THEVERYFRIENDLYYOUNGGENTLEMAN
Weknow—andallpeopleknow—somanyspecimensofthisclass，thatinselectingthefewheadsourlimitsenableustotakefromagreatnumber，wehavebeeninducedtogivetheveryfriendlyyounggentlemanthepreferenceovermanyothers，towhoseclaimsuponamorecursoryviewofthequestionwehadfeltdisposedtoassignthepriority。
Theveryfriendlyyounggentlemanisveryfriendlytoeverybody，butheattacheshimselfparticularlytotwo，oratmosttothreefamilies:regulatinghischoicebytheirdinners，theircircleofacquaintance，orsomeothercriterioninwhichhehasanimmediateinterest。Heisofanyagebetweentwentyandforty，unmarriedofcourse，mustbefondofchildren，andisexpectedtomakehimselfgenerallyusefulifpossible。Letusillustrateourmeaningbyanexample，whichistheshortestmodeandtheclearest。
Weencounteredoneday，bychance，anoldfriendofwhomwehadlostsightforsomeyears，andwho—expressingastronganxietytorenewourformerintimacy—urgedustodinewithhimonanearlyday，thatwemighttalkoveroldtimes。Wereadilyassented，adding，thatwehopedweshouldbealone。’Oh，certainly，certainly，’saidourfriend，’notasoulwithusbutMincin。’’AndwhoisMincin？’wasournaturalinquiry。’Odon’tmindhim，’
repliedourfriend，’he’samostparticularfriendofmine，andaveryfriendlyfellowyouwillfindhim;’andsoheleftus。
’WethoughtnomoreaboutMincinuntilwedulypresentedourselvesatthehousenextday，when，afteraheartywelcome，ourfriendmotionedtowardsagentlemanwhohadbeenpreviouslyshowinghisteethbythefireplace，andgaveustounderstandthatitwasMr。
Mincin，ofwhomhehadspoken。ItrequirednogreatpenetrationonourparttodiscoveratoncethatMr。Mincinwasineveryrespectaveryfriendlyyounggentleman。
’Iamdelighted，’saidMincin，hastilyadvancing，andpressingourhandwarmlybetweenbothofhis，’Iamdelighted，Iamsure，tomakeyouracquaintance—（herehesmiled）—verymuchdelightedindeed—（hereheexhibitedalittleemotion）—IassureyouthatI
havelookedforwardtoitanxiouslyforaverylongtime:’herehereleasedourhands，andrubbinghisown，observed，thatthedaywassevere，butthathewasdelightedtoperceivefromourappearancethatitagreedwithuswonderfully;andthenwentontoobserve，that，notwithstandingthecoldnessoftheweather，hehadthatmorningseeninthepaperanexceedinglycuriousparagraph，totheeffect，thattherewasnowinthegardenofMr。WilkinsofChichester，apumpkin，measuringfourfeetinheight，andelevenfeetseveninchesincircumference，whichhelookeduponasaveryextraordinarypieceofintelligence。Weventuredtoremark，thatwehadadimrecollectionofhavingonceortwicebeforeobservedasimilarparagraphinthepublicprints，uponwhichMr。Mincintookusconfidentiallybythebutton，andsaid，Exactly，exactly，tobesure，wewereveryright，andhewonderedwhattheeditorsmeantbyputtinginsuchthings。Whothedeuce，heshouldliketoknow，didtheysupposecaredaboutthem？thatstruckhimasbeingthebestofit。
Theladyofthehouseappearedshortlyafterwards，andMr。Mincin’sfriendliness，aswillreadilybesupposed，sufferednodiminutioninconsequence;heexertedmuchstrengthandskillinwheelingalargeeasy—chairuptothefire，andtheladybeingseatedinit，carefullyclosedthedoor，stirredthefire，andlookedtothewindowstoseethattheyadmittednoair;havingsatisfiedhimselfuponallthesepoints，heexpressedhimselfquiteeasyinhismind，andbeggedtoknowhowshefoundherselfto—day。Uponthelady’sreplyingverywell，Mr。Mincin（whoitappearedwasamedicalgentleman）offeredsomegeneralremarksuponthenatureandtreatmentofcoldsinthehead，whichoccupiedusagreeablyuntildinner—time。Duringthemeal，hedevotedhimselftocomplimentingeverybody，notforgettinghimself，sothatwewereanuncommonlyagreeablequartette。
’I’lltellyouwhat，Capper，’saidMr。Mincintoourhost，asheclosedtheroomdooraftertheladyhadretired，’youhaveverygreatreasontobefondofyourwife。Sweetwoman，Mrs。Capper，sir！’’Nay，Mincin—Ibeg，’interposedthehost，aswewereabouttoreplythatMrs。Capperunquestionablywasparticularlysweet。
’Pray，Mincin，don’t。’’Whynot？’exclaimedMr。Mincin，’whynot？
Whyshouldyoufeelanydelicacybeforeyouroldfriend—OURoldfriend，ifImaybeallowedtocallyouso，sir;whyshouldyou，I
ask？’Weofcoursewishedtoknowwhyheshouldalso，uponwhichourfriendadmittedthatMrs。CapperWASaverysweetwoman，atwhichadmissionMr。Mincincried’Bravo！’andbeggedtoproposeMrs。Capperwithheartfeltenthusiasm，whereuponourhostsaid，’Thankyou，Mincin，’withdeepfeeling;andgaveus，inalowvoice，tounderstand，thatMincinhadsavedMrs。Capper’scousin’slifenolessthanfourteentimesinayearandahalf，whichheconsiderednocommoncircumstance—anopiniontowhichwemostcordiallysubscribed。
Nowthatwethreewerelefttoentertainourselveswithconversation，Mr。Mincin’sextremefriendlinessbecameeverymomentmoreapparent;hewassoamazinglyfriendly，indeed，thatitwasimpossibletotalkaboutanythinginwhichhehadnotthechiefconcern。Wehappenedtoalludetosomeaffairsinwhichourfriendandwehadbeenmutuallyengagednearlyfourteenyearsbefore，whenMr。Mincinwasallatonceremindedofajokewhichourfriendhadmadeonthatdayfouryears，whichhepositivelymustinsistupontelling—andwhichhedidtellaccordingly，withmanypleasantrecollectionsofwhathesaid，andwhatMrs。Cappersaid，andhowhewellrememberedthattheyhadbeentotheplaywithordersontheverynightprevious，andhadseenRomeoandJuliet，andthepantomime，andhowMrs。Capperbeingfainthadbeenledintothelobby，whereshesmiled，saiditwasnothingafterall，andwentbackagain，withmanyotherinterestingandabsorbingparticulars:
afterwhichthefriendlyyounggentlemanwentontoassureus，thatourfriendhadexperiencedamarvellouslypropheticopinionofthatsamepantomime，whichwasofsuchanadmirablekind，thattwomorningpaperstookthesameviewnextday:tothisourfriendreplied，withalittletriumph，thatinthatinstancehehadsomereasontothinkhehadbeencorrect，whichgavethefriendlyyounggentlemanoccasiontobelievethatourfriendwasalwayscorrect;
andsowewenton，untilourfriend，fillingabumper，saidhemustdrinkoneglasstohisdearfriendMincin，thanwhomhewouldsaynomansavedthelivesofhisacquaintancesmore，orhadamorefriendlyheart。Finally，ourfriendhavingemptiedhisglass，said，’Godblessyou，Mincin，’—andMr。Mincinandheshookhandsacrossthetablewithmuchaffectionandearnestness。
Butgreatasthefriendlyyounggentlemanis，inalimitedscenelikethis，heplaysthesamepartonalargerscalewithincreasedECLAT。Mr。MincinisinvitedtoaneveningpartywithhisdearfriendstheMartins，wherehemeetshisdearfriendstheCappers，andhisdearfriendstheWatsons，andahundredotherdearfriendstoonumeroustomention。HeisasmuchathomewiththeMartinsaswiththeCappers;buthowexquisitelyhebalanceshisattentions，anddividesthemamonghisdearfriends！IfheflirtswithoneoftheMissWatsons，hehasonelittleMartinonthesofapullinghishair，andtheotherlittleMartinonthecarpetridingonhisfoot。
HecarriesMrs。Watsondowntosupperononearm，andMissMartinontheother，andtakeswinesojudiciously，andinsuchexactorder，thatitisimpossibleforthemostpunctiliousoldladytoconsiderherselfneglected。Ifanyyounglady，beingprevailedupontosing，becomenervousafterwards，Mr。Mincinleadshertenderlyintothenextroom，andrestoresherwithportwine，whichshemusttakemedicinally。Ifanygentlemanbestandingbythepianoduringtheprogressoftheballad，Mr。Mincinseizeshimbythearmatonepointofthemelody，andsoftlybeatingtimethewhilewithhishead，expressesindumbshowhisintenseperceptionofthedelicacyofthepassage。Ifanybody’sself—loveistobeflattered，Mr。Mincinisathand。Ifanybody’soverweeningvanityistobepampered，Mr。Mincinwillsurfeitit。WhatwonderthatpeopleofallstationsandagesrecogniseMr。Mincin’sfriendliness;thatheisuniversallyallowedtobehandsomeasamiable;thatmothersthinkhimanoracle，daughtersadear，brothersabeau，andfathersawonder！Andwhowouldnothavethereputationoftheveryfriendlyyounggentleman？
THEMILITARYYOUNGGENTLEMAN
Weareratheratalosstoimaginehowithascometopassthatmilitaryyounggentlemenhaveobtainedsomuchfavourintheeyesoftheyoungladiesofthiskingdom。Wecannotthinksolightlyofthemastosupposethatthemerecircumstanceofaman’swearingaredcoatensureshimareadypassporttotheirregard;andevenifthiswerethecase，itwouldbenosatisfactoryexplanationofthecircumstance，because，althoughtheanalogymayinsomedegreeholdgoodinthecaseofmailcoachmenandguards，stillgeneralpostmenwearredcoats，andTHEYarenottoourknowledgebetterreceivedthanothermen;norarefiremeneither，whowear（orusedtowear）
notonlyredcoats，butveryresplendentandmassivebadgesbesides—muchlargerthanepaulettes。Neitherdothetwopennypost—officeboys，iftheresultofourinquiriesbecorrect，findanypeculiarfavourinwoman’seyes，althoughtheywearverybrightredjackets，andhavetheadditionaladvantageofconstantlyappearinginpubliconhorseback，whichlastcircumstancemaybenaturallysupposedtobegreatlyintheirfavour。
Wehavesometimesthoughtthatthisphenomenonmaytakeitsriseintheconventionalbehaviourofcaptainsandcolonelsandothergentlemeninredcoatsonthestage，wheretheyareinvariablyrepresentedasfineswaggeringfellows，talkingofnothingbutcharminggirls，theirkingandcountry，theirhonour，andtheirdebts，andcrowingovertheinferiorclassesofthecommunity，whomtheyoccasionallytreatwithalittlegentlemanlyswindling，nolesstotheimprovementandpleasureoftheaudience，thantothesatisfactionandapprovalofthechoicespiritswhoconsortwiththem。Butwewillnotdevotethesepagestoourspeculationsuponthesubject，inasmuchasourbusinessatthepresentmomentisnotsomuchwiththeyoungladieswhoarebewitchedbyherMajesty’sliveryaswiththeyounggentlemenwhoseheadsareturnedbyit。
For’heads’wehadwritten’brains;’butuponconsideration，wethinktheformerthemoreappropriatewordofthetwo。
Theseyounggentlemenmaybedividedintotwoclasses—younggentlemenwhoareactuallyinthearmy，andyounggentlemenwho，havinganintenseandenthusiasticadmirationforallthingsappertainingtoamilitarylife，arecompelledbyadversefortuneoradverserelationstowearouttheirexistenceinsomeignoblecounting—house。Wewilltakethislatterdescriptionofmilitaryyounggentlemenfirst。
Thewholeheartandsoulofthemilitaryyounggentlemanareconcentratedinhisfavouritetopic。Thereisnothingthatheissolearneduponasuniforms;hewilltellyou，withoutfalteringforaninstant，whatthehabilimentsofanyoneregimentareturnedupwith，whatregimentwearstripesdowntheoutsideandinsideoftheleg，andhowmanybuttonstheTenthhadontheircoats;heknowstoafractionhowmanyyardsandoddinchesofgoldlaceittakestomakeanensignintheGuards;isdeeplyreadinthecomparativemeritsofdifferentbands，andtheapparellingoftrumpeters;andisveryluminousindeedindescantingupon’crackregiments，’andthe’crack’gentlemenwhocomposethem，ofwhosemightinessandgrandeurheisnevertiredoftelling。
Weweresuggestingtoamilitaryyounggentlemanonlytheotherday，afterhehadrelatedtousseveraldazzlinginstancesoftheprofusionofhalf—a—dozenhonourableensignsomebodiesornobodiesinthearticlesofkidglovesandpolishedboots，thatpossibly’cracked’regimentswouldbeanimprovementupon’crack，’asbeingamoreexpressiveandappropriatedesignation，whenhesuddenlyinterruptedusbypullingouthiswatch，andobservingthathemusthurryofftotheParkinacab，orhewouldbetoolatetohearthebandplay。Notwishingtointerferewithsoimportantanengagement，andbeinginfactalreadyslightlyoverwhelmedbytheanecdotesofthehonourableensignsafore—mentioned，wemadenoattempttodetainthemilitaryyounggentleman，butpartedcompanywithreadygood—will。
Somethreeorfourhoursafterwards，wechancedtobewalkingdownWhitehall，ontheAdmiraltysideoftheway，when，aswedrewneartooneofthelittlestoneplacesinwhichacoupleofhorsesoldiersmountguardinthedaytime，wewereattractedbythemotionlessappearanceandeagergazeofayounggentleman，whowasdevouringbothmanandhorsewithhiseyes，soeagerly，thatheseemeddeafandblindtoallthatwaspassingaroundhim。Wewerenotmuchsurprisedatthediscoverythatitwasourfriend，themilitaryyounggentleman，butweWEREalittleastonishedwhenwereturnedfromawalktoSouthLambethtofindhimstillthere，lookingonwiththesameintensityasbefore。Asitwasaverywindyday，wefeltboundtoawakentheyounggentlemanfromhisreverie，whenheinquiredofuswithgreatenthusiasm，whether’thatwasnotagloriousspectacle，’andproceededtogiveusadetailedaccountoftheweightofeveryarticleofthespectacle’strappings，fromtheman’sglovestothehorse’sshoes。
Wehavemadeitapracticesince，totaketheHorseGuardsinourdailywalk，andwefinditisthecustomofmilitaryyounggentlementoplantthemselvesoppositethesentries，andcontemplatethematleisure，inperiodsvaryingfromfifteenminutestofifty，andaveragingtwenty—five。Weweremuchstruckadayortwosince，bythebehaviourofaverypromisingyoungbutcherwho（evincinganinterestintheservice，whichcannotbetoostronglycommandedorencouraged），afteraprolongedinspectionofthesentry，proceededtohandlehisbootswithgreatcuriosity，andasmuchcomposureandindifferenceasifthemanwerewax—work。
Butthereallymilitaryyounggentlemaniswaitingallthistime，andattheverymomentthatanapologyrisestoourlips，heemergesfromthebarrackgate（heisquarteredinagarrisontown），andtakesthewaytowardsthehighstreet。Hewearshisundressuniform，whichsomewhatmarsthegloryofhisoutwardman;butstillhowgreat，howgrand，heis！Whatahappymixtureofeaseandferocityinhisgaitandcarriage，andhowlightlyhecarriesthatdreadfulswordunderhisarm，makingnomoreadoaboutitthanifitwereasilkumbrella！Thelionissleeping:onlythinkifanenemywereinsight，howsoonhe’dwhipitoutofthescabbard，andwhataterriblefellowhewouldbe！
Buthewalkson，thinkingofnothinglessthanbloodandslaughter;
andnowhecomesinsightofthreeothermilitaryyounggentlemen，arm—in—arm，whoarebearingdowntowardshim，clankingtheirironheelsonthepavement，andclashingtheirswordswithanoise，whichshouldcauseallpeacefulmentoquailatheart。Theystoptotalk。Seehowtheflaxen—hairedyounggentlemanwiththeweaklegs—hewhohashispocket—handkerchiefthrustintothebreastofhiscoat—glaresuponthefaintheartedcivilianswholingertolookuponhisglory;howthenextyounggentlemanelevateshisheadintheair，andmajesticallyplaceshisarmsa—kimbo，whilethethirdstandswithhislegsverywideapart，andclaspshishandsbehindhim。Wellmayweinquire—notinfamiliarjest，butinrespectfulearnest—ifyoucallthatnothing。Oh！ifsomeencroachingforeignpower—theEmperorofRussia，forinstance，oranyofthosedeepfellows，couldonlyseethosemilitaryyounggentlemenastheymoveontogethertowardsthebilliard—roomovertheway，wouldn’thetremblealittle！
Andthen，attheTheatreatnight，whentheperformancesarebycommandofColonelFitz—Sordustandtheofficersofthegarrison—
whatasplendidsightitis！Howsternlythedefendersoftheircountrylookroundthehouseasifinmuteassurancetotheaudience，thattheymaymakethemselvescomfortableregardinganyforeigninvasion，forthey（themilitaryyounggentlemen）arekeepingasharplook—out，andarereadyforanything。Andwhatacontrastbetweenthem，andthatstage—boxfullofgrey—headedofficerswithtokensofmanybattlesaboutthem，whohavenothingatallincommonwiththemilitaryyounggentlemen，andwho—butforanold—fashionedkindofmanlydignityintheirlooksandbearing—mightbecommonhard—workingsoldiersforanythingtheytakethepainstoannouncetothecontrary！
Ah！hereisafamilyjustcomeinwhorecognisetheflaxen—headedyounggentleman;andtheflaxen—headedyounggentlemanrecognisesthemtoo，onlyhedoesn’tcaretoshowitjustnow。Verywelldoneindeed！Hetalksloudertothelittlegroupofmilitaryyounggentlemenwhoarestandingbyhim，andcoughstoinducesomeladiesinthenextboxbutonetolookround，inorderthattheirfacesmayundergothesameordealofcriticismtowhichtheyhavesubjected，innotawhollyinaudibletone，themajorityofthefemaleportionoftheaudience。Oh！agentlemaninthesameboxlooksroundasifheweredisposedtoresentthisasanimpertinence;andtheflaxen—headedyounggentlemanseeshisfriendsatonce，andhurriesawaytothemwiththemostcharmingcordiality。
Threeyoungladies，oneyoungman，andthemammaoftheparty，receivethemilitaryyounggentlemanwithgreatwarmthandpoliteness，andinfiveminutesafterwardsthemilitaryyounggentleman，stimulatedbythemamma，introducesthetwoothermilitaryyounggentlemenwithwhomhewaswalkinginthemorning，whotaketheirseatsbehindtheyoungladiesandcommenceconversation;whereatthemammabestowsatriumphantbowuponarivalmamma，whohasnotsucceededindecoyinganymilitaryyounggentlemen，andpreparestoconsiderhervisitorsfromthatmomentthreeofthemostelegantandsuperioryounggentlemeninthewholeworld。
THEPOLITICALYOUNGGENTLEMAN
Onceuponatime—NOTinthedayswhenpigsdrankwine，butinamorerecentperiodofourhistory—itwascustomarytobanishpoliticswhenladieswerepresent。Ifthisusagestillprevailed，weshouldhavehadnochapterforpoliticalyounggentlemen，forladieswouldhaveneitherknownnorcaredwhatkindofmonsterapoliticalyounggentlemanwas。Butasthisgoodcustomincommonwithmanyothershas’goneout，’andleftnowordwhenitislikelytobehomeagain;aspoliticalyoungladiesarebynomeansrare，andpoliticalyounggentlementheveryreverseofscarce，weareboundinthestrictdischargeofourmostresponsibledutynottoneglectthisnaturaldivisionofoursubject。
Ifthepoliticalyounggentlemanberesidentinacountrytown（andthereAREpoliticalyounggentlemenincountrytownssometimes），heiswhollyabsorbedinhispolitics;asapairofpurplespectaclescommunicatethesameuniformtinttoallobjectsnearandremote，sothepoliticalglasses，withwhichtheyounggentlemanassistshismentalvision，givetoeverythingthehueandtingeofpartyfeeling。Thepoliticalyounggentlemanwouldassoonthinkofbeingstruckwiththebeautyofayoungladyintheoppositeinterest，ashewoulddreamofmarryinghissistertotheoppositemember。
IfthepoliticalyounggentlemanbeaConservative，hehasusuallysomevagueideasaboutIrelandandthePopewhichhecannotveryclearlyexplain，butwhichheknowsaretherightsortofthing，andnottobeveryeasilygotoverbytheotherside。Hehasalsosomechoicesentencesregardingchurchandstate，culledfromthebannersinuseatthelastelection，withwhichheintersperseshisconversationatintervalswithsurprisingeffect。Buthisgreattopicistheconstitution，uponwhichhewilldeclaim，bythehourtogether，withmuchheatandfury;notthathehasanyparticularinformationonthesubject，butbecauseheknowsthattheconstitutionissomehowchurchandstate，andchurchandstatesomehowtheconstitution，andthatthefellowsontheothersidesayitisn’t，whichisquiteasufficientreasonforhimtosayitis，andtosticktoit。