第1章

TOTHEYOUNGLADIES

OFTHE

UNITEDKINGDOMOFGREATBRITAINANDIRELAND;

ALSO

THEYOUNGLADIES

OF

THEPRINCIPALITYOFWALES，ANDLIKEWISE

THEYOUNGLADIES

RESIDENTINTHEISLESOF

GUERNSEY，JERSEY，ALDERNEY，ANDSARK，THEHUMBLEDEDICATIONOFTHEIRDEVOTEDADMIRER，SHEWETH，—

THATyourDedicatorhasperused，withfeelingsofvirtuousindignation，aworkpurportingtobe’SketchesofYoungLadies;’

writtenbyQuiz，illustratedbyPhiz，andpublishedinonevolume，squaretwelvemo。

THATafteranattentiveandvigilantperusalofthesaidwork，yourDedicatorishumblyofopinionthatsomanylibels，uponyourHonourablesex，werenevercontainedinanypreviouslypublishedwork，intwelvemooranyothermo。

THATinthetitlepageandprefacetothesaidwork，yourHonourablesexaredescribedandclassifiedasanimals;andalthoughyourDedicatorisnotatpresentpreparedtodenythatyouAREanimals，stillhehumblysubmitsthatitisnotpolitetocallyouso。

THATintheaforesaidpreface，yourHonourablesexarealsodescribedasTroglodites，which，beingahardword，may，foraughtyourHonourablesexoryourDedicatorcansaytothecontrary，beaninjuriousanddisrespectfulappellation。

THATtheauthorofthesaidworkappliedhimselftohistaskinmaliceprepenseandwithwickednessaforethought;afactwhich，yourDedicatorcontends，issufficientlydemonstrated，byhisassumingthenameofQuiz，which，yourDedicatorsubmits，denotesaforegoneconclusion，andimpliesanintentionofquizzing。

THATintheexecutionofhisevildesign，thesaidQuiz，orauthorofthesaidwork，musthavebetrayedsometrustorconfidencereposedinhimbysomemembersofyourHonourablesex，otherwisehenevercouldhaveacquiredsomuchinformationrelativetothemannersandcustomsofyourHonourablesexingeneral。

THATactuatedbytheseconsiderations，andfurthermovedbyvariousslandersandinsinuationsrespectingyourHonourablesexcontainedinthesaidwork，squaretwelvemo，entitled’SketchesofYoungLadies，’yourDedicatorventurestoproduceanotherwork，squaretwelvemo，entitled’SketchesofYoungGentlemen，’ofwhichhenowsolicitsyouracceptanceandapproval。

THATastheYoungLadiesarethebestcompanionsoftheYoungGentlemen，sotheYoungGentlemenshouldbethebestcompanionsoftheYoungLadies;andextendingthecomparisonfromanimals（toquotethedisrespectfullanguageofthesaidQuiz）toinanimateobjects，yourDedicatorhumblysuggests，thatsuchofyourHonourablesexaspurchasedthebaneshouldpossessthemselvesoftheantidote，andthatthoseofyourHonourablesexwhowerenotrashenoughtotakethefirst，shouldlosenotimeinswallowingthelast，—preventionbeinginallcasesbetterthancure，asweareinformedupontheauthority，notonlyofgeneralacknowledgment，butalsooftraditionarywisdom。

THATwithreferencetothesaidbaneandantidote，yourDedicatorhasnofurtherremarkstomake，thanarecomprisedintheprinteddirectionsissuedwithDoctorMorison’spills;namely，thatwheneveryourHonourablesextaketwenty—fiveofNumber，1，youwillbepleasedtotakefiftyofNumber2，withoutdelay。

AndyourDedicatorshalleverpray，&c。

THEBASHFULYOUNGGENTLEMAN

Wefoundourselfseatedatasmalldinnerpartytheotherday，oppositeastrangerofsuchsingularappearanceandmanner，thatheirresistiblyattractedourattention。

Thiswasafresh—colouredyounggentleman，withasgoodapromiseoflightwhiskerasonemightwishtosee，andpossessedofaveryvelvet—like，soft—lookingcountenance。Wedonotusethelatterterminvidiously，butmerelytodenoteapairofsmooth，plump，highly—colouredcheeksofcapaciousdimensions，andamouthratherremarkableforthefreshhueofthelipsthanforanymarkedorstrikingexpressionitpresented。Hiswholefacewassuffusedwithacrimsonblush，andborethatdowncast，timid，retiringlook，whichbetokensamanillateasewithhimself。

Therewasnothinginthesesymptomstoattractmorethanapassingremark，butourattentionhadbeenoriginallydrawntothebashfulyounggentleman，onhisfirstappearanceinthedrawing—roomabove—

stairs，intowhichhewasnosoonerintroduced，thanmakinghiswaytowardsuswhowerestandinginawindow，andwhollyneglectingseveralpersonswhowarmlyaccostedhim，heseizedourhandwithvisibleemotion，andpresseditwithaconvulsivegraspforagoodcoupleofminutes，afterwhichhedivedinanervousmanneracrosstheroom，oversettinginhiswayafinelittlegirlofsixyearsandaquarterold—andshroudinghimselfbehindsomehangings，wasseennomore，untiltheeagleeyeofthehostessdetectinghiminhisconcealment，ontheannouncementofdinner，hewasrequestedtopairoffwithalivelysinglelady，oftwoorthreeandthirty。

Thismostflatteringsalutationfromaperfectstranger，wouldhavegratifiedusnotalittleasatokenofhishavingheldusinhighrespect，andforthatreasonbeendesirousofouracquaintance，ifwehadnotsuspectedfromthefirst，thattheyounggentleman，inmakingadesperateefforttogetthroughtheceremonyofintroduction，had，inthebewildermentofhisideas，shakenhandswithusatrandom。Thisimpressionwasfullyconfirmedbythesubsequentbehaviourofthebashfulyounggentlemaninquestion，whichwenotedparticularly，withtheviewofascertainingwhetherwewererightinourconjecture。

Theyounggentlemanseatedhimselfattablewithevidentmisgivings，andturningsharproundtopayattentiontosomeobservationofhisloquaciousneighbour，oversethisbread。Therewasnothingverybadinthis，andifhehadhadthepresenceofmindtoletitgo，andsaynothingaboutit，nobodybutthemanwhohadlaidtheclothwouldhavebeenabitthewiser;buttheyounggentlemaninvarioussemi—successfulattemptstopreventitsfall，playedwithitalittle，asgentlemeninthestreetsmaybeseentodowiththeirhatsonawindyday，andthengivingtherollasmartrapinhisanxietytocatchit，knockeditwithgreatadroitnessintoatureenofwhitesoupatsomedistance，totheunspeakableterroranddisturbanceofaveryamiablebaldgentleman，whowasdispensingthecontents。Wethoughtthebashfulyounggentlemanwouldhavegoneoffinanapoplecticfit，consequentupontheviolentrushofbloodtohisfaceattheoccurrenceofthiscatastrophe。

Fromthismomentweperceived，inthephraseologyofthefancy，thatitwas’allup’withthebashfulyounggentleman，andsoindeeditwas。Severalbenevolentpersonsendeavouredtorelievehisembarrassmentbytakingwinewithhim，butfindingthatitonlyaugmentedhissufferings，andthatafterminglingsherry，champagne，hock，andmoselletogether，heappliedthegreaterpartofthemixtureexternally，insteadofinternally，theygraduallydroppedoff，andlefthimtotheexclusivecareofthetalkativelady，who，notnotingthewildnessofhiseye，firmlybelievedshehadsecuredalistener。Hebrokeaglassortwointhecourseofthemeal，anddisappearedshortlyafterwards;itisinferredthathewentawayinsomeconfusion，inasmuchasheleftthehouseinanothergentleman’scoat，andthefootman’shat。

Thislittleincidentledustoreflectuponthemostprominentcharacteristicsofbashfulyounggentlemenintheabstract;andasthisportablevolumewillbethegreattext—bookofyoungladiesinallfuturegenerations，werecordthemherefortheirguidanceandbehoof。

Ifthebashfulyounggentleman，inturningastreetcorner，chancetostumblesuddenlyupontwoorthreeyoungladiesofhisacquaintance，nothingcanexceedhisconfusionandagitation。Hisfirstimpulseistomakeagreatvarietyofbows，anddartpastthem，whichhedoesuntil，observingthattheywishtostop，butareuncertainwhethertodosoornot，hemakesseveralfeintsofreturning，whichcausesthemtodothesame;andatlength，afteragreatquantityofunnecessarydodgingandfallingupagainsttheotherpassengers，hereturnsandshakeshandsmostaffectionatelywithallofthem，indoingwhichheknocksoutoftheirgraspsundrylittleparcels，whichhehastilypicksup，andreturnsverymuddyanddisordered。Thechancesarethatthebashfulyounggentlemanthenobservesitisveryfineweather，andbeingremindedthatithasonlyjustleftoffrainingforthefirsttimethesethreedays，heblushesverymuch，andsmilesasifhehadsaidaverygoodthing。Theyoungladywhowasmostanxioustospeak，hereinquires，withanairofgreatcommiseration，howhisdearsisterHarrietisto—day;towhichtheyounggentleman，withouttheslightestconsideration，replieswithmanythanks，thatsheisremarkablywell。’Well，Mr。Hopkins！’criestheyounglady，’why，weheardshewasbledyesterdayevening，andhavebeenperfectlymiserableabouther。’’Oh，ah，’saystheyounggentleman，’soshewas。Oh，she’sveryill，veryillindeed。’Theyounggentlemanthenshakeshishead，andlooksverydesponding（hehasbeensmilingperpetuallyuptothistime），andafterashortpause，giveshisgloveagreatwrenchatthewrist，andsays，withastrongemphasisontheadjective，’GOODmorning，GOODmorning。’

Andmakingagreatnumberofbowsinacknowledgmentofseverallittlemessagestohissister，walksbackwardafewpaces，andcomeswithgreatviolenceagainstalamp—post，knockinghishatoffinthecontact，whichinhismentalconfusionandbodilypainheisgoingtowalkawaywithout，untilagreatroarfromacarterattractshisattention，whenhepicksitup，andtriestosmilecheerfullytotheyoungladies，whoarelookingback，andwho，hehasthesatisfactionofseeing，arealllaughingheartily。

Ataquadrilleparty，thebashfulyounggentlemanalwaysremainsasneartheentranceoftheroomaspossible，fromwhichpositionhesmilesatthepeopleheknowsastheycomein，andsometimesstepsforwardtoshakehandswithmoreintimatefriends:aprocesswhichoneachrepetitionseemstoturnhimadeeperscarletthanbefore。

Hedeclinesdancingthefirstsetortwo，observing，inafaintvoice，thathewouldratherwaitalittle;butatlengthisabsolutelycompelledtoallowhimselftobeintroducedtoapartner，whenheisled，inagreatheatandblushingfuriously，acrosstheroomtoaspotwherehalf—a—dozenunknownladiesarecongregatedtogether。

’MissLambert，letmeintroduceMr。Hopkinsforthenextquadrille。’MissLambertinclinesherheadgraciously。Mr。

Hopkinsbows，andhisfairconductressdisappears，leavingMr。

Hopkins，ashetoowellknows，tomakehimselfagreeable。Theyoungladymorethanhalfexpectsthatthebashfulyounggentlemanwillsaysomething，andthebashfulyounggentlemanfeelingthis，seriouslythinkswhetherhehasgotanythingtosay，which，uponmaturereflection，heisratherdisposedtoconcludehehasnot，sincenothingoccurstohim。Meanwhile，theyounglady，afterseveralinspectionsofherBOUQUET，allmadeintheexpectationthatthebashfulyounggentlemanisgoingtotalk，whispershermamma，whoissittingnexther，whichwhisperthebashfulyounggentlemanimmediatelysuspects（andpossiblywithverygoodreason）

mustbeaboutHIM。Inthiscomfortableconditionheremainsuntilitistimeto’standup，’whenmurmuringa’Willyouallowme？’hegivestheyoungladyhisarm，andafterinquiringwhereshewillstand，andreceivingareplythatshehasnochoice，conductshertotheremotestcornerofthequadrille，andmakingoneattemptatconversation，whichturnsoutadesperatefailure，preservesaprofoundsilenceuntilitisallover，whenhewalkshertwiceroundtheroom，depositsherinheroldseat，andretiresinconfusion。

Amarriedbashfulgentleman—forthesebashfulgentlemendogetmarriedsometimes;howitiseverbroughtabout，isamysterytous—amarriedbashfulgentlemaneithercauseshiswifetoappearboldbycontrast，ormergesherproperimportanceinhisowninsignificance。Bashfulyounggentlemenshouldbecured，oravoided。Theyareneverhopeless，andneverwillbe，whilefemalebeautyandattractionsretaintheirinfluence，asanyyoungladywillfind，whomaythinkitworthwhileonthisconfidentassurancetotakeapatientinhand。

THEOUT—AND—OUTYOUNGGENTLEMAN

Out—and—outyounggentlemenmaybedividedintotwoclasses—thosewhohavesomethingtodo，andthosewhohavenothing。Ishallcommencewiththeformer，becausethatspeciescomemorefrequentlyunderthenoticeofyoungladies，whomitisourprovincetowarnandtoinstruct。

Theout—and—outyounggentlemanisusuallynogreatdresser，hisinstructionstohistailorbeingallcomprehendedintheonegeneraldirectionto’makethatwhat’s—a—namearegularbang—upsortofthing。’Forsomeyearspast，thefavouritecostumeoftheout—and—outyounggentlemanhasbeenaroughpilotcoat，withtwogilthooksandeyestothevelvetcollar;buttonssomewhatlargerthancrown—pieces;ablackorfancyneckerchief，looselytied;awide—brimmedhat，withalowcrown;tightishinexpressibles，andiron—shodboots。Outofdoorshesometimescarriesalargeashstick，butonlyonspecialoccasions，forhepreferskeepinghishandsinhiscoatpockets。Hesmokesatallhours，ofcourse，andswearsconsiderably。

Theout—and—outyounggentlemanisemployedinacitycounting—

houseorsolicitor’soffice，inwhichhedoesaslittleashepossiblycan:hischiefplacesofresortare，thestreets，thetaverns，andthetheatres。Inthestreetsateveningtime，out—

and—outyounggentlemenhaveapleasantcustomofwalkingsixoreightabreast，thusdrivingfemalesandotherinoffensivepersonsintotheroad，whichneverfailstoaffordthemthehighestsatisfaction，especiallyiftherebeanyimmediatedangeroftheirbeingrunover，whichenhancesthefunofthethingmaterially。Inallplacesofpublicresort，theout—and—outersarecarefultoselecteachaseattohimself，uponwhichheliesatfulllength，and（iftheweatherbeverydirty，butnotinanyothercase）helieswithhiskneesup，andthesolesofhisbootsplantedfirmlyonthecushion，sothatifanylowfellowshouldaskhimtomakeroomforalady，hetakesamplerevengeuponherdress，withoutgoingatalloutofhiswaytodoit。Healwayssitswithhishaton，andflourisheshisstickintheairwhiletheplayisproceeding，withadignifiedcontemptoftheperformance;ifitbepossibleforoneortwoout—and—outyounggentlementogetupalittlecrowdinginthepassages，theyarequiteintheirelement，squeezing，pushing，whooping，andshoutinginthemosthumorousmannerpossible。Iftheycanonlysucceedinirritatingthegentlemanwhohasafamilyofdaughtersunderhischarge，theyareliketodiewithlaughing，andboastofitamongtheircompanionsforaweekafterwards，adding，thatoneortwoofthemwere’devilishfinegirls，’andthattheyreallythoughttheyoungestwouldhavefainted，whichwastheonlythingwantedtorenderthejokecomplete。

Iftheout—and—outyounggentlemanhaveamotherandsisters，ofcoursehetreatsthemwithbecomingcontempt，inasmuchasthey（poorthings！）havingnonotionoflifeorgaiety，arefartooweak—spiritedandmopingforhim。Sometimes，however，onabirth—

dayoratChristmas—time，hecannotverywellhelpaccompanyingthemtoapartyatsomeoldfriend’s，withwhichviewhecomeshomewhentheyhavebeendressedanhourortwo，smellingverystronglyoftobaccoandspirits，andafterexchanginghisroughcoatforsomemoresuitableattire（inwhichhoweverhelosesnothingoftheout—and—outer），getsintothecoachandgrumblesallthewayathisowngoodnature:hisbitterreflectionsaggravatedbytherecollection，thatTomSmithhastakenthechairatalittleimpromptudinneratafightingman’s，andthataset—towastotakeplaceonadining—table，betweenthefightingmanandhisbrother—

in—law，whichisprobably’comingoff’atthatveryinstant。

Astheout—and—outyounggentlemanisbynomeansathiseaseinladies’society，heshrinksintoacornerofthedrawing—roomwhentheyreachthefriend’s，andunlessoneofhissistersiskindenoughtotalktohim，remainstherewithoutbeingmuchtroubledbytheattentionsofotherpeople，untilheespies，lingeringoutsidethedoor，anothergentleman，whomheatonceknows，byhisairandmanner（forthereisakindoffree—masonryinthecraft），tobeabrotherout—and—outer，andtowardswhomheaccordinglymakeshisway。Conversationbeingsoonopenedbysomecasualremark，thesecondout—and—outerconfidentiallyinformsthefirst，thatheisoneoftheroughsortandhatesthatkindofthing，onlyhecouldn’tverywellbeoffcoming;towhichtheotherreplies，thatthat’sjusthiscase—’andI’lltellyouwhat，’continuestheout—

and—outerinawhisper，’Ishouldlikeaglassofwarmbrandyandwaterjustnow，’—’Orapintofstoutandapipe，’suggeststheotherout—and—outer。

Thediscoveryisatoncemadethattheyaresympatheticsouls;eachofthemsaysatthesamemoment，thatheseestheotherunderstandswhat’swhat:andtheybecomefastfriendsatonce，moreespeciallywhenitappears，thatthesecondout—and—outerisnootherthanagentleman，longfavourablyknowntohisfamiliarsas’Mr。WarmintBlake，’whoupondiversoccasionshasdistinguishedhimselfinamannerthatwouldnothavedisgracedthefightingman，andwho—

havingbeenaprettylongtimeabouttown—hadthehonourofonceshakinghandswiththecelebratedMr。Thurtellhimself。

Atsupper，thesegentlemengreatlydistinguishthemselves，brighteningupverymuchwhentheladiesleavethetable，andproclaimingaloudtheirintentionofbeginningtospendtheevening—aprocesswhichisgenerallyunderstoodtobesatisfactorilyperformed，whenagreatdealofwineisdrunkandagreatdealofnoisemade，bothofwhichfeatstheout—and—outyounggentlemenexecutetoperfection。Havingprotractedtheirsittinguntillongafterthehostandtheotherguestshaveadjournedtothedrawing—

room，andfindingthattheyhavedrainedthedecantersempty，theyfollowthemthitherwithcomplexionsratherheightened，andfacesratherbloatedwithwine;andtheagitatedladyofthehousewhispersherfriendsastheywaltztogether，tothegreatterrorofthewholeroom，that’bothMr。BlakeandMr。Dumminsareverynicesortofyoungmenintheirway，onlytheyareeccentricpersons，andunfortunatelyRATHERTOOWILD！’

Theremainingclassofout—and—outyounggentlemeniscomposedofpersons，who，havingnomoneyoftheirownandasoulaboveearningany，enjoysimilarpleasures，nobodyknowshow。Theserespectablegentlemen，withoutaimingquitesomuchattheout—and—outinexternalappearance，aredistinguishedbyallthesameamiableandattractivecharacteristics，inanequalorperhapsgreaterdegree，andnowandthenfindtheirwayintosociety，throughthemediumoftheotherclassofout—and—outyounggentlemen，whowillsometimescarrythemhome，andwhousuallypaytheirtavernbills。Astheyareequallygentlemanly，clever，witty，intelligent，wise，andwell—bred，weneedscarcelyhaverecommendedthemtothepeculiarconsiderationoftheyoungladies，ifitwerenotthatsomeofthegentlecreatureswhomweholdinsuchhighrespect，areperhapsalittletooapttoconfoundagreatmanyheaviertermswiththelightwordeccentricity，whichwebegthemhenceforthtotakeinastrictlyJohnsoniansense，withoutanyliberalityorlatitudeofconstruction。