CONTENTS
THEINCONSIDERATEWAITER，J。M。BarrieTHEBLACKPOODLE，F。AnsteyTHATBRUTESIMMONS，ArthurMorrisonAROSEOFTHEGHETTO，I。ZangwillANIDYLOFLONDON，BeatriceHarradenTHEOMNIBUS，\"Q\"[Quiller-Couch]
THEHIREDBABY，MarieCorrelliTHEINCONSIDERATEWAITER
BY
J。M。BARRIE
FrequentlyIhavetoaskmyselfinthestreetforthenameofthemanIbowedtojustnow，andthen，beforeIcananswer，thewindofthefirstcornerblowshimfrommymemory。Ihaveatheory，however，thatthosepuzzlingfaces，whichpassbeforeIcanseewhocutthecoat，allbelongtoclubwaiters。
UntilWilliamforcedhisaffairsuponmethatwasallIdidknowoftheprivatelifeofwaiters，thoughIhavebeenintheclubfortwentyyears。Iwasevenunawarewhethertheysleptdownstairsorhadtheirownhomes;norhadItheinteresttoinquireofothermembers，northeytheknowledgetoinformme。Iholdthatthissortofpeopleshouldbefedandclothedandgivenairingandwivesandchildren，andIsubscribeyearly，Ibelieveforthesepurposes;buttocomeintocloserrelationwithwaitersisbadform;theyareclubfittings，andWilliamshouldhavekepthisdistresstohimself，ortakenitawayandpatchedituplikearentinoneofthechairs。Hisinconsideratenesshasbeenapairofspectaclestomeformonths。
Itisnotcorrecttastetoknowthenameofaclubwaiter，soImustapologiseforknowingWilliam’s，andstillmorefornotforgettingit。
If，again，tospeakofawaiterisbadform，tospeakbitterlyisthecomicdegreeofit。ButWilliamhasdisappointedmesorely。TherewereyearswhenIwoulddeferdiningseveralminutesthathemightwaitonme。Hispainstoreservethewindow-seatformewereperfectlysatisfactory。Iallowedhimprivileges，astosuggestdishes，andwouldgivehiminformation，asthatsomeonehadstartledmeinthereading-roombyslammingadoor。IhaveshownhimhowIcutmyfingerwithapieceofstring。Obviouslyhewasgratifiedbytheseattentions，usuallyrecommendingaliqueur;andIfancyhemusthaveunderstoodmysufferings，forheoftenlookedillhimself。Probablyhewasrheumatic，butIcannotsayforcertain，asIneverthoughtofasking，andhehadthesensetoseethattheknowledgewouldbeoffensivetome。
Inthesmoking-roomwehaveawaitersoindependentthatonce，whenhebroughtmeayellowchartreuse，andIsaidIhadorderedgreen，hereplied，\"No，sir;yousaidyellow。\"Williamcouldneverhavebeenguiltyofsucheffrontery。Inappearance，ofcourse，heismean，butI
cannomoredescribehimthanamilkmaidcoulddrawcows。Isupposewedistinguishonewaiterfromanothermuchaswepickourhatfromtherack。WecouldhaveplottedamurdersafelybeforeWilliam。Heneverpresumedtohaveanyopinionsofhisown。Whensuchwasmymoodheremainedsilent，andifIannouncedthatsomethingdivertinghadhappenedtomehelaughedbeforeItoldhimwhatitwas。Heturnedthetwinkleinhiseyeofforonatmybiddingasreadilyasifitwasthegas。Tomy\"Suretobewetto-morrow，\"hewouldreply，\"Yes，sir;\"andtoTrelawney’s\"Itdoesn’tlooklikerain，\"twominutesafterward，hewouldreply，\"No，sir。\"ItwasonememberwhosaidLightningRodwouldwintheDerbyandanotherwhosaidLightningRodhadnochance，butitwasWilliamwhoagreedwithboth。Hewaslikeacheroot，whichmaybesmokedfromeitherend。SousedwasItohimthat，hadhediedorgotanothersituation（orwhateveritissuchpersonsdowhentheydisappearfromtheclub），Ishouldprobablyhavetoldtheheadwaitertobringhimback，asIdislikedchanges。
ItwouldnotbecomemetoknowpreciselywhenIbegantothinkWilliamaningrate，butIdatehislapsefromtheeveningwhenhebroughtmeoysters。Idetestoysters，andnooneknewitbetterthanWilliam。Hehasagreedwithmethathecouldnotunderstandanygentleman’slikingthem。BetweenmeandacertainmemberwhosmackshislipstwelvetimestoadozenofthemWilliamknewIlikedascreentobeplaceduntilwehadreachedthesoup，andyethegavemetheoystersandtheothermanmysardine。BoththeothermemberandIquicklycalledforbrandyandtheheadwaiter。TodoWilliamjustice，heshook，butnevercanI
forgethisaudaciousexplanation：\"Begpardon，sir，butIwasthinkingofsomethingelse。\"
InthesewordsWilliamhadflungoffthemask，andnowIknewhimforwhathewas。
ImustnotbeaccusedofbadformforlookingatWilliamonthefollowingevening。Whatpromptedmetodosowasnotpersonalinterestinhim，butadesiretoseewhetherIdarelethimwaitonmeagain。
So，recallingthatacasterwasoffachairyesterday，oneisentitledtomakesurethatitisonto-daybeforesittingdown。Iftheexpressionisnottoostrong，ImaysaythatIwastakenabackbyWilliam’smanner。Evenwhencrossingtheroomtotakemyordershelethisonehandplaynervouslywiththeother。Ihadtorepeat\"Sardineontoast\"twice，andinsteadofanswering\"Yes，sir，\"asifmyselectionofsardineontoastwasapersonalgratificationtohim，whichisthemanneroneexpectsofawaiter，heglancedattheclock，thenoutatthewindow，and，starting，asked，\"Didyousaysardineontoast，sir？\"
Itwastheheightofsummer，whenLondonsmellslikeachemist’sshop，andhewhohasthedinner-tableatthewindowneedsnocandlestoshowhimhisknifeandfork。Ilaybackatintervals，nowwatchingastarved-lookingwomansleeponadoor-step，andagaincomplainingoftheclubbananas。By-and-byIsawagirlofthecommonestkind，ill-
cladanddirty，asalltheseArabsare。Theirparentsshouldbecompelledtofeedandclothethemcomfortably，oratleasttokeepthemindoors，wheretheycannotoffendoureyes。Suchchildrenareforpushingasidewithone’sumbrella;butthisgirlInoticedbecauseshewasgazingattheclubwindows。ShehadstoodthusforperhapstenminuteswhenIbecameawarethatsomeonewasleaningovermetolookoutatthewindow。Iturnedround。ConceivemyindignationonseeingthattherudepersonwasWilliam。
\"Howdareyou，William？\"Isaid，sternly。Heseemednottohearme。
Letmetell，inthemeasuredwordsofonedescribingapastincident，whatthentookplace。Togetnearerthewindowhepressedheavilyonmyshoulder。
\"William，youforgetyourself！\"Isaid，meaning——asIseenow——thathehadforgottenme。
Iheardhimgulp，butnottomyreprimand。Hewasscanningthestreet。
Hishandschatteredonmyshoulder，and，pushinghimfromme，Isawthathismouthwasagape。
\"Whatareyoulookingfor？\"Iasked。
Hestaredatme，andthen，likeonewhohadatlastheardtheechoofmyquestion，seemedtobebroughtbacktotheclub。Heturnedhisfacefrommeforaninstant，andansweredshakily：
\"Ibegyourpardon，sir！I——Ishouldn’thavedoneit。Arethebananastooripe，sir？\"
Herecommendedthenuts，andawaitedmyverdictsoanxiouslywhileI
ateonethatIwasabouttospeakgraciously，whenIagainsawhiseyesdraghimtothewindow。
\"William，\"Isaid，mypatiencegivingwayatlast，\"Idislikebeingwaitedonbyamelancholywaiter。\"
\"Yes，sir，\"hereplied，tryingtosmile，andthenbrokeoutpassionately，\"ForGod’ssake，sir，tellme，haveyouseenalittlegirlbookinginattheclubwindows？\"
Hehadbeenagoodwaiteronce，andhisdistractedvisagewasspoilingmydinner。
\"There，\"Isaid，pointingtothegirl，andnodoubtwouldhaveaddedthathemustbringmecoffeeimmediately，hadhecontinuedtolisten。
Butalreadyhewasbeckoningtothechild。Ihavenottheleastinterestinher（indeed，ithadneverstruckmethatwaitershadprivateaffairs，andIstillthinkitapitythattheyshouldhave）;
butasIhappenedtobelookingoutatthewindowIcouldnotavoidseeingwhatoccurred。AssoonasthegirlsawWilliamsheranintothestreet，regardlessofvehicles，andnoddedthreetimestohim。Thenshedisappeared。
Ihavesaidthatshewasquiteacommonchild，withoutattractionofanysort，andyetitwasamazingthedifferenceshemadeinWilliam。
Hegaspedrelief，likeonewhohadbrokenthroughtheanxietythatchecksbreathing，andintohisfacetherecameasillylaughofhappiness。Ihaddinedwell，onthewhole，soIsaid：
\"Iamgladtoseeyoucheerfulagain，William。\"
ImeantthatIapprovedhischeerfulnessbecauseithelpedmydigestion，buthemustneedsthinkIwassympathisingwithhim。
\"Thankyou，sir，\"heanswered。\"Oh，sir！whenshenoddedandIsawitwasallrightIcouldhavegonedownonmykneestoGod。\"
Iwasasmuchhorrifiedasifhehaddroppedaplateonmytoes。EvenWilliam，disgracefullyemotionalashewasatthemoment，flungouthisarmstorecalltheshamefulwords。
\"Coffee，William！\"Isaid，sharply。
Isippedmycoffeeindignantly，foritwasplaintomethatWilliamhadsomethingonhismind。
\"Youarenotvexedwithme，sir？\"hehadthehardihoodtowhisper。
\"Itwasaliberty，\"Isaid。
\"Iknow，sir;butIwasbesidemyself。\"
\"Thatwasalibertyalso。\"
Hehesitated，andthenblurtedout：
\"Itismywife，sir。She——\"
Istoppedhimwithmyhand。William，whomIhadfavouredinsomanyways，wasamarriedman！ImighthaveguessedasmuchyearsbeforehadIeverreflectedaboutwaiters，forIknewvaguelythathisclassdidthissortofthing。Hisconfessionwasdistastefultome，andIsaidwarningly：
\"Rememberwhereyouare，William。\"
\"Yes，sir;butyousee，sheissodelicate——\"
\"Delicate！Iforbidyourspeakingtomeonunpleasanttopics。\"
\"Yes，sir;beggingyourpardon。\"
ItwascharacteristicofWilliamtobegmypardonandwithdrawhiswife，likesomeunsuccessfuldish，asifitstastewouldnotremaininthemouth。Ishallbechidedforquestioninghimfurtherabouthiswife，but，thoughdoubtlessanunusualstep，itwasonlybadformsuperficially，formymotivewasirreproachable。Iinquiredforhiswife，notbecauseIwasinterestedinherwelfare，butinthehopeofallayingmyirritation。SoIamentitledtoinvitethewayfarerwhohasbespatteredmewithmudtoscrapeitoff。
IdesiredtobetoldbyWilliamthatthegirl’ssignalsmeanthiswife’srecoverytohealth。Heshouldhaveseenthatsuchwasmywishandansweredaccordingly。But，withthebrutalinconsideratenessofhisclass，hesaid：
\"Shehashadagoodday;butthedoctor，he——thedoctorisafeardsheisdying。\"
AlreadyIrepentedmyquestions。Williamandhiswifeseemedinleagueagainstme，whentheymightsoeasilyhavechosensomeothermember。
\"Pooh！thedoctor，\"Isaid。
\"Yes，sir，\"heanswered。
\"Haveyoubeenmarriedlong，William？\"
\"Eightyears，sir。Eightyearsagoshewas——I——Imindherwhen……
andnowthedoctorsays——\"
Thefellowgapedatme。\"Morecoffee，sir？\"heasked。
\"Whatisherailment？\"
\"Shewasalwaysoneofthedelicatekind，butfullofspirit，and——andyousee，shehashadababylately——\"
\"William！\"
\"Andshe——I——thedoctorisafeardshe’snotpickingup。\"
\"Ifeelsureshewillpickup。\"
\"Yes，sir？\"
ItmusthavebeenthewineIhaddrunkthatmademetellhim：
\"Iwasoncemarried，William。Mywife——itwasjustsuchacaseasyours。\"
\"Shedidnotgetbettersir？\"
\"No。\"
Afterapausehesaid，\"Thankyou，sir，\"meaningforthesympathythatmademetellhimthat。Butitmusthavebeenthewine。
\"Thatlittlegirlcomesherewithamessagefromyourwife？\"
\"Yes;ifshenodsthreetimesitmeansmywifeisalittlebetter。\"
\"Shenoddedthriceto-day。\"
\"Butsheistoldtodothattorelieveme，andmaybethosenodsdon’ttellthetruth。\"
\"Issheyourgirl？\"
\"No;wehavenonebutthebaby。Sheisaneighbour’s;shecomestwiceaday。\"
\"Itisheartlessofherparentsnottosendhereveryhour。\"
\"Butsheissixyearsold，\"hesaid，\"andhasahouseandtwosisterstolookafterinthedaytime，andadinnertocook。Gentlefolkdon’tunderstand。\"
\"Isupposeyouliveinsomelowpart，William。\"
\"OffDruryLane，\"heanswered，flushing;\"but——butitisn’tlow。Yousee，wewereneverusedtoanythingbetter，andImindwhenIletherseethehousebeforeweweremarried，she——sheasortofcriedbecauseshewassoproudofit。Thatwaseightyearsago，andnow——she’safeardshe’lldiewhenI’mawayatmywork。\"
\"Didshetellyouthat？\"
\"Never;shealwayssayssheisfeelingalittlestronger。\"
\"Thenhowcanyouknowsheisafraidofthat？\"
\"Idon’tknowhowIknow，sir;butwhenIamleavingthehouseinthemorningIlookatherfromthedoor，andshelooksatme，andthenI——
Iknow。\"
\"Agreenchartreuse，William！\"
ItriedtoforgetWilliam’svulgarstoryinbilliards，buthehadspoiledmygame。Myopponent，towhomIcangivetwenty，ranoutwhenIwassixty-seven，andIputasidemycuepettishly。Thatinitselfwasbadform，butwhatwouldtheyhavethoughthadtheyknownthatawaiter’simpertinencecausedit！IgrewangrierwithWilliamasthenightworeon，andnextdayIpunishedhimbygivingmyordersthroughanotherwaiter。
AsIhadmywindow-seat，Icouldnotbutseethatthegirlwaslateagain。SomehowIdawdledovermycoffee。Ihadaneveningpaperbeforeme，buttherewassolittleinitthatmyeyesfoundmoreofinterestinthestreet。ItdidnotmattertomewhetherWilliam’swifedied，butwhenthatgirlhadpromisedtocome，whydidshenotcome？Theselowerclassesonlygivetheirwordtobreakit。Thecoffeewasundrinkable。
AtlastIsawher。Williamwasatanotherwindow，pretendingtodosomethingwiththecurtains。Istoodup，pressingclosertothewindow。ThecoffeehadbeensobadthatIfeltshaky。Shenoddedthreetimes，andsmiled。
\"Sheisalittlebetter，\"Williamwhisperedtome，almostgaily。
\"Whomareyouspeakingof？\"Iasked，coldly，andimmediatelyretiredtothebilliard-room，whereIplayedacapitalgame。Thecoffeewasmuchbettertherethaninthedining-room。
Severaldayspassed，andItookcaretoshowWilliamthatIhadforgottenhismaunderings。Ichancedtoseethelittlegirl（thoughI
neverlookedforher）everyevening，andshealwaysnoddedthreetimes，saveonce，whensheshookherhead，andthenWilliam’sfacegrewwhiteasanapkin。IrememberthisincidentbecausethatnightI
couldnotgetintoapocket。SobadlydidIplaythatthethoughtofitkeptmeawakeinbed，andthat，again，mademewonderhowWilliam’swifewas。NextdayIwenttotheclubearly（whichwasnotmycustom）
toseethenewbooks。Beingintheclubatanyrate，Ilookedintothedining-roomtoaskWilliamifIhadleftmyglovesthere，andthesightofhimremindedmeofhiswife;soIaskedforher。Heshookhisheadmournfully，andIwentoffinarage。
SoaccustomedamItotheclubthatwhenIdineelsewhereIfeeluncomfortablenextmorning，asifIhadmissedadinner。Williamknewthis;yetherehewas，houndingmeoutoftheclub！ThateveningI
dined（asthesayingis）atarestaurant，wherenosaucewasservedwiththeasparagus。Furthermore，asifthatwerenottriumphenoughforWilliam，hisdolefulfacecamebetweenmeandeverydish，andI
seemedtoseehiswifedyingtoannoyme。
Idinednextdayattheclubforself-preservation，taking，however，atableinthemiddleoftheroom，andengagingawaiterwhohadoncenearlypoisonedmebynotinterferingwhenIputtwolumpsofsugarintomycoffeeinsteadofone，whichismyallowance。ButnoWilliamcametometoacknowledgehishumiliation，andby-and-byIbecameawarethathewasnotintheroom。Suddenlythethoughtstruckmethathiswifemustbedead，andI——ItwastheworstcookedandtheworstserveddinnerIeverhadintheclub。
Itriedthesmoking-room。Usuallythetalkthereisentertaining，butonthatoccasionitwassofrivolousthatIdidnotremainfiveminutes。Inthecard-roomamembertoldmeexcitedlythatapolicemanhadspokenrudelytohim;andmystrangecommentwas：
\"Afterall，itisasmallmatter。\"
Inthelibrary，whereIhadnotbeenforyears，Ifoundtwomembersasleep，and，tomysurprise，Williamonaladderdustingbooks。
\"Youhavenotheard，sir？\"hesaid，inanswertomyraisedeyebrows。
Descendingtheladder，hewhisperedtragically：\"Itwaslastevening，sir。I——Ilostmyhead，andI——sworeatamember。\"
IsteppedbackfromWilliam，andglancedapprehensivelyatthetwomembers。Theystillslept。
\"Ihardlyknew，\"Williamwenton，\"whatIwasdoingalldayyesterday，forIhadleftmywifesoweaklythat——\"
Istampedmyfoot。
\"Ibegyourpardonforspeakingofher，\"hehadthegracetosay，\"butIcouldn’thelpslippinguptothewindowoftenyesterdaytolookforJenny，andwhenshedidcome，andIsawshewascrying，it——itsortofconfusedme，andIdidn’tknowright，sir，whatIwasdoing。Ihitagainstamember，Mr。MyddletonFinch，andhe——hejumpedandsworeatme。Well，sir，Ihadjusttouchedhimafterall，andIwassomiserable，itakindofstungmetobetreatedlike——likethat，andmeamanaswellashim;andIlostmysenses，and——andIsworeback。\"
William’sshamedheadsankonhischest，butIevenletpasshisinsolenceinlikeninghimselftoamemberoftheclub，soafraidwasI
ofthesleeperswakinganddetectingmeintalkwithawaiter。
\"FortheloveofGod，\"Williamcried，withcoarseemotion，\"don’tletthemdismissme！\"
\"Speaklower！\"Isaid。\"Whosentyouhere？\"
\"Iwasturnedoutofthedining-roomatonce，andtoldtoattendtothelibraryuntiltheyhaddecidedwhattodowithme。Oh，sir，I’lllosemyplace！\"
Hewasblubbering，asifachangeofwaiters，wasamatterofimportance。
\"Thisisverybad，William，\"Isaid。\"IfearIcandonothingforyou。\"
\"Havemercyonadistractedman！\"heentreated。\"I’llgoonmykneestoMr。MyddletonFinch。\"
HowcouldIbutdespiseafellowwhowouldbethusabjectforapoundaweek？
\"Idarenottellher，\"hecontinued，\"thatIhavelostmyplace。Shewouldjustfallbackanddie。\"
\"Iforbadeyourspeakingofyourwife，\"Isaid，sharply，\"unlessyoucanspeakpleasantlyofher。\"
\"Butshemaybeworsenow，sir，andIcannotevenseeJennyfromhere。
Thelibrarywindowslooktotheback。\"
\"Ifshedies，\"Isaid，\"itwillbeawarningtoyoutomarryastrongerwomannexttime。\"
Noweveryoneknowsthatthereislittlerealaffectionamongthelowerorders。Assoonastheyhavelostonematetheytakeanother。
YetWilliam，forgettingourrelativepositions，drewhimselfupandraisedhisfist，andifIhadnotsteppedbackIswearhewouldhavestruckme。
ThehighlyimproperwordsWilliamusedIwillomit，outofconsiderationforhim。EvenwhilehewasapologisingforthemI
retiredtothesmoking-room，whereIfoundthecigarettessobadlyrolledthattheywouldnotkeepalight。AfteralittleIrememberedthatIwantedtoseeMyddletonFinchaboutanimprovedsaddleofwhichafriendofhishasthepatent。Hewasinthenewsroom，and，havingquestionedhimaboutthesaddle，Isaid：
\"Bytheway，whatisthisstoryaboutyourswearingatoneofthewaiters？\"
\"Youmeanabouthisswearingatme，\"MyddletonFinchreplied，reddening。
\"Iamgladthatwasit，\"Isaid;\"forIcouldnotbelieveyouguiltyofsuchbadform。\"
\"IfIdidswear——\"hewasbeginning，butIwenton：
\"Theversionwhichhasreachedmewasthatyousworeathim，andherepeatedtheword。Iheardhewastobedismissedandyoureprimanded。\"
\"Whotoldyouthat？\"askedMyddletonFinch，whoisatimidman。
\"Iforget;itisclubtalk，\"Ireplied，lightly。\"Butofcoursethecommitteewilltakeyourword。Thewaiter，whicheveroneheis，richlydeserveshisdismissalforinsultingyouwithoutprovocation。\"
Thenourtalkreturnedtothesaddle，butMyddletonFinchwasabstracted，andpresentlyhesaid：
\"Doyouknow，IfancyIwaswronginthinkingthatthewaitersworeatme，andI’llwithdrawmychargeto-morrow。\"
MyddletonFinchthenleftme，and，sittingalone，IrealisedthatI
hadbeendoingWilliamaservice。TosomeslightextentImayhaveintentionallyhelpedhimtoretainhisplaceintheclub，andInowseethereason，whichwasthathealoneknowspreciselytowhatextentIlikemyclaretheated。
ForameresecondIrememberedWilliam’sremarkthatheshouldnotbeabletoseethegirlJennyfromthelibrarywindows。ThenthisrecollectiondrovefrommyheadthatIhadonlydinedinthesensethatmydinner-billwaspaid。Returningtothedining-room，Ihappenedtotakemychairatthewindow，andwhileIwaseatingadeviledkidneyIsawinthestreetthegirlwhosenodshadsuchanabsurdeffectonWilliam。
Thechildrenofthepoorareasthoughtlessastheirparents，andthisJennydidnotsigntothewindowsinthehopethatWilliammightseeher，thoughshecouldnotseehim。Herface，whichwasdisgracefullydirty，boredoubtanddismayonit，butwhethershebroughtgoodnewsitwouldnottell。SomehowIhadexpectedhertosignalwhenshesawme，and，thoughhermessagecouldnotinterestme，Iwasinthemoodinwhichoneisirritatedatthatnottakingplacewhichheisawaiting。Ultimatelysheseemedtobemakinguphermindtogoaway。
Aboywaspassingwiththeeveningpapers，andIhurriedouttogetone，ratherthoughtlessly，forwehaveallthepapersintheclub。
Unfortunately，Imisunderstoodthedirectiontheboyhadtaken;butroundthefirstcorner（outofsightoftheclubwindows）IsawthegirlJenny，andsoaskedherhowWilliam’swifewas。
\"Didhesendyoutome？\"shereplied，impertinentlytakingmeforawaiter。\"My！\"sheadded，afterasecondscrutiny，\"Ib’lieveyou’reoneofthem。Hismissisisabitbetter，andIwastotellhimasshetookallthetapiocar。\"
\"Howcouldyoutellhim？\"Iasked。
\"Iwastodolikethis，\"shereplied，andwentthroughthesuppingofsomethingoutofaplateindumb-show。
\"Thatwouldnotshowsheateallthetapioca，\"Isaid。
\"ButIwastoendlikethis，\"sheanswered，lickinganimaginaryplatewithhertongue。
Igaveherashilling（togetridofher），andreturnedtotheclubdisgusted。
LaterintheeveningIhadtogototheclublibraryforabook，andwhileWilliamwaslookinginvainforit（Ihadforgottenthetitle）I
saidtohim：
\"Bytheway，William，Mr。MyddletonFinchistotellthecommitteethathewasmistakeninthechargehebroughtagainstyou，soyouwilldoubtlessberestoredtothedining-roomto-morrow。\"
Thetwomemberswerestillintheirchairs，probablysleepinglightly;
yethehadtheeffronterytothankme。
\"Don’tthankme，\"Isaid，blushingattheimputation。\"Rememberyourplace，William！\"
\"ButMr。MyddletonFinchknewIswore，\"heinsisted。
\"Agentleman，\"Ireplied，stiffly，\"cannotrememberfortwenty-fourhourswhatawaiterhassaidtohim。\"
\"No，sir;but——\"
TostophimIhadtosay：\"And，ah，William，yourwifeisalittlebetter。Shehaseatenthetapioca——allofit。\"
\"Howcanyourknow，sir？\"
\"Byanaccident。\"
\"Jennysignedtothewindow？\"
\"No。\"
\"Thenyousawher，andwentout，and——\"
\"Nonsense！\"
\"Oh，sir，todothatforme！MayGodbl——\"
\"William！\"
\"Forgiveme，sir;but——whenItellmymissis，shewillsayitwasthoughtofyourownwifeasmadeyoudoit。\"
Hewrungmyhand。Idarednotwithdrawit，lestweshouldwakenthesleepers。
Williamreturnedtothedining-room，andIhadtoshowhimthatifhedidnotceaselookinggratefullyatmeImustchangemywaiter。Ialsoorderedhimtostoptellingmenightlyhowhiswifewas，butI
continuedtoknow，asIcouldnothelpseeingthegirlJennyfromthewindow。TwiceinaweekIlearnedfromthisobjectionablechildthattheailingwomanhadagaineatenallthetapioca。ThenIbecamesuspiciousofWilliam。Iwilltellwhy。
ItbeganwitharemarkofCaptainUpjohn’s。Wehadbeenspeakingoftheinconvenienceofnotbeingabletogetahotdishservedafter1
A。M。，andhesaid：
\"Itisbecausetheselazywaiterswouldstrike。Ifthebeggarshadaloveoftheirworktheywouldnotrushawayfromtheclubthemomentoneo’clockstrikes。Thatglumfellowwhooftenwaitsonyoutakestohisheelsthemomentheisclearoftheclubsteps。Heranintometheothernightatthetopofthestreet，andwasoffwithoutapologising。\"
\"Youmeanthefootofthestreet，Upjohn，\"Isaid;forsuchisthewaytoDruryLane。
\"No;Imeanthetop。Themanwasrunningwest。\"
\"East。\"
\"West。\"
Ismiled，whichsoannoyedhimthathebetmetwotooneinsovereigns。ThebetcouldhavebeendecidedmostquicklybyaskingWilliamaquestion，butIthought，foolishlydoubtless，thatitmighthurthisfeelings，soIwatchedhimleavetheclub。ThepossibilityofUpjohn’swinningthebethadseemedremotetome。Conceivemysurprise，thereforewhenWilliamwentwestward。
Amazed，IpursuedhimalongtwostreetswithoutrealisingthatIwasdoingso。Thencuriosityputmeintoahansom。WefollowedWilliam，anditprovedtobeathree-shillingfare，for，runningwhenhewasinbreathandwalkingwhenhewasoutofit，hetookmetoWestKensington。
Idischargedmycab，andfromacrossthestreetwatchedWilliam’sincomprehensiblebehaviour。Hehadstoppedatadingyrowofworkmen’shouses，andknockedatthedarkenedwindowofoneofthem。Presentlyalightshowed。SofarasIcouldsee，someonepulleduptheblindandfortenminutestalkedtoWilliam。Iwasuncertainwhethertheytalked，forthewindowwasnotopened，andIfeltthat，hadWilliamspokenthroughtheglassloudenoughtobeheardinside，Imusthaveheardhimtoo。Yethenoddedandbeckoned。Iwasstillbewilderedwhen，bysettingoffthewayhehadcome，hegavemetheopportunityofgoinghome。
Knowingfromthetalkoftheclubwhatthelowerordersare，couldI
doubtthatthiswassomediscreditablelove-affairofWilliam’s？Hissolicitudeforhiswifehadbeenmerepretence;sofarasitwasgenuine，itmeantthathefearedshemightrecover。Heprobablytoldherthathewasdetainednightlyintheclubtillthree。
Iwasmiserablenextday，andblamedthedeviledkidneysforit。
WhetherWilliamwasunfaithfultohiswifewasnothingtome，butI
hadtwoplainreasonsforinsistingonhisgoingstraighthomefromhisclub：theonethat，ashehadmademeloseabet，Imustpunishhim;theotherthathecouldwaituponmebetterifhewenttobedbetimes。
YetIdidnotquestionhim。Therewassomethinginhisfacethat——
Well，Iseemedtoseehisdyingwifeinit。
IwassooutofsortsthatIcouldeatnodinner。Ilefttheclub。
Happeningtostandforsometimeatthefootofthestreet，IchancedtoseethegirlJennycoming，and——No;letmetellthetruth，thoughthewholeclubreads：Iwaswaitingforher。
\"HowisWilliam’swifeto-day？\"Iasked。
\"Shetoldmetonodthreetimes，\"thelittleslatternreplied;\"butshelookedlikenothinkbutadeadonetillshegotthebrandy。
\"Hush，child！\"Isaid，shocked。\"Youdon’tknowhowthedeadlook。\"
\"Blessyer，\"sheanswered，\"don’tIjust！Why，I’vehelpedtolay’emout。I’mgoingonseven。\"
\"IsWilliamgoodtohiswife？\"
\"Courseheis。Ain’tshehismissis？\"
\"Whyshouldthatmakehimgoodtoher？\"Iasked，cynically，outofmyknowledgeofthepoor。Butthegirl，precociousinmanyways，hadneverhadanyopportunitiesofstudyingthelowerclassesinthenewspapers，fiction，andclubtalk。Sheshutoneeye，and，lookingupwonderingly，said：
\"Ain’tyougreen——just！\"
\"WhendoesWilliamreachhomeatnight？\"
\"’Tain’tnight;it’smorning。WhenIwakesupathalfdarkandhalflight，andhearsadoorshutting，Iknowasit’seitherfathergoingofftohisworkorMr。Hickingcomehomefromhis。\"
\"WhoisMr。Hicking？\"
\"Himaswe’vebeenspeakingon——William。Wecallshimmister，’causehe’satoff。Father’sjustdoingjobsinCoventGardens，butMr。
Hicking，he’sawaiter，andacleanshirteveryday。Theoldwomanwouldlikefathertobeawaiter，buthehain’tgotthe’ristocraticlook。\"
\"Whatoldwoman？\"
\"Go’long！that’smymother。Isittruethere’sawaiterintheclubjustfortoopenthedoor？\"
\"Yes;but——\"
\"Andanotherjustfortolickthestamps？My！\"
\"Williamleavestheclubatoneo’clock？\"Isaid，interrogatively。
Shenodded。\"Mymother，\"shesaid，\"isonetotalk，andshesaysMr。
Hickingasheshouldgetawayattwelve，’causehismissisneedshimmore’nthegentlemenneedhim。Theoldwomandotalk。\"
\"AndwhatdoesWilliamanswertothat？\"
\"Hesaysasthegentlemancan’tbekeptwaitingfortheircheese。\"
\"ButWilliamdoesnotgostraighthomewhenheleavestheclub？\"
\"That’sthekid。\"
\"Kid！\"Iechoed，scarcelyunderstanding，for，knowinghowlittlethepoorlovetheirchildren，IhadaskedWilliamnoquestionsaboutthebaby。
\"Didn’tyouknowhismissishadakid？\"
\"Yes;butthatisnoexcuseforWilliam’sstayingawayfromhissickwife，\"Ianswered，sharply。AbabyinsuchahomeasWilliam’s，I
reflected，mustbetrying;butstill——Besides，hisclasscansleepthroughanydin。
\"Thekidain’tinourcourt，\"thegirlexplained。\"He’sinW。，heis，andI’veneverbeenoutofW。C。;leastwise，notasIknowson。\"
\"ThisisW。IsupposeyoumeanthatthechildisatWestKensington？
Well，nodoubtitwasbetterforWilliam’swifetogetridofthechild——\"
\"Better！\"interposedthegirl。\"’Tain’tbetterforhernottohavethekid。Ain’thernothavinghimwhatshe’salwaysthinkingonwhenshelookslikeadeadone？\"
\"Howcouldyouknowthat？\"
\"Cause，\"answeredthegirl，illustratingherwordswithagesture，\"I
watchesher，andIseesherarmsgoingthisway，justlikeasshewantedtohugherkid。\"
\"Possiblyyouareright，\"Isaid，frowning;\"butWilliamhadputthechildouttonursebecauseitdisturbedhisnight’srest。Amanwhohashisworktodo——\"
\"Youaregreen！\"
\"Thenwhyhavethemotherandchildbeenseparated？\"
\"Alongofthattheremeasles。Nearalltheyoung’unsinourcourthas’embad。\"
\"Haveyouhadthem？\"
\"Isaidtheyoung’uns。\"
\"AndWilliamsentthebabytoWestKensingtontoescapeinfection？\"
\"Tookhim，hedid。\"
\"Againsthiswife’swishes？\"
\"Na-o！\"
\"Yousaidshewasdyingforwantofthechild？\"
\"Wouldn’tsheraytherdiethanhavethekiddie？\"
\"Don’tspeaksoheartlessly，child。WhydoesWilliamnotgostraighthomefromtheclub？DoeshegotoWestKensingtontoseeit？\"
\"’Tain’tahit，it’san’e。Coursehedo。\"
\"Thenheshouldnot。Hiswifehasthefirstclaimonhim。\"
\"Ain’tyougreen！It’shismissisaswantshimtogo。Doyouthinkshecouldsleeptillsheknowedhowthekidwas？\"
\"ButhedoesnotgointothehouseatWestKensington？\"
\"Ishesoft？Coursehedon’tgoin，fearoftakingtheinfectiontothekid。Theyjustholdsthekidupatthewindowtohim，soashecanhaveagoodlook。Thenhecomeshomeandtellshismissis。Hesitsfootofthebedandtells。\"
\"Andthattakesplaceeverynight？Hecan’thavemuchtotell。\"
\"Hehasjust。\"
\"Hecanonlysaywhetherthechildiswellorill。\"
\"My！Hetellswhatadifferencethereisinthekidsinceheseedhimlast。\"
\"Therecanbenodifference！\"
\"Go’long！Ain’takidalwaysgrowing？Haven’tMr。Hickingtotellhowthehairisgettingdarker，andheapsofthingsbeside？\"
\"Suchaswhat？\"
\"Likewhetherhelarfed，andifhehashernose，andhowasheknowedhim。Hetellsherthemthingsmore’nonce。\"
\"Andallthistimeheissittingatthefootofthebed？\"
\"’Ceptwhenheholdsherhand。\"
\"Butwhendoeshegettobedhimself？\"
\"Hedon’tgetmuch。Hetellsherashehasasleepattheclub。\"
\"Hecannotsaythat。\"
\"Hain’tIheardhim？Buthedogotohisbedabit，andthentheybothliesquiet，herpretendingsheissleepingsoashecansleep，andhim’feardtosleepcaseheshouldn’twakeuptogiveherthebottlestuff。\"
\"Whatdoesthedoctorsayabouther？\"
\"He’sagoodone，thedoctor。Sometimeshesaysshewouldgetbetterifshecouldseethekidthroughthewindow。\"
\"Nonsense！\"
\"Andifshewastooktothecountry。\"
\"ThenwhydoesnotWilliamtakeher？\"
\"My！youaregreen！Andifshedrankportwines。\"
\"Doesn’tshe？\"
\"No;butWilliam，hetellsheraboutthegentlemendrinkingthem。\"
OnthetenthdayaftermyconversationwiththisunattractivechildI
wasinmybrougham，withthewindowsup，andIsatback，apaperbeforemyfacelestanyoneshouldlookin。Naturally，IwasafraidofbeingseenincompanyofWilliam’swifeandJenny，formenabouttownareuncharitable，and，despitetheexplanationIhadready，mighthavechargedmewithpityingWilliam。Asamatteroffact，WilliamwassendinghiswifeintoSurreytostaywithanoldnurseofmine，andI
wasdrivingherdownbecausemyhorsesneededanouting。Besides，I
wasgoingthatwayatanyrate。
IhadarrangedthatthegirlJenny，whowaswearinganoutrageousbonnet，shouldaccompanyus，because，knowingthegreedofherclass，Ifearedshemightblackmailmeattheclub。
Williamjoinedusinthesuburbs，bringingthebabywithhim，asIhadforeseentheywouldallbeoccupiedwithit，andtosavemethetroubleofconversingwiththem。Mrs。HickingIfoundtoopaleandfragileforaworkingman’swife，andIformedameanopinionofherintelligencefromherprideinthebaby，whichwasaveryordinaryone。Shecreatedquiteavulgarscenewhenitwasbroughttoher，thoughshehadgivenmeherwordnottodoso，whatirritatedmeevenmorethanhertearsbeingherill-bredapologythatshe\"hadbeen’fearedbabywouldn’tknowheragain。\"Iwouldhavetoldhertheydidn’tknowanyoneforyearshadInotbeenafraidofthegirlJenny，whodandledtheinfantonherkneesandtalkedtoitasifitunderstood。Shekeptmeontenter-hooksbyaskingitoffensivequestions，suchas，\"’Ooknowwhogivemethatbonnet？\"andansweringthemherself，\"Itwastheprettygentlemanthere;\"andseveraltimesI
hadtoaffectsleepbecausesheannounced，\"Kiddywantstokisstheprettygentleman。\"
Irksomeasallthisnecessarilywastoamanoftaste，Isufferedevenmorewhenwereachedourdestination。AswedrovethroughthevillagethegirlJennyutteredshrieksofdelightatthesightofflowersgrowingupthecottagewalls，anddeclaredtheywere\"justlikeamusic-’allwithoutthedrinklicense。\"Asmyhorsesrequiredarest，I
wasforcedtoabandonmyintentionofdroppingthesepersonsattheirlodgingsandreturningtotownatonce，andIcouldnotgototheinnlestIshouldmeetinquisitiveacquaintances。Disagreeablecircumstances，therefore，compelledmetotaketeawithawaiter’sfamily——closetoawindowtoo，throughwhichIcouldseethegirlJennytalkingexcitedlytothevillagers，andtellingthem，Ifeltcertain，thatIhadbeengoodtoWilliam。Ihadadesiretogooutandputmyselfrightwiththosepeople。
William’slongconnectionwiththeclubshouldhavegivenhimsomemanners，butapparentlyhisclasscannottakethemon，for，thoughheknewIregardedhisthanksasaninsult，helookedthemwhenhewasnotspeakingthem，andhardlyhadhesatdown，bymyorders，thanherememberedthatIwasamemberoftheclub，andjumpedup。Nothingisinworseformthanwhispering，yetagainandagain，whenhethoughtI
wasnotlistening，hewhisperedtoMrs。Hicking，\"Youdon’tfeelfaint？\"or\"Howareyounow？\"Hewasalsoinextravagantgleebecausesheatetwocakes（ittakessolittletoputthesepeopleingoodspirits），andwhenshesaidshefeltlikeanotherbeingalreadythefellow’sfacechargedmewiththechange。Icouldnotbutconclude，fromthewayMrs。Hickingletthebabypoundher，thatshewasstrongerthanshehadpretended。
Iremainedlongerthanwasnecessary，becauseIhadsomethingtosaytoWilliamwhichIknewhewouldmisunderstand，andsoIputoffsayingit。ButwhenheannouncedthatitwastimeforhimtoreturntoLondon，——atwhichhiswifesuddenlypaled，sothathehadtosigntohernottobreakdown，——Ideliveredthemessage。
\"William，\"Isaid，\"theheadwaiteraskedmetosaythatyoucouldtakeafortnight’sholidayjustnow。Yourwageswillbepaidasusual。\"
Confoundthem！Williamhadmebythehand，andhiswifewasintearsbeforeIcouldreachthedoor。
\"Isityourdoingagain，sir？\"Williamcried。
\"William！\"Isaid，fiercely。
\"Weoweeverythingtoyou，\"heinsisted。\"Theportwine——\"
\"BecauseIhadnoroomforitinmycellar。\"
\"ThemoneyforthenurseinLondon——\"
\"BecauseIobjectedtobeingwaitedonbyamanwhogotnosleep。\"
\"Theselodgings——\"
\"BecauseIwantedtodosomethingformyoldnurse。\"
\"Andnow，sir，afortnight’sholiday！\"
\"Good-bye，William！\"Isaid，inafury。
ButbeforeIcouldgetawayMrs。HickingsignedtoWilliamtoleavetheroom，andthenshekissedmyhand。Shesaidsomethingtome。Itwasaboutmywife。SomehowI——WhatbusinesshadWilliamtotellheraboutmywife？
TheyareallbackinDruryLanenow，andWilliamtellsmethathiswifesingsatherworkjustasshedideightyearsago。Ihavenointerestinthis，andtrytocheckhistalkofit;butsuchpeoplehavenosenseofpropriety，andheevenspeaksofthegirlJenny，whosentmelatelyagaudypairofworstedglovesworkedbyherownhand。
Themeanestadvantagetheytookofmyweakness，however，wasincallingtheirbabyafterme。Ihaveanuncomfortablesuspicion，too，thatWilliamhasgiventheotherwaitershisversionoftheaffair;
butIfeelsafesolongasitdoesnotreachthecommittee。
THEBLACKPOODLE
BY
F。ANSTEY
Ihavesetmyselfthetaskofrelatinginthecourseofthisstory，withoutsuppressingoralteringasingledetail，themostpainfulandhumiliatingepisodeofmylife。
Idothis，notbecauseitwillgivemetheleastpleasure，butsimplybecauseitaffordsmeanopportunityofextenuatingmyself，whichhashithertobeenwhollydeniedtome。
Asageneralrule，Iamquiteawarethattopublishalengthyexplanationofone’sconductinanyquestionabletransactionisnotthebestmeansofrecoveringalostreputation;butinmyowncasethereisonetowhomIshallnevermorebepermittedtojustifybywordofmouth——evenifIfoundmyselfabletoattemptit。Andasshecouldnotpossiblythinkworseofmethanshedoesatpresent，Iwritethis，knowingitcandomenoharm，andfaintlyhopingthatitmaycometohernoticeandsuggestadoubtwhetherIamquitesounscrupulousavillain，soconsummateahypocrite，asIhavebeenforcedtoappearinhereyes。
Thebarechanceofsucharesultmakesmeperfectlyindifferenttoallelse;Icheerfullyexposetothederisionofthewholereadingworldthestoryofmyweaknessandmyshame，sincebydoingsoImaypossiblyrehabilitatemyselfsomewhatinthegoodopinionofoneperson。
Havingsaidsomuch，Iwillbeginmyconfessionwithoutfurtherdelay。
MynameisAlgernonWeatherhead，andImayaddthatIaminoneofthegovernmentdepartments，thatIamanonlyson，andliveathomewithmymother。
WehadhadahouseatHammersmithuntiljustbeforetheperiodcoveredbythishistory，when，ourleaseexpiring，mymotherdecidedthatmyhealthrequiredcountryairatthecloseoftheday，andsowetooka\"desirablevillaresidence\"ononeofthemanynewbuildingestateswhichhavelatelysprungupinsuchprofusioninthehomecounties。
Wehavecalledit\"WistariaVilla。\"Itisaprettylittleplace，thelastofarowofdetachedvillas，eachwithitstinyrusticcarriage-
gateandgravelsweepinfront，andlawnenoughforatennis-courtbehind，whichlinestheroadleadingoverthehilltotherailway-
station。
Icouldcertainlyhavewishedthatourlandlord，shortlyaftergivingustheagreement，couldhavefoundsomeotherplacetohanghimselfinthanoneofourattics，fortheconsequencewasthatahousemaidleftusinviolenthystericsabouteverytwomonths，havinglearnedthetragedyfromthetradespeople，andnaturally\"seenasomethink\"
immediatelyafterward。
Stillitisapleasanthouse，andIcannowalmostforgivethelandlordforwhatIshallalwaysconsideranactofgrossselfishnessonhispart。
Inthecountry，evensoneartown，anext-doorneighborissomethingmorethanamerenumeral;heisapossibleacquaintance，whowillatleastconsideranew-comerasworththeexperimentofacall。Isoonknewthat\"Shuturgarden，\"thenexthousetoourown，wasoccupiedbyaColonelCurrie，aretiredIndianofficer;andoften，asacrossthelowboundarywallIcaughtaglimpseofagracefulgirlishfigureflittingaboutamongtherose-bushesintheneighbouringgarden，Iwouldlosemyselfinpleasantanticipationsofatimenottoofardistantwhenthewallwhichseparateduswouldbe（metaphorically）levelled。
Iremember——ah，howvividly！——thethrillofexcitementwithwhichI
heardfrommymother，onreturningfromtownoneevening，thattheCurrieshadcalled，andseemeddisposedtobeallthatwasneighbourlyandkind。
Iremember，too，theSundayafternoononwhichIreturnedtheircall——
alone，asmymotherhadalreadydonesoduringtheweek。Iwasstandingonthestepsofthecolonel’svilla，waitingforthedoortoopen，whenIwasstartledbyafurioussnarlingandyappingbehind，and，lookinground，discoveredalargepoodleintheactofmakingformylegs。
Hewasacoal-blackpoodle，withhalfofhisrighteargone，andabsurdlittlethickmoustachesattheendofhisnose;hewasshavedintheshamlionfashion，whichisconsidered，forsomemysteriousreason，toimproveapoodle，butthebarberhadleftsundrylittletuftsofhair，whichstuddedhishaunchescapriciously。
Icouldnothelpbeingreminded，asIlookedathim，ofanotherblackpoodle，whichFaustentertainedforashorttimewithunhappyresults，andIthoughtthataverymoderatedegreeofincantationwouldbeenoughtobringthefiendoutofthisbrute。
Hemademeintenselyuncomfortable，forIamofaslightlynervoustemperament，withaconstitutionalhorrorofdogs，andaliabilitytoattacksofdiffidenceonperformingtheordinarysocialritesunderthemostfavourableconditions，andcertainlytheconsciousnessthatastrangeandapparentlysavagedogwasengagedinworryingtheheelsofmybootswasthereverseofreassuring。
TheCurriefamilyreceivedmewithallpossiblekindness。\"Socharmedtomakeyouracquaintance，Mr。Weatherhead，\"saidMrs。Currie，asI
shookhands。\"Isee，\"sheadded，pleasantly，\"you’vebroughtthedoggieinwithyou。\"Asamatteroffact，Ihadbroughtthedoggieinattheendsofmycoat-tails;butitwasevidentlynounusualoccurrenceforvisitorstoappearinthisundignifiedmanner，forshedetachedhimquiteasamatterofcourse，andassoonasIwassufficientlycollectedwefellintoconversation。
Idiscoveredthatthecolonelandhiswifewerechildless，andtheslenderwillowyfigureIhadseenacrossthegardenwallwasthatofLilianRoseblade，theirnieceandadopteddaughter。Shecameintotheroomshortlyafterward，andIfelt，asIwentthroughtheformofanintroduction，thathersweet，freshface，shadedbysoftmassesofdusky-brownhair，morethanjustifiedallthedreamyhopesandfancieswithwhichIhadlookedforwardtothatmoment。
Shetalkedtomeinapretty，confidential，appealingway，whichI
haveheardherdearestfriendscensureaschildishandaffected;butI
thoughtthenthathermannerhadanindescribablecharmandfascinationaboutit，andthememoryofitmakesmyheartachenowwithapangthatisnotallpain。
EvenbeforethecolonelmadehisappearanceIhadbeguntoseethatmyenemy，thepoodle，occupiedanexceptionalpositioninthathousehold。
ItwasabundantlyclearbythetimeItookmyleave。
Heseemedtobethecentreoftheirdomesticsystem，andevenlovelyLilianrevolvedcontentedlyaroundhimasakindofsatellite;hecoulddonowronginhisowner’seyes，hisprejudices（andhewasanarrow-mindedanimal）wererigorouslyrespected，andalldomesticarrangementsweremadewithaprimaryviewtohisconvenience。
Imaybewrong，butIcannotthinkthatitiswisetoputanypoodleuponsuchapedestalasthat。Howthisoneinparticular，asordinaryaquadrupedaseverbreathed，hadcontrivedtoimposethusuponhisinfatuatedproprietors，Inevercouldunderstand，butsoitwas;heevenengrossedthechiefpartoftheconversation，whichafteranylullseemedtoveerroundtohimbyasortofnaturallaw。
Ihadtoendurealongbiographicalsketchofhim，——whatasocietypaperwouldcallan\"anecdotalphoto，\"——andeachfreshanecdoteseemedtometoexhibitthedepravedmalignityofthebeastinamoreglaringlight，andrenderthedotingadmirationofthefamilymoreastoundingthanever。
\"DidyoutellMr。Weatherhead，Lily，aboutBingo\"（Bingowasthepoodle’spreposterousname）\"andTacks？No？Oh，I/must/tellhimthat;it’llmakehimlaugh。Tacksisourgardenerdowninthevillage（d’yeknowTacks？）。Well，Tackswasupheretheotherday，nailingupsometrellis-workatthetopofaladder，andallthetimetherewasMasterBingosittingquietlyatthefootofitlookingon;wouldn’tleaveitonanyaccount。Tackssaidhewasquitecompanyforhim。
Well，atlast，whenTackshadfinishedandwascomingdown，whatdoyouthingthatrascaltheredid？Justsneakedquietlyupbehindandnippedhiminbothcalvesandranoff。Beenlookingoutforthatthewholetime！Ha，ha！——deepthat，eh？\"
Iagreed，withaninwardshudder，thatitwasverydeep，thinkingprivatelythat，ifthiswasaspecimenofBingo’susualtreatmentofthenatives，itwouldbeoddifhedidnotfindhimselfdeeperstillbefore——probably/just/before——hedied。
\"Poor，faithfulolddoggie！\"murmuredMrs。Currie;\"hethoughtTackswasanastyburglar，didn’the？Hewasn’tgoingtoseemasterrobbedwashe？\"
\"Capitalhouse-dog，sir，\"struckinthecolonel。\"Gad，IshallneverforgethowhemadepoorHeavisidesrunforittheotherday！EvermetHeavisidesoftheBombayFusileers？Well，Heavisideswasstayinghere，andthedogmethimonemorningashewascomingdownfromthebath-
room。Didn’trecognisehimin’pajamas’andadressing-gown，ofcourse，andmadeathim。HekeptpooroldHeavisidesoutsidethelandingwindowontopofthecisternforaquarterofanhour，tillI
hadtocomeandraisethesiege！\"
Suchwerethestoriesofthatabandoneddog’sblunderheadedferocitytowhichIwasforcedtolisten，whileallthetimethebrutesatoppositemeonthehearth-rug，blinkingatmefromunderhisshaggymanewithhisevil，blearedeyes，anddeliberatingwherehewouldhavemewhenIrosetogo。