Amanwhoisbornwiththenovel-writinggifthasatroublesometimeofitwhenhetriestobuildanovel。Iknowthisfromexperience。Hehasnoclearideaofhisstory；infacthehasnostory。Hemerelyhassomepeopleinhismind，andanincidentortwo，alsoalocality。Heknowsthesepeople，heknowstheselectedlocality，andhetruststhathecanplungethosepeopleintothoseincidentswithinterestingresults。Sohegoestowork。Towriteanovel？No——thatisathoughtwhichcomeslater；inthebeginningheisonlyproposingtotellalittletale；averylittletale；asix-pagetale。Butasitisatalewhichheisnotacquaintedwith，andcanonlyfindoutwhatitisbylisteningasitgoesalongtellingitself，itismorethanapttogoonandonandontillitspreadsitselfintoabook。Iknowaboutthis，becauseithashappenedtomesomanytimes。
AndIhavenoticedanotherthing：thatastheshorttalegrowsintothelongtale，theoriginalintention（ormotif）isapttogetabolishedandfinditselfsupersededbyaquitedifferentone。ItwassointhecaseofamagazinesketchwhichIoncestartedtowrite——afunnyandfantasticsketchaboutaprinceandapauper；itpresentlyassumedagravecastofitsownaccord，andinthatnewshapespreaditselfoutintoabook。
Muchthesamethinghappenedwith\"Pudd’nheadWilson。\"Ihadasufficientlyhardtimewiththattale，becauseitchangeditselffromafarcetoatragedywhileIwasgoingalongwithit——amostembarrassingcircumstance。Butwhatwasagreatdealworsewas，thatitwasnotonestory，buttwostoriestangledtogether；andtheyobstructedandinterruptedeachotherateveryturnandcreatednoendofconfusionandannoyance。Icouldnotofferthebookforpublication，forIwasafraiditwouldunseatthereader’sreason。Ididnotknowwhatwasthematterwithit，forIhadnotnoticed，asyet，thatitwastwostoriesinone。
Ittookmemonthstomakethatdiscovery。IcarriedthemanuscriptbackandforthacrosstheAtlantictwoorthreetimes，andreaditandstudiedoveritonshipboard；andatlastIsawwherethedifficultylay。Ihadnofurthertrouble。Ipulledoneofthestoriesoutbytheroots，andlefttheotherone——akindofliteraryCaesareanoperation。
WouldthereadercaretoknowsomethingaboutthestorywhichIpulledout？Hehasbeentoldmanyatimehowtheborn-and-trainednovelistworks。Won’theletmeroundandcompletehisknowledgebytellinghimhowthejack-legdoesit？
Originallythestorywascalled\"ThoseExtraordinaryTwins。\"Imeanttomakeitveryshort。IhadseenapictureofayouthfulItalian\"freak\"
or\"freaks\"whichwas——orwhichwere——onexhibitioninourcities——acombinationconsistingoftwoheadsandfourarmsjoinedtoasinglebodyandasinglepairoflegs——andIthoughtIwouldwriteanextravagantlyfantasticlittlestorywiththisfreakofnatureforhero——orheroes——
asillyyoungmissforheroine，andtwooldladiesandtwoboysfortheminorparts。Ilavishlyelaboratedthesepeopleandtheirdoings，ofcourse。Butthetalekeptspreadingalong，andspreadingalong，andotherpeoplegottointrudingthemselvesandtakingupmoreandmoreroomwiththeirtalkandtheiraffairs。AmongthemcameastrangernamedPudd’nheadWilson，andawomannamedRoxana；andpresentlythedoingsofthesetwopushedupintoprominenceayoungfellownamedTomDriscoll，whoseproperplacewasawayintheobscurebackground。Beforethebookwashalffinishedthosethreeweretakingthingsalmostentirelyintotheirownhandsandworkingthewholetaleasaprivateventureoftheirown——atalewhichtheyhadnothingatalltodowith，byrights。
WhenthebookwasfinishedandIcametolookaroundtoseewhathadbecomeoftheteamIhadoriginallystartedoutwith——AuntPatsyCooper，AuntBetsyHale，thetwoboys，andRowenathelight-weightheroine——theywerenowheretobeseen；theyhaddisappearedfromthestorysometimeorother。Ihuntedaboutandfoundthemfoundthemstranded，idle，forgotten，andpermanentlyuseless。Itwasveryawkward。Itwasawkwardallaround；butmoreparticularlyinthecaseofRowena，becausetherewasalove-matchon，betweenherandoneofthetwinsthatconstitutedthefreak，andIhadworkedituptoablisteringheatandthrowninaquitedramaticlove-quarrel，whereinRowenascathinglydenouncedherbetrothedforgettingdrunk，andscoffedathisexplanationofhowithadhappened，andwouldn’tlistentoit，andhaddrivenhimfromherintheusual\"forever\"way；andnowhereshesatcryingandbroken-hearted；forshehadfoundthathehadspokenonlythetruth；thatitwasnothe，buttheotherhalfofthefreak，thathaddrunktheliquorthatmadehimdrunk；thatherhalfwasaprohibitionistandhadneverdrunkadropinhislife，and，althoughtightasabrickthreedaysintheweek，waswhollyinnocentofblame；andindeed，whensober，wasconstantlydoingallhecouldtoreformhisbrother，theotherhalf，whonevergotanysatisfactionoutofdrinking，anyway，becauseliquorneveraffectedhim。
Yes，hereshewas，strandedwiththatdeepinjusticeofherstorturingherpoortornheart。
Ididn’tknowwhattodowithher。Iwasassorryforherasanybodycouldbe，butthecampaignwasover，thebookwasfinished，shewassidetracked，andtherewasnopossiblewayofcrowdingherin，anywhere。
Icouldnotleaveherthere，ofcourse；itwouldnotdo。Afterspreadingheroutso，andmakingsuchato-dooverheraffairs，itwouldbeabsolutelynecessarytoaccounttothereaderforher。Ithoughtandthoughtandstudiedandstudied；butIarrivedatnothing。Ifinallysawplainlythattherewasreallynowaybutone——Imustsimplygiveherthegrandbounce。Itgrievedmetodoit，forafterassociatingwithhersomuchIhadcometokindoflikeherafterafashion，notwithstandingshewassuchanassandsaidsuchstupidirritatingthingsandwassonauseatinglysentimental。Stillithadtobedone。So，atthetopofChapterXVII，Iputina\"Calendar\"remarkconcerningJulyFourth，andbeganthechapterwiththisstatistic：
\"Rowenawentoutinthebackyardaftersuppertoseethefireworksandfelldownthewellandgotdrowned。\"
Itseemedabrupt，butIthoughtmaybethereaderwouldn’tnoticeit，becauseIchangedthesubjectrightawaytosomethingelse。AnywayitloosenedupRowenafromwhereshewasstuckandgotheroutoftheway，andthatwasthemainthing。Itseemedapromptgoodwayofweedingoutpeoplethathadgotstalled，andaplentygoodenoughwayforthoseothers；soIhuntedupthetwoboysandsaid\"theywentoutbackonenighttostonethecatandfelldownthewellandgotdrowned。\"NextI
searchedaroundandfoundoldAuntPatsyCooperandAuntBetsyHalewheretheywereaground，andsaid\"theywentoutbackonenighttovisitthesickandfelldownthewellandgotdrowned。\"Iwasgoingtodrownsomeoftheothers，butIgaveuptheidea，partlybecauseIbelievedthatifIkeptthatupitwouldarouseattention，andperhapssympathywiththosepeople，andpartlybecauseitwasnotalargewellandwouldnotholdanymoreanyway。
Stillthestorywasunsatisfactory。Herewasasetofnewcharacterswhowerebecomeinordinatelyprominentandwhopersistedinremainingsototheend；andbackyonderwasanoldersetwhomadealargenoiseandagreatto-doforalittlewhileandthensuddenlyplayedoututterlyandfelldownthewell。Therewasaradicaldefectsomewhere，andImustsearchitoutandcureit。
Thedefectturnedouttobetheonealreadyspokenof——twostoriesinone，afarceandatragedy。SoIpulledoutthefarceandleftthetragedy。Thislefttheoriginalteamin，butonlyasmerenames，notascharacters。Theirprominencewaswhollygone；theywerenotevenworthdrowning；soIremovedthatdetail。AlsoItookthosetwinsapartandmadetwoseparatemenofthem。Theyhadnooccasiontohaveforeignnamesnow，butitwastoomuchtroubletoremovethemallthrough，soI
leftthemchristenedastheywereandmadenoexplanation。
CHAPTERI
THETWINSASTHEYREALLYWERE
TheconglomeratetwinswerebroughtonthethestageinChapterIoftheoriginalextravaganza。AuntPatsyCooperhasreceivedtheirletterapplyingforboardandlodging，andRowena，herdaughter，insanewithjoy，isbeggingforahearingofit：
\"Well，setdownthen，andbequietaminuteanddon’tflyaroundso；itfairlymakesmetiredtoseeyou。Itstartsoffso：’HONOREDMADAM’——\"
\"Ilikethat，ma，don’tyou？Itshowsthey’rehigh-bred。\"
\"Yes，InoticedthatwhenIfirstreadit。’MybrotherandIhaveseenyouradvertisement，bychance，inacopyofyourlocaljournal——’
\"It’ssobeautifulandsmooth，ma-don’tyouthinkso？\"
\"Yes，seemssotome——’andbegleavetotaketheroomyouoffer。Wearetwenty-fouryearsofage，andtwins——’\"
\"Twins！Howsweet！Idohopetheyarehandsome，andIjustknowtheyare！Don’tyouhopetheyare，ma？\"
\"Land，Iain’tparticular。’WeareItaliansbybirth——’\"
\"It’ssoromantic！Justthinkthere’sneverbeenoneinthistown，andeverybodywillwanttoseethem，andthey’reallours！Thinkofthat！\"
\"——’buthavelivedlonginthevariouscountriesofEurope，andseveralyearsintheUnitedStates。’\"
\"Oh，justthinkwhatwondersthey’veseen，ma！Won’titbegoodtohearthemtalk？\"
\"Ireckonso；yes，Ireckonso。’OurnamesareLuigiandAngeloCapello——
’\"
\"Beautiful，perfectlybeautiful！NotlikeJonesandRobinsonandthosehorriblenames。\"
\"’Youdesirebutoneguest，butdearmadam，ifyouwillallowustopayfortwowewillnotdiscommodeyou。Wewillsleeptogetherinthesamebed。Wehavealwaysbeenusedtothis，andpreferit。AndthenhegoesontosaytheywillbedownThursday。\"
\"AndthisisTuesday——Idon’tknowhowI’mevergoingtowait，ma！Thetimedoesdragalongso，andI’msodyingtoseethem！Whichofthemdoyoureckonisthetallest，ma？\"
\"Howdoyous’poseIcantell，child？Mostlytheyarethesamesize-twinsare。\"
\"’Wellthen，whichdoyoureckonisthebestlooking？\"
\"Goodnessknows——Idon’t。\"
\"IthinkAngelois；it’stheprettiestname，anyway。Don’tyouthinkit’sasweetname，ma？\"
\"Yes，it’swellenough。I’dlikebothofthembetterifIknewthewaytopronouncethem——theEyetalianway，Imean。TheMissouriwayandtheEyetalianwayisdifferent，Ijudge。\"
\"Maybe——yes。It’sLuigithatwritestheletter。WhatdoyoureckonisthereasonAngelodidn’twriteit？\"
\"Why，howcanItell？What’sthedifferencewhowritesit，solongasit’sdone？\"
\"Oh，Ihopeitwasn’tbecauseheissick！Youdon’tthinkheissick，doyou，ma？\"
\"Sickyourgranny；what’stomakehimsick？\"
\"Oh，there’sneveranytelling。Theseforeignerswiththatkindofnamesaresodelicate，andofcoursethatkindofnamesarenotsuitedtoourclimate——youwouldn’texpectit。\"
[Andso-onandso-on，noend。Thetimedragsalong；Thursdaycomes：theboatarrivesinapouringstormtowardmidnight。]
Atlasttherewasaknockatthedoorandtheanxiousfamilyjumpedtoopenit。Twonegromenentered，eachcarryingatrunk，andproceededupstairstowardtheguest-room。Thenfollowedastupefyingapparition——
adouble-headedhumancreaturewithfourarms，onebody，andasinglepairoflegs！It——orthey，asyouplease——bowedwithelaborateforeignformality，buttheCooperscouldnotrespondimmediately；theywereparalyzed。Atthismomenttherecamefromtherearofthegroupaferventejaculation——\"Mylan’！\"——followedbyacrashofcrockery，andtheslave-wenchNancystoodpetrifiedandstaring，withatrayofwreckedtea-thingsatherfeet。Theincidentbrokethespell，andbroughtthefamilytoconsciousness。Thebeautifulheadsofthenew-comerbowedagain，andoneofthemsaidwitheasygraceanddignity：
\"Icravethehonor，madamandmiss，tointroducetoyoumybrother，CountLuigiCapello，\"（theotherheadbowed）\"andmyself——CountAngelo；andatthesametimeoffersincereapologiesforthelatenessofourcoming，whichwasunavoidable，\"andbothheadsbowedagain。
Thepooroldladywasinawhirlofamazementandconfusion，butshemanagedtostammerout：
\"I’msureI’mgladtomakeyouracquaintance，sir——Imean，gentlemen。
Asforthedelay，itisnothing，don’tmentionit。ThisismydaughterRowena，sir——gentlemen。Pleasestepintotheparlorandsitdownandhaveabiteandsup；youaredreadfulwetandmustbeuncomfortable——
bothofyou，Imean。\"
Buttotheoldlady’srelieftheycourteouslyexcusedthemselves，sayingitwouldbewrongtokeepthefamilyoutoftheirbedslonger；theneachheadbowedinturnandutteredafriendlygoodnight，andthesingularfiguremovedawayinthewakeofRowena’ssmallbrothers，whoborecandles，anddisappearedupthestairs。
Thewidowtotteredintotheparlorandsankintoachairwithagasp，andRowenafollowed，tongue-tiedanddazed。Thetwosatsilentinthethrobbingsummerheatunconsciousofthemillion-voicedmusicofthemosquitoes，unconsciousoftheroaringgale，thelashingandthrashingoftherainalongthewindowsandtheroof，thewhiteglareofthelightning，thetumultuousboomingandbellowingofthethunder；consciousofnothingbutthatprodigy，thatuncannyapparitionthathadcomeandgonesosuddenly——thatweirdstrangethingthatwassosoft-spokenandsogentleofmannerandyethadshakenthemuplikeanearthquakewiththeshockofitsgruesomeaspect。Atlastacoldlittleshudderquiveredalongdownthewidow’smeagerframeandshesaidinaweakvoice：
\"Ugh，itwasawfuljustthemerelookofthatphillipene！\"
Rowenadidnotanswer。Herfacultieswerestillcaked；shehadnotyetfoundhervoice。Presentlythewidowsaid，alittleresentfully：
\"Alwaysbeenusedtosleepingtogether——in-fact，preferit。AndIwasthinkingitwastoaccommodateme。Ithoughtitwasverygoodofthem，whereasapersonsituatedasthatyoungmanis——\"
\"Ma，yououghtn’ttobeginbygettingupaprejudiceagainsthim。
I’msureheisgood-heartedandmeanswell。Bothofhisfacesshowit。\"
\"I’mnotsocertainaboutthat。Theoneontheleft——Imeantheoneonit’sleft——hasn’tnearasgoodaface，inmyopinion，asitsbrother。\"
\"That’sLuigi。\"
\"Yes，Luigi；anywayit’sthedark-skinnedone；theonethatwaswestofhisbrotherwhentheystoodinthedoor。Uptoallkindsofmischiefanddisobediencewhenhewasaboy，I’llbebound。Ilayhismotherhadtroubletolayherhandonhimwhenshewantedhim。Buttheoneontherightisasgoodasgold，Icanseethat。\"
\"That’sAngelo。\"
\"Yes，Angelo，Ireckon，thoughIcan’ttellt’otherfromwhichbytheirnames，yetawhile。Butit’stheright-handone——theblondone。Hehassuchkindblueeyes，andcurlycopperhairandfreshcomplexion——\"
\"Andsuchanobleface！——oh，itisanobleface，ma，justroyal，youmaysay！Andbeautifuldearyme，howbeautiful！Butbotharethat；thedarkone’sasbeautifulas——apicture。There’snosuchwonderfulfacesandhandsomeheadsinthistownnonethatevenbegin。Andsuchhands，especiallyAngelo’s——soshapelyand——\"
\"Stuff，howcouldyoutellwhichtheybelongedto？——theyhadgloveson。\"
\"Why，didn’tIseethemtakeofftheirhats？\"
\"Thatdon’tsignify。Theymighthavetakenoffeachother’shats。
Nobodycouldtell。Therewasjustawormysquirmingofarmsintheair——seemedtobeacoupleofdozenofthem，allwrithingatonce，anditjustmademedizzytoseethemgo。\"
\"Why，ma，Ihadn’tanydifficulty。There’stwoarmsoneachshoulder——\"
\"There，now。Onearmoneachshoulderbelongstoeachofthecreatures，don’tit？Forapersontohavetwoarmsononeshoulderwouldn’tdohimanygood，wouldit？Ofcoursenot。Eachhasanarmoneachshoulder。
Nowthen，youtellmewhichofthembelongstowhich，ifyoucan。Theydon’tknow，themselves——theyjustworkwhicheverarmcomeshandy。Ofcoursetheydo；especiallyiftheyareinahurryandcan’tstoptothinkwhichbelongstowhich。\"
Themotherseemedtohavetherightsoftheargument，sothedaughterabandonedthestruggle。Presentlythewidowrosewithayawnandsaid：
\"Poorthing，Ihopeitwon’tcatchcold；itwaspowerfulwet，justdrenched，youmaysay。Ihopeithasleftitsbootsoutside，sotheycanbedried。\"
Thenshegavealittlestart，andlookedperplexed。
\"NowIrememberIheardoneofthemaskJoetocallhimathalfafterseven——Ithinkitwastheoneontheleft——no，itwastheonetotheeastoftheotherone——butIdidn’theartheotheronesayanything。I
wonderifhewantstobecalledtoo。Doyoureckonit’stoolatetoask？\"
\"Why，ma，it’snotnecessary。Callingoneiscallingboth。Ifonegetsup，theother’sgotto。\"
\"Sho，ofcourse；Ineverthoughtofthat。Well，comealong，maybewecangetsomesleep，butIdon’tknow，I’msoshookupwithwhatwe’vebeenthrough。\"
Thestrangerhadmadeanimpressionontheboys，too。Theyhadawordoftalkastheyweregettingtobed。Henry，thegentle，thehumane，said：
\"Ifeeleversosorryforit，don’tyou，Joe？\"
ButJoewasaboyofthisworld，active，enterprising，andhadatheatricalsidetohim：
\"Sorry？Why，howyoutalk！Itcan’tstirastepwithoutattractingattention。It’sjustgrand！\"
Henrysaid，，reproachfully：
\"Insteadofpityingit，Joe，youtalkasif——\"
\"Talkasifwhat？Iknowonethingmightycertain：ifyoucanfixmesoIcaneatfortwoandonlyhavetostubtoesforone，Iain’tgoingtofoolawaynosuchchancejustforsentiment。\"
Thetwinswerewetandtired，andtheyproceededtoundresswithout-anypreliminaryremarks。Theabundanceofsleevemadethepartnershipcoathardtogetoff，foritwaslikeskinningatarantula；butitcameatlast，aftermuchtuggingandperspiring。Themutualvestfollowed。Thenthebrothersstoodupbeforetheglass，andeachtookoffhisowncravatandcollar。Thecollarswereofthestandingkind，andcamehighupundertheears，likethesidesofawheelbarrow，asrequiredbythefashionoftheday。Thecravatswereasbroadasabank-bill，withfringedendswhichstoodfarouttorightandleftlikethewingsofadragon-fly，andthisalsowasstrictlyinaccordancewiththefashionofthetime。Eachcravat，astocolor，wasinperfecttaste，sofarasitsowner’scomplexionwasconcerned——adelicatepink，inthecaseoftheblondbrother，aviolentscarletinthecaseofthebrunette——butasacombinationtheybrokeallthelawsoftasteknowntocivilization。
Nothingmorefiendishandirreconcilablethanthoseshriekingandblasphemingcolorscouldhavebeencontrived，Thewetbootsgavenoendoftrouble——toLuigi。Whentheywereoffatlast，Angelosaid，withbitterness：
\"Iwishyouwouldn’twearsuchtightboots，theyhurtmyfeet。\"
Luigiansweredwithindifference：
\"Myfriend，whenIamincommandofourbody，Ichoosemyapparelaccordingtomyownconvenience，asIhaveremarkedmorethanseveraltimesalready。Whenyouareincommand，Ibegyouwilldoasyouplease。\"
Angelowashurt，andthetearscameintohiseyes。Therewasgentlereproachinhisvoice，but，notanger，whenhereplied：
\"Luigi，Ioftenconsultyourwishes，butyouneverconsultmine。WhenI
amincommandItreatyouasaguest；Itrytomakeyoufeelathome；
whenyouareincommandyoutreatmeasanintruder，youmakemefeelunwelcome。Itembarrassesmecruellyincompany，forIcan，seethatpeoplenoticeitandcommentonit。\"
\"Oh，damnthepeople，\"respondedthebrotherlanguidly，andwiththeairofonewhoistiredofthesubject。
AslightshuddershooktheframeofAngelo，buthesaidnothingandtheconversationceased。Eachbuttonedhisownshareofthenightshirtinsilence；thenLuigi，withPaine’sAgeofReasoninhishand，satdowninonechairandputhisfeetinanotherandlithispipe，whileAngelotookhisWholeDutyofMan，andbothbegantoread。Angelopresentlybegantocough；hiscoughingincreasedandbecamemixedwithgaspingsforbreath，andhewasfinallyobligedtomakeanappealtohisbrother’shumanity：
\"Luigi，ifyouwouldonlysmokealittlemildertobacco，IamsureI
couldlearnnottominditintime，butthisissostrong，andthepipeissorankthat——\"
\"Angelo，Iwouldn’tbesuchababy！Ihavelearnedtosmokeinaweek，andthetroubleisalreadyoverwithme；ifyouwouldtry，youcouldlearntoo，andthenyouwouldstopspoilingmycomfortwithyoureverlastingcomplaints。\"
\"Ah，brother，thatisastrongword——everlasting——andisn’tquitefair。
IonlycomplainwhenIsuffocate；youknowIdon’tcomplainwhenweareintheopenair。\"
\"Well，anyway，youcouldlearntosmokeyourself。\"
\"Butmyprinciples，Luigi，youforgetmyprinciples。YouwouldnothavemedoathingwhichIregardasasin？\"
\"Oh，bosh！\"
Theconversationceasedagain，forAngelowassickanddiscouragedandstrangling；butaftersometimeheclosedhisbookandaskedLuigitosing\"FromGreenland’sIcyMountains\"withhim，buthewouldnot，andwhenhetriedtosingbyhimselfLuigididhisbesttodrownhisplaintivetenorwitharudeandrollickingsongdeliveredinathunderingbass。
Afterthesingingtherewassilence，andneitherbrotherwashappy。
BeforeblowingthelightoutLuigiswallowedhalfatumblerofwhisky，andAngelo，whosesensitiveorganizationcouldnotendureintoxicantsofanykind，tookapilltokeepitfromgivinghimtheheadache。
CHAPTERII
MACOOPERGETSALLMIXEDUP
Thefamilysatinthebreakfast-roomwaitingforthetwinstocomedown。
Thewidowwasquiet，thedaughterwasalivewithhappyexcitement。Shesaid：
\"Ah，they’reaboon，ma，justaboon！don’tyouthinkso？\"
\"Laws，Ihopeso，Idon’tknow。\"
\"Why，ma，yesyoudo。They’resofineandhandsome，andhigh-bredandpolite，soeverywaysuperiortoourgawkshereinthisvillage；why，they’llmakelifedifferentfromwhatitwas——sohumdrumandcommonplace，youknow——oh，youmaybesurethey’refullofaccomplishments，andknowledgeoftheworld，andallthat，thatwillbeanimmenseadvantagetosocietyhere。Don’tyouthinkso，ma？\"
\"Mercyonme，howshouldIknow，andI’vehardlyseteyesonthemyet。\"
Afterapausesheadded，\"Theymadeconsiderablenoiseaftertheywentup。\"
\"Noise？Why，ma，theyweresinging！Anditwasbeautiful，too。\"
\"Oh，itwaswellenough，buttoomixed-up，seemedtome。\"
\"Now，ma，honorbright，didyoueverhear’Greenland’sIcyMountains’
sungsweeter——nowdidyou？\"
\"Ifithadbeensungbyitself，itwouldhavebeenuncommonsweet，I
don’tdenyit；butwhattheywantedtomixitupwith’OldBobRidley’
for，Ican’tmakeout。Why，theydon’tgotogether，atall。Theyarenotofthesamenature。’BobRidley’isacommonracketyslam-bangsecularsong，oneoftherippingestandrantingestandnoisiestthereis。
Iamnojudgeofmusic，andIdon’tclaimit，butinmyopinionnobodycanmakethosetwosongsgotogetherright。\"
\"Why，ma，Ithought——\"
\"Itdon’tmakeanydifferencewhatyouthought，itcan’tbedone。Theytriedit，andtomyminditwasafailure。Ineverheardsuchacrazyuproar；seemedtome，sometimes，theroofwouldcomeoff；andasforthecats——well，I’velivedamanyayear，andseencatsaggravatedinmorewaysthanone，butI’veneverseencatstakeonthewaytheytookonlastnight。\"
\"Well，Idon’tthinkthatthatgoesforanything，ma，becauseitisthenatureofcatsthatanysoundthatisunusual——\"
\"Unusual！Youmaywellcallitso。Nowiftheyaregoingtosingduetseverynight，Idohopetheywillbothsingthesametuneatthesametime，forinmyopinionaduetthatismadeupoftwodifferenttunesisamistake；especiallywhenthetunesain’tanykintooneanother，thatway。\"
\"But，ma，Ithinkitmustbeaforeigncustom；anditmustberighttoo；
andthebestway，becausetheyhavehadeveryopportunitytoknowwhatisright，anditdon’tstandtoreasonthatwiththeireducationtheywoulddoanythingbutwhatthehighestmusicalauthoritieshavesanctioned。
Youcan’thelpbutadmitthat，ma。\"
Theargumentwasformidablystrong；theoldladycouldnotfindanywayaroundit；so，afterthinkingitoverawhileshegaveinwithasighofdiscontent，andadmittedthatthedaughter’spositionwasprobablycorrect。Beingvanquished，shehadnomindtocontinuethetopicatthatdisadvantage，andwasabouttoseekachangewhenachangecameofitself。Afootstepwasheardonthestairs，andshesaid：
\"There-he’scoming！\"
\"They，ma——yououghttosaythey——it’snearerright。\"
Thenewlodger，rathershoutinglydressedbutlookingsuperblyhandsome，steppedwithcourtlycarnageintothetrimlittlebreakfast-roomandputoutallhiscordialarmsatonce，likeoneofthosepocket-kniveswithamultiplicityofblades，andshookhandswiththewholefamilysimultaneously。Hewassoeasyandpleasantandheartythatallembarrassmentpresentlythawedawayanddisappeared，andacheeryfeelingoffriendlinessandcomradeshiptookitsplace。He——orpreferablythey——wereaskedtooccupytheseatofhonoratthefootofthetable。Theyconsentedwiththanks，andcarvedthebeefsteakwithonesetoftheirhandswhiletheydistributeditatthesametimewiththeotherset。
\"Willyouhavecoffee，gentlemen，ortea？\"
\"CoffeeforLuigi，ifyouplease，madam，teaforme。\"
\"Creamandsugar？\"
\"Forme，yes，madam；Luigitakeshiscoffee，black。Ournaturesdifferagooddealfromeachother，andourtastesalso。\"
ThefirsttimethenegrogirlNancyappearedinthedoorandsawthetwoheadsturnedinoppositedirectionsandbothtalkingatonce，thensawthecomminglingarmsfeedpotatoesintoonemouthandcoffeeintotheotheratthesametime，shehadtopauseandpullherselfoutofafaintnessthatcameoverher；butafterthatsheheldhergripandwasabletowaitonthetablewithfaircourage。
Conversationfellnaturallyintothecustomarygrooves。Itwasalittlejerky，atfirst，becausenoneofthefamilycouldgetsmoothlythroughasentencewithoutawabbleinithereandabreakthere，causedbysomenewsurpriseinthewayofattitudeorgestureonthepartofthetwins。
Theweathersufferedthemost。Theweatherwasallfinishedupanddisposedof，asasubject，beforethesimpleMissourianshadgottensufficientlywontedtothespectacleofonebodyfeedingtwoheadstofeelcomposedandreconciledinthepresenceofsobizarreamiracle。
Andevenaftereverybody’smindbecametranquilizedtherewasstilloneslightdistractionleft：thehandthatpickedupabiscuitcarriedittothewronghead，asoftenasanyotherway，andthewrongmouthdevouredit。Thiswasapuzzlingthing，andmarredthetalkalittle。Itbotheredthewidowtosuchadegreethatshepresentlydroppedoutoftheconversationwithoutknowingit，andfelltowatchingandguessingandtalkingtoherself：
\"Nowthathandisgoingtotakethatcoffeetono，it’sgonetotheothermouth；Ican’tunderstandit；andhow，hereisthedark-complectedhandwithapotatoinitsfork，I’llseewhatgoeswithit——there，thelight-complectedhead’sgotit，assureasIlive！\"
FinallyRowenasaid：
\"Ma，whatisthematterwithyou？Areyoudreamingaboutsomething？\"
Theoldladycametoherselfandblushed；thensheexplainedwiththefirstrandomthingthatcameintohermind：\"IsawMr。AngelotakeupMr。
Luigi’scoffee，andIthoughtmaybehe——sha’n’tIgiveyouacup，Mr。
Angelo？\"
\"Ohno，madam，Iamverymuchobliged，butIneverdrinkcoffee，muchasIwouldliketo。YoudidseemetakeupLuigi’scup，itistrue，butifyounoticed，Ididn’tcarryittomymouth，buttohis。\"
\"Y-es，Ithoughtyoudid：Didyoumeanto？\"
\"How？\"
Thewidowwasalittleembarrassedagain。Shesaid：
\"Idon’tknowbutwhatI’mfoolish，andyoumustn’tmind；butyousee，hegotthecoffeeIwasexpectingtoseeyoudrink，andyougotapotatothatIthoughthewasgoingtoget。SoIthoughtitmightbeamistakeallaround，andeverybodygettingwhatwasn’tintendedforhim。\"
BothtwinslaughedandLuigisaid：
\"Dearmadam，therewasn’tanymistake。Wearealwayshelpingeachotherthatway。Itisagreateconomyforusboth；itsavestimeandlabor。
Wehaveasystemofsignswhichnobodycannoticeorunderstandbutourselves。IfIamusingbothmyhandsandwantsomecoffee，ImakethesignandAngelofurnishesittome；andyousawthatwhenheneededapotatoIdeliveredit。\"
\"Howconvenient！\"
\"Yes，andoftenoftheextremestvalue。TaketheMississippiboats，forinstance。Theyarealwaysovercrowded。Thereistable-roomforonlyhalfofthepassengers，thereforetheyhavetosetasecondtableforthesecondhalf。Thestewardsrushbothparties，theygivethemnotimetoeatasatisfyingmeal，bothdivisionsleavethetablehungry。Itisn’tsowithus。Angelobookshimselffortheonetable，Ibookmyselffortheother。Neitherofuseatsanythingattheother’stable，butjustsimplyworks——works。Thus，youseetherearefourhandstofeedAngelo，andthesamefourtofeedme。Eachofuseatstwomeals。\"
Theoldladywasdazedwithadmiration，andkeptsaying，\"Itisperfectlywonderful，perfectlywonderful\"andtheboyJoelickedhischopsenviously，butsaidnothing——atleastaloud。
\"Yes，\"continuedLuigi，\"ourconstructionmayhaveitsdisadvantages——infact，hasbutitalsohasitscompensationsofonesortandanother。Taketravel，forinstance。Travelisenormouslyexpensive，inallcountries；
wehavebeenobligedtodoavastdealofit——come，Angelo，don’tputanymoresugarinyourtea，I’mjustoveroneindigestionanddon’twantanotherrightaway——beenobligedtodoadealofit，asIwassaying。
Well，wealwaystravelasoneperson，sinceweoccupybutoneseat；sowesavehalfthefare。\"
\"Howromantic！\"interjectedRowena，witheffusion。
\"Yes，mydearyounglady，andhowpracticaltoo，andeconomical。InEurope，bedsinthehotelsarenotchargedwiththeboard，butseparately——anothersaving，forwestoodtoourrightsandpaidfortheonebedonly。Thelandlordsofteninsistedthatasbothofusoccupiedthebedweought——\"
\"No，theydidn’t，\"saidAngelo。\"Theydiditonlytwice，andinbothcasesitwasadoublebed——ararethinginEurope——andthedoublebedgavethemsomeexcuse。Befairtothelandlords；twicedoesn’tconstitute’often。’\"
\"Well，thatdepends——thatdepends。Iknewamanwhofelldownawelltwice。Hesaidhedidn’tmindthefirsttime，buthethoughtthesecondtimewasoncetoooften。HaveImisusedthatword，Mrs。Cooper？\"
\"Totellthetruth，Iwasafraidyouhad，butitseemstolook，now，likeyouhadn’t。\"Shestopped，andwasevidentlystrugglingwiththedifficultproblemamoment，thensheaddedinthetoneofonewhoisconvincedwithoutbeingconverted，\"Itseemsso，butIcan’tsomehowtellwhy。\"
RowenathoughtLuigi’sretortwaswonderfullyquickandbright，andsheremarkedtoherselfwithsatisfactionthattherewasn’tanyyoungnativeofDawson’sLandingthatcouldhaverisentotheoccasionlikethat。
Luigidetectedtheapplauseinherface，andexpressedhispleasureandhisthankswithhiseyes；andsoeloquentlywithal，thatthegirlwasproudandpleased，andhungoutthedelicatesignofitonhercheeks。
Luigiwenton，withanimation：
\"Bothofusgetabathforoneticket，theaterseatforoneticket，pew-rentisonthesamebasis，butatpeep-showswepaydouble。\"
\"Wehavemuchto’bethankfulfor，\"saidAngelo，impressively，withareverentlightinhiseyeandareminiscenttoneinhisvoice，\"wehavebeengreatlyblessed。Asarule，whatoneofushaslacked，theother，bythebountyofProvidence，hasbeenabletosupply。Mybrotherishardy，Iamnot；heisverymasculine，assertive，aggressive；Iammuchlessso。Iamsubjecttoillness，heisneverill。Icannotabidemedicines，andcannottakethem，buthehasnoprejudiceagainstthem，and——\"
\"Why，goodnessgracious，\"interruptedthewidow，\"whenyouaresick，doeshetakethemedicineforyou？\"
\"Always，madam。\"
\"Why，Ineverheardsuchathinginmylife！Ithinkit’sbeautifulofyou。\"
\"Oh，madam，it’snothing，don’tmentionit，it’sreallynothingatall。\"
\"ButIsayit’sbeautiful，andIsticktoit！\"criedthewidow，withaspeakingmoistureinhereye。
\"Awellbrothertotakethemedicineforhispoorsickbrother——IwishI
hadsuchason，\"andsheglancedreproachfullyatherboys。\"IdeclareI’llneverresttillI’veshookyoubythehand，\"andshescrambledoutofherchairinafeverofgenerousenthusiasm，andmadeforthetwins，blindwithhertears，andbegantoshake。TheboyJoecorrectedher：
\"You’reshakingthewrongone，ma。\"
Thisflurriedher，butshemadeaswiftchangeandwentonshaking。
\"Gotthewrongoneagain，ma，\"saidtheboy。
\"Oh，shutup，can’tyou！\"saidthewidow，embarrassedandirritated。
\"Givemeallyourhands，Iwanttoshakethemall；forIknowyouarebothjustasgoodasyoucanbe。\"
Itwasavictoriousthought，amaster-strokeofdiplomacy，thoughthatneveroccurredtoherandshecarednothingfordiplomacy。Sheshookthefourhandsinturncordially，andwentbacktoherplaceinastateofhighandfineexultationthatmadeherlookyoungandhandsome。
\"IndeedIoweeverythingtoLuigi，\"saidAngelo，affectionately。
\"ButforhimIcouldnothavesurvivedourboyhooddays，whenwewerefriendlessandpoor——ah，sopoor！Welivedfromhandtomouth-livedonthecoarsefareofunwillingcharity，andforweeksandweekstogethernotamorseloffoodpassedmylips，foritscharacterrevoltedmeandI
couldnoteatit。ButforLuigiIshouldhavedied。Heateforusboth。\"
\"Hownoble！\"sighedRowena。
\"Doyouhearthat？\"saidthewidow，severely，toherboys。\"Letitbeanexampletoyou——Imeanyou，Joe。\"
Joegavehisheadabarelyperceptibledisparagingtossandsaid：\"Etforboth。Itain’tanythingI’d’a’doneit。\"
\"Hush，ifyouhaven’tgotanybettermannersthanthat。Youdon’tseethepointatall。Itwasn’tgoodfood。\"
\"Idon’tcare——itwasfood，andI’d’a’etitifitwasrotten。\"
\"Shame！Suchlanguage！Can’tyouunderstand？Theywerestarving-
actuallystarving——andheateforboth，and——\"
\"Shucks！yougimmeachanceandI’ll——\"
\"There，now——closeyourhead！anddon’tyouopenitagaintillyou’reasked。\"
[AngelogoesonandtellshowhisparentstheCountandCountesshadtoflyfromFlorenceforpoliticalreasons，anddiedpoorinBerlinbereftoftheirgreatpropertybyconfiscation；andhowheandLuigihadtotravelwithafreak-showduringtwoyearsandsuffersemi-starvation。]
\"Thathatefulblack-bread；butIseldomateanythingduringthattime；
thatwaspoorLuigi’saffair——\"
\"I’llneverMisterhimagain！\"criedthewidow，withstrongemotion，\"he’sLuigitome，fromthisout！\"
\"Thankyouathousandtimes，madam，athousandtimes！thoughintruthI
don’tdeserveit。\"
\"Ah，Luigiisalwaysthefortunateonewhenhonorsareshowering，\"saidAngelo，plaintively；\"nowwhathaveIdone，Mrs。Cooper，thatyouleavemeout？Come，youmuststrainapointinmyfavor。\"
\"CallyouAngelo？Why，certainlyIwill；whatareyouthinkingof！Inthecaseoftwins，why——\"
\"But，ma，you’rebreakingupthestory——dolethimgoon。\"
\"Youkeepstill，RowenaCooper，andhecangoonallthebetter，I
reckon。Oneinterruptiondon’thurt，it’stwothatmakesthetrouble。\"
\"Butyou’veaddedone，now，andthatisthree。\"
\"Rowena！Iwillnotallowyoutotalkbackatmewhenyouhavegotnothingrationaltosay。\"
CHAPTERIII
ANGELOISBLUE
[Afterbreakfastthewholevillagecrowdedin，andtherewasagrandreceptioninhonorofthetwins；andatthecloseofitthegifted\"freak\"capturedeverybody’sadmirationbysittingdownatthepianoandknockingoutaclassicfour-handedpieceingreatstyle。Thenthejudgetookit——orthem——drivinginhisbuggyandshowedoffhisvillage。]
Allalongthestreetsthepeoplecrowdedthewindowsandstaredattheamazingtwins。Troopsofsmallboysflockedafterthebuggy，excitedandyelling。Atfirstthedogsshowednointerest。Theythoughttheymerelysawthreemeninabuggy——amatterofnoconsequence；butwhentheyfoundoutthefactsofthecase，theyalteredtheiropinionprettyradically，andjoinedtheboys，expressingtheirmindsastheycame。Otherdogsgotinterested；indeed，allthedogs。Itwasaspiritedsighttoseethemcomeleapingfences，tearingaroundcorners，swarmingoutofeverybystreetandalley。Thenoisetheymadewassomethingbeyondbelief——
orpraise。Theydidnotseemtobemovedbymalicebutonlybyprejudice，thecommonhumanprejudiceagainstlackofconformity。Ifthetwinsturnedtheirheads，theybrokeandfledineverydirection，butstoppedatasafedistanceandfacedabout；andthenformedandcameonagainassoonasthestrangersshowedthemtheirback。Negroesandfarmers’wivestooktothewoodswhenthebuggycameuponthemsuddenly，andaltogetherthedrivewaspleasantandanimated，andarefreshmentallaround。
[Itwasalongandlivelydrive。AngelowasaMethodist，LuigiwasaFree-thinker。ThejudgewasveryproudofhisFreethinkers’
Society，whichwasflourishingalonginamostprosperouswayandalreadyhadtwomembers——himselfandtheobscureandneglectedPudd’nheadWilson。Itwastomeetthatevening，andheinvitedLuigitojoin；athingwhichLuigiwasgladtodo，partlybecauseitwouldpleasehimself，andpartlybecauseitwouldgravelAngelo。]
Theyhadnowarrivedatthewidow’sgate，andtheexcursionwasended。
Thetwinspolitelyexpressedtheirobligationsforthepleasantoutingwhichhadbeenaffordedthem；towhichthejudgebowedhisthanks，andthensaidhewouldnowgoandarrangefortheFree-thinkers’meeting，andwouldcallforCountLuigiintheevening。
\"Foryoualso，dearsir，\"headdedhastily，turningtoAngeloandbowing。
\"Inaddressingmyselfparticularlytoyourbrother，Iwasnotmeaningtoleaveyouout。Itwasanunintentionalrudeness，Iassureyou，andduewhollytoaccident——accidentandpreoccupation。Ibegyoutoforgiveme。\"
HisquickeyehadseenthesensitivebloodmountintoAngelo’sface，betrayingthewoundthathadbeeninflicted。Thestingoftheslighthadgonedeep，buttheapologywassoprompt，andsoevidentlysincere，thatthehurtwasalmostimmediatelyhealed，andaforgivingsmiletestifiedtothekindlyjudgethatallwaswellagain。
ConcealedbehindAngelo’smodestandunassumingexterior，andunsuspectedbyanybuthisintimates，wasaloftypride，aprideofalmostabnormalproportions，indeed，andthisrenderedhimeverthepreyofslights；andalthoughtheywerealmostalwaysimaginaryones，theyhurtnonethelessonthataccount。ByillfortunejudgeDriscollhadhappenedtotouchhissorestpoint，i。e。，hisconvictionthathisbrother’spresencewaswelcomereverywherethanhisown；thathewasofteninvited，outofmerecourtesy，whereonlyhisbrotherwaswanted，andthatinamajorityofcaseshewouldnotbeincludedinaninvitationifhecouldbeleftoutwithoutoffense。Asensitivenaturelikethisisnecessarilysubjecttomoods；moodswhichtraversethewholegamutoffeeling；moodswhichknowalltheclimesofemotion，fromthesunnyheightsofjoytotheblackabyssesofdespair。Attimes，inhisseasonsofdeepestdepressions，Angeloalmostwishedthatheandhisbrothermightbecomesegregatedfromeachotherandbeseparateindividuals，likeothermen。Butofcourseassoonashismindclearedandthesediseasedimaginingspassedaway，heshudderedattherepulsivethought，andearnestlyprayedthatitmightvisithimnomore。Tobeseparate，andasothermenare！Howawkwarditwouldseem；howunendurable。Whatwouldhedowithhishands，hisarms？
Howwouldhislegsfeel？Howodd，andstrange，andgrotesqueeveryaction，attitude，movement，gesturewouldbe。Tosleepbyhimself，eatbyhimself，walkbyhimself——howlonely，howunspeakablylonely！No，no，anyfatebutthat。Ineverywayandfromeverypoint，theideawasrevolting。
Thiswasofcoursenatural；tohavefeltotherwisewouldhavebeenunnatural。Hehadknownnolifebutacombinedone；hehadbeenfamiliarwithitfromhisbirth；hewasnotabletoconceiveofanyotherasbeingagreeable，orevenbearable。Tohim，intheprivacyofhissecretthoughts，allothermenweremonsters，deformities：andduringthree-fourthsofhislifetheiraspecthadfilledhimwithwhatpromisedtobeanunconquerableaversion。Butateighteenhiseyebegantotakenoteoffemalebeauty；andlittlebylittle，undefinedlongingsgrewupinhisheart，underwhosesofteninginfluencestheoldstubbornaversiongraduallydiminished，andfinallydisappeared。Menwerestillmonstrositiestohim，stilldeformities，andinhissobermomentshehadnodesiretobelikethem，buttheirstrangeandunsocialanduncannyconstructionwasnolongeroffensivetohim。
Thishadbeenaharddayforhim，physicallyandmentally。HehadbeencalledinthemorningbeforehehadquitesleptofftheeffectsoftheliquorwhichLuigihaddrunk；andso，forthefirsthalf-hourhadhadtheseedyfeeling，andlanguor，thebroodingdepression，thecobwebbymouthanddruggytastethatcomeofdissipationandaresoillapreparationforbodilyorintellectualactivities；thelongviolentstrainofthereceptionhadfollowed；andthishadbeenfollowed，inturn，bythedrearysight-seeing，thejudge’swearyingexplanationsandlaudationsofthesights，andthestupefyingclamorofthedogs。Asacongruousconclusion，afittingend，hisfeelingshadbeenhurt，aslighthadbeenputuponhim。Hewouldhavebeengladtoforegodinnerandbetakehimselftorestandsleep，butheheldhispeaceandsaidnoword，forheknewhisbrother，Luigi，wasfresh，unweary，fulloflife，spirit，energy；hewouldhavescoffedattheideaofwastingvaluabletimeonabedorasofa，andwouldhaverefusedpermission。