’Allentirely’saysI。
’Then，’saysshe，’that’sagreatshame;butdon’tbetellingJasonwhatIsay。’
’Andwhatisityousay？’criesSirCondy，leaningoverbetwixtus，whichmadeJudystartgreatly。’IknowthetimewhenJudyM’QuirkwouldneverhavestayedsolongtalkingatthedoorandI
inthehouse。’
’Oh！’saysJudy，’forshame，SirCondy;timesarealteredsincethen，andit’smyLadyRackrentyououghttobethinkingof。’
’AndwhyshouldIbethinkingofher，that’snotthinkingofmenow？’saysSirCondy。
’Nomatterforthat，’saysJudy，veryproperly;’it’stimeyoushouldbethinkingofher，ifeveryoumeantodoitatall，fordon’tyouknowshe’slyingfordeath？’
’MyLadyRackrent！’saysSirCondy，inasurprise;’whyit’sbuttwodayssinceweparted，asyouverywellknow，Thady，inherfullhealthandspirits，andshe，andhermaidalongwithher，goingtoMountJuliet’sTownonherjaunting-car。
’She’llneverridenomoreonherjaunting-car，’saidJudy，’forithasbeenthedeathofher，sureenough。’
Andisshedeadthen？’sayshishonour。
’Asgoodasdead，Ihear，’saysJudy;’butthere’sThadyhereasjustlearntthewholetruthofthestoryasIhadit，andit’sfitterheoranybodyelseshouldbetellingityouthanI，SirCondy：Imustbegoinghometothechilder。’
Buthestopsher，butratherfromcivilityinhim，asIcouldseeveryplainly，thananythingelse，forJudywas，ashishonourremarkedatherfirstcomingin，greatlychanged，andlittlelikely，asfarasIcouldsee——thoughshedidnotseemtobeclearofitherself——littlelikelytobemyLadyRackrentnow，shouldtherebeasecondtoss-uptobemade。ButItoldhimthewholestoryoutoftheface，justasJudyhadtoldittome，andhesentoffamessengerwithhiscomplimentstoMountJuliet’sTownthatevening，tolearnthetruthofthereport，andJudybidtheboythatwasgoingcallinatTimM’Enerney’sshopinO’Shaughlin’sTownandbuyheranewshawl。
’Doso，’SaidSirCondy，’andtellTimtotakenomoneyfromyou，forImustpayhimfortheshawlmyself。’Atthismyshisterthrowsmeoveralook，andIsaysnothing，butturnedthetobaccoinmymouth，whilstJudybeganmakingamanywordsaboutit，andsayinghowshecouldnotbebeholdenforshawlstoanygentleman。
Ilefthertheretoconsultwithmyshister，didshethinktherewasanythinginit，andmyshisterthoughtIwasblindtobeaskingherthequestion，andIthoughtmyshistermustseemoreintoitthanIdid，andrecollectingallpasttimesandeverything，Ichangedmymind，andcameovertoherwayofthinking，andwesettleditthatJudywasveryliketobemyLadyRackrentafterall，ifavacancyshouldhavehappened。
Thenextday，beforehishonourwasup，somebodycomeswithadoubleknockatthedoor，andIwasgreatlysurprisedtoseeitwasmysonJason。
’Jason，isityou？’saidI;’whatbringsyoutotheLodge？’saysI。’IsitmyLadyRackrent？Weknowthatalreadysinceyesterday。’
’Maybeso，’sayshe;’butImustseeSirCondyaboutit。’
’Youcan’tseehimyet，’saysI;’sureheisnotawake。’
’Whatthen，’sayshe，’can’thebewakened，andIstandingatthedoor？’
’I’llnot：bedisturbinghishonourforyou，Jason，’saysI;
’many’sthehouryou’vewaitedinyourtime，andbeenproudtodoit，tillhishonourwasatleisuretospeaktoyou。Hishonour，’
saysI，raisingmyvoice，atwhichhishonourwakensofhisownaccord，andcallstomefromtheroomtoknowwhoitwasIwasspeakingto。Jasonmadenomoreceremony，butfollowsmeintotheroom。
’Howareyou，SirCondy？’sayshe;’I’mhappytoseeyoulookingsowell;Icameuptoknowhowyoudidto-day，andtoseedidyouwantforanythingattheLodge，’
’Nothingatall，Mr。Jason，Ithankyou，’sayshe;forhishonourhadhisownshareofpride，anddidnotchoose，afterallthathadpassed，tobebeholden，Isuppose，tomyson;’butpraytakeachairandbeseated，Mr。Jason。’
Jasonsathimdownuponthechest，forchairtherewasnone，andafterhehadsettheresometime，andasilenceonallsides。
’Whatnewsistherestirringinthecountry，Mr。JasonM’Quirk？’
saysSirCondy，veryeasy，yethighlike。
’Nonethat’snewstoyou，SirCondy，Ihear，’saysJason。’IamsorrytohearofmyLadyRackrent’saccident。’
’I’mmuchobligedtoyou，andsoisherladyship，I’msure，’
answeredSirCondy，stillstiff;andtherewasanothersortofasilence，whichseemedtolietheheaviestonmysonJason。
’SirCondy，’saysheatlast，seeingSirCondydisposinghimselftogotosleepagain，’SirCondy，IdaresayyourecollectmentioningtomethelittlememorandumyougavetoLadyRackrentabouttheL500ayearjointure。’
’Verytrue，’saidSirCondy;’itisallinmyrecollection。’’ButifmyLadyRackrentdies，there’sanendofalljointure，’saysJason。
’Ofcourse，’saysSirCondy。
’Butit’snotamatterofcertaintythatmyLadyRackrentwon’trecover，’saysJason。
’Verytrue，sir，’saysmymaster。
’It’safairspeculation，then，foryoutoconsiderwhatthechanceofthejointureofthoselands，whenoutofcustodiam，willbetoyou。’
’Justfivehundredayear，Itakeit，withoutanyspeculationatall，’saidSirCondy。
’That’ssupposingthelifedropt，andthecustodiamoff，youknow;beggingyourpardon，SirCondy，whounderstandsbusiness，thatisawrongcalculation。’
’Verylikelyso，’saidSirCondy;’but，Mr。Jason，ifyouhaveanythingtosaytomethismorningaboutit，I’dbeobligedtoyoutosayit，forIhadanindifferentnight’srestlastnight，andwouldn’tbesorrytosleepalittlethismorning。’
’Ihaveonlythreewordstosay，andthosemoreofconsequencetoyou，SirCondy，thanme。Youarealittlecool，Iobserve;butI
hopeyouwillnotbeoffendedatwhatIhavebroughthereinmypocket，’andhepullsouttwolongrolls，andshowersdowngoldenguineasuponthebed。
’What’sthis？’saidSirCondy;’it’slongsince’——buthispridestopshim。
’Alltheseareyourlawfulpropertythisminute，SirCondy，ifyouplease，’saidJason。
’Notfornothing，I’msure，’saidSirCondy，andlaughsalittle。
’Nothingfornothing，orI’munderamistakewithyou，Jason。’
’Oh，SirCondy，we’llnotbeindulgingourselvesinanyunpleasantretrospects，’saysJason;’it’smypresentintentiontobehave，asI’msureyouwill，likeagentlemaninthisaffair。
Here’stwohundredguineas，andathirdImeantoaddifyoushouldthinkpropertomakeovertomeallyourrightandtitletothoselandsthatyouknowof。’
’I’llconsiderofit，’saidmymaster;andagreatdealmore，thatIwastiredlisteningto，wassaidbyJason，andallthat，andthesightofthereadycashuponthebed，workedwithhishonour;andtheshortandthelongofitwas，SirCondygatheredupthegoldenguineas，andtiedthemupinahandkerchief，andsignedsomepaperJasonbroughtwithhimasusual，andtherewasanendofthebusiness：Jasontookhimselfaway，andmymasterturnedhimselfroundandfellasleepagain。
IsoonfoundwhathadputJasoninsuchahurrytoconcludethisbusiness。Thelittlegossoonwehadsentoffthedaybeforewithmymaster’scomplimentstoMountJuliet’sTown，andtoknowhowmyladydidafterheraccident，wasstoppedearlythismorning，comingbackwithhisanswerthroughO’Shaughlin’sTown，atCastleRackrent，bymysonJason，andquestionedofallheknewofmyladyfromtheservantatMountJuliet’sTown;andthegossoontoldhimmyLadyRackrentwasnotexpectedtoliveovernight;soJasonthoughtithightimetohemovingtotheLodge，tomakehisbargainwithmymasteraboutthejointureaforeitshouldbetoolate，andaforethelittlegossoonshouldreachuswiththenews。
Mymasterwasgreatlyvexed——thatis，Imaysay，asmuchaseverIseenhimwhenhefoundhowhehadbeentakenin;butitwassomecomforttohavethereadycashforimmediateconsumptioninthehouse，anyway。
AndwhenJudycameupthatevening，andbroughtthechildertoseehishonour，heuntiesthehandkerchief，and——Godblesshim！
whetheritwaslittleormuchhehad，’twasallthesamewithhim——hegives’emallroundguineasapiece。
’Holdupyourhead，’saysmyshistertoJudy，asSirCondywasbusyfillingoutaglassofpunchforhereldestboy——’Holdupyourhead，Judy;forwhoknowsbutwemaylivetoseeyouyetattheheadoftheCastleRackrentestate？’
’Maybeso，’saysshe，’butnotthewayyouarethinkingof。’
IdidnotrightlyunderstandwhichwayJudywaslookingwhenshemadethisspeechtillawhileafter。
’Why，Thady，youweretellingmeyesterdaythatSirCondyhadsoldallentirelytoJason，andwherethendoesallthemguineasinthehandkerchiefcomefrom？’
’Theyarethepurchase-moneyofmylady’sjointure，’saysI。
Judylooksalittlebitpuzzledatthis。’Apennyforyourthoughts，Judy，’saysmyshister;’hark，sureSirCondyisdrinkingherhealth。’
Hewasatthetableintheroom[THEROOM——theprincipalroominthehouse]，drinkingwiththeexcise-manandthegauger，whocameuptoseehishonour，andwewerestandingoverthefireinthekitchen。
’Idon’tmuchcareishedrinkingmyhealthornot，’saysJudy;
’anditisnotSirCondyI’mthinkingof，withallyourjokes，whateverheisofme。’
’Sureyouwouldn’trefusetobemyLadyRackrent，Judy，ifyouhadtheoffer？’saysI。
’ButifIcoulddobetter！’saysshe。
’Howbetter？’saysIandmyshisterbothatonce。
’Howbetter？’saysshe。’Why，whatsignifiesittobemyLadyRackrentandnocastle？Surewhatgoodisthecar，andnohorsetodrawit？’
’Andwherewillyegetthehorse，Judy？’saysI。
’Nevermindthat，’saysshe;’maybeitisyourownsonJasonmightfindthat。’
’Jason！’saysI;’don’tbetrustingtohim，Judy。SirCondy，asIhavegoodreasontoknow，spokewellofyouwhenJasonspokeveryindifferentlyofyou，Judy。’
’Nomatter，’saysJudy;’it’softenmenspeakthecontraryjusttowhattheythinkofus。’
’Andyouthesamewayofthem，nodoubt，’answeredI。’Nay，don’thedenyingit，Judy，forIthinkthebetterofyeforit，andshouldn’tbeproudtocallyethedaughterofashister’ssonofmine，ifIwastohearyetalkungrateful，andanywaydisrespectfulofhishonour。’
’Whatdisrespect，’saysshe，’tosayI’drather，ifitwasmyluck，bethewifeofanotherman？’
’You’llhavenoluck，mindmywords，Judy，’saysI;andallI
rememberedaboutmypoormaster’sgoodnessintossingupforheraforehemarriedatallcameacrossme，andIhadachokinginmythroatthathinderedmetosaymore。
’Betterluck，anyhow，Thady，’saysshe，’thantobelikesomefolk，followingthefortunesofthemthathavenoneleft。’
Oh！KingofGlory！’saysI，’heartheprideandungratitudeofher，andhegivinghislastguineasbutaminuteagotoherchilder，andshewiththefineshawlonherhemadeherapresentofbutyesterday！’
’Oh，troth，Judy，you’rewrongnow，’saysmyshister，lookingattheshawl。
’Andwasnothewrongyesterday，then，’saysshe，’tobetellingmeIwasgreatlyaltered，toaffrontme？’
’But，Judy，’saysI，’whatisitbringsyouherethenatall。inthemindyouarein;isittomakeJasonthinkthebetterofyou？’
’I’lltellyounomoreofmysecrets，Thady，’saysshe，’norwouldhavetoldyouthismuch，hadItakenyouforsuchanunnaturalfaderasIfindyouare，nottowishyourownsonprefarredtoanother。’
’Oh，troth，youarewrongnow，Thady，’saysmyshister。
Well，Iwasneversoputtoitinmylife：betweenthesewomens，andmysonandmymaster，andallIfeltandthoughtjustnow，I
couldnot，uponmyconscience，tellwhichwasthewrongfromtheright。SoIsaidnotawordmore，butwasonlygladhishonourhadnotthelucktohearallJudyhadbeensayingofhim，forI
reckoneditwouldhavegonenightobreakhisheart;notthatI
wasofopinionhecaredforherasmuchassheandmyshisterfancied，buttheungratitudeofthewholefromJudymightnotplasehim;andhecouldneverstandthenotionofnotbeingwellspokenoforbelovedlikebehindhisback。Fortunatelyforallpartiesconcerned，hewassomuchelevatedatthistime，therewasnodangerofhisunderstandinganything，evenifithadreachedhisears。TherewasagreathornattheLodge，eversincemymasterandCaptainMoneygawlwasintogether，thatusedtobelongoriginallytothecelebratedSirPatrick，hisancestor;
andhishonourwasfondoftenoftellingthestorythathelearnedfrommewhenachild，howSirPatrickdrankthefullofthishornwithoutstopping，andthiswaswhatnoothermanaforeorsincecouldwithoutdrawingbreath。NowSirCondychallengedthegauger，whoseemedtothinklittleofthehorn，toswallowthecontents，andhaditfilledtothebrimwithpunch;andthegaugersaiditwaswhathecouldnotdofornothing，buthe’dholdSirCondyahundredguineashe’ddoit。
’Done，’saysmymaster;’I’lllayyouahundredgoldenguineastoatesteryoudon’t。’[TESTER：sixpence;fromtheFrenchwordTETE，ahead——apieceofsilverstampedwithahead，whichinoldFrenchwascalledUNTESTION，andwhichwasaboutthevalueofanoldEnglishsixpence。’Tester’isusedinShakspeare。]
’Done，’saysthegauger;anddoneanddone’senoughbetweentwogentlemen。Thegaugerwascast，andmymasterwonthebet，andthoughthe’dwonahundredguineas，butbythewordingitwasadjudgedtobeonlyatesterthatwashisduebytheexciseman。
Itwasallonetohim;hewasaswellpleased，andIwasgladtoseehiminsuchspiritsagain。
Thegauger——badlucktohim！——wasthemanthatnextproposedtomymastertotryhimself，couldhetakeatadraughtthecontentsofthegreathorn。
’SirPatrick’shorn！’saidhishonour;’handittome：I’llholdyouyourownbetoveragainI’llswallowit。’
’Done，’saysthegauger;’I’lllayyeanythingatallyoudonosuchthing。’
’AhundredguineastosixpenceIdo，’sayshe;’bringmethehandkerchief。’Iwasloth，knowinghemeantthehandkerchiefwiththegoldinit，tobringitoutinsuchcompany，andhishonournotveryabletoreckonit。’Bringmethehandkerchief，then，Thady，’sayshe，andstampswithhisfoot;sowiththatIpullsitoutofmygreatcoatpocket，whereIhadputitforsafety。
Oh，howitgrievedmetoseetheguineascountinguponthetable，andtheythelastmymasterhad！SaysSirCondytome，’Yourhandissteadierthanmineto-night，oldThady，andthat’sawonder;fillyouthehornforme。’Andso，wishinghishonoursuccess，Idid;butIfilledit，littlethinkingofwhatwouldbefallhim。Heswallowsitdown，anddropslikeoneshot。Weliftshimup，andhewasspeechless，andquiteblackintheface。
Weputhimtobed，andinashorttimehewakened，ravingwithafeveronhisbrain。Hewasshockingeithertoseeorhear。
’Judy！Judy！haveyounotouchoffeeling？Won’tyoustaytohelpusnursehim？’saysItoher，andsheputtingonhershawltogooutofthehouse。
’I’mfrightenedtoseehim，’saysshe，’andwouldn’tnorcouldn’tstayinit;andwhatuse？Hecan’tlasttillthemorning。’Withthatsheranoff。Therewasnonebutmyshisterandmyselfleftnearhimofallthemanyfriendshehad。
Thefevercameandwent，andcameandwent，andlastedfivedays，andthesixthhewassensibleforafewminutes，andsaidtome，knowingmeverywell，’I’minaburningpainallwithinsideofme，Thady。’Icouldnotspeak，butmyshisteraskedhimwouldhehavethisthingort’othertodohimgood？’No，’sayshe，’nothingwilldomegoodnomore，’andhegaveaterriblescreechwiththetorturehewasin;thenagainaminute’sease——’broughttothisbydrink，’sayshe。’Whereareallthefriends？——where’sJudy？Gone，hey？Ay，SirCondyhasbeenafoolallhisdays，’
saidhe;andtherewasthelastwordhespoke，anddied。Hehadbutaverypoorfuneralafterall。
Ifyouwanttoknowanymore，I’mnotverywellabletotellyou;
butmyLadyRackrentdidnotdie，aswasexpectedofher，butwasonlydisfiguredinthefaceeverafterbythefallandbruisesshegot;andsheandJason，immediatelyaftermypoormaster’sdeath，setaboutgoingtolawaboutthatjointure;thememorandumnotbeingonstampedpaper，somesayitisworthnothing，othersagainitmaydo;otherssayJasonwon’thavethelandsatanyrate;manywishesitso。Formypart，I’mtiredwishingforanythinginthisworld，afterallI’veseeninit;butI’llsaynothing——itwouldbeafollytohegettingmyselfill-willinmyoldage。Jasondidnotmarry，northinkofmarryingJudy，asI
prophesied，andIamnotsorryforit：whois？AsforallI
haveheresetdownfrommemoryandhearsayofthefamily，there’snothingbuttruthinitfrombeginningtoend。Thatyoumaydependupon，forwhere’stheuseoftellingliesaboutthethingswhicheverybodyknowsaswellasIdo？
TheEditorcouldhavereadilymadethecatastropheofSirCondy’shistorymoredramaticandmorepathetic，ifhethoughtitallowabletovarnishtheplainroundtaleoffaithfulThady。HelaysitbeforetheEnglishreaderasaspecimenofmannersandcharacterswhichareperhapsunknowninEngland。Indeed，thedomestichabitsofnonationinEuropewerelessknowntotheEnglishthanthoseoftheirsistercountry，tillwithinthesefewyears。
Mr。Young’spictureofIreland，inhistourthroughthatcountry，wasthefirstfaithfulportraitofitsinhabitants。Allthefeaturesintheforegoingsketchweretakenfromthelife，andtheyarecharacteristicofthatmixtureofquickness，simplicity，cunning，carelessness，dissipation，disinterestedness，shrewdness，andblunder，which，indifferentformsandwithvarioussuccess，hasbeenbroughtuponthestageordelineatedinnovels。
Itisaproblemofdifficultsolutiontodeterminewhetheraunionwillhastenorretardtheameliorationofthiscountry。ThefewgentlemenofeducationwhonowresideinthiscountrywillresorttoEngland。Theyarefew，buttheyareinnothinginferiortomenofthesamerankinGreatBritain。ThebestthatcanhappenwillbetheintroductionofBritishmanufacturersintheirplaces。
DidtheWarwickshiremilitia，whowerechieflyartisans，teachtheIrishtodrinkbeer？ordidtheylearnfromtheIrishtodrinkwhisky？
*
GLOSSARY
SOMEFRIENDS，WHOHAVESEENTHADY’SHISTORYSINCEITHASBEEN
PRINTEDHAVESUGGESTEDTOTHEEDITOR，THATMANYOFTHETERMSAND
IDIOMATICPHRASES，WITHWHICHITABOUNDS，COULDNOTBE
INTELLIGIBLETOTHEENGLISHREADERWITHOUTFURTHEREXPLANATION。
THEEDITORHASTHEREFOREFURNISHEDTHEFOLLOWINGGLOSSARY。
GLOSSARY1。
MONDAYMORNING——ThadybeginshismemoirsoftheRackrentFamilybydatingMONDAYMORNING，becausenogreatundertakingcanbeauspiciouslycommencedinIrelandonanymorningbutMONDAY
MORNING。’Oh，pleaseGodwelivetillMondaymorning，we’llsettheslatertomendtheroofofthehouse。OnMondaymorningwe’llfallto，andcuttheturf。OnMondaymorningwe’llseeandbeginmowing。OnMondaymorning，pleaseyourhonour，we’llbeginanddigthepotatoes，’etc。
Alltheintermediatedays，betweenthemakingofsuchspeechesandtheensuingMonday，arewasted：andwhenMondaymorningcomes，itistentoonethatthebusinessisdeferredtoTHENEXT
Mondaymorning。TheEditorknewagentleman，who，tocounteractthisprejudice，madehisworkmenandlabourersbeginallnewpiecesofworkuponaSaturday。
GLOSSARY2。
LETALONETHETHREEKINGDOMSITSELF。——LETALONE，inthissentence，meansputoutofconsideration。Thephrase，letalone，whichisnowusedastheimperativeofaverb，mayintimebecomeaconjunction，andmayexercisetheingenuityofsomefutureetymologist。ThecelebratedHorneTookehasprovedmostsatisfactorily，thattheconjunctionbutcomesfromtheimperativeoftheAnglo-Saxonverb（BEOUTAN）TOBEOUT;also，thatIFcomesfromGIF，theimperativeoftheAnglo-SaxonverbwhichsignifiesTOGIVE，etc。
GLOSSARY3。
WHILLALUH。——Ullaloo，Gol，orlamentationoverthedead——
Magnoqueululantetumultu。——VIRGIL，UlulatibusomneImpleverenemus。——OVID。
AfullaccountoftheIrishGol，orUllaloo，andoftheCaoinanorIrishfuneralsong，withitsfirstsemichorus，secondsemichorus，fullchorusofsighsandgroans，togetherwiththeIrishwordsandmusic，maybefoundinthefourthvolumeoftheTRANSACTIONSOFTHEROYALIRISHACADEMY。FortheadvantageofLAZYreaders，whowouldratherreadapagethanwalkayard，andfromcompassion，nottosaysympathy，withtheirinfirmity，theEditortranscribesthefollowingpassages：-
’TheIrishhavebeenalwaysremarkablefortheirfunerallamentations;andthispeculiarityhasbeennoticedbyalmosteverytravellerwhovisitedthem;anditseemsderivedfromtheirCelticancestors，theprimaevalinhabitantsofthisisle……
’IthasbeenaffirmedoftheIrish，thattocrywasmorenaturaltothemthantoanyothernation，andatlengththeIrishcrybecameproverbial……
’Cambrensisinthetwelfthcenturysays，theIrishthenmusicallyexpressedtheirgriefs;thatis，theyappliedthemusicalart，inwhichtheyexcelledallothers，totheorderlycelebrationoffuneralobsequies，bydividingthemournersintotwobodies，eachalternatelysingingtheirpart，andthewholeattimesjoininginfullchorus……Thebodyofthedeceased，dressedingraveclothes，andornamentedwithflowers，wasplacedonabier，orsomeelevatedspot。Therelationsandkeepers（SINGINGMOURNERS）
rangedthemselvesintwodivisions，oneatthehead，andtheotheratthefeetofthecorpse。ThebardsandcroterieshadbeforepreparedthefuneralCaoinan。Thechiefbardoftheheadchorusbeganbysingingthefirststanza，inalow，dolefultone，whichwassoftlyaccompaniedbytheharp：attheconclusion，thefootsemichorusbeganthelamentation，orUllaloo，fromthefinalnoteoftheprecedingstanza，inwhichtheywereansweredbytheheadsemichorus;thenbothunitedinonegeneralchorus。Thechorusofthefirststanzabeingended，thechiefbardofthefootsemichorusbeganthesecondGolorlamentation，inwhichhewasansweredbythatofthehead;andthen，asbefore，bothunitedinthegeneralfullchorus。Thusalternatelywerethesongandchorusesperformedduringthenight。Thegenealogy，rank，possessions，thevirtuesandvicesofthedeadwererehearsed，andanumberofinterrogationswereaddressedtothedeceased;as，Whydidhedie？Ifmarried，whetherhiswifewasfaithfultohim，hissonsdutiful，orgoodhuntersorwarriors？
Ifawoman，whetherherdaughterswerefairorchaste？Ifayoungman，whetherhehadbeencrossedinlove;oriftheblue-
eyedmaidsofErintreatedhimwithscorn？’
Wearetold，thatformerlythefeet（themetricalfeet）oftheCaoinanweremuchattendedto;butonthedeclineoftheIrishbardsthesefeetweregraduallyneglected，andtheCaoinanfellintoasortofslipshodmetreamongstwomen。EachprovincehaddifferentCaoinans，oratleastdifferentimitationsoftheoriginal。TherewastheMunstercry，theUlstercry，etc。Itbecameanextemporeperformance，andeverysetofkeepersvariedthemelodyaccordingtotheirownfancy。
Itiscurioustoobservehowcustomsandceremoniesdegenerate。
ThepresentIrishcry，orhowl，cannotboastofsuchmelody，noristhefuneralprocessionconductedwithmuchdignity。Thecrowdofpeoplewhoassembleatthesefuneralssometimesamountstoathousand，oftentofourorfivehundred。Theygatherasthebearersofthehearseproceedontheirway，andwhentheypassthroughanyvillage，orwhentheycomenearanyhouses，theybegintocry——Oh！Oh！Oh！Oh！Oh！Agh！Agh！raisingtheirnotesfromthefirstOH！tothelastAGH！inakindofmournfulhowl。
ThisgivesnoticetotheinhabitantsofthevillagethataFUNERALISPASSINGandimmediatelytheyflockouttofollowit。
IntheprovinceofMunsteritisacommonthingforthewomentofollowafuneral，tojoinintheuniversalcrywithalltheirmightandmainforsometime，andthentoturnandask——’Arrah！
whoisitthat’sdead？——whoisitwe’recryingfor？’Eventhepoorestpeoplehavetheirownburying-places——thatis，spotsofgroundinthechurchyardswheretheysaythattheirancestorshavebeenburiedeversincethewarsofIreland;andiftheseburial-placesaretenmilesfromtheplacewhereamandies，hisfriendsandneighbourstakecaretocarryhiscorpsethither。
Alwaysonepriest，oftenfiveorsixpriests，attendthesefunerals;eachpriestrepeatsamass，forwhichheispaid，sometimesashilling，sometimeshalfacrown，sometimeshalfaguinea，oraguinea，accordingtotheircircumstances，or，astheysay，accordingtotheabilityofthedeceased。Aftertheburialofanyverypoorman，whohasleftawidoworchildren，thepriestmakeswhatiscalledaCOLLECTIONforthewidow;hegoesroundtoeverypersonpresent，andeachcontributessixpenceorashilling，orwhattheyplease。ThereaderwillfindinthenoteuponthewordWAKE，moreparticularsrespectingtheconclusionoftheIrishfunerals。
Certainoldwomen，whocryparticularlyloudandwellareingreatrequest，and，asamansaidtotheEditor，’Everyonewouldwishandbeproudtohavesuchathisfuneral，oratthatofhisfriends。’ThelowerIrisharewonderfullyeagertoattendthefuneralsoftheirfriendsandrelations，andtheymaketheirrelationshipsbranchouttoagreatextent。Theproofthatapoormanhasbeenwellbelovedduringhislifeishishavingacrowdedfuneral。Toattendaneighbour’sfuneralisacheapproofofhumanity，butitdoesnot，assomeimagine，costnothing。
ThetimespentinattendingfuneralsmaybesafelyvaluedathalfamilliontotheIrishnation;theEditorthinksthatdoublethatsumwouldnotbetoohighanestimate。ThehabitsofprofligacyanddrunkennesswhichareacquiredatWAKESarehereputoutofthequestion。Whenalabourer，acarpenter，orasmith，isnotathiswork，whichfrequentlyhappens，askwhereheisgone，andtentoonetheansweris——’Oh，faith，pleaseyourhonour，hecouldn’tdoastroketo-day，forhe’sgonetoTHEfuneral。’
Evenbeggars，whentheygrowold，goaboutbeggingFORTHEIROWN
FUNERALSthatis，beggingformoneytobuyacoffin，candles，pipes，andtobacco。Fortheuseofthecandles，pipes，andtobacco，seeWAKE。
Thosewhovaluecustomsinproportiontotheirantiquity，andnationsinproportiontotheiradherencetoancientcustoms，willdoubtlessadmiretheIrishULLALOO，andtheIrishnation，forperseveringinthisusagefromtimeimmemorial。TheEditor，however，hasobservedsomealarmingsymptoms，whichseemtoprognosticatethedecliningtastefortheUllalooinIreland。Inacomictheatricalentertainment，representednotlongsinceontheDublinstage，achorusofoldwomenwasintroduced，whosetuptheIrishhowlroundtherelicsofaphysician，whoissupposedtohavefallenunderthewoodenswordofHarlequin。
AftertheoldwomenhavecontinuedtheirUllalooforadecenttime，withallthenecessaryaccompanimentsofwringingtheirhands，wipingorrubbingtheireyeswiththecornersoftheirgownsoraprons，etc。，oneofthemournerssuddenlysuspendsherlamentablecries，and，turningtoherneighbour，asks，’Arrahnow，honey，whoisitwe’recryingfor？’
GLOSSARY4。
THETENANTSWERESENTAWAYWITHOUTTHEIRWHISKY。——Itisusualwithsomelandlordstogivetheirinferiortenantsaglassofwhiskywhentheypaytheirrents。ThadycallsitTHEIRwhisky;
notthatthewhiskyisactuallythepropertyofthetenants，butthatitbecomestheirRIGHTafterithasbeenoftengiventothem。InthisgeneralmodeofreasoningrespectingRIGHTSthelowerIrisharenotsingular，buttheyarepeculiarlyquickandtenaciousinclaimingtheserights。’LastyearyourhonourgavemesomestrawfortheroofofmyhouseandIEXPECTyourhonourwillbeafterdoingthesamethisyear。’Inthismannergiftsarefrequentlyturnedintotributes。Thehighandlowarenotalwaysdissimilarintheirhabits。Itissaid，thattheSublimeOttomanForteisveryapttoclaimgiftsastributes：thusitisdangeroustosendtheGrandSeignorafinehorseonhisbirthdayoneyear，lestonhisnextbirthdayheshouldexpectasimilarpresent，andshouldproceedtodemonstratethereasonablenessofhisexpectations。
GLOSSARY5。
HEDEMEANEDHIMSELFGREATLY——means，heloweredordisgracedhimselfmuch。
GLOSSARY6。
DUTYFOWLS，DUTYTURKEYS，ANDDUTYGEESE。——InmanyleasesinIreland，tenantswereformerlyboundtosupplyaninordinatequantityofpoultrytotheirlandlords。TheEditorknewofthirtyturkeysbeingreservedinoneleaseofasmallfarm。
GLOSSARY7。
ENGLISHTENANTS。——AnEnglishtenantdoesnotmeanatenantwhoisanEnglishman，butatenantwhopayshisrentthedaythatitisdue。ItisacommonprejudiceinIreland，amongstthepoorerclassesofpeople，tobelievethatalltenantsinEnglandpaytheirrentsontheverydaywhentheybecomedue。AnIrishman，whenhegoestotakeafarm，ifhewantstoprovetohislandlordthatheisasubstantialman，offerstobecomeanENGLISHTENANT。
Ifatenantdisobligeshislandlordbyvotingagainsthim，oragainsthisopinion，atanelection，thetenantisimmediatelyinformedbytheagentthathemustbecomeanENGLISHTENANT。Thisthreatdoesnotimplythatheistochangehislanguageorhiscountry，butthathemustpayallthearrearofrentwhichheowes，andthathemustthenceforwardpayhisrentonthatdaywhenitbecomesdue。
GLOSSARY8。
CANTING——doesnotmeantalkingorwritinghypocriticalnonsense，butsellingsubstantiallybyauction。
GLOSSARY9。
DUTYWORK。——ItwasformerlycommoninIrelandtoinsertclausesinleases，bindingtenantstofurnishtheirlandlordswithlabourersandhorsesforseveraldaysintheyear。Muchpettytyrannyandoppressionhaveresultedfromthisfeudalcustom。
Wheneverapoormandisobligedhislandlord，theagentsenttohimforhisdutywork;andThadydoesnotexaggeratewhenhesays，thatthetenantswereoftencalledfromtheirownworktodothatoftheirlandlord。Thustheverymeansofearningtheirrentweretakenfromthem：whilsttheyweregettinghometheirlandlord’sharvest，theirownwasoftenruined，andyettheirrentswereexpectedtobepaidaspunctuallyasiftheirtimehadbeenattheirowndisposal。Thisappearstheheightofabsurdinjustice。
InEsthonia，amongstthepoorSclavonianraceofpeasantslaves，theypaytributestotheirlords，notunderthenameofdutywork，dutygeese，dutyturkeys，etc。，butunderthenameofRIGHTEOUSNESSES。ThefollowingballadisacuriousspecimenofEsthonianpoetry：——
Thisisthecausethatthecountryisruined，Andthestrawofthethatchiseatenaway，Thegentryarecometoliveintheland——
Chimneysbetweenthevillage，Andtheproprietoruponthewhitefloor！
Thesheepbringsforthalambwithawhiteforehead，ThisispaidtothelordforaRIGHTEOUSNESSSHEEP。
Thesowfarrowspigs，Theygotothespitofthelord。
Thehenlayseggs，Theygointothelord’sfrying-pan。
Thecowdropsamalecalf，Thatgoesintothelord’sherdasabull。
Themarefoalsahorsefoal，Thatmustbeformylord’snag。
Theboor’swifehassons，Theymustgotolookaftermylord’spoultry。
GLOSSARY10。
OUTOFFORTY-NINESUITSWHICHHEHAD，HENEVERLOSTONEBUT
SEVENTEEN。——Thady’slanguageinthisinstanceisaspecimenofamodeofrhetoriccommoninIreland。Anastonishingassertionismadeinthebeginningofasentence，whichceasestobeintheleastsurprising，whenyouhearthequalifyingexplanationthatfollows。Thusamanwhoisinthelaststageofstaggeringdrunkennesswill，ifhecanarticulate，sweartoyou——’Uponhisconsciencenow，andmayheneverstirfromthespotaliveifheistellingalie，uponhisconsciencehehasnottastedadropofanything，goodorbad，sincemorningat-all-at-all，buthalfapintofwhisky，pleaseyourhonour。’
GLOSSARY11。
FAIRYMOUNTS——Barrows。ItissaidthatthesehighmountswereofgreatservicetothenativesofIrelandwhenIrelandwasinvadedbytheDanes。Watchwasalwayskeptonthem，andupontheapproachofanenemyafirewaslightedtogivenoticetothenextwatch，andthustheintelligencewasquicklycommunicatedthroughthecountry。SOMEYEARSAGO，thecommonpeoplebelievedthatthesebarrowswereinhabitedbyfairies，or，astheycalledthem，bytheGOODPEOPLE。’Oh，troth，tothebestofmybelief，andtothebestofmyjudgmentandopinion，’saidanelderlymantotheEditor，’itwasonlytheoldpeoplethathadnothingtodo，andgottogether，andweretellingstoriesaboutthemfairies，buttothebestofmyjudgmentthere’snothinginit。
OnlythisIheardmyselfnotverymanyyearsbackfromadecentkindofaman，agrazier，that，ashewascomingjustFAIRAND
EASY（QUIETLY）fromthefair，withsomecattleandsheep，thathehadnotsold，justatthechurchof——-atanangleoftheroadlike，hewasmetbyagood-lookingman，whoaskedhimwherehewasgoing？Andheanswered，\"Oh，farenough，Imustbegoingallnight。\"\"No，thatyoumustn’tnorwon’t（saystheman），you’llsleepwithmethenight，andyou’llwantfornothing，noryourcattlenorsheepneither，noryourBEAST（HORSE）;socomealongwithme。\"WiththatthegrazierLIT（ALIGHTED）fromhishorse，anditwasdarknight;butpresentlyhefindshimself，hedoesnotknowinthewideworldhow，inafinehouse，andplentyofeverythingtoeatanddrink;nothingatallwantingthathecouldwishfororthinkof。AndhedoesnotMIND（RECOLLECTorKNOW）
howatlasthefallsasleep;andinthemorninghefindshimselflying，notineverabedorahouseatall，butjustintheangleoftheroadwherefirsthemetthestrangeman：therehefindshimselflyingonhisbackonthegrass，andallhissheepfeedingasquietaseverallroundabouthim，andhishorsethesameway，andthebridleofthebeastoverhiswrist。AndIaskedhimwhathethoughtofit;andfromfirsttolasthecouldthinkofnothing，butforcertainsureitmusthavebeenthefairiesthatentertainedhimsowell。Fortherewasnohousetoseeanywherenighhand，oranybuilding，orbarn，orplaceatall，butonlythechurchandtheMOTE（BARROW）。There’sanotheroddthingenoughthattheytellaboutthissamechurch，thatifanyperson’scorpse，thathadnotarighttobeburiedinthatchurchyard，wenttobeburyingthereinit，no，notallthemen，women，orchilderinallIrelandcouldgetthecorpseanywayintothechurchyard;butastheywouldbetryingtogointothechurchyard，theirfeetwouldseemtobegoingbackwardsinsteadofforwards;ay，continuallybackwardsthewholefuneralwouldseemtogo;andtheywouldneversetfootwiththecorpseinthechurchyard。Nowtheysaythatitisthefairiesdoallthis;butitismyopinionitisallidletalk，andpeopleareafterbeingwisernow。
ThecountrypeopleinIrelandcertainlyHADgreatadmirationmixedwithreverence，ifnotdread，offairies。Theybelievedthatbeneaththesefairymountswerespacioussubterraneouspalaces，inhabitedbyTHEGOODPEOPLE，whomustnotonanyaccountbedisturbed。Whenthewindraisesalittleeddyofdustupontheroad，thepoorpeoplebelievethatitisraisedbythefairies，thatitisasignthattheyarejourneyingfromoneofthefairies’mountstoanother，andtheysaytothefairies，ortothedustasitpasses，’Godspeedye，gentlemen;Godspeedye。’ThisavertsanyevilthatTHEGOODPEOPLEmightbeinclinedtodothem。Thereareinnumerablestoriestoldofthefriendlyandunfriendlyfeatsofthesebusyfairies;someofthesetalesareludicrous，andsomeromanticenoughforpoetry。Itisapitythatpoetsshouldlosesuchconvenient，thoughdiminutivemachinery。Bythebye，Parnell，whoshowedhimselfsodeeply’skilledinfaerielore，’wasanIrishman;andthoughhehaspresentedhisfairiestotheworldintheancientEnglishdressof’Britain’sisle，andArthur’sdays，’itisprobablethathisfirstacquaintancewiththembeganinhisnativecountry。
Someremoteoriginforthemostsuperstitiousorromanticpopularillusionsorvulgarerrorsmayoftenbediscovered。InIreland，theoldchurchesandchurchyardshavebeenusuallyfixeduponasthescenesofwonders。Nowantiquariestellus，thatneartheancientchurchesinthatkingdomcavesofvariousconstructionshavefromtimetotimebeendiscovered，whichwereformerlyusedasgranariesormagazinesbytheancientinhabitants，andasplacestowhichtheyretreatedintimeofdanger。Thereis（p。84
oftheR。I。A。TRANSACTIONSfor1789）aparticularaccountofanumberoftheseartificialcavesatthewestendofthechurchofKillossy，inthecountyofKildare。Underarisingground，inadrysandysoil，thesesubterraneousdwellingswerefound：theyhavepedimentroofs，andtheycommunicatewitheachotherbysmallapertures。IntheBrehonlawsthesearementioned，andtherearefinesinflictedbythoselawsuponpersonswhostealfromthesubterraneousgranaries。Allthesethingsshowthattherewasarealfoundationforthestorieswhichweretoldoftheappearanceoflights，andofthesoundsofvoices，neartheseplaces。Thepersonswhohadpropertyconcealedthere，verywillinglycountenancedeverywonderfulrelationthattendedtomaketheseplacesobjectsofsacredaweorsuperstitiousterror。
GLOSSARY12。
WEEDASHES。——ByancientusageinIreland，alltheweedsonafarmbelongedtothefarmer’swife，ortothewifeofthesquirewhoholdsthegroundinhisownhands。Thegreatdemandforalkalinesaltsinbleachingrenderedtheseashesnoinconsiderableperquisite。
GLOSSARY13。
SEALINGMONEY。——FormerlyitwasthecustominIrelandfortenantstogivethesquire’sladyfromtwotofiftyguineasasaperquisiteuponthesealingoftheirleases。TheEditornotverylongsinceknewofabaronet’sladyacceptingfiftyguineasassealingmoney，uponclosingabargainforaconsiderablefarm。
GLOSSARY14。
SIRMURTAGHGREWMAD——SirMurtaghgrewangry。
GLOSSARY15。
THEWHOLEKITCHENWASOUTONTHESTAIRS——meansthatalltheinhabitantsofthekitchencameoutofthekitchen，andstooduponthestairs。These，andsimilarexpressions，showhowmuchtheIrisharedisposedtometaphorandamplification。
GLOSSARY16。
FININGDOWNTHEYEAR’SRENT。——WhenanIrishgentleman，likeSirKitRackrent，haslivedbeyondhisincome，andfindshimselfdistressedforreadymoney，tenantsobliginglyoffertotakehislandatarentfarbelowthevalue，andtopayhimasmallsumofmoneyinhand，whichtheycallfiningdowntheyearlyrent。Thetemptationofthisreadycashoftenblindsthelandlordtohisfutureinterest。
GLOSSARY17。
DRIVER。——Amanwhoisemployedtodrivetenantsforrent;thatis，todrivethecattlebelongingtotenantstopound。Theofficeofdriverisbynomeansasinecure。
GLOSSARY18。
ITHOUGHTTOMAKEHIMAPRIEST。——ItwascustomaryamongstthoseofThady’srankinIreland，whenevertheycouldgetalittlemoney，tosendtheirsonsabroadtoSt。Omer’s，ortoSpain，tobeeducatedaspriests。NowtheyareeducatedatMaynooth。TheEditorhaslatelyknownayounglad，whobeganbybeingapost-
boy，afterwardsturnintoacarpenter，thenquithisplaneandwork-benchtostudyhisHUMANITIES，ashesaid，atthecollegeofMaynooth;butafterhehadgonethroughhiscourseofHumanities，hedeterminedtobeasoldierinsteadofapriest。
GLOSSARY19。
FLAM。——Shortforflambeau。
GLOSSARY20。
BARRACK-ROOM。——Formerlyitwascustomary，ingentlemen’shousesinIreland，tofituponelargebedchamberwithanumberofbedsforthereceptionofoccasionalvisitors。TheseroomswerecalledBarrack-rooms。
GLOSSARY21。
ANINNOCENT——inIreland，meansasimpleton，anidiot。
GLOSSARY22。
THECURRAGH——istheNewmarketofIreland。
GLOSSARY23。
THECANT——Theauction。
GLOSSARY24。
ANDSOSHOULDCUTHIMOFFFOREVERBYLEVYINGAFINE，AND
SUFFERINGARECOVERYTODOCKTHEENTAIL。——TheEnglishreadermayperhapsbesurprisedattheextentofThady’slegalknowledge，andatthefluencywithwhichhepoursforthlaw-terms;butalmosteverypoormaninIreland，behefarmer，weaver，shopkeeper，oxsteward，is，besideshisotheroccupations，occasionallyalawyer。Thenatureofprocesses，ejectments，custodiams，injunctions，replevins，etc。，isperfectlyknowntothem，andthetermsasfamiliartothemastoanyattorney。Theyalllovelaw。Itisakindoflottery，inwhicheveryman，stakinghisownwitorcunningagainsthisneighbour’sproperty，feelsthathehaslittletolose，andmuchtogain。
’I’llhavethelawofyou，soIwill！’isthesayingofanEnglishmanwhoexpectsjustice。’I’llhaveyoubeforehishonour，’isthethreatofanIrishmanwhohopesforpartiality。
MiserableisthelifeofajusticeofthepeaceinIrelandthedayafterafair，especiallyifheresidesnearasmalltown。
ThemultitudeoftheKILT（KILTdoesnotmeanKILLED，buthurt）
andwoundedwhocomebeforehishonourwithblackeyesorbloodyheadsisastonishing：butmoreastonishingisthenumberofthosewho，thoughtheyarescarcelyablebydailylabourtoprocuredailyfood，willnevertheless，withouttheleastreluctance，wastesixorsevenhoursofthedayloungingintheyardorcourtofajusticeofthepeace，waitingtomakesomecomplaintabout——nothing。ItisimpossibletoconvincethemthatTIMEISMONEY。Theydonotsetanyvalueupontheirowntime，andtheythinkthatothersestimatetheirsatlessthannothing。
Hencetheymakenoscrupleoftellingajusticeofthepeaceastoryofanhourlongaboutatester（sixpence）;andifhegrowsimpatient，theyattributeittosomesecretprejudicewhichheentertainsagainstthem。
Theirmethodistogetastorycompletelybyheart，andtotellit，astheycallit，OUTOFTHEFACE，thatis，fromthebeginningtotheend，withoutinterruption。
’Well，mygoodfriend，Ihaveseenyouloungingaboutthesethreehoursintheyard;whatisyourbusiness？’
’Pleaseyourhonour，itiswhatIwanttospeakonewordtoyourhonour。’
’Speakthen，butbequick。Whatisthematter？’
’Thematter，pleaseyourhonour，isnothingat-all-at-all，onlyjustaboutthegrazingofahorse，pleaseyourhonour，thatthismanheresoldmeatthefairofGurtishannonlastShrovefair，whichlaydownthreetimeswithmyself，pleaseyourhonour，andKILTme;nottobetellingyourhonourofhow，nolaterbackthanyesterdaynight，helaydowninthehousetherewithin，andallthechilderstandinground，anditwasGod’smercyhedidnotfalla-topofthem，orintothefiretoburnhimself。Sopleaseyourhonour，to-dayItookhimbacktothisman，whichownedhim，andafteragreatdealtodo，IgotthemareagainISWOPPED
（EXCHANGED）himfor;buthewon’tpaythegrazingofthehorseforthetimeIhadhim，thoughhepromisedtopaythegrazingincasethehorsedidn’tanswer;andheneverdidaday’swork，goodorbad，pleaseyourhonour，allthetimehewaswithme，andI
hadthedoctortohimfivetimesanyhow。Andso，pleaseyourhonour，itiswhatIexpectyourhonourwillstandmyfriend，forI’dsoonercometoyourhonourforjusticethantoanyotherinallIreland。AndsoIbroughthimherebeforeyourhonour，andexpectyourhonourwillmakehimpaymethegrazing，ortellme，canIprocesshimforitatthenextassizes，pleaseyourhonour？’
Thedefendantnowturningaquidoftobaccowithhistongueintosomesecretcaverninhismouth，beginshisdefencewith——
’Pleaseyourhonour，underfavour，andsavingyourhonour’spresence，there’snotawordoftruthinallthismanhasbeensayingfrombeginningtoend，uponmyconscience，andIwouldn’tforthevalueofthehorseitself，grazingandall，beaftertellingyourhonouralie。For，pleaseyourhonour，Ihaveadependenceuponyourhonourthatyou’lldomejustice，andnotbelisteningtohimorthelikeofhim。Pleaseyourhonour，it’swhathehasbroughtmebeforeyourhonour，becausehehadaspiteagainstmeaboutsomeoatsIsoldyourhonour，whichhewasjealousof，andashawlhiswifegotatmyshister’sshoptherewithout，andneverpaidfor;soIofferedtosettheshawlagainstthegrazing，andgivehimareceiptinfullofalldemands，buthewouldn’toutofspite，pleaseyourhonour;sohebroughtmebeforeyourhonour，expectingyourhonourwasmadwithmeforcuttingdownthetreeinthehorsepark，whichwasnoneofmydoing，pleaseyourhonour——ill-lucktothemthatwentandbeliedmetoyourhonourbehindmyback！Soifyourhonourispleasing，I’lltellyouthewholetruthaboutthehorsethatheswoppedagainstmymareoutoftheface。LastShrovefairImetthisman，JemmyDuffy，pleaseyourhonour，justatthecorneroftheroad，wherethebridgeisbrokendown，thatyourhonouristohavethepresentmentforthisyear——longlifetoyouforit！AndhewasatthattimecomingfromthefairofGurtishannon，andI
thesameway。\"Howareyou，Jemmy？\"saysI。\"Verywell，Ithankyekindly，Bryan，\"sayshe;\"shallweturnbacktoPaddySalmon’sandtakeanagginofwhiskytoourbetteracquaintance？\"\"I
don’tcareifIdid，Jemmy，\"saysI;\"onlyitiswhatIcan’ttakethewhisky，becauseI’munderanoathagainstitforamonth。\"Eversince，pleaseyourhonour，thedayyourhonourmetmeontheroad，andobservedtomeIcouldhardlystand，Ihadtakensomuch;thoughuponmyconscienceyourhonourwrongedmegreatlythatsametime——ill-lucktothemthatbeliedmebehindmybacktoyourhonour！Well，pleaseyourhonour，asIwastellingyou，ashewastakingthewhisky，andwetalkingofonethingort’other，hemakesmeanoffertoswophismarethathecouldn’tsellatthefairofGurtishannon，becausenobodywouldbetroubledwiththebeast，pleaseyourhonour，againstmyhorse，andtoobligehimItookthemare——sorrowtakeher！andhimalongwithher！Shekickedmeanewcar，thatwasworththreepoundsten，totattersthefirsttimeIeverputherintoit，andIexpectyourhonourwillmakehimpaymethepriceofthecar，anyhow，beforeIpaythegrazing，whichI’venorighttopayat-all-at-all，onlytoobligehim。ButIleaveitalltoyourhonour;andthewholegrazingheoughttobechargingforthebeastisbuttwoandeightpencehalfpenny，anyhow，pleaseyourhonour。SoI’llabidebywhatyourhonoursays，goodorbad。
I’llleaveitalltoyourhonour。
I’llleaveITalltoyourhonour——literallymeans，I’llleaveallthetroubletoyourhonour。
TheEditorknewajusticeofthepeaceinIrelandwhohadsuchadreadofHAVINGITALLLEFTTOHISHONOUR，thathefrequentlygavethecomplainantsthesumaboutwhichtheyweredisputing，tomakepeacebetweenthem，andtogetridofthetroubleofhearingtheirstoriesOUTOFTHEFACE。Buthewassooncuredofthismethodofbuyingoffdisputes，bytheincreasingmultitudeofthosewho，outofpureregardtohishonour，came’togetjusticefromhim，becausetheywouldsoonercomebeforehimthanbeforeanymaninallIreland。’
GLOSSARY25。
ARAKINGPOTOFTEA。——weshouldobserve，thiscustomhaslongsincebeenbanishedfromthehigherordersofIrishgentry。Themysteriesofarakingpotoftea，likethoseoftheBonaDea，aresupposedtobesacredtofemales;butnowandthenithashappenedthatsomeofthemalespecies，whowereeithermoreaudacious，ormorehighlyfavouredthantherestoftheirsex，havebeenadmittedbystealthtotheseorgies。Thetimewhenthefestiveceremonybeginsvariesaccordingtocircumstances，butitisneverearlierthantwelveo’clockatnight;thejoysofarakingpotofteadependingonitsbeingmadeinsecret，andatanunseasonablehour。Afteraball，whenthemorediscreetpartofthecompanyhasdepartedtorest，afewchosenfemalespirits，whohavefootedittilltheycanfootitnolonger，andtillthesleepynotesexpireundertheslurringhandofthemusician，retiretoabedchamber，callthefavouritemaid，whoaloneisadmitted，bidherPUTDOWNTHEKETTLE，lockthedoor，andamidstasmuchgigglingandscramblingaspossible，theygetroundatea-table，onwhichallmannerofthingsarehuddledtogether。
Thenbeginmutualrailleriesandmutualconfidencesamongsttheyoungladies，andthefaintscreamandtheloudlaughisheard，andtherompingforlettersandpocket-booksbegins，andgentlemenarecalledbytheirsurnames，orbythegeneralnameoffellows！pleasantfellows！charmingfellows！odiousfellows！
abominablefellows！andthenallprudishdecorumsareforgotten，andthenwemightbeconvincedhowmuchthesatiricalpoetwasmistakenwhenhesaid——
Thereisnowomanwherethere’snoreserve。
Themeritoftheoriginalideaofarakingpotofteaevidentlybelongstothewasherwomanandthelaundry-maid。ButwhyshouldnotwehaveLOWLIFEABOVESTAIRSaswellasHIGHLIFEBELOW
STAIRS？
GLOSSARY26。
WEGAINEDTHEDAYBYTHISPIECEOFHONESTY。——InadisputewhichoccurredsomeyearsagoinIreland，betweenMr。E。andMr。M。，abouttheboundariesofafarm，anoldtenantofMr。M。’scutaSODfromMr。M。’sland，andinserteditinaspotpreparedforitsreceptioninMr。E。’sland;sonicelywasitinserted，thatnoeyecoulddetectthejunctionofthegrass。Theoldman，whowastogivehisevidenceastotheproperty，stoodupontheinsertedsodwhentheVIEWERScame，andsworethatthegroundheTHENSTOODUPONbelongedtohislandlord，Mr。M。
TheEditorhadflatteredhimselfthattheingeniouscontrivancewhichThadyrecords，andthesimilarsubterfugeofthisoldIrishman，inthedisputeconcerningboundaries，wereinstancesof’CUTENESSunparalleledinallbutIrishstory：anEnglishfriend，however，hasjustmortifiedtheEditor’snationalvanitybyanaccountofthefollowingcustom，whichprevailsinpartofShropshire。ItisdiscreditableforwomentoappearabroadafterthebirthoftheirchildrentilltheyhavebeenCHURCHED。Toavoidthisreproach，andatthesametimetoenjoythepleasureofgadding，wheneverawomangoesabroadbeforeshehasbeentochurch，shetakesatilefromtheroofofherhouse，andputsituponherhead：wearingthispanoplyallthetimeshepayshervisits，herconscienceisperfectlyatease;forshecanafterwardssafelydeclaretotheclergyman，thatshe’hasneverbeenfromunderherownrooftillshecametobechurched。’
GLOSSARY27。
CARTONANDHALF-CARTON，——Thadymeanscartron，andhalf-cartron。
（AccordingtotheoldrecordintheblackbookofDublin，aCANTREDissaidtocontain30VILLATASTERRAS，whicharealsocalledQUARTERSofland（quarterons，CARTRONS）;everyoneofwhichquartersmustcontainsomuchgroundaswillpasture400
cows，and17plough-lands。Aknight’sfeewascomposedof8
hydes，whichamountto160acres，andthatisgenerallydeemedaboutaPLOUGH-LAND’
TheEditorwasfavouredbyalearnedfriendwiththeaboveextract，fromaMS。ofLordTotness’sintheLambethlibrary。
GLOSSARY28。
WAKE。——AwakeinEnglandmeansafestivalheldupontheanniversaryofthesaintoftheparish。Atthesewakes，rusticgames，rusticconviviality，andrusticcourtship，arepursuedwithalltheardourandalltheappetitewhichaccompanysuchpleasuresasoccurbutseldom。InIrelandawakeisamidnightmeeting，heldprofessedlyfortheindulgenceofholysorrow，butusuallyitisconvertedintoorgiesofunholyjoy。WhenanIrishmanorwomanofthelowerorderdies，thestrawwhichcomposedthebed，whetherithasbeencontainedinabagtoformamattress，orsimplyspreadupontheearthenfloor，isimmediatelytakenoutofthehouse，andburnedbeforethecabindoor，thefamilyatthesametimesettingupthedeathhowl。Theearsandeyesoftheneighboursbeingthusalarmed，theyflocktothehouseofthedeceased，andbytheirvociferoussympathyexciteandatthesametimesoothethesorrowsofthefamily。
Itiscurioustoobservehowgoodandbadaremingledinhumaninstitutions。Incountrieswhichwerethinlyinhabited，thiscustompreventedprivateattemptsagainstthelivesofindividuals，andformedakindofcoroner’sinquestuponthebodywhichhadrecentlyexpired，andburningthestrawuponwhichthesickmanlaybecameasimplepreservativeagainstinfection。Atnightthedeadbodyiswaked，thatistosay，allthefriendsandneighboursofthedeceasedcollectinabarnorstable，wherethecorpseislaiduponsomeboards，oranunhingeddoor，supporteduponstools，thefaceexposed，therestofthebodycoveredwithawhitesheet。Roundthebodyarestuckinbrasscandlesticks，whichhavebeenborrowedperhapsatfivemiles’distance，asmanycandlesasthepoorpersoncanbegorborrow，observingalwaystohaveanoddnumber。Pipesandtobaccoarefirstdistributed，andthen，accordingtotheABILITYofthedeceased，cakesandale，andsometimeswhisky，areDEALTtothecompany——
Dealon，dealon，mymerrymenall，Dealonyourcakesandyourwine，Forwhateverisdealtatherfuneralto-dayShallbedealtto-morrowatmine。
Afterafitofuniversalsorrow，andthecomfortofauniversaldram，thescandaloftheneighbourhood，asinhighercircles，occupiesthecompany。Theyoungladsandlassesrompwithoneanother，andwhenthefathersandmothersareatlastovercomewithsleepandwhisky（VINOETSOMNO），theyouthbecomemoreenterprising，andarefrequentlysuccessful。Itissaidthatmorematchesaremadeatwakesthanatweddings。
GLOSSARY29。
KILT。——Thiswordfrequentlyoccursintheprecedingpages，whereitmeansnotKILLED，butmuchHURT。InIreland，notonlycowards，butthebrave’diemanytimesbeforetheirdeath。’——ThereKILLING
ISNOMURDER。