MAGISTRATE
Come，howisthat，eh？
LYSISTRATA
Firstwewashtheyarntoseparatethegreaseandfilth；dothesamewithallbadcitizens，sortthemoutanddrivethemforthwithrods—they’retherefuseofthecity。Thenforallsuchascomecrowdingupinsearchofemploymentsandoffices，wemustcardthemthoroughly；then，tobringthemalltothesamestandard，pitchthempell—mellintothesamebasket，residentaliensorno，allies，debtorstotheState，allmixeduptogether。ThenasforourColonies，youmustthinkofthemassomanyisolatedhanks；findtheendsoftheseparatethreads，drawthemtoacentrehere，windthemintoone，makeonegreathankofthelot，outofwhichthepubliccanweaveitselfagood，stouttunic。
MAGISTRATE
IsitnotasinandashametoseethemcardingandwindingtheState，thesewomenwhohaveneitherartnorpartintheburdensofthewar？
LYSISTRATA
What！wretchedman！why，it’safarheavierburdentousthantoyou。Inthefirstplace，webearsonswhogoofftofightfarawayfromAthens。
MAGISTRATE
Enoughsaid！donotrecallsadandsorrymemories！
LYSISTRATA
Thensecondly，insteadofenjoyingthepleasuresofloveandmakingthebestofouryouthandbeauty，wearelefttolanguishfarfromourhusbands，whoareallwiththearmy。Butsaynomoreofourselves；whatafflictsmeistoseeourgirlsgrowingoldinlonelygrief。
MAGISTRATE
Don’tthemengrowoldtoo？
LYSISTRATA
Thatisnotthesamething。Whenthesoldierreturnsfromthewars，eventhoughhehaswhitehair，heverysoonfindsayoungwife。Butawomanhasonlyonesummer；ifshedoesnotmakehaywhilethesunshines，noonewillafterwardshaveanythingtosaytoher，andshespendsherdaysconsultingoraclesthatneversendherahusband。
MAGISTRATE
Buttheoldmanwhocanstillgetanerection……
LYSISTRATA
Butyou，whydon’tyougetdonewithitanddie？Youarerich；
gobuyyourselfabier，andIwillkneadyouahoney—cakeforCerberus。Here，takethisgarland。
（Drenchinghimwithwater。）
CLEONICE
Andthisonetoo。
（Drenchinghimwithwater。）
MYRRHINE
Andthesefillets。
（Drenchinghimwithwater。）
LYSISTRATA
Whatelsedoyouneed？Stepaboardtheboat；Charoniswaitingforyou，you’rekeepinghimfrompushingoff。
MAGISTRATE
Totreatmesoscurvily！Whataninsult！Iwillgoshowmyselftomyfellow—magistratesjustasIam。
LYSISTRATA
What！areyoublamingusfornothavingexposedyouaccordingtocustom？Nay，consoleyourself；wewillnotfailtoofferupthethird—daysacrificeforyou，firstthinginthemorning。
（ShegoesintotheAcropolis，withCLEONICEandMYRRHINE。）
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Awake，friendsoffreedom；letusholdourselvesayereadytoact。
CHORUSOFOLDMEN（singing）
Isuspectamightyperil；IforeseeanothertyrannylikeHippias’。
IamsoreafraidtheLaconiansassembledherewithClistheneshave，byastratagemofwar，stirredupthesewomen，enemiesofthegods，toseizeuponourtreasuryandthefundswherebyIlived。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Isitnotasinandashameforthemtointerfereinadvisingthecitizens，toprateofshieldsandlances，andtoallythemselveswithLaconians，fellowsItrustnomorethanIwouldsomanyfamishedwolves？Thewholething，myfriends，isnothingelsebutanattempttore—establishtyranny。ButIwillneversubmit；Iwillbeonmyguardforthefuture；Iwillalwayscarryabladehiddenundermyrtleboughs；Iwillpostmyselfinthepublicsquareunderarms，shouldertoshoulderwithAristogiton；andnow，tomakeastart，I
mustjustbreakafewofthatcursedoldjade’steethyonder。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
Nay，neverplaythebraveman，elsewhenyougobackhome，yourownmotherwon’tknowyou。But，dearfriendsandallies，firstletuslayourburdensdown。
CHORUSOFWOMEN（singing）
Then，citizensall，hearwhatIhavetosay。Ihaveusefulcounseltogiveourcity，whichdeservesitwellatmyhandsforthebrilliantdistinctionsithaslavishedonmygirlhood。Atsevenyearsofage，Icarriedthesacredvessels；atten，IpoundedbarleyforthealtarofAthene；next，cladinarobeofyellowsilk，IplayedthebeartoArtemisattheBrauronia；presently，whenIwasgrownup，atall，handsomemaiden，theyputanecklaceofdriedfigsaboutmyneck，andIwasoneoftheCanephori。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
SosurelyIamboundtogivemybestadvicetoAthens。WhatmattersthatIwasbornawoman，ifIcancureyourmisfortunes？Ipaymyshareoftollsandtaxes，bygivingmentotheState。Butyou，youmiserablegreybeards，youcontributenothingtothepubliccharges；onthecontrary，youhavewastedthetreasureofourforefathers，asitwascalled，thetreasureamassedinthedaysofthePersianWars。Youpaynothingatallinreturn；andintothebargainyouendangerourlivesandlibertiesbyyourmistakes。Haveyouonewordtosayforyourselves？……Ah！don’tirritateme，youthere，orI’lllaymyslipperacrossyourjaws；andit’sprettyheavy。
CHORUSOFOLDMEN（singing）
Outrageuponoutrage！thingsaregoingfrombadtoworse。Letuspunishtheminxes，everyoneofusthathasballstoboastof。Come，offwithourtunics，foramanmustsavourofmanhood；come，myfriends，letusstripnakedfromheadtofoot。Courage，Isay，wewhoinourdaygarrisonedLipsydrion；letusbeyoungagain，andshakeoffeld。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Ifwegivethemtheleastholdoverus，that’stheend！theiraudacitywillknownobounds！Weshallseethembuildingships，andfightingsea—fights，likeArtemisia；and，iftheywanttomountandrideascavalry，wehadbestcashiertheknights，forindeedwomenexcelinriding，andhaveafine。firmseatforthegallop。JustthinkofallthosesquadronsofAmazonsMiconhaspaintedforusengagedinhand—to—handcombatwithmen。Comethen，wemustnowfitcollarstoallthesewillingnecks。
CHORUSOFWOMEN（singing）
Bytheblessedgoddesses，ifyouangerme，Iwillletloosethebeastofmyevilpassions，andaveryhailstormofblowswillsetyouyellingforhelp。Come，dames，offwithyourtunics，andquick’stheword；womenmustsmellthesmellofwomeninthethroesofpassion……Nowjustyoudaretomeasurestrengthwithme，oldgreybeard，andIwarrantyouyou’llnevereatgarlicorblackbeansanymore。No，notaword！myangerisatboilingpoint，andI’lldowithyouwhatthebeetledidwiththeeagle’seggs。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
Ilaughatyourthreats，solongasIhaveonmysideLampitohere，andthenobleTheban，mydearIsmenia……Passdecreeondecree，youcandousnohurt，youwretchabhorredofallyourfellows。Why，onlyyesterday，onoccasionofthefeastofHecate，IaskedmyneighboursofBoeotiaforoneoftheirdaughtersforwhommygirlshavealivelyliking—afine，fateeltowit；andiftheydidnotrefuse，allalongofyoursillydecrees！Weshallneverceasetosufferthelike，tillsomeonegivesyouaneattrip—upandbreaksyourneckforyou！（ToLYSISTRATAasshecomesoutfromtheAcropolis）You，Lysistrata，youwhoareleaderofourgloriousenterprise，whydoIseeyoucomingtowardsmewithsogloomyanair？
LYSISTRATA
It’sthebehaviourofthesenaughtywomen，it’sthefemaleheartandfemaleweaknessthatsodiscourageme。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
Tellus，tellus，whatisit？
LYSISTRATA
Ionlytellthesimpletruth。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
Whathashappenedsodisconcerting？Come，tellyourfriends。
LYSISTRATA
Oh！thethingissohardtotell—yetsoimpossibletoconceal。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
Neverseektohideanyillthathasbefallenourcause。
LYSISTRATA
Toblurtitoutinaword—wewantlaying！
LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
Oh！Zeus，oh！Zeus！
LYSISTRATA
WhatusecallinguponZeus？ThethingisevenasIsay。Icannotstopthemanylongerfromlustingafterthemen。Theyareallfordeserting。ThefirstIcaughtwasslippingoutbytheposterngatenearthecaveofPan；anotherwaslettingherselfdownbyaropeandpulley；athirdwasbusypreparingherescape；whileafourth，perchedonabird’sback，wasjusttakingwingforOrsilochus’house，whenI
seizedherbythehair。Oneandall，theyareinventingexcusestobeoffhome。（Pointingtothegate）Look！theregoesone，tryingtogetout！Halloathere！whitherawaysofast？
FIRSTWOMAN
Iwanttogohome；IhavesomeMilesianwoolinthehouse，whichisgettingalleatenupbytheworms。
LYSISTRATA
Bah！youandyourworms！goback，Isay！
FIRSTWOMAN
Iwillreturnimmediately，IswearIwillbythetwogoddesses！
Ionlyhavejusttospreaditoutonthebed。
LYSISTRATA
Youshallnotdoanythingofthekind！Isay，youshallnotgo。
FIRSTWOMAN
MustIleavemywooltospoilthen？
LYSISTRATA
Yes，ifneedbe。
SECONDWOMAN
UnhappywomanthatIam！Alasformyflax！I’veleftitathomeunstript！
LYSISTRATA
So，here’sanothertryingtoescapetogohomeandstripherflax！
SECONDWOMAN
Oh！Iswearbythegoddessoflight，theinstantIhaveputitinconditionIwillcomestraightback。
LYSISTRATA
Youshalldonothingofthekind！Ifonceyoubegan，otherswouldwanttofollowsuit。
THIRDWOMAN
Oh！goddessdivine，Ilithyia，patronessofwomeninlabour，stay，staythebirth，tillIhavereachedaspotlesshallowedthanAthene’smount！
LYSISTRATA
Whatmeanyoubythesesillytales？
THIRDWOMAN
Iamgoingtohaveachild—now，thisminute！
LYSISTRATA
Butyouwerenotpregnantyesterday！
THIRDWOMAN
Well，Iamto—day。Oh！letmegoinsearchofthemidwife，Lysistrata，quick，quick！
LYSISTRATA
Whatisthisfableyouaretellingme？（Feelingherstomach）Ah！
whathaveyougottheresohard？
THIRDWOMAN
Amalechild。
LYSISTRATA
No，no，byAphrodite！nothingofthesort！Why，itfeelslikesomethinghollow—apotorakettle。（Openingherrobe）Oh！yousillycreature，ifyouhavenotgotthesacredhelmetofPallas—andyousaidyouwerewithchild！
THIRDWOMAN
AndsoIam，byZeus，Iam！
LYSISTRATA
Thenwhythishelmet，pray？
THIRDWOMAN
ForfearmypainsshouldseizemeintheAcropolis；Imeantolaymyeggsinthishelmet，asthedovesdo。
LYSISTRATA
Excusesandpretenceseveryword！thething’sasclearasdaylight。Anyway，youmuststayherenowtillthefifthday，yourdayofpurification。
THIRDWOMAN
IcannotsleepanymoreintheAcropolis，nowIhaveseenthesnakethatguardsthetemple。
FOURTHWOMAN
Ah！andthoseawfulowlswiththeirdismalhooting！Icannotgetawinkofrest，andI’mjustdyingoffatigue。
LYSISTRATA
Youwickedwomen，havedonewithyourfalsehoods！Youwantyourhusbands，that’splainenough。Butdon’tyouthinktheywantyoujustasbadly？Theyarespendingdreadfulnights，oh！Iknowthatwellenough。Butholdout，mydears，holdout！Alittlemorepatience，andthevictorywillbeours。Anoraclepromisesussuccess，ifonlyweremainunited。ShallIrepeatthewords？
THIRDWOMAN
Yes，telluswhattheoracledeclares。
LYSISTRATA
Silencethen！Now—\"Whenastheswallows，fleeingbeforethehoopoes，shallhaveallflockedtogetherinoneplace，andshallrefrainthemfromallamorouscommerce，thenwillbetheendofalltheillsoflife；yea，andZeus，whodoththunderintheskies，shallsetabovewhatwaserstbelow……\"
THIRDWOMAN
What！shallthemenbeunderneath？
LYSISTRATA
\"Butifdissensiondoariseamongtheswallows，andtheytakewingfromtheholytemple，itwillbesaidthereisneveramorewantonbirdinalltheworld。\"
THIRDWOMAN
Yegods！theprophecyisclear。
LYSISTRATA
Nay，neverletusbecastdownbycalamity！letusbebravetobear，andgobacktoourposts。Itwouldbeshamefulindeednottotrustthepromisesoftheoracle。
（TheyallgobackintotheAcropolis。）
CHORUSOFOLDMEN（singing）
IwanttotellyouafabletheyusedtorelatetomewhenIwasalittleboy。Thisisit：OnceuponatimetherewasayoungmancalledMelanion，whohatedthethoughtofmarriagesosorelythathefledawaytothewilds。Sohedweltinthemountains，wovehimselfnets，andcaughthares。Henever，nevercameback，hehadsuchahorrorofwomen。AschasteasMelanion，weloathethejadesjustasmuchashedid。
ANOLDMAN（beginningabriefduetwithoneofthewomen）
Youdearoldwoman，Iwouldfainkissyou。
WOMAN
Iwillsetyoucryingwithoutonions。
OLDMAN
Andgiveyouasoundkicking。
WOMAN（pointing）
Ah，ha！whatadenseforestyouhavethere！
OLDMAN
SowasMyronidesoneofthebushiestofmenofthisside；hisbacksidewasallblack，andheterrifiedhisenemiesasmuchasPhormio。
CHORUSOFWOMEN（singing）
Iwanttotellyouafabletoo，tomatchyoursaboutMelanion。
OncetherewasacertainmancalledTimon，atoughcustomer，andawhimsical，atruesonoftheFuries，withafacethatseemedtoglareoutofathorn—bush。Hewithdrewfromtheworldbecausehecouldn’tabidebadmen，aftervomitingathousandcursesatthem。Hehadaholyhorrorofill—conditionedfellows，buthewasmightytendertowardswomen。
WOMAN（beginninganotherduet）
SupposeIupandbrokeyourjawforyou！
OLDMAN
Iamnotabitafraidofyou。
WOMAN
SupposeIletflyagoodkickatyou？
OLDMAN
Ishouldseeyourthingthen。
WOMAN
Youwouldseethat，forallmyage，itisverywellplucked。
LYSISTRATA（rushingoutoftheAcropolis）
Hothere！comequick，comequick！
ONEOFTHEWOMEN
Whatisit？Whythesecries？
LYSISTRATA
Aman！aman！Iseehimapproachingallafirewiththeflamesoflove。Oh！divineQueenofCyprus，PaphosandCythera，Iprayyoustillbepropitioustoourenterprise。
WOMAN
Whereishe，thisunknownfoe？
LYSISTRATA
Overthere—besidetheTempleofDemeter。
WOMAN
Yes，indeed，Iseehim；butwhoishe？
LYSISTRATA
Look，look！doanyofyourecognizehim？
MYRRHINE（joyfully）
Ido，Ido！it’smyhusbandCinesias。
LYSISTRATA
Toworkthen！Beityourtasktoinflameandtortureandtormenthim。Seductions，caresses，provocations，refusals，tryeverymeans！
Granteveryfavour，—alwaysexceptingwhatisforbiddenbyouroathonthewine—bowl。
MYRRHINE
Havenofear，I’lldoit。
LYSISTRATA
Well，Ishallstayheretohelpyoucajolethemanandsethispassionsaflame。Therestofyouwithdraw。
（CINESIASenters，inobviousandextremesexualexcitement。A
slavefollowshimcarryinganinfant。）
CINESIAS
Alas！alas！howIamtorturedbyspasmandrigidconvulsion！Oh！I
amrackedonthewheel！
LYSISTRATA
Whoisthisthatdarestopassourlines？
CINESIAS
ItisI。
LYSISTRATA
What，aman？
CINESIAS
Verymuchso！
LYSISTRATA
Getout。
CINESIAS
Butwhoareyouthatthusrepulsesme？
LYSISTRATA
Thesentineloftheday。
CINESIAS
Forthegods’sake，callMyrrhine。
LYSISTRATA
CallMyrrhine，yousay？Andwhoareyou？
CINESIAS
Iamherhusband，Cinesias，sonofPaeon。
LYSISTRATA
Ah！goodday，mydearfriend。Yournameisnotunknownamongstus。
Yourwifehasitforeveronherlips；andshenevertouchesaneggoranapplewithoutsaying：\"ThisisforCinesias。\"
CINESIAS
Reallyandtruly？
LYSISTRATA
Yes，indeed，byAphrodite！Andifwefalltotalkingofmen，quickyourwifedeclares：\"Oh！alltherest，they’regoodfornothingcomparedwithCinesias。\"
CINESIAS
Oh！please，pleasegoandcallhertome！
LYSISTRATA
Andwhatwillyougivemeformytrouble？
CINESIAS
AnythingI’vegot，ifyoulike。（Pointingtotheevidenceofhiscondition）IwillgiveyouwhatIhavehere！
LYSISTRATA
Well，well，Iwilltellhertocome。
（SheenterstheAcropolis。）
CINESIAS
Quick，oh！bequick！Lifehasnomorecharmsformesincesheleftmyhouse。Iamsad，sad，whenIgoindoors；itallseemssoempty；
myvictualshavelosttheirsavour。AndallbecauseofthiserectionthatIcan’tgetridof！
MYRRHINE（toLYSISTRATA，overhershoulder）
Ilovehim，oh！Ilovehim；buthewon’tlethimselfbeloved。No！
Ishallnotcome。
CINESIAS
Myrrhine，mylittledarlingMyrrhine，whatareyousaying？Comedowntomequick。
MYRRHINE
Noindeed，notI。
CINESIAS
Icallyou，Myrrhine，Myrrhine；won’tyoupleasecome？
MYRRHINE
Whyshouldyoucallme？Youdonotwantme。
CINESIAS
Notwantyou！Why，hereIstand，stiffwithdesire！
oMYRRHINE
Good—bye。
（Sheturns，asiftogo。）
CINESIAS
Oh！Myrrhine，Myrrhine，inourchild’sname，hearme；atanyratehearthechild！Littlelad，callyourmother。
CHILD
Mamma，mamma，mamma！
CINESIAS
There，listen！Don’tyoupitythepoorchild？It’ssixdaysnowyou’veneverwashedandneverfedthechild。
MYRRHINE
Poordarling，yourfathertakesmightylittlecareofyou！
CINESIAS
Comedown，dearest，comedownforthechild’ssake。
MYRRHINE
Ah！whatathingitistobeamother！Well，well，wemustcomedown，Isuppose。
CINESIAS（asMYRRHINEapproaches）
Why，howmuchyoungerandprettiershelooks！Andhowshelooksatmesolovingly！Hercrueltyandscornonlyredoublemypassion。
MYRRHINE（ignoringhim；tothechild）
Youareassweetasyourfatherisprovoking！Letmekissyou，mytreasure，mother’sdarling！
CINESIAS
Ah！whatabadthingitistoletyourselfbeledawaybyotherwomen！Whygivemesuchpainandsuffering，andyourselfintothebargain？
MYRRHINE（asheisabouttoembraceher）
Handsoff，sir！
CINESIAS
Everythingisgoingtorackandruininthehouse。
MYRRHINE
Idon’tcare。
CINESIAS
Butyourwebthat’sallbeingpeckedtopiecesbythecocksandhens，don’tyoucareforthat？
MYRRHINE
Preciouslittle。
CINESIAS
AndAphrodite，whosemysteriesyouhavenotcelebratedforsolong？Oh！won’tyoupleasecomebackhome？
MYRRHINE
No，least，nottillasoundtreatyputsanendtothewar。
CINESIAS
Well，ifyouwishitsomuch，why，we’llmakeit，yourtreaty。
MYRRHINE
Wellandgood！Whenthat’sdone，Iwillcomehome。Tillthen，Iamboundbyanoath。
CINESIAS
Atanyrate，liewithmeforalittlewhile。
MYRRHINE
No，no，no！（shehesitates）butjustthesameIcan’tsayI
don’tloveyou。
CINESIAS
Youloveme？Thenwhyrefusetoliewithme，mylittlegirl，mysweetMyrrhine？
MYRRHINE（pretendingtobeshocked）
Youmustbejoking！What，beforethechild！
CINESIAS（totheslave）
Manes，carrytheladhome。There，yousee，thechildisgone；
there’snothingtohinderus；won’tyouliedownnow？
MYRRHINE
But，miserableman，where，where？
CINESIAS
InthecaveofPan；nothingcouldbebetter。
MYRRHINE
ButhowshallIpurifymyselfbeforegoingbackintothecitadel？
CINESIAS
Nothingeasier！youcanwashattheClepsydra。
MYRRHINE
Butmyoath？Doyouwantmetoperjuremyself？
CINESIAS
I’lltakeallresponsibility；don’tworry。
MYRRHINE
Well，I’llbeoff，then，andfindabedforus。
CINESIAS
There’snopointinthat；surelywecanlieontheground。
MYRRHINE
No，no！eventhoughyouarebad，Idon’tlikeyourlyingonthebareearth。
（ShegoesbackintotheAcropolis。）
CINESIAS（enraptured）
Ah！howthedeargirllovesme！
MYRRHINE（comingbackwithacot）
Come，gettobedquick；Iamgoingtoundress。But，ohdear，wemustgetamattress。
CINESIAS
Amattress？Oh！no，nevermindaboutthat！
MYRRHINE
No，byArtemis！lieonthebaresacking？never！Thatwouldbesqualid。
CINESIAS
Kissme！
MYRRHINE
Waitaminute！
（Sheleaveshimagain。）
CINESIAS
Goodgod，hurryupMYRRHINE（comingbackwithamattress）
Hereisamattress。Liedown，Iamjustgoingtoundress。Butyou’vegotnopillow。
CINESIAS
Idon’twantoneeither！
MYRRHINE
ButIdo。
（Sheleaveshimagain。）
CINESIAS
Ohgod，ohgod，shetreatsmytooljustlikeHeracles！
MYRRHINE（comingbackwithapillow）
There，liftyourhead，dear！（Wonderingwhatelsetotantalizehimwith；toherself）Isthatall，Iwonder？
CINESIAS（misunderstanding）
Surely。there’snothingelse。Come，mytreasure。
MYRRHINE
Iamjustunfasteningmygirdle。Butrememberwhatyoupromisedmeaboutmakingpeace；mindyoukeepyourword。
CINESIAS
Yes，yes，uponmylifeIwill。
MYRRHINE
Why，youhavenoblanket！
CINESIAS
Mygod，whatdifferencedoesthatmake？WhatIwantistomakelove！
MYRRHINE（goingoutagain）
Neverfear—directly，directly！I’llbebackinnotime。
CINESIAS
Thewomanwillkillmewithherblankets！
MYRRHINE（comingbackwithablanket）
Now，getyourselfup。
CINESIAS（pointing）
I’vegotthisup！
MYRRHINE
Wouldn’tyoulikemetoscentyou？
CINESIAS
No，byApollo，no，pleasedon’t！
MYRRHINE
Yes，byAphrodite，butIwill，whetheryoulikeitornot。
（Shegoesoutagain。）
CINESIAS
God，Iwishshe’dhurryupandgetthroughwithallthis！
MYRRHINE（comingbackwithaflaskofperfume）
Holdoutyourhand；nowrubitin。
CINESIAS
Oh！inApollo’sname，Idon’tmuchlikethesmellofit；butperhapsitwillimprovewhenit’swellrubbedin。Itdoesnotsomehowsmackofthemarriagebed！
MYRRHINE
Ohdear！whatascatterbrainIam；ifIhaven’tgoneandbroughtRhodianperfumes！
CINESIAS
Nevermind，dearest，letitgonow。
MYRRHINE
Youdon’treallymeanthat。
（Shegoes。）
CINESIAS
Damnthemanwhoinventedperfumes！
MYRRHINE（comingbackwithanotherflask）
Here，takethisbottle。
CINESIAS
Ihaveabetteroneallreadyforyou，darling。Come，youprovokingcreature，tobedwithyou，anddon’tbringanotherthing。
MYRRHINE
Coming，coming；I’mjustslippingoffmyshoes。Dearboy，willyouvoteforpeace？
CINESIAS
I’llthinkaboutit。（MYRRHINErunsaway。）I’madeadman，sheiskillingme！Shehasgone，andleftmeintorment！（intragicstyle）Imusthavesomeonetolay，Imust！Ahme！theloveliestofwomenhaschousedandcheatedme。Poorlittlelad，howamItogiveyouwhatyouwantsobadly？WhereisCynalopex？quick，man，gethimanurse，do！
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Poor，miserablewretch，baulkedinyouramorousness！whattorturesareyours！Ah！youfillmewithpity。Couldanyman’sbackandloinsstandsuchastrain。Hestandsstiffandrigid，andthere’sneverawenchtohelphim！
CINESIAS
Yegodsinheaven，whatpainsIsuffer！
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Well，thereitis；it’sherdoing，thatabandonedhussy！
CINESIAS
No，no！rathersaythatsweetest，dearestdarling。
（Hedeparts。）
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Thatdearestdarling？no，no，thathussy，sayI！Zeus，thougodoftheskies，canstnotletlooseahurricane，tosweepthemallupintotheair，andwhirlthemround，thendropthemdowncrash！andimpalethemonthepointofthisman’stool！
（ASpartanHERALDenters；heshowssignsofbeinginthesameconditionasCINESIAS。）
HERALD
Say，whereshallIfindtheSenateandthePrytanes？Iambearerofdespatches。
（AnAthenianMAGISTRATEenters。）
MAGISTRATE
AreyouamanoraPriapus？
HERALD（withaneffortatofficiousness）
Don’tbestupid！Iamaherald，ofcourse，IswearIam，andI
comefromSpartaaboutmakingpeace。
MAGISTRATE（pointing）
Butlook，youarehidingalanceunderyourclothes，surely。
HERALD（embarrassed）
No，nothingofthesort。
MAGISTRATE
Thenwhydoyouturnawaylikethat，andholdyourcloakoutfromyourbody？Haveyougotswellingsinthegroinfromyourjourney？
HERALD
Bythetwinbrethren！theman’sanoldmaniac。
MAGISTRATE
Butyou’vegotanerection！Youlewdfellow！
HERALD
Itellyouno！butenoughofthisfoolery。
MAGISTRATE（pointing）
Well，whatisityouhavetherethen？
HERALD
ALacedaemonian’skytale。’
MAGISTRATE
Oh，indeed，a’skytale，’isit？Well，well，speakoutfrankly；I
knowallaboutthesematters。HowarethingsgoingatSpartanow？
HERALD
Why，everythingisturnedupsidedownatSparta；andalltheallieshaveerections。WesimplymusthavePellene。
MAGISTRATE
Whatisthereasonofitall？IsitthegodPan’sdoing？
HERALD
No，it’salltheworkofLampitoandthewomenwhoareactingatherinstigation；theyhavekickedthemenoutfrombetweentheirthighs。
MAGISTRATE
Butwhatareyoudoingaboutit？
HERALD
Weareatourwits’end；wewalkbentdouble，justasifwewerecarryinglanternsinawind。Thejadeshaveswornweshallnotsomuchastouchthemtillwehaveallagreedtoconcludepeace。
MAGISTRATE
Ah！Iseenow，it’sageneralconspiracyembracingallGreece。
GobacktoSpartaandbidthemsendenvoysplenipotentiarytotreatforpeace。IwillurgeourSenatorsmyselftonameplenipotentiariesfromus；andtopersuadethem，why，Iwillshowthemmyowntool。
HERALD
Whatcouldbebetter？Iflyatyourcommand。
（Theygooutinoppositedirections。）
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Nowildbeastisthere，noflameoffire，morefierceanduntamablethanwoman；theleopardislesssavageandshameless。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
Andyetyoudaretomakewaruponme，wretch，whenyoumighthavemeforyourmostfaithfulfriendandally。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Never，nevercanmyhatredceasetowardswomen。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
Well，suityourself。StillIcannotbeartoleaveyouallnakedasyouare；folkswouldlaughatyou。Come，Iamgoingtoputthistuniconyou。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Youareright，uponmyword！itwasonlyinmyconfoundedfitofragethatItookitoff。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
Nowatanyrateyoulooklikeaman，andtheywon’tmakefunofyou。Ah！ifyouhadnotoffendedmesobadly，Iwouldtakeoutthatnastyinsectyouhaveinyoureyeforyou。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Ah！sothat’swhatwasannoyingmesoLook，here’saring，justremovetheinsect，andshowittome。ByZeus！ithasbeenhurtingmyeyeforalongtimenow。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
Well，Iagree，thoughyourmannersarenotoverandabovepleasant。OhIwhatahugegreatgnat！justlook！It’sfromTricorythus，forsure。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Athousandthanks！thecreaturewasdiggingaregularwellinmyeye；nowthatit’sgone，mytearscanflowfreely。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
Iwillwipethemforyou—bad，naughtymanthoughyouare。Now，justonekiss。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Akiss？certainlynotLEADEROFCHORUSOFWOMEN
Justone，whetheryoulikeitornot。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Oh！thoseconfoundedwomen！howtheydocajoleus！Howtruethesaying：\"’Tisimpossibletolivewiththebaggages，impossibletolivewithout’em！\"Come，letusagreeforthefuturenottoregardeachotheranymoreasenemies；andtoclinchthebargain，letussingachoricsong。
COMBINEDCHORUSOFWOMENANDOLDMEN（singing）
Wedesire，Athenians，tospeakillofnoman；butonthecontrarytosaymuchgoodofeveryone，andtodothelike。Wehavehadenoughofmisfortunesandcalamities。Ifthereisanymanorwomanwhowantsabitofmoney—twoorthreeminasorso；well，ourpurseisfull。Ifonlypeaceisconcluded，theborrowerwillnothavetopayback。AlsoI’minvitingtosupperafewCarystianfriends，whoareexcellentlywellqualified。Ihavestilladropofgoodsoupleft，andayoungporkerI’mgoingtokill，andthefleshwillbesweetandtender。Ishallexpectyouatmyhouseto—day；butfirstawaytothebathswithyou，youandyourchildren；thencomeallofyou，asknoone’sleave，butwalkstraightup，asifyouwereathome；neverfear，thedoorwillbe……shutinyourfaces！
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Ah！herecometheenvoysfromSpartawiththeirlongflowingbeards；why，youwouldthinktheyworepigstyesbetweentheirthighs。
（EntertheLACONIANENVOYSafflictedliketheirherald。）Hailtoyou，firstofall，Laconians；thentellushowyoufare。
LACONIANENVOY
Noneedformanywords；youcanseewhatastatewearein。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Alas！thesituationgrowsmoreandmorestrained！theintensityofthethingissimplyfrightful。
LACONIANENVOY
It’sbeyondbelief。Buttowork！summonyourCommissioners，andletuspatchupthebestpeacewemay。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Ah！ourmentoo，likewrestlersinthearena，cannotendurearagovertheirbellies；it’sanathlete’smalady，whichonlyexercisecanremedy。
（TheMAGISTRATEreturns；hetoonowhasanevidentreasontodesirepeace。）
MAGISTRATE
CananybodytelluswhereLysistratais？Surelyshewillhavesomecompassiononourcondition。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN（pointing）
Look！nowhehastheverysamecomplaint。（TotheMAGISTRATE）
Don’tyoufeelastrongnervoustensioninthemorning？
MAGISTRATE
Yes，andadreadful，dreadfultortureitis！Unlesspeaceismadeverysoon，weshallfindnorecoursebuttomakelovetoClisthenes。
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Takemyadvice，andarrangeyourclothesasbestyoucan；oneofthefellowswhomutilatedtheHermaemightseeyou。
MAGISTRATE
Right，byZeus。
（Heendeavours，nottoosuccessfully，toconcealhiscondition。）
LACONIANENVOY
Quiteright，bytheDioscuri。There，Iwillputonmytunic。
MAGISTRATE
Oh！whataterriblestatewearein！Greetingtoyou，Laconianfellow—sufferers。
LACONIANENVOY（addressingoneofhiscountrymen）
Ah！myboy，whataterriblethingitwouldhavebeenifthesefellowshadseenusjustnowwhenwewereonfullstand！
MAGISTRATE
Speakout，Laconians，whatisitbringsyouhere？
LACONIANENVOY
Wehavecometotreatforpeace。
MAGISTRATE
Wellsaid；weareofthesamemind。BettercallLysistrata，then；sheistheonlypersonwillbringustoterms。
LACONIANENVOY
Yes，yes—andLysistratusintothebargain，ifyouwill。
MAGISTRATE
Needlesstocallher；shehasheardyourvoices，andhereshecomes。
（ShecomesoutoftheAcropolis。）
LEADEROFCHORUSOFOLDMEN
Hail，boldestandbravestofwomankind！Thetimeiscometoshowyourselfinturnuncompromisingandconciliatory，exactingandyielding，haughtyandcondescending。Callupallyourskillandartfulness。Lo！theforemostmeninHellas，seducedbyyourfascinations，areagreedtoentrustyouwiththetaskofendingtheirquarrels。
LYSISTRATA
Itwillbeaneasytask—ifonlytheyrefrainfrommutualindulgenceinmasculinelove；iftheydo，Ishallknowthefactatonce。Now，whereisthegentlegoddessPeace？（Thegoddess，intheformofabeautifulnudegirlisbroughtinbytheMachine。）LeadhithertheLaconianenvoys。But，lookyou，noroughnessorviolence；
ourhusbandsalwaysbehavedsoboorishly。Bringthemtomewithsmiles，aswomenshould。Ifanyrefusetogiveyouhishand，thentakeholdofhistool。BringuptheAthenianstoo；youmayleadthemeitherway。Laconians，approach；andyou，Athenians，onmyotherside。Nowhearkenall！Iambutawoman；butIhavegoodcommonsense；Naturehasendowedmewithdiscriminatingjudgment，whichIhaveyetfurtherdeveloped，thankstothewiseteachingsofmyfatherandtheeldersofthecity。FirstImustbringareproachagainstyouthatappliesequallytobothsides。AtOlympia，andThermopylae，andDelphi，andascoreofotherplacestoonumeroustomention，youcelebratebeforethesamealtarsceremoniescommontoallHellenes；
yetyougocuttingeachother’sthroats，andsackingHelleniccities，whenallthewhilethebarbarianyonderisthreateningyou！
Thatismyfirstpoint。
MAGISTRATE（devouringthegoddesswithhiseyes）
Goodgod，thiserectioniskillingme！
LYSISTRATA
NowitistoyouIaddressmyself，Laconians。HaveyouforgottenhowPericlidas，yourowncountryman，satasuppliantbeforeouraltars？Howpalehewasinhispurplerobes！Hehadcometocraveanarmyofus；itwasthetimewhenMesseniawaspressingyousore，andtheSea—godwasshakingtheearth。Cimonmarchedtoyouraidattheheadoffourthousandhoplites，andsavedLacedaemon。And，aftersuchaserviceasthat，youravagethesoilofyourbenefactors！
MAGISTRATE
Theydowrong，verywrong，Lysistrata。
LACONIANENVOY
Wedowrong，verywrong。（Lookingatthegoddess）Ah！greatgods！whatalovelybottomPeacehas！
LYSISTRATA
AndnowawordtotheAthenians。Haveyounomemoryleftofhow，inthedayswhenyouworethetunicofslaves，theLaconianscame，spearinhand，andslewahostofThessaliansandpartisansofHippiasthetyrant？They，andtheyonly，foughtonyoursideonthateventfulday；theydeliveredyoufromdespotism，andthankstothemournationcouldchangetheshorttunicoftheslaveforthelongcloakofthefreeman。
LACONIANENVOY（lookingatLYSISTRATA）
Ihaveneverseeawomanofmoregraciousdignity。
MAGISTRATE（lookingatPEACE）
Ihaveneverseenawomanwithafinerbody！
LYSISTRATA
Boundbysuchtiesofmutualkindness，howcanyoubeartobeatwar？Stop，staythehatefulstrife，bereconciled；whathindersyou？
LACONIANENVOY
Wearequiteready，iftheywillgiveusbackourrampart。
LYSISTRATA
Whatrampart，mydearman？
LACONIANENVOY
Pylos，whichwehavebeenaskingforandcravingforeversolong。
MAGISTRATE
IntheSea—god’sname，youshallneverhaveit！
LYSISTRATA
Agree，myfriends，agree。
MAGISTRATE
Butthenwhatcityshallwebeabletostiruptroublein？
LYSISTRATA
Askforanotherplaceinexchange。
MAGISTRATE
Ah！that’stheticket！Well，tobeginwith，giveusEchinus，theMaliacgulfadjoining，andthetwolegsofMegara。
LACONIANENVOY
No，bytheDioscuri，surelynotallthat，mydearsir。
LYSISTRATA
Cometoterms；nevermakeadifficultyoftwolegsmoreorless！
MAGISTRATE（hiseyeonPEACE）
Well，I’mreadytostripdownandgettoworkrightnow。
（Hetakesoffhismantle。）
LACONIANENVOY（followingoutthisidea）
AndIalso，todungittostartwith。
LYSISTRATA
That’sjustwhatyoushalldo，oncepeaceissigned。So，ifyoureallywanttomakeit，goconsultyouralliesaboutthematter。
MAGISTRATE
Whatallies，Ishouldliketoknow？Why，weareallerected；
there’snoonewhoisnotmadtobemating。Whatweallwantistobeinbedwithourwives；howshouldouralliesfailtosecondourproject？
LACONIANENVOY
Andourstoo，forcertainsure！
MAGISTRATE
TheCarystiansfirstandforemostbythegods！
LYSISTRATA
Wellsaid，indeed！NowgoandpurifyyourselvesforenteringtheAcropolis，wherethewomeninviteyoutosupper；wewillemptyourprovisionbasketstodoyouhonour。Attable，youwillexchangeoathsandpledges；theneachmanwillgohomewithhiswife。
MAGISTRATE
Comealongthen，andasquickasmaybe。
LACONIANENVOY
Leadon；I’myourman。
MAGISTRATE
Quick，quick’stheword，sayI。
（TheyfollowLYSISTRATAintotheAcropolis。）
CHORUSOFWOMEN（singing）
Embroideredstuffs，anddaintytunics，andflowinggowns，andgoldenornaments，everythingIhave，Iofferthemtoyouwithallmyheart；takethemallforyourchildren，foryourgirls，incasetheyarechosenCanephori。Iinviteyoueveryonetoenter，comeinandchoosewhateveryouwill；thereisnothingsowellfastened，youcannotbreaktheseals，andcarryawaythecontents。Lookaboutyoueverywhere……youwon’tfindablessedthing，unlessyouhavesharpereyesthanmine。Andifanyofyoulackscorntofeedhisslavesandhisyoungandnumerousfamily，why，Ihaveafewgrainsofwheatathome；lethimtakewhatIhavetogive，abigtwelve—poundloafincluded。Soletmypoorerneighboursallcomewithbagsandwallets；myman，Manes，shallgivethemcorn；butIwarnthemnottocomenearmydoor，but—bewarethedog！
（AnotherMAGISTRATEenters，andbeginsknockingatthegate。）
SECONDMAGISTRATE
Isay，you，openthedoor！（TotheWOMEN）Goyourway，Itellyou。（Asthewomensitdowninfrontofthegate）Why，blessme，they’resittingdownnow；Ishallhavetosinge’emwithmytorchtomake’emstir！Whatimpudence！Iwon’ttakethis。Oh，well，ifit’sabsolutelynecessary，justtopleaseyou，we’llhavetotakethetrouble。
ANATHENIAN
AndI’llshareitwithyou。
（HebrandishesthetorchheiscarryingandtheCHORUSOFWOMEN
departs。TheCHORUSOFOLDMENfollowsshortlyafter。）
SECONDMAGISTRATE
No，no，youmustbeoff—orI’lltearyourhairout，Iwill；beoff，Isay，anddon’tannoytheLaconianenvoys；they’rejustcomingoutfromthebanquet—ball。
ATHENIAN
SuchamerrybanquetI’veneverseenbefore！TheLaconiansweresimplycharming。Afterthedrinkisin，why，we’reallwisemen，everyoneofus。
MAGISTRATE
It’sonlynatural，tobesure，forsober，we’reallfools。Takemyadvice，myfellow—countrymen，ourenvoysshouldalwaysbedrunk。WegotoSparta；weenterthecitysober；why，wemustbepickingaquarreldirectly。Wedon’tunderstandwhattheysaytous，weimaginealottheydon’tsayatall，andwereporthomeallwrong，alltopsy—urvy。But，lookyou，to—dayit’squitedifferent；we’reenchantedwhateverhappens；insteadofClitagora，theymightsingusTelamon，andweshouldclapourhandsjustthesame。Aperjuryortwointothebargain，why！Whatdoesthatmattertomerrycompanionsintheircups？（ThetwoCHORUSESreturn。）Butheretheyarebackagain！Willyoubegone，youloafingscoundrels。
（TheCHORUSESretireagain。）
ATHENIAN
Ahha！here’sthecompanycomingoutalready。
（Twochoruses，oneLaconianandoneAthenian，enter，dancingtothemusicofflutes；theyarefollowedbythewomenundertheleadershipofLYSISTRATA。）
ALACONIAN
Mydear，sweetfriend，come，takeyourfluteinhand；IwouldfaindanceandsingmybestinhonouroftheAtheniansandournobleselves。
ATHENIAN
Yes，takeyourflute，inthegods’name。Whatadelighttoseehimdance！
LACONIAN（dancingandsinging）
Oh！Mnemosyne！inspirethesemen，inspiremymusewhoknowsourexploitsandthoseoftheAthenians。Withwhatagod—likeardourdidtheyswoopdownatArtemisiumontheshipsoftheMedes！Whatagloriousvictorywasthat！ForthesoldiersofLeonidas，theywerelikefierceboarswhettingtheirtusks。Thesweatrandowntheirfaces，anddrenchedalltheirlimbs，forverilythePersianswereasmanyasthesandsoftheseashore。Oh！Artemis，huntressqueen，whosearrowspiercethedenizensofthewoods，virgingoddess，bethoufavourabletothepeacewehereconclude；throughtheemayourheartsbelongunited！Maythistreatydrawcloseforeverthebondsofahappyfriendship！Nomorewilesandstratagems！Aidus，oh！aidus，maidenhuntress！
MAGISTRATE
Allisforthebest；andnow，Laconians，takeyourwivesawayhomewithyou，andyou，Athenians，yours。Mayhusbandlivehappilywithwife，andwifewithhusband。Dance，dance，tocelebrateourbliss，andletusbeheedfultoavoidlikemistakesforthefuture。
CHORUSOFATHENIANS（singing）
Appear，appear，dancers，andtheGraceswithyou！Letusinvoke，oneandall，Artemis，andherheavenlybrother，graciousApollo，patronofthedance，andDionysus，whoseeyedartsflame，ashestepsforwardsurroundedbytheMaenadmaids，andZeus，whowieldstheflashinglightning，andhisaugust，thrice—blessedspouse，theQueenofHeaven！Theseletusinvoke，andalltheothergods，callingalltheinhabitantsoftheskiestowitnessthenoblePeacenowconcludedunderthefondauspicesofAphrodite。IoPaean！IoPaean！
dance，leap，asinhonourofavictorywon。Euoi！Euoi！Euai！Euai！
MAGISTRATE
Andyou，ourLaconianguests，singusanewandinspiringstrain！
LACONIAN（singing）
Leaveoncemore，oh！leaveoncemorethenobleheightofTaygetus，oh！MuseofLacedaemon，andjoinusinsingingthepraisesofApolloofAmyclae，andAtheneoftheBrazenHouse，andthegallanttwinsonsofTyndareus，whopractisearmsonthebanksoftheEurotasriver。Haste，hastehitherwithnimble—footedpace，letussingSparta，thecitythatdelightsinchorusesdivinelysweetandgracefuldances，whenourmaidensboundlightlybytheriverside，likefrolicsomefillies，beatingthegroundwithrapidstepsandshakingtheirlonglocksinthewind，asBacchanteswavetheirwandsinthewildrevelsoftheWine—god。Attheirhead，oh！chasteandbeauteousgoddess，daughterofLeto，Artemis，dothouleadthesonganddance。
Withafilletbindingthywavingtresses，appearinthyloveliness；
leaplikeafawn，strikethydivinehandstogethertoanimatethedance，andaidustorenownthevaliantgoddessofbattles，greatAtheneoftheBrazenHouse！
（Alldepart，singinganddancing。）