chapter01CHAPTERI
HOWCANDIDEWASBROUGHTUPINAMAGNIFICIENT
CASTLEANDHOW
HEWASDRIVENTHENCE
InthecountryofWestphalia，inthecastleofthemostnobleBaronofThunder-ten-tronckh，livedayouthwhomNaturehadendowedwithamostsweetdisposition。Hisfacewasthetrueindexofhismind。Hehadasolidjudgmentjoinedtothemostunaffectedsimplicity;andhence，Ipresume，hehadhisnameofCandide。TheoldservantsofthehousesuspectedhimtohavebeenthesonoftheBaron’ssister，byaverygoodsortofagentlemanoftheneighborhood，whomthatyoungladyrefusedtomarry，becausehecouldproducenomorethanthreescoreandelevenquarteringsinhisarms;
therestofthegenealogicaltreebelongingtothefamilyhavingbeenlostthroughtheinjuriesoftime。
TheBaronwasoneofthemostpowerfullordsinWestphalia，forhiscastlehadnotonlyagate，butevenwindows，andhisgreathallwashungwithtapestry。Heusedtohuntwithhismastiffsandspanielsinsteadofgreyhounds;hisgroomservedhimforhuntsman;andtheparsonoftheparishofficiatedashisgrandalmoner。Hewascalled\"MyLord\"byallhispeople，andhenevertoldastorybuteveryonelaughedatit。
MyLadyBaroness，whoweighedthreehundredandfiftypounds，consequentlywasapersonofnosmallconsideration;andthenshedidthehonorsofthehousewithadignitythatcommandeduniversalrespect。Herdaughterwasaboutseventeenyearsofage，fresh-colored，comely，plump，anddesirable。TheBaron’ssonseemedtobeayouthineveryrespectworthyofthefatherhesprungfrom。Pangloss，thepreceptor，wastheoracleofthefamily，andlittleCandidelistenedtohisinstructionswithallthesimplicitynaturaltohisageanddisposition。
MasterPanglosstaughtthemetaphysico-theologo-cosmolonigology。
Hecouldprovetoadmirationthatthereisnoeffectwithoutacause;and，thatinthisbestofallpossibleworlds，theBaron’scastlewasthemostmagnificentofallcastles，andMyLadythebestofallpossiblebaronesses。
\"Itisdemonstrable\"，saidhe，\"thatthingscannotbeotherwisethanastheyare;forasallthingshavebeencreatedforsomeend，theymustnecessarilybecreatedforthebestend。Observe，forinstance，thenoseisformedforspectacles，thereforewewearspectacles。Thelegsarevisiblydesignedforstockings，accordinglywewearstockings。Stonesweremadetobehewnandtoconstructcastles，thereforeMyLordhasamagnificentcastle;forthegreatestbaronintheprovinceoughttobethebestlodged。
Swinewereintendedtobeeaten，thereforeweeatporkalltheyearround：andthey，whoassertthateverythingisright，donotexpressthemselvescorrectly;theyshouldsaythateverythingisbest。\"
Candidelistenedattentivelyandbelievedimplicitly，forhethoughtMissCunegondeexcessivelyhandsome，thoughheneverhadthecouragetotellherso。HeconcludedthatnexttothehappinessofbeingBaronofThunder-ten-tronckh，thenextwasthatofbeingMissCunegonde，thenextthatofseeinghereveryday，andthelastthatofhearingthedoctrineofMasterPangloss，thegreatestphilosopherofthewholeprovince，andconsequentlyofthewholeworld。
OnedaywhenMissCunegondewenttotakeawalkinalittleneighboringwoodwhichwascalledapark，shesaw，throughthebushes，thesageDoctorPanglossgivingalectureinexperimentalphilosophytohermother’schambermaid，alittlebrownwench，verypretty，andverytractable。AsMissCunegondehadagreatdispositionforthesciences，sheobservedwiththeutmostattentiontheexperimentswhichwererepeatedbeforehereyes;sheperfectlywellunderstoodtheforceofthedoctor’sreasoninguponcausesandeffects。Sheretiredgreatlyflurried，quitepensiveandfilledwiththedesireofknowledge，imaginingthatshemightbeasufficingreasonforyoungCandide，andheforher。
Onherwaybackshehappenedtomeettheyoungman;sheblushed，heblushedalso;shewishedhimagoodmorninginaflatteringtone，hereturnedthesalute，withoutknowingwhathesaid。Thenextday，astheywererisingfromdinner，CunegondeandCandideslippedbehindthescreen。Themissdroppedherhandkerchief，theyoungmanpickeditup。
Sheinnocentlytookholdofhishand，andheasinnocentlykissedherswithawarmth，asensibility，agrace-allveryparticular;
theirlipsmet;theireyessparkled;theirkneestrembled;theirhandsstrayed。TheBaronchancedtocomeby;hebeheldthecauseandeffect，and，withouthesitation，salutedCandidewithsomenotablekicksonthebreechanddrovehimoutofdoors。
ThelovelyMissCunegondefaintedaway，and，assoonasshecametoherself，theBaronessboxedherears。Thusageneralconsternationwasspreadoverthismostmagnificentandmostagreeableofallpossiblecastles。
chapter02CHAPTERII
WHATBEFELLCANDIDEAMONGTHEBULGARIANS
Candide，thusdrivenoutofthisterrestrialparadise，rambledalongtimewithoutknowingwherehewent;sometimesheraisedhiseyes，allbedewedwithtears，towardsheaven，andsometimeshecastamelancholylooktowardsthemagnificentcastle，wheredweltthefairestofyoungbaronesses。Helaidhimselfdowntosleepinafurrow，heartbroken，andsupperless。Thesnowfellingreatflakes，and，inthemorningwhenheawoke，hewasalmostfrozentodeath;however，hemadeshifttocrawltothenexttown，whichwascalledWald-berghoff-trarbkdikdorff，withoutapennyinhispocket，andhalfdeadwithhungerandfatigue。
Hetookuphisstandatthedoorofaninn。Hehadnotbeenlongtherebeforetwomendressedinbluefixedtheireyessteadfastlyuponhim。
\"Faith，comrade\"，saidoneofthemtotheother，\"yonderisawellmadeyoungfellowandoftherightsize。\"UponwhichtheymadeuptoCandideandwiththegreatestcivilityandpolitenessinvitedhimtodinewiththem。
\"Gentlemen\"，repliedCandide，withamostengagingmodesty，youdomemuchhonor，butuponmywordIhavenomoney。\"
\"Money，sir！\"saidoneofthebluestohim，\"youngpersonsofyourappearanceandmeritneverpayanything;why，arenotyoufivefeetfiveincheshigh？\"
\"Yes，gentlemen，thatisreallymysize\"，repliedhe，withalowbow。
\"Comethen，sir，sitdownalongwithus;wewillnotonlypayyourreckoning，butwillneversuffersuchacleveryoungfellowasyoutowantmoney。Menwereborntoassistoneanother。\"
\"Youareperfectlyright，gentlemen\"，saidCandide，\"thisispreciselythedoctrineofMasterPangloss;andIamconvincedthateverythingisforthebest。\"
Hisgenerouscompanionsnextentreatedhimtoacceptofafewcrowns，whichhereadilycompliedwith，atthesametimeofferingthemhisnoteforthepayment，whichtheyrefused，andsatdowntotable。
\"Haveyounotagreataffectionfor-\"
\"Oyes！IhaveagreataffectionforthelovelyMissCunegonde。\"
\"Maybeso\"，repliedoneoftheblues，\"butthatisnotthequestion！WeaskyouwhetheryouhavenotagreataffectionfortheKingoftheBulgarians？\"
\"FortheKingoftheBulgarians？\"saidCandide。\"Oh，Lord！
notatall，whyI
neversawhiminmylife。\"
\"Isitpossible？Oh，heisamostcharmingking！Come，wemustdrinkhishealth。\"
\"Withallmyheart，gentlemen\"，saidCandide，andoffhetossedhisglass。
\"Bravo！\"criedtheblues;\"youarenowthesupport，thedefender，theherooftheBulgarians;yourfortuneismade;youareinthehighroadtoglory。\"
Sosaying，theyhandcuffedhim，andcarriedhimawaytotheregiment。
Therehewasmadetowheelabouttotheright，totheleft，todrawhisrammer，toreturnhisrammer，topresent，tofire，tomarch，andtheygavehimthirtyblowswithacane;thenextdayheperformedhisexercisealittlebetter，andtheygavehimbuttwenty;thedayfollowinghecameoffwithten，andwaslookeduponasayoungfellowofsurprisinggeniusbyallhiscomrades。
Candidewasstruckwithamazement，andcouldnotforthesoulofhimconceivehowhecametobeahero。Onefinespringmorning，hetookitintohisheadtotakeawalk，andhemarchedstraightforward，conceivingittobeaprivilegeofthehumanspecies，aswellasofthebrutecreation，tomakeuseoftheirlegshowandwhentheypleased。Hehadnotgoneabovetwoleagueswhenhewasovertakenbyfourotherheroes，sixfeethigh，whoboundhimneckandheels，andcarriedhimtoadungeon。
Acourtmartialsatuponhim，andhewasaskedwhichhelikedbetter，torunthegauntletsixandthirtytimesthroughthewholeregiment，ortohavehisbrainsblownoutwithadozenmusket-balls？
Invaindidheremonstratetothemthatthehumanwillisfree，andthathechoseneither;theyobligedhimtomakeachoice，andhedetermined，invirtueofthatdivinegiftcalledfreewill，torunthegauntletsixandthirtytimes。
Hehadgonethroughhisdisciplinetwice，andtheregimentbeingcomposedof2，000men，theycomposedforhimexactly4，000strokes，whichlaidbareallhismusclesandnervesfromthenapeofhisnecktohisstern。Astheywerepreparingtomakehimsetoutthethirdtimeouryounghero，unabletosupportitanylonger，beggedasafavorthattheywouldbesoobligingastoshoothimthroughthehead;thefavorbeinggranted，abandagewastiedoverhiseyes，andhewasmadetokneeldown。
Atthatveryinstant，HisBulgarianMajestyhappeningtopassbymadeastop，andinquiredintothedelinquent’scrime，andbeingaprinceofgreatpenetration，hefound，fromwhatheheardofCandide，thathewasayoungmetaphysician，entirelyignorantoftheworld;andtherefore，outofhisgreatclemency，hecondescendedtopardonhim，forwhichhisnamewillbecelebratedineveryjournal，andineveryage。AskillfulsurgeonmadeacureoftheflagellatedCandideinthreeweeksbymeansofemollientunguentsprescribedbyDioscorides。Hissoreswerenowskimmedoverandhewasabletomarch，whentheKingoftheBulgariansgavebattletotheKingoftheAbares。
chapter03CHAPTERIII
HOWCANDIDEESCAPEDFROMTHEBULGARIANSAND
WHATBEFELLHIMAFTERWARDS
Neverwasanythingsogallant，sowellaccoutred，sobrilliant，andsofinelydisposedasthetwoarmies。Thetrumpets，fifes，hautboys，drums，andcannonmadesuchharmonyasneverwasheardinHellitself。
Theentertainmentbeganbyadischargeofcannon，which，inthetwinklingofaneye，laidflatabout6，000menoneachside。Themusketbulletssweptaway，outofthebestofallpossibleworlds，nineortenthousandscoundrelsthatinfesteditssurface。Thebayonetwasnextthesufficientreasonofthedeathsofseveralthousands。Thewholemightamounttothirtythousandsouls。Candidetrembledlikeaphilosopher，andconcealedhimselfaswellashecouldduringthisheroicbutchery。
Atlength，whilethetwokingswerecausingTeDeumstobesungintheircamps，Candidetookaresolutiontogoandreasonsomewhereelseuponcausesandeffects。Afterpassingoverheapsofdeadordyingmen，thefirstplacehecametowasaneighboringvillage，intheAbarianterritories，whichhadbeenburnedtothegroundbytheBulgarians，agreeablytothelawsofwar。Herelayanumberofoldmencoveredwithwounds，whobeheldtheirwivesdyingwiththeirthroatscut，andhuggingtheirchildrentotheirbreasts，allstainedwithblood。Thereseveralyoungvirgins，whosebodieshadbeenrippedopen，aftertheyhadsatisfiedthenaturalnecessitiesoftheBulgarianheroes，breathedtheirlast;
whileothers，half-burnedintheflames，beggedtobedispatchedoutoftheworld。Thegroundaboutthemwascoveredwiththebrains，arms，andlegsofdeadmen。
Candidemadeallthehastehecouldtoanothervillage，whichbelongedtotheBulgarians，andtherehefoundtheheroicAbareshadenactedthesametragedy。Thencecontinuingtowalkoverpalpitatinglimbs，orthroughruinedbuildings，atlengthhearrivedbeyondthetheaterofwar，withalittleprovisioninhisbudget，andMissCunegonde’simageinhisheart。WhenhearrivedinHollandhisprovisionfailedhim;buthavingheardthattheinhabitantsofthatcountrywereallrichandChristians，hemadehimselfsureofbeingtreatedbytheminthesamemannerastheBaron’scastle，beforehehadbeendriventhencethroughthepowerofMissCunegonde’sbrighteyes。
Heaskedcharityofseveralgrave-lookingpeople，whooneandallansweredhim，thatifhecontinuedtofollowthistradetheywouldhavehimsenttothehouseofcorrection，whereheshouldbetaughttogethisbread。
Henextaddressedhimselftoapersonwhohadjustcomefromharanguinganumerousassemblyforawholehouronthesubjectofcharity。Theorator，squintingathimunderhisbroadbrimmedhat，askedhimsternly，whatbroughthimthitherandwhetherhewasforthegoodoldcause？
\"Sir\"，saidCandide，inasubmissivemanner，\"Iconceivetherecanbenoeffectwithoutacause;everythingisnecessarilyconcatenatedandarrangedforthebest。ItwasnecessarythatIshouldbebanishedfromthepresenceofMissCunegonde;thatIshouldafterwardsrunthegauntlet;anditisnecessaryIshouldbegmybread，tillIamabletogetit。Allthiscouldnothavebeenotherwise。\"
\"Harkye，friend\"，saidtheorator，\"doyouholdthePopetobeAntichrist？\"
\"Truly，Ineverheardanythingaboutit\"，saidCandide，\"butwhetherheisornot，Iaminwantofsomethingtoeat。\"
\"Thoudeservestnottoeatortodrink\"，repliedtheorator，\"wretch，monster，thatthouart！hence！avoidmysight，norevercomenearmeagainwhilethoulivest。\"
Theorator’swifehappenedtoputherheadoutofthewindowatthatinstant，when，seeingamanwhodoubtedwhetherthePopewasAntichrist，shedischargeduponhisheadautensilfullofwater。Goodheavens，towhatexcessdoesreligiouszealtransportwomankind！
Amanwhohadneverbeenchristened，anhonestAnabaptistnamedJames，waswitnesstothecruelandignominioustreatmentshowedtooneofhisbrethren，toarational，two-footed，unfledgedbeing。Movedwithpityhecarriedhimtohisownhouse，causedhimtobecleaned，gavehimmeatanddrink，andmadehimapresentoftwoflorins，atthesametimeproposingtoinstructhiminhisowntradeofweavingPersiansilks，whicharefabricatedinHolland。
Candide，penetratedwithsomuchgoodness，threwhimselfathisfeet，crying，\"NowIamconvincedthatmyMasterPanglosstoldmetruthwhenhesaidthateverythingwasforthebestinthisworld;forIaminfinitelymoreaffectedwithyourextraordinarygenerositythanwiththeinhumanityofthatgentlemanintheblackcloakandhiswife。\"
chapter04CHAPTERIV
HOWCANDIDEFOUNDHISOLDMASTERPANGLOSS
AGAINANDWHATHAPPENEDTOHIM
Thenextday，asCandidewaswalkingout，hemetabeggarallcoveredwithscabs，hiseyessunkinhishead，theendofhisnoseeatenoff，hismouthdrawnononeside，histeethasblackasacloak，snufflingandcoughingmostviolently，andeverytimeheattemptedtospitoutdroppedatooth。
Candide，dividedbetweencompassionandhorror，butgivingwaytotheformer，bestowedonthisshockingfigurethetwoflorinswhichthehonestAnabaptist，James，hadjustbeforegiventohim。Thespecterlookedathimveryearnestly，shedtearsandthrewhisarmsabouthisneck。Candidestartedbackaghast。
\"Alas！\"saidtheonewretchtotheother，\"don’tyouknowdearPangloss？\"
\"WhatdoIhear？Isityou，mydearmaster！youIbeholdinthispiteousplight？Whatdreadfulmisfortunehasbefallenyou？Whathasmadeyouleavethemostmagnificentanddelightfulofallcastles？
WhathasbecomeofMissCunegonde，themirrorofyoungladies，andNature’smasterpiece？\"
\"Oh，Lord！\"criedPangloss，\"IamsoweakIcannotstand\"，uponwhichCandideinstantlyledhimtotheAnabaptist’sstable，andprocuredhimsomethingtoeat。
AssoonasPanglosshadalittlerefreshedhimself，CandidebegantorepeathisinquiriesconcerningMissCunegonde。
\"Sheisdead\"，repliedtheother。
\"Dead！\"criedCandide，andimmediatelyfaintedaway;hisfriendrestoredhimbythehelpofalittlebadvinegar，whichhefoundbychanceinthestable。
Candideopenedhiseyes，andagainrepeated：\"Dead！isMissCunegondedead？Ah，whereisthebestofworldsnow？Butofwhatillnessdidshedie？
Wasitofgriefonseeingherfatherkickmeoutofhismagnificentcastle？\"
\"No\"，repliedPangloss，\"herbodywasrippedopenbytheBulgariansoldiers，aftertheyhadsubjectedhertoasmuchcrueltyasadamselcouldsurvive;theyknockedtheBaron，herfather，ontheheadforattemptingtodefendher;MyLady，hermother，wascutinpieces;mypoorpupilwasservedjustinthesamemannerashissister;andasforthecastle，theyhavenotleftonestoneuponanother;theyhavedestroyedalltheducks，andsheep，thebarns，andthetrees;butwehavehadourrevenge，fortheAbareshavedonetheverysamethinginaneighboringbarony，whichbelongedtoaBulgarianlord。\"
Athearingthis，Candidefaintedawayasecondtime，but，notwithstanding，havingcometohimselfagain，hesaidallthatitbecamehimtosay;heinquiredintothecauseandeffect，aswellasintothesufficingreasonthathadreducedPanglosstosomiserableacondition。
\"Alas\"，repliedthepreceptor，\"itwaslove;love，thecomfortofthehumanspecies;love，thepreserveroftheuniverse;thesoulofallsensiblebeings;
love！tenderlove！\"
\"Alas\"，criedCandide，\"Ihavehadsomeknowledgeoflovemyself，thissovereignofhearts，thissoulofsouls;yetitnevercostmemorethanakissandtwentykicksonthebackside。Buthowcouldthisbeautifulcauseproduceinyousohideousaneffect？\"
Panglossmadeanswerintheseterms：
\"OmydearCandide，youmustrememberPacquette，thatprettywench，whowaitedonournobleBaroness;inherarmsItastedthepleasuresofParadise，whichproducedtheseHelltormentswithwhichyouseemedevoured。Shewasinfectedwithanailment，andperhapshassincediedofit;shereceivedthispresentofalearnedFranciscan，whoderiveditfromthefountainhead;hewasindebtedforittoanoldcountess，whohaditofacaptainofhorse，whohaditofamarchioness，whohaditofapage，thepagehaditofaJesuit，who，duringhisnovitiate，haditinadirectlinefromoneofthefellowadventurersofChristopherColumbus;
formypartIshallgiveittonobody，Iamadyingman。\"
\"OsagePangloss\"，criedCandide，\"whatastrangegenealogyisthis！Isnotthedeviltherootofit？\"
\"Notatall\"，repliedthegreatman，\"itwasathingunavoidable，anecessaryingredientinthebestofworlds;forifColumbushadnotcaughtinanislandinAmericathisdisease，whichcontaminatesthesourceofgeneration，andfrequentlyimpedespropagationitself，andisevidentlyopposedtothegreatendofnature，weshouldhavehadneitherchocolatenorcochineal。Itisalsotobeobserved，that，eventothepresenttime，inthiscontinentofours，thismalady，likeourreligiouscontroversies，ispeculiartoourselves。TheTurks，theIndians，thePersians，theChinese，theSiamese，andtheJapaneseareentirelyunacquaintedwithit;butthereisasufficingreasonforthemtoknowitinafewcenturies。Inthemeantime，itismakingprodigioushavocamongus，especiallyinthosearmiescomposedofwelldisciplinedhirelings，whodeterminethefateofnations;
forwemaysafelyaffirm，that，whenanarmyofthirtythousandmenengagesanotherequalinsize，thereareabouttwentythousandinfectedwithsyphilisoneachside。\"
\"Verysurprising，indeed\"，saidCandide，\"butyoumustgetcured。\"
\"Lordhelpme，howcanI？\"saidPangloss。\"Mydearfriend，Ihavenotapennyintheworld;andyouknowonecannotbebledorhaveanenemawithoutmoney。\"
ThislastspeechhaditseffectonCandide;heflewtothecharitableAnabaptist，James;heflunghimselfathisfeet，andgavehimsostrikingapictureofthemiserableconditionofhisfriendthatthegoodmanwithoutanyfurtherhesitationagreedtotakeDr。Panglossintohishouse，andtopayforhiscure。Thecurewaseffectedwithonlythelossofoneeyeandanear。Asbewroteagoodhand，andunderstoodaccountstolerablywell，theAnabaptistmadehimhisbookkeeper。Attheexpirationoftwomonths，beingobligedbysomemercantileaffairstogotoLisbonhetookthetwophilosopherswithhiminthesameship;Pangloss，duringthecourseofthevoyage，explainedtohimhoweverythingwassoconstitutedthatitcouldnotbebetter。Jamesdidnotquiteagreewithhimonthispoint。
\"Men\"，saidhe\"must，insomethings，havedeviatedfromtheiroriginalinnocence;fortheywerenotbornwolves，andyettheyworryoneanotherlikethosebeastsofprey。Godnevergavethemtwenty-fourpoundersnorbayonets，andyettheyhavemadecannonandbayonetstodestroyoneanother。TothisaccountImightaddnotonlybankruptcies，butthelawwhichseizesontheeffectsofbankrupts，onlytocheatthecreditors。\"
\"Allthiswasindispensablynecessary\"，repliedtheone-eyeddoctor，\"forprivatemisfortunesarepublicbenefits;sothatthemoreprivatemisfortunesthereare，thegreateristhegeneralgood。\"
Whilehewasarguinginthismanner，theskywasovercast，thewindsblewfromthefourquartersofthecompass，andtheshipwasassailedbyamostterribletempest，withinsightoftheportofLisbon。
chapter05CHAPTERV
ATEMPEST，ASHIPWRECK，ANEARTHQUAKE，AND
WHATELSEBEFELLDRPANGLOSS，CANDIDE，AND
JAMES，THEANABAPTIST
Onehalfofthepassengers，weakenedandhalf-deadwiththeinconceivableanxietyandsicknesswhichtherollingofavesselatseaoccasionsthroughthewholehumanframe，werelosttoallsenseofthedangerthatsurroundedthem。Theothersmadeloudoutcries，orbetookthemselvestotheirprayers;
thesailswereblownintoshreds，andthemastswerebroughtbytheboard。
Thevesselwasatotalwreck。Everyonewasbusilyemployed，butnobodycouldbeeitherheardorobeyed。TheAnabaptist，beingupondeck，lentahelpinghandaswellastherest，whenabrutishsailorgavehimablowandlaidhimspeechless;but，notwithstanding，withtheviolenceoftheblowthetarhimselftumbledheadforemostoverboard，andfelluponapieceofthebrokenmast，whichheimmediatelygrasped。
HonestJames，forgettingtheinjuryhehadsolatelyreceivedfromhim，flewtohisassistance，and，withgreatdifficulty，hauledhiminagain，but，notwithstanding，intheattempt，was，byasuddenjerkoftheship，thrownoverboardhimself，insightoftheveryfellowwhomhehadriskedhislifetosaveandwhotooknottheleastnoticeofhiminthisdistress。Candide，whobeheldallthatpassedandsawhisbenefactoronemomentrisingabovewater，andthenextswallowedupbythemercilesswaves，waspreparingtojumpafterhim，butwaspreventedbythephilosopherPangloss，whodemonstratedtohimthattheroadsteadofLisbonhadbeenmadeonpurposefortheAnabaptisttobedrownedthere。Whilehewasprovinghisargumentapriori，theshipfoundered，andthewholecrewperished，exceptPangloss，Candide，andthesailorwhohadbeenthemeansofdrowningthegoodAnabaptist。Thevillainswamashore;butPanglossandCandidereachedthelanduponaplank。
AssoonastheyhadrecoveredfromtheirsurpriseandfatiguetheywalkedtowardsLisbon;withwhatlittlemoneytheyhadlefttheythoughttosavethemselvesfromstarvingafterhavingescapeddrowning。
Scarcelyhadtheyceasedtolamentthelossoftheirbenefactorandsetfootinthecity，whentheyperceivedthattheearthtrembledundertheirfeet，andthesea，swellingandfoamingintheharbor，wasdashinginpiecesthevesselsthatwereridingatanchor。Largesheetsofflamesandcinderscoveredthestreetsandpublicplaces;thehousestottered，andweretumbledtopsy-turvyeventotheirfoundations，whichwerethemselvesdestroyed，andthirtythousandinhabitantsofbothsexes，youngandold，wereburiedbeneaththeruins。
Thesailor，whistlingandswearing，cried，\"Damnit，there’ssomethingtobegothere。\"
\"Whatcanbethesufficingreasonofthisphenomenon？\"
saidPangloss。
\"Itiscertainlythedayofjudgment\"，saidCandide。
Thesailor，defyingdeathinthepursuitofplunder，rushedintothemidstoftheruin，wherehefoundsomemoney，withwhichhegotdrunk，and，afterhehadslepthimselfsoberhepurchasedthefavorsofthefirstgood-naturedwenchthatcameinhisway，amidsttheruinsofdemolishedhousesandthegroansofhalf-buriedandexpiringpersons。
Panglosspulledhimbythesleeve。\"Friend\"，saidhe，\"thisisnotright，youtrespassagainsttheuniversalreason，andhavemistakenyourtime。\"
\"Deathandzounds！\"answeredtheother，\"IamasailorandwasbornatBatavia，andhavetrampledfourtimesuponthecrucifixinasmanyvoyagestoJapan;youhavecometoagoodhandwithyouruniversalreason。\"
Inthemeantime，Candide，whohadbeenwoundedbysomepiecesofstonethatfellfromthehouses，laystretchedinthestreet，almostcoveredwithrubbish。
\"ForGod’ssake\"，saidhetoPangloss，\"getmealittlewineandoil！Iamdying。\"
\"Thisconcussionoftheearthisnonewthing\"，saidPangloss，\"thecityofLimainSouthAmericaexperiencedthesamelastyear;
thesamecause，thesameeffects;thereiscertainlyatrainofsulphurallthewayundergroundfromLimatoLisbon。\"
\"Nothingismoreprobable\"，saidCandide;\"butfortheloveofGodalittleoilandwine。\"
\"Probable！\"repliedthephilosopher，\"Imaintainthatthethingisdemonstrable。\"
Candidefaintedaway，andPanglossfetchedhimsomewaterfromaneighboringspring。Thenextday，insearchingamongtheruins，theyfoundsomeeatableswithwhichtheyrepairedtheirexhaustedstrength。Afterthistheyassistedtheinhabitantsinrelievingthedistressedandwounded。Some，whomtheyhadhumanelyassisted，gavethemasgoodadinnerascouldbeexpectedundersuchterriblecircumstances。Therepast，indeed，wasmournful，andthecompanymoistenedtheirbreadwiththeirtears;butPanglossendeavoredtocomfortthemunderthisafflictionbyaffirmingthatthingscouldnotbeotherwisethattheywere。
\"For\"，saidhe，\"allthisisfortheverybestend，forifthereisavolcanoatLisbonitcouldbeinnootherspot;anditisimpossiblebutthingsshouldbeastheyare，foreverythingisforthebest。\"
Bythesideofthepreceptorsatalittlemandressedinblack，whowasoneofthefamiliarsoftheInquisition。Thisperson，takinghimupwithgreatcomplaisance，said，\"Possibly，mygoodsir，youdonotbelieveinoriginalsin;for，ifeverythingisbest，therecouldhavebeennosuchthingasthefallorpunishmentofman。\"
YourExcellencywillpardonme\"，answeredPangloss，stillmorepolitely;\"forthefallofmanandthecurseconsequentthereuponnecessarilyenteredintothesystemofthebestofworlds。\"
\"Thatisasmuchastosay，sir\"，rejoinedthefamiliar，\"youdonotbelieveinfreewill。\"
\"YourExcellencywillbesogoodastoexcuseme\"，saidPangloss，\"freewillisconsistentwithabsolutenecessity;foritwasnecessaryweshouldbefree，forinthatthewill-\"
Panglosswasinthemidstofhisproposition，whenthefamiliarbeckonedtohisattendanttohelphimtoaglassofportwine。
chapter06CHAPTERVI
HOWTHEPORTUGUESEMADEASUPERBAUTO-DE-FE
TOPREVENTANYFUTUREEARTHQUAKES，ANDHOW
CANDIDEUNDERWENTPUBLIC
FLAGELLATION
Aftertheearthquake，whichhaddestroyedthree-fourthsofthecityofLisbon，thesagesofthatcountrycouldthinkofnomeansmoreeffectualtopreservethekingdomfromutterruinthantoentertainthepeoplewithanauto-da-fe，ithavingbeendecidedbytheUniversityofCoimbra，thattheburningofafewpeoplealivebyaslowfire，andwithgreatceremony，isaninfalliblepreventiveofearthquakes。
InconsequencethereoftheyhadseizedonaBiscayanformarryinghisgodmother，andontwoPortuguesefortakingoutthebaconofalardedpullettheywereeating;afterdinnertheycameandsecuredDr。Pangloss，andhispupilCandide，theoneforspeakinghismind，andtheotherforseemingtoapprovewhathehadsaid。Theywereconductedtoseparateapartments，extremelycool，wheretheywereneverincommodedwiththesun。Eightdaysafterwardstheywereeachdressedinasanbenito，andtheirheadswereadornedwithpapermitres。ThemitreandsanbenitowornbyCandidewerepaintedwithflamesreversedandwithdevilsthathadneithertailsnorclaws;butDr。Pangloss’sdevilshadbothtailsandclaws，andhisflameswereupright。Inthesehabitstheymarchedinprocession，andheardaverypatheticsermon，whichwasfollowedbyananthem，accompaniedbybagpipes。Candidewasfloggedtosometune，whiletheanthemwasbeingsung;theBiscayanandthetwomenwhowouldnoteatbaconwereburned，andPanglosswashanged，whichisnotacommoncustomatthesesolemnities。Thesamedaytherewasanotherearthquake，whichmademostdreadfulhavoc。
Candide，amazed，terrified，confounded，astonished，allbloody，andtremblingfromheadtofoot，saidtohimself，\"Ifthisisthebestofallpossibleworlds，whataretheothers？IfIhadonlybeenwhipped，Icouldhaveputupwithit，asIdidamongtheBulgarians;but，notwithstanding，ohmydearPangloss！mybelovedmaster！thougreatestofphilosophers！
thateverI
shouldlivetoseetheehanged，withoutknowingforwhat！
OmydearAnabaptist，thoubestofmen，thatitshouldbethyfatetobedrownedintheveryharbor！OMissCunegonde，youmirrorofyoungladies！
thatitshouldbeyourfatetohaveyourbodyrippedopen！\"
Hewasmakingthebestofhiswayfromtheplacewherehehadbeenpreachedto，whipped，absolvedandblessed，whenhewasaccostedbyanoldwoman，whosaidtohim，\"Takecourage，child，andfollowme。\"
chapter07CHAPTERVII
HOWTHEOLDWOMANTOOKCAREOFCANDIDE，AND
HOWHEFOUND
THEOBJECTOFHISLOVE
Candidefollowedtheoldwoman，thoughwithouttakingcourage，toadecayedhouse，whereshegavehimapotofpomatumtoanointhissores，showedhimaveryneatbed，withasuitofclotheshangingbyit;andsetvictualsanddrinkbeforehim。
\"There\"，saidshe，\"eat，drink，andsleep，andmayOurLadyofAtocha，andthegreatSt。AnthonyofPadua，andtheillustriousSt。
JamesofCompostella，takeyouundertheirprotection。Ishallbebacktomorrow。\"
Candide，struckwithamazementatwhathehadseen，atwhathehadsuffered，andstillmorewiththecharityoftheoldwoman，wouldhaveshownhisacknowledgmentbykissingherhand。
\"Itisnotmyhandyououghttokiss\"，saidtheoldwoman。
\"Ishallbebacktomorrow。Anointyourback，eat，andtakeyourrest。\"
Candide，notwithstandingsomanydisasters，ateandslept。
Thenextmorning，theoldwomanbroughthimhisbreakfast;examinedhisback，andrubbeditherselfwithanotherointment。Shereturnedatthepropertime，andbroughthimhisdinner;andatnight，shevisitedhimagainwithhissupper。
Thenextdaysheobservedthesameceremonies。
\"Whoareyou？\"saidCandidetoher。\"Whohasinspiredyouwithsomuchgoodness？WhatreturncanImakeyouforthischaritableassistance？\"
Thegoodoldbeldamekeptaprofoundsilence。Intheeveningshereturned，butwithouthissupper。
\"Comealongwithme\"，saidshe，\"butdonotspeakaword。\"
Shetookhimbythearm，andwalkedwithhimaboutaquarterofamileintothecountry，tilltheycametoalonelyhousesurroundedwithmoatsandgardens。Theoldconductressknockedatalittledoor，whichwasimmediatelyopened，andsheshowedhimupapairofbackstairs，intoasmall，butrichlyfurnishedapartment。Thereshemadehimsitdownonabrocadedsofa，shutthedooruponhim，andlefthim。Candidethoughthimselfinatrance;helookeduponhiswholelife，hitherto，asafrightfuldream，andthepresentmomentasaveryagreeableone。
Theoldwomansoonreturned，supporting，withgreatdifficulty，ayounglady，whoappearedscarceabletostand。Shewasofamajesticmienandstature，herdresswasrich，andglitteringwithdiamonds，andherfacewascoveredwithaveil。
\"Takeoffthatveil\"，saidtheoldwomantoCandide。
Theyoungmanapproached，and，withatremblinghand，tookoffherveil。
Whatahappymoment！Whatsurprise！HethoughthebeheldMissCunegonde;hedidbeholdher-itwassheherself。Hisstrengthfailedhim，hecouldnotutteraword，hefellatherfeet。Cunegondefainteduponthesofa。Theoldwomanbedewedthemwithspirits;theyrecovered-theybegantospeak。Atfirsttheycouldexpressthemselvesonlyinbrokenaccents;
theirquestionsandanswerswerealternatelyinterruptedwithsighs，tears，andexclamations。Theoldwomandesiredthemtomakelessnoise，andafterthisprudentadmonitionleftthemtogether。
\"Goodheavens！\"criedCandide，\"isityou？IsitMissCunegondeIbehold，andalive？DoIfindyouagaininPortugal？thenyouhavenotbeenravished？theydidnotripopenyourbody，asthephilosopherPanglossinformedme？\"
\"Indeedbuttheydid\"，repliedMissCunegonde;\"butthesetwoaccidentsdonotalwaysprovemortal。\"
\"Butwereyourfatherandmotherkilled？\"
\"Alas！\"answeredshe，\"itisbuttootrue！\"andshewept。
\"Andyourbrother？\"
\"Andmybrotheralso。\"
\"AndhowcameyouintoPortugal？Andhowdidyouknowofmybeinghere？Andbywhatstrangeadventuredidyoucontrivetohavemebroughtintothishouse？Andhow-\"
\"Iwilltellyouall\"，repliedthelady，\"butfirstyoumustacquaintmewithallthathasbefallenyousincetheinnocentkissyougaveme，andtherudekickingyoureceivedinconsequenceofit。\"
Candide，withthegreatestsubmission，preparedtoobeythecommandsofhisfairmistress;andthoughhewasstillfilledwithamazement，thoughhisvoicewaslowandtremulous，thoughhisbackpainedhim，yethegaveheramostingenuousaccountofeverythingthathadbefallenhim，sincethemomentoftheirseparation。Cunegonde，withhereyesupliftedtoheaven，shedtearswhenherelatedthedeathofthegoodAnabaptist，James，andofPangloss;afterwhichshethusrelatedheradventurestoCandide，wholostnotonesyllablesheuttered，andseemedtodevourherwithhiseyesallthetimeshewasspeaking。
chapter08CHAPTERVIII
CUNEGONDE’SSTORY
Iwasinbed，andfastasleep，whenitpleasedHeaventosendtheBulgarianstoourdelightfulcastleofThunder-ten-tronckh，wheretheymurderedmyfatherandbrother，andcutmymotherinpieces。
AtallBulgariansoldier，sixfeethigh，perceivingthatIhadfaintedawayatthissight，attemptedtoravishme;theoperationbroughtmetomysenses。I
cried，Istruggled，Ibit，Iscratched，IwouldhavetornthetallBulgarian’seyesout，notknowingthatwhathadhappenedatmyfather’scastlewasacustomarything。Thebrutalsoldier，enragedatmyresistance，gavemeawoundinmyleftlegwithhishanger，themarkofwhichIstillcarry。\"
\"MethinksIlongtoseeit\"，saidCandide，withallimaginablesimplicity。
\"Youshall\"，saidCunegonde，\"butletmeproceed。\"
\"Praydo\"，repliedCandide。
Shecontinued。\"ABulgariancaptaincamein，andsawmewelteringinmyblood，andthesoldierstillasbusyasifnoonehadbeenpresent。Theofficer，enragedatthefellow’swantofrespecttohim，killedhimwithonestrokeofhissabreashelayuponme。Thiscaptaintookcareofme，hadmecured，andcarriedmeasaprisonerofwartohisquarters。
Iwashedwhatlittlelinenhepossessed，andcookedhisvictuals：
hewasveryfondofme，thatwascertain;neithercanIdenythathewaswellmade，andhadasoft，whiteskin，buthewasverystupid，andknewnothingofphilosophy：itmightplainlybeperceivedthathehadnotbeeneducatedunderDr。
Pangloss。Inthreemonths，havinggambledawayallhismoney，andhavinggrowntiredofme，hesoldmetoaJew，namedDonIssachar，whotradedinHollandandPortugal，andwaspassionatelyfondofwomen。
ThisJewshowedmegreatkindness，inhopesofgainingmyfavors;
buthenevercouldprevailonmetoyield。Amodestwomanmaybeonceravished;buthervirtueisgreatlystrengthenedthereby。Inordertomakesureofme，hebroughtmetothiscountryhouseyounowsee。IhadhithertobelievedthatnothingcouldequalthebeautyofthecastleofThunder-ten-tronckh;
butI
foundIwasmistaken。
\"TheGrandInquisitorsawmeonedayatMass，ogledmeallthetimeofservice，andwhenitwasover，senttoletmeknowhewantedtospeakwithmeaboutsomeprivatebusiness。Iwasconductedtohispalace，whereItoldhimallmystory;herepresentedtomehowmuchitwasbeneathapersonofmybirthtobelongtoacircumcisedIsraelite。HecausedaproposaltobemadetoDonIssachar，thatheshouldresignmetoHisLordship。DonIssachar，beingthecourtbankerandamanofcredit，wasnoteasytobeprevailedupon。HisLordshipthreatenedhimwithanauto-da-fe;
inshort，myJewwasfrightenedintoacompromise，anditwasagreedbetweenthem，thatthehouseandmyselfshouldbelongtobothincommon;
thattheJewshouldhaveMonday，Wednesday，andtheSabbathtohimself;
andtheInquisitortheotherfourdaysoftheweek。Thisagreementhassubsistedalmostsixmonths;butnotwithoutseveralcontests，whetherthespacefromSaturdaynighttoSundaymorningbelongedtotheoldorthenewlaw。Formypart，Ihavehithertowithstoodthemboth，andtrulyIbelievethisistheveryreasonwhytheyarebothsofondofme。
\"Atlengthtoturnasidethescourgeofearthquakes，andtointimidateDonIssachar，MyLordInquisitorwaspleasedtocelebrateanauto-da-fe。Hedidmethehonortoinvitemetotheceremony。Ihadaverygoodseat;andrefreshmentsofallkindswereofferedtheladiesbetweenMassandtheexecution。IwasdreadfullyshockedattheburningofthetwoJews，andthehonestBiscayanwhomarriedhisgodmother;buthowgreatwasmysurprise，myconsternation，andconcern，whenIbeheldafiguresolikePangloss，dressedinasanbenitoandmitre！Irubbedmyeyes，Ilookedathimattentively。Isawhimhanged，andIfaintedaway：
scarcehadI
recoveredmysenses，whenIsawyoustrippedofclothing;
thiswastheheightofhorror，grief，anddespair。Imustconfesstoyouforatruth，thatyourskiniswhiterandmorebloomingthanthatoftheBulgariancaptain。
Thisspectacleworkedmeuptoapitchofdistraction。
Iscreamedout，andwouldhavesaid，’Hold，barbarians！’butmyvoicefailedme;andindeedmycrieswouldhavesignifiednothing。Afteryouhadbeenseverelywhipped，I
saidtomyself，’HowisitpossiblethatthelovelyCandideandthesagePanglossshouldbeatLisbon，theonetoreceiveahundredlashes，andtheothertobehangedbyorderofMyLordInquisitor，ofwhomIamsogreatafavorite？Panglossdeceivedmemostcruelly，insayingthateverythingisforthebest。’
\"Thusagitatedandperplexed，nowdistractedandlost，nowhalfdeadwithgrief，Irevolvedinmymindthemurderofmyfather，mother，andbrother，committedbeforemyeyes;theinsolenceoftherascallyBulgariansoldier;
thewoundhegavemeinthegroin;myservitude;mybeingacook-wenchtomyBulgariancaptain;mysubjectiontothehatefulJew，andmycruelInquisitor;thehangingofDoctorPangloss;theMisereresungwhileyouwerebeingwhipped;andparticularlythekissIgaveyoubehindthescreen，thelastdayIeverbeheldyou。IreturnedthankstoGodforhavingbroughtyoutotheplacewhereIwas，aftersomanytrials。I
chargedtheoldwomanwhoattendsmetobringyouhitherassoonaswasconvenient。
Shehaspunctuallyexecutedmyorders，andInowenjoytheinexpressiblesatisfactionofseeingyou，hearingyou，andspeakingtoyou。Butyoumustcertainlybehalf-deadwithhunger;Imyselfhaveagreatinclinationtoeat，andsoletussitdowntosupper。\"
Uponthisthetwoloversimmediatelyplacedthemselvesattable，and，afterhavingsupped，theyreturnedtoseatthemselvesagainonthemagnificentsofaalreadymentioned，wheretheywereinamorousdalliance，whenSenorDonIssachar，oneofthemastersofthehouse，enteredunexpectedly;itwastheSabbathday，andhecametoenjoyhisprivilege，andsighforthhispassionatthefeetofthefairCunegonde。
chapter09CHAPTERIX
WHATHAPPENEDTOCUNEGONDE，CANDIDE，THE
GRANDINQUISITOR，ANDTHEJEWS
ThissameIssacharwasthemostcholericlittleHebrewthathadeverbeeninIsraelsincethecaptivityofBabylon。
\"What\"，saidhe，\"thouGalileanslut？TheInquisitorwasnotenoughforthee，butthisrascalmustcomeinforasharewithme？\"
Inutteringthesewords，hedrewoutalongponiard，whichhealwayscarriedabouthim，andneverdreamingthathisadversaryhadanyarms，heattackedhimmostfuriously;butourhonestWestphalianhadreceivedfromtheoldwomanahandsomeswordwiththesuitofclothes。
Candidedrewhisrapier，andthoughhewasverygentleandsweet-tempered，helaidtheIsraelitedeadontheflooratthefairCunegonde’sfeet。
\"HolyVirgin！\"criedshe，\"whatwillbecomeofus？Amankilledinmyapartment！Ifthepeace-officerscome，weareundone。\"
\"HadnotPanglossbeenhanged\"，repliedCandide，\"hewouldhavegivenusmostexcellentadvice，inthisemergency;forhewasaprofoundphilosopher。But，sinceheisnothere，letusconsulttheoldwoman。\"
Shewasverysensible，andwasbeginningtogiveheradvice，whenanotherdooropenedonasudden。Itwasnowoneo’clockinthemorning，andofcoursethebeginningofSunday，which，byagreement，felltothelotofMyLordInquisitor。EnteringhediscoveredtheflagellatedCandidewithhisdrawnswordinhishand，adeadbodystretchedonthefloor，Cunegondefrightenedoutofherwits，andtheoldwomangivingadvice。
Atthatverymoment，asuddenthoughtcameintoCandide’shead。\"Ifthisholyman\"，thoughthe，\"shouldcallassistance，Ishallmostundoubtedlybeconsignedtotheflames，andMissCunegondemayperhapsmeetwithnobettertreatment：besides，hewasthecauseofmybeingsocruellywhipped;
heismyrival;andasIhavenowbeguntodipmyhandsinblood，Iwillkillaway，forthereisnotimetohesitate。\"
Thiswholetrainofreasoningwasclearandinstantaneous;
sothat，withoutgivingtimetotheInquisitortorecoverfromhissurprise，heranhimthroughthebody，andlaidhimbythesideoftheJew。
\"Here’sanotherfinepieceofwork！\"criedCunegonde。\"Nowtherecanbenomercyforus，weareexcommunicated;ourlasthouriscome。Buthowcouldyou，whoareofsomildatemper，despatchaJewandanInquisitorintwominutes’time？\"
\"Beautifulmaiden\"，answeredCandide，\"whenamanisinlove，isjealous，andhasbeenfloggedbytheInquisition，hebecomeslosttoallreflection。\"
Theoldwomanthenputinherword：
\"TherearethreeAndalusianhorsesinthestable，withasmanybridlesandsaddles;letthebraveCandidegetthemready。Madamhasaparcelofmoidoresandjewels，letusmountimmediately，thoughIhavelostonebuttock;letussetoutforCadiz;itisthefinestweatherintheworld，andthereisgreatpleasureintravelinginthecoolofthenight。\"
Candide，withoutanyfurtherhesitation，saddledthethreehorses;andMissCunegonde，theoldwoman，andhe，setout，andtraveledthirtymileswithoutoncehalting。Whiletheyweremakingthebestoftheirway，theHolyBrotherhoodenteredthehouse。MyLord，theInquisitor，wasinterredinamagnificentmanner，andMasterIssachar’sbodywasthrownuponadunghill。
Candide，Cunegonde，andtheoldwoman，hadbythistimereachedthelittletownofAvacena，inthemidstofthemountainsofSierraMorena，andwereengagedinthefollowingconversationinaninn，wheretheyhadtakenuptheirquarters。
chapter10CHAPTERX
INWHATDISTRESSCANDIDE，CUNEGONDE，ANDTHE
OLDWOMANARRIVEATCADIZ，ANDOFTHEIR
EMBARKATION
Whocoulditbethathasrobbedmeofmymoidoresandjewels？\"exclaimedMissCunegonde，allbathedintears。\"Howshallwelive？
Whatshallwedo？
WhereshallIfindInquisitorsandJewswhocangivememore？\"
\"Alas！\"saidtheoldwoman，\"IhaveashrewdsuspicionofareverendFranciscanfather，wholaylastnightinthesameinnwithusatBadajoz。
GodforbidIshouldcondemnanyonewrongfully，buthecameintoourroomtwice，andhesetoffinthemorninglongbeforeus。\"
\"Alas！\"saidCandide，\"Panglosshasoftendemonstratedtomethatthegoodsofthisworldarecommontoallmen，andthateveryonehasanequalrighttotheenjoymentofthem;but，notwithstanding，accordingtotheseprinciples，theFranciscanoughttohaveleftusenoughtocarryustotheendofourjourney。Haveyounothingatallleft，mydearMissCunegonde？\"
\"Notamaravedi\"，repliedshe。
\"Whatistobedonethen？\"saidCandide。
\"Selloneofthehorses\"，repliedtheoldwoman。\"IwillgetupbehindMissCunegonde，thoughIhaveonlyonebuttocktorideon，andweshallreachCadiz。\"
InthesameinntherewasaBenedictinefriar，whoboughtthehorseverycheap。Candide，Cunegonde，andtheoldwoman，afterpassingthroughLucina，Chellas，andLetrixa，arrivedatlengthatCadiz。
Afleetwasthengettingready，andtroopswereassemblinginordertoinducethereverendfathers，JesuitsofParaguay，whowereaccusedofhavingexcitedoneoftheIndiantribesintheneighborhoodofthetownoftheHolySacrament，torevoltagainsttheKingsofSpainandPortugal。
Candide，havingbeenintheBulgarianservice，performedthemilitaryexerciseofthatnationbeforethegeneralofthislittlearmywithsointrepidanair，andwithsuchagilityandexpedition，thathereceivedthecommandofacompanyoffoot。Beingnowmadeacaptain，heembarkedwithMissCunegonde，theoldwoman，twovalets，andthetwoAndalusianhorses，whichhadbelongedtotheGrandInquisitorofPortugal。
DuringtheirvoyagetheyamusedthemselveswithmanyprofoundreasoningsonpoorPangloss’sphilosophy。
\"Wearenowgoingintoanotherworld，andsurelyitmustbetherethateverythingisforthebest;forImustconfessthatwehavehadsomelittlereasontocomplainofwhatpassesinours，bothastothephysicalandmoralpart。ThoughIhaveasincereloveforyou\"，saidMissCunegonde，\"yetIstillshudderatthereflectionofwhatIhaveseenandexperienced。\"
\"Allwillbewell\"，repliedCandide，\"theseaofthisnewworldisalreadybetterthanourEuropeanseas：itissmoother，andthewindsblowmoreregularly。\"
\"Godgrantit\"，saidCunegonde，\"butIhavemetwithsuchterribletreatmentinthisworldthatIhavealmostlostallhopesofabetterone。\"
\"Whatmurmuringandcomplainingishereindeed！\"criedtheoldwoman。\"IfyouhadsufferedhalfwhatIhave，theremightbesomereasonforit。\"
MissCunegondecouldscarcerefrainfromlaughingatthegoodoldwoman，andthoughtitdrollenoughtopretendtoagreatershareofmisfortunesthanherown。
\"Alas！mygooddame\"，saidshe，\"unlessyouhadbeenravishedbytwoBulgarians，hadreceivedtwodeepwoundsinyourbelly，hadseentwoofyourowncastlesdemolished，hadlosttwofathers，andtwomothers，andseenbothofthembarbarouslymurderedbeforeyoureyes，andtosumupall，hadtwoloverswhippedatanauto-da-fe，IcannotseehowyoucouldbemoreunfortunatethanI。Addtothis，thoughbornabaroness，andbearingseventy-twoquarterings，Ihavebeenreducedtothestationofacook-wench。\"
\"Miss\"，repliedtheoldwoman，\"youdonotknowmyfamilyasyet;butifI
weretoshowyoumyposteriors，youwouldnottalkinthismanner，butsuspendyourjudgment。\"ThisspeechraisedahighcuriosityinCandideandCunegonde;andtheoldwomancontinuedasfollows。
chapter11CHAPTERXI
THEHISTORYOFTHEOLDWOMAN
Ihavenotalwaysbeenblear-eyed。Mynosedidnotalwaystouchmychin;
norwasIalwaysaservant。YoumustknowthatIamthedaughterofPopeUrbanX，andofthePrincessofPalestrina。TotheageoffourteenIwasbroughtupinacastle，comparedwithwhichallthecastlesoftheGermanbaronswouldnothavebeenfitforstabling，andoneofmyrobeswouldhaveboughthalftheprovinceofWestphalia。Igrewup，andimprovedinbeauty，wit，andeverygracefulaccomplishment;andinthemidstofpleasures，homage，andthehighestexpectations。Ialreadybegantoinspirethemenwithlove。Mybreastbegantotakeitsrightform，andsuchabreast！white，firm，andformedlikethatoftheVenusde’Medici;myeyebrowswereasblackasjet，andasformyeyes，theydartedflamesandeclipsedthelusterofthestars，asIwastoldbythepoetsofourpartoftheworld。Mymaids，whentheydressedandundressedme，usedtofallintoanecstasyinviewingmebeforeandbehind;andallthemenlongedtobeintheirplaces。
\"IwascontractedinmarriagetoasovereignprinceofMassaCarrara。Suchaprince！ashandsomeasmyself，sweet-tempered，agreeable，witty，andinlovewithmeoverheadandears。Ilovedhim，too，asoursexgenerallydoforthefirsttime，withrapture，transport，andidolatry。
Thenuptialswerepreparedwithsurprisingpompandmagnificence;theceremonywasattendedwithfeasts，carousals，andburlesques：allItalycomposedsonnetsinmypraise，thoughnotoneofthemwastolerable。
\"Iwasonthepointofreachingthesummitofbliss，whenanoldmarchioness，whohadbeenmistresstothePrince，myhusband，invitedhimtodrinkchocolate。Inlessthantwohoursafterhereturnedfromthevisit，hediedofmostterribleconvulsions。