\"IconsiderthatshowinghospitalitytotheSmithly-DubbsiscarryingFreeFoodprinciplestoaregrettableextreme，\"saidLadyDrakmanton；\"I\'veentertainedtheJonesesandtheBrownsandtheSnapheimersandtheLubrikoffs，andheapsofotherswhosenamesI
forget，butIdon\'tseewhyIshouldinflictthesocietyoftheMissesSmithly-Dubbonmyselfforasolidhour。Imagineit，sixtyminutes，moreorless，ofunrelentinggobbleandgabble。Whycan\'tYOUtakethemon，Milly？\"sheasked，turninghopefullytohersister。
\"Idon\'tknowthem，\"saidMillyhastily。
\"Allthebetter；youcanpassyourselfoffasme。Peoplesaythatwearesoalikethattheycanhardlytellusapart，andI\'veonlyspokentothesetiresomeyoungwomenabouttwiceinmylife，atcommittee-rooms，andbowedtothemintheclub。Anyoftheclubpage-boyswillpointthemouttoyou；they\'realwaystobefoundlollingaboutthehalljustbeforelunch-time。\"
\"MydearBetty，don\'tbeabsurd，\"protestedMilly；\"I\'vegotsomepeoplelunchingwithmeattheCarltonto-morrow，andI\'mleavingTownthedayafterwards。\"
\"Whattimeisyourlunchto-morrow？\"askedLadyDrakmantonreflectively。
\"Twoo\'clock，\"saidMilly。
\"Good，\"saidhersister；\"theSmithly-Dubbsshalllunchwithmeto-
morrow。Itshallberatheranamusinglunch-party。Atleast，I
shallbeamused。\"
Thelasttworemarksshemadetoherself。Otherpeopledidnotalwaysappreciateherideasofhumour。SirJamesneverdid。
ThenextdayLadyDrakmantonmadesomemarkedvariationsinherusualtoileteffects。Shedressedherhairinanunaccustomedmanner，andputonahatthataddedtothetransformationofherappearance。WhenshehadmadeoneortwominoralterationsshewassufficientlyunlikeherusualsmartselftoproducesomehesitationinthegreetingwhichtheMissesSmithly-Dubbbestowedonherintheclub-lobby。Sheresponded，however，withareadinesswhichsettheirdoubtsatrest。
\"WhatistheCarltonlikeforlunchingin？\"sheaskedbreezily。
Therestaurantreceivedanenthusiasticrecommendationfromthethreesisters。
\"Let\'sgoandlunchthere，shallwe？\"shesuggested，andinafewminutes\'timetheSmithly-Dubbmindwascontemplatingatclosequartersahappyvistaofbakedmeatsandapprovedvintage。
\"Areyougoingtostartwithcaviare？Iam，\"confidedLadyDrakmanton，andtheSmithly-Dubbsstartedwithcaviare。Thesubsequentdisheswerechoseninthesameambitiousspirit，andbythetimetheyhadarrivedatthewildduckcourseitwasbeginningtobearatherexpensivelunch。
Theconversationhardlykeptpacewiththebrilliancyofthemenu。
RepeatedreferencesonthepartofthegueststothelocalpoliticalconditionsandprospectsinSirJames\'sconstituencyweremetwithvague\"ahs\"and\"indeeds\"fromLadyDrakmanton，whomighthavebeenexpectedtobespeciallyinterested。
\"IthinkwhentheInsuranceActisalittlebetterunderstooditwilllosesomeofitspresentunpopularity，\"hazardedCeciliaSmithly-Dubb。
\"Willit？Idaresay。I\'mafraidpoliticsdon\'tinterestmeverymuch，\"saidLadyDrakmanton。
ThethreeMissSmithly-DubbsputdowntheircupsofTurkishcoffeeandstared。Thentheybrokeintoprotestinggiggles。
\"Ofcourse，you\'rejoking，\"theysaid。
\"Notme，\"wasthedisconcertinganswer；\"Ican\'tmakeheadortailofthesebotheringoldpolitics。Nevercould，andneverwantto。
I\'vequiteenoughtodotomanagemyownaffairs，andthat\'safact。\"
\"But，\"exclaimedAmandaSmithly-Dubb，withasquealofbewildermentbreakingintohervoice，\"IwastoldyouspokesoinforminglyabouttheInsuranceActatoneofoursocialevenings。\"
ItwasLadyDrakmantonwhostarednow。\"Doyouknow，\"shesaid，withascaredlookaroundher，\"ratheradreadfulthingishappening。I\'msufferingfromacompletelossofmemory。Ican\'teventhinkwhoIam。Iremembermeetingyousomewhere，andI
rememberyouaskingmetocomeandlunchwithyouhere，andthatI
acceptedyourkindinvitation。Beyondthatmymindisapositiveblank。\"
Thescaredlookwastransferredwithintensifiedpoignancytothefacesofhercompanions。
\"YOUaskedUStolunch，\"theyexclaimedhurriedly。Thatseemedamoreimmediatelyimportantpointtoclearupthanthequestionofidentity。
\"Oh，no，\"saidthevanishinghostess，\"THATIdorememberabout。
Youinsistedonmycomingherebecausethefeedingwassogood，andImustsayitcomesuptoallyousaidaboutit。Averynicelunchit\'sbeen。WhatI\'mworryingaboutiswhoonearthamI？Ihaven\'tthefaintestnotion？\"
\"YouareLadyDrakmanton，\"exclaimedthethreesistersinchorus。
\"Now，don\'tmakefunofme，\"shereplied，crossly，\"Ihappentoknowherquitewellbysight，andsheisn\'tabitlikeme。Andit\'sanoddthingyoushouldhavementionedher，foritsohappensshe\'sjustcomeintotheroom。Thatladyinblack，withtheyellowplumeinherhat，thereoverbythedoor。\"
TheSmithly-Dubbslookedintheindicateddirection，andtheuneasinessintheireyesdeepenedintohorror。InoutwardappearancetheladywhohadjustenteredtheroomcertainlycamerathernearertotheirrecollectionoftheirMember\'swifethantheindividualwhowassittingattablewiththem。
\"WhoAREyou，then，ifthatisLadyDrakmanton？\"theyaskedinpanic-strickenbewilderment。
\"ThatisjustwhatIdon\'tknow，\"wastheanswer；\"andyoudon\'tseemtoknowmuchbetterthanIdo。\"
\"Youcameuptousintheclub——\"
\"Inwhatclub？\"
\"TheNewDidactic，inCalaisStreet。\"
\"TheNewDidactic！\"exclaimedLadyDrakmantonwithanairofreturningillumination；\"thankyousomuch。Ofcourse，IremembernowwhoIam。I\'mEllenNiggle，oftheLadies\'BrasspolishingGuild。TheClubemploysmetocomenowandthenandseetothepolishingofthebrassfittings。That\'showIcametoknowLadyDrakmantonbysight；she\'sveryoftenintheClub。Andyouaretheladieswhosokindlyaskedmeouttolunch。Funnyhowitshouldallhaveslippedmymemory，allofasudden。Theunaccustomedgoodfoodandwinemusthavebeentoomuchforme；forthemomentIreallycouldn\'tcalltomindwhoIwas。Goodgracious，\"shebrokeoffsuddenly，\"it\'stenpasttwo；IshouldbeatapolishingjobinWhitehall。Imustscuttleofflikeagiddyrabbit。Thankingyoueverso。\"
Shelefttheroomwithascuttlesufficientlysuggestiveoftheanimalshehadmentioned，butthegiddinesswasallonthesideofherinvoluntaryhostesses。Therestaurantseemedtobespinningroundthem；andthebillwhenitappeareddidnothingtorestoretheircomposure。Theywereasnearlyintearsasitispermissibletobeduringtheluncheonhourinareallygoodrestaurant。
Financiallyspeaking，theywerewellabletoaffordtheluxuryofanelaboratelunch，buttheirideasonthesubjectofentertainingdifferedverysharply，accordingtothecircumstancesofwhethertheyweredispensingorreceivinghospitality。Tohavefedthemselvesliberallyattheirownexpensewas，perhaps，anextravagancetobedeplored，but，atanyrate，theyhadhadsomethingfortheirmoney；tohavedrawnanunknownandsociallyunremunerativeEllenNiggleintothenetoftheirhospitalitywasacatastrophethattheycouldnotcontemplatewithanydegreeofcalmness。
TheSmithly-Dubbsneverquiterecoveredfromtheirunnervingexperience。Theyhavegivenuppoliticsandtakentodoinggood。
ABREADANDBUTTERMISS
\"StarlingChatterandOakhillhavebothdroppedbackinthebetting，\"saidBertievanTahn，throwingthemorningpaperacrossthebreakfasttable。
\"ThatleavesNurseryTeapracticallyfavourite，\"saidOdoFinsberry。
\"NurseryTeaandPipeclayareatthetopofthebettingatpresent，\"
saidBertie，\"butthatFrenchhorse，LeFiveO\'Clock，seemstobefanciedasmuchasanything。ThenthereisWhitebait，andthePolishhorsewithanamelikesomeonetryingtostifleasneezeinchurch；theybothseemtohavealotofsupport。\"
\"It\'sthemostopenDerbythere\'sbeenforyears，\"saidOdo。
\"It\'ssimplynogoodtryingtopickthewinneronform，\"saidBertie；\"onemustjusttrusttoluckandinspiration。\"
\"Thequestioniswhethertotrusttoone\'sowninspiration，orsomebodyelse\'s。SportingSwankgivesCountPalatinetowin，andLeFiveO\'Clockforaplace。\"
\"CountPalatine——thataddsanothertoourlistofperplexities。
Goodmorning，SirLulworth；haveyouafancyfortheDerbybyanychance？\"
\"Idon\'tusuallytakemuchinterestinturfmatters，\"saidSirLulworth，whohadjustmadehisappearance，\"butIalwaysliketohaveabetontheGuineasandtheDerby。Thisyear，Iconfess，it\'sratherdifficulttopickoutanythingthatseemsmarkedlybetterthananythingelse。WhatdoyouthinkofSnowBunting？\"
\"SnowBunting？\"saidOdo，withagroan，\"there\'sanotherofthem。
Surely，SnowBuntinghasnoearthlychance？\"
\"Myhousekeeper\'snephew，whoisashoeing-smithinthemountedsectionoftheChurchLads\'Brigade，andanauthorityonhorseflesh，expectshimtobeamongthefirstthree。\"
\"Thenephewsofhousekeepersareinvariablyoptimists，\"saidBertie；
\"it\'sakindofnaturalreactionagainsttheprofessionalpessimismoftheiraunts。\"
\"Wedon\'tseemtogetmuchfurtherinoursearchfortheprobablewinner，\"saidMrs。deClaux；\"themoreIlistentoyouexpertsthemorehopelesslybefoggedIget。\"
\"It\'sallverywelltoblameus，\"saidBertietohishostess；\"youhaven\'tproducedanythinginthewayofaninspiration。\"
\"MyinspirationconsistedinaskingyoudownforDerbyweek，\"
retortedMrs。deClaux；\"IthoughtyouandOdobetweenyoumightthrowsomelightonthequestionofthemoment。\"
FurtherrecriminationswerecutshortbythearrivalofLolaPevensey，whofloatedintotheroomwithanairofgraciousapology。
\"Sosorrytobesolate，\"sheobserved，makingarapidtourofinspectionofthebreakfastdishes。
\"Didyouhaveagoodnight？\"askedherhostesswithperfunctorysolicitude。
\"Quite，thankyou，\"saidLola；\"Idreamtamostremarkabledream。\"
Aflutter，indicativeofgeneralboredom；wentroundthetable。
Otherpeople\'sdreamsareaboutasuniversallyinterestingasaccountsofotherpeople\'sgardens，orchickens，orchildren。
\"IdreamtaboutthewinneroftheDerby，\"saidLola。
Aswiftreactionofattentiveinterestsetin。
\"Dotelluswhatyoudreamt，\"cameinachorus。
\"ThereallyremarkablethingaboutitisthatI\'vedreamtittwonightsrunning，\"saidLola，finallydecidingbetweentheallurementsofsausagesandkedgeree；\"thatiswhyIthoughtitworthmentioning。Youknow，whenIdreamthingstwoorthreenightsinsuccession，italwaysmeanssomething；Ihavespecialpowersinthatway。Forinstance，Ioncedreamedthreetimesthatawingedlionwasflyingthroughtheskyandoneofhiswingsdroppedoff，andhecametothegroundwithacrash；justafterwardstheCampanileatVenicefelldown。ThewingedlionisthesymbolofVenice，youknow，\"sheaddedfortheenlightenmentofthosewhomightnotbeversedinItalianheraldry。\"Then，\"shecontinued，\"justbeforethemurderoftheKingandQueenofServiaIhadavividdreamoftwocrownedfigureswalkingintoaslaughter-housebythebanksofabigriver，whichItooktobetheDanube；andonlytheotherday——\"
\"Dotelluswhatyou\'vedreamtabouttheDerby，\"interruptedOdoimpatiently。
\"Well，Isawthefinishoftheraceasclearlyasanything；andonehorsewoneasily，almostinacanter，andeverybodycriedout\'BreadandButterwins！GoodoldBreadandButter。\'Iheardthenamedistinctly，andI\'vehadthesamedreamtwonightsrunning。\"
\"BreadandButter，\"saidMrs。deClaux，\"now，whateverhorsecanthatpointto？Why——ofcourse；NurseryTea！\"
Shelookedroundwiththetriumphantsmileofasuccessfulunravellerofmystery。
\"HowaboutLeFiveO\'Clock？\"interposedSirLulworth。
\"Itwouldfiteitherofthemequallywell，\"saidOdo；\"canyourememberanydetailsaboutthejockey\'scolours？Thatmighthelpus。\"
\"Iseemtorememberaglimpseoflemonsleevesorcap，butIcan\'tbesure，\"saidLola，afterduereflection。
\"Thereisn\'talemonjacketorcapintherace，\"saidBertie，referringtoalistofstartersandjockeys；\"can\'tyourememberanythingabouttheappearanceofthehorse？Ifitwereathick-setanimal，thisbreadandbutterwouldtypifyNurseryTea；andifitwerethin，ofcourse，itwouldmeanLeFiveO\'Clock。\"
\"Thatseemssoundenough，\"saidMrs。deClaux；\"dothink，Loladear，whetherthehorseinyourdreamwasthinorstoutlybuilt。\"
\"Ican\'trememberthatitwasoneortheother，\"saidLola；\"onewouldn\'tnoticesuchadetailintheexcitementofafinish。\"
\"Butthiswasasymbolicanimal，\"saidSirLulworth；\"ifitweretotypifythickorthinbreadandbuttersurelyitoughttohavebeeneitherasbulkyandtubbyasashirecart-horse；orasthinasaheraldicleopard。\"
\"I\'mafraidyouareratheracarelessdreamer，\"saidBertieresentfully。
\"Ofcourse，atthemomentofdreamingIthoughtIwaswitnessingarealrace，nottheportentofone，\"saidLola；\"otherwiseIshouldhaveparticularlynoticedallhelpfuldetails。\"
\"TheDerbyisn\'truntillto-morrow，\"saidMrs。deClaux；\"doyouthinkyouarelikelytohavethesamedreamagainto-night？Ifso；
youcanfixyourattentionontheimportantdetailoftheanimal\'sappearance。\"
\"I\'mafraidIshan\'tsleepatallto-night，\"saidLolapathetically；
\"everyfifthnightIsufferfrominsomnia，andit\'sdueto-night。\"
\"It\'smostprovoking，\"saidBertie；\"ofcourse，wecanbackbothhorses，butitwouldbemuchmoresatisfactorytohaveallourmoneyonthewinner。Can\'tyoutakeasleeping-draught，orsomething？\"
\"Oakleaves，soakedinwarmwaterandputunderthebed，arerecommendedbysome，\"saidMrs。deClaux。
\"AglassofBenedictine，withadropofeau-de-Cologne——\"saidSirLulworth。
\"Ihavetriedeveryknownremedy，\"saidLola，withdignity；\"I\'vebeenamartyrtoinsomniaforyears。\"
\"Butnowwearebeingmartyrstoit，\"saidOdosulkily；\"I
particularlywanttolandabigcoupoverthisrace。\"
\"Idon\'thaveinsomniaformyownamusement，\"snappedLola。
\"Letushopeforthebest，\"saidMrs。deClauxsoothingly；\"to-nightmayproveanexceptiontothefifth-nightrule。\"
ButwhenbreakfasttimecameroundagainLolareportedablanknightasfarasvisionswereconcerned。
\"Idon\'tsupposeIhadasmuchastenminutes\'sleep，and，certainly，nodreams。\"
\"I\'msosorry，foryoursakeinthefirstplace，andoursaswell，\"
saidherhostess；\"doyouthinkyoucouldinduceashortnapafterbreakfast？Itwouldbesogoodforyou——andyouMIGHTdreamsomething。Therewouldstillbetimeforustogetourbetson。\"
\"I\'lltryifyoulike，\"saidLola；\"itsoundsratherlikeasmallchildbeingsenttobedindisgrace。\"
\"I\'llcomeandreadtheEncyclopaediaBritannicatoyouifyouthinkitwillmakeyousleepanysooner，\"saidBertieobligingly。
Rainwasfallingtoosteadilytopermitofoutdooramusement，andthepartysufferedconsiderablyduringthenexttwohoursfromtheabsolutequietthatwasenforcedalloverthehouseinordertogiveLolaeverychanceofachievingslumber。Eventheclickofbilliardballswasconsideredapossiblefactorofdisturbance，andthecanarieswerecarrieddowntothegardener\'slodge，whilethecuckooclockinthehallwasmuffledunderseverallayersofrugs。A
notice，\"PleasedonotKnockorRing，\"waspostedonthefrontdooratBertie\'ssuggestion，andguestsandservantsspokeintragicwhispersasthoughthedreadpresenceofdeathorsicknesshadinvadedthehouse。Theprecautionsprovedofnoavail：Lolaaddedasleeplessmorningtoawakefulnight，andthebetsofthepartyhadtobeimpartiallydividedbetweenNurseryTeaandtheFrenchColt。
\"Soprovokingtohavetosplitoutbets，\"saidMrs。deClaux，asherguestsgatheredinthehalllaterintheday，waitingfortheresultoftherace。
\"Ididmybestforyou，\"saidLola，feelingthatshewasnotgettingherdueshareofgratitude；\"ItoldyouwhatIhadseeninmydreams，abrownhorse，calledBreadandButter，winningeasilyfromalltherest。\"
\"What？\"screamedBertie，jumpingupfromhissea，\"abrownhorse！
Miserablewoman，youneversaidawordaboutit\'sbeingabrownhorse。\"
\"Didn\'tI？\"falteredLola；\"IthoughtItoldyouitwasabrownhorse。Itwascertainlybrowninbothdreams。ButIdon\'tseewhatthecolourhasgottodowithit。NurseryTeaandLeFiveO\'Clockarebothchestnuts。\"
\"MercifulHeaven！Doesn\'tbrownbreadandbutterwithasprinklingoflemoninthecolourssuggestanythingtoyou？\"ragedBertie。
Aslow，cumulativegroanbrokefromtheassemblyasthemeaningofhiswordsgraduallydawnedonhishearers。
ForthesecondtimethatdayLolaretiredtotheseclusionofherroom；shecouldnotfacetheuniversallooksofreproachdirectedatherwhenWhitebaitwasannouncedwinneratthecomfortablepriceoffourteentoone。
BERTIE\'SCHRISTMASEVE
ItwasChristmasEve，andthefamilycircleofLukeSteffink，Esq。，wasaglowwiththeamiabilityandrandommirthwhichtheoccasiondemanded。Alongandlavishdinnerhadbeenpartakenof，waitshadbeenroundandsungcarols；thehouse-partyhadregaleditselfwithmorecarolingonitsownaccount，andtherehadbeenrompingwhich，eveninapulpitreference，couldnothavebeencondemnedasragging。Inthemidstofthegeneralglow，however，therewasoneblackunkindledcinder。
BertieSteffink，nephewoftheaforementionedLuke，hadearlyinlifeadoptedtheprofessionofne\'er-do-weel；hisfatherhadbeensomethingofthekindbeforehim。AttheageofeighteenBertiehadcommencedthatroundofvisitstoourColonialpossessions，soseemlyanddesirableinthecaseofaPrinceoftheBlood，sosuggestiveofinsincerityinayoungmanofthemiddle-class。HehadgonetogrowteainCeylonandfruitinBritishColumbia，andtohelpsheeptogrowwoolinAustralia。AttheageoftwentyhehadjustreturnedfromsomesimilarerrandinCanada，fromwhichitmaybegatheredthatthetrialhegavetothesevariousexperimentswasofthesummarydrum-headnature。LukeSteffink，whofulfilledthetroubledroleofguardiananddeputy-parenttoBertie，deploredthepersistentmanifestationofthehominginstinctonhisnephew\'spart，andhissolemnthanksearlierinthedayfortheblessingofreportingaunitedfamilyhadnoreferencetoBertie\'sreturn。
ArrangementshadbeenpromptlymadeforpackingtheyouthofftoadistantcornerofRhodesia，whencereturnwouldbeadifficultmatter；thejourneytothisuninvitingdestinationwasimminent，infactamorecarefulandwillingtravellerwouldhavealreadybeguntothinkabouthispacking。HenceBertiewasinnomoodtoshareinthefestivespiritwhichdisplayeditselfaroundhim，andresentmentsmoulderedwithinhimattheeager，self-absorbeddiscussionofsocialplansforthecomingmonthswhichheheardonallsides。
Beyonddepressinghisuncleandthefamilycirclegenerallybysinging\"Sayaurevoir，andnotgood-bye，\"hehadtakennopartintheevening\'sconviviality。
Eleveno\'clockhadstrucksomehalf-hourago，andtheelderSteffinksbegantothrowoutsuggestionsleadinguptothatprocesswhichtheycalledretiringforthenight。
\"Come，Teddie，it\'stimeyouwereinyourlittlebed，youknow，\"
saidLukeSteffinktohisthirteen-year-oldson。
\"That\'swherewealloughttobe，\"saidMrs。Steffink。
\"Therewouldn\'tberoom，\"saidBertie。
Theremarkwasconsideredtoborderonthescandalous；everybodyateraisinsandalmondswiththenervousindustryofsheepfeedingduringthreateningweather。
\"InRussia，\"saidHoraceBordenby，whowasstayinginthehouseasaChristmasguest，\"I\'vereadthatthepeasantsbelievethatifyougointoacow-houseorstableatmidnightonChristmasEveyouwillheartheanimalstalk。They\'resupposedtohavethegiftofspeechatthatonemomentoftheyear。\"
\"Oh，DOlet\'sALLgodowntothecow-houseandlistentowhatthey\'vegottosay！\"exclaimedBeryl，towhomanythingwasthrillingandamusingifyoudiditinatroop。
Mrs。Steffinkmadealaughingprotest，butgaveavirtualconsentbysaying，\"Wemustallwrapupwell，then。\"Theideaseemedascatterbrainedonetoher，andalmostheathenish，butifaffordedanopportunityfor\"throwingtheyoungpeopletogether，\"andassuchshewelcomedit。Mr。HoraceBordenbywasayoungmanwithquitesubstantialprospects，andhehaddancedwithBerylatalocalsubscriptionballasufficientnumberoftimestowarranttheauthorisedinquiryonthepartoftheneighbourswhether\"therewasanythinginit。\"ThoughMrs。Steffinkwouldnothaveputitinsomanywords，shesharedtheideaoftheRussianpeasantrythatonthisnightthebeastmightspeak。
Thecow-housestoodatthejunctionofthegardenwithasmallpaddock，anisolatedsurvival，inasuburbanneighbourhood；ofwhathadoncebeenasmallfarm。LukeSteffinkwascomplacentlyproudofhiscow-houseandhistwocows；hefeltthattheygavehimastampofsoliditywhichnonumberofWyandottesorOrpingtonscouldimpart。Theyevenseemedtolinkhiminasortofinconsequentwaywiththosepatriarchswhoderivedimportancefromtheirfloatingcapitalofflocksandherbs，he-assesandshe-asses。Ithadbeenananxiousandmomentousoccasionwhenhehadhadtodecidedefinitelybetween\"theByre\"and\"theRanch\"forthenamingofhisvillaresidence。ADecembermidnightwashardlythemomenthewouldhavechosenforshowinghisfarm-buildingtovisitors，butsinceitwasafinenight，andtheyoungpeoplewereanxiousforanexcuseforamildfrolic，Lukeconsentedtochaperontheexpedition。Theservantshadlongsincegonetobed，sothehousewasleftinchargeofBertie，whoscornfullydeclinedtostiroutonthepretextoflisteningtobovineconversation。
\"Wemustgoquietly，\"saidLuke，asheheadedtheprocessionofgigglingyoungfolk，broughtupintherearbytheshawledandhoodedfigureofMrs。Steffink；\"I\'vealwayslaidstressonkeepingthisaquietandorderlyneighbourhood。\"
Itwasafewminutestomidnightwhenthepartyreachedthecow-
houseandmadeitswayinbythelightofLuke\'sstablelantern。
Foramomenteveryonestoodinsilence，almostwithafeelingofbeinginchurch。
\"Daisy——theonelyingdown——isbyashorthornbulloutofaGuernseycow，\"announcedLukeinahushedvoice，whichwasinkeepingwiththeforegoingimpression。
\"Isshe？\"saidBordenby，ratherasifhehadexpectedhertobebyRembrandt。
\"Myrtleis——\"
Myrtle\'sfamilyhistorywascutshortbyalittlescreamfromthewomenoftheparty。
Thecow-housedoorhadclosednoiselesslybehindthemandthekeyhadturnedgratinglyinthelock；thentheyheardBertie\'svoicepleasantlywishingthemgood-nightandhisfootstepsretreatingalongthegardenpath。
LukeSteffinkstrodetothewindow；itwasasmallsquareopeningoftheold-fashionedsort，withironbarsletintothestonework。
\"Unlockthedoorthisinstant，\"heshouted，withasmuchairofmenacingauthorityasahenmightassumewhenscreamingthroughthebarsofacoopatamaraudinghawk。Inreplytohissummonsthehall-doorclosedwithadefiantbang。
Aneighbouringclockstruckthehourofmidnight。Ifthecowshadreceivedthegiftofhumanspeechatthatmomenttheywouldnothavebeenabletomakethemselvesheard。SevenoreightothervoiceswereengagedindescribingBertie\'spresentconductandhisgeneralcharacteratahighpressureofexcitementandindignation。
InthecourseofhalfanhourorsoeverythingthatitwaspermissibletosayaboutBertiehadbeensaidsomedozensoftimes，andothertopicsbegantocometothefront——theextrememustinessofthecow-house，thepossibilityofitcatchingfire，andtheprobabilityofitbeingaRowtonHouseforthevagrantratsoftheneighbourhood。Andstillnosignofdeliverancecametotheunwillingvigil-keepers。
Towardsoneo\'clockthesoundofratherboisterousandundisciplinedcarol-singingapproachedrapidly，andcametoasuddenanchorage，apparentlyjustoutsidethegarden-gate。Amotor-loadofyouthful\"bloods，\"inahighstateofconviviality，hadmadeatemporaryhaltforrepairs；thestoppage，however，didnotextendtothevocaleffortsoftheparty，andthewatchersinthecow-shedweretreatedtoahighlyunauthorisedrenderingof\"GoodKingWenceslas，\"inwhichtheadjective\"good\"appearedtobeverycarelesslyapplied。
ThenoisehadtheeffectofbringingBertieoutintothegarden，butheutterlyignoredthepale，angryfacespeeringoutatthecow-
housewindow，andconcentratedhisattentionontherevellersoutsidethegate。
\"Wassail，youchaps！\"heshouted。
\"Wassail，oldsport！\"theyshoutedback；\"we\'djollywelldrinky\'rhealth，onlywe\'venothingtodrinkitin。\"
\"Comeandwassailinside，\"saidBertiehospitably；\"I\'mallalone，andthere\'sheap\'sof\'wet\'。\"
Theyweretotalstrangers，buthistouchofkindnessmadetheminstantlyhiskin。InanothermomenttheunauthorisedversionofKingWenceslas，which，likemanyotherscandals，grewworseonrepetition，wentechoingupthegardenpath；twooftherevellersgaveanimpromptuperformanceonthewaybyexecutingthestaircasewaltzuptheterracesofwhatLukeSteffink，hithertowithsomejustification，calledhisrock-garden。Therockpartofitwasstilltherewhenthewaltzhadbeenaccordeditsthirdencore。
Luke，morethaneverlikeacoopedhenbehindthecow-housebars，wasinapositiontorealisethefeelingsofconcert-goersunabletocountermandthecallforanencorewhichtheyneitherdesireordeserve。
ThehalldoorclosedwithabangonBertie\'sguests，andthesoundsofmerrimentbecamefaintandmuffledtothewearywatchersattheotherendofthegarden。Presentlytwoominouspops，inquicksuccession，madethemselvesdistinctlyheard。
\"They\'vegotatthechampagne！\"exclaimedMrs。Steffink。
\"Perhapsit\'sthesparklingMoselle，\"saidLukehopefully。
Threeorfourmorepopswereheard。
\"ThechampagneandthesparklingMoselle，\"saidMrs。Steffink。
Lukeuncorkedanexpletivewhich，likebrandyinatemperancehousehold，wasonlyusedonrareemergencies。Mr。HoraceBordenbyhadbeenmakinguseofsimilarexpressionsunderhisbreathforaconsiderabletimepast。Theexperimentof\"throwingtheyoungpeopletogether\"hadbeenprolongedbeyondapointwhenitwaslikelytoproduceanyromanticresult。
Somefortyminuteslaterthehalldooropenedanddisgorgedacrowdthathadthrownoffanyrestraintofshynessthatmighthaveinfluenceditsearlieractions。Itsvocaleffortsinthedirectionofcarolsingingwerenowsupplementedbyinstrumentalmusic；aChristmas-treethathadbeenpreparedforthechildrenofthegardenerandotherhouseholdretainershadyieldedarichspoiloftintrumpets，rattles，anddrums。Thelife-storyofKingWenceslashadbeendropped，Lukewasthankfultonotice，butitwasintenselyirritatingforthechilledprisonersinthecow-housetobetoldthatitwasahottimeintheoldtownto-night，togetherwithsomeaccuratebutentirelysuperfluousinformationastotheimminenceofChristmasmorning。Judgingbytheprotestswhichbegantobeshoutedfromtheupperwindowsofneighbouringhousesthesentimentsprevailinginthecow-housewereheartilyechoedinotherquarters。
Therevellersfoundtheircar，and，whatwasmoreremarkable，managedtodriveoffinit，withapartingfanfareoftintrumpets。
Thelivelybeatofadrumdisclosedthefactthatthemasteroftherevelsremainedonthescene。
\"Bertie！\"cameinanangry，imploringchorusofshoutsandscreamsfromthecow-housewindow。
\"Hullo，\"criedtheownerofthename，turninghisrathererrantstepsinthedirectionofthesummons；\"areyoupeoplestillthere？
Musthaveheardeverythingcowsgottosaybythistime。Ifyouhaven\'t，nousewaiting。Afterall，it\'saRussianlegend，andRussianChrismushEvenotduefor\'notherfortnight。Bettercomeout。\"
Afteroneortwoineffectualattemptshemanagedtopitchthekeyofthecow-housedoorinthroughthewindow。Then，liftinghisvoiceinthestrainsof\"I\'mafraidtogohomeinthedark，\"withalustydrumaccompaniment，heledthewaybacktothehouse。Thehurriedprocessionofthereleasedthatfollowedinhisstepscameinforagooddealoftheadversecommentthathisexuberantdisplayhadevoked。
ItwasthehappiestChristmasEvehehadeverspent。Toquotehisownwords，hehadarottenChristmas。
FOREWARNED
AlethiaDebchancesatinacornerofanotherwiseemptyrailwaycarriage，moreorlessateaseasregardedbody，butinsometrepidationastomind。Shehadembarkedonasocialadventureofnolittlemagnitudeascomparedwiththeaccustomedseclusionandstagnationofherpastlife。Attheageoftwenty-eightshecouldlookbackonnothingmoreeventfulthanthedailyroundofherexistenceinheraunt\'shouseatWebblehinton，ahamletfourandahalfmilesdistantfromacountrytownandaboutaquarterofacenturyremovedfrommoderntimes。Theirneighbourshadbeenelderlyandfew，notmuchgiventosocialintercourse，buthelpfulorpolitelysympatheticintimesofillness。Newspapersoftheordinarykindwereararity；thosethatAlethiasawregularlyweredevotedexclusivelyeithertoreligionortopoultry，andtheworldofpoliticswastoheranunheededunexploredregion。Herideasonlifeingeneralhadbeenacquiredthroughthemediumofpopularrespectablenovel-writers，andmodifiedoremphasisedbysuchknowledgeasheraunt，thevicar，andheraunt\'shousekeeperhadputatherdisposal。Andnow，inhertwenty-ninthyear，heraunt\'sdeathhadlefther，wellprovidedforasregardsincome，butsomewhatisolatedinthematterofkithandkinandhumancompanionship。Shehadsomecousinswhowereontermsoffriendly，thoughinfrequent，correspondencewithher，butastheylivedpermanentlyinCeylon，alocalityaboutwhichsheknewlittle，beyondtheassurancecontainedinthemissionaryhymnthatthehumanelementtherewasvile，theywerenotofmuchimmediateusetoher。
Othercousinsshealsopossessed，moredistantasregardsrelationship，butnotquitesogeographicallyremote，seeingthattheylivedsomewhereintheMidlands。Shecouldhardlyremembereverhavingmetthem，butonceortwiceinthecourseofthelastthreeorfouryearstheyhadexpressedapolitewishthatsheshouldpaythemavisit；theyhadprobablynotbeenundulydepressedbythefactthatheraunt\'sfailinghealthhadpreventedherfromacceptingtheirinvitation。Thenoteofcondolencethathadarrivedontheoccasionofheraunt\'sdeathhadincludedavaguehopethatAlethiawouldfindtimeinthenearfuturetospendafewdayswithhercousins，andaftermuchdeliberationandmanyhesitationsshehadwrittentoproposeherselfasaguestforadefinitedatesomeweekahead。Thefamily，shereflectedwithrelief，wasnotalargeone；
thetwodaughtersweremarriedandaway，therewasonlyoldMrs。
BludwardandhersonRobertathome。Mrs。Bludwardwassomethingofaninvalid，andRobertwasayoungmanwhohadbeenatOxfordandwasgoingintoParliament。FurtherthanthatAlethia\'sinformationdidnotgo；herimagination，foundedonherextensiveknowledgeofthepeopleonemetinnovels，hadtosupplythegaps。Themotherwasnotdifficulttoplace；shewouldeitherbeanultra-amiableoldlady，bearingherfeeblehealthwithuncomplainingfortitude，andhavingakindwordforthegardener\'sboyandasunnysmileforthechancevisitor，orelseshewouldbecoldandpeevish，witheyesthatpiercedyoulikeagimlet，andaunreasoningidolatryofherson。Alethia\'simaginationratherinclinedhertothelatterview。
Robertwasmoreofaproblem。Therewerethreedominanttypesofmanhoodtobetakenintoconsiderationinworkingouthisclassification；therewasHugo，whowasstrong，good，andbeautiful，araretypeandnotveryoftenmetwith；therewasSirJasper，whowasutterlyvileandabsolutelyunscrupulous，andtherewasNevil，whowasnotreallybadatheart，buthadaweakmouthandusuallyrequiredthelife-workoftwogoodwomentokeephimfromultimatedisaster。Itwasprobable，Alethiaconsidered，thatRobertcameintothelastcategory，inwhichcaseshewascertaintoenjoythecompanionshipofoneortwoexcellentwomen，andmightpossiblycatchglimpsesofundesirableadventuressesorcomefacetofacewithrecklessadmiration-seekingmarriedwomen。Itwasaltogetheranexcitingprospect，thissuddenventureintoanunexploredworldofunknownhumanbeings，andAlethiaratherwishedthatshecouldhavetakenthevicarwithher；shewasnot，however，richorimportantenoughtotravelwithachaplain，astheMarquisofMoystoncleughalwaysdidinthenovelshehadjustbeenreading，sosherecognisedthatsuchaproceedingwasoutofthequestion。
ThetrainwhichcarriedAlethiatowardsherdestinationwasalocalone，withthewaysidestationhabitstronglydeveloped。Atmostofthestationsnooneseemedtowanttogetintothetrainortoleaveit，butatonetherewereseveralmarketfolkontheplatform，andtwomen，ofthefarmerorsmallcattle-dealerclass，enteredAlethia\'scarriage。Apparentlytheyhadjustforegathered，afteraday\'sbusiness，andtheirconversationconsistedofarapidexchangeofshortfriendlyinquiriesastohealth，family，stock，andsoforth，andsomegrumblingremarksontheweather。Suddenly，however，theirtalktookadramaticallyinterestingturn，andAlethialistenedwithwide-eyedattention。
\"WhatdoyouthinkofMisterRobertBludward，eh？\"
Therewasacertainscornfulringinhisquestion。
\"RobertBludward？Anout-an\'-outrotter，that\'swhatheis。Oughttobeashamedtolookanydecentmanintheface。SendhimtoParliamenttorepresentus——notmuch！He\'drobapoormanofhislastshilling，hewould。\"
\"Ah，thathewould。Tellsapackofliestogetourvotes，that\'sallthathe\'safter，damnhim。DidyouseethewaytheArgusshowedhimupthisweek？Properlyexposedhim，hipandthigh，Itellyou。\"
Andsoontheyran，intheirwitheringindictment。TherecouldbenodoubtthatitwasAlethia\'scousinandprospectivehosttowhomtheywerereferring；theallusiontoaParliamentarycandidaturesettledthat。WhatcouldRobertBludwardhavedone，whatmannerofmancouldhebe，thatpeopleshouldspeakofhimwithsuchobviousreprobation？
\"HewashisseddownatShoalfordyesterday，\"saidoneofthespeakers。
Hissed！Haditcometothat？TherewassomethingdramaticallybiblicalintheideaofRobertBludward\'sneighboursandacquaintanceshissinghimforveryscorn。LordHerewardStranglathhadbeenhissed，nowAlethiacametothinkofit，intheeighthchapterofMatterbyTowers，whileintheactofopeningaWesleyanbazaar，becausehewassuspected（unjustlyasitturnedoutafterwards）ofhavingbeatentheGermangovernesstodeath。AndinTaintedGuineasRoperSquenderbyhadbeendeservedlyhissed，onthestepsoftheJockeyClub，forhavinghandedarivalowneraforgedtelegram，containingfalsenewsofhismother\'sdeath，justbeforethestartforanimportantrace，therebyensuringthewithdrawalofhisrival\'shorse。InplacidSaxon-bloodedEnglandpeopledidnotdemonstratetheirfeelingslightlyandwithoutsomestrongcompellingcause。WhatmannerofevildoerwasRobertBludward？
Thetrainstoppedatanothersmallstation，andthetwomengotout。
OneofthemleftbehindhimacopyoftheArgus，thelocalpapertowhichhehadmadereference。Alethiapouncedonit，intheexpectationoffindingaculturedliteraryendorsementofthecensurewhichtheseroughfarmingmenhadexpressedintheirhomely，honestway。Shehadnotfartolook；\"Mr。RobertBludward，Swanker，\"wasthetitleofoneoftheprincipalarticlesinthepaper。Shedidnotexactlyknowwhataswankerwas，probablyitreferredtosomeunspeakableformofcruelty，butshereadenoughinthefirstfewsentencesofthearticletodiscoverthathercousinRobert，themanatwhosehouseshewasabouttostay，wasanunscrupulous，unprincipledcharacter，ofaloworderofintelligence，yetcunningwithal，andthatheandhisassociateswereresponsibleformostofthemisery，disease，poverty，andignorancewithwhichthecountrywasafflicted；never，exceptinoneortwoofthedenunciatoryPsalms，whichshehadalwayssupposedtohavebewritteninaspiritofexaggeratedOrientalimagery，hadshereadsuchanindictmentofahumanbeing。AndthismonsterwasgoingtomeetheratDerreltonStationinafewshortminutes。Shewouldknowhimatonce；hewouldhavethedarkbeetlingbrows，thequick，furtiveglance，thesneering，unsavourysmilethatalwayscharacterisedtheSirJaspersofthisworld。Itwastoolatetoescape；shemustforceherselftomeethimwithoutwardcalm。
ItwasaconsiderableshocktohertofindthatRobertwasfair，withasnubnose，merryeye，andratheraschoolboymanner。\"A
serpentinduckling\'splumage，\"washerprivatecomment；mercifulchancehadrevealedhimtoherinhistruecolours。
Astheydroveawayfromthestationadissipated-lookingmanofthelabouringclasswavedhishatinfriendlysalute。\"Goodlucktoyou，Mr。Bludward，\"heshouted；\"you\'llcomeoutontop！We\'llbreakoldChobham\'sneckforhim。\"
\"Whowasthatman？\"askedAlethiaquickly。
\"Oh，oneofmysupporters，\"laughedRobert；\"abitofapoacherandabitofapub-loafer，buthe\'sontherightside。\"
SothesewerethesortofassociatesthatRobertBludwardconsortedwith，thoughtAlethia。
\"WhoisthepersonhereferredtoasoldChobham？\"sheasked。