ThiswelearnedfromMrs。Jane，whowastheonlypersonleftpresentatallthis。
’Mydear，’returnsmymaster，thinking，tobesure，ofJudy，aswellhemight，’whoevertoldyousoisanincendiary，andI’llhave’emturnedoutofthehousethisminute，ifyou’llonlyletmeknowwhichofthemitwas。’
’Toldmewhat？’saidmylady，startinguprightinherchair。
’Nothingatall，nothingatall，’saidmymaster，seeinghehadovershothimself，andthatmyladyspokeatrandom;’butwhatyousaidjustnow，thatIdidnotloveyou，Bella;whotoldyouthat？’
’Myownsense，’shesaid，andsheputherhandkerchieftoherface，andleantbackuponMrs。Jane，andfelltosobbingasifherheartwouldbreak。
’Whynow，Bella，thisisverystrangeofyou，’saidmypoormaster;’ifnobodyhastoldyounothing，whatisityouaretakingonforatthisrate，andexposingyourselfandmeforthisway？’
’Oh，saynomore，saynomore;everywordyousaykillsme，’
criedmylady;andsheranonlikeone，asMrs。Janesays，raving，’Oh，SirCondy，SirCondy！Ithathadhopedtofindinyou——’
’Whynow，faith，thisisalittletoomuch;do，Bella，trytorecollectyourself，mydear;amnotIyourhusband，andofyourownchoosing，andisnotthatenough？’
’Oh，toomuch！toomuch！’criedmylady，wringingherhands。
’Why，mydear，cometoyourrightsenses，fortheloveofheaven。
See，isnotthewhisky-punch，jugandbowlandall，goneoutoftheroomlongago？Whatisit，inthewideworld，youhavetocomplainof？’
Butstillmyladysobbedandsobbed，andcalledherselfthemostwretchedofwomen;andamongotherout-of-the-wayprovokingthings，askedmymaster，washefitcompanyforher，andhedrinkingallnight？Thisnettlinghim，whichitwashardtodo，hereplied，thatastodrinkingallnight，hewasthenassoberasshewasherself，andthatitwasnomatterhowmuchamandrank，provideditdidnowaysaffectorstaggerhim：thatastobeingfitcompanyforher，hethoughthimselfofafamilytobefitcompanyforanylordorladyintheland;butthatheneverpreventedherfromseeingandkeepingwhatcompanyshepleased，andthathehaddonehisbesttomakeCastleRackrentpleasingtohersincehermarriage，havingalwayshadthehousefullofvisitors，andifherownrelationswerenotamongstthem，hesaidthatwastheirownfault，andtheirpride’sfault，ofwhichhewassorrytofindherladyshiphadsounbecomingashare。Soconcluding，hetookhiscandleandwalkedofftohisroom，andmyladywasinhertantarumsforthreedaysafter;andwouldhavebeensomuchlonger，nodoubt，butsomeofherfriends，youngladies，andcousins，andsecondcousins，cametoCastleRackrent，bymypoormaster’sexpressinvitation，toseeher，andshewasinahurrytogetup，asMrs。Janecalledit，aplayforthem，andsogotwell，andwasasfinelydressed，andashappytolookat，asever;andalltheyoungladies，whousedtobeinherroomdressingofher，saidinMrs。Jane’shearingthatmyladywasthehappiestbrideevertheyhadseen，andthattobesurealove-
matchwastheonlythingforhappiness，wherethepartiescouldanywayaffordit。
Astoaffordingit，Godknowsitwaslittletheyknewofthematter;mylady’sfewthousandscouldnotlastforever，especiallythewayshewentonwiththem;andlettersfromtradesfolkcameeverypostthickandthreefold，withbillsaslongasmyarm，ofyears’andyears’standing。MysonJasonhad’emallhandedovertohim，andthepressingletterswereallunreadbySirCondy，whohatedtrouble，andcouldneverbebroughttoheartalkofbusiness，butstillputitoffandputitoff，saying，’Settleitanyhow，’or，’Bid’emcallagainto-
morrow，’or，’Speaktomeaboutitsomeothertime。’Nowitwashardtofindtherighttimetospeak，forinthemorningshewasa-bed，andintheeveningsoverhisbottle，wherenogentlemanchoosestobedisturbed。Thingsinatwelvemonthorsocametosuchapasstherewasnomakingashifttogoonanylonger，thoughwewereallofuswellenoughusedtolivefromhandtomouthatCastleRackrent。Oneday，Iremember，whentherewasapowerofcompany，allsittingafterdinnerinthedusk，nottosaydark，inthedrawing-room，myladyhavingrungfivetimesforcandles，andnonetogoup，thehousekeepersentupthefootman，whowenttomymistress，andwhisperedbehindherchairhowitwas。
’Mylady，’sayshe，’therearenocandlesinthehouse。’
’Blessme，’saysshe;’thentakeahorseandgallopoffasfastasyoucantoCarrickO’Fungus，andgetsome。’
’Andinthemeantimetellthemtostepintotheplayhouse，andtryiftherearenotsomebitsleft，’addedSirCondy，whohappened，tobewithinhearing。Themanwassentupagaintomylady，toletherknowtherewasnohorsetogo，butonethatwantedashoe。
’GotoSirCondythen;Iknownothingatallaboutthehorses，’
saidmylady;’whydoyouplaguemewiththesethings？’HowitwassettledIreallyforget，buttothebestofmyremembrance，theboywassentdowntomysonJason’stoborrowcandlesforthenight。Anothertime，inthewinter，andonadesperatecoldday，therewasnoturfinfortheparlourandabovestairs，andscarceenoughforthecookinthekitchen。ThelittleGOSSOONwassentofftotheneighbours，toseeandbegorborrowsome，butnonecouldhebringbackwithhimforloveormoney;[GOSSOON：alittleboy——fromtheFrenchwordGARCON。InmostIrishfamiliesthereusedtobeabarefootedgossoon，whowasslavetothecookandthebutler，andwho，infact，withoutwages，didallthehardworkofthehouse。Gossoonswerealwaysemployedasmessengers。
TheEditorhasknownagossoontogoonfoot，withoutshoesorstockings，fifty-oneEnglishmilesbetweensunriseandsunset。]
so，asneedsmust，wewereforcedtotroubleSirCondy——’Well，andifthere’snoturftobehadinthetownorcountry，why，whatsignifiestalkinganymoreaboutit;can’tyegoandcutdownatree？’
’Whichtree，pleaseyourhonour？’Imadeboldtosay。
’Anytreeatallthat’sgoodtoburn，’saidSirCondy;’sendoffsmartandgetonedown，andthefireslighted，beforemyladygetsuptobreakfast，orthehousewillbetoohottoholdus。’
Hewasalwaysveryconsiderateinallthingsaboutmylady，andshewantedfornothingwhilsthehadittogive。Well，whenthingsweretightwiththemaboutthistime，mysonJasonputinawordagainabouttheLodge，andmadeagenteeloffertolaydownthepurchase-money，torelieveSirCondy’sdistresses。NowSirCondyhaditfromthebestauthoritythatthereweretwowritscomedowntothesheriffagainsthisperson，andthesheriff，asill-luckwouldhaveit，wasnofriendofhis，andtalkedhowhemustdohisduty，andhowhewoulddoit，ifitwasagainstthefirstmaninthecountry，orevenhisownbrother，letaloneonewhohadvotedagainsthimatthelastelection，asSirCondyhaddone。SoSirCondywasfaintotakethepurchase-
moneyoftheLodgefrommysonJasontosettlematters;andsureenoughitwasagoodbargainforbothparties，formysonboughtthefee-simpleofagoodhouseforhimandhisheirsforever，forlittleornothing，andbysellingofitforthatsamemymastersavedhimselffromagaol。EverywayitturnedoutfortunateforSirCondy，forbeforethemoneywasallgonetherecameageneralelection，andhebeingsowellbelovedinthecounty，andoneoftheoldestfamilies，noonehadabetterrighttostandcandidateforthevacancy;andhewascalleduponbyallhisfriends，andthewholecountyImaysay，todeclarehimselfagainsttheoldmember，whohadlittlethoughtofacontest。Mymasterdidnotrelishthethoughtsofatroublesomecanvass，andalltheill-willhemightbringuponhimselfbydisturbingthepeaceofthecounty，besidestheexpense，whichwasnotrifle;
butallhisfriendscalledupononeanothertosubscribe，andtheyformedthemselvesintoacommittee，andwroteallhiscircularlettersforhim，andengagedallhisagents，anddidallthebusinessunknowntohim;andhewaswellpleasedthatitshouldbesoatlast，andmyladyherselfwasverysanguineabouttheelection;andtherewasopenhousekeptnightanddayatCastleRackrent，andIthoughtIneversawmyladylooksowellinherlifeasshedidatthattime。Thereweregranddinners，andallthegentlemendrinkingsuccesstoSirCondytilltheywerecarriedoff;andthendancesandballs，andtheladiesallfinishingwitharakingpotofteainthemorning[SeeGLOSSARY
25]。Indeed，itwaswellthecompanymadeittheirchoicetositupallnights，fortherewerenothalfbedsenoughforthesightsofpeoplethatwereinit，thoughtherewereshake-downsinthedrawing-roomalwaysmadeupbeforesunriseforthosethatlikedit。Formypart，whenIsawthedoingsthatweregoingon，andtheloadsofclaretthatwentdownthethroatsofthemthathadnorighttobeaskingforit，andthesightsofmeatthatwentuptotableandnevercamedown，besideswhatwascarriedofftooneort’otherbelowstair，Icouldn’tbutpitymypoormaster，whowastopayforall;butIsaidnothing，forfearofgainingmyselfill-will。Thedayofelectionwillcomesometimeorother，saysItomyself，andallwillbeover;andsoitdid，andagloriousdayitwasasanyIeverhadthehappinesstosee。
’Huzza！huzza！SirCondyRackrentforever！’wasthefirstthingIhearsinthemorning，andthesameandnothingelseallday，andnotasoulsoberonlyjustwhenpolling，enoughtogivetheirvotesasbecame’em，andtostandthebrowbeatingofthelawyers，whocametightenoughuponus;andmanyofourfreeholderswereknockedoff;havingneverafreeholdthattheycouldsafelyswearto，andSirCondywasnotwillingtohaveanymanperjurehimselfforhissake，aswasdoneontheotherside，Godknows;butnomatterforthat。Someofourfriendsweredumbfoundedbythelawyersaskingthem：Hadtheyeverbeenuponthegroundwheretheirfreeholdslay？Now，SirCondybeingtenderoftheconsciencesofthemthathadnotbeenontheground，andsocouldnotsweartoafreeholdwhencross-examinedbythemlawyers，sentoutforacoupleofcleavesfulofthesodsofhisfarmofGulteeshinnagh;[AtSt。Patrick’smeeting，London，March1806，theDukeofSussexsaidhehadthehonourofbearinganIrishtitle，and，withthepermissionofthecompany，heshouldtellthemananecdoteofwhathehadexperiencedonhistravels。WhenhewasatRomehewenttovisitanIrishseminary，andwhentheyheardwhoitwas，andthathehadanIrishtitle，someofthemaskedhim，’PleaseyourRoyalHighness，sinceyouareanIrishpeer，willyoutellusifyouevertroduponIrishground？’Whenhetoldthemhehadnot，’Oh，then，’saidoneoftheOrder，’youshallsoondoso。’Theythenspreadsomeearth，whichhadbeenbroughtfromIreland，onamarbleslab，andmadehimstanduponit。]andassoonasthesodscameintotown，heseteachmanuponhissod，andsothen，everafter，youknow，theycouldfairlysweartheyhadbeenupontheground。[ThiswasactuallydoneatanelectioninIreland。]Wegainedthedaybythispieceofhonesty[SeeGLOSSARY26]。IthoughtIshouldhavediedinthestreetsforjoywhenIseedmypoormasterchaired，andhebareheaded，anditrainingashardasitcouldpour;butallthecrowdsfollowinghimupanddown，andhebowingandshakinghandswiththewholetown。
’IsthatSirCondyRackrentinthechair？’saysastrangermaninthecrowd。
’Thesame，’saysI。’Whoelseshoulditbe？Godblesshim！’
’AndItakeit，then，youbelongtohim？’sayshe。
’Notatall，’saysI;’butIliveunderhim，andhavedonesothesetwohundredyearsandupwards，meandmine。’
’It’sluckyforyou，then，’rejoinshe，’thatheiswhereheis;
forwasheanywhereelsebutinthechair，thisminutehe’dbeinaworseplace;forIwassentdownonpurposetoputhimup，[TO
PUTHIMUP：toputhimingaol]andhere’smyorderforsodoinginmypocket。’
Itwasawritthatvillainthewinemerchanthadmarkedagainstmypoormasterforsomehundredsofanolddebt，whichitwasashametobetalkingofatsuchatimeasthis。
’Putitinyourpocketagain，andthinknomoreofitanywaysforsevenyearstocome，myhonestfriend，’saysI;’he’samemberofParliamentnow，praisedbeGod，andsuchasyoucan’ttouchhim：
andifyou’lltakeafool’sadvice，I’dhaveyoukeepoutofthewaythisday，oryou’llrunagoodchanceofgettingyourdesertsamongstmymaster’sfriends，unlessyouchoosetodrinkhishealthlikeeverybodyelse。’
’I’venoobjectiontothatinlife，’saidhe。Sowewentintooneofthepublic-houseskeptopenformymaster;andwehadagreatdealoftalkaboutthisthingandthat。’Andhowisit，’
sayshe，’yourmasterkeepsonsowelluponhislegs？IheardsayhewasoffHolantidetwelvemonthpast。’
’Neverwasbetterorheartierinhislife，’saidI。
’It’snotthatI’mafterspeakingof’saidhe;’buttherewasagreatreportofhisbeingruined。\"
’Nomatter，’saysI，’thesheriffstwoyearsrunningwerehisparticularfriends，andthesub-sheriffswerebothofthemgentlemen，andwereproperlyspokento;andsothewritslaysnugwiththem，andthey，asIunderstandbymysonJasonthecustominthemcasesis，returnedthewritsastheycametothemtothosethatsent’emmuchgoodmayitdothem！——withawordinLatin，thatnosuchpersonasSirCondyRackrent，Bart。，wastobefoundinthoseparts。’
’Oh，Iunderstandallthosewaysbetter——nooffence——thanyou，’
sayshe，laughing，andatthesametimefillinghisglasstomymaster’sgoodhealth，whichconvincedmehewasawarmfriendinhisheartafterall，thoughappearanceswerealittlesuspiciousorsoatfirst。’Tobesure，’sayshe，stillcuttinghisjoke，’whenaman’soverheadandshouldersindebt，hemaylivethefasterforit，andthebetterifhegoestherightwayaboutit;
orelsehowisitsomanyliveonsowell，asweseeeveryday，aftertheyareruined？’
’Howisit，’saysI，beingalittlemerryatthetime——’howisitbutjustasyouseetheducksinthechicken-yard，justaftertheirheadsarecutoffbythecook，runningroundandroundfasterthanwhenalive？’
Atwhichconceithefella-laughing，andremarkedhehadneverhadthehappinessyettoseethechicken-yardatCastleRackrent。
’Itwon’tbelongso，Ihope，’saysI;’you’llbekindlywelcomethere，aseverybodyismadebymymaster：thereisnotafreer-
spokengentleman，orabetterbeloved，highorlow，inallIreland。’
AndofwhatpassedafterthisI’mnotsensible，forwedrankSirCandy’sgoodhealthandthedownfallofhisenemiestillwecouldstandnolongerourselves。AndlittledidIthinkatthetime，ortilllongafter，howIwasharbouringmypoormaster’sgreatestofenemiesmyself。Thisfellowhadtheimpudence，aftercomingtoseethechicken-yard，togetmetointroducehimtomysonJason;littlemorethanthemanthatneverwasborndidI
guessathismeaningbythisvisit：hegetshimacorrectlistfairlydrawnoutfrommysonJasonofallmymaster’sdebts，andgoesstraightroundtothecreditorsandbuysthemallup，whichhedideasyenough，seeingthehalfofthemneverexpectedtoseetheirmoneyoutofSirCondy’shands。Then，whenthisbase-
mindedlimbofthelaw，asIafterwardsdetectedhiminbeing，grewtobesolecreditoroverall，hetakeshimoutacustodiamonallthedenominationsandsub-denominations，andevencartonandhalf-cartonupontheestate[SeeGLOSSARY27];andnotcontentwiththat，musthaveanexecutionagainstthemaster’sgoodsanddowntothefurniture，thoughlittleworth，ofCastleRackrentitself。ButthisisapartofmystoryI’mnotcometoyet，andit’sbadtobeforestalling：illnewsfliesfastenoughalltheworldover。
Togobacktothedayoftheelection，whichIneverthinkofbutwithpleasureandtearsofgratitudeforthosegoodtimes：aftertheelectionwasquiteandcleanover，therecomesshoalsofpeoplefromallparts，claimingtohaveobligedmymasterwiththeirvotes，andputtinghiminmindofpromiseswhichhecouldneverrememberhimselftohavemade：onewastohaveafreeholdforeachofhisfoursons;anotherwastohavearenewalofalease;anotheranabatement;onecametobepaidtenguineasforapairofsilverbucklessoldmymasteronthehustings，whichturnedouttobenobetterthancoppergilt;anotherhadalongbillforoats，thehalfofwhichneverwentintothegranarytomycertainknowledge，andtheotherhalfwasnotfitforthecattletotouch;butthebargainwasmadetheweekbeforetheelection，andthecoachandsaddle-horsesweregotintoorderfortheday，besidesavotefairlygotbythemoats;sonomorereasoningonthathead。ButthentherewasnoendtothemthatweretellingSirCondyhehadengagedtomaketheirsonsexcisemen，orhighconstables，orthelike;andasforthemthathadbillstogiveinforliquor，andbeds，andstraw，andribands，andhorses，andpost-chaisesforthegentlemenfreeholdersthatcamefromallpartsandothercountiestovoteformymaster，andwerenot，tobesure，tobeatanycharges，therewasnostandingagainstallthese;and，worsethanall，thegentlemenofmymaster’scommittee，whomanagedallforhim，andtalkedhowthey’dbringhiminwithoutcostinghimapenny，andsubscribedbyhundredsverygenteelly，forgottopaytheirsubscriptions，andhadlaidoutinagents’andlawyers’feesandsecretservicemoneytotheLordknowshowmuch;andmymastercouldneveraskoneofthemfortheirsubscriptionyouaresensible，norforthepriceofafinehorsehehadsoldoneofthem;soitallwasleftathisdoor。Hecouldnever，Godblesshimagain！Isay，bringhimselftoaskagentlemanformoney，despisingsuchsortofconversationhimself;butothers，whowerenotgentlemenborn，behavedveryuncivilinpressinghimatthisverytime，andallhecoulddotocontent’emallwastotakehimselfoutofthewayasfastaspossibletoDublin，wheremyladyhadtakenahousefittingforhimasamemberofParliament，toattendhisdutyinthereallthewinter。Iwasverylonelywhenthewholefamilywasgone，andallthethingstheyhadorderedtogo，andforgot，sentafterthembythecar。TherewasthenagreatsilenceinCastleRackrent，andIwentmopingfromroomtoroom，hearingthedoorsclapforwantofrightlocks，andthewindthroughthebrokenwindows，thattheglazierneverwouldcometomend，andtheraincomingthroughtheroofandbestceilingsalloverthehouseforwantoftheslater，whosebillwasnotpaid，besidesourhavingnoslatesorshinglesforthatpartoftheoldbuildingwhichwasshingledandburntwhenthechimneytookfire，andhadbeenopentotheweathereversince。
Itookmyselftotheservants’hallintheeveningtosmokemypipeasusual，butmissedthebitoftalkweusedtohavetheresadly，andeverafterwascontenttostayinthekitchenandboilmylittlepotatoes，[MYLITTLEPOTATOES。——Thadydoesnotmeanbythisexpressionthathispotatoeswerelessthanotherpeople’s，orlessthantheusualsize。LITTLEishereusedonlyasanItaliandiminutive，expressiveoffondness。]andputupmybedthere，andeverypost-dayIlookedinthenewspaper，butnonewsofmymasterintheHouse;heneverspokegoodorbad，but，asthebutlerwrotedownwordtomysonJason，wasveryill-usedbytheGovernmentaboutaplacethatwaspromisedhimandnevergiven，afterhissupportingthemagainsthisconscienceveryhonourably，andbeinggreatlyabusedforit，whichhurthimgreatly，hehavingthenameofagreatpatriotinthecountrybefore。ThehouseandlivinginDublintoowerenottobehadfornothing，andmysonJasonsaid，’SirCondymustsoonbelookingoutforanewagent，forI’vedonemypart，andcandonomore。IfmyladyhadthebankofIrelandtospend，itwouldgoallinonewinter，andSirCondywouldnevergainsayher，thoughhedoesnotcaretherindofalemonforherallthewhile。’
NowIcouldnotbeartohearJasongivingoutafterthismanneragainstthefamily，andtwentypeoplestandingbyinthestreet。
EversincehehadlivedattheLodgeofhisownhelookeddown，howsomever，uponpooroldThady，andwasgrownquiteagreatgentleman，andhadnoneofhisrelationsnearhim;nowonderhewasnokindertopoorSirCondythantohisownkithorkin。
[KITHANDKIN：familyorrelations。KINfromKIND;KITHfromweknownotwhat。]Inthespringitwasthevillainthatgotthelistofthedebtsfromhimbroughtdownthecustodiam，SirCondystillattendinghisdutyinParliamentandIcouldscarcelybelievemyownoldeyes，orthespectacleswithwhichIreadit，whenIwasshownmysonJason’snamejoinedinthecustodiam;buthetoldmeitwasonlyforform’ssake，andtomakethingseasierthanifallthelandwasunderthepowerofatotalstranger。
Well，Ididnotknowwhattothink;itwashardtobetalkingillofmyown，andIcouldnotbutgrieveformypoormaster’sfineestate，alltornbythesevulturesofthelaw;soIsaidnothing，butjustlookedontoseehowitwouldallend。
ItwasnottillthemonthofJunethatheandmyladycamedowntothecountry。Mymasterwaspleasedtotakemeasidewithhimtothebrewhousethatsameevening，tocomplaintomeofmysonandothermatters，inwhichhesaidhewasconfidentIhadneitherartnorpart;hesaidagreatdealmoretome，towhomhehadbeenfondtotalkeversincehewasmywhite-headedboybeforehecametotheestate;andallthathesaidaboutpoorJudyIcanneverforget，butscorntorepeat。Hedidnotsayanunkindwordofmylady，butwondered，aswellhemight，herrelationswoulddonothingforhimorher，andtheyinallthisgreatdistress。Hedidnottakeanythinglongtoheart，letitbeasitwould，andhadnomoremaliceorthoughtofthelikeinhimthanachildthatcan’tspeak;thisnightitwasalloutofhisheadbeforehewenttohisbed。Hetookhisjugofwhisky-
punch——myladywasgrownquiteeasyaboutthewhisky-punchbythistime，andsoIdidsupposeallwasgoingonrightbetwixtthemtillIlearntthetruththroughMrs。Jane，whotalkedovertheaffairstothehousekeeper，andIwithinhearing。Thenightmymastercamehome，thinkingofnothingatallbutjustmakingmerry，hedrankhisbumpertoast’tothedesertsofthatoldcurmudgeonmyfather-in-law，andallenemiesatMountJuliet’sTown。’Nowmyladywasnolongerinthemindsheformerlywas，anddidnowaysrelishhearingherownfriendsabusedinherpresence，shesaid。
’Thenwhydon’ttheyshowthemselvesyourfriends’saidmymaster，’andobligemewiththeloanofthemoneyIcondescended，byyouradvice，mydear，toask？It’snowthreepostssinceI
sentoffmyletter，desiringinthepostscriptaspeedyanswerbythereturnofthepost，andnoaccountatallfromthemyet。’
’Iexpectthey’llwritetoMEnextpost，’saysmylady，andthatwasallthatpassedthen;butitwaseasyfromthistoguesstherewasacoolnessbetwixtthem，andwithgoodcause。
Thenextmorning，beingpost-day，Isentoffthegossoonearlytothepost-office，toseewasthereanyletterlikelytosetmatterstorights，andhebroughtbackonewiththeproperpost-
markuponit，sureenough，andIhadnotimetoexamineormakeanyconjecturemoreaboutit，forintotheservants’hallpopsMrs。Janewithabluebandboxinherhand，quiteentirelymad。
’Dearma’am，andwhat’sthematter？’saysI。
’Matterenough，’saysshe;’don’tyouseemybandboxiswetthrough，andmybestbonnetherespoiled，besidesmylady’s，andallbytheraincominginthroughthatgallerywindowthatyoumighthavegotmendedifyou’dhadanysense，Thady，allthetimewewereintowninthewinter？’
’Sure，Icouldnotgettheglazier，ma’am，’saysI。
’Youmighthavestoppeditupanyhow，’saysshe。
’SoI，did，ma’am，tothebestofmyability;oneofthepaneswiththeoldpillow-case，andtheotherwithapieceoftheoldstagegreencurtain。SureIwasascarefulaspossibleallthetimeyouwereaway，andnotadropofraincameinatthatwindowofallthewindowsinthehouse，allwinter，ma’am，whenundermycare;andnowthefamily’scomehome，andit’ssummer-time，I
neverthoughtnomoreaboutit，tobesure;butdear，it’sapitytothinkofyourbonnet，ma’am。Buthere’swhatwillpleaseyou，ma’am——aletterfromMountJuliet’sTownformylady。
Withthatshesnatchesitfrommewithoutawordmore，andrunsupthebackstairstomymistress;Ifollowswithaslatetomakeupthewindow。Thiswindowwasinthelongpassage，orgallery，asmyladygaveoutorderstohaveitcalled，inthegalleryleadingtomymaster’sbedchamberandhers。AndwhenIwentupwiththeslate，thedoorhavingnolock，andtheboltspoilt，wasajarafterMrs。Jane，and，asIwasbusywiththewindow，Iheardallthatwassayingwithin。
’Well，what’sinyourletter，Bella，mydear？’sayshe：’you’realongtimespellingitover。’
’Won’tyoushavethismorning，SirCondy？’saysshe，andputtheletterintoherpocket。
’Ishavedthedaybeforeyesterday，’saidhe，’mydear，andthat’snotwhatI’mthinkingofnow;butanythingtoobligeyou，andtohavepeaceandquietness，mydear’——andpresentlyIhadaglimpseofhimatthecrackedglassoverthechimney-piece，standingupshavinghimselftopleasemylady。Butshetooknonotice，butwentonreadingherbook，andMrs，Janedoingherhairbehind。
’Whatisityou’rereadingthere，mydear？——phoo，I’vecutmyselfwiththisrazor;theman’sacheatthatsolditme，butIhavenotpaidhimforityet。Whatisityou’rereadingthere？Didyouhearmeaskingyou，mydear？’
’THESORROWSOFWERTHER，’repliesmylady，aswellasIcouldhear。
’IthinkmoreofthesorrowsofSirCondy，’saysmymaster，jokinglike。’WhatnewsfromMountJuliet’sTown？’
’Nonews，’saysshe，’buttheoldstoryoveragain;myfriendsallreproachingmestillforwhatIcan’thelpnow。’
’Isitformarryingme？’saidmymaster，stillshaving。’Whatsignifies，asyousay，talkingofthat，whenitcan’tbehelp’dnow？’
WiththatsheheavedagreatsighthatIheardplainenoughinthepassage。
’Anddidnotyouusemebasely，SirCondy，’saysshe，’nottotellmeyouwereruinedbeforeImarriedyou？’
’Tellyou，mydear！’saidhe。’Didyoueveraskmeonewordaboutit。Andhadnotyourfriendsenoughofyourown，thatweretellingyounothingelsefrommorningtonight，ifyou’dhavelistenedtothemslanders？’
’Noslanders，noraremyfriendsslanderers;andIcan’tbeartohearthemtreatedwithdisrespectasIdo，’saysmylady，andtookoutherpocket-handkerchief;’theyarethebestoffriends，andifIhadtakentheiradvice——Butmyfatherwaswrongtolockmeup，Iown。ThatwastheonlyunkindthingIcanchargehimwith;forifhehadnotlockedmeup，IshouldneverhavehadaseriousthoughtofrunningawayasIdid。’
’Well，mydear，’saidmymaster，’don’tcryandmakeyourselfuneasyaboutitnow，whenit’sallover，andyouhavethemanofyourownchoice，inspiteof’emall。’
’Iwastooyoung，Iknow，tomakeachoiceatthetimeyouranawaywithme，I’msure，’saysmylady，andanothersigh，whichmademymaster，half-shavedashewas，turnrounduponherinsurprise。
’Why，Bell，’sayshe，’youcan’tdenywhatyouknowaswellasI
do，thatitwasatyourownparticulardesire，andthattwiceunderyourownhandandsealexpressed，thatIshouldcarryyouoffasIdidtoScotland，andmarryyouthere。’
’Well，saynomoreaboutit，SirCondy，’saidmylady，pettish-
like;’Iwasachildthen，youknow。’
’AndasfarasIknow，you’relittlebetternow，mydearBella，tobetalkinginthismannertoyourhusband’sface;butIwon’ttakeitillofyou，forIknowit’ssomethinginthatletteryouputintoyourpocketjustnowthathassetyouagainstmeallonasudden，andimposeduponyourunderstanding。’
’It’snotsoveryeasyasyouthinkit，SirCondy，toimposeuponmyunderstanding，’saidmylady。
’Mydear，’sayshe，’Ihave，andwithreason，thebestopinionofyourunderstandingofanymannowbreathing;andyouknowIhaveneversetmyownincompetitionwithittillnow，mydearBella，’
sayshe，takingherhandfromherbookaskindascouldbe——’tillnow，whenIhavethegreatadvantageofbeingquitecool，andyounot;sodon’tbelieveonewordyourfriendssayagainstyourownSirCondy，andlendmetheletteroutofyourpocket，tillIseewhatitistheycanhavetosay。’
’Takeitthen，’saysshe;’andasyouarequitecool，Ihopeitisapropertimetorequestyou’llallowmetocomplywiththewishesofallmyownfriends，andreturntolivewithmyfatherandfamily，duringtheremainderofmywretchedexistence，atMountJuliet’sTown。’
Atthismypoormasterfellbackafewpaces，likeonethathadbeenshot。
’You’renotserious，Bella，’sayshe;’andcouldyoufinditinyourhearttoleavemethiswayintheverymiddleofmydistresses，allalone’Butrecollectinghimselfafterhisfirstsurprise，andamoment’stimeforreflection，hesaid，withagreatdealofconsiderationformylady，’Well，Bella，mydear，I
believeyouareright;forwhatcouldyoudoatCastleRackrent，andanexecutionagainstthegoodscomingdown，andthefurnituretobecanted，andanauctioninthehouseallnextweek？Soyouhavemyfullconsenttogo，sincethatisyourdesire;onlyyoumustnotthinkofmyaccompanyingyou，whichIcouldnotinhonourdouponthetermsIalwayshavebeen，sinceourmarriage，withyourfriends。Besides，Ihavebusinesstotransactathome;
sointhemeantime，ifwearetohaveanybreakfastthismorning，letusgodownandhaveitforthelasttimeinpeaceandcomfort，Bella。’
ThenasIheardmymastercomingtothepassagedoor，Ifinishedfasteningupmyslateagainstthebrokenpane;andwhenhecameoutIwipeddownthewindow-seatwithmywig，Iandbadehima’good-morrow’askindlyasIcould，seeinghewasintrouble，thoughhestroveandthoughttohideitfromme。
[WigswereformerlyusedinsteadofbroomsinIrelandforsweepingordustingtables，stairs，etc。TheEditordoubtedthefacttillhesawalaboureroftheoldschoolsweepdownaflightofstairswithhiswig;heafterwardsputitonhisheadagainwiththeutmostcomposure，andsaid，’Oh，pleaseyourhonour，it’sneverabittheworse。
Itmustbeacknowledgedthatthesemenarenotinanydangerofcatchingcoldbytakingofftheirwigsoccasionally，becausetheyusuallyhavefinecropsofhairgrowingundertheirwigs。Thewigsareoftenyellow，andthehairwhichappearsfrombeneaththemblack;thewigsareusuallytoosmall，andareraisedupbythehairbeneath，orbytheearsofthewearers。]
’Thiswindowisallrackedandtattered，’saysI，’andit’swhatI’mstrivingtomend。’
’ItISallrackedandtattered，plainenough，’sayshe，’andnevermindmendingit，honestoldThady，’sayshe;’itwilldowellenoughforyouandI，andthat’sallthecompanyweshallhaveleftinthehousebyandby。’
’I’msorrytoseeyourhonoursolowthismorning，’saysI;’butyou’llbebetteraftertakingyourbreakfast。’
’Stepdowntotheservants’hall，’saidhe，’andbringmeupthepenandinkintotheparlour，andgetasheetofpaperfromMrs。
Jane，forIhavebusinessthatcan’tbrooktobedelayed;andcomeintotheparlourwiththepenandinkyourself，Thady，forI
musthaveyoutowitnessmysigningapaperIhavetoexecuteinahurry。’
Well，whileIwasgettingofthepenandink-horn，andthesheetofpaper，Iransackedmybrainstothinkwhatcouldbethepapersmypoormastercouldhavetoexecuteinsuchahurry，hethatneverthoughtofsuchathingasdoingbusinessaforebreakfastinthewholecourseofhislife，foranymanliving;butthiswasformylady，asIafterwardsfound，andthemoregenteelofhimafterallhertreatment。
Iwasjustwitnessingthepaperthathehadscrawledover，andwasshakingtheinkoutofmypenuponthecarpet，whenmyladycameintobreakfast，andshestartedasifithadbeenaghost;
aswellshemight，whenshesawSirCondywritingatthisunseasonablehour。
’Thatwilldoverywell，Thady，’sayshetome，andtookthepaperIhadsignedto，withoutknowingwhatupontheearthitmightbe，outofmyhands，andwalked，foldingitup，tomylady。
’Youareconcernedinthis，myLadyRackrent，’saidhe，puttingitintoherhands;’andIbegyou’llkeepthismemorandumsafe，andshowittoyourfriendsthefirstthingyoudowhenyougethome;butputitinyourpocketnow，mydear，andletuseatourbreakfast，inGod’sname。’
’Whatisallthis？’saidmylady，openingthepaperingreatcuriosity。
’It’sonlyabitofamemorandumofwhatIthinkbecomesmetodowheneverIamable，’saysmymaster;’youknowmysituation，tiedhandandfootatthepresenttimebeing，butthatcan’tlastalways，andwhenI’mdeadandgonethelandwillbetothegood，Thady，youknow;andtakenoticeit’smyintentionyourladyshouldhaveaclearfivehundredayearjointureouttheestateaforeanyofmydebtsarepaid。’’Oh，pleaseyourhonour，’saysI，’Ican’texpecttolivetoseethattime，beingnowupwardsoffourscoreyearsofage，andyouayoungman，andlikelytocontinueso，bythehelpofGod。’
Iwasvexedtoseemyladysoinsensibletoo，forallshesaidwas，’Thisisverygenteelofyou，SirCondy。Youneednotwaitanylonger，Thady。’SoIjustpickedupthepenandinkthathadtumbledonthefloor，andheardmymasterfinishwithsaying，’Youbehavedverygenteeltome，mydear，whenyouthrewallthelittleyouhadinyourpoweralongwithyourselfintomyhands;
andasIdon’tdenybutwhatyoumayhavehadsomethingstocomplainof，’——tobesurehewasthinkingthenofJudy，orofthewhisky-punch，oneort’other，orboth，——’andasIdon’tdenybutyoumayhavehadsomethingtocomplainof，mydear，itisbutfairyoushouldhavesomethingintheformofcompensationtolookforwardtoagreeablyinfuture;besides，it’sanactofjusticetomyself，thatnoneofyourfriends，mydear，mayeverhaveittosayagainstme，Imarriedformoney，andnotforlove。’
’ThatisthelastthingIshouldeverhavethoughtofsayingofyou，SirCondy，’saidmylady，lookingverygracious。
’Then，mydear，’saidSirCondy，’weshallpartasgoodfriendsaswemet;soall’sright。’
Iwasgreatlyrejoicedtohearthis，andwentoutoftheparlourtoreportitalltothekitchen。ThenextmorningmyladyandMrs。JanesetoutforMountJuliet’sTowninthejaunting-car。
Manywonderedatmylady’schoosingtogoaway，consideringallthings，uponthejaunting-car，asifitwasonlyapartyofpleasure;buttheydidnotknowtillItoldthemthatthecoachwasallbrokeinthejourneydown，andnoothervehiclebutthecartobehad。Besides，mylady’sfriendsweretosendtheircoachtomeetheratthecross-roads;soitwasalldoneveryproper。
Mypoormasterwasingreattroubleaftermyladyleftus。Theexecutioncamedown，andeverythingatCastleRackrentwasseizedbythegripers，andmysonJason，tohisshamebeitspoken，amongstthem。Iwondered，forthelifeofme，howhecouldhardenhimselftodoit;butthenhehadbeenstudyingthelaw，andhadmadehimselfAttorneyQuirk;sohebroughtdownatonceaheapofaccountsuponmymaster’shead。Tocashlent，andtoditto，andtoditto，andtodittoandoats，andbillspaidatthemilliner’sandlinen-draper’s，andmanydressesforthefancyballsinDublinformylady，andallthebillstotheworkmenandtradesmenforthesceneryofthetheatre，andthechandler’sandgrocer’sbills，andtailor’s，besidesbutcher’sandbaker’s，and，worsethanall，theoldoneofthatbasewinemerchant’s，thatwantedtoarrestmypoormasterfortheamountontheelectionday，forwhichamountSirCondyafterwardspassedhisnoteofhand，bearinglawfulinterestfromthedatethereof;andtheinterestandcompoundinterestwasnowmountedtoaterribledealonmanyothernotesandbondsformoneyborrowed，andtherewas，besides，hush-moneytothesub-sheriffs，andsheetsuponsheetsofoldandnewattorneys’bills，withheavybalances，’asperformeraccountfurnished，’broughtforwardwithinterestthereon;
thentherewasapowerfuldealduetotheCrownforsixteenyears’arrearofquit-rentofthetown-landsofCarrickshaughlin，withdriver’sfees，andacomplimenttothereceivereveryyearforlettingthequit-rentrunontoobligeSirCondy，andSirKitaforehim。Thentherewerebillsforspiritsandribandsattheelectiontime，andthegentlemenofthecommittee’saccountsunsettled，andtheirsubscriptionnevergathered;andtherewerecowstobepaidfor，withthesmithandfarrier’sbillstobesetagainsttherentofthedemesne，withcalfandhaymoney;thentherewasalltheservants’wages，sinceIdon’tknowwhen，comingduetothem，andsumsadvancedforthembymysonJasonforclothes，andboots，andwhips，andoddmoneysforsundriesexpendedbytheminjourneystotownandelsewhere，andpocket-
moneyforthemastercontinually，andmessengersandpostagebeforehisbeingaParliamentman。Ican’tmyselftellyouwhatbesides;butthisIknow，thatwhentheeveningcameonthewhichSirCondyhadappointedtosettleallwithmysonJason，andwhenhecomesintotheparlour，andseesthesightofbillsandloadofpapersallgatheredonthegreatdining-tableforhim，heputshishandsbeforebothhiseyes，andcriedout，’MercifulJasus！
whatisitIseebeforeme？’ThenIsetsanarm-chairatthetableforhim，andwithadealofdifficultyhesitshimdown，andmysonJasonhandshimoverthepenandinktosigntothisman’sbillandt’otherman’sbill，allwhichhedidwithoutmakingtheleastobjections。Indeed，togivehimhisdue，I
neverseenamanmorefairandhonest，andeasyinallhisdealings，fromfirsttolast，asSirCondy，ormorewillingtopayeverymanhisownasfarashewasable，whichisasmuchasanyonecando。
’Well，’sayshe，jokinglikewithJason，’Iwishwecouldsettleitallwithastrokeofmygreygoosequill。Whatsignifiesmakingmewadethroughallthisoceanofpapershere;can’tyounow，whounderstanddrawingoutanaccount，debtorandcreditor，justsitdownhereatthecornerofthetableandgetitdoneoutforme，thatImayhaveaclearviewofthebalance，whichisallIneedbetalkingabout，youknow？’
’Verytrue，SirCondy;nobodyunderstandsbusinessbetterthanyourself，’saysJason。
’SoI’vearighttodo，beingbornandbredtothebar，’saysSirCondy。’Thady，dostepoutandseearetheybringinginthethingsforthepunch，forwe’vejustdoneallwehavetodoforthisevening。’
Igoesoutaccordingly，andwhenIcamebackJasonwaspointingtothebalance，whichwasaterriblesighttomypoormaster。
’Pooh！pooh！pooh！’sayshe。’Here’ssomanynoughtstheydazzlemyeyes，sotheydo，andputmeinmindofallIsufferedlarningofmynumerationtable，whenIwasaboyattheday-schoolalongwithyou，Jason——units，tens，hundreds，tensofhundreds。Isthepunchready，Thady？’sayshe，seeingme。
’Immediately;theboyhasthejuginhishand;it’scomingupstairs，pleaseyourhonour，asfastaspossible，’saysI，forI
sawhishonourwastiredoutofhislife;butJason，veryshortandcruel，cutsmeoffwith——’Don’tbetalkingofpunchyetawhile;it’snotimeforpunchyetabit——units，tens，hundreds，’
goesheon，countingoverthemaster’sshoulder，units，tens，hundreds，thousands。
’A-a-ah！holdyourhand，’criesmymaster。’WhereinthiswideworldamItofindhundreds，orunitsitself，letalonethousands？’
’Thebalancehasbeenrunningontoolong，’saysJason，stickingtohimasIcouldnothavedoneatthetime，ifyou’dhavegivenboththeIndiesandCorktoboot;’thebalancehasbeenrunningontoolong，andI’mdistressedmyselfonyouraccount，SirCondy，formoney，andthethingmustbesettlednowonthespot，andthebalanceclearedoff，’saysJason。
’I’llthankyouifyou’llonlyshowmehow，’saysSirCondy。
’There’sbutoneway，’saysJason，’andthat’sreadyenough。Whenthere’snocash，whatcanagentlemandobutgototheland？’
’Howcanyougototheland，anditundercustodiamtoyourselfalready？’saysSirCondy;’andanothercustodiamhangingoverit？Andnooneatallcantouchit，youknow，butthecustodees。’
’Sure，can’tyousell，thoughataloss？Sureyoucansell，andI’veapurchaserreadyforyou，’saysJason。
’Haveyouso？’saysSirCondy。’That’sagreatpointgained。
Butthere’sathingnowbeyondall，thatperhapsyoudon’tknowyet，barringThadyhasletyouintothesecret。’
’Sarrahbitofasecret，oranythingatallofthekind，hashelearnedfrommethesefifteenweekscomeSt。John’sEve，’saysI，’forwehavescarcebeenuponspeakingtermsoflate。Butwhatisityourhonourmeansofasecret？’
’Why，thesecretofthelittlekeepsakeIgavemyLadyRackrentthemorningsheleftus，thatshemightnotgobackempty-handedtoherfriends。’
’MyLadyRackrent，I’msure，hasbaublesandkeepsakesenough，asthosebillsonthetablewillshow，’saysJason;’butwhateveritis，’sayshe，takinguphispen，’wemustaddittothebalance，fortobesureitcan’tbepaidfor。’
’No，norcan’ttillaftermydecease，’saysSirCondy;’that’sonegoodthing。’Thencolouringupagooddeal，hetellsJasonofthememorandumofthefivehundreda-yearjointurehehadsettleduponmylady;atwhichJasonwasindeedmad，andsaidagreatdealinveryhighwords，thatitwasusingagentlemanwhohadthemanagementofhisaffairs，andwas，moreover，hisprincipalcreditor，extremelyilltodosuchathingwithoutconsultinghim，andagainsthisknowledgeandconsent。ToallwhichSirCondyhadnothingtoreply，butthat，uponhisconscience，itwasinahurryandwithoutamoment’sthoughtonhispart，andhewasverysorryforit，butifitwastodooveragainhewoulddothesame;andheappealedtome，andIwasreadytogivemyevidence，ifthatwoulddo，tothetruthofallhesaid。
SoJasonwithmuchadowasbroughttoagreetoacompromise。
’ThepurchaserthatIhaveready，’sayshe，’willbemuchdispleased，tobesure，attheencumbranceontheland，butI
mustseeandmanagehim。Here’sadeedreadydrawnup;wehavenothingtodobuttoputintheconsiderationmoneyandournamestoit。’
’AndhowmuchamIgoingtosell！——thelandsofO’Shaughlin’sTown，andthelandsofGruneaghoolaghan，andthelandsofCrookagnawaturgh，’sayshe，justreadingtohimself。’And——oh，murder，Jason！sureyouwon’tputthisin——thecastle，stable，andappurtenancesofCastleRackrent？’
’Oh，murder！’saysI，clappingmyhands;’thisistoobad，Jason。’
’Whyso？’saidJason。’Whenit’sall，andagreatdealmoretothebackofit，lawfullymine，wasItopushforit。’
’Lookathim，’saysI，pointingtoSirCondy，whowasjustleaningbackinhisarm-chair，withhisarmsfallingbesidehimlikeonestupefied;’isityou，Jason，thatcanstandinhispresence，andrecollectallhehasbeentous，andallwehavebeentohim，andyetusehimsoatthelast？’
’Whowillyoufindtousehimbetter，Iaskyou？’saidJason;
’ifhecangetabetterpurchaser，I’mcontent;Ionlyoffertopurchase，tomakethingseasy，andobligehim;thoughIdon’tseewhatcomplimentIamunder，ifyoucometothat。Ihaveneverhad，asked，orchargedmorethansixpenceinthepound，receiver’sfees，andwherewouldhehavegotanagentforapennyless？’
’Oh，Jason！Jason！howwillyoustandtothisinthefaceofthecounty，andallwhoknowyou？’saysI;’andwhatwillpeoplethinkandsaywhentheyseeyoulivinghereinCastleRackrent，andthelawfulownerturnedoutoftheseatofhisancestors，withoutacabintoputhisheadinto，orsomuchasapotatotoeat？’
Jason，whilstIwassayingthis，andagreatdealmore，mademesigns，andwinks，andfrowns;butItooknoheed，forIwasgrievedandsickatheartformypoormaster，andcouldn’tbutspeak。
’Here’sthepunch，’saysJason，forthedooropened;’here’sthepunch！’
Hearingthat，mymasterstartsupinhischair，andrecollectshimself，andJasonuncorksthewhisky。
’Setdownthejughere，’sayshe，makingroomforitbesidethepapersoppositetoSirCondy，butstillnotstirringthedeedthatwastomakeoverall。
Well，IwasingreathopeshehadsometouchofmercyabouthimwhenIsawhimmakingthepunch，andmymastertookaglass;butJasonputitbackashewasgoingtofillagain，saying：’No，SirCondy，itshan’tbesaidofmeIgotyoursignaturetothisdeedwhenyouwerehalf-seasover：youknowyournameandhandwritinginthatconditionwouldnot，ifbroughtbeforethecourts，benefitmeastraw;wherefore，letussettleallbeforewegodeeperintothepunch-bowl。’
’Settleallasyouwill，’saidSirCondy，clappinghishandstohisears;’butletmehearnomore。I’mbotheredtodeaththisnight。’
’You’veonlytosign，’saidJason，puttingthepentohim。
’Takeall，andbecontent，’saidmymaster。Sohesigned;andthemanwhobroughtinthepunchwitnessedit，forIwasnotable，butcryinglikeachild;andbesides，Jasonsaid，whichI
wasgladof，thatIwasnofitwitness，beingsooldanddoting。
Itwassobadwithme，Icouldnottasteadropofthepunchitself，thoughmymasterhimself，Godblesshim！inthemidstofhistrouble，pouredoutaglassforme，andbroughtituptomylips。
’Notadrop;Ithankyourhonour’shonourasmuchasifItookit，though。’AndIjustsetdowntheglassasitwas，andwentout，andwhenIgottothestreetdoortheneighbours’childer，whowereplayingatmarblesthere，seeingmeingreattrouble，lefttheirplay，andgatheredaboutmetoknowwhatailedme;andItoldthemall，foritwasagreatrelieftometospeaktothesepoorchilder，thatseemedtohavesomenaturalfeelingleftinthem;andwhentheyweremadesensiblethatSirCondywasgoingtoleaveCastleRackrentforgoodandall，theysetupawhillaluhthatcouldbeheardtothefarthestendofthestreet;
andone——fineboyhewas——thatmymasterhadgivenanappletothatmorning，criedtheloudest;buttheyallwerethesamesorry，forSirCondywasgreatlybelovedamongstthechilder，forlettingthemgoa-nuttinginthedemesne，withoutsayingawordtothem，thoughmyladyobjectedtothem。Thepeopleinthetown，whowerethemostofthemstandingattheirdoors，hearingthechildercry，wouldknowthereasonofit;andwhenthereportwasmadeknown，thepeopleoneandallgatheredingreatangeragainstmysonJason，andterroratthenotionofhiscomingtobelandlordoverthem，andtheycried，’NoJason！noJason！SirCondy！SirCondy！SirCondyRackrentforever！’Andthemobgrewsogreatandsoloud，Iwasfrightened，andmademywaybacktothehousetowarnmysontomakehisescape，orhidehimselfforfearoftheconsequences。Jasonwouldnotbelievemetilltheycameallroundthehouse，andtothewindowswithgreatshouts。Thenhegrewquitepale，andaskedSirCondywhathadhebestdo？
’I’lltellyouwhatyouhadbestdo，’saidSirCondy，whowaslaughingtoseehisfright;’finishyourglassfirst，thenlet’sgotothewindowandshowourselves，andI’lltell’em——oryoushall，ifyouplease——thatI’mgoingtotheLodgeforchangeofairformyhealth，andbymyowndesire，fortherestofmydays。’
’Doso，’saidJason，whonevermeantitshouldhavebeensobutcouldnotrefusehimtheLodgeatthisunseasonabletime：
Accordingly，SirCondythrewupthesashandexplainedmatters，andthankedallhisfriends，andbidthemlookinatthepunch-
bowl，andobservethatJasonandhehadbeensittingoveritverygoodfriends;sothemobwascontent，andhesentthemoutsomewhiskytodrinkhishealth，andthatwasthelasttimehishonour’shealthwaseverdrunkatCastleRackrent。
Theverynextday，beingtooproud，ashesaidtome，tostayanhourlongerinahousethatdidnotbelongtohim，hesetsofftotheLodge，andIalongwithhimnotmanyhoursafter。AndtherewasgreatbemoaningthroughallO’Shaughlin’sTown，whichI
stayedtowitness，andgavemypoormasterafullaccountofwhenIgottotheLodge。Hewasverylow，andinhisbed，whenIgotthere，andcomplainedofagreatpainabouthisheart;butI
guesseditwasonlytroubleandallthebusiness，letalonevexation，hehadgonethroughoflate;andknowingthenatureofhimfromaboy，Itookmypipe，andwhilstsmokingitbythechimneybegantellinghimhowhewasbelovedandregrettedinthecounty，anditdidhimadealofgoodtohearit。
’Yourhonourhasagreatmanyfriendsyetthatyoudon’tknowof，richandpoor，inthecounty，’saysI;’forasIwascomingalongtheroadImettwogentlemenintheirowncarriages，whoaskedafteryou，knowingme，andwantedtoknowwhereyouwasandallaboutyou，andevenhowoldIwas。Thinkofthat。’
Thenhewakenedoutofhisdoze，andbeganquestioningmewhothegentlemenwere。Andthenextmorningitcameintomyheadtogo，unknowntoanybody，withmymaster’scompliments，roundtomanyofthegentlemen’shouses，whereheandmyladyusedtovisit，andpeoplethatIknewwerehisgreatfriends，andwouldgotoCorktoservehimanydayintheyear，andImadeboldtotrytoborrowatrifleofcashfromthem。Theyalltreatedmeverycivilforthemostpart，andaskedagreatmanyquestionsverykindaboutmyladyandSirCondyandallthefamily，andweregreatlysurprisedtolearnfrommeCastleRackrentwassold，andmymasterattheLodgeforhealth;andtheyallpitiedhimgreatly，andhehadtheirgoodwishes，ifthatwoulddo;butmoneywasathingtheyunfortunatelyhadnotanyofthematthistimetospare。Ihadmyjourneyformypains，andI，notusedto（walking，norsuppleasformerly，wasgreatlytired，buthadthesatisfactionoftellingmymaster，whenIgottotheLodge，allthecivilthingssaidbyhighandlow。
’Thady，’sayshe，’allyou’vebeentellingmebringsastrangethoughtintomyhead。I’veanotionIshallnotbelongforthisworldanyhow，andI’veagreatfancytoseemyownfuneralaforeIdie。’Iwasgreatlyshocked，atthefirstspeaking，tohearhimspeaksolightabouthisfuneral，andhetoallappearanceingoodhealth;butrecollectingmyself，answered：
’Tobesureitwouldbeasfineasightasonecouldsee，Idaredtosay，andoneIshouldbeproudtowitness，andIdidnotdoubthishonour’swouldbeasgreatafuneralaseverSirPatrickO’Shaughlin’swas，andsuchaoneasthathadneverbeenknowninthecountyaforeorsince。’ButIneverthoughthewasinearnestaboutseeinghisownfuneralhimselftillthenextdayhereturnstoitagain。
’Thady，’sayshe，’asfarasthewakegoes，sureImightwithoutanygreattroublehavethesatisfactionofseeingabitofmyownfuneral。’[A’wake’inEnglandisameetingavowedlyformerriment;inIrelanditisanocturnalmeetingavowedlyforthepurposeofwatchingandbewailingthedead，butinrealityforgossipinganddebauchery。[SeeGLOSSARY28]]
’Well，sinceyourhonour’shonour’sSObentuponit，’saysI，notwillingtocrosshim，andheintrouble，’wemustseewhatwecando。’
Sohefellintoasortofshamdisorder，whichwaseasydone，ashekepthisbed，andnoonetoseehim;andIgotmyshister，whowasanoldwomanveryhandyaboutthesick，andveryskilful，tocomeuptotheLodgetonursehim;andwegaveout，sheknowingnobetter，thathewasjustathislatterend，anditansweredbeyondanything;andtherewasagreatthrongofpeople，men，women，andchilder，andtherebeingonlytworoomsattheLodge，exceptwhatwaslockedupfullofJason’sfurnitureandthings，thehousewassoonasfullandfullerthanitcouldhold，andtheheat，andsmoke，andnoisewonderfulgreat;andstandingamongstthemthatwerenearthebed，butnotthinkingatallofthedead，Iwasstartledbythesoundofmymaster’svoicefromunderthegreatcoatsthathadbeenthrownallattop，andIwentcloseup，noonenoticing。
’Thady，’sayshe，’I’vehadenoughofthis;I’msmothering，andcan’thearawordofallthey’resayingofthedeceased。’
’Godblessyou，andliestillandquiet，’saysI，’abitlonger，formyshister’safraidofghosts，andwoulddieonthespotwithfrightwasshetoseeyoucometolifeallonasuddenthiswaywithouttheleastpreparation。’
Sohelayshimstill，thoughwellnighstifled，andImadeallhastetotellthesecretofthejoke，whisperingtooneandt’other，andtherewasagreatsurprise，butnotsogreataswehadlaidoutitwould。’Andaren’twetohavethepipesandtobacco，aftercomingsofarto-night？’saidsome;buttheywereallwellenoughpleasedwhenhishonourgotuptodrinkwiththem，andsentformorespiritsfromashebeen-house[’Shebeen-
house，’ahedgealehouse。Shebeenproperlymeansweak，small-
beer，taplash。]，wheretheyverycivillylethimhaveituponcredit。Sothenightpassedoffverymerrily，buttomymindSirCondywasratheruponthesadorderinthemidstofitall，notfindingtherehadbeensuchagreattalkabouthimselfafterhisdeathashehadalwaysexpectedtohear。
Thenextmorning，whenthehousewasclearedofthem，andnonebutmyshisterandmyselfleftinthekitchenwithSirCondy，oneopensthedoorandwalksin，andwhoshoulditbebutJudyM’Quirkherself！Iforgottonoticethatshehadbeenmarriedlongsince，whilstyoungCaptainMoneygawllivedattheLodge，tothecaptain’shuntsman，whoafterawhilst’listedandlefther，andwaskilledinthewars。PoorJudyfelloffgreatlyinhergoodlooksafterherbeingmarriedayearortwo;andbeingsmoke-driedinthecabin，andneglectingherselflike，itwashardforSirCondyhimselftoknowheragaintillshespoke;butwhenshesays，’It’sJudyM’Quirk，pleaseyourhonour;don’tyourememberher？’
’Oh，Judy，isityou？’sayshishonour。’Yes，sure，Irememberyouverywell;butyou’regreatlyaltered，Judy，’
’Sureit’stimeforme，’saysshe。’AndIthinkyourhonour，sinceIseenyoulast——butthat’sagreatwhileago——isalteredtoo。’
’Andwithreason，Judy，’saysSirCondy，fetchingasortofasigh。’Buthow’sthis，Judy？’hegoeson。’Itakeitalittleamissofyouthatyouwerenotatmywakelastnight。’
’Ah，don’tbebeingjealousofthat，’saysshe;’Ididn’thearasentenceofyourhonour’swaketillitwasallover，oritwouldhavegonehardwithmebutIwouldhavebeenatit，sure;butI
wasforcedtogotenmilesupthecountrythreedaysagotoaweddingofarelationofmyown’s，anddidn’tgethometillafterthewakewasover。But，’saysshe，’itwon’tbeso，Ihope，thenexttime，pleaseyourhonour。’[AtthecoronationofoneofourmonarchstheKingcomplainedoftheconfusionwhichhappenedintheprocession。’ThegreatofficerwhopresidedtoldhisMajestythat’itshouldnotbesonexttime。’]
’Thatweshallsee，Judy，’sayshishonour，’andmaybesoonerthanyouthinkfor，forI’vebeenveryunwellthiswhilepast，anddon’treckonanywayI’mlongforthisworld。’
AtthisJudytakesupthecornerofherapron，andputsitfirsttooneeyeandthentot’other，beingtoallappearanceingreattrouble;andmyshisterputinherword，andbidhishonourhaveagoodheart，forshewassureitwasonlythegoutthatSirPatrickusedtohaveflyingabouthim，andheoughttodrinkaglassorabottleextraordinarytokeepitoutofhisstomach;
andhepromisedtotakeheradvice，andsentoutformorespiritsimmediately;andJudymadeasigntome，andIwentovertothedoortoher，andshesaid，’IwondertoseeSirCondysolow：
hasheheardthenews？’
’Whatnews？’saysI。
’Didn’tyehearit，then？’saysshe;’myLadyRackrentthatwasiskilt[SeeGLOSSARY29]andlyingfordead，andIdon’tdoubtbutit’salloverwithherbythistime。’
’Mercyonusall，’saysI;’howwasit？’
’Thejaunting-caritwasthatranawaywithher，’saysJudy。’I
wascominghomethatsametimefromBiddyM’Guggin’smarriage，andagreatcrowdofpeopletooupontheroad，comingfromthefairofCrookaghnawaturgh，andIseesajaunting-carstandinginthemiddleoftheroad，andwiththetwowheelsoffandalltattered。\"What’sthis？\"saysI。\"Didn’tyehearofit？\"saystheythatwerelookingon;\"it’smyLadyRackrent’scar，thatwasrunningawayfromherhusband，andthehorsetookfrightatacarrionthatlayacrosstheroad，andsoranawaywiththejaunting-car，andmyLadyRackrentandhermaidscreaming，andthehorseranwiththemagainstacarthatwascomingfromthefairwiththeboyasleeponit，andthelady’spetticoathangingoutofthejaunting-carcaught，andshewasdraggedIcan’ttellyouhowfarupontheroad，anditallbrokenupwiththestonesjustgoingtobepounded，andoneoftheroad-makers，withhissledge-hammerinhishand，stopsthehorseatthelast;butmyLadyRackrentwasallkiltandsmashed，\"[KILTANDSMASHED。——Ourauthorisnothereguiltyofananti-climax。ThemereEnglishreader，fromasimilarityofsoundbetweenthewords’kilt’and’killed，’mightbeinducedtosupposethattheirmeaningsaresimilar，yettheyarenotbyanymeansinIrelandsynonymousterms。Thusyoumayhearamanexclaim，’I’mkiltandmurdered！’
buthefrequentlymeansonlythathehasreceivedablackeyeoraslightcontusion。’I’mkiltallover’meansthatheisinaworsestatethanbeingsimply’kilt。’Thus，’I’mkiltwiththecold，’isnothingto’I’mkiltalloverwiththerheumatism。’]
andtheyliftedherintoacabinhardby，andthemaidwasfoundafterwhereshehadbeenthrowninthegripeofaditch，hercapandbonnetallfullofbogwater，andtheysaymyladycan’tliveanyway。\"Thady，praynowisittruewhatI’mtoldforsartain，thatSirCondyhasmadeoveralltoyoursonJason？’
’All，’saysI。
’Allentirely？’sayssheagain。