Storiesofhumourdonottellwellinbooks;andwhatmadeimpressiononthefriendswhoheardajestwillseldommuchdelightthedistantacquaintanceorsullencriticwhoreadsit。ThecorkmodelofParisisnotmoredespicableasaresemblanceofagreatcity，thanthisbook，leviorcortice，asaspecimenofJohnson’scharacter。Yeteverybodynaturallylikestogatherlittlespecimensoftheraritiesfoundinagreatcountry;
andcouldIcarryhomefromItalysquarepiecesofallthecuriousmarbleswhicharethejustgloryofthissurprisingpartoftheworld，Icouldscarcelycontrive，perhaps，toarrangethemsomeanlyasnottogainsomeattentionfromtherespectduetotheplacestheyoncebelongedto。SuchapieceofmotleyMosaicworkwilltheseanecdotesinevitablymake。Butletthereaderrememberthathewaspromisednothingbetter，andsobeascontentedashecan。
AnIrishtraderatourhouseonedayheardDr。JohnsonlaunchoutintoverygreatandgreatlydeservedpraisesofMr。EdmundBurke。Delightedtofindhiscountrymanstoodsohighintheopinionofamanhehadbeentoldsomuchof，\"Sir，\"saidhe，\"giveMEleavetotellsomethingofMr。Burkenow。\"Wewereallsilent，andthehonestHibernianbegantorelatehowMr。
Burkewenttoseethecollieriesinadistantprovince;andhewouldgodownintothebowelsoftheearth（inabag），andhewouldexamineeverything。\"Hewentinabag，sir，andventuredhishealthandhislifeforknowledge：buthetookcareofhisclothes，thattheyshouldnotbespoiled，forhewentdowninabag。\"\"Well，sir，\"saysMr。Johnson，good—humouredly，\"ifourfriendMundshoulddieinanyofthesehazardousexploits，youandIwouldwritehislifeandpanegyrictogether;andyourchapterofitshouldbeentitledthus：’BurkeinaBag。’\"
HehadalwaysaverygreatpersonalregardandparticularaffectionforMr。
EdmundBurke，aswellasanesteemdifficultformetorepeat，thoughforhimonlyeasytoexpress。Andwhenattheendoftheyear1774theGeneralElectioncalledusalldifferentways，andbrokeupthedelightfulsocietyinwhichwehadspentsometimeatBeaconsfield，Dr。Johnsonshookthehospitablemasterofthehousekindlybythehand，andsaid，\"Farewell，mydearsir，andrememberthatIwishyouallthesuccesswhichoughttobewishedyou，whichcanpossiblybewishedyou，indeed——BYANHONESTMAN。\"
Imustheretakeleavetoobserve，thatingivinglittlememoirsofMr。
Johnson’sbehaviourandconversation，suchasIsawandheardit，mybookliesundermanifestdisadvantages，comparedwiththeirs，whohavingseenhiminvarioussituations，andobservedhisconductinnumberlesscases，areabletothrowstrongerandmorebrilliantlightsuponhischaracter。
Virtuesarelikeshrubs，whichyieldtheirsweetsindifferentmannersaccordingtothecircumstanceswhichsurroundthem;andwhilegenerosityofsoulscattersitsfragrancelikethehoneysuckle，anddelightsthesensesofmanyoccasionalpassengers，whofeelthepleasure，andhalfwonderhowthebreezehasblownitfromsofar，themoresullenbutnotlessvaluablemyrtlewaitslikefortitudetodiscoveritsexcellence，tillthehandarrivesthatwillCRUSHit，andforceoutthatperfumewhosedurabilitywellcompensatesthedifficultyofproduction。
IsawMr。Johnsoninnonebutatranquil，uniformstate，passingtheeveningofhislifeamongfriends，wholoved，honoured，andadmiredhim。I
sawnoneofthethingshedid，exceptsuchactsofcharityashavebeenoftenmentionedinthisbook，andsuchwritingsasareuniversallyknown。
WhathesaidisallIcanrelate;andfromwhathesaid，thosewhothinkitworthwhiletoreadtheseanecdotesmustbecontentedtogatherhischaracter。MineisamereCANDLE—LIGHTpictureofhislatterdays，whereeverythingfallsindarkshadowexcepttheface，theindexofthemind;buteventhatisseenunfavourably，andwithapalenessbeyondwhatnaturegaveit。
WhenIhavetoldhowmanyfolliesDr。Johnsonknewofothers，Imustnotomittomentionwithhowmuchfidelityhewouldalwayshavekeptthemconcealed，couldtheyofwhomheknewtheabsurditieshavebeencontented，inthecommonphrase，tokeeptheirowncounsel。Butreturninghomeonedayfromdiningatthechaplain’stable，hetoldmethatDr。Goldsmithhadgivenaverycomicalandunnecessarilyexactrecitalthereofhisownfeelingswhenhisplaywashissed：tellingthecompanyhowhewent，indeed，totheLiteraryClubatnight，andchattedgailyamonghisfriends，asifnothinghadhappenedamiss;thattoimpressthemstillmoreforciblywithanideaofhismagnanimity，heevensunghisfavouritesongaboutanoldwomantossedinablanketseventeentimesashighasthemoon;\"butallthiswhileIwassufferinghorridtortures，\"saidhe，\"andverilybelievethatifIhadputabitinmymouthitwouldhavestrangledmeonthespot，Iwassoexcessivelyill。ButImademorenoisethanusualtocoverallthat，andsotheyneverperceivedmynoteating，norIbelieveatallimagedtothemselvestheanguishofmyheart;butwhenallweregoneexceptJohnsonhere，Iburstouta—crying，andevensworeby———thatIwouldneverwriteagain。\"\"Allwhich，Doctor，\"saysMr。Johnson，amazedathisoddfrankness，\"Ithoughthadbeenasecretbetweenyouandme;andIamsureIwouldnothavesaidanythingaboutitfortheworld。Nowsee，\"
repeatedhe，whenhetoldthestory，\"whatafigureamanmakeswhothusunaccountablychoosestobethefrigidnarratorofhisowndisgrace。Ilvoltosciolto，edipensieristretti，wasaproverbmadeonpurposeforsuchmortals，tokeeppeople，ifpossible，frombeingthustheheraldsoftheirownshame;forwhatcompassioncantheygainbysuchsillynarratives？Nomanshouldbeexpectedtosympathisewiththesorrowsofvanity。If，then，youaremortifiedbyanyill—usage，whetherrealorsupposed，keepatleasttheaccountofsuchmortificationstoyourself，andforbeartoproclaimhowmeanlyyouarethoughtonbyothers，unlessyoudesiretobemeanlythoughtofbyall。\"
Thelittlehistoryofanotherfriend’ssuperfluousingenuitywillcontributetointroduceasimilarremark。Hehadadaughterofaboutfourteenyearsold，asIremember，fatandclumsy;andthoughthefatheradored，anddesiredotherstoadoreher，yetbeingaware，perhaps，thatshewasnotwhattheFrenchcallpaitriedesgraces，andthinking，Isuppose，thattheoldmaximofbeginningtolaughatyourselffirstwhenyouhaveanythingridiculousaboutyouwasagoodone，hecomicallyenoughcalledhisgirlTRUNDLEwhenhespokeofher;andmanywhoboreneitherofthemanyill—willfeltdisposedtolaughatthehappinessoftheappellation。
\"See，now，\"saysDr。Johnson，\"whathastepeopleareintobehooted。
Nobodyeverthoughtofthisfellownorofhisdaughter，couldhebuthavebeenquiethimself，andforbornetocalltheeyesoftheworldonhisdowdyandherdeformity。Butitteachesonetoseeatleastthatifnobodyelsewillnicknameone’schildren，theparentswille’endoitthemselves。\"
AllthisheldtrueinmatterstoMr。Johnsonofmoreseriousconsequence。
WhenSirJoshuaReynoldshadpaintedhisportraitlookingintotheslitofhispen，andholdingitalmostclosetohiseye，aswashisgeneralcustom，hefeltdispleased，andtoldme\"hewouldnotbeknownbyposterityforhisDEFECTSonly，letSirJoshuadohisworst。\"IsaidinreplythatReynoldshadnosuchdifficultiesabouthimself，andthathemightobservethepicturewhichhungupintheroomwhereweweretalkingrepresentedSirJoshuaholdinghisearinhishandtocatchthesound。\"Hemaypainthimselfasdeafifhechooses，\"repliedJohnson，\"butIwillnotbeBLINKINGSAM。\"
ItischieflyforthesakeofevincingtheregularityandsteadinessofMr。
Johnson’smindthatIhavegiventhesetriflingmemoirs，toshowthathissoulwasnotdifferentfromthatofanotherperson，but，asitwas，greater;andtogivethosewhodidnotknowhimajustideaofhisacquiescenceinwhatwecallvulgarprejudices，andofhisextremedistancefromthosenotionswhichtheworldhasagreed，Iknownotverywellwhy，tocallromantic。ItisindeedobservableinhisprefacetoShakespeare，thatwhileothercriticsexpatiateonthecreativepowersandvividimaginationofthatmatchlesspoet，Dr。Johnsoncommendshimforgivingsojustarepresentationofhumanmanners，\"thatfromhisscenesahermitmightestimatethevalueofsociety，andaconfessorpredicttheprogressofthepassions。\"Ihavenotthebookwithmehere，butamprettysurethatsuchishisexpression。
Thegeneralandconstantadvicehegave，too，whenconsultedaboutthechoiceofawife，aprofession，orwhateverinfluencesaman’sparticularandimmediatehappiness，wasalwaystorejectnopositivegoodfromfearsofitscontraryconsequences。\"Donot，\"saidhe，\"forbeartomarryabeautifulwomanifyoucanfindsuch，outofafancythatshewillbelessconstantthananuglyone;orcondemnyourselftothesocietyofcoarsenessandvulgarityforfearoftheexpensesorotherdangersofeleganceandpersonalcharms，whichhavebeenalwaysacknowledgedasapositivegood，andforthewantofwhichthereshouldbealwaysgivensomeweightycompensation。Ihave，however，\"continuedMr。Johnson，\"seensomeprudentfellowswhoforboretoconnectthemselveswithbeautylestcoquetryshouldbenear，andwithwitorbirthlestinsolenceshouldlurkbehindthem，tilltheyhavebeenforcedbytheirdiscretiontolingerlifeawayintastelessstupidity，andchoosetocountthemomentsbyremembranceofpaininsteadofenjoymentofpleasure。\"
Whenprofessionsweretalkedof，\"Scorn，\"saidMr。Johnson，\"toputyourbehaviourunderthedominionofcanters;neverthinkitclevertocallphysicameanstudy，orlawadryone;oraskababyofsevenyearsoldwhichwayhisGENIUSleadshim，whenweallknowthataboyofsevenyearsoldhasnoGENIUSforanythingexceptapegtopandanapple—pie;butfixonsomebusinesswheremuchmoneymaybegot，andlittlevirtuerisked：
followthatbusinesssteadily，anddonotliveasRogerAschamsaysthewitsdo，’menknownothow;andatlastdieobscurely，menmarknotwhere。’\"
Dr。Johnsonhadindeedavenerationforthevoiceofmankindbeyondwhatmostpeoplewillown;andasheliberallyconfessedthatallhisowndisappointmentsproceededfromhimself，hehatedtohearotherscomplainofgeneralinjustice。IrememberwhenlamentationwasmadeoftheneglectshowedtoJeremiahMarkland，agreatphilologist，assomeoneventuredtocallhim。\"Heisascholar，undoubtedly，sir，\"repliedDr。Johnson，\"butrememberthathewouldrunfromtheworld，andthatitisnottheworld’sbusinesstorunafterhim。Ihateafellowwhompride，orcowardice，orlazinessdrivesintoacorner，anddoesnothingwhenheistherebutsitandGROWL;lethimcomeoutasIdo，andBARK。Theworld，\"addedhe，\"ischieflyunjustandungenerousinthis，thatallarereadytoencourageamanwhooncetalksofleavingit，andfewthingsdoreallyprovokememorethantohearpeopleprateofretirement，whentheyhaveneitherskilltodiscerntheirownmotives，orpenetrationtoestimatetheconsequences。
Butwhileafellowisactivetogaineitherpowerorwealth，\"continuedhe，\"everybodyproducessomehindrancetohisadvancement，somesageremark，orsomeunfavourableprediction;butlethimoncesayslightly，Ihavehadenoughofthistroublesome，bustlingworld，’tistimetoleaveitnow：
’Ah，dearsir！’criesthefirstoldacquaintancehemeets，’Iamgladtofindyouinthishappydisposition：yes，dearfriend！DOretireandthinkofnothingbutyourownease。There’sMr。Williamwillfinditapleasuretosettleallyouraccountsandrelieveyoufromthefatigue;MissDollymakesthecharmingestchicken—brothintheworld，andthecheesecakesweateofhersonce，howgoodtheywere。Iwillbecomingeverytwoorthreedaysmyselftochatwithyouinaquietway;SOSNUG！andtellyouhowmattersgoupon’Change，orintheHouse，oraccordingtotheblockhead’sfirstpursuits，whetherlucrativeorpolitic，whichthusheleaves;andlayshimselfdownavoluntarypreytohisownsensualityandsloth，whiletheambitionandavariceofthenephewsandnieces，withtheirrascallyadherentsandcoadjutors，reaptheadvantage，whiletheyfattentheirfool。’\"
AsthevotariesofretirementhadlittleofMr。Johnson’sapplause，unlessthatheknewthatthemotivesweremerelydevotional，andunlesshewasconvincedthattheirritualswereaccompaniedbyamortifiedstateofthebody，thesoleproofoftheirsinceritywhichhewouldadmit，asacompensationforsuchfatigueasaworldlylifeofcareandactivityrequires;soofthevariousstatesandconditionsofhumanity，hedespisednonemore，Ithink，thanthemanwhomarriesforamaintenance。Andofafriendwhomadehisallianceonnohigherprinciples，hesaidonce，\"Nowhasthatfellow（itwasanoblemanofwhomwewerespeaking）atlengthobtainedacertaintyofthreemealsaday，andforthatcertainty，likehisbrotherdoginthefable，hewillgethisneckgalledforlifewithacollar。\"
Thatpovertywasaneviltobeavoidedbyallhonestmeans，however，nomanwasmorereadytoavow：concealedpovertyparticularly，whichhesaidwasthegeneralcorrosivethatdestroyedthepeaceofalmosteveryfamily;towhichnoeveningperhapseverreturnedwithoutsomenewprojectforhidingthesorrowsanddangersofthenextday。\"Wantofmoney，\"saysDr。
Johnson，\"issometimesconcealedunderpretendedavarice，andslyhintsofaversiontopartwithit;sometimesunderstormyanger，andaffectationofboundlessrage，butoftenerstillunderashowofthoughtlessextravaganceandgayneglect，whiletoapenetratingeyenoneofthesewretchedveilssufficetokeepthecrueltruthfrombeingseen。Povertyishicetubique，\"sayshe，\"andifyoudoshutthejadeoutofthedoor，shewillalwayscontriveinsomemannertopokeherpale，leanfaceinatthewindow。\"
IhavementionedbeforethatoldagehadverylittleofMr。Johnson’sreverence。\"Amancommonlygrewwickederashegrewolder，\"hesaid，\"atleasthebutchangedthevicesofyouth;headstrongpassionandwildtemerity，fortreacherouscaution，anddesiretocircumvent。Iamalways，\"
saidhe，\"ontheyoungpeople’sside，whenthereisadisputebetweenthemandtheoldones，foryouhaveatleastachanceforvirtuetillagehaswithereditsveryroot。\"Whileweweretalking，mymother’sspaniel，whomheneverloved，stoleourtoastandbutter;\"Fie，Belle！\"saidI，\"youusedtobeuponhonour。\"\"Yes，madam，\"repliesJohnson，\"BUTBELLEGROWSOLD。\"
Hisreasonforhatingthedogwas，\"becauseshewasaprofessedfavourite，\"
hesaid，\"andbecauseherladyorderedherfromtimetotimetobewashedandcombed，afoolishtrick，\"saidhe，\"andanassumptionofsuperioritythateveryone’snaturerevoltsat;sobecauseonemustnotwishilltotheladyinsuchcases，\"continuedhe，\"onecursesthecur。\"Thetruthis，Bellewasnotwellbehaved，andbeingalargespaniel，wastroublesomeenoughatdinnerwithfrequentsolicitationstobefed。\"Thisanimal，\"
saidDr。Johnsononeday，\"wouldhavebeenofextraordinarymeritandvalueinthestateofLycurgus;forshecondemnsonetotheexertionofperpetualvigilance。\"
Hehad，indeed，thatstrongaversionfeltbyallthelowerranksofpeopletowardsfour—footedcompanionsverycompletely，notwithstandinghehadformanyyearsacatwhichhecalledHodge，thatkeptalwaysinhisroomatFleetStreet;butsoexactwashenottooffendthehumanspeciesbysuperfluousattentiontobrutes，thatwhenthecreaturewasgrownsickandold，andcouldeatnothingbutoysters，Mr。JohnsonalwayswentouthimselftobuyHodge’sdinner，thatFrancistheblack’sdelicacymightnotbehurt，atseeinghimselfemployedfortheconvenienceofaquadruped。
Noonewas，indeed，soattentivenottooffendinallsuchsortofthingsasDr。Johnson;norsocarefultomaintaintheceremoniesoflife：andthoughhetoldMr。Thraleoncethathehadneversoughttopleasetillpastthirtyyearsold，consideringthematterashopeless，hehadbeenalwaysstudiousnottomakeenemiesbyapparentpreferenceofhimself。Ithappenedverycomicallythatthemomentthiscuriousconversationpassed，ofwhichIwasasilentauditress，wasinthecoach，insomedistantprovince，eitherShropshireorDerbyshire，Ibelieve;andassoonasitwasover，Mr。Johnsontookoutofhispocketalittlebookandread，whileagentlemanofnosmalldistinctionforhisbirthandelegancesuddenlyrodeuptothecarriage，andpayingusallhispropercompliments，wasdesirousnottoneglectDr。Johnson;butobservingthathedidnotseehim，tappedhimgentlyontheshoulder。\"’TisMr。Ch—lm———ley，\"saysmyhusband。
\"Well，sir！andwhatifitisMr。Ch—lm———ley！\"saystheother，sternly，justliftinghiseyesamomentfromhisbook，andreturningtoitagainwithrenewedavidity。
Hehadsometimesfitsofreadingveryviolent;andwhenhewasinearnestaboutgettingthroughsomeparticularpages，forIhaveheardhimsayheneverreadbutonebook，whichhedidnotconsiderasobligatory，throughinhiswholelife（and\"LadyMaryWortley’sLetters，\"wasthebook）;hewouldbequitelosttothecompany，andwithdrawallhisattentiontowhathewasreading，withoutthesmallestknowledgeorcareaboutthenoisemaderoundhim。Hisdeafnessmadesuchconductlessoddandlessdifficulttohimthanitwouldhavebeentoanotherman：buthisadvisingotherstotakethesamemethod，andpullalittlebookoutwhentheywerenotentertainedwithwhatwasgoingforwardinsociety，seemedmorelikelytoadvancethegrowthofsciencethanofpolishedmanners，forwhichhealwayspretendedextremeveneration。
Mr。Johnson，indeed，alwaysmeasuredotherpeople’snotionsofeverythingbyhisown，andnothingcouldpersuadehimtobelievethatthebookswhichhedislikedwereagreeabletothousands，orthatairandexercisewhichhedespisedwerebeneficialtothehealthofothermortals。WhenpoorSmart，sowellknownforhiswitandmisfortunes，wasfirstobligedtobeputinprivatelodgings，acommonfriendofbothlamentedintendertermsthenecessitywhichhadtornsopleasingacompanionfromtheiracquaintance。
\"Amadmanmustbeconfined，sir，\"repliesDr。Johnson。\"But，\"saystheother，\"Iamnowapprehensiveforhisgeneralhealth，hewilllosethebenefitofexercise。\"\"Exercise！\"returnstheDoctor，\"Ineverheardthatheusedany：hemight，foraughtIknow，walkTOthealehouse;butI
believehewasalwaysCARRIEDhomeagain。\"
Itwas，however，unluckyforthosewhodelightedtoechoJohnson’ssentiments，thathewouldnotendurefromthemto—daywhatperhapshehadyesterday，byhisownmanneroftreatingthesubject，madethemfondofrepeating;andIfancyMr。B————hasnotforgottenthatthoughhisfriendoneeveninginagayhumourtalkedinpraiseofwineasoneoftheblessingspermittedbyheaven，whenusedwithmoderation，tolightentheloadoflife，andgivemenstrengthtoendureit;yet，wheninconsequenceofsuchtalkhethoughtfittomakeaBacchanaliandiscourseinitsfavour，Mr。Johnsoncontradictedhimsomewhatroughly，asIremember;andwhen，toassurehimselfofconquest，headdedthesewords：\"Youmustallowme，sir，atleastthatitproducestruth;invinoveritas，youknow，sir。\"\"That，\"
repliedMr。Johnson，\"wouldbeuselesstoamanwhoknewhewasnotaliarwhenhewassober。\"
Whenonetalksofgivingandtakingtheliefamiliarly，itisimpossibletoforbearrecollectingthetransactionsbetweentheeditorof\"Ossian，\"andtheauthorofthe\"JourneytotheHebrides。\"Itwasmostobservabletome，however，thatMr。Johnsonneverborehisantagonisttheslightestdegreeofill—will。Healwayskeptthosequarrelswhichbelongedtohimasawriterseparatefromthosewhichhehadtodowithasaman;butIneverdidhearhimsayinprivateonemaliciouswordofapublicenemy;andofMr。
MacphersonIonceheardhimspeakrespectfully，thoughhisreplytothefriendwhoaskedhimifANYMANLIVINGcouldhavewrittensuchabook，iswellknown，andhasbeenoftenrepeated——\"Yes，sir，manymen，manywomen，andmanychildren。\"
Iinquiredofhimmyselfifthisstorywasauthentic，andhesaiditwas。
ImadethesameinquiryconcerninghisaccountofthestateofliteratureinScotland，whichwasrepeatedupanddownatonetimebyeverybody——\"HowknowledgewasdividedamongtheScots，likebreadinabesiegedtown，toeverymanamouthful，tonomanabellyful。\"Thisstoryhelikewiseacknowledged，andsaid，besides，\"thatsomeofficiousfriendhadcarriedittoLordBute，whoonlyanswered，’Well，well！nevermindwhathesays，hewillhavethepensionallone。’\"
AnotherfamousreplytoaScotsmanwhocommendedthebeautyanddignityofGlasgow，tillMr。Johnsonstoppedhimbyobserving，\"thatheprobablyhadneveryetseenBrentford，\"wasoneofthejokesheowned;andsaidhimself\"thatwhenagentlemanofthatcountryoncementionedthelovelyprospectscommoninhisnation，hecouldnothelptellinghimthattheviewoftheLondonroadwastheprospectinwhicheveryScotsmanmostnaturallyandmostrationallydelighted。\"
Mrs。Brookereceivedananswernotunlikethis，whenexpatiatingontheaccumulationofsublimeandbeautifulobjects，whichformthefineprospectUPtheRiverSt。Lawrence，inNorthAmerica。\"Come，madam，\"saysDr。
Johnson，\"confessthatnothingeverequalledyourpleasureinseeingthatsightreversed;andfindingyourselflookingatthehappyprospectDOWNtheRiverSt。Lawrence。\"Thetruthis，hehatedtohearaboutprospectsandviews，andlayingoutgroundandtasteingardening。\"Thatwasthebestgarden，\"hesaid，\"whichproducedmostrootsandfruits;andthatwaterwasmosttobeprizedwhichcontainedmostfish。\"HeusedtolaughatShenstonemostunmercifullyfornotcaringwhethertherewasanythinggoodtoEATinthestreamshewassofondof，\"asif，\"saysJohnson，\"onecouldfillone’sbellywithhearingsoftmurmurs，orlookingatroughcascades！\"
Helovedthesightoffineforesttrees，however，anddetestedBrighthelmstoneDowns，\"becauseitwasacountrysotrulydesolate，\"hesaid，\"thatifonehadamindtohangone’sselffordesperationatbeingobligedtolivethere，itwouldbedifficulttofindatreeonwhichtofastentherope。\"Walkinginawoodwhenitrainedwas，Ithink，theonlyruralimagehepleasedhisfancywith;\"for，\"sayshe，\"afteronehasgatheredtheapplesinanorchard，onewishesthemwellbaked，andremovedtoaLondoneating—houseforenjoyment。\"
Withsuchnotions，whocanwonderhepassedhistimeuncomfortablyenoughwithus，whoheoftencomplainedofforlivingsomuchinthecountry，\"feedingthechickens，\"ashesaidIdid，\"tillIstarvedmyownunderstanding。Get，however，\"saidhe，\"abookaboutgardening，andstudyithard，sinceyouwillpassyourlifewithbirdsandflowers，andlearntoraisetheLARGESTturnips，andtobreedtheBIGGESTfowls。\"Itwasvaintoassurehimthatthegoodnessofsuchdishesdidnotdependupontheirsize。
Helaughedatthepeoplewhocoveredtheircanalswithforeignfowls，\"when，\"sayshe，\"ourowngeeseandgandersaretwiceaslarge。Ifwefetchedbetteranimalsfromdistantnations，theremightbesomesenseinthepreference;buttogetcowsfromAlderney，orwater—fowlfromChina，onlytoseenaturedegeneratingroundone，isapoorambitionindeed。\"
NorwasMr。Johnsonmoremercifulwithregardtotheamusementspeoplearecontentedtocallsuch。\"Youhuntinthemorning，\"sayshe，\"andcrowdtothepublicroomsatnight，andcallitDIVERSION，whenyourheartknowsitisperishingwithpovertyofpleasures，andyourwitsgetbluntedforwantofsomeothermindtosharpenthemupon。Thereisinthisworldnorealdelight（exceptingthoseofsensuality），butexchangeofideasinconversation;andwhoeverhasonceexperiencedthefullflowofLondontalk，whenheretirestocountryfriendships，andruralsports，musteitherbecontentedtoturnbabyagainandplaywiththerattle，orhewillpineawaylikeagreatfishinalittlepond，anddieforwantofhisusualfood。\"\"Bookswithouttheknowledgeoflifeareuseless，\"Ihaveheardhimsay;\"forwhatshouldbooksteachbuttheartofLIVING？Tostudymanners，however，onlyincoffee—houses，ismorethanequallyimperfect;themindsofmenwhoacquirenosolidlearning，andonlyexistonthedailyforagethattheypickupbyrunningabout，andsnatchingwhatdropsfromtheirneighboursasignorantasthemselves，willneverfermentintoanyknowledgevaluableordurable;butlikethelightwineswedrinkinhotcountries，pleaseforthemoment，thoughincapableofkeeping。Inthestudyofmankindmuchwillbefoundtoswimasfroth，andmuchmustsinkasfeculence，beforethewinecanhaveitseffect，andbecomethatnoblestliquorwhichrejoicestheheart，andgivesvigourtotheimagination。\"
IamwellawarethatIdonotandcannotgiveeachexpressionofDr。
Johnsonwithallitsforceorallitsneatness;butIhavedonemybesttorecordsuchofhismaxims，andrepeatsuchofhissentiments，asmaygivetothosewhoknowhimnotajustideaofhischaracterandmannerofthinking。Toendeavouratadorning，oradding，orsoftening，ormelioratingsuchanecdotes，byanytricksmyinexperiencedpencouldplay，wouldbeweaknessindeed;worsethantheFrenchmanwhopresidesovertheporcelainmanufactoryatSeve，towhom，whensomeGreekvasesweregivenhimasmodels，helamentedlatristessedetellesformes;andendeavouredtoassistthembyclustersofflowers，whileflyingCupidsservedforthehandlesofurnsoriginallyintendedtocontaintheashesofthedead。Themiseryis，thatIcanrecollectsofewanecdotes，andthatIhaverecordednomoreaxiomsofamanwhoseeverywordmeritedattention，andwhoseeverysentimentdidhonourtohumannature。Remotefromaffectationasfromerrororfalsehood，thecomfortareaderhasinlookingoverthesepapersisthecertaintythatthesewerereallytheopinionsofJohnson，whicharerelatedassuch。
Fearofwhatothersmaythinkisthegreatcauseofaffectation;andhewasnotlikelytodisguisehisnotionsoutofcowardice。Hehateddisguise，andnobodypenetrateditsoreadily。Ishowedhimaletterwrittentoacommonfriend，whowasatsomelossfortheexplanationofit。\"Whoeverwroteit，\"saysourdoctor，\"could，ifhechoseit，makehimselfunderstood;but’tistheletterofanEMBARRASSEDMANsir;\"andsotheeventprovedittobe。
Mysteriousnessintriflesoffendedhimoneveryside。\"Itcommonlyendedinguilt，\"hesaid;\"forthosewhobeginbyconcealmentofinnocentthingswillsoonhavesomethingtohidewhichtheydarenotbringtolight。\"Hethereforeencouragedanopennessofconduct，inwomenparticularly，\"who，\"
heobserved，\"wereoftenledawaywhenchildren，bytheirdelightandpowerofsurprising。\"Herecommended，onsomethinglikethesameprinciple，thatwhenonepersonmeanttoserveanother，heshouldnotgoaboutitslily，oraswesay，underhand，outofafalseideaofdelicacy，tosurpriseone’sfriendwithanunexpectedfavour，\"which，tentoone，\"sayshe，\"failstoobligeyouracquaintance，whohadsomereasonsagainstsuchamodeofobligation，whichyoumighthaveknownbutforthatsuperfluouscunningwhichyouthinkanelegance。Oh！neverbeseducedbysuchsillypretences，\"continuedhe;\"ifawenchwantsagoodgown，donotgiveherafinesmelling—bottle，becausethatismoredelicate：asIonceknewaladylendthekeyofherlibrarytoapoorscribblingdependant，asifshetookthewomanforanostrichthatcoulddigestiron。\"Hesaid，indeed，\"thatwomenwereverydifficulttobetaughtthepropermannerofconferringpecuniaryfavours;thattheyalwaysgavetoomuchmoneyortoolittle;forthattheyhadanideaofdelicacyaccompanyingtheirgifts，sothattheygenerallyrenderedthemeitheruselessorridiculous。\"
Hedid，indeed，sayverycontemptuousthingsofoursex，butwasexceedinglyangrywhenItoldMissReynoldsthathesaid\"Itwaswellmanagedofsomeonetoleavehisaffairsinthehandsofhiswife，because，inmattersofbusiness，\"saidhe，\"nowomanstopsatintegrity。\"Thiswas，Ithink，theonlysentenceIeverobservedhimsolicitoustoexplainawayafterhehadutteredit。Hewasnotatalldispleasedattherecollectionofasarcasmthrownonawholeprofessionatonce;whenagentlemanleavingthecompany，somebodywhosatnextDr。Johnsonaskedhim，whohewas？\"I
cannotexactlytellyou，sir，\"repliedhe，\"andIwouldbelothtospeakillofanypersonwhoIdonotknowdeservesit，butIamafraidheisanATTORNEY。\"Hedidnot，however，encouragegeneralsatire，andforthemostpartprofessedhimselftofeeldirectlycontrarytoDr。Swift;\"who，\"sayshe，\"hatestheworld，thoughhelovesJohnandRobert，andcertainindividuals。\"
Johnsonsaidalways，\"thattheworldwaswellconstructed，butthattheparticularpeopledisgracedtheeleganceandbeautyofthegeneralfabric。\"
InthesamemannerIwasrelatingoncetohimhowDr。Collierobservedthattheloveoneboretochildrenwasfromtheanticipationone’smindmadewhileonecontemplatedthem。\"Wehope，\"sayshe，\"thattheywillsometimemakewisemenoramiablewomen;andwesuffer’emtotakeupouraffectionbeforehand。OnecannotloveLUMPSOFFLESH，andlittleinfantsarenothingmore。\"\"Onthecontrary，\"saysJohnson，\"onecanscarcelyhelpwishing，whileonefondlesababy，thatitmayneverlivetobecomeaman;foritissoprobablethatwhenhebecomesaman，heshouldbesuretoendinascoundrel。\"Girlswerelessdispleasingtohim;\"forastheirtemptationswerefewer，\"hesaid，\"theirvirtueinthislife，andhappinessinthenext，werelessimprobable;andheloved，\"hesaid，\"toseeaknotoflittlemissesdearly。\"
NeedleworkhadastrenuousapproverinDr。Johnson，whosaid\"thatoneofthegreatfelicitiesoffemalelifewasthegeneralconsentoftheworldthattheymightamusethemselveswithpettyoccupations，whichcontributedtothelengtheningtheirlives，andpreservingtheirmindsinastateofsanity。\"\"Amancannothemapocket—handkerchief，\"saidaladyofqualitytohimoneday，\"andsoherunsmad，andtormentshisfamilyandfriends。\"
Theexpressionstruckhimexceedingly，andwhenoneacquaintancegrewtroublesome，andanotherunhealthy，heusedtoquoteLadyFrances’sobservation，\"Thatamancannothemapocket—handkerchief。\"
ThenicepeoplefoundnomercyfromMr。Johnson;such，Imean，ascanonlydineatfouro’clock，whocannotbeartobewakedatanunusualhour，ormissastatedmealwithoutinconvenience。HEhadnosuchprejudiceshimself，andwithdifficultyforgavetheminanother。\"Delicacydoesnotsurelyconsist，\"sayshe，\"inimpossibilitytobepleased，andthatisfalsedignityindeedwhichiscontenttodependuponothers。\"
Thesayingoftheoldphilosopherwhoobserves，\"Thathewhowantsleastismostlikethegods，whowantnothing，\"wasafavouritesentencewithDr。
Johnson，whoonhisownpartrequiredlessattendance，sickorwell，thaneverIsawanyhumancreature。Conversationwasallherequiredtomakehimhappy;andwhenhewouldhaveteamadeattwoo’clockinthemorning，itwasonlythattheremightbeacertaintyofdetaininghiscompanionsroundhim。Onthatprincipleitwasthathepreferredwintertosummer，whentheheatoftheweathergavepeopleanexcusetostrollaboutandwalkforpleasureintheshade，whilehewishedtositstillonachairandchatdayafterday，tillsomebodyproposedadriveinthecoach，andthatwasthemostdeliciousmomentofhislife。\"Butthecarriagemuststopsometime，\"hesaid，\"andthepeoplewouldcomehomeatlast，\"sohispleasurewasofshortduration。
Iaskedhimwhyhedoatedonacoachso？andreceivedforanswer，\"ThatinthefirstplacethecompanywereshutinwithhimTHERE，andcouldnotescape，asoutofaroom。Inthenextplace，heheardallthatwassaidinacarriage，whereitwasmyturntobedeaf，\"andveryimpatientwasheatmyoccasionaldifficultyofhearing。Onthisaccounthewishedtotravelallovertheworld，fortheveryactofgoingforwardwasdelightfultohim，andhegavehimselfnoconcernaboutaccidents，whichhesaidneverhappened。NordidtherunningawayofthehorsesontheedgeofaprecipicebetweenVernonandSt。Denis，inFrance，convincehimtothecontrary，\"fornothingcameofit，\"hesaid，\"exceptthatMr。Thraleleapedoutofthecarriageintoachalk—pit，andthencameupagainlookingAS
WHITE！\"Whenthetruthwas，alltheirlivesweresavedbythegreatestProvidenceeverexertedinfavourofthreehumancreatures;andthepartMr。Thraletookfromdesperationwasthelikeliestthingintheworldtoproducebrokenlimbsanddeath。
FearwasindeedasensationtowhichMr。Johnsonwasanutterstranger，exceptingwhensomesuddenapprehensionsseizedhimthathewasgoingtodie，andeventhenhekeptallhiswitsabouthimtoexpressthemosthumbleandpatheticpetitionstotheAlmighty。Andwhenthefirstparalyticstroketookhisspeechfromhim，heinstantlysetaboutcomposingaprayerinLatin，atoncetodeprecateGod’smercy，tosatisfyhimselfthathismentalpowersremainedunimpaired，andtokeeptheminexercise，thattheymightnotperishbypermittedstagnation。Thiswasafterweparted;buthewrotemeanaccountofit，andIintendtopublishthatletter，withmanymore。
Whenonedayhehadatmyhousetakentinctureofantimonyinsteadofemeticwine，foravomit，hewashimselfthepersontodirectuswhattodoforhim，andmanagedwithasmuchcoolnessanddeliberationasifhehadbeenprescribingforanindifferentperson。Thoughonanotheroccasion，whenhehadlamentedinthemostpiercingtermshisapproachingdissolution，andconjuredmesolemnlytotellhimwhatIthought，whileSirRichardJebbwasperpetuallyontheroadtoStreatham，andMr。Johnsonseemedtothinkhimselfneglectedifthephysicianlefthimforanhouronly，Imadehimasteady，butasIthoughtaverygentleharangue，inwhichIconfirmedallthatthedoctorhadbeensaying;hownopresentdangercouldbeexpected，butthathisageandcontinuedill—healthmustnaturallyacceleratethearrivalofthathourwhichcanbeescapedbynone。
\"Andthis，\"saysJohnson，risingingreatanger，\"isthevoiceoffemalefriendship，Isuppose，whenthehandofthehangmanwouldbesofter。\"
Anotherday，whenhewasill，andexceedinglylow—spirited，andpersuadedthatdeathwasnotfardistant，Iappearedbeforehiminadark—colouredgown，whichhisbadsight，andworseapprehensions，madehimmistakeforaniron—grey。\"Whydoyoudelight，\"saidhe，\"thustothickenthegloomofmiserythatsurroundsme？Isnotheresufficientaccumulationofhorrorwithoutanticipatedmourning？\"\"Thisisnotmourning，sir，\"saidI，drawingthecurtain，thatthelightmightfalluponthesilk，andshowitwasapurplemixedwithgreen。\"Well，well，\"repliedhe，changinghisvoice，\"youlittlecreaturesshouldneverwearthosesortofclothes，however;theyareunsuitableineveryway。What！havenotallinsectsgaycolours？\"Irelatetheseinstanceschieflytoshowthatthefearsofdeathitselfcouldnotsuppresshiswit，hissagacity，orhistemptationtosuddenresentment。
Mr。Johnsondidnotlikethathisfriendsshouldbringtheirmanuscriptsforhimtoread，andhelikedstilllesstoreadthemwhentheywerebrought。Sometimes，however，whenhecouldnotrefuse，hewouldtaketheplayorpoem，orwhateveritwas，andgivethepeoplehisopinionfromsomeonepagehehadpeepedinto。Agentlemancarriedhimhistragedy，which，becausehelovedtheauthor，Johnsontook，anditlayaboutourroomssometime。\"Whatanswerdidyougiveyourfriend，sir？\"saidI，afterthebookhadbeencalledfor。\"Itoldhim，\"repliedhe，\"thattherewastoomuchTIGandTIRRYinit！\"Seeingmelaughmostviolently，\"Why，whatwould’sthave，child？\"saidhe。\"Ilookedatthedramatis，andtherewasTIGranesandTIRIdates，orTeribazus，orsuchstuff。Amancantellbutwhatheknows，andInevergotanyfartherthanthefirstpage。Alas，madam！\"
continuedhe，\"howfewbooksarethereofwhichoneevercanpossiblyarriveattheLASTpage。Wasthereeveryetanythingwrittenbymeremanthatwaswishedlongerbyitsreaders，excepting’DonQuixote，’’RobinsonCrusoe，’andthe’Pilgrim’sProgress？’\"AfterHomer’sIliad，Mr。JohnsonconfessedthattheworkofCervanteswasthegreatestintheworld，speakingofitImeanasabookofentertainment。Andwhenweconsiderthateveryotherauthor’sadmirersareconfinedtohiscountrymen，andperhapstotheliteraryclassesamongTHEM，while\"DonQuixote\"isasortofcommonproperty，anuniversalclassic，equallytastedbythecourtandthecottage，equallyapplaudedinFranceandEnglandasinSpain，quotedbyeveryservant，theamusementofeveryagefrominfancytodecrepitude;thefirstbookyouseeoneveryshelf，ineveryshop，wherebooksaresold，throughallthestatesofItaly;whocanrefusehisconsenttoanavowalofthesuperiorityofCervantestoallothermodernwriters？Shakespearehimselfhas，tilllately，beenworshippedonlyathome，thoughhisplaysarenowthefavouriteamusementsofVienna;andwhenIwasatPaduasomemonthsago，RomeoandJulietwasactedthereunderthenameofTragediaVeronese;whileengraversandtranslatorsLIVEbytheheroofLaManchaineverynation，andthesidesofmiserableinnsalloverEnglandandFrance，andIhaveheardGermanytoo，areadornedwiththeexploitsofDonQuixote。
Mayhiscelebrityprocuremypardonforadigressioninpraiseofawriterwho，throughfourvolumesofthemostexquisitepleasantryandgenuinehumour，hasneverbeenseducedtooverstepthelimitsofpropriety，hasnevercalledinthewretchedauxiliariesofobscenityorprofaneness;whotruststonatureandsentimentalone，andnevermissesofthatapplausewhichVoltaireandSternelabourtoproduce，whilehonestmerrimentbestowsherunfadingcrownuponCervantes。
Dr。JohnsonwasagreatreaderofFrenchliterature，anddelightedexceedinglyinBoileau’sworks。Moliere，Ithink，hehadhardlysufficienttasteof，andheusedtocondemnmeforpreferringLaBruyeretotheDucdeRochefoucault，who，hesaid，wastheonlygentlemanwriterwhowrotelikeaprofessedauthor。Theasperityofhisharshsentences，eachofthemasentenceofcondemnation，usedtodisgustme，however;thoughitmustbeownedthat，amongthenecessariesofhumanlife，araspisreckonedoneaswellasarazor。
Mr。Johnsondidnotlikeanyonewhosaidtheywerehappy，orwhosaidanyoneelsewasso。\"Itisallcant，\"hewouldcry;\"thedogknowsheismiserableallthetime。\"Afriendwhomhelovedexceedingly，toldhimonsomeoccasion，notwithstanding，thathiswife’ssisterwasREALLYhappy，andcalledupontheladytoconfirmhisassertion，whichshedidsomewhatroundly，aswesay，andwithanaccentandmannercapableofoffendingMr。
Johnson，ifherpositionhadnotbeensufficient，withoutanythingmore，toputhiminveryill—humour。\"Ifyoursister—in—lawisreallythecontentedbeingsheprofessesherself，sir，\"saidhe，\"herlifegivesthelietoeveryresearchofhumanity;forsheishappywithouthealth，withoutbeauty，withoutmoney，andwithoutunderstanding。\"Thisstoryhetoldmehimself，andwhenIexpressedsomethingofthehorrorIfelt，\"Thesamestupidity，\"saidhe，\"whichpromptedhertoextolfelicitysheneverfelt，hinderedherfromfeelingwhatshocksyouonrepetition。Itellyou，thewomanisuglyandsicklyandfoolishandpoor;andwoulditnotmakeamanhanghimselftohearsuchacreaturesayitwashappy？
\"Thelifeofasailorwasalsoacontinualsceneofdangerandexertion，\"
hesaid;\"andthemannerinwhichtimewasspentshipboardwouldmakeallwhosawacabinenvyagaol。\"Theroughnessofthelanguageusedonboardaman—of—war，wherehepassedaweekonavisittoCaptainKnight，disgustedhimterribly。Heaskedanofficerwhatsomeplacewascalled，andreceivedforanswer，thatitwaswheretheloplollymankepthisloplolly，areplyheconsidered，notunjustly，asdisrespectful，gross，andignorant;forthoughinthecourseofthesememoirsIhavebeenledtomentionDr。Johnson’stendernesstowardsPOORpeople，Idonotwishtomisleadmyreaders，andmakethemthinkhehadanydelightinMEANmannersorcoarseexpressions。Evendressitself，whenitresembledthatofthevulgar，offendedhimexceedingly;andwhenhehadcondemnedmemanytimesfornotadorningmychildrenwithmoreshowthanIthoughtusefulorelegant，Ipresentedalittlegirltohimwhocameo’visitingoneeveningcoveredwithshiningornaments，toseeifhewouldapproveoftheappearanceshemade。Whentheyweregonehome，\"Well，sir，\"saidI，\"howdidyoulikelittlemiss？IhopeshewasFINEenough。\"\"Itwasthefineryofabeggar，\"saidhe，\"andyouknowitwas;shelookedlikeanativeofCowLanedresseduptobecarriedtoBartholomewFair。\"
Hisreprimandtoanotherladyforcrossingherlittlechild’shandkerchiefbefore，andbythatoperationdraggingdownitsheadoddlyandunintentionally，wasonthesameprinciple。\"Itisthebeggar’sfearofcold，\"saidhe，\"thatprevailsoversuchparents，andsotheypullthepoorthing’sheaddown，andgiveitthelookofababythatplaysaboutWestminsterBridge，whilethemothersitsshiveringinaniche。\"
Icommendedayoungladyforherbeautyandprettybehaviouroneday，however，towhomIthoughtnoobjectioncouldhavebeenmade。\"Isawher，\"
saysDr。Johnson，\"takeapairofscissorsinherlefthand，though;andforallherfatherisnowbecomeanobleman，andasyousay，excessivelyrich，Ishould，wereIayouthofqualitytenyearshence，hesitatebetweenagirlsoneglected，andaNEGRO。\"
ItwasindeedastonishinghowheCOULDremarksuchminutenesseswithasightsomiserablyimperfect;butnoaccidentalpositionofaribbandescapedhim，sonicewashisobservation，andsorigoroushisdemandsofpropriety。WhenIwentwithhimtoLichfieldandcamedownstairstobreakfastattheinn，mydressdidnotpleasehim，andhemademealteritentirelybeforehewouldstirastepwithusaboutthetown，sayingmostsatiricalthingsconcerningtheappearanceImadeinariding—habit，andadding，\"’Tisverystrangethatsucheyesasyourscannotdiscernproprietyofdress。IfIhadasightonlyhalfasgood，IthinkIshouldseetothecentre。\"
Mycompliances，however，wereoflittleworth。Whatreallysurprisedmewasthevictoryhegainedoveraladylittleaccustomedtocontradiction，whohaddressedherselfforchurchatStreathamoneSundaymorninginamannerhedidnotapprove，andtowhomhesaidsuchsharpandpungentthingsconcerningherhat，hergown，etc。，thatshehastenedtochangethem，andreturningquiteanotherfigurereceivedhisapplause，andthankedhimforhisreproofs，muchtotheamazementofherhusband，whocouldscarcelybelievehisownears。
Anotherlady，whoseaccomplishmentsheneverdenied，cametoourhouseonedaycoveredwithdiamonds，feathers，etc。，andhedidnotseeminclinedtochatwithherasusual。Iaskedhimwhy，whenthecompanywasgone。\"Why，herheadlookedsolikethatofawomanwhoshowspuppets，\"saidhe，\"andhervoicesoconfirmedthefancy，thatIcouldnotbearhertoday。WhenshewearsalargecapIcantalktoher。\"
Whentheladiesworelacetrimmingstotheirclothesheexpressedhiscontemptofthereigningfashionintheseterms：\"ABrusselstrimmingislikebreadsauce，\"saidhe，\"ittakesawaytheglowofcolourfromthegown，andgivesyounothinginsteadofit。Butsaucewasinventedtoheightentheflavourofourfood，andtrimmingisanornamenttothemanteauoritisnothing。Learn，\"saidhe，\"thatthereisproprietyorimproprietyineverythinghowslightsoever，andgetatthegeneralprinciplesofdressandofbehaviour;ifyouthentransgressthemyouwillatleastknowthattheyarenotobserved。\"
Alltheseexactnessesinamanwhowasnothinglessthanexacthimselfmadehimextremelyimpracticableasaninmate，thoughmostinstructiveascompanionandusefulasafriend。Mr。Thrale，too，couldsometimesoverrulehisrigiditybysayingcoldly，\"There，there，nowwehavehadenoughforonelecture，Dr。Johnson。Wewillnotbeuponeducationanymoretillafterdinner，ifyouplease，\"orsomesuchspeech。Butwhentherewasnobodytorestrainhisdislikesitwasextremelydifficulttofindanybodywithwhomhecouldconversewithoutlivingalwaysonthevergeofaquarrel，orofsomethingtoolikeaquarreltobepleasing。Icameintotheroom，forexample，oneeveningwhereheandagentleman，whoseabilitiesweallrespectexceedingly，weresitting。Aladywhowalkedintwominutesbeforemehadblown’embothintoaflamebywhisperingsomethingtoMr。S———d，whichheendeavouredtoexplainawaysoasnottoaffronttheDoctor，whosesuspicionswereallalive。\"Andhaveacare，sir，\"saidhe，justasIcamein，\"theOldLionwillnotbeartobetickled。\"Theotherwaspalewithrage，theladyweptattheconfusionshehadcaused，andIcouldonlysaywithLadyMacbeth——
\"Soh！you’vedisplac’dthemirth，brokethegoodmeetingWithmostadmir’ddisorder。\"
Suchaccidents，however，occurredtoooften，andIwasforcedtotakeadvantageofmylostlawsuitandpleadinabilityofpursetoremainlongerinLondonoritsvicinage。Ihadbeencrossedinmyintentionsofgoingabroad，andfounditconvenient，foreveryreasonofhealth，peace，andpecuniarycircumstances，toretiretoBath，whereIknewMr。Johnsonwouldnotfollowme，andwhereIcouldforthatreasoncommandsomelittleportionoftimeformyownuse，athingimpossiblewhileIremainedatStreathamoratLondon，asmyhours，carriage，andservantshadlongbeenathiscommand，whowouldnotriseinthemorningtilltwelveo’clock，perhaps，andobligemetomakebreakfastforhimtillthebellrungfordinner，thoughmuchdispleasedifthetoiletwasneglected，andthoughmuchofthetimewepassedtogetherwasspentinblamingorderiding，veryjustly，myneglectofeconomyandwasteofthatmoneywhichmightmakemanyfamilieshappy。Theoriginalreasonofourconnection，hisPARTICULARLY
DISORDEREDHEALTHANDSPIRITS，hadbeenlongatanend，andhehadnootherailmentsthanoldageandgeneralinfirmity，whicheveryprofessorofmedicinewasardentlyzealousandgenerallyattentivetopalliate，andtocontributeallintheirpowerfortheprolongationofalifesovaluable。
Venerationforhisvirtue，reverenceforhistalents，delightinhisconversation，andhabitualenduranceofayokemyhusbandfirstputuponme，andofwhichhecontentedlyborehisshareforsixteenorseventeenyears，mademegoonsolongwithMr。Johnson;buttheperpetualconfinementIwillowntohavebeenterrifyinginthefirstyearsofourfriendshipandirksomeinthelast。NorcouldIpretendtosupportitwithouthelp，whenmycoadjutorwasnomore。Totheassistancewegavehim，theshelterourhouseaffordedtohisuneasyfancies，andtothepainswetooktosootheorrepressthem，theworldperhapsisindebtedforthethreepoliticalpamphlets，theneweditionandcorrectionofhis\"Dictionary，\"andforthe\"Poets’Lives，\"whichhewouldscarcehavelived，Ithink，andkepthisfacultiesentiretohavewritten，hadnotincessantcarebeenexertedatthetimeofhisfirstcomingtobeourconstantguestinthecountry，andseveraltimesafterthat，whenhefoundhimselfparticularlyoppressedwithdiseasesincidenttothemostvividandferventimaginations。IshallforeverconsideritasthegreatesthonourwhichcouldbeconferredonanyonetohavebeentheconfidentialfriendofDr。
Johnson’shealth，andtohaveinsomemeasure，withMr。Thrale’sassistance，savedfromdistressatleast，ifnotworse，amindgreatbeyondthecomprehensionofcommonmortals，andgoodbeyondallhopeofimitationfromperishablebeings。
Manyofourfriendswereearnestthatheshouldwritethelivesofourfamousproseauthors;buthenevermadeanyanswerthatIcanrecollecttotheproposal，exceptingwhenSirRichardMusgraveoncewassingularlywarmaboutit，gettingupandentreatinghimtosetabouttheworkimmediately，hecoldlyreplied，\"SITDOWN，SIR！\"
WhenMr。ThralebuiltthenewlibraryatStreatham，andhungupoverthebookstheportraitsofhisfavouritefriends，thatofDr。Johnsonwaslastfinished，andclosedthenumber。ItwasalmostimpossibleNOTtomakeversesonsuchanaccidentalcombinationofcircumstances，soImadethefollowingones。Butasacharacterwritteninversewillforthemostpartbefoundimperfectasacharacter，Ihavethereforewrittenaproseone，withwhichImean，nottocomplete，buttoconcludethese\"Anecdotes\"ofthebestandwisestmanthatevercamewithinthereachofmypersonalacquaintance，andIthinkImightventuretoadd，thatofalloranyofmyreaders：——
Giganticinknowledge，invirtue，instrength，OurcompanycloseswithJOHNSONatlength;
SotheGreeksfromthecavernofPolyphemepast，Whenwisest，andgreatest，Ulyssescamelast。
Tohiscomradescontemptuousweseehimlookdown，Ontheirwitandtheirworthwithageneralfrown。
SincefromScience’proudtreetherichfruithereceives，Whocouldshakethewholetrunkwhiletheyturnedafewleaves。
Hispietypure，hismoralitynice——
Protectorofvirtue，andterrorofvice;
InthesefeaturesReligion’sfirmchampiondisplayed，Shallmakeinfidelsfearforamoderncrusade。
Whileth’inflammabletemper，thepositivetongue，Tooconsciousofrightforenduranceofwrong：
WesufferfromJOHNSON，contentedtofind，Thatsomenoticewegainfromsonobleamind;
Andpardonourhurts，sincesooftenwe’vefoundThebalmofinstructionpouredintothewound。
’TisthusforitsvirtuesthechemistsextolPurerectifiedspirit，sublimealcohol;
Fromnoxiousputrescence，preservativepure，Acordialinhealth，andinsicknessacure;
Butexposedtothesun，takingfireathisrays，Burnsbrighttothebottom，andendsinablaze。
Itisusual，Iknownotwhy，whenacharacterisgiven，tobeginwithadescriptionoftheperson。ThatwhichcontainedthesoulofMr。Johnsondeservestobeparticularlydescribed。Hisstaturewasremarkablyhigh，andhislimbsexceedinglylarge。Hisstrengthwasmorethancommon，I
believe，andhisactivityhadbeengreater，Ihaveheard，thansuchaformgaveonereasontoexpect。Hisfeatureswerestronglymarked，andhiscountenanceparticularlyrugged;thoughtheoriginalcomplexionhadcertainlybeenfair，acircumstancesomewhatunusual。Hissightwasnear，andotherwiseimperfect;yethiseyes，thoughofalightgreycolour，weresowild，sopiercing，andattimessofierce，thatfearwas，Ibelieve，thefirstemotionintheheartsofallhisbeholders。Hismindwassocomprehensive，thatnolanguagebutthatheusedcouldhaveexpresseditscontents;andsoponderouswashislanguage，thatsentimentslessloftyandlesssolidthanhiswerewouldhavebeenencumbered，notadornedbyit。
Mr。Johnsonwasnotintentionally，however，apompousconverser;andthoughhewasaccusedofusingbigwords，astheyarecalled，itwasonlywhenlittleoneswouldnotexpresshismeaningasclearly，orwhen，perhaps，theelevationofthethoughtwouldhavebeendisgracedbyadresslesssuperb。
Heusedtosay，\"thatthesizeofaman’sunderstandingmightalwaysbejustlymeasuredbyhismirth，\"andhisownwasnevercontemptible。Hewouldlaughatastrokeofgenuinehumour，orsuddensallyofoddabsurdity，asheartilyandfreelyasIeveryetsawanyman;andthoughthejestwasoftensuchasfewfeltbesideshimself，yethislaughwasirresistible，andwasobservedimmediatelytoproducethatofthecompany，notmerelyfromthenotionthatitwaspropertolaughwhenhedid，butpurelyoutofwantofpowertoforbearit。Hewasnoenemytosplendourofapparelorpompofequipage。\"Life，\"hewouldsay，\"isbarrenenoughsurelywithallhertrappings;letusthereforebecautioushowwestripher。\"Inmattersofstillhighermomentheonceobserved，whenspeakingonthesubjectofsuddeninnovation，\"Hewhoplantsaforestmaydoubtlesscutdownahedge;yetIcouldwish，methinks，thatevenhewouldwaittillheseeshisyoungplantsgrow。\"
Withregardtocommonoccurrences，Mr。Johnsonhad，whenIfirstknewhim，lookedonthestill—shiftingscenesoflifetillhewasweary;forasamindslowinitsownnature，orunenlivenedbyinformation，willcontentedlyreadinthesamebookfortwentytimes，perhaps，theveryactofreadingitbeingmorethanhalfthebusiness，andeveryperiodbeingateveryreadingbetterunderstood;whileamindmoreactiveormoreskilfultocomprehenditsmeaningismadesincerelysickatthesecondperusal;soasoullikehis，acutetodiscernthetruth，vigoroustoembrace，andpowerfultoretainit，soonseesenoughoftheworld’sdullprospect，whichatfirst，likethatofthesea，pleasesbyitsextent，butsoon，likethat，too，fatiguesfromitsuniformity;acalmandastormbeingtheonlyvariationsthatthenatureofeitherwilladmit。
OfMr。Johnson’seruditiontheworldhasbeenthejudge，andwewhoproduceeachascoreofhissayings，asproofsofthatwitwhichinhimwasinexhaustible，resembletravellerswho，havingvisitedDelhiorGolconda，bringhomeeachahandfulofOrientalpearltoevincetherichesoftheGreatMogul。MaythepubliccondescendtoacceptmyILL—STRUNGselectionwithpatienceatleast，rememberingonlythattheyarerelicsofhimwhowasgreatonalloccasions，and，likeacubeinarchitecture，youbeheldhimoneachside，andhissizestillappearedundiminished。
Ashispursewaseveropentoalmsgiving，sowashishearttendertothosewhowantedrelief，andhissoulsusceptibleofgratitude，andofeverykindimpression：yetthoughhehadrefinedhissensibilityhehadnotendangeredhisquiet，byencouraginginhimselfasolicitudeabouttrifles，whichhetreatedwiththecontempttheydeserve。
Itwaswellenoughknownbeforethesesheetswerepublished，thatMr。
Johnsonhadaroughnessinhismannerwhichsubduedthesaucy，andterrifiedthemeek;thiswas，whenIknewhim，theprominentpartofacharacterwhichfewdurstventuretoapproachsonearly;andwhichwasforthatreasoninmanyrespectsgrosslyandfrequentlymistaken，anditwasperhapspeculiartohim，thattheloftyconsciousnessofhisownsuperioritywhichanimatedhislooks，andraisedhisvoiceinconversation，castlikewiseanimpenetrableveiloverhimwhenhesaidnothing。Histalk，therefore，hadcommonlythecomplexionofarrogance，hissilenceofsuperciliousness。Hewas，however，seldominclinedtobesilentwhenanymoralorliteraryquestionwasstarted;anditwasonsuchoccasionsthat，likethesagein\"Rasselas，\"hespoke，andattentionwatchedhislips;hereasoned，andconvictionclosedhisperiods;ifpoetrywastalkedof，hisquotationswerethereadiest;andhadhenotbeeneminentformoresolidandbrilliantqualities，mankindwouldhaveunitedtoextolhisextraordinarymemory。Hismannerofrepeatingdeservestobedescribed，thoughatthesametimeitdefeatsallpowerofdescription;butwhoeveronceheardhimrepeatanodeofHoracewouldbelongbeforetheycouldenduretohearitrepeatedbyanother。
Hisequityingivingthecharacteroflivingacquaintanceoughtnotundoubtedlytobeomittedinhisown，whencepartialityandprejudiceweretotallyexcluded，andtruthalonepresidedinhistongue，asteadinessofconductthemoretobecommended，asnomanhadstrongerlikingsoraversions。Hisveracitywas，indeed，fromthemosttrivialtothemostsolemnoccasions，strict，eventoseverity;hescornedtoembellishastorywithfictitiouscircumstances，which，heusedtosay，tookofffromitsrealvalue。\"Astory，\"saysJohnson，\"shouldbeaspecimenoflifeandmanners;butifthesurroundingcircumstancesarefalse，asitisnomorearepresentationofreality，itisnolongerworthyourattention。\"
Fortherest——thatbeneficencewhichduringhislifeincreasedthecomfortsofsomanymayafterhisdeathbe，perhaps，ungratefullyforgotten;butthatpietywhichdictatedtheseriouspapersinthe\"Rambler\"willbeforeverremembered;forever，Ithink，revered。Thatamplerepositoryofreligioustruth，moralwisdom，andaccuratecriticism，breathes，indeed，thegenuineemanationsofitsgreatauthor’smind，expressed，too，inastylesonaturaltohim，andsomuchlikehiscommonmodeofconversing，thatIwasmyselfbutlittleastonishedwhenhetoldmethathehadscarcelyreadoveroneofthoseinimitableessaysbeforetheywenttothepress。
IwilladdoneortwopeculiaritiesmorebeforeIlaydownmypen。Thoughatanimmeasurabledistancefromcontentinthecontemplationofhisownuncouthformandfigure，hedidnotlikeanothermanmuchthelessforbeingacoxcomb。Imentionedtwofriendswhowereparticularlyfondoflookingatthemselvesinaglass。\"Theydonotsurprisemeatallbysodoing，\"saidJohnson;\"theysee，reflectedinthatglass，menwhohaverisenfromalmostthelowestsituationsinlife;onetoenormousriches，theothertoeverythingthisworldcangive——rank，fame，andfortune。Theysee，likewise，menwhohavemeritedtheiradvancementbytheexertionandimprovementofthosetalentswhichGodhadgiventhem;andIseenotwhytheyshouldavoidthemirror。\"
TheothersingularityIpromisedtorecordisthis：Thatthoughamanofobscurebirthhimself，hispartialitytopeopleoffamilywasvisibleoneveryoccasion;hiszealforsubordinationwarmeventobigotry;hishatredtoinnovation，andreverencefortheoldfeudaltimes，apparent，wheneveranypossiblemannerofshowingthemoccurred。Ihavespokenofhispiety，hischarity，andhistruth，theenlargementofhisheart，andthedelicacyofhissentiments;andwhenIsearchforshadowtomyportrait，nonecanI
findbutwhatwasformedbypride，differentlymodifiedasdifferentoccasionsshowedit;yetneverwaspridesopurifiedasJohnson’s，atoncefrommeannessandfromvanity。Themindofthismanwas，indeed，expandedbeyondthecommonlimitsofhumannature，andstoredwithsuchvarietyofknowledge，thatIusedtothinkitresembledaroyalpleasureground，whereeveryplant，ofeverynameandnation，flourishedinthefullperfectionoftheirpowers，andwhere，thoughloftywoodsandfallingcataractsfirstcaughttheeye，andfixedtheearliestattentionofbeholders，yetneitherthetrimparterrenorthepleasingshrubbery，noreventheantiquatedevergreens，weredeniedaplaceinsomefitcornerofthehappyvalley。