Besides，myfatherhadagreatmanytheories;hepridedhimselfonhisconservativeopinions;hethoughttheusualAmericanlaisser—
allerineducationwasaveryvulgarpractice，andthatchildrenwerenottogrowuplikedustythornsbythewayside。\"Soyousee，\"
Pickeringwenton，smilingandblushing，andyetwithsomethingoftheironyofvainregret，\"Iamaregulargardenplant。Ihavebeenwatchedandwateredandpruned，andifthereisanyvirtueintendingIoughttotaketheprizeataflowershow。Somethreeyearsagomyfather’shealthbrokedown，andhewaskeptverymuchwithindoors。
So，althoughIwasamangrown，Ilivedaltogetherathome。IfIwasoutofhissightforaquarterofanhourhesentsomeoneafterme。
Hehadsevereattacksofneuralgia，andheusedtositathiswindow，baskinginthesun。Hekeptanopera—glassathand，andwhenIwasoutinthegardenheusedtowatchmewithit。AfewdaysbeforehisdeathIwastwenty—sevenyearsold，andthemostinnocentyouth，I
suppose，onthecontinent。AfterhediedImissedhimgreatly，\"
Pickeringcontinued，evidentlywithnointentionofmakinganepigram。\"Istayedathome，inasortofdullstupor。Itseemedasiflifeoffereditselftomeforthefirsttime，andyetasifI
didn’tknowhowtotakeholdofit。\"
Heutteredallthiswithafrankeagernesswhichincreasedashetalked，andtherewasasingularcontrastbetweenthemeagreexperiencehedescribedandacertainradiantintelligencewhichI
seemedtoperceiveinhisglanceandtone。Evidentlyhewasacleverfellow，andhisnaturalfacultieswereexcellent。Iimaginedhehadreadagreatdeal，andrecovered，insomedegree，inrestlessintellectualconjecture，thefreedomhewascondemnedtoignoreinpractice。Opportunitywasnowofferingameaningtotheemptyformswithwhichhisimaginationwasstored，butitappearedtohimdimly，throughtheveilofhispersonaldiffidence。
\"Ihavenotsailedroundtheworld，asyousuppose，\"Isaid，\"butI
confessIenvyyouthenoveltiesyouaregoingtobehold。ComingtoHomburgyouhaveplungedinmediasres。\"
Heglancedatmetoseeifmyremarkcontainedanallusion，andhesitatedamoment。\"Yes，Iknowit。IcametoBremeninthesteamerwithaveryfriendlyGerman，whoundertooktoinitiatemeintothegloriesandmysteriesoftheFatherland。Atthisseason，hesaid，ImustbeginwithHomburg。Ilandedbutafortnightago，andhereIam。\"Againhehesitated，asifheweregoingtoaddsomethingaboutthesceneattheKursaalbutsuddenly，nervously，hetookuptheletterwhichwaslyingbesidehim，lookedhardatthesealwithatroubledfrown，andthenflungitbackonthegrasswithasigh。
\"HowlongdoyouexpecttobeinEurope？\"Iasked。
\"SixmonthsIsupposedwhenIcame。Butnotsolong——now！\"Andhelethiseyeswandertotheletteragain。
\"Andwhereshallyougo——whatshallyoudo？\"
\"Everywhere，everything，Ishouldhavesaidyesterday。Butnowitisdifferent。\"
Iglancedattheletter——interrogatively，andhegravelypickeditupandputitintohispocket。Wetalkedforawhilelonger，butIsawthathehadsuddenlybecomepreoccupied;thathewasapparentlyweighinganimpulsetobreaksomelastbarrierofreserve。Atlasthesuddenlylaidhishandonmyarm，lookedatmeamomentappealingly，andcried，\"Uponmyword，Ishouldliketotellyoueverything！\"
\"Tellmeeverything，byallmeans，\"Ianswered，smiling。\"Idesirenothingbetterthantoliehereintheshadeandheareverything。\"
\"Ah，butthequestionis，willyouunderstandit？Nomatter;youthinkmeaqueerfellowalready。It’snoteasy，either，totellyouwhatIfeel——noteasyforsoqueerafellowasItotellyouinhowmanywaysheisqueer！\"Hegotupandwalkedawayamoment，passinghishandoverhiseyes，thencamebackrapidlyandflunghimselfonthegrassagain。\"IsaidjustnowIalwayssupposedIwashappy;
it’strue;butnowthatmyeyesareopen，IseeIwasonlystultified。Iwaslikeapoodle—dogthatisledaboutbyablueribbon，andscouredandcombedandfedonslops。Itwasnotlife;
lifeislearningtoknowone’sself，andinthatsenseIhavelivedmoreinthepastsixweeksthaninalltheyearsthatprecededthem。
Iamfilledwiththisfeverishsenseofliberation;itkeepsrisingtomyheadlikethefumesofstrongwine。IfindIamanactive，sentient，intelligentcreature，withdesires，withpassions，withpossibleconvictions——evenwithwhatIneverdreamedof，apossiblewillofmyown！Ifindthereisaworldtoknow，alifetolead，menandwomentoformathousandrelationswith。Itallliestherelikeagreatsurgingsea，wherewemustplungeanddiveandfeelthebreezeandbreastthewaves。Istandshiveringhereonthebrink，staring，longing，wondering，charmedbythesmellofthebrineandyetafraidofthewater。Theworldbeckonsandsmilesandcalls，butanamelessinfluencefromthepast，thatIcanneitherwhollyobeynorwhollyresist，seemstoholdmeback。Iamfullofimpulses，but，somehow，Iamnotfullofstrength。Lifeseemsinspiringatcertainmoments，butitseemsterribleandunsafe;andIaskmyselfwhyIshouldwantonlymeasuremyselfwithmercilessforces，whenI
havelearnedsowellhowtostandasideandletthempass。Whyshouldn’tIturnmybackuponitallandgohometo——whatawaitsme？—
—tothatsightless，soundlesscountrylife，andlongdaysspentamongoldbooks？ButifamanISweak，hedoesn’twanttoassentbeforehandtohisweakness;hewantstotastewhateversweetnesstheremaybeinpayingfortheknowledge。Soitisthatitcomesback——thisirresistibleimpulsetotakemyplunge——toletmyselfswing，togowherelibertyleadsme。\"Hepausedamoment，fixingmewithhisexcitedeyes，andperhapsperceivedinmyownanirrepressiblesmileathisperplexity。\"’Swingahead，inHeaven’sname，’youwanttosay，’andmuchgoodmayitdoyou。’Idon’tknowwhetheryouarelaughingatmyscruplesoratwhatpossiblystrikesyouasmydepravity。Idoubt，\"hewentongravely，\"whetherIhaveaninclinationtowardwrong—doing;ifIhave，IamsureIshallnotprosperinit。IhonestlybelieveImaysafelytakeoutalicensetoamusemyself。Butitisn’tthatIthinkof，anymorethanIdreamof，playingwithsuffering。Pleasureandpainareemptywordstome;
whatIlongforisknowledge——someotherknowledgethancomestousinformal，colourless，impersonalprecept。Youwouldunderstandallthisbetterifyoucouldbreatheforanhourthemustyin—dooratmosphereinwhichIhavealwayslived。Tobreakawindowandletinlightandair——IfeelasifatlastImustACT！\"
\"Act，byallmeans，nowandalways，whenyouhaveachance，\"I
answered。\"Butdon’ttakethingstoohard，noworever。Yourlongconfinementmakesyouthinktheworldbetterworthknowingthanyouarelikelytofindit。Amanwithasgoodaheadandheartasyourshasaveryampleworldwithinhimself，andIamnobelieverinartforart，norinwhat’scalled’life’forlife’ssake。Nevertheless，takeyourplunge，andcomeandtellmewhetheryouhavefoundthepearlofwisdom。\"Hefrownedalittle，asifhethoughtmysympathyatriflemeagre。Ishookhimbythehandandlaughed。\"Thepearlofwisdom，\"Icried，\"islove;honestloveinthemostconvenientconcentrationofexperience！Iadviseyoutofallinlove。\"Hegavemenosmileinresponse，butdrewfromhispockettheletterofwhichIhavespoken，helditup，andshookitsolemnly。\"Whatisit？\"I
asked。
\"Itismysentence！\"
\"Notofdeath，Ihope！\"
\"Ofmarriage。\"
\"Withwhom？\"
\"WithapersonIdon’tlove。\"
Thiswasserious。Istoppedsmiling，andbeggedhimtoexplain。
\"Itisthesingularpartofmystory，\"hesaidatlast。\"Itwillremindyouofanold—fashionedromance。SuchasIsithere，talkinginthiswildway，andtossingoffprovocationstodestiny，mydestinyissettledandsealed。Iamengaged，Iamgiveninmarriage。It’sabequestofthepast——thepastIhadnohandin！Themarriagewasarrangedbymyfather，yearsago，whenIwasaboy。Theyounggirl’sfatherwashisparticularfriend;hewasalsoawidower，andwasbringinguphisdaughter，onhisside，inthesamesevereseclusioninwhichIwasspendingmydays。TothisdayIamunacquaintedwiththeoriginofthebondofunionbetweenourrespectiveprogenitors。
Mr。Vernorwaslargelyengagedinbusiness，andIimaginethatonceuponatimehefoundhimselfinafinancialstraitandwashelpedthroughitbymyfather’scomingforwardwithaheavyloan，onwhich，inhissituation，hecouldoffernosecuritybuthisword。Ofthismyfatherwasquitecapable。Hewasamanofdogmas，andhewassuretohavearuleoflife——asclearasifithadbeenwrittenoutinhisbeautifulcopper—platehand——adaptedtotheconductofagentlemantowardafriendinpecuniaryembarrassment。Whatismore，hewassuretoadheretoit。Mr。Vernor，Ibelieve，gotonhisfeet，paidhisdebt，andvowedmyfatheraneternalgratitude。Hislittledaughterwastheappleofhiseye，andhepledgedhimselftobringheruptobethewifeofhisbenefactor’sson。Soourfatewasfixed，parentally，andwehavebeeneducatedforeachother。Ihavenotseenmybetrothedsinceshewasaveryplain—facedlittlegirlinastickypinafore，huggingaone—armeddoll——ofthemalesex，I
believe——asbigasherself。Mr。VernorisinwhatiscalledtheEasterntrade，andhasbeenlivingthesemanyyearsatSmyrna。
Isabelhasgrownupthereinawhite—walledgarden，inanorangegrove，betweenherfatherandhergoverness。Sheisagooddealmyjunior;sixmonthsagoshewasseventeen;whensheiseighteenwearetomarry。\"
Herelatedallthiscalmlyenough，withouttheaccentofcomplaint，drilyratheranddoggedly，asifhewerewearyofthinkingofit。
\"It’saromance，indeed，forthesedulldays，\"Isaid，\"andI
heartilycongratulateyou。It’snoteveryyoungmanwhofinds，onreachingthemarryingage，awifekeptinaboxofrose—leavesforhim。AthousandtooneMissVernorischarming;Iwonderyoudon’tpostofftoSmyrna。\"
\"Youarejoking，\"heanswered，withawoundedair，\"andIamterriblyserious。Letmetellyoutherest。Ineversuspectedthissuperiorconspiracytillsomethinglessthanayearago。Myfather，wishingtoprovideagainsthisdeath，informedmeofitverysolemnly。Iwasneitherelatednordepressed;Ireceivedit，asIremember，withasortofemotionwhichvariedonlyindegreefromthatwithwhichI
couldhavehailedtheannouncementthathehadorderedmeasetofnewshirts。Isupposedthatwasthewaythatallmarriagesweremade;Ihadheardoftheirbeingmadeinheaven，andwhatwasmyfatherbutadivinity？Novelsandpoems，indeed，talkedaboutfallinginlove;butnovelsandpoemswereonethingandlifewasanother。Ashorttimeafterwardsheintroducedmetoaphotographofmypredestined，whohasapretty，butanextremelyinanimate，face。
Afterthishishealthfailedrapidly。OnenightIwassitting，asI
habituallysatforhours，inhisdimly—lightedroom，nearhisbed，towhichhehadbeenconfinedforaweek。Hehadnotspokenforsometime，andIsupposedhewasasleep;buthappeningtolookathimI
sawhiseyeswideopen，andfixedonmestrangely。Hewassmilingbenignantly，intensely，andinamomenthebeckonedtome。Then，onmygoingtohim——’IfeelthatIshallnotlastlong，’hesaid;’butI
amwillingtodiewhenIthinkhowcomfortablyIhavearrangedyourfuture。’Hewastalkingofdeath，andanythingbutgriefatthatmomentwasdoubtlessimpiousandmonstrous;buttherecameintomyheartforthefirsttimeathrobbingsenseofbeingover—governed。I
saidnothing，andhethoughtmysilencewasallsorrow。’Ishallnotlivetoseeyoumarried，’hewenton，’butsincethefoundationislaid，thatlittlesignifies;itwouldbeaselfishpleasure，andI
haveneverthoughtofmyselfbutinyou。Toforeseeyourfuture，initsmainoutline，toknowtoacertaintythatyouwillbesafelydomiciledhere，withawifeapprovedbymyjudgment，cultivatingthemoralfruitofwhichIhavesowntheseed——thiswillcontentme。
But，myson，Iwishtoclearthisbrightvisionfromtheshadowofadoubt。Ibelieveinyourdocility;IbelieveImaytrustthesalutaryforceofyourrespectformymemory。ButImustrememberthatwhenIamremovedyouwillstandherealone，facetofacewithahundrednamelesstemptationstoperversity。Thefumesofunrighteouspridemayriseintoyourbrainandtemptyou，intheinterestofavulgartheorywhichitwillcallyourindependence，toshattertheedificeIhavesolaboriouslyconstructed。SoImustaskyouforapromise——thesolemnpromiseyouowemycondition。’Andhegraspedmyhand。’YouwillfollowthepathIhavemarked;youwillbefaithfultotheyounggirlwhomaninfluenceasdevotedasthatwhichhasgovernedyourownyounglifehasmouldedintoeverythingamiable;youwillmarryIsabelVernor。’Thiswaspretty’steep，’asweusedtosayatschool。Iwasfrightened;Idrewawaymyhandandaskedtobetrustedwithoutanysuchterriblevow。Myreluctancestartledmyfatherintoasuspicionthatthevulgartheoryofindependencehadalreadybeenwhisperingtome。Hesatupinhisbedandlookedatmewitheyeswhichseemedtoforeseealifetimeofodiousingratitude。
Ifeltthereproach;Ifeelitnow。Ipromised！AndevennowI
don’tregretmypromisenorcomplainofmyfather’stenacity。I
feel，somehow，asiftheseedsofultimatereposehadbeensowninthoseunsuspectingyears——asifaftermanydaysImightgatherthemellowfruit。Butaftermanydays！Iwillkeepmypromise，Iwillobey;butIwanttoLIVEfirst！\"
\"Mydearfellow，youarelivingnow。Allthispassionateconsciousnessofyoursituationisaveryardentlife。IwishI
couldsayasmuchformyown。\"
\"Iwanttoforgetmysituation。Iwanttospendthreemonthswithoutthinkingofthepastorthefuture，graspingwhateverthepresentoffersme。YesterdayIthoughtIwasinafairwaytosailwiththetide。Butthismorningcomesthismemento！\"Andhehelduphisletteragain。
\"Whatisit？\"
\"AletterfromSmyrna。\"
\"Iseeyouhavenotyetbrokentheseal。\"
\"No;nordoImeanto，forthepresent。Itcontainsbadnews。\"
\"Whatdoyoucallbadnews？\"
\"NewsthatIamexpectedinSmyrnainthreeweeks。NewsthatMr。
Vernordisapprovesofmyrovingabouttheworld。Newsthathisdaughterisstandingexpectantatthealtar。\"
\"Isnotthispureconjecture？\"
\"Conjecture，possibly，butsafeconjecture。AssoonasIlookedatthelettersomethingsmotemeattheheart。Lookatthedeviceontheseal，andIamsureyouwillfindit’sTARRYNOT！\"Andheflungtheletteronthegrass。
\"Uponmyword，youhadbetteropenit，\"Isaid。
\"IfIweretoopenitandreadmysummons，doyouknowwhatIshoulddo？IshouldmarchhomeandasktheOberkellnerhowonegetstoSmyrna，packmytrunk，takemyticket，andnotstoptillIarrived。
IknowIshould;itwouldbethefascinationofhabit。Theonlyway，therefore，towandertomyrope’sendistoleavetheletterunread。\"
\"Inyourplace，\"Isaid，\"curiositywouldmakemeopenit。\"
Heshookhishead。\"Ihavenocuriosity！Foralongtimenowtheideaofmymarriagehasceasedtobeanovelty，andIhavecontemplateditmentallyineverypossiblelight。Ifearnothingfromthatside，butIdofearsomethingfromconscience。Iwantmyhandstied。Willyoudomeafavour？Pickuptheletter，putitintoyourpocket，andkeepittillIaskyouforit。WhenIdo，youmayknowthatIamatmyrope’send。\"
Itooktheletter，smiling。\"Andhowlongisyourropetobe？TheHomburgseasondoesn’tlastforever。\"
\"Doesitlastamonth？Letthatbemyseason！Amonthhenceyouwillgiveitbacktome。\"
\"To—morrowifyousayso。Meanwhile，letitrestinpeace！\"AndI
consignedittothemostsacredintersticeofmypocket—book。TosaythatIwasdisposedtohumourthepoorfellowwouldseemtobesayingthatIthoughthisrequestfantastic。Itwashissituation，bynofaultofhisown，thatwasfantastic，andhewasonlytryingtobenatural。Hewatchedmeputawaytheletter，andwhenithaddisappearedgaveasoftsighofrelief。Thesighwasnatural，andyetitsetmethinking。Hisgeneralrecoilfromanimmediateresponsibilityimposedbyothersmightbewholesomeenough;butiftherewasanoldgrievanceononeside，wastherenotpossiblyanew—
borndelusionontheother？Itwouldbeunkindtowithholdareflectionthatmightserveasawarning;soItoldhim，abruptly，thatIhadbeenanundiscoveredspectator，thenightbefore，ofhisexploitsatroulette。
Heblusheddeeply，buthemetmyeyeswiththesamecleargood