NeverwaswomanmoreamazedormoreangrythanI，whenIfirstreadthisletter。\"What！\"criedItomyself，\"doesthismanseriouslyrecommendmetolashmyownshoulders？JustHeaven，whatimpertinence！Andyet，isitnotmydutytoputupwithit？Doesnotthisapparentinsolenceproceedfromthepenofaholyman？Ifhetellsmetoflogmywickednessoutofme，isitnotmyboundendutytolayonthescourgewithallmymightimmediately？SinnerthatIam！Iamthinkingremorsefullyofmyplumpshouldersandthedimplesonmyback，whenI
oughttobethinkingofnothingbutthecat-o\'-nine-tailsandobediencetoFatherDeveaux？\"
ThesereflectionssoongavemetheresolutionwhichIhadwantedatfirst。Iwasashamedtoaskthenunsforaninstrumentofflagellation；
soImadeoneformyselfofstoutcord，pitilesslyknottedatveryshortintervals。Thisdone，Ishutmyselfupwhilethenunswereatprayer，uncoveredmyshoulders，andrainedsuchashoweroflashesonthem，inthefirstfervourofmynewly-awakenedzeal，thatIfairlyfloggedmyselfdownontheground，flatonmynose，beforeIhadrepeatedmoreoftheMisererethanthefirsttwoorthreelines。
Iburstoutcrying，sheddingtearsofspiteagainstmyselfwhenIoughttohavebeensheddingtearsofdevotionalgratitudeforthekindnessofFatherDeveaux。AllthroughthenightIneverclosedmyeyes，andinthemorningIfoundmypoorshoulders（oncesogenerallyadmiredfortheirwhiteness）stripedwithallthecoloursoftherainbow。Thesightthrewmeintoapassion，andIprofanelysaidtomyselfwhileIwasdressing，\"ThenexttimeIseeFatherDeveaux，Iwillgivemytonguefullswing，andmakethehairofthatholymanstandonendwithterror！\"Afewhoursafterwards，hecametotheconvent，andallmyresolutionmeltedawayatthesightofhim。HisimposingexteriorhadsuchaneffectonmethatIcouldonlyhumblyentreathimtoexcusemefromindictingasecondflagellationonmyself。Hesmiled，benignantly，andgrantedmyrequestwithasaintlyamiability。\"Givemethecat-o\'-nine-tails，\"hesaid，inconclusion，\"andIwillkeepitforyoutillyouaskmeforitagain。Youaresuretoaskforitagain，dearchild——toaskforitonyourbendedknees！\"
Piousandpropheticman！Beforemanydayshadpassedhiswordscametrue。Ifhehadpersistedseverelyinorderingmetoflogmyself，I
mighthaveopposedhimformonthstogether；but，asitwas，whocouldresisttheamiableindulgenceheshowedtowardsmyweakness？Theverynextdayaftermyinterview，Ibegantofeelashamedofmyowncowardice；andthedayafterthatIwentdownonmyknees，exactlyashehadpredicted，andsaid，\"FatherDeveaux，givemebackmycat-o\'-nine-tails。\"FromthattimeIcheerfullyunderwentthedisciplineofflagellation，learningtheregularmethodofpractisingitfromthesisterhood，andfeeling，inaspiritualpointofview，immenselythebetterforit。
Thenuns，findingthatIcheerfullydevotedmyselftoeveryactofself-sacrificeprescribedbytherulesoftheirconvent，wonderedverymuchthatIstillhesitatedabouttakingtheveil。Ibeggedthemnottomentionthesubjecttometillmymindwasquitemadeupaboutit。Theyrespectedmywish，andsaidnomore；buttheylentmebookstoreadwhichassistedinstrengtheningmywaveringresolution。AmongthesebookswastheLifeofMadamedeMontmorenci，who，aftertheshockingdeathofherhusband，enteredtheOrderofSt。Mary。Thegreatexampleofthisladymademereflectseriously，andIcommunicatedmythoughts，asamatterofcourse，toFatherDeveaux。Heassuredmethattheonelastgreatestsacrificewhichremainedformetomakewasthesacrificeofmyliberty。Ihadlongknownthatthiswasmyduty，andInowfelt，forthefirsttime，thatIhadcourageandresolutionenoughboldlytofacetheideaoftakingtheveil。
WhileIwasinthishappyframeofmind，IhappenedtomeetwiththehistoryofthefamousRance，founder，orratherreformer，oftheOrderofLaTrappe。Ifoundastrangesimilaritybetweenmyownworldlyerrorsandthoseofthisillustriouspenitent。Thediscoveryhadsuchaneffectonme，thatIspurnedallideaofenteringaconventwheretheruleswerecomparativelyeasy，aswasthecaseatAnticaille，anddetermined，whenIdidtaketheveil，toenteranOrderwhosedisciplinewasassevereasthedisciplineofLaTrappeitself。FatherDeveauxinformedmethatIshouldfindexactlywhatIwantedamongtheCarmelitenuns；and，byhisadvice，IimmediatelyputmyselfincommunicationwiththeArchbishopofVilleroi。Iopenedmyhearttothisworthyprelate，convincedhimofmysincerity，andgainedfromhimapromisethathewouldgetmeadmittedamongtheCarmelitenunsofLyons。OnethingI
beggedofhimatparting，whichwas，thathewouldtellthewholetruthaboutmyformerlifeandabouttheprofessionthatIhadexercisedintheworld。Iwasresolvedtodeceivenobody，andtoenternoconventunderfalsepretencesofanysort。
Mywisheswerescrupulouslyfulfilled；andthenunsweredreadfullyfrightenedwhentheyheardthatIhadbeenanactressatParis。ButtheArchbishoppromisingtoanswerforme，andtotakealltheirscruplesonhisownconscience，theyconsentedtoreceiveme。IcouldnottrustmyselftotakeformalleaveofthenunsofAnticaille，whohadbeensokindtome，andtowardswhomIfeltsogratefully。SoIwrotemyfarewelltothemafterprivatelyleavingtheirhouse，tellingthemfranklythemotiveswhichanimatedme，andaskingtheirpardonforseparatingmyselffromtheminsecret。
OnthefourteenthofOctober，seventeenhundredandtwenty-four，I
enteredtheCarmeliteconventatLyons，eighteenmonthsaftermyflightfromtheworld，andmyabandonmentofmyprofession——toadoptwhich，I
maysay，inmyowndefence，thatIwasfirstledthroughsheerpoverty。
Attheageofseventeenyears，andpossessing（ifImaycreditreport）
remarkablepersonalcharms，Iwasleftperfectlydestitutethroughthespendthrifthabitsofmyfather。Iwaseasilypersuadedtogoonthestage，andsoontempted，withmyyouthandinexperience，toleadanirregularlife。Idonotwishtoassertthatdissipationnecessarilyfollowsthechoiceoftheactress\'sprofession，forIhaveknownmanyestimablewomenonthestage。I，unhappily，wasnotoneofthenumber。
Iconfessittomyshame，and，asthechiefofsinners，IamonlythemoregratefultothemercyofHeavenwhichaccomplishedmyconversion。
WhenIenteredtheconvent，Ientreatedtheprioresstoletmeliveinperfectobscurity，withoutcorrespondingwithmyfriends，orevenwithmyrelations。Shedeclinedtograntthislastrequest，thinkingthatmyzealwasleadingmetoofar。Ontheotherhand，shecompliedwithmywishtobeemployedatonce，withouttheslightestpreparatoryindulgenceorconsideration，onanymeniallabourwhichthedisciplineoftheconventmightrequirefromme。Onthefirstdayofmyadmissionabroomwasputintomyhands。Iwasappointedalsotowashupthedishes，toscourthesaucepans，todrawwaterfromadeepwell，tocarryeachsister\'spitchertoitsproperplace，andtoscrubthetablesintherefectory。FromtheseoccupationsIgotonintimetomakingropeshoesforthesisterhood，andtotakingcareofthegreatclockoftheconvent；thislastemploymentrequiringmetopullupthreeimmenselyheavyweightsregularlyeveryday。Sevenyearsofmylifepassedinthishardwork，andIcanhonestlysaythatInevermurmuredoverit。
Toreturn，however，totheperiodofmyadmissionintotheconvent。
Afterthreemonthsofprobation，ItooktheveilonthetwentiethofJanuary，seventeenhundredandtwenty-five。TheArchbishopdidmethehonourtopresideattheceremony；and，inspiteoftherigouroftheseason，allLyonspouredintothechurchtoseemetakethevows。Iwasdeeplyaffected；butIneverfalteredinmyresolution。Ipronouncedtheoathswithafirmvoice，andwithatranquillitywhichastonishedallthespectators，——atranquillitywhichhasneveroncefailedmesincethattime。
Suchisthestoryofmyconversion。Providencesentmeintotheworldwithanexcellentnature，withatrueheart，witharemarkablesusceptibilitytotheinfluenceofestimablesentiments。Myparentsneglectedmyeducation，andleftmeintheworld，destituteofeverythingbutyouth，beauty，andalivelytemperament。Itriedhardtobevirtuous；Ivowed，beforeIwasoutofmyteens，andwhenIhappenedtobestruckdownbyaseriousillness，toleavethestage，andtokeepmyreputationunblemished，ifanybodywouldonlygivemetwohundredlivresayeartoliveupon。Nobodycameforwardtohelpme，andIfell。
HeavenpardontherichpeopleofPariswhomighthavepreservedmyvirtueatsosmallacost！Heavengrantmecouragetofollowthebetterpathintowhichitsmercyhasledme，andtopersevereinalifeofpenitenceanddevotiontotheendofmydays！
Sothissingularconfessionends。Besidesthelittlevanitiesandlevitieswhichappearhereandthereonitssurface，thereissurelyastrongunder-currentofsincerityandfranknesswhichfitittoappealinsomedegreetothesympathyaswellasthecuriosityofthereader。
ItisimpossibletoreadthenarrativewithoutfeelingthattheremusthavebeensomethingreallygenuineandheartyinMademoiselleGautier\'snature；anditisagratifyingproofofthehonestintegrityofherpurposetoknowthatsheperseveredtothelastinthelifeofhumilityandseclusionwhichherconsciencehadconvincedherwasthebestlifethatshecouldlead。PersonswhoknewherintheCarmeliteconvent，reportthatshelivedanddiedinit，preservingtothelast，allthebetterpartoftheyouthfullivelinessofhercharacter。Shealwaysreceivedvisitorswithpleasure，alwaystalkedtothemwithsurprisingcheerfulness，alwaysassistedthepoor，andalwayswillinglywroteletterstoherformerpatronsinParistohelptheinterestsofherneedyfriends。Towardstheendofherlife，shewasafflictedwithblindness；butshewasatroubletonooneinconsequenceofthisaffliction，forshecontinued，inspiteofit，tocleanherowncell，tomakeherownbed，andtocookherownfoodjustasusual。Onelittlecharacteristicvanity——harmlessenough，surely？——remainedwithhertothelast。Sheneverforgotherownhandsomeface，whichall。Parishadadmiredintheby-gonetime；andshecontrivedtogetadispensationfromthePopewhichallowedhertoreceivevisitorsintheconventparlourwithoutaveil。