PREFACE
Saidafriendofminetomesomemonthsago:\"Wellnow,whydon’tyouwriteaSENSIBLEbook?Ishouldliketoseeyoumakepeoplethink。\"
\"Doyoubelieveitcanbedone,then?\"Iasked。
\"Well,try,\"hereplied。
Accordingly,Ihavetried。Thisisasensiblebook。Iwantyoutounderstandthat。Thisisabooktoimproveyourmind。InthisbookItellyouallaboutGermany——atallevents,allIknowaboutGermany——andtheOber-AmmergauPassionPlay。Ialsotellyouaboutotherthings。IdonottellyouallIknowaboutalltheseotherthings,becauseIdonotwanttoswampyouwithknowledge。Iwishtoleadyougradually。Whenyouhavelearntthisbook,youcancomeagain,andIwilltellyousomemore。IshouldonlybedefeatingmyownobjectdidI,bymakingyouthinktoomuchatfirst,giveyouaperhaps,lastingdisliketotheexercise。Ihavepurposelyputthematterinalightandattractiveform,sothatImaysecuretheattentionoftheyoungandthefrivolous。Idonotwantthemtonotice,astheygoon,thattheyarebeinginstructed;andIhave,therefore,endeavouredtodisguisefromthem,sofarasispracticable,thatthisiseitheranexceptionallycleveroranexceptionallyusefulwork。Iwanttodothemgoodwithouttheirknowingit。Iwanttodoyouallgood——toimproveyourmindsandtomakeyouthink,ifIcan。
WHATyouwillthinkafteryouhavereadthebook,Idonotwanttoknow;indeed,Iwouldrathernotknow。ItwillbesufficientrewardformetofeelthatIhavedonemyduty,andtoreceiveapercentageonthegrosssales。
LONDON,March,1891。
DIARYOFAPILGRIMAGE
MONDAY,19TH
MyFriendB。——InvitationtotheTheatre。——AMostUnpleasantRegulation。——YearningsoftheEmbryoTraveller。——HowtoMaketheMostofOne’sOwnCountry。——Friday,aLuckyDay。——ThePilgrimageDecidedOn。
MyfriendB。calledonmethismorningandaskedmeifIwouldgotoatheatrewithhimonMondaynext。
\"Oh,yes!certainly,oldman,\"Ireplied。\"Haveyougotanorder,then?\"
Hesaid:
\"No;theydon’tgiveorders。Weshallhavetopay。\"
\"Pay!Paytogointoatheatre!\"Ianswered,inastonishment。\"Oh,nonsense!Youarejoking。\"
\"Mydearfellow,\"herejoined,\"doyouthinkIshouldsuggestpayingifitwerepossibletogetinbyanyothermeans?Butthepeoplewhorunthistheatrewouldnotevenunderstandwhatwasmeantbya’freelist,’theuncivilisedbarbarians!ItisofnousepretendingtothemthatyouareonthePress,becausetheydon’twantthePress;theydon’tthinkanythingofthePress。Itisnogoodwritingtotheactingmanager,becausethereisnoactingmanager。
Itwouldbeawasteoftimeofferingtoexhibitbills,becausetheydon’thaveanybills——notofthatsort。Ifyouwanttogointoseetheshow,you’vegottopay。Ifyoudon’tpay,youstopoutside;
that’stheirbrutalrule。\"
\"Dearme,\"Isaid,\"whataveryunpleasantarrangement!Andwhereaboutsisthisextraordinarytheatre?Idon’tthinkIcaneverhavebeeninsideit。\"
\"Idon’tthinkyouhave,\"hereplied;\"itisatOber-Ammergau——firstturningontheleftafteryouleaveOberrailway-station,fiftymilesfromMunich。\"
\"Um!ratheroutofthewayforatheatre,\"Isaid。\"Ishouldnothavethoughtanoutlyinghouselikethatcouldhaveaffordedtogiveitselfairs。\"
\"Thehouseholdsseventhousandpeople,\"answeredmyfriendB。,\"andmoneyisturnedawayateachperformance。ThefirstproductionisonMondaynext。Willyoucome?\"
Iponderedforamoment,lookedatmydiary,andsawthatAuntEmmawascomingtospendSaturdaytoWednesdaynextwithus,calculatedthatifIwentIshouldmissher,andmightnotseeheragainforyears,anddecidedthatIwouldgo。
Totellthetruth,itwasthejourneymorethantheplaythattemptedme。Tobeagreattravellerhasalwaysbeenoneofmycherishedambitions。Iyearntobeabletowriteinthissortofstrain:-
\"IhavesmokedmyfragrantHavanainthesunnystreetsofoldMadrid,andIhavepuffedtherudeandnotsweet-smellingcalumetofpeaceinthedraughtywigwamoftheWildWest;Ihavesippedmyeveningcoffeeinthesilenttent,whilethetetheredcamelbrowsedwithoutuponthedesertgrass,andIhavequaffedthefierybrandyoftheNorthwhilethereindeermunchedhisfodderbesidemeinthehut,andthepalelightofthemidnightsunthrewtheshadowsofthepinesacrossthesnow;Ihavefeltthestaboflustrouseyesthat,ghostlike,lookedatmefromoutveil-coveredfacesinByzantium’snarrowways,andIhavelaughedback(thoughitwaswrongofmetodoso)atthesaucy,wantonglancesoftheblack-eyedgirlsofJedo;
Ihavewanderedwhere’good’——butnottoogood——HarounAlraschidcreptdisguisedatnightfall,withhisfaithfulMesrourbyhisside;
IhavestooduponthebridgewhereDantewatchedthesaintedBeatricepassby;IhavefloatedonthewatersthatonceborethebargeofCleopatra;IhavestoodwhereCaesarfell;Ihaveheardthesoftrustleofrich,rarerobesinthedrawing-roomsofMayfair,andIhaveheardtheteeth-necklacesrattlearoundtheebonythroatsofthebellesofTongataboo;Ihavepantedbeneaththesun’sfierceraysinIndia,andfrozenundertheicyblastsofGreenland;IhavemingledwiththeteeminghordesofoldCathay,and,deepinthegreatpineforestsoftheWesternWorld,Ihavelain,wrappedinmyblanket,athousandmilesbeyondtheshoresofhumanlife。\"
B。,towhomIexplainedmyleaningtowardsthisstyleofdiction,saidthatexactlythesameeffectcouldbeproducedbywritingaboutplacesquitehandy。Hesaid:-
\"IcouldgoonlikethatwithouthavingbeenoutsideEnglandatall。
Ishouldsay:
\"IhavesmokedmyfourpennyshaginthesandedbarsofFleetStreet,andIhavepuffedmytwopennyManillainthegildedballsoftheCriterion;IhavequaffedmyfoamingbeerofBurtonwhereIslington’sfamedAngelgathersthelittlethirstyonesbeneathhershadowingwings,andIhavesippedmytenpennyordinaireinmanyagarlic-scentedsalonofSoho。Onthebackofthestrangely-movingassIhaveurged——or,tospeakmorecorrectly,theproprietoroftheass,orhisagent,frombehindhasurged——mywildcareeracrossthesandyheathsofHampstead,andmycanoehasstartledthescreamingwild-fowlfromtheirlonelyhauntsamidthesub-tropicalregionsofBattersea。Adownthelong,steepslopeofOneTreeHillhaveI
rolledfromtoptofoot,whilelaughingmaidensoftheEaststoodroundandclappedtheirhandsandyelled;and,intheold-worldgardenofthatpleasantCourt,whereplayedthefair-hairedchildrenoftheill-starredStuarts,haveIwanderedlongthroughmanypaths,myarmentwinedaboutthewaistofoneofEve’ssweetdaughters,whilehermotherragedaroundindignantlyontheothersideofthehedge,andneverseemedtogetanynearertous。Ihavechasedthelodging-houseNorfolkHowardtohiswaterydeathbythepalelamp’slight;Ihave,shivering,followedtheleapingfleao’ermanyamileofpillowandsheet,bythegreatAtlantic’smargin。Roundandround,tilltheheart——andnotonlytheheart——growssick,andthemadbrainwhirlsandreels,haveIriddenthesmall,butextremelyhard,horse,thatmay,forapenny,bemountedamidtheplainsofPeckhamRye;andhighabovetheheadsofthegiddythrongsofBarnet(thoughitisdoubtfulifanyoneamongthemwashalfsogiddyaswasI)haveIswunginhighly-colouredcar,workedbyamanwitharope。
IhavetrodinstatelymeasurethefloorofKensington’sTownHall(theticketswereaguineaeach,andincludedrefreshments——whenyoucouldgettothemthroughthecrowd),andonthegreenswardoftheforestthatborderseasternAngliabytheoft-sungtownofEppingI
haveperformedquaintceremoniesinaring;IhavemingledwiththeteeminghordesofDruryLaneonBoxingNight,and,duringtherunofahigh-classpiece,Ihavesatinlonelygrandeurinthefrontrowofthegallery,andwishedthatIhadspentmyshillinginsteadintheOrientalhallsoftheAlhambra。\"
\"Thereyouare,\"saidB。,\"thatisjustasgoodasyours;andyoucanwritelikethatwithoutgoingmorethanafewhours’journeyfromLondon。\"
\"Wewilldiscussthematternofurther,\"Ireplied。\"Youcannot,I
see,enterintomyfeelings。Thewildheartofthetravellerdoesnotthrobwithinyourbreast;youcannotunderstandhislongings。
Nomatter!SufficeitthatIwillcomethisjourneywithyou。I
willbuyaGermanconversationbook,andacheck-suit,andablueveil,andawhiteumbrella,andsuchlikenecessitiesoftheEnglishtouristinGermany,thisveryafternoon。Whendoyoustart?\"
\"Well,\"hesaid,\"itisagoodtwodays’journey。IproposetostartonFriday。\"
\"IsnotFridayratheranunluckydaytostarton?\"Isuggested。
\"Oh,goodgracious!\"heretortedquitesharply,\"whatrubbishnext?
AsiftheaffairsofEuropeweregoingtobearrangedbyProvidenceaccordingtowhetheryouandIstartforanexcursiononaThursdayoraFriday!\"
Hesaidhewassurprisedthatamanwhocouldbesosensible,occasionally,asmyself,couldhavepatiencetoeventhinkofsuchold-womanishnonsense。Hesaidthatyearsago,whenhewasasillyboy,heusedtopayattentiontothisfoolishsuperstitionhimself,andwouldneveruponanyconsiderationstartforatripuponaFriday。
But,oneyear,hewascompelledtodoso。ItwasacaseofeitherstartingonaFridayornotgoingatall,andhedeterminedtochanceit。
Hewent,preparedforandexpectingaseriesofaccidentsandmisfortunes。Toreturnhomealivewastheonlybitofpleasurehehopedforfromthattrip。
Asitturnedout,however,hehadneverhadamoreenjoyableholidayinhislifebefore。Thewholeeventwasatremendoussuccess。
Andafterthat,hehadmadeuphismindtoALWAYSstartonaFriday;
andhealwaysdid,andalwayshadagoodtime。
Hesaidthathewouldnever,uponanyconsideration,startforatripuponanyotherdaybutaFridaynow。Itwassoabsurd,thissuperstitionaboutFriday。
SoweagreedtostartontheFriday,andIamtomeethimatVictoriaStationataquartertoeightintheevening。
THURSDAY,22ND
TheQuestionofLuggage。——FirstFriend’sSuggestion。——SecondFriend’sSuggestion。——ThirdFriend’sSuggestion。——Mrs。Briggs’
Advice。——OurVicar’sAdvice。——HisWife’sAdvice。——MedicalAdvice。——
LiteraryAdvice。——George’sRecommendation。——MySister-in-Law’sHelp。——YoungSmith’sCounsel。——MyOwnIdeas。——B。’sIdea。
Ihavebeenagooddealworriedto-dayaboutthequestionofwhatluggagetotakewithme。Imetamanthismorning,andhesaid:
\"Oh,ifyouaregoingtoOber-Ammergau,mindyoutakeplentyofwarmclothingwithyou。You’llneedallyourwinterthingsupthere。\"
Hesaidthatafriendofhishadgoneuptheresomeyearsago,andhadnottakenenoughwarmthingswithhim,andhadcaughtachillthere,andhadcomehomeanddied。Hesaid:
\"Youbeguidedbyme,andtakeplentyofwarmthingswithyou。\"
Imetanothermanlateron,andhesaid:
\"Ihearyouaregoingabroad。Now,tellme,whatpartofEuropeareyougoingto?\"
IrepliedthatIthoughtitwassomewhereaboutthemiddle。Hesaid:
\"Well,now,youtakemyadvice,andgetacalicosuitandasunshade。Nevermindthelookofthething。Youbecomfortable。
You’venoideaoftheheatontheContinentatthistimeoftheyear。EnglishpeoplewillpersistintravellingabouttheContinentinthesamestuffyclothesthattheywearathome。That’showsomanyofthemgetsunstrokes,andareruinedforlife。\"
Iwentintotheclub,andthereImetafriendofmine——anewspapercorrespondent——whohastravelledagooddeal,andknowsEuropeprettywell。Itoldhimwhatmytwootherfriendshadsaid,andaskedhimwhichIwastobelieve。Hesaid:
\"Well,asamatteroffact,theyarebothright。Yousee,upinthosehillydistricts,theweatherchangesveryquickly。Inthemorningitmaybeblazinghot,andyouwillbemelting,andintheeveningyoumaybeverygladofaflannelshirtandafurcoat。\"
\"Why,thatisexactlythesortofweatherwehaveinEngland!\"I
exclaimed。\"Ifthat’salltheseforeignerscanmanageintheirowncountry,whatrighthavetheytocomeoverhere,astheydo,andgrumbleaboutourweather?\"
\"Well,asamatteroffact,\"hereplied,\"theyhaven’tanyright;
butyoucan’tstopthem——theywilldoit。No,youtakemyadvice,andbepreparedforeverything。Takeacoolsuitandsomethinthings,forifit’shot,andplentyofwarmthingsincaseitiscold。\"
WhenIgothomeIfoundMrs。Briggsthere,shehavinglookedintoseehowthebabywas。Shesaid:-
\"Oh!ifyou’regoinganywherenearGermany,youtakeabitofsoapwithyou。\"
ShesaidthatMr。BriggshadbeencalledovertoGermanyonceinahurry,onbusiness,andhadforgottentotakeapieceofsoapwithhim,anddidn’tknowenoughGermantoaskforanywhenhegotoverthere,anddidn’tseeanytoaskforevenifhehadknown,andwasawayforthreeweeks,andwasn’tabletowashhimselfallthetime,andcamehomesodirtythattheydidn’tknowhim,andmistookhimforthemanthatwastocometoseewhatwasthematterwiththekitchenboiler。
Mrs。Briggsalsoadvisedmetotakesometowelswithme,astheygiveyousuchsmalltowelstowipeon。
Iwentoutafterlunch,andmetourVicar。Hesaid:
\"Takeablanketwithyou。\"
HesaidthatnotonlydidtheGermanhotel-keepersnevergiveyousufficientbedclothestokeepyouwarmofanight,buttheyneverproperlyairedtheirsheets。HesaidthatayoungfriendofhishadgoneforatourthroughGermanyonce,andhadsleptinadampbed,andhadcaughtrheumaticfever,andhadcomehomeanddied。
Hiswifejoinedusatthispoint。(Hewaswaitingforheroutsideadraper’sshopwhenImethim。)HeexplainedtoherthatIwasgoingtoGermany,andshesaid:
\"Oh!takeapillowwithyou。Theydon’tgiveyouanypillows——notlikeourpillows——andit’sSOwretched,you’llnevergetadecentnight’srestifyoudon’ttakeapillow。\"Shesaid:\"Youcanhavealittlebagmadeforit,anditdoesn’tlookanything。\"
Imetourdoctorafewyardsfurtheron。Hesaid:
\"Don’tforgettotakeabottleofbrandywithyou。Itdoesn’ttakeupmuchroom,and,ifyou’renotusedtoGermancooking,you’llfindithandyinthenight。\"
Headdedthatthebrandyyougetatforeignhotelswasmerepoison,andthatitwasreallyunsafetotravelabroadwithoutabottleofbrandy。Hesaidthatasimplethinglikeabottleofbrandyinyourbagmightoftensaveyourlife。
Cominghome,Iranagainstaliteraryfriendofmine。Hesaid:
\"You’llhaveagoodishtimeinthetrainoldfellow。Areyouusedtolongrailwayjourneys?\"
Isaid:
\"Well,I’vetravelleddownfromLondonintotheveryheartofSurreybyaSouthEasternexpress。\"
\"Oh!that’samerenothing,comparedwithwhatyou’vegotbeforeyounow,\"heanswered。\"Lookhere,I’lltellyouaverygoodideaofhowtopassthetime。Youtakeachessboardwithyouandasetofmen。You’llthankmefortellingyouthat!\"
Georgedroppedinduringtheevening。Hesaid:
\"I’lltellyouonethingyou’llhavetotakewithyou,oldman,andthat’saboxofcigarsandsometobacco。\"
HesaidthattheGermancigar——thebetterclassofGermancigar——wasofthebrandthatistechnicallyknownoverhereasthe\"PennyPickwick——SpringCrop;\"andhethoughtthatIshouldnothavetime,duringtheshortstayIcontemplatedmakinginthecountry,toacquireatasteforitsflavour。
Mysister-in-lawcameinlateronintheevening(sheisathoughtfulgirl),andbroughtaboxwithheraboutthesizeofatea-chest。Shesaid:
\"Now,youslipthatinyourbag;you’llbegladofthat。There’severythingthereformakingyourselfacupoftea。\"
ShesaidthattheydidnotunderstandteainGermany,butthatwiththatIshouldbeindependentofthem。
Sheopenedthecase,andexplaineditscontentstome。Itcertainlywasawonderfullycompletearrangement。Itcontainedalittlecaddyfulloftea,alittlebottleofmilk,aboxofsugar,abottleofmethylatedspirit,aboxofbutter,andatinofbiscuits:also,astove,akettle,ateapot,twocups,twosaucers,twoplates,twoknives,andtwospoons。Iftherehadonlybeenabedinit,oneneednothavebotheredabouthotelsatall。
YoungSmith,theSecretaryofourPhotographicClub,calledatninetoaskmetotakehimanegativeofthestatueofthedyingGladiatorintheMunichSculptureGallery。ItoldhimthatIshouldbedelightedtoobligehim,butthatIdidnotintendtotakemycamerawithme。
\"Nottakeyourcamera!\"hesaid。\"YouaregoingtoGermany——toRhineland!Youaregoingtopassthroughsomeofthemostpicturesquescenery,andstayatsomeofthemostancientandfamoustownsofEurope,andaregoingtoleaveyourphotographicapparatusbehindyou,andyoucallyourselfanartist!\"
HesaidIshouldneverregretathingmoreinmylifethangoingwithoutthatcamera。
Ithinkitisalwaysrighttotakeotherpeople’sadviceinmatterswheretheyknowmorethanyoudo。Itistheexperienceofthosewhohavegonebeforethatmakesthewaysmoothforthosewhofollow。
So,aftersupper,IgottogetherthethingsIhadbeenadvisedtotakewithme,andarrangedthemonthebed,addingafewarticlesI
hadthoughtofallbymyself。
Iputupplentyofwritingpaperandabottleofink,alongwithadictionaryandafewotherbooksofreference,incaseIshouldfeelinclinedtodoanyworkwhileIwasaway。Ialwaysliketobepreparedforwork;oneneverknowswhenonemayfeelinclinedforit。Sometimes,whenIhavebeenaway,andhaveforgottentobringanypaperandpensandinkwithme,Ihavefeltsoinclinedforwriting;andithasquiteupsetmethat,inconsequenceofnothavingbroughtanypaperandpensandinkwithme,Ihavebeenunabletositdownanddoalotofwork,buthavebeencompelled,instead,toloungeaboutalldaywithmyhandsinmypockets。
Accordingly,Ialwaystakeplentyofpaperandpensandinkwithmenow,whereverIgo,sothatwhenthedesireforworkcomestomeI
neednotcheckit。
Thatthiscravingforworkshouldhavetroubledmesooften,whenI
hadnopaper,pens,andinkbyme,andthatitnever,byanychance,visitsmenow,whenIamcarefultobeinapositiontogratifyit,isamatteroverwhichIhaveoftenpuzzled。
ButwhenitdoescomeIshallbereadyforit。
IalsoputonthebedafewvolumesofGoethe,becauseIthoughtitwouldbesopleasanttoreadhiminhisowncountry。AndIdecidedtotakeasponge,togetherwithasmallportablebath,becauseacoldbathissorefreshingthefirstthinginthemorning。
B。cameinjustasIhadgoteverythingintoapile。Hestaredatthebed,andaskedmewhatIwasdoing。ItoldhimIwaspacking。
\"GreatHeavens!\"heexclaimed。\"Ithoughtyouweremoving!Whatdoyouthinkwearegoingtodo——campout?\"
\"No!\"Ireplied。\"ButthesearethethingsIhavebeenadvisedtotakewithme。Whatistheuseofpeoplegivingyouadviceifyoudon’ttakeit?\"
Hesaid:
\"Oh!takeasmuchadviceasyoulike;thatalwayscomesinusefultogiveaway。But,forgoodnesssake,don’tgetcarryingallthatstuffaboutwithyou。PeoplewilltakeusforGipsies。\"
Isaid:
\"Now,it’snouseyourtalkingnonsense。Halfthethingsonthisbedarelife-preservingthings。IfpeoplegointoGermanywithoutthesethings,theycomehomeanddie。\"
AndIrelatedtohimwhatthedoctorandthevicarandtheotherpeoplehadtoldme,andexplainedtohimhowmylifedependeduponmytakingbrandyandblanketsandsunshadesandplentyofwarmclothingwithme。
Heisamanutterlyindifferenttodangerandrisk——incurredbyotherpeople——isB。Hesaid:
\"Oh,rubbish!You’renotthesortthatcatchesacoldanddiesyoung。Youleavethatco-operativestoresofyoursathome,andpackupatooth-brush,acomb,apairofsocks,andashirt。That’sallyou’llwant。\"
Ihavepackedmorethanthat,butnotmuch。Atallevents,Ihavegoteverythingintoonesmallbag。Ishouldliketohavetakenthatteaarrangement——itwouldhavedonesonicelytoplayatshopwithinthetrain!——butB。wouldnothearofit。
Ihopetheweatherdoesnotchange。
FRIDAY,23RD
EarlyRising。——BallastshouldbeStowedAwayintheHoldbeforePuttingtoSea。——AnnoyingInterferenceofProvidenceinMattersthatitDoesNotUnderstand。——ASocialisticSociety。——B。MisjudgesMe。——
AnUninterestingAnecdote。——WeLayinBallast。——AModerateSailor。——
APlayfulBoat。
Igotupveryearlythismorning。IdonotknowwhyIgotupearly。
Wedonotstarttilleighto’clockthisevening。ButIdon’tregretit——thegettingupearlyImean。Itisachange。Igoteverybodyelseuptoo,andweallhadbreakfastatseven。
Imadeaverygoodlunch。Oneofthoseseafaringmensaidtomeonce:
\"Now,ifeveryouaregoingashortpassage,andareatallnervous,youlayinagoodload。It’sagoodloadintheholdwhatsteadiestheship。It’sthemhalf-emptycruisersasgoesa-rollin’anda-
pitchin’anda-heavin’allovertheplace,withtheirsternup’ardshalfthetime。Youlayinballast。\"
Itseemedveryreasonableadvice。
AuntEmmacameintheafternoon。Shesaidshewassogladshehadcaughtme。SomethingtoldhertochangehermindandcomeonFridayinsteadofSaturday。ItwasProvidence,shesaid。
IwishProvidencewouldminditsownbusiness,andnotinterfereinmyaffairs:itdoesnotunderstandthem。
ShesayssheshallstoptillIcomeback,asshewantstoseemeagainbeforeshegoes。ItoldherImightnotbebackforamonth。
Shesaiditdidn’tmatter;shehadplentyoftime,andwouldwaitforme。
Thefamilyentreatmetohurryhome。
Iateaveryfairdinner——\"laidinagoodstockofballast,\"asmyseafaringfriendwouldhavesaid;wished\"Good-bye!\"toeverybody,andkissedAuntEmma;promisedtotakecareofmyself——apromisewhich,pleaseHeaven,Iwillfaithfullykeep,costmewhatitmay——
hailedacabandstarted。
IreachedVictoriasometimebeforeB。Isecuredtwocornerseatsinasmoking-carriage,andthenpacedupanddowntheplatformwaitingforhim。
Whenmenhavenothingelsetooccupytheirminds,theytaketothinking。HavingnothingbettertodountilB。arrived,Ifelltomusing。
WhatawonderfulpieceofSocialismmoderncivilisationhasbecome!——
nottheSocialismoftheso-calledSocialists——asystemmodelledapparentlyuponthemethodsoftheconvictprison——asystemunderwhicheachmiserablesinneristobecompelledtolabour,likeabeastofburden,fornopersonalbenefittohimself,butonlyforthegoodofthecommunity——aworldwheretherearetobenomen,butonlynumbers——wherethereistobenoambitionandnohopeandnofear,——buttheSocialismoffreemen,workingsidebysideinthecommonworkshop,eachoneforthewagetowhichhisskillandenergyentitlehim;theSocialismofresponsible,thinkingindividuals,notofState-directedautomata。
HerewasI,inexchangefortheresultofsomeofmylabour,goingtobetakenbySocietyforatreat,tothemiddleofEuropeandback。Railwaylineshadbeenlaidoverthewhole700or800milestofacilitatemyprogress;bridgeshadbeenbuilt,andtunnelsmade;
anarmyofengineers,andguards,andsignal-men,andporters,andclerkswerewaitingtotakechargeofme,andtoseetomycomfortandsafety。AllIhadtodowastotellSociety(hererepresentedbyarailwaybooking-clerk)whereIwantedtogo,andtostepintoacarriage;alltherestwouldbedoneforme。Booksandpapershadbeenwrittenandprinted;sothatifIwishedtobeguilethejourneybyreading,Icoulddoso。Atvariousplacesontheroute,thoughtfulSocietyhadtakencaretobereadyformewithallkindsofrefreshment(hersandwichesmightbealittlefresher,butmaybeshethinksnewbreadinjuriousforme)。WhenIamtiredoftravellingandwanttorest,IfindSocietywaitingformewithdinnerandacomfortablebed,withhotandcoldwatertowashinandtowelstowipeupon。WhereverIgo,whateverIneed,Society,liketheenslavedgeniiofsomeEasterntale,isreadyandanxioustohelpme,toserveme,todomybidding,togivemeenjoymentandpleasure。SocietywilltakemetoOber-Ammergau,willprovideforallmywantsontheway,and,whenIamthere,willshowmethePassionPlay,whichshehasarrangedandrehearsedandwillplayformyinstruction;willbringmebackanywayIliketocome,explaining,bymeansofherguide-booksandhistories,everythinguponthewaythatshethinkscaninterestme;will,whileIamabsent,carrymymessagestothoseIhaveleftbehindmeinEngland,andwillbringmetheirsinreturn;willlookaftermeandtakecareofmeandprotectmelikeamother——asnomotherevercould。
Allthatsheasksinreturnis,thatIshalldotheworkshehasgivenmetodo。Asamanworks,soSocietydealsbyhim。
TomeSocietysays:\"Yousitatyourdeskandwrite,thatisallI
wantyoutodo。Youarenotgoodformuch,butyoucanspinoutyardsofwhatyouandyourfriends,Isuppose,callliterature;andsomepeopleseemtoenjoyreadingit。Verywell:yousitthereandwritethisliterature,orwhateveritis,andkeepyourmindfixedonthat。Iwillseetoeverythingelseforyou。Iwillprovideyouwithwritingmaterials,andbooksofwitandhumour,andpasteandscissors,andeverythingelsethatmaybenecessarytoyouinyourtrade;andIwillfeedyouandclotheyouandlodgeyou,andIwilltakeyouabouttoplacesthatyouwishtogoto;andIwillseethatyouhaveplentyoftobaccoandallotherthingspracticablethatyoumaydesire——providedthatyouworkwell。Themoreworkyoudo,andthebetterworkyoudo,thebetterIshalllookafteryou。Youwrite——thatisallIwantyoutodo。\"
\"But,\"IsaytoSociety,\"Idon’tlikework;Idon’twanttowork。
WhyshouldIbeaslaveandwork?\"
\"Allright,\"answersSociety,\"don’twork。I’mnotforcingyou。
AllIsayis,thatifyoudon’tworkforme,Ishallnotworkforyou。Noworkfromyou,nodinnerfromme——noholidays,notobacco。\"
AndIdecidetobeaslave,andwork。
Societyhasnonotionofpayingallmenequally。Hergreatobjectistoencouragebrain。Themanwhomerelyworksbyhismusclessheregardsasverylittlesuperiortothehorseortheox,andprovidesforhimjustalittlebetter。Butthemomenthebeginstousehishead,andfromthelabourerrisestotheartisan,shebeginstoraisehiswages。
Ofcoursehersisaveryimperfectmethodofencouragingthought。
Sheisoftheworld,andtakesaworldlystandardofcleverness。Totheshallow,showywriter,Ifear,shegenerallypaysfarmorethantothedeepandbrilliantthinker;andcleverrogueryseemsoftenmoretoherlikingthanhonestworth。Butherschemeisarightandsoundone;heraimsandintentionsareclear;hermethods,onthewhole,workfairlywell;andeveryyearshegrowsinjudgment。
Onedayshewillarriveatperfectwisdom,andwillpayeachmanaccordingtohisdeserts。
Butdonotbealarmed。Thiswillnothappeninourtime。
Turninground,whilestillmusingaboutSociety,IranagainstB。
(literally)。HethoughtIwasaclumsyassatfirst,andsaidso;
but,onrecognisingme,apologisedforhismistake。Hehadbeenthereforsometimealso,waitingforme。ItoldhimthatIhadsecuredtwocornerseatsinasmoking-carriage,andherepliedthathehaddonesotoo。Byacuriouscoincidence,wehadbothfixeduponthesamecarriage。Ihadtakenthecornerseatsneartheplatform,andhehadbookedthetwooppositecorners。Fourotherpassengerssathuddledupinthemiddle。Wekepttheseatsnearthedoor,andgavetheothertwoaway。Oneshouldalwayspractisegenerosity。
Therewasaverytalkativemaninourcarriage。Inevercameacrossamanwithsuchafundofutterlyuninterestinganecdotes。Hehadafriendwithhim——atallevents,themanwashisfriendwhentheystarted——andhetalkedtothisfriendincessantly,fromthemomentthetrainleftVictoriauntilitarrivedatDover。Firstofallhetoldhimalongstoryaboutadog。Therewasnopointinthestorywhatever。Itwassimplyabaldnarrativeofthedog’sdailydoings。
Thedoggotupinthemorningandbarkedatthedoor,andwhentheycamedownandopenedthedoortherehewas,andhestoppedalldayinthegarden;andwhenhiswife(notthedog’swife,thewifeofthemanwhowastellingthestory)wentoutintheafternoon,hewasasleeponthegrass,andtheybroughthimintothehouse,andheplayedwiththechildren,andintheeveninghesleptinthecoal-
shed,andnextmorningtherehewasagain。Andsoon,foraboutfortyminutes。
Averydearchumornearrelativeofthedog’smightdoubtlesshavefoundtheaccountenthralling;butwhatpossibleinterestastranger——amanwhoevidentlydidn’tevenknowthedog——couldbeexpectedtotakeinthereport,itwasdifficulttoconceive。
Thefriendatfirsttriedtofeelexcited,andmurmured:
\"Wonderful!\"\"Verystrange,indeed!\"\"Howcurious!\"andhelpedthetalealongbysuchejaculationsas,\"No,didhethough?\"\"Andwhatdidyoudothen?\"or,\"WasthatontheMondayortheTuesday,then?\"
Butasthestoryprogressed,heappearedtotakeapositivedisliketothedog,andonlyyawnedeachtimethatitwasmentioned。
Indeed,towardstheend,Ithink,thoughItrustIammistaken,I
heardhimmutter,\"Oh,damnthedog!\"
Afterthedogstory,wethoughtweweregoingtohavealittlequiet。Butweweremistaken;for,withthesamebreathwithwhichhefinishedthedogrigmarole,ourtalkativecompanionadded:
\"ButIcantellyouafunnierthingthanthat——\"
Weallfeltwecouldbelievethatassertion。Ifhehadboastedthathecouldtelladuller,moreuninterestingstory,weshouldhavedoubtedhim;butthepossibilityofhisbeingabletorelatesomethingfunnier,wecouldreadilygrasp。
Butitwasnotabitfunnier,afterall。Itwasonlylongerandmoreinvolved。Itwasthehistoryofamanwhogrewhisowncelery;
andthen,lateron,itturnedoutthathiswifewastheniece,bythemother’sside,ofamanwhohadmadeanottomanoutofanoldpacking-case。
Thefriendglancedroundthecarriageapologeticallyaboutthemiddleofthisstory,withanexpressionthatsaid:
\"I’mawfullysorry,gentlemen;butitreallyisnotmyfault。YouseethepositionI’min。Don’tblameme。Don’tmakeitworseformetobearthanitis。\"
Andweeachrepliedwithpitying,sympatheticlooksthatimplied:
\"That’sallright,mydearsir;don’tyoufretaboutthat。Weseehowitis。Weonlywishwecoulddosomethingtohelpyou。\"
Thepoorfellowseemedhappierandmoreresignedafterthat。
B。andIhurriedonboardatDover,andwerejustintimetosecurethelasttwoberthsintheboat;andweweregladthatwehadmanagedtodothisbecauseourideawasthatweshould,afteragoodsupper,turninandgocomfortablytosleep。
B。said:
\"WhatIliketodo,duringaseapassage,istogotosleep,andthenwakeupandfindthatIamthere。\"
Wemadeaverycreditablesupper。IexplainedtoB。theballastprincipleheldbymyseafaringfriend,andheagreedwithmethattheideaseemedreasonable;and,astherewasafixedpriceforsupper,andyouhadasmuchasyouliked,wedeterminedtogivetheplanafairtrial。
B。leftmeaftersuppersomewhatabruptly,asitappearedtome,andItookastrollondeckbymyself。Ididnotfeelverycomfortable。
IamwhatIcallamoderatesailor。Idonotgotoexcessineitherdirection。Onordinaryoccasions,Icanswaggeraboutandsmokemypipe,andlieaboutmyChannelexperienceswiththebestofthem。
Butwhenthereiswhatthecaptaincalls\"abitofaseaon,\"Ifeelsad,andtrytogetawayfromthesmelloftheenginesandtheproximityofpeoplewhosmokegreencigars。
TherewasamansmokingapeculiarlymellowandunctuouscigarondeckwhenIgotthere。Idon’tbelievehesmokeditbecauseheenjoyedit。Hedidnotlookasifheenjoyedit。Ibelievehesmokeditmerelytoshowhowwellhewasfeeling,andtoirritatepeoplewhowerenotfeelingverywell。
Thereissomethingveryblatantlyoffensiveaboutthemanwhofeelswellonboardaboat。
Iamveryobjectionablemyself,Iknow,whenIamfeelingallright。
ItisnotenoughformethatIamnotill。IwanteverybodytoseethatIamnotill。ItseemstomethatIamwastingmyselfifI
don’tleteveryhumanbeinginthevesselknowthatIamnotill。I
cannotsitstillandbethankful,likeyou’dimagineasensiblemanwould。Iwalkabouttheship——smoking,ofcourse——andlookatpeoplewhoarenotwellwithmildbutpityingsurprise,asifI
wonderedwhatitwaslikeandhowtheydidit。Itisveryfoolishofme,Iknow,butIcannothelpit。Isupposeitisthehumannaturethatexistsineventhebestofusthatmakesusactlikethis。
Icouldnotgetawayfromthisman’scigar;orwhenIdid,Icamewithinrangeoftheperfumefromtheengine-room,andfeltIwantedtogobacktothecigar。Thereseemedtobenoneutralgroundbetweenthetwo。
IfithadnotbeenthatIhadpaidforsaloon,Ishouldhavegonefore。Itwasmuchfresherthere,andIshouldhavebeenmuchhappiertherealtogether。ButIwasnotgoingtopayforfirst-
classandthenridethird——thatwasnotbusiness。No,Iwouldsticktotheswaggerpartoftheship,andfeelaristocraticandsick。
Amate,oraboatswain,oranadmiral,oroneofthosesortofpeople——Icouldnotbesure,inthedarkness,whichitwas——cameuptomeasIwasleaningwithmyheadagainstthepaddle-box,andaskedmewhatIthoughtoftheship。Hesaidshewasanewboat,andthatthiswasherfirstvoyage。
IsaidIhopedshewouldgetabitsteadierasshegrewolder。
Hereplied:\"Yes,sheisabitskittishto-night。\"
Whatitseemedtomewas,thattheshipwouldtrytoliedownandgotosleeponherrightside;andthen,beforeshehadgiventhatpositionafairtrial,wouldsuddenlychangehermind,andthinkshecoulddoitbetteronherleft。Atthemomentthemancameuptomeshewastryingtostandonherhead;andbeforehehadfinishedspeakingshehadgivenupthisattempt,inwhich,however,shehadverynearlysucceeded,andhad,apparently,decidedtonowplayatgettingoutofthewateraltogether。
Andthisiswhathecalledbeinga\"bitskittish!\"
Seafaringpeopletalklikethis,becausetheyaresilly,anddonotknowanybetter。Itisnousebeingangrywiththem。
Igotalittlesleepatlast。NotinthebunkIhadbeenatsuchpainstosecure:Iwouldnothavestoppeddowninthatstuffysaloon,ifanybodyhadofferedmeahundredpoundsfordoingso。
Notthatanybodydid;northatanybodyseemedtowantmethereatall。Igatheredthisfromthefactthatthefirstthingthatmetmyeye,afterIhadsucceededinclawingmywaydown,wasaboot。Theairwasfullofboots。Thereweresixtymensleepingthere——or,asregardsthemajority,IshouldsayTRYINGtosleepthere——someinbunks,someontables,andsomeundertables。OnemanWASasleep,andwassnoringlikeahippopotamus——likeahippopotamusthathadcaughtacold,andwashoarse;andtheotherfifty-nineweresittingup,throwingtheirbootsathim。Itwasasnore,verydifficulttolocate。Fromwhichparticularberth,inthatdimly-lighted,evil-
smellingplace,itproceedednobodywasquitesure。Atonemoment,itappearedtocome,wailingandsobbing,fromthelarboard,andthenextinstantitthunderedforth,seeminglyfromthestarboard。Soeverymanwhocouldreachabootpickeditup,andthrewitpromiscuously,silentlyprayingtoProvidence,ashedidso,toguideitarightandbringitsafetoitsdesiredhaven。
Iwatchedtheweirdsceneforaminuteortwo,andthenIhauledmyselfondeckagain,andsatdown——andwenttosleeponacoilofrope;andwasawakened,inthecourseoftime,byasailorwhowantedthatcoilofropetothrowattheheadofamanwhowasstanding,doingnoharmtoanybody,onthequayatOstend。
SATURDAY,24TH
ArrivalatOstend。——CoffeeandRolls。——DifficultyofMakingFrenchWaitersunderstandGerman。——AdvantagesofPossessingaConscienceThatDoesNotGetUpTooEarly。——VillainyTriumphant。——VirtueOrderedOutside。——AHomelyEnglishRow。
WhenIsayIwas\"awakened\"atOstend,Idonotspeakthestricttruth。Iwasnotawakened——notproperly。Iwasonlyhalf-awakened。
Ineverdidgetfairlyawakeuntiltheafternoon。DuringthejourneyfromOstendtoCologneIwasthree-partsasleepandone-partpartiallyawake。
AtOstend,however,Iwassufficientlyarousedtograsptheideathatwehadgotsomewhere,andthatImustfindmyluggageandB。,anddosomethingorother;inadditiontowhich,astrange,vagueinstinct,butonewhichIhaveneveryetknowndeceiveme,hoveringaboutmymind,andtellingmethatIwasintheneighbourhoodofsomethingtoeatanddrink,spurredmetovigourandaction。
IhurrieddownintothesaloonandtherefoundB。Heexcusedhimselfforhavingleftmealoneallnight——heneednothavetroubledhimself。Ihadnotpinedforhimintheleast。IftheonlywomanIhadeverlovedhadbeenonboard,Ishouldhavesatsilent,andletanyotherfellowtalktoherthatwantedto,andthatfeltequaltoit——byexplainingthathehadmetafriendandthattheyhadbeentalking。Itappearedtohavebeenatryingconversation。
Ialsoranagainstthetalkativemanandhiscompanion。SuchacompletewreckofaoncestrongmanasthelatterlookedIhaveneverbeforeseen。Meresea-sickness,howeversevere,couldneverhaveaccountedforthechangeinhisappearancesince,happyandhopeful,heenteredtherailway-carriageatVictoriasixshorthoursago。Hisfriend,ontheotherhand,appearedfreshandcheerful,andwasrelatingananecdoteaboutacow。
WetookourbagsintotheCustomHouseandopenedthem,andIsatdownonmine,andimmediatelywenttosleep。
WhenIawoke,somebodywhomImistookatfirstforaField-Marshal,andfromforceofhabit——Iwasonceavolunteer——saluted,wasstandingoverme,pointingmelodramaticallyatmybag。IassuredhiminpicturesqueGermanthatIhadnothingtodeclare。Hedidnotappeartocomprehendme,whichstruckmeascurious,andtookthebagawayfromme,whichleftmenothingtosituponbutthefloor。
ButIfelttoosleepytobeindignant。
Afterourluggagehadbeenexamined,wewentintothebuffet。Myinstincthadnotmisledme:thereIfoundhotcoffee,androllsandbutter。Iorderedtwocoffeeswithmilk,somebread,andsomebutter。IorderedtheminthebestGermanIknew。Asnobodyunderstoodme,Iwentandgotthethingsformyself。Itsavesadealofargument,thatmethod。Peopleseemtoknowwhatyoumeaninamomentthen。
B。suggestedthatwhilewewereinBelgium,whereeverybodyspokeFrench,whileveryfewindeedknewGerman,IshouldstandabetterchanceofbeingunderstoodifItalkedlessGermanandmoreFrench。
Hesaid:
\"Itwillbeeasierforyou,andlessofastrainuponthenatives。
YousticktoFrench,\"hecontinued,\"aslongaseveryoucan。YouwillgetalongmuchbetterwithFrench。Youwillcomeacrosspeoplenowandthen——smart,intelligentpeople——whowillpartiallyunderstandyourFrench,butnohumanbeing,exceptathought-reader,willeverobtainanyglimmeringofwhatyoumeanfromyourGerman。\"
\"Oh,areweinBelgium,\"Irepliedsleepily;\"IthoughtwewereinGermany。Ididn’tknow。\"Andthen,inaburstofconfidence,I
added,feelingthatfurtherdeceitwasuseless,\"Idon’tknowwhereIam,youknow。\"
\"No,Ithoughtyoudidn’t,\"hereplied。\"Thatisexactlytheideayougiveanybody。Iwishyou’dwakeupabit。\"
WewaitedaboutanhouratOstend,whileourtrainwasmadeup。
TherewasonlyonecarriagelabelledforCologne,andfourmorepassengerswantedtogotherethanthecompartmentwouldhold。
Notbeingawareofthis,B。andImadenohastetosecureplaces,and,inconsequence,when,havingfinishedourcoffee,weleisurelystrolledupandopenedthecarriagedoorwesawthateveryseatwasalreadybooked。Abagwasinonespaceandaruginanother,anumbrellabookedathird,andsoon。Nobodywasthere,buttheseatsweregone!
Itistheunwrittenlawamongtravellersthataman’sluggagedepositeduponaseat,shallsecurethatseattohimuntilhecomestosituponithimself。Thisisagoodlawandajustlaw,andonethat,inmynormalstate,Imyselfwoulddietoupholdandmaintain。
Butatthreeo’clockonachillymorningone’smoralsensibilitiesarenotproperlydeveloped。Theaverageman’sconsciencedoesnotbeginworktilleightornineo’clock——nottillafterbreakfast,infact。Atthreea。m。hewilldothingsthatatthreeintheafternoonhissoulwouldrevoltat。
UnderordinarycircumstancesIshouldassoonhavethoughtofshiftingaman’sbagandappropriatinghisseatasanancientHebrewsquatterwouldhavethoughtofremovinghisneighbour’slandmark;
butatthistimeinthemorningmybetternaturewasasleep。
Ihaveoftenreadofaman’sbetternaturebeingsuddenlyawakened。
Thebusinessisgenerallyaccomplishedbyanorgan-grinderoralittlechild(Iwouldbackthelatter,atallevents——giveitafairchance——toawakenanythinginthisworldthatwasnotstonedeaf,orthathadnotbeendeadformorethantwenty-fourhours);andifanorgan-grinderoralittlechildhadbeenaroundOstendstationthatmorning,thingsmighthavebeendifferent。
B。andImighthavebeensavedfromcrime。Justaswewereinthemiddleofourvillainy,theorgan-grinderorthechildwouldhavestruckup,andweshouldhaveburstintotears,andhaverushedfromthecarriage,andhavefallenuponeachother’snecksoutsideontheplatform,andhavewept,andwaitedforthenexttrain。
Asitwas,afterlookingcarefullyroundtoseethatnobodywaswatchingus,weslippedquicklyintothecarriage,and,makingroomforourselvesamongtheluggagethere,satdownandtriedtolookinnocentandeasy。
B。saidthatthebestthingwecoulddo,whentheotherpeoplecame,wouldbetopretendtobedeadasleep,andtoostupidtounderstandanything。
IrepliedthatasfarasIwasconcerned,IthoughtIcouldconveythedesiredimpressionwithoutstoopingtodeceitatall,andpreparedtomakemyselfcomfortable。
Afewsecondslateranothermangotintothecarriage。Healsomaderoomforhimselfamongtheluggageandsatdown。
\"Iamafraidthatseat’staken,sir,\"saidB。whenhehadrecoveredhissurpriseattheman’scoolness。\"Infact,alltheseatsinthiscarriagearetaken。\"
\"Ican’thelpthat,\"repliedtheruffian,cynically。\"I’vegottogettoColognesometimeto-day,andthereseemsnootherwayofdoingitthatIcansee。\"
\"Yes,butsohasthegentlemanwhoseseatyouhavetakengottogetthere,\"Iremonstrated;\"whatabouthim?Youarethinkingonlyofyourself!\"
Mysenseofrightandjusticewasbeginningtoassertitself,andI
feltquiteindignantwiththefellow。Twominutesago,asIhaveexplained,Icouldcontemplatethetakingofanotherman’sseatwithequanimity。Now,suchanactseemedtomeshameful。Thetruthisthatmybetternatureneversleepsforlong。Leaveitaloneanditwakensofitsownaccord。Heavenhelpme!Iamasinful,worldlyman,Iknow;butthereisgoodatthebottomofme。Itwantshaulingup,butit’sthere。
Thismanhadarousedit。Inowsawthesinfulnessoftakinganotherpassenger’splaceinarailway-carriage。
ButIcouldnotmaketheothermanseeit。IfeltthatsomeservicewasduefrommetoJustice,incompensationofthewrongIhaddoneherafewmomentsago,andIarguedmosteloquently。
Myrhetoricwas,however,quitethrownaway。\"Oh!it’sonlyavice-
consul,\"hesaid;\"here’shisnameonthebag。There’splentyofroomforhiminwiththeguard。\"
ItwasnousemydefendingthesacredcauseofRightbeforeamanwhoheldsentimentslikethat;so,havinglodgedaprotestagainsthisbehaviour,andthuseasedmyconscience,Ileantbackanddozedthedozeofthejust。
Fiveminutesbeforethetrainstarted,therightfulownersofthecarriagecameupandcrowdedin。Theyseemedsurprisedatfindingonlyfivevacantseatsavailablebetweensevenofthem,andcommencedtoquarrelvigorouslyamongthemselves。
B。andIandtheunjustmaninthecornertriedtocalmthem,butpassionrantoohighatfirstforthevoiceofReasontobeheard。
Eachcombinationoffive,possibleamongthem,accusedeachremainingtwoofendeavouringtoobtainseatsbyfraud,andeachonemorethanhintedthattheothersixwereliars。
WhatannoyedmewasthattheyquarrelledinEnglish。Theyallhadlanguagesoftheirown,——therewerefourBelgians,twoFrenchmen,andaGerman,——butnolanguagewasgoodenoughforthemtoinsulteachotherinbutEnglish。
Findingthatthereseemedtobenochanceoftheireveragreeingamongthemselves,theyappealedtous。Weunhesitatinglydecidedinfavourofthefivethinnest,who,thereupon,evidentlyregardingthematterasfinallysettled,satdown,andtoldtheothertwotogetout。
Thesetwostoutones,however——theGermanandoneoftheBelgians——
seemedinclinedtodisputetheaward,andcalledupthestation-
master。
Thestation-masterdidnotwaittolistentowhattheyhadtosay,butatoncebeganabusingthemforbeinginthecarriageatall。Hetoldthemtheyoughttobeashamedofthemselvesforforcingtheirwayintoacompartmentthatwasalreadymorethanfull,andinconveniencingthepeoplealreadythere。
HealsousedEnglishtoexplainthistothem,andtheygotoutontheplatformandansweredhimbackinEnglish。
Englishseemstobethepopularlanguageforquarrellingin,amongforeigners。Isupposetheyfinditmoreexpressive。
Weallwatchedthegroupfromthewindow。Wewereamusedandinterested。Inthemiddleoftheargumentanearlygendarmearrivedonthescene。Thegendarmenaturallysupportedthestation-master。
Onemaninuniformalwayssupportsanothermaninuniform,nomatterwhattherowisabout,orwhomaybeintheright——thatdoesnottroublehim。Itisafixedtenetofbeliefamonguniformcirclesthatauniformcandonowrong。Ifburglarsworeuniform,thepolicewouldbeinstructedtorenderthemeveryassistanceintheirpower,andtotakeintocustodyanyhouseholderattemptingtointerferewiththemintheexecutionoftheirbusiness。Thegendarmeassistedthestation-mastertoabusethetwostoutpassengers,andhealsoabusedtheminEnglish。ItwasnotgoodEnglishinanysenseoftheword。ThemanwouldprobablyhavebeenabletogivehisfeelingsmuchgreatervarietyandplayinFrenchorFlemish,butthatwasnothisobject。Hisambition,likeeveryotherforeigner’s,wastobecomeanaccomplishedEnglishquarreller,andthiswaspracticeforhim。
ACustomsHouseclerkcameoutandjoinedinthebabel。Hetookthepartofthepassengers,andabusedthestation-masterandthegendarme,andHEabusedTHEMinEnglish。
B。saidhethoughtitverypleasanthere,farfromournativeshores,inthelandofthestranger,tocomeacrossalittlehomelyEnglishrowlikethis。
SATURDAY,24TH——CONTINUED
AManofFamily。——AnEccentricTrain。——OutrageonanEnglishman。——
AloneinEurope。——DifficultyofMakingGermanWaitersUnderstandScandinavian。——DangerofKnowingTooManyLanguages。——AWearisomeJourney。——Cologne,Ahoy!
Therewasaverywell-informedBelgianinthecarriage,andhetoldussomethinginterestingaboutnearlyeverytownthroughwhichwepassed。IfeltthatifIcouldhavekeptawake,andhavelistenedtothatman,andrememberedwhathesaid,andnotmixedthingsup,I
shouldhavelearntagooddealaboutthecountrybetweenOstendandCologne。
Hehadrelationsinnearlyeverytown,hadthisman。Isupposetherehavebeen,andare,familiesaslargeandasextensiveashis;
butIneverheardofanyotherfamilythatmadesuchashow。Theyseemedtohavebeenplantedoutwithgreatjudgment,andwerenowalloverthecountry。EverytimeIawoke,Icaughtsomesuchscatteredremarkas:
\"Bruges——youcanseethebelfryfromthisside——playsapolkabyHaydneveryhour。Myauntliveshere。\"\"Ghent——HoteldeVille,somesayfinestspecimenofGothicarchitectureinEurope——wheremymotherlives。Youcouldseethehouseifthatchurchwasn’tthere。\"
\"JustpassedAlost——greathopcentre。Mygrandfatherusedtolivethere;he’sdeadnow。\"\"There’stheRoyalchateau——here,justonthisside。Mysisterismarriedtoamanwholivesthere——notinthepalace,Idon’tmean,butinLaeken。\"\"That’sthedomeofthePalaisdeJustice——theycallBrussels’Parisinlittle’——IlikeitbetterthanParis,myself——notsocrowded。IliveinBrussels。\"
\"Louvain——there’sVandeWeyer’sstatue,the1830revolutionist。Mywife’smotherlivesinLouvain。Shewantsustocomeandlivethere。ShesayswearetoofarawayfromheratBrussels,butI
don’tthinkso。\"\"Leige——seethecitadel?GotsomecousinsatLeige——onlysecondones。MostofmyfirstonesliveatMaestricht\";
andsoonallthewaytoCologne。
Idonotbelievewepassedasingletownorvillagethatdidnotpossessoneormorespecimensofthisman’srelatives。Ourjourneyseemed,notsomuchlikeatourthroughBelgiumandpartofNorthernGermany,asavisittotheneighbourhoodwherethisman’sfamilyresided。
IwascarefultotakeaseatfacingtheengineatOstend。Iprefertotravelthatway。ButwhenIawokealittlelateron,Ifoundmyselfgoingbackwards。
Inaturallyfeltindignant。Isaid:
\"Who’sputmeoverhere?Iwasoverthere,youknow。You’venorighttodothat!\"
Theyassuredme,however,thatnobodyhadshiftedme,butthatthetrainhadturnedroundatGhent。
Iwasannoyedatthis。Itseemedtomeameantrickforatraintostartoffinonedirection,andthuslureyouintotakingyourseat(orsomebodyelse’sseat,asthecasemightbe)undertheimpressionthatyouweregoingtotravelthatway,andthen,afterwards,turnroundandgotheotherway。Ifeltverydoubtful,inmyownmind,astowhetherthetrainknewwhereitwasgoingatall。
AtBrusselswegotoutandhadsomemorecoffeeandrolls。IforgetwhatlanguageItalkedatBrussels,butnobodyunderstoodme。WhenInextawoke,afterleavingBrussels,Ifoundmyselfgoingforwardsagain。Theenginehadapparentlychangeditsmindforthesecondtime,andwaspullingthecarriagestheotherwaynow。Ibegantogetthoroughlyalarmed。Thistrainwassimplydoingwhatitliked。
Therewasnoreliancetobeplaceduponitwhatever。Thenextthingitwoulddowouldbetogosideways。ItseemedtomethatIoughttogetupandseeintothismatter;but,whileponderingthebusiness,Ifellasleepagain。
IwasverysleepyindeedwhentheyroutedusoutatHerbesthal,toexamineourluggageforGermany。IhadavagueideathatweweretravellinginTurkey,andhadbeenstoppedbybrigands。Whentheytoldmetoopenmybag,Isaid,\"Never!\"andremarkedthatIwasanEnglishman,andthattheyhadbetterbecareful。Ialsotoldthemthattheycoulddismissanyideaofransomfromtheirmindsatonce,unlesstheywerepreparedtotakeI。O。U。’s,asitwasagainsttheprinciplesofourfamilytopaycashforanything——certainlynotforrelatives。
Theytooknonoticeofmywarning,andcaughtholdofmyGladstone。
Iresistedfeebly,butwasover-powered,andwenttosleepagain。
Onawakening,Idiscoveredmyselfinthebuffet。Ihavenorecollectionofgoingthere。Myinstinctmusthaveguidedmethereduringmysleep。
Iorderedmyusualrepastofcoffeeandrolls。(Imusthavebeenfullofcoffeeandrollsbythistime。)IhadgottheideaintomyheadnowthatIwasinNorway,andsoIorderedtheminbrokenScandinavian,afewwordsofwhichIhadpickedupduringatripthroughthefiordslastsummer。
Ofcourse,themandidnotunderstand;butIamaccustomedtowitnessingtheconfusionofforeignerswhenaddressedintheirnativetongue,andsoforgavehim——especiallyas,thevictualsbeingwellwithinreach,languagewasamatterofsecondaryimportance。
Itooktwocupsofcoffee,asusual——oneforB。,andoneformyself——
and,bringingthemtothetable,lookedroundforB。Icouldnotseehimanywhere。Whathadbecomeofhim?Ihadnotseenhim,thatIcouldrecollect,forhours。IdidnotknowwhereIwas,orwhatI
wasdoing。IhadahazyknowledgethatB。andIhadstartedofftogether——whetheryesterdayorsixmonthsago,Icouldnothavesaidtosavemylife——withtheintention,ifIwasnotmistaken,ofgoingsomewhereandseeingsomething。Wewerenowsomewhereabroad——
somewhereinNorwaywasmyidea;thoughwhyIhadfixedonNorwayisamysterytometothisday——andIhadlosthim!
Howonearthwereweevertofindeachotheragain?AhorriblepicturepresenteditselftomymindofourbothwanderingdistractedlyupanddownEurope,perhapsforyears,vainlyseekingeachother。ThetouchingstoryofEvangelinerecurredtomewithterriblevividness。
Somethingmustbedone,andthatimmediately。SomehoworanotherI
mustfindB。Irousedmyself,andsummonedtomyaideverywordofScandinavianthatIknew。