No:whatIwantistogetridofallthatnonsense。(Hesitsdownbesideher,sonaturallythatshedoesnotthinkofobjecting,andproceeds,withenthusiasm)Don\'tyouthinkitahorriblethingthatamanandawomancanhardlyknowoneanotherwithoutbeingsupposedtohavedesignsofthatkind?Asiftherewerenootherinterests——noothersubjectsofconversation——asifwomenwerecapableofnothingbetter!
GLORIA(interested)。Ah,nowyouarebeginningtotalkhumanlyandsensibly,Mr。Valentine。
VALENTINE(withagleaminhiseyeatthesuccessofhishunter\'sguile)。Ofcourse!——twointelligentpeoplelikeus。Isn\'titpleasant,inthisstupid,convention-riddenworld,tomeetwithsomeoneonthesameplane——someonewithanunprejudiced,enlightenedmind?
GLORIA(earnestly)。IhopetomeetmanysuchpeopleinEngland。
VALENTINE(dubiously)。Hm!Thereareagoodmanypeoplehere——
nearlyfortymillions。They\'renotallconsumptivemembersofthehighlyeducatedclasseslikethepeopleinMadeira。
GLORIA(nowfullofhersubject)。Oh,everybodyisstupidandprejudicedinMadeira——weak,sentimentalcreatures!Ihateweakness;
andIhatesentiment。
VALENTINE。That\'swhatmakesyousoinspiring。
GLORIA(withaslightlaugh)。AmIinspiring?
VALENTINEYes。Strength\'sinfectious。
GLORIA。Weaknessis,Iknow。
VALENTINE(withconviction)。You\'restrong。Doyouknowthatyouchangedtheworldformethismorning?Iwasinthedumps,thinkingofmyunpaidrent,frightenedaboutthefuture。Whenyoucamein,Iwasdazzled。(Herbrowcloudsalittle。Hegoesonquickly。)Thatwassilly,ofcourse;butreallyandtrulysomethinghappenedtome。
Explainithowyouwill,mybloodgot——(hehesitates,tryingtothinkofasufficientlyunimpassionedword)——oxygenated:mymusclesbraced;
mymindcleared;mycouragerose。That\'sodd,isn\'tit?consideringthatIamnotatallasentimentalman。
GLORIA(uneasily,rising)。Letusgobacktothebeach。
VALENTINE(darkly——lookingupather)。What!youfeelit,too?
GLORIA。Feelwhat?
VALENTINE。Dread。
GLORIA。Dread!
VALENTINE。Asifsomethingweregoingtohappen。Itcameovermesuddenlyjustbeforeyouproposedthatweshouldrunawaytotheothers。
GLORIA(amazed)。That\'sstrange——verystrange!Ihadthesamepresentiment。
VALENTINE。Howextraordinary!(Rising。)Well:shallwerunaway?
GLORIA。Runaway!Oh,no:thatwouldbechildish。(Shesitsdownagain。Heresumeshisseatbesideher,andwatchesherwithagravelysympatheticair。Sheisthoughtfulandalittletroubledassheadds)
Iwonderwhatisthescientificexplanationofthosefanciesthatcrossusoccasionally!
VALENTINE。Ah,Iwonder!It\'sacuriouslyhelplesssensation:isn\'tit?
GLORIA(rebellingagainsttheword)。Helpless?
VALENTINE。Yes。AsifNature,afterallowingustobelongtoourselvesanddowhatwejudgedrightandreasonableforalltheseyears,weresuddenlyliftinghergreathandtotakeus——hertwolittlechildren——bythescruff\'sofourlittlenecks,anduseus,inspiteofourselves,forherownpurposes,inherownway。
GLORIA。Isn\'tthatratherfanciful?
VALENTINE(withanewandstartlingtransitiontoatoneofutterrecklessness)。Idon\'tknow。Idon\'tcare。(Burstingoutreproachfully。)Oh,MissClandon,MissClandon:howcouldyou?
GLORIA。WhathaveIdone?
VALENTINE。Thrownthisenchantmentonme。I\'mhonestlytryingtobesensible——scientific——everythingthatyouwishmetobe。But——but——
oh,don\'tyouseewhatyouhavesettoworkinmyimagination?
GLORIA(withindignant,scornfulsternness)。Ihopeyouarenotgoingtobesofoolish——sovulgar——astosaylove。
VALENTINE(withironicalhastetodisclaimsuchaweakness)。No,no,no。Notlove:weknowbetterthanthat。Let\'scallitchemistry。Youcan\'tdenythatthereissuchathingaschemicalaction,chemicalaffinity,chemicalcombination——themostirresistibleofallnaturalforces。Well,you\'reattractingmeirresistibly——chemically。
GLORIA(contemptuously)。Nonsense!
VALENTINE。Ofcourseit\'snonsense,youstupidgirl。(Gloriarecoilsinoutragedsurprise。)Yes,stupidgirl:that\'sascientificfact,anyhow。You\'reaprig——afeminineprig:that\'swhatyouare。(Rising。)NowIsupposeyou\'vedonewithmeforever。(Hegoestotheirontableandtakesuphishat。)
GLORIA(withelaboratecalm,sittinguplikeaHigh-school-mistressposingtobephotographed)。Thatshowshowverylittleyouunderstandmyrealcharacter。Iamnotintheleastoffended。(Hepausesandputshishatdownagain。)Iamalwayswillingtobetoldofmyowndefects,Mr。Valentine,bymyfriends,evenwhentheyareasabsurdlymistakenaboutmeasyouare。Ihavemanyfaults——veryseriousfaults——ofcharacterandtemper;butifthereisonethingthatIamnot,itiswhatyoucallaprig。(Sheclosesherlipstrimlyandlookssteadilyandchallenginglyathimasshesitsmorecollectedlythanever。)
VALENTINE(returningtotheendofthegardenseattoconfronthermoreemphatically)。Oh,yes,youare。Myreasontellsmeso:myknowledgetellsmeso:myexperiencetellsmeso。
GLORIA。Excusemyremindingyouthatyourreasonandyourknowledgeandyourexperiencearenotinfallible。AtleastIhopenot。
VALENTINE。Imustbelievethem。Unlessyouwishmetobelievemyeyes,myheart,myinstincts,myimagination,whicharealltellingmethemostmonstrousliesaboutyou。
GLORIA(thecollectednessbeginningtorelax)。Lies!
VALENTINE(obstinately)。Yes,lies。(Hesitsdownagainbesideher。)Doyouexpectmetobelievethatyouarethemostbeautifulwomanintheworld?
GLORIA。Thatisridiculous,andratherpersonal。
VALENTINE。Ofcourseit\'sridiculous。Well,that\'swhatmyeyestellme。(Gloriamakesamovementofcontemptuousprotest。)No:I\'mnotflattering。ItellyouIdon\'tbelieveit。(Sheisashamedtofindthatthisdoesnotquitepleasehereither。)Doyouthinkthatifyouweretoturnawayindisgustfrommyweakness,Ishouldsitdownhereandcrylikeachild?
GLORIA(beginningtofindthatshemustspeakshortlyandpointedlytokeephervoicesteady)。Whyshouldyou,pray?
VALENTINE(withastiroffeelingbeginningtoagitatehisvoice)。
Ofcoursenot:I\'mnotsuchanidiot。AndyetmyhearttellsmeI
should——myfoolofaheart。ButI\'llarguewithmyheartandbringittoreason。IfIlovedyouathousandtimes,I\'llforcemyselftolookthetruthsteadilyintheface。Afterall,it\'seasytobesensible:
thefactsarethefacts。What\'sthisplace?it\'snotheaven:it\'stheMarineHotel。What\'sthetime?it\'snoteternity:it\'sabouthalfpastoneintheafternoon。WhatamI?adentist——afiveshillingdentist!
GLORIA。AndIamafeminineprig。
VALENTINE。(passionately)。No,no:Ican\'tfacethat:Imusthaveoneillusionleft——theillusionaboutyou。Iloveyou。(Heturnstowardsherasiftheimpulsetotouchherwereungovernable:sherisesandstandsonherguardwrathfully。Hespringsupimpatientlyandretreatsastep。)Oh,whatafoolIam!——anidiot!Youdon\'tunderstand:Imightaswelltalktothestonesonthebeach。(Heturnsaway,discouraged。)
GLORIA(reassuredbyhiswithdrawal,andalittleremorseful)。Iamsorry。Idonotmeantobeunsympathetic,Mr。Valentine;butwhatcanI
say?
VALENTINE(returningtoherwithallhisrecklessnessofmannerreplacedbyanengagingandchivalrousrespect)。Youcansaynothing,MissClandon。Ibegyourpardon:itwasmyownfault,orrathermyownbadluck。Yousee,italldependedonyournaturallylikingme。(Sheisabouttospeak:hestopsherdeprecatingly。)Oh,Iknowyoumustn\'ttellmewhetheryoulikemeornot;but——
GLORIA(herprinciplesupinarmsatonce)。Mustnot!Whynot?I
amafreewoman:whyshouldInottellyou?
VALENTINE(pleadinginterror,andretreating)。Don\'t。I\'mafraidtohear。
GLORIA(nolongerscornful)。Youneednotbeafraid。Ithinkyouaresentimental,andalittlefoolish;butIlikeyou。
VALENTINE(droppingintotheironchairasifcrushed)。Thenit\'sallover。(Hebecomesthepictureofdespair。)
GLORIA(puzzled,approachinghim)。Butwhy?
VALENTINE。Becauselikingisnotenough。NowthatIthinkdownintoitseriously,Idon\'tknowwhetherIlikeyouornot。
GLORIA(lookingdownathimwithwonderingconcern)。I\'msorry。
VALENTINE(inanagonyofrestrainedpassion)。Oh,don\'tpityme。
Yourvoiceistearingmyhearttopieces。Letmealone,Gloria。Yougodownintotheverydepthsofme,troublingandstirringme——Ican\'tstrugglewithit——Ican\'ttellyou——
GLORIA(breakingdownsuddenly)。Oh,stoptellingmewhatyoufeel:
Ican\'tbearit。
VALENTINE(springinguptriumphantly,theagonizedvoicenowsolid,ringing,andjubilant)。Ah,it\'scomeatlast——mymomentofcourage。
(Heseizesherhands:shelooksathiminterror。)Ourmomentofcourage!(Hedrawshertohim;kissesherwithimpetuousstrength;andlaughsboyishly。)Nowyou\'vedoneit,Gloria。It\'sallover:we\'reinlovewithoneanother。(Shecanonlygaspathim。)Butwhatadragonyouwere!AndhowhideouslyafraidIwas!
PHILIP\'SVOICE(callingfromthebeach)。Valentine!
DOLLY\'SVOICE。Mr。Valentine!
VALENTINE。Good-bye。Forgiveme。(Herapidlykissesherhands,andrunsawaytothesteps,wherehemeetsMrs。Clandon,ascending。Gloria,quitelost,canonlystartafterhim。)
MRS。CLANDON。Thechildrenwantyou,Mr。Valentine。(Shelooksanxiouslyaround。)Ishegone?
VALENTINE(puzzled)。He?(Recollecting。)Oh,Crampton。Gonethislongtime,Mrs。Clandon。(Herunsoffbuoyantlydownthesteps。)
GLORIA(sinkingupontheseat)。Mother!
MRS。CLANDON(hurryingtoherinalarm)。Whatisit,dear?
GLORIA(withheartfelt,appealingreproach)。Whydidn\'tyoueducatemeproperly?
MRS。CLANDON(amazed)。Mychild:Ididmybest。
GLORIA。Oh,youtaughtmenothing——nothing。
MRS。CLANDON。Whatisthematterwithyou?
GLORIA(withthemostintenseexpression)。Onlyshame——shame——
shame。(Blushingunendurably,shecoversherfacewithherhandsandturnsawayfromhermother。)
ENDOFACTII。
ActIII
TheClandon\'ssittingroominthehotel。Anexpensiveapartmentonthegroundfloor,withaFrenchwindowleadingtothegardens。Inthecentreoftheroomisasubstantialtable,surroundedbychairs,anddrapedwithamaroonclothonwhichopulentlyboundhotelandrailwayguidesaredisplayed。Avisitorenteringthroughthewindowandcomingdowntothiscentraltablewouldhavethefireplaceonhisleft,andawritingtableagainstthewallonhisright,nextthedoor,whichisfurtherdown。Hewould,ifhistastelaythatway,admirethewalldecorationofLincrustaWaltoninplumcolorandbronzelacquer,withdadoandcornice;theormoluconsolesinthecorners;thevasesonpillarpedestalsofveinedmarblewithbasesofpolishedblackwood,oneoneachsideofthewindow;theornamentalcabinetnextthevaseonthesidenearestthefireplace,itscentrecompartmentclosedbyaninlaiddoor,anditscornersroundedoffwithcurvedpanesofglassprotectingshelvesofcheapblueandwhitepottery;thebambooteatable,withfoldingshelves,inthecorrespondingspaceontheothersideofthewindow;thepicturesofoceansteamersandLandseer\'sdogs;thesaddlebagottomaninlinewiththedoorbutontheothersideoftheroom;thetwocomfortableseatsofthesamepatternonthehearthrug;
andfinally,onturningroundandlookingup,themassivebrasspoleabovethewindow,sustainingapairofmaroonrepcurtainswithdecoratedbordersofstaidgreen。Altogether,aroomwellarrangedtoflattertheoccupant\'ssenseofimportance,andreconcilehimtoachargeofapoundadayforitsuse。
Mrs。Clandonsitsatthewritingtable,correctingproofs。Gloriaisstandingatthewindow,lookingoutinatormentedrevery。
Theclockonthemantelpiecestrikesfivewithasicklyclink,thebellbeingunabletobearupagainsttheblackmarblecenotaphinwhichitisimmured。
MRS。CLANDON。Five!Idon\'tthinkweneedwaitanylongerforthechildren。Thearesuretogetteasomewhere。
GLORIA(wearily)。ShallIring?
MRS。CLANDON。Do,mydear。(Gloriagoestothehearthandrings。)
Ihavefinishedtheseproofsatlast,thankgoodness!
GLORIA(strollinglistlesslyacrosstheroomandcomingbehindhermother\'schair)。Whatproofs?
MRS。CLANDONTheneweditionofTwentiethCenturyWomen。
GLORIA(withabittersmile)。There\'sachaptermissing。
MRS。CLANDON(beginningtohuntamongherproofs)。Isthere?Surelynot。
GLORIA。Imeananunwrittenone。PerhapsIshallwriteitforyou——
whenIknowtheendofit。(Shegoesbacktothewindow。)
MRS。CLANDON。Gloria!Moreenigmas!
GLORIA。Oh,no。Thesameenigma。
MRS。CLANDON(puzzledandrathertroubled;afterwatchingherforamoment)。Mydear。
GLORIA(returning)。Yes。
MRS。CLANDON。YouknowIneveraskquestions。
GLORIA(kneelingbesideherchair)。Iknow,Iknow。(Shesuddenlythrowsherarmsabouthermotherandembracesheralmostpassionately。)
MRS。CLANDON。(gently,smilingbutembarrassed)。Mydear:youaregettingquitesentimentalGLORIA(recoiling)。Ah,no,no。Oh,don\'tsaythat。Oh!(Sherisesandturnsawaywithagestureasiftearingherself。)
MRS。CLANDON(mildly)。Mydear:whatisthematter?What——(Thewaiterenterswiththeteatray。)
WAITER(balmily)。Thiswaswhatyourangfor,ma\'am,Ihope?
MRS。CLANDON。Thankyou,yes。(Sheturnsherchairawayfromthewritingtable,andsitsdownagain。Gloriacrossestothehearthandsitscrouchingtherewithherfaceaverted。)
WAITER(placingthetraytemporarilyonthecentretable)。Ithoughtso,ma\'am。Curioushowthenervesseemtogiveoutintheafternoonwithoutacupoftea。(HefetchestheteatableandplacesitinfrontofMrs。Cladon,conversingmeanwhile。)theyoungladyandgentlemanhavejustcomeback,ma\'am:theyhavebeenoutinaboat,ma\'am。Verypleasantonafineafternoonlikethis——verypleasantandinvigoratingindeed。(Hetakesthetrayfromthecentretableandputsitontheteatable。)Mr。McComaswillnotcometotea,ma\'am:hehasgonetocalluponMr。Crampton。(Hetakesacoupleofchairsandsetsoneateachendoftheteatable。)
GLORIA(lookingroundwithanimpulseofterror)。Andtheothergentleman?
WAITER(reassuringly,asheunconsciouslydropsforamomentintothemeasureof\"I\'vebeenroaming,\"whichhesangasaboy。)Oh,he\'scoming,miss,he\'scoming。Hehasbeenrowingtheboat,miss,andhasjustrundowntheroadtothechemist\'sforsomethingtoputontheblisters。Buthewillbeheredirectly,miss——directly。(Gloria,inungovernableapprehension,risesandhurriestowardsthedoor。)
MRS。CLANDON。(halfrising)。Glo——(Gloriagoesout。Mrs。Clandonlooksperplexedlyatthewaiter,whosecomposureisunruffled。)
WAITER(cheerfully)。Anythingmore,ma\'am?
MRS。CLANDON。Nothing,thankyou。
WAITER。Thankyou,ma\'am。(Ashewithdraws,PhilandDolly,inthehighestspirits,cometearingin。Heholdsthedooropenforthem;thengoesoutandclosesit。)
DOLLY(ravenously)。Oh,givemesometea。(Mrs。Clandonpoursoutacupforher。)We\'vebeenoutinaboat。Valentinewillbeherepresently。
PHILIP。Heisunaccustomedtonavigation。Where\'sGloria?
MRS。CLANDON(anxiously,asshepoursouthistea)。Phil:thereissomethingthematterwithGloria。Hasanythinghappened?(PhilandDollylookatoneanotherandstiflealaugh。)Whatisit?
PHILIP(sittingdownonherleft)。Romeo——
DOLLY(sittingdownonherright)——andJuliet。
PHILIP(takinghiscupofteafromMrs。Clandon)。Yes,mydearmother:theold,oldstory。Dolly:don\'ttakeallthemilk。
(Hedeftlytakesthejugfromher。)Yes:inthespring——
DOLLY——ayoungman\'sfancy——
PHILIP——lightlyturnsto——thankyou(toMrs。Clandon,whohaspassedthebiscuits)——thoughtsoflove。Italsooccursintheautumn。
Theyoungmaninthiscaseis——
DOLLY。Valentine。
PHILIP。AndhisfancyhasturnedtoGloriatotheextentof——
DOLLY——kissingher——
PHILIP——ontheterrace——
DOLLY(correctinghim)——onthelips,beforeeverybody。
MRS。CLANDON(incredulously)。Phil!Dolly!Areyoujoking?(Theyshaketheirheads。)Didsheallowit?
PHILIP。Wewaitedtoseehimstrucktoearthbythelightningofherscorn;——
DOLLY——buthewasn\'t。
PHILIP。Sheappearedtolikeit。
DOLLY。Asfaraswecouldjudge。(StoppingPhil,whoisabouttopouroutanothercup。)No:you\'veswornofftwocups。
MRS。CLANDON(muchtroubled)。Children:youmustnotbeherewhenMr。Valentinecomes。Imustspeakveryseriouslytohimaboutthis。
PHILIP。Toaskhimhisintentions?WhataviolationofTwentiethCenturyprinciples!
DOLLY。Quiteright,mamma:bringhimtobook。Makethemostofthenineteenthcenturywhileitlasts。
PHILIP。Sh!Hereheis。(Valentinecomesin。)
VALENTINEVerysorrytobelatefortea,Mrs。Clandon。(Shetakesupthetea-pot。)No,thankyou:Inevertakeany。NodoubtMissDollyandPhilhaveexplainedwhathappenedtome。
PHILIP(momentouslyrising)。Yes,Valentine:wehaveexplained。
DOLLY(significantly,alsorising)。Wehaveexplainedverythoroughly。
PHILIP。Itwasourduty。(Veryseriously。)Come,Dolly。(HeoffersDollyhisarm,whichshetakes。Theylooksadlyathim,andgooutgravely,arminarm。Valentinestaresafterthem,puzzled;thenlooksatMrs。Clandonforanexplanation。)
MRS。CLANDON(risingandleavingtheteatable)。Willyousitdown,Mr。Valentine。Iwanttospeaktoyoualittle,ifyouwillallowme。
(Valentinesitsdownslowlyontheottoman,hisconsciencepresagingabadquarterofanhour。Mrs。ClandontakesPhil\'schair,andseatsherselfdeliberatelyataconvenientdistancefromhim。)Imustbeginbythrowingmyselfsomewhatatyourconsideration。IamgoingtospeakofasubjectofwhichIknowverylittle——perhapsnothing。Imeanlove。
VALENTINE。Love!
MRS。CLANDON。Yes,love。Oh,youneednotlooksoalarmedasthat,Mr。Valentine:Iamnotinlovewithyou。
VALENTINE(overwhelmed)。Oh,really,Mrs——(Recoveringhimself。)
Ishouldbeonlytooproudifyouwere。
MRS。CLANDON。Thankyou,Mr。Valentine。ButIamtoooldtobegin。
VALENTINE。Begin!Haveyounever——?
MRS。CLANDON。Never。Mycaseisaverycommonone,Mr。Valentine。
ImarriedbeforeIwasoldenoughtoknowwhatIwasdoing。Asyouhaveseenforyourself,theresultwasabitterdisappointmentforbothmyhusbandandmyself。Soyousee,thoughIamamarriedwoman,Ihaveneverbeeninlove;Ihaveneverhadaloveaffair;andtobequitefrankwithyou,Mr。Valentine,whatIhaveseenoftheloveaffairsofotherpeoplehasnotledmetoregretthatdeficiencyinmyexperience。
(Valentine,lookingveryglum,glancesscepticallyather,andsaysnothing。Hercolorrisesalittle;andsheadds,withrestrainedanger)
Youdonotbelieveme?
VALENTINE(confusedathavinghisthoughtread)。Oh,whynot?Whynot?
MRS。CLANDON。Letmetellyou,Mr。Valentine,thatalifedevotedtotheCauseofHumanityhasenthusiasmsandpassionstoofferwhichfartranscendtheselfishpersonalinfatuationsandsentimentalitiesofromance。Thosearenotyourenthusiasmsandpassions,Itakeit?
(Valentine,quiteawarethatshedespiseshimforit,answersinthenegativewithamelancholyshakeofthehead。)Ithoughtnot。Well,Iamequallyatadisadvantageindiscussingthoseso-calledaffairsoftheheartinwhichyouappeartobeanexpert。
VALENTINE(restlessly)。Whatareyoudrivingat,Mrs。Clandon?
MRS。CLANDON。Ithinkyouknow。
VALENTINE。Gloria?
MRS。CLANDON。Yes。Gloria。
VALENTINE(surrendering)。Well,yes:I\'minlovewithGloria。
(Interposingassheisabouttospeak。)Iknowwhatyou\'regoingtosay:I\'venomoney。
MRS。CLANDON。Icareverylittleaboutmoney,Mr。Valentine。
VALENTINE。Thenyou\'reverydifferenttoalltheothermotherswhohaveinterviewedme。
MRS。CLANDON。Ah,nowwearecomingtoit,Mr。Valentine。Youareanoldhandatthis。(Heopenshismouthtoprotest:shecutshimshortwithsomeindignation。)Oh,doyouthink,littleasIunderstandthesematters,thatIhavenotcommonsenseenoughtoknowthatamanwhocouldmakeasmuchwayinoneinterviewwithsuchawomanasmydaughter,canhardlybeanovice!
VALENTINE。Iassureyou——
MRS。CLANDON(stoppinghim)。Iamnotblamingyou,Mr。Valentine。ItisGloria\'sbusinesstotakecareofherself;andyouhavearighttoamuseyourselfasyouplease。But——
VALENTINE(protesting)。Amusemyself!Oh,Mrs。Clandon!
MRS。CLANDON(relentlessly)。Onyourhonor,Mr。Valentine,areyouinearnest?
VALENTINE(desperately)。OnmyhonorIaminearnest。(Shelookssearchinglyathim。Hissenseofhumorgetsthebetterofhim;andheaddsquaintly)Only,Ialwayshavebeeninearnest;andyet——hereI
am,yousee!
MRS。CLANDON。ThisisjustwhatIsuspected。(Severely。)Mr。
Valentine:youareoneofthosemenwhoplaywithwomen\'saffections。
VALENTINE。Well,whynot,iftheCauseofHumanityistheonlythingworthbeingseriousabout?However,Iunderstand。(Risingandtakinghishatwithformalpoliteness。)Youwishmetodiscontinuemyvisits。
MRS。CLANDON。No:IamsensibleenoughtobewellawarethatGloria\'sbestchanceofescapefromyounowistobecomebetteracquaintedwithyou。
VALENTINE(unaffectedlyalarmed)。Oh,don\'tsaythat,Mrs。Clandon。
Youdon\'tthinkthat,doyou?
MRS。CLANDON。Ihavegreatfaith,Mr。Valentine,inthesoundtrainingGloria\'smindhashadsinceshewasachild。
VALENTINE(amazinglyrelieved)。O-oh!Oh,that\'sallright。(Hesitsdownagainandthrowshishatflippantlyasidewiththeairofamanwhohasnolongeranythingtofear。)
MRS。CLANDON(indignantathisassurance)。Whatdoyoumean?
VALENTINE(turningconfidentiallytoher)。Come:shallIteachyousomething,Mrs。Clandon?
MRS。CLANDON(stiffly)。Iamalwayswillingtolearn。
VALENTINE。Haveyoueverstudiedthesubjectofgunnery——artillery——
cannonsandwar-shipsandsoon?
MRS。CLANDON。HasgunneryanythingtodowithGloria?
VALENTINE。Agreatdeal——bywayofillustration。Duringthiswholecentury,mydearMrs。Clandon,theprogressofartilleryhasbeenaduelbetweenthemakerofcannonsandthemakerofarmorplatestokeepthecannonballsout。Youbuildashipproofagainstthebestgunknown:
somebodymakesabettergunandsinksyourship。Youbuildaheaviership,proofagainstthatgun:somebodymakesaheaviergunandsinksyouagain。Andsoon。Well,theduelofsexisjustlikethat。
MRS。CLANDON。Theduelofsex!
VALENTINE。Yes:you\'veheardoftheduelofsex,haven\'tyou?Oh,I
forgot:you\'vebeeninMadeira:theexpressionhascomeupsinceyourtime。NeedIexplainit?
MRS。CLANDON(contemptuously)。No。
VALENTINE。Ofcoursenot。Nowwhathappensintheduelofsex?Theoldfashionedmotherreceivedanoldfashionededucationtoprotectheragainstthewilesofman。Well,youknowtheresult:theoldfashionedmangotroundher。Theoldfashionedwomanresolvedtoprotectherdaughtermoreeffectually——tofindsomearmortoostrongfortheoldfashionedman。Soshegaveherdaughterascientificeducation——yourplan。Thatwasacorkerfortheoldfashionedman:hesaiditwasn\'tfair——unwomanlyandalltherestofit。Butthatdidn\'tdohimanygood。Sohehadtogiveuphisoldfashionedplanofattack——youknow——
goingdownonhiskneesandswearingtolove,honorandobey,andsoon。
MRS。CLANDON。Excuseme:thatwaswhatthewomanswore。
VALENTINE。Wasit?Ah,perhapsyou\'reright——yes:ofcourseitwas。Well,whatdidthemando?Justwhattheartillerymandoes——
wentonebetterthanthewoman——educatedhimselfscientificallyandbeatheratthatgamejustashehadbeatenherattheoldgame。I
learnthowtocircumventtheWomen\'sRightswomanbeforeIwastwenty-
three:it\'sallbeenfoundoutlongago。Yousee,mymethodsarethoroughlymodern。
MRS。CLANDON(withquietdisgust)。Nodoubt。
VALENTINE。Butforthatveryreasonthere\'sonesortofgirlagainstwhomtheyareofnouse。
MRS。CLANDON。Praywhichsort?
VALENTINE。Thethoroughlyoldfashionedgirl。IfyouhadbroughtupGloriaintheoldway,itwouldhavetakenmeeighteenmonthstogettothepointIgottothisafternoonineighteenminutes。Yes,Mrs。
Clandon:theHigherEducationofWomendeliveredGloriaintomyhands;
anditwasyouwhotaughthertobelieveintheHigherEducationofWomen。
MRS。CLANDON(rising)。Mr。Valentine:youareveryclever。
VALENTINE(risingalso)。Oh,Mrs。Clandon!
MRS。CLANDONAndyouhavetaughtmenothing。Good-bye。
VALENTINE(horrified)。Good-bye!Oh,mayn\'tIseeherbeforeIgo?
MRS。CLANDON。IamafraidshewillnotreturnuntilyouhavegoneMr。Valentine。Shelefttheroomexpresslytoavoidyou。
VALENTINE(thoughtfully)。That\'sagoodsign。Good-bye。(Hebowsandmakesforthedoor,apparentlywellsatisfied。)
MRS。CLANDON(alarmed)。Whydoyouthinkitagoodsign?
VALENTINE(turningnearthedoor)。BecauseIammortallyafraidofher;anditlooksasifsheweremortallyafraidofme。(HeturnstogoandfindshimselffacetofacewithGloria,whohasjustentered。Shelookssteadfastlyathim。Hestareshelplesslyather;thenroundatMrs。Clandon;thenatGloriaagain,completelyataloss。)
GLORIA(white,andcontrollingherselfwithdifficulty)。Mother:iswhatDollytoldmetrue?
MRS。CLANDON。Whatdidshetellyou,dear?
GLORIA。Thatyouhavebeenspeakingaboutmetothisgentleman。
VALENTINE(murmuring)。Thisgentleman!Oh!
MRS。CLANDON(sharply)。Mr。Valentine:canyouholdyourtongueforamoment?(Helookspiteouslyatthem;then,withadespairingshrug,goesbacktotheottomanandthrowshishatonit。)
GLORIA(confrontinghermother,withdeepreproach)。Mother:whatrighthadyoutodoit?
MRS。CLANDON。Idon\'tthinkIhavesaidanythingIhavenorighttosay,Gloria。
VALENTINE(confirmingherofficiously)。Nothing。Nothingwhatever。
(Glorialooksathimwithunspeakableindignation。)Ibegyourpardon。
(Hesitsdownignominiouslyontheottoman。)
GLORIA。Icannotbelievethatanyonehasanyrighteventothinkaboutthingsthatconcernmeonly。(Sheturnsawayfromthemtoconcealapainfulstrugglewithheremotion。)
MRS。CLANDON。Mydear,ifIhavewoundedyourpride——
GLORIA(turningonthemforamoment)。Mypride!Mypride!!
Oh,it\'sgone:IhavelearntnowthatIhavenostrengthtobeproudof。
(Turningawayagain。)Butifawomancannotprotectherself,noonecanprotecther。Noonehasanyrighttotry——notevenhermother。IknowIhavelostyourconfidence,justasIhavelostthisman\'srespect;——
(Shestopstomasterasob。)
VALENTINE(underhisbreath)。Thisman!(Murmuringagain。)Oh!
MRS。CLANDON(inanundertone)。Praybesilent,sir。
GLORIA(continuing)——butIhaveatleasttherighttobeleftaloneinmydisgrace。Iamoneofthoseweakcreaturesborntobemasteredbythefirstmanwhoseeyeiscaughtbythem;andImustfulfillmydestiny,Isuppose。Atleastsparemethehumiliationoftryingtosaveme。(Shesitsdown,withherhandkerchieftohereyes,atthefartherendofthetable。)
VALENTINE(jumpingup)。Lookhere——
MRS。CLANDON。Mr。Va——
VALENTINE(recklessly)。No:Iwillspeak:I\'vebeensilentfornearlythirtyseconds。(HegoesuptoGloria。)MissClandon——
GLORIA(bitterly)。Oh,notMissClandon:youhavefoundthatitisquitesafetocallmeGloria。
VALENTINE。No,Iwon\'t:you\'llthrowitinmyteethafterwardsandaccusemeofdisrespect。Isayit\'saheartbreakingfalsehoodthatI
don\'trespectyou。It\'struethatIdidn\'trespectyouroldpride:whyshouldI?Itwasnothingbutcowardice。Ididn\'trespectyourintellect:I\'veabetteronemyself:it\'samasculinespecialty。Butwhenthedepthsstirred!——whenmymomentcame!——whenyoumademebrave!——ah,then,then,then!
GLORIA。Thenyourespectedme,Isuppose。
VALENTINE。No,Ididn\'t:Iadoredyou。(Sherisesquicklyandturnsherbackonhim。)Andyoucannevertakethatmomentawayfromme。SonowIdon\'tcarewhathappens。(Hecomesdowntheroomaddressingacheerfulexplanationtonobodyinparticular。)I\'mperfectlyawarethatI\'mtalkingnonsense。Ican\'thelpit。(ToMrs。Clandon。)IloveGloria;andthere\'sanendofit。
MRS。CLANDON(emphatically)。Mr。Valentine:youareamostdangerousman。Gloria:comehere。(Gloria,wonderingalittleatthecommand,obeys,andstands,withdroopinghead,onhermother\'srighthand,Valentinebeingontheoppositeside。Mrs。Clandonthenbegins,withintensescorn。)Askthismanwhomyouhaveinspiredandmadebrave,howmanywomenhaveinspiredhimbefore(Glorialooksupsuddenlywithaflashofjealousangerandamazement);howmanytimeshehaslaidthetrapinwhichhehascaughtyou;howoftenhehasbaiteditwiththesamespeeches;howmuchpracticeithastakentomakehimperfectinhischosenpartinlifeastheDuellistofSex。
VALENTINE。Thisisn\'tfair。You\'reabusingmyconfidence,Mrs。
Clandon。
MRS。CLANDON。Askhim,Gloria。
GLORIA(inaflushofrage,goingovertohimwithherfistsclenched)。Isthattrue?
VALENTINE。Don\'tbeangry——
GLORIA(interruptinghimimplacably)。Isittrue?Didyoueversaythatbefore?Didyoueverfeelthatbefore——foranotherwoman?
VALENTINE(bluntly)。Yes。(Gloriaraisesherclenchedhands。)
MRS。CLANDON(horrified,springingtohersideandcatchingherupliftedarm)。Gloria!!Mydear!You\'reforgettingyourself。
(Gloria,withadeepexpiration,slowlyrelaxesherthreateningattitude。)
VALENTINE。Remember:aman\'spowerofloveandadmirationislikeanyotherofhispowers:hehastothrowitawaymanytimesbeforehelearnswhatisreallyworthyofit。
MRS。CLANDON。Anotheroftheoldspeeches,Gloria。Takecare。
VALENTINE(remonstrating)。Oh!
GLORIA(toMrs。Clandon,withcontemptuousself-possession)。DoyouthinkIneedtobewarnednow?(ToValentine。)Youhavetriedtomakemeloveyou。
VALENTINE。Ihave。
GLORIA。Well,youhavesucceededinmakingmehateyou——
passionately。
VALENTINE(philosophically)。It\'ssurprisinghowlittledifferencethereisbetweenthetwo。(Gloriaturnsindignantlyawayfromhim。Hecontinues,toMrs。Clandon)Iknowmenwhosewiveslovethem;andtheygoonexactlylikethat。
MRS。CLANDON。Excuseme,Mr。Valentine;buthadyounotbettergo?
GLORIA。Youneednotsendhimawayonmyaccount,mother。Heisnothingtomenow;andhewillamuseDollyandPhil。(Shesitsdownwithslightingindifference,attheendofthetablenearestthewindow。)
VALENTINE(gaily)。Ofcourse:that\'sthesensiblewayoflookingatit。Come,Mrs。Clandon:youcan\'tquarrelwithamerebutterflylikeme。
MRS。CLANDON。Iverygreatlymistrustyou,Mr。Valentine。ButIdonotliketothinkthatyourunfortunatelevityofdispositionismereshamelessnessandworthlessness;——
GLORIA(toherself,butaloud)。Itisshameless;anditisworthless。
MRS。CLANDON——soperhapswehadbettersendforPhilandDollyandallowyoutoendyourvisitintheordinaryway。
VALENTINE(asifshehadpaidhimthehighestcompliment)。Youoverwhelmme,Mrs。Clandon。Thankyou。(Thewaiterenters。)
WAITER。Mr。McComas,ma\'am。
MRS。CLANDON。Oh,certainly。Bringhimin。
WAITER。Hewishestoseeyouinthereception-room,ma\'am。
MRS。CLANDON。Whynothere?
WAITER。Well,ifyouwillexcusemymentioningit,ma\'am,IthinkMr。McComasfeelsthathewouldgetfairerplayifhecouldspeaktoyouawayfromtheyoungermembersofyourfamily,ma\'am。
MRS。CLANDON。Tellhimtheyarenothere。
WAITER。Theyarewithinsightofthedoor,ma\'am;andverywatchful,forsomereasonorother。
MRS。CLANDON(going)。Oh,verywell:I\'llgotohim。
WAITER(holdingthedooropenforher)。Thankyou,ma\'am。(Shegoesout。Hecomesbackintotheroom,andmeetstheeyeofValentine,whowantshimtogo。)Allright,sir。Onlythetea-things,sir。(Takingthetray。)Excuseme,sir。Thankyousir。(Hegoesout。)
VALENTINE(toGloria)。Lookhere。Youwillforgiveme,soonerorlater。Forgivemenow。
GLORIA(risingtolevelthedeclarationmoreintenselyathim)。
Never!Whilegrassgrowsorwaterruns,never,never,never!!!
VALENTINE(unabashed)。Well,Idon\'tcare。Ican\'tbeunhappyaboutanything。Ishallneverbeunhappyagain,never,never,never,whilegrassgrowsorwaterruns。Thethoughtofyouwillalwaysmakemewildwithjoy。(Somequicktauntisonherlips:heinterposesswiftly。)
No:Ineversaidthatbefore:that\'snew。
GLORIA。Itwillnotbenewwhenyousayittothenextwoman。
VALENTINE。Oh,don\'t,Gloria,don\'t。(Hekneelsatherfeet。)
GLORIA。Getup。Getup!Howdareyou?(PhilandDolly,racing,asusual,forfirstplace,burstintotheroom。Theycheckthemselvesonseeingwhatispassing。Valentinespringsup。)
PHILIP(discreetly)。Ibegyourpardon。Come,Dolly。(Heturnstogo。)
GLORIA(annoyed)。Motherwillbebackinamoment,Phil。
(Severely。)Pleasewaithereforher。(Sheturnsawaytothewindow,whereshestandslookingoutwithherbacktothem。)
PHILIP(significantly)。Oh,indeed。Hmhm!
DOLLY。Ahah!
PHILIP。Youseeminexcellentspirits,Valentine。
VALENTINE。Iam。(Comesbetweenthem。)Nowlookhere。Youbothknowwhat\'sgoingon,don\'tyou?(Gloriaturnsquickly,asifanticipatingsomefreshoutrage。)
DOLLY。Perfectly。
VALENTINE。Well,it\'sallover。I\'vebeenrefused——scorned。I\'monlyhereonsufferance。Youunderstand:it\'sallover。Yoursisterisinnosenseentertainingmyaddresses,orcondescendingtointerestherselfinmeinanyway。(Gloria,satisfied,turnsbackcontemptuouslytothewindow。)Isthatclear?
DOLLY。Serveyouright。Youwereintoogreatahurry。
PHILIP(pattinghimontheshoulder)。Nevermind:you\'dneverhavebeenabletocallyoursoulyourownifshe\'dmarriedyou。Youcannowbeginanewchapterinyourlife。
DOLLY。Chapterseventeenorthereabouts,Ishouldimagine。
VALENTINE(muchputoutbythispleasantry)。No:don\'tsaythingslikethat。That\'sjustthesortofthoughtlessremarkthatmakesalotofmischief。
DOLLY。Oh,indeed。Hmhm!
PHILIP。Ahah!(Hegoestothehearthandplantshimselfthereinhisbesthead-of-the-familyattitude。)
McComas,lookingveryserious,comesinquicklywithMrs。Clandon,whosefirstanxietyisaboutGloria。Shelooksroundtoseewheresheis,andisgoingtojoinheratthewindowwhenGloriacomesdowntomeetherwithamarkedairoftrustandaffection。Finally,Mrs。
Clandontakesherformerseat,andGloriapostsherselfbehindit。
McComas,onhiswaytotheottoman,ishailedbyDolly。
DOLLY。Whatcheer,Finch?
McCOMAS(sternly)。Veryseriousnewsfromyourfather,MissClandon。
Veryseriousnewsindeed。(Hecrossestotheottoman,andsitsdown。
Dolly,lookingdeeplyimpressed,followshimandsitsbesidehimonhisright。)
VALENTINE。PerhapsIhadbettergo。
McCOMAS。Bynomeans,Mr。Valentine。Youaredeeplyconcernedinthis。(Valentinetakesachairfromthetableandsitsastrideofit,leaningovertheback,neartheottoman。)Mrs。Clandon:yourhusbanddemandsthecustodyofhistwoyoungerchildren,whoarenotofage。
(Mrs。Clandon,inquickalarm,looksinstinctivelytoseeifDollyissafe。)
DOLLY(touched)。Oh,howniceofhim!Helikesus,mamma。
McCOMAS。Iamsorrytohavetodisabuseyouofanysuchidea,MissDorothea。
DOLLY(cooingecstatically)。Dorothee-ee-ee-a!(Nestlingagainsthisshoulder,quiteovercome。)Oh,Finch!
McCOMAS(nervously,movingaway)。No,no,no,no!
MRS。CLANDON(remonstrating)。DearestDolly!(ToMcComas。)
Thedeedofseparationgivesmethecustodyofthechildren。
McCOMAS。Italsocontainsacovenantthatyouarenottoapproachormolesthiminanyway。
MRS。CLANDON。Well,haveIdoneso?
McCOMAS。Whetherthebehaviorofyouryoungerchildrenamountstolegalmolestationisaquestiononwhichitmaybenecessarytotakecounsel\'sopinion。Atallevents,Mr。Cramptonnotonlyclaimstohavebeenmolested;buthebelievesthathewasbroughtherebyaplotinwhichMr。Valentineactedasyouragent。