Contents：
TheToysofPeaceLouiseTeaTheDisappearanceofCrispinaUmberleighTheWolvesofCernogratzLouisTheGuestsThePenanceThePhantomLuncheonABreadandButterMissBertie\'sChristmasEveForewarnedTheInterlopersQuailSeedCanossaTheThreatExceptingMrs。PentherbyMarkTheHedgehogTheMappinedLifeFateTheBullMorlveraShockTacticsTheSevenCreamJugsTheOccasionalGardenTheSheepTheOversightHyacinthTheImageoftheLostSoulThePurpleoftheBalkanKingsTheCupboardoftheYesterdaysFortheDurationoftheWarTHETOYSOFPEACE
\"Harvey，\"saidEleanorBope，handingherbrotheracuttingfromaLondonmorningpaperofthe19thofMarch，\"justreadthisaboutchildren\'stoys，please；itexactlycarriesoutsomeofourideasaboutinfluenceandupbringing。\"
\"IntheviewoftheNationalPeaceCouncil，\"rantheextract，\"therearegraveobjectionstopresentingourboyswithregimentsoffightingmen，batteriesofguns，andsquadronsof\'Dreadnoughts。\'
Boys，theCounciladmits，naturallylovefightingandallthepanoplyofwar……butthatisnoreasonforencouraging，andperhapsgivingpermanentformto，theirprimitiveinstincts。AttheChildren\'sWelfareExhibition，whichopensatOlympiainthreeweeks\'time，thePeaceCouncilwillmakeanalternativesuggestiontoparentsintheshapeofanexhibitionof\'peacetoys。\'Infrontofaspecially-paintedrepresentationofthePeacePalaceatTheHaguewillbegrouped，notminiaturesoldiersbutminiaturecivilians，notgunsbutploughsandthetoolsofindustry……Itishopedthatmanufacturersmaytakeahintfromtheexhibit，whichwillbearfruitinthetoyshops。\"
\"Theideaiscertainlyaninterestingandverywell-meaningone，\"
saidHarvey；\"whetheritwouldsucceedwellinpractice——\"
\"Wemusttry，\"interruptedhissister；\"youarecomingdowntousatEaster，andyoualwaysbringtheboyssometoys，sothatwillbeanexcellentopportunityforyoutoinauguratethenewexperiment。Goaboutintheshopsandbuyanylittletoysandmodelsthathavespecialbearingoncivilianlifeinitsmorepeacefulaspects。Ofcourseyoumustexplainthetoystothechildrenandinteresttheminthenewidea。Iregrettosaythatthe\'SiegeofAdrianople\'
toy，thattheirAuntSusansentthem，didn\'tneedanyexplanation；
theyknewalltheuniformsandflags，andeventhenamesoftherespectivecommanders，andwhenIheardthemonedayusingwhatseemedtobethemostobjectionablelanguagetheysaiditwasBulgarianwordsofcommand；ofcourseitMAYhavebeen，butatanyrateItookthetoyawayfromthem。NowIshallexpectyourEastergiftstogivequiteanewimpulseanddirectiontothechildren\'sminds；Ericisnotelevenyet，andBertieisonlynine-and-a-half，sotheyarereallyatamostimpressionableage。\"
\"Thereisprimitiveinstincttobetakenintoconsideration，youknow，\"saidHenrydoubtfully，\"andhereditarytendenciesaswell。
Oneoftheirgreat-unclesfoughtinthemostintolerantfashionatInkerman——hewasspeciallymentionedindispatches，Ibelieve——andtheirgreat-grandfathersmashedallhisWhigneighbours\'hothouseswhenthegreatReformBillwaspassed。Still，asyousay，theyareatanimpressionableage。Iwilldomybest。\"
OnEasterSaturdayHarveyBopeunpackedalarge，promising-lookingredcardboardboxundertheexpectanteyesofhisnephews。\"Yourunclehasbroughtyouthenewestthingintoys，\"Eleanorhadsaidimpressively，andyouthfulanticipationhadbeenanxiouslydividedbetweenAlbaniansoldieryandaSomalicamel-corps。Ericwashotlyinfavourofthelattercontingency。\"TherewouldbeArabsonhorseback，\"hewhispered；\"theAlbanianshavegotjollyuniforms，andtheyfightalldaylong，andallnight，too，whenthere\'samoon，butthecountry\'srocky，sothey\'vegotnocavalry。\"
Aquantityofcrinklypapershavingswasthefirstthingthatmettheviewwhenthelidwasremoved；themostexitingtoysalwaysbeganlikethat。Harveypushedbackthetoplayeranddrewforthasquare，ratherfeaturelessbuilding。
\"It\'safort！\"exclaimedBertie。
\"Itisn\'t，it\'sthepalaceoftheMpretofAlbania，\"saidEric，immenselyproudofhisknowledgeoftheexotictitle；\"it\'sgotnowindows，yousee，sothatpassers-bycan\'tfireinattheRoyalFamily。\"
\"It\'samunicipaldust-bin，\"saidHarveyhurriedly；\"youseealltherefuseandlitterofatowniscollectedthere，insteadoflyingaboutandinjuringthehealthofthecitizens。\"
Inanawfulsilencehedisinterredalittleleadfigureofamaninblackclothes。
\"That，\"hesaid，\"isadistinguishedcivilian，JohnStuartMill。Hewasanauthorityonpoliticaleconomy。\"
\"Why？\"askedBertie。
\"Well，hewantedtobe；hethoughtitwasausefulthingtobe。\"
Bertiegaveanexpressivegrunt，whichconveyedhisopinionthattherewasnoaccountingfortastes。
Anothersquarebuildingcameout，thistimewithwindowsandchimneys。
\"AmodeloftheManchesterbranchoftheYoungWomen\'sChristianAssociation，\"saidHarvey。
\"Arethereanylions？\"askedErichopefully。HehadbeenreadingRomanhistoryandthoughtthatwhereyoufoundChristiansyoumightreasonablyexpecttofindafewlions。
\"Therearenolions，\"saidHarvey。\"Hereisanothercivilian，RobertRaikes，thefounderofSundayschools，andhereisamodelofamunicipalwash-house。Theselittleroundthingsareloavesbackedinasanitarybakehouse。Thatleadfigureisasanitaryinspector，thisoneisadistrictcouncillor，andthisoneisanofficialoftheLocalGovernmentBoard。\"
\"Whatdoeshedo？\"askedEricwearily。
\"HeseestothingsconnectedwithhisDepartment，\"saidHarvey。
\"Thisboxwithaslitinitisaballot-box。Votesareputintoitatelectiontimes。\"
\"Whatisputintoitatothertimes？\"askedBertie。
\"Nothing。Andherearesometoolsofindustry，awheelbarrowandahoe，andIthinkthesearemeantforhop-poles。Thisisamodelbeehive，andthatisaventilator，forventilatingsewers。Thisseemstobeanothermunicipaldust-bin——no，itisamodelofaschoolofartandpubliclibrary。ThislittleleadfigureisMrs。
Hemans，apoetess，andthisisRowlandHill，whointroducedthesystemofpennypostage。ThisisSirJohnHerschel，theeminentastrologer。\"
\"Arewetoplaywiththesecivilianfigures？\"askedEric。
\"Ofcourse，\"saidHarvey，\"thesearetoys；theyaremeanttobeplayedwith。\"
\"Buthow？\"
Itwasratheraposer。\"YoumightmaketwoofthemcontestaseatinParliament，\"saidHarvey，\"anhaveanelection——\"
\"Withrotteneggs，andfreefights，andeversomanybrokenheads！\"
exclaimedEric。
\"Andnosesallbleedingandeverybodydrunkascanbe，\"echoedBertie，whohadcarefullystudiedoneofHogarth\'spictures。
\"Nothingofthekind，\"saidHarvey，\"nothingintheleastlikethat。
Voteswillbeputintheballot-box，andtheMayorwillcountthem——
andhewillsaywhichhasreceivedthemostvotes，andthenthetwocandidateswillthankhimforpresiding，andeachwillsaythatthecontesthasbeenconductedthroughoutinthepleasantestandmoststraightforwardfashion，andtheypartwithexpressionsofmutualesteem。There\'sajollygameforyouboystoplay。IneverhadsuchtoyswhenIwasyoung。\"
\"Idon\'tthinkwe\'llplaywiththemjustnow，\"saidEric，withanentireabsenceoftheenthusiasmthathisunclehadshown；\"Ithinkperhapsweoughttodoalittleofourholidaytask。It\'shistorythistime；we\'vegottolearnupsomethingabouttheBourbonperiodinFrance。\"
\"TheBourbonperiod，\"saidHarvey，withsomedisapprovalinhisvoice。
\"We\'vegottoknowsomethingaboutLouistheFourteenth，\"continuedEric；\"I\'velearntthenamesofalltheprincipalbattlesalready。\"
Thiswouldneverdo。\"Therewere，ofcourse，somebattlesfoughtduringhisreign，\"saidHarvey，\"butIfancytheaccountsofthemweremuchexaggerated；newswasveryunreliableinthosedays，andtherewerepracticallynowarcorrespondents，sogeneralsandcommanderscouldmagnifyeverylittleskirmishtheyengagedintilltheyreachedtheproportionsofdecisivebattles。Louiswasreallyfamous，now，asalandscapegardener；thewayhelaidoutVersailleswassomuchadmiredthatitwascopiedalloverEurope。\"
\"DoyouknowanythingaboutMadameDuBarry？\"askedEric；\"didn\'tshehaveherheadchoppedoff？\"
\"Shewasanothergreatloverofgardening，\"saidHarvey，evasively；
\"infact，IbelievethewellknownroseDuBarrywasnamedafterher，andnowIthinkyouhadbetterplayforalittleandleaveyourlessonstilllater。\"
Harveyretreatedtothelibraryandspentsomethirtyorfortyminutesinwonderingwhetheritwouldbepossibletocompileahistory，foruseinelementaryschools，inwhichthereshouldbenoprominentmentionofbattles，massacres，murderousintrigues，andviolentdeaths。TheYorkandLancasterperiodandtheNapoleonicerawould，headmittedtohimself，presentconsiderabledifficulties，andtheThirtyYears\'Warwouldentailsomethingofagapifyouleftitoutaltogether。Still，itwouldbesomethinggainedif，atahighlyimpressionableage，childrencouldbegottofixtheirattentionontheinventionofcalicoprintinginsteadoftheSpanishArmadaortheBattleofWaterloo。
Itwastime，hethought，togobacktotheboys\'room，andseehowtheyweregettingonwiththeirpeacetoys。AshestoodoutsidethedoorhecouldhearEric\'svoiceraisedincommand；Bertiechimedinnowandagainwithahelpfulsuggestion。
\"ThatisLouistheFourteenth，\"Ericwassaying，\"thatoneinknee-
breeches，thatUnclesaidinventedSundayschools。Itisn\'tabitlikehim，butit\'llhavetodo。\"
\"We\'llgivehimapurplecoatfrommypaintboxbyandby，\"saidBertie。
\"Yes，an\'redheels。ThatisMadamedeMaintenon，thatonehecalledMrs。Hemans。ShebegsLouisnottogoonthisexpedition，butheturnsadeafear。HetakesMarshalSaxewithhim，andwemustpretendthattheyhavethousandsofmenwiththem。ThewatchwordisQuivive？andtheanswerisL\'etatc\'estmoi——thatwasoneofhisfavouriteremarks，youknow。TheylandatManchesterinthedeadofthenight，andaJacobiteconspiratorgivesthemthekeysofthefortress。\"
PeepinginthroughthedoorwayHarveyobservedthatthemunicipaldustbinhadbeenpiercedwithholestoaccommodatethemuzzlesofimaginarycannon，andnowrepresentedtheprincipalfortifiedpositioninManchester；JohnStuartMillhadbeendippedinredink，andapparentlystoodforMarshalSaxe。
\"LouisordershistroopstosurroundtheYoungWomen\'sChristianAssociationandseizethelotofthem。\'OncebackattheLouvreandthegirlsaremine，\'heexclaims。WemustuseMrs。Hemansagainforoneofthegirls；shesays\'Never，\'andstabsMarshalSaxetotheheart。\"
\"Hebleedsdreadfully，\"exclaimedBertie，splashingredinkliberallyoverthefacadeoftheAssociationbuilding。
\"Thesoldiersrushinandavengehisdeathwiththeutmostsavagery。
Ahundredgirlsarekilled\"——hereBertieemptiedtheremainderoftheredinkoverthedevotedbuilding——\"andthesurvivingfivehundredaredraggedofftotheFrenchships。\'IhavelostaMarshal，\'saysLouis，\'butIdonotgobackempty-handed。\'\"
Harveystoleawayfromtheroom，andsoughtouthissister。
\"Eleanor，\"hesaid，\"theexperiment——\"
\"Yes？\"
\"Hasfailed。Wehavebeguntoolate。\"
LOUISE
\"Theteawillbequitecold，you\'dbetterringforsomemore，\"saidtheDowagerLadyBeanford。
SusanLadyBeanfordwasavigorousoldwomanwhohadcoquettedwithimaginaryill-healthforthegreaterpartofalifetime；ClovisSangrailirreverentlydeclaredthatshehadcaughtachillattheCoronationofQueenVictoriaandhadneverletitgoagain。Hersister，JaneThropplestance，whowassomeyearsherjunior，waschieflyremarkableforbeingthemostabsent-mindedwomaninMiddlesex。
\"I\'vereallybeenunusuallycleverthisafternoon，\"sheremarkedgaily，assherangforthetea。\"I\'vecalledonallthepeopleI
meanttocallon；andI\'vedonealltheshoppingthatIsetouttodo。IevenrememberedtotryandmatchthatsilkforyouatHarrod\'s，butI\'dforgottentobringthepatternwithme，soitwasnouse。IreallythinkthatwastheonlyimportantthingIforgotduringthewholeafternoon。Quitewonderfulforme，isn\'tit？\"
\"WhathaveyoudonewithLouise？\"askedhersister。\"Didn\'tyoutakeheroutwithyou？Yousaidyouweregoingto。\"
\"Goodgracious，\"exclaimedJane，\"whathaveIdonewithLouise？I
musthavelefthersomewhere。\"
\"Butwhere？\"
\"That\'sjustit。WherehaveIlefther？Ican\'trememberiftheCarrywoodswereathomeorifIjustleftcards。IftherewereathomeImayhaveleftLouisetheretoplaybridge。I\'llgoandtelephonetoLordCarrywoodandfindout。\"
\"Isthatyou，LordCarrywood？\"shequeriedoverthetelephone；\"it\'sme，JaneThropplestance。Iwanttoknow，haveyouseenLouise？\"
\"\'Louise，\'\"cametheanswer，\"it\'sbeenmyfatetoseeitthreetimes。Atfirst，Imustadmit，Iwasn\'timpressedbyit，butthemusicgrowsononeafterabit。Still，Idon\'tthinkIwanttoseeitagainjustatpresent。Wereyougoingtooffermeaseatinyourbox？\"
\"Nottheopera\'Louise\'——myniece，LouiseThropplestance。IthoughtImighthaveleftheratyourhouse。\"
\"Youleftcardsonusthisafternoon，Iunderstand，butIdon\'tthinkyouleftaniece。Thefootmanwouldhavebeensuretohavementioneditifyouhad。Isitgoingtobeafashiontoleaveniecesonpeopleaswellascards？Ihopenot；someofthesehousesinBerkeley-squarehavepracticallynoaccommodationforthatsortofthing。\"
\"She\'snotattheCarrywoods\'，\"announcedJane，returningtohertea；\"nowIcometothinkofit，perhapsIleftheratthesilkcounteratSelfridge\'s。ImayhavetoldhertowaitthereamomentwhileIwenttolookatthesilksinabetterlight，andImayeasilyhaveforgottenaboutherwhenIfoundIhadn\'tyourpatternwithme。Inthatcaseshe\'sstillsittingthere。Shewouldn\'tmoveunlessshewastoldto；Louisehasnoinitiative。\"
\"YousaidyoutriedtomatchthesilkatHarrod\'s，\"interjectedthedowager。
\"DidI？PerhapsitwasHarrod\'s。Ireallydon\'tremember。Itwasoneofthoseplaceswhereeveryoneissokindandsympatheticanddevotedthatonealmosthatestotakeevenareelofcottonawayfromsuchpleasantsurroundings。\"
\"IthinkyoumighthavetakenLouiseaway。Idon\'tliketheideaofherbeingthereamongalotofstrangers。Supposingsomeunprincipledpersonwastogetintoconversationwithher。\"
\"Impossible。Louisehasnoconversation。I\'veneverdiscoveredasingletopiconwhichshe\'danythingtosaybeyond\'Doyouthinkso？
Idaresayyou\'reright。\'IreallythoughtherreticenceaboutthefalloftheRibotMinistrywasridiculous，consideringhowmuchherdearmotherusedtovisitParis。Thisbreadandbutteriscutfartoothin；itcrumblesawaylongbeforeyoucangetittoyourmouth。
Onefeelssoabsurd，snappingatone\'sfoodinmid-air，likeatroutleapingatmay-fly。\"
\"Iamrathersurprised，\"saidthedowager，\"thatyoucansittheremakingaheartyteawhenyou\'vejustlostafavouriteniece。\"
\"YoutalkasifI\'dlostherinachurchyardsense，insteadofhavingtemporarilymislaidher。I\'msuretorememberpresentlywhereIlefther。\"
\"Youdidn\'tvisitanyplaceofdevotion，didyou？Ifyou\'velefthermooningaboutWestminsterAbbeyorSt。Peter\'s，EatonSquare，withoutbeingabletogiveanysatisfactoryreasonwhyshe\'sthere，she\'llbeseizedundertheCatandMouseActandsenttoReginaldMcKenna。\"
\"Thatwouldbeextremelyawkward，\"saidJane，meetinganirresolutepieceofbreadandbutterhalfway；\"wehardlyknowtheMcKennas，anditwouldbeverytiresomehavingtotelephonetosomeunsympatheticprivatesecretary，describingLouisetohimandaskingtohavehersentbackintimefordinner。Fortunately，Ididn\'tgotoanyplaceofdevotion，thoughIdidgetmixedupwithaSalvationArmyprocession。Itwasquiteinterestingtobeatclosequarterswiththem，they\'resoabsolutelydifferenttowhattheyusedtobewhenI
firstremembertheminthe\'eighties。Theyusedtogoaboutthenunkemptanddishevelled，inasortofsmilingragewiththeworld，andnowthey\'respruceandjauntyandflamboyantlydecorative，likeageraniumbedwithreligiousconvictions。LauraKettlewaywasgoingonaboutthemintheliftoftheDoverStreetTubetheotherday，sayingwhatalotofgoodworktheydid，andwhatalossitwouldhavebeenifthey\'dneverexisted。\'Iftheyhadneverexisted，\'Isaid，\'GranvilleBarkerwouldhavebeencertaintohaveinventedsomethingthatlookedexactlylikethem。\'Ifyousaythingslikethat，quiteloud，inaTubelift，theyalwayssoundlikeepigrams。\"
\"IthinkyououghttodosomethingaboutLouise，\"saidthedowager。
\"I\'mtryingtothinkwhethershewaswithmewhenIcalledonAdaSpelvexit。Iratherenjoyedmyselfthere。Adawastrying，asusual，toramthatodiousKoriatoffskiwomandownmythroat，knowingperfectlywellthatIdetesther，andinanunguardedmomentshesaid：\'She\'sleavingherpresenthouseandgoingtoLowerSeymourStreet。\'\'Idaresayshewill，ifshestaystherelongenough，\'I
said。Adadidn\'tseeitforaboutthreeminutes，andthenshewaspositivelyuncivil。No，IamcertainIdidn\'tleaveLouisethere。\"
\"IfyoucouldmanagetorememberwhereyouDIDleaveher，itwouldbemoretothepointthanthesenegativeassurances，\"saidLadyBeanford；\"sofar，allweknowisthatsheisnotattheCarrywoods\'，orAdaSpelvexit\'s，orWestminsterAbbey。\"
\"Thatnarrowsthesearchdownabit，\"saidJanehopefully；\"IratherfancyshemusthavebeenwithmewhenIwenttoMornay\'s。IknowI
wenttoMornay\'s，becauseIremembermeetingthatdelightfulMalcolmWhat\'s-his-namethere——youknowwhomImean。That\'sthegreatadvantageofpeoplehavingunusualfirstnames，youneedn\'ttryandrememberwhattheirothernameis。OfcourseIknowoneortwootherMalcolms，butnonethatcouldpossiblybedescribedasdelightful。HegavemetwoticketsfortheHappySundayEveningsinSloaneSquare。I\'veprobablyleftthematMornay\'s，butstillitwasawfullykindofhimtogivethemtome。\"
\"DoyouthinkyouleftLouisethere？\"
\"Imighttelephoneandask。Oh，Robert，beforeyouclearthetea-
thingsawayIwishyou\'dringupMornay\'s，inRegentStreet，andaskifIlefttwotheatreticketsandonenieceintheirshopthisafternoon。\"
\"Aniece，ma\'am？\"askedthefootman。
\"Yes，MissLouisedidn\'tcomehomewithme，andI\'mnotsurewhereI
lefther。\"
\"MissLouisehasbeenupstairsalltheafternoon，ma\'am，readingtothesecondkitchenmaid，whohastheneuralgia。ItookupteatoMissLouiseataquartertofiveo\'clock，ma\'am。\"
\"Ofcourse，howsillyofme。Iremembernow，IaskedhertoreadtheFaerieQueenetopoorEmma，totrytosendhertosleep。I
alwaysgetsomeonetoreadtheFaerieQueenetomewhenIhaveneuralgia，anditusuallysendsmetosleep。Louisedoesn\'tseemtohavebeensuccessful，butonecan\'tsayshehasn\'ttried。Iexpectafterthefirsthourorsothekitchenmaidwouldratherhavebeenleftalonewithherneuralgia，butofcourseLouisewouldn\'tleaveofftillsomeonetoldherto。Anyhow，youcanringupMornay\'s，Robert，andaskwhetherIlefttwotheatreticketsthere。Exceptforyoursilk，Susan，thoseseemtobetheonlythingsI\'veforgottenthisafternoon。Quitewonderfulforme。\"
TEA
JamesCushat-Prinklywasayoungmanwhohadalwayshadasettledconvictionthatoneofthesedayshewouldmarry；uptotheageofthirty-fourhehaddonenothingtojustifythatconviction。Helikedandadmiredagreatmanywomencollectivelyanddispassionatelywithoutsinglingoutoneforespecialmatrimonialconsideration，justasonemightadmiretheAlpswithoutfeelingthatonewantedanyparticularpeakasone\'sownprivateproperty。
Hislackofinitiativeinthismatterarousedacertainamountofimpatienceamongthesentimentally-mindedwomen-folkofhishomecircle；hismother，hissisters，anaunt-in-residence，andtwoorthreeintimatematronlyfriendsregardedhisdilatoryapproachtothemarriedstatewithadisapprovalthatwasfarfrombeinginarticulate。Hismostinnocentflirtationswerewatchedwiththestrainingeagernesswhichagroupofunexercisedterriersconcentratesontheslightestmovementsofahumanbeingwhomaybereasonablyconsideredlikelytotakethemforawalk。Nodecent-
souledmortalcanlongresistthepleadingofseveralpairsofwalk-
beseechingdog-eyes；JamesCushat-Prinklywasnotsufficientlyobstinateorindifferenttohomeinfluencestodisregardtheobviouslyexpressedwishofhisfamilythatheshouldbecomeenamouredofsomenicemarriageablegirl，andwhenhisUncleJulesdepartedthislifeandbequeathedhimacomfortablelittlelegacyitreallyseemedthecorrectthingtodotosetaboutdiscoveringsomeonetoshareitwithhim。Theprocessofdiscoverywascarriedonmorebytheforceofsuggestionandtheweightofpublicopinionthanbyanyinitiativeofhisown；aclearworkingmajorityofhisfemalerelativesandtheaforesaidmatronlyfriendshadpitchedonJoanSebastableasthemostsuitableyoungwomaninhisrangeofacquaintancetowhomhemightproposemarriage，andJamesbecamegraduallyaccustomedtotheideathatheandJoanwouldgotogetherthroughtheprescribedstagesofcongratulations，present-receiving，NorwegianorMediterraneanhotels，andeventualdomesticity。Itwasnecessary，howevertoasktheladywhatshethoughtaboutthematter；thefamilyhadsofarconductedanddirectedtheflirtationwithabilityanddiscretion，buttheactualproposalwouldhavetobeanindividualeffort。
Cushat-PrinklywalkedacrosstheParktowardstheSebastableresidenceinaframeofmindthatwasmoderatelycomplacent。Asthethingwasgoingtobedonehewasgladtofeelthathewasgoingtogetitsettledandoffhismindthatafternoon。Proposingmarriage，eventoanicegirllikeJoan，wasaratherirksomebusiness，butonecouldnothaveahoneymooninMinorcaandasubsequentlifeofmarriedhappinesswithoutsuchpreliminary。HewonderedwhatMinorcawasreallylikeasaplacetostopin；inhismind\'seyeitwasanislandinperpetualhalf-mourning，withblackorwhiteMinorcahensrunningalloverit。Probablyitwouldnotbeabitlikethatwhenonecametoexamineit。PeoplewhohadbeeninRussiahadtoldhimthattheydidnotrememberhavingseenanyMuscovyducksthere，soitwaspossiblethattherewouldbenoMinorcafowlsontheisland。
HisMediterraneanmusingswereinterruptedbythesoundofaclockstrikingthehalf-hour。Half-pastfour。Afrownofdissatisfactionsettledonhisface。HewouldarriveattheSebastablemansionjustatthehourofafternoontea。Joanwouldbeseatedatalowtable，spreadwithanarrayofsilverkettlesandcream-jugsanddelicateporcelaintea-cups，behindwhichhervoicewouldtinklepleasantlyinaseriesoflittlefriendlyquestionsaboutweakorstrongtea，howmuch，ifany，sugar，milk，cream，andsoforth。\"Isitonelump？Iforgot。Youdotakemilk，don\'tyou？Wouldyoulikesomemorehotwater，ifit\'stoostrong？\"
Cushat-Prinklyhadreadofsuchthingsinscoresofnovels，andhundredsofactualexperienceshadtoldhimthattheyweretruetolife。Thousandsofwomen，atthissolemnafternoonhour，weresittingbehinddaintyporcelainandsilverfittings，withtheirvoicestinklingpleasantlyinacascadeofsolicitouslittlequestions。Cushat-Prinklydetestedthewholesystemofafternoontea。Accordingtohistheoryoflifeawomanshouldlieonadivanorcouch，talkingwithincomparablecharmorlookingunutterablethoughts，ormerelysilentasathingtobelookedon，andfrombehindasilkencurtainasmallNubianpageshouldsilentlybringinatraywithcupsanddainties，tobeacceptedsilently，asamatterofcourse，withoutdrawn-outchatteraboutcreamandsugarandhotwater。Ifone\'ssoulwasreallyenslavedatone\'smistress\'sfeethowcouldonetalkcoherentlyaboutweakenedtea？Cushat-Prinklyhadneverexpoundedhisviewsonthesubjecttohismother；allherlifeshehadbeenaccustomedtotinklepleasantlyattea-timebehinddaintyporcelainandsilver，andifhehadspokentoheraboutdivansandNubianpagesshewouldhaveurgedhimtotakeaweek\'sholidayattheseaside。Now，ashepassedthroughatangleofsmallstreetsthatledindirectlytotheelegantMayfairterraceforwhichhewasbound，ahorrorattheideaofconfrontingJoanSebastableathertea-tableseizedonhim。Amomentarydeliverancepresenteditself；ononefloorofanarrowlittlehouseatthenoisierendofEsquimaultStreetlivedRhodaEllam，asortofremotecousin，whomadealivingbycreatinghatsoutofcostlymaterials。ThehatsreallylookedasiftheyhadcomefromParis；thechequesshegotforthemunfortunatelyneverlookedasiftheyweregoingtoParis。
However，Rhodaappearedtofindlifeamusingandtohaveafairlygoodtimeinspiteofherstraitenedcircumstances。Cushat-Prinklydecidedtoclimbuptoherflooranddeferbyhalf-an-hourorsotheimportantbusinesswhichlaybeforehim；byspinningouthisvisithecouldcontrivetoreachtheSebastablemansionafterthelastvestigesofdaintyporcelainhadbeenclearedaway。
Rhodawelcomedhimintoaroomthatseemedtododutyasworkshop，sitting-room，andkitchencombined，andtobewonderfullycleanandcomfortableatthesametime。
\"I\'mhavingapicnicmeal，\"sheannounced。\"There\'scaviareinthatjaratyourelbow。Beginonthatbrownbread-and-butterwhileIcutsomemore。Findyourselfacup；theteapotisbehindyou。Nowtellmeabouthundredsofthings。\"
Shemadenootherallusiontofood，buttalkedamusinglyandmadehervisitortalkamusinglytoo。Atthesametimeshecutthebread-
and-butterwithamasterlyskillandproducedredpepperandslicedlemon，wheresomanywomenwouldmerelyhaveproducedreasonsandregretsfornothavingany。Cushat-PrinklyfoundthathewasenjoyinganexcellentteawithouthavingtoanswerasmanyquestionsaboutitasaMinisterforAgriculturemightbecalledontoreplytoduringanoutbreakofcattleplague。
\"Andnowtellmewhyyouhavecometoseeme，\"saidRhodasuddenly。
\"Youarousenotmerelymycuriositybutmybusinessinstincts。I
hopeyou\'vecomeabouthats。Iheardthatyouhadcomeintoalegacytheotherday，and，ofcourse，itstruckmethatitwouldbeabeautifulanddesirablethingforyoutocelebratetheeventbybuyingbrilliantlyexpensivehatsforallyoursisters。Theymaynothavesaidanythingaboutit，butIfeelsurethesameideahasoccurredtothem。Ofcourse，withGoodwoodonus，Iamratherrushedjustnow，butinmybusinesswe\'reaccustomedtothat；weliveinaseriesofrushes——liketheinfantMoses。\"
\"Ididn\'tcomeabouthats，\"saidhervisitor。\"Infact，Idon\'tthinkIreallycameaboutanything。IwaspassingandIjustthoughtI\'dlookinandseeyou。SinceI\'vebeensittingtalkingtoyou，however，ratherimportantideahasoccurredtome。Ifyou\'llforgetGoodwoodforamomentandlistentome，I\'lltellyouwhatitis。\"
SomefortyminuteslaterJamesCushat-Prinklyreturnedtothebosomofhisfamily，bearinganimportantpieceofnews。
\"I\'mengagedtobemarried，\"heannounced。
Arapturousoutbreakofcongratulationandself-applausebrokeout。
\"Ah，weknew！Wesawitcoming！Weforetolditweeksago！\"
\"I\'llbetyoudidn\'t，\"saidCushat-Prinkly。\"Ifanyonehadtoldmeatlunch-timeto-daythatIwasgoingtoaskRhodaEllamtomarrymeandthatshewasgoingtoacceptmeIwouldhavelaughedattheidea。\"
TheromanticsuddennessoftheaffairinsomemeasurecompensatedJames\'swomen-folkfortheruthlessnegationofalltheirpatienteffortandskilleddiplomacy。Itwasrathertryingtohavetodeflecttheirenthusiasmatamoment\'snoticefromJoanSebastabletoRhodaEllam；but，afterall，itwasJames\'swifewhowasinquestion，andhistasteshadsomeclaimtobeconsidered。
OnaSeptemberafternoonofthesameyear，afterthehoneymooninMinorcahadended，Cushat-Prinklycameintothedrawing-roomofhisnewhouseinGranchesterSquare。Rhodawasseatedatalowtable，behindaserviceofdaintyporcelainandgleamingsilver。Therewasapleasanttinklingnoteinhervoiceasshehandedhimacup。
\"Youlikeitweakerthanthat，don\'tyou？ShallIputsomemorehotwatertoit？No？\"
THEDISAPPEARANCEOFCRISPINAUMBERLEIGH
Inafirst-classcarriageofatrainspeedingBalkanwardacrosstheflat，greenHungarianplaintwoBritonssatinfriendly，fitfulconverse。Theyhadfirstforegatheredinthecoldgreydawnatthefrontierline，wherethepresidingeagletakesonanextraheadandTeutonlandspassfromHohenzollerntoHabsburgkeeping——andwhereaprobingofficialbeakrequirestodelveinpoliteandperhapsperfunctory，butalwaystiresome，mannerintothebaggageofsleep-
hungrypassengers。Afteraday\'sbreakoftheirjourneyatViennathetravellershadagainforegatheredatthetrainsideandpaidoneanotherthecomplimentofsettlinginstinctivelyintothesamecarriage。Theelderofthetwohadtheappearanceandmannerofadiplomat；inpointoffacthewasthewell-connectedfoster-brotherofawinebusiness。Theotherwascertainlyajournalist。Neithermanwastalkativeandeachwasgratefultotheotherfornotbeingtalkative。Thatiswhyfromtimetotimetheytalked。
Onetopicofconversationnaturallythrustitselfforwardinfrontofallothers。InViennathepreviousdaytheyhadlearnedofthemysteriousvanishingofaworld-famouspicturefromthewallsoftheLouvre。
\"Adramaticdisappearanceofthatsortissuretoproduceacropofimitations，\"saidtheJournalist。
\"Ithashadalotofanticipations，forthematterofthat，\"saidtheWine-brother。
\"Oh，ofcoursetherehavebeentheftsfromtheLouvrebefore。\"
\"Iwasthinkingofthespiritingawayofhumanbeingsratherthanpictures。InparticularIwasthinkingofthecaseofmyaunt，CrispinaUmberleigh。\"
\"Irememberhearingsomethingoftheaffair，\"saidtheJournalist，\"butIwasawayfromEnglandatthetime。Ineverquiteknewwhatwassupposedtohavehappened。\"
\"Youmayhearwhatreallyhappenedifyouwillrespectitasaconfidence，\"saidtheWineMerchant。\"InthefirstplaceImaysaythatthedisappearanceofMrs。Umberleighwasnotregardedbythefamilyentirelyasabereavement。Myuncle，EdwardUmberleigh，wasnotbyanymeansaweak-kneedindividual，infactintheworldofpoliticshehadtobereckonedwithmoreorlessasastrongman，buthewasunmistakablydominatedbyCrispina；indeedInevermetanyhumanbeingwhowasnotfrozenintosubjectionwhenbroughtintoprolongedcontactwithher。Somepeopleareborntocommand；
CrispinaMrs。Umberleighwasborntolegislate，codify，administrate，censor，license，ban，execute，andsitinjudgementgenerally。Ifshewasnotbornwiththatdestinysheadopteditatanearlyage。Fromthekitchenregionsupwardseveryoneinthehouseholdcameunderherdespoticswayandstayedtherewiththesubmissivenessofmolluscsinvolvedinaglacialepoch。Asanephewonafootingofonlyoccasionalvisitssheaffectedmemerelyasanepidemic，disagreeablewhileitlasted，butwithoutanypermanenteffect；butherownsonsanddaughtersstoodinmortalaweofher；
theirstudies，friendships，diet，amusements，religiousobservances，andwayofdoingtheirhairwereallregulatedandordainedaccordingtotheaugustlady\'swillandpleasure。Thiswillhelpyoutounderstandthesensationofstupefactionwhichwascausedinthefamilywhensheunobtrusivelyandinexplicablyvanished。ItwasasthoughSt。Paul\'sCathedralorthePiccadillyHotelhaddisappearedinthenight，leavingnothingbutanopenspacetomarkwhereithadstood。Asfaraswasknownnothingwastroublingher；
infacttherewasmuchbeforehertomakelifeparticularlywellworthliving。Theyoungestboyhadcomebackfromschoolwithanunsatisfactoryreport，andshewastohavesatinjudgementonhimtheveryafternoonofthedayshedisappeared——ifithadbeenhewhohadvanishedinahurryonecouldhavesuppliedthemotive。Thenshewasinthemiddleofanewspapercorrespondencewitharuraldeaninwhichshehadalreadyprovedhimguiltyofheresy，inconsistency，andunworthyquibbling，andnoordinaryconsiderationwouldhaveinducedhertodiscontinuethecontroversy。Ofcoursethematterwasputinthehandsofthepolice，butasfaraspossibleitwaskeptoutofthepapers，andthegenerallyacceptedexplanationofherwithdrawalfromhersocialcirclewasthatshehadgoneintoanursinghome。\"
\"Andwhatwastheimmediateeffectonthehomecircle？\"askedtheJournalist。
\"Allthegirlsboughtthemselvesbicycles；thefemininecyclingcrazewasstillinexistence，andCrispinahadrigidlyvetoedanyparticipationinitamongthemembersofherhousehold。Theyoungestboylethimselfgotosuchanextentduringhisnexttermthatithadtobehislastasfarasthatparticularestablishmentwasconcerned。Theelderboyspropoundedatheorythattheirmothermightbewanderingsomewhereabroad，andsearchedforherassiduously，chiefly，itmustbeadmitted，inaclassofMontmartreresortwhereitwasextremelyimprobablethatshewouldbefound。\"
\"Andallthiswhilecouldn\'tyourunclegetholdoftheleastclue？\"
\"Asamatteroffacthehadreceivedsomeinformation，thoughofcourseIdidnotknowofitatthetime。Hegotamessageonedaytellinghimthathiswifehadbeenkidnappedandsmuggledoutofthecountry；shewassaidtobehiddenaway，inoneoftheislandsoffthecoastofNorwayIthinkitwas，incomfortablesurroundingsandwellcaredfor。Andwiththeinformationcameademandformoney；alumpsumof2000poundswastobepaidyearly。Failingthisshewouldbeimmediatelyrestoredtoherfamily。\"
TheJournalistwassilentforamoment，andthembegantolaughquietly。
\"Itwascertainlyaninvertedformofholdingtoransom，\"hesaid。
\"Ifyouhadknownmyaunt，\"saidtheWineMerchant，\"youwouldhavewonderedthattheydidn\'tputthefigurehigher。\"
\"Irealisethetemptation。Didyourunclesuccumbtoit？\"
\"Well，yousee，hehadtothinkofothersaswellashimself。ForthefamilytohavegonebackintotheCrispinathraldomafterhavingtastedthedelightsoflibertywouldhavebeenatragedy，andtherewereevenwiderconsiderationstobetakenintoaccount。Sincehisbereavementhehadunconsciouslytakenupafarbolderandmoreinitiatorylineinpublicaffairs，andhispopularityandinfluencehadincreasedcorrespondingly。Frombeingmerelyastrongmaninthepoliticalworldhebegantobespokenofasthestrongman。AllthisheknewwouldbejeopardisedifheoncemoredroppedintothesocialpositionofthehusbandofMrs。Umberleigh。Hewasarichman，andthe2000poundsayear，thoughnotexactlyafleabite，didnotseemanextravagantpricetopayfortheboarding-outofCrispina。Ofcourse，hehadseverequalmsofconscienceaboutthearrangement。Lateron，whenhetookmeintohisconfidence，hetoldmethatinpayingtheransom，orhush-moneyasIshouldhavecalledit，hewaspartlyinfluencedbythefearthatifherefuseditthekidnappersmighthaveventedtheirrageanddisappointmentontheircaptive。Itwasbetter，hesaid，tothinkofherbeingwellcaredforasahighly-valuedpaying-guestinoneoftheLofodenIslandsthantohaveherstrugglingmiserablyhomeinamaimedandmutilatedcondition。Anywayhepaidtheyearlyinstalmentaspunctuallyasonepaysafireinsurance，andwithequalpromptitudetherewouldcomeanacknowledgmentofthemoneyandabriefstatementtotheeffectthatCrispinawasingoodhealthandfairlycheerfulspirits。
OnereportevenmentionedthatshewasbusyingherselfwithaschemeforproposedreformsinChurchmanagementtobepressedonthelocalpastorate。Anotherspokeofarheumaticattackandajourneytoa\'cure\'onthemainland，andonthatoccasionanadditionaleightypoundswasdemandedandconceded。Ofcourseitwastotheinterestofthekidnapperstokeeptheirchargeingoodhealth，butthesecrecywithwhichtheymanagedtoshroudtheirarrangementsarguedareallywonderfulorganisation。Ifmyunclewaspayingaratherhighprice，atleasthecouldconsolehimselfwiththereflectionthathewaspayingspecialists\'fees。\"
\"Meanwhilehadthepolicegivenupallattemptstotrackthemissinglady？\"askedtheJournalist。
\"Notentirely；theycametomyunclefromtimetotimetoreportonclueswhichtheythoughtmightyieldsomeelucidationastoherfateorwhereabouts，butIthinktheyhadtheirsuspicionsthathewaspossessedofmoreinformationthanhehadputattheirdisposal。
Andthen，afteradisappearanceofmorethaneightyears，Crispinareturnedwithdramaticsuddennesstothehomeshehadleftsomysteriously。\"
\"Shehadgivenhercaptorstheslip？\"
\"Shehadneverbeencaptured。Herwanderingawayhadbeencausedbyasuddenandcompletelossofmemory。Sheusuallydressedratherinthestyleofasuperiorkindofcharwoman，anditwasnotsoverysurprisingthatsheshouldhaveimaginedthatshewasone；andstilllessthatpeopleshouldacceptherstatementandhelphertogetwork。ShehadwanderedasfarafieldasBirmingham，andfoundfairlysteadyemploymentthere，herenergyandenthusiasminputtingpeople\'sroomsinordercounterbalancingherobstinateanddomineeringcharacteristics。Itwastheshockofbeingpatronisinglyaddressedas\'mygoodwoman\'byacurate，whowasdisputingwithherwherethestoveshouldbeplacedinaparishconcerthallthatledtothesuddenrestorationofhermemory。\'I
thinkyouforgetwhoyouarespeakingto，\'sheobservedcrushingly，whichwasratherundulysevere，consideringshehadonlyjustremembereditherself。\"
\"But，\"exclaimedtheJournalist，\"theLofodenIslandpeople！Whohadtheygotholdof？\"
\"Apurelymythicalprisoner。Itwasanattemptinthefirstplacebysomeonewhoknewsomethingofthedomesticsituation，probablyadischargedvalet，tobluffalumpsumoutofEdwardUmberleighbeforethemissingwomanturnedup；thesubsequentyearlyinstalmentswereanunlooked-forincrementtotheoriginalhaul。
\"Crispinafoundthattheeightyears\'interregnumhadmateriallyweakenedherascendancyoverhernowgrown-upoffspring。Herhusband，however，neveraccomplishedanythinggreatinthepoliticalworldafterherreturn；thestrainoftryingtoaccountsatisfactorilyforanunspecifiedexpenditureofsixteenthousandpoundsspreadovereightyearssufficientlyoccupiedhismentalenergies。HereisBelgradandanothercustomhouse。\"
THEWOLVESOFCERNOGRATZ
\"Aretheyanyoldlegendsattachedtothecastle？\"askedConradofhissister。ConradwasaprosperousHamburgmerchant，buthewastheonepoetically-dispositionedmemberofaneminentlypracticalfamily。
TheBaronessGruebelshruggedherplumpshoulders。
\"Therearealwayslegendshangingabouttheseoldplaces。Theyarenotdifficulttoinventandtheycostnothing。Inthiscasethereisastorythatwhenanyonediesinthecastleallthedogsinthevillageandthewildbeastsinforesthowlthenightlong。Itwouldnotbepleasanttolistento，wouldit？\"
\"Itwouldbeweirdandromantic，\"saidtheHamburgmerchant。