\"Why，theynevereventriedtostophim，\"citizens，meetingothercitizensinthestreet，toldeachother。\"Ah，they’vehadenoughofhim。Ibettheyareonlytoogladtogetridofhim。Why，theysayheranformileswithoutseeingatraceofthefoe。\"
Theenemy’sgeneral，ontheotherhand，alsowrotehomecongratulatinghisGovernment。Inthiswaythesamebattlecanbemaffickedoverbybothparties。Contentmentisthegreatsecretofhappiness。Everythinghappensforthebest，ifonlyyoulookatittherightway。Thatisgoingtobetheargument。ThegeneralofthefuturewilltelegraphtoheadquartersthatheispleasedtobeabletoinformHisMajestythattheenemy，havingbrokendownallopposition，hassucceededincrossingthefrontierandisnowwellonhiswaytoHisMajesty’scapital。
\"Iamluringhimon，\"hewilladd，\"asfastasIcan。Atourpresentrateofprogress，Iaminhopesofbringinghimhomebythetenth。\"
Lestfoolishciviliansortofpeopleshouldwonderwhereaboutsliesthecauseforrejoicing，themilitarymanwillcondescendtoexplain。
Theenemyisbeingenticedfartherandfartherfromhisbase。Thedefeatedgeneral——whoisnotreallydefeated，whoisonlyartful，andwhoappearstoberunningaway，isnotreallyrunningawayatall。
Onthecontrary，heisrunninghome——bringing，asheexplains，theenemywithhim。
IfIrememberrightly——itislongsinceIplayedit——thereisaparlourgameentitled\"PussintheCorner。\"Youbeckonanotherplayertoyouwithyourfinger。\"Puss，puss！\"youcry。Thereuponhehastoleavehischair——his\"base，\"asthemilitarymanwouldtermit——andtrytogettoyouwithoutanythinghappeningtohim。
WarinthefutureisgoingtobePussintheCorneronabiggerscale。Youlureyourenemyawayfromhisbase。Ifallgoeswell——ifhedoesnotseethetrapthatisbeinglaidforhim——why，then，almostbeforeheknowsit，hefindshimselfinyourcapital。Thatfinishesthegame。Youfindoutwhatitishereallywants。
Provideditissomethingwithinreason，andyouhappentohaveithandy，yougiveittohim。Hegoeshomecrowing，andyou，onyourside，laughwhenyouthinkhowcleverlyyousucceededinluringhimawayfromhisbase。
Thereisabrightsidetoallthings。Thegentlemanchargedwiththedefenceofafortresswillmeettheothergentlemanwhohascaptureditandshakehandswithhimmidtheruins。
\"Sohereyouareatlast！\"hewillexplain。\"Whydidn’tyoucomebefore？Wehavebeenwaitingforyou。\"
Andhewillsendoffdispatchesfelicitatinghischiefonhavinggotthatfortressofftheirhands，togetherwithalltheworryandexpenseithasbeentothem。Whenprisonersaretakenyouwillconsoleyourselfwiththereflectionthatthecostoffeedingthemforthefuturewillhavetobebornebytheenemy。Capturedcannonyouwillwatchbeingtrailedawaywithasighofrelief。
\"Confoundedheavythings！\"youwillsaytoyourself。\"ThankgoodnessI’vegotridofthem。Lethimhavethefunofdraggingthemabouttheseghastlyroads。Seehowhelikesthejob！\"
Warisaridiculousmethodofsettlingdisputes。Anythingthatcantendtomakeitsridiculousaspectmoreapparentistobewelcomed。
Thenewschoolofmilitarydispatch—writersmaysucceedinturningeventhelaughterofthemobagainstit。
ThepresenttroubleintheEastwouldneverhaveoccurredbutforthewhiteman’senthusiasmforbearingotherpeople’sburdens。Whatwecalltheyellowdangeristhefearthattheyellowmanmaybeforelongrequestus，sofarasheisconcerned，toputhisparticularburdendown。Itmayoccurtohimthat，seeingitishisproperty，hewouldjustassooncarryithimself。ALondonpolicemantoldmeastorytheotherdaythatstruckhimasanexampleofCockneyhumourundertryingcircumstances。Butitmayalsoserveasafable。FromalonelystreetintheneighbourhoodofCoventGarden，earlyonemorning，theconstableheardcriesof\"Stopthief！\"shoutedinachildishtreble。Hearrivedonthescenejustintimetocollarayounghooligan，who，havingsnatchedabasketoffruitfromasmalllad——agreengrocer’serrandboy，asitturnedout——was，withit，makingtracks。Thegreengrocer’sboy，betweenpantingandtears，deliveredhisaccusation。Thehooliganregardedhimwithanexpressionofamazedindignation。
\"Whatd’yermean，stealingit？\"exclaimedMr。Hooligan。\"Why，Iwascarryingitforyer！\"
Thewhitemanhasgotintothewayof\"carrying\"otherpeople’sburdens，andnowitlooksasiftheyellowmanweregoingtoobjecttoourcarryinghisanyfurther。Maybeheisgoingtogetnasty，andinsistoncarryingithimself。Wecallthis\"theyellowdanger。\"
Afriendofmine——heisamanwhointhestreetwalksintolamp—
posts，andapologises——seesrisingfromtheEastthedawnofanewdayintheworld’shistory。Theyellowdangeristohimagoldenhope。Heseesaracelongstagnant，stretchingitsgiantlimbswiththefirstvaguemovementsofreturninglife。Heisapoorsortofpatriot;hecallshimself，Isuppose，awhiteman，yetheshamelesslyconfesseshewouldratherseeAsia’smillionsrisefromtheruinsoftheirancientcivilizationtotaketheirpartinthefutureofhumanity，thanthathalfthepopulationoftheglobeshouldremainboundinsavageryforthepleasureandtheprofitofhisownparticularspecies。
Heevengoessofarastothinkthatthewhitemanmayhavesomethingtolearn。Theworldhasbelongedtohimnowforsomethousandsofyears。Hashedoneallwithitthatcouldhavebeendone？Arehisidealsthelastword？
NotwhattheyellowmanhasabsorbedfromEurope，butwhatheisgoingtogiveEuropeitisthatinterestsmyfriend。Heiswatchingthebirthofanewforce——aninfluenceasyetunknown。Heclingstothefondbeliefthatnewideas，newformulae，toreplacetheoldwornshibboleths，may，duringthesethousandsofyears，havebeendevelopinginthosekeenbrainsthatbehindtheimpressiveyellowmaskhavebeenworkingsolonginsilenceandinmystery。
WHYDIDN’THEMARRYTHEGIRL？
Whatiswrongwithmarriage，anyhow？Ifindmyselfponderingthisquestionsooften，whenreadinghigh—classliterature。Iputittomyselfagaintheotherevening，duringaperformanceofFaust。WhycouldnotFausthavemarriedthegirl？Iwouldnothavemarriedhermyselfforanyconsiderationwhatsoever;butthatisnottheargument。Faust，apparently，couldnotseeanythingamisswithher。
Bothofthemweremadabouteachother。Yettheideaofaquiet，unostentatiousmarriagewithaweek’shoneymoon，say，inVienna，followedbyaneatlittlecottageorne，nottoofarfromNurnberg，sothattheirfriendscouldhavecomeouttothem，neverseemstohaveoccurredtoeitherofthem。
Therecouldhavebeenagarden。Margueritemighthavekeptchickensandacow。Thatsortofgirl，broughtuptohardworkandbynomeanstoowelleducated，isallthebetterforhavingsomethingtodo。Later，withthegradualarrivalofthefamily，agood，all—roundwomanmighthavebeenhiredintoassist。Faust，ofcourse，wouldhavehadhisstudyandgottoworkagain;thatwouldhavekepthimoutoffurthermischief。Theideathatabrainyman，hisage，wasgoingtobehappywithnothingtodoalldaybutfoolroundapetticoatwasridiculousfromthebeginning。Valentine——agoodfellow，Valentine，withniceideas——wouldhavespenthisSaturdaystoMondaywiththem。Overapipeandaglassofwine，heandFaustwouldhavediscussedthelocalpolitics。
Hewouldhavedancedthechildrenonhisknee，havetoldthemtalesaboutthewar——taughttheeldestboytoshoot。Faust，withapracticalmanlikeValentinetohelphim，wouldprobablyhaveinventedanewgun。Valentinewouldhavegotittakenup。
Thingsmighthavecomeofit。Sybil，incourseoftime，wouldhavemarriedandsettleddown——perhapshavetakenalittlehouseneartothem。HeandMargueritewouldhavejoked——whenMrs。Sybilwasnotaround——abouthisearlyinfatuation。TheoldmotherwouldhavetoddledoverfromNurnberg——nottoooften，justfortheday。
Thepicturegrowsupononethemoreonethinksofit。Whydiditneveroccurtothem？TherewouldhavebeenabitofabotherwiththeOldMan。IcanimagineMephistophelesbeingupsetaboutit，thinkinghimselfswindled。Ofcourse，ifthatwasthereason——ifFaustsaidtohimself：
\"Ishouldliketomarrythegirl，butIwon’tdoit;itwouldnotbefairtotheOldMan;hehasbeentoalotoftroubleworkingthisthingup;incommongratitudeIcannotturnroundnowandbehavelikeadecent，sensibleman;itwouldnotbeplayingthegame\"——ifthiswasthewayFaustlookedatthematterthereisnothingmoretobesaid。Indeed，itshowshiminratherafinelight——noble，ifquixotic。
If，ontheotherhand，helookedatthequestionfromthepointofviewofhimselfandthegirl，Ithinkthethingmighthavebeenmanaged。AllonehadtodointhosedayswhenonewantedtogetridoftheDevilwastoshowhimaswordhilt。FaustandMargueritecouldhaveslippedintoachurchonemorning，andhavekepthimoutofthewaywithaswordhilttilltheceremonywasthrough。Theymighthavehiredasmallboy：
\"Youseethegentlemaninred？Well，hewantsusandwedon’twanthim。Thatistheonlydifferencebetweenus。Now，youtakethissword，andwhenyouseehimcomingshowhimthehilt。Don’thurthim;justshowhimtheswordandshakeyourhead。Hewillunderstand。\"
Theoldgentleman’sexpression，whensubsequentlyFaustpresentedhimtoMarguerite，wouldhavebeeninteresting：
\"Allowme，mywife。Mydear，a——afriendofmine。Youmayremembermeetinghimthatnightatyouraunt’s。\"
AsIhavesaid，therewouldhavebeenructions;butIdonotmyselfseewhatcouldhavebeendone。TherewasnothinginthebondtotheeffectthatFaustshouldnotmarry，sofaraswearetold。TheOldManhadasenseofhumour。Myownopinionisthat，aftergettingoverthefirstannoyance，hehimselfwouldhaveseenthejoke。IcanevenpicturehimlookinginnowandagainonMr。andMrs。Faust。Thechildrenwouldbehurriedofftobed。Therewouldbe，forawhile，anatmosphereofconstraint。
ButtheOldManhadawaywithhim。HewouldhavetoldoneortwostoriesatwhichMargueritewouldhaveblushed，atwhichFaustwouldhavegrinned。Icanseetheoldfellowoccasionallyjoiningthehomelysocialboard。Thechildren，awedatfirst，wouldhavesatsilent，withstaringeyes。But，asIhavesaid，theOldManhadawaywithhim。Whyshouldhenothavereformed？Thegoodwoman’sunconsciouslyexertedinfluence——thesweetchildishprattle！Onehearsofsuchthings。Mighthenothavecometobeknownas\"Nunkie\"？
Myself——IbelieveIhavealreadymentionedit——IwouldnothavemarriedMarguerite。Sheisnotmyidealofagoodgirl。Ineverlikedthewayshedeceivedhermother。Andthatauntofhers！Well，anicegirlwouldnothavebeenfriendswithsuchawoman。ShedidnotbehaveatalltoowelltoSybil，either。Itiscleartomethatsheledtheboyon。Andwhatwasshedoingwiththatboxofjewels，anyhow？Shewasnotafool。Shecouldnothavegoneeverydaytothatfountain，chattedwiththosegirlfriendsofhers，andlearntnothing。Shemusthaveknownthatpeopledon’tgoleavingtwentythousandpounds’worthofjewelsaboutondoorstepsaspartofaroundgame。Herowninstinct，ifshehadbeenagoodgirl，wouldhavetoldhertoleavethethingalone。
Idon’tbelieveintheseinnocentpeoplewhodonotknowwhattheyaredoinghalftheirtime。AskanyLondonmagistratewhathethinksoftheladywhoexplainsthatshepickedupthediamondbrooch：—
\"Notmeaning，ofcourse，yourWorship，totakeit。Iwouldnotdosuchathing。Itjusthappenedthisway，yourWorship。Iwasstandingasyoumightsayhere，andnotseeinganyoneaboutintheshopIopenedthecaseandtookitout，thinkingasperhapsitmightbelongtosomeone;andthenthisgentlemanhere，asIhadnotnoticedbefore，comesupquitesuddenlyandsays;’Youcomealongwithme，’
hesays。’Whatfor，’Isays，’whenIdon’tevenknowyou？’Isays。
’Forstealing，’hesays。’Well，that’sahardwordtousetoalady，’Isays;’Idon’tknowwhatyoumean，I’msure。’\"
Andifshehadputthemallon，notthinking，whatwouldareallynicegirlhavedonewhenthegentlemancameupandassuredhertheywerehers？Shewouldhavebeenthirtysecondstakingthemoffandflingingthembackintothebox。
\"Thankyou，\"shewouldhavesaid，\"I’lltroubleyoutoleavethisgardenasquicklyasyouentereditandtakethemwithyou。I’mnotthatsortofgirl。\"
Margueriteclingstothejewels，andacceptstheyoungman’sarmforamoonlightpromenade。Andwhenitdoesenterintoherinnocentheadthatheandshehavewalkedthatshadygardenlongenough，whatdoesshedowhenshehassaidgood—byeandshutthedoor？Sheopenstheground—floorwindowandbeginstosing！
MaybeIamnotpoetical，butIdolikejustice。Whenothergirlsdothesesortofthingstheygetcallednames。Icannotseewhythisparticulargirlshouldbeheldupasanideal。Shekillshermother。
Accordingtoherownaccountthiswasanaccident。Itisnotanoriginallineofdefence，andwearenotallowedtoheartheevidencefortheprosecution。Shealsokillsherbaby。Youarenottoblameherforthat，becauseatthetimeshewasfeelingpoorly。Idon’tseewhythisgirlshouldhaveaspeciallineofangelstotakeheruptoheaven。Theremusthavebeendecent，hard—workingwomeninNurnburgmoreentitledtotheticket。
WhyisitthatalltheseyearswehavebeencontenttoacceptMargueriteasatypeofinnocenceandvirtue？Theexplanationis，I
suppose，thatGoethewroteatatimewhenitwastheconventiontoregardallwomenasgood。Anythinginpetticoatswasvirtuous。Ifshedidwrongitwasalwayssomebodyelse’sfault。Cherchezlafemmewasalaternotion。InthedaysofGoetheitwasalwaysCherchezl’homme。Itwastheman’sfault。Itwasthedevil’sfault。Itwasanybody’sfaultyouliked，butnother’s。
Theconventionhasnotyetdiedout。IwasreadingtheotherdayamostinterestingbookbyabrilliantAmericanauthoress。SeeingI
livefarawayfromthelady’shaunts，Iventuretomentionnames。I
amspeakingof\"PatienceSparhawk，\"byGertrudeAtherton。Itakethisbookbecauseitistypicalofalargebodyoffiction。MissSparhawklivesatroubledlife：itpuzzlesher。Sheasksherselfwhatiswrong。Herownideaisthatitiscivilisation。
Ifitisnotcivilisation，thenitistheAmericanmanorNature——orDemocracy。MissSparhawkmarriesthewrongman。Lateronshegetsengagedtoanotherwrongman。Intheendwearelefttobelievesheisabouttobemarriedtotherightman。IshouldbebettersatisfiedifIcouldhearMissSparhawktalkingsixmonthsafterthatlastmarriage。ButifamistakehasagainbeenmadeIamconfidentthat，inMissSparhawk’sopinion，thefaultwillnotbeMissSparhawk’s。Theargumentisalwaysthesame：MissSparhawk，beingalady，candonowrong。
IfMissSparhawkcaredtolistentomeforfiveminutes，IfeelI
couldputherrightonthispoint。
\"Itisquitetrue，mydeargirl，\"Ishouldsaytoher，\"somethingiswrong——verywrong。ButitisnottheAmericanman。NeveryoumindtheAmericanman：youleavehimtoworryouthisownsalvation。Youarenotthegirltoputhimright，evenwhereheiswrong。Anditisnotcivilisation。Civilisationhasadealtoanswerfor，Iadmit：
don’tyouloaditupwiththisadditionaltrouble。Thethingthatiswronginthiscaseofyours——ifyouwillforgivemysayingso——isyou。Youmakeafoolofyourself;youmarryamanwhoisamereanimalbecauseheappealstoyouranimalinstincts。Then，liketheladywhocriedout’Alack，I’vemarriedablack，’youappealtoheavenagainsttheinjusticeofbeingmatedwithaclown。Youarenotanicegirl，eitherinyourideasorinyourbehaviour。Idon’tblameyouforit;youdidnotmakeyourself。Butwhenyousettoworktoattractallthatislowestinman，whybesoastonishedatyourownsuccess？ThereareplentyofshockingAmericanmen，I
agree。OnemeetstheclassevenoutsideAmerica。ButniceAmericangirlswilltellyouthattherearealsoniceAmericanmen。Thereisanoldproverbaboutbirdsofafeather。NexttimeyoufindyourselfinthecompanyofashockingAmericanman，youjustaskyourselfhowhegotthere，andhowitisheseemstobefeelingathome。Youlearnself—control。Getitoutofyourheadthatyouarethecentreoftheuniverse，andgrasptheideathatapetticoatisnotahalo，andyouwillfindcivilisationnothalfaswrongasyouthoughtit。\"
IknowwhatMissSparhawk’sreplywouldbe。
\"Yousayallthistome——tome，alady？GreatHeavens！Whathasbecomeofchivalry？\"
AFrenchmanwasonceputontrialformurderinghisfatherandmother。Heconfessedhisguilt，butbeggedformercyonthepleathathewasanorphan。Chivalrywasfoundedontheassumptionthatwomanwasworthytobeworshipped。Themodernwoman’snotionisthatwhenshedoeswrongsheoughttobeexcusedbychivalrousmanbecausesheisalady。
Ilikethenaughtyheroine;weallofusdo。TheearlyVictorianheroine——theangelinawhitefrock，wasabore。Weknewexactlywhatshewasgoingtodo——therightthing。Wedidnotevenhavetoaskourselves，\"Whatwillshethinkistherightthingtodounderthecircumstances？\"Itwasalwaystheconventionalrightthing。YoucouldhaveputittoaSundayschoolandhavegottheanswereverytime。Theheroinewithpassions，instincts，emotions，istobewelcomed。ButIwanthertograspthefactthatafterallsheisonlyoneofus。Ishouldlikeherbetterif，insteadofdemanding：
\"Whatiswrongincivilisation？Whatistheworldcomingto？\"andsoforth，shewouldoccasionallysaytoherself：
\"GuessI’vemadeafoolofmyselfthistime。Idofeelthat’shamedofmyself。\"
Shewouldnotlosebyit。Weshouldrespectherallthemore。
WHATMRS。WILKINSTHOUGHTABOUTIT。
Lastyear，travellingontheUndergroundRailway，Imetaman;hewasoneofthesaddest—lookingmenIhadseenforyears。Iusedtoknowhimwellintheolddayswhenwewerejournaliststogether。Iaskedhim，inasympathetictone，howthingsweregoingwithhim。I
expectedhisresponsewouldbeafloodoftears，andthatintheendIshouldhavetoforkoutafiver。Tomyastonishment，hisanswerwasthatthingsweregoingexceedinglywellwithhim。Ididnotwanttosaytohimbluntly：
\"Thenwhathashappenedtoyoutomakeyoulooklikeamuteatatemperancefuneral？\"Isaid：
\"Andhowareallathome？\"
Ithoughtthatifthetroublelaytherehewouldtaketheopportunity。Itbrightenedhimsomewhat，thenecessityofreplyingtothequestion。Itappearedthathiswifewasinthebestofhealth。
\"Yourememberher，\"hecontinuedwithasmile;\"wonderfulspirits，alwayscheerful，nothingseemstoputherout，noteven——\"
Heendedthesentenceabruptlywithasigh。
Hismother—in—law，Ilearnedfromfurthertalkwithhim，haddiedsinceIhadlastmethim，andhadleftthemacomfortableadditiontotheirincome。Hiseldestdaughterwasengagedtobemarried。
\"Itisentirelyalovematch，\"heexplained，\"andheissuchadear，goodfellow，thatIshouldnothavemadeanyobjectionevenhadhebeenpoor。But，ofcourse，asitis，Iamnaturallyallthemorecontent。\"
Hiseldestboy，havingwontheMottleScholarship，wasgoinguptoCambridgeintheAutumn。Hisownhealth，hetoldme，hadgreatlyimproved;andanovelhehadwritteninhisleisuretimepromisedtobeoneofthesuccessesoftheseason。ThenitwasthatIspokeplainly。
\"IfIamopeningawoundtoopainfultobetouched，\"Isaid，\"tellme。If，onthecontrary，itisanordinarysortoftroubleuponwhichthesympathyofafellowworkermayfallasbalm，letmehearit。\"
\"SofarasIamconcerned，\"hereplied，\"Ishouldbegladtotellyou。Speakingaboutitdoesmegood，andmaylead——soIamalwaysinhopes——toanidea。But，foryourownsake，ifyoutakemyadvice，youwillnotpressme。\"
\"Howcanitaffectme？\"Iasked，\"itisnothingtodowithme，isit？\"
\"Itneedhavenothingtodowithyou，\"heanswered，\"ifyouaresensibleenoughtokeepoutofit。IfItellyou：fromthistimeonwarditwillbeyourtroublealso。Anyhow，thatiswhathashappenedinfourotherseparatecases。Ifyouliketobethefifthandcompletethehalfdozenofus，youarewelcome。ButrememberI
havewarnedyou。\"
\"Whathasitdonetotheotherfive？\"Idemanded。
\"Ithaschangedthemfromcheerful，companionablepersonsintogloomyone—ideadbores，\"hetoldme。\"Theythinkofbutonething，theytalkofbutonething，theydreamofbutonething。Insteadofgettingoverit，astimegoeson，ittakespossessionofthemmoreandmore。Therearemen，ofcourse，whowouldbeunaffectedbyit——
whocouldshakeitoff。Iwarnyouinparticularagainstit，because，inspiteofallthatissaid，Iamconvincedyouhaveasenseofhumour;andthatbeingso，itwilllayholdofyou。Itwillplagueyounightandday。Youseewhatithasmadeofme！Threemonthsagoaladyinterviewerdescribedmeasofasunnytemperament。
Ifyouknowyourownbusinessyouwillgetoutatthenextstation。\"
IwishnowIhadfollowedhisadvice。Asitwas，Iallowedmycuriositytotakepossessionofme，andbeggedhimtoexplain。Andhedidso。
\"ItwasjustaboutChristmastime，\"hesaid。\"WewerediscussingtheDruryLanePantomime——somethreeorfourofus——inthesmokingroomoftheDevonshireClub，andyoungGoldsaidhethoughtitwouldproveamistake，theintroductionofasubjectliketheFiscalquestionintothestoryofHumptyDumpty。Thetwothings，sofarashecouldsee，hadnothingtodowithoneanother。HeaddedthatheentertainedarealregardforMr。DanLeno，whomhehadoncemetonasteamboat，butthattherewereothertopicsuponwhichhewouldprefertoseekthatgentleman’sguidance。Nettleship，ontheotherhand，declaredthathehadnosympathywiththeargumentthatartistsshouldneverintrudeuponpublicaffairs。Theactorwasafellowcitizenwiththerestofus。Hesaidthat，whetheroneagreedwiththeirconclusionsornot，onemustadmitthatthenationowedadebtofgratitudetoMrs。BrownPotterandtoMissOlgaNethersoleforgivingtoitthebenefitoftheirconvictions。Hehadtalkedtobothladiesinprivateonthesubjectandwasconvincedtheyknewasmuchaboutitasdidmostpeople。
\"Burnside，whowasoneoftheparty，contendedthatifsidesweretobetaken，apantomimeshouldsurelyadvocatetheFree—FoodCause，seeingitwasaformofentertainmentsupposedtoappealprimarilytothetastesoftheLittleEnglander。ThenIcameintothediscussion。
\"’TheFiscalquestion，’Isaid，’isoneverybody’stongue。Suchbeingthecase，itisfitandproperitshouldbereferredtoinourannualpantomime，whichhascometoberegardedasareviewoftheyear’sdoings。Butitshouldnothavebeendealtwithfromthepoliticalstandpoint。Theproperattitudetohaveassumedtowardsitwasthatofinnocentraillery，freefromalltraceofpartisanship。’
\"OldJohnsonhadstrolledupandwasstandingbehindus。
\"’TheverythingIhavebeentryingtogetholdofforweeks，’hesaid——’abright，amusingresumeofthewholeproblemthatshouldgiveoffencetoneitherside。Youknowourpaper，’hecontinued;’westeerclearofpolitics，but，atthesametime，trytobeup—to—date;
itisnotalwayseasy。Thetreatmentofthesubject，onthelinesyousuggest，isjustwhatwerequire。Idowishyouwouldwritemesomething。’
\"Heisagoodoldsort，Johnson;itseemedaneasything。IsaidI
would。SincethattimeIhavebeenthinkinghowtodoit。Asamatteroffact，Ihavenotthoughtofmuchelse。Maybeyoucansuggestsomething。\"
Iwasfeelinginagoodworkingmoodthenextmorning。
\"Pilson，\"saidItomyself，\"shallhavethebenefitofthis。Hedoesnotneedanythingboisterouslyfunny。Afewplayfullywittyremarksonthesubjectwillbetheideal。\"
Ilitapipeandsatdowntothink。Athalf—pasttwelve，havingtowritesomelettersbeforegoingouttolunch，IdismissedtheFiscalquestionfrommymind。
Butnotforlong。Itworriedmealltheafternoon。Ithought，maybe，somethingwouldcometomeintheevening。Iwastedallthatevening，andIwastedallthefollowingmorning。Everythinghasitsamusingside，Itoldmyself。Oneturnsoutcomicstoriesaboutfunerals，aboutweddings。Hardlyamisfortunethatcanhappentomankindbuthasproduceditscomicliterature。AnAmericanfriendofmineoncetookacontractfromtheEditorofanInsuranceJournaltowritefourhumorousstories;onewastodealwithanearthquake，thesecondwithacyclone，thethirdwithaflood，andthefourthwithathunderstorm。AndmoreamusingstoriesIhaveneverread。WhatisthematterwiththeFiscalquestion？
ImyselfhavewrittenlightlyonBime—metallism。HomeRuleweusedtobemerryoverintheeighties。IrememberonedelightfuleveningattheCodgers’Hall。Itwouldhavebeenmoredelightfulstill，butforaraw—bonedIrishman，whorosetowardseleveno’clockandrequestedtobeinformedifanyotherspeakerwaswishfultomakeanymorejokesonthesubjectofOuldIreland;because，ifso，theraw—
bonedgentlemanwaspreparedtosavetimebywaitinganddealingwiththemaltogether。Butifnot，then——sotheraw—bonedgentlemanannounced——hisintentionwastogoforthelastspeakerandthelastspeakerbuttwoatonceandwithoutfurtherwarning。
Nootherhumouristrising，theraw—bonedgentlemanproceededtomakegoodhisthreat，withtheresultthatthefundegeneratedsomewhat。
EvenontheBoerWarweusedtowhisperjokestooneanotherinquietplaces。InthisFiscalquestiontheremustbefun。Whereisit？
FordaysIthoughtoflittleelse。Mylaundress——aswecallthemintheTemple——noticedmytrouble。
\"Mrs。Wilkins，\"Iconfessed，\"IamtryingtothinkofsomethinginnocentlyamusingtosayontheFiscalquestion。\"
\"I’ve’eardaboutit，\"shesaid，\"butIdon’t’avemuchtimetoreadthepapers。Theywanttomakeuspaymoreforourfood，don’tthey？\"
\"Forsomeofit，\"Iexplained。\"But，then，weshallpaylessforotherthings，sothatreallyweshan’tbepayingmoreatall。\"
\"Theredon’tseemmuchinit，eitherway，\"wasMrs。Wilkins’opinion。
\"Justso，\"Iagreed，\"thatistheadvantageofthesystem。Itwillcostnobodyanything，andwillresultineverybodybeingbetteroff。\"
\"Thepityis，\"saidMrs。Wilkins\"thatpitynobodyeverthoughtofitbefore。\"
\"Thewholetroublehitherto，\"Iexplained，\"hasbeentheforeigner。\"
\"Ah，\"saidMrs。Wilkins，\"Inever’eardmuchgoodof’em，thoughtheydosaytheAlmighty’asauseforalmosteverything。\"
\"Theseforeigners，\"Icontinued，\"theseGermansandAmericans，theydumpthingsonus，youknow。\"
\"What’sthat？\"demandedMrs。Wilkins。
\"What’sdump？Well，it’sdumping，youknow。Youtakethings，andyoudumpthemdown。\"
\"Butwhatthings？’Owdotheydoit？\"askedMrs。Wilkins。
\"Why，allsortsofthings：pigiron，bacon，door—mats——everything。
Theybringthemoverhere——inships，youunderstand——andthen，ifyouplease，justdumpthemdownuponourshores。\"
\"Youdon’tmeansurelytotellmethattheyjustthrowthemoutandleavethemthere？\"queriedMrs。Wilkins。
\"Ofcoursenot，\"Ireplied;\"whenIsaytheydumpthesethingsuponourshores，thatisafigureofspeech。WhatImeanistheysellthemtous。\"
\"Butwhydowebuythemifwedon’twantthem？\"askedMrs。Wilkins;
\"we’renotboundtobuythem，arewe？\"
\"Itistheirartfulness，\"Iexplained，\"theseGermansandAmericans，andtheothers;theyarealljustasbadasoneanother——theyinsistonsellingusthesethingsatlesspricethantheycosttomake。\"
\"Itseemsabitsillyofthem，don’tit？\"thoughtMrs。Wilkins。\"I
supposebeingforeigners，poorthings，theyain’tnaturallygotmuchsense。\"
\"Itdoesseemsillyofthem，ifyoulookatitthatway，\"Iadmitted，\"butwhatwehavegottoconsideris，theinjuryitisdoingus。\"
\"Don’tsee’owitcandousmuch’arm，\"arguedMrs。Wilkins;\"seemsabitoflucksofarasweareconcerned。There’safewmorethingsthey’dbewelcometodumproundmyway。\"
\"Idon’tseemtobeputtingthisthingquiteintherightlighttoyou，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Iconfessed。\"Itisalongargument，andyoumightnotbeabletofollowit;butyoumusttakeitasafactnowgenerallyadmittedthatthecheaperyoubuythingsthesooneryourmoneygoes。Byallowingtheforeignertosellusallthesethingsatabouthalfthecostprice，heisgettingrichereveryday，andwearegettingpoorer。Unlesswe，asacountry，insistonpayingatleasttwentypercent。moreforeverythingwewant，itiscalculatedthatinaveryfewyearsEnglandwon’thaveapennyleft。\"
\"Soundsabittopsyturvy，\"suggestedMrs。Wilkins。
\"Itmaysoundso，\"Ianswered，\"butIfeartherecanbenodoubtofit。TheBoardofTradeReturnswouldseemtoproveitconclusively。\"
\"Well，Godbepraised，we’vefounditoutintime，\"ejaculatedMrs。
Wilkinspiously。
\"Itisamatterofcongratulation，\"Iagreed;\"thedifficultyisthatagoodmanyotherpeoplesaythatfarfrombeingruined，wearedoingverywellindeed，andaregrowingrichereveryyear。\"
\"But’owcantheysaythat，\"arguedMrs。Wilkins，\"when，asyoutellme，thoseTradeReturnsprovejusttheopposite？\"
\"Well，theysaythesame，Mrs。Wilkins，thattheBoardofTradeReturnsprovejusttheopposite。\"
\"Well，theycan’tbothberight，\"saidMrs。Wilkins。
\"Youwouldbesurprised，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Isaid，\"howmanythingscanbeprovedfromBoardofTradeReturns！\"
ButIhavenotyetthoughtofthatarticleforPilson。
SHALLWEBERUINEDBYCHINESECHEAPLABOUR？
\"WhatisallthistalkI’earabouttheChinese？\"saidMrs。Wilkinstometheothermorning。WegenerallyindulgeinalittlechatwhileMrs。Wilkinsislayingthebreakfast—table。LettersandnewspapersdonotarriveinmypartoftheTemplemuchbeforenine。Fromhalf—
pasteighttonineIamrathergladofMrs。Wilkins。\"They’avebeenuptosomeoftheirtricksagain，’aven’tthey？\"
\"Theforeigner，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Ireplied，\"whetherhebeChineeoranyotherhe，isalwaysuptotricks。WasnotEnglandspeciallypreparedbyanall—wiseProvidencetofrustratetheseknavishtricks？
Whichofsuchparticulartricksmayyoubereferringtoatthemoment，Mrs。Wilkins？\"
\"Well，’e’scomin’over’ere——isn’the，sir？totaketheworkoutofourmouths，asitwere。\"
\"Well，notexactlyoverhere，toEngland，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Iexplained。
\"HehasbeenintroducedintoAfricatoworkintheminesthere。\"
\"It’safunnything，\"saidMrs。Wilkins，\"butto’earthewaysomeofthemtalkinourblock，youmightrunawaywiththenotion——thatis，ifyoudidn’tknow’em——thatworkwastheironlyjoy。Isaidtooneof’em，theotherevening——amanascalls’isselfabrassfinisher，though，Lordknows，theonlybrass’eeverfinishesiswhat’ispoorwifeearnsandisn’tquickenoughto’ideawayfrom’im——well，whatever’appens，Isays，itwillbecleverof’emiftheytakeawaymuchworkfromyou。Itmadethemalllaugh，thatdid，\"addedMrs。
Wilkins，withatouchofpardonablepride。
\"Ah，\"continuedthegoodlady，\"it’ssurprising’owcontentedtheycanbewithalittle，someof’em。Give’ema’ard—workingwomantolookafterthem，andadayoutonceaweekwithaprocessionoftheunemployed，theydon’taskfornothingmore。There’sthatbeautymypoorsisterJanewasfoolenoughtomarry。Serves’erright，asI
usedtotell’eratfirst，tilltheredidn’tseemanymoreneedtorubitinto’er。She’d’adonegood’usband。Itwouldn’t’avebeenfairfor’erto’ave’adanother，evenifthere’dbeenachanceofit，seeingthefewof’emthereistogoroundamongsomany。Butit’salwaysthesamewithuswidows：ifwe’appento’avebeenluckythefirsttime，weputitdowntoourownjudgment——thinkwecan’tevermakeamistake;andifwedrawawrong’un，asthesayingis，weargueasifitwasthedutyofProvidencetomakeituptousthesecondtime。Why，I’dabeenmakingafoolofmyselfthreeyearsagoif’e’adn’tbeengood—naturedenoughtocalloneafternoonwhenI
wasout，and’ookitoffwithtwopoundseightinthebestteapotthatI’adbeensoftenoughtotalkto’imabout：andneverletmeseteyeson’imagain。Godbless’im！’E’soneoftheborn—tireds，’eis，aspoorJanemight’aveseenfor’erself，ifshe’adonlylookedat’im，insteadoflisteningto’im。
\"Butthat’scourtshipalltheworldover——oldandyoungalike，sofarasI’vebeenabletoseeit，\"wastheopinionofMrs。Wilkins。\"Theman’salleyesandthewomanallears。Theydon’tseemto’aveanyothersensesleft’em。Iranagainst’imtheothernight，onmyway’ome，atthecornerofGray’sInnRoad。TherewastheusualcrowdwatchingapackofthemItalianslayingdowntheasphaltin’Olborn，and’ewasamong’em。’E’adsecuredtheonlylamp—post，andwasleaningagenit。
\"’Ullo，’Isays，’gladtoseeyou’aven’tlostyourjob。Nothin’
likestickin’toit，whenyou’vedroppedintosomethin’thatreallysuitsyou。’
\"’Whatdoyoumean，Martha？’’esays。’E’snotoneofwhatIcallyoursmartsort。Ittakesabitofsarcasmtogetthrough’is’ead。
\"’Well，’Isays，’you’restillontheoldtrack，Isee，lookingforwork。Takecareyoudon’t’aveanaccidentoneofthesedaysandrunupagenitbeforeyou’vegottimetogetoutofitsway。’
\"’It’sthesemiserableforeigners，’’esays。’Lookat’em，’’esays。
\"’There’senoughofyoudoingthat，’Isays。’I’vegotmyroomtoputstraightandthreehoursneedleworktodobeforeIcangettobed。Butdon’tletme’inderyou。Youmightforgetwhatworkwaslike，ifyoudidn’ttakeanopportunityofwatchingitnowandthen。’
\"’Theycomeover’ere，’’esays，’andtaketheworkawayfromuschaps。’
\"’Ah，’Isays，’poorthings，perhapstheyain’tmarried。’
\"’Lazydevils！’esays。’Lookat’em，smokingcigarettes。Icoulddothatsortofwork。There’snothinginit。Itdon’ttake’eathenforeignerstodababitoftaraboutaroad。’
\"’Yes，’Isays，’youalwayscoulddoanybodyelse’sworkbutyourown。’
\"’Ican’tfindit，Martha，’’esays。
\"’No，’Isays，’andyouneverwillinthesortofplacesyougolookingforit。Theydon’t’angitoutonlamp—posts，andtheydon’tleaveitaboutatthestreetcorners。Go’ome，’Isays，’andturnthemangleforyourpoorwife。That’sbigenoughforyoutofind，eveninthedark。’
\"Lookingforwork！\"snortedMrs。Wilkinswithcontempt;\"wewomennever’avemuchdifficultyinfindingit，I’venoticed。TherearetimeswhenIfeelIcoulddowithlosingitforaday。\"
\"Butwhatdidhereply，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Iasked;\"yourbrass—finishingfriend，whowasholdingforthonthesubjectofChinesecheaplabour。\"Mrs。Wilkinsasaconversationalistisnoteasilykepttothepoint。Iwascurioustoknowwhattheworkingclasseswerethinkingonthesubject。
\"Oh，that，\"repliedMrs。Wilkins，\"’edidnotsaynothing。’Eain’tthesortthat’sgotmuchtosayinanargument。’Ebelongstothecrowdthat’angsaboutattheback，anddoestheshouting。Buttherewasanotherof’em，ayoungfellowasIfeelssorryfor，withawifeandthreesmallchildren，who’asn’t’admuchluckforthelastsixmonths;andthatthroughnofaultof’isown，Ishouldsay，fromthelookof’im。’Iwasafool，’says’e，’whenIchuckedagoodsituationandwentouttothewar。TheytoldmeIwasgoingtofightforequalrightsforallwhitemen。Ithoughttheymeantthatallofusweregoingto’aveabetterchance，anditseemedworthmakingabitofsacrificefor，thatdid。Ishouldbegladiftheywouldgivemeajobintheirminesthatwouldenablemetofeedmywifeandchildren。That’sallIaskthemfor！’\"
\"Itisadifficultproblem，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Isaid。\"Accordingtothemineowners——\"
\"Ah，\"saidMrs。Wilkins。\"Theydon’tseemtobeexactlywhatyou’dcallpopular，themmineowners，dothey？Daresaythey’renotasbadasthey’repainted。\"
\"Somepeople，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Isaid，\"paintthemveryblack。TherearethosewhoholdthattheSouthAfricanmine—ownerisnotamanatall，butakindofpantomimedemon。YoutakeGoliath，thewhalethatswallowedJonah，aselectionfromtheleastrespectablecitizensofSodomandGomorrahattheirworst，Bluebeard，BloodyQueenMary，GuyFawkes，andthesea—serpent——or，rather，youtakethemostobjectionableattributesofallthesevariouspersonages，andmixthemuptogether。TheresultistheSouthAfricanmine—owner，amonsterwhowouldwillinglypromoteacompanyfortheputtingonthemarketofanewmeatextract，preparedexclusivelyfromnew—borninfants，providedtheschemepromisedafairandreasonableopportunityoffleecingthewidowandorphan。\"
\"I’ve’eardthey’reabadlot，\"saidMrs。Wilkins。\"Butwe’remostofusthat，ifwelistentowhatotherpeoplesayaboutus。\"
\"Quiteso，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Iagreed。\"Oneneverarrivesatthetruthbylisteningtoonesideonly。Ontheotherhand，forexample，therearethosewhostoutlymaintainthattheSouthAfricanmine—ownerisakindofspiritualcreature，allheartandsentiment，who，againsthisownwill，hasbeen，sotospeak，dumpeddownuponthisearthastheresultofover—productionupaboveofthehigherclassofarchangel。
Thestockofarchangelsofsuperiorfinishexceedstheheavenlydemand;thesurplushasbeendroppeddownintoSouthAfricaandhastakentomineowning。ItisnotthatthesecelestialvisitorsofGermansoundingnomenclaturecarethemselvesaboutthegold。Theironlydesireis，duringthisearthlypilgrimageoftheirs，tobenefitthehumanrace。Nothingcanbeobtainedinthisworldwithoutmoney—
—\"
\"That’strue，\"saidMrs。Wilkins，withasigh。
\"Forgold，everythingcanbeobtained。Theaimofthemine—owningarchangelistoprovidetheworldwithgold。Whyshouldtheworldtroubletogrowthingsandmakethings？’Letus，’saythesearchangels，temporarilydwellinginSouthAfrica，’digupanddistributetotheworldplentyofgold，thentheworldcanbuywhateveritwants，andbehappy。’
\"Theremaybeaflawintheargument，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Iallowed。\"I
amnotpresentingittoyouasthelastworduponthesubject。IammerelyquotingtheviewoftheSouthAfricanmine—owner，feelinghimselfamuchmisunderstoodbenefactorofmankind。\"
\"Iexpect，\"saidMrs。Wilkins，\"theyarejusttheordinarysortofChristian，liketherestofus，anxioustodothebesttheycanforthemselves，andnottooparticularastodoingotherpeopleintheprocess。\"
\"Iaminclinedtothink，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Isaid，\"thatyouarenotveryfarfromthetruth。Afriendofmine，ayearago，wasverybitteronthissubjectofChinesecheaplabour。AlittlelatertherediedadistantrelativeofhiswholefthimtwentythousandSouthAfricanminingshares。HethinksnowthattoobjecttotheChineseisnarrow—minded，illiberal，andagainstallreligiousteaching。HehasboughtanabridgededitionofConfucius，andtellsmethatthereismuchthatisennoblinginChinesemorality。Indeed，IgatherfromhimthattheintroductionoftheChineseintoSouthAfricawillbethesavingofthatcountry。ThenobleChinesewillaffordanobjectlessontothepoorwhiteman，displayingtohimthevirtuesofsobriety，thrift，andhumility。IalsogatherthatitwillbeofinestimablebenefittothenobleChineehimself。TheChristianmissionarywillgetholdofhiminbulk，sotospeak，andimbuehimwiththehighertheology。Itappearstobeoneofthoserarecaseswhereeverybodyisbenefitedattheexpenseofnobody。Itisalwaysapitytolettheserareopportunitiesslipby。\"
\"Well，\"saidMrs。Wilkins，\"I’venothin’tosayagentheChinaman，asaChinaman。Asto’isbeinga’eathen，well，throwin’stonesatachurch，asthesayin’is，don’tmakeaChristianofyou。There’sChristiansI’vemetascouldn’tdothemselvesmuch’armbychangingtheirreligion;andastocleanliness，well，I’venevermetbutone，and’ewasawasherwoman，andI’drather’avesatnextto’iminathird—classcarriageonaBank’Olidaythannexttosomeof’em。
\"Seemstome，\"continuedMrs。Wilkins，\"we’vegotintothe’abitoftalkin’abittoomuchaboutotherpeople’sdirt。TheLondonatmosphereain’tnat’rallyadry—cleanin’processinitself，butthere’sagoodishfewasseemtothinkitis。OnecomesacrossFreebornBritons’ereandthereasI’dbesorrytoscrubcleanforashillin’andfindmyownsoap。\"
\"Itisauniversalfailing，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Iexplained。\"IfyoutalktoatravelledFrenchman，hecontraststohisownsatisfactiontheParisouvrierinhisblueblousewiththeappearanceoftheLondonlabourer。\"
\"Idaresaythey’reallrightaccordingtotheirlights，\"saidMrs。
Wilkins，\"butitdoesseemabitwrongthatifourownchapsarewillin’andanxioustowork，afterallthey’vedone，too，inthewayofgettingtheminesforus，theyshouldn’tbeallowedthejob。\"
\"Again，Mrs。Wilkins，itisdifficulttoarriveatajustconclusion，\"Isaid。\"Themine—owner，accordingtohisenemies，hatestheBritishworkmanwiththenaturalinstinctthatevilcreaturesfeeltowardsthenobleandvirtuous。HewillgototroubleandexpensemerelytospitetheBritishworkman，tokeephimoutofSouthAfrica。Accordingtohisfriends，themine—ownersetshisfaceagainsttheideaofwhitelabourfortworeasons。Firstandforemost，itisnotnicework;themine—ownerhatesthethoughtofhisbelovedwhitebrothertoilinginthemines。Itisnotrightthatthenoblewhitemanshoulddemeanhimselfbysuchwork。Secondly，whitelabouristooexpensive。Iffordigginggoldmenhadtobepaidanythinglikethesamepricestheyarepaidfordiggingcoal，theminescouldnotbeworked。Theworldwouldlosethegoldthatthemine—ownerisanxioustobestowuponit。
\"Themine—owner，followinghisowninclinations，wouldtakealittlefarm，growpotatoes，andliveabeautifullife——perhapswritealittlepoetry。Aslavetosenseofduty，heischainedtothephilanthropicworkofgold—mining。Ifwehamperhimandworryhimthedangeristhathewillgetangrywithus——possiblyhewillorderhisfierychariotandreturntowherehecamefrom。\"
\"Well，’ecan’ttakethegoldwithhim，wherever’egoesto？\"arguedMrs。Wilkins。
\"Youtalk，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Isaid，\"asifthegoldwereofmorevaluetotheworldthanisthemine—owner。\"
\"Well，isn’tit？\"demandedMrs。Wilkins。
\"It’sanewidea，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Ianswered;\"itwantsthinkingout。\"
HOWTOSOLVETHESERVANTPROBLEM。
\"Iamgladtosee，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Isaid，\"thattheWomen’sDomesticGuildofAmericahassucceededinsolvingtheservantgirlproblem——
nonetoosoon，onemightalmostsay。\"
\"Ah，\"saidMrs。Wilkins，asshetookthecoveroffthebaconandgaveanextrapolishtothemustard—potwithherapron，\"theyarecleverpeopleoverthere;leastways，soI’vealways’eard。\"
\"This，theirlatest，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Isaid，\"Iaminclinedtoregardastheirgreatesttriumph。MyhopeisthattheWomen’sDomesticGuildofAmerica，whenithasfinishedwiththeUnitedStatesandCanada，will，perhaps，seeitswaytoestablishingabranchinEngland。Thereareladiesofmyacquaintancewhowouldwelcome，I
feelsure，anyreallysatisfactorysolutionoftheproblem。\"
\"Well，goodlucktoit，isallIsay，\"respondedMrs。Wilkins，\"andifitmakesallthegalscontentedwiththeirplaces，andallthemistressessatisfiedwithwhatthey’vegotand’appyintheirminds，why，Godblessit，sayI。\"
\"Themistakehitherto，\"Isaid，\"fromwhatIread，appearstohavebeenthattherightservantwasnotsenttotherightplace。WhattheWomen’sDomesticGuildofAmericaproposestodoistofindtherightservantfortherightplace。Youseethedifference，don’tyou，Mrs。Wilkins？\"
\"That’sthesecret，\"agreedMrs。Wilkins。Theydon’tanticipateanydifficultyingettingtherightsortofgal，Itakeit？\"
\"Igathernot，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Ireplied。
Mrs。Wilkinsisofapessimisticturnofmind。
\"Iamnotsosureaboutit，\"shesaid;\"theAlmightydon’tseemto’avemadetoomanyofthatsort。UnlesstheseAmericanladiesthatyouspeakofaregoingtostartafactoryoftheirown。Iamafraidthereisdisappointmentinstoreforthem。\"
\"Don’tthrowcoldwaterontheideabeforeitisfairlystarted，Mrs。
Wilkins，\"Ipleaded。
\"Well，sir，\"saidMrs。Wilkins，\"I’avebeenagalmyselfinservice;
andinmytimeI’ve’adafewmistressesofmyown，andI’ve’eardagooddealaboutothers。Thereareladiesandladies，asyoumayknow，sir，andsomeofthem，iftheyaren’texactlyangels，areaboutasneartoitascanbelookedforinthisclimate，andtheyarenottheonesthatdomostofthecomplaining。But，asfortheaveragemistress——wellitain’tagalshewants，it’saplasterimage，withoutanynaturalinnards——asortofthingasain’t’uman，andain’ttobefoundin’umannature。Andthenshe’dgrumbleatit，ifitdidn’t’appentobeabletobeintwoplacesatonce。\"
\"Youfearthatthestandardforthat’rightgirl’islikelytobesetatrifletoohighMrs。Wilkins，\"Isuggested。
\"That’rightgal，’accordingtothenotionsofsomeof’em，\"retortedMrs。Wilkins，\"’erplaceain’tdown’ereamongusmeremortals;’erplaceisupin’eavenwitha’arpandagoldencrown。There’smyniece，Emma，Idon’tsaysheisasaint，butabetter’earted，’arderworkinggal，attwentypoundsayear，youdon’texpecttofind，unlessmaybeyou’reanaturalbornfoolthatcan’t’elpyourself。
Shewantedaplace。She’adbeen’omefornearlysixmonths，nursing’eroldfather，as’adbeendownallthewinterwithrheumaticfever;
and’ard—puttoitshewasforafewclothes。You’ear’emtalkaboutgalsasinsistsonanhouradayforpractisingthepiano，andtherighttoinvitetheiryoungmantospendtheeveningwiththeminthedrawing—room。Perhapsitismeanttobefunny;Iain’tcomeacrossthattypeofgalmyself，outsidethepicturesinthecomicpapers;andI’llneverbelieve，tillIsee’ermyself，thatanybodyelse’as。Theysent’erfromtheregistryofficetoaladyatClapton。
\"’I’opeyouaregoodatgettingupearlyinthemorning？’saysthelady，’Ilikeagalasrisescheerfullyto’erwork。’
\"’Well，ma’am，’saysEmma，’Ican’tsayasI’vegotapassionforit。
Butit’soneofthosethingsthat’astobedone，andIguessI’velearntthetrick。’
\"’I’magreatbelieverinearlyrising，’saysmylady;’inthemorning，oneisalwaysfresherforone’swork;my’usbandandtheyoungerchildrenbreakfastat’arfpastseven;myselfandmyeldestdaughter’aveourbreakfestinbedateight。’
’That’llbeallright，ma’am，’saysEmma。
\"’AndI’ope，’saysthelady，’youareofanamiabledisposition。
Somegalswhenyouringthebellcomeuplookingsodisagreeable，onealmostwishesonedidn’twantthem。’
\"’Well，itain’tathing，’explainsEmma，’asmakesyouwanttoburstoutlaughing，’earingthebellgooffforthetwentiethtime，and’avingsuddenlytoputdownyourworkat，perhaps，acriticalmoment。
Someladiesdon’tseemabletoreachdowntheir’atforthemselves。’
\"’I’opeyouarenotimpertinent，’saysthelady;’ifthere’sonethingthatIobjecttoinaservantitisimpertinence。’
\"’Wenoneofuslikebeingansweredback，’saysEmma，’moreparticularlywhenweareinthewrong。ButIknowmyplacema’am，andIshan’tgiveyounolip。Italwaysleadstolesstrouble，I
find，keepingyourmouthshut，ratherthanopeningit。’
\"’Areyoufondofchildren，’asksmylady。
\"’Itdependsuponthechildren，’saysEmma;’therearesomeI’ave’adtodowithasmadethedayseempleasanter，andI’vecomeacrossothersasIcould’avepartedfromatanymomentwithouttears。’
\"’Ilikeagal，’saysthelady，’whoisnaturallyfondofchildren，itshowsagoodcharacter。’
\"’Howmanyofthemarethere？’saysEmma。
\"’Fourofthem，’answersmylady，’butyouwon’t’avemuchtodoexceptwiththetwoyoungest。Thegreatthingwithyoungchildrenistosurroundthemwithgoodexamples。AreyouaChristian？’asksmylady。
\"’That’swhatI’mgenerallycalled，’saysEmma。
\"’EveryotherSundayeveningoutismyrule，’saysthelady，’butofcourseIshallexpectyoutogotochurch。’
\"’Doyoumeaninmytime，ma’am，’saysEmma，’orinyours。’
\"’Imeanonyoureveningofcourse，’saysmylady。’’Owelsecouldyougo？’
\"’Well，ma’am，’saysEmma，’Iliketoseemypeoplenowandthen。’
\"’Therearebetterthings，’saysmylady，’thanseeingwhatyoucallyourpeople，andIshouldnotcaretotakeagirlintomy’ouseasput’erpleasurebefore’erreligion。Youarenotengaged，I’ope？’
\"’Walkingout，ma’am，doyoumean？’saysEmma。’No，ma’am，thereisnobodyI’vegotinmymind——notjustatpresent。’
\"’Ineverwilltakeagal，’explainsmylady，’whoisengaged。I
finditdistracts’erattentionfrom’erwork。AndImustinsistifyoucometome，’continuesmylady，’thatyougetyourselfanother’atandjacket。IfthereisonethingIobjecttoinaservantitisadispositiontocheapfinery。’
\"’Erowndaughterwassittingtherebeside’erwith’alfadozensilverbangleson’erwrist，andasortofthing’angingaround’erneck，as，’aditbeenreal，would’avebeenworthperhapsathousandpounds。ButEmmawantedajob，soshekept’erthoughtsto’erself。
\"’Icanputthesethingsbyandgetmyselfsomethingelse，’shesays，’ifyoudon’tmind，ma’am，advancingmesomethingoutofmyfirstthreemonths’wages。I’mafraidmyaccountatthebankisabitoverdrawn。’
\"Theladywhisperedsomethingto’erdaughter。’Iamafraid，onthinkingitover，’shesays，’thatyouwon’tsuit，afterall。Youdon’tlookseriousenough。Ifeelsure，fromthewayyoudoyour’air，’saysmylady，’there’safrivoloussidetoyournature。’
\"SoEmmacameaway，andwasnot，onthewhole，toosorry。\"
\"Butdotheygetservantstocometothem，thistypeofmistress，doyouthink，Mrs。Wilkins？\"Iasked。
\"Theygetthemallright，\"saidMrs。Wilkins，\"andifit’sadecentgal，itmakesabadgalof’er，thateverafterwardslooksuponeverymistressas’erenemy，andactsaccordingly。Andifsheain’tanaturallygoodgal，itmakes’erworse，andthenyou’earwhatawfulthingsgalsare。Idon’tsayit’saneasyproblem，\"continuedMrs。
Wilkins，\"it’sjustlikemarriages。Thegoodmistressgets’oldofthebadservant，andthebadmistress，asoftenasnotislucky。\"
\"Buthowisit，\"Iargued，\"thatinhotels，forinstance，theserviceisexcellent，andthegirls，generallyspeaking，seemcontented？Theworkishard，andthewagesnotmuchbetter，ifasgood。\"
\"Ah，\"saidMrs。Wilkins，\"you’ave’ittherightnailonthe’ead，there，sir。Theygointothe’otelsandworklikeniggers，knowingthatifasinglethinggoeswrongtheywillbebully—raggedandswornattilltheydon’tknowwhethertheyarestandingontheir’eadortheir’eels。Butthey’avetheirhours;thegalknowswhen’erworkisdone，andwhentheclockstrikessheisa’umanbeingonceagain。
She’asgotthatmomenttolookforwardtoallday，anditkeeps’ergoing。Inprivateservicethere’snomomentinthedayto’opefor。
Iftheladyisreasonablesheain’toverworked;butno’owcansheeverfeelsheisherownmistress，freetocomeandgo，towear’erbitoffinery，to’ave’erbitoffun。Sheworksfromsixinthemorningtillelevenortwelveatnight，andthensheonlygoestobedprovidedsheain’twanted。Shedon’tbelongto’erselfatall;it’sthatthatirritatesthem。\"
\"Iseeyourpoint，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Isaid，\"and，ofcourse，inahousewheretwoorthreeservantswerekeptsomesuchplanmighteasilybearranged。Thegirlwhocommencedworkatsixo’clockinthemorningmightconsiderherselffreeatsixo’clockintheevening。Whatshedidwithherself，howshedressedherselfinherowntime，wouldbeheraffair。Whatchurchtheclerkortheworkmanbelongsto，whatcompanyhekeeps，isnoconcernofthefirm。Insuchmatters，mistresses，Iaminclinedtothink，saddlethemselveswitharesponsibilityforwhichthereisnoneed。Ifthegirlbehavesherselfwhileinthehouse，anddoesherwork，therethecontractends。Themistresswhothinksitherdutytocombinetherolesofemployerandofmaidenauntisnaturallyresented。Thenextmonththegirlmightchangeherhoursfromtwelvetotwelve，andherfellow—servantcouldenjoythesixa。m。tosixp。m。shift。Buthowdoyouproposetodeal，Mrs。Wilkins，withthesmallermenage，thatemploysonlyoneservant？\"
\"Well，sir，\"saidMrs。Wilkins，\"itseemstomesimpleenough。
Ladiestalkprettyaboutthedignityoflabour，andarenevertiredofpointingoutwhygalsshouldpreferdomesticservicetoallotherkindsofwork。Supposetheypractisewhattheypreach。Inthe’ouse，wherethere’sonlythemasterandthemistress，and，sayacoupleofsmallchildren，lettheladytakeherturn。Afterall，it’sonlyherduty，sameastheofficeortheshopistheman’s。
Where，ontheother’and，therearebiggishboysandgalsabouttheplace，wellitwouldn’tdothemany’armtobetaughttoplayalittleless，andtolookafterthemselvesalittlemore。It’sjustarrangingthings——that’sallthat’swanted。\"
\"YouremindmeofafamilyIonceknew，Mrs。Wilkins，\"Isaid;\"itconsistedoftheusualfatherandmother，andoffivesad，healthygirls。Theykepttwoservants——or，rather，theyneverkeptanyservants;theylivedalwayslookingforservants，breakingtheirheartsoverservants，packingservantsoffatamoment’snotice，standingdisconsolatelylookingafterservantswhohadpackedthemselvesoffatamoment’snotice，wonderinggenerallywhattheworldwascomingtoo。Itoccurredtomeatthetime，thatwithoutmuchtrouble，theycouldhavelivedapeacefullifewithoutservants。
Theeldestgirlwaslearningpainting——andseemedunabletolearnanythingelse。Itwaspoorsortofpainting;shenoticeditherself。
Butsheseemedtothinkthat，ifshetalkedalotaboutit，andthoughtofnothingelse，thatsomehowitwouldallcomeright。Thesecondgirlplayedtheviolin。Sheplayeditfromearlymorningtilllateevening，andfriendsfellawayfromthem。Therewasn’tasparkoftalentinthefamily，buttheyallhadanotionthatavaguelongingtobeadmiredwasjustthesameasgenius。
\"Anotherdaughterfanciedshewouldliketobeanactress，andscreamedalldayintheattic。Thefourthwrotepoetryonatypewriter，andwonderedwhynobodyseemedtowantit;whilethefifthonesufferedfromaweirdbeliefthatsmearingwoodwithared—
hotsortofpokerwasathingworthdoingforitsownsake。Allofthemseemedwillingenoughtowork，providedonlythatitwasworkofnousetoanylivingsoul。Withalittlesense，andtheoccasionalassistanceofacharwoman，theycouldhaveledamerrierlife。\"
\"IfIwasgivingawaysecrets，\"saidMrs。Wilkins，\"I’dsaytothemistresses：’Showyourselvesabletobeindependent。’It’sbecausethegalsknowthatthemistressescan’tdowithoutthemthattheysometimesgivesthemselvesairs。\"
WHYWEHATETHEFOREIGNER。
TheadvantagethattheforeignerpossessesovertheEnglishmanisthatheisborngood。Hedoesnothavetotrytobegood，aswedo。
HedoesnothavetostarttheNewYearwiththeresolutiontobegood，andsucceed，baraccidents，inbeingsotillthemiddleofJanuary。Heisjustgoodalltheyearround。Whenaforeigneristoldtomountordescendfromatramonthenearside，itdoesnotoccurtohimthatitwouldbehumanlypossibletosecureegressfromoringresstothattramfromtheoffside。
InBrusselsonceIwitnessedadaringattemptbyalawlessforeignertoenteratramfromthewrongside。Thegatewasopen：hewasstandingclosebesideit。Alineoftrafficwasinhisway：tohavegotroundtotherightsideofthattramwouldhavemeantmissingit。
Heenteredwhentheconductorwasnotlooking，andtookhisseat。
Theastonishmentoftheconductoronfindinghimtherewasimmense。
Howdidhegetthere？Theconductorhadbeenwatchingtheproperentrance，andthemanhadnotpassedhim。Later，thetrueexplanationsuggesteditselftotheconductor，butforawhilehehesitatedtoaccuseafellowhumanbeingofsuchcrime。
Heappealedtothepassengerhimself。Washispresencetobeaccountedforbymiracleorbysin？Thepassengerconfessed。Itwasmoreinsorrowthaninangerthattheconductorrequestedhimatoncetoleave。Thistramwasgoingtobekeptrespectable。Thepassengerprovedrefractory，ahaltwascalled，andthegendarmerieappealedto。Afterthemannerofpolicemen，theysprang，asitwere，fromtheground，andformedupbehindanimposingofficer，whomItooktobethesergeant。Atfirstthesergeantcouldhardlybelievetheconductor’sstatement。Eventhen，hadthepassengerassertedthathehadenteredbytheproperentrance，hiswordwouldhavebeentaken。
Mucheasiertotheforeignofficialmindwouldithavebeentobelievethattheconductorhadbeenstrickenwithtemporaryblindness，thanthatmanbornofwomanwouldhavedeliberatelydoneanythingexpresslyforbiddenbyaprintednotice。
Myself，inhiscase，Ishouldhaveliedandgotthetroubleover。
Buthewasaproudman，orhadnotmuchsense——oneofthetwo，andsoheldfasttothetruth。Itwaspointedouttohimthathemustdescendimmediatelyandwaitforthenexttram。Othergendarmeswerearrivingfromeveryquarter：resistanceinthecircumstancesseemedhopeless。Hesaidhewouldgetdown。Hemadetodescendthistimebythepropergate，butthatwasnotjustice。Hehadmountedthewrongside，hemustalightonthewrongside。Accordingly，hewasputoutamongstthetraffic，afterwhichtheconductorpreachedasermonfromthecentreofthetramonthedangerofascentsanddescentsconductedfromthewrongquarter。
ThereisalawthroughoutGermany——anexcellentlawitis：IwouldwehaditinEngland——thatnobodymayscatterpaperaboutthestreet。
AnEnglishmilitaryfriendtoldmethat，onedayinDresden，unacquaintedwiththisrule，hetorealongletterhehadbeenreadingintosomefiftyfragmentsandthrewthembehindhim。A
policemanstoppedhimandexplainedtohimquitepolitelythelawuponthesubject。Mymilitaryfriendagreedthatitwasaverygoodlaw，thankedthemanforhisinformation，andsaidthatforthefuturehewouldbearitinmind。That，asthepolicemanpointedout，wouldmakethingsrightenoughforthefuture，butmeanwhileitwasnecessarytodealwiththepast——withthefiftyorsopiecesofpaperlyingscatteredabouttheroadandpavement。
Mymilitaryfriend，withapleasantlaugh，confessedhedidnotseewhatwastobedone。Thepoliceman，moreimaginative，sawawayout。
Itwasthatmymilitaryfriendshouldsettoworkandpickupthosefiftyscrapsofpaper。HeisanEnglishGeneralontheRetiredList，andofimposingappearance：hismanneronoccasionishaughty。HedidnotseehimselfonhishandsandkneesinthechiefstreetofDresden，inthemiddleoftheafternoon，pickinguppaper。
TheGermanpolicemanhimselfadmittedthatthesituationwasawkward。
IftheEnglishGeneralcouldnotacceptittherehappenedtobeanalternative。ItwasthattheEnglishGeneralshouldaccompanythepolicemanthroughthestreets，followedbytheusualcrowd，tothenearestprison，somethreemilesoff。Itbeingnowfouro’clockintheafternoon，theywouldprobablyfindthejudgedeparted。Butthemostcomfortablethingpossibleinprisoncellsshouldbeallottedtohim，andthepolicemanhadlittledoubtthattheGeneral，havingpaidhisfineoffortymarks，wouldfindhimselfafreemanagainintimeforlunchthefollowingday。Thegeneralsuggestedhiringaboytopickupthepaper。Thepolicemanreferredtothewordingofthelaw，andfoundthatthiswouldnotbepermitted。
\"Ithoughtthematterout，\"myfriendtoldme，\"imaginingallthepossiblealternatives，includingthatofknockingthefellowdownandmakingabolt，andcametotheconclusionthathisfirstsuggestionwould，onthewhole，resultintheleastdiscomfort。ButIhadnoideathatpickingupsmallscrapsofthinpaperoffgreasystoneswasthebusinessthatIfoundit！Ittookmenearlytenminutes，andaffordedamusement，Icalculate，tooverathousandpeople。Butitisagoodlaw，mindyou：allIwishisthatIhadknownitbeforehand。\"
OnoneoccasionIaccompaniedanAmericanladytoaGermanOperaHouse。Thetaking—offofhatsintheGermanSchausspielhausisobligatory，andagainIwoulditweresoinEngland。ButtheAmericanladyisaccustomedtodisregardrulesmadebymereman。Sheexplainedtothedoorkeeperthatshewasgoingtowearherhat。He，onhisside，explainedtoherthatshewasnot：theywerebothabitshortwithoneanother。Itooktheopportunitytoturnasideandbuyaprogramme：thefewerpeopletherearemixedupinanargument，I
alwaysthink，thebetter。
Mycompanionexplainedquitefranklytothedoorkeeperthatitdidnotmatterwhathesaid，shewasnotgoingtotakeanynoticeofhim。
Hedidnotlookatalkativemanatanytime，and，maybe，thisannouncementfurtherdiscouragedhim。Inanycase，hemadenoattempttoanswer。Allhedidwastostandinthecentreofthedoorwaywithafar—awaylookinhiseyes。Thedoorwaywassomefourfeetwide：hewasaboutthreefeetsixacross，andweighedabouttwentystone。AsIexplained，Iwasbusybuyingaprogramme，andwhenIreturnedmyfriendhadherhatinherhand，andwasdiggingpinsintoit：Ithinkshewastryingtomakebelieveitwastheheartofthedoorkeeper。Shedidnotwanttolistentotheopera，shewantedtotalkallthetimeaboutthatdoorkeeper，butthepeoplerounduswouldnotevenletherdothat。
ShehasspentthreewintersinGermanysincethen。Nowwhenshefeelslikepassingthroughadoorthatisstandingwideopenjustinfrontofher，andwhichleadstojusttheplaceshewantstogetto，andanofficialshakeshisheadather，andexplainsthatshemustnot，butmustgouptwoflightsofstairsandalongacorridoranddownanotherflightofstairs，andsogettoherplacethatway，sheapologisesforhererrorandtrotsofflookingashamedofherself。
ContinentalGovernmentshavetrainedtheircitizenstoperfection。
ObedienceistheContinent’sfirstlaw。ThestorythatistoldofaSpanishkingwhowasnearlydrownedbecausetheparticularofficialwhosedutyitwastodiveinafterSpanishkingswhentheytumbledoutofboatshappenedtobedead，andhissuccessorhadnotyetbeenappointed，Icanquitebelieve。OntheContinentalrailwaysifyouridesecondclasswithafirst—classticketyourenderyourselfliabletoimprisonment。Whatthepenaltyisforridingfirstwithasecond—classticketIcannotsay——probablydeath，thoughafriendofminecameverynearononeoccasiontofindingout。
Allwouldhavegonewellwithhimifhehadnotbeensodarnedhonest。Heisoneofthosemenwhopridethemselvesonbeinghonest。
Ibelievehetakesapositivepleasureinbeinghonest。Hehadpurchasedasecond—classticketforastationupamountain，butmeeting，bychanceontheplatform，aladyacquaintance，hadgonewithherintoafirst—classapartment。Onarrivingatthejourney’sendheexplainedtothecollectorwhathehaddone，and，withhispurseinhishand，demandedtoknowthedifference。Theytookhimintoaroomandlockedthedoor。Theywroteouthisconfessionandreaditovertohim，andmadehimsignit，andthentheysentforapoliceman。
Thepolicemancross—examinedhimforaboutaquarterofanhour。
Theydidnotbelievethestoryaboutthelady。Wherewasthelady？
Hedidnotknow。Theysearchedtheneighbourhoodforher，butcouldnotfindher。Hesuggested——whatturnedouttobethetruth——that，tiredofloiteringaboutthestation，shehadgoneupthemountain。
AnAnarchistoutragehadoccurredintheneighbouringtownsomemonthsbefore。Thepolicemansuggestedsearchingforbombs。
Fortunately，aCook’sagent，returningwithapartyoftourists，arriveduponthescene，andtookituponhimselftoexplainindelicatelanguagethatmyfriendwasabitofanassandcouldnottellfirstclassfromsecond。Itwastheredcushionsthathaddeceivedmyfriend：hethoughtitwasfirstclass，asamatteroffactitwassecondclass。
Everybodybreathedagain。Theconfessionwastornupamiduniversaljoy：andthenthefoolofaticketcollectorwantedtoknowaboutthelady——whomusthavetravelledinasecond—classcompartmentwithafirst—classticket。Itlookedasifabadtimewereinstoreforheronherreturntothestation。
ButtheadmirablerepresentativeofCookwasagainequaltotheoccasion。Heexplainedthatmyfriendwasalsoabitofaliar。
Whenhesaidhehadtravelledwiththisladyhewasmerelyboasting。
Hewouldliketohavetravelledwithher，thatwasallhemeant，onlyhisGermanwasshaky。Joyoncemoreentereduponthescene。Myfriend’scharacterappearedtobere—established。Hewasnottheabandonedwretchforwhomtheyhadtakenhim——only，apparently，awanderingidiot。SuchanonetheGermanofficialcouldrespect。AttheexpenseofsuchanonetheGermanofficialevenconsentedtodrinkbeer。
Notonlytheforeignman，womanandchild，buttheforeigndogisborngood。InEngland，ifyouhappentobethepossessorofadog，muchofyourtimeistakenupdragginghimoutoffights，quarrellingwiththepossessoroftheotherdogastowhichbeganit，explainingtoirateelderlyladiesthathedidnotkillthecat，thatthecatmusthavediedofheartdiseasewhilerunningacrosstheroad，assuringdisbelievinggame—keepersthatheisnotyourdog，thatyouhavenotthefaintestnotionwhosedogheis。Withtheforeigndog，lifeisapeacefulproceeding。Whentheforeigndogseesarow，tearsspringtohiseyes：hehastensonandtriestofindapoliceman。Whentheforeigndogseesacatinahurry，hestandsasidetoallowhertopass。Theydresstheforeigndog——someofthem——inalittlecoat，withapocketforhishandkerchief，andputshoesonhisfeet。Theyhavenotgivenhimahat——notyet。Whentheydo，hewillcontrivebysomemeansoranothertoraiseitpolitelywhenhemeetsacathethinksheknows。
Onemorning，inaContinentalcity，Icameacrossadisturbance——itmightbemorecorrecttosaythedisturbancecameacrossme：itsweptdownuponme，envelopedmebeforeIknewthatIwasinit。A
fox—terrieritwas，belongingtoaveryyounglady——itwaswhenthedisturbancewastoacertainextentoverthatwediscoveredhebelongedtothisyounglady。Shearrivedtowardstheendofthedisturbance，verymuchoutofbreath：shehadbeenrunningforamile，poorgirl，andshoutingmostoftheway。Whenshelookedroundandsawallthethingsthathadhappened，andhadhadotherthingsthatshehadmissedexplainedtoher，sheburstintotears。AnEnglishownerofthatfox—terrierwouldhavegivenonelookroundandthenhavejumpeduponthenearesttramgoinganywhere。But，asI
havesaid，theforeignerisborngood。Ilefthergivinghernameandaddresstosevendifferentpeople。
ButitwasaboutthedogIwishedtospeakmoreparticularly。Hehadcommencedinnocentlyenough，tryingtocatchasparrow。Nothingdelightsasparrowmorethanbeingchasedbyadog。Adozentimeshethoughthehadthesparrow。Thenanotherdoghadgotinhisway。I
don’tknowwhattheycallthisbreedofdog，butabroaditispopular：ithasnotailandlookslikeapig——whenthingsaregoingwellwithit。Thisparticularspecimen，whenIsawhim，lookedmorelikepartofadoormat。Thefox—terrierhadseizeditbythescruffoftheneckandhadrolleditoverintothegutterjustinfrontofamotorcycle。Itsowner，alargelady，haddartedouttosaveit，andhadcollidedwiththemotorcyclist。ThelargeladyhadbeenthrownsomehalfadozenyardsagainstanItalianboycarryingatrayloadofplasterimages。
Ihaveseenagooddealoftroubleinmylife，butneveroneyetthatdidnothaveanItalianimage—vendorsomehoworothermixedupinit。
Wheretheseboyshideintimesofpeaceisamystery。Thechanceofbeingupsetbringsthemoutassunshinebringsoutflies。Themotorcyclehaddashedintoalittlemilk—cartandhadspreaditoutneatlyinthemiddleofthetramlines。Thetramtrafficlookedlikebeingstoppedforaquarterofanhour;buttheideaofeveryapproachingtramdriverappearedtobethatifheranghisbellwithsufficientvigorthisseemingobstructionwouldfadeawayanddisappear。
InanEnglishtownallthiswouldnothaveattractedmuchattention。
Somebodywouldhaveexplainedthatadogwastheoriginalcause，andthewholeseriesofeventswouldhaveappearedordinaryandnatural。
UpontheseforeignersthefeardescendedthattheAlmighty，forsomereason，wasangrywiththem。Apolicemanrantocatchthedog。
Thedelighteddogrushedbackwards，barkingfuriously，andtriedtothrowuppavingstoneswithitshindlegs。Thatfrightenedanursemaidwhowaswheelingaperambulator，andthenitwasthatI
enteredintotheproceedings。Seatedontheedgeofthepavement，withaperambulatorononesideofmeandahowlingbabyontheother，ItoldthatdogwhatIthoughtofhim。
ForgetfulthatIwasinaforeignland——thathemightnotunderstandme——ItoldithiminEnglish，Itoldithimatlength，Itolditveryloudandclear。Hestoodayardinfrontofme，listeningtomewithanexpressionofecstaticjoyIhaveneverbeforeorsinceseenequalledonanyface，humanorcanine。HedrankitinasthoughithadbeenmusicfromParadise。
\"WherehaveIheardthatsongbefore？\"heseemedtobesayingtohimself，\"theoldfamiliarlanguagetheyusedtotalktomewhenI
wasyoung？\"
Heapproachednearertome;therewerealmosttearsinhiseyeswhenIhadfinished。
\"Sayitagain！\"heseemedtobeaskingofme。\"Oh！sayitalloveragain，thedearoldEnglishoathsandcursesthatinthisGod—
forsakenlandIneverhopedtohearagain。\"
IlearntfromtheyoungladythathewasanEnglish—bornfox—terrier。
Thatexplainedeverything。Theforeigndogdoesnotdothissortofthing。Theforeignerisborngood：thatiswhywehatehim。