear:thesoundsunkdeepintomyheart.Ihaverepeateditahundredtimes;andlastnight,ongoingtobed,andtalkingtomyselfofvariousthings,Isuddenlysaid,\"Goodnight,dearWerther!\"andthencouldnotbutlaughatmyself.
NOVEMBER22.
Icannotpray,\"Leavehertome!\"andyetsheoftenseemstobelongtome.Icannotpray,\"Givehertome!\"forsheisanother\'s.InthiswayIaffectmirthovermytroubles;and,ifIhadtime,Icouldcomposeawholelitanyofantitheses.
NOVEMBER24.
Sheissensibleofmysufferings.Thismorningherlookpiercedmyverysoul.Ifoundheralone,andshewassilent:shesteadfastlysurveyedme.Inolongersawinherfacethecharmsofbeautyorthefireofgenius:thesehaddisappeared.ButIwasaffectedbyanexpressionmuchmoretouching,alookofthedeepestsympathyandofthesoftestpity.WhywasIafraidtothrowmyselfatherfeet?WhydidInotdaretotakeherinmyarms,andanswerherbyathousandkisses?Shehadrecoursetoherpianoforrelief,andinalowandsweetvoiceaccompaniedthemusicwithdelicioussounds.Herlipsneverappearedsolovely:theyseemedbutjusttoopen,thattheymightimbibethesweettoneswhichissuedfromtheinstrument,andreturntheheavenlyvibrationfromherlovelymouth.Oh!whocanexpressmysensations?Iwasquiteovercome,and,bendingdown,pronouncedthisvow:\"Beautifullips,whichtheangelsguard,neverwillIseektoprofaneyourpuritywithakiss.\"Andyet,myfriend,oh,Iwish——butmyheartisdarkenedbydoubtandindecision——couldIbuttastefelicity,andthendietoexpiatethesin!Whatsin?
NOVEMBER26.
OftentimesIsaytomyself,\"Thoualoneartwretched:allothermortalsarehappy,nonearedistressedlikethee!\"ThenIreadapassageinanancientpoet,andIseemtounderstandmyownheart.Ihavesomuchtoendure!Havemenbeforemeeverbeensowretched?
NOVEMBER30.
Ishallneverbemyselfagain!WhereverIgo,somefatalityoccurstodistractme.Evento-dayalas——forourdestiny!alasforhumannature!
Aboutdinner-timeIwenttowalkbytheriver-side,forIhadnoappetite.Everythingaroundseemedgloomy:acoldanddampeasterlywindblewfromthemountains,andblack,heavycloudsspreadovertheplain.Iobservedatadistanceamaninatatteredcoat:hewaswanderingamongtherocks,andseemedtobelookingforplants.WhenIapproached,heturnedroundatthenoise;andIsawthathehadaninterestingcountenanceinwhichasettledmelancholy,stronglymarkedbybenevolence,formedtheprincipalfeature.Hislongblackhairwasdivided,andflowedoverhisshoulders.Ashisgarbbetokenedapersonofthelowerorder,IthoughthewouldnottakeitillifIinquiredabouthisbusiness;andIthereforeaskedwhathewasseeking.Hereplied,withadeepsigh,thathewaslookingforflowers,andcouldfindnone.\"Butitisnottheseason,\"Iobserved,withasmile.\"Oh,therearesomanyflowers!\"heanswered,ashecamenearertome.\"Inmygardentherearerosesandhoneysucklesoftwosorts:onesortwasgiventomebymyfather!theygrowasplentifullyasweeds;Ihavebeenlookingforthemthesetwodays,andcannotfindthem.Thereareflowersoutthere,yellow,blue,andred;andthatcentauryhasaveryprettyblossom:butIcanfindnoneofthem.\"Iobservedhispeculiarity,andthereforeaskedhim,withanairofindifference,whatheintendedtodowithhisflowers.Astrangesmileoverspreadhiscountenance.Holdinghisfingertohismouth,heexpressedahopethatIwouldnotbetrayhim;andhetheninformedmethathehadpromisedtogatheranosegayforhismistress.\"Thatisright,\"saidI.\"Oh!\"hereplied,\"shepossessesmanyotherthingsaswell:sheisveryrich.\"\"Andyet,\"Icontinued,\"shelikesyournosegays.\"\"Oh,shehasjewelsandcrowns!\"heexclaimed.Iaskedwhoshewas.\"Ifthestates-generalwouldbutpayme,\"headded,\"Ishouldbequiteanotherman.Alas!therewasatimewhenIwassohappy;butthatispast,andIamnow——\"Heraisedhisswimmingeyestoheaven.\"Andyouwerehappyonce?\"Iobserved.\"Ah,wouldIweresostill!\"washisreply.\"Iwasthenasgayandcontentedasamancanbe.\"Anoldwoman,whowascomingtowardus,nowcalledout,\"Henry,Henry!whereareyou?Wehavebeenlookingforyoueverywhere:cometodinner.\"\"Isheyourson?\"Iinquired,asIwenttowardher.\"Yes,\"shesaid:\"heismypoor,unfortunateson.TheLordhassentmeaheavyaffliction.\"Iaskedwhetherhehadbeenlonginthisstate.Sheanswered,\"Hehasbeenascalmasheisatpresentforaboutsixmonths.IthankHeaventhathehassofarrecovered:hewasforonewholeyearquiteraving,andchaineddowninamadhouse.Nowheinjuresnoone,buttalksofnothingelsethankingsandqueens.Heusedtobeaverygood,quietyouth,andhelpedtomaintainme;hewroteaveryfinehand;butallatoncehebecamemelancholy,wasseizedwithaviolentfever,grewdistracted,andisnowasyousee.IfIwereonlytotellyou,sir——\"Iinterruptedherbyaskingwhatperioditwasinwhichheboastedofhavingbeensohappy.\"Poorboy!\"sheexclaimed,withasmileofcormpassion,\"hemeansthetimewhenhewascompletelyderanged,atimeheneverceasestoregret,whenhewasinthemadhouse,andunconsciousofeverything.\"Iwasthunderstruck:Iplacedapieceofmoneyinherhand,andhastenedaway.
\"Youwerehappy!\"Iexclaimed,asIreturnedquicklytothetown,\"\'asgayandcontentedasamancanbe!\'\"Godofheaven!andisthisthedestinyofman?Isheonlyhappybeforehehasacquiredhisreason,orafterhehaslostit?Unfortunatebeing!AndyetIenvyyourfate:Ienvythedelusiontowhichyouareavictim.Yougoforthwithjoytogatherflowersforyourprincess,——inwinter,——andgrievewhenyoucanfindnone,andcannotunderstandwhytheydonotgrow.ButIwanderforthwithoutjoy,withouthope,withoutdesign;andIreturnasIcame.Youfancywhatamanyouwouldbeifthestatesgeneralpaidyou.Happymortal,whocanascribeyourwretchednesstoanearthlycause!Youdonotknow,youdonotfeel,thatinyourowndistractedheartanddisorderedbraindwellsthesourceofthatunhappinesswhichallthepotentatesonearthcannotrelieve.
Letthatmandieunconsoledwhocanderidetheinvalidforundertakingajourneytodistant,healthfulsprings,whereheoftenfindsonlyaheavierdiseaseandamorepainfuldeath,orwhocanexultoverthedespairingmindofasinner,who,toobtainpeaceofconscienceandanalleviationofmisery,makesapilgrimagetotheHolySepulchre.Eachlaboriousstepwhichgallshiswoundedfeetinroughanduntroddenpathspoursadropofbalmintohistroubledsoul,andthejourneyofmanyawearydaybringsanightlyrelieftohisanguishedheart.Willyoudarecallthisenthusiasm,yecrowdofpompousdeclaimers?Enthusiasm!0God!thouseestmytears.Thouhastallottedusourportionofmisery:mustwealsohavebrethrentopersecuteus,todepriveusofourconsolation,ofourtrustinthee,andinthyloveandmercy?Forourtrustinthevirtueofthehealingroot,orinthestrengthofthevine,whatisitelsethanabeliefintheefromwhomallthatsurroundsusderivesitshealingandrestoringpowers?Father,whomIknownot,——whowertoncewonttofillmysoul,butwhonowhidestthyfacefromme,——callmebacktothee;besilentnolonger;thysilenceshallnotdelayasoulwhichthirstsafterthee.Whatman,whatfather,couldbeangrywithasonforreturningtohimsuddenly,forfallingonhisneck,andexclaiming,\"Iamhereagain,myfather!forgivemeifIhaveanticipatedmyjourney,andreturnedbeforetheappointedtime!Theworldiseverywherethesame,——asceneoflabourandpain,ofpleasureandreward;butwhatdoesitallavail?Iamhappyonlywherethouart,andinthypresenceamIcontenttosufferorenjoy.\"Andwouldstthou,heavenlyFather,banishsuchachildfromthypresence?
DECEMBER1.
Wilhelm,themanaboutwhomIwrotetoyou——thatmansoenviableinhismisfortunes——wassecretarytoCharlotte\'sfather;andanunhappypassionforherwhichhecherished,concealed,andatlengthdiscovered,causedhimtobedismissedfromhissituation.Thismadehimmad.Think,whilstyouperusethisplainnarration,whatanimpressionthecircumstancehasmadeuponme!ButitwasrelatedtomebyAlbertwithasmuchcalmnessasyouwillprobablyperuseit.
DECEMBER4.
Iimploreyourattention.Itisalloverwithme.Icansupportthisstatenolonger.To-dayIwassittingbyCharlotte.Shewasplayinguponherpianoasuccessionofdelightfulmelodies,withsuchintenseexpression!Herlittlesisterwasdressingherdolluponmylap.Thetearscameintomyeyes.Ileaneddown,andlookedintentlyatherwedding-ring:mytearsfell——immediatelyshebegantoplaythatfavourite,thatdivine,airwhichhassooftenenchantedme.Ifeltcomfortfromarecollectionofthepast,ofthosebygonedayswhenthatairwasfamiliartome;andthenIrecalledallthesorrowsandthedisappointmentswhichIhadsinceendured.Ipacedwithhastystridesthroughtheroom,myheartbecameconvulsedwithpainfulemotions.AtlengthIwentuptoher,andexclaimedWitheagerness,\"ForHeaven\'ssake,playthatairnolonger!\"Shestopped,andlookedsteadfastlyatme.Shethensaid,withasmilewhichsunkdeepintomyheart,\"Werther,youareill:yourdearestfoodisdistastefultoyou.Butgo,Ientreatyou,andendeavourtocomposeyourself.\"Itoremyselfaway.God,thouseestmytorments,andwiltendthem!
DECEMBER6.
Howherimagehauntsme!Wakingorasleep,shefillsmyentiresoul!SoonasIclosemyeyes,here,inmybrain,whereallthenervesofvisionareconcentrated,herdarkeyesareimprinted.Here——Idonotknowhowtodescribeit;but,ifIshutmyeyes,hersareimmediatelybeforeme:darkasanabysstheyopenuponme,andabsorbmysenses.
Andwhatisman——thatboasteddemigod?Donothispowersfailwhenhemostrequirestheiruse?Andwhetherhesoarinjoy,orsinkinsorrow,isnothiscareerinbothinevitablyarrested?And,whilsthefondlydreamsthatheisgraspingatinfinity,doeshenotfeelcompelledtoreturntoaconsciousnessofhiscold,monotonousexistence?
THEEDITORTOTHEREADER.
Itisamatterofextremeregretthatwewantoriginalevidenceofthelastremarkabledaysofourfriend;andweare,therefore,obligedtointerrupttheprogressofhiscorrespondence,andtosupplythedeficiencybyaconnectednarration.
Ihavefeltitmydutytocollectaccurateinformationfromthemouthsofpersonswellacquaintedwithhishistory.Thestoryissimple;andalltheaccountsagree,exceptinsomeunimportantparticulars.Itistrue,that,withrespecttothecharactersofthepersonsspokenof,opinionsandjudgmentsvary.
Wehaveonly,then,torelateconscientiouslythefactswhichourdiligentlabourhasenabledustocollect,togivethelettersofthedeceased,andtopayparticularattentiontotheslightestfragmentfromhispen,moreespeciallyasitissodifficulttodiscovertherealandcorrectmotivesofmenwhoarenotofthecommonorder.
SorrowanddiscontenthadtakendeeprootinWerther\'ssoul,andgraduallyimpartedtheircharactertohiswholebeing.Theharmonyofhismindbecamecompletelydisturbed;aperpetualexcitementandmentalirritation,whichweakenedhisnaturalpowers,producedthesaddestetfectsuponhim,andrenderedhimatlengththevictimofanexhaustionagainstwhichhestruggledwithstillmorepainfuleffortsthanhehaddisplayed,evenincontendingwithhisothermisfortunes.Hismentalanxietyweakenedhisvariousgoodqualities;andhewassoonconvertedintoagloomycompanion,alwaysunhappyandunjustinhisideas,themorewretchedhebecame.Thiswas,atleast,theopinionofAlbert\'sfriends.Theyassert,moreover,thatthecharacterofAlberthimselfhadundergonenochangeinthemeantime:hewasstillthesamebeingwhomWertherhadloved,honoured,andrespectedfromthecommencement.HisloveforCharlottewasunbounded:hewasproudofher,anddesiredthatsheshouldberecognisedbyeveryoneasthenoblestofcreatedbeings.Washe,however,toblameforwishingtoavertfromhereveryappearanceofsuspicion?orforhisunwillingnesstosharehisrichprizewithanother,evenforamoment,andinthemostinnocentmanner?ItisassertedthatAlbertfrequentlyretiredfromhiswife\'sapartmentduringWerther\'svisits;butthisdidnotarisefromhatredoraversiontohisfriend,butonlyfromafeelingthathispresencewasoppressivetoWerther.