Therearetwokindsofclocks。Thereistheclockthatisalwayswrong,andthatknowsitiswrong,andgloriesinit;andthereistheclockthatisalwaysright——exceptwhenyourelyuponit,andthenitismorewrongthanyouwouldthinkaclock_could_beinacivilizedcountry。
Irememberaclockofthislattertype,thatwehadinthehousewhenIwasaboy,routingusallupatthreeo\'clockonewinter\'smorning。
Wehadfinishedbreakfastattenminutestofour,andIgottoschoolalittleafterfive,andsatdownonthestepoutsideandcried,becauseIthoughttheworldhadcometoanend;everythingwassodeath-like!
Themanwhocanliveinthesamehousewithoneoftheseclocks,andnotendangerhischanceofheavenaboutonceamonthbystandingupandtellingitwhathethinksofit,iseitheradangerousrivaltothatoldestablishedfirm,Job,orelsehedoesnotknowenoughbadlanguagetomakeitworthhiswhiletostartsayinganythingatall。
Thegreatdreamofitslifeistolureyouonintotryingtocatchatrainbyit。Forweeksandweeksitwillkeepthemostperfecttime。
Iftherewereanydifferenceintimebetweenthatclockandthesun,youwouldbeconvinceditwasthesun,nottheclock,thatwantedseeingto。Youfeelthatifthatclockhappenedtogetaquarterofasecondfast,ortheeighthofaninstantslow,itwouldbreakitsheartanddie。
Itisinthisspiritofchild-likefaithinitsintegritythat,onemorning,yougatheryourfamilyaroundyouinthepassage,kissyourchildren,andafterwardwipeyourjammymouth,pokeyourfingerinthebaby\'seye,promisenottoforgettoorderthecoals,waveatlastfondadieuwiththeumbrella,anddepartfortherailway-station。
Ineverhavebeenquiteabletodecide,myself,whichisthemoreirritatingtoruntwomilesatthetopofyourspeed,andthentofind,whenyoureachthestation,thatyouarethree-quartersofanhourtooearly;ortostrollalongleisurelythewholeway,anddawdleaboutoutsidethebooking-office,talkingtosomelocalidiot,andthentoswaggercarelesslyontotheplatform,justintimetoseethetraingoout!
Asfortheotherclassofclocks——thecommonoralways-wrongclocks——theyareharmlessenough。Youwindthemupattheproperintervals,andonceortwiceaweekyouputthemrightand\"regulate\"
them,asyoucallit(andyoumightjustaswelltryto\"regulate\"aLondontom-cat)。Butyoudoallthis,notfromanyselfishmotives,butfromasenseofdutytotheclockitself。Youwanttofeelthat,whatevermayhappen,youhavedonetherightthingbyit,andthatnoblamecanattachtoyou。
Sofaraslookingtoitforanyreturnisconcerned,thatyouneverdreamofdoing,andconsequentlyyouarenotdisappointed。Youaskwhatthetimeis,andthegirlreplies:
\"Well,theclockinthedining-roomsaysaquarterpasttwo。\"
Butyouarenotdeceivedbythis。Youknowthat,asamatteroffact,itmustbesomewherebetweennineandtenintheevening;and,rememberingthatyounoticed,asacuriouscircumstance,thattheclockwasonlyfortyminutespastfour,hoursago,youmildlyadmireitsenergiesandresources,andwonderhowitdoesit。
Imyselfpossessaclockthatforcomplicatedunconventionalityandlight-heartedindependence,could,Ishouldthink,givepointstoanythingyetdiscoveredinthechronometricalline。Asameretime-piece,itleavesmuchtobedesired;but,consideredasaself-actingconundrum,itisfullofinterestandvariety。
Iheardofamanoncewhohadaclockthatheusedtosaywasofnogoodtoanyoneexcepthimself,becausehewastheonlymanwhounderstoodit。Hesaiditwasanexcellentclock,andonethatyoucouldthoroughlydependupon;butyouwantedtoknowit——tohavestudieditssystem。Anoutsidermightbeeasilymisledbyit。
\"Forinstance,\"hewouldsay,\"whenitstrikesfifteen,andthehandspointtotwentyminutespasteleven,Iknowitisaquartertoeight。\"
Hisacquaintanceshipwiththatclockmustcertainlyhavegivenhimanadvantageoverthecursoryobserver!
Butthegreatcharmaboutmyclockisitsreliableuncertainty。Itworksonnomethodwhatever;itisapureemotionalist。Onedayitwillbequitefrolicsome,andgainthreehoursinthecourseofthemorning,andthinknothingofit;andthenextdayitwillwishitweredead,andbehardlyabletodragitselfalong,andlosetwohoursoutofeveryfour,andstopaltogetherintheafternoon,toomiserabletodoanything;andthen,gettingcheerfuloncemoretowardevening,willstartoffagainofitsownaccord。
Idonotcaretotalkmuchaboutthisclock;becausewhenItellthesimpletruthconcerningit,peoplethinkIamexaggerating。
Itisverydiscouragingtofind,whenyouarestrainingeverynervetotellthetruth,thatpeopledonotbelieveyou,andfancythatyouareexaggerating。Itmakesyoufeelinclinedtogoandexaggerateonpurpose,justtoshowthemthedifference。IknowIoftenfeeltemptedtodosomyself——itismyearlytrainingthatsavesme。
Weshouldalwaysbeverycarefulnevertogivewaytoexaggeration;itisahabitthatgrowsuponone。
Anditissuchavulgarhabit,too。Intheoldtimes,whenpoetsanddry-goodssalesmenweretheonlypeoplewhoexaggerated,therewassomethingcleverand_distingue_aboutareputationfor\"atendencytoover,ratherthantounder-estimatethemerebaldfacts。\"Buteverybodyexaggeratesnowadays。Theartofexaggerationisnolongerregardedasan\"extra\"inthemodernbillofeducation;itisanessentialrequirement,heldtobemostneedfulforthebattleoflife。
Thewholeworldexaggerates。Itexaggerateseverything,fromtheyearlynumberofbicyclessoldtotheyearlynumberofheathensconverted——intothehopeofsalvationandmorewhiskey。Exaggerationisthebasisofourtrade,thefallow-fieldofourartandliterature,thegroundworkofoursociallife,thefoundationofourpoliticalexistence。Asschoolboys,weexaggerateourfightsandourmarksandourfathers\'debts。Asmen,weexaggerateourwares,weexaggerateourfeelings,weexaggerateourincomes——excepttothetax-collector,andtohimweexaggerateour\"outgoings\";weexaggerateourvirtues;
weevenexaggerateourvices,and,beinginrealitythemildestofmen,pretendwearedare-devilscamps。
Wehavesunksolownowthatwetryto_act_ourexaggerations,andtoliveuptoourlies。Wecallit\"keepingupappearances;\"andnomorebitterphrasecould,perhaps,havebeeninventedtodescribeourchildishfolly。
Ifwepossessahundredpoundsayear,dowenotcallittwo?Ourlardermaybelowandourgratesbechill,butwearehappyifthe\"world\"(sixacquaintancesandapryingneighbor)givesuscreditforonehundredandfifty。And,whenwehavefivehundred,wetalkofathousand,andtheall-importantandbeloved\"world\"(sixteenfriendsnow,andtwoofthemcarriage-folks!)agreethatwereallymustbespendingsevenhundred,oratallevents,runningintodebtuptothatfigure;butthebutcherandbaker,whohavegoneintothematterwiththehousemaid,knowbetter。
Afterawhile,havinglearnedthetrick,welaunchoutboldlyandspendlikeIndianPrinces——orrather_seem_tospend;forweknow,bythistime,howtopurchasetheseemingwiththeseeming,howtobuytheappearanceofwealthwiththeappearanceofcash。Andthedearoldworld——Beelzebubblessit!foritishisownchild,sureenough;thereisnomistakingthelikeness,ithasallhisfunnylittleways——gathersround,applaudingandlaughingatthelie,andsharinginthecheat,andgloatingoverthethoughtoftheblowthatitknowsmustsoonerorlaterfallonusfromtheThor-likehammerofTruth。
Andallgoesmerryasawitches\'frolic——untilthegraymorningdawns。
Truthandfactareold-fashionedandout-of-date,myfriends,fitonlyforthedullandvulgartoliveby。Appearance,notreality,iswhatthecleverdoggraspsatinthesecleverdays。Wespurnthedull-brownsolidearth;webuildourlivesandhomesinthefair-seemingrainbow-landofshadowandchimera。