Itwasnogoodthesepeoplepretendingthattheydidnotunderstandtheirownlanguage,andputtingmeoffthatway。Theyhadgottounderstanditthistime。Thiswasnomerequestionofcoffeeandrolls;thiswasaseriousbusiness。IwouldmakethatwaiterunderstandmyScandinavian,ifIhadtohammeritintohisheadwithhisowncoffee-pot!
Iseizedhimbythearm,and,inScandinavianthatmusthavebeenquitepatheticinitstragicfervour,Iaskedhimifhehadseenmyfriend——myfriendB。
Themanonlystared。
Igrewdesperate。Ishookhim。Isaid:
\"Myfriend——big,great,tall,large——ishewhere?Haveyouhimtoseewhere?Here?\"
(IhadtoputitthatwaybecauseScandinaviangrammarisnotastrongpointwithme,andmyknowledgeoftheverbsisasyetlimitedtothepresenttenseoftheinfinitivemood。Besides,thiswasnotimetoworryaboutgraceofstyle。)
Acrowdgatheredroundus,attractedbytheman’sterrifiedexpression。Iappealedtothemgenerally。Isaid:
\"MyfriendB。——head,red——boots,yellow,brown,gold——coat,littlesquares——nose,much,large!Ishewhere?Himtosee——anybody——
where?\"
Notasoulmovedahandtohelpme。Theretheystoodandgaped!
Irepeateditalloveragainlouder,incaseanybodyontheoutskirtsofthemobhadnotheardit;andIrepeateditinanentirelynewaccent。IgavethemeverychanceIcould。
Theychattedexcitedlyamongthemselves,and,thenabrightideaseemedtostrikeoneofthem,alittlemoreintelligent-lookingthantherest,andherushedoutsideandbeganrunningupanddown,callingoutsomethingveryloudly,inwhichtheword\"Norwegian\"
keptonoccurring。
Hereturnedinafewseconds,evidentlyexceedinglypleasedwithhimself,accompaniedbyakindly-lookingoldgentlemaninawhitehat。
Waywasmadeinthecrowd,andtheoldgentlemanpressedforward。
Whenhegotnear,hesmiledatme,andthenproceededtoaddresstomealengthy,butnodoubtkindlymeant,speechinScandinavian。
Ofcourse,itwasallutterlyunintelligibletomefrombeginningtoend,andmyfaceclearlyshowedthis。IcangraspawordortwoofScandinavianhereandthere,ifpronouncedslowlyanddistinctly;
butthatisall。
Theoldgentlemanregardedmewithgreatsurprise。Hesaid(inScandinavian,ofcourse):
\"YouspeakNorwegian?\"
Ireplied,inthesametongue:
\"Alittle,averylittle——VERY。\"
Heseemednotonlydisappointed,butindignant。Heexplainedthemattertothecrowd,andtheyallseemedindignant。
WHYeverybodyshouldbeindignantwithmeIcouldnotcomprehend。
ThereareplentyofpeoplewhodonotunderstandScandinavian。ItwasabsurdtobevexedwithmebecauseIdidnot。Idoknowalittle,andthatismorethansomepeopledo。
IinquiredoftheoldgentlemanaboutB。Hedidunderstandme。I
mustgivehimcreditforthat。Butbeyondunderstandingme,hewasofnomoreusethantheothers;andwhytheyhadtakensomuchtroubletofetchhim,Icouldnotimagine。
Whatwouldhavehappenedifthedifficultyhadcontinuedmuchlonger(forIwasgettingthoroughlywildwiththelotofthem)Icannotsay。Fortunately,atthismomentIcaughtsightofB。himself,whohadjustenteredtheroom。
IcouldnothavegreetedhimmoreheartilyifIhadwantedtoborrowmoneyofhim。
\"Well,IAMgladtoseeyouagain!\"Icried。\"Well,thisIS
pleasant!IthoughtIhadlostyou!\"
\"Why,youareEnglish!\"criedouttheoldgentlemaninthewhitehat,inverygoodSaxon,onhearingmespeaktoB。
\"Well,Iknowthat,\"Ireplied,\"andI’mproudofit。HaveyouanyobjectiontomybeingEnglish?\"
\"Notintheleast,\"heanswered,\"ifyou’donlytalkEnglishinsteadofNorwegian。I’mEnglishmyself;\"andhewalkedaway,evidentlymuchpuzzled。
B。saidtomeaswesatdown:
\"I’lltellyouwhat’sthematterwithyou,J。——youknowtoomanylanguagesforthiscontinent。Yourlinguisticpowerswillbetheruinofusifyoudon’tholdtheminabit。Youdon’tknowanySanscritorChaldean,doyou?\"
IrepliedthatIdidnot。
\"AnyHebreworChinese?\"
\"Notaword。\"
\"Sure?\"
\"Notsomuchasafullstopinanyofthem。\"
\"That’sablessing,\"saidB。,muchrelieved。\"Youwouldbetryingtopalmoffoneorotherofthemonsomesimple-mindedpeasantforGerman,ifyoudid!\"
Itisawearisomejourney,throughthelong,hothoursofthemorning,toCologne。Thecarriageisstifling。Railwaytravellers,Ihavealwaysnoticed,regardfreshairaspoison。Theyliketoliveontherefuseofeachother’sbreath,andcloseupeverywindowandventilatortight。Thesunpoursdownthroughglassandblindandscorchesourlimbs。Ourheadsandourbodiesache。Thedustandsootdriftinandsettleonourclothes,andgrimeourhandsandface。Wealldozeandwakeupwithastart,andfalltosleepagainuponeachother。Iwake,andfindmyneighbourwithhisheaduponmyshoulder。Itseemsashametocasthimoff;helookssotrustful。Butheisheavy。Ipushhimontothemantheotherside。Heisjustashappythere。Werollabout;andwhenthetrainjerks,webutteachotherwithourheads。Thingsfallfromtherackuponus。Welookupsurprised,andgotosleepagain。Mybagtumblesdownupontheheadoftheunjustmaninthecorner。(Isitretribution?)Hestartsup,begsmypardon,andsinksbackintooblivion。Iamtoosleepytopickupthebag。Itliesthereonthefloor。Theunjustmanusesitforafootstool。
Welookout,throughhalf-closedeyes,upontheparched,level,treelessland;uponthelittlepatchworkfarmsofcornandbeetroot,oatsandfruit,growingundivided,sidebyside,eachlookinglikealittlegardendroppeddownintotheplain;uponthelittledullstonehouses。
Asteepleappearsfarawayuponthehorizon。(Thefirstthingthatweaskofmenistheirfaith:\"Whatdoyoubelieve?\"Thefirstthingthattheyshowusistheirchurch:\"THISwebelieve。\")Thenatallchimneyrangesitselfalongside。(Firstfaith,thenworks。)
Thenaconfusedjumbleofroofs,outofwhich,atlast,standforthindividualhouses,factories,streets,andwedrawupinasleepingtown。
Peopleopenthecarriagedoor,andlookinuponus。Theydonotappeartothinkmuchofus,andclosethedooragainquickly,withabang,andwesleeponcemore。
Aswerumbleon,thecountryslowlywakes。RudeV-shapedcarts,drawnbyyokedoxen,andevensometimesbycows,waitpatientlywhilewecrossthelong,straightroadsstretchingbareformanyamileacrosstheplain。Peasantstrudgealongthefieldstowork。
Smokerisesfromthevillagesandfarm-houses。Passengersarewaitingatthewaysidestations。
Towardsmid-day,onlookingout,weseetwotinyspiresstandingsidebysideagainstthesky。Theyseemtobetwins,andgrowtallerasweapproach。IdescribethemtoB。,andhesaystheyarethesteeplesofCologneCathedral;andweallbegintoyawnandstretch,andtocollectourbagsandcoatsandumbrellas。
HALFOFSATURDAY24TH,ANDSOMEOFSUNDAY,25TH
DifficultyofKeepingthisDiary。——ABigWash。——TheGermanBed。——ItsGoingsOn。——MannersandCustomsoftheGermanArmy。——B。’sBesettingSin。——CologneCathedral。——ThoughtsWithoutWords。——ACuriousCustom。
Thisdiaryisgettingmixed。Thetruthis,Iamnotlivingasamanwhokeepsadiaryshouldlive。Iought,ofcourse,tositdowninfrontofthisdiaryateleveno’clockatnight,andwritedownallthathasoccurredtomeduringtheday。Butateleveno’clockatnight,Iaminthemiddleofalongrailwayjourney,orhavejustgotup,oramjustgoingtobedforacoupleofhours。Wegotobedatoddmoments,whenwehappentocomeacrossabed,andhaveafewminutestospare。Wehavebeentobedthisafternoon,andarenowhavinganotherbreakfast;andIamnotquitesurewhetheritisyesterdayorto-morrow,orwhatdayitis。
Ishallnotattempttowriteupthisdiaryintheorthodoxmanner,therefore;butshallfixinafewlineswheneverIhavehalf-an-hourwithnothingbettertodo。
WewashedourselvesintheRhineatCologne(wehadnothadawashsincewehadleftourhappyhomeinEngland)。Westartedwiththeideaofwashingourselvesatthehotel;butonseeingthebasinandwaterandtowelprovided,Idecidednottowastemytimeplayingwiththem。AswellmightHerculeshaveattemptedtotidyuptheAugeanstableswithasquirt。
Weappealedtothechambermaid。Weexplainedtoherthatwewantedtowash——tocleanourselves——nottoblowbubbles。Couldwenothavebiggerbasinsandmorewaterandmoreextensivetowels?Thechambermaid(astaidoldladyofaboutfifty)didnotthinkthatanythingbettercouldbedoneforusbythehotelfraternityofCologne,andseemedtothinkthattheriverwasmorewhatwewanted。
Ifanciedthattheoldsoulwasspeakingsarcastically,butB。said\"No;\"shewasthinkingofthebathsalongsidetheriver,andsuggestedthatweshouldgothere。Iagreed。Itseemedtomethattheriver——theRhine——would,ifanythingcould,meetthecase。
Thereoughttobeplentyofwaterinitnow,aftertheheavyspringrains。
WhenIsawit,Ifeltsatisfied。IsaidtoB。:
\"That’sallright,oldman;that’sthesortofthingweneed。ThatisjustthesizedriverIfeelIcangetmyselfcleaninthisafternoon。\"
IhaveheardagooddealinpraiseoftheRhine,andIamgladtobeabletospeakwellofitmyself。Ifounditmostrefreshing。
Iwas,however,sorrythatwehadwashedinitafterwards。IhaveheardfromfriendswhohavetravelledsinceinGermanythatwecompletelyspoiledthatriverfortherestoftheseason。Notforbusinesspurposes,Idonotmean。Thebargetraffichasbeen,comparativelyspeaking,uninterferedwith。Butthetouristtradehassufferedterribly。PartieswhousuallygouptheRhinebysteamerhave,afterlookingattheriver,gonebytrainthisyear。
TheboatagentshavetriedtopersuadethemthattheRhineisalwaysthatcolour:thatitgetslikethatowingtothedirtandrefusewasheddownintoitduringitscourseamongthemountains。
Butthetouristshaverefusedtoacceptthisexplanation。Theyhavesaid:
\"No。Mountainswillaccountforagooddeal,weadmit,butnotforallTHAT。WeareacquaintedwiththeordinaryconditionoftheRhine,andalthoughmuddy,andattimesunpleasant,itispassable。
Asitisthissummer,however,wewouldprefernottotraveluponit。Wewillwaituntilafternextyear’sspring-floods。\"
Wewenttobedafterourwash。TotheblaseEnglishbed-goer,accustomedallhislifetothesameoldhackneyedstyleofbednightafternight,thereissomethingverypleasantlypiquantabouttheexperienceoftryingtosleepinaGermanbed。Hedoesnotknowitisabedatfirst。Hethinksthatsomeonehasbeengoingroundtheroom,collectingallthesacksandcushionsandantimacassarsandsucharticlesthathehashappenedtofindabout,andhaspiledthemuponawoodentrayreadyformoving。Heringsforthechambermaid,andexplainstoherthatshehasshownhimintothewrongroom。Hewantedabedroom。
Shesays:\"ThisISabedroom。\"
Hesays:\"Where’sthebed?\"
\"There!\"shesays,pointingtotheboxonwhichthesacksandantimacassarsandcushionsliepiled。
\"That!\"hecries。\"HowamIgoingtosleepinthat?\"
Thechambermaiddoesnotknowhowheisgoingtosleepthere,neverhavingseenagentlemangotosleepanywhere,andnotknowinghowtheysetaboutit;butsuggeststhathemighttrylyingdownflat,andshuttinghiseyes。
\"Butitisnotlongenough,\"hesays。
Thechambermaidthinkshewillbeabletomanage,ifhetuckshislegsup。
Heseesthathewillnotgetanythingbetter,andthathemustputupwithit。
\"Oh,verywell!\"hesays。\"Looksharpandgetitmade,then。\"
Shesays:\"Itismade。\"
Heturnsandregardsthegirlsternly。Isshetakingadvantageofhisbeingalonelystranger,farfromhomeandfriends,tomockhim?
Hegoesovertowhatshecallsthebed,andsnatchingoffthetop-
mostsackfromthepileandholdingitup,says:
\"Perhapsyou’lltellmewhatthisis,then?\"
\"That,\"saysthegirl,\"that’sthebed!\"
Heissomewhatnonplussedattheunexpectedreply。
\"Oh!\"hesays。\"Oh!thebed,isit?Ithoughtitwasapincushion!
Well,ifitisthebed,thenwhatisitdoingouthere,onthetopofeverythingelse?YouthinkthatbecauseI’monlyaman,Idon’tunderstandabed!\"
\"That’stheproperplaceforit,\"respondsthechambermaid。
\"What!ontop?\"
\"Yes,sir。\"
\"Well,thenwherearetheclothes?\"
\"Underneath,sir。\"
\"Lookhere,mygoodgirl,\"hesays;\"youdon’tunderstandme,orI
don’tunderstandyou,oneortheother。WhenIgotosleep,Ilieonabedandpulltheclothesoverme。Idon’twanttolieontheclothes,andcovermyselfwiththebed。Thisisn’tacomicballet,youknow!\"
Thegirlassureshimthatthereisnomistakeaboutthematteratall。Thereisthebed,madeaccordingtoGermannotionsofhowabedshouldbemade。Hecanmakethebestofitandtrytogotosleepuponit,orhecanbesulkyandgotosleeponthefloor。
Heisverymuchsurprised。Itlookstohimthesortofbedthatamanwouldmakeforhimselfoncominghomelatefromaparty。Butitisnousearguingthematterwiththegirl。
\"Allright,\"hesays;\"bringmeapillow,andI’llriskit!\"
Thechambermaidexplainsthattherearetwopillowsonthebedalready,indicating,asshedoesso,twoflatcushions,eachoneayardsquare,placedoneontopoftheotheratoneendofthemixture。
\"These!\"exclaimsthewearytraveller,beginningtofeelthathedoesnotwanttogotobedatall。\"Thesearenotpillows!Iwantsomethingtoputmyheadon;notathingthatcomesdowntothemiddleofmyback!Don’ttellmethatI’vegottosleeponthesethings!\"
Butthegirldoestellhimso,andalsoimpliesthatshehassomethingelsetodothantostandtherealldaytalkingbed-gossipwithhim。
\"Well,justshowmehowtostart,\"hesays,\"whichwayyougetintoit,andthenIwon’tkeepyouanylonger;I’llpuzzleouttherestformyself。\"
Sheexplainsthetricktohimandleaves,andheundressesandcrawlsin。
Thepillowsgivehimagooddealofworry。Hedoesnotknowwhetherheismeanttositonthemormerelytoleanupagainstthem。Inexperimentinguponthispoint,hebumpshisheadagainstthetopboardofthebedstead。Atthis,hesays,\"Oh!\"andshootshimselfdowntothebottomofthebed。Hereallhistentoessimultaneouslycomeintosharpcontactwiththeboardatthebottom。
Nothingirritatesamanmorethanbeingrappedoverthetoes,especiallyifhefeelsthathehasdonenothingtodeserveit。Hesays,\"Oh,damn!\"thistime,andspasmodicallydoublesuphislegs,thusgivinghiskneesaviolentblowagainsttheboardatthesideofthebed。(TheGermanbedstead,beitremembered,isbuiltintheformofashallow,openbox,andthevictimisthuscompletelysurroundedbysolidpiecesofwoodwithsharpedges。Idonotknowwhatspeciesofwooditisthatisemployed。Itisextremelyhard,andgivesforthacuriousmusicalsoundwhenstrucksharplywithabone。)
Afterthisheliesperfectlystillforawhile,wonderingwhereheisgoingtobehitnext。Findingthatnothinghappens,hebeginstoregainconfidence,andventurestogentlyfeelaroundwithhisleftlegandtakestockofhisposition。
Forclothes,hehasonlyaverythinblanketandsheet,andbeneaththesehefeelsdecidedlychilly。Thebediswarmenough,sofarasitgoes,butthereisnotenoughofit。Hedrawsituproundhischin,andthenhisfeetbegintofreeze。Hepushesitdownoverhisfeet,andthenallthetoppartofhimshivers。
Hetriestorollupintoaball,soastogetthewholeofhimselfunderneathit,butdoesnotsucceed;thereisalwayssomeofhimleftoutsideinthecold。
Hereflectsthata\"bonelesswonder\"ora\"manserpent\"wouldbecomfortableenoughinthisbed,andwishesthathehadbeenbroughtupasacontortionist。Ifhecouldonlytiehislegsroundhisneck,andtuckhisheadinunderhisarm,allwouldyetbewell。
Neverhavingbeentaughttodoanyreallyusefultrickssuchasthese,however,hehastobecontenttoremainspreadout,warmingabitofhimselfatatime。
Itis,perhaps,foolishofhim,amidsomanyrealtroubles,toallowamereaestheticalconsiderationtoworryhim,butasheliesthereonhisback,lookingdownathimself,thesightthathepresentstohimselfconsiderablyannoyshim。Thepuffed-upbed,restingonthemiddleofhim,giveshimtheappearanceofamansufferingfromsomemonstrousswelling,orelseofsomeexceptionallywell-developedfrogthathasbeenturnedupthewrongwayanddoesnotknowhowtogetontoitslegsagain。
Anothervexationthathehastocontendwithis,thateverytimehemovesalimborbreathesextrahard,thebed(whichisonlyofdown)
tumblesoffontothefloor。
YoucannotleanoutofaGermanbedtopickupanythingoffthefloor,owingtoitsbox-likeformation;sohehastoscrambleoutafterit,andofcourseeverytimehedoesthishebarksbothhisshinstwiceagainstthesidesofthebed。
Whenhehasperformedthisfeatforaboutthetenthtime,heconcludesthatitwasmadnessforhim,amererawamateuratthebusiness,tothinkthathecouldmanageacomplicated,trickybedofthissort,thatmusttakeevenanexperiencedmanallheknowstosleepinit;andgetsoutandcampsonthefloor。
Atleast,thatiswhatIdid。B。isaccustomedtoGermanbeds,anddoubledhimselfupandwentofftosleepwithouttheslightestdifficulty。
Wesleptfortwohours,andthengotupandwentbacktotherailway-station,wherewedined。Therailwayrefreshment-roominGermantownsappearstobeasmuchpatronisedbytheinhabitantsofthetownasbythetravellerspassingthrough。Itisregardedasanordinaryrestaurant,andusedassuchbythecitizens。Wefoundthedining-roomatColognestationcrowdedwithCologneists。
Allclassesofcitizenswerethere,butespeciallysoldiers。Therewereallsortsofsoldiers——soldiersofrank,andsoldiersofrankandfile;attachedsoldiers(verymuchattached,apparently)andsoldiersunattached;stoutsoldiers,thinsoldiers;oldsoldiers,youngsoldiers。Fourveryyoungsoldierssatoppositeus,drinkingbeer。Ineversawsuchyoungsoldiersoutbythemselvesbefore。
Theyeachlookedabouttwelveyearsold,butmayhavebeenthirteen;
andtheyeachlooked,also,readyandwillingtostormabattery,iftheorderweregiventothemtodoit。Theretheysat,raisingandloweringtheirhugemugsofbeer,discussingmilitarymatters,andrisingeverynowandagaintogravelysalutesomeofficerashepassed,andtoreceiveasgravelyhisgravesaluteinreturn。
Thereseemedtobeadealofsalutingtobegonethrough。Officerskeptenteringandpassingthroughtheroominanalmostcontinualstream,andeverytimeonecameinsightallthemilitarydrinkersandeatersroseandsaluted,andremainedatthesaluteuntiltheofficerhadpassed。
Oneyoungsoldier,whowastryingtoeataplateofsoupnearus,I
feltquitesorryfor。Everytimehegotthespoonnearhismouthanofficerinvariablyhoveinview,anddownwouldhavetogothespoon,soupandall,anduphewouldhavetorise。Itneverseemedtooccurtothesillyfellowtogetunderthetableandfinishhisdinnerthere。
Wehadhalf-an-hourtosparebetweendinnerandthestartingofourtrain,andB。suggestedthatweshouldgointothecathedral。ThatisB。’soneweakness,churches。Ihavethegreatestdifficultyingettinghimpastachurch-door。Wearewalkingalongastreet,arminarm,talkingasrationallyandevenasvirtuouslyasneedbe,whenallatonceIfindthatB。hasbecomesilentandabstracted。
Iknowwhatitis;hehascaughtsightofachurch。Ipretendnottonoticeanychangeinhim,andendeavourtohurryhimon。Helagsmoreandmorebehind,however,andatlaststopsaltogether。
\"Come,come,\"Isaytohim,encouragingly,\"pullyourselftogether,andbeaman。Don’tthinkaboutit。Putitbehindyou,anddeterminethatyouWON’Tbeconquered。Come,weshallberoundthecornerinanotherminute,whereyouwon’tbeabletoseeit。Takemyhand,andlet’srun!\"
Hemakesafewfeeblestepsforwardwithme,andthenstopsagain。
\"It’snogood,oldman,\"hesays,withasicklysmile,sofullofpathosthatitisimpossibletofinditinone’shearttofeelanythingbutpityforhim。\"Ican’thelpit。Ihavegivenwaytothissortofthingtoolong。Itistoolatetoreformnow。Yougoonandgetadrinksomewhere;I’lljoinyouagaininafewminutes。
Don’tworryaboutme;it’snogood。\"
Andbackhegoeswithtotteringsteps,whileIsadlypassonintothenearestcafe,and,overaglassofabsintheorcognac,thankProvidencethatIlearnttocontrolmycravingforchurchesinearlyyouth,andsoamnotnowlikethispoorB。
Inalittlewhilehecomesin,andsitsdownbesideme。Thereisawild,unhealthyexcitementinhiseye,and,underadefiantairofunnaturalgaiety,heattemptstohidehisconsciousnessofguilt。
\"Itwasalovelyaltar-cloth,\"hewhisperstome,withanenthusiasmthatonlymakesonesorrowforhimthemore,soutterlyimpossibledoesitcauseallhopeofcuretoseem。\"Andthey’vegotacoffininthenorthcryptthatissimplyapoem。Ineverenjoyedasarcophagusmoreinallmylife。\"
Idonotsaymuchatthetime;itwouldbeuseless。Butafterthedayisdone,andwearestandingbesideourlittlebeds,andallaroundisassilentasonecanexpectittobeinanhotelwherepeopleseemtobearrivingallnightlongwithheavyluggage,andtobeall,moreorless,introuble,Iarguewithhim,andgentlyreprovehim。Toavoidtheappearanceofsermonisingasmuchaspossible,Iputitonmeregroundsofexpediency。
\"Howarewetofindtime,\"Isay,\"togotoalltheplacesthatwereallyoughttogoto——toallthecafesandtheatresandmusic-hallsandbeer-gardensanddancing-saloonsthatwewanttovisit——ifyouwastehalfthepreciousdayloafingaboutchurchesandcathedrals?\"
Heisdeeplymoved,andpromisestoswearoff。Hevows,withtearsinhisvoice,thathewillneverenterachurch-dooragain。Butnextmorning,whenthetemptationcomes,allhisgoodresolutionsaresweptaway,andagainheyields。Itisnogoodbeingangrywithhim,becauseheevidentlydoesreallytry;butthereissomethingaboutthemereodourofachurchthathesimplycannotwithstand。
Notknowing,then,thatthisweaknessofhisforchurcheswassostrong,ImadenoobjectiontotheproposedvisittoCologneCathedral,and,accordingly,towardsitwewendedourway。B。hasseenitbefore,andknowsallaboutit。Hetellsmeitwasbegunaboutthemiddleofthethirteenthcentury,andwasonlycompletedtenyearsago。Itseemstomethattheremusthavebeengrossdelayonthepartofthebuilder。Why,aplumberwouldbeashamedtotakeaslongasthatoverajob!
B。alsoassertsthatthetwotowersarethehighestchurchtowersintheworld。Idisputethis,anddeprecatethetowersgenerally。B。
warmlydefendsthem。HesaystheyarehigherthananybuildinginEurope,excepttheEiffelTower。
\"Oh,dearno!\"Isay,\"therearemanybuildingshigherthantheyinEurope——tosaynothingofAsiaandAmerica。\"
Ihavenoauthorityformakingthisassertion。Asamatteroffact,Iknownothingwhateveraboutthematter。ImerelysayittoirritateB。Heappearstotakeasortofpersonalinterestinthebuilding,andenlargesuponitsbeautiesandadvantageswithasmuchfervourasifhewereanauctioneertryingtoselltheplace。
Heretortsthatthetowersare512feethigh。
Isay:
\"Nonsense!Somebodyhasimposeduponyou,becausetheyseeyouareaforeigner。\"
Hebecomesquiteangryatthis,andsayshecanshowmethefiguresintheguide-book。
\"Theguide-book!\"Ireply,scornfully。\"You’llbelieveanewspapernext!\"
B。asksme,indignantly,whatheightIshouldsaytheyare,then。I
examinethemcriticallyforafewminutes,andthengiveitasmyopinionthattheydonotexceed510feetattheveryoutside。B。
seemsannoyedwithme,andweenterthechurchinsilence。
Thereislittletobesaidaboutacathedral。Excepttotheprofessionalsightseer,oneisverymuchlikeanother。Theirbeautytomelies,notinthepaintingsandsculpturetheygivehouseroomto,norinthebonesandbric-a-bracpiledupintheircellars,butinthemselves——theirechoingvastness,theirdeepsilence。
Abovethelittlehomesofmen,abovethenoisyteemingstreets,theyriselikesomesoftstrainofperfectmusic,cleavingitswayamidthejangleofdiscordantnotes。Here,wherethevoicesoftheworldsoundfaint;here,wherethecity’sglamourcomesnotin,itisgoodtorestforawhile——ifonlythepesteringguideswouldleaveonealone——andthink。
ThereismuchhelpinSilence。Fromitstouchwegainrenewedlife。
SilenceistotheSoulwhathisMotherEarthwastoBriareus。Fromcontactwithitwerisehealedofourhurtsandstrengthenedforthefight。
Amidthebabeloftheschoolswestandbewilderedandaffrighted。
Silencegivesuspeaceandhope。Silenceteachesusnocreed,onlythatGod’sarmsarearoundtheuniverse。
HowsmallandunimportantseemallourfretfultroublesandambitionswhenwestandwiththeminourhandbeforethegreatcalmfaceofSilence!Wesmileatthemourselves,andareashamed。
Silenceteachesushowlittleweare——howgreatweare。Intheworld’smarket-placeswearetinkers,tailors,apothecaries,thieves——respectableorotherwise,asthecasemaybe——mereatomsofamightymachine——mereinsectsinavasthive。
ItisonlyinSilencethatitcomeshometousthatwearesomethingmuchgreaterthanthis——thatweareMEN,withalltheuniverseandalleternitybeforeus。
ItisinSilencewehearthevoiceofTruth。Thetemplesandthemartsofmenechoallnightanddaytotheclamourofliesandshamsandquackeries。ButinSilencefalsehoodcannotlive。YoucannotfloatalieonSilence。Aliehastobepuffedaloft,andkeptfromfallingbymen’sbreath。LeavealieonthebosomofSilence,anditsinks。Atruthfloatstherefairandstately,likesomestoutshipuponadeepocean。Silencebuoysheruplovinglyforallmentosee。Notuntilshehasgrownworn-outandrotten,andisnolongeratruth,willthewatersofSilencecloseoverher。
Silenceistheonlyrealthingwecanlayholdofinthisworldofpassingdreams。Timeisashadowthatwillvanishwiththetwilightofhumanity;butSilenceisapartoftheeternal。Allthingsthataretrueandlastinghavebeentaughttomen’sheartsbySilence。
Amongallnations,thereshouldbevasttemplesraisedwherethepeoplemightworshipSilenceandlistentoit,foritisthevoiceofGod。
Thesefairchurchesandcathedralsthatmenhaverearedaroundthemthroughouttheworld,havebeenbuiltashomesformerecreeds——thisoneforProtestantism,thatoneforRomanism,anotherforMahomedanism。ButGod’sSilencedwellsinallalike,onlydrivenforthattimesbythetinklingofbellsandthemumblingofprayers;
and,inthem,itisgoodtositawhileandhavecommunionwithher。
Westrolledround,beforewecameout。Justbytheentrancetothechoiranofficialstoppedme,andaskedmeifIwantedtogoandseealotoffal-lalthingshehadgotonshow——relicsandbones,andoldmasters,andsuch-likeWardour-streetrubbish。
Itoldhim,\"No\";andattemptedtopasson,buthesaid:
\"No,no!Youdon’tpay,youdon’tgointhere,\"andshutthegate。
HesaidthissentenceinEnglish;andtheprecisionandfluencywithwhichhedelivereditrathersuggestedtheideathatitwasaphrasemuchinrequest,andonethathehadhadagooddealofpracticein。
ItisveryprevalentthroughoutGermany,thiscustomofnotallowingyoutogointoseeathingunlessyoupay。
ENDOFSATURDAY,24TH,ANDBEGINNINGOFSUNDAY,25TH——CONTINUED
TheRhine!——HowHistoryisWritten。——ComplicatedVillages。——HowaPeacefulCommunityWasVeryMuchUpset。——TheGermanRailwayGuard。——
HisPassionforTickets。——WeDiffuseComfortandJoyWhereverWeGo,GladdeningtheWeary,andBringingSmilestoThemthatWeep。——
\"Tickets,Please。\"——HuntingExperiences。——ANaturalMistake。——FreeAcrobaticPerformancebytheGuard。——TheRailwayAuthorities’LittleJoke。——WhyWeShouldThinkoftheSorrowsofOthers。
Wereturnedtothestationjustintimetosecurecomfortableseats,andat5。10steamedoutuponourfifteenhours’runtoMunich。FromBonntoMayencethelinekeepsbythesideoftheRhinenearlythewholeoftheway,andwehadasplendidviewoftheriver,withtheold-worldtownsandvillagesthatclusterrounditsbank,themistymountainsthatmakeearlytwilightuponitsswiftlyrollingwaves,thecastledcragsandprecipicesthatriseupsheerandmajesticfromitsmargin,thewoodedrocksthathangwiththreateningfrownaboveitssombredepths,theruinedtowersandturretsthatcapeachpointalongitsshores,thepleasantislesthatstudlikegemsitsbroadexpanseofwaters。
Fewthingsinthisworldcomeuptoexpectation,especiallythosethingsofwhichonehasbeenledtoexpectmuch,andaboutwhichonehasheardagooddeal。Withthisphilosophyrunninginmyhead,I
waspreparedtofindtheRhineamuchover-ratedriver。
Iwaspleasantlydisappointed。Thepanoramawhichunfoldeditselfbeforeoureyes,aswespedalongthroughthequiettwilightthatwasdeepeningintostarrynight,waswonderfullybeautiful,entrancingandexpressive。
Idonotintendtodescribeittoyou。Todojusticetothetheme,IshouldhavetobeevenamorebrilliantandpowerfulwriterthanI
am。Toattemptthesubject,withoutdoingitjustice,wouldbeawasteofyourtime,sweetreader,andofmine——astillmoreimportantmatter。
Iconfessitwasnotmyoriginalintentiontoletyouoffsoeasily。
Istartedwiththeideaofgivingyouarapidbutglowingandeloquentword-pictureofthevalleyoftheRhinefromColognetoMayence。Forbackground,IthoughtIwouldsketchinthehistoricalandlegendaryeventsconnectedwiththedistrict,andagainstthis,foraforeground,Iwoulddraw,invividcolours,themodernaspectofthescene,withremarksandobservationsthereon。
Herearemyroughnotes,madeforthepurpose:-
Mems。forChapteronRhine:\"ConstantinetheGreatusedtocomehere——sodidAgrippa。(N。B。——TryandfindoutsomethingaboutAgrippa。)CaesarhadagooddealtodowiththeRhine——alsoNero’smother。\"
(Tothereader。——Thebrevityofthesememorandarenderstheirimport,attimes,confusing。Forinstance,thismeansthatCaesarandNero’smotherbothhadagooddealtodowiththeRhine;notthatCaesarhadagooddealtodowithNero’smother。IexplainthisbecauseIshouldbesorrytoconveyanyfalseimpressionconcerningeithertheladyorCaesar。Scandalisathingabhorrenttomynature。)
Notescontinued:\"TheUbiididsomethingontherightbankoftheRhineatanearlyperiod,andafterwardswerefoundontheotherside。(ExpecttheUbiiwereatribe;butmakesureofthis,astheymightbesomethinginthefossilline。)ColognewasthecradleofGermanart。Talkaboutartandtheoldmasters。Treattheminakindlyandgentlespirit。Theyaredeadnow。SaintUrsulawasmurderedatCologne,witheleventhousandvirginattendants。Theremusthavebeenquiteapartyofthem。Drawpowerfulandpatheticimaginarypictureoftheslaughter。(N。B。——Findoutwhomurderedthemall。)SaysomethingabouttheEmperorMaximilian。Callhim’themightyMaximilian。’MentionCharlemagne(agooddealshouldbemadeoutofCharlemagne)andtheFranks。(FindoutallabouttheFranks,andwheretheylived,andwhathasbecomeofthem。)SketchthevariouscontestsbetweentheRomansandtheGoths。(Readup’Gibbon’forthis,unlessyoucangetenoughoutofMangnall’sQuestions。)Givepicturesqueaccount——withcomments——ofthebattlesbetweenthecitizensofCologneandtheirhaughtyarchbishops。
(N。B。——LetthemfightonabridgeovertheRhine,unlessitisdistinctlystatedsomewherethattheydidn’t。)BringintheMinne-
singers,especiallyWaltervonVogelweid;makehimsingunderacastle-wallsomewhere,andletthegirldie。TalkaboutAlbertDurer。Criticisehisstyle。Sayit’sflat。(Ifpossible,findoutifitISflat。)\"TherattowerontheRhine,\"nearBingen。
Describetheplaceandtellthewholestory。Don’tspinitouttoolong,becauseeverybodyknowsit。\"TheBrothersofBornhofen,\"
storyconnectedwiththetwincastlesofSterrenbergandLiebenstein,ConradandHeinrich——brothers——bothloveHildegarde。
Shewasverybeautiful。HeinrichgenerouslyrefusestomarrythebeautifulHildegarde,andgoesawaytotheCrusades,leavinghertohisbrotherConrad。Conradconsidersoverthematterforayearortwo,andthenHEdecidesthathewon’tmarryhereither,butwillleaveherforhisbrotherHeinrich,andHEgoesofftotheCrusades,fromwhencehereturns,afewyearslateron,withaGrecianbride。
ThebeautifulH。,muddledupbetweenthepairofthem,andthevictimoftoomuchgenerosity,getssulky(don’tblameher),andshutsherselfupinalonelypartofthecastle,andwon’tseeanybodyforyears。ChivalrousHeinrichreturns,andiswildthathisbrotherC。hasnotmarriedthebeautifulH。Itdoesnotoccurtohimtomarrythegirleventhen。Thefeverishyearningdisplayedbyeachofthesetwobrothers,thattheotheroneshouldmarrythebelovedHildegarde,isverytouching。Heinrichdrawshissword,andthrowshimselfuponhisbrotherC。tokillhim。ThebeautifulHildegarde,however,throwsherselfbetweenthemandreconciliatesthem,andthen,convincedthatneitherofthemmeansbusiness,andnaturallydisgustedwiththewholeaffair,retiresintoanunnery。
Conrad’sGrecianbridesubsequentlythrowsherselfawayonanotherman,uponwhichConradthrowshimselfonhisbrotherH。’sbreast,andtheysweareternalfriendship。(Makeitpathetic。Pretendyouhavesatamidtheruinsinthemoonlight,andgivethescene——withghosts。)\"Rolandseck,\"nearBonn。TellthestoryofRolandandHildegunde(seeBaedeker,p。66)。Don’tmakeittoolong,becauseitissomuchliketheother。Describethefuneral?The\"WatchTowerontheRhine\"belowAudernach。Query,isn’tthereasongaboutthis?Ifso,putitin。CoblentzandEhrenbreitstein。Greatfortresses。Callthem\"theFrowningSentinelsoftheState。\"MakereflectionsontheGermanarmy,alsoonwargenerally。ChataboutFredericktheGreat。(ReadCarlyle’shistoryofhim,andpickouttheinterestingbits。)TheDrachenfels。QuoteByron。Moraliseaboutruinedcastlesgenerally,anddescribethemiddleages,withyourviewsandopinionsonsame。\"
Thereismuchmoreofit,butthatissufficienttoletyouseetheschemeIhadinmyhead。Ihavenotcarriedoutmyscheme,because,whenIcametoreflectuponthematter,itseemedtomethattheideawoulddevelopintosomethingthatwouldbemoreinthenatureofahistoryofEuropethanachapterinatourist’sdiary,andI
determinednottowastemytimeuponit,untiltherearoseagreaterpublicdemandforanewHistoryofEuropethanthereappearstoexistatpresent。
\"Besides,\"Iarguedtomyself,\"suchaworkwouldbejusttheverythingwithwhichtobeguilethetediumofalongimprisonment。AtsomefuturetimeImaybegladofalabourofthismagnitudetooccupyaperiodofinvoluntaryinaction。\"
\"Thisisthesortofthing,\"Isaidtomyself,\"tosaveupforHollowayorPentonville。\"
Itwouldhavebeenaveryenjoyableridealtogether,thatevening’sspinalongthebanksoftheRhine,ifIhadnotbeenhauntedatthetimebytheideathatIshouldhavetowriteanaccountofitnextdayinmydiary。Asitwas,Ienjoyeditasamanenjoysadinnerwhenhehasgottomakeaspeechafterit,orasacriticenjoysaplay。
Wepassedsuchoddlittlevillageseveryhereandthere。Littleplacessocrowdedupbetweentherailwayandtheriverthattherewasnoroominthemforanystreets。Allthehouseswerejumbleduptogetherjustanyhow,andhowanymanwholivedinthemiddlecouldgethomewithoutclimbingoverhalftheotherhousesintheplaceI
couldnotmakeout。Theywerethesortofvillageswhereaman’smother-in-law,comingtopayhimavisit,mightwanderaroundallday,hearinghim,andevennowandthenseeinghim,yetneverbeingabletogetathiminconsequenceofnotknowingthewayin。
Adrunkenman,livinginoneofthesevillages,couldneverhopetogethome。Hewouldhavetositdownoutside,andwaittillhisheadwasclear。
Wewitnessedtheopeningscenesofaveryamusinglittlecomedyatoneofthetownswherethetraindrewup。Thechiefcharacterswereplayedbyanactiveyounggoat,asmallboy,anelderlymanandawoman,parentsofthesmallboyandownersofthegoat,andadog。
Firstweheardayell,andthen,fromoutacottageoppositethestation,boundedaninnocentandhappygoat,andgambolledaround。
Alongrope,oneendofwhichwasfastenedtohisneck,trailedbehindhim。Afterthegoat(inthedoublesenseofthephrase)cameachild。Thechildtriedtocatchthegoatbymeansoftherope,caughtitselfintheropeinstead,andwentdownwithabumpandascreech。Whereuponastoutwoman,theboy’smotherapparently,ranoutfromthecottage,andalsomadeforthegoat。Thegoatflewdowntheroad,andthewomanflewafterit。Atthefirstcorner,thewomantrodontherope,andthenSHEwentdownwithabumpandascreech。Thenthegoatturnedandranupthestreet,and,asitpassedthecottage,thefatherranoutandtriedtostopit。Hewasanoldman,butstillseemedtohaveplentyofvigourinhim。Heevidentlyguessedhowhiswifeandchildhadgonedown,andheendeavouredtoavoidtheropeandtoskipoveritwhenitcamenearhim。Butthegoat’smovementsweretooerraticforhim。Histurncame,andhetrodontherope,andwentdowninthemiddleoftheroad,oppositehisowndoor,withathudthatshookusallupagainsteachotheraswestoodlookingoutofthecarriage-window,andsatthereandcursedthegoat。Thenoutranadog,barkingfuriously,andhewentforthegoat,andgottheendoftheropeinhisteethandheldontoitlikegrimdeath。Awaywentthegoat,athisendoftherope,and,withhim,thedogattheotherend。
Betweenthem,theykepttheropeaboutsixinchesabovetheground,andwithittheyremorselesslymoweddowneverylivingthingtheycameacrossinthatoncepeacefulvillage。Inthecourseoflessthanhalfaminutewecountedfourteenpersonssittingdowninthemiddleoftheroad。Eightofthemwerecursingthegoat,fourwerecursingthedog,andtwoofthemwerecursingtheoldmanforkeepingthegoat,oneofthesetwo,andthemoreviolentone,beingtheman’sownwife。
Thetrainleftatthisjuncture。Weentreatedtherailwayofficialstoletusstopandseetheshowout。Theplaywasbecomingquiteinteresting。Itwassofullofmovement。Buttheysaidthatwewerehalf-an-hourlateasitwas,andthattheydarednot。
Weleanedoutofthewindow,andwatchedforaslongaswecould;
andafterthevillagewaslosttoviewinthedistance,wecouldstill,bylisteningcarefully,hearthethuds,asoneafteranotheroftheinhabitantssatdownandbegantoswear。
Atabouteleveno’clockwehadsomebeer——youcangenerallyobtainsuchlightrefreshmentasbottledbeerandcoffeeandrollsfromtheguardonathroughlong-distancetraininGermany——tookoffourboots,andsaying\"Good-night\"toeachother,madeagreatshowofgoingtosleep。Butweneversucceededingettingthere。Theywantedtoseeone’stickettoooftenforonetogetfairlyoff。
Everyfewminutes,soitseemedtome,thoughinrealitytheintervalsmayperhapshavebeenlonger,aghostlyfacewouldappearatthecarriage-window,andasktoseeourtickets。
WheneveraGermanrailway-guardfeelslonesome,anddoesnotknowwhatelsetodowithhimself,hetakesawalkroundthetrain,andgetsthepassengerstoshowhimtheirtickets,afterwhichhereturnstohisboxcheeredandrefreshed。Somepeopleraveaboutsunsetsandmountainsandoldmasters;buttotheGermanrailway-
guardtheworldcanshownothingmoresatisfying,moreinspiring,thanthesightofarailway-ticket。
NearlyalltheGermanrailwayofficialshavethissamecravingfortickets。Ifonlytheygetsomebodytoshowthemarailway-ticket,theyarehappy。Itseemedaharmlessweaknessoftheirs,andB。andIdecidedthatitwouldbeonlykindtohumourtheminitduringourstay。
Accordingly,wheneverwesawaGermanrailwayofficialstandingabout,lookingsadandweary,wewentuptohimandshowedhimourtickets。Thesightwaslikearayofsunshinetohim;andallhiscarewasimmediatelyforgotten。Ifwehadnotaticketwithusatthetime,wewentandboughtone。Ameresinglethirdtothenextstationwouldgladdenhimsufficientlyinmostcases;butifthepoorfellowappearedverywoe-begone,andasifhewantedmorethanordinarycheeringup,wegothimasecond-classreturn。
ForthepurposeofourjourneytoOber-Ammergauandback,weeachcarriedwithusafoliocontainingsometenortwelvefirst-classticketsbetweendifferenttowns,coveringinalladistanceofsomethousandmiles;andoneafternoon,atMunich,seeingarailwayofficial,acloak-roomkeeper,whotheytoldushadlatelylosthisaunt,andwholookedexceptionallydejected,IproposedtoB。thatweshouldtakethismanintoaquietcorner,andbothofusshowhimallourticketsatonce——thewholetwentyortwenty-fourofthem——
andlethimtaketheminhishandandlookatthemforaslongasheliked。Iwantedtocomforthim。
B。,however,advisedagainstthesuggestion。Hesaidthatevenifitdidnotturntheman’shead(anditwasmorethanprobablethatitwould),somuchjealousywouldbecreatedagainsthimamongtheotherrailwaypeoplethroughoutGermany,thathislifewouldbemadeamiserytohim。
Soweboughtandshowedhimafirst-classreturntothenextstationbutone;anditwasquitepathetictowatchthepoorfellow’sfacebrightenupatthesight,andtoseethefaintsmilecreepbacktothelipsfromwhichithadsolongbeenabsent。
Butattimes,onewishesthattheGermanrailwayofficialwouldcontrolhispassionfortickets——or,atleast,keepitwithinduebounds。
Eventhemostkindly-heartedmangrowstiredofshowinghisticketalldayandnightlong,andthemiddleofawearisomejourneyisnotthepropertimeforamantocometothecarriage-windowandclamourtoseeyour\"billet。\"
Youarewearyandsleepy。Youdonotknowwhereyourticketis。
Youarenotquitesurethatyouhavegotaticket;orifyoueverhadone,somebodyhastakenitawayfromyou。Youhaveputitbyverycarefully,thinkingthatitwouldnotbewantedforhours,andhaveforgottenwhere。
Thereareelevenpocketsinthesuityouhaveon,andfivemoreintheovercoatontherack。Maybe,itisinoneofthosepockets。Ifnot,itispossiblyinoneofthebags——somewhere,orinyourpocket-book,ifyouonlyknewwherethatwas,oryourpurse。
Youbeginasearch。Youstandupandshakeyourself。Thenyouhaveanotherfeelallover。Youlookroundinthecourseoftheproceedings;andthesightofthecrowdofcuriousfaceswatchingyou,andofthemaninuniformwaitingwithhiseyefixedseverelyuponyou,conveytoyou,inyourthenstateofconfusion,themomentaryideathatthisisapolice-courtscene,andthatiftheticketisfounduponyou,youwillprobablygetfiveyears。
Uponthisyouvehementlyprotestyourinnocence。
\"ItellyouIhaven’tgotit!\"youexclaim;——\"neverseenthegentleman’sticket。Youletmego!I——\"
Herethesurpriseofyourfellow-passengersrecallsyoutoyourself,andyouproceedonyourexploration。Youoverhaulthebags,turningeverythingoutontothefloor,mutteringcursesonthewholerailwaysystemofGermanyasyoudoso。Thenyoufeelinyourboots。Youmakeeverybodynearyoustanduptoseeiftheyaresittinguponit,andyougodownonyourkneesandgrovelforitundertheseat。
\"Youdidn’tthrowitoutofthewindowwithyoursandwiches,didyou?\"asksyourfriend。
\"No!DoyouthinkI’mafool?\"youanswer,irritably。\"WhatshouldIwanttodothatfor?\"
Ongoingsystematicallyoveryourselfforaboutthetwentiethtime,youdiscoveritinyourwaistcoatpocket,andforthenexthalf-houryousitandwonderhowyoucametomissitonthepreviousnineteenoccasions。
Meanwhile,duringthistryingscene,theconductoftheguardhascertainlynottendedtoallayyouranxietyandnervousness。Allthetimethatyouhavebeenlookingforyourticket,hehasbeendoingsillytricksonthestepoutside,imperillinghislifebyeverymeansthatexperienceandingenuitycansuggest。
Thetrainisgoingattherateofthirtymilesanhour,theexpressspeedinGermany,andabridgecomesinsightcrossingovertheline。Onseeingthisbridge,theguard,holdingonbythewindow,leanshisbodyasfarbackaseveritwillgo。Youlookathim,andthenattherapidly-nearingbridge,andcalculatethatthearchwilljusttakehisheadoffwithoutinjuringanyotherpartofhimwhatever,andyouwonderwhethertheheadwillbejerkedintothecarriageorwillfalloutside。
Whenheisthreeinchesoffthebridge,hepullshimselfupstraight,andthebrickwork,asthetraindashesthrough,killsaflythatwastrespassingontheupperpartofhisrightear。
Then,whenthebridgeispassed,andthetrainisskirtingtheveryedgeofaprecipice,sothatastonedroppedjustoutsidethewindowwouldtumblestraightdown300feet,hesuddenlyletsgo,and,balancinghimselfonthefoot-boardwithoutholdingontoanything,commencestodanceasortofTeutoniccellar-flap,andtowarmhisbodybyflinginghisarmsaboutinthemannerofcabmenonacoldday。
ThefirstessentialtocomfortablerailwaytravellinginGermanyistomakeupyourmindnottocarearapwhethertheguardgetskilledinthecourseofthejourneyornot。AnytenderfeelingtowardstheguardmakesrailwaytravellingintheFatherlandasimpletorture。
Atfivea。m。(howfairandsweetandfreshtheearthlooksintheearlymorning!Thoselazypeoplewholieinbedtilleightorninemisshalfthebeautyoftheday,iftheybutknewit。ItisonlywewhoriseearlythatreallyenjoyNatureproperly)Igaveuptryingtogettosleep,andmademywaytothedressing-roomattheendofthecar,andhadawash。
Itisdifficulttowashintheselittleplaces,becausethecarsshakeso;andwhenyouhavegotbothyourhandsandhalfyourheadinthebasin,andareunabletoprotectyourself,thesidesoftheroom,andthewater-tapandthesoap-dish,andothercowardlythings,takeameanadvantageofyourhelplessnesstopunchyouashardasevertheycan;andwhenyoubackawayfromthese,thedoorswingsopenandslapsyoufrombehind。
Isucceeded,however,ingettingmyselffairlywetallover,evenifIdidnothingelse,andthenIlookedaboutforatowel。Ofcourse,therewasnotowel。Thatisthetrick。Theideaoftherailwayauthoritiesistolurethepassenger,byprovidinghimwithsoapandwaterandabasin,intogettinghimselfthoroughlysoaked,andthentoletitdawnuponhimthatthereisnotowel。Thatistheirnotionoffun!
Ithoughtofthehandkerchiefsinmybag,buttogettothemI
shouldhavetopasscompartmentscontainingladies,andIwasonlyinearlymorningdress。
SoIhadtowipemyselfwithanewspaperwhichIhappenedtohaveinmypocket,andamoreunsatisfactorythingtodryoneselfuponI
cannotconceive。
IwokeupB。whenIgotbacktothecarriage,andpersuadedhimtogoandhaveawash;andinlisteningtothedistantsoundofhisremarkswhenhelikewisediscoveredthattherewasnotowel,therecollectionofmyowndiscomfiturepassedgentlyaway。
Ah!howtrueitis,asgoodpeopletellus,thatinthinkingofthesorrowsofothers,welearntoforgetourown!
ForfiftymilesbeforeonereachesMunich,thelandisflat,stale,andapparentlyveryunprofitable,andthereislittletointerestthelooker-out。Hesitsstraininghiseyestowardsthehorizon,eagerlylongingforsomesignofthecitytocomeinsight。
Itliesverylow,however,anddoesallitcantoescapeobservation;anditisnotuntilheisalmostwithinitsstreetsthathediscoversit。
THERESTOFSUNDAY,THE25TH
WeSeekBreakfast。——IAirMyGerman。——TheArtofGesture。——TheIntelligenceofthePremiereDanseuse。——PerformanceofEnglishPantomimeinthePyrenees。——SadResultTherefrom。——The\"GermanConversation\"Book。——ItsNarrow-mindedViewofHumanWantsandAspirations。——SundayinMunich。——HansandGretchen。——HighLifev。
LowLife。——\"ABeer-Cellar。\"
AtMunichweleftourluggageatthestation,andwentinsearchofbreakfast。Ofcourse,ateighto’clockinthemorningnoneofthebigcafeswereopen;butatlength,besidesomegardens,wefoundanold-fashionedlookingrestaurant,fromwhichcameapleasantodourofcoffeeandhotonions;andwalkingthroughandseatingourselvesatoneofthelittletables,placedoutunderthetrees,wetookthebilloffareinourhands,andsummonedthewaitertoourside。
Iorderedthebreakfast。IthoughtitwouldbeagoodopportunityformetotrymyGerman。Iorderedcoffeeandrollsasagroundwork。Igotoverthatpartofmytaskveryeasily。WiththepracticeIhadhadduringthelasttwodays,Icouldhaveorderedcoffeeandrollsforforty。ThenIforagedroundforluxuries,andorderedagreensalad。IhadsomedifficultyatfirstinconvincingthemanthatitwasnotaboiledcabbagethatIwanted,butsucceededeventuallyingettingthatsillynotionoutofhishead。
IstillhadalittleGermanleft,evenafterthat。SoIorderedanomelettealso。
\"Tellhimasavouryone,\"saidB。,\"orhewillbebringingussomethingfullofhotjamandchocolate-creams。Youknowtheirstyle。\"
\"Oh,yes,\"Ianswered。\"Ofcourse。Yes。Letmesee。WhatistheGermanforsavoury?\"
\"Savoury?\"musedB。\"Oh!ah!hum!BotheredifIknow!Confoundthething——Ican’tthinkofit!\"
Icouldnotthinkofiteither。Asamatteroffact,Ineverknewit。WetriedthemanwithFrench。Wesaid:
\"Uneomeletteauxfinesherbes。\"
Ashedidnotappeartounderstandthat,wegaveithiminbadEnglish。Wetwistedandturnedtheunfortunateword\"savoury\"intosoundssoquaint,sosad,sounearthly,thatyouwouldhavethoughttheymighthavetouchedtheheartofasavage。ThisstoicalTeuton,however,remainedunmoved。Thenwetriedpantomime。
Pantomimeistolanguagewhatmarmalade,accordingtothelabelonthepot,istobutter,\"anexcellent(occasional)substitute。\"Butitspowersasaninterpreterofthoughtarelimited。Atleast,inreallifetheyareso。Asregardsaballet,itisdifficulttosaywhatisnotexplainablebypantomime。Ihaveseenthebadmaninaballetconveytothepremieredanseusebyasubtlemovementoftheleftleg,togetherwithsomeslightassistancefromthedrum,theheartrendingintelligencethattheladyshehadbeenbroughtuptobelievewashermotherwasinrealityonlyherauntbymarriage。
Butthenitmustbeborneinmindthatthepremieredanseuseisaladywhosequicknessofperceptionisaltogetherunique。Thepremieredanseuseknowspreciselywhatagentlemanmeanswhenhetwirlsroundforty-seventimesononeleg,andthenstandsonhishead。Theaverageforeignerwould,inallprobability,completelymisunderstandtheman。
Afriendofmineonce,duringatourinthePyrenees,triedtoexpressgratitudebymeansofpantomime。Hearrivedlateoneeveningatalittlemountaininn,wherethepeoplemadehimverywelcome,andsetbeforehimtheirbest;andhe,beinghungry,appreciatedtheirkindness,andateamostexcellentsupper。
Indeed,soexcellentamealdidhemake,andsokindandattentivewerehishoststohim,that,aftersupper,hefelthewantedtothankthem,andtoconveytothemsomeideaofhowpleasedandsatisfiedhewas。
Hecouldnotexplainhimselfinlanguage。HeonlyknewenoughSpanishtojustaskforwhathewanted——andeventodothathehadtobecarefulnottowantmuch。Hehadnotgotasfarassentimentandemotionatthattime。Accordinglyhestartedtoexpresshimselfinaction。Hestoodupandpointedtotheemptytablewherethesupperhadbeen,thenopenedhismouthandpointeddownhisthroat。
Thenhepattedthatregionofhisanatomywhere,soscientificpeopletellus,suppergoesto,andsmiled。
Hehasarathercurioussmile,hasmyfriend。Hehimselfisundertheimpressionthatthereissomethingverywinninginit,though,also,asheadmits,atouchofsadness。Theyuseitinhisfamilyforkeepingthechildreninorder。
Thepeopleoftheinnseemedratherastonishedathisbehaviour。
Theyregardedhim,withtroubledlooks,andthengatheredtogetheramongthemselvesandconsultedinwhispers。
\"Ievidentlyhavenotmademyselfsufficientlycleartothesesimplepeasants,\"saidmyfriendtohimself。\"Imustputmorevigourintothisshow。\"
AccordinglyherubbedandpattedthatpartofhimselftowhichI
havepreviouslyalluded——andwhich,beingamodestandproperlybrought-upyoungman,nothingonearthshallinducemetomentionmoreexplicitly——withgreaterenergythanever,andaddedanotherinchortwoofsmile;andhealsomadevariousgracefulmovementsindicative,ashethought,offriendlyfeelingandcontentment。
Atlengtharayofintelligenceburstuponthefacesofhishosts,andtheyrushedtoacupboardandbroughtoutasmallblackbottle。
\"Ah!that’sdoneit,\"thoughtmyfriend。\"Nowtheyhavegraspedmymeaning。AndtheyarepleasedthatIampleased,andaregoingtoinsistonmydrinkingafinalfriendlybumperofwinewiththem,thegoodoldsouls!\"
Theybroughtthebottleover,andpouredoutawineglassful,andhandedittohim,makingsignsthatheshoulddrinkitoffquickly。
\"Ah!\"saidmyfriendtohimself,ashetooktheglassandraisedittothelight,andwinkedatitwickedly,\"thisissomerareoldspiritpeculiartothedistrict——someoldheirloomkeptspeciallyforthefavouredguest。\"
Andheheldtheglassaloftandmadeaspeech,inwhichhewishedlonglifeandmanygrand-childrentotheoldcouple,andahandsomehusbandtothedaughter,andprosperitytothewholevillage。Theycouldnotunderstandhim,heknew;buthethoughttheremightbethatinhistonesandgesturesfromwhichtheywouldgatherthesenseofwhathewassaying,andunderstandhowkindlyhefelttowardsthemall。Whenhehadfinished,heputhishanduponhisheartandsmiledsomemore,andthentossedtheliquoroffatagulp。