ThatportionoftheUniversalHistorywhichwaswrittenbyhimdoesnotseemtometobecomposedwithpeculiarspirit,butalltracesofthewitandthewandererwereprobablywornoutbeforeheundertookthework。Hispiousandpatientenduranceofatediousillness,endinginanexemplarydeath,confirmedthestrongimpressionhismerithadmadeuponthemindofMr。Johnson。\"ItissoVERYdifficult,\"saidhe,always,\"forasickmannottobeascoundrel。Oh!setthepillowssoft,hereisMr。Grumblera—coming。Ah!letnoairinfortheworld,Mr。Grumblerwillbeherepresently。\"
Thisperpetualpreferenceissooffensive,wheretheprivilegesofsicknessare,besides,supportedbywealth,andnourishedbydependence,thatonecannotmuchwonderthataroughmindisrevoltedbythem。Itwas,however,atoncecomicalandtouchant(astheFrenchcallit),toobserveMr。
Johnsonsohabituallywatchfulagainstthissortofbehaviour,thathewasoftenreadytosuspecthimselfofit;andwhenoneaskedhimgently,howhedid?——\"Readytobecomeascoundrel,madam,\"wouldcommonlybetheanswer;
\"withalittlemorespoilingyouwill,Ithink,makemeacompleterascal!\"
Hisdesireofdoinggoodwasnot,however,lessenedbyhisaversiontoasickchamber。Hewouldhavemadeanillmanwellbyanyexpenseorfatigueofhisown,soonerthananyofthecanters。Canter,indeed,washenone:
hewouldforgettoaskpeopleafterthehealthoftheirnearestrelations,andsayinexcuse,\"Thatheknewtheydidnotcare:whyshouldthey?\"sayshe;\"everyoneinthisworldhasasmuchastheycandoincaringforthemselves,andfewhaveleisurereallytoTHINKoftheirneighbours’
distresses,howevertheymaydelighttheirtongueswithTALKINGofthem。\"
ThenaturaldepravityofmankindandremainsoforiginalsinweresofixedinMr。Johnson’sopinion,thathewasindeedamostacuteobserveroftheireffects;andusedtosaysometimes,halfinjest,halfinearnest,thattheyweretheremainsofhisoldtutorMandeville’sinstructions。Asabook,however,hetookcarealwaysloudlytocondemnthe\"FableoftheBees,\"butnotwithoutadding,\"thatitwastheworkofathinkingman。\"
IhaveinformerdaysheardDr。CollieroftheCommonsloudlycondemnedforutteringsentiments,whichtwentyyearsafterIhaveheardasloudlyapplaudedfromthelipsofDr。Johnson,concerningthewell—knownwriterofthatcelebratedwork:butifpeoplewilllivelongenoughinthiscapriciousworld,suchinstancesofpartialitywillshockthemlessandlessbyfrequentrepetition。Mr。Johnsonknewmankind,andwishedtomendthem:hetherefore,tothepietyandpurereligion,theuntaintedintegrity,andscrupulousmoralsofmyearliestandmostdisinterestedfriend,judiciouslycontrivedtojoinacautiousattentiontothecapacityofhishearers,andaprudentresolutionnottolessentheinfluenceofhislearningandvirtue,bycasualfreaksofhumourandirregularstartsofill—managedmerriment。Hedidnotwishtoconfound,buttoinformhisauditors;andthoughhedidnotappeartosolicitbenevolence,healwayswishedtoretainauthority,andleavehiscompanyimpressedwiththeideathatitwashistoteachinthisworld,andtheirstolearn。Whatwonder,then,thatallshouldreceivewithdocilityfromJohnsonthosedoctrines,which,propagatedbyCollier,theydroveawayfromthemwithshouts!Dr。
Johnsonwasnotgrave,however,becauseheknewnothowtobemerry。Nomanlovedlaughingbetter,andhisveinofhumourwasrichandapparentlyinexhaustible;thoughDr。Goldsmithsaidoncetohim,\"Weshouldchangecompanionsoftener,weexhaustoneanother,andshallsoonbebothofuswornout。\"PoorGoldsmithwastohim,indeed,liketheearthenpottotheirononeinFontaine’sfables;ithadbeenbetterforHIM,perhaps,thattheyhadchangedcompanionsoftener;yetnoexperienceofhisantagonist’sstrengthhinderedhimfromcontinuingthecontest。HeusedtoremindmealwaysofthatverseinBerni——
\"Ilpoveruomochenonsen’eraaccorto,Andavacombattendo——ederamorto。\"
Mr。Johnsonmadehimacomicalansweroneday,whenseemingtorepineatthesuccessofBeattie’s\"EssayonTruth\"——\"Here’ssuchastir,\"saidhe,\"aboutafellowthathaswrittenonebook,andIhavewrittenmany。\"\"Ah,Doctor,\"sayshisfriend,\"theregotwo—and—fortysixpences,youknow,tooneguinea。\"
TheyhadspentaneveningwithEatonGraham,too,Irememberhearingitwasatsometavern;hisheartwasopen,andhebeganinvitingaway;toldwhathecoulddotomakehiscollegeagreeable,andbeggedthevisitmightnotbedelayed。Goldsmiththankedhim,andproposedsettingoutwithMr。
JohnsonforBuckinghamshireinafortnight。\"Nay,hold,Dr。MINOR,\"saystheother,\"Ididnotinviteyou。\"
Manysuchmortificationsaroseinthecourseoftheirintimacy,tobesure,butfewmorelaughablethanwhenthenewspapershadtackedthemtogetherasthepedantandhisflattererinLove’sLabour’sLost。Dr。Goldsmithcametohisfriend,frettingandfoaming,andvowingvengeanceagainsttheprinter,etc。,tillMr。Johnson,tiredofthebustle,anddesiroustothinkofsomethingelse,criedoutatlast,\"Why,whatwould’stthouhave,dearDoctor!whotheplagueishurtwithallthisnonsense?andhowisamantheworse,Iwonder,inhishealth,purse,orcharacter,forbeingcalledHolofernes?\"\"Idonotknow,\"repliestheother,\"howyoumayrelishbeingcalledHolofernes,butIdonotlikeatleasttoplayGoodmanDull。\"
Dr。Johnsonwasindeedfamousfordisregardingpublicabuse。Whenthepeoplecriticisedandansweredhispamphlets,papers,etc。,\"Why,now,thesefellowsareonlyadvertisingmybook,\"hewouldsay;\"itissurelybetteramanshouldbeabusedthanforgotten。\"WhenChurchillnettledhim,however,itiscertainhefeltthesting,orthatpoet’sworkswouldhardlyhavebeenleftoutoftheedition。Ofthat,however,Ihavenorighttodecide;thebooksellers,perhaps,didnotputChurchillontheirlist。I
knowMr。Johnsonwasexceedinglyzealoustodeclarehowverylittlehehadtodowiththeselection。Churchill’sworks,too,mightpossiblyberejectedbyhimuponahigherprinciple;thehighest,indeed,ifhewasinspiredbythesamelaudablemotivewhichmadehimrejecteveryauthorityforawordinhisdictionarythatcouldonlybegleanedfromwritersdangeroustoreligionormorality。\"Iwouldnot,\"saidhe,\"sendpeopletolookforwordsinabook,thatbysuchacasualseizureofthemindmightchancetomisleaditforever。\"Inconsequenceofthisdelicacy,Mrs。
Montagueonceobserved,\"Thatwereanangeltogivetheimprimatur,Dr。
Johnson’sworkswereamongthoseveryfewwhichwouldnotbelessenedbyaline。\"Thatsuchpraisefromsuchaladyshoulddelighthim,isnotstrange;insensibilityinacaselikethatmusthavebeentheresultaloneofarroganceactingonstupidity。Mr。Johnsonhadindeednodisliketothecommendationswhichheknewhedeserved。\"Whatsignifiesprotestingsoagainstflattery!\"wouldhecry;\"whenapersonspeakswellofone,itmustbeeithertrueorfalse,youknow;iftrue,letusrejoiceinhisgoodopinion;ifhelies,itisaproofatleastthathelovesmoretopleasemethantositsilentwhenheneedsaynothing。\"
Thatnaturalroughnessofhismannersooftenmentionedwould,notwithstandingtheregularityofhisnotions,burstthroughthemallfromtimetotime;andheoncebadeaverycelebratedlady,whopraisedhimwithtoomuchzeal,perhaps,orperhapstoostronganemphasis(whichalwaysoffendedhim),\"ConsiderwhatherflatterywasworthbeforeshechokedHIM
withit。\"Afewmorewinterspassedinthetalkingworldshowedhimthevalueofthatfriend’scommendations,however;andhewasverysorryforthedisgustingspeechhemadeher。
IusedtothinkMr。Johnson’sdeterminedpreferenceofacold,monotonoustalkeroveranemphaticalandviolentonewouldmakehimquiteafavouriteamongthemenofton,whoseinsensibility,oraffectationofperpetualcalmness,certainlydidnotgivetohimtheoffenceitdoestomany。Heloved\"conversationwithouteffort,\"hesaid;andtheencomiumsIhaveheardhimsooftenpronounceonthemannersofTophamBeauclerinsocietyconstantlyendedinthatpeculiarpraise,that\"itwaswithoutEFFORT。\"
WeweretalkingofRichardson,whowrote\"Clarissa。\"\"YouthinkIloveflattery,\"saysDr。Johnson,\"andsoIdo;butalittletoomuchalwaysdisgustsme。ThatfellowRichardson,onthecontrary,couldnotbecontentedtosailquietlydownthestreamofreputationwithoutlongingtotastethefrothfromeverystrokeoftheoar。\"
Withregardtoslightinsultsfromnewspaperabuse,Ihavealreadydeclaredhisnotions。\"Theystingone,\"sayshe,\"butasaflystingsahorse;andtheeaglewillnotcatchflies。\"Heoncetoldme,however,thatCummyns,thefamousQuaker,whosefriendshiphevaluedveryhighly,fellasacrificetotheirinsults,havingdeclaredonhisdeath—bedtoDr。Johnsonthatthepainofananonymousletter,writteninsomeofthecommonprintsoftheday,fastenedonhisheart,andthrewhimintotheslowfeverofwhichhedied。
NorwasCummynstheonlyvaluablemembersolosttosociety。Hawkesworth,thepious,thevirtuous,andthewise,forwantofthatfortitudewhichcastsashieldbeforethemeritsofhisfriend,fellalamentedsacrificetowantonmaliceandcruelty,Iknownothowprovoked;butallinturnfeelthelashofcensureinacountrywhere,aseverybabyisallowedtocarryawhip,nopersoncanescapeexceptbychance。Theunpublishedcrimes,unknowndistresses,andevendeathitself,however,dailyoccurringinlessliberalgovernmentsandlessfreenations,soonteachonetocontentoneselfwithsuchpettygrievances,andmakeoneacknowledgethattheundistinguishingseverityofnewspaperabusemayinsomemeasurediminishthediffusionofviceandfollyinGreatBritain,andwhiletheyfrightdelicatemindsintoforcedrefinementsandaffectedinsipidity,theyareusefultothegreatcausesofvirtueinthesoulandlibertyintheState;andthoughsensibilityoftensinksundertheroughnessoftheirprescriptions,itwouldbenogoodpolicytotakeawaytheirlicence。
KnowingthestateofMr。Johnson’snerves,andhoweasilytheywereaffected,Iforborereadinginanewmagazine,oneday,thedeathofaSamuelJohnsonwhoexpiredthatmonth;butmycompanionsnatchingupthebook,sawithimself,andcontrarytomyexpectation,\"Oh!\"saidhe,\"I
hopeDeathwillnowbegluttedwithSamJohnsons,andletmealoneforsometimetocome;Ireadofanothernamesake’sdeparturelastweek。\"ThoughMr。Johnsonwascommonlyaffectedeventoagonyatthethoughtsofafriend’sdying,hetroubledhimselfverylittlewiththecomplaintstheymightmaketohimaboutill—health。\"DearDoctor,\"saidheonedaytoacommonacquaintance,wholamentedthetenderstateofhisINSIDE,\"donotbelikethespider,man,andspinconversationthusincessantlyoutofthyownbowels。\"Itoldhimofanotherfriendwhosufferedgrievouslywiththegout。\"Hewillliveavastmanyyearsforallthat,\"repliedhe,\"andthenwhatsignifieshowmuchhesuffers!Buthewilldieatlast,poorfellow;
there’sthemisery;goutseldomtakesthefortbyacoup—de—main,butturningthesiegeintoablockade,obligesittosurrenderatdiscretion。\"
Aladyhethoughtwellofwasdisorderedinherhealth。\"Whathelphasshecalledin?\"inquiredJohnson。\"Dr。James,sir,\"wasthereply。\"Whatisherdisease?\"\"Oh,nothingpositive;ratheragradualandgentledecline。\"
\"Shewilldie,then,prettydear!\"answeredhe。\"WhenDeath’spalehorserunsawaywithapersononfullspeed,anactivephysicianmaypossiblygivethematurn;butifhecarriesthemonaneven,slowpace,down—hill,too!nocarenorskillcansavethem!\"
WhenGarrickwasonhislastsick—bed,noarguments,orrecitalsofsuchfactsasIhadheard,wouldpersuadeMr。Johnsonofhisdanger。Hehadprepossessedhimselfwithanotion,thattosayamanwassickwasverynearwishinghimso;andfewthingsoffendedhimmorethanprognosticatingeventhedeathofanordinaryacquaintance。\"Ay,ay,\"saidhe,\"Swiftknewtheworldprettywellwhenhesaidthat——
’Somediremisfortunetoportend,Noenemycanmatchafriend。’\"
Thedanger,then,ofMr。Garrick,orofMr。Thrale,whomhelovedbetter,wasanimagewhichnoonedurstpresentbeforehisview;healwayspersistedinthepossibilityandhopeoftheirrecoveringdisordersfromwhichnohumancreaturesbyhumanmeansaloneeverdidrecover。Hisdistressfortheirlosswasforthatveryreasonpoignanttoexcess。Buthisfearsofhisownsalvationwereexcessive。HistrulytolerantspiritandChristiancharity,whichHOPETHALLTHINGS,andBELIEVETHALLTHINGS,madehimrelysecurelyonthesafetyofhisfriends;whilehisearnestaspirationafterablessedimmortalitymadehimcautiousofhisownsteps,andtimorousconcerningtheirconsequences。Heknewhowmuchhadbeengiven,andfilledhismindwithfanciesofhowmuchwouldberequired,tillhisimpressedimaginationwasoftendisturbedbythem,andhishealthsufferedfromthesensibilityofhistootenderconscience。ArealChristianisSOapttofindhistalkabovehispowerofperformance!
Mr。Johnsondidnot,however,giveintoridiculousrefinementseitherofspeculationorpractice,orsufferhimselftobedeludedbyspeciousappearances。\"Ihavehaddustthrowninmyeyestoooften,\"wouldhesay,\"tobeblindedso。Letusneverconfoundmattersofbeliefwithmattersofopinion。\"Someoneurgedinhispresencethepreferenceofhopetopossession;andasIrememberproducedanItaliansonnetonthesubject。
\"Letusnot,\"criesJohnson,\"amuseourselveswithsubtletiesandsonnets,whenspeakingabouthope,whichisthefolloweroffaithandtheprecursorofeternity;butifyouonlymeanthoseair—builthopeswhichto—dayexciteandto—morrowwilldestroy,letustalkaway,andrememberthatweonlytalkofthepleasuresofhope;wefeelthoseofpossession,andnomaninhissenseswouldchangethelastforthefirst。Suchhopeisamerebubble,thatbyagentlebreathmaybeblowntowhatsizeyouwillalmost,butaroughblastburstsitatonce。Hopeisanamusementratherthanagood,andadaptedtononebutverytranquilminds。\"Thetruthis,Mr。
Johnsonhatedwhathecalledunprofitablechat;andtoagentlemanwhohaddissertedsometimeaboutthenaturalhistoryofthemouse——\"Iwonderwhatsuchaonewouldhavesaid,\"criedJohnson,\"ifhehadeverhadthelucktoseeaLION!\"
IwellrememberthatatBrighthelmstoneonce,whenhewasnotpresent,Mr。
Beauclercassertedthathewasafraidofspirits;andI,whowassecretlyoffendedatthecharge,askedhim,thefirstopportunityIcouldfind,\"whatgroundhehadevergiventotheworldforsuchareport?\"\"Ican,\"
repliedhe,\"recollectnothingneareritthanmytellingDr。Lawrence,manyyearsago,thatalongtimeaftermypoormother’sdeathIheardhervoicecall’SAM!’\"\"WhatanswerdidtheDoctormaketoyourstory,sir?\"saidI。
\"Noneintheworld,\"repliedhe,andsuddenlychangedtheconversation。
Now,asMr。Johnsonhadamostunshakenfaith,withoutanymixtureofcredulity,thisstorymusteitherhavebeenstrictlytrue,orhispersuasionofitstruththeeffectofdisorderedspirits。Irelatetheanecdotepreciselyashetolditme,butcouldnotprevailonhimtodrawoutthetalkintolengthforfurthersatisfactionofmycuriosity。
AsJohnsonwasthefirmestofbelievers,withoutbeingcredulous,sohewasthemostcharitableofmortals,withoutbeingwhatwecallanactivefriend。Admirableatgivingcounsel,nomansawhiswaysoclearly;buthewouldnotstirafingerfortheassistanceofthosetowhomhewaswillingenoughtogiveadvice:besidesthat,hehadprinciplesoflaziness,andcouldbeindolentbyrule。Tohinderyourdeath,orprocureyouadinner,Imeanifreallyinwantofone;hisearnestness,hisexertionscouldnotbeprevented,thoughhealthandpurseandeasewerealldestroyedbytheirviolence。Ifyouwantedaslightfavour,youmustapplytopeopleofotherdispositions;fornotastepwouldJohnsonmovetoobtainamanavoteinasociety,torepayacomplimentwhichmightbeusefulorpleasing,towritealetterofrequest,ortoobtainahundredpoundsayearmoreforafriend,whoperhapshadalreadytwoorthree。Noforcecouldurgehimtodiligence,noimportunitycouldconquerhisresolutionofstandingstill。
\"Whatgoodarewedoingwithallthisado?\"wouldhesay;\"dearestlady,let’shearnomoreofit!\"Ihave,however,morethanonceinmylifeforcedhimonsuchservices,butwithextremedifficulty。
WepartedathisdooroneeveningwhenIhadteasedhimformanyweekstowritearecommendatoryletterofalittleboytohisschoolmaster;andafterhehadfaithfullypromisedtodothisprodigiousfeatbeforewemetagain——\"DonotforgetdearDick,sir,\"saidI,ashewentoutofthecoach。
Heturnedback,stoodstilltwominutesonthecarriage—step——\"WhenIhavewrittenmyletterforDick,Imayhangmyself,mayn’tI?\"andturnedawayinaveryillhumourindeed。
Thoughaptenoughtotakesuddenlikingsoraversionstopeopleheoccasionallymet,hewouldneverhastilypronounceupontheircharacter;
andwhen,seeinghimjustlydelightedwithSolander’sconversation,I
observedoncethathewasamanofgreatpartswhotalkedfromafullmind—
—\"Itmaybeso,\"saidMr。Johnson,\"butyoucannotknowityet,norI
neither:thepumpworkswell,tobesure!buthow,Iwonder,arewetodecideinsoveryshortanacquaintance,whetheritissuppliedbyaspringorareservoir?\"Healwaysmadeagreatdifferenceinhisesteembetweentalentsanderudition;andwhenhesawapersoneminentforliterature,thoughwhollyunconversible,itfrettedhim。\"Teachingsuchtonies,\"saidhetomeoneday,\"islikesettingalady’sdiamondsinlead,whichonlyobscuresthelustreofthestone,andmakesthepossessorashamedon’t。\"
Usefulandwhatwecalleverydayknowledgehadthemostofhisjustpraise。
\"Letyourboylearnarithmetic,dearmadam,\"washisadvicetothemotherofarichyoungheir:\"hewillnotthenbeapreytoeveryrascalwhichthistownswarmswith。Teachhimthevalueofmoney,andhowtoreckonit;
ignorancetoawealthyladofone—and—twentyisonlysomuchfattoasicksheep:itjustservestocalltheROOKSabouthim。\"
\"AndallthatpreyinviceorfollyJoytoseetheirquarryfly;
Herethegamesterlightandjolly,Therethelendergraveandsly。\"
Theseimprovisolines,makingpartofalongcopyofverseswhichmyregardfortheyouthonwhosebirthdaytheywerewrittenobligesmetosuppress,lesttheyshouldgivehimpain,showamindofsurprisingactivityandwarmth;themoresoashewaspastseventyyearsofagewhenhecomposedthem;butnothingmorecertainlyoffendedMr。Johnsonthantheideaofaman’sfaculties(mentalones,Imean)decayingbytime。\"Itisnottrue,sir,\"wouldhesay;\"whatamancouldoncedo,hewouldalwaysdo,unless,indeed,bydintofviciousindolence,andcompliancewiththenephewsandthenieceswhocrowdroundanoldfellow,andhelptotuckhimin,tillhe,contentedwiththeexchangeoffameforease,e’enresolvestoletthemsetthepillowsathisback,andgivesnofurtherproofofhisexistencethanjusttosuckthejellythatprolongsit。\"
ForsuchalifeorsuchadeathDr。JohnsonwasindeedneverintendedbyProvidence:hismindwaslikeawarmclimate,whichbringseverythingtoperfectionsuddenlyandvigorously,notlikethealembicatedproductionsofartificialfire,whichalwaysbetraythedifficultyofbringingthemforthwhentheirsizeisdisproportionatetotheirflavour。\"JeferoisunRomantoutcommeunautre,maislavien’estpointunRoman,\"saysafamousFrenchwriter;andthiswassocertainlytheopinionoftheauthorofthe\"Rambler,\"thatallhisconversationpreceptstendedtowardsthedispersionofromanticideas,andwerechieflyintendedtopromotethecultivationof\"Thatwhichbeforetheeliesindailylife。\"
MILTON。
Andwhenhetalkedofauthors,hispraisewentspontaneouslytosuchpassagesasaresureinhisownphrasetoleavesomethingbehindthemusefuloncommonoccasions,orobservantofcommonmanners。Forexample,itwasnotthetwoLAST,butthetwoFIRSTvolumesof\"Clarissa\"thatheprized;\"forgivemeasick—bedandadyinglady,\"saidhe,\"andI’llbepatheticmyself。ButRichardsonhadpickedthekerneloflife,\"hesaid,\"whileFieldingwascontentedwiththehusk。\"ItwasnotKingLearcursinghisdaughters,ordeprecatingthestorm,thatIrememberhiscommendationsof;butIago’singeniousmaliceandsubtlerevenge;orPrinceHal’sgaycompliancewiththevicesofFalstaff,whomheallalongdespised。ThoseplayshadindeednorivalsinJohnson’sfavour:\"NomanbutShakespeare,\"
hesaid,\"couldhavedrawnSirJohn。\"
HismannerofcriticisingandcommendingAddison’sprosewasthesameinconversationaswereaditintheprintedstrictures,andmanyoftheexpressionsusedhavebeenheardtofallfromhimoncommonoccasions。Itwasnotwithstandingobservableenough(orIfanciedso)thathedidneverlike,thoughhealwaysthoughtfittopraiseit;andhispraisesresembledthoseofamanwhoextolsthesuperioreleganceofhighpaintedporcelain,whilehehimselfalwayschoosestoeatoffPLATE。Itoldhimsooneday,andheneitherdenieditnorappeareddispleased。
Ofthepatheticinpoetryheneverlikedtospeak,andtheonlypassageI
everheardhimapplaudasparticularlytenderinanycommonbookwasJaneShore’sexclamationinthelastact——
\"Forgiveme!BUTforgiveme!\"
Itwasnot,however,fromthewantofasusceptibleheartthathehatedtocitetenderexpressions,forhewasmorestronglyandmoreviolentlyaffectedbytheforceofwordsrepresentingideascapableofaffectinghimatallthananyothermanintheworld,Ibelieve:andwhenhewouldtrytorepeatthecelebratedProsaEcclesiasticaproMortuis,asitiscalled,beginning\"Diesirae,Diesilla,\"hecouldneverpassthestanzaendingthus,\"Tantuslabornonsitcassus,\"withoutburstingintoafloodoftears;whichsensibilityIusedtoquoteagainsthimwhenhewouldinveighagainstdevotionalpoetry,andprotestthatallreligiousverseswerecoldandfeeble,andunworthythesubject,whichoughttobetreatedwithhigherreverence,hesaid,thaneitherpoetsorpainterscouldpresumetoexciteorbestow。NorcananythingbeastrongerproofofDr。Johnson’spietythansuchanexpression;forhisideaofpoetrywasmagnificentindeed,andveryfullywashepersuadedofitssuperiorityovereveryothertalentbestowedbyheavenonman。Hischapteruponthatparticularsubjectinhis\"Rasselas\"isreallywrittenfromthefulnessofhisheart,andquiteinhisbestmanner,Ithink。Iamnotsosurethatthisistheproperplacetomentionhiswritingthatsurprisinglittlevolumeinaweekortendays’
time,inordertoobtainmoneyforhisjourneytoLichfieldwhenhismotherlayuponherlastsick—bed。
Promptitudeofthought,indeed,andquicknessofexpression,wereamongthepeculiarfelicitiesofJohnson;hisnotionsroseuplikethedragon’steethsowedbyCadmusallreadyclothed,andinbrightarmourtoo,fitforimmediatebattle。Hewastherefore(assomebodyissaidtohaveexpressedit)atremendousconverser,andfewpeopleventuredtotrytheirskillagainstanantagonistwithwhomcontentionwassohopeless。Onegentleman,however,whodinedatanobleman’shouseinhiscompany,andthatofMr。
Thrale,towhomIwasobligedfortheanecdote,waswillingtoenterthelistsindefenceofKingWilliam’scharacter,andhavingopposedandcontradictedJohnsontwoorthreetimespetulantlyenough,themasterofthehousebegantofeeluneasy,andexpectdisagreeableconsequences;toavoidwhichhesaid,loudenoughfortheDoctortohear,\"Ourfriendherehasnomeaningnowinallthis,exceptjusttorelateatclubto—morrowhowheteasedJohnsonatdinnerto—day——thisisalltodohimselfHONOUR。\"
\"No,uponmyword,\"repliedtheother,\"IseenoHONOURinit,whateveryoumaydo。\"\"Well,sir!\"returnedMr。Johnson,sternly,\"ifyoudonotSEE
theHONOUR,IamsureIFEELtheDISGRACE。\"
Ayoungfellow,lessconfidentofhisownabilities,lamentingonedaythathehadlostallhisGreek——\"Ibelieveithappenedatthesametime,sir,\"
saidJohnson,\"thatIlostallmylargeestateinYorkshire。\"
Buthoweverroughlyhemightbesuddenlyprovokedtotreataharmlessexertionofvanity,hedidnotwishtoinflictthepainhegave,andwassometimesverysorrywhenheperceivedthepeopletosmartmorethantheydeserved。\"Howharshlyyoutreatedthatmantoday,\"saidIonce,\"whoharanguedussoaboutgardening。\"\"Iamsorry,\"saidhe,\"ifIvexedthecreature,forthereiscertainlynoharminafellow’srattlingarattle—box,onlydon’tlethimthinkthathethunders。\"TheLincolnshireladywhoshowedhimagrottoshehadbeenmaking,cameoffnobetter,asI
remember。\"Woulditnotbeaprettycoolhabitationinsummer,\"saidshe,\"Mr。Johnson?\"\"Ithinkitwould,madam,\"repliedhe,\"foratoad。\"
Alldesireofdistinction,indeed,hadasureenemyinMr。Johnson。Wemetafrienddrivingsixverysmallponies,andstoppedtoadmirethem。\"Whydoesnobody,\"saidourDoctor,\"beginthefashionofdrivingsixspavinedhorses,allspavinedofthesameleg?Itwouldhaveamightyprettyeffect,andproducethedistinctionofdoingsomethingworsethanthecommonway。\"
WhenMr。Johnsonhadamindtocomplimentanyonehediditwithmoredignitytohimself,andbettereffectuponthecompany,thananyman。I
canrecollectbutfewinstances,indeed,thoughperhapsthatmaybemoremyfaultthanhis。WhenSirJoshuaReynoldslefttheroomoneday,hesaid,\"Theregoesamannottobespoiltbyprosperity。\"AndwhenMrs。MontagueshowedhimsomeChinaplateswhichhadoncebelongedtoQueenElizabeth,hetoldher\"thattheyhadnoreasontobeashamedoftheirpresentpossessor,whowassolittleinferiortothefirst。\"IlikewiserememberthathepronouncedonedayatmyhouseamostloftypanegyricuponJonestheOrientalist,whoseemedlittlepleasedwiththepraise,forwhatcauseI
knownot。Hewasnotatalloffendedwhen,comparingallouracquaintancetosomeanimalorother,wepitchedupontheelephantforhisresemblance,addingthattheproboscisofthatcreaturewaslikehismindmostexactly,strongtobuffeteventhetiger,andpliabletopickupeventhepin。Thetruthis,Mr。Johnsonwasoftengoodhumouredlywillingtojoininchildishamusements,andhatedtobeleftoutofanyinnocentmerrimentthatwasgoingforward。Mr。Murphyalwayssaidhewasincomparableatbuffoonery;
andIverilythink,ifhehadhadgoodeyes,andaformlessinflexible,hewouldhavemadeanadmirablemimic。
HecertainlyrodeonMr。Thrale’soldhunterwithagoodfirmness,andthoughhewouldfollowthehoundsfiftymilesonendsometimes,wouldneverownhimselfeithertiredoramused。\"Ihavenowlearned,\"saidhe,\"byhunting,toperceivethatitisnodiversionatall,norevertakesamanoutofhimselfforamoment:thedogshavelesssagacitythanIcouldhaveprevailedonmyselftosuppose;andthegentlemenoftencalltomenottorideoverthem。Itisverystrange,andverymelancholy,thatthepaucityofhumanpleasureshouldpersuadeusevertocallhuntingoneofthem。\"Hewas,however,proudtobeamongstthesportsmen;andIthinknopraiseeverwentsoclosetohisheartaswhenMr。HamiltoncalledoutonedayuponBrighthelmstoneDowns,\"Why,Johnsonridesaswell,foraughtIsee,asthemostilliteratefellowinEngland。\"
ThoughDr。Johnsonowedhisverylifetoairandexercise,givenhimwhenhisorgansofrespirationcouldscarcelyplay,intheyear1766,yetheeverpersistedinthenotionthatneitherofthemhadanythingtodowithhealth。\"Peopleliveaslong,\"saidhe,\"inPepperAlleyasonSalisburyPlain;andtheylivesomuchhappier,thataninhabitantofthefirstwould,ifheturnedcottager,starvehisunderstandingforwantofconversation,andperishinastateofmentalinferiority。\"
Mr。Johnson,indeed,ashewasaverytalkingmanhimself,hadanideathatnothingpromotedhappinesssomuchasconversation。Afriend’seruditionwascommendedonedayasequallydeepandstrong。\"Hewillnottalk,sir,\"
wasthereply,\"sohislearningdoesnogood,andhiswit,ifhehasit,givesusnopleasure。OutofallhisboastedstoresIneverheardhimforcebutoneword,andthatwordwasRICHARD。\"Withacontemptnotinferiorhereceivedthepraisesofaprettylady’sfaceandbehaviour。
\"Shesaysnothing,sir,\"answersJohnson;\"atalkingblackamoorwerebetterthanawhitecreaturewhoaddsnothingtolife,andbysittingdownbeforeonethusdesperatelysilent,takesawaytheconfidenceoneshouldhaveinthecompanyofherchairifshewereonceoutofit。\"Noonewas,however,lesswillingtobeginanydiscoursethanhimself。Hisfriend,Mr。ThomasTyers,saidhewasliketheghosts,whoneverspeaktilltheyarespokento:andhelikedtheexpressionsowell,thatheoftenrepeatedit。Hehad,indeed,nonecessitytoleadthestreamofchattoafavouritechannel,thathisfulnessonthesubjectmightbeshownmoreclearlywhateverwasthetopic;andheusuallyleftthechoicetoothers。Hisinformationbestenlightened,hisargumentstrengthened,andhiswitmadeiteverremembered。Ofhimitmighthavebeensaid,asheoftendelightedtosayofEdmundBurke,\"thatyoucouldnotstandfiveminuteswiththatmanbeneathashedwhileitrained,butyoumustbeconvincedyouhadbeenstandingwiththegreatestmanyouhadeveryetseen。\"
Aswehadbeensaying,oneday,thatnosubjectfailedofreceivingdignityfromthemannerinwhichMr。Johnsontreatedit,aladyatmyhousesaidshewouldmakehimtalkaboutlove,andtookhermeasuresaccordingly,deridingthenovelsofthedaybecausetheytreatedaboutlove。\"Itisnot,\"repliedourphilosopher,\"becausetheytreat,asyoucallit,aboutlove,butbecausetheytreatofnothing,thattheyaredespicable。Wemustnotridiculeapassionwhichhewhoneverfeltneverwashappy,andhewholaughsatneverdeservestofeel——apassionwhichhascausedthechangeofempiresandthelossofworlds——apassionwhichhasinspiredheroismandsubduedavarice。\"Hethoughthehadalreadysaidtoomuch。\"Apassion,inshort,\"addedhe,withanalteredtone,\"thatconsumesmeawayformyprettyFannyhere,andsheisverycruel,\"speakingofanotherladyintheroom。Hetoldus,however,inthecourseofthesamechat,howhisnegroFrancishadbeeneminentforhissuccessamongthegirls。Seeingusalllaugh,\"Imusthaveyouknow,ladies,\"saidhe,\"thatFrankhascarriedtheempireofCupidfurtherthanmostmen。WhenIwasinLincolnshiresomanyyearsagoheattendedmethither;andwhenwereturnedhometogether,I
foundthatafemalehaymakerhadfollowedhimtoLondonforlove。\"Franciswasindeednosmallfavouritewithhismaster,whoretained,however,aprodigiousinfluenceoverhismostviolentpassions。
Onthebirthdayofoureldestdaughter,andthatofourfriendDr。Johnson,the17thandthe18thofSeptember,weeveryyearmadeupalittledanceandsupper,todivertourservantsandtheirfriends,puttingthesummer—houseintotheirhandsforthetwoevenings,tofillwithacquaintanceandmerriment。Francisandhiswhitewifewereinvited,ofcourse。Shewaseminentlypretty,andhewasjealous,asmymaidstoldme。
Onthefirstofthesedays’amusements(Iknownotwhatyear)FranktookoffenceatsomeattentionspaidhisDesdemona,andwalkedawaynextmorningtoLondoninwrath。HismasterandIdrivingthesameroadanhourafter,overtookhim。\"Whatisthematter,child,\"saysDr。Johnson,\"thatyouleaveStreathamto—day。ARTSICK?\"\"Heisjealous,\"whisperedI。\"Areyoujealousofyourwife,youstupidblockhead?\"criesouthismasterinanothertone。Thefellowhesitated,and,\"TOBESURE,SIR,IDON’TQUITE
APPROVE,SIR,\"wasthestammeringreply。\"Why,whatdotheyDOtoher,man?Dothefootmenkissher?\"\"No,sir,no!KissmyWIFE,sir!IHOPE
NOT,sir。\"\"Why,whatDOtheydotoher,mylad?\"\"Why,nothing,sir,I’msure,sir。\"\"Why,thengobackdirectlyanddance,youdog,do;andlet’shearnomoreofsuchemptylamentations。\"Ibelieve,however,thatFranciswasscarcelyasmuchtheobjectofMr。Johnson’spersonalkindnessastherepresentativeofDr。Bathurst,forwhosesakehewouldhavelovedanybodyoranything。
Whenhespokeofnegroes,healwaysappearedtothinkthemofaracenaturallyinferior,andmadefewexceptionsinfavourofhisown;yetwheneverdisputesaroseinhishouseholdamongthemanyoddinhabitantsofwhichitconsisted,healwayssidedwithFrancisagainsttheothers,whomhesuspected(notunjustly,Ibelieve)ofgreatermalignity。Itseemsatoncevexatiousandcomicaltoreflectthatthedissensionsthosepeoplechosetoliveconstantlyindistressedandmortifiedhimexceedingly。Hereallywasoftentimesafraidofgoinghome,becausehewassosuretobemetatthedoorwithnumberlesscomplaints;andheusedtolamentpatheticallytome,andtoMr。Sastres,theItalianmaster,whowasmuchhisfavourite,thattheymadehislifemiserablefromtheimpossibilityhefoundofmakingtheirshappy,wheneveryfavourhebestowedononewaswormwoodtotherest。If,however,Iventuredtoblametheiringratitude,andcondemntheirconduct,hewouldinstantlysetaboutsofteningtheoneandjustifyingtheother;andfinishedcommonlybytellingme,thatIknewnothowtomakeallowancesforsituationsIneverexperienced。
\"Totheenoreasonwhoknow’stonlygood,Butevilhastnottried。\"
MILTON。
Dr。Johnsonknewhowtobemerrywithmeanpeople,too,aswellastobesadwiththem;helovedthelowerranksofhumanitywitharealaffection:
andthoughhistalentsandlearningkepthimalwaysinthesphereofupperlife,yetheneverlostsightofthetimewhenheandtheysharedpainandpleasureincommon。Aboroughelectiononceshowedmehistolerationofboisterousmirth,andhiscontentinthecompanyofpeoplewhomonewouldhavethoughtatfirstsightlittlecalculatedforhissociety。Aroughfellowonedayonsuchanoccasion,ahatterbytrade,seeingMr。Johnson’sbeaverinastateofdecay,seizeditsuddenlywithonehand,andclappinghimonthebackwiththeother,\"Ah,MasterJohnson,\"sayshe,\"thisisnotimetobethinkingaboutHATS。\"\"No,no,sir,\"repliedourDoctorinacheerfultone,\"hatsareofnousenow,asyousay,excepttothrowupintheairandhuzzawith,\"accompanyinghiswordswithatrueelectionhalloo。
Butitwasneveragainstpeopleofcoarselifethathiscontemptwasexpressed,whilepovertyofsentimentinmenwhoconsideredthemselvestobecompanyforTHEPARLOUR,ashecalledit,waswhathecouldnotbear。A
veryignorantyoungfellow,whohadplaguedusallfornineortenmonths,diedatlastconsumptive。\"Ithink,\"saidMr。Johnson,whenheheardthenews,\"IamafraidIshouldhavebeenmoreconcernedforthedeathoftheDOG;but——\"(hesitatingawhile)\"Iamnotwrongnowinallthis,forthedogacteduptohischaracteroneveryoccasionthatweknow;butthatdunceofafellowhelpedforwardthegeneraldisgraceofhumanity。\"\"Why,dearsir,\"saidI,\"howoddyouare!youhaveoftensaidtheladwasnotcapableofreceivingfurtherinstruction。\"\"Hewas,\"repliedtheDoctor,\"likeacorkedbottle,withadropofdirtywaterinit,tobesure;onemightpumpuponitforeverwithoutthesmallesteffect;butwheneverymethodtoopenandcleanithadbeentried,youwouldnothavemegrievethatthebottlewasbrokeatlast。\"
Thiswasthesameyouthwhotoldushehadbeenreading\"LuciusFlorus;\"
FlorusDelphiniwasthephrase。\"Andmymother,\"saidhe,\"thoughtithadsomethingtodowithDelphos;butofthatIknownothing。\"\"WhofoundedRome,then?\"inquiredMr。Thrale。Theladreplied,\"Romulus。\"\"AndwhosucceededRomulus?\"saidI。Alongpause,andapparentlydistressfulhesitation,followedthedifficultquestion。\"Whywillyouaskhimintermsthathedoesnotcomprehend?\"saidMr。Johnson,enraged。\"YoumightaswellbidhimtellyouwhophlebotomisedRomulus。Thisfellow’sdulnessiselastic,\"continuedhe,\"andallwedoisbutlikekickingatawoolsack。\"
Thepainshetook,however,toobtaintheyoungmanmorepatientinstructorsweremany,andoftentimesrepeated。Hewasputunderthecareofaclergymaninadistantprovince;andMr。Johnsonusedbothtowriteandtalktohisfriendsconcerninghiseducation。ItwasonthatoccasionthatIrememberhissaying,\"AboyshouldneverbesenttoEtonorWestminsterSchoolbeforeheistwelveyearsoldatleast;forifinhisyearsofbabyhoodheescapesthatgeneralandtranscendentknowledgewithoutwhichlifeisperpetuallyputtoastand,hewillnevergetitatapublicschool,where,ifhedoesnotlearnLatinandGreek,helearnsnothing。\"Mr。Johnsonoftensaid,\"thattherewastoomuchstresslaiduponliteratureasindispensablynecessary:thereissurelynoneedthateverybodyshouldbeascholar,nocallthateveryoneshouldsquarethecircle。Ourmannerofteaching,\"saidhe,\"crampsandwarpsmanyamind,whichifleftmoreatlibertywouldhavebeenrespectableinsomeway,thoughperhapsnotinthat。Welopourtrees,andprunethem,andpinchthemabout,\"hewouldsay,\"andnailthemtightuptothewall,whileagoodstandardisatlasttheonlythingforbearinghealthyfruit,thoughitcommonlybeginslater。Letthepeoplelearnnecessaryknowledge;letthemlearntocounttheirfingers,andtocounttheirmoney,beforetheyarecaringfortheclassics;for,\"saysMr。Johnson,\"thoughIdonotquiteagreewiththeproverb,thatNullumnumenabestsisitprudentia,yetwemayverywellsay,thatNullumnumenadest——nisitprudentia。\"
Wehadbeenvisitingatalady’shouse,whomaswereturnedsomeofthecompanyridiculedforherignorance。\"Sheisnotignorant,\"saidhe,\"I
believe,ofanythingshehasbeentaught,orofanythingsheisdesiroustoknow:andIsupposeifonewantedalittleRUNTEA,shemightbeaproperpersonenoughtoapplyto。\"
WhenIrelatethesevariousinstancesofcontemptuousbehaviourshowntoavarietyofpeople,IamawarethatthosewhotillnowhaveheardlittleofMr。Johnsonwillherecryoutagainsthisprideandhisseverity;yetI
havebeenascarefulasIcouldtotellthemthatallhedidwasgentle,ifallhesaidwasrough。HadIgivenanecdotesofhisactionsinsteadofhiswords,weshould,Iamsure,havehadnothingonrecordbutactsofvirtuedifferentlymodified,asdifferentoccasionscalledthatvirtueforth:andamongalltheninebiographicalessaysorperformanceswhichIhaveheardwillatlastbewrittenaboutdearDr。Johnson,nomeanorwretched,nowickedorevenslightlyculpableactionwill,Itrust,befound,toproduceandputinthescaleagainstalifeofseventyyears,spentintheuniformpracticeofeverymoralexcellenceandeveryChristianperfection,savehumilityalone,saysacritic,butthatIthinkMUSTbeexcepted。Hewasnot,however,wantingeveninthattoadegreeseldomattainedbyman,whenthedutiesofpietyorcharitycalleditforth。
LowlytowardsGod,anddociletowardstheChurch;implicitinhisbeliefoftheGospel,andeverrespectfultowardsthepeopleappointedtopreachit;
tenderoftheunhappy,andaffectionatetothepoor,letnoonehastilycondemnasproudacharacterwhichmayperhapssomewhatjustlybecensuredasarrogant。Itmust,however,berememberedagain,thateventhisarrogancewasnevershownwithoutsomeintention,immediateorremote,ofmendingsomefaultorconveyingsomeinstruction。HadImeanttomakeapanegyriconMr。Johnson’swell—knownexcellences,Ishouldhavetoldhisdeedsonly,nothiswords——sincerelyprotesting,thatasIneversawhimoncedoawrongthing,sowehadaccustomedourselvestolookuponhimalmostasanexceptedbeing:andIshouldasmuchhaveexpectedinjusticefromSocrates,orimpietyfromPaschal,astheslightestdeviationfromtruthandgoodnessinanytransactiononemightbeengagedinwithSamuelJohnson。Hisattentiontoveracitywaswithoutequalorexample:andwhenImentionedClarissaasaperfectcharacter;\"Onthecontrary,\"saidhe,\"youmayobservethereisalwayssomethingwhichshepreferstotruth。
Fielding’sAmeliawasthemostpleasingheroineofalltheromances,\"hesaid,\"butthatvilebrokennose,nevercured,ruinedthesaleofperhapstheonlybook,whichbeingprintedoffbetimesonemorning,aneweditionwascalledforbeforenight。\"
Mr。Johnson’sknowledgeofliteraryhistorywasextensiveandsurprising。
Hekneweveryadventureofeverybookyoucouldnamealmost,andwasexceedinglypleasedwiththeopportunitywhichwritingthe\"Poets’Lives\"
gavehimtodisplayit。Helovedtobesetatwork,andwassorrywhenhecametotheendofthebusinesshewasabout。Idonotfeelsomyselfwithregardtothesesheets:afeverwhichhaspreyedonmewhileIwrotethemoverforthepress,willperhapslessenmypowerofdoingwellthefirst,andprobablythelastworkIshouldeverhavethoughtofpresentingtothepublic。Icoulddoubtlesswishsotoconcludeit,asatleasttoshowmyzealformyfriend,whoselife,asIoncehadthehonourandhappinessofbeingusefulto,Ishouldwishtorecordafewparticulartraitsof,thatthosewhoreadshouldemulatehisgoodness;butfeelingthenecessityofmakingevenvirtueandlearningsuchasHISagreeable,thatallshouldbewarnedagainstsuchcoarsenessofmanners,asdroveevenfromHIMthosewholoved,honoured,andesteemedhim。Hiswife’sdaughter,Mrs。LucyPorter,ofLichfield,whosevenerationforhispersonandcharacterhaseverbeenthegreatestpossible,beingopposedonedayinconversationbyaclergymanwhocameoftentoherhouse,andfeelingsomewhatoffended,criedoutsudden,\"Why,Mr。Pearson,\"saidshe,\"youarejustlikeDr。Johnson,I
think:IdonotmeanthatyouareamanofthegreatestcapacityinalltheworldlikeDr。Johnson,butthatyoucontradictoneeverywordonespeaks,justlikehim。\"
Mr。Johnsontoldmethestory:hewaspresentatthegivingofthereproof。Itwas,however,observable,thatwithallhisoddseverity,hecouldnotkeepevenindifferentpeoplefromteasinghimwithunaccountableconfessionsofsillyconduct,whichonewouldthinktheywouldscarcelyhavehadinclinationtorevealeventotheirtenderestandmostintimatecompanions;anditwasfromtheseunaccountablevolunteersinsinceritythathelearnedtowarntheworldagainstfollieslittleknown,andseldomthoughtonbyothermoralists。
Muchofhiseloquence,andmuchofhislogic,haveIheardhimusetopreventmenfrommakingvowsontrivialoccasions;andwhenhesawapersonoddlyperplexedaboutaslightdifficulty,\"Letthemanalone,\"hewouldsay,\"andtormenthimnomoreaboutit;thereisavowinthecase,Iamconvinced;butisitnotverystrangethatpeopleshouldbeneitherafraidnorashamedofbringinginGodAlmightythusateveryturnbetweenthemselvesandtheirdinner?\"WhenIaskedwhatgroundhehadforsuchimaginations,heinformedme,\"Thatayoungladyoncetoldhiminconfidencethatshecouldneverpersuadeherselftobedressedagainstthebellrungfordinner,tillshehadmadeavowtoheaventhatshewouldnevermorebeabsentfromthefamilymeals。\"
ThestrangestapplicationsintheworldwerecertainlymadefromtimetotimetowardsMr。Johnson,whobythatmeanshadaninexhaustiblefundofancecdote,andcould,ifhepleased,tellthemostastonishingstoriesofhumanfollyandhumanweaknessthateverwereconfidedtoanymannotaconfessorbyprofession。
Oneday,whenhewasinahumourtorecordsomeofthem,hetoldusthefollowingtale:——\"Aperson,\"saidhe,\"hadfortheselastfiveweeksoftencalledatmydoor,butwouldnotleavehisnameorothermessage,butthathewishedtospeakwithme。Atlastwemet,andhetoldmethathewasoppressedbyscruplesofconscience。Iblamedhimgentlyfornotapplying,astherulesofourChurchdirect,tohisparishpriestorotherdiscreetclergyman;when,aftersomecomplimentsonhispart,hetoldmethathewasclerktoaveryeminenttrader,atwhosewarehousesmuchbusinessconsistedinpackinggoodsinordertogoabroad;thathewasoftentemptedtotakepaperandpackthreadenoughforhisownuse,andthathehadindeeddonesosooften,thathecouldrecollectnotimewhenheeverhadboughtanyforhimself。’Butprobably,’saidI,’yourmasterwaswhollyindifferentwithregardtosuchtrivialemoluments。Youhadbetteraskforitatonce,andsotakeyourtrifleswithcontent。’’Oh,sir!’repliesthevisitor,’mymasterbidmehaveasmuchasIpleased,andwashalfangrywhenItalkedtohimaboutit。’’Thenpray,sir,’saidI,’teasemenomoreaboutsuchairynothings,’andwasgoingontobeveryangry,whenIrecollectedthatthefellowmightbemad,perhaps;soIaskedhim,’Whenheleftthecounting—houseofanevening?’’Atseveno’clock,sir。’’Andwhendoyougotobed,sir?’’Attwelveo’clock。’’Then,’repliedI,’Ihaveatleastlearntthusmuchbymynewacquaintance——thatfivehoursofthefour—and—twentyunemployedareenoughforamantogomadin;soIwouldadviseyou,sir,tostudyalgebra,ifyouarenotanadeptalreadyinit。
YourheadwouldgetlessMUDDY,andyouwillleaveofftormentingyourneighboursaboutpaperandpackthread,whilewealllivetogetherinaworldthatisburstingwithsinandsorrow。’Itisperhapsneedlesstoaddthatthisvisitorcamenomore。\"
Mr。Johnsonhad,indeed,arealabhorrenceofapersonthathadeverbeforehimtreatedalittlethinglikeagreatone;andhequotedthisscrupulousgentlemanwithhispackthreadveryoften,inridiculeofafriendwho,lookingoutonStreathamCommonfromourwindows,oneday,lamentedtheenormouswickednessofthetimesbecausesomebird—catcherswerebusythereonefineSundaymorning。\"WhilehalftheChristianworldispermitted,\"
saidhe,\"todanceandsingandcelebrateSundayasadayoffestivity,howcomesyourPuritanicalspiritsooffendedwithfrivolousandemptydeviationsfromexactness?Whoeverloadslifewithunnecessaryscruples,sir,\"continuedhe,\"provokestheattentionofothersonhisconduct,andincursthecensureofsingularitywithoutreapingtherewardofsuperiorvirtue。\"
Imustnot,amongtheanecdotesofDr。Johnson’slife,omittorelateathingthathappenedtohimoneday,whichhetoldmeofhimself。AshewaswalkingalongtheStrandagentlemansteppedoutofsomeneighbouringtavern,withhisnapkininhishand,andnohat,andstoppinghimascivilyashecould,\"Ibegyourpardon,sir,butyouareDr。Johnson,Ibelieve?\"
\"Yes,sir。\"\"Wehaveawagerdependingonyourreply。Pray,sir,isitirr_e_parableorirrep_air_ablethatoneshouldsay?\"\"TheLAST,Ithink,sir,\"answeredDr。Johnson,\"fortheadverboughttofollowtheverb;butyouhadbetterconsultmy’Dictionary’thanme,forthatwastheresultofmorethoughtthanyouwillnowgivemetimefor。\"\"No,no,\"repliedthegentleman,gaily,\"thebookIhavenocertaintyatallof,buthereistheAUTHOR,towhomIreferred。Ishenot,sir?\"——toafriendwithhim。\"I
havewonmytwentyguineasquitefairly,andammuchobligedtoyou,sir;\"
andsoshakingMr。Johnsonkindlybythehand,hewentbacktofinishhisdinnerordessert。
Anotherstrangethinghetoldmeoncewhichtherewasnodangerofforgetting;howayounggentlemancalledonhimonemorning,andtoldhimthathisfatherhaving,justbeforehisdeath,droppedsuddenlyintotheenjoymentofanamplefortune,he(theson)waswillingtoqualifyhimselfforgenteelsocietybyaddingsomeliteraturetohisotherendowments,andwishedtobeputinaneasywayofobtainingit。Dr。Johnsonrecommendedtheuniversity,\"foryoureadLatin,sir,withFACILITY?\"\"Ireaditalittle,tobesure,sir。\"\"ButdoyoureaditWITHFACILITY,Isay?\"
\"Uponmyword,sir,Idonotverywellknow,butIratherbelievenot。\"
Mr。Johnsonnowbegantorecommendotherbranchesofscience,whenhefoundlanguagesatsuchanimmeasurabledistance,andadvisinghimtostudynaturalhistory,therearosesometalkaboutanimals,andtheirdivisionsintooviparousandviviparous。\"Andthecathere,sir,\"saidtheyouth,whowishedforinstruction;\"prayinwhatclassisshe?\"OurDoctor’spatienceanddesireofdoinggoodbegannowtogivewaytothenaturalroughnessofhistemper。\"Youwoulddowell,\"saidhe,\"tolookforsomepersontobealwaysaboutyou,sir,whoiscapableofexplainingsuchmatters,andnotcometous\"——thereweresomeliteraryfriendspresent,asIrecollect——\"toknowwhetherthecatlayseggsornot。Getadiscreetmantokeepyoucompany:therearesomanywhowouldbegladofyourtableandfiftypoundsayear。\"Theyounggentlemanretired,andinlessthanaweekinformedhisfriendsthathehadfixedonapreceptortowhomnoobjectionscouldbemade;butwhenhenamedassuchoneofthemostdistinguishedcharactersinourageornation,Mr。Johnsonfairlygavehimselfuptoanhonestburstoflaughter;andseeingthisyouthatsuchasurprisingdistancefromcommonknowledgeoftheworld,orofanythinginit,desiredtoseehisvisitornomore。
Hehadnotmuchbetterluckwithtwoboysthatheusedtotellof,towhomhehadtaughttheclassics,\"sothat,\"hesaid,\"theywerenoincompetentormeanscholars。\"Itwasnecessary,however,thatsomethingmorefamiliarshouldbeknown,andhebidthemreadtheHistoryofEngland。Afterafewmonthshadelapsedheaskedthem,\"Iftheycouldrecollectwhofirstdestroyedthemonasteriesinourisland?\"Onemodestlyrepliedthathedidnotknow;theothersaidJESUSCHRIST!
OfthetruthofstorieswhichrancurrentlyaboutthetownconcerningDr。
Johnsonitwasimpossibletobecertain,unlessoneaskedhimhimself,andwhathetold,orsufferedtobetold,beforehisfacewithoutcontradicting,haseverypublicmark,Ithink,ofrealandgenuineauthenticity。Imade,oneday,veryminuteinquiriesaboutthetaleofhisknockingdownthefamousTomOsbornewithhisown\"Dictionary\"intheman’sownhouse。\"Andhowwasthataffair?Inearnest?Dotellme,Mr。
Johnson?\"\"Thereisnothingtotell,dearestlady,butthathewasinsolent,andIbeathim,andthathewasablockhead,andtoldofit,whichIshouldneverhavedone。Sotheblowshavebeenmultiplyingandthewonderthickeningforalltheseyears,asThomaswasneverafavouritewiththepublic。Ihavebeatmanyafellow,buttheresthadthewittoholdtheirtongues。\"
IhaveheardMr。Murphyrelateaverysingularstory,whilehewaspresent,greatlytothecreditofhisuncommonskillandknowledgeoflifeandmanners。Whenfirstthe\"Ramblers\"cameoutinseparatenumbers,astheyweretheobjectsofattentiontomultitudesofpeople,theyhappened,asitseems,particularlytoattractthenoticeofasocietywhometeverySaturdayeveningduringthesummeratRomfordinEssex,andwereknownbythenameoftheBowling—GreenClub。ThesemenseeingonedaythecharacterofLeviculus,thefortune—hunter,orTetrica,theoldmaid:anotherdaysomeaccountofapersonwhospenthislifeinhopingforalegacy,orofhimwhoisalwayspryingintootherfolks’affairs,begansureenoughtothinktheywerebetrayed,andthatsomeofthecoteriesatedowntodiverthimselfbygivingtothepublictheportraitofalltherest。FilledwithwrathagainstthetraitorofRomford,oneofthemresolvedtowritetotheprinter,andinquiretheauthor’sname。SamuelJohnson,wasthereply。Nomorewasnecessary;SamuelJohnsonwasthenameofthecurate,andsoondideachbegintoloadhimwithreproachesforturninghisfriendsintoridiculeinamannersocruelandunprovoked。Invaindidtheguiltlesscurateprotesthisinnocence;onewassurethatAligumeantMr。Twigg,andthatCupiduswasbutanothernameforneighbourBaggs,tillthepoorparson,unabletocontendanylonger,rodetoLondon,andbroughtthemfullsatisfactionconcerningthewriter,who,fromhisownknowledgeofgeneralmanners,quickenedbyavigorousandwarmimagination,hadhappilydelineated,thoughunknowntohimself,themembersoftheBowling—GreenClub。
Mr。MurphylikewiseusedtotellbeforeDr。Johnson,ofthefirsttimeTHEY
met,andtheoccasionoftheirmeeting,whichherelatedthus。Thatbeinginthosedaysengagedinaperiodicalpaper,hefoundhimselfatafriend’shouseoutoftown;andnotbeingdisposedtolosepleasureforthesakeofbusiness,wishedrathertocontenthisbooksellerbysendingsomeunstudiedessaytoLondonbytheservant,thandenyhimselfthecompanyofhisacquaintance,anddriveawaytohischambersforthepurposeofwritingsomethingmorecorrect。HethereforetookupaFrenchJournalLitterairethatlayabouttheroom,andtranslatingsomethinghelikedfromit,sentitawaywithoutfurtherexamination。Time,however,discoveredthathehadtranslatedfromtheFrencha\"Rambler\"ofJohnson’s,whichhadbeenbutamonthbeforetakenfromtheEnglish;andthinkingitrighttomakehimhispersonalexcuses,hewentnextday,andfoundourfriendallcoveredwithsootlikeachimney—sweeper,inalittleroom,withanintolerableheatandstrangesmell,asifhehadbeenactingLungsinthe’Alchymist,’makingaether。\"Come,come,\"saysDr。Johnson,\"dearMur,thestoryisblackenoughnow;anditwasaveryhappydayformethatbroughtyoufirsttomyhouse,andaveryhappymistakeaboutthe’Ramblers。’\"
Dr。Johnsonwasalwaysexceedingfondofchemistry;andwemadeupasortoflaboratoryatStreathamonesummer,anddivertedourselveswithdrawingessencesandcolouringliquors。ButthedangerMr。ThralefoundhisfriendinonedaywhenIwasdriventoLondon,andhehadgotthechildrenandservantsroundhimtoseesomeexperimentsperformed,putanendtoallourentertainment,sowellwasthemasterofthehousepersuadedthathisshortsightwouldhavebeenhisdestructioninamoment,bybringinghimclosetoafierceandviolentflame。Indeed,itwasaperpetualmiraclethathedidnotsethimselfonfirereadinga—bed,aswashisconstantcustom,whenexceedinglyunableeventokeepclearofmischiefwithourbesthelp;andaccordinglythefore—topofallhiswigswereburnedbythecandledowntotheverynetwork。Mr。Thrale’svaletdechambre,forthatreason,keptonealwaysinhisownhands,withwhichhemethimattheparlour—doorwhenthebellhadcalledhimdowntodinner,andashewentupstairstosleepintheafternoon,thesamemanconstantlyfollowedhimwithanother。
Futureexperimentsinchemistry,however,weretoodangerous,andMr。
ThraleinsistedthatweshoulddonomoretowardsfindingthePhilosopher’sStone。
Mr。Johnson’samusementswerethusreducedtothepleasuresofconversationmerely。Andwhatwonderthatheshouldhaveanavidityforthesoledelighthewasabletoenjoy?Nomanconversedsowellasheoneverysubject;nomansoacutelydiscernedthereasonofeveryfact,themotiveofeveryaction,theendofeverydesign。Hewasindeedoftenpainedbytheignoranceorcauselesswonderofthosewhoknewlessthanhimself,thoughheseldomdrovethemawaywithapparentscorn,unlesshethoughttheyaddedpresumptiontostupidity。Anditwasimpossiblenottolaughatthepatienceheshowed,whenaWelshparsonofmeanabilities,thoughagoodheart,struckwithreverenceatthesightofDr。Johnson,whomhehadheardofasthegreatestmanliving,couldnotfindanywordstoanswerhisinquiriesconcerningamottoroundsomebody’sarmswhichadornedatombstoneinRuabonchurchyard。IfIrememberrightthewordswere——
\"HebDw,HebDym,Dwo’diggon。\"
Andthoughofnoverydifficultconstruction,thegentlemanseemedwhollyconfounded,andunabletoexplainthem;tillMr。Johnson,havingpickedoutthemeaningbylittleandlittle,saidtotheman,\"Hebisapreposition,I
believe,sir,isitnot?\"Mycountrymanrecoveringsomespiritsuponthesuddenquestion,criedout,\"SoIhumblypresume,sir,\"verycomically。